Heal Life's Emotional Scars

Start your summer off with a bang as The Unlikely Gifts Podcast brings you the inaugural episode of its special-edition series of 10 podcasts called Monday Afternoon Club with Diane & Amy. 

Host Diane M. Simard is joined by co-host Amy Fairchild, a professional singer, life/success coach, and project manager consultant to discuss the first chapter in Diane's new book about healing forward from life's emotional scars. 

In this episode, titled Heal Life's Emotional Scars, Diane tells the story behind Monday Afternoon Club and how writing her first book helped her heal from multiple psychological traumas. 

Other discussion topics include:

• How to have a more authentic impact on others
• Aligning who you are with how you lead
• Why Diane's writing style makes readers laugh, then cry
• Living in the real
• The importance of bringing more attention to mental health care
• The worst day of Diane's chemo experience
• Transformative learning 
• How Fred Ford found joy from losing weight
• Why "screamer" motivational speakers stress Amy out

Diane and Amy's on-air chemistry has been described as "clean, middle age inspirational fun with a wealth of positive, thought-provoking messages that will leave you anxious for more." 

Diane's Links
Personal website
Facebook
LinkedIn (personal)
LinkedIn (Unlikely Gift Productions)
Diane's book

Larry's Links
Larry's Sorta Fun Stories podcast
Collage Travel Radio
LinkedIn

Amy's Links
The Encourage Project website
The Encourage Project podcast
LinkedIn

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:02

Hi, and welcome to the Unlikely Gifts Podcast. I'm producer and editor Larry King, and it's my honor to introduce the co-host Diane M. Smart and Amy Fairchild for this first edition of a special 10 editions called The Monday Afternoon Club with Diane and Amy. Relax and enjoy the fun as these two firecrackers chat about the principles that keep them grounded and share the amusing, memorable events they both insist really did happen. Now, let's bring on the stars of the show. Here's Diane and Amy.

Diane M. Simard: 0:43

Oh, wow, Firecracker. Well, every time Amy and I get together, our time seems magical. Welcome back, listeners, to the Unlikely Gifts Podcast. I'm Diane M. Simard, and most people know me as the breast cancer survivor storyteller who advocates for more attention and resources for those impacted by the trauma of cancer. First off, my thanks to America's most eligible bachelor, Larry King, for that jazzy intro.

SPEAKER_00: 1:08

My pleasure. Thank you very much.

Diane M. Simard: 1:11

It is such an honor for me to introduce my co-host for this special edition series. Have you ever met someone who had an aura so electrifying you launched into a deep conversation without even saying hello? Well, the stunningly captivating Amy Fairchild had that impact on me. Amy is a project management consultant, a professional public speaker, and a certified life and success coach. And she's a professional musician with her own podcast called The Encourage Project. Everyone, please say hello to one of the most delightful humans I know, Amy Fairchild.

SPEAKER_02: 1:47

Thank you so, so much. I am thrilled to be on the show. It seems like yesterday we were recording the episode for the Encourage Project podcast. I mean, who knew where an introduction from our mutual friend Rob Blossey would lead? Shout out to Rob and his Rob at Desk podcast. You know, the Encourage Project, which you were a guest of, is all about exploring possibility and helping people create lives they love one project at a time. And it was so magical having you share your story. And it was so much fun. Like you said, we just dove in and went with it. It's hard to believe that it's been over two years, and both our lives continue to evolve in really exciting new directions.

Diane M. Simard: 2:28

Boy, do they. And you know, it's been over four years since my first book was published called The Unlikely Gift of Breast Cancer. And I'm so honored that my readers have been asking for more from me. And so after I finished writing my next book, which we're going to talk about today, I reached out to Amy and asked if we could get together occasionally on Monday afternoons to chat about it.

SPEAKER_02: 2:49

And I mean, come on, there is no way that I could say no. I mean, it was either fate or irony. I don't know. But we knew from the first time we chatted that we wanted to work together.

Diane M. Simard: 3:02

I know. And even though we have never even met in person. I know. So Home Base for Me is a course in Highlands Ranch, Colorado, which is southwest of downtown Denver. So, Amy, where is HQ for you?

SPEAKER_02: 3:15

Uh Fayetteville, Arkansas. I am in the heart of the Ozark Mountains. Oh, beautiful.

Diane M. Simard: 3:20

And our producer editor, Larry King, is based in the Orlando, Florida area. So I think we've got the map well covered.

SPEAKER_02: 3:27

Oh, yeah, we do. Um, so I I've got a question though. What's the deal with the Monday afternoon club? Ah, yeah.

Diane M. Simard: 3:33

Yeah. So uh this goes all the way back to my college days, which um I had a lot of fun in college. And one of the, I'll just say adventurously dumb things we did was I I worked at an insurance office, uh, which at the time was called Banker's Life Nebraska, which is now Emeritus. And in this insurance office was the office manager and me. And we like to go out and uh let's just say, have a good time together. So one day we just decided probably the dumbest thing that we could do was decide to make Monday afternoons after work our big night out on the town. So we made a joke of it and called it Monday Afternoon Club. And ever since then, I've always wanted to use that because it's different, it's unique. It's nobody ever thought we were crazy, and I loved that. And that's really kind of the premise of where I am at in in life right now. So when I asked Amy if she would join me on this special edition of 10 podcasts, I said, we have got to name it the Monday Afternoon Club special editions. And so that's the story.

SPEAKER_02: 4:40

Oh, I love that so much. Well, in that tradition, let me say that I myself, being a good Southern girl, am working on an old-fashioned and what are you drinking?

Diane M. Simard: 4:51

Well, since this is our first episode together, I pop the cork on one of those mini bottles of champagne, and which I think is appropriate for occasions like this as we lift off. Don't you agree?

SPEAKER_02: 5:02

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. So let's dive in. Um, I want to talk just a little bit about your book, you know, to give people some context, The Unlikely Gift of Breast Cancer. I really, really, really, well, because I know you and also because the book is wonderful. I was really um attracted to the book for a couple of reasons. One, it was written in a memoir style, and it's about your year with breast cancer and how you overcame the resulting emotional scars. I think what's really impactful about it as well was that you learned to lead with your heart instead of your head. And I've always been kind of curious, you know, what impact did that book have on you as you were writing it?

Diane M. Simard: 5:42

Yeah, thank you so much. So that was actually my first book I'd ever written. And for it to be a memoir basically of my life based on this year with breast cancer, what it actually turned into was what I call my life raft that got me not um just through treatment, but past the trauma of cancer. And so the timing of how I wrote that book was exactly a year after I lived it. And so I went through breast cancer in 2015 and I started writing the first manuscript for that book exactly a year after I was diagnosed. And so, for example, as I was um writing about chemotherapy exactly a year later, the the brain, the memories were so vivid that I always say I had to run to the bathroom a couple of times because I just had these flashbacks and thoughts, and I thought I was going to be sick again. And so it was a powerful experience, and it allowed me to capture really the gratitude I have of being given a second chance to do a better job of living. And then, of course, as you mentioned, it helped me find my own voice and convinced me that I needed to stop propping up everybody else.

SPEAKER_02: 6:56

Oh, I love that so much. What I love even more is that your next book, which is scheduled to release in the fall of 2023, has a working title of Heal Forward and Break Free from Emotional Pain. Oh, and I've had a chance to read the draft manuscript. Love, love, love. Uh, pretty sure the email I sent you after I read it said something about needing to invest in Kleenex. I mean, happy tears, happy tears the whole time. It resonated with me in so many ways. And really, I loved it even more because it was short and easily applicable. It's really about how impact leaders address their traumas by healing forward, which I think anyone can use. It's brief, it's inspirational. I think it would make a great gift, a holiday gift or a thank you gift. And I love that each chapter focuses on one of 10 life principles. So you could read a bit, you could read the whole thing, pick and choose. What I what I wondered was, was it a challenge for you to come up with only 10 principles?

Diane M. Simard: 7:58

Interesting. Yeah, I I was concerned about that, but it wasn't actually as difficult as I thought it would be. And and trust me, I know I have more than just 10 principles, which uh who knows, maybe that'll be a future book, right? And I I did a lot of soul searching because of my cancer experience. And that was, by the way, eight years ago. And since then, I've really reached middle age and I've really embraced and I love this time in my life. And um the other thing that helped me do a lot of soul searching was participating in a mastermind group last year. But it was, it was what I call my career evolution out of corporate America last year, which was unfortunately due to a very unexpected layoff that prompted me to rebrand myself, to, to figure out who I really am. And then I kept getting asked this question over and over about the essence of who I am. So I think it's it is so important and it's healthy to really clearly understand who and why you are first before you can have an authentic impact on others. And defining these 10 life principles in this book really helped me feel and become more grounded and confident in who I really am.

SPEAKER_02: 9:13

Oh, that is so, so true what you said around principles and finding out who they are, what they are for you. You know, being able to align who you are with how you lead is not only authentically and powerfully impactful, it actually creates more ease for you as you as you develop as a leader. And I think that's really something I'd love to hear more about as we go through this. Now, for those who have read The Unlikely Gift of Breast Cancer and subscribe to your blog, they know you are notorious for getting readers to laugh. Then a few paragraphs later, you have them bursting into tears. Like I said earlier, Kleenex for me. The preface of your new book accomplishes that really on the same page. How do you do that? And is it is it intentional?

Diane M. Simard: 9:59

So I really strive for my writing to be a reflection of life itself, right? And you mentioned authenticity. And every day, I think it's so important to experience a wide swath of emotions, including happiness, which we equate with laughing, and and sorrow and feeling emotion, feeling the pain of someone else, right? And that was really affirmed for me when I listened to a speech 30 years ago by uh Jim Valvano. And some may remember when he was selected um as the first recipient of the Arthur Ash Award for Courage. I think it was on the first ESPE uh award broadcast. I happened to be watching that night. I don't watch ESPN, but um, he's known as Jimmy V. He was an American college basketball player, and then he was a coach and a broadcaster, and he last coach at North Carolina State University, the basketball coach there. And in that speech, which was like his last great speech before he died from cancer, he basically said, you need to laugh in the and cry in the same day, or you're not living. And that always resonated with me because it's so true. And I just was in tears for an entire hour after I heard him speak. It's such a powerful speech. Highly encourage you to listen to it if you get a chance. And after my own cancer experience, I now focus on living in what I call the real, which most normal people call reality, but I have to be different. As opposed to living like with among rainbows and unicorns. And I know we all know people like that. And it's not like a glass half-empty thing. I'm just realistic about likely how likely things are not gonna go the way that I would like them to. And I'm not um I'm not anxious or nervous about it. It's just, it's just I'm living in reality and I know things are gonna go wrong, and I'm a lot more at peace with myself because of that attitude.

SPEAKER_02: 12:00

Oh, so let's get to it then. Um, today we're discussing your next book's first chapter titled Heal Life's Emotional Scars. And right out of the gate, you share a heartbreaking story about a former coworker who was experiencing, frankly, vicious domestic abuse. And she turned to you to provide a safe haven. How old were you when that happened?

Diane M. Simard: 12:26

Yeah, I was only 24 years old. It was my first real job out of college.

SPEAKER_02: 12:30

Holy crap. I mean, why was it important to include that particular story?

Diane M. Simard: 12:35

So um, it's it is my style to uh, as I always call it, as you know this, Amy, I feel it's important to have this, what I call a POW story, to really catch someone's attention. And there's so many different types of emotional trauma, but I find attacks on innocent, defenseless people like my coworker at the time to be just absolutely unbearable. It happens way too often, but I simply refuse to remain silent about it, not just about the violence, but about my former coworker's husband who likely had a mental disorder that triggered the attack. And as I know many of you know, our country, not to mention the entire global population, is grappling with a mental health emergency of unthinkable magnitude. And the brain is part of the body, but somehow our country's policies, our healthcare systems, and the funding don't seem to understand that concept. And I just am really, really, really concerned about it.

SPEAKER_02: 13:37

It's interesting that that since I've met you, I've become even more aware than I was. And it's fascinating to me how the driver of all other physical systems, the brain, has been so overlooked. And while mental health care isn't nearly as supported and readily accessible as I think it needs to be, I'm really encouraged by people like you who are helping to change that. Thank you. Now I'm interested. You are welcome. Um, I get I can get on a roll. I know we both can. So I'm really interested to hear why you feel so strongly about the term emotional scars.

Diane M. Simard: 14:12

So um, so my bout with breast cancer, again, which was eight years ago, um, it was a turning point, honestly, in my life. I was 49 and a half years old when I got diagnosed. And shockingly to me, in the midst of everything else, and I had a brutal, brutal um treatment. I was staged as a late stage three. But during all the treatments, especially during chemotherapy and all the powerful drugs that they were giving me to not just kill the cancer cells and the good cells, but to help address the nausea I was having. So, like five decades of troubling memories of events I had never processed, they all unexpectedly bubbled to the surface. And on one of the worst days during chemo, I finally decided to forgive and to let all those hurtful memories go. It was, I'll never forget it. It actually happened um one morning at work. And I knew I needed to move forward and to heal from all my emotional pain before I could ever begin to heal physically and emotionally from cancer.

SPEAKER_02: 15:15

That is that is so powerful. You you use a term in the book, um, transformative learning. To me, that means learning something not from a fact-finding viewpoint, but from a view of change, changing either a belief or a perspective or a behavior, let's say. So, what does it mean to you as a mental health advocate and survivor of corporate America's toxicity?

Diane M. Simard: 15:43

Oh, yeah, don't get me started. Um, okay, so here's the thing. I believe learning is not a one-and-done activity. For me, it's perpetual. Like I love history, for example. Biographies and those educational documentaries on Netflix, I could watch those forever. So to me, information's enlightening. It builds confidence and makes me even more curious. And although I'm an author, I'm not an avid reader. Um, believe it or not, I'll finish maybe a book a month on average, but I'm too busy writing my own books and blogging and put together a monthly newsletter and networking and podcasting and consulting. I mean, we're all so busy. Um I know you know that drill.

SPEAKER_02: 16:29

Oh my gosh. I thought I was busy until I met you.

Diane M. Simard: 16:31

Oh well.

SPEAKER_02: 16:35

Well, in all your busyness, you've come across some really fascinating people. Yeah. And you actually introduced one of them um in chapter one of your book, Fred Ford. I believe he's a friend of your husband's.

Diane M. Simard: 16:46

Yeah. So um, Fred and my husband, Reeny, they grew up together in Salem, New Hampshire, which is about 30 miles north of Boston. And nowadays, Fred is a speaker and an entertainer like you, Amy, and he's got this huge, huge personality. And I always say his impression of Mick Jagger is better than Jagger himself.

SPEAKER_02: 17:07

Well, but you referred to Fred as an impact leader. Um, why is that?

Diane M. Simard: 17:13

So, Fred, with his big personality, um, has spent his time in the corporate world too, but he's actually a success coach and a motivational speaker who, of all things, has struggled with his weight his most of his entire life. After COVID lockdown in 2020, he got on the scale and he was shocked to see that he weighed 350 pounds. Wow. That day he decided to not give himself the opportunity to fail at weight loss ever again.

SPEAKER_02: 17:41

I loved in the book how you said Fred viewed the improvement of his health as an opportunity rather than a punishment. What do you mean by opportunity? Because I don't think everyone would necessarily look at it that way.

Diane M. Simard: 17:53

Yeah, yeah. So again, this is that ship that I was talking about that cancer really allowed me and forced me really to look at life differently. And so now I it's this thing. I see, I see opportunity in every adversity or challenge. And and Fred does now too. And and I didn't used to be so optimistic, but cancer gave me this second chance to do a better job of living. And I can't emphasize that enough. And I feel like I absolutely must honor that calling and put everything I have into every single day. Because if I don't do that, I now believe I'll begin to die.

SPEAKER_02: 18:32

You know, one of the things I love about you is that you are optimistic. It and I absolutely am as well. You know, searching for the opportunity is definitely optimism. I'm just curious, how much weight did Fred lose?

Diane M. Simard: 18:47

So, oh, this is amazing. He lost 145 pounds over 26 months. Whoa. Um and he it was all about the math. He lost between five and six pounds a month. So he used to appraise houses for a living, and so he's comfortable with numbers, and he decided to focus strictly on those numbers, right? And and approach his weight loss from like this very practical perspective. And so he made sure his goal was bold enough to get him somewhere different than where he was. And that, I mean, that's a very ambitious goal. And I see him as an impact leader because he's now helping others who've struggled with their weight loss to flip their script. And he actually found joy in losing weight, believe it or not, learning about nutritional health and the benefits that come from treating your body as a sacred temple. And what I love most about Fred is he genuinely understands the emotional pain that accumulates over time from struggles with weight loss. Because, again, raise your hand if that's been a challenge for you. It does get tougher as we age. Yes. Um, and I also want to add another point that I love about Fred. And um, Fred is not. What I refer to as a screamer. You know, those motive those motivational speakers who scream about how to rev up your life and live big. And I'm guessing you've heard a few of those.

SPEAKER_02: 20:09

Oh yeah.

Diane M. Simard: 20:10

So uh so here's my story about screamers. So um last year I was developing what they call a speaker reel, which is like uh best of um so that I could um send that out and hopefully people will want me to come speak to their group. And so I started watching a lot of examples of speaker reels from other professional speakers on YouTube. And I was watching one one day, and and this guy comes out and he starts screaming about how his wife just had a baby and now he's on fire because he's a dad, and anyone can have their best life if they just buy his videos, and he's like sweating profusely, and I'm like, dude, chill. It was it was the most bizarre thing. I mean, he just was screaming at me because his life was so great and he had this perfect life, and I'm like, I'm not convinced. I'm sorry, good for you. I'm glad you're so happy. But it just seemed disingenuous.

SPEAKER_02: 21:06

Yes, those screamers, they totally stressed me out. And what's funny is it's the exact opposite impact I think they want to have.

Diane M. Simard: 21:13

Right, right, right. Well, thankfully, Fred, he's a compassionate human being who understands that we must heal from our emotional scars and literally reshape how we see ourselves before we can authentically move forward. And I was just so moved because he has been so vocal and open about his journey. And uh, we'll talk about that some more in a later podcast. But I I believe that healing life's emotional scars was so important that I put it as my first chapter, my new book, because of all the emotional traumas that accumulated over my lifetime that I mentioned that bubbled up during breast cancer in 2015. So the result was that I shifted my thinking and I decided I was ready to stop being so negative and hard on myself, right? Sure. Um, and and anxious and nervous. And I just wanted joy and peace and balance. And um, but to achieve that balance, I had to shed a lot of emotional baggage, quite honestly. And that took years. Um, and I I used the analogy that my brain had become this the overhead bin, like on an airplane airplane that you know, you stuff the bags up in there. And that was my brain. I just I had so much emotional baggage I had never processed and dealt with. And I was finally ready to do that. And cancer, of all things, was the starting point for that. And and it is so important, like I said, that I put it up front in my next book. It's a big, big deal.

SPEAKER_02: 22:44

Wow. It's it's ironic that you say cancer was the starting point because I think so many view it as an end. And I just I love that you put it up front. I do have one final question. Was there a practice or tool or mantra or something that helped you begin to shift your thinking?

Diane M. Simard: 23:06

Yeah, uh gosh. It was, I I recognized um that I was given being given this second chance to do a better job of living. And not everybody gets that, that goes through cancer. And I felt like there was an important reason that it was happening to me. So the story with me is that um, like many who get a cancer diagnosis, um, I had no idea I had cancer, other than I had a terrible rash all over my body I couldn't get rid of, which I suspect now was my body's way of saying, get to the doctor. But I just you could have just knocked me over. You can't, I couldn't feel a thing. Um, I just had this expectation because I was about to turn 50 that my life was going to get better, right? I was gonna finally figure everything, all my stuff out. And that was where my head was at. And so when I got the cancer diagnosis, I thought, oh my god, this is not part of my plan, right? And and I was angry about it and then I couldn't get the answers I wanted, and nobody knew why it had happened to me. And then I was trying to get good and smart at cancer, and and I was really frustrated and I had all this anxiety, and then um treatment started, and the way that it knocks you down, and I I am an observer of people and life, and I I got really down on myself because some people seem to not be bothered by all the chemo drugs. I was sick as a dog. I was oh, it was awful, and losing my hair was awful, and I was afraid I was gonna gain weight, and um I just was uh just emotionally a wreck. And it was when I did my purging, as I mentioned that day at work, I had this epiphany moment, and I just decided, you know what? I am just gonna let it go. I'm gonna let it go because I'm I have a treatable cancer just barely, and I was staged as a late stage 3C, and that meant that my cancer was still considered treatable, although it had traveled to the lymph nodes in my armpit, it had not metastasized throughout my body, which gave me statistically a fairly good shot at um uh beating this. And I just said, by golly, I am gonna give it my all because I met many people who were stage four with whatever type of cancer in the infusion rooms, and they were likely statistically not going to survive, or they were gonna have one hell of a fight on their hands. And I thought, okay, it's time for you to stop having this pity party and get over yourself and to live your life for those people that are not gonna have a second chance at living, like you likely will. And I tell you, when I made that realization, everything changed. And and it's like God helped me put my life and my purpose into perspective, and it's no longer about making money or being recognized, it's about living my best life and doing whatever I can for others.

SPEAKER_02: 26:13

And that shows up in your writing. I have to tell you this it shows up in your writing. It's so conversational and it's relevant and it's uplifting, and you always leave me wanting more. So before we go, what if someone wants to stay updated on your book and when it will be available for purchase?

Diane M. Simard: 26:30

Well, thank you so much. And and I appreciate the interest um that's that's that's growing. So the best way to keep in touch with me and to to hear about all those details is to sign up for my monthly newsletter, which is called the Unlikely Gifts Insider, that will come to your email inbox on the second Sunday morning of each month. And in that newsletter, I'll be sharing updates on when and where to purchase my next book, plus details about speaking appearances that I'm currently scheduling. So if you're interested, um please do reach out to me on that as well. And the insider newsletter also provides information about mental health resources for cancer, plus I tease readers about other writing projects I'm pursuing. And trust me, there's some good stuff coming down the pike. Um I should also mention that when you sign up for my free newsletter, you're also signing up to receive my free monthly blog called Middle Age Moxie, where I share my observations about middle age.

SPEAKER_02: 27:24

Oh my gosh. I've been getting both of those for over a year and I love them. They're so inspirational and humorous.

Diane M. Simard: 27:30

Well, well, thank you, Amy. I appreciate that. And of course, listeners can also find me on Facebook and LinkedIn. But I share my best content with those who follow me directly by signing up on my website, which again is DianMsimard.com.

SPEAKER_02: 27:43

Gosh, you're really taking this unlikely gifts concept to higher levels. And based on the look on your face I just saw, I'm assuming you've got even more books planned.

Diane M. Simard: 27:52

You know, I do actually um like eight of them. Um but uh for now I'm just taking it one step at a time.

SPEAKER_02: 28:00

Oh, you know, that makes that makes sense. Um Well, I'm looking at the clock and I'm like, oh my gosh, that's it for this edition. People are gonna have to come back. Thank you for listening, everyone. I am so honored to be part of Monday afternoon chats.

Diane M. Simard: 28:14

And and I'm grateful to you, Amy, and of course, Larry, too, for sharing your incredible wealth of knowledge and stories. And I'm just curious, what uh briefly, what cool projects are you working on and how can listeners collect connect with you?

SPEAKER_02: 28:26

Well, I'm currently working on a video series, and the Encourage Project is growing and evolving, which is a pretty big project coming out next year. And you can find us at the encourage project.com. And if you'd like to contact us directly, you can do so via email at hello at the encourage project.com.

Diane M. Simard: 28:44

I I have to tell you, the Encourage Project is absolutely one of the most uplifting platforms I've ever, ever come across. Amy, you are doing amazing, amazing work. So please connect with Amy if you're looking for someone to help you locate and ignite the fire that exists within you already, within all of us, really. And she certainly did that for me. So uh speaking of, would you help close out this inaugural Monday afternoon club by sharing some inspirational thoughts to save her until next time?

SPEAKER_02: 29:13

Oh, I would love to. I would love to. So, listeners, as you wrap up listening to today's episode, I'd like you to invest five minutes in reflection. Just five minutes. Get curious. Is there a place in your life that might benefit from healing forward? Then take just one action today toward exploring that. Maybe it's um writing in a journal, calling a friend, or researching resources. You know, curiosity is free and it leads to so many possibilities.

Diane M. Simard: 29:45

Bravo. Well, thank you so much. And in closing, please remember to nurture your mental health and your physical health. And don't ever forget, there is an unlikely gift in every circumstance. I'm Diane M. Simard, and this is the Unlikely Gifts podcast.