169 Building A Love That Redefines Happiness

What if the fastest route to real happiness is the long way home? We open up about the quiet work that rebuilt our marriage and our mindset, and why the basics—communication, daily movement, clean fuel, and emotional intelligence—beat hacks every time. No gurus, no gatekeeping. Just a practical, free playbook anyone can run.

We start by reframing love as protection, not performance. That shift changes everything: how we speak during tense moments, how we listen when it matters, and how we make safety feel normal at home. Then we get tactical. You’ll hear why 8–10k steps, daily stretching, and simple strength work create a buffer against future pain, how hydration and whole foods restore focus and mood, and how precise language reduces conflict. We even challenge common compliments like terrific and amazing, exploring how sloppy words can dull our intent and create confusion.

Across seven years of steady effort, the change is visible and verifiable—friends can see it, and we can feel it. Faith shows up here as action: believing you matter enough to practice better habits, choose cleaner inputs, and keep the peace when you could take the bait. We close with small, repeatable ways to pay it forward—buy a meal, offer help, leave people safer than you found them—because legacy grows from ordinary days done on purpose.

Join us for a conversation built to move you from theory to practice. If this resonates, follow the show, share it with someone who needs a lift, and leave a quick review telling us which habit you’ll start this week.

Transcript

Purpose, Effort, And A New Kind Of Love

SPEAKER_00 0:11

What up, Doe, and welcome back to I'm Growin' Man. John D in the building. So today's topic. You know, I was trying to figure out how I really wanted to approach this. I do want y'all to know this. Um my wife and I have created a relationship that have not that has not been documented. And I'm gonna tell you why it hasn't been. Because I think the purpose of mankind is like built through relationship, and friendship is essential to the soul. I want to get serious with you guys. This episode is me pushing an agenda that can make you enjoy life that much more. I will say though, it's going to the the the weight is gonna be on the man. And the reason why I can say this is because where I am, no man encouraged me to get to. I haven't read about it, I haven't heard about it. If you guys go back and listen, I think ultimately, after this conversation I had with my wife today, I just I want to inspire people to believe that there's a level of happiness that has not been described. Because humans are, we're we're selfish people. When I say selfish, I mean I'm really referring to men. Because I don't have enough information, but the information I do have, men are too selfish to believe they could get to what I'm trying to describe today. You know, uh I've had a pretty good life. When I say that, I mean just health-wise, I haven't had any complications, no breaks, no like things that distracted me long enough to not get to this point. You know, and I know some people will be like, like, what are you talking about? I wear a hoodie in my studio to just push information because I believe that what I have is true. So much so that I believe after a certain period of time I will be approached to like sell this idea. And I told my wife, I was like, this information is free. And I'm gonna tell y'all why it's free. Because if they can start charging for the information that I'm sharing for you guys, that means poor people can't get it. Poor people could change their life through intentional effort. Period. So regardless of where you are in life, if you believe you're that important to get it, this information applies to you. If you feel like there's a part of your life that was cheated because maybe you didn't have both parents, maybe you didn't grow up in a house, maybe you didn't grow up with electricity on a regular basis, or maybe you didn't grow up with clean water, maybe you didn't get to pick an outfit for the first day of school, maybe because you may not you may not be able to eat because you didn't go to school. Like this information is for you. No matter who you believe in, they want you to win too. The information I have for you is to show you that your effort can change everything. No matter your self-esteem, if you could go befriend an adult at a school, they want you to win. Now, I do want you to know this is not an open invitation to just go befriend an adult. But I do believe the adults in your building want you to win. And if you create a relationship where they can push your effort, you will change the trajectory of your family. If you can do that, maybe you'd be lucky enough to attract the energy for you to create what I'm creating with my wife now. I told her, they're gonna have to come up with a new word for the relationship my wife and I have created. And you know what's so good about this? That when anybody does the research and like start talking to our friends or our colleagues, they'll be able to verify that this is by far, today, right now, is the happiest I've ever been in my life. You know why? I know a lot of people give praise to God, but God, look, we're all God's children. Let's put that out there. What separates us is our effort. What separates our effort is how much we believe in ourselves to change what we don't even believe. When I say that, I mean like if your parents knew it, they would have taught you this. A lot of you guys don't even know you're the person that's supposed to change how your family moves. It look, the easiest way to dominate this journey, no lie, take the long way home. What does that mean? Take the long way home. Like, don't look for any shortcuts, process what you're going through, work on yourself. Cade. There it is. The long way home is to master communication that includes any and everything where anybody says, you're not a good communicator, or I wish I could have said that differently, or why'd I say it that way, or why did I respond in that tone? Anything that could get a different result from the person you're talking to so that you don't consider your time wasted. Communication. Activity. Now I'm telling you, these are the things, and these are the things I be pushing. Activity is the things you do to keep your being, your body in shape for any and everything. Not saying you're about to go to war, not saying you're about to get in a fight, but just so that if you do get to live a long and healthy life, that toward the end, it doesn't remind you why you're still alive. Like I know people's bones be aching because they didn't have enough information, and I have enough information. I just recently bought some things that I feel like I'm gonna put into my routine. I know y'all be hearing about me talking about my routine, and that's what I'm talking about. I have a routine that I'm now going to include a physical workout that can make sure that I'm stretching, I'm walking, um I'm building strength so that when I do get older, that whatever aches and pains I can deal with, because it's just, you know, it just comes with, you know, the longevity of the body, but there's definitely levels of pain. And I know I don't want the the parts that I've been hearing. So I'm gonna try to be as proactive as possible. Diet. Remember, communication, activity, diet. Oh no, no, let's go back. Activity. So your activity should have eight to ten thousand steps a day. You should drink half your body weight in water. Um, like I said, you you should stretch. Oh, you know what? I I so understand this. Those of you that have been following along, the things I share with you guys are things that I'm incorporating into my daily life that I feel like if you do this at an earlier age, the quality of your life will increase because you're preparing for the inevitable. There are things that are gonna happen to your body, there's things gonna happen the way you think. And if you prepare for those things, uh, you can still enjoy the quality of life. So communication, activity, diet. Diet, you gotta watch what you put in your body. The most like so drugs, I'm beginning to believe that just drugs are just anything that you put inside your body that can cause you to be so distracted that could disrupt the only vessel you have, your body, because you didn't like the way that you were living or how you were brought in. You know, they say life's not fair. I believe those that believed that, if they knew how important they were, they would know it wasn't about being fair.

SPEAKER_01 9:36

I do believe we're all God's children.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

I'm not gonna tell you what to pray for, but I will say what I pray for. I pray that you guys believe that you're that important where the God that you pray for or pray to can give you the the inspiration for that effort to reap the benefits you deserve. That's what I pray for, I promise. Because, like, like me, I believe in the same guy you believe in. You call it something different, we call it something the same, but at the end of the day, my effort has changed the views of how I pray.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

Like, I realize that I'm no different than you.

Activity And Building A Protective Routine

Diet, Distraction, And Long-Term Health

Faith, Self-Belief, And Ownership

Emotional Intelligence And Keeping The Peace

SPEAKER_00 10:31

The only difference now, mind you, if this does not apply to you, don't take anything I say personal. I'm only talking to the people that the message is supposed to be received. And I've been telling people, I've been working on communication so that whoever's listening to me knows that I come in peace. You my guy. You my baby for sure. Like, like on everything I love, like I don't want no pro I don't want any problems. No smoke. I don't want any of that. I only want to give you something that maybe can help you. And if it can't help you, please keep it moving. Because you already there. I just want to help people that look like where I was. Because nobody wants to lose on purpose. Nobody wants to lose on accident either. So if these words can inspire and move some people, let it. The comments, the negative comments, I don't even look at it as negative anymore. You know, I I got a colleague I work with, and you know, he's just like, you always look at things this way. You know, I do because I don't know anybody who wants to lose. So if you don't want to lose, I'm not gonna think of a way for you to lose. I want you to win. I want you to be great, my baby, on everything. So as we move on, communication, activity, diet, watch what you put in your body because delicious foods are drugs, it will distract you and get you lethargic, get you less motivated to enjoy the quality of life. I think now, mind you, we still in the beginning stages of everything. I still believe diet is probably the most important, but communication is by far something that all of us can improve on. So I think that's the reason why that's number one in my acronym of K. Last one is emotional intelligence. Um, if you have it and you you complement it with communication, when I tell you, you not only reduce your misunderstandings, disagreements, or possible arguments, but you keep a peace in the room. Like if you like to talk about engaging conversations where it could be like some bipolar responses, but it's benefit it benefits everybody who's listening, you can you can make people have those uncomfortable conversations. That's what I've noticed. Like everybody wants to grow. Like, very few occasions where I've met people to say they didn't want to grow. I know that's funny, but now, I mean, it's kind of embarrassing to say out loud because we're too far advanced to not want to do it. Now, to do it on purpose is a different thing, and that's the reason why I'm working on communication. I just learned recently the letters we've learned are all from previous alphabets or sounds from other places, and they all meant something. And now I'm like trying to figure out how can I reduce the misunderstandings from the information that I got. You know, I I got about eight, eight minutes, and I want to end it on this, right? Those of you that don't know, terrific, the word terrific is literally a bad word. It's a word you don't want to give anybody. My wife said, Yeah, I always thought about horrific. And I was like, you got a word that's terrific, terrific, terrible. Like, it's a word that we should not wish on to anybody. Like, if words as strong as the person who's saying it, and you have the power of the tongue, we have to watch what we say to other people. I there are so many different words I want to share. Uh, awesome, amazing. We have to stop using these words. And you know, some people's like, you doing too much. Maybe. But you know what? I know that when I'm having a conversation with you, and if you ever learned this, I want you to know that I didn't use those words on purpose because I really believe in what I'm saying to you. And they was like, Well, we don't believe in that now. You're right. But why were you that important to be able to change the meaning of the word of where I was started? Like the word or the sounds we created from how it started, and now we feel like we can say the same word and be like, it's okay to change. Like the the arrogance of humans. Like, communication is so important, we have to be intentional with how we speak to each other. So you won't ever hear me say, have a terrific day. I used to say terrific Tuesdays. I don't, I won't say that anymore. I won't say, have an amazing day, be awesome. Like, if you guys are truly working on your community, those of you that are working on K and you're working on a communication aspect, go to your artificial intelligence and say, can you give me some common words that we are using like oppositely or using differently from the from it originally started? Now, the only reason why I'm I'm telling you guys this is because if we don't work on our communication, why isn't anybody supposed to understand us? Like for real, for real. Like, like, what are we really doing? I've been, I've been working on myself intentionally for the last at least, it's might be seven. Seven years. Seven years. And you know, what's so dope about this is I was telling Kanika, my wife, I said, it just seems like I just started. But it hasn't. Like, I'm so much different from when I began. And, you know, I remember there was a time where my wife felt a certain type of way about me. Like she used to, like, really be into me. And I couldn't understand why. And, you know, it hurt her because she loves hard. And she said she was giving me a tough time in the latter part of our life because, you know, like I'm trying to like reinvent and create this relationship she deserved. And she said she was just got into a practice to treat me a certain type of way, right? And I told her, I was like, it didn't even matter. I was willing to like just ride it out. She did. She deserved a man that was going to give her what she deserved, and I didn't know how to do it. And she treated me a certain type of way, and I'm so blessed that she just gave me the opportunity because I could have kept going. I I like, man, I'm a happy dude. You know what I'm saying? I want my, I want, I want other men to feel this way. Like, she could have asked me for anything. And, you know, some people say, Oh, you crazy? What do you mean? Hey, I'm I'm trying to create this family that that means that much more. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, and that's the reason why I work in our communication, because there is a life that a lot of us don't know about and we don't even know how to work toward. I am in the process of trying to find the right words, the right cadence to say. If you work on the relationship, you'll create an internal feeling that most people around you won't even understand. And you know what's so crazy? A lot of people think being in love is when you're willing to do stupid stuff for person for people. Being in love is when you want to protect that person, not because you like the way you feel. You want to protect that person from any hurt that it's gone through in his past to make sure that you learn so much about that person that within your grasp that they feel safe when they're around you. I remember my father saying that, you know, a few months before he died. He said, Man, you know, I know you don't do too much for me, but I feel safe when you're around. Like, who don't want to feel that? I want my wife to feel that. I want her to feel like not that I'm not doing anything, but I want her to feel safe. Like even when I'm not around, because somebody recognizes my wife, it was like, man, that's good people right there. I want to create that energy for other people. When you you intentionally work on yourself to create a result you haven't seen, and people around already know it's like they feel safe and it will keep them safe. That's the life that I feel like we all deserve. And I know we're far from that. But I do know if we did it on purpose, it'll happen sooner. You know, uh before I go, I just want to say this. And I haven't done it one time. It's been at least three weeks since three weeks, maybe a month. I want to pay it forward at least once a week. I'm gonna go to a fast food restaurant and pay for the person behind me. I'm gonna go pay for some groceries. I want to help. And I just want, I'm I'm saying it on here, and I've already said it before, so I'm gonna have to make up for it. I'm gonna make it happen. I am in the process of trying to find ways to inspire other people to be great on purpose. Y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G-A-T-A. Get after that action, or the action will get after you. Be great on purpose. Boom.