Relating to Dating 2

1 Cor. 13

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

You're listening to Are U at TSU Podcast. Open up to 1 Corinthians chapter 13. We're doing something a little bit different in large group this semester. Normally we go through a book of the Bible, but we're doing a series this semester on relationships. We're looking at what the Bible has to say about relationships because the Bible has a lot to say about different kinds of relationships. And especially when you're in college and a lot of your relationships are changing, now is a great time to be turning to God's word for guidance on that. Last week we started looking at what the Bible has to say about dating. So this is part two. We're stepping it up a notch. I talked to some of you. I was like, how did you feel after the first talk? And you were like, you know, I was nervous going in, but it wasn't as bad as I thought. So I was like, okay, I need to be more savage. No, I'm just kidding. But there's a lot to say. So let's jump right in. The kind of main point for this whole series, though, is that you were created by God to love and to be loved in relationship with God and with others. Alright, let's read now 1 Corinthians chapter 13. If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away. As for tongues, they will cease. As for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, when the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. But when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I have been known fully. So now faith, hope, and love abide. These three, but the greatest of these is love. This is the word of the Lord. Thanks be to God. Alright, so like I said, tonight we're continuing our study of what the Bible has to say about dating. Last week we looked at defining what dating is, and I gave you this definition of dating, uh, which is kind of gathered from the wisdom of Scripture here, which is that dating is an inherently fragile and insecure thing because it lacks true commitment. Right? Dating is this inherently fragile and insecure thing that lacks true commitment, and we tend to transform it into a mini marriage. And we said that that's a bad thing, that's kind of diagnosing the problem. And so what we really want to do is to change our view on this to see dating as two friends who are seeking to get to know one another and seeking if God is calling them to commit to one another long term. That should be our definition of dating. Two friends seeking to get to know one another and seeking if God is calling them together long term and a commitment together. Alright, so today we're gonna be looking a little more specifically on like what you should be looking for when you date people. Because we're not against dating. How else are you gonna get to know your friend and figure out if God is calling you to them or not? Uh but we do think there's a lot of wisdom we can apply here. Uh, it just is an example of how there's like no exact formula how to do this. Uh, lots of times you guys ask, hey, how did you meet your wife? Hey, y'all, this is my wife, Kelsey. She's awesome. Um lots of times people ask, how'd y'all meet? Uh, and I'm like, yeah, so we met at a bar. Uh that's a joke. Uh we met at a taco bar. We were at a Christian conference. Uh, there was a lunch line, it was a taco bar. We were in line, we had never met each other. Uh I was with my friend, she was with her friend, and my friend was supposed to be on like a special diabetic diet at the time. But it's a taco bar. So he's loading it up with the chips and the queso and the black beans, you know, and I was just, I looked at him and was like, dude, like, you got enough there? Because his plate was like buckling under the like six or seven plates were I have never heard of this. I looked at my friend and I said, geez, you got enough there. Um, and who is now my now wife, Kelsey Turner, and said, Wow, that was rude. So the first thing my now wife said to me was, Wow, that was rude. Um, I'm still a little baffled at what she saw in me uh after that. But uh, hey, we kept talking, and uh, as friends got to know one another, and the Lord did call us together, and I'm so grateful for that. Uh but all that to say, there's no perfect formula for how to meet a potential partner. You do have to get out there and talk to people and date and figure out what the Lord is calling you to. Alright, but in this passage, I want I have four things I want us to look at as we go through it, which hopefully will give you some guidance on this. So the first thing we're gonna look at is what loves not, what love is not. Second point is what love is. Third point is how love grows, and then the final thing will be final thoughts on dating. Alright, so what love is not. Let's look at verses one through three again. Paul is writing to the church in Corinth. This church has a lot of awesome, flashy stuff going on. You know, if they were a campus ministry, everyone would be talking about them. It's like, it's the new exciting, you know, hot place to be for students uh who are Christians. They're, you know, they're talking about, well, you can speak in the tongues of angels and stuff like that. They have all this mysterious knowledge, it's really exciting. And Paul says, look, okay, that's great, but if you have all that flashy stuff but have no love at all, you don't have the love of God in you, none of that stuff is really worth it. You don't gain anything from it. Actually, you're nothing apart from the love of God. And I think the same can apply when it comes to dating, to thinking about people. Is that like you can meet someone with the greatest qualities a person can have. They can be the right heights, the right appearance, the right kind of money, the right kind of major, uh, the right, you know, they have all the right theological views that you're looking for. Like, whatever it may be. They get along with your parents. They can have all that, but if there isn't real love there, then ultimately it's not worth anything. That love is not getting everything on your list when it comes to getting a partner. We all have a list in our head, right, of the type of person we want, but none of those things actually have anything to do with real love. And that should be the goal of dating, right? Two friends figuring out if God is calling them to commit to a loving relationship long term. And the truth is we don't normally think of our friendships that way. We don't look at our friends and we're like, I don't know, are you tall enough? Do you have enough money? You know, do you have the right major? No, you don't. A friend is just a friend, right? Are they willing to spend time with you? So if dating is friends trying to figure out if they're called together, then we have the wrong way we go about it. Uh, I thought this was beautifully portrayed in the movie The Materialists, which is something I'm gonna mention multiple times. It's a rom com that came out recently. The main character, she's a matchmaker. That's like her job is to set people up. And she's meeting with this other lady who rolls up with a three-page list of the things she's looking for in a partner. And the lady with the list says, I know it looks long, but I deserve someone who fulfills all my criteria. I really do. I mean, look at me, I'm a catch. And so the matchmaker says, Patricia, look, you can't customize because this is not a simulation. If the service I was providing you was building a man, then of course I could build you a man with everything on this list. But I can't, because this is not a car or a horse. Uh we're talking about people. They come as they are, and all I can hope to find you is a man that you can tolerate for the next 50 years who likes you at all. And you are not a catch because you are not a fish. I thought that really beautifully summarized that our tendency is to think like if I can just get all the right qualities lined up, if I can just get all the right things written out, you know, if I can get a certain level of success or position or maturity or uniqueness, then I will be worthy of love and I will have value to bring to a relationship. But that's the opposite of how the Bible sees it. That love is an essential part of the Christian life. It's better to have love than it is to have success. It's better to have love than to have all the flashy outward appearances that the world so values. What does God value? Well, one of the most famous Bible verses ever, John 3.16. For God so loved the world that he would send his son to redeem it. What in the world did the world do to deserve God's love? What did we do to deserve it? Disobey him and rebel against him? God loved his people first. He redeems them because of his love for them. And this passage ultimately, in its description of love, is about God's love and not our own. Don't think about the thirst traps you see online or the particular like list you have or ick list you have. The characteristics of God's love is what you want to be seeing growing in the people around you. That's what you should be looking for when it comes to dating. Uh, there's a great story about Winston Churchill. He was a Prime Minister of England during World War II. If you ever see pictures of him, he looks like this old bulldog of a man. Uh and he was famous for kind of being a gruff, like, not nice person. But a lady said of him, you knew all his worst qualities within five minutes of meeting him. But you could spend your whole life learning his best qualities. That if you just judged the book by its cover by the first five minutes, you would always write him off. But if you stuck it out and got to know him, you would be like over time impressed again and again in just all the amazing things going on there. Alright, so if that's not love, looking for all the flashy things, then what is it? Well, Paul gives us a beautiful description of love here, so we're gonna go through this. And I think it's a good thing to be thinking about these things when it comes to dating someone, seeing these different aspects of love at work in people. So the first thing he says is, love is patience, right? So love can wait, y'all. Love can wait, which is not how we tend to think about it. Love waits for God to bring a man or woman who loves Jesus into your life. Uh and someone brought that up last week and I appreciated the feedback. They were like, you didn't really clarify how we should think about, you know, whether we're dating Christians or non-Christians. Well, look, if love is patient, then love says, okay, I'm not just gonna jump at the first person who offers me love, but I'm gonna seek out someone who loves God as well. Right? That it's not just going to be my attitude towards God that I want to find someone who is equal in me in this way. Because that's how scripture describes it. It says, don't be unequally yoked. The image there is like two animals tied together, but they're going in opposite directions. They're literally like ripping the rope apart. To date someone and ultimately seek to marry someone who has a different view of God is to literally live a life that's constantly going the opposite direction. If love is patient, then seek to be patient for someone else who also loves God. Don't rush into a relationship out of the fear of being alone. I love how one friend put it. He said, Look, patience is the ability to wait for something with a happy heart. That's, man, that's I'm gonna say that again. Patience is the ability to wait for something with a happy heart. It's not just, God, I'm being patient, but I'm miserable. Any day you want to bring, you know, a hot something into my life, like that'd be great. No, patience is trusting God with a happy heart. Love recognizes that right timing plays a huge role in relationships. And man, like the love is patient thing, I'm gonna go on a little bit longer on this one point here, is so key because often I meet with students and they'll talk about their relationships in college, and they're like, Yeah, you know, when we started out, we said, let's take things slow. Which usually means let's do the opposite. Uh let's take things slow usually means we're gonna hang out constantly. I'm gonna text you and you're gonna text me all night. We're gonna snap each other, just endless DMs. Probably within a week, we're gonna be making out. Uh by the end of the month, we're gonna say, I love you. Is that taking it slow? No, if you're confused on that, that is not taking it slow. Unless you want to get married by the end of sophomore year, this relationship is not gonna last. That is not taking it slow. It doesn't have the security of marriage vows to protect it and to bear the weight of what you're putting into it. When the feeling of being love and attraction wears off, then you're gonna realize we have moved too quickly, and that was a bad thing. Don't rush into relationships out of a fear of being lonely. Wait patiently as one who has been loved patiently by Christ. That if you're gonna date, you're gonna have to practice loving patiently. Alright, but he goes on, he says, Love is patient, love is kind. And sometimes when we hear kind, we're like, oh, someone's like kind, you know, he's a kind guy, but it's we almost say that almost like he's a pushover or something like that. But that's not what the word means here. To be kind is uh like an old English word, magnanimity. I just butchered that, didn't I? Magnanimous. The idea is like to care about the good of someone else more than your own good. That's what Paul means here when he says kind. That love looks to other people's benefit before your own. That there is a kindness in giving people time and space to figure things out in relationships. Love seeks out ways to benefit others and not how they can benefit us. True kindness means working for the good of someone knowing Christ and not just your dating goals with them. That's why dating someone who's not a Christian is a problem, because you're always going to lack a certain aspect of intimacy there. Since the thing at the core of them and the thing at the core of you is radically opposed. That if you were truly kind towards them, you would seek for them to know Jesus more than you would seek for them to date you. Faith in Jesus is not just an add-on to your life, it's the thing that shapes your entire understanding of reality. So, why do we do this? Why do we pursue people in dating who don't share our faith? Well, I think it's the next point Paul makes here, which is that love does not envy or boast. That really, if we're being honest, what we're often looking for in dating is uh someone that's gonna make us look good and feel good. It's not about the benefit of them or glorifying God. We want status, we want to go on dates with people we find attractive, we want attractive partners to be in our Instagram pictures. We want to make our sister or our brother jealous at our trophy partner we've got. We want to boast and make others feel envious of what we got. Uh, I think often our thinking in this is: look, like, I want to date and marry someone who is smoking hot. And if we can be friends later on, that's great too. Which is completely backwards, right? Like, I don't know if you know this, but you know, like looks fade. Uh, you know, like the reality is you want to build your marriage on a friendship, and so if you're only looking for uh someone who has a good appearance that then you can boast about, make other people envious about, it's not real love. Alright, but he goes on love is not arrogant or rude. The two things I want you to see here is like, man, rudeness in a relationship, like that is just toxic for the health of a relationship. If you're going on dates with someone and they are rude to you on a regular basis, publicly rude to you in front of other people, that should be a major red flag. Uh and like if your friends are telling you this person is a jerk to you constantly, like, gentlemen, ladies, like pay attention to that. Your friends care about you. They're probably cluing you into something that you are kind of blind to in your own love. Alright, but also arrogance, uh, and this is gonna sound like a weird way of applying this, but we need to beware of the arrogance of treating friends uh like as dates, even though we're not admitting that we're dating them. What do I mean by that? Well, I was talking to another campus minister, a friend of mine, he was saying he was talking to a student, and she was like, Oh yeah, this other guy in RUF, you know, and I we hang out all the time, and he's really into me and he really wants to date me, but I don't think he's mature enough for me. You know, I don't think he's there yet, so I'm not gonna date him. And he's like, Okay, I get it, you may be in a different place, but you said you hang out all the time. Tell me more about that. She's like, Well, yeah, like we hang out like almost all day, every day. And we talk on the phone most nights for hours, and we're actually planning a road trip together for a weekend. And he's like, girl, you're dating him. What are you like, you don't have to marry him, you know? Like, you can end this, but like you are already functionally dating him. And in your arrogance, you think, oh, well, he's not mature enough for me, so we're not actually gonna date. Like, don't abuse your friends in that way. If you are hanging out as if you are dating, then you are, and either own it and like intentionally pursue it, or back off and just be normal friends. That that's true love. Alright, love does not insist on its own way. Uh, I want to just kind of apply this like for men and women here, because sometimes in Christian circles, we talk a lot about men being godly leaders in relationships. I think that's a good thing. Men, you should be good, godly examples and leaders in your relationships, but that does not mean that you make all the decisions or that you insist on absolute obedience, because guess what, men? You're not Jesus. Like, we offer that kind of obedience to Jesus. You should set a good example, you should try to be a spiritual leader, but it doesn't mean you're perfect, and so someone else has to obey you in the same way they would obey Christ. Learn to listen well, take good advice. And ladies, look, I know the trend is to be a girl boss and to not let any man tell you what to do. But look, a good relationship is built on mutual love and respect through communication. So be willing to commit to do a life together. Alright, as we're wrapping up here, love is not irritable or resentful. And look, I recognize that some of you, man, like, you've been hurt in dating, and you have been hurt in love, you have been betrayed, and there's probably some real pain there, some real resentment, um, some real frustration and anger at people. And I'm not trying to tell you to like get rid of all that. But I think our tendency when we feel that, when we've had that experience, is to want to shut down to love. To think like, I'm just not gonna engage in it anymore, or I'm gonna be so guarded when it comes to love that like, oh, pretty much no one can ever love me. The truth I think that scripture is getting at here is we need more love, actually, and not less, in these situations. We need more love and not less.

unknown 20:33

C.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

S. Lewis puts this perfectly in his book, The Four Loves. He says, Look, to love at all is to be vulnerable. To love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries, and void all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, emotionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is hell. I know you've been hurt, but don't lock your heart away forever. You need more love and not less love. You need more of the love that can truly heal and change a heart, and not the love of this world that often wounds us deeper and deeper. Alright, love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. I think this is a great thing to look for when you're dating someone. Do you see the fruit of repentance in their life? When they sin, when they struggle with sin, do they rejoice in it? Do they play it off as it doesn't matter? Or are they quick to repent? Are they growing in that area? I think that's a really good quality to see in someone. Or what about this? Do they push physical boundaries with no remorse? Do they encourage you in the truth of God's word? I think a little bit of guidance here on when it comes to physical boundaries. We don't have to go into it in detail tonight because we're going to have a whole talk on sex and sexuality in a few weeks. But, you know, when it comes to dating and navigating this, if our definition is two friends, figuring out if God has called them together in a loving commitment long term, then we've got to think, alright, what is appropriate physical touch for two friends? Among friends, acts of affection are normal. Acts of affection are totally normal among friends. Some friends are a little bit more affectionate than others, but it's a very normal thing among friends. But acts of arousal are not. Acts of arousal are not appropriate in friendships. And if you need a little more clarity on what that means, I'd be happy to talk to you after. Alright, finally here, love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. That love believes the best of others, seeks the best of others, hopes the best for them. That to truly love someone and to see love growing in them is not a, you know, like just pessimistic attitude about people, but it's one that believes that God can actually change a heart. And that God calls us to bear one another's burdens, to go through hard stuff together. That love tries to see the diamond of God's work in the midst of someone even when it's covered in mud. If these are descriptions of God's character and of God's love, and the truth is we actually can't live this out apart from the love of God transforming our heart. That the Holy Spirit has to change and grow us in love. So that brings me to my third point: how love grows. Look at verses 8 through 13. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away. As for tongues, they will cease. As for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. But when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is love. I love that language there in verse 12. Paul is saying, Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. What Paul is talking about, there's growing in maturity in our faith, as God has known us, and we experience his knowledge of us. That God knows us deeply and we can grow in knowing him as well, and that leads to great maturity. And as we grow in maturity, we realize that love is not this fickle thing that changes. No, real maturity in love looks less flashy, it's less Instagram worthy, but it's a lot like knowing yourself better. Let the love of God mature you. That's how real love grows. The flashy things of dating will pass away. Good looks fade, expensive meals are forgotten, making your friends envious won't last. But true love grows over time. Once again, from the movie The Materialist, sums this up great. The matchmaker, she's at a wedding, she's talking about her job as a matchmaker, and someone asks, like, Oh, I bet you have a lot of secrets to dating. And she says, Look, there are no industry secrets. We can always meet our life partner out in the wild or by swiping on an app. But the happy ending to a first date is not the second date. It's changing each other's diapers and burying each other. You're looking for a nursing home partner and a grave buddy. Who our partner is, it determines our whole life and how we live. Not for one, two, ten years, but forever. So that's true long-term committed love. It's not flashy, it's not sexy, but it's truly beautiful. Alright, so let's get really practical. What should a mature Christian do when it comes to dating now in college? You're like, come on, Chris, give me some guidance here. Well, I think you have two options. I think if you're seeking to be a mature follower of Jesus and engaging in dating, you really have two options. One, you're gonna have to date radically different and take marriage seriously as your goal. You're gonna have to date radically different and take marriage seriously as the end goal. And look, that may sound kind of crazy, but people used to do this all the time, right? Like, you could get married while you're in college. Some people are like, what? No, I have to wait till I'm done. Like, it's okay to wait till you're done, but you don't have to. There's nothing in the Bible that says you can't get married in college. Your parents may say that. Society may feel weird about it, but there's nothing wrong in God's word about that. Now, probably the reason you think that is because, like, well, I've got to graduate and I've got to get a career and I've got to get money so I can get that bag. And I'm like, you go, girl, like, get that bag. I want you to graduate. I want you to be successful. Please do that. I'm not telling you to drop out. But if you're gonna take dating seriously and it's the end goal of marriage, then you're gonna have to come to terms with that. It would require some very difficult conversations with parents, difficult choices about school and work, missing out on certain aspects of college that are unique to being single. Or I think the other option is you wait to date until you are in a more serious season of life. You wait to date until you are in a more serious season of life. You don't have to date people now. I know like everyone else is dating and you're like, oh, maybe I want that too. But like, once again, no law here that you have to go and date people in college. If your goal is graduating, that's great. Focus on that. You're not necessarily missing out on anything. But you will miss out if you date someone and treat it like a marriage, or your goal is to get married soon. You're gonna miss out on a lot of things that you can do with friends uniquely in the season of college. That you can go to concerts with friends, you can go on road trips, you can eat at cookout at 2 a.m., you can go milk jousting on the top of Central Deck. If you get married, you're probably not gonna be able to do any of those things with your friends anymore. Marriage is a naturally limiting thing. So, count the cost, take seriously its implications, and go for one of those two things. I think that you should enjoy the unique season of life here in college and enjoy good friendships. I'm not against dating, but recognize that there are a lot of things that you can benefit from, have great memories, enjoy that dating will limit you on in this season. Alright, but my final point here, practical advice on dating, because I know y'all are like, okay, cool, but I want to date. So, alright. Let me give even more specific advice here. Uh the two things I want you to take away then are the freedom you should have in dating in Christ and the boldness you should have in dating in Christ. So let's look at the freedom you should have in dating in Christ. Uh, you have the freedom in Christ to pursue relationships, to go on dates. Once again, we're not against dating, but freedom always requires maturity. True freedom in Christ always goes with maturity. So you have the freedom to pursue people in dating and the freedom to end things in dating. It's not a marriage commitment. You don't have to stick it out just because you don't want to be a jerk or hurt someone's feelings. The sooner you have clarity, the better. And you have the freedom to determine that. Freedom in Christ combined with maturity in Christ looks like healthy confidence that puts the other person's good above your own to glorify God. And look, there's no better example of this than my friend Mike when he met his wife Meredith. Guess what, y'all? Mike and Meredith, they met at summer conference. Aww. Shout out summer conference. Anyone? Woohoo! You should all go to summer conference. You might meet your spouse. Just kidding. Uh don't want to guarantee that. That's not promised. But summer conference is great. Alright, so Mike was going to Georgia Tech. His now wife, Meredith, was at App State. They met at summer conference. Uh they started chatting, they exchanged numbers, and then, you know, Mike gave her a call and was like, hey, I'd love to drive up. Could I take you out on a date? She was like, okay, great. Yeah, he seems really nice. So they started doing that. They started dating long distance. It was going really well. But then a girl in Meredith's class, sorry, a guy in Meredith's class asked her out. He was like, hey, you seem really cool, I'd love to take you out on a date. She was like, Oh, what do I do? And so she called Mike and she told him what happened. Hey, this guy, my class asked me out, and this is what he said. Let me read the quote. You are not tied down to me. I have no claim over you. In fact, if there is a better option for you out there, I want that for you. If this guy can love you and serve you and meet your needs better than me, then I want that for you. I want you to go on the date. Y'all, give it up for Mike. Come on. We like Mike! We like Mike. We like Mike. We like Mike. Alright, so she goes on the date with this guy from her class. And her friends are like, what are you doing? You're dating someone else. Like they're so confused. She goes on the date, it's a really nice date, the guy's really nice, but the whole time she's thinking about Mike.

unknown 32:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

So they get to the end of the date. The guy's like, hey, I really enjoyed this. I'd like to take you out again. And she was like, thank you, it was a really nice time, but I'm not interested. And now they're married, they have kids, they live here in Atlanta. Go, Mike. Mike and Mike. Mike and Mary's coming. Go, Mike. And ladies, you can say that if you don't like someone. Hey, this was nice, but I'm not interested. Just you can say that. Alright, so you have the freedom in dating. So, yes, go on dates, pursue people, get to know them, and you have the freedom to not go on dates with people. Or, hey, I like you, but there's also this other person, and I'm gonna casually go out with them and see how the Lord leads. Be clear about what you're doing, don't lie or sneak around, but like you have the freedom to engage in this. Because dating is not a marriage commitment, but it should lead that way long term. Alright, so you have the freedom in dating, the second thing is boldness in dating. If Christ is the source of your love, then you can enter the risky world of dating. Because it is risky, let's be honest. You can take a chance and ask your friend out, and if you get turned down, you can continue boldly trusting in Jesus that he has a plan for your life. And yes, I did just say that you should ask your friends out on dates. I'm gonna say it again. Hey y'all, I think the best candidates to ask out are your friends. This got really awkward in here, didn't it? Don't look at the person next to you. Are you actually gonna get really uncomfortable in the next few weeks? Alright, so why do people, why are people afraid? Why are people afraid to ask out their friends? Why are they afraid to ask out their friends? They're afraid that they're gonna ruin the friendship, right? Oh, if I ask them out and then it doesn't work out well, then we won't be friends. I don't want to lose the friendship. Uh, okay, that's a valid concern. We do value friendships, we don't want you just like blow them up willy-nilly. But the reality is, if you are friends with someone of the opposite sex in this season of your life, there is a timestamp on that friendship. What do I mean by that? Uh, whenever y'all get married to someone somewhere, that means the nature of your friendship will change. You will never be as close to a member of the opposite sex as you are now when you're single, then after you're married. Because who they marry is the person they are now closest to of the opposite sex. So, why not take the risk and ask them out and see where it goes? And if it doesn't go anywhere, you're not feeling it, that's fine. You can just say, hey, thank you, this is nice, but I'm not interested. But if it does work out, isn't that wonderful? Wouldn't you rather have asked your friend out and it worked out great than trying to like go to a club and meet a rando or get on an app for God? Oh man, like it's horrifying, right? If you've been on them, they're terrible. It would be so much better to know someone as a close friend and then see that God has brought you together long term than it would be to just be out in the wild trying to find someone. Alright, so let me give you some really practical advice on how to do this. Because some of y'all just don't even know how to do it, and that's okay. Dating is hard. Uh look, I think, guys, uh, if you're gonna ask someone out, you should be bold. You should go up to them in person and ask a girl out on a date. And ladies, you can ask a guy out too. I think that's fine. But, guys, I've heard a lot of girls say, hey, I wish a guy would kind of take the first step here and be bold enough to ask. So, guys, if you want to ask someone out, go to a girl. Be very clear on what you're saying. Don't say, hey, what are you doing this weekend? Because then she's in the awkward position of like, if she says nothing, she sounds like a loser and has no friends and no social life. So she's got to make up something, you know. Uh, no, be very clear. Hey, I'd like to take you out on a date this Saturday. Uh, if she says, Oh, I have plans, don't like mope and be like, oh, she hates me, she ghosted me. No, she just had plans. Ask the next week. Like, you know, don't be all mopey about it. It's okay. Be bold enough to ask, be clear about what you're doing. Make sure you say it's a date. Don't say, let's go hang out. Because if you're just hanging out, then you have all this weird thing where it's like, he paid for dinner, is this a date? But I don't know if it's a date. He brushed my shoulder, are we about to make out? Like, I don't know if it's a date. Like, be clear it's a date. Be clear it's a date. So you don't want the girl to have to be a detective trying to figure out what you're doing, okay? Be clear about what you're doing. Uh be bold enough to ask, be clear. And look, ladies, hey, uh, here's my humble advice. I could be wrong, but I think you should say yes. Uh, if a guy is very clear and asks you out, I think unless you have like major problems, uh, I think you should say yes. It's a nice casual date. Uh that the guy should be bold and the lady should be clear. Uh that I think if more girls maybe said yes to nice casual dates, then maybe guys will be a little more bolder in asking in the first place. If a guy asks you out though, ladies, if a guy asks you out and you don't want to go, be clear and just say no. Be clear and just say no. Don't be like, uh, I gotta stay home and pulled socks. No. Don't make lame excuses. Be clear, just say no. Or if you want a nights or phrase and be like, thank you, but I'm not interested in that right now. That's a nice, you know, thank you, but I'm not interested in that right now. Uh don't find a million excuses, don't have scheduling conflicts, and then it never happens. The sooner you have clarity on this, the better. Go on a nice date if she says yes, guys, take her out. It doesn't have to be super fancy, you don't gotta go to five-star restaurants. Uh go do an activity. If it's two friends figuring out whether God has called them together, then do fun things that friends do together. It doesn't have to have this pressure of like, we all got dressed up in suits and dresses and like went to the super fancy place. The goal is not to impress, but to get to know one another. You are brothers and sisters in Christ who are friends trying to see if God is leading you to be more than friends. Ask good questions, be patient and kind. At the end of the date, be as clear as possible about next steps. If you're not interested in further dates, then just say, this was nice, but I'd like to remain just friends. That's an okay thing to say. Great example of this. Uh friends from our church. Uh, they met when they were students at KSU here. Uh Becca, she was in biology class, one of those massive biology classes, like 200 seats. And she's like, I intentionally picked the seat right at the edge of the row, and I put my backpack in the next chair because I didn't want anyone to sit near me and talk to me. But then here comes my friend Jared, who she described him as wearing one of those huge like sun hats and flip-flops, like, dude was looking like One Piece walking in. Uh, and he was like, Hey, can I sit next to you? And she was like, uh, not really. And he's like, Cool, I'll just sit right here. Um, and you know, so they chatted a little in class. She was trying to give off the like, I don't want to talk vibes. He was very kind, he was not pushy, but he was trying to talk her up and stuff like that. At the end of class, he was like, Hey, could I take you on a date sometime? Could I get your number? Uh and he like straight up he forgot his phone, y'all. He didn't even have his phone. And so she was like, I'm not gonna write it down for you. I will tell you, but I will not write it down. This dude memorized her number. Now they're married, they have kids. Uh and I asked her, I was like, was it the one piece outfit that really impressed you? And she was like, no, it was the attention to detail that he remembered my number. I was not impressed at first, but that impressed me that he would remember and follow up and be intentional. So be bold, be intentional, and be clear. Look, y'all, this kind of love is challenging. It is risky to go out on dates. It's actually so difficult. I don't think we can do this apart from the love of God in Jesus. Because in Jesus you have the promise of a love that is patient, that is kind, that does seek the good of others, that we can love others because He first loved us. Do you want a healthy dating experience? Pursue the love of God above all else, because it's that love that will never let you go. Amen. Let's pray. Father God, thank you that you love us. Uh, thank you that you see us through the ups and downs of awkward dates and weird interactions with friends. But Lord, we pray that you would guide us and give us wisdom, that we would handle this maturely to the glory of God, or that we would seek the good of others above our own. And Lord, that we would trust you that in according to your will and timing, that you would bring the right people into our lives. And Lord, we pray all this in your name. Amen.