In 1909, New York city was a bustling metropolis filled with a cacophony of voices. From the theaters of Broadway and the glitz of Timesquare to the buzz of Wallstreet, New York stood as a testament to a burgeoning America. It was a place where immigrants and merchants intermingled and the famous walked the paths of Central Park right alongside the poor. People from all walks of life rubbed shoulders on the bustling streets and the promise of opportunity was tangible in the crisp Manhattan air.
And amongst the labyrinthine pathways of New York strolled more than just people. The alleyways and the rooftops also were home to thousands and thousands of cats… enough cats to incite a mob.
I’m Scott Beyer and this is the Love Better podcast where we explore the truths and lies about love and more importantly how to turn love into a skill – something we can get better at and hone along the way.
On an early Wednesday morning, Herman Gottlieb of New York City woke up with a plan. Armed with a horticultural inspiration and the magical glint of New York opportunity in his eye he left his home at 188 East 99th street with two wicker baskets and a plan. Mr. Gottlieb traversed his way to a wooded section of the Bronx… back when there was such a thing as a wooded section of Bronx, and began to collect wild Nepeta cataria he had previously seen growing in the area. If you don’t know what Nepeta cataria is, it is an herb from the mint family and is more commonly referred to as catnip. Catnip contains an active compound called nepetalactone that elicits a… ummm… strong response in the feline community.
Herman’s plan was simple. Collect catnip, travel to the wealthy section of town, sell said catnip to affluent cat ladies, and then head back home to 99th street. A simple business model with one catch – Herman didn’t count on the police.
He spent all day filling his baskets full of Tabby Temptations meant to make the feline family purr and then boarded the subway for 5th avenue. He arrived at the home of the aristocats around nightfall. Traveling from house to house and storefront to storefront he sold his wares. People were delighted to purchase them for their pets. From bowler-hatted brokers to dolled up debutantes, Herman was making a killing. The people liked him and the cats loved him… and that’s the problem.
Turns out not all cats have owners. From the dark alleys and the corners of trashbins, tomcats, strays, and feral alleycats caught a whiff of Mr. Gottlieb’s commercial success. Apparently, a few leaves had fallen to the ground from his baskets and the cats took note. In the words of the Washington Times – “they jumped at his baskets, rubbed themselves against his legs, mewing, purring, and saying complimentary things about him. The procession of cats grew until thirty or forty were running after him.”
Onlookers, pedestrians, and cat lovers alike watched the great cat parade of 1909 continue on down fifth avenue until Herman Gottlieb reached 116th. Turning the corner, Herman Gottlieb saw Sergeant Higgins walking his regular beat. Instead of being saved from his feral fans, Higgins arrested Herman Gottlieb for inciting a crowd. Higgins dragged poor Herman off to face the music… followed by his drugged armada of cats. Having reached the station this went from bad to worse. The Sergeant got in an argument with the desk Lieutenant over whether or not cats counted as a “crowd” and while they bickered over word definitions, the station cat, Pete, got into a fight with half a dozen strays that wandered into the station house in search of a fix. Eventually the decision was made to put Mr. Gottlieb in a patrol wagon with his irresistible merchandise, drive him to the borders of the precinct and release Herman back into the wild.
Herman Gottlieb, the Pied Piper of Harlem and his gang of Gotham cats. So, what does this have to do with love? It has nothing to do with love, but it has everything to do with how we confuse love with desire, infatuation, and seduction. The cats didn’t love Herman… and Herman didn’t love the cats, but somehow the two groups found themselves in a dangerous relationship where nobody wins. Herman ended up in the paddy wagon and the cats got a good pummeling from the Pete, the police mouser. One of the goals of ‘Love Better’ is to educate ourselves on the lies about love and how we end up in unhealthy relationships built on the wrong things.
Catnip love is the kind of love you don’t want because it isn’t love at all. And catnip love shows up in a lot of different ways. So, let’s talk about some of them.
One form of catnip is the way you present yourself. A man or woman that dresses to attract, seduce, or allure – they will draw a crowd, but the wrong kind of cats. The Bible discusses how we dress in two ways – modesty and nakedness. Modesty has to do with the idea of seeking attention. In Paul’s letter to Timothy he discusses modest dress by saying:
“likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness--with good works.” (1 Timothy 2:9-10)
You’ll notice that Paul never talks about not wearing enough clothing. These are women wearing expensive clothes, lots of jewelry, and excessive adornment. Modesty isn’t necessarily about showing skin, it is about showing off… and I probably don’t have to tell you, people, especially men, are visual creatures. Lots of glitter and glam will get the attention of the opposite sex just like catnip – but it gets their attention for all the wrong reasons. There is no love or deep intimate connection. What does the person know about you? When you get someone’s attention through immodestly dressing, you aren’t a person, you are a shiny object. Immodesty is catnip for feral feelings.
Another example of immodesty is found in Luke 20:46 when Jesus tells His disciples to “Beware of the scribes who desire to walk in long robes…” Again, these are long robes, but they are meantt to convey being religious. If you need clothes to tell everyone your religion, it isn’t Jesus’ religion.
Nakedness is a different issue from modesty – related, in that they both deal with clothing, but different. Nakedness has to do with not having enough clothing. Adam and Eve felt shame when they realized they were naked. Revelation 3:18 and 16:15 both say that wearing clothing keeps people from seeing your nakedness and you being ashamed. In the Old Testament, over and over again, nakedness is described as uncovering your body in a way that only should happen AFTER marriage. Nakedness is synonymous with intimacy and intimacy is meant for after the vows… not as a way to seduce or entice. It is for where love and commitment already exist, not to create them. Nakedness used as a tool to entice is catnip love and it ALWAYS creates problems.
Don’t end up like poor Herman. Catnip will get you a crowd, but you won’t be choosing the crowd and they will show up with all the wrong inebriated assumptions. Clothes, or lack thereof, can definitely be relationship catnip.
Another type of catnip love is popularity. Proverbs 1 describes what it means to be enticed by sinners.
My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent. If they say, "Come with us, let us lie in wait for blood; let us ambush the innocent without reason; like Sheol let us swallow them alive, and whole, like those who go down to the pit; we shall find all precious goods, we shall fill our houses with plunder; throw in your lot among us; we will all have one purse"-- my son, do not walk in the way with them; hold back your foot from their paths, for their feet run to evil, and they make haste to shed blood. (Proverbs 1:10-16)
Popularity is friendship with strings. The friends of Proverbs 1 tell you that you can be important, you can be liked, you can be adored – if you will only do this unethical thing. That’s not a group of friends, that’s a gang. Every parent fears the gang – the group of peers that will entice their child to transform into something foreign to fit the mold. Peer pressure is tempting because it speaks to our desire to belong, to fit in, to part of a tribe and it plays upon our fears of being an outcast for life. Nobody wants to sit outside the ring only seeing the firelight from the cold, dark distance of unpopularity. But this, too is just catnip love. It isn’t real. You aren’t being loved, you are being used. Friendship that requires you to compromise your character is evil. It is a way of saying, “We would love you, if you weren’t you. Let us change you into what we want and then we will consider loving you.”
Don’t fall for it. Following the crowd is fun until you end up on the wrong side of town, left holding the catnip, and next thing you know, you are in the precinct having Pete the cat give you a good thrashing. Popularity isn’t love. It’s conforming. You deserve better.
Another type of catnip love is… the human version of it – drugs and alcohol. We typically don’t think of substances as being a relationship, but they absolutely can be. Ask any recovering drug addict or alcoholic about their relationship with substance abuse and they will tell you all about it. These substances become a way of seeking love, fulfillment, contentment, and happiness – but it is a dysfunctional relationship from start. Substances write you a check for joy, but it bounces when you go to cash it. Proverbs 23 aptly describes the dilemma of substance relationships.
Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes?
Those who tarry long over wine; those who go to try mixed wine. Do not look at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup and goes down smoothly. In the end it bites like a serpent and stings like an adder. Your eyes will see strange things, and your heart utter perverse things. You will be like one who lies down in the midst of the sea, like one who lies on the top of a mast. 35 "They struck me," you will say, "but I was not hurt; they beat me, but I did not feel it. When shall I awake? I must have another drink."
When we try and find relationship without people, we find addiction instead. Catnip clouds the mind and lays a fog over our emotions. Real relationships bring clarity to life. Real love brings purpose. Addiction creates apathy. Real love makes you more yourself. Addiction eats away at the person until all that is left is a shell. Addiction numbs, love feels.
And before you say, “I’m not a drug addict, this doesn’t apply to me.” I’m going to ask you a simple question – have you ever turned to food or shopping to avoid dealing with your emotions? Welcome to the catnip of Cheetos and Amazon! Whenever we flee to stuff to avoid relationship, we are falling short of what God intends. Stuff is a blessing to those with healthy relationships, not a replacement for it.
These three things: substance abuse (which comes in many forms), the drive for popularity, and the catnip of clothes are all fake love factories. They will never, ever get you the real thing. No matter how many basketfuls Herman Gottlieb is offering to sell you.
Learn to love better – cut out the catnip.
For all you loyal Love Better listeners out there, I’m going to be out of town next week in Florida spending some time with the good people of the Southwest church of Christ in Lakeland, Florida. If you happen to live in the area, I’d love to see you there. I’ll be speaking September 24 through 27th. More details are available on their website. I’ll put more details in the show notes.
Thank you for all that you do and all that you are. I’m constantly amazed by the support, kind words, and wonderful people that listen to the podcast. You are all something very special. Thank you for sharing with friends, helping get the word out, and being just overwhelmingly fantastic.
See you in two weeks, and until next time, “Remember, you are loved, so go… love better.”
