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The Messy Hairstylist
Whether you are a mess literally OR figuratively we are here to help you take imperfect action to find your success as a hairstylist. Each week we deep dive in to tough topics to address the struggles we face in our industry. We push the boundaries, break the stereotypes and go hard against the "norms" that make us feel inferior.
The Messy Hairstylist
Transforming Your Salon with The Four Agreements
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Discover how The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz can transform your salon's culture and dynamics. In this episode, we share personal stories of transitioning to a more structured, values-driven approach that fosters growth and harmony. With insights from fellow salon owner Morgan, learn to navigate diverse personalities, improve communication, and embrace empathy. Explore the power of being impeccable with your words, avoiding assumptions, and practicing kindness to create a collaborative, creative workplace. Tune in for relatable anecdotes and actionable tips to build a thriving, harmonious salon environment.
Follow Abby on Instagram and TikTok at @theabbywarther
Follow Kelsey on Instagram at @kelseymorrishair
Even just this has made a big shift in your business. It really has.
Speaker 2:It really has, Because anything that happens from this moment going forward in the salon, I can direct back to this and be like well, based on the four agreements, are you doing this? Welcome to the Messy Hairstylist Podcast. I'm Kelsey Morris.
Speaker 1:And I'm Abbey Warther. Whether you are a mess, literally or figuratively, we are here to help you take imperfect action to find your success as a hairstylist. All right, well, I'm going to let you start this one again.
Speaker 2:Why do I keep getting to start?
Speaker 1:Because you keep coming up with the ideas. Stop being so amazing.
Speaker 2:Your own fault. Well, abbey just said I'm amazing and I come up with the best ideas, so I get to start another podcast today. Woo go me. Yeah, yeah, no, I love this topic and I have to give a shout out to my friend, morgan, who's a salon owner down the street, for bringing this to my attention, and I can't wait.
Speaker 2:We're going to have Morgan on the podcast at some point because she has such a great perspective and I cannot wait to have her on. But we were talking about salons and salon agreements and contracts and all that stuff and I was just asking her for some advice on how to handle these things. Because a little backstory and I think that the backstory is important to the new story In my old salon I operated on a no contract just everybody give me a handshake, I was a good old boy system and it worked for four years. It did Until it doesn't. That's exactly what I was about to say. It works until it doesn't.
Speaker 2:And you know, abby and I have talked about this many times. She's like worst idea ever, don't do that. I'm like no, it's great. And you know I had old school beliefs and I am very trusting and I think you have been running your own salon maybe longer than I had and when I started that it was almost like then what do you do? Go back on it? No, that's kind of hard.
Speaker 2:So in the new space it was a really great opportunity for me to start fresh and just really get a handle on things and run my business more as a business and less as a friend. And from talking to you, talking to Morgan and other big mentors in my life and just really gaining insight from all of you, I kind of got to a new place. So of course we did do salon contracts this time. And one thing Morgan said that was so cool was you need to operate under the four agreements. And I'm like what in the world is that? Now, I'm sure you've heard of the four agreements, maybe you haven't. I hadn't heard of it. Abby seemed to sort of heard of it.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, but I haven't read it. I haven't read the book. I started listening to it and then I stopped, not because it's not good, I just squirrel brained.
Speaker 2:Right, and so we you and I are very like we don't love self-help books, Right? So I feel like that's probably why we're like I don't want to even go into that, yes, so.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to lie to you, I didn't read the whole book.
Speaker 2:Okay, great, I'm not reading that book. No, I love to read.
Speaker 1:Give me the cliff notes. I want the cliff notes version.
Speaker 2:So the four agreements were brought because I had noticed, bringing a group of women together, men doesn't matter who you are bringing a group of people together in a new space. There are a lot of different personalities and that can be great. I love all the different personalities, I love getting to know people. But what I saw was that people weren't understanding each other's personalities, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:There were some things that were happening that we had operated in an old way, so we had half of us had come from the old salon where it was just like, you know, we knew each other's personalities, we did things a certain way, and then you bring in a group of new people and it's like, uh, we don't quite, we're not on the same page. Yeah, right, so that that gets a little bit dicey. So I'm like how how can I combat this without just saying, okay, everybody needs to get along. Okay, we're all adults, just get along. That only goes so far, right. So I had everybody read these, go through them and sign, saying that we were going to live by them. So let's talk about them.
Speaker 1:Can I just interrupt for just one second?
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, you interrupt and talk for a second so I can get my computer charger Keep talking.
Speaker 1:Okay, I just want to say that this is what you're about to share is all based off of the book called the Four Agreements A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, and the book's by Don Miguel Ruiz. Just wanted to say that for anybody that is interested.
Speaker 2:Good job, Abby that was really good.
Speaker 1:I'm actually looking at that right now too, and I was like it's, it's philosophic, still philosophical traditions for spiritual, and I started to listen to this book not that long ago and I just got off track because, again, like self-help, books are a little tough for me. But so I'm excited for you to go into the details of it today and you can get. I've had the actual physical copy, which I actually never read, and then I downloaded the Audible, the audio book, so you can listen to or read this one. But if you don't want to do those, just like me, you can have Kelsey, you can just Google it and get the Cliff Notes version.
Speaker 1:But honestly, even just this has made a big shift in your business it really has.
Speaker 2:It really has, because anything that happens from this moment going forward in the salon, I can direct back to this and be like well, based on the four agreements, are you doing this? So let's kind of like dive into it and then we can also come up with I thought it'd be cool to like come up with scenarios of like what could happen in the salon and how you could direct it back. So the first one is be impeccable with your word. So speak with integrity and only say what you mean. Avoid gossiping about others or speaking against your word. This is like such an easy one, right? No-transcript changes in personalities.
Speaker 2:People were getting irritated with someone else's personality, so then they start talking about that person, and then that starts to fester, and then they're talking to someone else and then everybody's like well, now I'm noticing that, and so you're talking and you're gossiping and you're bringing things to light. And maybe it is your truth, maybe that's how you feel, and I'm not saying that's wrong. But by talking about it and bringing it to other people, you're now making it a salon problem and you're now starting to bring a negativity to it when it could have just been a fluke day Could have just been a bad moment. Like everybody has bad moments. Do you see this in your salon at all, or have you? I shouldn't say maybe.
Speaker 1:Yeah for sure. Like I think just working with people in general that kind of stuff can happen, because, yes, it usually comes with like an annoyance with a coworker. I feel like that's where we see this happen in the salon, and it might be personalities not meshing, it could be anything. But what I do notice is when somebody is irritated by somebody else and then starts to gossip with the other people, it's more just that's that person's problem who's irritated, it's not the actions of the person who's irritating them, and that's your own perception based off of your own life experiences. And so when we start to gossip on that stuff, then, yeah, you're right, it becomes a salon problem.
Speaker 1:And I think it becomes bigger than what it is yeah, and then you start to because, if well, let's be honest, if somebody annoys you we all get annoyed by people. We're human beings you will be hyper fixated on that annoying aspect and it's hard to not notice it. And so I love this agreement be impeccable with your word. And I did listen to this part of the book, so it's ringing a bell now and it's like you have to choose. Am I going to share my annoyance? Is that self-serving? Is that helping the salon? That's being very selfish in doing so. That's not being impeccable with your word. That's spreading negativity, your negative thoughts about somebody. So it actually says a lot about you, the gossiper. And we've all done it? Oh, of course we're all guilty of it.
Speaker 1:As we get older and are more experienced, we want to just have more positivity and success in our life. Our words matter, and I think that that's what that's about. Our words matter.
Speaker 2:Correct. I do too, so I love that one and I think that's very relatable. So the next one, which I think feeds right into what you just said, is don't take anything personally. What others say or do is a reflection of their own reality, not yours. Oh, I freaking love that.
Speaker 2:So, like, how easy is it to take something that says someone says personally and I've watched this happen so often in the last couple months and I'm like you know what Someone takes personally, another might not and it's like why are you upset about that? Like that's not even that big of a thing, it had nothing to do with you, that's just the way that they are and it's hard I totally understand to try to not take things personally. Like, I completely get that. Let me just give you an example. Yesterday I'm going to give you an example for myself, because I think I don't want to. I'm not going to throw anyone else under the bus in my salon, but I just think for me this is an easy example. So and this is like a light, but I could have taken it the wrong way the girls were in the back room trying, they were doing a test strand on one of our co-workers hair. They wanted to see how it was going to lift.
Speaker 2:And I'm like I made a joke and I said, hey, you guys should just throw some 50 on that and call it a day, you know. And they're like, oh no, we would never do that, you're the only one that would do that. It was almost like an implication that because I paint with 50 volume, which you and I paint, everybody in the sunlight's world we paint with 50 volume. They, they can't even wrap their brains around painting with 50 volume because in their brains it's if we paint with that it's going to fry someone's hair off, which obviously you and I both know that if you paint the right way, that's not going to happen. But it was almost like a, like a underhanded jab at me Like, yeah and like, and it was a joke, but they were joking.
Speaker 2:And and like, yeah and like, and it was a joke, but they were joking. And and for one, about a half a second, I was like that's kind of rude. And then I was like, oh, it's not, that's kind of funny. Like, yeah, because I'm like. I'm not gonna take that personally. That's their perception, that's a reflection of how they feel about it and it's not. It has nothing to do with me. Like you guys, I'm like I wanted to be. Like you guys can come inspect my hair all day long. Ain't nobody got any frizzled ends in my chair, but like that. That's their perception.
Speaker 1:It's come from their fear, their fear. 50 volume and, like, only Kelsey is the one who would actually go for that 50.
Speaker 2:Yeah exactly, and so that is just a little way where, yeah, literally just happened to me yesterday and I was like agreement number two, don't take anything personally.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's hard.
Speaker 1:That's one of the things that I've really really had to work on in the last five years is taking things personally, and I've just learned that the more confident I get in myself as a business owner, the less personal I take things.
Speaker 1:And so when I was more sensitive and took things more personally, when someone was upset in the salon, things weren't vibing, whatever the situations were. It's because really I just didn't feel confident in what was happening in my salon. I thought maybe I did have self-doubt about myself. So if somebody was upset with me over something, even though I didn't intend it as a leader, back in the day, I did take it personally because truly I didn't have the confidence in myself. So as I work on myself and just learning how to run a business stronger as a leader, it's so much easier to not take things personally, but it's very hard, it's very hard, it's very hard. So for anyone that does take things personally, it is a hard thing to overcome. The little things like 50 volume jab or someone actually being upset with you in your salon or someone who just left your salon, you know a client that's unhappy, whatever it is, we take that personally.
Speaker 1:And if I have a client that's unhappy in the salon, I don't take it personally anymore. I just look at it and I say, what could I have done better? How can I handle this and know that I did everything to my ability? But that takes practice to not take things personally.
Speaker 2:I 100% agree with that, and it is not an overnight fix. But, if you can remind yourself, it's an awareness. If you can remind yourself like this is what I agreed to, this is going to help, then it really will. So I love that, okay. The third one is don't make assumptions. So communicate clearly and ask questions to avoid misunderstandings.
Speaker 1:Oh, and you know what that goes right into gossip be impeccable, right? That goes right into it. Yes, exactly, because people will assume they'll not get right down to it and ask the direct questions. Gossip happens, stories get made and because it all came from an assumption from somebody and I love that.
Speaker 2:It even gives you like a little.
Speaker 2:It says be confident and brave enough to ask questions. So if someone does something and you're assuming listen, this is like that was weird, that was rude and you're a person who likes to avoid conflict, it's really easy to just like walk away from it, be have your feelings hurt and like not have any clarification, whereas if you just went to that person and like hey, like a, like a grownup, and say that you know, can I ask why you said that or what did you mean by that, you would be surprised at probably nine out of 10 times You'd be like, oh my gosh. No, I meant this, that was completely not my intention. But a lot of times it's our own insecurity to not say hey, what did you mean by that? Because we don't want to get our feelings hurt. We don't want to like have that confrontation. It's easier to just walk away and then be mad about it and then tell your coworker about it because that was annoying and it trickles down all the agreements that we've made and we're not abiding to any of them.
Speaker 1:Correct, that is so true. I think it's one of my pet peeves when people assume it really drives me. It does. It is a pet peeve of mine. It's like just ask I don't know, just ask Like what are we complaining about? Just ask, Just voice your opinion, and it's okay.
Speaker 1:It's like don't be afraid to hear no or hear something you don't like. Because what happens when you in that scenario, when you now are just assuming and you didn't speak up to that person like you hurt my feelings when you said that what happens is you walk away and you're the one that is dealing with the stress of that. That person that hurt your feelings has no clue and they're living happy-go-lucky, they're not thinking twice about it. So you're only hurting yourself and stressing yourself out and I've lived like that for years, where you go over in your head over and over again over scenarios when it's just like just talk it out with somebody.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm not going to say names, I'm not going to throw anybody under the bus, but one of my favorite stories with you is we were at a hair show one time and you were feeling that way about somebody and it was a big situation and you just walked right up and addressed it and I was like, oh, I love that. I love that because you felt it was affecting you and you were like I know how to deal with this. I'm just going to go, I'm going to address it and then I can feel better. And that was really cool. So look at you, you're living by the You're right.
Speaker 1:I'm like what are you talking about? And then I remembered yes, there was a scenario we won't get into specifics of. I could tell that somebody wasn't happy with me and from my perspective, I didn't do anything. I think it was just a general like I just don't like Abby. She rubs me the wrong way, and that's okay. In my life now it's fine, we're not for everybody but there was behind the scenes things happening that was actually they were being outward with that. So I did, I went up to that person and I said, hey, what's going on? Did I do anything to upset you?
Speaker 2:And let me tell you what.
Speaker 1:And I came at it with kindness because I remember you were like, what are you going to say?
Speaker 1:And I said I'm going to come at it with kindness and you were like, wow, you're a better person than me and not really. But you were just like not expecting me to handle it like that and it was the best thing that I ever did and I've continued to handle some other situations like that as well. I just come straight out with it with kindness and then what that does is shine the light on that person that might be not behaving in the most kind way out of their own insecurity, and taking it out on like someone like me or you, and realize that like, oh yeah, maybe these feelings and these actions aren't warranted and it's just my own issue. And that is how that story ended. I got apologies, I got all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:So you know, it was great.
Speaker 1:I didn't expect that it was just. I need to say my piece and ask what did I do?
Speaker 2:Because if I did anything, I want to apologize and then, and you didn't want to assume something that wasn't a thing, yeah, because what if I?
Speaker 1:did do something that upset them, that I didn't intend to do, correct, so I just I love that I did it, by the way, You're like and I'm perfect.
Speaker 2:So, oh, no, that scenario maybe, and I was great, okay. Number four, the last one, and I love this and I live by this. It's called. It's always do your best. So your best will change from moment to moment, but you should strive for excellence in all you do. Now, that is so general and all of us can be like you should do your best in every situation. Well, right, clearly, but the way that I love that.
Speaker 2:This relates to the salon and I didn't know that I was saying this to my girls all the time without before any of these agreements, I didn't know I was saying it in this way. But we I always tell the girls we are adults. Okay, we are in charge of our own person. We are in charge of making sure that what we can control around us gets done to the best of our abilities. So, in a simple way, opening and closing things okay, there are so many times when someone wants to be annoyed because Paula didn't take out the trash and Susan forgot to clean out the bowls. Okay, I mean, come on, we get that.
Speaker 2:So the first part of this is number one. You are your own person. You are responsible to take care of your things, do it to the best that you can. And then on the flip side of that is going to the stylist the other stylist and saying every single one of us is going to have an off day. Okay, every single one of us is going to work 12, have a day where they work 12 hours.
Speaker 2:They were behind all day. They wanted to cry and run away. At one point they didn't. They finished out their work day but guess what? They didn't empty the trash and they left some color bowls in the sink. Guess what? Let's give them grace because they're committing to do the best that they can and that day they gave the best that they could. And all I'm asking is that on both sides of things, you're giving the best that you can. And I took it a step further. I said girls, there might be one of us who is in the laundry all day long folding 65 towels. They're just constantly folding towels. But I bet your friend who didn't fold the towels all day long is also the one that takes out the majority of the trash. And the other friend is over there restocking the bar and cleaning countertops. So your best might not be someone else's best. We all have strengths and so like just play into your strengths, control what you can, do the best in what you can, and then everything will fall into place and then if?
Speaker 1:if it is the same person continually not doing the same thing and it's not just a bad day or a busy day, don't assume, take it to that and yeah, and don't take it personally, because I think that that happens a lot in the salon.
Speaker 1:The person who feels like they're doing everything and nobody else is doing anything, they take it it personally and it's like it's not about you. We just need to redirect it with that person and go don't assume and go talk to them and say, hey, I've noticed. Or go talk to the owner, whoever it is that needs to address that. Like we have to just talk about things.
Speaker 2:Use our word yeah, and I think it's easy to make a passive right and to make a passive, aggressive comment I think that's very much a defense mechanism to be like, oh, look at you washing a bowl finally. Like how easy is that? But then that turns into a bigger thing too. So it's like, instead of saying something like that, be like, say something nice, like, hey, you left a few bowls in the sink last night. I washed them. I washed them all for you. Yeah, you don't even have to say anything else other than that, because that person is going to be like well, shoot, I left a bunch of bowls in the thing last night. They washed them for me. Now I feel guilty and look, you look like the nice guy and they're now thinking about it because, but you handled it in a nice way. There's just so many things. I just love this so much. You can tell I'm passionate about this.
Speaker 1:I love it.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm so passionate because it is so easy in our industry to create this toxic, toxic workplace. And if you just focus on what you can do and you all agree to live by what you can do, think about how much better of a workplace you're going to have.
Speaker 1:Yeah for sure It'll be more supportive, it'll be more collaborative, more full of grace, and then everyone shows up more happy and more you can be more creative and we can focus on the things we need to in our businesses, rather than who washed the bowls, who said what, taking something personally Like we, who want, nobody wants to deal with that stuff. So I love it. So let's recap the four agreements here really quick. I wrote them down.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Number one be impeccable with your word. Number two don't take anything personally. Number three don't make anything personally. Number three don't make assumptions. And number four always do your best. I love this topic. Thank you so much for bringing this to us. I think this is great. Those sound like such easy things, but I think we just really talked about how hard they can be, and just keeping them top of mind is going to really help you make a shift in your business.
