New Swingers Podcast

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm John,

Speaker 2 (00:00):
And I'm June.

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Today we're going to be discussing 10 quick questions. Every couple must ask each other before exploring the swinger lifestyle together. 10 quick questions. We feel that you need to ask your spouse. You both need to discuss these questions before getting in. If you already jumped in, these are still good to ask, but we just think you can have a, a less, uh, rocky entry. Yeah. Uh, if you've gotten some things outta the way first and clarified some things and had some certain discussions that can help just get some things outta the way that normally could serve as a, as a giant hangup. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
And so definitely.

Speaker 1 (00:39):
Yeah. And so that's why we, we made these, uh, these 10 quick questions here because these are questions that we wish, you know, we would've known to ask when we first got in.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
No one really, did anyone really teach us anything before we got in lifestyle?

Speaker 2 (00:58):
Um, I mean, we listened to a couple, a couple podcasts, um, all more like YouTube videos, um, kind of more of like what to expect your first time going, but like, that was, that was really it. I don't really remember there being like a list of questions you should be asking before you go.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
Well, and one of the reasons we do this new Swingers podcast is because being new in the lifestyle and on this journey, we were finding lots of, lots of great podcasts out there in the lifestyle, but mm-hmm. <affirmative>, nothing was addressing like, being new, like all the issues we're facing, being new. And so we just thought, well, why not document our journey? Cuz our lessons could help other people and also just kind of teach what we're learning and finding along the way, along with sharing our story of it. Um, that, because surely if, if you and I are facing things being new in the lifestyle, probably most if not every other couple that's new to the lifestyle probably have similar or the same questions. Obstacles.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah. I mean, I would think so.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
Nerve, you know, nervous situations, the anxieties, um, in fact, before he jumped to these, Speaking of that, we got a new, uh, we got a new, um, review on Apple podcast. Uh, this just came in in June. You haven't even seen this one. Yeah. This came in just, uh, this morning actually. It's a five star and it says so valuable with a bunch of exclamation points. Thank you. Thank you for that, whoever you are. Easy, fun, easy and fun. Hmm. Oh, actually must be in the lifestyle. I assume it's issue. <laugh>, then again, I'm a guy and I'm easy and fun too, so I'm, I am easy. And <laugh>, I like to think I'm fun. She says I cannot,

Speaker 2 (02:49):
Huh? Yes, you

Speaker 1 (02:50):
Are. Mm. Thank you, <laugh>. So, the review says I cannot even remember what I had to put in the search bar to stumble upon your podcast, but this here is a golden nugget. My boyfriend and I have been talking about checking out a swinger's club, which we're going to this weekend. Awesome.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (03:10):
You both have touched on all of our reservations and all the fears of the unknowns prior to getting there.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
Damn. I, Yeah. Like, see, that's what I wish, I wish we would've had this podcast

Speaker 2 (03:21):
Fuck, Seriously, before

Speaker 1 (03:23):
We went. Like,

Speaker 2 (03:24):
I know

Speaker 1 (03:24):
It all worked out, but it just would've been nice. It,

Speaker 2 (03:27):
It would've been nice.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
Again, this is why we do this.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
Yeah. Just

Speaker 1 (03:30):
You both touched on all of our reservations and all of fears of the unknowns prior to getting there. We both can't stop listening to you guys. <laugh> coming from similar backgrounds as well and fighting against what we've been raised on in dealing with our inner turmoil that clearly has so much friction pertaining to our upbringing. Myself, personally, can very much identify with June and the way certain things she has been feeling along the, the journey. We are both looking forward to so many more episodes as I feel like we aren't too far behind you guys. <laugh>, please don't ever stop sharing your journey. Five exclamation points. Love you both.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
Aw, we love you too. And that's so sweet and thoughtful. Wow. Wow. I'm so glad we Yeah. We're able to help them with all of, with all those fear un all the fears they had, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:26):
There's lots of fears and unknowns and things like that.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
Which again, like a lot of these questions, we created these questions out of a lot of the fears and unknowns that people have when they're new to the lifestyle. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, because like, we're, we're not, we're not just doing this, uh, podcast as a hobby. We're doing it because we wish we would've had more practical solutions for the stage of the lifestyle we were in, which was the very beginning. Hence the name New Swinger's Lifestyle. Yeah. It's for new couples who are new to the lifestyle mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And these questions address a lot of the fears and hangouts and it's frustrations and curiosities that people knew to the lifestyle have. And the reason we know these questions is because we're still pro sort of new and, um, there are questions we asked.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
Again, if you, if, if we would've asked these questions or new to ask them, that's the thing. If you know certain questions to ask before you do something mm-hmm. <affirmative>, it makes it a lot better experience. And that's why we're here today. Yeah. We're here today for you. So June, would you like to read question number one that every couple must ask each other before exploring the lifestyle together?

Speaker 2 (05:37):
Sure. Why are each of us curious about the swinger lifestyle? So why are each of you, why are each of you curious about the lifestyle?

Speaker 1 (05:50):
Yeah. Why were you curious about the lifestyle June?

Speaker 2 (05:55):
Hmm. Um,

Speaker 1 (05:58):
What intrigued you at the thought of it?

Speaker 2 (06:04):
I think one of the things was like being in an environment that I'm, I'm not gonna be judged. Um, because I, well, again, like I grew up in church my whole life, and so, um, you can't be yourself. You can't be your, you're completely yourself, um, at church. If they knew who, how you really were or any of that, there's no way in hell that they would really love you. Like they preach about doing <laugh>.

Speaker 1 (06:32):
Yeah. And that's, and that, like, we, we don't like to blanket statement things about anything. Even churches. We, we've been in, we've been in that thing our whole lives. And it, it's just, it's the recurring thing we see everywhere. And it doesn't mean that all those people are bad. Oh, no. So many of the people we meet are good. So many of the pastors we know have been great people. Yeah. It's just a system that people, we find people sort of, they, they, um, they submit to mm-hmm. <affirmative> and the system as a whole has some big fucking problems and they won't go against that. Even if they're good people. It's like they just don't see, um, a lot of those things. And so we're not knocking people. If you go to church, we're not knocking you. No,

Speaker 2 (07:20):
Not at all.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
But we, but we are going to speak from our honest experience. Yeah. Uh, and we're not, we're not gonna validate our own integrity by acting like it was different than it was mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um,

Speaker 2 (07:30):
So for me it was that. And then I know I had been watching porn, lesbian porn, um, and I finally had gotten to a place where I was finally willing to admit that I might what it, for me it was, I might be bisexual, I don't know yet, but I might <laugh>. So that's kind of how I was like, gradually in my brain telling my brain I might. And so that was kind of one thing. I was like, Okay, I'm gonna, I wanna go to, I wanna try the club, I wanna try maybe the lifestyle because that way, like, because I, maybe I'll wanna try a couple of my fantasies that involve women.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
Yeah. And you know, that was a big thing for you too. Um, you, you had an easier time saying, I like lesbian porn. Or even when, you know, you start filling around with other ladies, um, like, Oh yeah, that was fun doing that. But saying the words I'm bisexual, like that, that like, putting a label on yourself was such a hard thing to do. Yeah. Um, cuz it was, it was, it, it just, it kind of flew in the face of a lot of the identity you were taught you were supposed to have and be mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And at the same time we don't, we don't really like labels for the one reason. Like, we understand why we have labels, but you have to be careful because labels carry with it with them associated baggage that sometimes can or cannot be true or accurate. Yeah. And it's like, sometimes it's like, why, why even label it that? Like if we had to label it for compartmentalizing some description of something on paper, like, okay, but why can't you just be Yeah. You're just, you're just a normal lady. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> who happens to like, playing with other ladies. And I'm a heterosexual dude. I totally get it. I love playing with him too. <laugh>. And we're attracted to the same type, so it's like, Yeah. I get it.

Speaker 2 (09:34):
Uhhuh. <affirmative>. So John, what, why, why were you curious about this one? Your lifestyle?

Speaker 1 (09:40):
I've always had a high sex drive and lots of fantasies and I've never felt I was free to explore those. And, um, I got to a point at around 38 years older right now, 37, I was, uh, I'll be 38 here in a couple days, but, um, I had fantasies I've always wanted to try. I didn't feel like I ever got the chance. And I think as we get older every year, at least for me, I give a fuck a lot less every single year I get older <laugh> about a lot of things. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And it's kind of like that that kind of came to this point. Like, if not now when I have one life, if this is so bad, why I've always had these desires in me, why not fucking try it? Yeah. Like, who cares? Like, and it's like, okay, it's just sex and we're taught, you know, that well sex is way more than just a physical act of sex.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
And I think that's true and false. And here's what I mean, What I mean is between me and June being together for so many years now and having had sex so many times together, there is a deeper connection between us two as humans mm-hmm. <affirmative> because we're in this longer committed relationship. Yeah. However, we've also learned that when we're at the club, we're at party and we're playing with other people, it's just sex. Like, there's literally nothing more to it than that. We're not dehumanizing them. We're not just using them and throwing them away or anything crazy like that. Everyone there is just really enjoying trying each other out and playing. And it doesn't mean because you have sex with somebody. You have to have some deep, long, lifelong relationship with them. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, we're, we're we're just kind of there tickling each other and laughing about it, you could say.

Speaker 1 (11:32):
And like, Yeah. The best way I know how to put it is like, yeah, sex can lead to deeper things like that, but it doesn't always, cause there's not one person we've ever played with either of us in the lifestyle, uh, where having sex or playing with them led to deeper things that drove our wedge between us. No. Like, never. It, like, it didn't even occur to us. No. It's like we walk away going, Wow, that was amazing. And it's literally, it's literally just sex. Like there is, you don't have to read into more of it than that. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, if you do have, like, some, some people do invite other people into the relationship and go deeper, you know, you're talking polyamory and things like that mm-hmm. <affirmative> at that point, that's different than what we're talking about in swinging. Yeah. Um, and we, we actually have zero interest in that.

Speaker 1 (12:22):
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, we're just out having fun. Yeah. And so, yeah, that was my reason for getting, and it was just because, um, I like sex. I like it a lot. I have a high sex drive, always have. And, um, I have fantasies I've always wanted fulfill what better place than a swinger's club full of people who have sex drives and they're open-minded sexually and they wanna try stuff too. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> probably a target rich environment for all of us. It's like, Oh, I wanna catch some fish will get out of the desert and go to the fucking ocean or go to the lake. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, like go where the fish are <laugh> <laugh>. Yeah. So, I mean, there's really nothing very deep about mine. It's just like, Yeah, I've always wanted to do that. So, um hmm. Let's go try

Speaker 2 (13:05):
<laugh>.

Speaker 1 (13:06):
Like don't make it more the thing in, in in anything. Don't make it more than it is. Sometimes we get inside our heads and we make things way more than they are. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Like, look at it for what it is, whatever the issue might be for you, but don't make it more than it actually is. And as humans, we have a big fucking problem that, that we do that.

Speaker 2 (13:27):
That I do that a lot.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
Well, you get, well we get in our heads uhhuh, and we think too much. We go down these mental rabbit holes.

Speaker 2 (13:33):
Oh my God. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (13:35):
But also it's like, there's so much conditioning and influence, but that's been done on our minds psychologically over the course of our lives. Whenever we encounter an issue or a thing, we've already been taught how to think or perceive that thing in one way or another. Uh, without e before we even think about it objectively on our own and look at it, we've already been like given the answer of here's what that means, here's what that means. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Well, sometimes it means something different than you and I were taught it means, or maybe there's five ways to look at that and there's five valid ways to see that thing. But you, you've been conditioned to only see it mainly one way. Oh, yeah. Which is why an open mind is very helpful because that can actually set you free from some mental hangups and handcuffs that, uh, will keep you there. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 (14:22):
<affirmative>. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (14:25):
So next question, question number two,

Speaker 2 (14:29):
What are our agreed upon boundaries as a couple and for each other?

Speaker 1 (14:36):
So it's important to have boundaries before, like you go to a club or an event mm-hmm. <affirmative> or, or just, or just decide, Hey, what do we want to do? It's basically saying, sitting down with your, your partner and saying, Hey, here's what I want. Here's what I don't want want. And then they say, Okay, here's what I want and here's what I don't want. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, here's what I'm willing to do, or what I wanna try and here's where I draw the line. I don't wanna go there, at least not right now. June is laughing about something. This could be good.

Speaker 2 (15:11):
<laugh>.

Speaker 1 (15:14):
I am so curious Right now

Speaker 2 (15:16):
There's this shirt idea that we have.

Speaker 1 (15:20):
Oh, our shirt idea. Well do, do we wanna tell 'em what the shirt idea is and then explain why?

Speaker 2 (15:30):
Yeah. You can

Speaker 1 (15:31):
<laugh>. Okay. Well, people are often more willing to, uh, push past their own boundaries willingly and consensually. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, uh, when they drink vodka, June <laugh>. And so we've had, we, we've drank vodka so much at, at the club that, it's funny because June, she often wanna try new things, but she's like, Oh, I got the nerves. I, and you call my nerves Uhhuh. So I'll give her vodka. And like a half hour later she's like, Okay, let's go. And I'm like, Oh, you're ready. Like you wanna, Okay. And so, like, it really is helped lower your anxiety levels. Um, not saying this is gonna be good in every case. You obviously wanna be responsible if she's, if she's had a lot, I have not had a lot. Like we're looking out for each other. We're not being irresponsible or dangerous. But, um, we often look at each other and go, Wow, vodka helps <laugh>.

Speaker 1 (16:29):
And then I told her, I said, We should make a t-shirt, just a black t-shirt with white bold letters on it. And it just says vodka helps. Yes. So I'll tell you what, if you want us to create that t-shirt and provide it for you, send us an email at new swingers podcast gmail.com <laugh> and tell us we want the vodka helps t-shirt <laugh>. Send it to us new swingers podcast@gmail.com and just say, Hey, send a, we want the vodka helps t-shirt because, uh, we're probably gonna get some for us. And so we might as well provide them to you Also, if you like vodka or if had vodka and you found it has helped you also <laugh> because it's kind of becoming a moniker, a thing between us mm-hmm. <affirmative> that whenever we're wanting to push a boundary, try something new, it's like, okay, but first vodka.

Speaker 2 (17:15):
Well, and

Speaker 1 (17:15):
Hey, there's another shirt, but first vodka.

Speaker 2 (17:19):
But here's the funny thing. That was one I was thinking about, but I was a, I was actually thinking about the other shirt idea. Oh, well what other shirt? That, that's one that would be made for me specifically <laugh>, because

Speaker 1 (17:32):
I'm trying to think of what that would be. I don't remember <laugh>.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
I'm like, Oh, I'll try this. I'll try that. But I draw the line.

Speaker 1 (17:41):
Oh, <laugh>. Okay. So Oh, oh, okay. Okay. <laugh>. So this would be a yellow T-shirt with probably bold black letters on it, Black <laugh>. And we were looking, we were taking this, this like, I think it's called BDSM test.net or.com. It basically helps categorize what your personal kinks are so you can learn about yourself and your partner. It's like, it's free mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And it's pretty awesome. Yeah. Um, but there were some questions on there. You know, that June being the vanilla religious girl growing up, she didn't know what suddenly these words meant. And also she was like, Who the fuck would like now we're, we don't judge people, we don't judge people's kinks. No. But she had never really seen this before. And so one of them, one of these things, uh, asked if you like getting peed on, so Oh God. That now that's not what we're into, but there are people who are into that. Yeah. But she was so, so shocked when she first saw it because she was so not expecting that. Cuz again, that's so far from where she comes from. Yeah. And so we were joking around about boundaries one day and she's like, Yep, I draw the line at golden showers.

Speaker 2 (18:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
So at golden showers, that's where I draw the line. Yeah. And I'm like, Ooh, that could go on a T-shirt.

Speaker 2 (19:04):
And that's, And that was the one I was thinking of. Yeah. I was like, I draw the line at golden showers. Yeah. I'll randomly say that to John just to be funny. Like, I draw the line

Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yeah. The other day

Speaker 2 (19:14):
I'll do this, I'll do that. But I draw the line at Golden showers. <laugh>.

Speaker 1 (19:18):
Yeah. So there I was installing a drain in our bedroom <laugh>.

Speaker 1 (19:23):
So I can piss all over her anytime I want. Mm. No actually I'm not into that. Some people are, um, yeah, some people are. Um, I don't, I mean, again, we talked about this before where we don't understand a lot of other people's fantasies and they might not understand ours. Uhhuh, a lot of people have a lot of different fantasies and a lot of people including ourselves, we don't necessarily know why they're there. Like we didn't put 'em there. Yeah. But that's one of the things that's actually kind of beautiful in the sense that being around the lifestyle, it's actually made us a lot less judgemental of people.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
Oh my gosh. Yes.

Speaker 1 (19:55):
Because we realize we don't entirely understand ourselves or why we get turned on by things mm-hmm. <affirmative> and then it's like, Oh, that other person that's unique, um okay, that's unique is not our thing, but we don't know why we're turned on by this thing. We, they might not know why they're turned on by that thing. They just are. Yeah. And so it's kind of hard to

Speaker 2 (20:14):
Judge. Yeah. It really is. But for us, we draw the line is just a, is just a joke.

Speaker 1 (20:21):
And we draw the line at Golden Showers. Yes. What was the other thing? We saw something the other day and we're like, Oh, we draw the line at that too. What was that? Oh my

Speaker 2 (20:29):
Gosh. I don't, oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
Oh, I know what it

Speaker 2 (20:32):
Was. Okay.

Speaker 1 (20:33):
We were at the club last night and they have a movie theater in there. Oh. And this, this, this chick was, um, getting, getting banged in the ass and she, he's getting anal. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And the dude pull his dick out of her ass and went right to her face and shoved it in her mouth. And I'm like, asked him mouth, asked him out and June's like, We need to get the fuck outta here

Speaker 2 (20:57):
<laugh>. I literally was like, Let's get the fuck outta here. Cause I was like,

Speaker 1 (20:59):
Nope. Maybe some people are into that, we don't know. But I looked at her and said, We draw the line. It asked him out. <laugh>.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
Yes. Yes. There's another short

Speaker 1 (21:07):
Idea. There's another one. <laugh>. We draw the line to eight to M. What's eight to M? You don't wanna know. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
<laugh>, we ain't judging. We just don't go there. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> guys, have you found it difficult to get and keep an erection while at lifestyle events? If so, you're not alone. And it's common. The new environment and the distractions can contribute to a lack of interaction due to performance anxiety at the very moment you need it the most. I personally ran into this issue early on in the lifestyle and it was super frustrating. But don't worry, there's a solution. If you use our link in the show notes and use the coupon code new n e w at checkout, you'll get $30 off your order of FDA approved ed medication from Shameless Care. So you can get hard and stay hard in the moments that matter most don't question your manhood or feel like less of a man ever again. Just click the link in the show notes right now to get $30 off before the promotion ends so you can get back in the game and blow your sex partners mind. Click the link right now and simply use the coupon code new n e w at checkout. Question number three that you should ask, uh, you must ask before exploring the lifestyle together,

Speaker 2 (22:14):
Uh, what specific fantasies do each of us potentially, uh, want to explore?

Speaker 1 (22:22):
If you're get, if you're getting around the lifestyle, it's because you're probably looking for something. You're probably looking to explore fantasies of some sort. Um, some people are afraid to tell their fantasies to their partner. I know for your, I was actually afraid to tell you anything, um mm-hmm. <affirmative>, because I, the way you used to be, you would get so offended and make it about you. And why am I not enough? I why would you wanna have her threesome? You know? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, am I not enough, you know, with you and you and me and another girl or whatever. Yeah. And it's like, No, it's not. Cuz you're not enough. It's cuz I'm a guy. Period. The end <laugh>. Like, that's pretty much the universal guy fantasy, you know, that and other things. But, uh, we had to talk about like, well, what are your fantasies?

Speaker 1 (23:07):
Uhhuh? And, and that kind of started, that kind of started when we were on vacation this last summer and I made my sex bucket list. We call it a bucket list. Yeah. And, um, I just, as her husband, like, I just went first. She didn't know I was making it. I just kind of like, Hey, I want you, I was sitting around a campfire drinking whiskey. It was late at night. Yeah. I had a few of them, so I was like, ah, fuck it. At least she'll know who I am. Even if she does hate me after this. Um, you know, after all these years of marriage, if she doesn't know me by now, like by the hell, shouldn't, shouldn't, she like that seems somehow blazingly unhealthy. If you've been married for almost two decades and your spouse doesn't know, know your deepest, darkest fantasies.

Speaker 1 (23:47):
Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and contrary to popular belief, or at least for me, I didn't think she'd be into any of them. And she's like, Well, there's a few of those that I kind of like, and I'm like, what the fuck? <laugh>? Like, tell me what they are now. And so what specific fantasies to each you potentially want to explore? Um, be open, be open minded. Don't be judgemental. Like, like know that you're married or you're with your partner that isn't that that person you're with is another individual human being like you mm-hmm. <affirmative> with different desires, different fantasies, different preferences,

Speaker 2 (24:23):
Different kinks.

Speaker 1 (24:24):
Kinks. And sometimes they don't know why. Yeah. So it's like, be the safe place where like they can tell you and you might actually find you as some things in common or things that click and you can enjoy 'em together. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 (24:35):
<affirmative>. Yep.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
Like, like in the same kind of ladies.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (24:41):
We didn't know that June is in the same kind of chicks I am.

Speaker 2 (24:45):
Oh, I remember we were at the store that summer. Oh. Oh my gosh. It was so funny. Tell

Speaker 1 (24:51):
The story.

Speaker 2 (24:52):
Uh, I think we were like, we were at the store looking for some shoes for my daughter and,

Speaker 1 (24:57):
And it was just me in June.

Speaker 2 (24:58):
Yeah. It was just us. And

Speaker 1 (25:01):
This lady walked by.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
Oh, this lady walked by and she was really pretty. Um, I'm trying to remember what I said.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
Well, I said, Hey, she's, she's, I joked kinda like, Hey, she, you know, she's pretty, I she's kind of our type and like, I'd never said something like that before. And you're like, you know, And so like June was still at the point where she didn't wanna, like, we both knew she was toward going toward bisexual, but she didn't even wanna speak it

Speaker 2 (25:30):
Uhhuh. I didn't wanna admit it. And

Speaker 1 (25:33):
So I'm, I said something like, Oh yeah, she's kind of pretty, or she's really pretty and you're like, Yeah, she's a little big, or she's a little bigger than we prefer. And then like, after you said that, you looked at me shocked, like, Oh shit, I didn't mean to say that out loud. Uhhuh <affirmative>. And then you like, looked away and started walking away from me. Like, oh, embarrassed and laughing. Because what happened there, what happened there was how you truly felt just came out and now it acknowledged like, Oh, so you think she was sexually attractive? Like, you acknowledge that by, as a byproduct of your statement?

Speaker 2 (26:11):
Well, you, you're like, Oh, wait, wait, wait. What? You, you, you, you like the same type of women as I do? Like what? You have a type, you have a type. He was like, You have a type <laugh>.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
She revealed it through her response to me by accident. And I'm like, Okay, well there's no running from this now. And I give her a big old hug and she wouldn't look at me. She was like bearing her face in my chest, which was already in her hands, you know, like her face, hands over her face and

Speaker 2 (26:37):
<laugh>.

Speaker 1 (26:38):
I'm like, Okay, well we, that's a, that's progress.

Speaker 2 (26:41):
<laugh>. Yeah. That

Speaker 1 (26:45):
Was funny. So number four, what is, what is question number four?

Speaker 2 (26:49):
Is it okay for both of us to explore and play with others or just one of us?

Speaker 1 (26:57):
Now in interest of fairness, I would say you should both be able to, uh, play with other people to the extent that you individually are comfortable. But also if you're a couple, um, obviously have some sort of agreement that you're both comfortable with and you can baby step into this thing mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, and some, and as you progress, as you do, as you try certain things, you'll, it's pretty common, you know, that your, your boundaries will shift and change as you become more comfortable.

Speaker 2 (27:23):
Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1 (27:25):
Yeah. I mean, I know one of the big things with us, it's like we, we went into this thing like, yeah, we can both explore ourselves and try things, but then do the, a lot of the insecurities, you know, that you've had to overcome, it kind of became this whole, you get to June gets to play and have fun, but then if John does, then it's like there's this big problem and we've kind of had to keep going back to that and deal with it. Um mm-hmm. <affirmative> because even though we were both like, Yeah, we're both into this so we can both have fun. Well, there was more issues on one side of the relationship than the other, uh, than we've had to, to work through. And so, um, you know, realize that that could be the case also. And because it wasn't that June was malicious mm-hmm. Or she didn't want me. Like, she doesn't, it wasn't like, I don't watch you to enjoy yourself, you're just gonna watch me enjoy myself. I always knew that was never the case, but you have to ask, is it okay for both of us to explore and play with others or just one of us, or, or what does that look like? Yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:23):
And, and just talk about that.

Speaker 2 (28:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
Next question.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
Number five, what will we do if one of us is comfortable in a situation but the other isn't?

Speaker 1 (28:40):
What do you say what you say?

Speaker 2 (28:43):
Um, you don't, we don't do it.

Speaker 1 (28:45):
Nope. Why?

Speaker 2 (28:50):
Well, because what we have is more important than 15 minutes of fun.

Speaker 1 (28:56):
Yeah. Pretty much. I mean, the whole thing is like, we came in this together as a, as a team, as a couple to have fun and explore it together. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, if one of us is uncomfortable, that's a problem. You know? And, and I, I'm careful with should statements, like, you should be this way, you should be that way. But if you're in this thing with your partner, your spouse, whatever, you should put each other first. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I mean, if you have a life with this person, you should be putting, you know, that relationship is priority. Um, over those things. And then o over other people in different situations and then discussing later and, and just kind of, um, figuring out, okay, if there was a discomfort, what was it? And is this something we can talk through? Or was there a misunderstanding? Miscommunication? Was somebody being weird? Did we sense danger? Mm-hmm. <affirmative> or just an awkwardness. So we were looking out for each other like, like what was it?

Speaker 2 (29:53):
Yeah. Naming it is important.

Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah. So if you're ever in a situation that one of you is comfortable but the other is not comfortable, uh, I would pull the, I'd pull the cord on that one. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, because you're going home with this person end of the day, if you're a couple and, uh, you have a lot more, a lot more to lose, a lot more, you know, invested in your relationship with your partner than just this, this one time play thing. And maybe, maybe your partner, for example, wasn't just, just wasn't ready to have you do something or to be there because they'd never really seen you with someone else or something of that nature, maybe mm-hmm. <affirmative>, but maybe, you know, two or three more visits and getting to know certain people. Maybe they'll just be like, Okay, well I'm kind of okay with that now we've gotten to know them more or something like that. We have a good vibe with people, you know, By the way, don't ignore vibes.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
I mean anybody can put on a good, a good show, but, and this isn't part of the question, it's just a good point. If you get a weird vibe from somebody, don't ignore it. Trust. Trust your gut. Oh yeah. If you have good vibes from people, you're like, Wow, we really click. They really seem genuine. They probably are.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
Um, vibes, it's a lot harder to be deceived by vibes cuz people can say and look one way, but it's like, I don't know what it is. They're saying all the right things, but it feels weird and I can't put my finger on it. Don't ever ignore that feeling.

Speaker 2 (31:23):
Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1 (31:27):
Number six.

Speaker 2 (31:29):
Uh, when will we discuss each of our experiences together?

Speaker 1 (31:35):
Yeah. So you went, you went to a par, a swinger party or a swinger club, some sort of event. Um, when, when will you discuss, uh, your experiences together? Like, you know, like after afterwards, like when, when will be your time mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, um, talk about ours a little bit. Like where we do it. Like on the drive home.

Speaker 2 (32:00):
Yeah. Well, usually it's on the drive home

Speaker 1 (32:02):
From the club. From

Speaker 2 (32:03):
The club

Speaker 1 (32:04):
Late at night. Just the two of us in the car.

Speaker 2 (32:06):
Yeah. Like, Hey, what'd you, what'd you think about tonight? Like, what, what'd you like what you didn't like? Um, Yeah. And just kind of let the person talk and then you switch and then, then you go and you say what you liked and what you didn't like or Yeah.

Speaker 1 (32:24):
Yeah. Or you know, sometimes that's when you're back home, you're laying in bed, a lot of times you come home, even if you didn't have sex at the club, it was such a hot environment. Or if you did play with other people, maybe like, you still, you're still in the mood. You get home and have just this awesome sex because you're both so just wired sexually for being in that sex, you know, charged environment and playing around with other people. Oh yeah. Um, you know, sometimes you come home and have great sex and then you know, you're talking about Wow. Like what contributed to that? And well, here's why I like tonight. And so you could be laying in bed or it could be the next day when you wake up and you know, you go to get coffee, you know, June and I have this ritual that there's one day a week, uh, that we go to a local coffee shop and we just ha it's a, it's a morning coffee day. Yeah. And we often talk about, um, our thoughts and on our experiences and things that we did, which is also good because it's always like the next morning mm-hmm. <affirmative> or, you know, we, in other words, we've had time to sleep on it. Yeah. And so we have a little more clarity on things and, and it's actually, it's usually really, really good conversation.

Speaker 2 (33:28):
Yeah. It really is. And, and that's kind of, I, I'm, because I'm a thinker, like, oh, you know, um, about things I, it that works for me to, to sleep on it. Cuz then I then I can come to John the next day and be like, Okay, I've had time to think on it and sleep on it. This is really how I'm feeling about that certain situation or that certain thing we did.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
Yeah. And, and here's the thing too, like sometimes what you talk about, it might be something you're arguing about. And you know, June and I being raised religious, there's, there's always that, that bible verse that talks about not never going to bed angry. Like, don't let the sun go down on your anger. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> don't go to bed angry. Um, we've learned that's only partially true. It is true, but it's only a piece of the truth. And here's, and I'll explain what I mean. Here's what I mean. If you go to bed angry, oftentimes you'll wake up the next day angry about the same thing. You have loose ends that haven't been, you know, tied off and dealt with. But here's the thing about what, what June just said, because I can go to sleep, I can compartmentalize, shove stuff off, go to sleep despite whatever it was, unless it's like a really intense, like traumatic life event or something. But for her, she's more of a thinker. Contemplator, she needs time to think and ponder and sleep on things before deciding how she feels or what course of action to take or whatever. And so it's actually for someone like her, it's more healthy if there's something she needs to think on. If, if it's a negative thing or something we're arguing about making a decision before we fall asleep. To have closure about an issue that she's not had time to contemplate and think about is not usually the healthiest option for her.

Speaker 2 (35:24):
No, it's not. Not for me.

Speaker 1 (35:26):
Yeah. And, and for people like you mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So it can be good advice to not let the sun go down on your anger. We get that. We understand what it's saying and we agree that's a good thing to go by. However, it's, it's, it's not the complete truth. It's only partial truth.

Speaker 2 (35:42):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (35:42):
Because if you're the kind of person that needs to sleep on things, contemplate, the worst thing you could do is try to make a fast decision for the sake of I don't wanna fall asleep angry. Well then you didn't, you weren't able to think through things mm-hmm. <affirmative> and the way you wanted to. That could have led to the most productive outcome or decisions made afterwards because you just sort of rushed it out of some implied sense of spiritual obligation. Yeah. Which again, that's is bad advice. Don't do it. Like, if that's the kind of person you already need to think and sleep on things, then do it. You might still wake up pissed off the next day, but there's worse things in the world. Right. At least you got to think about it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. <laugh>. So, uh, what, what, uh, which one did you just read? Oh, when will we discuss each of our experiences or Okay. We are talking about the drive home in bed next day. Yeah. Out for coffee. What's question number eight?

Speaker 2 (36:39):
Uh, you missed one though.

Speaker 1 (36:40):
I missed one. Oh, sorry. Number seven. <laugh>. That's why tune.

Speaker 2 (36:46):
What will we do to ensure we are always being safe?

Speaker 1 (36:51):
Yeah. Well, safe could be a number of things. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, it could be like sexually safe from STDs, whatnot. You know, you can always get tested. Always make sure you use condoms or you know, you can ask people, Hey, have you been tested? Or how often do you get tested? Things like that. Um, as far as being safe, as far as like physically safe, like, um, art, the club we go to has lots of bouncers and they're, they're pretty good. It's a pretty, it's probably one of the safest places in the city. Uh, but uh, cuz they, they walk around and everything, uh, constantly checking in. Oh yeah. Um, they're, they're everywhere. Um, but, you know, ju I don't even let June go to the bathroom alone. Yeah. If we're, if we're at a lifestyle event mm-hmm. <affirmative>, we go everywhere together.

Speaker 2 (37:35):
Yeah. Yeah. And that's, I mean, that works the best because then I'm not worried about some, you know,

Speaker 1 (37:46):
Some

Speaker 2 (37:46):
Guy, some single guy, like, because it's, it's not all single guys are this way, but there are some that are kind of creepers and they kind of give all of you really awesome single guys bad names, but Yeah. Um, but yeah, I, I don't, I've, we've had that happen a few times where some single guys approached me and was weird and awkward and creepy and well,

Speaker 1 (38:16):
Like I've run to the locker

Speaker 2 (38:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (38:18):
Like, like 50 feet away to like, get, get something or I'd run to the bathroom for like a minute mm-hmm. <affirmative> and then come, come back and it's like, seriously, like I was gone for a fucking minute. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know,

Speaker 2 (38:30):
Or one of the times I'm sitting on the couch and Yeah. He literally just went like to the other side of the room for a second and this dude sits down and he's, and I'm, he's just eyeballing me the whole time. I'm like, dude,

Speaker 1 (38:44):
Yeah. Like,

Speaker 2 (38:45):
We weird.

Speaker 1 (38:46):
Yeah. Guys, stay close to your ladies. Now we, we have made friends in the lifestyle that in smaller settings mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, there's certain couples we're with, I don't have to think twice. Like I know none of the guys that are gonna be weird. Yeah. Like, I just know. And so it's like I don't have to play guardian protector. Yeah. Um, but I'm more public settings. I do, I'm happy to. But yeah, that's one way, couple ways we, we stay safe. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I think now we're on question number eight.

Speaker 2 (39:15):
There we go. Are we trying to enhance our already great relationship or repair our broken relationship?

Speaker 1 (39:25):
Yeah. Ask yourselves that question. Like sit down, look each other in the eye and say, Are we enhancing what we have that's already great? Or is this an attempt to repair something that's fractured and broken? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And it's not that swinging can't help repair that cuz there are stories of people who it can, but there's also stories of people who it's the final nail in the coffin because they're not in a place where this is productive to begin. They need to be in a better place in their relationship. Um, so they have something to build off of.

Speaker 2 (39:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:55):
Instead of trying to build something on a weak foundation, it just caves in.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
Yeah. Absolutely. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
Yeah. And in our case, what were we doing?

Speaker 2 (40:06):
We were, we were enhancing it.

Speaker 1 (40:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:10):
Yeah. We were, we were making it better. I mean, are already amazing marriage. We we were making it better. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:20):
And we we didn't even know it would enhance it. No. We were just like, Hey, let's try this thing. And the worst that's gonna happen is, uh, where they gonna like it or we're gonna go, That's a funny memory. Didn't really work out. Wasn't really our thing next.

Speaker 2 (40:34):
Yep. Exactly. Like

Speaker 1 (40:36):
There really wasn't any drawback. Like No, in initially in our minds we thought there would be Oh yeah. Because, you know, we were raised to, to be afraid of everything. And so like, naturally it's like, oh, you do that, there's gonna be these terrible consequences. Mm. Not so far.

Speaker 2 (40:52):
Nope.

Speaker 1 (40:52):
A few dozen things in and having fun, not so far mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, not that there can't be, but you know, everything in life isn't to be feared. It can be enjoyed. Yes. And so, uh, it ended up enhancing our relationship.

Speaker 2 (41:05):
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.

Speaker 1 (41:08):
What's question number nine.

Speaker 2 (41:11):
Um, what will we do if and when we experience feelings of jealousy?

Speaker 1 (41:17):
Jealousy. Mm. Talk.

Speaker 2 (41:23):
So what will we do if and when we experience feelings of jealousy? You should

Speaker 1 (41:29):
Talk.

Speaker 2 (41:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:30):
Try not to yell. Try not to throw shit at each other. Try not to, you know, take shots at each other, but just talk. Like, try to just like be calm, be professional. Be a mature adult and say, I mean, try to just try. If you can say, if you can communicate how you're feeling in a way that's mature and professional, you're not getting overly emotional and yelling, uh, you're gonna have a lot better time and about a lot better chance of having a productive, uh, discussion that ends well for both of you.

Speaker 2 (42:03):
Yes, definitely.

Speaker 1 (42:07):
And also look at, look at the sp try to, when someone's feeling jealous, try to understand why they're feeling jealous. Or if you're feeling jealous, try to try to understand why you're feeling jealous. Like, like what's the thought beneath the thought? Yeah. Like what's the thought beneath the feeling? Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
<affirmative>,

Speaker 1 (42:25):
Like what's the story going through your head?

Speaker 2 (42:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
That is, that is creating and driving the feeling because then you can say, Okay, that's what it is. And then you can say, Okay, is this, or is this not actually true?

Speaker 2 (42:40):
Yeah. Is it valid? Like no, it's not <laugh> and most of the time it's not.

Speaker 1 (42:45):
And it could be,

Speaker 2 (42:46):
Um, well I guess, but I know for me it wasn't.

Speaker 1 (42:49):
Yeah. And once you talk to your partner about it and you can discuss that with them, then they can help you realize whether it is or isn't. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, you know, if someone's afraid of being cheated on and you're the partner who's cheated on your partner multiple times, um, shit man. Like yeah, you're probably not gonna get past that one. But, but if you can talk them through logically and just emotionally about how it's safe and it's okay. Um, and, you know, I'm not going anywhere and you know, you can just talk and you can just kind of coach each other along and be there for each other. And sometimes that just takes time of doing that. Like as the little things come up, you just talk 'em through. Yeah. And over time it, you just, I think you both sort of learn, at least in our case, that like, I'm not going anywhere. She's not going anywhere. Even if she enjoys something with someone else, like, she's not gonna leave me over that. Yeah. Or I'm not gonna leave her over that.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (43:49):
And that's what it usually is. I think, you know, jealousy, I think it's all rooted in fear.

Speaker 2 (43:53):
Oh yeah, absolutely. I agree with that.

Speaker 1 (43:55):
It's just our own story of what that fear is, you know, based on our past life experience and mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, pain we've had in the past or things we've experienced that were traumatic and, um, I don't know if I found one case ever that I've heard where it wasn't rooted. It's somewhere in fear.

Speaker 2 (44:13):
Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.

Speaker 1 (44:19):
And finally question number 10, and this is a great question that you, you should always be asking yourselves and each other. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, uh, especially if you start hitting, if when you start hitting little speed bumps, um, in your relationship as you kind of explore the lifestyle, you're, you're, I mean, unless you've already talked about so many things and know each other so well and you're both so open minded, you're, you're probably gonna hit little, little speed bumps in the lifestyle. That'll be little issues you gotta work through. And this is why question number 10 is so important.

Speaker 2 (44:53):
Yeah. Um, it says, are we willing to talk to other more experienced swinger couples to get advice if we start having issues? Yeah. That's so important. I'm gonna read that one again. Are we willing to talk to other more experienced swinger couples to get advice if we start having issues? We have done that.

Speaker 1 (45:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (45:18):
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>,

Speaker 1 (45:20):
You know why? Because, um, it's okay to ask for directions while I go get fucking lost in a cornfield in the middle of nowhere. If you can just ask and, and they say, Oh, go down here, hang a left and then take a Right. It's like so many of the issues that you face when you're new in the lifestyle that you work through, people who've been in the lifestyle longer, if they're still in the lifestyle, they probably worked through it. Yeah. So like someone's already fought this battle, so like why reinvent the wheel? Like why, why have to fight this battle on your own new for the first time when they can just sort of, they can just sort of like show you where, where to go, what to do or what they did. And even if that didn't work for you, maybe it gave you an idea of what could work for you Yeah. Or a variation of what they did.

Speaker 2 (46:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:08):
At the very least you just know you're not alone.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
And sometimes that's, that's one of the bigger things that actually is helpful. Even if you don't have good advice for somebody, they at least know they're not alone in how they feel or they're not the only ones who have ever experienced this.

Speaker 2 (46:21):
Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.

Speaker 1 (46:25):
So yeah. We've, we've talked to other more experienced couples.

Speaker 2 (46:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:29):
And uh, especially with a lot of the hangups, June has had mm-hmm. <affirmative>, uh, you know, and it's, it's, it's funny cuz not funny, but like, uh, interesting cuz I could actually tell June the same answer that let's say another lady who is more experienced in the lifestyle would tell her, but she gets it when she hears it from the other person. When it comes from me, it's like it loses power for some reason.

Speaker 2 (46:52):
I don't know what that is,

Speaker 1 (46:53):
But it's, it's kinda like, it's not who, what's being said, it's who's saying it. Like, you can tell your kids like, here's what, here's how you do this. And they just don't listen. Uhhuh <affirmative>. Then they come home like, Hey, guess what Coach Soandso said? And it's like, Oh, have you heard that before?

Speaker 2 (47:07):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 (47:08):
<affirmative>. It's like, yeah, well I remember, I remember giving you fitness advice years ago and it was just like, not landing, then you came home from CrossFit and you're like, Oh, this is what the coach said. And I'm like, Yeah, have you heard that before? And you're like, Yeah, but I don't know, it just made sense when he said it

Speaker 2 (47:23):
Uhhuh.

Speaker 1 (47:24):
Like, it's the same thing I said. So sometimes it's just who is saying it, not necessarily what's being said. Yeah. We also get to hear other people's stories though. Yeah. And that's interesting. I love that. And we connect with other people's stories. Yeah. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. And it, and it helps us, you know, to have a better story as well when, um, we can hear other people's stories and sometimes it's easier to, to learn things when, um, when people tell us something in the form of a story or they're helping us with a lesson, sometimes it's easier to actually get a lesson and really understand it deeper when it's told in the form of some sort of story rather than just go do this, this, and this on the checklist. Yeah. And so, so true. Yeah. We hope this has been helpful for you. These are just 10 quick questions every couple must ask before exploring this. Swing your lifestyle together. And if you haven't asked these, we encourage you, take a time, go sit down with your partner mm-hmm. <affirmative>, and ask these 10 questions.

New Swingers Podcast

12- 10 Critical Questions Every New Swinger Couple MUST Ask Before Exploring The Swinger Lifestyle

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