Seek Respect, Not Adoration

Do you seek fame? Attention? Followers? Or do you strive to honor the principles that define and drive you?

The Unlikely Gifts Podcast brings you the third episode of its special-edition series of 10 podcasts called Monday Afternoon Club with Diane & Amy, which addresses this topic.

Host Diane M. Simard is joined by co-host Amy Fairchild, a professional singer, life/success coach, and project manager consultant to discuss the third chapter, titled Seek Respect, Not Adoration, in Diane's new book about healing forward from life's emotional scars. 

In this episode, Diane and Amy chat about their first piece of fan mail, discuss the pros and cons of following social media influencers, and review their favorite and not-so-favorite leadership styles. 

Other topics of discussion include:

• Why Diane needed to stop "feeding the beast"
• Amy's experience with cultures of mistrust
• Angel investing
• The "ready, fire, aim" approach to business leadership
• Traits of impact leaders

Diane's Links
Personal website
Facebook
LinkedIn (personal)
LinkedIn (Unlikely Gift Productions)
Diane's book

Larry's Links
Larry's Sorta Fun Stories podcast
Collage Travel Radio
LinkedIn

Amy's Links
The Encourage Project website
The Encourage Project podcast
LinkedIn

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:04

Hi, and welcome to the Unlikely Gifts Podcast. I'm producer and editor Larry King, and it's my honor to introduce co-hosts Diane M. Samard and Amy Fairchild on this episode of the special 10 editions called the Monday Afternoon Club with Diane and Amy. Relax and enjoy the fun as these two firecrackers chat about the principles that keep them both grounded and share the amusing, memorable events they both insist really did happen. So now, here, let's bring on the stars of the show. Here's Diane and Amy.

Diane M. Simard: 0:45

Hi, listeners! Welcome back to the Unlikely Gifts Podcasts, special edition Monday Afternoon Club with Diane and Amy. I'm Diane M. Simard, and with me is my co-host, the one and only Amy Fairchild, who's a project management consultant, a professional public speaker, and a musician, and she's a certified life and success coach.

SPEAKER_02: 1:08

Thank you so much, Diane. Hi, Larry.

Diane M. Simard: 1:10

I am so thrilled to be part of the club. Well, we're so honored to have you here. And I've got some good news. So before we get to this episode's topic, I have a piece of fan mail to share.

SPEAKER_02: 1:23

Are you serious? You mean we already have fan mail?

Diane M. Simard: 1:26

Yeah, well, I think this counts. Well, I I have to confess it's actually an email from my adorable great nephew William, sent by his mom, my niece Kayla.

SPEAKER_02: 1:37

What does it say?

Diane M. Simard: 1:38

Okay, here we go. Dear great Aunt Diane, are you and Amy drunk? We listened to your first two Monday afternoon club podcasts, and I'm worried about you both.

SPEAKER_02: 1:56

Oh my gosh. The honesty of a kid. I love it.

Diane M. Simard: 2:01

I know. Well, well, William, uh, let me assure you, we are completely sober. But we like to laugh and we're committed to no longer taking ourselves too seriously. And someday you'll understand exactly what we mean.

SPEAKER_02: 2:15

Holy cow, is that an understatement?

Diane M. Simard: 2:18

Right. Well, that was fun, but let's slow things down a bit. This episode's topic, which is seek respect, not adoration, is one of my most favorite principles because it touches a raw nerve. Oh, in what way? So here we go. I'm extremely sensitive to those who rant and rave and brag and stretch the truth and absolutely cannot stop talking about how great they are.

SPEAKER_02: 2:46

I get that. I I'm exactly the same way. You know, I would even add that many folks with those character traits purposely try to keep others down by like gossiping and pointing out their faults. And frankly, I often wonder if they're just secretly hoping that everyone will fail.

Diane M. Simard: 3:03

Uh, right. And then I think I agree. And then just so they can succeed and be the hero, right? Mm-hmm. Um, as I mentioned, it's a sensitive subject with me for reasons that we're about to discuss. But trust me, after over three decades in business, I finally had enough. And I I just I absolutely could not take that type of leadership style anymore. As I say, it was time to stop feeding the beast.

SPEAKER_02: 3:29

And it's a beast indeed. Um, you know, it's an interesting phrase you use there. What exactly do you mean by feeding the beast?

Diane M. Simard: 3:38

So, so um, for most of my career, my job was in public relations and communications, and that involved setting up media interviews and securing interviews on podcasts and all that publicity stuff that brings people, quite frankly, lots of attention and followers. So here's here's something. Just the other day, I came across a term in a news story that perfectly describes how insane my life became in corporate America and how far off base reality and business has gotten.

SPEAKER_02: 4:09

Oh, really? What was that term?

Diane M. Simard: 4:11

So get this. Um, I'll just say a business event that did not go exactly to plan was described as a successful failure. I mean, I mean, this is madness. I refuse to be part of this nonsense any longer.

SPEAKER_02: 4:27

What? I mean, I guess all of that attention can be a good thing, but if it's used for evil instead of good, or or if it goes to someone's head, I think things can get really messy.

Diane M. Simard: 4:40

Exactly. Exactly. And and uh it it's just mad, it's just nonsense to me. I I just laugh. It's just silly. It's just silly.

SPEAKER_02: 4:49

Well, this is gonna be one good conversation because you know you see it in social media occasionally. An influencer gets so much attention, positive or negative, and all of a sudden it feels like they shift and start talking about whatever they want rather than the purpose that they originally intended to serve their audience. Um, and and it's it's funny as I've I've watched this happen to a couple of influencers that I used to follow. I no longer follow them because this um it's it's frankly a little sad and and super annoying. Um, by the way, before we go into all of that juiciness, what is in your cup today? Um, I'm guessing because this is this a nerve, it's gotta be something pretty strong.

Diane M. Simard: 5:34

Yeah, well, uh yeah. And uh please don't freak out, little William. But I actually poured myself a shot of Crown Royal vanilla whiskey, but then I put the shot glass down and I grabbed the bottle instead. So as uh, well, just because. And uh well, how how about your beverage? And I'm guessing you've had encounters with an ego or two as well. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02: 5:56

Uh and I had to get more centered for today's chat because I did not want to launch into some big diatribe after whiskey. So for today, I have B vitamins and rhodiola in a delicious uh iced punch type beverage. And um, I have to say, as I was getting ready for today, I was thinking about leaders in my past. And I'm I'm pretty lucky. I've only had one who had what I would call a maniacal ego. He was he was super charismatic and well spoken. But if you had an opinion that he didn't hold, it was it was like you got abducted by aliens, never to be heard from again. I mean, um, everyone learned to position their ideas from a view that made him look good if they wanted their ideas to get new legs. And and it was stressful to say the least. And what it created was a culture of mistrust. It created silos of work. And and for me personally, it really did a number on my confidence. And you know, we've talked about impact leadership, and and he definitely had impact, but I doubt anyone would call him the poster boy for impactful leadership.

Diane M. Simard: 7:09

Yeah, you know, sounds like it. Oh my, oh boy. Well, as emotional as this topic is for me, I don't want to dwell on the negative, even though we could spend our whole time together telling stories. Because as you as you know, I believe that in every circumstance, and even those where these influencers are hard to like or respect, there are leaders who are admired and revered for good reason, right? Yes. And I I would much rather talk about them.

SPEAKER_02: 7:37

Oh, me too. So in chapter three of your next book, so let's put this all back in context of the book, which has a working title of Heal Forward and Break Free from Emotional Pain, you actually shared the highs and lows of your experiences as what some would call an angel investor.

Diane M. Simard: 7:54

Yeah, uh, I would call myself an amateur angel investor.

SPEAKER_02: 7:59

She's honest, folks. So tell me what prompted you to invest in someone else's company? I mean, why didn't you just invest in yourself or your own?

Diane M. Simard: 8:11

I, you know, here and here comes the list, which is quite lengthy. And it's it applies to why I did this, but it's also who I was at that point in my in my life. I invested in other people's ideas because I lacked self-confidence. I I uh and this is an admirable trait. I think I just wanted to help other people succeed. I had success in business and I wanted to share that and and to see others have that same type of of success. And I didn't want to have any headaches, which is a complete laughter because it was nothing but headaches. And then I just I just felt a calling to invest in other people's ideas other than my own, and that is that lack of self-confidence again. And then um here's a good one. I I figured it wouldn't be as disastrous to myself if they failed at launching and growing a company as opposed to me.

SPEAKER_02: 9:06

So you transferred the failure is what you're saying.

Diane M. Simard: 9:09

Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 9:11

So I'm curious, you know, what kinds of companies or businesses did you invest in?

Diane M. Simard: 9:17

Ah, okay. Okay, so uh let's see. A bank, an aerospace company, an electronics recycling company, cybersecurity, a medical device company, an airport runway surveillance company, telecommunications, and and again, they were all very heavy on technology.

SPEAKER_02: 9:33

Holy smokes. That's an incredibly diverse list. Um wow. According to the book, in addition to that, you served on the boards of some of those companies. Isn't that right?

Diane M. Simard: 9:46

Yeah, which is an important and not at all glamorous part of the angel investing experience. So board members like me get the first phone call when a company's running out of money, for example.

SPEAKER_02: 9:57

Kind of like parents with college kids. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yep. So, so how have things turned out with your investing and being on those boards?

Diane M. Simard: 10:05

So most of them either failed or are struggling to raise additional capital, but actually a couple are doing really, really well. And uh they're on their way to what we call a significant capital event.

SPEAKER_02: 10:16

Wow. It's interesting that that some do really, really well and some don't do well. It doesn't sound like there's really a middle ground. So what do you think the difference is between those that are thriving and those are barely, those that are barely thriving or barely surviving and may frankly already be dead?

Diane M. Simard: 10:35

Yeah. Absolutely. It's the quality of leadership at the top. And and their capability of the teams that those leaders put together, the capability of those teams to work together. That's all it is. Well, I I always say leadership's everything, but that is such an expansive topic. So uh I'll just simply say this. I believe that effective leaders know how to build great teams, they embrace process, they care about the details, they require accurate financial data and the company performance metrics to guide their decisions. And on top of all that, they appreciate and understand that they need to invest in what I call efficiencies. So, and then on the other hand, again, this is my opinion from experience. I think ineffective leaders, they rely on hope, prayer, tequila, publicity, social media followers, or whatever else that they just they lean on, right? And they don't want to be bothered with any problems. They just hope that things correct themselves soon and we all get happy and start making money again. So, Amy, you're a professional project manager. Given your experience as a as a project manager, I'm sure you've likely seen a gamut of leadership styles too. So, do you have any thoughts about sort of my take on leadership?

SPEAKER_02: 11:58

Oh, absolutely. I and and I've seen because of my career in project management, uh, the whole gamut of leadership. And those that I've observed to be most effective, uh and I thought about this quite a bit recently. I I've noticed they tend to put people first. You know, like you mentioned, they embrace process, they embrace good financial data and analytics, and they focus on efficiency. And all of those things are really meant to help people succeed in delivering results. And so, from my view, when a leader is focused on what his or her people need in order to be successful, the leader will naturally build great teams, you know, and and people want to follow a leader who knows that people are how everything else gets done. Yeah. You know, absolutely. I agree with you.

Diane M. Simard: 12:47

No, it's super, super perspective. Thank you so much. And and I would just add, and in my opinion, great leaders earn respect day after day. They make difficult decisions based on fact-backed data, not emotions. And they understand it's impossible to please everyone, right? Yeah. But they do listen, they do their homework, they develop and they communicate their plans, they take action, and then they measure the outcomes.

SPEAKER_02: 13:12

It sounds so simple, doesn't it? I mean, in this chapter, though, you give a couple of examples of CEOs who completely unraveled, which is contradictory to what you just, you know, rattled off as being great leaders. Um, they they unraveled and and and they behaved in really awful ways while that was going on. What did you observe?

Diane M. Simard: 13:34

So they it was interesting because they were just they were like so self-absorbed and they were in over their heads so far that they could no longer effectively lead. And then even worse, they had no idea how to correct the situation, and then they seemed like to purposely disconnect from anyone who tried to give them advice or help them or even offered solutions, and and they just completely slammed the door shut on anybody and they just insisted on doing things their own way.

SPEAKER_02: 14:04

It's so so painful and stressful to witness a leader flounder like that. Yeah. You know, we talked about fear in a previous episode, and and but the sad fact about it is that stuff is really driven by their fear instead of embracing people to support them, they fear of how they're perceived, and so they go inward, which is not not the good thing. Um, you also mentioned that leaders of companies you invested in, some of them achieved really great success. So, what did those leaders do differently?

Diane M. Simard: 14:34

So I and I admire them because instead of disappearing and sticking their head in the sand when times got tough, they actually became more visible, right? Um, more approachable. They sought feedback from their trusted advisors, some of which were employees. They clearly communicated their expectations, they co-developed plans, they didn't just come up with plans on their own, and then they got buy-in from their teams on those plans. Um of course, they it always seems like you have to make these necessary adjustments to personnel and to costs, but they took full responsibility and accountability for what needed to be done. But this is tough stuff, it's not easy. Yeah, and especially during the most difficult days, they were at their best. And instead of figuring out who is to blame, they focused on developing solutions.

SPEAKER_02: 15:24

I love that. You know, two things in particular I love that you just said one was co-developed plans. In my experience, those plans that are co-developed by the subject matter experts or the people who have the authority tend to be the most effective. And the other thing that you said was making adjustments. Nothing is permanent. Nothing is permanent. You can make adjustments, and all of that just makes so much sense.

Diane M. Simard: 15:48

Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you. And I I have a quick story from way, way back in my career. It was um back in the mid-1990s when I was actually managing a proposal department for a large financial services company in Dallas. And um, what we did was wrote these government proposals. They were huge, huge proposals. This one time we were in a rush to finish a 300-page proposal and we needed like 20 copies. And everything was in color, double-sided. And because, you know, back in the 90s, we felt like we needed to kill trees back then, right?

SPEAKER_02: 16:22

Oh, yeah, those big decks. I remember those. Yep, yep.

Diane M. Simard: 16:25

So, um, and unfortunately, the printing company we outsourced the job to admitted on the day the proposal needed to ship that two of their copier printers were down and they might not finish in time.

SPEAKER_02: 16:36

Oh my gosh.

Diane M. Simard: 16:37

So I ended up getting in an argument with the company president who wanted, first of all, he was adamant about suing the printing company right there. That was the he was obsessed with that. And I told him, I go, uh, we need to put our energies into plan B first and find a workable solution.

SPEAKER_02: 16:54

Oh my gosh, I've totally been there. Totally been there.

Diane M. Simard: 16:57

I know. So so thankfully the CEO, who happened to be a woman, sided with me and helped me call around to other printers. And thank God we got the proposal copies done in time. And so, of course, once we met the deadline, no one cared about lawsuits anymore.

SPEAKER_02: 17:11

You know, it's so funny. It's so crazy how many led leaders use the um the ready fire aim approach. Yeah. You know, no backup, no thought about what comes next, no, no, no anything like that. Let's, it's, it's just let's get the SOBs out of here. Let's sue everybody, let's let's end it and blow it all up. You know, and and it really takes work to get people to think differently and mitigate that risk. Um, at the end of the chapter, you actually tie the concept of impact leadership to that that kind of situation. What's different about impact leaders?

Diane M. Simard: 17:47

So I these impact leaders, as I call them, I always say they're at their best when times are at their worst. They understand how to handle crisis situations first and foremost, but they're also not driven by adoration or an obsession with themselves. They recognize significant needs and deficiencies to issues that require and offer workable solutions. And the bottom line is they know how to get things done. They tap into their networks of like-minded and respected leaders when it's warranted, of course. And then they end up accomplishing more in one day than some ineffective leaders accomplish in five years.

SPEAKER_02: 18:28

Wow. I mean, you and I have actually talked about that a couple of times, and you really do get fired up about that particular topic. Yes. Um, I can see why you grabbed the whiskey bottle today.

Diane M. Simard: 18:40

Well, well, like you, I've I've seen a lot, and and I'm concerned that our future generations are not learning traits of effective leadership, and it is it is breaking my heart. And as someone told me recently, our current leaders aren't inspiring us anymore. And which is exactly why my husband Rini, who by the way is a retired Air Force E9, he was a chief master sergeant in the Air Force, he's transitioning his career to exclusively help develop future leaders. We both feel so strongly about this, that it's not just important, but it's imperative to our country's well-being and future.

SPEAKER_02: 19:16

Gosh, it absolutely is. And so what you're saying is that Rini is an impact leader as well.

Diane M. Simard: 19:22

Yeah, uh, it kind of runs in the family.

SPEAKER_02: 19:25

I figured that and I love it. Yeah. Um, if somebody out there wonders whether they're an impact leader, what might be one question they can ask themselves to begin to find out?

Diane M. Simard: 19:40

I would say, what is your passion? I I I mean, what is it that you have done that fills your soul, feeds your soul, but yet helps someone else? Because it's gotta be a two-way street, right? I mean, we don't do what we do to make ourselves feel good. It it's um That's certainly I'm finally focusing on projects that bring meaning to my life, but we've got to be helping others, we've got to be lifting each other up, encouraging each other, like you do with the Encourage project. And it's just not a one-way street. So, so it is so key for someone considering the uh importance of impact leadership to not just find a project or a cause that they want to focus on because it does something for themselves, it's got to help other people too.

SPEAKER_02: 20:34

I love that you said that. And I love that you mentioned passion. One of the things in conversations that I've had with leaders and folks that I've coached is how do I find my passion? And my response is very similar to yours. It's it's what lights you up, it's what brings you joy. And and it's not something you find, in my view, it's something that you bring. You can bring your passion to anything that you do. And I think from what you just said, that's one of the things that one of the things that impact leaders do is they bring their passion to their leadership.

Diane M. Simard: 21:06

Yeah. Yeah. And it and it has to come from an authentic place, right? It has to be something. Uh, and again, for me, it's this intersection of mental health and cancer because I've lived it, because it's impacted me, because I was told, yeah, there's nobody that can help you. Um, there's just not enough therapists to specialize in this field. And so I said, first of all, well, we need to train some more then, right? And to train them, we have to offer the training. And that's how I pick apart what some say is a problem, but I saw as an opportunity. And along the way, it's amazing how many, because we've all been impacted by cancer in some way, it seems, which is unfortunate, that this is um tying two very concerning topics, one of which is mental health, which is continuing to get more and more attention because it's needed to, quite frankly, for a long time. And then cancer, which is such a big challenge, so expensive. And it's one of those experiences that because there are no cures for all these different types of cancers, the approach right now is that we're uh managing it, we're finding ways to detect it earlier, which statistically likely improves the survivability factor, but it's just complex. I mean, there's way too many people who um either have a cancer that there's not a test for or it's diagnosed late for a multitude of reasons. And so I just, but those of us who have been through it or even impacted by it, say as a caregiver, this experience stays with you. It is absolutely traumatizing.

SPEAKER_02: 22:44

Gosh, you know, one of the things that I have have loved about this journey that we've embarked on together is your ability to connect the dots for people. So I to kind of move us toward wrapping up, I am so inspired by your ability to see people and you recognize behaviors, and then you you seek out the stories of those who may not be that well known, but are having an unbelievable impact, all in the in the in the lens of connecting dots.

Diane M. Simard: 23:14

Well, thank you. It is um I don't know where this trait comes from, but it just seems so natural to me. And it's just how it's it's like I'm a chess player in my head. I'm always just kind of seeing what the possibilities are. And and those stories of those people that you mentioned that may not be well known, those are some of the best stories.

SPEAKER_02: 23:34

Yes.

Diane M. Simard: 23:35

And and my favorite impact leaders, quite honestly, are some of the least known people in the world. They're just real people like you and me with heartbreak and sorrows and joys and challenges like we all have. They're just not driven by glory or ego. And they're driven by impact and the amount of good that they can do for others. I find that so inspiring.

SPEAKER_02: 23:58

Oh, yeah. And it and it's so powerful. And you do love sharing stories. And I personally love reading them. Let's be honest. I love reading your stories. Uh, what's the best way to keep in touch and so people can read more of your stories and learn more about impact leadership?

Diane M. Simard: 24:14

Well, thank you so much. And and of course, we could talk for hours nonstop about about any of these topics. But the best way is to just go to my website, which is DianeMsimari.com, and you can sign up for my free monthly newsletter, which I call the Unlikely Gifts Insider. And that will come to your email inbox on the second Sunday morning of every month. And it it provides other information about mental health resources, particularly for cancer, upcoming events that I'll be involved in. And then, of course, as we were talking about today, the people and projects that actually inspire me. And so um the good news is that when you sign up for my newsletter, you're also gonna uh receive my monthly blog, which is called Middle Age Moxie, and that's where I share observations about life in middle age, and then uh and and I'm active on Facebook and LinkedIn. But again, the best way to sign up and to follow and to get all my best content is to go to Diane M Samar.com. And then, of course, um you're so inspiring to me, Amy. What's the best way to learn more about your work and to get in touch with you?

SPEAKER_02: 25:18

You're so sweet. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Uh, the best way to get in touch with me is to check out the encourage project.com. And since we are in the midst of evolving the encourage project, if you don't quite see what you're looking for, or if you just want to reach out directly, send an email to hello at the encourage project.com. I'm on Facebook and LinkedIn and Instagram and all the things. But much like you, the easiest way to start getting in touch with me is through my website, the encourage project.com.

Diane M. Simard: 25:47

Perfect, perfect. Well, I am so grateful to have you as part of the Unlikely Gifts podcast. Do you have any uh final words of wisdom for us?

SPEAKER_02: 25:55

Yes. And I want to begin with, I am so grateful for you. And I'm so grateful for this gift of this book that you're sharing with folks who need it and can apply it and make it really, really impactful in the in the things that they lead and manage and and pursue. You know, and for our listeners, as you round out today's episode and you move on with your day, I encourage you to spend a little time and reflection. What's one trait that really stands out to you among the impact leaders that you've known? And further, is it something that you would like to emulate? And then before the end of the day, take an action. Decide to be the leader in one interaction today. Maybe you're the first person to volunteer in a meeting. Maybe you hold the door for someone, or you take out the trash just because it needs to be done. Make your impact.

Diane M. Simard: 26:45

That's just like common sense stuff, right? Just being a good person, doing something nice for someone else. And I I just applaud you. I just love the way that you think and the impact that you have. I'm, I'm, I, you are just such a gift in my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you. As is all of our listeners, and including you, little William. Thank you again for the piece of fan mail. You're just the cutest, you're just the cutest little guy. Thank you, thank you. So, in closing, please remember to nurture your mental health and your physical health. And don't ever forget, there's an unlikely gift in every circumstance. Cheers! I'm Diane M. Samard, and this is the Unlikely Gifts Podcast.