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You Can't Afford Me
Making the leap from employment to entrepreneurship can be a scary time. The biggest fear people have is the unknown. Here on the “You Can’t Afford Me Podast” we speak with hustlers and innovators on how to make the most of your journey. If you have questions we have answers.
You Can't Afford Me
The Father Factor: Building Stronger Men
What happens when a society neglects to teach men how to be fathers? The Fatherhood Foundation of Virginia steps into this void with practical solutions that transform broken men into present, engaged dads.
Executive Director Chris Beach joins us to reveal startling statistics that demand attention: 64% of Richmond children go home to fatherless houses, while one-third of Virginia children grow up without a father's presence. But rather than dwelling on problems, Beach shares how his organization provides concrete skills and support to men who want to be better fathers but lack the tools and models to succeed.
The conversation takes us through innovative programs like New Dad 101, where expectant fathers learn everything from practical childcare skills to navigating relationship changes after birth. This judgment-free zone allows men to ask questions they'd never voice elsewhere, creating a brotherhood of support that many have never experienced.
The most moving segment explores Father Christmas, an annual initiative providing $500, presents, meals, and sometimes even vehicles to struggling dads. These aren't simple handouts but strategic interventions that remove barriers preventing men from being present in their children's lives. Beach's stories of fathers brought to tears by this support reveal how small investments in men can transform entire families.
Throughout our discussion, one theme emerges repeatedly: fatherhood isn't about perfection but presence. By teaching men relationship skills and providing practical support, the Fatherhood Foundation creates ripple effects that span generations, breaking cycles of absence and building stronger communities one dad at a time.
Want to experience the power of fathers helping fathers? Visit vadad.org to learn how you can support or participate in this life-changing work happening across Virginia.
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Speaker 1:Welcome to the you Can't Afford Me podcast, where we skip the fluff and dive straight into the ground Real entrepreneurs, real struggles and the unfiltered journey behind success. Let's get into it. So I got another great nonprofit here for Spotlight this week. This one has a special place in my heart because this was the first nonprofit board I ever served on and served on for five years and we'll probably get into the story about how this organization changed. When I was first coming on, the organization almost got folded up and I'm not taking the credit for this, but I was the last deciding vote in terms of if this organization was going to stay up and running or if we're going to close the doors. So today we are with the executive director of the Fatherhood Foundation of Virginia, we got Chris Beach in the room. How you doing, Chris, you know glad to always be with you, brother.
Speaker 2:Yes, sir, that's quite the journey there for a couple of years, yeah we'll definitely get into that. Oh, yeah, so real quick.
Speaker 1:if you can give everybody a quick rundown of who is the Fatherhood Foundation of Virginia, what do you guys do?
Speaker 2:Bottom line. We're about making stronger men and you know there's a lot of verbiage out there of deadbeat dads and honestly, I'd like to refer to it as deadbroke dads, because the dads we serve they're broken in their relationships, they're broken in their spirit because they just don't have those strong relationships and they're broken in their hope. They don't have the skills to become stronger men and what we do is we provide those skills for them, regardless of where they are under location in life. Yep.
Speaker 1:So one thing that attracted me originally to the nonprofit I think there's and I've heard you say this before, there are a ton of different organizations that focus on the mom and focus on the other aspects of the family. There are very few that take the focus on the father aspects of the family. There are very few that take the focus on the father and I know you know the statistics, I won't let you spit this off what the growth of a child and where they end up later in life, how that looks when a father's not in the home, because a lot of people don't realize just how imperative is with having a male role model, whether you've got sons or daughters, like if a man's not in their life, like that leads to a lot of issues down the road.
Speaker 2:Well, the bottom line is that you know I always have to start off with this is that we're not trying to replace mom. Yeah, you can't replace a mom, no. However, the majority of men Can't replace a dad either.
Speaker 2:You can't replace a dad either. Exactly right. But a lot of the men that we serve did not have that positive male role model in their life and then at that in turn, you know, completely snowballs into bigger effects down the road. So, bottom line, just giving them the skills to be present, that's the biggest thing that we do. I mean, in reality, here in the city of richmond, 64 of all children go home to a fatherless home and I just want to be make sure that I distinguish they're not of all children go home to a fatherless home and I just want to be make sure that I distinguish they're not fatherless. They go home to a fatherless home where dad is not in the home. In the state of Virginia, one out of three children go home to a fatherless home. In the United States it's one out of four. So it is definitely an issue here in the state of Virginia and we're just trying to number one, get out and reach those men any way we can. And number two, you know, let them know that it's okay if you don't have all the answers. You're a dad, I'm a dad. We don't have all the answers.
Speaker 2:We are by far nowhere near perfect dads. You know, I always joke. I said, if you can find that perfect dad for me, I would like to take my job. Because you know it's yeah, it's tough to be in a dad. And then you know, on top of that, having men that just think they can't do it, the biggest part is just being present and I think a lot of them don't know how to do that, but they also don't know how to be in a relationship relationship their children, relationship with the mom. So giving them those fundamental skills. It's amazing because to be a man, you got to see a man, and a lot of the guys that we, that we teach, haven't seen a man. The man that they've seen at a person that is not a positive male role model, what they've seen on the internet, what they've seen on TV and in today's society, depending on where you look, there's not a lot of positive male role models out there. So where are you looking to be that man? And that's where we come in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and a big thing I like about the organization is that you guys focus on the relationship of being a father, because even if you're not married, obviously that's's the ideal situation that the kids are growing up in a home with, with a married couple. But even the relationships and the and the men that you guys are talking to that are in divorce households, you're still able to give them the tools that they need to figure out how to co parent, how to be present, and I think you correct me on this. I think it's the majority, it's like some vast majority, like 80% of divorces are initiated by the woman and not the man. And I think men and fathers we've been given a bad name that like we're the ones that want to run the streets and get out of the house, we don't want to be dads, like that couldn't be further from the truth.
Speaker 2:You're exactly right and the stats starting to change. You know, initially it does come from the woman is the divorce. However, we're starting to see a shift in that because today, in today's society, more men are taking an active role in the lives of their children more than ever, which is phenomenal, which we love seeing that trend, because we're seeing more and more women in the workplace, which is great. However, you know that comes with relationship skills too, where we start off with three things. We say number one there's no such thing as a perfect dad, like we covered. Number two there's no such thing as a dumb question. As men, we're programmed to have all the answers. We don't have all the answers, so we want them to talk about it.
Speaker 2:And number three the most important relationship you show your children is one with their mom. And that's a huge jumping off point, because I've been teaching a class where a dad looked at me and said every time I see them, I'm going to smack her and I say we're going to start there. We're going to start right there and we're going to unpack that and get you to the point where you know if you don't work with mom. Number one if you have a little girl and you treat mom that way, that's the way that little girl is going to think she needs to be treated. But if you have a boy, you know they're going to think, okay, well, that's the way I treat women.
Speaker 2:So it all starts from that basic relationship with mom that the children see, that go into what their relationships are going to look like. So, unpacking that and, just, you know, seeing the results that we've had when they actually took the time and said, hey, you know, once I started talking to mom, respecting mom, working with mom, saying what can I do to help mom, all of a sudden the relationship with our kids started to grow because mom allowed me to have that relationship with my children. If you don't work together, it's just not going to work. Period.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's start at the very beginning of fatherhood, because I credit you and this organization to this. I'll never forget the day my daughter was born. Me and my wife were at the hospital. Nobody told me our daughter would be more quiet and settled, because the very first environment that they're exposed to is the hospital. This is home. She wasn't crying, she wasn't fussy, she wasn't anything. In the back of my head I'm thinking every day they got us here, this hospital bill is just racking up like yo, give me the paperwork, get us the hell out of here. They're like are you sure? And I'm like, yeah, she's fine. Like let's go home. The worst night of my life, that first night, like we couldn't figure out how to get her down when she was crying, we didn't know what to do.
Speaker 1:And you guys have a new dad boot camp that literally you get to sit, meet with a bunch of guys and I know you guys do this nationally now where it's a Zoom call. You do it on a Saturday, it's a couple hours. You have one gentleman that's, I guess, your vet dad who will kind of walk you through things and orchestrate everything. But it was like so much stuff that nobody tells us about being a dad. You guys cover covering that course, so run through that for us, yeah well, new Dad 101,.
Speaker 2:we saw the need during COVID especially. Dads were trying to take courses through the hospital and the hospitals only had in-person classes. So we shifted and said you know, we're going to do this online. So we got together some of our best dads that were teaching our prior class and really said what is the stuff they really need to know, uh, before the baby is born? What are conversations you have to have with mom before the baby is born? Number two, what's going to happen when you're in hospital? Yeah, and number three, what's going to happen when you get home? And, uh, those conversations turns into what we call the vaguest conversation for dads, by dads, because reality is there are a lot of classes in the hospitals for moms, there are classes for couples, there's even classes for grandparents. However, we were the only ones that were reaching the dads, which is from the get-go, showing you the importance of where their father is. There wasn't much importance put on that, but we know better just having dad there and just giving them the, the, the confidence to be present. You know, uh, little things like.
Speaker 2:One of the things that my dads that we teach don't even think about is you know, you're big in the media. Well, when you have that baby, do you put the baby's name, the weight, the height, everything online? No, you don't, because there are people out there, professionals, that are sitting there trying to scam people getting. Oh, I know their size, their weight, where they were born, what time they were born, I know everything like that. Now I can go get a Social Security member like that. Dads have never thought about that before. They never thought about having a conversation. I love the ones that come in and say, once we have the baby, we're going to go find a child care center. You know, six, seven, eight-month wait list for children.
Speaker 1:You've got to get that before the kid's even born, right when you find out they're born, you go get a child care center.
Speaker 2:A lot of dads don't know that. And then the common thing, the little basic things that you don't even think about. We always talk about the electric cords. As we see all these electric cords sitting around the studio. They say, I say it's electric. They're sitting there thinking, well, we need to put those plugs into the plug. I'm like that's great and all. But you think about today's society. What's laying around everywhere cords. You want to walk around your house to make sure all the cords are picked up to your computer, to your phone, to everything like that, because when you're carrying that baby if you trip, you're going down with them. So it's it. There's nothing like mind-blowing in this class. It's just things that you never even thought of because, you haven't been there before.
Speaker 1:And the diversity you have in there, because when I participated in that program, and even coming back when my children were under a year old, I'd come on and demonstrate how to change a diaper and stuff like that. Where in a man's life can he go and get somebody to show him how to change a kid's diaper? It just doesn't happen Well it doesn't happen.
Speaker 2:Number one, but number two. You know, when you're in there with mom taking those classes, I still remember my wife. She looked at me. She said don't ask any stupid questions.
Speaker 2:Well, as a guy I don't want to sound stupid so I don't ask anything, but you put a bunch of men in, don't feel judged, they don't feel that they have to be quiet about it. So that is key to have that safe space for men. You know, we're always talking about safe spaces, but it's okay to ask those questions that everybody's thinking of and then when one person asks a question, they just start rolling and that's when they start sharing their stories about how they grew up, what they wanted to do different from their father and what they want to do like their dads. It's just we have the most diverse class because everybody has a different dad story. Yep, and it's not about what you look like, it's about your lived experience.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because those classes I would see you know some guy who's 21 and he's not married yet and he's got a girlfriend and it's like he's in the class. Then you got an executive at a big company that's 36 years old and he's having his first child. Like he's got the exact same questions that 21 year old has. And I love that you guys set the stage to ask again those questions that others may deem as dumb. Like I'll never forget one of the questions you told me that we could ask in a class. Like that is like okay, my wife's had the baby, when can I have sex with my wife again? And it's like no man's going up to his wife. Be like so you've been out the hospital about a week now. Like it's time to get it. Like they're gonna slap you in the face, man oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, the reality is we'll give you the real, the real answer, like the six to eight weeks is the is the correct answer if you're going medically, but the the dad answer is when she says so, dude, don't, don't ask, yeah, just you know she's, when she's ready, she'll know and, um, that's something that you know. You don't sit around the campfire or the tv and say, hey, dude, can I ask you a question? You don't talk about that. And this class, it, gives you that space to ask those questions and be real about it. Um, and the stories that come out of this, just that question. I've laughed, uh, so hard that I almost spit my water out when a dad shared. So, so it really does offer that opportunity. And once those dads start thinking again like, oh God, that's a little off color, but I was thinking about it too.
Speaker 2:It's no holds barred, it's a dad conversation.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I want to move to. There's a lot to cover with this organization. I want to move to literally one of my favorite events in all of Richmond in terms of nonprofit organizations Father Christmas. So this event will bring grown men to tears and my team films it every year. So I see the tears and I find myself, even after the team produces it, I'm sitting back and some tears are falling. Talk to us about Father Christmas and why this event is so special, and some tears are falling.
Speaker 2:Talk to us about Father Christmas and why this event is so special. Well, father Christmas came out of the need, for I know a lot of men who are out there struggling. They're working from paycheck to paycheck to provide. And then Christmas comes along and you're supposed to buy a Christmas tree, you're supposed to go to these Christmas events, you're supposed to buy presents. Where's that extra coming from if you're working paycheck to paycheck? So we decided to start this, um now, 11 years ago. I'm very excited about 11 years.
Speaker 1:It's hard to believe, but 11 so you started that the first year, very first year, I was there because the need was there.
Speaker 2:You know I, as a former teacher and, uh, you know I wait tables to make ends meet just to um to provide for my family and things are getting more and more expensive and there are dads out there that are doing everything they can to provide for their families and this is not a handout. Yeah, this is a hand up and we take nominations.
Speaker 1:Hold on. I want to say I didn't know you were a waiter before. You're probably the world's best waiter man You've got the personality for something like that.
Speaker 2:I love the world's best waiter man. You just got the personality for something like that we are. I love it. I still do to this day. I love it. It's just fun talking to people and sharing stories and just listening to people and everybody, everybody has a story to tell. Oh yeah, just take the time to listen. It's, it's phenomenal, but the uh yeah. So just listen to those stories and um, over the years we've given away over 100 dads. We've given given $500. It started off with the $100 and some gift cards to recognize the dads and then, as COVID hit, the need grew even more.
Speaker 2:And one of our board members remember Dan Chamberlain he said what if we gave the $500, but then we also took care of all the presents. So we're like, yeah, let's do that.
Speaker 1:So let's break down all these things, because there's a lot that you guys pack in this.
Speaker 2:So $500 to the dad $500 back to the east dad If you can, some of the people that are listening to this.
Speaker 1:You've made it in life. You're deemed at a level of success. Think back to those days you were struggling and what $500 would do in your house for the holidays. That is major. There's so much more that you guys do, but I've seen dads just break down right there when they get that check for $500. This is like holy crap. So you do the $500, then you buy all the kids gifts.
Speaker 2:So talk about how you get how you even know what to get for the family. Oh yeah, no, we. We have people, we have families and businesses adopt a family, and then what we do is we have our secret sand. The person who nominated them will give us a list, and the dad's none the wiser doesn't know what's going on. Why are you getting these things for us? Why are you taking you know, and a lot of them, we call them our secret Santa for us and the ability to get exactly what the kids need. So that night is just you know, you've seen it before. It's just magic. They come in not expecting anything and then you hand them that five hundred dollars. And you're right, the they're not expecting this, but we've heard of you know, the hundred dollars was a nice gesture, but when you give five hundred dollars, that makes a difference.
Speaker 2:I mean the first time we ever did that, it was just on a whim. We picked two dads who were getting. We had 25 dads at a hundred dollars each, nice, nice lunch, luncheon with their nominators and everything like that. But we chose two days to get extra 500. Dad that day I still remember to this day. We're, we're in the jefferson hotel, dad stays after just I'm cleaning up and he comes back and he, um, he comes into that room, just hugs me and starts crying and he says I'm able to keep my lights on for christmas electricity something we take for granted. So I knew at that point I'm like $100 is a great gesture, but $500 makes a difference. So we've gone from $500 just here in the greater Richmond area with all the presents Chick-fil-A gives the meals as they're leaving on stuff we even gave away.
Speaker 1:And they ain't just giving away a five-piece nugget y'all Like full Chick-fil-a meal. It's a full meal full meal.
Speaker 2:So we're giving away that, and then on top of that, this past two years with our friends at auto rescue, they've just been blessed us and we were able to give away a car yeah, all right, so let's slow down right there yeah, yeah, that one that got me dude, like when I saw that guy.
Speaker 1:First off the organization, get shout out them again real quick. Who's the company that's donating?
Speaker 2:the cars Auto Rescue, auto Rescue, patrick McHugh over there at Auto Rescue those guys are just amazing.
Speaker 1:Dude, when I saw that video and Patrick's going through and he's explaining to his dad, his dad's got no idea and he says this is your car and pulls the key and that dad just breaks down because, I mean, transportation is one of those things we take for granted, like if you have a car, if you're able to pay for your car insurance. And I remember the days where, when I was filling up the gas tank, I had to check the bank account before I pulled up to make sure I didn't overdraft.
Speaker 1:Now it's a blessing just to be able to pull up to a gas tank and just fill it up and go on your way. But understand that transportation like it's a huge barrier for a lot of people. I know there are families in Richmond that have never crossed the bridge because they don't have a mode of transportation. So when you give someone a car, like you are opening up a whole world to them and I think along with that doesn't he do like the first month or something with insurance or something like that, oh no, he takes care of the car for a whole year.
Speaker 2:So anything happens to that car for the whole year he takes care of it and makes sure it's on the road. And to take it a step further, this past year was especially. You know, we gave him the $500 and he kind of broke down. He's a dad, four boys, one of them's in college, he's a caterer, and his car doesn't work and we were able to give him a car that gave him that freedom to get to those jobs and get to work, which even more is, and giving that freedom to get to those jobs and get to work, which even more is.
Speaker 1:And we're not talking about a 99 Honda Civic. Y'all Like these are nice cars. This is a legit car, a very nice car.
Speaker 2:They take care of it and as I'm playing Santa and we give away the $500 and they're so grateful and they see the presents and they're so grateful. His son looked at me and I said now, what do you want for Christmas? And he said I'd like a car. And I'm just like I started, I teared up behind the mask, behind the wig and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:It's all snot and all that stuff all over the beard and I'm sitting there thinking like, literally in five minutes he's walking outside and there's going to be a car waiting for him and yeah, that just the stories of me. Just dads that couldn't attend because they didn't have transportation and I go to their house. And the one gentleman over in lakeside that I went to his house and I gave him the presents he was so grateful and then I gave him 500 and he broke down and cried right on this porch as he's holding on to me, just hugged, we hugged it out. Nobody gets to see those things and just uh, it is the most emotional time of the year for me. It's so uplifting but I'm emotionally drained at the end of it because we just help so many people and we've been able to do that not only here in central virginia but we uh this past year we did 40 guys across the state of virginia, uh, 14 down in hampton roads, uh 26 here, uh, blessing them with 500.
Speaker 2:The one story down hampton roads that really got to me was uh, there was a gentleman who his son just passed away. Uh, his son had cancer and they've been fighting it for years and three days before we were supposed to give him the $500, his son passed. And on Facebook the person down there said this was his post and he said any donations will be going to my son's funeral, as we don't have the resources to provide for that. And we just looked at that. We're like, okay, you know what, we're bumping up to $1,000. And when I just hugged the dad and I said you know, I know I can't bring them back, but I hope this helps a little bit and just the fact that we're able to do that, it's not. You know, whatever we make on father christmas, we give it right back to the community. So say, you give five hundred dollars and somebody else gets five hundred dollars, we're not taking it as a non-profit. Yeah, we're the pass-through. We are taking it in as a non-profit and then cashing right out and handing $500.
Speaker 2:I mean, we had people down in Virginia Beach who were living in hotels that are trying to provide for their family and especially during the winter season when it's dead down there, they're trying to find any job they can. We had a guy come back from the back of the pizza lounge that we surprised him. I come walking into Santa and they're like, why Santa here? And then we called the cook from the back and he's like you know we want to. His boss nominated him and his boss funded the $500. He said I just want to give this and surprise his dad. And you know, we had the other two people sitting at the tables. They didn't know why Santa was in there, but all three of them were in there because Santa was coming to see $500 for them, and it's just. Those are the stories.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a game changer.
Speaker 2:Nobody gets to see them all the time.
Speaker 1:You know, know we can talk about it, but just being a part of it and, uh, seeing for yourself what it's like it, to me it's my favorite time of the year yeah, and the example that you've set for your family, because I see your sister there's, your wife there, all your boys are there like big football players, like they're lugging all the christmas gifts.
Speaker 1:And I think the last one I was at with you guys, uh, one of your sons even had his girlfriend there helping out. So it it's like the example that you set to your sons is an example to us all as fathers, because mine are still pretty young, but like wanting to get them involved, like one year we'll be able to take them out, do some of the shopping for Fatherhood Foundation of Virginia and get them to experience that and see, like you know, life ain't all about taking, it's about giving. And get them to experience that and see, like you know, life ain't all about taking, it's about giving. And once you're in an environment like that and you can see how you're directly affecting someone's life in real time and what an effect that makes, like for your kids, for my kids, for anybody's kids to see like, hey, you got it pretty good. But don't take that for granted, because there are people out there struggling and we're going to take the time to be able to support them and help them.
Speaker 2:Well, one of my, one of my sons, one of my son's good friends, did it as his project for school where they adopted a family and took the presence and he said he said he went back and told his mom how impactful it was for him because there was a child his age and he took the presence out to the car for that child and cause. He wanted to see who he's helping and as he's putting the presents in the back and all that stuff, he looks at the guy that came my son's friend and said this is the best day of my life. He went back and told his mom that and his mom broke down in tears and texted me and said you know what, chris? What you're doing is great, but the fact that my son got to be a part of that and really experienced that there are people that really need it made that even more special and I think everybody needs to really experience that.
Speaker 1:This is how we raise strong men, man. I know we could go on and on, but I got to cut you short. Me and Chris are talkers. If people want to donate. Now, I may catch some trouble for this, because I do currently serve on two nonprofit boards. When I tell you guys that Father Christmas event is the most impactful nonprofit event I've ever been to, I'm not overselling that Like. You guys need to get involved. You need to find a way to get out there and see the lives that are being affected here, whether it's in the Hampton Roads area or the Richmond area. And I know there are some other programs. We got Father Figure of the Year and things like that. If people want to get more information, they want to volunteer, they want to support, they want to donate how can they get more information?
Speaker 2:VADADorg. It's that simple. We try to make it as simple as possible. Dads are simple guys, so VA is the Virginia. Dad is what we are VADADorg, all of that. All of that is find everything on there, all the events we have coming up, all of the ways to get involved and volunteer, be a New Dad 101 volunteer, adopt a family, sponsor, a dad all that's there. And then we also have classes throughout the year that sometimes there's just dads that need a little extra help. We have online classes, we have in-person classes, but our biggest thing you always ask for donations. However, we're asking for people that want to help. We want people to get involved. We want dads to step up because the good dads are busy. You know that as well as I do. Good dads are busy, so to have those dads step up even further and say you know what I want to make an impact on the lives of other dads in the community that's just taking it to a whole other level, Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Love it. Man Appreciate you being here oh always a pleasure brother, and we'll see you guys on the next episode. Are you an aspiring entrepreneur? Are one-on-one coaching, tailored strategies to your unique business goals. Dive into interactive workshops fostering skills essential for success. Looking for an inspirational speaker for your next event? Book Mr Prenuer to elevate your gathering. For your next event, book, mr Prenuer, to elevate your gathering. Visit wwwthemrprenuercom to learn more and embark on your path to entrepreneurial success. Mr Prenuer, empowering your entrepreneurial spirit.