Seek and Be a Mentor

The Unlikely Gifts Podcast brings you the next episode of its special-edition series called Monday Afternoon Club with Diane & Amy. 

Host Diane M. Simard is joined by co-host Amy Fairchild, a professional singer, life/success coach, and project manager consultant to discuss Diane's next book, titled Heal Forward: Transform Emotional Scars into Impact.

Diane and Amy discuss the book's eighth chapter,  titled Seek and Be a Mentor, focusing on why mentorship and reciprocity is so important. 

Other topics of discussion:

• Why Diane's breast cancer experience made her feel like a commodity
• Why Amy believes it is important to establish expectations
• An introduction to those who mentor Diane and those she mentors
• How to reciprocate with mentors

Diane's Links
Personal website
Facebook
LinkedIn (personal)
LinkedIn (Unlikely Gift Productions)
Diane's book

Larry's Links
Larry's Sorta Fun Stories podcast
Collage Travel Radio
LinkedIn

Amy's Links
The Encourage Project website
The Encourage Project podcast
LinkedIn

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:05

Hi, and welcome to the Unlikely Gifts Podcast. I'm producer and editor Larry King, and it's my honor to introduce co-hosts Diane M. Samard and Amy Fairchild on this episode of the special 10 editions called the Monday Afternoon Club with Diane and Amy. Relax and enjoy the fun as these two firecrackers chat about the principles that keep them both grounded and share the amusing, memorable events they both insist really did happen. So now, here, let's bring on the stars of the show. Here's Diane and Amy.

Diane M. Simard: 0:46

Hello and welcome to this episode of the Unlikely Gifts Monday Afternoon Club Podcast. I'm Diane M. Samard, author, blogger, breast cancer survivor, and storyteller who advocates for more attention and resources for those impacted by the psychological traumas of cancer. What a thrill it has been to share the microphone during this special edition series with my co-host, the magnificent Amy Fairchild. Amy's a project management consultant, professional public speaker, and a certified life and success coach. Plus, she's a professional musician with her own podcast, The Encourage Project. What's up today with you, my bubbly friend?

SPEAKER_02: 1:28

You always make me feel so good about myself. I absolutely adore you. Thank you. Um, today I've been cleaning closets.

Diane M. Simard: 1:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 1:38

I have been on this purging kicked. Um, but anyway, I am just so happy to be here. And I can't wait to talk about today's topic.

Diane M. Simard: 1:47

Yay! Well, purging is good. Purging is good. I have learned, I have learned that. Yeah, we've been drumming up all kinds of interesting life perspectives on this journey together, discussing my next book about healing forward to address and overcome life's adversities. And and my podcast co-pilot is one of the premier impact leaders I know because of a movement she spearheads called the Encourage Project. Please tell us more about this interestingly impactful work you do.

SPEAKER_02: 2:15

You are so kind. Thank you. Thank you. Um, to be honest, I only hope to have as big an impact in the world as you have already. Oh, you might inspire me.

Diane M. Simard: 2:23

Oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_02: 2:24

You really do. And and as for the Encourage Projects, I'm in short on a mission to make one billion encouraging impressions in my lifetime. And uh the Encourage Project is all about exploring possibility and helping people create lives they love one project at a time.

Diane M. Simard: 2:42

Well, I I continue to learn so much more from you as we co-host this special series of podcasts, which of course is introducing the 10 life principles around which my next book is based. And it has a working title of Heal Forward and Break Free from Emotional Pain. And it's scheduled for release in the fall of 2023, and it looks like it's right on schedule. So that's a good thing. Yay! And and today we're gonna dive into chapter eight, which is titled Seek and Be a Mentor, which I love. I love, love, love mentoring. And I can honestly say I would not be where I'm at in my professional and personal life had I not had a lifetime of compelling mentors. I don't know if you would say the same is true for you. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02: 3:22

It absolutely would.

Diane M. Simard: 3:24

And and so um I'm sure you've had some impactful mentors. How about you tell us about one of your most favorite?

SPEAKER_02: 3:30

Oh my gosh, yes. Oh, wow. There there are several. I think um the one that comes to mind probably because I've interacted with her most recently is one of my most impactful mentors is a woman who is a former C-suite executive for one of the world's largest financial institutions. And and I mean, we could not be more fundamentally different in our education, our backgrounds, our professional paths. But but what she has imparted to me is she has proven to me the power of connection. Um, connecting on a human level, no matter the mentoring context. And it has become absolutely core to how I show up as a leader, as an entrepreneur, as a as a program management, project management professional, um, frankly, in every part of my life. And and I'm super grateful for that. Wow.

Diane M. Simard: 4:20

How how did you meet?

SPEAKER_02: 4:22

We were introduced through um a corporate mentor program. She was assigned as my mentor, and I I hit the jackpot. Um I was in a leadership program and in uh yeah, it was I call it divine intervention, but it it really was a great experience.

Diane M. Simard: 4:38

How long ago was that?

SPEAKER_02: 4:40

We were paired in 2018. Okay, okay. And our our formal mentoring relationship only lasted one year, and she and I have kept in touch ever since then. And and every now and then she just surprises me. She'll find me on LinkedIn and see something that I'm doing and send me a little note, or I'll do the same to her with something cool she's doing. But it's been a really, really, really um enriching experience.

Diane M. Simard: 5:04

Well, and and I believe mentors are so important for that reason that you just described, right? They're they they're always with you, supporting you, and they pop into your life at the most wonderfully unexpected times. And just to me, what's just as important is to pay it forward and of course to be a mentor to others. And and we're gonna discuss that as well today.

SPEAKER_02: 5:27

I love, love, love, love, love this topic. And because it is our tradition, big Monday afternoon club reveal. What are you drinking today?

Diane M. Simard: 5:37

So during my summer of breast cancer in 2015, I stopped drinking alcohol because my liver was already in overdry processing all the chemo drugs. And every night my husband Raini would fill up the biggest wine glass we had with fruit, like uh watermelon and cantaloupe and grapes and berries, and then he would pour over lime sparkling water. And so I'd eat the fruit first with a spoon because I'm a little princess. And then I would drink, I would drink all that fruit-infused sparkling water, and it was so good. And a few minutes ago, he made me one like in the old days. He's so awesome, and I'm enjoying it now. And I'll try to be discreet with my chewing, but it is yummy stuff. So, what's in your glass?

SPEAKER_02: 6:23

Oh, see, that's so lovely. And and Raini's the best. I I need to we need to clone him.

Diane M. Simard: 6:28

I'm just saying. I I well, I could say so. I yeah, we do need to clone him. We do.

SPEAKER_02: 6:34

Oh, that makes me so happy. Um, as for me, I've been craving a good old Coca-Cola from a glass bottle. I don't know what it is about Coca-Cola from a glass bottle, but so here I am, a delicious little treat on ice, and I'm ready to talk mentors.

Diane M. Simard: 6:51

Oh, that's so cool. I mean, that brings back childhood memories for me. Yes, with a little water dripping down because it's Nebraska and it's 5,000 degrees outside.

SPEAKER_02: 6:59

And it's humid.

unknown: 7:01

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 7:02

So let's dive in. Um, early in this chapter, so chapter eight, uh, you share your thoughts on mentoring and coaching, and you bring up a really interesting point. And that is how, due to your nature as a goal-driven, structured person, you had already defined where you wanted to go. Um, what you seek in a mentor is what you call a rudder, uh, tailored wisdom and guidance to help steer you there efficiently and successfully. And I think it's really important to know what you want or need from a mentor. In my in my experience and in my view, when you do that, it honors their time and effort, and it really forces you to get clear on a few things. It's super important.

Diane M. Simard: 7:46

Yeah. And honestly, that whole rudder comment, I just it was just a general comment about how many coaching programs I've either gone through or heard about that takes a one size all approach, which is just not me. And and I I understand um those types of programs are efficient and certainly profitable, but they're just too general from my needs. And I'm really sensitive about not wanting to feel like a commodity. And and my cancer experience taught me to be really sensitive about that. And and I don't mean it taught me, I mean I felt like a commodity because it it just is uh the way that we treat cancer is designed it to be a one size fits all approach because there's just so much of it, and our healthcare system just doesn't have the ability to kind of tailor, quote unquote, this experience, which is it's unfortunate because it's so different for each one of us for many, many reasons.

SPEAKER_02: 8:45

So, so you said it made you feel like a commodity. So talk a little bit more about that.

Diane M. Simard: 8:50

Yeah, there's there's there's like just established parameters. So, for example, when you're staged, um, which is they know you have cancer, but they need to figure out where you're at in the process of cancer growing. And so the staging is what determines how they're gonna treat you. And so if this is happening, treat it that way. And if your cancer tumors are this size, you should stage the person a certain way. But I didn't fit the parameters, which doesn't come as a surprise, I know. And and I had a I had a I actually had a non-aggressive grade of breast cancer that was behaving aggressively. And so I ended up, I was an anomaly. And my medical oncologist, she admitted, well, this is a little bizarre. I've seen it before. And so essentially what they do is stage you as late as they can, which for me was late stage three, and which meant that my breast cancer was still considered treatable, but I'd have to endure this brutal, brutal treatment regimen. Um, but but back to mentoring and coaching, some coaches have made me feel like we're all widgets in a world that tries to fit us all into these convenient little boxes, and then when your year or whatever of coaching is over, you're done. And that that's great. I am not dissing that at all, but I'm just saying that what inspires me is individualized, tailored guidance that's given and received from individuals I've known for years, and some cases even decades, and who want to keep in touch with me for years to come. And and so several of my mentors have known me since I was divorced 20 years ago. And like good friendships and marriages, the value of our relationship only grows with time, like with um the mentor that you mentioned. So I'm curious, as a life and success coach, what's your reaction to all of that?

SPEAKER_02: 10:45

Well, gosh, it it's interesting. I I could go down a rabbit hole of coaching versus therapy versus mentorship and all those things, but I won't. I do think though, however, that it is important to point out that no matter what kind of relationship you enter into with someone, as a coach, a mentor, a consultant, whatever it is, I think it's really important that you explicitly discuss what each of you expects to get from the relationship. Is it guidance or is it answers? Is it tough love or is it a compassionate ear? Any number of things, any combination of things, but take the time to have an explicit conversation about what you each expect to get from it.

Diane M. Simard: 11:27

I I thank you so much for that because I am realizing that that from some of the programs that I've been through, and I've gotten value from all of them, but many of them don't take that important step. And as in my project-based work life now, man, I won't even start talking about a pro potential project until I I understand the expectations, and not just the expectations, but the needs. What does the client need? What what are they looking for? And um again, as I get into some of these programs that are decided that designed as a one size fits all approach, I just feel I could, I can just sit there and I know this just doesn't apply to me. And this is an hour out of my life that I could have spent somewhere else. And and I'm just sensitive, I'm just uber sensitive to my time about those things that just they're trying to address. It's just, it's too much, it's too broad. And so I'm just I bring this up because it's just something I'm really sensitive about. And I'm not saying it's right or wrong. I'm just saying I'm not the one that gets stuck in a group of 50, believe that I'm gonna walk away with just as much impact as someone else. I'm just not that person.

SPEAKER_02: 12:44

I I think that's uh in my in my experience with you, uh, that's what I believe distinguishes you and makes you a really great mentor and coach. And so kind of kind of staying on that vein, how many mentors would you say you have currently?

Diane M. Simard: 12:59

So there's two that I communicate with at least monthly and um about another dozen that I check in with several times a year.

SPEAKER_02: 13:08

Wow. Wow. Do you actually schedule time with each of those people?

Diane M. Simard: 13:12

My my two mentors, yeah, I do. And and one of them I actually have a recurring phone call with on the first Friday of every month at seven o'clock in the morning. He's a morning person like I am. And it's just, it's just we talk for up to an hour about whatever. And he is one of these, um, he's actually a an investment advisor. And we have nothing in common. And but he is one of the most well-studied, well-read people I've ever met. He's like, I call him like my filter. And he and I and I am the recipient of like the best of the best. And and I just, I am just with my notepad that I spilled sparkling water over. Um, I am just always writing, writing, writing, writing. He's he's just, I I look forward to our conversation so much. Another one of the dozen or so, she's a retired education administrator. Another one works in aviation, another's a minister, believe it or not. And the and several are are behavioral health therapists because I do keep in touch with those who are helping uh work with cancer patients, and then some are business execs, and yet another is actually a state legislator who is his specialty is the uh US Constitution.

SPEAKER_02: 14:24

Oh my gosh.

Diane M. Simard: 14:25

I have some fascinating conversations with him about decisions he makes as a legislator, and they're all there's like these four principles based on the U.S. Constitution that he uses as a basis. I just love that he's got these principles, right? I'm just driven by this process.

SPEAKER_02: 14:41

Oh man, that covers like so many different subject matter areas. It's uh wow. One of the things that I find really interesting about that is it doesn't seem to me that you expect one mentor to provide all the support. And I think that's important to point out. Um, you know, we talked in a previous episode that differences help with all sorts of things. And and frankly, differences in mentors help provide us different views and insights. And all of that is nothing, in my view, but goodness, you know. Um, so I I bet listeners are probably wondering, um, do you pay all of your mentors?

Diane M. Simard: 15:16

All right. Yeah, I'd be broke if I did, but I'm I'm so glad you asked that. It's it uh it's a fair question. And and the answer is no, I don't pay them, not with dollars, but I do provide guidance and advice to them. And um, so reciprocation is what I am all about. And and we and I help them with everything from cancer to book writing to making intros to those in my network that they'd like to meet. And then sometimes we just have brainstorming sessions to strategize with them on their projects or what's going on in their jobs. And as I mentioned, reciprocation is a big deal to me, and it's because I grew up in a rural farm-based community, and we were taught to help each other. And honestly, it was quite literally how the only way that you could survive and make a living. And I remember one family that we were close to, they would give us these bushel bags full of sweet corn every summer. Yeah, and and then we ended up putting up corn for days, and and we would boil it and then take it off the cob and then we would freeze it, and we'd have about a hundred individual meal-sized bags of corn that we'd freeze, and that would last us for the next 12 months, and that'd go park in the freezer next to the half a side of beef that we would buy at the county fair. And that's that's just so we never ever bought meat at the grocery store. That's the whole basis of my belief in in reciprocating to help out those who help me. It's just a really big, big deal.

SPEAKER_02: 16:47

Well, and I have to say, because I know firsthand, uh, you are one of the best people I know at Reciprocity. You just are it's I it is such a gift to me personally. I can say that 100%. Um, and if you recall, we also talked about in a previous episode that you now only invest energy in people that either pay that forward or or invest it back toward you.

Diane M. Simard: 17:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 17:10

And I hesitate to even ask this, but I I have to wonder, has anyone ever taken advantage of you?

Diane M. Simard: 17:17

Yeah, definitely. And and I'm not angry about that. I'll just say that up front. I'm a big girl. Um, but I and and there's probably a lot of people I considered friends until I realized that all they wanted to do was to take from me. And I don't hold that against them. All I'm saying is that I'm all about balance and and I'm not convinced, nor do I care if they were out to just get something from me for free. You know, and again, timing and me is a really big deal, and I know we all have busy schedules, but uh sometimes someone will schedule a lunch or get together, and then at the last minute they cancel and life happens. But I've learned that the way that I I I process that, I just I assume that perhaps whatever problem that they needed me for got solved, which is great. But I I there are a couple that had a tendency to kind of repeat that behavior and it just it just was disruptive and and I gave them three chances and and and it it just I I value the time that I get to spend with those who are either more in control of their schedule or even if their problem got solved, they still want to spend time with me, right? I love that. And we don't we don't have to get together just for a reason, just for a problem. Yeah. And um, but I've learned that I absolutely have to set those boundaries because like their time, my time's also valuable.

SPEAKER_02: 18:42

Oh my gosh, yes, yes, yes, yes. And so, so what about those you mentor? Do you have the same kind of expectations, if you will, or the same kinds of terms? Yeah, strikes in your out?

Diane M. Simard: 18:53

Yeah, pretty much. And and I especially love mentoring young professionals, and and many of them who I've mentored are now starting fam their families and and and and they're just figuring out their work-life balance. So I've mentored about 10 impressive young men and women over probably the last 15 years, and I continue to keep in touch with them as best I can. But like I said, they're they've got families in soccer and more babies, and you know, they're very, very busy.

SPEAKER_02: 19:22

Mini bands. Yes, yes. I love that so much. Um, if you're able to, what are some of the successes that you've experienced with them over the last few years?

Diane M. Simard: 19:35

Oh, I I would love, I just so one is um she launched a Colorado based natural and organic skin products company, and she's now raising a family. She actually sold her company, and I loved her lip balm, and it got me through breast cancer because these chemo drugs dry you out. And and I always I asked her, please don't ever sell that. They call it, I call it a recipe. It's a formula, is what she called it. And I said, because I would love to do something with that someday because it's just like the best stuff I've ever used. Anyway, she's doing really well. And another who um is actually she's a a woman, a female. She's she started out as a broker in ag commodities, and then she became get this an oil and gas landman.

SPEAKER_02: 20:20

Oh my gosh.

Diane M. Simard: 20:20

Yeah, she's really cool. She was actually a figure skater at the University of Denver. Incredible. So so talented. And then another one, one of my favorites, he started out in VRBO sales, and now he's a residential real estate broker here in Denver, and he is like killing it. And they have their first little son, he's 18 months old, just cute. And and it's just it just warms my heart that they reached out to me and we continue to meet not as often now, but just ask my advice on self-promotion, on family and personal matters, going back and getting their MBA. And and I it just I just am so honored to be a part of their lives.

SPEAKER_02: 21:02

Oh my gosh, that is so exciting, especially when they have little ones. I love little people.

Diane M. Simard: 21:07

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 21:08

But it's so exciting to have that kind of impact on others. And I'm sure you've learned a ton from them in return, frankly. Like when I mean, you may not have known much about oil and gas. I don't know anything about oil and gas. That'd be kind of cool.

Diane M. Simard: 21:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 21:20

Um, just from talking about the businesses and experiences they've discussed with you. Um, but but you know, I'm pretty sure folks are wondering, how do you make time for for all of these relationships, the mentor and the mentee relationships in your life?

Diane M. Simard: 21:35

Well, it's not a conscious effort. I'll I'll just I'll put it that way. And I'm not sure I could say how many, especially with those 10 that I have mentored. I I do um stay in touch with them. And sometimes it's just a quick email or a hey, saw you on LinkedIn or whatever. But but for the two main mentors, um, I do schedule time with them. And it um some of the other mentors that that that um I look to for advice, I'll run them into them at social events or someone's in my dinner group, or and then uh there's a couple that I do schedule breakfast or lunch with one or two times a year, just because we have so much in common and and share networks and leads, and and I I just need that one-on-one time, and they fill my soul. And so I do schedule time with them as well. And so, like I said, the the ones that I mentor and they're so busy with their lives, it's fun because uh if we do get to schedule time together, either in person or on a Zoom call, they often say, gosh, you're the first adult conversation I've had in a long time. I bet there's I bet that is so true. And they're like, Can we really just bask in the glory of this? Of course. So fantastic.

SPEAKER_02: 22:51

So basically what you're saying is that you're in the people business, you know?

Diane M. Simard: 22:56

Ah, that that's really a very accurate description. And and and and what I do, whether it's writing a book or a workbook or preparing for a speaking engagement, or one of my newest things, helping new authors establish their platforms like you, yay. Um, and I it's all centered on people and relationships.

SPEAKER_02: 23:17

I love everything about that. And the reason I love everything about that is that I wish people could see you right now because you get so shiny, you get so joy-filled and so vibrant when you talk about these kinds of relationships. Um, what are some of the other benefits? And and and honestly, why is mentorship one of your principles?

Diane M. Simard: 23:39

I didn't know this until I researched this. And there's actually a chemical reaction that occurs when two people who trust and respect one another connect to get together to brainstorm or discuss solutions or analyze situations, and and it just feeds my soul. And it it goes beyond being a fixer. This is this is that impact stuff, this is that feeling on that same level. And and when they don't have that type of connection with others, it's okay. It doesn't happen with everyone, and I and I often struggle and like start looking at my watch, and it's okay. It's just it's but but it's just magical. Like my like our friendship and our relationship, it just we just um are like each other's biggest fans. And I I just cherish that.

SPEAKER_02: 24:28

Oh, me too. I totally get it. I totally get it. It's it's kind of like a secret sauce when it works. And otherwise, it's kind of just plain ketchup if it doesn't. That's how I would describe it. Exactly.

Diane M. Simard: 24:41

So before we go, I'm guessing you likely do a lot of mentoring in your role as a project manager consultant, right?

SPEAKER_02: 24:48

I do.

Diane M. Simard: 24:48

Um, so would you please share more about that and the way you impact employee development and performance?

SPEAKER_02: 24:54

Oh my gosh. I would I would love to thank you. One of the things I needed to solve, you know, because I've been in project and pro program management the majority of my career. And like you, I I meet lots of people and network with lots of people, and I needed to solve the problem of scale. Yeah. I can only mentor so many people. And so uh I started an idea several years ago and I've implemented it at three companies so far, and it's a project management roundtable, and it's open to anyone who's running a project. You don't have to be a project manager, but if you run projects or you're on a project, whatever, you come and it's it's kind of like group mentoring, if you will. I, as a seasoned PM, facilitate the round table and and we help get people's questions answered and we and we follow up and hold each other accountable. And and it's been really, really interesting. And the model actually um has been shared with folks, and it's it's been really interesting and exciting to see it grow. It's been super cool. Yeah.

Diane M. Simard: 25:53

The power of connections and getting people together. Yes. Uh amazing, amazing. Yes. Well, we could talk forever about the power of relationships, and there's so much more to discuss. But before we do wrap it up, how can listeners follow all that you're doing and get in touch with you?

SPEAKER_02: 26:10

They can go to the encourageproject.com or send me an email to hello at the encourageproject.com. You can find me on socials and LinkedIn and all those things, but the encourageproject.com is the best place to start.

Diane M. Simard: 26:24

Perfect. Well, please join us next time for Monday Afternoon Club with Diane and Amy. And in the meantime, stay updated on what all I'm up to by signing up for my free monthly newsletter and blog at my website, which is DianMSMR.com, or follow me on LinkedIn and Facebook. And of course, if you'd like to send me a message, go to my contact tab on my website. As always, I am so grateful to have you, Amy, as part of our Unlikely Gifts podcast. Any parting thoughts? Why, yes, indeed.

SPEAKER_02: 26:53

As you get ready to conquer the rest of your day, take just a few minutes to reflect. Is there any area in your life where seeking a mentor might make sense? Or is there something you would like to offer as a mentor? And then before the end of the day, I'm giving you two actions this time. Take two actions. Number one, go find Diane on all the socials and click follow. And then number two, make a list of three people you could reach out to to discuss mentoring further. And then if you want like a bonus action, contact one of them. Let's go make some mentoring relationships happen.

Diane M. Simard: 27:31

Let's do it. Let's do it. Well, what a gift you are, and we all are to each other. Yes. So in closing, please remember to nurture your mental health and your physical health. And don't ever forget, there is an unlikely gift in every circumstance. I'm Diane M. Simard, and this is the Unlikely Gifts Podcast.