Perspective: How Cynicism Chokes Our Human Connection

We explore whether it's possible to raise children in our modern world without trauma and how belonging is essential to human wellbeing. The conversation delves into the shift from communal living to isolated households and offers insights on cultivating resilience, community, and human connection in an increasingly disconnected world.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Trauma in Modern Society
• 3:07 Processing Trauma and Recovery
• 4:55 Creating Community with Shared Values
• 6:53 The Problem of Anti-Humanism
• 8:04 The Power of Genuine Connection
• 9:41 Taking Action for Community Well-being

Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:53

I had a question about. You were talking about trauma. Before I was reading a book by Gabor Mate, the Myth of Normal, and he was talking about how humanity has moved from being a community and being based on, you know, having elders in your commune and being brought up by a lot of people.

Speaker 1: 1:18

Yeah, like a tribe or a village.

Speaker 2: 1:20

Yeah, and now we're just being brought up in individual households where we're separate from our grandparents and separate from the older traditions, and I was wondering if it's nowadays, in this modern world, a rite of passage to have this trauma embedded in us, like, is there a like, a way, even if you're a really aware parent or you know you go and you do the work and you have kids is because I know there's like environmental factors and not not everyone is, you know, conscious and aware and is there any way that you can have a child and like not have the child be traumatized in any way?

Speaker 1: 1:59

I think that's my question that's a really great question, um, yes, I, I think that there is a way that we can raise our children, irrespective of the environment, and for them not to be traumatized, if we teach them how to process the experience that they're they're having and make sense of it. Because, again, you know, trauma, at the end of the day, is the, the experience of not being able to understand it or process it, trauma that we carry anyway, trauma that sticks to us, trauma that we don't recover from. You know, stress is okay and trauma is also okay. What the thing in question is is our capacity to recover. So, having said that, you know, we want to minimize the amount of trauma that our kids are exposed to and we also want to maximize the capacity for them to explore and investigate, if in fact they have been traumatized in some way, how they can develop healthy habits in addressing it, in confronting it, bringing awareness to it, in inquiring and discovering what the truth is beyond the trauma, and not allowing the trauma and it's the story that it's inflicted on the psyche of any of that individual um to be dominated by it, not to be dominated by the narrative.

Speaker 1: 3:32

Um, and then you know, the second thing I'll say is that creating community with individuals that have shared values is such an important thing and initiative that we all have a responsibility to do and to be there for each other in whatever way we can so that we have a sense that we belong to something greater. Because that is absolutely the biggest part of our nature and I talk about this a lot in my book as well the belonging is actually the most important thing to us, and when we deny ourself that, we become unwell. You know we're experiencing it as anxiety and depression, and you know social anxieties and all kinds of strange addictions and behaviors and whatever. These are the ticks of not belonging, and the simple cure for that is first to belong to yourself and know your place in the universe. Reconcile your existence is how I describe it, and then do your best, in whatever way, to do your bit. For me it's, you know, opening up the door on a thursday night and having people come in and meditate together and be. You know and this is the way that I'm doing it and everyone it doesn't have to look like this can just be a lunch in the backyard, it can be, you know, meeting at the beach, whatever, but inviting people in and nurturing you know the values that are important to you, with a focus on being welcoming, warm, kind, generous of spirit. All of these things cause us to flourish as human beings, and it helps us to reconcile that which I feel is like a creeping vine choking us an ever-growing cynicism about the nature of humans.

Speaker 1: 6:06

It's a massive anti-humanist movement that's developing, particularly with the advent of AI and technology that's soon to be integrated into our brains and things like this. This is driven by a total misunderstanding of who we are and, at the extreme end, a loathing of who we are, and that's a sickness, in my opinion. It's an illness that is born of not belonging, because when we belong to each other, where we actually feel it, it's because we're behaving in accordance with our deepest nature to each other. If we feel it, it's because you're receiving something right. If you're receiving it, it's because someone's being that, and if you're in the presence of someone who's caring genuinely caring for you, it mirrors to you your nature. The reason why it feels so good is because it's showing us who we are as individuals, and it makes you just want to nurture it more and more and more and more. And you know.

Speaker 1: 7:23

The reality is that when humans get together, there's drama, it's challenging, with the best of intentions. There's drama and we've just got to become artful in the way in which we deal with that drama, got to expect it and just work through it to the best way we can. Well, we can't, you know, create some healthy approximation to the drama, but at the very least be kind and and send everybody the best intentions. You know we might not be able to hang out, but I don't wish, I don't wish ill upon you. So, yeah, you know, cultivating the community and it doesn't have to be like a massive thing, you know, just a, just a small group of people getting together and laughing and cooking and sharing stories, whatever, parenting it's so healthy and so important, and I think that's the antidote, you know.

Speaker 1: 8:32

And dedicating some time to some initiative that's enhancing the well-being of the community, just a couple of hours on a weekend or something, volunteering or showing up for something. If everybody did it and everyone's like, oh, everyone's here, everybody cares more evidence and we go, ah, go that little bit more, because that creeping vine is like becoming ever increasingly convincing that it's unlikely we're going to make it, but we have all the capacity to make it. We can, will we? I don't know, I don't know. It's creeping vines, it's growing quick and it's pretty poisonous, yeah, but the extent to which you know, and we're all awake, awakened, aware, so, like, do something, do something in the name of this, creating more unity even in your own friendship group, just going that little bit further to really communicate how much people mean to you, this is re-humanizing ourselves, because we really matter to each other, we need each other, and the absence of that, we're not good, we don't feel good, we don't feel whole, we don't feel complete.