182 How To Become Special In A Tough Environment

One choice can flip your whole life, and most people do not change until the consequence is already permanent. We start with that uncomfortable truth, then get practical about what it takes to move differently when you grew up around unsafe habits, constant distractions, or a home that never taught you structure. My goal is simple: help you decide to be “special” on purpose, not because you are perfect, but because you are intentional.

We get into student motivation and education from the inside, including a problem adults miss all the time: a lot of kids were never taught how to learn. If you cannot read a chapter, study, and answer questions without guidance, that is not a character flaw, it is a skill gap and COVID made it worse for many students. I break down how to build small wins that turn into confidence, why straight A’s can be a powerful target when you need momentum, and how the right routines change your options fast.

Then we talk distractions and time management, including why obsessing over the news can steal the exact time you need to work on yourself. From there, we move into communication skills, emotional control, and respect, because how you sound and how you carry yourself can either open doors or make people feel unsafe. Finally, we hit maturity in relationships, being coachable, apologizing when you are wrong, and finding safe adults, mentors, therapy, journaling, church groups, or volunteer spaces that help you level up.

If you got value from this, subscribe, share it with someone who needs a push, and leave a review so more people can find the message. What is one habit you are ready to change today?

Transcript

Tragedy And The Cost Of Choices

SPEAKER_00 0:12

What up, Doe, and welcome back to I'm Growin Man. John D in the building. So there was a uh a tragic uh incident that occurred last few days, and uh me and some adults were talking about do you think this tragic event will change the behaviors of others? And personally, I said no, there's no way. Like, you have to be special to change your behavior living in an environment that practices unsafe behaviors. Like, the whole point of this particular episode is to speak to those who need to be spoken to. People that are great, they don't make average mistakes. So we have to learn how to think these out. What is the worst case scenario? The worst case scenario, my consequence is life-changing. We need to make better decisions. So when I think about kids, kids, I just was listening to somebody and was talking about how Eminem said, how can he grow up if he's never been raised? That's true. You know, it's very difficult to not have the guidance you need so that you can mature properly. And I think that goes for any and everybody. There are probably very few uh in in I don't even know, I don't even want to put a number on it, but that are able to actually raise their children in a way where they can grow and you know, move through the world and enjoy the quality of life from a very young age with very little trauma from the lack of what the parent knew, parents knew. So this message is specifically

Control What You Can Control

SPEAKER_00 2:22

aimed at those of you that live in an environment where you say, Why did I get this life? Now, I don't want to describe it, but if you have that feeling on the inside and you feel like you can't lock in because you got other things you gotta worry about that's out of your control, I need you to learn how to control only the things you can. And being in education as long as I have, I believe if we can convince kids how to learn and the importance of

Learn How To Learn

SPEAKER_00 3:04

it, they'll accept more of the accountability. And I think when kids come to school, we automatically think that they know how to learn. And that's not the case, but I think, and when I say know how to learn, I mean where if I give you a page number and you can go read a chapter and answer some questions without any guidance, like you know how to learn, but there are a lot of kids that can't do that because, you know, just dealing with the students who were affected by COVID, who were at home for a couple of years, being taught from um from a computer, everybody found out how difficult that was. But just imagine the kids on the other end, they missed some valuable teaching that is probably gonna impact them until they accept that responsibility of being special. And when I say special, I mean you I believe all kids can look around and say, who's childish, who's immature, who's gonna do this, who's gonna do that. Like you guys have eyes, you guys have opinions. I'm not saying all of your opinions are correct, but the opinion I want to have for you is that everybody was like, oh man, they always do their work. Uh they special. That's like you want people to say that about you. You're going to have to make better decisions. You're going to have to put in an effort that your environment is not showing. Because if it was, you would copy it. Like I said, this is really just for anybody who's willing to receive a message. I know in order to get out of a tough place, you have to be special. Because if you're not special, you're going to stay there. Period. If you believe you're special, you believe you're important, you're going to have to do different things to get out of that place. Mind you, I have not described the place that you're in. But whatever place you're in, it's going to take a different type of effort. And it's really you're the only person that can do it. Like you can have help from here and there, but if you don't get a hold of it, you're always going to be crippled by this help that you can do on your own. And people are going to help you as much as they can, but if they don't give you the help you need or feel that you deserve, you're going to treat them differently. And I don't want you to do that. So I need you to believe you're that important where you're going to have to see where you are in the learning aspect of life. If you know how to learn, say, let's say you know how to learn, wherever, whatever part of life you're in, try to become the best person in that part. So if you're in sixth grade and you know how to learn, try to get straight A's. Make your teachers talk about you. Ask your teachers say, hey, I'm what should I be interested in? I'm I'm doing this, I'm doing that. And the reason why I'm saying this is because when students go to school, you have a building full of adults who want to help you get whatever you want. They want to help you. Like, I know some people think that uh whatever reasons why people come to that building,

Effort That Your Environment Lacks

SPEAKER_00 6:38

but it takes a special type of person to come to a building full of kids where they may not understand how important they are. So if you're one of those kids that you feel like you're in a tough spot, go to the safest person you have in that building and say, I need some help. You tell them, I want, I can't focus because of whatever reasons. And let us try to give you some opportunities because if you don't get a hold of this, the adult life is going to be very difficult, filled with many obstacles, and you're going to think back, how did I get here? It starts in your childhood. And those of you that are adults that's having a tough time, you probably need therapy so you can unlayer your childhood and get out of the position that you're in. And I do recommend therapy, especially at a young age. Uh journaling. Now, remember, this message is only for people though that's in a position that they don't want to be in. Because I believe if a person believes that they're important, like if they truly believe

Find A Safe Adult And Ask

SPEAKER_00 7:55

they're important, they're gonna do things that they had never done before. Like they're gonna complete small tasks. Those small tasks are going to become medium to large size tasks, and they're going to develop a confidence and realize they could have done it all along. But what's so dope about this experience is that when you truly believe you're that important, you become special because you don't allow the distractions that prevent other people, including yourself at times, from getting to the goal you're looking for. Life is filled with distractions. And if you don't know what you want, you'll become one of them yourself and won't even know it, and you'll say you're having fun, and time will just So I want you to think about this. By the time you guys see this, it will be May. Almost half the year is already gone. It's it's if you're not being intentional, these days are gonna go by so fast, and I don't want people living in a place where they don't want to be at that time. So wherever you are, you are going to have to focus and lock in because I see people complaining about a lot of things and it's outside of their control still. And I hope those of you that come here that's looking for a message, do not worry about things you can't control. It will it will take your time away when you could be working on yourself. Like if you feel like you're one of those people that need to know what's going on in the news so you can be safe, I'm gonna tell you this. If anything is going to happen to you, God willing,

Cut Distractions And Protect Time

SPEAKER_00 9:46

if you are avoiding the news and you think the news for some reason is gonna protect you, there are other people that's gonna let you know. They're gonna call you because you're not gonna be the only one to stop watching the news. But if anything is in your area, they will contact you. How about if you don't even have any friends? If it's anything important, you will be able to get the message. But you're gonna have to utilize your time better. Like, even if you have to limit it to like one or two spots throughout the day where you are just doing what you do. But we have to find ways to focus and learn to master things that we're interested in. And when I say that, I mean like being that I'm in education, the key for me to become who I believe I will become is learning communication to the point where people won't feel you know, I I I don't know. I don't even know how to put it in the words, but what I want is to give people this energy that I have. Like, I really do believe in improving. So if I could give it to some some kid that's feeling like life is tough, and they're able to receive the message and they turn their life around, that's that's ultimately what I'm trying to do is just give an extra voice, an extra possible resource to that kid. Because I know a lot of y'all probably heard this before, but my wife told me, like, you become the person you think you needed when you were a kid. So I am trying to be this resource that could possibly change, you know, somebody's family. You know, uh life can end up really hard at an early age, and if you don't work on it intentionally, you're gonna blame it on your parents. And nobody really wants to do that. Your parents only knew what they knew. If they knew more, you would have been further along. So please understand that. Now, wherever you are, you could be better than your parents, but you could be way better than your parents. But it has to be on purpose. And if it's not on purpose, please believe you are setting a very low bar for your kid. You have to do things on purpose. So if you're gonna be special, these are a few things I want you to learn. You learn how to get along with others without getting upset, learning to control your emotions, because life is a game, and depending on where you are in life, you could be a really poor communicator and you're always arguing with somebody, or you're always loud, you you you blame it on your whole ethnic background that says that's the reason why it's okay to be loud. It's crazy because depending on who you're talking to, you're yelling, you're raising your voice, could look very aggressive, and you want to present as I come in peace. And that's what I'm learning. That the way that I speak can come off as I'm yelling. And I do believe that the only way I can yell is if I'm upset. So I know that if somebody can receive it as yelling, I have to fix that. So, and this is one of those things people say you can't please everybody. I'm not trying to please everybody. I just want to make sure the person that I'm talking to don't feel approached in a certain type of way. I want them to feel like it's a conversation where we're just exchanging information, not where I am intimidating. I don't ever want to appear that way. And I don't know how to completely remove all of that, but I want you to know I am I am in constant progress of trying to find ways to present myself to the world better. So I am just telling you things that I do because I want you to know I'm not pushing this message that I'm not practicing on a daily basis on everything I love. I believe in my routine and I enjoy, you know, the person that I'm becoming. And I I love the energy of my household. So if I can be a little light for somebody to look forward to, because I'll tell you, in order to really enjoy a fruitful relationship, maturity is key. If you are immature, the relationship is going to be very difficult to achieve the success you would want if you're in a relationship. And maturity is key. Relationships are for mature people. And I

Emotional Control And Communication

SPEAKER_00 14:42

push that message because it's the truth. You can find some immature people that work it out and something to develop for whatever reasons they made it work. But it's hard that way. And if you're immature, how about this? We probably need to come up with a list of questions to find out if the person is mature enough to entertain you because we're just repeating poor cycles with the information that we've received. We have to do a better job at finding people who's gonna occupy our time. I think I'm gonna work on that uh next time. Some key questions that you can ask so you can not even waste your time. Because immaturity, yeah, we're gonna we're gonna work on that one. Uh and the reason why I told people, I like you, I want you guys to learn uh as you move through life, learn how to get along with others. Because if you're a safe person, more people are more willing to help you in any situation. I'm not saying you ever need help, not saying that. But if you do, more people will be willing to do it. You know, like students, uh, I try to tell them they should say yes, sir, yes, ma'am. And now it's kind of difficult now with the the they, his, her, she with the pronouns, because I've I've found myself using the wrong yes ma'am, yes, sir, and and it's just out of practice because I I've learned to do that because it shows respect. And I even do that to my students. I say that to them. But the reason why I say that, because when you when I tell my students to say

Maturity In Relationships And Respect

SPEAKER_00 16:38

that, I said, if you do that, adults look at you differently. And adults are more likely to help students that want to be helped. They'll they'll help any student, but they're more likely to help you if they feel like you respect them. So I want students to know that these adults are here to help you, but you got to know how to ask for help when you need it. And that is probably difficult. You know, who wants for who wants help? Like, I know adults that don't ask for help and looking for something in the grocery aisle. Like they looking all over and won't even ask for help. Like wasting this time, it's so precious. But students, I need you to focus, learn how to learn. If you already learn, if you already know how to learn, I need you to become the best version of yourself in whatever you're studying. So if you're in middle school, get straight A's, high school straight A's, try to create relationships with adults. And when I say relationships, I mean uh professional, future, uh, proactive relationships that you can come back and ask for advice, or if they have information or something that could put you in a better position because these relationships that you're gonna create, it can only help you. If you're doing the right thing, everybody is gonna wanna be able to give you whatever they can to get you where you want to go. But you have to know how to ask for help. I think I was a little all over the place. The whole point of this video was to help to give students an opportunity to find out if they're special. Uh because if you're important, you're going to be special enough to take your education very seriously. If you don't know what to do, you need to go find the safe adult in your building and say, hey, I need help. I think I'm important or I think I'm special, but I don't know how to do it. I live in this environment where it's very tough. And we can come up with a routine and try to help you isolate some things to remove distractions. I'm telling you, I have seen parents want to do everything for that kid that feels like they really believe that they're special. But your behavior has to be like you're working on it. You're like apologizing, you're accepting accountability, you're coachable. You want to be coachable. Yes. When I say coachable, I mean you can ask a few other people like, what do you think about this? But overall, the more work you put in, the better the result you're gonna get for later. Because I can't believe I'm close to the 50. Like I'm like a year and a half away from 50. And it's not like something that I'm looking like away from or looking forward to. I just can't believe so much time is accumulated to where I'm looking at it like this. Like, my life has been pretty exciting, and I realize that the older we get, the faster

Accountability Coaching And Closing Message

SPEAKER_00 19:50

time has gone. So I am in the practice of trying to be in the moment and try to give this information to help any and anybody, everybody who is looking to find ways to improve, to create a different result than the one that they're currently living. And this goes for anybody who is willing to be coached by a death safe adult in their building. How about this? If you're an adult, you can go to some church groups, you can go to some volunteer things where you can ask, hey, I need to create a routine that I can focus on myself and build. But I'm gonna tell you, wherever you are, if you're an adult, you want to work on that diet, I told everybody, diet is really key. Reason why diet's key, because if you want your quality of life to not be hammered with health issues as you move through your life, you have to make sure you nip that in the bud. But that is another episode. Keep it simple. Students, if you're special, you believe you're special, you need to learn how to learn and focus on wherever you are to become the best student that you could possibly become. You have to change your behavior, you have to be more intentional, you have to apologize and to be accountable for your poor decision making. Like, we know your kids, but we're hoping that you guys decide to mature and accept that responsibility. When you're wrong, you're wrong. You get your consequence, you make sure it don't happen again. When you do the same thing again, it makes us believe that you didn't you truly don't understand how to behave or get the grade you think you deserve by putting in that work. Any adult that you feel safe with, go talk to them and let them know your plan, what you want to do. How do you do it? Hey, if you feel like you need some help, send me a message. I'll show you what you can do so we can make it happen. Treat people how you would want to be treated. And I want you to know this. Some of you guys were treated really poorly when you were young. That does not mean you can treat other people like that. Just because people cursing your household don't mean that is the language you should be using with people outside of your household. And the reason why I'm saying this, people are very judgmental. If you do that, it makes them feel like you don't respect adults or respect anybody. Because why would you do that if you are supposed to present yourself to the world as your authentic self, but nobody wants to feel intimidated or and I would say like using curse words and using your hands a lot, it makes people feel uncomfortable. Like, and I know that's just some habits that we have. And when I say we, I mean like people who have those habits. Yeah, so I'm gonna close it on out. Um, I thank y'all very much for rocking with me. But y'all make today better than yesterday. Don't worry about anything you can't control. G A T A. Get after that action, or the action will get after you. Be great on purpose.