Appreciate Challenges

The Unlikely Gifts Podcast presents the next episode of its special-edition series of 10 podcasts called Monday Afternoon Club with Diane & Amy. 

Host Diane M. Simard is joined by co-host Amy Fairchild, a professional singer, life/success coach, and project manager consultant to discuss the fifth chapter in Diane's new book about healing forward from life's emotional scars. 

In this episode, titled Appreciate Challenges, Diane and Amy discuss how to move through trauma in a healing way and how deep understanding is best achieved by living interactively. 

Other topics of discussion:

• Why "typical" and "normal" are cringe-worthy terms
• How breast cancer was a test for Diane
• Journaling as a healing tool
• Learning how to think creatively on the fly
• The importance of having a clear mission and well-defined principles
• How Amy believes a plan is a map for living

Their on-air chemistry has been described as "clean, middle-age inspirational fun with a wealth of positive, thought-provoking messages that will leave you anxious for more." 

Diane's Links
Personal website
Facebook
LinkedIn (personal)
LinkedIn (Unlikely Gift Productions)
Diane's book

Larry's Links
Larry's Sorta Fun Stories podcast
Collage Travel Radio
LinkedIn

Amy's Links
The Encourage Project website
The Encourage Project podcast
LinkedIn

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:05

Hi, and welcome to the Unlikely Gifts Podcast. I'm producer and editor Larry King, and it's my honor to introduce co-hosts Diane M. Samard and Amy Fairchild on this episode of the special 10 editions called the Monday Afternoon Club with Diane and Amy. Relax and enjoy the fun as these two firecrackers chat about the principles that keep them both grounded and share the amusing, memorable events they both insist really did happen. So now, here, let's bring on the stars of the show. Here's Diane and Amy.

Diane M. Simard: 0:46

Oh, thank you, Larry, for that great intro. Hey, let's give it up for our own Larry King. And yes, that is his real name. Yup, youp. Hey, welcome back for another episode of the Unlikely Gift Podcast, special edition Monday Afternoon Club with Diane and Amy. I'm Diane and Samard, and with me is my always delightful co-host, Amy Fairchild.

SPEAKER_01: 1:07

Yepie! I'm so excited to be here. Let's get started.

Diane M. Simard: 1:12

Well, it's such a treat to share the microphone with you on this special run of Monday Afternoon Club Podcasts to discuss my next book about how impact leaders heal forward to overcome their adversities. And the reason I adore Amy is because she's so grounded and fun and authentic. And that's all thanks to her diverse range of interests and talents. So let's see. You're a professional singer, so you love music. You're a project management consultant, so you understand process, and you're a certified success and life coach, so you care about others. Did I like miss anything?

SPEAKER_01: 1:47

Um, you you actually missed something really big, and that is I am a student of yours.

Diane M. Simard: 1:53

Oh, good lord.

SPEAKER_01: 1:55

Yes, I am so grateful to have you as a brilliant and insightful and super freaking fun writing coach.

Diane M. Simard: 2:04

Well, thank you. I my my heart is warmed. I certainly would not put myself up there with comparing to your singing talents, but I'm I'm I'm certainly honored. And I I don't know about you, but I have learned so much from you already by co-hosting this special edition group of podcasts. We're discussing my 10 life principles around which my next book is based. And it the working title of my book is called Heal Forward and Break Free from Emotional Pain. And I'm sharing a variety of inspirational stories about how the leaders I admire have healed forward past significant traumas in their lives.

SPEAKER_01: 2:42

You know, for me, it's been so hard not to talk about all the things in each of the episodes. So I love that we've broken it down. I love it.

Diane M. Simard: 2:51

Well, like most everything I write, the potential impact of this book really didn't hit me until I was over halfway through writing the first draft. And and there's such meaning and motivation when you meet someone who chose to channel their grief or disappointment by making things better for others. They're just such an inspiration to me. And and in the case of the leaders that I interviewed for the stories in my next book, they all set out to make a significant change, and not just in themselves, by the way, but for the entire world.

SPEAKER_01: 3:24

Gosh. You know, I love that you have made that connection for people. That that there is a way to move through trauma by setting goals and executing plans. That's really tangible and empowering.

Diane M. Simard: 3:38

Yeah, and and and one really important part of the process for healing from a traumatic event that catches me off guard is what I call my suffering phase of all things. And uh again, those unexpected things like getting laid off from a job, which actually happened to me last year. I literally have to take this long extended period of time. And sometimes it's weeks and sometimes it's months. But I ponder and I get angry and I question and I talk to my husband, Rini, and I I like exist in this daze because I'm just obsessed, and I can't get past it until one day I wake up and I just decide I'm over it. And my funk, as I say, that I was in last summer, I got over it one day when I was walking on the treadmill watching Gilmore girls. And and I had this epiphany moment, and and I just said, I'm done. Finally, thank goodness, I was ready to move on. And then I since that point, I really haven't stewed about it. I've talked about it a lot, joked about it a lot, and a lot of people I'm like, have said, add a girl, just get on with your life. And I just wish it didn't take so long, but for me, it does. It's like this prolonged suffering phase. But I don't completely hate it because I actually do some of my most prolific thinking and healing, and I would add writing. I wrote some really good stuff during that period, and and again, I turn once again to you, Amy, and your many areas of expertise. But do you think my prolonged process of suffering is is typical?

SPEAKER_01: 5:23

Uh I don't I I don't know if it's typical. It's it's interesting. Um, I love that you're so honest about it, first and foremost. I love that. And for me, I always find the words typical and normal very cringe worthy. Yeah, those words assume that we all have the same backgrounds and experiences and such. And and that just isn't the case. You know, healing takes as long as a person needs it to, in my in my experience. Yeah. So is it typical? I don't know. Is it you? I think that's perfect. Yeah.

Diane M. Simard: 5:56

Well, that's that's a great observation. And I I know we could go on just talking about the topic of healing, but of course, today we're going to discuss chapter six in my next book, which is about learning to appreciate and not dread life's challenges.

SPEAKER_01: 6:10

That is such a great reframe. I can't wait. Um, but before we get into that, we have our tradition, Monday afternoon club. What is your beverage of choice?

Diane M. Simard: 6:20

So I need serious hydration today, not because I had a long night of drinking. Um, it's just because we live in Colorado and it's like 10% humidity today today, which is typical in the summertime. But so I've I chose ice water steeped with cucumber and basil, both from my garden.

SPEAKER_01: 6:40

Wow, that's fancy. The garden veggies are the best. Gardens remind me of my grandpa. Uh for me, I'm drinking hot tea with local honey uh for my allergies. My allergies are out of control with all flowers, but it's it's really great. And so um, now that we're all cozy with our beverages, let's let's talk about challenges. Um, what do you mean by learning to appreciate, not dread, life's challenges?

Diane M. Simard: 7:07

All right, this won't come as a surprise, but I'm gonna counter that with a question. So, how many times have you heard someone say, Man, I pray to God that never happens to me because I'm not strong enough or I'd never survive it? I've had so many people say that to me about my cancer experience. I hope it doesn't happen to them. And um, they say, like, I don't think I could ever get through cancer the way that you did, because I'm just not tough enough. And and then I always um reassure them that it really is what you make of it. And view it, cancer is is any challenge, any trauma. It's a big one. It was the biggest one I ever faced. But um I just try to politely encourage them to not dread that because unfortunately, and I don't mean to freak anybody out, but there's a high likelihood you'll be faced with this in your life. One every three women in every three women and one every two men will have some form of cancer in their lifetime. And there are hundreds of different types of cancer that we even know about. So I say all that not to freak anybody out, but just to to keep things in perspective. And honestly, when I was first diagnosed with cancer, the first thought in my mind was that God was punishing me for something I had done wrong in my life. And I obsessed about that for quite some time, just trying to figure out why, why, why. And then one day I realized I accepted, I just decided I was going to take it, the experience is a test that I was being tested, tested about um to help me determine how much I was willing to sacrifice to achieve that life that God wanted me to live.

SPEAKER_01: 8:52

Wow. Wow. So basically what you're saying is that that is that breast cancer was a test to determine how committed you were to achieving the type of life um you were designed to live, basically.

Diane M. Simard: 9:06

Yeah, that and that was the outcome, but it it it took me that entire 10 months of treatment to get there. I I struggled and I prayed on this, and I why is this happening to me? Why am I not really good at cancer? Because I can usually get pretty good at everything, but I couldn't get good at cancer. I kept I kept messing up, I kept doing dumb things, which make for great stories, but um it honestly the most powerful, impactful moments were the times that I met or witnessed many cancer patients who likely were not going to survive. And oh, it was so heartbreakingly tragic. And I cried so many times at the unfairness of it. But meeting those people, seeing them, and hearing from them what their lives were like, it it forever, forever changed me.

SPEAKER_01: 10:02

I I can only imagine that it couldn't do anything but change you. I can only imagine that. Yeah.

Diane M. Simard: 10:09

And and my takeaway from that, my my number one goal after going through that and and witnessing some uh just amazing, amazing people that um it were their lives were so unfairly being taken away. My number one goal was that I was gonna live in peace. That was the deal I made with myself and with God. And and I let go of all that emotional baggage that I've talked about already. Um and that baggage, it included disappointment and guilt and even hate. Even hate that that I'd carried around with me for 50 years, right? And it it it this all happened at what I hope was the halfway point of my life, who knows? But uh, and and again, it was when I flipped that script and and I actually embraced and understood that I had a treatable type of cancer, and and it it totally was brutal to have the nuclear bomb treatment. But I realized I was being given a second chance to do a better job of living. Wow. That that just it just my attitude changed, and and I just I needed to appreciate and embrace the challenges of again 16 rounds of chemo, this debilitating vow of vertigo that I ended up in the hospital for, two lumpectomy surgeries, and then topped off with 33 rounds of radiation. That's a lot for a human body to go through. And um, and and many other patients have much worse and much more difficult even treatment protocols than that. But I and I only time's gonna tell, right, what permanent damage may have been done to my body. But my options, quite honestly, were limited because the way my cancer was behaving, even though I couldn't feel it or no one could feel the tumors, the doctors, every one of them agreed it was not gonna go away on its own. And and I absolutely needed to honor that gift of a second chance. And so all of that is yet another reason why I titled my first book, The Unlikely Gift of Breast Cancer. I I just had so much um realization about myself and and perspective about what this um facing your mortality and and and pushing your body and and and knowing I have no idea what the impact of all of what I went through is gonna be 20 years from now, but I'm gonna focus on living in the real and in the now.

SPEAKER_01: 12:38

Wow. Oh my gosh, there's so much there that I want to unpack. Um however, there's one thing in particular that caught my attention, and I'm sure everyone wants to know this. How you said you flipped the script. So, how did you do that? How did you get conscious to flip the script?

Diane M. Simard: 12:57

I I um I had a lot of conversations with myself, and a lot of of my reflection came through my journaling. And there are many wonderful tools that are recommended for those that are going through cancer treatment or any traumatic experience, and journaling ha happens to be one of those, um, art therapy, theater therapy. There's just wonderful ways to express yourself and to find yourself. And so I it was actually when I would, I would, I would just get so overwhelmed with emotions and and just the outpouring of love and support that everyone was showing. And I was just, I was crabby. I was cranky, I was tired, I was hot, I was hungry, I was losing weight, I was cold. I mean, it's just yeah, yes, I experienced all that. And it and it wasn't until I sat down and I just started to type out all my emotions because I just didn't want to complain. I was embarrassed to do that because I again was trying to really be good at cancer and I wasn't very good.

SPEAKER_01: 14:00

It makes me giggle every time, and I don't mean that it's funny, but that is so that's so counter to what it is. It just I it's beyond me, but continue. Yeah, thank you.

Diane M. Simard: 14:11

Now it it it's really how I felt, like because um I'm such an observer, which is why the stories and the the color of something that you know, whatever. I just I focus on these bizarre details, but I so I I watched and I observed a lot of other caregivers, a lot of other patients, even the survivors that were back um when I was at the at the doctor's office and they were back for follow-up checkups. And I would I would always put myself down because I thought, gosh, they're really thriving. Look how fit she is. Look how her hair's grown back. Or look, she's bald and she's like got this headscarf that's just beautiful. She's like a beautiful woman. And I would look at myself in the mirror with no facial hair, drawn-in eyebrows, and like raccoon outlines around my eyes. I mean, it I I just was my own worst enemy. And and so I I just at one point decided just stop with the pity, start being grateful, start just making light of this, start um being more understanding of others that are quite honestly afraid of you, afraid to look at you, afraid to touch you, and and to understand and empathize why that is. And so when I say I flip the script, I started to realize that I was part of the solution to say, I am approachable. Ask me anything. And if there's something that you'd like to know about any of this that I might be able to help you with, I am no expert. And my experience is not like the next person's, but I am approachable. It's like Lucy putting up the you know, five cents that you know doctors in or whatever. That's that when I started to view this that way. And then it was interesting at work, people started to come in and talk and ask questions, like, you know, I don't want to bid. I'm just curious, what's this like? And we uh it's some of the best conversations of my life during that during that time.

SPEAKER_01: 16:19

Oh, I love that so much. And I love that you shared exactly how you flipped the script. That's just people need to hear that because that's oftentimes where people fail or fail to to understand is they just don't know where to begin. I think that's wonderful. Um shifting back to the book, um, and it actually ties in very nicely. You know, in chapter six, you acknowledge that deep comprehension or understanding about yourself is best achieved by living interactively. What does that mean? Or would you expand on living interactively?

Diane M. Simard: 16:53

Yeah, absolutely. To me, living interactively is experiencing and creatively solving and and so important, not dreading everything that life has to offer, and which will inevitably include the unpleasant experiences, some of which consist of everyday life stuff.

SPEAKER_01: 17:12

What like what?

Diane M. Simard: 17:13

So yeah, so um, so car won't start, battery's dead, uh, sprain my knee, can't do my regular workout, or a coyote steals the pork chops I had thawing out on the deck and ruins dinner plans.

SPEAKER_01: 17:27

Are you serious? Did all those things really happen?

Diane M. Simard: 17:30

Yeah, they they did in that that pork chop thing was a total doofus move on my part. Um but somewhere amidst coming back from cancer and and reaching middle age in the process of that, I learned to think more creatively on the fly. And and that helped me shift my mindset and and and get this. I I watched a lot of Food Network. Um I love Food Network. I know, and and I I I really am not a big TV watcher, but I just I couldn't, I had no energy. And I just would sit there and watch TV and and and I love to watch that uh chopped.

SPEAKER_01: 18:06

Yes.

Diane M. Simard: 18:07

And and because those things, nothing ever goes to plan. And and I always say they get they put the most bizarre things in those in those baskets. But but those chefs, the whole the whole premise is that they adapt, they cut off the burnt parts or the raw parts, they substitute another ingredient, or they crank up the heat on the oven and they just they keep cooking. And to me, that's just a reflection of life. And and it's so great to see how they perform under pressure.

SPEAKER_01: 18:34

Oh, I love that. And I I love that about chop. Like you said, I'm always curious, I always want to know what's in the basket, and then I freak out with whatever they've got. Cherry cherry luden's cough drops, right? Yes. So living in interactively means what though? What does it really mean?

Diane M. Simard: 18:51

So to me, it means learning and observing and practicing what I call creative flexibility. And and I I think about the communications crisis training that I had in college for my PR degree. And absolutely the first step is to acknowledge and own up to an accident or a mistake or uh an unfortunate incident, and it happens. But I can't tell you how many CEOs I've argued with uh in corporate America who wanted to shove an unpleasant situation under the rug. Yeah, just not bring it to anybody's attention. And and when they did that, the problem got thousands of times worse over time. Uh, but I but I digress.

SPEAKER_01: 19:32

But but you bring up a good point. Basically, what you're saying is one of the keys to appreciating challenges is to begin with owning up to them right away or recognizing them right away, right? Uh absolutely.

Diane M. Simard: 19:44

And and so like I wasn't angry at that coyote that stole my package of pork chops. I just did a palm slap to the forehead and I reminded myself that hello, our house backs up to a gulch that's home to hungry critters straight out of Wild Kingdom. So, duh. Don't use the sunny deck as a defrosting zone.

SPEAKER_01: 20:04

Oh my gosh. So, but you you also emphasize, though, um, the importance of having a clear mission and well-defined principles in place, you know, before hitting rough seas. And we talked about this in a previous episode. Those things are are guardrails, if you will, along the journey, but they're not really the roadmap. Um, you have to have a plan. And I can say this not only as a PM, but just as a human being. Either build that plan as you go or map it out ahead of time. I don't really care. But the plan is the map, right? And so do you believe that avid planners are better equipped to deal with challenges?

Diane M. Simard: 20:42

Well, to a degree, I do. Um, I think some of us are just wired to anticipate the likelihood that stuff's gonna go wrong, as opposed to relying on hope that it won't. And I've met plenty of people that just again, I go back to what I said earlier about, oh, I pray to God that never happens to me. And then in my mind, I think, well, but what if it does? Are you ready? Are you prepared? And just because I, again, I just decided to approach and accept that I'm not in control of everything as much as I hate that. Um, it's best for me to just have this flexible, open mind and to be like those chopped chefs and ready to like shift. You just got to go in another direction. Wow.

SPEAKER_01: 21:25

I think that and that's that's really true for all applications. But but to go back to the book, you know, your breast cancer experience is a major theme in this chapter in particular.

Diane M. Simard: 21:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 21:36

Explain how it was a catalyst in shifting how you view adversity.

Diane M. Simard: 21:41

Well, it's it's because it took every every resource I had and every ounce of determination and energy to quite honestly come back from cancer and and honor this commitment I made to myself to live a freer, happier life. And I wanted it so, so bad. And early on, when I um for three weeks, three really long weeks after I got diagnosed with cancer, and that means we know you have cancer, we just don't know how much of it you have and how far, if it has spread in your body, how far it has spread. So, so for those three weeks, I I literally didn't know whether my cancer would likely be treatable or whether it had already metastasized throughout my body, and I would likely die.

SPEAKER_01: 22:28

Oh my gosh. So for three weeks you had to to to wrangle with that? I yeah. I I can I can't even imagine what that felt like, but I can imagine how incredibly uh overwhelming and stressful that had to have been.

Diane M. Simard: 22:44

I I lived my life over and over, and and every imaginable thought through went through my mind. And and so from that day that I got the diagnosis to the day that my breast surgeon called me, or we finally connected because it took us a whole day to talk to one another. She let me know that the PET scan indicated that there was no cancer beyond my the lymph nose in my left armpit. It took three weeks. Oh my god. And and that the longest 21 days of my life, and I would say the most powerful, and uh facing my mortality, just not knowing, trying to figure out okay, plan A, plan Z. And and but honestly, three weeks, I was one of the fortunate ones because for some people, especially those that live in rural areas, it can take months, months for them to find out, you know, really truly what um their diagnosis is. And just I can't even imagine. But those are some of the unthinkable challenges that we face in our healthcare system is is a lot of these rural environments where they just don't have access or the ability, you know, to go to the nearest large hospital.

SPEAKER_01: 23:55

Oh my gosh.

Diane M. Simard: 23:56

It's heartbreaking.

SPEAKER_01: 23:57

I can't even imagine waiting 21 days, much less longer. I mean, frankly, because waiting in and of itself can be debilitating.

Diane M. Simard: 24:05

Oh, absolutely. And and and for me, and and once uh I got that phone call, it's it's uh I I mentioned it in my first book. It's like the etch a sketch lifted, and I cleared everything out and life started over at that moment. That was such a pivotal moment, and my attitude shifted, and I was scared to death because I knew already I was gonna have to go through chemo, but I was already inspired to live life like never ever before. And I just needed to make plans again. You referenced project management. It that was I went into PM mode. I really, really did, and I just needed to allow myself the time and the patience, and it required an incredible amount of patience.

SPEAKER_01: 24:49

Well, knowing you the way that I do, I I can imagine, and I'm laughing because uh because I know you, it had to have been hard to allow yourself time to to be patient, and and and that's really powerful there too, you know, going against what your your normal mode of operating is and being patient. So I think curios, uh curiors. I think listeners would be curious. I get my tongue tied occasionally. How how do you handle now um an unexpected challenge when it gets like lobbed over the wall or dumped in your lap?

Diane M. Simard: 25:25

I'm still enough of a control freak to not at all like it when things don't go according to plan. But anyway, since you asked, here's what I do. So first I perform what I call triage. And I think can this wait? Does this need to be dealt with immediately? And if it can wait, then I try to solve it in the most efficient way possible. And that may include reaching out to someone who's had a similar problem. Hey, what did you do? Um, and determining when the problem needs to be solved, and then of course, then starting to track and kind of working backwards. Um, and and are there stop gaps or any kind of backups I can put in place to help make this easier? And then, which is so hard for me to do, asking for help. And and then I communicate my plan and update others on the progress. And but the worst thing I know I can do is nothing because stuff, it just doesn't go away by itself and it has to be dealt with, and it's gonna be much more difficult if you just ignore it. Um, and and these challenges I they still annoy me, but they don't scare me any longer. I don't, I don't dread them. And uh trust me, I have plenty of opportunities to get better at problem solving every day.

SPEAKER_01: 26:43

Well, I love, love, love that you triage first. That's some project management mojo right there. Yeah. Um, and going through your process, as you said, has made challenges less scary. Yeah. And frankly, that's something I bet almost every single one of us can get on on board with is um making things less scary.

Diane M. Simard: 27:04

Yeah, I it uh it's really about your attitude. Yes. And um and I I I'm not one of those that would say, I've survived cancer, I can conquer anything. No, I don't feel that way at all. I still I mess up daily, but it just I can figure it out. And it's that it's not even a gift, it's that intuition, it's that ability to say, okay, I know how to do this, I know what I need to do. And yeah, it's another something I didn't want to have to deal with today, but it builds character and it keeps us on our toes and it keeps us grateful, and and we actually do improve. This is good for our brains, isn't it? Yes, crazy as it is for me to say that, we need to challenge ourselves and not look for the easy way out. I love that.

SPEAKER_01: 27:53

Love it. So um, it's feeling like we could either go down a rabbit hole or we can kind of edge towards wrapping up. What have you got?

Diane M. Simard: 28:04

So before we go, I'd like to remind listeners that everything we discussed on this episode is what you help your clients with as part of your life and success coaching. So if someone's interested in working with you, what's the best way to get in touch?

SPEAKER_01: 28:16

Oh, thank you so much. Uh, you can go to the encourageproject.com or you can send an email to hello at theencourageproject.com. I would love to hear from you.

Diane M. Simard: 28:26

Be sure to join us next time for Monday Afternoon Club with Diane and Amy. But in the meantime, you can always keep in touch by signing up for my free monthly newsletter and blog at my website, DianeMSMR.com, or follow me on LinkedIn and Facebook. And to you, Amy, I am so grateful to have you as part of the Unlikely Gifts podcast. Do you have any parting thoughts for us?

SPEAKER_01: 28:45

Yes, I do. I always do. Number one, you are wonderful. And y'all, if you are not following her on social, get on that today. And then as you move on with your day, I encourage you to take a few minutes, maybe five tops. Spend a little time in reflection. Is there a challenge in your life right now that you might be able to flip the script on? You don't need to flip it today. You don't have to take action on it today, but get curious. And then before the end of the day, take one moment to appreciate yourself. Give yourself a virtual hug or maybe a virtual high five, whatever works for you for the challenges you have overcome so far in your life. When you think about it, you have survived every day until today. You deserve that. So get curious. Woo.

Diane M. Simard: 29:32

Such great advice. Thank you, thank you. Again, you're such a gift. And in closing, please remember to nurture your mental health and your physical health. And don't ever forget, there's an unlikely gift in every circumstance. I'm Diane M. Samard, and this is the Unlikely Gifts Podcast.