Burning Love

Love cannot thrive where escape routes remain.

In this episode, we explores what Jesus teaches about exclusive, forward-only love: loving enemies, forgiving repeatedly, rejecting idolatry, honoring marriage vows, and loving God without divided allegiance. From Matthew 5 to Luke 16, from family life to finances, the message is clear — love only works when we stop looking back.

If we want marriages that endure, children who feel secure, faith that survives hardship, and hearts fully devoted to God, there is only one path:

Burn the ships.

"Remember, you are loved, so go, love better!"

Transcript

            From Texas to Kentucky the frozen winds have been howling.  A couple weeks ago, we received about 9 inches of snow here in the city of Louisville, but we were blessed compared to others.  Further south through Tennessee, ice and sleet has covered roads, coated trees like glittering statues, and wreaked havoc on the power grid.  So, in the hopes of warmer weather, my family gratefully headed south to Florida for a week away from the cold.

            So, when I stood on a Florida beach two Saturdays ago I was really struggling with confusion.  I was confused because the weather was in the 30’s.  No balmy weather and golden rays from the Sunshine state – instead the wind whipped the sand into my eyes and the whitecaps peaked the breakers as the frigid waters rolled in off the Gulf.  Which was another thing I was struggling with – which Gulf was it – the Gulf of America or the Gulf of Mexico?  I’m not particularly political, just slow to adapt to change.  You have to understand, I still expect world maps to say U.S.S.R, even though we’ve lived in a post-Soviet Union world for 35 years.  So, with confusion I stood on the shore wondering, what I was doing here in this strange land that didn’t meet expectations.

            And, I suspect, that is exactly how Hernan Cortes’ men felt when they stood on the same shore in 1519.

I'm Scott Beyer and this is the Love Better Podcast where we explore the truths and the lies about love and more importantly how to turn love into a skill, something we can get better at and hone along the way.

            Hernan Cortes was a Spanish conquistador.  Conquistador when literally translated means ‘conqueror’.  Conquistadors are colonizers.  Their goal, especially around the turn of the 16th century was to expand the reach of Spain.  Hernan Cortes lived right smack dab in the middle of a golden age for Spanish exploration – dubbed the “Age of Discovery”, Spanish conquistadors led their men to colonize the globe.  Asia, Africa, the Oceania regions, and yes, the Americas, were all fair game for the ever-expanding Spanish empire.  Spanish conquistadors, at least the successful ones, were shrewd and at times ruthless in their efforts to expand the Spanish Crown’s interests.

            And none were more brazen than Signor Cortes.  Hernan Cortes would do anything for victory.  After a childhood in Spain, he traveled to Cuba where he served under the first governor of Cuba.  The governor made plans for Cortes to lead an expedition of 600 men across the waters to conquer the Americas, but at the last minute, Governor Velasquez cancelled the expedition.  What did Cortes do? He sailed anyway and it was only after the ships were underway that the men found out their journey wasn’t sanctioned.  Instead of heroes, their expedition was an unsanctioned mutiny.  Hernan Cortes would eventually conquer the entire Aztec empire and become one of the greatest conquistadors in history, but when the journey started his men were not entirely convinced they wanted to follow him.

            So, what do you do when your ships are anchored in the Gulf of Mexico and you have a sneaking suspicion your men might not be as loyal to you and the mission as you’d like?  What do you do when the journey backwards feels safe and the road ahead seems hard and full of foreboding unknowns?  I’ll tell you what Hernan Cortes did.  He burned the ships.  As the majority of his men rowed ashore, Cortes ordered his most loyal sailors to set the ships aflame.  And as the men watched from the white sandy beaches, all hopes of returning to Cuba went up in smoke.  With no way back, all they could do is move forward.

            In 2026, we are obsessed with options.  We research everything.  Whether it be the watches we wear, the food we eat, the phones we talk on, or the cars we drive – we are obsessed with options.  We read reviews, consider the features, and we prize the purchase with the most of all of those things… even if we won’t use half of them.  My washing machine has dozens of settings – I think I use two of them.

            We love options as consumers, but we also love options in other areas, to.  Take this podcast – one of the reasons I am so thankful for my audience is because I know you have LOTS of other options.  There are over 4.5 million active podcasts, and that doesn’t even count audiobooks and music.  The media options are basically endless.  When it comes to your attention – you have so many options.

            In many instances options are great.  They provide competition in the marketplace, variety for our individual tastes, and freedom of choice.  From a fiscal standpoint options and variety are the sign of a robust and successful global economy.

            But when it comes to love – options are really, really bad.  Imagine telling your husband that you loved him, but you were “keeping your options open.”  Or taking your children to the playground and inspecting the other kids to see if you liked them better.  Love doesn’t work when it has options.  Love only works when we burn the ships.

            Think about it – love can’t work if we leave the option of going back.  If we love people then we have committed to them at all costs.

            Consider the details of Jesus’ teaching on the subject of love:

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?” (Matthew 5:43-46)

            Enemies, evildoers, and people who do unjust things should be loved anyways. Foregoing love because they are evil or unjust isn’t an option.  And this idea is echoed when Jesus talks to the apostles about forgiveness:

Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' you must forgive him." (Luke 17:3-4)

            And if you doubt how serious Jesus was about that limitless forgiveness policy for love, remember that the apostles didn’t doubt Him.  That’s why their response to His assertion that they should forgive even if someone sins against them seven times in a day was, “Lord, increase our faith!”

            But if you think about it, it isn’t uncommon for the people closest to us to hurt us more often.  What is the likelihood your small children will throw seven tantrums a day? Or your teenagers will test your patience seventy-times seven?  It isn’t uncommon for marriages to have hard seasons when it seems you don’t see eye-to-eye on anything.  Strong marriages and strong families have good seasons and bad seasons, times of unity and times of friction.  Love doesn’t work if people bailed as soon as the going got tough or their feelings got hurt.

            Which is why the greatest sin of all is idolatry.  Idolatry is the mother of all other wickedness.  Since the greatest command is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.” Then greatest sin is to love another god with part of your heart.  Idols are small gods that steal the love that rightfully belong to Jehovah.  It violates our vow of love with our Creator – the Bible describes idolatry as “spiritual harlotry”.  When I set up small gods in my heart – gods like money, power, ego, pleasure, or rest… I’m trying to keep my options open.  I love God, but I’d also like to enjoy these other things even when it hurts my relationship with Him.

            Jesus addresses this when He says, “No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money." (Luke 16:13)

            Do you want to know why money is such a dangerous temptation to serve in place of God?  Because there are two things that most people in first-world countries want – personal peace and affluence… and money can buy you both of those things.

            Most people aren’t Hitler-like egomaniacs looking to control the freeworld or enslave the masses… most people just want to be left alone to live their own quiet lives as they please.  Most of us just want personal peace and enough affluence to pursue our own personal desires.  Money allows us to live for ourselves as kings of our own destiny… and a world where I can do what I want and be left alone doesn’t sound like a world with much room in it for God.

            So, how do we break these habits of seeking the idols of money that separate us from God?  And how do we build marriages that last into our twilight years and raise children that know they are loved and safe… so much so that they want to bring the grandkids around after they’ve left the nest and started their own families.  We pull a Hernan Cortes, we burn the ships.

            Divorce should not be a word we breath into the air of our homes.  Scripture is clear – divorce is always despised by God.  He hates it.  Statistics are also clear – people who live together before marriage vows are statistically more likely to see the relationship end.  Cohabitation before marriage has become increasingly common in the U.S. As of recent studies, about 59% of adults between the ages of 18 and 44 have lived with an unmarried partner at some point in their lives… compare that to the 50% who have ever been married.  Statistically, more people in that age demographic have lived together than been married.  A large percentage of Americans (roughly 69%) find it acceptable for unmarried couples to live together.  This acceptance is particularly high among younger adults.  78% of those under 30 support living together without marriage.

            The most common reason cited it the perceived belief that living together before marriage can lead to a more successful marriage… but the statistics say the exact opposite.  Those who cohabit before marriage are more likely to divorce if they do get married, more likely to face infidelity, and statistically are less likely to enjoy trust, satisfaction, and even fiscal stability.

            It seems that the most important aspect about the marriage vow is… the vow.  If Abigail could remain a godly helpmeet when married to a worthless man named Nabal and if Paul can command Christians who are married to unbelievers to remain in that marriage with whatever strength they have… it seems like the best way to love is to burn the ships.  When you purpose in your heart that there is no other option than the person you are married to, then the choices become easier.  When looking at another man or woman becomes as absurd as thinking about swapping children with another parent at the park, all of a sudden love has room to flourish.  Love withers when we can look back to the ships we just left and wistfully long to set sail for different lands.  Proverbs 5 admonishes you to “Rejoice in the wife of your youth” and “be intoxicated always in her love.”  - burn the ships and you will find the beauty in your bride or groom.  Burn the ships.  No pornography or romance novels, no flirting in the workplace, no holding grudges or grumbling to your girlfriends or guy buddies… burn the ships and when you have no other option but the one you vowed yourself to, mark my words, love will grow.

Because leaving our options open is the opposite of love.  Love is exclusive.  It has made its choice.  We see that in God first and foremost.  The apostle John says succinctly in 1 John 4:19, “We love because He first loved us.”  And Paul says in Romans 5:8, “but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

God’s love emanates from Him.  Sure, we get to choose how we respond to it, but His love exists without regarding to our response.  Our children need to know they are loved regardless of their behavior.  That doesn’t mean we don’t discipline them or correct bad behavior, but it means that they need to know that our love for them is not conditional upon it.  In Paul’s letter to Titus, he encouraged the older women to help train the younger women to love their children… I suspect it is because older women know that little children with their tantrums, dirty diapers, and never-ending needs grow up much faster than you think… so love them while they are young and be careful to avoid teaching those little hearts that their mother’s love is dependent on whether or not they picked up their toys or took their shoes off before tracking mud all over the house.

And when it comes to loving God – burn the ships.  Sacrifice that money and give it away if you have to.  That was Jesus’ advice to the rich young ruler when he saw it was stealing the man’s heart.  Lay your personal peace and affluence at the altar of God.  Do something hard and servant-minded with your life – not because it is easy, but because it will make you rely on God instead of the almighty dollar.  And if that feels extreme… it is no more extreme than what He sacrificed to love you.  The cross is an ever-present testament to God’s love.

Because when Jesus had a choice between keeping His options open or coming down to earth… He burned the ships.  No turning back – straight to the cross at all costs.

With your friends, with your enemies, with your kids, with your spouse, and especially with your God – may your love never look back.  Learn to love better - burn the ships.

As always, thank you for listening and hopefully we've done something to help make your life a little bit better.

If you are looking for other resources, you can visit my website BibleGrad.com where you can find tools for Bible study and video lessons to help you understand the Bible.  If you are interested, you can sign up for a video series challenge through the website called the #HopeDoes challenge.  Two short videos each week and a chance to grow in your hope by doing hopeful things.  Just go to BibleGrad.com, scroll down and enter your email to get started.

Or maybe you have a fun or obscure history account, a feel-good news story, or a riveting scientific fact you think could help us love better.  If so, I’d love to hear it!  Feel free to email me at scott@biblegrad.com 

And if you are ever in the Louisville, KY area, I’d like to invite you to come worship with me and my family at the Eastland congregation.  We meet for worship every Sunday and have Bible classes for all ages on Wednesdays, too.  If you want more information about Eastland, visit us at eastlandchristians.org.  We would love to worship God with you and help you on your walk of faith.

And as always, until next time, “Remember, you are loved, so go… love better.”