11- 7 Common Myths About The Swinger Lifestyle DEBUNKED!

Lots of myths exist about the swinger lifestyle that hold people back from benefitting from it and enjoying it. In this episode of the New Swingers Podcast, we tackle 7 of the common myths we believed about the swinger lifestyle that turned out not to be true and now we enjoy the lifestyle even more because we no longer believe these myths.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to the New Swinger's podcast. I'm John, 

Speaker 2 (00:03):
And I'm June, 

Speaker 1 (00:04):
And today we are talking about seven harmful and common myths about swinging, and we're going to debunk them. A lot of people, they just don't know what to think because they don't know what they don't know. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, and there are a lot of, you know, really common myths that people believe about, uh, swinging that just aren't true. And it's one of the things that holds people back from trying it out. Um, but it also keeps a, uh, a really bad sort of narrative out in the world about it because people just don't know what they don't know. Yeah. So we have, uh, there are many myths actually, but we're going to address seven of them, uh, that we've personally come to realize, just sort of weren't. So, 

Speaker 2 (00:46):
Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (00:47):
I mean, before we got into this, like, we kinda laugh and somebody would like mention swingers, and you're like, Ooh, swingers. Like 

Speaker 2 (00:53):
<laugh>, 

Speaker 1 (00:54):
You know, it's like, Ooh. Yeah. People, they all go have sex with each other, which they do 

Speaker 2 (00:59):
<laugh>, 

Speaker 1 (01:00):
But there's, there's just, there's myths. Um, that, that if we debunk them, then we will be more able to not only enjoy it, but like it, people are more open to enjoying themselves, um, and, and not judging things so harshly. Yeah. If we actually understand what we're talking about. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So June, would you like to read the first myth we're going to debunk today? 

Speaker 2 (01:24):
Sure. Baba, it says it's just a bunch of people having sex. Yeah. That's kind of what I remember thinking the first time we went. I was like, Oh my gosh, there's gonna be people like fucking, like everywhere in the lobby and Oh, 

Speaker 1 (01:39):
Like the club. 

Speaker 2 (01:39):
Yeah. You know? Oh, yeah. At the club. Like when we went for the first time, it was like, I, you know, this is gonna, in my mind, it was like some dude's gonna like lift this lady up and put her and put her over his back and take it, take her somewhere. 

Speaker 1 (01:55):
<laugh> Neanderthal caveman style. Yeah. Take her back in the cave and bang her <laugh>. Well, the thing about it is, you know, the first myth is, is just a bunch of people having sex. Well, people do have sex and it's really fun and there's a lot of people who are really good at sex <laugh>, and, uh, you realize that one's eating the lifestyle. Like, well, I didn't know that could be done. Or, or Wow. Never thought of that. But it's not just a bunch of people having sex. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, we've made friends in the lifestyle we've never played with. Yeah. Um, who are great people. Like, they're, they're really, really good friendships, uh, with really genuine people that we, we, gosh, we've known them like for a far less time than we've known other people for years. Yeah. We feel closer to these people. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (02:40):
And, uh, you know, having even played with him or done anything, so mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, it's not just a bunch of people having sex, that the people having sex. That's sort of like, some people are, you know, they want it spontaneously sometimes, but other times it's just a natural, organic, um, pathway that a friendship takes in a lifestyle. Yeah. After you get to know people and you just, you're just amazed at how amazing these people are and how just how much you enjoy being friends with them. And it's more like a natural progression. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, uh, rather than just a, Hey, let's go do stuff. I mean, sometimes, you know, that happens too. Yeah. And sometimes that spontaneity can be fun. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, but it's not just a bunch of people having sex. It's way more, way 

Speaker 2 (03:22):
More than that. Definitely. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (03:24):
What's the second one? 

Speaker 2 (03:25):
Um, it means I'm not enough for my spouse or partner. Hmm. Yeah. That's, that's not at all. So 

Speaker 1 (03:34):
If you get into swinging, it must mean you're not enough for your spouse or partner or somebody's not getting fully satisfied, so mm-hmm. <affirmative> that you have to outsource. You have to outsource some of these sexual services because the person you're with isn't good enough. Is that true? No. Was that true for us? 

Speaker 2 (03:53):
No, not at all. Our, I mean, we had a great sex life before we ever joined the lifestyle. 

Speaker 1 (03:59):
So like to the tune of like averaging three or four times a week having sex over the past 16 to 18 years. 

Speaker 2 (04:05):
Yeah. So like, no, our sex life was great even before we joined the lifestyle. So like, it's totally not the case that, that you're not enough for me or vice versa. Like, that's not the case at all. 

Speaker 1 (04:20):
No. But it is kind of like, it's kinda like, you know, if you've listened to our previous episodes, we always, uh, a lot of times we equate it to, uh, icing on a cake mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And we didn't come up with that analogy. We heard, we heard some others say that. And it's true though. Yeah. It, it's kind of like this some extra sweetness that you put on the great thing already that just makes it even better. Yeah. And so it actually doesn't come from a place of lack mm-hmm. <affirmative>, uh, not for us. At least if it does swinging might actually hurt your, may or may not hurt your relationship if you're in a place of lack and you're trying to make up for something somewhere. But yeah, for us it was like, it makes, it makes this already great thing even sweeter. Yeah. And, uh, has, it doesn't come from a place of lack though. It, it, it came out of a place of abundance and people might think, Well, well, if you're in a place of abundance, why would you, why would you want more? Or why would you wanna try other things? It's like, well, just because you're abundant doesn't mean there aren't other great beautiful things out there. 

Speaker 2 (05:23):
Yeah, definitely. 

Speaker 1 (05:26):
So that's the second myth, is that it means that, you know, either you or your partner aren't sexually enough for each other. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, that is not always the case. And most of the people we meet, that is not the case with them. I, I can't believe how many, how many people we meet in the lifestyle who they'll both admit to you like, our sex life is fucking awesome. Yeah. And we've met so many just like us, who they say, Yeah, we came into the lifestyle and we weren't struggling. It was good already. Yeah. And like, that's a common thing we've heard. Oh 

Speaker 2 (05:57):
My gosh. Yeah. So many people we've met have said that like, Oh no, this just spices it up a little bit more. I'm like, Oh, okay. Cool. 

Speaker 1 (06:04):
Yeah. And it is weird because it's like so counterintuitive, but it's such a common thing. It's like mm-hmm. <affirmative>, why, why do we not hear about stuff like this? Like, like in regular society, You know, I swinging is kind of like a secret society. 

Speaker 2 (06:18):
Yeah. It is <laugh>. 

Speaker 1 (06:20):
A lot of people wanna be in it. A lot of people are in it, but you know, you just, you don't, most people don't broadcast it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But, uh, what's the third one here? Third myth about people believe about swinging that just aren't true. 

Speaker 2 (06:32):
There are a bunch of weird people. You should stay away from <laugh>. 

Speaker 1 (06:37):
There are a bunch of weird pervert people you should stay away from. Yeah. Bear stay away from then they'll have sex with you and give you mind blowing orgasms, <laugh>, you figure, you know, I always figure like, if, if you wanna have better sex, who better to get around then? People who have lots of sex. Yeah. Like, you would do that with anything in life. Like, if you wanna learn about dinosaurs, maybe go hang around some paleontologists. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, go hang around like the local university, you know, and the library and the, you know, the, the section about dinosaurs. A dinosaur museum. 

Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (07:11):
It's weird how in life we, uh, how we, we want to enhance a certain area of our lives, but then we go to the wrong place. Yeah. Like, we were talking about this this morning. So I'll just say I was gonna use it in another podcast episode and I probably will. But, you know, we grew up with free religious upbringings and I've always said like, if you wanna learn how to great sex, why would you, why would you go to the church or a priest or a pastor for that kind of advice? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, like, like, don't, like if you want great sex advice. Well, here's what I did. I didn't go to a preacher or a pastor to get great sex advice. I went to a porn star. Yeah, 

Speaker 2 (07:57):
He did 

Speaker 1 (07:58):
<laugh>. I had a call with him literally the other night. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, This guy's been, this dude's been a porn star for like 23, 25 years. He's one of the biggest names in the industry. He and I talked for like an hour and a half and I was having a conversation about some things I'm wondering and wanted to try. And the guy knows it all. He's been in the trenches for over two decades. 

Speaker 2 (08:17):
Who better to ask than him? Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (08:19):
Like, who knows more about sex than a guy who's like fucked over 5,000 women <laugh>. Like, that's called in the trenches. That's called like experience 

Speaker 2 (08:28):
In the lady gardens. 

Speaker 1 (08:30):
In the lady gardens. The trenches of the lady gardens. But, but it's like, if you want great sex advice, Well, this is what I did. I didn't, I didn't go to a preacher, I didn't go to a preacher. I went to a porn star mm-hmm. <affirmative>, because it just made fucking sense, no pun intended. 

Speaker 2 (08:49):
<laugh>. And now John can make me come with his tongue and mouth. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (08:56):
<laugh>. Yeah. For over 15 years, I, I, I tried to figure out how to eat a so I could try down and we, we bought these online courses from like these ladies who were doctors and sexuality and PhDs and they're women themselves. Some were lesbians. And so like, they're really experienced none. Like it was so confusing. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, and I've talked about this before. He said, Look man, just do this, then this, then this, and don't stop until she's there. Yeah. Like, do these three things and don't stop mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so I just did that. And I think the first time I ever ate you out, I got you there in like seven minutes. 

Speaker 2 (09:27):
Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (09:28):
And I was like, Holy shit. I couldn't believe it. Well, 

Speaker 2 (09:31):
I couldn't either. I was like in shock. I was like, Holy shit. He just made me come <laugh>. 

Speaker 1 (09:37):
Well, the thing is we kind of got to a point in our marriage where we kind of thought, well maybe you, you just can't do that. Yeah. And it's like, no, you, John just weren't doing the right thing in the right place, in the right way. Guys. Have you found it difficult to get and keep an erection while at lifestyle events? If so, you're not alone. And it's common, the new environment and the distractions can contribute to a lack of interaction due to performance anxiety at the very moment you need it the most. I personally ran into this issue early on in the lifestyle and it was super frustrating. But don't worry, there's a solution. If you use our link in the show notes and use the coupon code new n e w at checkout, you'll get $30 off your order of FDA approved ed medication from Shameless Care. So you can get hard and stay hard in the moments that matter most don't question your manhood or feel like less of a man ever again. Just click the link in the show notes right now to get $30 off before the promotion ends so you can get back in the game and blow your sex partners mind. Click the link right now and simply use the coupon code new n e w at checkout. 

Speaker 1 (10:40):
The fourth myth that people believe about swinging is that it's all about sex only. Mm. And we kind of hit on that already. A couple of these might overlap, but, um, it's like any group of people, I think it's, it's about way more than just sex. That's fun. But it's about relationships, about, Oh gosh, yeah. It's about being able to be transparently yourself and that's okay. 

Speaker 2 (11:02):
Yeah. That's what I love about the lifestyle and going to the club. It's like I can go in an environment that I can be completely myself and I'm not gonna get, I'm not gonna get judged for it. Um, like the church, I mean, just saying like, Yeah, they Oh, love, love. Yeah. Okay. Nope. Fuck 

Speaker 1 (11:22):
That. Well, until they, until they find out you're human like them and then they wanna point out your flaws to deflect from their own. 

Speaker 2 (11:27):
Judge, Judge, judge is what they do not love, love, love. And I go to the club and I'm like, and I feel love there. Like, I feel like I can be myself. 

Speaker 1 (11:38):
Yeah. Yeah. And some people might say, Oh, that's cuz those people wanna fuck you. Well some of them Yeah. But a lot of them who are loving and accepting, they've never even made advances toward you or me. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (11:52):
It's just like, it's a place where you can just kind of be yourself and, uh, it, it's kind of that way for everybody. That's the kind of the bar of expectation is like, this is a place where you can just be you and it's okay. And I think that's something that so many of us, all of us somewhere inside are deeply seeking in one way or another. And it's just so damn hard to find that anywhere mm-hmm. <affirmative> in this divisive world. But the, the lifestyle I, I don't think I've ever been, been around a more accepting, loving group of people in general. 

Speaker 2 (12:22):
Oh yeah, absolutely. Like, yeah. And I, I mean, I'd, I'd even go further with saying that, like, it's not about the only, the sex I'd I'd say it's really about the friendships that you make from that. You know, like, cuz like we have, like I said, we are, like John said, we have friends that we've not ever played with, but we there, we feel closer to them than friends we've known for years. 

Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yeah. And I think it's just the ability to just be honest and transparent about mm-hmm. <affirmative> who we are, what we like, how we feel. And it, it, it's an environment where that again, that's safe to do. 

Speaker 2 (13:00):
Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (13:01):
So the next next one is, um, people don't care about each other. They just want to use each other for sex. Well there is an element to that cuz we all have this thing called a sex drive <laugh>. And when I met June, my first thing was not, I'm so interested in her personality. <laugh>. No. I wanted to have sex with her. And, uh, yeah, we probably had sex, what, three, four, 5,000 times over the past decade and a half plus mm-hmm. <affirmative>. 

Speaker 2 (13:27):
Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (13:28):
We worked it out one time. I think I did it, I think I did it on the last podcast. We like calculated like three to four times a week times 52 weeks a year times 15, 18 or whatever years. And we're like, Oh yeah, we've had lots of sex. Yeah. Mm-hmm. 

Speaker 2 (13:41):
<affirmative>. 

Speaker 1 (13:42):
So people 

Speaker 2 (13:44):
Actually on every minute of it. 

Speaker 1 (13:45):
Yeah. And there's, there's, yeah. Yeah. Lover boy loving every minute of it. 

Speaker 2 (13:49):
Whoa, whoa, 

Speaker 1 (13:51):
Whoa. Um, so there are people in every group who they don't care about people. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, you know, it's not, it's not like, you know, there, there's no group of people out there that everyone's good. There are, there are snakes in every group of people. Oh, yeah. Um, but in general we're, we're finding this to be a great environment. Yeah. So the next, the next, um, myth right here, 

Speaker 2 (14:20):
Um, people who are swingers have broken unhealthy relationships. Yeah. No, I, That's not the case. 

Speaker 1 (14:29):
Not, not every time. 

Speaker 2 (14:30):
Not, I mean mm-hmm. 

Speaker 1 (14:33):
I mean, we didn't 

Speaker 2 (14:34):
No. A lot of our friends, they, they aren't, they don't have unhealthy relationships. They're not broken. 

Speaker 1 (14:44):
Yeah. We, we've even heard stories of now, like no one ever really recommends getting to swinging if your, if your your relationship is on the rocks already. Yeah. But, but we've heard stories of people, uh, like who've written in and things like that. Like other podcasts we listened to who've literally said like, Yeah, we were in a bad, our relationship was in a bad spot and then we found your podcast, um, this other podcast we listen to. And then they're like, Thank you because you introduced us to swinging and it saved our marriage. 

Speaker 2 (15:15):
Wow. That's amazing. 

Speaker 1 (15:16):
And it's like, wait, what? Like Yeah. And I'll tell you what probably happened in those cases, they probably started communicating for the first time ever, um, <laugh>, 

Speaker 2 (15:27):
Uh, yeah. On 

Speaker 1 (15:28):
A very high level. Yes. And, uh, they hadn't done so previously. Cause I'll tell you what, like nobody, I don't think anyone stays in the swing of lifestyle without becoming an excellent fucking communicator. Yeah. Because most people aren't taught how to communicate this the swing lifestyle. It forces you to have to communicate on a deeper, clearer level. Yeah. And so you become better at that. Like if you, if you ever need to learn how to become a better communicator, even if you're not in the lifestyle, you need to find some swingers who have been doing it a while, <laugh>. Cause those people have fucking talked about everything. Even the shit they, they didn't think they were supposed to talk about it or didn't wanna talk about. Yeah. But they found a way to do it like that. Like communication experts, 

Speaker 2 (16:12):
<laugh>. Well, and and and that grows your relationship. 

Speaker 1 (16:17):
Yeah. 

Speaker 2 (16:18):
Being, being able to communicate and figure things out and like it Yeah, totally. Like it strengthen it strengthens your relationship for sure. 

Speaker 1 (16:34):
Yep. And then the next one here, the last one here we have, 

Speaker 2 (16:38):
Uh, swingers are shallow people you could never connect with on a deeper level because they only want you for sex. 

Speaker 1 (16:46):
Yeah. We've kind, we've kind of touched on this already again mm-hmm. <affirmative>, but there's this, this myth, this idea that like, they're just these shallow, shallow of people. Um, they're just, you know, they just want this. And, um, there's not gonna be any more deeper connection. And you know, that's a theme we keep coming back to here is deeper connection. 

Speaker 2 (17:06):
Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (17:07):
Like, I mean there's, there's, there's one particular, um, person who, you know, um, a lady who we actually have not played with, um, at this point who you've developed a, a great, wonderful, um, friendship with. Absolutely. And she doesn't even live in this state. But, um, you know, and the messaging app, you guys are chatting back and forth pretty much multiple times daily cuz you click really well. Yeah. And, um, you know, you're sharing struggles of life, things are going through mm-hmm <affirmative> helping each other, sending each other and like encouraging messages and Yeah. 

Speaker 2 (17:47):
Or, or, Oh, this is funny. We're both like coffee, um, addicts and so I sent her <laugh> a funny little meme the other day. So it's, Yeah. We encourage each other or send each other something that's funny or, Hey, does this look okay if I were this to the club tonight or Yeah. Just, yeah. I mean, she's become a really good friend. 

Speaker 1 (18:08):
Yeah. And it's funny because whenever, uh, whenever I see June's phone go off, I, I see, I see. It's this friend of hers <laugh>. I go, Hey, June, your girlfriend's texting you again, <laugh>. It's just kind of funny because Yeah. You know, as people who, before we got in the lifestyle, we were just, it was just the two of us. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and now, now I'm, I'm like joking around going, Hey, your girlfriend's texting you and it's just pretty funny. 

Speaker 2 (18:30):
It's funny cuz it's funny that we can, because I'm like, Which one? 

Speaker 1 (18:34):
<laugh>? 

Speaker 2 (18:36):
I have like three really good friends. 

Speaker 1 (18:39):
Yeah. That, that, 

Speaker 2 (18:39):
That we play with. Well, two of them that I've, that 

Speaker 1 (18:42):
That you played with, played 

Speaker 2 (18:43):
With. But, but yeah. So I'm always like, well, John, which, which one <laugh> 

Speaker 1 (18:50):
Is funny because it sounds funny to us, but also she's being honest. Like, no, seriously. Which one? I don't know who you're talking about. 

Speaker 2 (18:57):
<laugh>. Yeah. 

Speaker 1 (19:00):
Yeah. It's just, uh, yeah, it's a fun thing. It's, it's, it's different. So we're not gonna drag this out too much. Uh, but here's the deal. These, uh, are just a few myths that we know. We personally believed about the swinging lifestyle before, uh, we got into it. Yeah. And, and we were pretty much wrong for the most part. And we just didn't know it. We didn't know. So we hope, um, addressing these myths have kind of helped you. Yeah. Um, if, if something was holding you back or maybe it was serving as an obstacle in your mind, um, hopefully these myths that we've debunked here today have helped you on your journey because that's our goal here is to not just share our journey, but to also help you in your lifestyle journey as well.