I Tell Stories
I Tell Stories Podcast covers a wide range of topics discussed by Colt Draine and Owen "The Mic" McMichael. From the scourge on humanity of violent business hippies and Scott Baio to peculiar Serbian Mother's Day traditions,the boys offer their unique perspective. Revolutionary artists,legends of folklore and bizzare following of fast food items are just a few of the subjects touched on. I Tell Stories aims to bring attention to individuals and occerrences that are too interesting to be forgotten. Two long time friends who keep each other laughing give listeners their take on the world. Everyone has a story, these are ours and those of many others.
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I Tell Stories
Marriage: And This is Just the Beginning
Wedding traditions are far stranger than you might imagine. While we're familiar with white dresses, something borrowed and something blue, these customs barely scratch the surface of matrimonial practices worldwide.
Did you know the pristine white wedding dress only became tradition in 1840 when Queen Victoria made it fashionable? Before then, brides simply wore their best dresses, regardless of color, because clothes were expensive and the concept of a single-use garment was impractical for most people. That beautiful tradition you cherish might be younger than your great-grandmother!
The role of the "best man" has an even darker history. Far from being just a supportive friend, he was originally a skilled swordsman whose primary duty was to help the groom kidnap the bride from disapproving families or rival suitors. The term "best" referred to his combat prowess, not his friendship status. This reveals how marriage was often less about mutual consent and more about property acquisition.
Around the world, wedding rituals range from charming to downright bizarre. French traditions include newlyweds consuming a mixture of leftover food and alcohol from a toilet bowl for "strength." The Tadong community in Indonesia prohibits couples from using the bathroom for three days after marriage, believing this ensures harmony. Some Kenyan fathers spit on their daughters as a blessing before the ceremony. Meanwhile, Czech weddings might involve placing a borrowed infant on the couple's bed for fertility, and Fijian grooms must present their future father-in-law with a whale's tooth as a sign of respect.
Marriage ceremonies fundamentally began as contractual arrangements rather than celebrations of love, which explains why so many traditional practices revolve around property exchange, fertility rituals, and alliance-building instead of emotional connection. The integration of romantic love into marriage is relatively recent in human history.
Join us as we explore these fascinating traditions that showcase how marriage practices continue to evolve across cultures and throughout time. Whether you're planning your own wedding or simply curious about human customs, you'll never look at matrimony the same way again after hearing these stories.
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Oh hoi hoi Hola. Hey, what's up bro? How's this fine day treating you?
Speaker 2:Oh, not too bad. Just done some ribeye tacos Hanging out pretty much. Year anniversary for Cold Smoke slash Boogie's Bodega. So the honey's shining.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hell yeah. Congratulations on that achievement, for sure. So we're here to let's not dress the situation up or down. We're here to get to the facts about, you know, just different wedding situations, weird little like rituals or things of that nature and what's kind of inspired the topic, I guess, which is a pretty big one. It's not like we sought out some weird thing to talk about. It's weddings. Okay, okay, guys, owen just, but he just attended a wedding in California.
Speaker 2:Below Reading, I feel right, just, barely yeah, reading area 104 degrees, but it was awesome. My cousin, hannah married Armando, was both awesome people and yeah, they didn't do anything weird like these lists, just a more traditional hangout to get the cake, get the food. Yeah, it was awesome, but I did. I had to just write down. I felt you know my thoughts on flying and I reached, for we previously spoke about the La Fonda at the Plaza. I think and we're laughing that it was Pip's girlfriend on Napoleon Dynamite. I go to grab a pen at my mom's house and it's a La Fonda pen. Oh my god.
Speaker 2:So she stayed at La Fonda at the Plaza, which, yeah, colt was saying, oh, we should go stay there. I'm like, yeah, totally, here's Santa Fe's nice. Yeah, the rooms start at $509. So a little above our pay grade. Why, if you guys want to kick in some bucks for An I-Tel Stories trip to La Fonda at the Plaza, we're probably staying at the Condo Lodge.
Speaker 1:Right, is it pretty fancy looking?
Speaker 2:I don't understand, oh yeah, it looks like it's like a resort In Santa Fe. From what I understand, it's a pretty Upscale, not in a bad way, but like really cool city. So people realize they can Charge extra money when a place is really cool, right, okay.
Speaker 1:Well, that makes sense to me. I understand that this wedding you went to, you know, you just you were nervous about some of the aspects of, you know, traveling and you just you know your business and all these things, and I understand you wrote something about flying, was it?
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, just when I was done and I've done a lot of flying Like, my parents were divorced when I was a kid and I fly from Northern to Southern California. I liked it. Yeah, sometimes because I was a little kid, they bought me up to first class and I got to drink as much soda as I wanted, but now it's just like it's such a chore so I felt like I had to just jot down my, my feelings. Flying it's essentially being held captive in an overpriced mall with worse food for hours on end. Then, if luck is with you and the hours don't compound, yeah, yeah, all right. Well, hey, you know what I like? That Brief and to the point, okay, well, and. And then, of course, like I did sit next to like A really awesome woman hand and we just talked the whole time.
Speaker 2:So, like, sometimes you Look out and you sit next to like cool people, but mostly you are seriously surrounded by people, just like. And then, like, some kid Will shriek you're expecting like a Cat to yowl or something. Oh my god, like a constant. Anyway, yeah, my funny. And some kid will shriek it's like a cat to yowl or something. Oh, my God, it's like a constant. Anyway, yeah, my funny take on going to a wedding, but again, beautiful wedding. I couldn't be happier for them. Lots of awesome people there. That's great man. Well, congrats to them. Yeah, and while there are no odd wedding traditions, at least nothing even approaching some of the ones we're going to discuss.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got a couple that are like our normal ones as well. I went all around here.
Speaker 1:But nothing weird happened at the wedding to where they didn't like no, yeah, okay, that sounds good. I'm going to start off like you know. Just dip our toe into the wedding watchers Owen here. And sounds good. I'm going to start off like you know, just dip our toe into the wedding waters Owen here. And not that we already have, I guess, with the talk at the beginning of the show here.
Speaker 1:But everybody in America knows, you know, like, what's a wedding dress? What color is it typically? Right, white, white, right, well, it's a thing. But historically, historically, brides would just use their best dresses, so it could be any color, and this was a thing because obviously not everybody could afford to have a white dress. It would just get dirty and clothes were kind of a big deal. They were expensive guys back in the day. So that wasn't a new thing until 1840 when Queen Victoria donned a white dress and it became fashionable. So all the other lore around it was basically because of the Victorian era, like the purity, all these, etc. Things. Wearing white, you know, at a wedding isn't, isn't as old as it, as we might think it would be. I guess there there's no real. That's a pretty modern invention and it just caught on from there, you know. So there's a simple little fact, guys 1840, that's when the white wedding dress came into play.
Speaker 1:So not that bizarre but, yeah, not as bizarre as maybe one that might come from Owen's mouth over here. Do you got a good one for me?
Speaker 2:Well, I just looked up. I was kind of thinking maybe like just interesting or bizarre weddings themselves, but I found, on a website called the Travel, 30 weird wedding traditions. We won't cover all of them, but they come out swinging, oh no. So you know France, well known for elegance and great food and beautiful landscapes, and I'm just going to read right from the travel On the day of a French wedding, the guests fill a toilet bowl with all the leftovers which were once deemed delicious and mix them with alcohol and everything they desire. Then the couple is obliged to finish the bowl in order to build up strength for the taxing wedding night that is ahead of them. What?
Speaker 1:Why? Why, that doesn't seem like anything. Okay, I don't know, this is where we defecate people. Now eat this, eat this. Your marriage is going to be like that. It's a drunken food fest. I guess I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 2:To gain strength, though I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 1:To gain strength though I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know either, Okay go ahead. Well then, here's another one In me beloved ancestral land of Scotland. Apparently, just like the night before the wedding, the woman is bathed in smelliness, as they say, and anything you can find, if it's just minced meat, fish, flowers, sauces, anything gross. And then they all go out on the town. Her and her friends go out on the town, it says. After bathing her in smelliness, she's been taken for a night out with her friends Like a bachelorette party.
Speaker 1:Gross guys Sorry.
Speaker 2:In India, a woman sometimes will marry a tree before marrying her husband. Huh, and this comment is some women would probably be better off staying married to a tree.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I think that could be played on both sides, but yes, I agree with that, yes, yes, oh, my goodness, what a beautiful thing. Hey, on my boring wedding facts over here. Do you know where the best man came from? By any chance you know, I don't know. Anyway, staten Island, fair enough, maybe just somebody, I guess. Yes, originally the best man wasn't just a supportive friend, but a skilled swordsman. His primary role was to assist the groom in kidnapping the bride from disapproving families or rival suitors.
Speaker 1:The best got you off guard, I think a little bit. The best referred to is his prowess in combat, ensuring the groom's plans proceeded without interference. Alright, alright, guys. So that used to happen. That was a thing at one point in time. Be grateful, princesses, that's not a thing at one point in time. Be grateful, princesses, that's not a thing. Because that sounds terrible, guys, I don't think anybody should ever be forced into doing anything like that at all, or anything really, but nonetheless, sorry about that, go ahead.
Speaker 2:No, listen, I don't even I'm not sure where this is, but M-A-U-R-I-T-I-U-S Meridius Brides-to-be are sent to fat camps where they are forced to eat more and gain fat. The chubbier the soon-to-be wife, the better, as it is a sign of wealth, and also the men consider bigger women to be sexier. Yeah, and this writer says now, this is my type of wedding being forced to eat, Getting married like burping.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God Boo, that makes me, you make me want to find Do they just have like a trough at the Golden Corral that they make these with. I don't know if they have.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't understand that either. Now, you made me have to. Oh, here it is. I found it. Good thing I'm so. My notes are organized, people, I tell stories, so I got one that'll complement your last one I filled. Okay, so newlyweds in the Tadong tribe I think that's how you say it. People in Indonesia, it's a toilet ban for the newlyweds. The Tadong community in Indonesia observes a strict post-wedding ritual, my friends, where newlyweds are prohibited from using the bathroom for three days and nights. This practice is believed to ensure harmonious marriage, prevent misfortune such as infidelity or death of offspring. Okay, I don't know what studies they have to back this up, but everybody out there, just consider it, you know, don't pee for three days or poop for whatever. Nothing, nothing, guys. Is it before or after Newlyweds? So that would be presuming after right, I would presume. I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay. So after you get married, how do they prevent you from doing that? Like you know, is it physically possible to hold it for three days? I don't think that would be advised by a physician. I'm pretty sure it'd run down my leg at some point, man when I when I wake up, oh my god. There's times when you have to pull over and just pee wherever you can find a spot. My friend, you know that's part of being a guy is supposed to be right there, but nonetheless.
Speaker 1:In Romania, the wife is abducted before the marriage that's fantastic by the best man, I'm presuming.
Speaker 2:It's either like family or friends or hired actors and then the groom has to pay to get her back, which is usually like a silly little performance or like a bottle of booze or something, but still it's kind of keeping with the good old Mother's Day Serbian tradition of tying mom up. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, serbia, romania, whatever Potato, potato, but nonetheless I get it. I wasn't saying that I I get it. I wasn't saying that I know I get it.
Speaker 2:They steal shoes in India after marrying a tree. The bright side of the family's mission, according to this, is to steal shoes, while the groom's side protects issues from being absconded with.
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, that can be problematic.
Speaker 2:Sticking with that. In South Korea they beat the groom's feet.
Speaker 1:Okay, did they misspell that? I don't know, anyway, okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they beat his feet with sticks or dried fish. What it's supposed to make sure the soon-to-be husband does not disappoint on his wedding night. I don't know what's going on there in South Korea, but why fish?
Speaker 1:Why fish?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 2:In China, three weeks before the wedding, the mother and bride Daily just weep together and finally the grandmother Joins in.
Speaker 1:Why Did you say why? Yet again, I want to know why. Man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they know what's coming. Like the grandma Is really just like.
Speaker 1:Okay, no, I'm not. What are they like? I'm sorry we're women in China, is that Sorry? I don't care, it's probably not a Anyway nonetheless, guys, no, I won't be getting married. Okay, yeah, let's stop it right there, Urch, Anyway. So on another note, you know, bridesmaids, in the weddings they usually their dresses match. You know it's a thing, guys. You know it's a coordinated wedding. They're just trying to present something Easy for you to say yeah.
Speaker 1:In ancient times, bridesmaids dressed identically to the bride to confuse evil spirits and jealous ex-lovers, apparently Because they couldn't just see what they looked like, I guess. So this tactic aimed to protect the bride by making it difficult for malevolent forces to single her out. So that's the purpose of it. So they all dress like twins, but I wonder if they wore face coverings or if this was just kind of whatever. Yet again, I wonder if this is like a thing when they mention the jealous ex-lover. So in If this is a thing like if people are trying to attack and snatch these poor women. Jesus, we've been taking a dark turn, I know it all seems to be pointing in that direction of men abducting women and then marrying them Right.
Speaker 1:Yowies, yeah, yowzers. Where does that come from, yowzers? What is that? You know? I don't know.
Speaker 2:Sounds like a cartoon to me, but here's a lighter one In Quebec, french-canadian. Hey, they are known to. But here's a lighter one In Quebec, french-canadian they are known to. It's called the silly sock dance. They wear high colorful socks and dance about and then throw money which seems like just coins that could hurt, or like throwing paper doesn't seem like it would go very well.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But yeah, right, but yeah. Then the money is donated, I guess, to the hopefully happy couple yeah, issued into marriage by dancing around in silly colorful high socks. Sounds great, sounds amazing. Sounds very Canadian.
Speaker 1:Yes, it does. Go Canada, elbows up Canada. Alright, there we are. Nonetheless, that sounds very Canadian. Yes, it does. Yeah, go Canada, elbows up Canada. All right, there we are. Nonetheless, you know what I didn't see and I just thought of while you were doing that, before I get to one I have on deck, is I didn't see like where the putting cans and such behind the car as you drive away. You know where that came from. I imagine it's just to kind of draw attention to the car and make noise.
Speaker 1:Now that I think about it, but, surprising, they don't have any sort of ritualistic like hey, this is why we do it anyway. So now I don't know if this is like some sort of weird website thing or if it's an actual tradition. Tradition, but spitting on the bride apparently is a thing in Kenya. I might say this wrong guys, because who knows, I suppose on my end of the stick, the Masai tribe in Kenya, a father's act of spitting on his daughter's head and chest before her departure to her husband's home was a profound gesture. This ritual is believed to transfer blessings, wisdom and good fortune, while also serving as protection against evil spirits and misfortune. So apparently he's spitting on the poor girl. That is how you send her off. Get out of my house. Why are they always doing bad things to these women? I don't understand.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I don't know. I kind of like this one, though. Hopefully you see the Mexico, the lasso.
Speaker 1:I did not.
Speaker 2:So after the vows are spoken and friends and family then come out and lasso the happy couple together. So, like, as the writer says, I guess this is the true definition of tying the knot. Hey, but that's kind of cool, spitting on people or rubbing, beating them with fish or covering them in goop or what's going on, yeah.
Speaker 1:Some people out there need a good fish beaten, but you know I don't understand what it comes from. So that's, there's a lot of them. Tree planting ceremonies in the Philippines. In the Philippines, some couples incorporate a tree planting ceremony into their wedding by planting a sapling together. That one's kind of cute. All right, there we are. That's not too bad. It's just a testament to their union, apparently. Huh yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't mind that one. Um, this one sounds like it. Um, yeah, I don't mind that one. This one sounds like it. Yeah, I don't know. All this French Polynesia, All the bride's relatives lie face down on the ground in a line while the bride and groom walk over them as if they were a rug beneath their feet.
Speaker 1:Oh, that doesn't sound very fun. What is with this shit?
Speaker 2:guys, it could be somewhat dangerous, especially if it was one of the ones that went to the fat camp. Oh no, sorry, there is. You're not supposed to smile at a Congolese wedding in the Congo, Wow, and you know, often it's livestock is exchanged for the wife's hand in marriage. Yeah, this woman says well, I wouldn't be smiling either if someone sold me in exchange for a cow or a horse.
Speaker 1:Good point, spot on. Yeah, that's a thing. That is definitely a thing. You know, marriage really only came about in the way that we know it simply for contracts. That that's like literally the only reason why there was there was. It wasn't until later on that they put love in the mix, and that's just the truth of it. Yeah, you know, I I didn't. I don't have anything on hand to like prove this at the moment. I'm not anti-marriage either, by the way, guys. So, or commitment, all these things, I love it, you know, I'm committed.
Speaker 1:So right yeah, but uh, no, originally it was just simply contractual, it was just to make sure nobody would mess nothing up. And you know it's weird, the cultures will go from like the some well, when they're like the peasants or I don't even know, just normal lords Sometimes, like the father has to give the dowry to marry off the daughters, and then obviously I've seen it where it's the other way around. You know, you would almost think it'd be the guy if him and his best man aren't out there kidnapping, you know. So that's pretty amazing, pretty weird rituals. You got any other ones?
Speaker 2:This is a good one. They seem like they're getting ahead of themselves. A Czech wedding. Before the ceremony, an infant is placed on the bed Of the soon-to-be-wed couple as a sign to help fertility. It doesn't say where they got this, that baby, oh, my god, I don't know. But yeah, have babies on hand To put on Bed. It's like, yeah, again, maybe it's an they don't get married.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they probably just grabbed An orphan baby. Okay, you know, rent a baby, rent, rent a baby. Yeah, why not? I mean, shoot, it's a. It's part of the life, I guess? No, that's part of the life, I guess? No, that's pretty great. You know, what I was thinking about is they need, you know, to get them some marshmallow root there. You go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was definitely a fertility thing. That's all I was thinking. You can check that out in our marshmallow plant episode, because that's just how we roll If you didn't know there was a marshmallow plant, because I sure the fuck didn't.
Speaker 2:No, I figured that having like a little marshmallow growing on it, oh, is that like the yeah, yeah, the Twinkie shrub?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's exactly right, my friend, that's exactly right. Yeah, these weddings throughout history are pretty weird and I haven't really attended that many in my life. I won't lie. I went to three as an adult and I'm 42, so yeah, I haven't been to very many weddings. I remember going to a few as a kid, but that was about it. So I'm not speaking from a whole lot of experience over here, but, yeah, a lot of, a lot of marriage stuff. You know, I've. You know, if we really wanted to dig into some weird shit which I think we did but if you were to bring up more, just a little bit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, more examples of it. That, like it would be pretty easy, because you would just look up like old unions and how they went down from back in the medieval and times and before that and whatever, and almost every situation situation would have probably been like a kidnapping with the best man and stuff like that and some craziness, or trading for trading for whatever. Who the fuck knows right. Goats and such doesn't seem right. Guys, doesn't seem right. And women's rights have came a long way, people. That doesn't mean we should stop them, though, either. Even that playing field. I'm not anti, definitely not anti-women here. Okay, guys Not at all.
Speaker 2:We're advocating not to spit on them. Yeah, I don't like that Expired to eat items or whatever.
Speaker 1:What the fuck?
Speaker 2:I'm not trying to feed anyone out of a toilet. That one's fucking bizarre or whatever. Right, what the fuck? I'm not trying to feed anyone out of a toilet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that one's fucking bizarre Like yeah, no, they came out, they came out, yeah, yeah. On, it on that one Right. At least with the spitting thing. I don't know what cultural relevance that has. You know it's a totally different thing. They believe in way different things than I do, you know. So who knows where it comes from and how long it's been there, whereas, like the French, eating out of a toilet of like just mixed together food and alcohol sounds terrible. I just don't get it.
Speaker 1:I'm going to assume the worst Sacre bleu yeah yeah, sacre bleu, I'm going to assume the worst and just think that this is probably a normally used toilet that they do this with. Yeah, I didn't want to think about that, but thank you. Yeah, well, now you know. Now you're hearing about it. Yeah, yeah, I wonder, do they use forks? Do they put their head in it? What do they do? I don't know. It's like reverse vomiting Something. Okay, fuck that, never mind, sorry guys In.
Speaker 2:Fiji, the groom-to-be, is supposed to present his future father-in-law with a whale's tooth. That's cool and as the writer says, nothing says I love you like a sperm whale tooth, I guess. Oh.
Speaker 1:Dun-dun-dun. I wonder if sperm whales have teeth or if they're like the ones that just have the big bristly things. So who knows? Oh, I don't know Well so there, I'm not a marine biologist, you're not George Costanza. Okay, not George Costanza. That's an amazing episode. Definitely yeah, marriage is marriage is different. All the, all the things that go into it. And then here we got people spitting on people.
Speaker 2:Don't think this hasn't been charming Perfect.
