EP 1 Diane's Breast Cancer Experience Part 1

Host Diane M. Simard shares the foundational reason for the Unlikely Gifts Podcast and the driver for her advocacy and much of her business interests. She explains how her bout with late Stage III breast cancer at age 49 stripped her down to her bare essence, but then she began to build herself back up again.  Ten months later, she emerged from cancer treatment a new, different person, living life on her terms. 

Personal website:  https://www.dianemsimard.com/
Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/DianeMSimard1965
LinkedIn (Personal):  https://www.linkedin.com/in/diane-moravec-simard/ 
LinkedIn (Unlikely Gift Productions):  https://www.linkedin.com/company/81847025/admin/
Diane's book:  https://www.dianemsimard.com/book/

Larry's Sorta Fun Stories podcast:  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/larrys-sorta-fun-stories/id1612127522

Transcript

Diane M. Simard: 0:01

Hello and welcome to the Unlikely Gifts Podcast. I'm your host, Diane M. Sabard, and along with me is our producer and editor, Larry King.

SPEAKER_00: 0:11

Well, thank you very much. You know, I feel like I'm the Ed McMahon of the Johnny Carson show. You know, I'm sitting over here on the couch listening to all these great stories, and it's great hearing the stories that come from you because they're so real. They're the unlikely gifts that we we don't look for every day, but when we look back, they're gifts that have been given to us.

Diane M. Simard: 0:32

Well, that's a great way to put it. Thank you so much. And today we're going to chat about the foundational reason for our podcast, the unlikely gift in my life that has literally become the driver for all I do.

SPEAKER_00: 0:44

Now, what might that be?

Diane M. Simard: 0:46

Well, of all things, what ultimately became an unlikely gift in my life was my bout with breast cancer in 2015. How's that for a shocking surprise?

SPEAKER_00: 0:56

That must have been a real surprise. Now, let's get into that story because I want to hear it.

Diane M. Simard: 1:02

We begin back in January 2015. I was 49, getting ready to turn 50. I had a lot on my mind. I had this grandiose idea that somehow turning 50, everything was going to become a utopia. I was finally going to be at peace with myself, and life was going to finally make sense. Uh-huh. So I had a routine annual mammogram in late January of that year, and I had been having annual mammograms ever since a benign cyst was discovered in my left breast 10 years before that.

SPEAKER_00: 1:37

So what goes on this day? You're gonna go get this mammogram.

Diane M. Simard: 1:41

Yeah, it it just was routine. I had been going every year, so I went and and actually a week went by after I had that mammogram, and my husband Reenie had reminded me that I had not received the results yet back.

SPEAKER_00: 1:54

Was that normal?

Diane M. Simard: 1:55

Uh no, it wasn't. And in fact, that's how little I was really thinking about. Oh gosh, maybe something's wrong. And and and when he reminded me, I thought, uh, maybe there is something wrong. So ironically, the breast center called back that day and said that uh I needed to come back in for what they call a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound, which is the next step and a gentle way of saying, uh-oh. So I went, I went in.

SPEAKER_00: 2:27

So how did you feel about that?

Diane M. Simard: 2:29

Yeah, I was uh apprehensive, and I started to just wonder is this what this is like? Because there's no answers yet. Uh just a lot of contemplating and worrying. So I went in for both tests, and it was uh a snowy day in Denver, and one of those mornings where everything just an inch of snow can just mess up traffic. And so yeah, it was it was a lot of chaos, and it took me a long time to get in for my tests, and the longer I sat there and waited, the more I became more concerned. So this apprehension and anxiety building is it's it's certainly not um a pleasant thing to experience. And so I went in for the ultrasound and kind of made friends, had a bond going with the ultrasound technician. She had been in the Air Force like my husband, and so we started chatting about that, and I made a comment. I I was laying down on my back for the test, and I noticed that she moved that wand to my armpit. And I thought, I bet she's checking those lymph nodes and that there's a problem. So again, just because of the way that I think, I just was assuming the words.

SPEAKER_00: 3:45

Well, yeah, I know you're a strong person, you know. I can't imagine what you're going through at this time. You're wondering, you're waiting.

Diane M. Simard: 3:53

Yeah, and and just and of course, they have an etiquette that they must follow. And so I happened to um when I she finished the test and I sat up and I just made a comment about the screen that it looked like snow to me, and how could she possibly see anything? Because it just looks like snowflakes, and she said, Well, I'm not supposed to say anything, but it doesn't look good.

SPEAKER_00: 4:16

Oh, oh, that's not usual. A technician will say that.

Diane M. Simard: 4:19

No, and and um I didn't want to get her in trouble. Like I said, we had bonded, and so she called the radiologist in, and he said, No, I just by looking at the screen, I can tell you need a biopsy. And um I was like, Okay, I I've got breast cancer. I just knew it. I just it was that intuition thing. So uh right away I got angry, and as I left, and they from that point on, they must have some magical way of communicating that um looks like she probably is gonna receive a positive diagnosis because everyone there started opening doors for me. Oh wow, yeah, they they could they were so nice, but again, it's just those subtle hints. And so I got in the car and called my husband, and I just got angry right away. And I he didn't understand why I was gonna have to have a biopsy. And I explained, well, that's the next step when they suspect it might be breast cancer. And so we were both having a lot of emotions, and and I always say my life lost its innocence that day before I even had the diagnosis.

SPEAKER_00: 5:22

And you're 50 years old. Well, 40 days.

Diane M. Simard: 5:25

Yeah, uh about to turn 50. Yeah. So I'd had these plans, like I said, that I was just done with all the drama and the trauma, and I just wanted peace in my life. So anyway, I had um the biopsy got scheduled for a couple of days later, and that was uh another emotional experience. Again, they're trying to be so nice, but those are painful, and I had to have lymph nodes biopsied in my armpit, and that feels like I always say a corkscrew, the screw into your armpit is what that felt like.

SPEAKER_00: 5:58

But anyway, um Well, I've had some I've had some biopsies myself, and so I know what you're talking about. The corkscrew, yes, it hurts.

Diane M. Simard: 6:07

It does hurt, it does hurt. So I was told that I would receive the test results from the biopsy a few days later. And since I'm such a control freak, I was thinking, okay, I have a couple more days at quote unquote piece. But then I got the phone call the next day from my primary care doctor's nurse, and she's the one that notified me that I it had the biopsy had come back.

SPEAKER_00: 6:30

So what positive what really went through your head at that time?

Diane M. Simard: 6:33

Yeah, so I I just I couldn't think at that moment when she told me that I just didn't hear anything from that point on. And I because it's my defense mechanism where I'm trained to deal with crises, I just was very polite and kind and I said, Thank you. I appreciate all you're doing. And she was shocked, like, are you really okay? And I go, no, you know, is what I do. I deal with problems and fix problems. And so I hung up and then I just um I just could not get my head straight. I couldn't stop. I mean everything cancer, the word was racing through my brain, and then I'm thinking I was late for a business lunch, and I just got the news that I have cancer. I needed to call my husband, and it was just such an overwhelming feeling.

SPEAKER_00: 7:17

So, what did you say at that time?

Diane M. Simard: 7:19

Yeah, so we um I called him and he was very strong and answered, and then I said I just got the call unexpectedly early, and I told him I had breast cancer, and we still we both cried, and of course he wanted me to leave the office. I was at my office at the time, and and I said, No, let me stay here. I I have a lot to do, and I just want to process this, and I don't want to I don't want to give in and go home and cry.

SPEAKER_00: 7:47

Yeah. And and I'm you can cry both places.

Diane M. Simard: 7:51

Exactly. So anyway, um he he was very supportive, and so we agreed that we were gonna have a long talk that night about the situation, and so all that afternoon I just I became more annoyed because I just didn't have time for cancer, and I didn't I was embarrassed because I didn't know what cancer was yet. I had an idea, I knew what happened, but as far as um understanding how cancer works and why you get it, and I I just had so many things I wanted to do and I felt stuck in mud. So um I mainly I was just over overwhelmed. There's this feeling of just being overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_00: 8:30

So did they set up time for you at that point? Like, did you put get a schedule of what you were gonna be doing or did anything like that happen?

Diane M. Simard: 8:39

Yeah, it it did actually. So uh before, and and we still knew that I had uh cancer in a um parts of my breast and in my armpit, but they had not uh done it more extensive testing, first of all, to see how much cancer were in those areas and then whether it had uh spread throughout my body. We didn't know that yet. So um they started we started first actually with cancer gene testing the next day. And because Green is retired military, we have tri-care insurance, and they were very generous, and I was hungry for data because depending on the likelihood of cancer recurring, if I did have cancer genes, that was also going to impact um once we found out how much cancer I had, that was gonna impact the decisions on what the treatment was gonna be. So I had the gene test the next day and it came back. I was I had no cancer genes, which was a pleasant surprise, and it was it was good for me because it statistically changes the um the outcome, the likelihood, yeah, the outcome and the likelihood that cancer may or may not recur. And so that played into my decisions, and um that was good information, but then I still had to go through more biopsies. I got a second opinion, I ultimately had to have a PET scan, and thankfully that came back that it had not spread throughout the rest of my body.

SPEAKER_00: 10:08

So that's good.

Diane M. Simard: 10:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 10:10

And so So you you've been diagnosed with cancer. Uh did you let friends and family know about this? I mean, is that something you tell everybody or do you keep it to yourself?

Diane M. Simard: 10:21

Great question. And I struggled with that because I had so much uh educating to do and uh information I wanted to learn, but a few people knew that I had been diagnosed, and because I have a background in communications and public relations, I knew I wanted to get in front of the message as quickly as I could. So we called our immediate family the night of my diagnosis and let them know. And of course they were all in shock and we didn't have a lot of answers yet, quite honestly. And so we don't know what treatment's gonna look like. We don't know the um likelihood of survivability because we we didn't it may have been metastasized throughout my body at that time. We just didn't know yet.

SPEAKER_00: 11:07

So you took all these tests and things like that, but when did the treatment start for this? I mean, it doesn't I mean you don't go to the pharmacy and get a pill.

Diane M. Simard: 11:16

It did take, it actually took an additional month and a half from the day I received the diagnosis to have all these tests to get prepared to get ready for this 10 months of treatment, intense treatment. I ended up being staged as a late stage three because um they were um uh my uh primary care team and then the um second opinion team that I had a consultation with all agreed that I had a non-aggressive grade of cancer that was behaving aggressively. So they were concerned about doing any more biopsying in my armpit um to find out exactly how many lymph nodes had cancer for fear of um unleashing cancer throughout my body, if you can believe that. So yeah, so we aired on the side of concaution, and as I always say, they prescribed the nuclear bomb treatment for me. Lots of chemo. I was able to um just have lumpectomy surgery, not a full mastectomy was not required. This was all contained on one side, and then uh radi radiation after that. But chemo was at first because um the largest of the three breast tumors that I had was only about uh two centimeters. And so they for sure said if cancer, if uh excuse me, chemo could shrink the cancer, I would likely definitely be a candidate for lumpectomy. So that's why we went with chemo first.

SPEAKER_00: 12:41

How was your response to chemo and was it make you nauseous or you know I understand some people are just flat on their back like the next day or something. How did that happen?

Diane M. Simard: 12:52

Well, yeah, it was horrible. And I didn't um I I had this obsession at the time with gaining weight because this experience has a tendency because you're dealing with hormones and they're giving you a lot of steroids that you tend to certainly lose weight during part of chemo, but then gain weight because you're having more chemo more often and more steroids more often. So yeah, so I didn't take the antinausea medication at my after my first uh chemo infusion, and that was just a dumb decision, a dumb, dumb decision. So I uh got really very, very sick, and um I took the antinausea medication too late, as it turned out, and so I suffered big time, and I laugh about it now because I just thought I was smarter, I was drinking steeped ginger water, it's not nearly strong enough. These are very strong drugs, and the first drug um that I had four infusions of it's the drug that makes you lose your hair. Oh and so I had already made the decision to um, because in 2015, um, what they call cold cap therapy, which is a way to preserve some of your hair um from falling out, it was very new in this country, but since I'm a data-driven person, there was no statistical data yet available that showed or proved whether or not um cancer could hang out in my scalp, cancer cells. So um and if I if I basically froze my scalp. So I chose to lose my hair, and it was um the right decision for me, and I have no opinion on some people um want to do cold cap therapy, that's great. It's just for who I am, it was the right decision for me to to choose to lose my hair, but I was sick, I was nauseous all the time during the first, as I said, the first four infusions, which took um so they were two weeks apart, and so that took two months. And I just it was that was probably one of the la greatest accomplishments of my life was uh getting through those four infusions. No I was just sick all the time.

SPEAKER_00: 15:03

Being sick, were you able to eat? I I you know, you said you lose weight, you gain weight, but what what was your diet like?

Diane M. Simard: 15:10

Yeah, so I I uh had been advised to eat with plastic um silverware because metal tends to have a reaction, and and I tried that it for some reason the metal didn't bother me, but they uh recommended that I not eat my favorite foods because they won't be your favorite foods uh after that. And so I I ate pretty normally and I just didn't have much of an appetite, and eating didn't make me feel better. But the reason you lose so weight, or I lost a significant amount of weight during that part of it, is just uh again, chemotherapy is killing the good living cells and the bad cancer cells, but it's the energy that your body requires to rebuild those cells that have been um killed off due to the chemo drugs. Um I I have never had children, but I've been told that that's often what it's like to be pregnant. You know, your body's just in overdrive, um, in this case, creating a new life. And and in my case, it was trying to recreate cells. And so I could I could literally hear and feel, um, especially in my digestive system, that that it just was it was brutal in that part of my body. And and so I lost a significant amount of weight and finally survived all that. My my senses were really amplified during this time as well. So um I was very sensitive to smells and um a coworker of mine, because I was working about half the time, I would go to the office. I was not doing a very good job doing my job, but I was showing exactly a coworker of mine came into my office one day and stood in the doorway of my office, and I just you know, I just you lose your sense, not you lose your senses, you just lose all filters. And so she started talking, and I said, Wait, is there a skunk outside? Because I had my window open in my office, and she goes, No, I don't think so. And I go, she goes, I had Caesar salad for lunch. I can smell the garlic on her breath.

SPEAKER_00: 17:15

Oh my goodness, that's ten feet away.

Diane M. Simard: 17:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 17:18

Oh my goodness.

Diane M. Simard: 17:19

And and it just was like, God, could you please leave? I mean, it just I could it was a smell that I just I just couldn't stand it. It was and I made this joke that I should be a drug sniffing dog at the airport because I it it's just the weirdest thing. And then stuff comes out of your mouth.

SPEAKER_00: 17:35

There's like I said, no filters, but TSA needs to hire cancer patients.

Diane M. Simard: 17:42

But I during this time I started journaling as a way to relax because I'd been trained as a journalist and uh found that I hated to be whining all the time, and so I just decided to complain in my journal. And that and that becomes a significant part of the story down the road.

SPEAKER_00: 18:02

So when you lost your hair, what was that like?

Diane M. Simard: 18:07

Yeah, um I I it was very I shaved my my head about five days after my first chemo infusion, even though my hair technically didn't fall out till day 21. But I it felt like uh, you know, sometimes when you shampoo your hair and you don't get all the shampoo out, it felt very brittle and dry and and greasy at the same time. And it's because my hair follicles were starting, they were, you know, already starting to die from the inside out. So I, because I'm such a control freak, decided I was gonna make the decision on when I lost my hair. So um it was very liberating, quite honestly.

SPEAKER_00: 18:50

So was that part of your healing, do you think?

Diane M. Simard: 18:53

In the beginning it was. In the beginning it was. Uh, and I thought, wow, this because I kind of look like Demi Moore, you know, in uh G.I. Jane, and I still had eyebrows and um those hadn't fallen out yet. And so you lose your eyebrows too. Oh, you lose all your body hair. Oh wow, yeah, and so the doctors were right. On day 21, I started having to change my pillowcase every night because I had little stubby hairs growing because it was two late two weeks later, but um yeah, and and then all of a sudden all my hair with my facial hair was gone too, and nose hair, which serves a very important purpose, especially when it's a rainy spring and you have allergies. Oh wow. Um, yeah. So um, yeah, I had some I had to carry tissues with me all the time. And so nose hair performs a really important function um when you have a runny nose, I'll just put it that way.

SPEAKER_00: 19:50

So so how did you feel about this a part of the healing? I mean, did you grasp the fact that you were starting a process? What was the process like?

Diane M. Simard: 19:58

I often compare it to Basic training where they kind of strip you down, shave your hair, and then start to rebuild you. And that's really the symbolism that I equate to losing my hair for six months, and I was bald for six months, and I I um was not courageous enough to go walk around bald. Plus, my head was cold, but so I wore a bandana or a hat, fedora of some kind. But yeah, I it it it was symbolic. I I really did kind of purge everything. I did a lot of forgiving during this time, and I was shocked at how um ready I was to let go. I was still angry and just troubled why this had happened to me, but I had accepted that it was important to focus on healing and to rebuild myself because that's I was hoping my hair was gonna grow back. But I just I was just grateful again that that um the my cancer was treatable.

SPEAKER_00: 20:59

It was certainly Yeah, but you had the word cancer in front of you. You must have had that word uh immortality. Was that there as well? I mean, doesn't that come across your mind at some point?

Diane M. Simard: 21:11

It it it certainly does. And to be given that, well, opportunity, but to have that forced upon you and to say, you know what, um, I'm one of the ones who uh is fortunate to have a treatable cancer, as brutal as this as this treatment is. Um I just was determined that I was gonna make the second chapter of my life a whole lot more peaceful and joyful. And um facing my mortality like that allowed me to make that decision. And so we talk about unlikely gifts. That was one of the unlikely gifts for me was had I not gone through this cancer, I probably would still be carrying a lot around a lot of anger and emotion. And um, I had chosen to stay um just upset with a lot of people, and this experience allowed or forced me to do a lot of forgiving and purging.

SPEAKER_00: 22:07

You were saying that you, you know, you you had a breast cancer that could be treated. Did did was there any point in time that you felt like you were over-treated?

Diane M. Simard: 22:16

Yeah, and and it was after we did, after I had started treatment, and there were more, there was more information available about how many of those lymph nodes uh in my armpit did have cancer, and it turned out um they all did. And so at the time, though, you just you just don't know. And so they had uh my oncologist had hinted that perhaps I could have gotten away with a less chemo, but they aired on the cytocation and I survived it. I was healthy enough to to and a lot of people just the this just makes them so sick they have to stop, and I understand that too. But uh it certainly wasn't a cakewalk, but I was able to handle the drugs once I finally started taking my anti-nausea drugs.

SPEAKER_00: 23:04

But you decided to learn to take the drugs correctly.

Diane M. Simard: 23:06

Exactly, exactly, yeah. And and I I often say that um I ended up being an anomaly in this situation because for most normal people, quote unquote, their initial whatever form of cancer they have, the initial tumor sites, the tumors in those locations tend to get much larger before the cancer starts to spread, and my tumors didn't do that. It started, it was behaving aggressively, even though it was not an aggressive grade. So I just it was like so many things in my life, I just didn't fit the parameters, and that became a theme in this experience. I was different, I was unique.

SPEAKER_00: 23:40

You were different than everybody else.

Diane M. Simard: 23:42

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 23:43

So when it's I I would assume cancer is different and everybody is well.

Diane M. Simard: 23:48

Absolutely. Uh great point, uh, very good point. And so we are unique in so many ways. Our DNA, our makeup, our uh lifestyle choices, all of those things impact uh have an impact on how we're gonna react when something like cancer invades our body or grows in our body. The whole one size fits all method that our healthcare system often prescribes, because that's what we do, and there's a multitude of reasons. I really wish and hope that it very soon we see more individualized medicine. I know there's a lot of talk about that, but it's not just the physical side, it's the uh it's the emotional, the mental part of it as well. And uh as I mentioned, I I I learned to celebrate my differences as a result of these experiences, and those became my unlikely gifts.

SPEAKER_00: 24:40

Oh no, that's that's powerful, you know. But cancer has also led to some extraordinary things like like you writing a book and you're becoming an advocate for more attention to the psychological impact of cancer.

Diane M. Simard: 24:55

Well, thank you. Yes, it is, and and I think uh we should pick this up next time and continue the story then.

SPEAKER_00: 25:02

You know, your story is so good that yes, we do need to continue again next week because uh there's so much more to tell. Well, Diane, thanks for sharing today. Thank you for sharing the intimate details of such a life-changing event.

Diane M. Simard: 25:17

Well, thank you, Larry. It's my pleasure. I actually coined this phrase uh cancer is never invited and cancer never leaves. Because the psychological trauma cancer creates can often last a lifetime.

SPEAKER_00: 25:30

Wow, can you repeat that? That's that's cool. You've coined this. I've always wanted to meet somebody that writes, you know, quote.

Diane M. Simard: 25:38

I got angry one day about a year after I finished treatment, and I just said, I just wrote down, cancer is never invited and cancer never leaves.

SPEAKER_00: 25:48

Because there's some traumatic experiences involved, right?

Diane M. Simard: 25:51

Yeah, and it can the trauma can last a lifetime for some people, and that's part of my advocacy work now that we're going to talk about next time.

SPEAKER_00: 25:59

Great. And I want to thank everybody for listening today. It's been my honor to be a part of this unlikely gift, this project called Unlikely Gifts.

Diane M. Simard: 26:09

Well, and I'm grateful to you, Larry, for lending your production and editing capabilities to make this podcast possible. You too are an unlikely gift in my life.

SPEAKER_00: 26:18

I was gonna say that as well. You too are an unlikely gift in my life. So it's my pleasure as always.

Diane M. Simard: 26:24

Well, before I go, if you'd like to connect with me on social media, you can find me at Diane M. Simard on Facebook or LinkedIn, or send me an email through the contact tab on my website, DianeMsimard.com. Of course, we always appreciate your thoughts and comments about the Unlikely Gifts podcast that you can leave on our podcast page. In closing, please remember to nurture your mental health and your physical health, and that there's an unlikely gift in every circumstance. I'm Diane M. Simard, and this is the Unlikely Gifts Podcast.