Adversity Forms Us; Love Frees Us

The Unlikely Gifts Podcast presents the final episode of its special-edition series of podcasts called Monday Afternoon Club with Diane & Amy. 

Host Diane M. Simard is joined by co-host Amy Fairchild, a professional singer, life/success coach, and project manager consultant to discuss the fifth chapter in Diane's new book about healing forward from life's emotional scars. 

In this episode, titled Adversity Forms Us; Love Frees Us, Amy asks Diane, "Here we go again . . . what is it with you and love?"

Other topics of discussion:

• Amy's special surprise announcement
• Why Diane thought she was unlovable
• Where does "heal forward" come from?
• How re-directing energies during times of adversity helps create calm in the chaos
• How true love either exists or it doesn't
• Why Diane doesn't hate middle age

Diane's Links
Personal website
Facebook
LinkedIn (personal)
LinkedIn (Unlikely Gift Productions)
Diane's book

Larry's Links
Larry's Sorta Fun Stories podcast
Collage Travel Radio
LinkedIn

Amy's Links
The Encourage Project website
The Encourage Project podcast
LinkedIn

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:06

Hi, and welcome to the Unlikely Gifts Podcast. I'm producer and editor Larry King, and it's my honor to introduce co-hosts Diane M. Samard and Amy Fairchild on this episode of the special 10 editions called the Monday Afternoon Club with Diane and Amy. Relax and enjoy the fun as these two firecrackers chat about the principles that keep them both grounded and share the amusing, memorable events they both insist really did happen. So now, here, let's bring on the stars of the show. Here's Diane and Amy.

Diane M. Simard: 0:46

Hello and welcome back to the Unlikely Gifts Special Edition Podcast. I'm Diane M. Simard, author, blogger, breast cancer survivor, and motivational speaker who advocates for more attention and resources for those impacted by the psychological traumas of cancer. First off, Larry, thanks to you for all you do for us. Be sure to check the show notes for more information about Larry's Sort of Fun Stories podcast and some of the other great projects he's involved with. Well, today it's an honor to introduce my lovely co-host Amy Fairchild for the last episode in this special edition series of 10 podcasts called Monday Afternoon Club with Diane and Amy. This has been so much fun. Amy, welcome back to the show.

SPEAKER_01: 1:32

Oh my goodness, I'm so excited. This has indeed been so much fun. And Diane, it has been wonderful hearing your stories and learning about your powerful approach to leadership. And I'm a little sad this is the last one, to be honest.

Diane M. Simard: 1:48

I know, me too. Me too.

SPEAKER_01: 1:50

I'm excited. I'm excited.

Diane M. Simard: 1:52

Well, we've been discussing my 10 life principles that are the basis of my next book that will launch in the fall of 2023 and has a working title of Heal Forward and Break Free from Emotional Pain. It's a short, inspirational read about how leaders heal forward to overcome their adversities. And back when I was outlining this next book, I was inspired by impact leaders like Amy, who pay it forward in every aspect of their lives. She has such an interesting life. So get this: she's a project management consultant, a professional public speaker, and a certified life and success coach. Plus, she's a professional musician and she's got her own podcast called The Encourage Project. So, Amy, please share your background and history with our listeners, including what amazing projects you'll be focusing on in the near future.

SPEAKER_01: 2:41

Oh my gosh, Diane, you always make me sound so sparkly and so like because you are. Well, thank you. Thank you, thank you. Um so my background is kind of uh of not much consequence, really. Uh I followed a traditional career path, you know, um, go to school, get a job, kind of thing. And and I followed it through the corporate world. And then about four and a half years ago, almost five years ago, and I blew it all up. I just blew it up and burned it down uh to pursue my purpose. And my purpose is to show people how incredibly special they are and to help them explore possibility and create lives they love. And so now I have a coaching practice and I still do some consulting. Um, I've got the podcast, as you mentioned, and I'm excited beyond all excitement to share that because of your inspiration and leadership, Diane, your coaching and your encouragement, I'm actually writing my own book that's out next year. So yeah. And uh the whole thing behind that is to spread the word and support more people and to inch closer and closer to my mission, which is to make one billion encouraging impressions in my lifetime.

Diane M. Simard: 3:55

Wow, wow, wow. And and I have seen early outlines of Amy's book. We're actually spending some time working on that together. I'm so honored to be asked to help with that. And it is, I mean, just her principles and the basis for why she wants to do this brought me to tears. I mean, it is incredible what you are working on. And I can't wait to see the finished product. So that's gonna be yet another gift. Well, um, today, though, we're closing out this special edition podcast series by discussing the final chapter in my book titled Adversity Forms Us and Love Frees Us. But before we launch into that, for one final time, in the spirit of this special run of Monday Afternoon Club, what's in your beverage of choice today?

SPEAKER_01: 4:45

Well, on this momentous occasion, I'm celebrating with the wee spot of smoked maple whiskey. Woohoo! Exactly. What about you?

Diane M. Simard: 4:56

Well, I I actually pondered this at length. And and so I'm so busy doing marketing and planning activities for my book that I needed a caffeine-free beverage per doctor's orders. So boring to keep me going. So I get this. I'm drinking fresh squeezed orange juice. Oh, lovely. And yeah, I love this stuff. And oranges are the only fruit where I like the juice better than the fruit itself. Because it's it's so good and and fresh and light and sweet, and it's just fantastic.

SPEAKER_01: 5:26

It's like you. It's like you, Diane. It's like you, it's refreshing. Um, so in your last book, so before we get into the the new stuff, I want to talk a little bit about your last book. So, The Unlikely Gift of Breast Cancer, you had what I would call a love chapter where you shared all kinds of interesting information about the love of your life, your husband, Marlboro man, baby. Yep. And here you go again with another one of those chapters. What is it with you in love?

Diane M. Simard: 5:58

Oh, oh, okay, okay. So uh can you tell I didn't receive a lot of love and affection from my father? Maybe. Well, um, yeah, well, that's honestly the honest truth why I continue to blather on about love. And I didn't meet Reading and understand the meaning of true, like I would put my life on the line for this person type of love until middle age. And and honestly, that was a good thing. Why is that? I it's because I wasn't ready, because I didn't love myself enough yet to accept the genuine love of someone else. And it I just was waiting and waiting and waiting, and I didn't have the answers. And for several decades, I thought there was something wrong with me, and I just was plain old unlovable.

SPEAKER_01: 6:41

Oh my goodness.

Diane M. Simard: 6:42

And I'm so glad I finally got through that. It was painful, it was awful. I just didn't think I was worthy. And so I'm curious because of your work as a life and success coach, have you come across that phenomenon before? You know, where someone, I don't know, especially women, aren't able to accept deep, genuine love?

SPEAKER_01: 7:03

Oh my gosh. Unfortunately and sadly, yes. Um, and particularly for women, like you said, so many women have been taught to put others' needs and desires and others' feelings before their own that at some point they stopped nurturing and loving themselves. And and really the wonderful thing is that loving yourself is a habit and you can learn it and you can cultivate it. And once you do it is so foundational to every aspect of your life. And and it it even helps us better manage things like adversity, you know, which which brings me back to the book. So early in the last chapter, you share how you believe adversity forms us. Let's talk more about that.

Diane M. Simard: 7:45

Yeah, yeah. Well, ever since I got laid off last year, and and I know many have this same story now, including you, Amy. Um leaving corporate America. And I started, I just decided I was gonna finally, finally pursue projects as a solopreneur.

SPEAKER_01: 8:03

Oh, nice.

Diane M. Simard: 8:04

I I I slowed down and I just spent time observing because I hadn't had a chance to do that in a long, long time. And there's a lot of chaos in the world.

SPEAKER_01: 8:14

Yeah, there is.

Diane M. Simard: 8:15

And it's not necessarily all bad, but everybody's so busy and consumed with their daily stuff, and I completely get it. And raising families and keeping up with kids' activities and working on their bucket list to do's and helping aging parents, and then there's I'm sorry, there's more than ever like cool streaming shows to watch, and those get so backed up, it's no no wonder we have to binge. But my point is that everyday routine life is overwhelming enough, but then you throw in a curveball like a serious car accident or bankruptcy or financial ruin or a life-threatening illness, shocking divorce, or a breakup, or a death, or a loss of a loved one, or being a victim of a violent crime, and and life like slams you full speed into a wall. So those are what I categorize as adversities.

SPEAKER_01: 9:07

And that's where your term heel forward plays in, right?

Diane M. Simard: 9:11

Yeah, it does, absolutely. And in my life experience, adversities were what shaped and molded me. And of course, as we've discussed throughout this series, I had a blood disease when I was eight, when my immune system killed off my platelets, and then I had to pay my way through college because my parents filed bankruptcy and I experienced divorce like so many people. And the ultimate adversity for me, which was a cancer diagnosis, and all those events created significant U-turns in my life. And they because I took on a new direction, I had deeper meaning every time I experienced a new adversity. And so during those adversities, as I recovered for those, I grew significantly for the better, I I think. And with each new unthinkable challenge, I thought, well, what what's gonna top this? And it seems like life always does, right? Right.

SPEAKER_01: 10:05

But I'm curious to know, you know, how did you get to a place where you could even talk about how hard that must have been, much less put a label on it?

Diane M. Simard: 10:14

Yeah. So most people I know don't care to talk about their adversities. I'm just different that way. And certainly all of them were unpleasant at the time, but I shifted my thinking as soon as I could. And and now I immediately think about what's the worst that could possibly result from whatever adversity lands in my lap. And in the case of cancer, of course, my first thought was that I might die.

SPEAKER_01: 10:38

So I still can't. I mean, we've talked about this so many times. I still cannot even imagine that.

Diane M. Simard: 10:43

Yeah, I I um of course I never took active shooter training, but I analyze most everyday problems and situations with a similar approach to what they teach you. And such as what tools are accessible and how would I escape, and what's the first and the second thing, and the immediate thing I should do, and all and and all of that. I just my brain thinks sequentially. And and that's been one of the, I wouldn't say positive, but one of the outcomes of like, oh, here we go again, right? I just have learned to react and think differently and be prepared.

SPEAKER_01: 11:16

It's almost like you reprogrammed your mind, you know, kind of like a like a like a chess player almost.

Diane M. Simard: 11:21

Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly.

unknown: 11:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 11:23

You know, one of the things I love about that is that taking that approach actually allows you to free up brain space and energy when something challenging does come up. So if you if you sort of think through scenarios and how you'd respond, when or if one of those things pops up, you can actually redirect your energy to resolving and moving forward more quickly and effectively if you thought through some of the possibilities in advance. I mean, not to swirl or anything, but but doing that actually helps create calm and the chaos, I believe. Um, so so we've we've covered the adversity part, and now I want to dive into the juicy stuff. How does how does the love frees us part come into play? Notice my accent comes out when I say that. How does the love frees us part come into play?

Diane M. Simard: 12:15

Yeah, I I'm just so intense about even love. You know, it's just like I'm all in. But when I when I refer to love, I I don't just mean unconditional love, but to loyalty and trust, right? And and those people in my life, with certainly my husband Rini being at the top of my list, those people I know who would drop everything that they're doing to help me out, and and I would unequivocally do the same thing for them. And and think of the saying, you know, I've got your back. And and that's also relevant to my point here. And there are people in my life, and and this probably won't come as a surprise, their impact leaders that I would sacrifice whatever I needed to do to help them out. I just would. I just would. And there's this unbreakable bond because they're good, solid, likable, trusted people like like you, Amy, who and I just hold all of you in the highest regard.

SPEAKER_01: 13:11

I I totally get that. I I yeah, I get that. And it's one of the things I absolutely cherish and adore about you. Um, but I have to ask the obvious question have you ever have you ever taken anyone off of that list?

Diane M. Simard: 13:24

Oh my gosh. Oh, yeah, uh plenty, actually. But but I I learned from each of those experiences. And as I've said many times, some things sometimes things just don't click or circumstances change. And that's that's a normal part of life's evolution. And I I used to hate that, I used to dread that, and I felt like, oh, I'm a horrible person. But life goes on, situations change, they change, I change, and and I I don't see this whole concept as something that needs to be earned or achieved. It's it's either exists or it doesn't. And I can't explain it any better than that. It's just a gut thing for me.

SPEAKER_01: 14:05

Yeah, yeah. It's funny, you know, because you and I have talked about um middle age and maturity several times, and and I think that helps us get to a certain level of of actualization and clarity. You know, I've always heard that um when you reach a certain age, you just don't care anymore about what people think of you, or that you just don't put up with any more BS. And it and for me, it's not that I don't care anymore about what people think, it's that I have more compassion for their narrow view of me. It just doesn't bother me. It just doesn't bother me. I don't invest the energy trying to manage that anymore because you know, the people who know me, they really know me and they know I'm solid. And and I will say, however, that I absolutely do not put up with nearly as much crap from other people as I used to. I just don't. I've I've learned to communicate really well and set boundaries and take action and and all that kind of stuff. And I say, next, you know, next.

Diane M. Simard: 15:03

Yeah. I I just love this time in my life. I I really do. I keep saying it just gets better. I didn't expect that in middle age because so so many people my age, when I was younger, dreaded like, oh my gosh, here comes the wrinkles and the fat and the gray hair. And I I just I don't hate it. It's great. I I love this time in my life, and and I do view myself as you know, I'm a perpetual work in progress. But because I've done years of self-analysis and um, thank you, cancer, I had this unexpected opportunity to reflect on my life, perhaps more than most. And I I gained and I grew so much from that. And I call that yet another unlikely gift. And because I again I don't take that lifeless. Cancer is a very, very serious matter. I just channeled it in a way that's unique and was right for me. Yeah. Um, and and I'm at peace with myself because of it. And um, I don't wish this on anybody. I always try to remember to say that, but this horrific experience changed my life. And I will always be, I wouldn't say grateful, but I will be forever, I have been forever impacted and changed. And I will never be the person I was before cancer because um that person is gone. But I I just am a different person and I I'm so much more at peace and balance with myself.

SPEAKER_01: 16:34

I love that so much. You know, you know, and and like you said, I I would not wish tragedy on anyone. I just I wouldn't. But there is definitely something to be said for events in our lives that give us what I call a cosmic two by four to the head. Yeah. You know, that that when the dust clears and and your head stops spinning, you know, I have found for myself and I've witnessed that there truly is usually an opportunity in those moments to ask yourself, could I be doing something different? Yeah, could I be loving myself differently? Could I be loving others differently to get more juice out of life, you know?

Diane M. Simard: 17:16

Yeah, yeah. Um, and I think what you just said about continuing to ask ourselves these questions, it doesn't just keep it real, but we check in with ourselves. And we don't assume that just because we're middle-aged, we know it all, because we have more self-confidence, or we can gracefully bow out of situations, we're better at that, certainly. But it's so profound what you just said, because I believe it wholeheartedly, and that is we don't have all the answers. We'll never have all the answers. We continue to find out who we are through others. And what I love about this time is that I find those who appreciate me um that don't uh set me up or I have to keep looking over my shoulder because I'm they're setting me up. You know, I I I I just I I couldn't deal with that anymore. And but but the grace and the knowledge and the wisdom to know that we don't know it all. Yes, yes, and so we're on this journey together. That's what I love.

SPEAKER_01: 18:20

So I mean, basically, it all comes back to love, right?

Diane M. Simard: 18:25

Yeah, well, I won't spoil the book ending, but it's a good one. But uh in a nutshell, yeah, it absolutely does. Absolutely does.

SPEAKER_01: 18:33

Uh, I love that. Um, so as we're as we're kind of rounding this out, you know, I I do have a final question. The book is called Heal Forward and Break Free from Emotional Pain. So, do you feel like writing this book has helped you definitively break free from the pain of the past? Or do you feel like breaking free is something we have to occasionally remind ourselves that we've done it? And this book is your reminder that you've done that.

Diane M. Simard: 19:04

Yeah, uh the definitely the latter. I I would I would have to when I when I cancer was a point of demarcation for me, no question. True. It was a symbolic, let's close the chapter on that part of my life and let's be wiser, more grateful, and let's live our lives. I'm talking about myself. I'm gonna I'm living my night life now for those who were not given a second chance. And no question, but again, it's not it the book and and me stating my principles right now. This is where I'm at at almost 58 years old. I'm guessing in 10 years I'll not write the same book, it will be a different book, and that's the beauty, yeah, that's the joy of life is that we get to keep writing our story. And um, my my first book, The Unlikely Gift of Breast Cancer, was written in memoir style, but it's not my official memoir. And it tells A lot of the stories of my life, but I didn't approach it to like, okay, this is the story of my life and all the goodness. You know, it just was this is this is all relatable because it's coming back and how I tell a story of my cancer now. But absolutely, we should write our memoirs every 10 years or five years or whatever it is, and they will they will change. And 40 years from now, you know, when maybe I'm close to 100 years old, I mean I can't even imagine, but but it's evolving, it just is evolving.

SPEAKER_01: 20:30

It's and I hate to see our time together come to an end. You know, I'm I'm gonna plant the seed. I hope we we get to have more Monday afternoon club episodes down the road.

Diane M. Simard: 20:45

Absolutely, absolutely. Um, and and one of my books is gonna be about all the funny and dysfunctional stuff that I've ever either I've done myself or I've witnessed throughout my life. And um, I've already in my mind, I know we're gonna get together again and we're gonna fire up Monday afternoon club. Yay! And and Lord knows what else comes of this. I I hope some really cool things. Amy and I are available for if if um if you've liked the chemistry that we have, the the the messages, um, please do reach out to either Amy or me, and we'd love to talk to you because um we are on the same page and it's certainly not everybody's page, but um we just want to bring a Amy's lifting everyone up and and and giving out these encouragement blasts. And I'm just here wrestling up all kinds of trouble. So I'm sure we can figure out some way that possibly we could help you. But for now, please remind our listeners again how they can follow you or um get in touch with you.

SPEAKER_01: 21:48

Sure. You can always go to the encouraged project.com. And um if you don't feel like getting on the web, you can send me an email to hello at the encouraged project.com.

Diane M. Simard: 21:57

Fantastic. And my dear dear friend Amy Fairchild, I thank you with my whole heart for sharing your time with us and lending your perspective and sharing your infectious joy on this unlikely gifts podcast. And you again, I've said this so many times, you just are such a gift to me. So please share the best piece of wisdom or advice you'd like our listeners to remember going forward.

SPEAKER_01: 22:22

Oh, there are so many. So I don't know if this is the best, but it is the one that fits. You know, um, over the last few episodes, uh Diane, you have given us some beautiful, beautiful insights that you want to dive into. When you get her book, you need to dive into them. Let's just I'll just say it. You need to do that when the book comes out. And this last chapter with a nod to love is a great way to wrap things up. As you get on with your day, spend a few minutes in reflection. What do you love about you? It can be something big, it can be something small, it but what's one thing that you love about you? And then today, before the end of the day, I want you to take one action to celebrate that one thing. Maybe you love your sense of humor, so you share a funny story with a friend, or or maybe you love your shapely arms, and so you put on your favorite blouse and you go to dinner. I don't really care what it is, but take one action to celebrate what you love about you today. Ugh, okay. I'm gonna do that. See? I don't know what works.

Diane M. Simard: 23:25

I need to find that blouse that shows off my shapely arms. There you go. Okay. No, that's great advice. Thank you, dear. Well, my thanks again to Larry King, who's host of Larry's Sort of Fun Stories podcast and the co-host of Collage Travel Radio for helping us make these unlikely gift special podcasts possible. And you can stay up to date on what all I'm up to by signing up for my free monthly newsletter and blog at my website, DianeMsomard.com, or follow me on LinkedIn and Facebook. And of course, as always, if you'd like to send me a message, go to the contact tab on my website. And finally, please remember to nurture your mental health and your physical health. And don't ever forget, there's an unlikely gift in every circumstance. I'm Diane M. Samard, and this is the Unlikely Gifts Podcast.