Finding Joy After Loss: A Conversation with Marie Alessi

In this episode, I chat with grief advocate and bestselling author Marie Alessi about life after the sudden loss of her husband. From navigating grief as a young mom to discovering signs from beyond, Marie shares how she found purpose, healing, and even joy in the aftermath. A powerful conversation about love, resilience, and the soul’s journey. You can find Marie's content on her website: mariealessi.com.

Transcript

Intro Song

Rob Valincius: Happy Thursday, Friday, Monday, Tuesday, whenever you listen to this, you know, 'cause I always say thirsty Thursday 'cause that's when I record. But who knows when you're gonna listen to this. It could be a Thursday, it could be a Saturday, it could be when you're bored and it's, you know, torrential downpour like it is here in, in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Uh, but anyway, this is the Drink Clock podcast. I'm your host, Rob Valencia, and I have the pleasure. And I, you know what, there's the one thing I always forget is to the correct pronunciation. Pronunciation of your name. So let me hit it and you tell me if I'm right or wrong. Marie Alessi.

Marie Alessi: points.

Rob Valincius: Awesome. Now I'm sure you get some crazy stuff right. You can, you can imagine with my name Valencia, I've gotten quite an interesting, uh, bunch of pronunciations. Uh, so for, for the longest time, my friends, uh, used to call me, uh, Lanius 'cause they thought it sounded cooler, which was definitely not the pronunciation whatsoever. Uh, now Marie, you're a bestselling author, uh, TEDx and keynote speaker, um, an internationally recognized grief advocate.

Welcome to the

Marie Alessi: Thank you so much for having me, Rob. I'm really excited about this conversation.

Rob Valincius: So I always like to start the podcast and obviously it's, it's part of your journey, right? Um, talking about growing up. So can you give me, and, 'cause obviously we just met, right? Uh, give me and, and my audience a feel for you growing up, um, who you were and kind of how you got to, um, kind of that pivotal moment.

And then we, we'll kind of get into that.

Marie Alessi: I love that you asked me that question 'cause nobody ever asked me about my growing up. Everybody goes, uh, straight into the story that we'll certainly talk about as well. But, uh, it's interesting because I'm just in the middle of writing a new speech and. I decided for the first time to bring my growing up into it.

So it's such perfect timing that you're asking me this. Uh, it's quite an interesting story in such that I am one of five and people usually respond with, so where are you in that, which number are you? And I always say it depends on how you look at it. I'm either number five, number four, or number one, which puzzles people because it is a little bit confusing.

I'm the fifth one in age. I am the fourth one who came into the family. And, um, because, so I'm, I'm gonna explain it straight away. I, my parents adopted my second oldest brother when he was four years old. And the year after, they adopted a pair of sisters, two siblings. They were blood related, are blood related, and they were three and one when they came into our family.

And it was around Christmas time and shortly after Christmas, my mom. I realized that she was pregnant with me. So within less than two years, they became parents of four kids, which is intense. 'cause usually you don't get that unless you have two sets of twins within a year, which is so rare. So it was very intense for them, as you can imagine.

But, um, I was about two and a half, or close to three years old when my eldest brother came into the family and he was 11 when he was adopted. So all of a sudden that completely switched the entire dynamic around, which became absolute chaos for us. There is, uh, a lot of trauma in my upbringing as well, because my brother brought a lot into the family that, um, he hadn't dealt with.

So there was, you know, for a psychologist it would've been the absolute perfect family for a master. Um,

Rob Valincius: The Brady bunch of psychology there.

Marie Alessi: A lot worse than that. But yeah, so that was my upbringing and um, it was, um, I think it really gave me a lot of resilience from a really young age. I had to really fight for my position and I didn't understand about my position till I was about 30.

When, um, when a, a shaman, actually I went to a shaman session and a shaman explained to me, Marie, you are the first born in the family. And I was like, I'm so sorry for these notifications. I should have switched them off somehow. Let me just try to quit that. Um, yeah, because otherwise it keeps binging in there.

So a shaman explained to me.

Rob Valincius: And that made me, that made me deaf. Like that was way louder than I was

Marie Alessi: Exactly.

Rob Valincius: it to be.

Marie Alessi: So she, um, my dad passed away when I was 20. I got straight into that story and that was really intense for me because I didn't know how to handle grief at that stage. I nobody teaches you that. Nobody explains to you how do you actually handle grief? How do you, uh, deal with all these emotions that are coming?

And when you're 20, you're officially an adult, but trust me, you still need your parents around. Everybody would agree with that. I, I assume, and I had a very close relationship with my dad, so that was really, really intense for me losing him. And, uh, I went through a period of about 10 years of therapy on and off.

I tried all sorts of different things to work through my childhood, to work through my dad's passing. And one thing that I've learned about grief is that it brings up all the unresolved issues that you haven't dealt with. Everything that you haven't dealt with, any trauma, any, any hurt, anything that you haven't dealt with that you haven't healed comes back up.

When you're grieving in the perfect moment where you don't need it at all, it all comes back up. And that's exactly what happened when my dad died. I didn't realize until way later when I actually started working in the space of grief. Now I understand it. Back then I didn't. So when I went to this shaman and I had this session with her, I said, you know, I really expected having two older sisters, two older brothers, that my brothers would sort of step in that male role model, uh, position that was empty.

Now, you know, it was fake. I needed, I needed that. And that didn't happen. They actually came to me for support and she literally said that to me. And that surprises you why you were the first born in the family. And that was the very first time at the age of 30. That I thought of myself as the first born.

I never did that before. I always thought of myself as the, you know, the fifth one, the youngest. I never

Rob Valincius: The runt. The runt, yeah.

Marie Alessi: So that, that is my upbringing in a nutshell.

Rob Valincius: So, yeah, my, um, I have an interesting family background, not, not as dynamic as that. Uh, me and my brother we're, we're brothers. We were, you know, born by her parents. However, my dad's adopted, so, um, and, uh, you know, I don't, he tells me little bits, and as I've gotten older, he gives me more, you know, uh, info.

But basically I think my, my real grandmom was just too young and decided she couldn't, she couldn't handle it. And gave 'em up for adoption. But, um, the, the interesting thing, the more interesting thing probably is that they were, uh, from Puerto Rico. So they were Puerto Rican. Um, and I didn't know for the longest time that I was Puerto Rican.

And if you were to look at me, you'd probably never tell. Now my, my beard, although it's going gray, 'cause I'm getting older, uh, did used to grow out red and I think that was, that's like a telltale sign, you know, to a certain degree. Uh, my brother could grow an afro, which is weird for like a, you know, a younger white kid, uh, to grow an afro.

Um, he's losing his hair like me. So we're, we're kind of, we're right there, you know, we're, the hair is just kind of clenching onto, its, its last breath. But, um, it's interesting when you have, um, adoption in your family because, um, even though I, I had a stable family, right? I have my mom, my dad, my grandparent, my real grandparents, like with my mom and things like that.

Um, you always have this yearning to like, know, you know, who. Is, you know, like on my dad's side, I never met my real grandparents, never met any cousins or uncles or, uh, anything that would've been on that side of the family. And, um, you know, uh, it's, it's, it's an interesting dynamic and I'll, I'll tell you this, I didn't know this either, that they, they would, uh, my grandparents would send plane

Marie Alessi: Mm-hmm.

Rob Valincius: uh, every couple years to come visit, um, my real grandparents.

And, uh, we never did. And I don't, I don't know, my dad's probably gonna listen to this, so, uh, we should probably talk about this, right? Hash it out, like, you know, maybe why we didn't. And, you know, obviously I think, you know, he, I'm sure he was going through his own thing, especially, I couldn't imagine. Right.

Um, and I, I know I'm kind of, um, spitballing this year, but when, when you're like, I'm, I just turned 39, right? I'm, I'm almost 40. Um, I still consider myself learning about the world, but when I was a kid. Yeah, someone that was 30, 35 was considered old and you were supposed to be wise and, and ready and having a, a job and a house and, and the world is just different now, you know?

Um, so I try to look at, look at my life, um, in the eyes of my dad when he was younger than me or my age, and go, holy shit, how did he deal with all this, you know, with the family. And my parents got divorced and it was a, it was a pretty brutal, nasty divorce, um, you know, for them and, and the family split and all this crazy stuff.

And it's just like, um, family's just a weird dynamic. It doesn't it, whether you're a normal family or you have this, that kind of thing. And whether there's divorce or death, it's just, there's always something just

Marie Alessi: Yeah, I think that's such a valid point, Rob. I'm so glad that you bring that up because I believe that we often forget to think about that when we go through things that are intense or traumatic or whatever. We tend to think in that moment that we are the only ones experiencing that. Knowing farewell that we are not, but it feels like that.

And then hearing other stories, it's almost like it's not, it's like, oh, thank goodness somebody, you know, is going through stuff as well. It's not like that, but you, you tend to forget that. What, what's, what's normal, you know? Like there, everybody's dealing with something, and I always say comparison doesn't help us heal, but sometimes it helps us understand.

Rob Valincius: Yeah, and you know what I, what's the definition of normal, right? Because my normal. Might not be your normal right. And your normal might not be my normal. And it's, I always try to tell people, um, you know, and I have younger listeners on the podcast and I always try to tell 'em like, you know, you see all this stuff on social media and, you know, they're living this lavish lifestyle and that's the normal, and, and it, you know, the models and the traveling and, and like, yeah, that's great, but that's, you know, that's their normal, I think sometimes you need to kind of like take a step in and look at what, what your normal is, because if you're trying to project that onto what they're doing is normal, you're gonna be depressed all

Marie Alessi: Mm-hmm. Absolutely. I agree.

Rob Valincius: I mean, uh, and I think I didn't learn that until, until, uh, later in life. You know, like, just enjoy the things you have while you have it because it might not be here, um, including your health in, in you and your, your life. Right. Um, which I think gets lost in the sauce. But, um, okay. So we talked about your upbringing.

Um, let's get to kind of a, um. Your grief journey. Right. Um, and I, I don't wanna say, I don't want you to be the one to talk about it, but you kinda had something crazy happen to you. Um, can you tell us a little bit about what

Marie Alessi: Yeah,

Rob Valincius: and, and, you

Marie Alessi: I try, I try to wrap this up in a, in a sort of nutshell version, because the story is quite, quite long and broad, but I, I probably wrap it up in about five minutes. And, uh, so where I left off with, with the shaman, uh, where I was talking to her, I, I already had this longing inside of me for many years, uh, to move to Australia.

I had this calling that I need to move to Australia. I need to move to Australia. I never understood why. I never saw any documentaries about Australia. I never, uh, I, I even thought that Canberra, oh. I'm saying the right thing now. I thought that Sydney was the, the, uh, capital, it's Canberra, but uh, I knew nothing about Australia and I just knew I had to move there and live there.

And it was such a strong calling. And I talked to her about that and she said, you know, with, uh, talking about the SHA and beliefs and, and all of that, I was very, I was very much into that. I was very open and interested in that, uh, as long as I can remember. And she explained that in that time, between 30 and 33, it's a very intense and very, yeah. Chaos period. And then at 33 everything will just, you know, sort of solve and, and be all happy and, and all that. I'm like, yeah, oh my God. And I was 30 at the time. I'm like three more years of that. I've had enough of, of chaos in my life, you know. But long and behold, I moved to Australia for good, uh, just before my 32nd birthday.

So I did follow my calling. I did follow my dream. I was going back and forth since I was 25. So my 12th flight was for good. I moved to Australia 1st of July, 2004. You can do the math now. And I met Rob 10 months later. So Rob, my husband was called Rob as well, and I met

Rob Valincius: It's a strong name. It's a

Marie Alessi: beautiful name. I love it. And I met him 10 months after moving here and five months into me meeting him, he proposed to me.

And five months later we were married. So I moved to Australia 10 months later, met him 10 months later, I was married. I, I would've never in my life thought that I would say yes to anything like that. I'm like, if he's Mr. Right, he still moves to write in three to five years. But with Rob, I learned the meaning of when, you know, you know, and that, that was really it.

I, I just knew when he proposed to me, my answer was of course. So, um, we had our dream barefoot wedding on the beach and uh, two years later we had our first son Flynn, and another two years later Jet. So we've got two sons and, uh, we were really that couple that everybody looked up to, you know, like still madly in love.

After years of marriage, holding hands, Rob just put me on a pedestal at any chance it presented himself and vice versa. I just freaking adored him. And, um. There was this really beautiful, pure love between us. And I often talk about the hidden gifts and adversity. So losing my dad so early, the hidden gift in that was that I never took anything for granted, or hardly ever.

I shouldn't say never 'cause I'm still human, but I really lived my life in such a presence, you know? And, and I really felt that with Rob and I, we were so present to each other. And, uh, there was not one day that password didn't tell him I loved him and vice versa. It was really important to us and not out of, oh my God, you know, I'm missing out.

But I felt like if I don't say it, I'm gonna burst. You know? I had so much love for him and, uh, it was about. We were married for 12, a bit over 12 years, and Rob went on a business trip and never made it home. So he died very unexpectedly and very suddenly from a brain aneurysm, uh, five hours flights away from us.

And I, I feel, I was like, Rob and I were so connected that I woke up that morning at 5 55 on the.like that. I woke up and I was like, what happened? And it was so intense, that feeling. And I went back to bed and he was supposed to wake me up at seven 30 because we talked a night before. And the last conversation we had was about love and connection.

And then I talk about, you know, the next morning and that my phone didn't update properly, blah, blah, blah. You know, like just stupid stuff. But, um, he said, just, just plug it in and just update it again. I said, no, I need it as an alarm. And he said, don't worry, babe, I'll wake you up. And I said, cool. So I put my phone in to update overnight and 7 31 I woke up and Rob hadn't called. And I thought that's odd because Rob was so reliable. Seven 30 meant seven 30 for him, not 7 31 at not 7 35. And I have my little one in bed with me 'cause he, uh, got really sick overnight. He had this hacking cough and was laying next to me. And then, you know, as a mom where the husband is away and you've got two boys, you just go into action mode.

You don't have time to think in that moment. So I just remember that feeling of, that's odd. And then I went on with my day and made lunchbox for my older son and dropped him off to school and came back to my little one. And as I was going, I was constantly texting Rob, like, Hey babe, okay, you know what's going on?

Da da da. Nothing. No response. No response, no response. And it went on till about lunchtime and still no response to my text messages. I tried to call him a couple of times, no response. And then around lunchtime I thought, oh, Rob always left his itinerary in my phone. We always did that. When we went somewhere, we, we told the other person where we were.

So in case something happens, Uhhuh. So I called a hotel at around 12 and I said, um, you know, I'm Maria Lessie. I said, please don't, please don't think I'm one of those freaked out wives stalking her husband, but I know my husband's staying with you. And he was supposed to call me in the morning and he didn't.

I'm really worried about him. Can you send somebody up to his room? And as I'm saying that, I had a split second of a vision of Rob collapsing in a shower. And I remember physically shaking my head thinking, Marie, don't go there. Don't try for yourself crazy right now. Just, you know, don't go there. But I said it to them and I said, and can you please check in a shower?

Thought they must think I'm just completely losing the plot, but I just said it anyway. And.

Rob Valincius: Yeah.

Marie Alessi: That's where they found him. He had collapsed in the shower.

Rob Valincius: Wow.

Marie Alessi: Yeah,

Rob Valincius: And so it, it just can't, like was there any underlying condition or it was just, just a freak thing?

Marie Alessi: just a freak thing. And I even got to weeks and weeks later, or it actually took months, not weeks. I, it took, um, I, I don't know when we got the post-mortem report, but I know that we got the final death certificate 18 months later. 18 months is just excruciating. The not having closure, not knowing exactly what happened.

And the first thing that we got was he died from a heart attack. But it very, very quickly turned out, um, within days that, uh, they found something in his brain and it was a burst aneurysm. And the doctors explained to me that you can be born with that. You can even live a long and healthy life with it.

And it might not even burst ever. It is just the thinning of, of the, uh, of the blood vessels. And when there's too much pressure, it can burst. So for some it never happens. And for others it happens. And they say that the results are roughly a third, dies instantly about a third survives, but pretty much lives as a, for the lack of better words, vegetables for the rest of their lives.

And about a third survives and recovers. So Rob was in that third, that diet instantly. And knowing Rob, because we talk about these things every now and then, maybe because I lost my dad so early, it wasn't a topic that we shied away from, but he said, I would never want to survive and live as a vegetable.

He said that to me once I remember that. And, um, I'm gonna share this here right now because I think that that's the perfect time to share this. Uh, I, I consider ourselves really, really lucky. That Rob and I had this what if conversation and it was roughly three years prior to his passing. And I remember these days so vividly because Rob was, um, coming home, wake, uh, late from work and he rang me on the, on the way home and he said, babe, I'm gonna be about two hours late because it was an accident on Heath Code Road.

And Heath Code Road is a one way all the way through the National Park. So if there's an accident there, there, there's a massive detour. There's no getting through this. And uh,

Rob Valincius: Got it. Yeah.

Marie Alessi: we learned later that night that a young guy, a fiery off duty, had a front on collision with a truck and he died on the spot and his wife was waiting at home with their 16 months old daughter.

So that I'm still having goosebumps now just saying that, you know, that really hit home for us. 'cause our boys were only five and seven at the time. So it really, it really got to us when we heard that and that night we sat on our bed and we had this conversation, you know, what would you do if something was to happen to me?

And vice versa. We, we both looked at each other saying, you know, what, what, what would you do? And, uh, it was a quite a,

Rob Valincius: it's a hard conversation.

Marie Alessi: confronting and also very bonding. It's beautiful, it's confronting and beautiful. I can anybody listening to this who hasn't had that conversation, no matter if that's with your partner, with your mom and dad with, with your nearest and dearest, I really encourage you to have to have this conversation.

'cause most people think, oh, it's so morbid. I don't wanna think about it. But it's actually not, it is something that will happen to all of us at some stage. And for your loved ones. Who are left behind to know what you actually wanted. You have no idea how helpful that is. It really, it really helps you so much in a time where everything is just so intense, where you are just experiencing, uh, is experiencing such pain and so many different emotions.

So for me, knowing what Rob wanted, it was incredible. I, I really, uh, consider that a huge blessing. And, uh, the conversation pretty much ended in, if something was to ever happen to me, I want you to take the boys and create the happiest life possible. And that became my North Star in my darkest hour that day when I had to share the news with the boys that their dad passed away.

Rob Valincius: Yeah, I mean, look, um, I agree with you. I, I, uh, recently, um, you know, we, uh, me and the wife, we've been together now. How, how long it, babe? Like 15. Years. 14, 14, 15. I dunno. She's back there. Yeah. Yeah. She says, hi, uh, she's, she's my third. She's my third voice if I need it. Um, but we've been together a really long time and you get to a certain point where you do have to have the discussion, uh, because, uh, she was getting some routine procedure, but she was going under for the first time.

She's never been put under. She said, what if I have a heart

Marie Alessi: Yeah.

Rob Valincius: this and that? Um, and so I had made my will, uh, maybe six months to a year ago, and I, I, you, and, uh, I urge anyone on here and, and it's, it's called free will.com. You can create a will last, will and testament. Uh, you do have to get it, uh, notarized.

Uh, but you can make a free will. You can make, uh, let me look here. A, a living will, which is an advanced

Marie Alessi: Mm-hmm.

Rob Valincius: and a durable financial power of attorney, all for free. Um, they were, you know, it's a, a

Marie Alessi: Mm-hmm.

Rob Valincius: Company, um, which I, I also recommend giving them some money to, you know, keep them running, but they will actually walk you through the whole process.

It's super, super easy. Um, and I haven't had a will, so I'm like, all right, I need to, I need to have something, you know. Um, so I made mine. She was, before she went under, we did hers together. And now I did mine by myself, but with her, I'm like, all right, well, you know, at your funeral, what, what do you wanna wear?

And she's like, that's a weird question. I'm like, but

Marie Alessi: Yeah.

Rob Valincius: it's something you gotta think about, right? Like, do you want me to bury

Marie Alessi: I love it.

Rob Valincius: like, you know, like a, a business suit? Like, what do, what do you wanna be buried in? And, uh, she said, well, what did you put on yours? And I'm, you know, we're kinda going back and forth and I'm saying, well, in mine, I said, just put me in a, put me in a nice suit.

Don't go crazy. You know, don't, I, I don't, I don't want anything fancy. But, um, you know, I, I also don't want it to be long. I want people to go have some drinks. I want people to, to enjoy their, their time, like, and, um. When you're, when you're thinking about that, it throws you for a

Marie Alessi: Hmm.

Rob Valincius: but it, it's a conversation I think everybody has to have and

Marie Alessi: I think so too. And it also, I like what you just said, you know, I also feel it, it brings a lot of lightness and fun into it as well. You know, it doesn't have to be heavy and hard and droopy. It is something where I knew that Rob wanted to be cremated in his ashes to go back in the ocean because he loved the ocean.

He was, he was such an Aquarius, you know, like he, he would, he was,

Rob Valincius: I'm a cancer myself, water sign,

Marie Alessi: yeah, he was

Rob Valincius: I'm more of a

Marie Alessi: dancing, snorkeling, spearfishing, surfing, you name it, it was him, you know? So I knew that that's what he wanted. But in terms of what he would wear, we did not talk about that. But I picked, uh, some really nice pair of jeans and a t-shirt that said, keep calm and agree with that.

And I know he loved that T-shirt, so I'm like, that is so him, that, that's just perfect. And, uh, yeah, that, that's what we chose. But, uh, it was the same thing, like the ceremony itself. Um. Was incredible because there were about 500 people at a midweek funeral, which was so beautiful that so many people just took the day off to be there.

And, uh,

Rob Valincius: It's a lot of people. That's a lot of people.

Marie Alessi: And afterwards we went to a club and I could not believe it was something that I didn't expect, or I have to say that I, I had such. A happy day. And I know that sounds so weird to say that at your husband's funeral, but what made me so happy was that the entire room, so the after party I wanna call it, uh, you can call it the wake, but I'm gonna call it the after party.

But 'cause that was so suitable for Rob, um, was about 300 people. The room was restricted to 250. Like we went way, way above that. But we squeezed in as many people as we could. And it was really beautiful that, um, you know, like 300 out of five many people came, came to the after party and the room was full of people who not just loved and adored him, but also shared the most funniest and beautiful stories about him.

And there was laughter in a room and there was tears and, but he was mostly laughter and. Just so many beautiful stories and a lot of them, I don't know, I'm gonna tell you a really funny story that happened that day Rob kept talking about, and I'm, I'm sure he doesn't mind me mentioning him. Uh, a guy called Michael Ani and he grew up with him and I heard so many stories about him all my life and we always like, oh yeah, I should catch up with him.

You know, it was one of those friendships that sort of, you know, drifted apart but was sort of in the background. And every now and then they would chat and he was always like, yeah, you should meet him one day. You should meet him. And one day I said to him, you know, I think Michael Bosan is your imaginary friend, you know, because he kept talking about him and I never met him. And I sort of mentioned that to, uh, Rob's older brother before the funeral. And he said, oh, Michael's gonna be there. I said, you have to introduce me to him. 'cause I never met him. And then he, he introduced me at the, um, at the after party and I'm like, you are the imaginary friend. And it was such a fun, you know, I finally met him.

It was really, yeah. But there, there was so many fun and light things that happened as well on that day. Definitely also heavy things, but you know, it was, I stood there and I looked at all these people and I had this moment of absolute silence, and I just looked around the room and I thought Rob would've loved this. You know, like seeing a room full of people who love and adore him and the stories that were shared. I think he would've, he, he was there enjoying it. Every sort of story. He was probably hanging around. I was looking at everyone balcony position.

Rob Valincius: Yeah, and I mean, dude, that that's a, that's a lot of people too. So you know, that he touched a lot of lives. Um, you know, if you had that many people show up and, you know, look, I, I've gotten a little more spiritual lately. Um, now I work in insurance, so I deal with, uh, Medicare in the States here, and I deal with the older people and people dying is like a regular thing.

Um, so I talk more about death, I think, than, than I used to growing up. And, um, you know, I, what I've come to believe in, in a lot of books and things I've read is that they say a lot of people, when you, when you pass on, when you pass away, most people at least stay until their funeral and they see they're, they're there.

You know, a lot, a lot of people say that, you know.

Marie Alessi: Yes.

Rob Valincius: Um, you know, did you feel his presence there that day?

Marie Alessi: Not as that day. I, I do quite often. I, it, it is bizarre. I even have moments still now, and it's, uh, over seven years later where I sit in the living room and I might be watching TV or like I'm song out and, and all of a sudden I, I, I feel a, a presence and I'm actually certain it would be him, you know? And it, sometimes it's upstairs, sometimes it's, but, but it's often, like I, I would go like.

Then there's nobody there. And I would look again, I was like, but it keeps happening. I'm like, are you messing with me? Like, what are you doing? You know, and I like, you know how they often say that, that spirits do communicate through electricity and all these things. There, there's so many stories that I sometimes think, how can you not believe?

And I, I truly do believe, but I remember one night distinctly where I actually got scared and I was lying in bed. And I don't know if you, I don't wanna do any advertising here, but those Sonos speakers, they've got this very faint little white light. And, um, and sometimes they blink when you're connecting or whatever.

But that night, that light started, it sounds so weird when I say that, but I, I swear to God, there this light sided, uh, blinking like a heartbeat, and it got stronger and stronger and stronger and it lit up the entire room. And I'm like, this is a sono speaker. I'm talking a tiny little faint light. And the whole room was just going like a heartbeat.

And I literally said, babe, you're scaring me. Can you please stop this? And it stopped. And I'm like, okay. So that was probably the strongest and most intense sign, but like feeling him around and, you know, the whole dragonflies and feathers and numbers. There's one number that I get like almost daily, uh, but at least multiple times a week still now, after all these years.

And that's a number 1, 2, 6, and the fir, or it's 12 or six, but it's always those numbers and it's, it's so bizarre because the first six weeks or so after Rob died, I woke up at 1:26 AM every morning and I'm like, what on earth is it with this number? I just can't handle it anymore. It's sleep, you know, like every morning, 1:26 AM and never, never before, after.

And I thought, what on earth is that? So I started Googling, you know, number 1, 2, 6, is there in significance. And it said something about. New beginnings. I'm like, duh, my husband died. You know? That's not it. There's something, there's something more to it. And I actually put it on Facebook as you do. It's like 1, 2, 6, that number.

What does that mean? Does anybody have any, any indication? You know, like I keep waking up. It drove me nuts. And one lady reached out and she sent me a private message and she said, 1, 2, 6 Marie, don't you get it? I'm like, no, otherwise I wouldn't ask. And she said, it's the 12th of June. It's the day that Rob died.

And I was like, it was like such a mind blowing moment when she said that. I'm like, oh my God. And that night when I finally got it, guess what happened? I woke up at 1206 and I'm like, so funny. I finally get it, you know? It was like, do you get it, babe? 1206. I woke up and I was like, oh my God. So it was.

Yeah. So, but that number has been following me everywhere. I would sometimes stop a, stop a video and it's exactly on 1, 2, 6 or I, we were traveling around the world. I took the boys traveling around the world for two months. Um, and we would come out of an underground and there's 1, 2, 6 on an electricity cupboard or something, or on an airport.

I don't know. There must be some, some 1 2, 6 significance

Rob Valincius: Some code or something. Yeah,

Marie Alessi: because we saw it on an airport as well, but it had the A as well. So A for Alessi. I'm like, that is so weird. We went to the Maldives, we stayed in an over water bungalow and they picked us up with this little golf buggy and we'd travel along and we stopped in front of our bungalow.

And of course it was number 12. I'm like, it is, it is just so we, we couldn't have, you know, we didn't book it.

Rob Valincius: it's a lot of coincidences.

Marie Alessi: And it just keeps happening and literally on an almost daily basis, so it's very bizarre.

Rob Valincius: Yeah. You know, um, if you would've talked to me, maybe we'll say in my early twenties, I would've told you I'm, I, I, I'm a believe it when I see it more of a

Marie Alessi: Yeah.

Rob Valincius: person. I've always been that

Marie Alessi: I get it.

Rob Valincius: but I, I think as you age, there's just things that you can't explain that science can't explain, and even they'll say, we can't explain.

Right. Um, although I think I saw some stuff that they were trying to prove that the soul is real. And, um, there's been some interesting stuff. I, I don't know if it was like a Russian, um, experiment or something, but, um, you know, if you were to, you know, gun to my head say, Hey, do you know, do souls exist? You know, do ghosts exist?

I would tell you, I don't know. I, I, I believe they do. Um, but I think by the time we, we know it's a little too late, you know, by the time you did

Marie Alessi: mean, I've been working in this space now for, uh, over, yeah, close to seven years because I started literally within half a year or nine months actually, after Rob's passing, I started working in this space. And the amount of stories that I heard, there is no way that I couldn't believe anymore that it's, it's just way too much and so many parallels of people that don't even know each other.

The stories keep being the exact same thing that they say. And even, um, I don't know if you heard of Anita Mujani. She, she's an author and she wrote the book Dying to Be Me and for her. So she had cancer and she was on her way out. The doctors had pretty much, uh, written her off and they said, you know, it's, um, it's, it's taken over pretty much every organ in your body.

And the family came to say goodbye. Everybody came in and she had a near death experience. So she actually passed over, met her dad there, who died 10, 10 years prior to that. And had this conversation with him and she said, she described it as she said, I can only describe it as it was felt. It didn't look like, but it felt like a portal.

And if I had gone through, there was no way back. And I met my dad there and my dad said to me, it's not your time yet, you have to go back. And she said, but dad, I'm dying. My body's giving up. And they having this conversation, she said simultaneously, she saw the doctors in a room down the hall from where her body was laying.

She saw her body, she saw her family, she heard every conversation, uh, and like everything was going on simultaneously. And she described it as, it's almost like all of a sudden you have this all knowing, all understanding, and all you could feel was the purest love she had ever experienced in her entire life.

It was just love and peace. And she heard everything. She understood everything. And with that, she also understood and realized what caused her cancer. And she went back into her body. And three weeks after she was cancer free. She's written a book about it, which is Dying to Be Me. She's now one of the top speakers, world renowned in the space of near death experiences.

She could relay every conversation that happened down the hall, uh, while she was, her body was dying. She would tell them what the conversation was that they had about her, and they were all like, you know, there is no explanation for that. There is no explanation for that. How can she know what the doctors were saying, you know, down the hall in a different room while her family's around her talking to her.

And so I am absolutely fascinated by that. And till today, every now and then, when I hold a celebration of life, which, which is part of my services that are offered, uh, these days, I sometimes recite that part of the book where they describe what, what heaven looks like or. Heaven, the, the, the afterlife, whatever you wanna call it, that, that is very different.

I, I don't tend to call it heaven. I, I call it the other side or you know, whatever you wanna call it. But that to me is fascinating to have somebody actually come back and be able to tell the story. And there's so many people around the world, there's hundreds of thousands of people who have near death experiences and they all tell the same story.

So explain that to me if it wasn't real.

Rob Valincius: Yeah. And look, I, I've read a couple books, uh, about the afterlife and about, um, I, I've read a couple books about hypnotism, uh, where they, they do that. Um,

Marie Alessi: Last life question.

Rob Valincius: for it? Past life regression. Yeah. And, uh, it's some pretty wild stuff. Um, and I gotta tell you, um, there's gotta be, there's gotta be something to it.

Um, I do think as a, I do think I do believe in reincarnation. I think that's the thing. I think, you know, I, I do think the, the, and we'll, we'll, we'll get a little religious here. All right. You know, I don't normally do that. Well, we, we could talk about it. We're, we're grown adults here, but, um, you know, I'm, I'm Catholic, that's what I was baptized as.

I, I, I don't, um, for me. I'm not in that point where I believe that like Jesus was, you know, is the only God. Right? I think that everyone, right, because if you look at religions, they, they all have a God to, to a certain degree. And if you're talking about Greek mythology a little different, they have gods for everything.

Right. Um, but um, there's, there's a, there's a being that created things, right? And, you know, I know reli religions fight with each other on who it is. And I, I think that's, that's crazy. Uh, but that's their prerogative to a certain degree. Um, but for me, I do think that there's, there's something, I don't think that there's nothing.

I had a death doula that I interviewed a

Marie Alessi: Oh, wow.

Rob Valincius: ago, and she freaked me out. 'cause I said to her, I'm like, 'cause she, she's been around death, right? She would be with the people when they're dying. And, uh, she said, well, I said, I was very intrigued to ask her what she thinks

Marie Alessi: course.

Rob Valincius: when you die. And, uh, you know, she said to me, um, well, do you remember when before you were born?

And I was like. No. She's like, that's what I think happens when you die. I'm like, ah, that's not what I want you to say to me. Uh, I want you to tell me this, this cool story about where I go. Um, but, uh, a couple of the books I've been reading talk a lot about, um, our, our lives as souls is like hierarchal almost, where, you know, um, when you pass away, you kind of review your life.

You can decide if you wanna wait for your loved ones, um, which is a lot about what you're talking about with your feeling, the presence and things. They don't really go away. They kind of hang out and they wait for everybody else, um, because you're. Wife, this life could have been your mom and another life.

Like you're, they say a lot of people are just connected somehow. Um, and that's how they connect a lot of things. And I don't know what I believe I'll tell you, um, Maria, I, I, I, I'm still kind of in that, like, what do I believe? But I, I do think that there's, there's something, and I think, I don't think there's this heaven and hell thing that we've been kind of taught our whole lives that

Marie Alessi: think so.

Rob Valincius: to exist.

I think

Marie Alessi: a very discussion about that with a priest one day that I didn't believe in hell. Oh my God.

Rob Valincius: I think hell is a construct that was designed to, to make you act like a regular human. I, I get, I get why it exists. Um, do demons exist? I'm sure. You know, I, I, I, I, I was, uh, listening to an audio book about someone that had an experience where when they died, um, you know, they had someone that said, follow me, come with me.

And, and they were following them. And as they were following them, um, they could feel more and more that. Things were malevolent. Like where they were going was just black in despair. And they could feel it was, it wasn't like a, a view, it wasn't like the pits of hell. Right. It was like this feeling. And, uh, they said eventually they realized that they were being led astray.

And then, uh, I forget, I forget what happened. They, they, that was their near death experience. Um, but when they came back, they, you know, they were like, well, shit, I, I need, I, I was not supposed to follow that guy. Um, but yeah, I think as an adult, and as you, as you get older and start to think about that, 'cause you know, you're not gonna think about it in your teens and your twenties, it's just not typically gonna come up.

Now, maybe a little different for you because, you know, you, you had someone pass when you were early, so maybe, maybe how did that, um, you know, and I had something in here about that, but how did that impact your view on death? Do you, do you have a view from when you were 20 compared to, um, you

Marie Alessi: Yeah, very much so. I, I, I was brought up like born and brought up Catholic and, uh, when my dad passed away, I remember, um, like I was still in Austria at the time, and in Austria you're actually supposed to pay, uh, taxes for the church when you're part of the Catholic church, which is, I think, oh my God, I can't remember if it was one or 3% of your income.

So something around that. And, uh, I, shortly after my dad passed, got that letter and I wrote back and I said, I, I don't believe in God. You know, I'm not gonna pay that because if there was a God, he wouldn't have done that. You know, I always, I was angry. I was, um. I was angry at the church, you know, like there was literally that, how dare you ask me for money.

My dad just passed. You know, you, you wanna pay, you want me to pay for a church where your God couldn't save my dad? That, that was the sort of, in a nutshell, what I felt. And, um, I let out in a letter, I left the church officially. I did not ever pay tax for that, that there was really a lot of being angry and, um, having to work through that.

And also, um, I felt I was so alone in all of that. No, there was no support for me. My, my siblings certainly didn't support me. My mom had enough to do with her own grief. She was sort of hanging on me as well. The mother-daughter relationship pretty much flipped. She rang me for everything. How do I do that?

What do I wear? How do I cook this? And I'm like, mom, you, you taught me all of that and now you're asking me, there was this, you know, I felt so dragged down. I felt like everybody was hanging on me and I needed somebody to support me. So it was really, really tough for about a year. And then a really, really close friend of mine handed me a book.

And I read the book and I went into therapy and I'm like, that was the best thing that could have ever happened. And I, I told her, uh, many times, you know, you, you literally saved my life to, to get through this, to, to find a way out and through therapy and a lot of talking. And I did hypnotherapy as well.

So I did all, all sorts of different things. Um, I really got through this and found, found my own way out of this and my own spirituality along the way as well. And I had a lot to do as I, as I mentioned before, with the charman, um, beliefs, which I really love. Rob and I actually had a charman wedding. The barefoot wedding that we had on a beach was a shaman wedding.

And, uh, it always really spoke to me. I don't know everything about it by far, but I know enough about it that I feel really drawn to it and it really speaks to me the way they. Uh, live their life, their spiritual beliefs really, really speaks to me. I've, I've since done quite a few different, uh, shaman ceremonies and, um, I went to a sweatheart and all these things, you know, I've, I've, I've had a lot of, uh, ex exposure to that and, uh, a lot of other things that would go way beyond this podcast.

So, but there were a lot of stories that, uh, where I went back to our celebrant, who is a shaman, and I said to her, I had this dream, I had this, I had that. And she literally said to me, that's the shaman's calling you. And I'm like, I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to embark on that journey. And it was intense, like the, the things that happened, uh, yeah, as I said, it would go way beyond.

But, um, one thing that was really, really important, I thought I had switched off the notification, sorry. One thing that was really important to me, um, was about. I can't, I, I can't tell you exactly how long it was, but I, I feel it was probably four to five weeks into Rob's passing. Maybe it was six or seven, but it was literally shortly after he died, I had what I now call a spiritual epiphany.

And that was a moment that was so distinct for me and such a pivotal moment. And it was the moment when I realized that this was our soul contract. Rob and I had a soul contract, and that was part of it. Him passing was part of our contract. We have chosen this on a soul level, and that was such a deep and profound understanding that I felt in that moment.

And I was not ready to talk about it at that moment because it was so big for me that I needed to process what I just felt and understood before I could even put it into words, let alone share it with somebody else, let alone share it on a podcast openly now. But I really have, uh, come to such a level of understanding around that now that I'm absolutely.

Uh, certain about this. So again, as you said, everybody's got different spiritual beliefs, but I knew in that moment that Rob and I had chosen that, and it helped me so much with my closure, with my understanding, with my acceptance of all of that, and all I could feel was love. And gratitude for him to choose that for me to walk the path that I'm doing now and helping thousands and thousands of others.

I, you know, I, we didn't even talk about that, but I, I had a movement that I founded based on my first book that became a bestseller and ranked in a top 100 of, of bestseller lists of Amazon Australia, which really blew me away. And the book was called Loving Life After Loss. And I, I created a movement out of that with the same title.

And from 2019, when I opened a movement till 2023, when I archived it, I've taken about 5,000 people on a healing journey through programs, journeys, retreats, talks, you name it, you know, and that was such a privilege and an honor. And I always felt like, you know, what happened here in our little family was so much bigger than just the two or the four of us.

And there was deep purpose behind all of that. And I feel nothing but gratitude and I'm. Absolutely in awe of the role that rock shows in that.

Rob Valincius: Yeah. I mean, look, that's some, that's some heavy stuff. Um, you know, I've talked about this a couple times on my podcast. My, um, my dad, he lost his, his

Marie Alessi: mm-hmm.

Rob Valincius: um, uh. A year, uh, it's a year and six months. She had a brain cancer that was sudden, like just came on. And, uh, she survived the first surgery, got a second one, and, you know, unfortunately passed two months after the second surgery.

And he, he struggled. He went through a lot of stuff and he's still going through it. Um, but, uh, you know, I took it upon myself 'cause I'm the first born, uh, you know, between me and my brother and a lot of this falls on me. Um, you know, I'm, I've always been the strong one,

Marie Alessi: Hmm.

Rob Valincius: I always have to, I, I like you don't have a whole lot of that.

Pushing up myself. 'cause I'm the one that's, that's pushing people now. My wife, she's my rock, so she's, she's always there for me. Um, you know, even though we're assholes sometimes to each other, 'cause that's just, we, we together for so long, we're just, that's, we're just so used to each other, you know, it's like, it's beautiful because we love each other, but we're also best friends.

So it's like, you know, that it goes hand in hand and we give each other shit all the time, you know? Um, but my dad lost his wife and, you know, we, we had this discussion for a long time and I, I talked to my dad five times a week. I call him every day after work. It's part of my routine. Um, you know, and, and he's like, you, you saved my life.

I'm like, no, man. Like, you're my dad. I didn't, I didn't save you. Like, but I wasn't gonna, you know, let you do anything to yourself or let you fall into a pit of despair because I love you. Like, that's just, you know, you're my dad. Um, and I still, we, we talk every day. It's part of my, my drive home. It's, it's either him.

I call, I call the wifey, then him, and then I might have time for an audio book. 'cause I'm, I'm a sucker for audio, which by the way, I just bought that book, dying to Be Me. I

Marie Alessi: amazing. You'll love it.

Rob Valincius: Um, and I'll buy your book too, 'cause I always buy people, I always try to support anyone that comes

Marie Alessi: wait for another month or so because I'm just in the, in the middle of, um, writing my fourth book and my fourth book. I'm really, really excited about it coming out because my first book was my story, you know, how I met Rob, how I fell in love with him, um, and how he died and how we dealt with it. Uh, the second book then was Happy Healing, where I talk about what happened afterwards, where I founded the movement, and I, I give away my seven steps from grief to relief, which was where my steps, how I got through, um, Rob's passing.

The third one was a prompted journal called Sparks of Joy because it, I, I want some people to have something every single day where they, you know, they have a little bit of a one-liner and then they have space to reflect on that and write their own things in there. But the fourth book, I feel is something so different because. In this space, I have received the same questions over and over again, thousands of times. As you can imagine, there's hardly a week where somebody doesn't text me. Even a couple of days ago, I got another text message. My friend has lost her husband, what do I do? Such and such just died. What do I do? How can I support them?

It's always the same questions and I feel like I'm repeating myself over and over again. So I thought, why not write a book about that? So the book is literally, I'm, I'm gonna give this away. Woo, please. Um, yeah, sneak Peak. The book is called My Person Died. What Now? It's literally that, you know, and the first part of the book is to the Griever, and the second part of the book is to the support person.

And then there is, uh, references and things I recommend, and then there is helplines, but the two main parts are to the griever and to the support person. And it's literally a collection of all the things that I've ever recommended. How you can support somebody through the grief or how you can get through those first. You know, it doesn't matter if it's fresh or if it's been 10 years, but if you are in grief and you don't know how to get out, that book will be your guide. I, I bring so much lightness into grief because it's such a heavy topic and I don't believe it has to be. So that's, that's my mission. Bringing light.

Rob Valincius: I love it. And 'cause at the, at the end of the day, right, I mean. You can't escape time.

Marie Alessi: Yeah.

Rob Valincius: Uh, time is something you can't buy. You could be as rich as you want and you can't buy it. So, um, I could be here today and gone tomorrow, and the same thing goes for you. So it's one of those things where I, I, it's so weird, especially in America, you know, we're just so.

Used to death. And, um, we don't embrace natural things and things that like make sense to embrace, which is, it sucks to say, right? Um, but I, I think that's a great idea because, you know, obviously the griever went, is going through the pain, but I think a lot of people also don't think about the support system because there's a lot, you know, they have their own shit that they gotta deal with, but then they also have to deal with the, the griever and, and it can be pretty cumbersome because, you know, you're having these, these talks and, you know, I, I'll admit man, you know, sometimes walking away from this discussion with my dad, you know, it's, I have an hour drive home.

You know, if it's a 55 to an hour minute conversation, I might come home and I'm, I feel bad for the wifey because I'm just like drained mentally. 'cause I'm wor I worked all day, you know,

Marie Alessi: And the conversation. Yeah.

Rob Valincius: and, and, and, um, sometimes I didn't know how to wash it

Marie Alessi: Hmm. Yeah.

Rob Valincius: You know, just, just kind of breathe and get rid of it and, and, um, you know, you don't realize how one person's grieving can affect multiple people.

Marie Alessi: Yeah. Oh, there's such a ripple effect. And believe me, when you are in grief, you don't realize because you don't have any capacity how it affects other people around you. Because, you know, like just looking at, at Rob, the, the 500 people at his funeral, I was certainly not the only one ing him, you know? But, um, I had no capacity for anybody else's grief around Rob.

I was more than busy with my own, plus looking after our boys. They were 10 and eight at the time, you know? So that was really, um, a very, very intense time for me. And in particular because I had promised Rob that I would create the happiest life possible for them. So all I was searching for and seeking actively was joy.

How can I present joy to them, you know, in a time where that's the last thing that you feel is joy, you know? And that, to me became a. My sole mission to create a happy life for them. People did not really understand what I was doing. They probably thought I lost the plot or, you know, I'm, I, I what, whatever.

I don't know. But I again, had no capacity to think about what other people think of us. I just knew that I wanted to create a happy life. That's also one of the many reasons why I took them on a, on a trip around the world. At the end of that year, you know, it was five, five months after Rob died, we were on a plane and I said, we are out of here.

I'm not, I'm not staying here to, you know, I should go through all these first milestones without Rob. I knew that would be heavy. And, um, you know, to be here for Christmas and New Year's and their birthdays both in January, I thought, we need to go. We need to get out of here. And people always say, oh, you can't run from grief.

I'm like, watch me. I, I still think to the day that, uh, there's nothing wrong with needing distance. I people always say, you have to go through this. You have to, you are not ever gonna get past this if you don't get through it. And, ah, there's so many different ideas how you're supposed to grieve. And I feel I often, I often, um, like the comparison between physical and emotional pain when it comes to that.

You know, when you look at, uh, let's say a, a field of wounded soldiers, you know, somebody lost their leg. Somebody like, they're, they're bleeding, they're wounded, like really deeply. Not one person in their right mind would go to that field of soldiers and said, you're doing a good job. You really need to get through this pain.

It's amazing. You, you have to get through it. You know, like even if your legs fallen off, you'll get through this. Just hang in there. Nobody would say that. Everybody would rush to them, you know, nurses and doctors, and clean the wounds and dress them or airlift them to hospital, whatever. Everybody would rush to get them away from the pain.

In grief, they do the polar opposite and think it's, it's the right thing to do. I don't understand why. So I felt airlifted.

Rob Valincius: don't change the bedsheets, you know, or any of that stuff. You sleep in those and make sure it smells exactly like that person too, because that's how you deal

Marie Alessi: That to me though, was really important. I have to say, like smelling Rob's seizure and then after two, three weeks, that just stops, you know? But, uh, that, that really helped me at first. That's a different story, but again, everybody's different. But for me, taking the boys and then our first sub were the Maldives in an over water bungalow, and we had our own little private pool there and we were looking into the vastness of the ocean.

There were dolphins coming past, like literally paradise, you know? And it was certainly easier for us to deal with our emotions there, just the three of us when nobody else knew what was going on. No expectation, no spectators, no. Advice. Um, that to me was the best decision I ever made. And the boys still talk about it.

They're like, you know that, that was the best trip we've ever done, mom. So I'm like, I've done the right thing.

Rob Valincius: I mean, look, I think everyone has their own, just like you have your own version of what life is, what, what makes you happy, right? I also think grieving is the same thing, right? I think everyone has their

Marie Alessi: Yeah, absolutely.

Rob Valincius: um, ever. Everyone has their own way of

Marie Alessi: Mm-hmm.

Rob Valincius: The grieving, is it all right?

No, I mean, we're human. Nothing that we do is probably right. Um, now, you know, if you're doing a line of cocaine to, to, you know, coincide with that or drinking a handle of vodka, alright, maybe that's the wrong way, you know, but I think what you did, there's nothing wrong with, with getting, especially when you're dealing with young kids too.

I mean, um, I think it's easier to escape a little bit and, and, um, coalesce into your own little, your little group, um, and come back with, with a fresh mindset. Um,

Marie Alessi: It was amazing. That trip really helped us heal, I have to say, it really helped us in our healing journey. It was a perfect start to it, and I have no regrets. I'm really glad I took them. I was, yeah.

Rob Valincius: I was, um, I, I, you know, I, I love dogs. I'm a, I'm a dog guy. Um, and, um, you know, I, I see a lot of things and, you know, we talked about smells and it's, it's funny dogs when, when they grieve or when they're upset, when you leave, um, they dictate a lot of things. And I, I think it's funny 'cause I think it also, uh, goes hand in hand with humans, but, um, they go by your smell, your scent.

Um, so they don't perceive time the same way we do. Right. You know, they know that it's light outside, but they don't know that it's eight or noon or three. They have no

Marie Alessi: Yeah.

Rob Valincius: of that. But they know that if you leave, they can smell you. But the longer you're gone, the less you're scent. Exists like is

Marie Alessi: Yeah.

Rob Valincius: and that's how they start to process you not being there. Um, and that, that, that messed with with me a little bit. 'cause I, I think it's, it's almost kind of the same way. 'cause like, you know, almost like music for humans, right? Music, I can listen to a couple songs and tell you where I was, what emotions those songs elicit. It's the same thing with smells, right?

And food, sometimes even food.

Marie Alessi: I'm gonna share one more quick story with you. I know we're almost at the end here, but, um, when you said smells, it brought a memory back to me. Uh, when we emptied Rob's garage, uh, it was so confronting for me and I asked his brothers to come and help me because I, um, I knew I couldn't do that alone physically, mentally.

I, I needed somebody to be there. And they helped me and they came and his younger brother, Paul, came with his son, and, uh, my sons were there and they walked up the driveway and I said, hi. And I, I, you know, I hugged them and I said to Paul, are you wearing a equity Jo? That was Rob's, uh, he always wore a equity, Jo.

Rob Valincius: No way

Marie Alessi: Yeah. Why?

Rob Valincius: that, that is the cologne that I

Marie Alessi: No way. And your name is Rob. That's,

Rob Valincius: I swear to God. That is my, that is clone. I wear the wifey. Loves it. I've been wearing it for long. I've been

Marie Alessi: get you. I get you. I love it too.

Rob Valincius: she, she says, I, I get you. I love it. Too long. I've been wearing it like 10 years longer. You asked me what I like, basically, almost as long as I've known

Marie Alessi: with Rob. As long as I known him, he's sworn ajo and they woke up and I smell it. And I said to him, are you wearing a, I said, no. And I said, ti, are you wearing ajo? And he said, no. And they're like, lemme smell you. Come here. And I, I, it's weird, but I smelled them both. I'm like, I swear, I smell it like so intensely.

And we were both like, yeah, of course. It's Rob checking us out what we're doing. You know, I could smell,

Rob Valincius: a distinct smell.

Marie Alessi: I just couldn't believe it. And, and I was like, of course he's here, he's watching us, what we're doing with his garage. You know, it was just,

Rob Valincius: He probably blew, he probably like blew it right in your face to be like, I'm here, don't you throw away my shit, you know? Oh, that, that's a good, that's a good, that's a good story to end with. Look, I didn't get to any of the questions. Uh, I don't know. I had, I had a bunch here. You know, this is what happens on my podcast.

Never. You know what I always tell people it's a good podcast when I don't get to all my questions. Uh, it's a better podcast when I get to barely any. It's not the best if I finish my questions and I'm trying to figure out where to go from here. So, uh, look, it was a pleasure having you on. Please tell me and my audience, where can they find all of your content, your books, um, anything you got going on in the near

Marie Alessi: Perfect. Yeah. Uh, the easiest is just to go to my website, marie alessi.com and you'll find everything there. You find my, my podcast, you find my book, my TEDx talk. Everything's there and there's a book, a chat with me button if you wanna, uh, if you wanna, you know, ask me if I can help you through grief.

The answer is if you want me to. Absolutely. So book a chat and let's have a, let's have it all.

Rob Valincius: And, and you. So that's for all, all over the world, right? Not just where you're at. So the beauty of the

Marie Alessi: I've worked with a lot of people in the States and the tricky time zone for me is Europe and South Africa because it's like my. My evening time where I wanna be with my family. So that's really tricky for me. But yeah, anything from America to Australia works quite well for me for my time zone.

Yeah.

Rob Valincius: Awesome, awesome. Well, look, my podcast is Drink Clock Pod on all socials, drink clock podcast, where every listen to podcasts as well as YouTube and everywhere else. Um, look, it was a pleasure having you on and, um, let's do this again after you're another bestselling

Marie Alessi: then we

Rob Valincius: uh, author for your next book. I know I'll save some of these for the next time.

Marie Alessi: thank you for having me, Rob. Thank you.

Rob Valincius: Thank you. You have a great night. 

Outro Music