Dark Night of the Soul: 2 Part Series with Iena Spiritwalker

Ever felt your world crumble into a dark, chaotic void, losing who you thought you were? Join Lindsay and the fiery Iena on Live Like Eden for a raw dive into the dark night of the soul, or is it the mind—and how it sparks a wild spiritual awakening.

Iena Spiritwalker is an internationally known Psychic, Healer & Transformational Life Coach with 27 years experience. Her mission is to create a ripple effect of Healing across the planet. To do this, she helps Spiritual entrepreneurs heal what is holding them back, create their next level high ticket offer & step into their multi 6 figure business.

Main Themes on Today's Show :

• The Dark Night of the Mind: Unpack the soul-shaking collapse of identity, where the mind panics and empties, not the soul—think limbo, deep voids, and that gut-wrenching “nothingness” Lindsay’s felt for 20+ years.
• Healing and Thriving Beyond: Iena shares her 27-year journey helping spiritual entrepreneurs heal blocks, and her personal plunge into illness that  led her to practice the healing arts.

This dark night isn’t the end—it’s the messy, beautiful start to becoming the light you seek. Tune in for part one now, with part two next week, Becoming the Light That You Seek, bringing practical tools to rise above the noise.

Show Notes:

Iena Spiritwalker's Website

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Transcript

Hi, I'm Lindsay host of the live like Eden podcast What do you do when your whole life flips upside down? Are you questioning everything lost in chaos or yearning for life's deeper meaning? I've been there deep in the thick of it unraveling my own awakening mass for over 20 years Now I'm here to help you through yours I share no-nonsense weekly wake-ups cutting through the ego's illusions to wake you up to your own spiritual wisdom No mountaintop bliss needed here Just practical tools insights and real-life experience to save you time plus a much-needed laugh We're all losing it. Let's dive into this fresh new episode Hello everybody, welcome back to another show I'm so excited to share Iena spirit Walker with you today. She is a blazing light of energy and so fun to talk to she's an internationally renowned psychic healer and Transformational life coach with over 27 years of experience working with other people Currently, she helps spiritual entrepreneurs heal what's blocking them? 

What's holding them back so that they can create their next level high-ticket offer and step into their own multi six-figure business But today is a real treat because we sit down Candidly get our feet on the ground and get into some real talk about what it's like to go through darkness I will link everything that Iena has to offer her website her podcast Her three-part series called sacred success activation that she's offering for free. Please check it out She's really a ball of light and so fun to talk to we're going to be turning this into a two- part series transitioning from the dark night into Becoming the light that you seek and in part two We will offer some tools and techniques and insights on how you can use these in your practical daily life So I hope you enjoy our chat today. It's fun. It's lively and stay tuned for part two next week Hello beautiful soul welcome welcome Well, you are in for a treat because the amazing Lindsey and myself are here to co-host a two-part series called the dark night of the soul becoming the light that you seek Lindsey I'm so excited to be here with you today Well, I'm excited to be here with you Iena Already sense the vibe is gonna be quite fun. And hopefully everybody else will think so, too Yes, one of my favorite sayings buckle up sprinkle tits. Everything's about to change. I Like it get your notebook out babe, this is gonna be some good shit Lindsey Let's talk about like who we are and what we do what podcast we run and all that stuff just so people know why the hell They should listen to us and then we'll break it down Well, my name is Lindsey. I host the weekly live like Eden podcast It's a show basically about spiritual awakening and all the other things that go along with that in our daily life I'm a realist so I like to talk about sort of the raw things that happen when you start to wake up and it's Basically based on my own journey You know of where my life started and where it is now. That's kind of how I got into it It's a personal experience. So I love to share insights have people on and I also work one-on-one with people that are going through the Difficulties that a lot of people don't like to talk about there's a lot of fluff and bliss and oh Just get to the next mountaintop and everything's gonna be fine And really when the you know, the undoing process begins and your identity starts unraveling It can really be horrendous experience and not to scare anybody, but that's 

the truth So I like to help people that are going through the difficult physical and mental Symptoms that do occur during that whole process. So that's where I'm coming from now. How about you? 

Tell us about what you're doing there. What's your beautiful? I'm so excited. I'm already taking notes So if you see me looking down, I'm old school. I'm I'm writing shit down because there's already stuff. I want to talk about Toxic positivity put a little footnote in that we're gonna talk about that. Okay, so, um, hey, my name is Iena spirit Walker I'm an internationally known healer psychic and Transformational life coach. I've been in this space for 27 years and Generally, I help female spiritual entrepreneurs. Although the men are finding me. Hello boys Heal what is holding them back and really step into that multi six- figure income that they Deserve because you know, we are not here to manifest breadcrumbs. We're here to channel We're here to lead and we're here to get paid damn well for it And of course for that We gotta heal our shit. We can't be like, you know, oh everything's lovely. I'm okay How am I gonna pay my rent this week? No, you have to be financially supported and have Finances and prices that are equal to the magic that you offer people that's when things get really fun and juicy So that's who I am. Oh, and I host a podcast tits up and wings out. It's on Apple Spotify all the things and we talk about tits up is leading with the heart wings out is Embodying your divine essence and it's all in reference to having a better life having better health and having better Finances. Yeah. Yes That's why we're here today you guys Welcome and by the way, all the info to reach both of us are gonna be in the show notes below All right Finances because a lot of people and especially in the spiritual realm, you know You can't you can't make money if you have a spiritual insight or something like somehow that's off-limits But I mean bottom line is that's how we live here in the world people Money, you don't have it. You can't live. Well, you know, that's just the yeah That's a that's a big deal and it's there's something called spiritual martyrdom that's kind of like a big thing for a lot of spiritual entrepreneurs, and it really is like essentially your Worth and work is tied up in self-sacrifice And this comes from you know, like old past lives shit that happened to you as a kid all the things But essentially like I am NOT doing good unless I'm suffering Yeah so it could be there's there's a lot of spiritual entrepreneurs that I meet and they're like doing all the things and they're Volunteering and they're helping this person. They're helping that person, but they're dying inside. They're crumbling. They're falling to pieces like Yeah, what is happening and and working for free or peanuts, right? 

Well, I think there's some conditioning in the mind that says though if I'm serving and if I being of service I don't need anything in return. There's something there like I don't I don't need anything in return There's something in us that does that, you know? Yes, there is something in us that does that and I think there's a there's a lot of misconception about like what money is and we talked a little bit about that, you know in our pre-show chat to like what money is and what what Our expectations are around that and essentially you guys everything's energy We know that everything's energy if you're in this space You're listening to Lindsay and I you know that and with that being said we must have equal exchange equal magic for the service that you're offering and the price that you're receiving because life and the evolution of Humanity really depends on us being interconnected and having even exchange. Otherwise, it's in balance. Yeah That's the truth. Yeah. No, you're right, you 

know I was thinking about this before we started talking today, but I think it's relevant right now is there's this You know I think about the world before it's became super modern and corporate owned and everybody's a cog in the machine and I thought about this like because what you do you're helping people with their spiritual gifts and to Sell them basically to help serve other people I think if we were still living in that time where we were more village type people that you know You go down to the village and you know Go get your wisdom from grandma and grandpa or here's the spiritual healer go down to that, you know But today because it's kind of we're in the background right because of the conglomerate the huge corporate machine Is in the way so I think like What you're doing what you're offering and what a lot of us are doing by helping and serving other people is kind of the way What used to be, you know more of that traditional type thing Sure And even when you when you got your healing and messages from grandma or from the village elder You offered something in in return you didn't just you didn't it wasn't just a free thing And that there's so much around that and there's so much healing if we're gonna Elevate as humanity in a society. We really need to move past this and recognize that Everything is equal. Everything needs balance money is part of nature money is part of the connectivity with us all us Enabling us to give to receive all the things and that requires balance it really does Yeah, absolutely Maybe we could get shift gears here and start diving into this dark night. I mean we should yeah Okay Let's do it, babe So tell me tell me what your tip we were talking about the dark night of the soul because we've been through some fun shit And we're not saying it's a contest you guys everybody goes through this at some point So Lindsay, why don't you break down like what is the dark night of the soul? 

What are we even talking about today? Well a dark night of the soul. I kind of want to reframe and say it's the dark dark night of the mind Yes Yeah, I have this feeling that And I have this whole thing about the soul But I don't if the soul is like a replica of home or its perfection and its finest I don't see how it's ever been broken or harmed or there's a tear in it or whatever you want to call it I think it's the mind that is the problem and so it's the dark side of the mind because the mind is losing itself It's losing its identity and we are identifying with it Yes, so when something happens to you and it doesn't really matter inform how this occurs, right? I think there's a lot of misconceptions that you have to be Praying in a monastery to go through a dark night of the soul like the old contemplatives or I don't think that's necessary I think anything in the world can happen inform that's going to wake you up from this identification with a self or a small egoic self or whatever whatever term you want to give it and to me, it's a dark side of the mind because the mind is the one that's going to kick and scream and it seems in my personal experience and you can share yours, but When that starts to fall apart And when there's cracks in the soil and everything starts to crumble you no longer Are who you thought you were and there's an emptying of the self There's an emptying everything almost like a nothingness. There could be a feeling of deep deep void darkness and in that void There's no divinity yet. There's not there's like it's like bleak, you know And it's this very difficult time and it you can have many of these, you know It's not like you just have one you can have many of them But over time there's this limbo, right I think it's like a limbo period so you're in this space where you don't yet feel this I Don't know peace, you know, whatever you want to call it and you're just you're stranded and that's what I call the dark side of The mind it's it like it's panicked. It's emptied and it 

doesn't feel anything else. So that's how I kind of describe it What do you I love that? I love that. Thank you for rephrasing that and I think we use that phrase because it's kind of the the It's kind of the viral thing to say, whatever The PC thing to say dark night of the soul, but I absolutely agree And that's one of the things I work with with my clients is hacking our it's not just mindset It's like hacking the system in the brain happen hacking the operating system in this meat sack That's causing us suffering and a lot of human suffering With the exception of physical pain because that shit is real A lot of human suffering is in the mind. Yeah, and a lot of it is We are attached to the expectation of how things will be Right. So let's say for example, I thought I was gonna live in this house forever But there's you know, the roof's falling apart in the you know, whatever something happened And now we have to move out or I thought I was gonna get this job But over here, you know, someone else has said I have to do this So it's all about oh my god, this is what I thought was gonna happen But something else is opening up over here, but it's terrible. Holy shit And once we span back and the truth of the matter is once you get to the other side of it Which you must my friend you must get to the other side of it. That's the whole goal of this physical journey Once you get to the other side of it, you can start seeing oh shit Okay, so this happened because of this and this opened up for me because this happened it starts making sense But when you're in it and you're attached to How you thought things should have gone? 

That's the long and the short of most of the suffering that we have as humanity Oh a hundred percent. I mean, we think we're in control and have you know, we know what's best for us Right, like, you know, especially when you're a young person and you're going through your 20s We think we got it all figured out, you know, I mean if you've had kids, you know, they think they got it all It's just like Yeah, so it is it's just it's a expectation that the mind is putting on how it should be. You're exactly right And the whole idea of should is kind of crazy. What do you mean should how do I know it should be, you know? Yeah, and the truth is yeah, go ahead love. Well, the sorry the dark side of the the dark night is Let's say is that yeah letting go of the expectation of where you thought your life should be, you know Or what you think is best. It's kind of an arrogant position sometimes because you're like I don't know. What's best. I mean spirit's pulling me this way and Clearly trying to show me something else and i'm in firm denial or resistance of it Right, that's so true. And I that's exactly what I was just gonna say You were saying spirits trying to show me something else and I'm in firm denial or resistance of it Say you were saying spirits trying to show me something um, the truth is when we are Going through these moments and everything is temporary by the way moments Um, it is for our evolution. It is for our highest good It is at some point an answer to your prayer and again, probably not how you thought it was gonna go But guess what you got the shit and it's time to walk through it Exactly, so I you know, how did you walk through the fire what tell us about it? Holy shit. Yeah How did you become the psychic healer? 

You know shamanic training so can we get into that tell us about your Okay, 30 seconds or less no 27 years is a long time. So what did yeah, it's almost half. I'm 53 now. So hmm. Yes, you've had a sweet mama Okay, and I look damn good. I know that okay, so So when I'm so Interestingly enough my spiritual stuff actually started with a health crisis, but it all kind of culminated all at the same time so I was 29 years old and I had an infant and a two-and-a- 

half-year-old and I was passing out after I ate I was a stay-at-home mom So there were moments where my children were unattended because I was not conscious Okay, I went to all the doctors. I went to end endocrinologist. I went to specialists I went I went to everybody you should go to you guys lots and lots of people nobody could figure it out The majority of the people that I saw were like, well you look really healthy on paper because my numbers quote-unquote were fine You look healthy on paper So have these antidepressants and then of course I would burst into tears saying the only thing That I'm depressed about is you can't figure out what the hell's wrong with me And I'm passing out when I'm supposed to be taking care of my children Exactly, and and they're like, yep depressed. Here you go, honey, and they hand me the script. So I dove into I dove into my own this was before Google you guys This was like you got to go to the fucking library. You got to get books out You know, this was not like let me just Google my symptoms and see what you know Web MD says which I don't recommend by the way And at the same time at the same time I was hearing Again stay-at-home mom. I'm hearing disembodied footsteps. I know that's what it was now before I did not know what that was I was laying down for a nap and I'd hear footsteps Coming towards me. I thought it was my children getting out of bed When it's nap time and I'd sit up and they'd be gone and I'd go back into their bedrooms and like separately open their doors I'm like damn, they're fast. How did they do that? 

So let me ask you this real quick. So you're hearing like actual no Like loud footsteps in the house and you think it's the kids It's hearing. Okay. So do you know what it sounds like when some it's when the rooms quiet and someone's stepping on carpet? Yeah, they're like a That's what I heard and it sounded like a child. It wasn't like long strides. It was like a Yeah, little steps. Okay. Yeah, and it always stopped like at the foot of my bed Hmm, and then I'd sit up. I'm a light sleeper. I'd sit up and be like, where the hell did it go? Yeah, so Yeah, so that's that was happening at the same time. I also had one of our cats I think I don't remember she may have been the only cat we had at the time She stayed in our bedroom closet during this whole thing and she refused to eat. She was losing tons of weight I took her to the bed. We did all the tests all everything She's quote-unquote fine, but not eating losing a shitload of weight and refusing to leave that spot I found out this is even how I found this woman is even like a trip you guys So I was selling something called herbal life, which is like herbal supplements, right? Yeah, I had this woman call me and We were living in New Jersey at the time and she says I found your flyer in the Delaware Mall For herbal life and I was like, I've never been to the Delaware Mall. That's odd So I'm like, okay So we're talking and she's like in mid-sentence and she and then she started saying something like and I know your son is suffering Greatly, I can feel him and I can see it deeply in his blue eyes, and I just started bawling She's on the phone. I never met this woman. She doesn't know shit about me. Yeah So this woman supposedly was like in training quote-unquote to clear houses or whatever I don't know but she and another woman came we fed them dinner And they cleared our house. We had spirits in the house and there was a portal Hello in the bedroom Closet right where my cat was Laying her and she was absorbing the energy to protect the family and once they put the spirits back in which I was told was There were several two little children, which might by the way, I forgot to share this shit it's it's such a long story, but my son would be like screaming and Pointing at something and throwing tissues at something. Hmm And my daughter who was an infant at the time I would pick her up and walk her around the 

room and she would stay fixated on one thing the whole time I couldn't see it. So the kids were seeing it Yeah, the kids were seeing it and then there was I had a four-foot aloe plant Which was a massive and it was part of the family you guys because like if my kids like bumped into it and broke it I would like my kids would apologize to it. Like this was like He was our friend and it shriveled up into nothing and I found out later that Aloe plants absorbed negativity and it literally was like it went we had to throw it out. It was Completely dead. So they put these spirits back in through the portal Closed it and the instant they closed it It felt like the difference between like when you're up and we were upstairs. It was always a little warmer upstairs I just assumed it was you know, heat rises, whatever. It felt like somebody turned the air conditioning on immediately and My little tiny cat that was wilting away to nothing just got up and walked away and never laid there again Wow And I was like, oh Shit, there's something going on here Yeah, that was my and I I always um, I used to say I no longer say that because when I was younger I would say my lessons seemed to come as a frying pan over the back of the head and it really was those two things so with the health I found a doctor of integrative medicine that was trained in Switzerland and He found that I had acute reactive hypoglycemia and adrenal failure which means even if I smelled sugar my blood sugar would drop so I was eating food that was making me sick and the Gratitude I have around that was so intense because I learned that food can be medicine or poison and I pass it along to All my clients that's one of the things we usually start with which people are usually like You know, I'm depressed you why do you care what I'm eating? I'm like, hello There's some food that causes depression and anxiety. We need to get this shit right now And yes, and then of course, you know the the whole thing with spirits I was like, okay Well, obviously there's something I'm not seeing that my kids were seeing So, what does that mean and I started, you know buying books and listen CDs people that was the CD era Listen it to the CDs of Sylvia Brown and James Van Praag and John Edward Only a few people probably know who these people are but that's okay and then They were on the forefront of like that new age thing, you know, right well, I don't know about the forefront But I was in there somewhere. Yeah Popular Some of the OG's. Yeah, some of the OG's there wasn't a it wasn't a saturated space So that's how that's how things progress for us and after we cleared the house and I was like, you know what? 

It's time to travel and we sold our house and bought a motor home and traveled around the US for a bit about a year and I was doing my little chakra meditations, you know when we're going to different campgrounds and doing yoga stuff like that and at some point I was like I like stuck you can only self teach for so long and then you need someone else to guide you and We had just gotten we've purchased a house and we were unpacking the motor home that we'd traveled in for a year and I found this flyer that I picked Up right before we left and I I found it at a health food store in New Jersey I literally don't remember packing it, but it was a flyer about Learning you're increasing your intuitive abilities It was a year-long program and included shamanism and all the things and I was like, oh shit Oh my god, and I called the lady and I was like, I don't even remember like packing this But it's been with me the whole year with my books, which I read every day So, I don't know how I didn't see it. But hello spirit Oh My gosh, so that was all like all of that stuff that felt like the end of my world Really was just the beginning of something so expansive. I could have never ever Anticipated it's funny. You say that that is so true You when the it's like we're talking about 

the dark night of the mind the might use it as an ending But it's really a beginning but you can't see it when it's happening Hell no, hell no. Yeah, and even with the health stuff it was like there were several family events where My blood sugar dropped so quickly that I had family members spoon-feeding me yogurt To try to help me gain consciousness like people were holding me up and like You know sticking the spoon in my mouth and stuff and it was just like I got two kids like when is this shit gonna Stop like I got stuff to do. This is not cool But it was a culmination of 29 years of eating the typical American diet the sugar the Oreos the Pepsi Those were my favorite thing, you know, and and now I wouldn't even I wouldn't even touch it. Yeah No, have you I have no interest Do you what's that? You've been able to regulate that now the sugar and everything my blood sugar is regulated But I have no taste for sugar. I Have no interest in it You know, I've avoided it because it's it's very inflammatory and because it caused me such Problems we'll say Yeah, so I well I just say I know better But there, you know, of course if you go out to eat there's there's sugar and crazy there's sugar and typical table salt I mean there's sugar and so much shit and in our society But I avoid it in my own daily life and occasionally something's in there But if something tastes like sugar, oh, oh, I have no no. Thank you. Well, I'd rather you catch it Why don't wean off the sweet taste if you've done it long enough? It really doesn't taste good afterwards It's way too much just like salt too if you've weaned off. Yeah. Yeah, I mean you have yeah It's like yeah to the mouth. Yeah, it really is. I prefer like honey or a little bit of maple syrup I'm cool with that, but I don't really most things that people sweeten. I'm like, no, I don't Mm-hmm. I don't want that. It just doesn't feel good to me. Yeah, it doesn't feel nurturing to me So, can I ask this you let me go back to you feeling the you're hearing the footsteps in your house There's a that clicked in my head like so you're obviously open back then, right? So I guess yeah I guess so if you heard that happening So did that was that at all part of your journey into learning more about like the psychic arts that you went in and did All of that. Did that trigger you to do that or? 

Um, I mean I did eventually learn to clear houses, which I thought was pretty cool You know send send spirits back home for sure And and I guess you know, I mean, honestly, we're all born with six senses not five, you know, it's really just a matter of Cultivating that muscle and using it once more like I have two arms that are fully functional now But if if I chose in childhood not to use my left arm for 50 years You know, it would look pretty gross and it would be fairly useless But if I decided at some point, you know what? I'd like to use this other arm that I was born with I would start with small exercises. I would strengthen it and before I knew it I'd be like, holy shit I can't imagine my life with only one arm again I'm I'm this is amazing. And the same thing is true for our six senses, you know when I was little I talked to I talked to animals all the time I did all kinds of like I wandered off and would like play with the field mice and pick them up and stuff like that And butterflies, you know, I was the kid that always had critters on them and people were like, how the fuck is that? 

You know, like how did you do that? I was like Snow White kind of I guess with all the animals Yeah, yeah minus the coma Yeah, I guess so yeah, I don't know so your health journey was big It sounds like how long did this take you before you really were able to like did you stop passing? I mean when did that stop? that was so The thing that really helped in addition to like not learning at that time There were 36 names in ingredient lists for sugar. 

That was a long time ago I'm sure there are many many more so I studied all those and learned to read labels. I threw out a lot of food and Started all over again, but apparently I can't remember what it's called now, but the adrenal glands Produce a type of hormone I think it is and mine didn't produce any so that's why I was exhausted and passing out all the time So, you know, I would take micro doses of that and it took me I would say At least two years before I started feeling like a human being again Like, you know, and at some point I remember saying I understand why pitbulls attack people I have a theory that pitbulls have adrenal issues Because I had a Jekyll and Hyde reaction to certain sounds I I would be like very calm and then I would hear like I remember one time we were we had a big suburban at the time and it was it was an automatic But just the scent the humming of the gear shifting. I was just like, oh My god, and I would start like cursing and stuff Well, my husband at the time is like what I don't even hear it and I was just like What do you mean? You don't hear it? Yeah Yeah It's like nails on a chalkboard to me and I and I did have that Jekyll and Hyde like even when I was home with my kids Something would happen and I would just snap and I'm like, yeah, I was like, I understand pitbulls now I have adrenal issues if someone wants to research that and get back to me. Let me know but that's my theory well, you bring up a good point actually because today there's a lot of people with really crazy mental issues and Dreams right very extreme and the mental health world is wanting to term it a mental problem and they put them on all these drugs But the question I have is do we have some chemical? 

Biological issues hormonally that people are lacking and it is causing these crazy behaviors, but they're putting on all this Stuff that really is not doing anything, maybe making the situation worse. But like you were pointing out, is there a chemical hormonal problem in the body? It's biological, not, you know. Oh, sure. Yeah, I mean, for anybody who wants to investigate that too, there's something called nutritional psychology that is a science that's directly, directly links the food to your mood, your food to your mood. And there is a book called, this is your brain on food by Dr. Uma Naidoo. It is amazing. And she is, I think it's a psychotherapist and a trained chef. And she is a nutritional psychologist. And it's very interesting because it kind of breaks down like, okay, this stuff causes inflammation, which causes depression and anxiety. 

And this is what heals your gut microbiome, which is all fucked up when you eat, you know, tons of wheat and sugar and all that stuff. And this is how you shift your mood from internal because 90% of the neurons in our body are found in our gut. Neurons are the things that signal our brains for a mood. They're in the gut. Yeah. It makes sense that what you eat is connected to your food. So yeah, it's huge. It's huge. And that's, yeah. Which is why you starting your clients on some basic food things makes 100% sense. Yeah, but people are like, I'm here to like develop my business and, you know, talk about, you know, my psychic blocks. Why are you asking me what I eat every day? And it's not everyone, but you know, if I see some things that sort of like are checking some boxes for me, I'm like, we need to look at what you're eating, honey. 

Well, especially if you see these extreme things happening. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, so that was my, you know, one of my little life lessons. So Lindsay, I'm excited to hear about your 

experience and we can talk about shamanism later if you want, but yeah, it's your turn. What I'm gonna share might lead into it a little bit. Oh, sweet. Okay, go ahead. I am not a shaman and I'm not into shamanism, but I had an experience that led me to research it. So yeah, my life, I was, you know, 26 years old. I was a yoga teacher. I owned a yoga studio and just recently married. That life was amazing. You know, I really had not had too much challenge in life. I kind of, you know, grew up very, you know, good family, you know, nothing had really challenged me yet. 

I always kind of went with the flow kind of life, you know? And I had probably at this stage of my life, I've been practicing yoga for probably 10 years and did it a lot. And one particular morning, it was 2003, I was down getting ready to teach an early morning yoga class. And as I go and walk in the door, I remember very distinctively, you know, putting my hand on the knob and feeling this very obvious pulling and shift at the center of my being, like solar plexus, just a real rumbling, a movement that I had never, you know, felt before. And immediately I was like, what is that? You know, it caught my attention immediately because I'd never had a movement like that inside my body, my physical body. 

I'd always felt so sound and solid and all these things. And I proceeded to go in to teach the class. And as I'm going in, I, all of a sudden, this movement just kind of shifts into my back and I start feeling this movement, push up my spine, like an energy that at the time, to keep in mind, I have no idea what's happening to me while this is going on. This has been over 22 years ago. So at the time I'm like in there talking, I was doing two things at once. I'm speaking and witnessing this experience, which was very strange. Well, multitasking. Yeah, I was always multitasking. So maybe it prepared me to deal with this, but anyway, it was like a freight train just coming up my back and it keeps pushing and pushing. Meanwhile, autopilot, the cues of teaching are just automatically flowing from my mouth. 

I'm, you know, probably no one in the room really noticed that anything was going on, but I, in my mind, am watching this movement. And it starts pushing up the back of my head and the base of my skull, and it's got a lot of pressure in it. And I'm like, the whole time I'm like, what is that? And there's like a heat just blowing like a volcano. And I was teaching in a room 105 degrees. So I was used to heat. It wasn't like, what is this heat? It was like a heat I'd never felt, like an otherworldly just, and I'm sweating and it's pushing in my head. It feels like it's gonna just blast out of my head. And eventually I start seeing like, I don't know, it felt like kind of hazy, you know? Like at the time I thought, am I gonna drop? But I didn't feel dizzy. You know, it wasn't typical. 

I've been lightheaded in my life. It wasn't like that. It was like some, almost like, am I gonna lose it? Am I losing consciousness or am I going into another realm? And finally, I just felt this quaking. It was just like, I felt like my every cell was just vibrating. And I, you know, made it to this 25 minute period in and asked a friend of mine that just happened to show up that morning, another teacher, if she would just step in, I am not feeling well. And I didn't really expand. I just said, you know, I'm not feeling well. You know, would you mind taking over? And she did. And I went into the office and I laid on my back. I'm just looking up at the 

ceiling. And it's like, I feel this streaming. I've never felt anything like it. It was just going everywhere, head to toe. And I'm, you know, tears, I'm terrified, right? 

Of what this, what? And I just had these three words, like, what was that? What just happened to me? I've never, it just blindsided me, you know? So from that moment on, my entire life literally just flipped upside down. It was like somebody turned on a switch inside of, it was on off and it just flipped it on. And I felt like something came in and took over my whole body. That's what it felt like. And I always thought that was weird to say because I sound like a crazy person, you know, if I say that out loud. And at the time, you know, I had no clue what I was talking about. So it was very, the whole thing was weird. Well, from that moment on, I started developing like just very strange, bizarre physical sensations all over the body. 

A lot of tingling, a general just illness, a general feeling of just being so sick. I felt like I was having pressure on the top of my head, like somebody was just bleeding bricks and tightening my head with a belt. I mean, I was just, it was crazy. All these things. And I was in the doctor, as you said, over and over and over and nothing, nothing, nothing. But I had had this one pivotal event happen where I felt this movement up my back. And, you know, I'd say this to the doctor and they'd just stare at me like, what are you talking about? You know, and I knew I was in the wrong. I just knew. They don't know what I'm talking about. So, you know, I'm battling this for several years and I'm still trying to, I owned this yoga studio. I'm still doing the basic stuff, not teaching as much, but I'm still functionable. 

But I feel this general feeling of movement in the body all the time. Like something just came in and now I'm just vibrating, you know? And I got used to that. It started to be kind of familiar. But other things started happening over time where I just started being very sensitive to sound and to large environments. And I was somebody who grew up performing in front of large audiences. So it wasn't like, oh, you're anxious. I'm like, no, it's something, I'm feeling like everything in that space is now in my field. So it almost felt like a boundary, like a veil was, you know, leaving me. That I used to feel this separation between everything, that I was in my little bubble without knowing it, you know, I didn't realize that until it started to fade. 

I started having these crazy dreams, like stuff like I would be looking in the mirror and see a demonic, evil, dark, something was throwing me up the ceiling and I'm being thrown around. I mean, it was just, I'd wake up like, what the hell is happening to me? It wasn't just these physical symptoms, like something other, and I knew deep down, something is going on here. So I did a lot of research into Kundalini. I studied that, realized, well, these symptoms are very similar, you know, to what they would call disruptive Kundalini. Yeah. But it started to even feel like deeper than that because I felt like I was dying. You know, I felt like some part of me was being erased. Like I would have these moments, speaking of having young children. 

I mean, this is going, let me keep this in mind. This is going on for years. I have, eventually have four little kids and I would just be like in the kitchen, you know, making a mom's, 

making a meal for the children at night. And all of a sudden I would feel that void, just an emptying of all, everything I thought I was. And I would just feel like I was nothing, like almost like an extinguished feeling, like annihilation. And I would just beeline it for the couch and be like, what is happening? Without the feeling of feeling faint or weak or nothing like that. It was this, it was almost like this existential crisis I was having, you know, and it just wouldn't leave me. Well, this is all building and building and building. And I didn't realize at the time, it was hindsight, like you said, it was always 2020. 

If I had just known these were little preparation stages for what was coming, maybe I would have been like taking notes. Like you said, I'm just going to take notes. But no, I was, I was terrified. Nobody could really help me. And this all led me to this other pivotal moment where I'm driving my four kids down the highway in Colorado. And I, like I said earlier, I had been fairly familiar with this vibrational feeling in my body, but in this particular time, it just starts to pick up and intensify. And I noticed this pressure in the third eye, behind the third eye, like, and I mean in the head, like in the middle of the head. And I'm driving and it's like building, it's growing and expanding like a balloon. It's just pushing and pushing and pushing. 

And I'm like, you gotta be freaking kidding me right now. Right? This is not happening to me again. Like, I was just like, oh no. And I knew intuitively that this pressure building was going to burst. I could just tell, even though I had no idea what it was, I just knew that this thing's going to pop. And all of a sudden I'm driving and it just pop. And there's no pain, like there's no pain involved or anything. It was just this popping of pressure. And then in that instant moment, my visual field, like I didn't realize before I was like in a little bit of a tunnel vision, I guess. And everything just opened up and I felt like I was part of everything, all the car, everything around me. 

And I was like, I gotta get off the road. I immediately pulled the car off the road and sat there and felt this, another powerful energy that went into my chest, rolling down through the abdomen. Like, it's like somebody took a rolling pin or a roll fit and just pushed as hard as they could down into my, just like something came in and down into me, my limb. It was, I was just sitting there like, obviously I was a mess. You know, I was terrified. I was crying. And my kids are watching the DVD, like nothing happened. Well, that's all good. You know, we still got 30 minutes on the DVD. Well, at least they didn't, you know, they were so little, they had no idea. Oh good, okay. And I was just, from that moment on, long story short, I had to call and have my husband and my brother come get me off the highway. 

But from that moment on, my entire experience of the world shifted so radically. And I couldn't at first make out what is so different? What is happening? And several months go by and I still feel this very expansive, like I am all, I am everywhere. There's no boundary with me anymore. And that, you know, when you're doing yoga over and over and over again, you are focused and you're just locked onto that focal point and that center of your being is kind of what you're developing. And I had realized that this center that I had created so strongly was now vanishing. And there was no, it felt like I was not referencing back on myself anymore. 

Everything became this external, outward thing. And my nervous system was just not ready for that amount of information, I guess you could say, to come in. So fight or flight became a real problem because everything was coming at me. And I just didn't feel like I was separate from anything anymore. Now, visually, I could see that I'm separate. I see you there, but I feel this interconnected thing all the time. And over the years, that was in 2011, and it took me five years. I had to step out of the world completely because it was too much. I was totally isolated and really in the dark night, big time. And finally, I realized I need to learn how to move with this, or I'm going to wallow away, lose my family, my husband, and lose everything. 

That was my mentality. It was like, I didn't really want that. I didn't want to lose that. We had a nice life together. It wasn't about any of that. It was just, how am I going to move forward with this amount of energy that I feel in the system and still maintain some sort of normalcy in the world? So it was like baby steps. How do you get back out? How do you, when you're that in tune all the time, like a radio is what I felt like. How do you build up, like you said, tools? How do you build the tools to get through what your new experience of life is? And so it had taken a long, long time. My life is very different than it used to be, but I am now like, I'm not the only one out there that goes through this stuff. It's crazy, but I want to be there to help people understand that you can move through. 

There are ways to get through your new experience of life. Looking back, as terrible as I was, and as horrible and as a lot of resistance I put into it, I wouldn't change it. That is amazing, yeah. I see things are so different now. It's just such a different. way to be, you know. And do I still have my own issues? Absolutely. Do I still struggle with too much energy sometimes? Absolutely. But I don't, I'm not worried about it like I used to be, you know. That's amazing. So you, you really, you essentially tapped into your divinity. You had your wings out, baby, because you were feeling that connection to every living being. And ultimately, that's who we are, right? We're all, Dr. Wayne Dyer used to say, we are all but drops in an ocean. And when you take a cup and you put some ocean water in the cup, there's no denying it's still ocean water. Right. But we, in these meat sacks, tend to identify with the cup, with the vessel. Yeah. But we're still, we're still part of the ocean. 

We're still part of the divine. And that, you know, this, this shell doesn't change any of that. But it's challenging. Well, that's the, and that was the difficult part, because when you are solely identified as a body, and you may conceptually, and this is the thing I want to point out, I was always kind of open to the idea that, hey, I know we're all connected, but I'm only thinking, I'm only having this conceptual understanding of it. Right. So when I'm, I'm talking about the, the embodiment of it, or the experience of it is so totally different than thinking or talking about it. And so that, yes, that's something that I just felt really strongly about sharing, because it's a totally different ball game. You're talking about your whole experience is now going to change. And you're going to be, it's going to be hard because you're, you're identifying as a body. 

Right. Even if you think you're still a spirit, you still, I mean, we all want to say, oh, I know I'm a spirit. I know that. But when it feels, when you feel the solidity, kind of like you're not in, you don't feel that as much anymore, you start feeling, it's very, it's bizarre. I mean, I can't, I don't know how to explain it properly because there's really no language. Yeah. Yeah. We don't have a lot of language for that stuff for sure. So what does that, how does that tie into shamanism? Because you preface shamanism a little bit before that story. I, well, when I was feeling so ill and like something was taking over my body, um, I started diving into, cause I was getting no help with medical doctors or alternative practitioners, none of them. And I mean, they were all very nice, but they just didn't have, they couldn't help me. So I started looking into Kundalini and then I came across shamanic initiation, which really resonated with me because, you know, that's been going on for eons where somebody in the, you know, shamanic tribe or whatever, just suddenly basically goes like a mad, they go mad and they have a terrible illness and they, you know, have to go through that whole thing to kind of heal them. It's not basically they're accepting their role, right. 

Right. Okay. Yeah. Before it changes. And so I started researching it and it just made a lot of sense to me. It was very comforting because when you don't find anything anywhere else, you know, and you read some ancient information that points that, Oh, this was a thing. Then you're kind of like, Oh, well, why is that not around anymore? Why don't we don't even talk about that? That's where my link was there. Yeah, for sure. And you know, for me too, it was the desperation of what else is there? Yeah. What else is there? And it really sucks that a lot of times it can be that way for us, but it's also, we can have great reverence for, for the teaching and the way that we found it as well. Yes. Yeah. And for me too, it was the, the woman that I studied with for a year, she also offered an additional thing of four day shamanic retreat. And I was like, Oh, that sounds kind of cool. And you know, I had gotten some messages around being a shaman. I didn't really know what that meant from classmates and stuff. 

I'm like, okay, yeah, that sounds cool. Sure. Whatever. Yeah. This woman, I, I, for the critics, this woman has native blood. So let's just preface it with that. She wasn't just another white chick. So we ran this four day shamanic retreat. And that was, and I think we talked a little bit before, not in this talk, but about how everything is interconnected. And that's essentially for me, my takeaway was everything is interconnected. The sky, the rocks, the creepy crawlies, the winged ones, they're all our brothers and sisters. We're all connected. And when you tap into that, and that is now actually how I see practice with money as well, just that interconnection, when you tap into that, everything changes, everything changes. 

And it's coming back for me. Like I used to advertise that I was a shaman because I was initiated in separate several different things around shamanism. And I don't anymore, because a lot of, I'm going to say, quote, unquote, shamans, are people who essentially just do ayahuasca ceremonies. And there are shamans, I will say there are shamans, yes, that know what the fuck they're doing. They're generally not typical Caucasian people from America. They're from indigenous tribes. And that's if you're not familiar with the word shaman, it's any indigenous tribe has their healer or medicine person. That's essentially what a shaman is. And what they do is they call on the messages and medicine of nature, 

essentially, for the healing of the person that's laying in front of them. Sometimes they go out on journeys and stay like on a mountaintop or meditate under a tree for a couple days until they get the information they need. And then they come back and they know what herbs they need, or in my case, what energy of the herbs we need. So yeah, you know, with all things being equal, and everything is energy, you can call upon the energy of that specific herb to go to that person, you don't need the herb itself. Right? Well, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. So and that's the same for crystals and stuff, too. So all you healers out there, if you're like this person needs a labradorite, and I don't have it, just ask the labradorite to come. Okay, that's all you need. Don't need the things. Yeah, I mean, if you're talking about everything has the vibrational frequency. Yeah, don't really need the actual thing. Yeah. We don't. No, we don't. Well, that's fine. Then I have this idea that, you know, people that want to heal their bodies, like, you know, you're talking about this, that, you know, we have to have these physical things around us. But can we just call in the energy, like you just said, use the vibration of our own field to start that process? 

Oh, so yeah, for sure. And and you know, when we talk about healing peeps, we have to say we're not doctors, we're not pharmacists, you know, the deal, you're responsible for your own health care. But all things being equal, yes, we were created to heal ourselves, given the correct environment. And that means external what you put in your body, the chemicals that you use don't use are contributing to that all of that stuff is created. And it's all in mind, body, spirit. And that's also how I work to like, you know, we've got to deal with with the operating system, the meat sack and the spiritual all in one. And when you can do that, and you find that balance, you your cells find the homeostasis that they really have needed all along and were able to heal. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm sure everybody that's listening at some point knows someone who never seems to get sick or, you know, like, you know, I'm sort of, yeah. How about you? 

Do you? What's your experience? Like, with illness? Yeah. Well, one thing versus people around you, I think is, you know, people around me are not sick very often. I, my kids were never sick. But I also raised them, I was on to the food thing. Part of my own journey was nothing I could do made me feel any better. So I went down the whole nutritional thing and use food also. But one thing I want to ask you while we're sitting here is I would because it happened to me that this we're talking about energy as healing. Well, I would get these downloads throughout the process, they would just be this high frequency energy coming through the crown of my head. And it would just flood the whole body. And in the beginning, because I wasn't totally used to it, it would just kind of take me out. And I didn't I don't mean like I was on the floor, like, you know, you know, like a dead like a fish out of water, like flopping around. Now, if you actually saw me, you probably wouldn't even know. But yeah, I felt this. It just was like wiping me out. 

And but I noticed that it would like, clean me out. So I'd be beelining it for the bathroom. And this would this happened for years. It was like a natural detoxification from the energy itself, which is what that's amazing, which is Yeah, it's like, I say that out loud. And people are like, What are you talking about? But I could only feel it. It was just this crazy vibrational frequency that would roll through me. And then I'd be on the toilet, you know? Yeah, for 

sure. Oh, yeah. I mean, that totally makes sense. And I think it was a Tesla that said that new age medicine would be vibration. Well, or maybe it was sound. I can't remember. But But you know, and scientists are just figuring that shit out now. And it's all energy. It's all energy. 

And for sure, you know, I've had experiences to where I've received healings through practitioners or practice. And I've, I've gotten that. And I've also given healings where people are like, I got to run to the bathroom like you go. Yes. Yes, that's the thing. And it's like, I look at it's just clearing you out. Yeah, detox, for sure. Absolutely. And the symptoms with detox are not always pleasant. And so then, you know, you start thinking, oh, there's something wrong with me. But sometimes it's kind of just uncomfortable for a while until it. Yeah, yeah. And it's different for everybody. I tell a lot of people, you know, I usually say, not everyone experiences detox. However, if you do, because I don't want to implant that, like, this is how you're going to feel because we're very suggestible as human beings. However, if you're starting to feel a little sick, or like you're coming down with something, please know that it's your body is physically catching up with what was done energetically. So the stuff that was removed, your body is processing that and releasing it can take up to three days. Drink lots of water, rest when you're tired and take a salt bath because the salt actually will pull this stuff out physically and your body doesn't have to work so hard or jump in the ocean, you guys. Yeah. So. So, yeah. And of course, having lots of quick bowel releases as part of detox as well. It's the body purging. Right. So that makes sense. 

Sometimes people get headaches. I mean, it's different for every person. It really just depends on how intense it is for you and how long it's been since you've detoxed sometimes. Well, for me at the time, you know, I was 20. I had never done anything like that. So, you know, you think you're healthy and everything's great. And yeah, you look great, but you're a shit inside. Literally. I'm tying that into the dark night of the soul or the mind. I mean, when things happen to your body, it's very disturbing to your mind. I mean, incredibly disturbing. Yeah. Yeah, it can be. And it is interesting to, you know, we're talking about how everything's connected and it's all the same and it's all part of the mind. And for me, starting from that point, when I started healing, I realized that, you know, there we do have control over what happens with our bodies and people are going to send me hate mail and that's OK. You know, you're welcome. It's hard for us to accept our own role in our own suffering. 

It sucks. Nobody wants to admit that. But when we start going down that rabbit hole and realize that, you know, it's a choice, it's a choice. It's always a choice. Your thoughts are a choice. Yeah. Your suffering is a choice. You eating the fast food versus the organic food is a choice. Every micro decision that you make in your life is a choice. Whether you're going to binge watch something on Netflix or meditate, that's a choice. And every decision that you make is going to cultivate the person that you become. And you can always change. Always. Well, and that's a great place to maybe like segue because we're going to talk next time about the tools to use. And you just made a great statement there. You always have a choice. And maybe we could lead into that next time, because I think that when you're in the midst of hell, like in the dark night, you don't think you have a choice in the matter. So maybe we can leave it there for today and then pick up on that next time. Stay tuned. Yeah. So we're going to dive into some tools and techniques that helped us personally and that that will 

hopefully help you move forward, whether you're suffering now or just to put in your back pocket for the future. Shall the need arise? I like that. 

Well, you never know. If you're listening, you probably might need it. Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully you don't. But possibly. I know. OK, my lovelies. Well, Lindsay, this has been so awesome. And I'm so looking forward to part two with the tools and techniques to help help people become the light that they seek, the light that they truly are, essentially, really. I'm so excited to continue tomorrow. So, well, next time, I should say, it's not going to be tomorrow for you people, but it's tomorrow for us. So stay tuned, babe. OK, looking forward to it. All right. Bye. Thank you. That's it for today's show. Thanks so much for listening. If it resonated, please share, follow and drop a review with your takeaways. It really means a lot. Visit my website at LiveLikeEden.com to subscribe for weekly reminders and blogs or sign up for a free 30 minute consult to explore one on one guidance sessions. If you're really struggling in awakenings, darkness, take my awakening quiz to get a personal podcast playlist that meets you exactly where you're at. See you next week for another deep dive.