growNman
growNman
I am growNman 137 Growth Beyond the Hamster Wheel
Are you caught in life's hamster wheel? Running endlessly but never truly progressing? In this raw and revealing conversation, I explore what keeps men trapped in cycles of mediocrity and how intentional growth can break these patterns for good.
Drawing inspiration from David Banner's perspective about not doing business with unfaithful men, I dive into what true faithfulness actually requires. It's not just about physical loyalty—it's about actively improving your relationship, taking responsibility, and constantly checking if you could be doing more. Most men struggle with faithfulness not because they're inherently untrustworthy, but because they never learned what it truly means or demands.
We often blame our partners when relationships fail, insisting on a "50-50" dynamic. But the uncomfortable truth? You chose your partner. If the relationship isn't working, perhaps you didn't put in enough effort or selected someone incompatible with your values. This isn't about being a "simp"—it's about owning your choices and their consequences.
Your free time ultimately determines whether you excel, remain stagnant, or become lost in life. Those caught in the hamster wheel believe life is simply about working, making money, and taking occasional vacations. But there exists a smaller group who live more intentionally—meeting financial obligations while constantly developing their craft during free time, creating true freedom for themselves.
Ready to escape the cycle? Start by understanding who you are first. Maintain your health, create positive routines, and develop discipline. When you know yourself, you naturally attract aligned energy. Focus on developing skills beyond your day job that can generate additional income. Otherwise, you'll remain trapped, complaining about circumstances while doing nothing to change them.
Make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about what you can't control. Get after that action, or that action will get after you. What steps will you take today to break free from your hamster wheel?
what up, though, and welcome back to I'm growing man shaman. John d in the building got some wonderful news. Uh, I got some new content coming out shortly soon. I'm teaming up with Dr Torrey and we're going to create something beautiful. We're going to get together this week and see what it look like, and hopefully we can just continue pumping out information that people can use and grow, that people can use and grow.
Speaker 1:Today's information that I care to share will be pretty much a perspective. On a recent podcast clip I saw, I saw David Banner saying that his mentor told him how can you do business with a man who cheats on his wife, like you're doing business with somebody where his wife can't even trust him. You know, and I was looking at it and I was like, first of all, I want to say this it's got to be a blessing to have a mentor that can have a perspective like that, because that is clean living for the most part. I can't lie Like just thinking about how many businesses would get, what business would get completed if men actually did that. I'm not saying everybody's cheating, but I am saying that men who cheat I don't think that it's necessary that they can't be trusted. I think that they cheat because they don't know how to be faithful, like I do know people will. To a certain degree somebody will turn on you, right. But I don't think, if you spend time with somebody and you do the right thing, that you have to worry about those things with men, because men and I'm just just put it out there you know we are very simple. We can talk about some sports. We can talk about some sports. We can talk about some music. We can talk about politics. We can talk about anything that has nothing to do with anything that's within our control, and it's called pretty much just shooting the shit. You're not even talking real conversations, because the stuff that you're exchanging with somebody is just information that deals with other people. You know so, and when I say simple, I mean like I don't think men know how important they are in their own family. So when I'm thinking about what David Banner says, it's pretty dope if you can meet groups of men that are actually happy with being married and they can interact with other men who believe in the same perspective of protecting your wife. It's remarkable.
Speaker 1:Living in the life that I live in, I realized that, no matter how much I love my wife, no matter how much time I put into this, I see why men don't want to be in relationships. So the idea that they're cheating means you can't trust them. Now that's going a long way. It's going a little deeper than I would like to go, but I don't think you'll create a relationship with men where that's going to affect you. You will find the man you're looking for if you can find those type of men, because that is a respect that I don't think that people, that men have learned, like being faithful. This is what faithful is to me. Faithful is doing not only what you believe in, what's keeping the relationship together, but finding ways for it to improve and to always check in to see if you could be doing more.
Speaker 1:Now some people are like well, what if she ain't doing? What? What if she ain't doing all that? Like, why do I need to do that? Because I feel like as a man, like I said earlier, we talk about things, that what we can't control and the time that I was using for that. Now I focus on making the relationship with my wife so much better and I've seen the results.
Speaker 1:Show me the receipts, like when I say the intentional effort between my wife and I made me understand why people don't look at relationships the way that I feel right now. Because they haven't gone that way. They haven't put in the effort. You know, people's like I put in the effort. I never got there. Well, you didn't put in enough effort because, depending on your partner, you're probably going to go through the experience together, but somebody is going to be more mature than the other. But somebody is going to be more mature than the other and, unless you're just aware, you're going to think that they could be doing more. And that's where the misunderstanding and the miscommunication comes in.
Speaker 1:As a man, I feel like if we took it upon ourselves to say, hey, this relationship don't work, it's because I didn't know what I was doing. Like can you say that? Are you gonna say, hey, it's 50 50? You know it's two in a relationship. You're absolutely right, but you chose her. When you choose her, you have to believe that this is the game you're playing. I want to win. What does that look like? You have to get to know that person and know if that's the game you're playing.
Speaker 1:But we didn't get the information that made us move this way. It was almost like, like I said, this archaic idea of conquering literally conquering women, fighting. It's the whole thing about men and I think that's the reason why it's so difficult for us to really evolve as people. Technology's passed us. Because we haven't evolved, we're still fighting, we're still not knowing how to do relationships, we're still not understanding the process of unlayering our childhood so that we can find ways to grow.
Speaker 1:Because, whether you notice or not, your parents created your ceiling and not saying that their ceiling wasn't high or their ceiling was low, but there's so much more that they didn't know. And if you don't intentionally go get it, you stay in this place and maybe that's what you want. But in my head I always think about why am I not here? And then I just like I didn't put in enough work. So as a man, I realized I could be loyal to my guy. You know, because if I correlate him being loyal to me but he can't remain faithful to his wife, I can say he doesn't know how to do that. You know, because I do know men that's remained faithful in the capacity that society says that they're faithful and they're unhappy. And and I believe that they're unhappy because they don't know that they're not, they have to put in the work. Happy because they don't know that they're not, they have to put in the work. And I know biggest thing is that men say well, what about the woman? You picked her. If she's not doing her work, then you need to work more so she will do her part.
Speaker 1:I don't believe women will take advantage of a man unless that relationship was already the intent for the woman to take advantage of the man. And if the woman takes advantage of the man, the man did not do enough research on what the capabilities of this woman was, because all women are not capable of that unless they have grown in a particular environment, got information from people that understand how that moves. But all women, nowhere near women, operate like that. If you could find a woman that will take advantage of you, you really don't know what a woman looks like, because you were definitely distracted by the way she looks, the things she said, what she had on or what she says she has. Because if a woman takes advantage of you, how long were you talking to her, like you're telling me you're that important? Was she plotted against you, against you? Come on, man, come on, who are we? We the most famous person. We know that's wild, but it all come down like the end.
Speaker 1:I said it's decision makingmaking. We have to look for more information and our decision-making is pretty much based off on environmental habits and thinking that you're going to do it your way and you can always do it your way. No matter how you do it, it always can be done better. And through this journey for me, I realized that the more information I get, the more confident I feel with the decisions I'm making. Because if you only learn it one way and it's the wrong way, you will always do it that way because that's the way you learned it. But if you go get more information, you'll understand why your way was the wrong way. And when I say it was wrong, it's only wrong because you didn't know that it was a better way to do it.
Speaker 1:And I think times we get you know, we get caught up in really standing on what we think we believe in. And I think, if we can put things into perspective, everything that you've learned was given to you by somebody else. The only way you can find out if that information is correct is if you go find out what do other people know, and then you come back and think, okay, why didn't I get that information? I'm over here Like if you care about you yourself, you'll care about people and you'll see, like some people were just put in situations where it was beyond their control, but they still had to figure it out.
Speaker 1:So, as men, what are we doing to make better decisions when it comes to relationships? We're not, because we don't have enough men creating content about relationships that have nothing to do. Now, let's listen. The content that I see it's always about some type of energy in sex and to me that is the distraction. Like women are not built like that and the only reason why men are built like that is because we don't have to think too hard for us to get an erection. So if we don't learn to control that, have discipline about it, we'll always think that a woman is supposed to fulfill that need. That's not fair, not very good for any relationship, and that is one of the reasons why I think decision-making is so tough because that information is not correct. And if it was, why are relationships failing from infidelities and finances? Because we don't know how to do it and the people before us didn't know how to do it. I just think about the information I got to be in a relationship and what it took to how to get here. I'm like nobody's talking about this and it's not even a niche. I feel like if everybody just worked harder than they are and I'm just talking about men really Like, most of the time men feel like they're going to be suckers or simps if they do more than what the woman is doing, and they don't want to feel like that.
Speaker 1:Pick the right one, ask her enough questions to see if that's somebody you want to go forward with, but if you keep using the distraction of how she look or how she shape, your outcome is going to be one of the most difficult outcomes you could ever get. You're either going to work really hard to make it work or you're going to fail at it and be like I picked the wrong one and there go the excuse because you didn't know how to. That's why I say how can a man be faithful when they don't even know how to be faithful? They don't understand the magnitude, because there's these messages where you're supposed to live in today and being present. You are right, but there's a part Of your behavior today that's going to affect your future. And If you don't figure out today, who's going to be the product from that? Your kids, kids, like, if you don't figure it out, they're going to have to figure it out. If men don't know how to do it, they'll keep doing what men have been doing. It's going to take an effort that most men don't know that they have to put in.
Speaker 1:I do know this and this is what I do believe in men, the competitive alpha men, and I say this because when I say I'm alpha, I'm like I want to get it right. I'm looking for ways to improve. I'm always trying to evolve, to become a better example, because my kids are watching and I want my wife to always feel like her husband is still learning to find ways to protect her so she can feel safe. This is the life I chose. This is the life I want to live. I want to live like this because it's funner than the life that I used to live.
Speaker 1:But you wouldn't understand that, because when I say you, those of you that have not put in the effort to make your relationship cold, like, think about this. Putting that effort to make your relationship cold will make you feel a feeling that you didn't even know you were capable of doing. So. David Banner has to make sure he evaluates the men he's around, because that's tough. Make sure he evaluates the men he's around, because that's tough, and I know he. I don't know how small his circle is, but I do know that he's very influential and I know it's pretty easy to have circles here and there and that's a delicate topic. But I just wanted to say I really appreciate that insight, you know, but I think it's very difficult to actually fulfill that.
Speaker 1:Like I realized, what's keeping man from evolving is literally, as humans we stay away from our areas of weakness. And I think man's area of weakness is really unlayering who they are and putting the energy into creating something with somebody else just outside, outside of kids, of relationship. And I think we haven't seen that because the story of man has been solely driven off sexual energy and women have always been like second fiddle and like they provide this service. And now women are serving to be like more than better than us. You know, like I, like I've counterparts, right compliments, but they bring so much more to the table than men now, and I think only a man that wants to stay loyal to an idea will argue that. But women are so much more qualified than what men are. Like, if men and women were equal in strength, women would run males Like. I don't know, but I do know like women had to evolve into this and we put them in that situation.
Speaker 1:So I think, going forward into the future, those of you that get an opportunity to follow me and like listen if you have young people and they're interested in relationships but you know, don't know where to start don't focus on any relationship. Just find out who you are Like, literally like focus on your diet, get healthy, create a routine where you are doing everything to maintain your body. Once you know who you are, the universe will allow you to attract energy that you deserve. But before you do that, you're trying to figure out who you are and you'll get all these distractions and these messages to say, oh, I want to do this. This makes me feel this way. It's going to make it's a temporary gratification with a consequence that is irreversible and you have to live with it. If they knew that that's way more important than going to look for love or support from somebody else, that they would get it for the long haul. But we don't have enough information as youth to say you know what I do. I need to focus on myself because we're still trying to learn. You know everything and our parents only know what they know, right. So if our parents only know what they know, it's going to take the being who you are to believe you're that important to go find more information. Once you get new information, you make better decisions.
Speaker 1:We have to really watch what we do with our free time. Our free time is really what's causing us to either excel, was causing us to either excel, stay stagnant or just lost. And when I say stagnant, it's this hamster wheel, right? When you're lost, there's so many factors that plays a role in that. When you're lost, you don't know why you're there and it's eating you up inside where it's preventing you from even getting in the hamster wheel.
Speaker 1:Like the hamster wheel people, they think this is just what life is. I go to work, I make this money, I can go on trips, I can do this. It can get way better than that, but you have to intentionally work on something, and I think that the people who are in hamster wheels some of them make enough money for them to be happy. Some of them make enough money. That makes them distracted on the time where they would want more money, and they spend all of their time chasing this. You see that in the hamster wheel and then you have this small select few who tries to. This is the area I want to go. I think I'm out of the hamster wheel because I'm more conscious of what I want to do, so I have to think that way. I'm out of the hamster wheel because I'm more conscious of what I want to do, so I have to think that way. But this small group of people that I want to be a part of are the ones that live in the moment. They work to pay off their bills or whatnot, but they don't get distracted by things they can't control, by things they can't control, and in their free time they are constantly working on their craft so that they are able to free up even more time that they can say this is my time.
Speaker 1:And I feel like that was a message that we miss. As men, you know like you, go find a job to make this much money versus like what do you really like, and let's find a career that could align with it, where that, if you do work hard, you don't mind working hard because it's something you like doing. But even as a discrepancy with that, though, even if you end up with a job that you don't like, you could become so good cold in that job, or you didn't like it, but you understood and found the process by doing it a hundred percent. And I'll tell you this, no matter how much you don't like it, somebody above is watching you work and they're going to get you out of there because you are doing more than you're supposed to be doing, or doing more than the people around you. Sometimes your effort reflects. If you really want it, you can talk all you want. Talking does nothing without action.
Speaker 1:So keep in mind, men, if you're not, if you don't have a routine where you're working on something, you're in a hamster wheel, and this episode is dedicated to those of you that are not for sure. If you're in a hamster wheel and this episode is dedicated to those of you that are not for sure. If you're in a hamster wheel, like if you're not working on something where you can actually see a result, like and I'm not talking about like get out of debt, because a lot of you guys have a job you've been in and the raise isn't enough for you to ever get out of debt. You don't realize that's the hamster wheel. If you're in debt and you just have a regular job and you're not working on something to take care of that debt, you're going to remain in this hamster wheel.
Speaker 1:But I didn't realize that Having these student loans made me realize, like, what am I doing to get out of it? So I have to work on my communication to the point where it's so good where somebody would want to pay me. But just imagine if I didn't find something to focus on. I would just be in education complaining about they don't pay me enough. And now that I realize I have to work on a craft that's outside of my professional day-to-day because I am not good enough to get paid to take care of these loans.
Speaker 1:And it took me being in this experience as my kid's father to realize like I didn't have enough information. So I'm trying to prevent that from them. You know, prevent that from happening, because nobody wants to be boxed in to loans for their whole life and I've definitely been boxed in with loans more than half my life and I'm in that because I didn't have enough information or mentors that could say, hey, this is probably the way you need to do it, and that's probably what I need to be doing now, being more of an example to prevent this from happening for people outside of my kids. I'm going to think about that, but I'm not going to keep you guys any longer. Half the year is over. It's been a good year. I see wonderful opportunities coming up and I just want to be able to say that I appreciate you guys who've been watching me grow, trying to become this person, to be a better example for whoever cares to watch, even when nobody's watching.
Speaker 1:I want y'all to believe that I'm trying to find ways to improve so that it looks exciting to work on yourself. When you find out the results you can get from working on yourself, I promise you don't fall in love with it, but you have to do it. You're not going to just wake up unless you hit rock bottom. Right, and I told you guys those of you that haven't hit rock bottom You'd be one of the special ones if you could turn it around and say, hey, I found it and didn't hit rock bottom, because most people do, and that's not a bad thing either. But nobody wants to go through that agony before they hit rock bottom, before they turn their ground. So get out that hamster wheel Y'all. Make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G-a-t-a. Get after that action or that action will get after you. Be green on purpose, boom.