8- New Swinger's Q&A (Answering YOUR Questions!)

When people are new to the swinger lifestyle, they usually have lots of questions. Today, John & June answer emails containing some of those questions new swingers often have about the swinger lifestyle.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Today we are going to be answering newbie swinger questions. We've been getting some emails with some of your questions, so thank you for sending those in. Yes. We're glad we can address those. I am John. 

Speaker 2 (00:10):
I am June. Wow. 

Speaker 1 (00:13):
<laugh>. And we are naked as usual. 

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Yes, I do have a blanket though, but that's okay. 

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Blanket, You're still wearing something. That's just me. 

Speaker 2 (00:22):
<laugh>. 

Speaker 1 (00:24):
What was I looking for on here? I was gonna bring something at the, Oh, the playlist. There we go. Oh 

Speaker 2 (00:29):
Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (00:30):
Okay. And bring it to playlist, cuz we're gonna reference a couple of these, uh, that could be helpful for you 

Speaker 2 (00:34):
All. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (00:36):
So anyway, uh, yeah, we, so we got some emails mm-hmm. <affirmative>, and we're gonna go through, we're gonna read you the actual emails and, uh, when, when we do this, by the way, we never ever mention your name or where you're from or anything. Yeah. We make up a name for you. Uh, just so that way it's anonymous. You can never be found out. Nobody wants to think that. 

Speaker 2 (00:54):
Yeah, 

Speaker 1 (00:55):
Definitely. And so, uh, we have one today from a lady, uh, who is married and then from a guy who is married. And so we thank you for writing those in. And, uh, we have other things to do today, uh, to be productive. So this morning we chose not to have vodka for breakfast, <laugh>, but that doesn't mean we're above doing that, um, in our next episode this week. 

Speaker 2 (01:18):
Yes. 

Speaker 1 (01:19):
So here's, Excuse me, here's the question. We're gonna call this this person. Lady m So this is from a lady. Hi Jen. And June, thanks so much for the content you have created. My husband and I are in the beginning stages of discussing going to a swinger club and what that might look like for us. And by the way, if you've never been to one, people have the craziest ideas about what they're going to encount. 

Speaker 2 (01:46):
Oh 

Speaker 1 (01:46):
Yeah. Or expect to see, um, because they have nothing to go on. It's nothing like, you know, in our experience at least, it's nothing like the, uh, the crazy story you're probably telling yourself about how wild or insane or dangerous it is. It's, it's, we've had, It's nothing like that. 

Speaker 2 (02:05):
<laugh>, I think in my mind, I remember thinking, we're gonna walk in and there's just gonna be people like fucking everywhere. 

Speaker 1 (02:12):
It's like a giant 

Speaker 2 (02:13):
Orgy, or even in the lobby area. Just everyone's fucking everywhere. And the guy grabs the girl and puts her over his back and they go to, They carries her off. Yeah. Carries her off to fuck <laugh>, to fuck her 

Speaker 1 (02:25):
<laugh>. Can you just get taken by whoever? Like, totally not the case. No. Something probably highly illegal about that 

Speaker 2 (02:31):
<laugh>. 

Speaker 1 (02:32):
So anyway, this lady says, uh, my husband and I are in the beginning stages of discussing going to a swinger club and what that might look like for us. We have never had any physical relationship with anyone other than each other. We are high school sweethearts, very religious upbringing, extensive purity culture mindset for me. Me too. We can relate to that. Yeah. Uh, that was pretty much what you just described was us. Yeah. And, uh, yeah. That, that purity culture thing, that's what I, I now re refer to as choking on holy water. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you can only choke somebody for so long with something, cramming it down their throat before they have to get away just to build, to breathe. Yeah. And, um, yeah. Unfortunately that that happens. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, we're sorry to hear that, that happened because, uh, we, we know that frustration and, and the side effects of that, that can be damaging to you even into your marriage in that, oh my gosh, we need, in fact, we need to do a, we need to do a, this brought up an idea just now we need to do a, an episode unlike the religious trauma or what, what that does to our minds concerning human sexuality. 

Speaker 1 (03:35):
And even if you do it right, I won't go into that. I know I'm getting off the topic here. So there are high school sweet sweethearts, only been with each other. Very religious upbringing, extensive peered culture mindset. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, she says, We also seem to have a very similar dynamic to you all. You know, to me, to me and Jim. Okay. She says, my husband's very supportive of me trying anything and he has a higher sex drive to try things with new people. I'm also interested in trying new things and want him to have unique experiences to, but I really struggle with feelings of discomfort and fear that come up when I least expect it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So I guess my question is, for June, she says, because I've related to many of your feelings and thoughts. Did you go through extreme waves of emotion leading up to going to a club? 

Speaker 1 (04:24):
I'm very, I'm typically very emotionally sound, but I'm finding myself breaking down in the morning, then feeling really good and excited about all the new experiences a few hours later. And then breaking down again in the evening. It's given us both whiplash and I'm not sure how to cope or you're definitely not alone and we're sorry to hear that, but we, we understand that and we're happy to offer, uh, our insights on that. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, she says, I hate feeling this way because it is uncomfortable. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And I don't want my husband to feel like he's causing this mental distress. I don't know what's with my throat today. 

Speaker 1 (05:00):
Uh, and objectively, I know this is something we both want to try together and that we can support each other through it. On the other hand, I wish we had never even brought the subject up. Oh yeah. So the, basically the we're break, we took that whole email and we just broke it down into a few points, uh, questions that, uh, she's mainly asking Junior respond to mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So I'm gonna ask you the questions and I'm gonna show up from talking now, <laugh> and, uh, I had the real, the real intelligent one talk here <laugh>. But, so basically just to, just to rehash kind of the, a snapshot of where they're at first time Swinger Club visit, kind of nervous, they've only been with each other, grew up very ultra religious, religious purity culture. Both wanna try new things, but struggle with feelings that discomfort and fear, um, much at least expects it. So the question, first question for June is this, did you go through extreme waves of emotion leading up to going to a swinger club? 

Speaker 2 (05:59):
Absolutely. I'd be fine. One minute thinking. Okay. I, Okay. Okay. I'm, I'm, I think we're, I'm good to try that. And then like later on I'd be like, I don't know. I don't know. I, I I wanna do that, but I kind of don't want to at the same time. Cuz um, I don't know. Yeah, it would go back and forth, back and forth. Um, I'd be fine one night and the next morning or I, I, I wouldn't be fine that night and the next morning I would have sleep on it and then I'd be like, Okay, I'm good. And then we'd try something new and then I'd feel terrible all over again with things that we, that we had tried or that John had tried and feelings of, Oh my God. You know, like, I don't like that. What is this? And um, yeah, it's definitely, it's definitely been a process for sure for me. Um, I grew up very much the same way. Um, and so that has been the biggest struggle for me has been overcoming the Christian, like that Christian mind of, of trying to overcome that mindset of, of changing the way that you think about things. And that has been a huge, um, a huge thing that I've had to work through and still am to an extent, but it's, it's gotten a lot better now for sure. 

Speaker 1 (07:19):
So, yeah, I mean, one of the big things, I mean, however you're raised, I mean, you have, you have mental or neuro pathways carved into your, your mind mm-hmm. <affirmative>, like in your brain, in your psychology, like ways you were taught to do things, things you were taught that this is the way it is or this is bad or this is good. Especially with that purity culture shit that well obviously didn't work for us. Yeah. We got a swinger podcast and our <laugh> our our relationship has never been better even before checking out the lifestyle and even better since Yeah. We're more each other around each other than we ever have been. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and closer. And so, but the thing is, we're all sort of given an operating system that's installed into us. Especially if you come from a background like, like this listener does mm-hmm. 

Speaker 1 (08:09):
<affirmative> and like we do. And so it's kind of like, I mean, changing that narrative in your mind, it's going to create friction some Oh yeah. So expect that. Yeah. And anytime you do anything new, um, there's going to be some discomfort. So I don't think it means it's wrong or a, a sign you're on the wrong track, not always mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, maybe it's just new. Yeah. Um, in this case it clearly is mm-hmm. <affirmative>, if you've never been to the gym before and you go work out and you do leg day and you go hard and you've never worked out Mm. You're gonna be extremely uncomfortable for the next week. 

Speaker 2 (08:45):
Uh, 

Speaker 1 (08:45):
Yes. You're not gonna be able to walk straight. Yes. Not because I hot sex, but because your legs are gonna go, What the fuck did you do to us? And you're gonna find you have leg muscles you didn't know were there and you exasperated them. Oh yeah. And you, and you like brought them out and now they're just like raging with, you know, cuz they're so sore, they're not used to being used. Yes. And I just, I think a big part of this, uh, is kind of like that. Yeah. It's new mm-hmm. <affirmative>, but also you've been taught that one particular way. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> is the only right way. Um, but you know, the part of the discussion me and June have had is well, who said it's the right way? Yeah. Well the people who told us it is. Yeah. Well, it's funny, if you ask any group of people about what they think is the right way, they're gonna tell you what they think it is and they're gonna justify it because of what they think. 

Speaker 1 (09:34):
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And it comes down to a matter of opinion at some point. And, and like in this case, let's, we won't get real religious, but it's like, well, why do they believe that way? Well, because the Bible says that, Well, who wrote the Bible? The people who want you to think that way. <laugh> mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, Yeah. I've always said, and again, I don't not get into the religious thing of it, but I've always said, Man, if I, if I wanted people to do what I want 'em to do, and I want the least amount of resistance and argument or push back from them, if I could just convince him, God said this, not me, but God said to do this. Yeah. Then it's like, you're not arguing or disagreeing with me. You're disagreeing with God himself, the one, the creator of everything. And by the way, if you do that, you're gonna burn in hell forever in this horribly unthinkable like lake of fire. Horrible. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Uh, so you best not do that, you know? Um, you're not arguing with me, you're arguing with God. And there's a consequence for that. That's called a scare tactic, by the way. 

Speaker 2 (10:33):
Well, and I had to work through that. I mean, for me it was like, Oh my gosh, I found out I am fucking bisexual. And I mean, seriously though. I mean, sorry. I, I, that to me was like, Oh my gosh, now that means I'm going to hell and I had to work through that shit. Get that shit outta me. No, I'm not going to hell. God loves me just the way I am and that's okay that I am that way. 

Speaker 1 (11:04):
Well, and you figure if he made you that way, you, we've talked about this in other episodes, I don't wanna keep getting back into it. They'll be good for a episode on religious upbringing. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But yeah. I mean, if we didn't make ourselves and, and we are the way we are with certain desires, kinks, fantasies. Well, if we didn't put them there mm-hmm. 

Speaker 2 (11:24):
<affirmative>, 

Speaker 1 (11:25):
I don't, I don't know how you, I don't know how you put somebody on the hook for something they didn't do. Yeah. Um, and in the religious upbringing, they, they try to convince you that, you know, you are on the hook for something you didn't do. It's like when you're a little kid, I mean, I always tell people this and it sounds fucking horrible, but it happens every day in churches across the world. Imagine if you have like a little kid who's like a four or five year old. Imagine you have like a four year old daughter and you take her to church and you hear the story about Jesus being crucified, murdered, nailed her across. And then you look at your little girl sitting there who's horrified at this point because she's hearing about somebody being brutally murdered. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, and you look at and say, Do you know who put the, do you know who did that to him? 

Speaker 1 (12:18):
Who did that to Jesus? Who put him on that cross? And the kid would probably say, Well, the Romans, the people who did that. No, that's not what the church tells you. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, the church looks at you, points your finger right in your face, even if you're a four year old little girl and says, you put him on that cross, it was sin that did it. Yeah. You, you now, can you imagine like a four or five year old kid watching like even a movie like Passion of the Christ or something. Imagine watching that movie and watching that guy who played Jesus get the fucking shit beat out of him and murder brutally. And then you look at your little four year old mm-hmm. <affirmative>, and you look at him in the eye and say, You did that to him. Can youma like what a, what a mind fuck. 

Speaker 1 (13:01):
Yeah. And then we wonder why we feel so bad about ourselves. Well, like that guy existed 2000 years before we were even a twinkle in our parents' eye, like before we were even born. Like Yeah. I didn't put him there. I wasn't even alive yet. Yeah. <laugh> like, but can you imagine doing that to your little kid, like telling him that mm-hmm. <affirmative>, can you men, like the mental chains you're putting on their mind now, they feel awful about who they are. Yeah. Well, you know, people who do that kind of thing, they do it because they're control freaks and manipulators. And so I say all that I'm getting outta the religious thing. I don't wanna go that direction. I keep saying that, but I know that this listener, the question is rooted in that kind of thing. Yes. And so like you've been, if you're like us and it sounds like you are your whole life, you've been convinced against yourself Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (13:49):
And that anything in you is wrong and you're guilty for existing mm-hmm. <affirmative> and anything that feels good is bad. Yeah. Which that's a stupid fucking concept. Um, Yeah. There's some bad things that feel good. Sometimes being bad feels great. And you know what we found? There's not always this big bad wolf consequence on the other side. Sometimes we go, holy shit. That was fun. Yeah. Like, I got my first double blow job a couple weeks ago. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> that, you know what, like Yeah. Youth pastor probably wouldn't recommend that. Uh, <laugh> you know what though? It was good. It was fun. You're welcome. Yeah. Thank you June. And, uh, another, another friend of ours, she, you were both great. So I say all that to say there are mental pathways that have been carved into your mind. And when you start deviating from those, it's not that you're always wrong, but like, if you're installing a different operating system into your mind, it, it's like when I first switched from Windows to Mac and I never went back 

Speaker 2 (14:51):
Burn earner, 

Speaker 1 (14:52):
I didn't, I didn't even know how to turn on the computer. I couldn't find the button. It was hitting on the back. It was a big 27 inch ec. 

Speaker 2 (14:59):
Yeah, I 

Speaker 1 (15:00):
Remember that. That's, that's how, how novice I was to Apple products. Like, like I literally didn't know how to turn it on. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I couldn't find the button. <laugh> and I, I didn't know what safari was. Oh, it's a browser. I didn't know garage band. What is that? Like someone's garage, like, you know, and then I like Excel was called pages or, or the word docu. I don't even remember that. I'm still not, you know, but I learned it pretty quickly. But there was a learning curve and I think it's the same thing with this mm-hmm. <affirmative> now, she also said June, you know, she's not sure how to cope with the mood swings like the back and forth. Like I know you've kind of touched on that. Um, do you have any other thoughts on that? 

Speaker 2 (15:45):
I mean, honestly it was, I had to like, talk through it to myself like, and with, and withdrawn. Like, okay, why am I feeling that way about that thing he wants to try? Like what is, what is the underlying issue there? That is what's the root cause of you feeling that way? For me, because, and I don't know, we've said this in other episodes, but for me it was because my mom and dad divorced when I was real young. And so, and then my dad had left my mom for another woman. Well then that went into our marriage of like, of, of always fearing him leaving me, John leaving me for someone else. And so then we started, ended the lifestyle, same fucking thing came back up. Oh my God. I don't want him trying something with some other woman that's not me. Because number one, I was told that you don't do that from being in the religious background we were in as well as I don't what if he likes what he's doing with her more than what he likes with me and I didn't wanna be replaced. 

Speaker 2 (16:53):
And so I would encourage you to really figure out what is, what is causing you to feel that way. And that was lots of conversations with John, lots of just d time by myself to just to just reflect on it and think about it. Like what is causing me watching you, you other podcasts that are swing your podcast too, that we've watched before. Just, just trying to get some, get some clarity on what is the root cause of that. So I encourage you to figure out, you know, and that might be some hard conversations, you know, with your spouse, but just trying to get to the bottom line of what is, why are you, like, what is the emotions? Like what's the, I don't know how to word it, but like, what's, what's the root cause of those emotions that are making you feel on and off, on and off, on and off. Whiplash feeling. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (17:46):
Like in other words, what, what are the stories going through your mind mm-hmm. <affirmative> that are caused by the thought of him doing something with someone else, You know? Because he probably has this too, to an extent with you doing things with someone else no matter who it is. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But it's like, what story? Like look beneath just the, the emotion or how, how you feel. Kind of like an emotional rollercoaster. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> look at the story underneath the emotion. Like what's the narrative, what's the story going through your head? Like, like with, with June, I think, correct me if I'm wrong, I think most everything came back to fear. Yes. That I would one day leave her for somebody else. Yes. Like that was the story. It was, he'll find something better than me. He'll like something else and he'll like it so much that he will replace me. 

Speaker 1 (18:33):
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, now I've never cheated. No. Never even been close. Neither of us have no, like at all never would've ever crossed. Like that's one thing we've gotten right as faithfulness, like mm-hmm. <affirmative>, we, we are faithful and honest and we communicate well with each other. That would never, never has happened, never would. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But even in spite of that, it's kind of like, it was kind, it's kind of like old baggage you can bring into a new relationship sometimes. Yes. Um, from an ex, you kind of bring the baggage of their infidelity into a new relationship. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, even though the person you're in the relationship with is faithful. Um, and they've never even given any indication they would cheat sometimes as people, as humans. We, we bring old baggage into new relationships. Now I know this lady, she said they're high school sweethearts. Yeah. So she might not actually deal with that 

Speaker 2 (19:18):
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, but she is dealing with the fact that she's been with, and I dealt with this too. She has been with her husband for however long they've been married and only them. And now they're wanting to try this new thing of letting someone else play with your spouse. So I get it's, I get the initial, like, it's gonna be an initial shock the first time. And I know it was for me, but like, there's 

Speaker 1 (19:44):
A complete opposite of anything you've ever done, never 

Speaker 2 (19:46):
Told to do. Absolutely. 

Speaker 1 (19:47):
So there's naturally gonna be 

Speaker 2 (19:49):
That. There's gonna be that there, but like, like I said, you gotta, you gotta find the underlying issue that's causing you to be an emotional whip, you know, giving you guys whiplash. 

Speaker 1 (19:59):
Yeah. What's the story in your head that's tormenting you? And then you have to ask, is that a valid, true story? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, like, would that actually happen? 

Speaker 2 (20:06):
Well, and also I would encourage you to listen to our episode three where we talk about your first visit to a swinger's club, because I know you guys haven't even done that yet. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So I would encourage you to listen to episode three where we talk about your first visit to a swinger's club. 

Speaker 1 (20:21):
Yeah. And we talk about our own, you know, from deciding to go to the drive there, to sitting in the parking lot to what we call walk in the mile from the, the whole a hundred feet from the car to the front door. And what the hell is on the other side of that solid black double doors that we don't know what we're going, you know, to expect mm-hmm. <affirmative> and, um, 

Speaker 2 (20:40):
Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (20:41):
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, and so we, we, we share our, our personal story there, but also that process. Yeah. And it's gonna be almost identical to your experience. You'll probably on the way to the club and as you go to the club, uh, you're probably going to go, Oh, we remember John June saying this. Yes. Oh my gosh. We're experiencing that too, <laugh>, because we just documented what, just our, our own little journey there and yeah. It's not that different for everybody. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So then this same person, uh, she wrote a second email and I'm gonna read that to you right now. Uh, she says maybe something to go go along with that. I think you all mentioned multiple, multiple times that you see it as just experiencing new things with new people. And John has said that he wanted to be accepted fully for who he was and what his desires are. 

Speaker 1 (21:30):
Uh, I'm gonna stop her at there real quick before I keep reading. If you haven't listened to the other episodes, basically I was okay with June doing anything, um, as we started in, because I just want her to be happy and try things and discover herself. Um, I, I didn't have that much freedom because e even though, and this is all due to insecurities that we've, we've worked past really well mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, but she would try five or six, seven things and I'd be like, Hey, cool. How'd you like that? And I would try one thing every time I would try like one new thing I would get to try, like, I had, like I, I had an argument on my hands. It was, it was rooted in the story she was telling herself though. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so, um, my, my big argument was, well, I let you be who you are, Why can't you accept me for who I am? 

Speaker 1 (22:20):
And we talk about that, um, I think in episode six, how to argue less and discover how to argue less and discover your new hot kinks and the lifestyle. You know, there were in that, in that episode, episode six, the one thing that broke everything, that made everything better mm-hmm. <affirmative> and broke through our communication barrier. We talk about in episode six, and we're not gonna go into it right now, but it's very simple. Go listen to episode six, How to argue less and discover your new hot kinks and the lifestyle. We talk about how we broke through that and I wish someone would've just told us that. Yeah. It would've saved us a lot of trouble. 

Speaker 2 (22:55):
And out of all the episodes we've done, that one is my absolute favorite one so far, 

Speaker 1 (23:00):
Is that the one where we started dream, we had vodka for 

Speaker 2 (23:02):
Breakfast, we fucking had vodka for breakfast 

Speaker 1 (23:04):
The first time, and then we walked here into our home studio and started recording. Yes. Yeah. It's, uh, it's hot and steamy. It 

Speaker 2 (23:10):
Is. And it's very good <laugh>. It's my favorite one. 

Speaker 1 (23:13):
So the listener continues, she says, What would happen that John desired, let's say just one on one time with someone else and you weren't okay with that. Um, well, are there reasonable boundaries to hold as a couple, even if you are doing all kinds of things with other people, would he feel like you were trying to quote unquote control him because that, that was a big thing in the beginning. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> if she got to play and I didn't, and I got bitched every time, Why are you trying to control me? Mm-hmm. <affirmative> again, episode six, we talk about what broke through that. Yeah. Um, she says, I'm just wondering where you draw the line between allowing someone to be themselves and compromising your own wants for a married relationship. So let, we broke this one down into a few questions mm-hmm. <affirmative>, what would happen if John wanted one on one time, like to play separately without you there and you were not okay with it? 

Speaker 2 (24:05):
Um, he wouldn't do it. I 

Speaker 1 (24:07):
Wouldn't do it. 

Speaker 2 (24:08):
Yeah. Cuz it's not, it's not that important to have 5, 10, 15 minutes with somebody. It's, it's not that. And it's the same with me. If he felt the same way, I wouldn't do it because our, our relationship, our marriage is more important than that 15 minutes that you might enjoy yourself with someone else. 

Speaker 1 (24:27):
Yeah. I mean, part, part of getting into this is being on the same page as much as possible if what we will do or not do mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And if, like, our agreement in the beginning is if, if one of us is not comfortable with something, we pull the rip cord. Yeah. Like we don't do it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, and if I'm like really looking forward to something and really wanting, but for some reason June's not on board, I'll probably get pissed off for three or four minutes and I'll go have another drink or go do something and I'll get over it and it'll be fine and we can talk later and we can work through where whatever that was mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, you know, on the flip side, June, you know, she's not maybe is extrovert as me or high tempered maybe sometimes. So she's just like, Hey, even if I want something, if you're not cool, I'm good with that. 

Speaker 2 (25:12):
Well, and that, and that happened, that happened this weekend. Yeah. Um, and I was like totally, like if he would've said no, I would've totally been, it would've totally been okay. 

Speaker 1 (25:21):
And I, but that was news to me because I expect, I expect her to respond to, to a situation like I do sometimes. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and I forget she's her wrong person, <laugh>. And she's not always necessarily going to respond to something the same way I will. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So yeah. The whole question, what would happen if, if John wanted one on one time to play separately with somebody, but June was not okay with it. Simple answer. I wouldn't fucking do it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I won't do it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> because my relationship is more important with June than having fun with somebody who, uh, probably I don't, may may or may not know that well, even if I knew 'em all my marriage comes first. My relationship comes first. Yeah. And like, you know, if you've ever had sex before, um, it's fun, it's good, but it all pretty much feels the same, relatively speaking. It, there ain't nothing out there that's gonna be so mind blowing mm-hmm. <affirmative> that you're, you're like, I don't give a fuck. It's worth ruining my marriage. Like fuck that. Yeah. Like, we got into this thing to have fun. 

Speaker 2 (26:21):
Yeah. To, to to, to add the confetti on our already amazing cake. So like no, uh, we wouldn't just, we just wouldn't do it. There's no question about that. 

Speaker 1 (26:31):
Yeah. So now here, here was the point of friction going back to some of the friction we had, um, because June was getting to try a number of things and I was supportive, but whenever I tried something I would get bitched at <laugh>. Um, and we're not there anymore, thankfully, but mm-hmm. <affirmative>, we understand why now. Yeah. Um, if you were to ask me that question, what would happen if, you know, I desired one on one time was someone and June wasn't there. Uh, I still wouldn't have done it, but I'd have been really pissed because, you know, I I actually had resentment growing in me towards her at some point. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, until we got through this. Yeah. Because it was basically, oh, you get to have all your fun, but I don't get to have any of my fun without consequence. And the consequences always getting pitched at, turned into a big argument until we understood what the real issue was. Yeah. And then we're like, Oh yeah, it's that. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> again, episode six, go listen to it. Yeah. It's probably the best one so far. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Now the next question here was are there any reasonable boundaries to hold as a couple, even if you're doing things with other people? 

Speaker 2 (27:43):
Well, I mean, I think for us there's the boundary that we have as a couple, um, which, which is that we play together. Um, Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (27:54):
That's the role we always 

Speaker 2 (27:55):
Have. That's the role we always have. Like, if he sees a girl that he wants to play with, um, I'm there to play a play as well. Um, it helps that we're both attracted to the same kind of woman. So that's, that's not, that's we like, that's a bonus. 

Speaker 1 (28:10):
We like the same kind of checks 

Speaker 2 (28:12):
<laugh>. Um, but, but if he sees somebody that he wants to play with, um, I'm right there playing along with, with them. So we're always together. 

Speaker 1 (28:21):
Yeah. And so there, there could be other boundaries as far as like, do you, you know, just have, you know, oral sex or soft swap. Full swap, Like what can you touch? Not touch what, how, how far is too far? Mm-hmm. <affirmative> like decide that up front. Yeah. Like, hey, if we meet people we're comfortable with like, what do you like as of right now? What do you think you're most comfortable with? You, you each answer that question for each other. Yeah. And then you just make that your limit. 

Speaker 2 (28:52):
And then you can also have personal. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (28:55):
And before we go there, um, these boundaries may develop and evolve. So be open to that mm-hmm. <affirmative> but bothered you two weeks ago or two months ago, might not be a thing anymore, just cuz of what you tried and you're just like, Yeah, it's really not that big a deal. So I'll be open to that. But yeah. Have, have some, have some boundaries you agree on and stick to 'em. Yeah. You know, you're in this staff fun with each other. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, if you're trying to repair a relationship, don't fucking do this. No. Like we've heard just horror stories, like, you know, if you already have a good relationship, it's made ours even better. Yeah. But I'm sorry, you June, you were saying. 

Speaker 2 (29:28):
Oh, and I, and then I, I think the other thing was just having boundaries. Um, couple boundaries and then we have boundaries. 

Speaker 1 (29:35):
Yeah. Couples boundaries as a couple, as a unit of two 

Speaker 2 (29:38):
People. Yeah. Which for us was just that we play together. Um, but, 

Speaker 1 (29:42):
But then you're saying, 

Speaker 2 (29:42):
But then there's also the, the boundaries for each other. Like for ourselves 

Speaker 1 (29:47):
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Speaker 1 (30:39):
Yeah. And so like we each have our personal boundary of, you know, what we want to do or not do, but also there's, there's, there's like a secondary definition to that. It could be my boundary for Jim and her boundary for me. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, like, she doesn't want me doing certain acts or things unless she looks at me in the moment and says, Hey, it's actually fine. I'm okay. Yeah. And I, and I feel she's not being pressured or she doesn't, she's not like feeling bad if she doesn't say it's okay. None of that. Like, we, we triple and quadruple confirm things with each 

Speaker 2 (31:13):
Other. Oh 

Speaker 1 (31:14):
Yeah. So it's like, what are your, what are your boundaries for your spouse mm-hmm. <affirmative> and what are they, what are your, what are theirs for you Now at the same time, there's also this, and this is kind of my mindset more, and we've heard others say this, um, who are happy in lifestyle. It's like, well hey, if she wants to do something, don't ask me. Go ask her. She's her own person. Um, you know, a guy referring to his wife, you know, if you want to do something with her, don't ask me. Like go ask her. She's her own person. Like if, as long as she's okay with something that's, that's not, you know, my place to say, you know, because you know that that's what works for them. Now they've, they've probably grown to that point. That doesn't mean you should have to be there in the very beginning mm-hmm. <affirmative>. 

Speaker 2 (32:01):
Yeah. And so I know for me, like one of my personal boundaries is like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna just do anything with any guy. Like, I'm not, I'm not going, I actually did my first thing this last weekend, but like, I'm not gonna just do something with anybody. I just, for me, this is my own personal boundary. I don't play with a guy that I just met. I just, I don't do that. 

Speaker 1 (32:25):
Yeah. And a lot, lot of people do sometimes that, that can be exciting. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> on both ends, whether it's a guy girl, girl guy, or Yeah, girl, girl, whatever. Um, but yeah. That's, that's just one of your 

Speaker 2 (32:37):
One idea personal standard for That's mine. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (32:40):
Yeah. You like to, you like to get a feel for, you know, is he a weirdo or is he mm-hmm. <affirmative> like, or you know, get to know this person. Yeah. And so, Yeah. And by the way, we're much more into making friends. Yeah. And when you click with people, you just click either click or you don't, it's kind of like you don't have to worry about it. 

Speaker 2 (32:57):
Don't have to 

Speaker 1 (32:57):
Force it. Yeah. You meet a bunch of people, you click with some not others and things naturally organically lead to different places. 

Speaker 2 (33:04):
Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (33:06):
Now there was also the compromise question. Mm. Um, I'm wondering where, and I know I'm doing a lot of talking, I'm really trying not to, um, I'm just wondering where you draw the line between a lot, 'em, someone to be themselves and compromising your own wants for the married relationship, or here's our policy. You don't ever fucking compromise. 

Speaker 2 (33:25):
No. 

Speaker 1 (33:26):
Um, now communicate. Yes. And be very clear on what you both want and what's holding you both back, um, from doing that. I mean, your, you're teammates, you're not firing guns at each other. You're standing shoulder to shoulder, side by side, facing forward in the same direction, you know, facing the same enemies together. You're a team. 

Speaker 2 (33:48):
Well, I mean like, like for example, you know, we talked about this before, but there was a time, you know, that John was going, was playing with the lady and the guy immediately came over and was trying to get me to, to play with him. And I, I was like, no, I wasn't ready. And you know, and he just, the whole time was just giving me that evil eye the whole time. 

Speaker 1 (34:13):
Not, not me the 

Speaker 2 (34:14):
Guy. No, the guy was that I said no to. So, 

Speaker 1 (34:17):
But here's what happened. He thought it was kind of a bait and switch kind of thing. We realized afterwards and he, he got a little pissed off cuz it didn't work. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and fuck him. It shouldn't have worked. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so I basically played with his lady and she loved it. And then June came over and played with her eventually while I was playing with her. And she loved that too. And he had to kind of sit out. But here's the thing. He had this expectation that if he, if he, he, we can just trade ladies. But the thing is we never even talked about it. That was never even discussed. It wasn't, And so he just assumed it was gonna go. And when it didn't, it was like, well yeah, because you didn't have a good feel for him. He had weird vibe. Um, and then how we acted actually confirmed it. 

Speaker 2 (34:58):
But what I was gonna say about that was just that like be, I brought that up to say, I am not gonna fucking compromise just because John is playing with that lady does not fucking mean that I get that I'm gonna, that you can assume that I'm going to play with you. Yeah. Like, no, like fuck no. Like if you think so I encourage you, do not compromise. I was saying all that to say like, just because John played with that lady, that doesn't mean that I have to compromise. Oh well because he wants to play with that lady. That means that I, I have to play with the guy then. No, you fucking don't. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (35:33):
And that's called, that's what is commonly referred to in the swinger lifestyle is quote unquote taking one for the team. Like, Hey babe, on no, I know you don't like him, but I really wanna be with her. Like, fuck you don't 

Speaker 2 (35:44):
Do that. No, no, 

Speaker 1 (35:45):
No. And I mean the, Yeah. Just no <laugh> like, don't do that. You know, if, if if, if your guys that way or if someone's that way, they'll get the fuck over it. Like, cuz what you don't want is, is resenting yourself. 

Speaker 2 (36:00):
Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (36:00):
Afterwards and being disappointing yourself. Like, trust me, you would rather disappoint some stranger as somebody, uh, than disappoint yourself. 

Speaker 2 (36:08):
Yeah, definitely. 

Speaker 1 (36:09):
That you didn't hold your own integrity. And you know what I think she meant by this also, or she could have meant by this when she said, I'm wondering where do you draw the line between allowing someone to be themselves and compromising your own wants for a mirrored relationship? Maybe we don't know this, but maybe what she's asking is also, well what if her husband really wants to do something but she doesn't want him to do it yet? Like, well she, maybe she's afraid, well what if I tell him no and then he goes and does it anyway? Or, or he gets mad at me. Um, you know, I I, that might be what she's asking. I can't tell. But I would say agree to take baby steps into this thing together. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> that will probably really help with, you know, not, not feeling like you have to compromise, you know, if you're not ready to see that or be a part of it with maybe what, what your husband wants. 

Speaker 2 (37:05):
Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (37:06):
I mean, just agree on baby steps still take and you know, look, I'll tell you when I'm ready to see that. I don't feel I am yet. Um, but there's probably other little things where you're like, Okay, that's not so bad or this other thing, we can do that. And you just sort of grow together. 

Speaker 2 (37:21):
Yeah. It's important. 

Speaker 1 (37:23):
Yeah. So last thing on this one is, uh, before we go to the next email, what we've discovered is as we try new things together, baby steps at our own pace mm-hmm. <affirmative>, we've discovered we're more comfortable with more things. Basically the more we do the baby steps we comfortably take and we realize there's really most of these things, there's really no big deal. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, we thought all these things were gonna be a big deal. Then we did them and we're like little disappointed that like, not disappointed, happily disappointed. Like that really wasn't an issue. Like what? Like it was all in our head. That's been almost everything we've tried in the lifestyle. 

Speaker 2 (38:02):
Oh gosh, yes. 

Speaker 1 (38:03):
I don't know if there's been one thing that wasn't the case. Not to say there wouldn't be, but for us, 

Speaker 2 (38:08):
Every fucking thing we've tried, like, well, especially me, I've been the one that's the overthinker <laugh>. Um, I, I mean every fucking thing I've done, I was like, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. And then I try and I'm like, I have no fucking conviction. This was awesome. Like what in the world was I even scared about? 

Speaker 1 (38:28):
Yeah. It was just not an issue. You're like, huh. I'm surprisingly, I'm surprisingly not disturbed 

Speaker 2 (38:33):
By this. Like I'm totally fine with that. <laugh>. Yeah. <laugh>. 

Speaker 1 (38:37):
Well and I think one of the big things this listener is probably similar to you, I think the big fear probably is rooted probably somewhere in the fear of being replaced or left pr, I mean e for guys or ladies with, with these concerns. That's what we're finding it usually comes down to or something of that nature mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And once you deal with that and it's like, Oh, my spouse isn't going anywhere, 

Speaker 2 (39:06):
Or it's just the unknown fears, like for me it was like, well I don't know how I'm gonna feel about that. So it was a lot of the unknowns of like, well I don't know if I wanna see him kiss somebody else cuz I don't know how that's gonna make me feel. You know? Yeah. Like, I want him to build, enjoy himself, but I don't know how I'm gonna feel seeing that. Is that gonna make me feel like I'm gonna get replaced? Is she a better kisser than me? And then your mind goes, Oh yeah, your mind goes in that downward spiral. <laugh> or minded anyway. 

Speaker 1 (39:36):
Yeah. Your mind will fuck with you. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. The the thing is realize that there's the fearful story you're telling yourself even if you don't realize you're doing it about this worst case scenario that could happen. And not that they don't sometimes, but it's an individual case and you know, there's a lot of cases where the bad thing doesn't happen mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But there's um, there's the the fearful story that you're telling yourself of how it's gonna be and make you feel and then there's the way it actually is once you do it. Yeah. And those two things, those two things in our experience have been in almost every case, pretty much every case so far, those have been two very different things. The fear we had in our minds about what it would be like after we tried something and then how it actually was, or complete opposites. Again, we haven't realized any horrible, terrible fears us personally mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, you know, we've actually been like, oh there's the, the 15th non-issue that was actually pretty fun. Yeah. And, uh, we're not tearing ourselves apart over it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> or each other. We're just like, oh, that was just kind of a non-issue. Um, we expected it to be way worse and 

Speaker 2 (40:53):
Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (40:53):
It's like the Wizard of Oz, you know, You know, he's got the big smoke and mirrors and boo haha yelling and people are afraid and then like the curtain falls or whatever and, and it's like, don't look at the little man behind the, it's like behind 

Speaker 2 (41:07):
The curtain. 

Speaker 1 (41:07):
Yeah. It's like, it, it's like it was this big smoke and mirror story and then it's like, it's this little tiny midget fuck. Like mm-hmm. <affirmative> you with a big microphone. Like he's not even a big scary monster. He's this little guy who's like, you know, he is a munchkin. He's not scary. Yeah. But it was projecting this fear Oh yeah. This fear story. Yep. And keeping people where they are and feeling on an emotional rollercoaster of fear and, and all these different things when in reality once they just experience it or saw it for what it was, they're like, huh, that's actually not even a thing. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And it's a, it's a pretty big relief. 

Speaker 2 (41:42):
Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (41:43):
Every relationship is different though. 

Speaker 2 (41:44):
Yeah, definitely. 

Speaker 1 (41:46):
So now we have the second one. I know, again, my whole goal on here is to not talk so much. I know I'm doing lots 

Speaker 2 (41:52):
Of talk. Do you want me to read this? 

Speaker 1 (41:53):
You wanna read this one? Yeah, 

Speaker 2 (41:54):
I'll read this 

Speaker 1 (41:55):
One. Okay. This is from, uh, A guy we're gonna call Guy X 

Speaker 2 (41:59):
Yes. Guy X and says, Hey, thank you first of all for doing this podcast. Been a pleasure listening to you both in the info you, the info you've been, uh, bringing to the table. And y'all seem like great people. Thank you. 

Speaker 1 (42:15):
Yes, 

Speaker 2 (42:15):
We try. Thank you. 

Speaker 1 (42:17):
We 

Speaker 2 (42:17):
Try. Um, my girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years and we have an amazing relationship and an incredible sex life. And we both have been curious to dive into the lifestyle we currently live in. And 

Speaker 1 (42:33):
Yeah, you don't have to say that 

Speaker 2 (42:35):
Blank. 

Speaker 1 (42:36):
An eastern side of one of the 50 United States 

Speaker 2 (42:39):
Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and then wanting to make a trip to a certain, uh, swinger club, but understandably are nervous. I'm 29 and she's 22. Knowing that we would find couples or individuals closer to both our age or would we feel potentially awkward being possibly, possibly younger than most of the crowd. We are both very often, or I'm sorry, we are both very open and honest with each other, but our biggest concern is not being able to find people our age. Thank you again for taking the time to read and again, your podcast is, podcast is greatly helpful. Cheers. 

Speaker 1 (43:19):
Awesome. You or thank you for the question, Guy X. Yeah. Um, so basically the big, the big question he's he's talking about is dealing with being nervous, um, because they're afraid they're not gonna be able to find people their own age. He's 29, she's 22. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, most people we find in the lifestyle are sort of 30, mid thirties and up. Yeah. But there are tons of exceptions to that rule. Yes. I mean, there, there are tons of exceptions. Um, there are a lot of people in their forties, fifties, sixties plus, but there are a lot of people who are in their mid late twenties or early thirties, um, where they wouldn't be that much older than you. Yeah. Like, like we got, we got a message from someone the other day and, uh, you know, junior and I, as of this recording, we're both 38 years old and this person said when they found out how old we were, he goes, Oh my gosh. 

Speaker 1 (44:19):
Wow. You all don't look your age at all. I said, Well, thank you. I said, Thank you. We work out, we, we stay healthy. Um, he thought we were much younger than, than we are. And by the way, this guy, he was 18 years old. Yeah. So an 18 year old thought we were closer to his age than our actual age. So I say that to say we've also discovered that, uh, you know, not everyone in the lifestyle takes care of themselves, but there are a lot of people in the lifestyle who take care of themselves. Yeah. And you would be shocked to find out how old they are Yeah. After you see them and how good they look. But also after talking to them and finding personal connection with them mm-hmm. <affirmative> and then you go, Oh my gosh, you're five to 10 years older than me and you just had no idea cuz Well, it wasn't really a thing. Yeah. Now if you're issue's 22 and he's 29, you know, if someone's 52, 55 Yeah. That's, that's a pretty, that's 

Speaker 2 (45:15):
A little big guess. That's 

Speaker 1 (45:16):
Yeah. Or if someone's 35 or 38, like, like that's, that's actually not that big of a 

Speaker 2 (45:23):
Gap. It's not. And 

Speaker 1 (45:24):
It's, I mean, and you're, you're not always in a different stage of life. Sometimes you might be in a similar stage of life or there's so many points people connect on where mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, you're, you know, that might not be an issue. So I would just say don't be deceived by the, the, the age gap myth. Yes. Only like, yeah, it's a thing, but it's also 

Speaker 2 (45:42):
Not Yeah. Don't, like don't let that stop you from going and enjoying enjoying this lifestyle. Like, don't let that be. The only reason you're not gonna go is cuz you're worried that there isn't gonna be anybody that's around your age. I mean, we've met people, you know, that are, you know, their age like twenties, like early twenties. But we've also met people that are in their fifties and you would never know they were in their fifties because they take great care of themselves and they're hot <laugh> 

Speaker 1 (46:10):
And they're fun to talk to. They're just genuinely good people. Yeah. Like, when you go to one of these places, at least a place we go, you know, you know, in Dallas, Texas, like people, um, they're just, it's, it's like you, you know, if you, if you, you know, went to like, you know, get some wings at the bar, at the local, the local wing place, you know, or the local bar and grill like, and there's like, there's married couples all over the place or couples, No, don't have to be married, but couples and people are just normal. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and they're meeting people saying hi. Like, it's just like that, you know, which everyone there is, they're there because they hopefully wanna play. And sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But people in these places, in our experience, they're just mostly just normal people. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, that you meet at the grocery store. It's, 

Speaker 2 (46:59):
Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (47:00):
I mean, you probably walk by swingers every day. You just don't even know it. 

Speaker 2 (47:02):
Uhhuh, <affirmative>, John and I do that a lot. We'll, we'll whisper to each other. We'll be like, she's really pretty. But does she swing though <laugh>? I first 

Speaker 1 (47:12):
Thought that when I was at the gym working out and this beautiful, beautiful lady was there. I'm like, I'm, I'm thinking my, my my manly dirty thoughts going, Man, she is fucking beautiful. I know my wife would like her too. 

Speaker 2 (47:25):
<laugh>. 

Speaker 1 (47:26):
And I thought to myself, But does she swing <laugh>? Because it's like, it's like you can be the most beautiful woman in the world, but if you're not open minded to want to have fun, we're, you know, you're probably a great person. We're just probably not that interested in you though. Yeah. Because like, we're looking for like-minded people who are open mm-hmm. <affirmative> and, um, you know, it doesn't really matter how beautiful there, it's like, well, she's not willing to have fun, you know, then we don't really wanna be that, that Yeah. We don't wanna be that kind of friends with it. <laugh>. Um, but we obviously, you know, we would still be friends with somebody Yeah. Even if they weren't lifestylers. Um, but you know, it's just kind of that funny thing where, oh, she's hot, but does she swing? 

Speaker 2 (48:04):
Oh, does she swing though <laugh>? 

Speaker 1 (48:06):
Yes. That that is the question. 

Speaker 2 (48:09):
Yes, it is. 

Speaker 1 (48:09):
To swing. Oh, not to swing. What's the question? 

Speaker 2 (48:14):
Oh, God used to swing. Why 

Speaker 1 (48:16):
Is there a question? Good god, This, this is fun as shit. 

Speaker 2 (48:19):
Mm-hmm. 

Speaker 1 (48:20):
<affirmative>. All right. So moving on to the next part. It doesn't wanna be the young couple around a bunch of old people mm-hmm. <affirmative>, that's, uh, that, that's the fear. And there are generally older people, by older I mean 30, 30 and up or mid thirties and up. But again, you, you would never know some of these people's age. Once you talk to 'em, connect with 'em. Yeah. And you would, you, you'll probably find yourself, um, proud of yourself and glad you didn't prejudge only on age or perceived age before getting to know somebody. Yeah. Or another couple mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Because that honestly could become like one of your next best friends and friendships that bring a lot of meaningful fulfillment to your life and opportunities. Uh, not just in the lifestyle, but just having that friendship. But if you would've prejudge it on the front, you just never know what you would've missed out on. 

Speaker 2 (49:18):
Well, yeah, cuz I mean, we have a couple GI Joe and Barbie <laugh>, and we just more recently kind of found out how they actually are after we've been like friends and playing with them for weeks now. So it's like, we just recently like, found out how old they are. We're like, Oh, okay. 

Speaker 1 (49:35):
Yeah. So like, here's an example. The one, we call it Barbie, I believe she's 36. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So you and I were like a year and a half or two older than her, but he, I think he's either 40 or like early forties, maybe 40 to 42 somewhere. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> here. Here's the thing. Uh, if, if you're the 22 year old lady listening to this, uh, there's a reason we nickname him, GI Joe. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, he doesn't look 40, 42. Nope. And, uh, a lot of the ladies that like to play with him are 22, 24 years old. They're younger ladies and he actually, he likes younger ladies as well. And so, um, you know, I, I don't know, not to be like stereotypical, but what guy doesn't like the thought of like, younger women. It kind of, it's kind of most guys in general, it's like, Oh, she's younger. You know, if he's usually thinking about like the physical of it mm-hmm. <affirmative> as far as being on the same page in life and mentally, psychologically, that could be totally different. But, 

Speaker 2 (50:38):
And then Barbie well enough said, she's like, literally looks like a Barbie doll. She's Barbie. So she's Barbie and she's 

Speaker 1 (50:44):
Yeah. And she's a great person. Like, oh gosh, they both are. It's like, um, beauty and brains and she's fun to be around. Yeah. But like, yeah. If you're 22 and you see this, and if you just said, Oh, you don't see the guy's picture yet, but he's 40 or 41, you might go, Oh, nope. Too old. Then you see the picture. But if no one told you the age and then gave you the picture, you'd be like, Yeah, the, the 22 year 

Speaker 2 (51:08):
Late, I tap that 

Speaker 1 (51:08):
<laugh>. Yeah, yeah. 22 year old lady might be like, <laugh>. Wow. Uh, him like that. Yeah. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And then afterwards, you know, after you meet him, it's like, Oh, by the way, I'm 41. You know? Yeah. You probably wouldn't care. So Yeah. Just don't, don't be, uh, too me sl by the, the, the age gap myth. Yeah. Um, but we understand your concern. Its totally valid. 

Speaker 2 (51:30):
Yeah, absolutely. But just don't let that be the only reason that you're, that you're not going. 

Speaker 1 (51:35):
Yeah. And by the way, we met one other couple who actually has a podcast. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, we're not getting any kickbacks from them or anything for mentioning them, but, uh, your email brought them to mind and we want to refer them to you as a good resource because they, their, uh, their names are Jason Bella. We met them once at the club. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> that we go to. Um, we didn't know they had like a podcast or anything. We, they're just sitting on a couch talking to some people we were talking to, and then I don't somehow I, I was going through Swinger podcast and I saw their picture. I'm like, Oh, I didn't know they had your podcast. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, but you know, their names are Jace and Bella, j a s e, Jace and Bella. And their website, their, their podcast is called Four Our Play. 

Speaker 1 (52:22):
So it's the number four O u r p l a y s, number four, then our play. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> on YouTube or wherever, um, podcast online. Um, they, they are, I believe they're millennials and they're basically that I remember them talking about like beginning lifestyle and being so much younger. They were high school sweethearts as well. Yeah. Uh, came from a religious upbringing. Yes. Now that I think of, I remember, I remember their story. Yeah. Uh, very religious in, in the South, uh, just like our listener with the question, just like us. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so their, their, their niche demographic with their swinging podcast and, and business, and what they do is all for like, millennials who wanna know more about swinging, because there are a lot of people who are older that are not millennials that are in the lifestyle. Uh, but there are also millennials and that's actually their target market. Their target group. Yeah. Because they are, Yeah. And so go check them out. Jason Bell again, we don't get any kickbacks from them. We don't actually actually know them. We've only met 'em once, but when we got your email, um, you know, from the first one we 

Speaker 2 (53:31):
Thought of them 

Speaker 1 (53:32):
From Yeah. From me. Like, we thought of them immediately because that's their specific target. Like they're, they're looking to help people like you as well, so mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, Yeah. Listen to their stuff. Continue listening to ours if you want. Hopefully it's helpful. Yeah. Um, I just think, um, maybe if you have specific questions about being younger, I think they may be able to serve you and help you with those specific questions. Uh, from life experience even better than me in June can mm-hmm. <affirmative>. However, what we're telling you is gonna be relevant regardless. I just think maybe those could be good connections for you. 

Speaker 2 (54:04):
Yeah, 

Speaker 1 (54:05):
Absolutely. So we're always happy to share anything we know. Mm-hmm. 

Speaker 2 (54:08):
<affirmative>. 

Speaker 1 (54:11):
So that, uh, those were the, the, the couple emails we got mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So, um, Yeah. You know, if you have questions that you want to ask, I know you'll, you'll hear this in the, the opening and the closing. Um, Oh, oh, what are you doing? June <laugh>? Oh, I know what she's doing. She has this 

Speaker 2 (54:34):
<laugh>, 

Speaker 1 (54:36):
She just leaned down and gave me a blow job. Um, 

Speaker 2 (54:39):
You're 

Speaker 1 (54:40):
Welcome. Nice, nice and random. 

Speaker 2 (54:41):
I had to, uh, end the episode. I hadn't done it the whole episode, and I was like, Shit, I've not, I've not done that yet. Hey, 

Speaker 1 (54:48):
That's your choice. I, I didn't coce you 

Speaker 2 (54:50):
<laugh>. 

Speaker 1 (54:51):
Can't help that. I'm insatiable. Mm-hmm. 

Speaker 2 (54:53):
<affirmative>. Big time. 

Speaker 1 (54:55):
<laugh>. So are you, baby. Thank you. Um, again, if you have questions, just send us an email. Yeah. At New Swingers podcast, New swingers podcast@gmail.com. And we love to, uh, address your questions anonymously and to help you out as you explore and maybe even start to, um, you know, enjoy 

Speaker 2 (55:17):
The lifestyle, 

Speaker 1 (55:17):
Enjoy the lifestyle. So, yeah, this has been a great episode. We hope it was helpful for you. Yeah. 

Speaker 2 (55:22):
Thank you for listening.