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The Messy Hairstylist
Whether you are a mess literally OR figuratively we are here to help you take imperfect action to find your success as a hairstylist. Each week we deep dive in to tough topics to address the struggles we face in our industry. We push the boundaries, break the stereotypes and go hard against the "norms" that make us feel inferior.
The Messy Hairstylist
How to Actually Find a Mentor (Even If You Don’t Have One Yet)
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It’s just Abby on the mic today while Kelsey is enjoying spring break with her kids—and we’re diving into a super real question from a listener: “How do I find a mentor?”
Abby’s sharing how she went over 10 years in her career before finding her first true mentor and how mentorship doesn’t always look the way you expect.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
• What a mentor really is (and isn’t)
• Different ways to find one—even without a formal relationship
• Why mentors can come from podcasts, classes, and programs
• How to get the most out of the guidance you already have access to
Whether you’re just starting out or looking to grow in new ways, this episode will help you see mentorship from a whole new perspective.
Follow Abby on Instagram and TikTok at @theabbywarther
Follow Kelsey on Instagram at @kelseymorrishair
The mentor is there. Mentor or mentors are there. It's up to me to find those people or that circle or that thing to put in my ear, to listen to, to help me find the guidance that I'm looking for. So that's super important. The mentors are never going to just fall in our lap. We have to seek those people out and know what it is that we might need in a mentor.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Messy Hairstylist Podcast. I'm Kelsey Morris and I'm Abbey Warther. Whether you're a mess, literally or figuratively, we are here to help you take imperfect action to find your success as a hairstylist. So lately we've been having something happening at the podcast. That's been really exciting and I didn't super expect, but I'm loving it, and so it actually is part of today's episode. We're starting to have you, the listeners, text us specific questions about podcast episodes that you'd like us to cover, and I just love it because we are always trying to keep a pulse on the industry here. And like what do we need to talk about? Like what are our listeners? What are people struggling with? What are we excited about? All those things. So keep that coming. I love that, and if you guys don't know, you can go when you go to listen to this, these episodes, the very top. We have sent us a text message, so just send us a text message, click that button. It sent us your email address too, so if we need to respond to you we can, because it does not give us your number, but absolutely loving it. And that is where today's topic came in and it is such a good question. But first, I'm solo today. Kelsey is on spring break with her kids, so excited for her, but we have so many good topics to get into, so I thought I'm going to go solo for the next episode or two and obviously can't wait till Kelsey gets back, because where she is on vacation right now, I'm actually going for the first time this summer and I want all the recommendations, so hopefully she can share those with us.
Speaker 1:All right, so the question that came in with the podcast. For the podcast is from our listener, mikey, from Austin, texas. Hey, mikey. So Mikey said I'd love some advice on how to find a mentor. Oh, my gosh, this one super hit home for me, because I don't know if I've said it on the podcast before, but I went 10 years with no mentor no mentor. Actually, I do need to say this Is it mentor or mentor? I don't know. I want to say mentor, but I feel like you're supposed to say mentor. That's why I wish Kelsey was here right now, because she would set me straight or we would just make a decision. So I'm just going to keep saying mentor, because that's what I want to say.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I didn't really have a mentor the first 10 years maybe plus of my career, and I don't know if I've talked about that before on the podcast, but that was hard, because not only did I not have a mentor, I didn't have like the seasoned stylist, the stylist that had the more experience than me, kind of bring me under their wing as a new stylist at the two different salons that I worked at before I went out on my own, I actually experienced the opposite, and I think that's pretty common. Unfortunately, I had experienced the opposite of the other stylists kind of looked at you like who do you think you are? And in fear that you're going to like steal their clients and you're just like I just want one client of my own, I don't want your clients. So I did experience the opposite of mentors the first 10 years of my career. So that's why I love this question, because you know, going solo in this industry with no one to talk to get advice from, be like, oh yeah, I've been there, I get it. That's tough, because we know this industry can be very rewarding but also can be very hard. It's not an easy industry and that's okay, because if we keep persevering in this industry, it can be absolutely amazing. But a great way to achieve all the success that you want to create your perfect success as a hairstylist is to put yourself in these groups and have mentors in place, have people that you align with. That can really help you push past the tough times or maybe even push you to the next level that you didn't know that you were capable of. So that's why I love this question. So thank you so much, mikey, for this one.
Speaker 1:So what I want to do is get into today I did put together for you five different ways to find a mentor, because we're going to talk about what a mentor actually is, how you can find one and why it is so beneficial for you to have a mentor. So those of you that are listening that already have mentors, you're probably like, yes, it is like everything, I don't know where I would be without the mentors in my life. And then there's some of you that are probably listening and be like I don't have a mentor, oh my gosh, I'm missing out. Don't get FOMO with this episode. Don't think that you're missing out and you're not going to succeed because you don't have a mentor, because I made it pretty darn far the first 10 years without one. But it is going to help you if you can maybe look at these five different ways to align yourself with either a mentor or spoiler alert a group of people that can act as that mentorship group or program for you.
Speaker 1:Okay, so what is a mentor really? So I want to define what that is, because sometimes, when we I don't know when I used to think like, when people are like what's you know, do you have any mentors? Or like, oh, my mentor, whenever you hear people telling stories like super successful people, you'll hear them telling stories about their mentors when they were starting out. So we always think at least I always think of a mentor as somebody who is this big, larger than life, super, uber, successful, filthy, rich person that you're lucky enough to have speak to you. But that's not always what a mentor is Like, yes, do I have a mentor? Like, okay, candy Shaw is one of my mentors, she's super successful. Have a mentor like, okay, candy Shaw is one of my mentors, she's super successful, an industry name, international educator, all those things. But that's not the only type of mentor and I'm super lucky to have her in my world. But that's not the end, all be all.
Speaker 1:If you can't get a Candy Shaw as a mentor, it doesn't mean you're done for when it comes to mentorship. So what a mentor is not is it's not always a one-on-one relationship. There are different ways to find mentors that aren't someone that you just speak to personally on a personal level. And I'm excited to get into all of this because I've actually have found mentors before. I got connected with Candy Shaw, and she's not my one and only. I have like a team of mentors that I really am proud to work alongside with or communicate with. So mentors can be found in very different ways. You can find them in educators, in coaches. You can find mentors in maybe some books that you're reading, like a self-help book, a business book, marketing books, online programs or podcasts. I've actually that's how I've got hooked up with one of my mentors. She's yes, I'll get into that.
Speaker 1:Okay, so there is a difference between a direct membership, like my example with like Candy, or learning from afar, the example of me having a mentor in someone that hosts a podcast. So we'll get into that and how that worked for me, and hopefully this is going to make you realize okay, the mentor is there. It's up to me to find those people or that circle or that thing to put in my ear, to listen to, to help me find the guidance that I'm looking for. So that's super important. The mentors are never going to just fall in our lap. We have to seek those people out and know what it is that we might need in a mentor.
Speaker 1:Okay, so, five ways to find a mentor. First and foremost and this is how I found my first set or mentor is by taking classes or online programs. So, of course, I've always taken all my education. I have found some great educators along the way that I would gravitate more towards, but I think my first mentor that I ever had that didn't know me at first on a one-on-one basis, was by taking Thrive First Society by Brit Siva. So I joined that probably back in 2016.
Speaker 1:So it was very new-ish just a couple years into the business and that was a breath of fresh air for me, because back then we didn't have all this online education that we have now and all this information at our fingertips, especially for the salon industry. So that was like, oh my gosh, there's this entire group of people in the US. There's this entire group of people in the US internationally as well. But really people that I could relate to that were at the time when I joined. I was a new salon owner, maybe for a year, and I knew I was doing things right because we were really growing rapidly, but I also had no idea if I was doing it right. I'm like I think, yes, it's going well, the bank account's going up, but is it going well? So by joining something like a Thriver Society that really she was my first mentor that I really learned and got guidance from I gained confidence from really making my business strong and stable in the hair industry. So I am very grateful for the start of working with Brit and Thriver Society.
Speaker 1:But where the magic really was in that is the people I met inside the program that I still connect with and go to today if I need guidance, questions, clarity, confidence, any of those things. That's where my relationship still stands. So I maybe got the start of that. It opened up the doors, but now I have mentors and the individual people that I connected with inside that program. So it doesn't mean that that's the program for you. It doesn't mean that that's the one you need to be joining, but there are now so many different programs for education business education, for hairstylists that you'll get connected with people that you maybe are a couple steps ahead of you, maybe going through the same things as you, and that's been really, really important to me to have those people to lean on when I need them.
Speaker 1:So, online classes, in-person classes so you can learn from the experts even without direct interaction okay, so they don't even have to know who you are. But if you're in there doing the work and connecting with others, that's great. And that takes us to the next one, number two second way to find a mentor is to engage in these communities. So when you are going to in-person classes, when you are signing up for online programs, they all have some sort of a community, especially online programs. They're going to have a Facebook group. They're going to have a private community software system that you can join. Join it.
Speaker 1:Don't be a lurker, don't be quiet. Introduce yourself, put yourself out there. The more you stay quiet, remember the mentor's not going to fall in your lap. You need to put yourself out there and connect with other people. I don't care what industry you're in, I don't care if you're a hairstylist or anything else. Us growing, our businesses and our careers are about connecting with people, right? So not just our clients, but also with other people in our industry, because if we can connect with people who are like-minded and have similar goals and similar struggles, you're going to find that you're not going to maybe go into such a down place when you're going through some down times, because you're going to have that type of community to lean on.
Speaker 1:Okay, so the third way to find a mentor is to I kind of already said this but follow and interact on social media. So there's so many educators and stylists who share for free online. So I don't know if you guys have experienced this, but, like I, there's people that I you know I might not take their program or they don't have a program. They just share a lot and they are an open book and they don't gatekeep anything that brought them their success. And if you can start following those people and interacting with them maybe DMing those people you're going to find you can find a mentor in those types of people online, because why are they putting themselves out there? Why is somebody who is either an educator or a hairstylist who shares but may or may not sell something Because they want to help shares but may or may not sell something because they want to help, right? So why do I have my online programs? It's because I want to help. I want to see people make a difference in their careers. Why do I do this podcast for totally free? Because I want to help people. And here's a way. I said podcast earlier. This is another example of how to find a mentor through interacting on social media, but how about on podcasts? So I mean, mikey is a great example. Mikey messaged the podcast, so he's kind of reaching out to mentors Kelsey and I. How to find a mentor, like, I love that You're leaning in to the resources that you have. How to find a mentor I love that You're leaning into the resources that you have available to you for free, and that's how I actually got hooked up with one of what I consider a mentor, even though she doesn't really know who I am.
Speaker 1:In the online education space, I somehow stumbled across a woman named Amy Porterfield, her podcast, probably back in 2016, 2017, right when I became an educator for Sunlights with Balayage, and I don't know how I found her podcast, but I started listening to it. I had no idea online courses existed and I realized, oh my gosh, this would be something amazing that I could do with my education, and so it just really turned into. She became this mentor for me in online marketing, really Like that's one of the things that I absolutely love, but I didn't know that I loved that until I found her, and so I am in. I have joined all of her programs. I have joined all of her programs, and her mentorship in hosting a podcast to then having things for me to join and sign up and be part of her communities has really allowed me to grow this education business to something I couldn't even imagine. And it's all because I started listening to her on a podcast and she became a mentor of mine of how to be a really well-rounded business owner through online marketing. So she doesn't have that podcast anymore. Online marketing made it easy, but she does have the Amy Porterfield show. I highly recommend listening to her if you are a hairstylist, even because she just talks about really good business practices.
Speaker 1:Okay, so one, two, three, four, number four ways. The fourth way to find a mentor is to join a coaching program. So if you're ready for more like structured mentorship where you're like, okay, I'm following the people online, I've joined some like online programs where I'm just in this big huge group and, yes, I've connected with some people I follow. I listened to all the things. I want that one-on-one you can join a coaching program. I've done that. So I have.
Speaker 1:I used to have Patricia. She was my coach for many years as a salon owner and as an educator, just in general, and I needed someone to to bounce my ideas off of, to help me figure out where am I like holding back and where can I push myself, where's the growth for myself, where are the areas that I can improve or maybe just find some more confidence in. And so that's what I did. When I finally got to that point, I'm like, okay, I feel. Here's the thing.
Speaker 1:I think that there's a difference between the DIY having like a DIY mentor. Like you know, you're just finding the mentor on your own and making this your mentor, which is a great, amazing place to start. I think it's the best place to start by taking that initiative of taking online classes, following the right people, interacting with like-minded stylists on social media, all those things. But if you're really ready for that next level and you want that one-on-one mentorship, that's what a coaching program is for. That's why people hire one-on-one coaches, and you might be thinking, oh my God, that's insanely expensive. I can't even imagine how much that would cost. It can be. I have paid lots of money in the past for coaching programs, for one-on-one mentorship. However, there are also so many amazing coaches out there that have great, affordable prices, and that's where we just have to interact with people and get involved in the communities and start asking around.
Speaker 1:Is anybody known of any coaches that can help me? So, and now this one is kind of annoying, but it's very true, okay. So a little disclaimer with this one the fifth way that you can find a mentor which is a little eye roll, but it's so dang true is to build relationships. Naturally, I know, so annoying because you're like okay, poof, like where do I? How do I do that? But that's, that's if you do, if you really look into all those other four ways to find that person, that mentor for yourself, of reaching out, getting involved, maybe joining that coaching program that can build those relationships, naturally.
Speaker 1:So what does that mean? That means you got to put yourself out there. If we need help with anything, and we would love to have that mentor to talk to with anything, and we would love to have that mentor to talk to. We cannot stay hidden. We have to put ourselves out there. We have to raise our hand and say I need help, who can help me? And this is coming from the person who I struggle to ask for help. I am not the best person to ask for help. I am stubborn in that fact where I'm like I'm going to figure this out on my own. But I've been doing this career for long enough and had enough hard times to realize there is no prize in doing it alone. Zero prize. Do you know what it is? It is burnout, frustration, loss of confidence, feeling like you want to give it all up. So we need to put ourselves out there. That is how you find mentors.
Speaker 1:And then here is the most important thing that I want to leave you with when you're thinking about finding a mentor, getting into the groups that you want to be in, that are going to help you get that mentorship that you want is you can't just start okay, I've connected with somebody and maybe I've asked questions, I've reached out to them for guidance. You can't just do that and end it there. You have to show up and engage with that mentor, you have to ask questions and here's the most important thing you have to apply what you've learned. Okay, and I know that sounds simple, but here's something that I've seen a lot. And it doesn't matter how much I support and encourage and give the step-by-step guide to help somebody achieve a goal that they want when they're asking me as their mentor If they don't apply what they've learned and there's always a yeah, but, but that won't work.
Speaker 1:Or I know, you have to apply what you learn when you work with these mentors. So we can't expect the mentors to do the work for us. They can guide us, they can give us their insight. They're not going to always be right, but that's the point. You just want to get that other opinion, you want to get the other eyes on your business. So mentorship is a guidance. It is not a shortcut. Finding a mentor is not about luck. It's about being proactive. We've got to put ourselves out there and really start to seek out different types of mentorships. I hope that this really opened up to your eyes to.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, I feel alone. We hear that a lot. I feel alone in this industry and I just don't have anybody to go to. Well, we need to put ourselves out there. We need to make sure we're the ones that aren't alone, because nobody's coming to save us. We have to put ourselves in those rooms and then, when we do, they will wrap their arms around us.
Speaker 1:If you're in the right rooms, with the right mentors, with the right communities. We all want to lift each other up and that those people that person is out there for you. You just have to put yourself out there. So, okay, here's what I would love. All right, big ask. If this episode resonated with you, I want you to let me know, send me a DM on Instagram at the Abby Werther and tell me yes, I've had mentors. Here's how they've helped me. Or, if you are looking for a mentor, tell me, let me know and put that out there and say this is what I'm looking for and this is what I need help with and this is why Start practicing with me. Just send me a DM and that's going to start putting yourself out there. Hey, I got a lot of friends in this industry. Maybe there's somebody that I can connect you with and you can start following them and you can get in their DMs and you can start finding that mentor, like I did years ago, just through social media and podcasts, because that's how we start.
