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The Messy Hairstylist
Whether you are a mess literally OR figuratively we are here to help you take imperfect action to find your success as a hairstylist. Each week we deep dive in to tough topics to address the struggles we face in our industry. We push the boundaries, break the stereotypes and go hard against the "norms" that make us feel inferior.
The Messy Hairstylist
Is a Guilt-Free Maternity Leave a thing?
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This episode explores the balancing act of being a hairstylist and a mother, addressing the guilt and challenges that come with managing both roles. We delve into strategies for coping with maternity leave expectations, emotional struggles, and the realities of returning to work.
• Discussing the guilt of leaving a baby for work
• Exploring the struggles of working while pregnant
• Emphasizing the importance of maternity leave planning
• Providing actionable tips for emotional well-being
• Addressing the physical challenges upon returning to work
• Encouraging self-compassion and gradual re-entry strategies
• Highlighting strategies for pre-booking to maintain clientele
• Sharing personal experiences to promote relatability
• Discussing the importance of asking for help in the workplace
• Celebrating the journey of motherhood and hairstyling
Follow Abby on Instagram and TikTok at @theabbywarther
Follow Kelsey on Instagram at @kelseymorrishair
And then you have your guilt. So, oh my God, I have to work so I don't lose my clients and so I can make money. But now I'm leaving my little baby at home.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And then there's a flip side of the guilt, too of am I serving my clients right? Am I giving my clients my best right now, when I am still trying to figure it out after having a new baby? Welcome to the Messy Hairstylist Podcast.
Speaker 1:I'm Kelsey Morris am still trying to figure it out after being having a new baby. Welcome to the Messy Hairstylist Podcast. I'm Kelsey Morris and I'm Abbey Warther. Whether you're a mess, literally or figuratively, we are here to help you take imperfect action to find your success as a hairstylist.
Speaker 2:Well, I guess I'm starting, because I've got to start all the episodes.
Speaker 1:You do.
Speaker 2:So that's the start.
Speaker 1:It is.
Speaker 2:Got it Okay, All right, this is a topic that is I think it's very close to you and I both of our hearts because we are both mothers. And while I don't know if you saw my post, the other day, I did a post, an Ask Me Anything post, and I had some really cool people that like cool people, cool questions. And one of them was like what's the most rewarding thing about what you do? And my response was, of course, like the work-life balance. I don't have to miss things with my kids, and blah, blah, blah. And I said I really, truly believe that this is the career for mothers and I stand by that. But there is this other flip side of it that I think we need to talk about today, and it's the guilt. It's not just the mom guilt, but the client guilt.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the guilt that we have from both ends Correct, and I think as women I mean who are mothers it's you do feel a little bit more of that pressure from both sides.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I agree. I think it's a good thing to discuss, because some of the things that you experience when you have kids and you're a hairstylist is one, working pregnant. Two, the maternity leave and then three, the return from the maternity leave. And all three of those phases, I feel like bring on a different set of worries and stresses. And then when, what? If you have, you know, kids close together and you have maternity leaves close together and you have pregnancies close together, mine were a little spread out, but still not a ton, and so I think that's something really to just bring some light to so that if anybody is in that season or you've been through it, because sometimes we go through having babies, maternity leaves and we still haven't quite bounced back, our business hasn't bounced back and it might be two years later.
Speaker 2:It does take time and it's that's a hard part. It's a hard part about our career, you know if mean we all. There's challenges in no matter what you do in a corporate world. If you take a maternity leave and you come back, you know you just pick up your job. Yeah, you're going to be behind with certain things, like I understand that, but your loss of income isn't there, right, like you go back and you make money For us. If you come back from your maternity leave and clients have moved on, or you know, let's face it, when I came back from maternity leave, I couldn't come in at 100%. I was like exhausted, my body wasn't used to it, I was tired. I have a baby. You can't come back doing exactly what you're doing before. So you're taking this emotional hit and then just taking a financial hit. So, like there, there are some struggles with that where, yeah, it's great we can make our own schedule, we can balance these things, but there's a whole other side we haven't explored, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like you can, but you got to figure it out and it takes time to get to that point. But when you're in it and you're pregnant maternity leave coming back, you're just trying to protect your income, because you not only have no income coming in after you've had a baby, you then also have the potential of lost income when you come back because you will lose clients. I don't want to sound so negative, but I think it's good to be realistic. You will lose clients having maternity leave, but it doesn't mean you're losing your business. And then you have your guilt. So, oh my God, I have to work so I don't lose my clients and so I can make money, but now I'm leaving my little baby at home.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And then there's a flip side of the guilt, too, of am I serving my clients right? Am I giving my clients my best right now, when I am still trying to figure it out after being having a new?
Speaker 1:baby, yeah. And then you start to think about, like you know, am am I doing a good job? Am I good enough as a hairstylist? Am I taking them for granted? Um, especially when clients are leaving you, it is like I think, is there a career that's harder after having a baby? Because think about all of the hormones and the emotions and you know us women we deal with. We can deal with postpartum depression and things like that and talk about going back into doing hair. So what are some things that we can talk about, because those are all the like. So, for anyone that hasn't had babies yet and they plan to, we don't want to scare you away from that and still keeping your career. But what are some things that we can talk about that can be encouraging to anyone who might be experiencing this, who wants to plan to have babies or did experience it and still struggling with the guilt.
Speaker 2:I think what's cool about what we're talking about right now for anybody who doesn't have children yet is almost bringing this to light Like this it might happen to you and it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay, you're going to come out on the other side. So you they that people aren't going into this thinking, oh, everything's just, it's going to be okay. You're going to come out on the other side. So people aren't going into this thinking, oh, everything's just, it's going to be great, I'm going to have this baby, I'm going to come right back to work, I'm going to feel fine, all my clients are going to be back. It's probably not going to work that way, and that's okay. Let's bring some awareness to it Now. Let's figure out. What we're kind of doing right now is talking through what the plan is going to be. What's the plan?
Speaker 1:So let's talk about, like how can it look like to not only protect your business but protect yourself emotionally and physically and stuff in all those different phases, like what are some things that worked for you when you're pregnant, when you're on maternity leave, when you're back to work? Like let's break it down, because I really do see it, it's three different phases and then I think they all look very different I do too, with with our career so what do you think? Do you want to break it down like that?
Speaker 2:yeah, okay, okay. So I know, when I was pregnant, I worked pretty close up until the end, probably like two weeks, until I had Sylvie and it's gosh, it's so taxing on her body and so I think when you're in that part of that phase, like it all becomes like taking care of your body and some ways that I did that. I had like some of this. I'm so old, oh my gosh. I had, like my orthopedic shoes. No, obviously, the most comfortable shoes. I got one of those bands for your back.
Speaker 1:Oh, the belly band.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it like so. It took some of the pressure off my back. It's a great idea.
Speaker 2:No joke, I had to have weekly massages weekly and I know that that might not be in everybody's budget. Like I totally understand that. But even if, listen, go to the mall and get one of those people for 30 minutes just to like rub some of the pressure out of your back. It's inexpensive, you could totally do that, just build it into your back. It's inexpensive, you could totally do that, just build it into your budget. Those are the things that helped my body when I was working while pregnant at the very end.
Speaker 1:Yeah, those are great. I can't say I am not a poster child for how I worked pregnant. I worked a lot. I worked up until the very end, except for with my third. I stopped working the week before my due date, but I did allow people to help me in the salon. So, and everyone at least all the places that I worked pregnant I was at three different places with all three different pregnancies there was always a coworker or somebody that wanted to help you out. You want me to shampoo for you? I will say that clients don't typically say don't worry about it, you go sit down. No, I didn't experience that no-transcript, that that didn't happen for me.
Speaker 2:No, they're like you're pregnant, this is your job, you figure it out. Yeah, I had one client who, when I was pregnant, I mean I was miserable, I threw up every day when I was pregnant with Sylvie and I just tried to figure it out. But this one client, she was like gosh, you're just always so miserable these days and I just was like I physically could not believe she said that and I was like trying so hard to like and she like spun it as like a joke. You know, I hate when people make a passive, aggressive statement.
Speaker 1:Yes, and they try to say it as a joke. No, you're not, you're not kidding.
Speaker 2:And so I was like oh well, I'd love to see you work for 12 hours on your feet while you're almost nine months pregnant. So I think that's exactly what I said back to her. She's like oh, I didn't mean it like in a bad way, you just aren't yourself. Like well, no, I'm not. I'm exhausted, my back hurts, my feet hurt, I'm carrying a human being and I feel like that's going to fall out of my vagina at any minute. So, literally, this is no Sit down.
Speaker 1:I'm going to do your hair. That's so true. Even though I didn't pull back on work and I did a lot. I was also like in my late 20s, early 30s, so it didn't really start to bother me until I was pregnant with my youngest, but I did make sure that I really rested on my days off Me too.
Speaker 2:I did, I did so okay.
Speaker 1:Anything else to add for when you're pregnant? I do. I think that and I think we've talked about this before, but it's been a long time in order to protect your business, because that's how to protect yourself. How to protect your business is I always like to pre-book my clients when I'm on maternity leave, like for when I'm pregnant before maternity leave. Pre-book them for my return.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's pretty where I was going to go.
Speaker 1:I would pick a date that I knew I would be back by and it can move. But if you at least get them on the schedule, they're still mentally locked in with you.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And they might not go somewhere else. I tried to protect that big time and so I did. I pre-booked people out and I've said this before here. But I would treat it like Christmas, Like I'm leaving, I'm on maternity leave. Better get in. I'm coming back, you better get in. It's going to be busy and I did always come back from my maternity leaves busier than ever, which is good for my business but wasn't good for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, so I did a similar thing. We're actually like I'm super fortunate that I worked with a couple of girls and they took my clients for me when I was on maternity leave and so I booked them out on their schedules to keep them in the salon.
Speaker 2:Most importantly, keep them in the salon. So if you are a person who works in like a salon suite or something and you don't necessarily work in a salon with other stylists, you can book them out on. You should maybe walk down the hall and find someone else who is in your building who you can like. Can I give you some of my clients like for the time being and create like a little team network, because if you can at least keep them in the building or close to you, it's a little easier to get them to come back to you.
Speaker 2:So I would book them on their schedule and then again try to book them, like you said, back on me when I thought I would be back. I also left an iPad that was logged into my booking site in the salon and my girls then, when they were they were booking people, rebooking people they could look on my schedule and rebook them on me when they knew I'd be back. They could look on my schedule and rebook them on me when they knew I'd be back. So it was a good way to just kind of like try and for the most part, a lot of people, most of my clients, did stay in the building and at the end of it some of them did go stick with that stylist, but I was okay with it, I was fine with it and that's okay, yeah, yeah, because they're taken care of.
Speaker 1:I think that that is the best way and perfect way to protect your business during your maternity leave, and what that does. I did the same thing as well. I always had stylists where I was in the commission salon or working. One time I was in suites and I was friends with two of the other suite girls. What that does is have the client feel taken care of too Right. So they're like yeah like I think you should go with her because she's great at this stuff, Exactly.
Speaker 1:This appointment and then you'll be back with me by this date. Yeah, I never lost a lot of people, and if I did, it's because they stuck with one of them and it was fine, because then if they, were sick, they could get in with me.
Speaker 1:And I like, I like that. That's what we do in my salon and we love it. Have a little client sharing going on, yeah, yeah, I love that. So so that's, I think, a great way to protect yourself and your guilt during maternity leave. So if you feel bad coming back and people not staying, like really set yourself up when you're on maternity leave to make sure that they're taken care of. Yeah, and I like how you left the iPad for them to book for you, because I can. That segues into how can you take care of yourself yourself during maternity leave, right?
Speaker 2:right, and I think so. When we're on maternity leave, like those first few weeks, you are just in the thick of it. You're like I don't care if I ever work again.
Speaker 1:Like I just need to focus on this baby. Should I quit to get my life back together after all this?
Speaker 2:Now I got to start making plans and it's kind of hard to not feel overwhelmed. So, yeah, leaving the iPad definitely was helpful because my girls were taking care of things on the backend. But another thing I did while I was pregnant or, I'm sorry, on maternity leave when I was home was I started to slowly start to strategize what my like not my marketing my Instagram was going to look like. That's an easy one, but the other thing that was really important was keeping my clients in the loop via email marketing. So where you don't have to like, you don't have to be like, take a ton of time doing this, but I did send an email to my clients like oh, baby was born, this is her name, this is her weight.
Speaker 1:Okay, great.
Speaker 2:Reconnect. And then I waited a couple more weeks and sent out another email. You know, hoping every. You know you're doing well, everybody's being taken care of with your, the stylist that I've recommended for you. This is my date that I'll be coming back, really looking forward to seeing you in my chair, and then another one when I was getting ready to come back, just to remind people so it's just a way to like keep them very doable keep me top of mind and for them, but also not make it like I'm back.
Speaker 2:Book your appointment.
Speaker 1:I'm freaking broke help me, help we might be feeling that, oh, that's so good, just the little sprinkles of some personal connection emails Correct Throughout. I love that. Every single maternity leave that I had each of them were eight to nine weeks long I completely unplugged, I acted like I didn't have a job and I loved it, and I highly recommend that too. I think adding in a couple of emails is great. I loved it. Even up until the day before I was going back to work for maternity leave. I didn't post anything, I didn't email anything, because I did all the prep work and before, before, and so I would go heavy when I was pregnant and when I was back, which is hard. But sometimes you have to choose your hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I understand that. Yeah, and so.
Speaker 1:I knew I wanted to be all in during maternity leave and so that. So I so whenever I did come back to work I was very ready to get out of the house a little bit. I didn't really feel like the immense guilt over it. I missed them, I was sad, I couldn't wait to get home, but I never experienced tremendous guilt over going back to work. Now I would about child care. Yeah, that's hard, that is hard.
Speaker 1:You know when when it's not just, I'm going, I'm not, I don't feel bad, I'm going to work, but like, oh, the childcare I have set up Is this, is this good, Are they going to be okay? Like there's that. So there's just so much we have to stress over when we have babies and go back to work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I totally agree, I took 16 weeks.
Speaker 1:Oh see, that's wonderful. So then yeah, you definitely were in the place of like let me start thinking about this. And you would need to email when you take 16 weeks off to stay top of mind. Yeah See, that's a wonderful maternity leave.
Speaker 2:It was amazing. I would 10 out of 10 recommend. If you can figure out how to do it. It's hard, yeah. Okay, let's talk about what was the last one. How do you come back? When we come back, when we come back to work, yeah, listen, some tips I I know you're sitting here saying like I was ready to come back to work.
Speaker 1:I was ready to get out of the house. That's, I was too. I was a little bit of me, a little bit of, so am I back?
Speaker 2:I think that is 100 accurate. But I think what we're missing and what people don't understand about coming back to work and our job, which is a physical job, is how physically broken your body gets so fast coming back. I've watched so many stylists come back from maternity leave and they were like I'm going to come back at full capacity and it's going to be great, and just watching them almost mentally break down because they're in pain, their brain isn't working the right way. I mean I, when I came back from maternity leave with Sylvie, I couldn't book like I do now, like with five clients at a time, because my brain I wasn't moving fast enough. I couldn't think through all the things like I can right now. Like right now I can rattle off five colors, formulas and like make it work.
Speaker 1:You still have a pregnancy brain.
Speaker 2:Right your brain and you're tired, you don't have a lot of sleep, and so that was what I did. When I was coming back, I was like listen, I'm coming in on a light load I don't want to do. I started to like get in. I'm coming in on a light load I don't want to do. I started to like get in. I kind of did it in phases. I got in my blondes.
Speaker 2:The people I knew needed their hair done, like these are most important. You know they're. They are my every six week blondes. They need to be here and started to phase through them, you know. And then, cause I knew my root retouches would be fine with other people True, my blonding is, blonding is my thing. I'm very like a strategic and I do a certain way. So I like started to phase in people like that all the way down to like then I think I probably got the root retouches and last, because, again, like I paint hair differently, so I wanted to then get in my balayages and because I knew that the people who were just getting a base color were fine, they had my formula, they were being taken care of. And then, when I was able to then start booking like I normally do, I took them back, so it was kind of like a phase.
Speaker 1:You just did the slow roll, the slow roll back and forth. I did a little slow clap in there.
Speaker 2:Oh wait, a second Speaking of slow roll, let's go. Buckeyes, ohio State National Champions. I'm sorry, I can't believe we didn't start with that.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, at the time of this recording, that game happened last night and Ohio State Buckeyes National Football Champions. Yeah, okay, sorry.
Speaker 2:I had to cut you off on that. You got super excited. I don't know. I just started thinking about the slow clap.
Speaker 1:I mean I was hype, were you, that wasn't bad, I was sleeping. What I don't, I don't get into it. I don't, I've. No, that's a whole different tangent. My husband was very happy.
Speaker 2:He is a osu alum, he was me too I sat there and cried on the couch, cried like an actual baby.
Speaker 1:You know what, though? I grew up, because I grew up in toledo. My dad's from michigan, my whole family's michigan vans yeah I know that's the toledo, I'm just indifferent, I'm just like I want osu to win, so my husband's happy. Yeah, anyways, what did you do when you came back? Yeah, I came back full steam, full book. I don't book like you, but I was double booking, no assistance, and the reality is is because I had to, financially it was a lot on me those years when I was having babies.
Speaker 1:We very much relied on my income and so leading up to maternity leave, I kept saving money away. So I had so I could still pay quote unquote, pay myself while I was on maternity leave. So I saved money to kind of give myself a paycheck so we could afford our living expenses and yeah, I had to. I didn't have that extra nest egg to slowly come back to work. You know, I don't know if there's a perfect way. I think it's all hard coming back to work because everyone's circumstances are different. I definitely was trying to pump for breastfeeding and things like that.
Speaker 1:Coming back, that is so difficult. You have to schedule breaks and then you can't come back at full capacity. I tried all of that. It's just hard. It's hard and I think what's important is to for me, I think that setting myself up before maternity leave, truly being all in after maternity leave, getting through those first couple, probably that first month being back to work after maternity leave is I can't say it was hard, but it's just, it's challenging.
Speaker 1:I never experienced extreme guilt or struggles, I think because I made sure I was set up before. I really took that time during and then also I didn't have a choice but to hit the ground running. So sometimes I don't think there is a perfect way to have a maternity leave where everyone's happy and everyone feels great. Like I said earlier, we have to choose our hard great. Like I said earlier, we have to choose our hard, but you just have to know when to pull back and listen to your body. We can't rush any of the emotional, the physical healing, any of that stuff. It's not easy, but it's doable and it is a season.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's also about giving yourself grace. Grace to feel all those emotions, grace to work through them the way that you need to work through them, and try to alleviate some of the pressure that you feel from both being a mom and from your clients and just allow yourself the grace to enjoy this new adventure as a working mom and do the best you can.
