New Swingers Podcast

Speaker 1 (00:00:00):
Welcome back to the New Swinger podcast. I'm John. And I'm June. And today we're gonna be talking about how to make yourself more attractive to women <affirmative> in the swinger lifestyle, how to make yourself more attractive to women in the lifestyle. And this is mainly directed towards guys, but it could relate to both. But this was mainly pointed at the guys and this actually this whole topic for this episode. The idea came about because we have the friend we often refer to as GI Joe. He put up a post on some of the lifestyle social media groups and just talking about what he and his partner Barbie look for. And he, he's, you'll hear when I read the post, he wasn't trying to insult anybody. He was just really trying to say, Hey guys, can you of make some effort to take care of yourself?

(00:00:56):
Can you try, Can you try <laugh>? Not that all guys don't not what he's saying. And he also makes, speaks for, hey, we're not all bodybuilders. We get it. And that's not what he's saying. If you're overweight or you there's something, but you'll hear this. But he goes This is thoughts for the guys. He says, First, let me say, I don't intend this to be insulting or shaming in any way. If you read all the way through, I think you'll see I have a totally, totally another intent. And by the way, there was only, I think one really negative comment. And I think that was from somebody. Well, we looked at their picture and this is someone who obviously didn't really try when it came to their appearance <laugh>. And so I can understand that's threatening. Oh, I don't wanna put effort That's just my little 2 cents.

(00:01:43):
He goes on to say, I've noticed in the lifestyle a lot of couples where the girl is beautiful and the dude is, well, for lack of a better term, ugly. If you don't know what FU means it, it's the combination of fucking and ugly. So it's, he's fucking ugly, but she's hot. So now I totally understand that many of us guys are not blessed with good looks. He says, I mean, look at me. My nose is bigger than the average dick. And my Adams apple has its own zip code. Fyi, don't worry about reassuring me. My confidence crosses the line into arrogance <laugh>. So when I say fu, I don't so much mean things. Guys cannot help but the things they can help. Fat, scruffy, meth, head teeth, poor hygiene, et cetera. You can ask why I care. I'm straight. So what's it to me?

(00:02:29):
The reason is my girl and I like to play with other couples. She loves Dick, but she needs to be attracted to a guy to want his, I can't say how often we've noticed a very attractive girl and wanted to play let's see, scrolling down here and wanted to play. But aban I so he can't tell you how many times they've noticed an attractive girl and wanted to play, but then abandoned the idea when they saw her guy <affirmative>. This guy's laziness is potentially cock blocking all four of us. So they wanna have fun with the other couple <affirmative>. But then the other guy, just so to an extent, does not take care of himself. <affirmative> that <laugh>, his girl Barbie is just going, Yeah, that's a no dog. I can't do that. <laugh>, he says, So dudes go to the gym, go for a run, have tidy facial hair, be a meth head dress, somewhat respectful. And that's an easy one. Don't do the middle-aged guy selfie 12 inches from your face with a dumb blank expression kind of thing. Basically try. Yeah,

(00:03:36):
I promises, I promise. I mean no insult in this. I wanting to find more guys. My beautiful girl is attracted to, I want you to fuck my girl. And if you saw her, you would want to, I promise, I don't care if you're a man or a woman you'd want to <affirmative>, We played with this couple and they're awesome. They're just awesome people. But as well as very attractive, very, and they're not like 22 years old where it's like, Oh, you don't have to try. No, this particular couple is in their mid to late thirties and I think he might be over 40. And so they kind of pass that stage in life where you can make the excuse that they don't have to try. It's like no, they're at the age where you actually have to work for

Speaker 2 (00:04:14):
It.

Speaker 1 (00:04:15):
So obviously you're all free to do as you like, but if you don't try this way, there's no need for you to try with us. I refuse to ask her to take one for the team. If this upsets you, you're welcome to cus me out. I don't mind. PS get Viagra. It's easy to get and stage fright, whiskey dick, erectile dysfunction problems are a real thing. I pop lots of it <laugh>. So this <laugh> this caused me to think, well, okay, number one, I never felt he was talking about me cuz I'm not a bodybuilder or anything. But I do keep myself in generally healthy shape <affirmative> and so does June <affirmative>. But also I remember looking at June and going, Hey, can you filter me through all that? Is there anything in there that he, maybe I'm too close to myself. Is there anything in there that maybe I'm that category where I can improve? I remember thinking that, and I didn't think it was, but I thought, hey, you know what? Every, we're all too close to our own selves and so we don't always see what everyone else sees, but I'm always open to where I can be better.

Speaker 2 (00:05:17):
Absolutely not. Okay, that's not you. And any of those things that he mentioned, <laugh>, none of them.

Speaker 1 (00:05:26):
Okay, well I do have to try, have to not drink a ton of beer and eat a bunch of fried foods and you know, do have to run and go to the gym and do things and watch what you eat. So here's what we did. We got into these. So we got into about three or four different social media groups, <affirmative>, that have lots of lifestyle people in them. And we're gonna read you some of the comments.

Speaker 2 (00:05:52):
Yeah,

Speaker 1 (00:05:53):
The question we asked was, what

Speaker 2 (00:05:55):
Ladies only? Yeah. Cause

Speaker 1 (00:05:56):
We put ladies only cuz we don't want guys giving their 2 cents because guys with this post, we don't care what you think we're asking the ladies. Yeah, because that's the target market <affirmative>. So what's it say,

Speaker 2 (00:06:07):
Ladies, only, what makes a man in the lifestyle attractive to you? Go.

Speaker 1 (00:06:12):
So I thought, well hey, this is what he's saying in his post about, Hey guys, take care of yourselves. Well I thought, you know what? Let's hear from the ladies. What do ladies actually want? And a lot of ladies in or people in general in these lifestyle social media groups, they're anonymous, they have fake names, you can't see their picture <affirmative>. So they're very, very open and prone to being very honest because there's no backlash to them personally, unless it's just some hater who doesn't want to try. But yeah, we didn't even share that comment with you. It was more pathetic than anything. It was basically, well would yes, the same thing of the ladies. And he said, No, cuz I think all ladies are beautiful, which is really cool. And he said, Well it's a double standard and I get what the guy was saying, but I mean, come on guy. And this wasn't a guy who's trying <laugh>. And so it's obviously <affirmative> would've a problem with that.

Speaker 2 (00:07:04):
But even ladies in the lifestyle should try to an extent dress nice, at least dress nice, groom downtown in case something happens

Speaker 1 (00:07:16):
In case someone goes downtown,

Speaker 2 (00:07:19):
Shave your legs, brush your teeth. I mean the typical stuff that you would do if you're going on a first date, that's what you should do if you're a woman as well, not just for the guys. So I definitely think that the ladies should try also

Speaker 1 (00:07:33):
Basically treat it every time you go out to the club or a lifestyle event, treat it, you're going on a first date.

Speaker 2 (00:07:40):
Yeah,

Speaker 1 (00:07:40):
I mean what would you do? And if you wouldn't try then well if you don't pick up anyone or get any action, it's kind of like, well the funny thing is it's kind of your own fault <affirmative>. Not every time, no,

Speaker 2 (00:07:52):
But

Speaker 1 (00:07:53):
If someone's attracted to you <affirmative>, but you get wrinkled clothes on, you really didn't brush or comb your hair before you went out. It's like, damn, you were on the one yard line dude. And then your wrinkled clothes or your dirty clothes or your UNB brushed teeth or hair was just that one yard of a hundred yards. 99 was right. But then that said more than the other 99. Yes nonverbally. And they went,

Speaker 2 (00:08:23):
Nope, no, Or in my case, fuck no <laugh>.

Speaker 1 (00:08:28):
So I'm gonna quit talking here a little bit. And June's gonna read and some of these posts these comments directly from the ladies, Some of them may be repetitive <affirmative>. But here's the thing, before we start, we see a trend. There's only probably 10 or 12 things. And the funny thing is, and I'm no ultra ladies man or whatever, I don't know, I'm not better than anybody. But when I looked at all these, I looked at June and I said, Isn't this just common fucking sense <affirmative>? And I said, I literally said like what? And so I had her filter me again through it of all these comments and I said, Don't be nice, be honest. I said, Which one of all these things the ladies are saying, am I not that way? If I can improve my chances, I'll do that. And what were your

Speaker 2 (00:09:18):
Thoughts? I literally told him there's not one thing that you're not, there's not one thing. Could you work out a little bit more? Eat maybe a little better. Okay, we all do that.

Speaker 1 (00:09:32):
<affirmative> like don't cheat as often kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (00:09:34):
Yeah. Okay. But I mean other than that, there is not anything that we're gonna read that he's not just not, and I'm not trying to make him feel good cuz he's my husband. No, no bs. This is honestly the truth. He's not any of these, he's all these things that they say they're looking for. And that's just the truth.

Speaker 1 (00:09:59):
My thoughts were like, I've never, I mean, it's not that I had someone teach me how to treat a lady or how to prepare for a date, I really didn't. No. But to me it was just like, well if I'm going out, I'll do these different things where if I'm around a woman, I'll be aware of these certain things. To me it kind of seems like <laugh>. Well there's that whole thing where common sense is not so common. And I don't know, again, I'm not better than any dude. Please don't think I'm saying I'm not. But I don't understand how any fucking guy out there does not understand these things. Yeah, I, it, it makes no sense to me that a guy wouldn't like do these things or at least be aware of them. And again, yeah. Anyway, <laugh>, So I'm gonna stop talking and June's gonna read some of the comments. So these comments are the answers to

Speaker 2 (00:10:53):
The question, which was, what makes a man in the lifestyle attractive to you? And this, like I said, we just asked the ladies this question The first one says first looks that catch my eye then must be able to carry on a conversation.

Speaker 1 (00:11:11):
So I think it's fair to say, and some people might say that's vanity, but I think it's fair to say the first thing you notice about another person is not their fucking personality. No. Cuz you might not be around talking to them to get to know their personality. <affirmative>, the first thing human beings notice is physical appearance.

Speaker 2 (00:11:30):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (00:11:32):
Cuz if you can't pass a physical appearance, attraction test for somebody, you're never gonna get to talk to 'em.

Speaker 2 (00:11:37):
No. They'll be like next.

Speaker 1 (00:11:39):
Well, because if you see someone from across the room, maybe the person you're married to think about the first time you laid eyes on him, it wasn't their personality. It wasn't anything that was non-physical. It was at least from a guy's perspective, it was, Hey, she's hot.

Speaker 2 (00:11:58):
Not even just from a guy's perspective. I mean, when I first saw John and we met online, so when I first saw a picture of him, I was like, Oh man, he is really, And now he reached out to me first, but when I saw his picture, I was like, Damn, he's really hot <laugh>.

Speaker 1 (00:12:19):
And you hadn't even talked to me. You knew nothing about me. No. Didn't know my personality.

Speaker 2 (00:12:24):
<affirmative>. No.

Speaker 1 (00:12:25):
All right, so keep going.

Speaker 2 (00:12:27):
The next one says, sense of humor, confidence, smell, and how respectful they are. If it's a couple, how well he treats his wife

Speaker 1 (00:12:39):
<affirmative>. Okay. So let's a few in there. Yeah. Read through those again. Slower.

Speaker 2 (00:12:43):
I'll stop. So sense of humor. Okay.

Speaker 1 (00:12:45):
Talk about a sense of humor. Why is that important to a lady? Now I know there's the obvious answer, make me laugh, but what does it mean to a lady when a guy has a sense of humor? How do you

Speaker 2 (00:12:55):
Perceive that? Well, it means he's fun to be around. He has a sense of humor. He likes to joke. He's fun. He's gonna be someone that's fun to be around. He's not all stiff and uptight and doesn't like to laugh and have fun.

Speaker 1 (00:13:09):
So ladies to have fun.

Speaker 2 (00:13:11):
<laugh>. Yeah, we

Speaker 1 (00:13:14):
<laugh>. Just confirming in case there's any guys out there who don't know it. Now here, here's what this doesn't mean, and correct me if I'm wrong, this doesn't mean you have to be some sort of standup comedian, right?

Speaker 2 (00:13:25):
No,

Speaker 1 (00:13:26):
Because I mean, I know I'm more on the funny side. I've even considered going into comedy. But most people might, a lot of guys might hear that and think, Well, I'm not a comedian.

Speaker 2 (00:13:37):
You don't have to be.

Speaker 1 (00:13:38):
I think when you're just kind of yourself around people and you just kind of don't give a fuck if they like you or not <affirmative>, and you laugh about something or you find something funny and you're not afraid to laugh at something unless someone else is laughing at it. All that insecurity, if you just drop that shit and you, if something's funny, you laugh at, if you think a joke would be funny, you say it. And here's the thing, even if everyone else thinks the joke is lame, you can just say something like, Wow, that joke really sucked. I'm glad I won't, I'm glad I'm not going into comedy. And sometimes you can laugh at yourself and they laugh

Speaker 2 (00:14:09):
And they laugh. They

Speaker 1 (00:14:11):
Laugh at you laughing at yourself. Yes. Because you're joke bombed and you just called it out. Yes. I mean,

Speaker 2 (00:14:15):
Yeah. Mean that's so true.

Speaker 1 (00:14:18):
And then they see you don't take yourself very seriously, which goes back to your sense of humor thing, <laugh> like, oh, he can laugh at himself.

Speaker 2 (00:14:24):
<laugh>. Yeah. Yes. And I, what you just said kind of ties into the next one, which is C, confidence. So being confident, what

Speaker 1 (00:14:35):
Does that look like? How does a man give off confidence when you see or interact? What is it that tells you he's confident?

Speaker 2 (00:14:45):
I guess when he walks in a room and he's got his shoulders back and he's just walking, I don't know. When John walks in a room, he walks in the room and he's not looking down or anything, he's looking up, I don't know, I almost wanna say attitude, but it's not in a bad way. It's in a good way. He's confident in who he is as a person. I don't know. I don't know. I guess I'm trying to figure out how to describe that <laugh> better.

Speaker 1 (00:15:24):
I think there's a number of things. I think it's how you talk to an extent that you, you're not so afraid that someone's gonna reject you, that you're afraid to have a conversation <affirmative>. But also, like you said, shoulders back, chin up, face forward

Speaker 2 (00:15:43):
Kind of in the room.

Speaker 1 (00:15:45):
<laugh>, but not in an arrogant way, but not in a bad way. It's, it is your posture of what we're talking about. When you sit down or you're standing up, do you slouch? Or when you sit down on a couch next to some people, do you just relax and put your arm around the edge of the couch and you're just kind of open? And are you sitting there with your arms crossed cuz you're kind of nervous?

Speaker 2 (00:16:05):
Are you looking down a lot? Not looking people in the eyes.

Speaker 1 (00:16:10):
And this is something interesting that the very, very, very first time we went to the lifestyle club, we go to <affirmative>, we met a couple who, it was their first time too, and <affirmative>, we ended up playing with them, not that time, but a couple weeks later. And I remember during my conversation with her and I hit it off with conversation. Her and I were mentally on the same page. We literally would've and could've talked on night and we sort did great lady. But she had mentioned something to me in June at some point about what attracted her to me and me being me. I don't know, again, I'm not real, a super arrogant guy. Yeah, I know this about myself, but also I know things that are true of me without going across on the arrogance line. So we asked her like, she said, Well you come off this way, that way. And I said, Well, tell me about that cuz I'm in my own picture. I can't see, Oh yeah, what you see <affirmative>, what is attractive? Because she outright said she's attractive to me. I really think she wanted to play with me that night, but June wasn't there yet to have that happen. So we asked her, But what is it about me that is appealing? <affirmative>? Do you remember what she said?

Speaker 2 (00:17:31):
I think she said confident. I think she said that you were very a confident person.

Speaker 1 (00:17:42):
I remember she said, facial hair. The facial hair, she's like that. She said, Your hair is fresh cut,

(00:17:48):
Kind has a military look <affirmative>. And she's like just, and again, I'm not bragging about myself, I didn't know if she saw this, but she said, Well, how you carry yourself? Yeah, you're very interesting to talk to. And this is a woman who had multiple master's degrees, maybe even a PhD. She was very, very educated. <affirmative>. And I don't have any of those advanced degrees, but I do read a lot. I'm a voracious learner. So without trying, I can have a conversation with pretty much anybody on any level. And I didn't realize, but she was saying that's what was so attractive about me, which was news to me because I don't think that way. I was surprised. I didn't know what she was seeing that was attractive because I'm just the way I am. And so apparently a lot of these, number of these qualities though is again what she was seeing.

(00:18:42):
And that was our first trip to a club, our first time ever. And I didn't know I was carrying myself that way, <affirmative> or that I was giving this off. So if you hear any of these things that you're like, Oh, I wanna be better that way, or I wanna improve this or improve my confidence, my confidence, or improve my look or think about the things we're saying today guys, and pick up a place or two where maybe you've gotten feedback that maybe it was comfortable or not so comfortable and how you can improve that piece of you. If there's ever anything I need to improve, June has the full right to tell me, Hey, I think you need to can maybe improve this a little bit. She's very loving about it, but I know where her intent is,

Speaker 2 (00:19:28):
<affirmative>. And same here. If there's anything I ever need to improve, same here. I want us to be able to tell. We do already. We just say it in a loving way. But yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:19:41):
Okay. So

Speaker 2 (00:19:42):
Another one says smell <laugh>. So that would probably include deodorant and maybe putting some cologne on.

Speaker 1 (00:19:51):
Not difficult.

Speaker 2 (00:19:52):
That's not hard.

Speaker 1 (00:19:54):
Now, before you go on to the next one, read the last line in this one that you read, you kind of briefly went right over it, but we saw it as a recurring, as a theme. Let's see

Speaker 2 (00:20:10):
The, okay. Yeah, it says if you're a couple, how well he treats his wife,

Speaker 1 (00:20:16):
His wife, or the lady he's

Speaker 2 (00:20:17):
With.

Speaker 1 (00:20:19):
So actually this is a recurring theme. Yes. That we saw a lot of ladies' comment. This actually never occurred to me. Not that I don't agree with it, I totally do, but I did not think of this one. But I was surprised when we kept seeing it over and over again. Can you talk about that June from a woman's perspective? So we're talking about what's attractive to women in the lifestyle as far as a man is concerned. And this lady says if it's a couple, it's how well he treats his wife or the lady he's with. Why is that important? Why is that attractive?

Speaker 2 (00:20:56):
It's important and it's attractive because if he's going to treat the person that he's with, well then I know that he's gonna treat me the same way.

Speaker 1 (00:21:09):
And if he's not treating her well then

Speaker 2 (00:21:12):
The answer's fuck no. Am I gonna let you play with me or talk even to me if you're not even treating your person you're with? Well,

Speaker 1 (00:21:21):
Because it's basically if he's treating her that way and with him the unknown says, Well how would he treat

Speaker 2 (00:21:27):
Me? Exactly.

Speaker 1 (00:21:28):
It's, I think it's kind of that old expression though phrase that says, watch how a man treats his mother. That's how he's gonna treat his wife. And I am yet to see that not be true on both ends of the spectrum. Good or bad.

Speaker 2 (00:21:42):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (00:21:42):
I've seen guys who treat their mothers horrible and they've been divorced multiple times and they're almost never in happy relationships <affirmative>. And I've seen other guys who treat their mothers very well and doesn't mean the relationship always works out with his lady. But generally, if a guy treats his mother well, he will treat the woman he is with mutually well.

Speaker 2 (00:22:06):
And John treats his mom very well. So <laugh>,

Speaker 1 (00:22:10):
Thank you, <laugh>. Cool. What can I say

Speaker 2 (00:22:13):
Is we got blessed with a good one. Yeah. So I mean, I say all that to say, yeah, if you're treating your girlfriend or partner or wife really well then that makes us women be like, Okay, well then that means he's gonna treat me the same way.

Speaker 1 (00:22:35):
Yeah. Now go ahead and read the next one here.

Speaker 2 (00:22:38):
Okay, again, this one says sense of humor. So that's also a good one that we've already covered. So there's multiple people that have said that. One a nice smile. What

Speaker 1 (00:22:50):
Constitutes a nice smile in your opinion as a woman? What makes a smile? A nice smile.

Speaker 2 (00:23:02):
How do I say this and not sound rude? Say

Speaker 1 (00:23:04):
It. That's how you say it.

Speaker 2 (00:23:06):
Say

Speaker 1 (00:23:06):
It then. Explain what you mean.

Speaker 2 (00:23:09):
They brush their teeth.

Speaker 1 (00:23:11):
That

Speaker 2 (00:23:12):
Was difficult. They try <laugh>. I don't know.

Speaker 1 (00:23:16):
Brush your damn teeth. That's easy.

Speaker 2 (00:23:19):
I don't know. I guess if you have a fucking frat on your face, that's not very inviting to anybody, especially women if you're frowning the whole time. Okay, well then he takes shit seriously and he doesn't like to have fun. I mean immediately. That's what I see when there's the guy and he's not smiling.

Speaker 1 (00:23:42):
Okay, well she says she likes a nice smile. So what I'm asking is, what are some characteristics of a nice smile? Think of somebody's whose smile you really like. What is it about their smile that you like?

Speaker 2 (00:23:56):
I think that it's genuine. It's not a fake smile, it's a real smile.

Speaker 1 (00:24:01):
So it's not like when you're doing family portraits back in 1992 and you just kind of get that face, but it's a genuine, authentic, Yeah, laughing, having a good time. It's very

Speaker 2 (00:24:13):
Candid, it's very genuine. Very, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 (00:24:17):
In my opinion too, when I smile would be, look, you don't have to have perfect teeth. Some people don't have perfect teeth, but you can brush your teeth, you can buy the whitening strips to make 'em whiter again, genuine smile, genuine sense of humor. Yeah. We can tell if somebody's really laughing and having a good time or if it's just kind of like, Oh yeah, yeah. And they're just kind of like, I don't wanna be here. Or something's on their mind.

Speaker 2 (00:24:44):
Yeah. So nice smile. That means that it's not a fake one, it's genuine.

Speaker 1 (00:24:50):
So what's this next part mean? Go ahead and read

Speaker 2 (00:24:55):
It. Confidence but not arrogant.

Speaker 1 (00:24:58):
Okay. Confident but not arrogant. What does that mean? Because a lot of guys, they don't know the difference and that a lot of times a guy who is, and I'll let you talk but not let you talk, but I'll let you explain but answer the question I asked you. But sometimes guys feel under confident and still they'll try to use their ego to appear more confident, but they just come off as fucking arrogant and then they get shut down. So this says be confident but not arrogant. When you're talking to a guy, what comes off as confident? Any ideas?

Speaker 2 (00:25:43):
Well, confident to me would be what already said he's walking in a room and he's not like slouching. He can carry on a conversation with whoever and he's not trying to find his words I guess. Okay. I'm trying to think. I mean that's what comes to mind right now.

Speaker 1 (00:26:11):
My solution to this know that you're probably more valuable in a lot of ways than you think you are, if you're one of the less confident feeling guys. But at the same time, at the same time, if you feel the need to brag about yourself or say things about yourself that would be endearing or credibility building. Even if what you're saying is true, you wanna be careful because it's like if you're saying it, it comes off. It could come off as arrogant. And let's say that let's, and here's a tactic. I don't think we've used it, but we could.

(00:26:52):
If I want a certain lady in a conversation to know something about me, that might be impressive or Oh, you know what? That would be actually, she likes that kind of thing. She needs to know that I'm that way. I could preplan and ask June and I would say, Hey, before we go to club, just like, hey, if we run into anybody where they really like this quality feel free If you hear it to let them know. Be like, Oh my gosh, John is just like that. And tell 'em all about it because now it's not coming from me

(00:27:23):
Where it would sound arrogant. I am this and I am that and I have this and I drive of this. But it would be more like someone else saying, Oh, that way you might wanna talk to him more because he's actually very much that way that you're saying you and it just comes off different. But again, the thing is, if you're under confident, just know you're better in a lot of ways than you probably think you are. Absolutely. And I would walk into a room acting as if you're a little bit better than you think you are, because the truth is you probably, that's probably your more accurate state, <affirmative>, <affirmative>. Just because everyone, every now and then has confidence issues or whatnot. But if you feel the need to talk about yourself or your accomplishments that will come off as arrogant even if you're not intending to.

(00:28:12):
And so don't let your lack of confidence engage your ego that will just shoot you in the foot <affirmative> and then you'll walk away going, What the hell happened? Some people don't have a sense of when they're doing this, I've been around long enough where I can feel it coming up in my mind it's like, Ooh, it would feel so good to say that right now cuz I feel it could make me look good. And even if it's true, but then there's this other quiet voice in the back of my head going, Don't fucking say it. Don't say. And this isn't just lifestyle situations, it's any situation in a social setting where it feels good for people to go wow when they're talking to you but it can just come off wrong. And so you wanna be careful with

Speaker 2 (00:28:53):
That. Definitely

Speaker 1 (00:28:55):
Decisive but not overbearing. Any thoughts on that? Like a guy who's decisive but not overbearing?

Speaker 2 (00:29:05):
Maybe he can make a decision quickly on things, but he still takes you into account but he can make a decision

Speaker 1 (00:29:20):
But he is not maybe so controlling that he is this what we're doing?

Speaker 2 (00:29:23):
Yeah, cuz overbearing for me is like, okay, that's controlling basically <affirmative>. So making a decision. John does sometimes, Hey babe, we're gonna go out to, I'm gonna take you out for lunch. See that's not controlling me, but he's telling me, Hey, I wanna take you out to lunch. So he made the decision but it didn't come off controlling. To me, that's a good example of that.

Speaker 1 (00:29:51):
And I try not to be like, I don't like controlling people. Cause I grew up around and my whole thing is like, fuck those people. Not literally like to hell with him but when June would even tell me, I wish you would just tell me you're taking me to lunch instead of asking. This was weird too, cuz for years I would say, Hey, where would you like to go eat? And the typical woman answer, I don't know, <laugh>. So yeah, that's pretty much the case. And I was always thinking I was giving her a chance to have a voice and to be a part of the decision making process because where I grew up, women didn't get to be a part of that guys made a decisions. The women, well you fucking come along with us and you don't get to choose. So I hated that for women.

(00:30:40):
So my whole thing is I'm gonna show love best by letting her be a piece of the decision making process. However she likes it best when I tell her where we're going, Go get dressed, put on that sexy dress. I'm taking you to dinner tonight. Be ready. And within the hour, that is the biggest way to turn her on. And I had to learn that and I had to reprogram myself <laugh> not to be a dick cuz I'm not being, trying to be controlling, not overbearing <affirmative>, but I learned that this woman I've been married to almost 20 years likes to be told that I'm taking her somewhere in a go get ready. That's just her thing. And that goes back to, I think just learning about your partner and Absolutely. And don't ever stop learning.

Speaker 2 (00:31:25):
Yeah. I mean, gosh, we're learning things now that we didn't know 20 years ago. So absolutely. It's always be learning about your partner, being real, not fake. Don't be a fake person or a fake personality. Okay.

Speaker 1 (00:31:48):
Okay. So talk about that as a lady.

Speaker 2 (00:31:52):
Don't be one way being this confident sense of humor, do all the things and then you snatch us up and then completely change.

Speaker 1 (00:32:03):
Yeah. And here's one thing I hear from a lot of ladies, and it's one lady commented on it, then we'll probably get to it and then three or four or five other ladies replied to that comment saying, Hell don't be the guy who brags about how good he is in bed and what a good time you're gonna give the lady and all this. Because what these ladies are saying, <laugh>, and there's a lot of I've, I've heard this around the lifestyle <affirmative>, the guys who brag about how good they are in bed and how great of a time I'm gonna show you. Hell, according to the ladies on here, statistically with numbers, most of those guys can barely get a hard dick once they get in the room. And for whatever reason that is performance, anxiety, whatever. Don't be the guy bragging about what a good time you're gonna give her. Most of the guys who do that well number when you come off arrogant like an asshole. Yeah. And number two, most of the guys were finding that talk like that are the ones who were the biggest disappointment to the ladies. And so it's always better to under, I would say, under advertise yourself and then blow somebody away with your service.

Speaker 2 (00:33:15):
Yeah. <laugh>

Speaker 1 (00:33:15):
Speaking in business terms, <laugh> get the hint then to say we're the best, we're gonna blow your mind. And then their mind is not blown,

Speaker 2 (00:33:23):
Then they're let down,

Speaker 1 (00:33:24):
Then they're let down <affirmative> guys, have you found it difficult to get and keep an erection while at lifestyle events? If so, you're not alone. And it's common, the new environment and the distractions can contribute to a lack of an erection due to performance anxiety at the very moment you need it the most. I personally ran into this issue early on in the lifestyle and it was super frustrating. But don't worry, there's a solution. If you use our link in the show notes and use the coupon code new n e w at checkout, you'll get $30 off your order of FDA approved ed medication from Shameless Care. So you can get hard and stay hard in the moments that matter most don't question your manhood or feel like less of a man ever again. Just click the link in the show notes right now to get $30 off before the promotion ends so you can get back in the game and blow your sex partner's mind. Click the link right now and simply use the coupon code new n e w at checkout

Speaker 2 (00:34:17):
At firsty and athletic built superficial, but just at first sight.

Speaker 1 (00:34:22):
So she's saying, I like someone who's athletic. I know it's superficial, but just at first sight she likes this particular lady likes athletic guys <affirmative>. So how about the next one?

Speaker 2 (00:34:35):
Okay, a confidence. So that's kind of covered that one already. Yeah, we,

Speaker 1 (00:34:39):
You'll see repeating patterns, maybe go ahead and just read the whole comment and we'll go back if there's a new one,

Speaker 2 (00:34:45):
A confident, friendly, and happy person. If they're a part of a couple, it's always a huge bonus to see them having fun with their partner and being loving and respectful to them as well. And then this is great that way both of them are there for the right reason. We look for couples that are smiling and laughing rather than the ones who walk around with their noses in the air. Being well dressed and well groomed always catches my eye. But if you've got a great personality and can make me laugh, that's where it's at.

Speaker 1 (00:35:25):
And this is a very, very attractive lady, <affirmative>. In fact, we met this lady numerous times and yeah, we usually have vodka at the club. So I didn't recognize her at first <laugh> but by her face I did. Then I realized, oh, I think she may go by a different name, but I, I'll tell you later who it is. Okay. But yeah, what she said there at the end is being well dressed and groomed, but always catches your eye. But if you have a great personality and can make her laugh, that's where it's at.

Speaker 2 (00:35:56):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (00:35:58):
And now this is an extremely attractive woman and she's saying, Guys, even if you're not physically perfect, if you can make me laugh, show me if have a personality, a good sense of humor, she goes, that's where it's at for her. So it's just as guys, we think so much of the physical appearance and that is a big piece, but I know me as a guy, at least I've always, physical appearance is the first and biggest thing always. If you don't look good, she doesn't give a shit about anything else. That's not true. So that's where my guy ignorance over my lifetime has come in

Speaker 2 (00:36:35):
<affirmative>. And there was several people who liked her comment and hearted her comment,

Speaker 1 (00:36:43):
But there's 12 on that one alone. And then they kept replying.

Speaker 2 (00:36:46):
Yeah. Okay. Another one says, confident but not arrogant. Doesn't take himself so seriously and can actually have fun. Well dressed and groomed body language and how he interacts with his partner goes a long way if he has one <affirmative>. Yeah, I mean we kind of already covered that one, but so I mean that's just proof that that's really one that's very important to a lot of women.

Speaker 1 (00:37:18):
And there are other answers we're getting to, but if you've been listening for the past few minutes, you're starting to probably see a trend. <affirmative> a very simple trend of just a handful of things that make a man attractive to women in the swinger lifestyle. But at the same time, if it's in the swinger lifestyle, it's probably gonna be anywhere in life. If you're dating or at a club, a regular vanilla club or wherever

Speaker 2 (00:37:42):
The next one says, as an ossie,

Speaker 1 (00:37:45):
Someone from Australia, in case you're not

Speaker 2 (00:37:46):
Aware who comes to the us. It's so nice to be approached by a man who is confident and is genuinely interested in knowing who I am and who I feel safe to say no if I'm not feeling it, that's huge for me. I do not feel safe saying no to men. I'm approached by in Australia, so I don't go out.

Speaker 1 (00:38:08):
Huh.

Speaker 2 (00:38:08):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (00:38:10):
Okay. That's odd to me. I mean, not odd. That's interesting to me. <affirmative>, she feels more safe saying no to a man in America than a man in Australia. I've never been to Australia. So I don't know, maybe it's a cultural thing. Maybe it's more of a given. If I want you, I can have you. Or maybe it has to be something cultural, I would imagine. Yeah,

Speaker 2 (00:38:34):
Sounds

Speaker 1 (00:38:35):
Like it. Where maybe she feels like she doesn't have the right, or there's more pressure if she tries to walk away, which that's really concerning, but I don't know enough about that to address it. But hey, if you're an Ossie, if you're an Ossie, if you're from Australia, if you've lived in Australia, send us an email, new swinger's podcast@gmail.com. New swingers podcast@gmail.com. Enlighten us. What is this thing about Australian men <affirmative> or maybe some of them are culturally in Australia that this woman may be referring to? Curious to know. Yeah, me too. Because our podcast reaches Australia. We have listeners in Australia, so if you're listening to this, we would be interested to know maybe what she's referring to. It would be enlightening, I think, for a lot of people.

Speaker 2 (00:39:20):
Yeah, absolutely. The next one says, Love a balded head and athletic build. But honestly, humility and intelligence are super important. Someone who gives you attention but doesn't dominate you, dominate your night confidence. Not cocky.

Speaker 1 (00:39:45):
So we're seeing lots of confidence, but not arrogant. <affirmative>, be confident but not egotistical and just don't be a dick <laugh>. Don't think of yourself more highly than you are. But there is the balance though. Yes,

Speaker 2 (00:40:00):
There's

Speaker 1 (00:40:01):
Cause people look at that and go, Well, if I need to think highly of myself to be confident, I think confidence is more, you think highly of yourself in a healthy way to a healthy extent. If you think, fucker, I'm God's gift to women. No you're not. Yeah, there are. There's over 7 billion people on this planet. <affirmative>. You're not God's gift to women. You're not. There's way more of us just like you.

Speaker 2 (00:40:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:40:29):
And that's on top of the fact that so many different women, so many different men have so many different preferences, likes that all women aren't gonna just one kind of guy or one guy with a certain look <affirmative>. And that's the great thing about the lifestyle. It's like maybe your physical appearance is this or it's that. And you don't like that. Well, guess what? Some people like physical appearances that you are not other people. Like physical appearances that you are. Yeah, exactly. Some people like heavier, bigger people, maybe like them or not like them. And other people like skinnier, more petite people. Some people like more athletic people. Some people are just way more into the personality or how they feel when they're around the person <affirmative> than the physical appearance. And so there's so many things that go in here.

Speaker 2 (00:41:16):
Absolutely. Another one, confidence in who they are. The next one says being fit, respectful. Someone that loves and supports his partner if he has one. Well dressed, good hygiene, clean shaven.

Speaker 1 (00:41:37):
All right. So those last three or four are easy to do. They're all easy to do. <affirmative>, I mean, being fit, that takes time. If you're not fit eating well and working out over the period of multiple, several months, years, <affirmative> someone that loves and supports this partner, you can do that. If you're not a dick <laugh>, really? I mean, cuz if you're a dick, you won't act it when you think it's convenient for you <affirmative>. But then when it's not working or you're tired of it, you'll just go back to who you are. And the thing about it is this, is that time tells the truth on everybody.

Speaker 2 (00:42:09):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (00:42:10):
So you can act the right way for a while, but eventually people are gonna see what you actually are. So don't do that whole bullshit where you fake who you are with fake humility and all this other crap. Cuz eventually people are gonna know and they're gonna talk about you. And word spreads like wildfire.

Speaker 2 (00:42:23):
Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1 (00:42:24):
But well dressed, good hygiene, clean shaving. How long does it take to take a fucking shower, <laugh>, and shave? I hate shaving, but I do it. Yeah. I fucking hate it. If I could like shave once or do anything to my face and never have to shave again, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But I hate it. But I still do it. And it takes, what, five minutes? Yeah, three, four minutes. <affirmative>. I mean that's called a little bit of effort.

Speaker 2 (00:42:49):
And it goes a long way. Well kept assertive, funny, genuine, good hygiene, creative, playful and respectful.

Speaker 1 (00:43:02):
Okay, so well kept. In other words, take a shower, wear something that fits you. Yeah, that looks good. If you don't know what looks good, ask a woman, Hey, what do I look good in? Trust me, they'll be happy to give you their opinions all day long.

Speaker 2 (00:43:16):
<laugh>. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:43:18):
This woman says creative. So hey, that's a different one. <affirmative>, maybe he's creative in how he thinks or does things or that's attractive, playful, and respectful. And by the way, here's what respectful means, guys. If you don't ask, if you can touch her, you don't fucking touch her. Whether it's standing at the bar or if you're in a playroom or a play setting. Just because she's playing with someone doesn't give you the right to touch her. No, that's not a thing.

Speaker 2 (00:43:47):
No, it's not.

Speaker 1 (00:43:48):
Don't be a fucking shit bag. That's no woman's ever. Okay. With some random guy touching her who didn't ask. Even if she's nice afterwards and you're like, Oh, is that okay to avoid confrontation? She'll probably say, Oh, it's fine. But I don't, I've never met a woman who's okay with a guy touching her who she doesn't know. And he at least didn't ask.

Speaker 2 (00:44:08):
Yeah, fuck no.

Speaker 1 (00:44:10):
So that's called being respectful. We're huge on consent as everybody should be <affirmative>. And if somebody's being non-consensual, you should call them out in the moment. You can be polite, but be firm. And if they keep coming back and doing it, that's where you can get a little more aggressive with 'em if you have to. And the thing about the lifestyle is this, the community is going to protect you. Yeah. Because no, and I can't think of any. Well I can, can't think of any man. I can. I can't think of any group of men where there's men around and a woman is being made uncomfortable by a particular guy or the other guys aren't going to step in and go, Hey, what the fuck you doing? Yeah. Hey, get out. Yeah. Now he has everyone against him. Plus a lot of the women who would voice their opinion and be aggressive toward him. And these women will kick your ass more than the guy would <laugh>.

Speaker 2 (00:45:01):
Well, and we'll kick your ass with telling all the other women, Oh hey, you know what? See that guy right there. Don't fucking play with him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:45:08):
Don't talk to him. Avoid 'em. Avoid him. He's bad news.

Speaker 2 (00:45:11):
Yeah. So we kick you ass. Kick your ass that way too. <laugh>. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:45:15):
It's like, yeah, just to me it's a no-brainer. I don't even, even people, even ladies we play with that we play with multiple times every time. If it's like, Oh, it's two weeks from the last time we did, I don't just assume I can touch you right now. I always say now I'm not sitting there the whole time going, Can I have this? Can I have that? Can I? Cause if she's like, Hey, you're okay with anything, it's like, okay. But just cuz we played a couple weeks ago, it doesn't mean I don't ask. Now that we're in that situation again, I always ask because maybe she's going through something, maybe something happened, Maybe she's not comfortable <affirmative>. And it's the simple fact that, hey, I'm touching a lady. You wouldn't walk up to a lady in the grocery store and just touch her.

Speaker 2 (00:46:00):
No

Speaker 1 (00:46:01):
Go. Well you're at the grocery store and I saw this couple making out over there. People are here doing that <laugh>. So why the fuck would you do, even if you're in a place setting, you don't just touch a woman without asking first. And if she says no, take it like a man. Be like, okay, don't feel weird. It's okay. I just

Speaker 2 (00:46:17):
Want to ask. And don't give her the fuck you eyes the whole fucking time.

Speaker 1 (00:46:21):
Yeah. That's an insecure man who acts that way. Yeah. But anyway, I digress. <laugh> I think we, did we already get that

Speaker 2 (00:46:30):
One? No. Okay. This one says honest, clean, enthusiastic, playful, respectful.

Speaker 1 (00:46:37):
So there's that playful, respectful, again,

Speaker 2 (00:46:40):
<affirmative>, enthusiastic, clean. Just be happy you're there. You're there with your partner. And we go into the club. Hey, if we meet somebody and we play with, great. If we don't, at the end of the day, if we just get to dance together and have fun, just the two of us. Okay. So just with no expectations, but enthusiastic means just being happy, I think.

Speaker 1 (00:47:03):
Yeah. So again, this other one says again, good hygiene, nicely dressed, confident, but not arrogant. That's an immediate no is what this say lady says. So again, you're seeing a trend here, <affirmative>, and we'll keep going.

Speaker 2 (00:47:16):
Proper communication and understanding all dynamics. Not sending unrequited dick pics. <laugh>. Yes

Speaker 1 (00:47:25):
Guys, I don't know. I can't speak for all women. There's probably one out there. But I'm gonna say this without considering her. No woman wakes up in the morning hoping to have a picture of your dick on her phone. <affirmative>, they're not impressed. <laugh>. Now if they're searching for one or they want one, they will ask you randomly sending them that. At least to us. That's an immediate shot in your own foot. Even if you were doing well, That right there, it's like you're done. You're out. Game over. There's no coming back from it.

Speaker 2 (00:48:00):
Yeah. Cuz it's like, I didn't ask for you to send me that. What the fuck?

Speaker 1 (00:48:03):
And you're not impressed, <laugh>. No. And I'm not either. Why? We're both looking at this. Right? And plus she's not impressed. No. Yeah. So don't send dick pics. Don't be a fucking idiot unless she asks for them. Unless it's a thing you have with your partner where we're talking about picking up ladies you don't know. <affirmative>. And ladies, if I'm wrong, you write us an email at New Swinger's podcast@gmail.com and you tell me, Hey John, you're wrong. I love getting unsolicited dick pics from guys I don't know. And I will announce it on here and I will read it anonymously so I don't reveal your identity. But I will stand corrected on air if that's the case. I doubt we'll get that email, but I'm open to it.

Speaker 2 (00:48:47):
And I mean, there's always gonna be some that do, but for the most part, I think the majority of us women do not want

Speaker 1 (00:48:53):
That. I haven't met one that wants it. Yeah. Personally. Yeah. But yeah

Speaker 2 (00:48:59):
Sense of humor, a nice smile. Confidence, but not arrogant. Decisive but not overbearing. The next,

Speaker 1 (00:49:05):
I think we read that one already.

Speaker 2 (00:49:07):
Oh, whoops. This one says for me, smile, sense of humor, always laughing. Just have a good time and be you. And I always say, because I get called vanilla for never being naked, leaving some to ima to the imagination is okay.

Speaker 1 (00:49:25):
Okay. So yeah, sense of humor if for her it's a smile, have a sense in here. Have a good time. Just be you. In our society, so often we're taught to be someone that we're not. Absolutely in a lot of ways, <affirmative>. And she's saying, Look, just be yourself. Cuz at the end of the day, if you do hit it off with her, you're eventually gonna become yourself anyway. So quit wasting her time and yours by fucking around playing games. And just be yourself and the ones who are attracted to that, they'll be attracted to it. And the ones who aren't saving both of you. Time and effort.

Speaker 2 (00:50:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:50:01):
Ooh, our friend Barbie, she left a comment,

Speaker 2 (00:50:04):
<laugh>, it says, I love seeing a man, love and adore, flirt, create a sex positive environment with his partner and her returning. Seeing their happiness and confidence makes me want to be a part of that. And I hope we do the same and they feel the same.

Speaker 1 (00:50:29):
So the big thing to her is seeing a guy and his lady who are just flirting with each other, basically, what would this look like? Flirting together with each other, making out, laughing together, having a good time. They appreciate and love each other's company. I think that screams security in that relationship too. In addition, the fact that they're having fun, I think it screams that you have security with each other.

Speaker 2 (00:50:56):
Spanking me on the dance floor like you do

Speaker 1 (00:50:59):
<laugh>. Yeah. Then I start offering the paddle to other guys if they wanna spank their ladies. And that's like the icebreaker that I've come to accidentally discover where

Speaker 2 (00:51:09):
I love it. Fun.

Speaker 1 (00:51:10):
That's a great way to make friends.

Speaker 2 (00:51:12):
I love it. It's fun. <laugh>.

Speaker 1 (00:51:13):
And then sometimes the lady that I spanked, because the husband's like here, sometimes she'll make out with me <affirmative> and or June. And sometimes we'll end up both or, And on some occasions we'll end up back in a playroom having lots of fun. <affirmative> all because I offered the paddle as a joke with a sense of humor, having fun, just being playful. And we made a connection. And I remember the first time that happened I didn't do it for that reason. But now, man, I carry that fucking paddle in my front pocket. I'm like, I'm, I'm gonna offer this to every guy in the dance floor.

Speaker 2 (00:51:52):
Oh yeah. Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:51:54):
Yep. All right. So

Speaker 2 (00:51:56):
She also put in the comment, there are lots of turnoffs, like the weird dick pick or hygiene, but above is my turn on.

Speaker 1 (00:52:05):
Yeah. So her turn on is basically you and I having a great time together. And she even told you before when she first saw us in the club.

Speaker 2 (00:52:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:52:16):
I think what you told me she said was basically that. And she's like, That's why I picked you guys up. That's why we looked. You both were trying, you dressed well, your clean cut and you were having a great time together. And that's not always the case. That combination <affirmative> to us. That's how we always go out. We won't go out to the club or to a lifestyle party if we are not clean, cut, clean, having a good time dressed Well, just doing these common things. Throw on some cologne or body spray. Yeah. I

Speaker 2 (00:52:51):
Mean breath mins. We keep breath mins in our bag too.

Speaker 1 (00:52:54):
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, her and GI Joe, they've become good friends of ours. And if we would've showed up different or in a non-healing way, not only would we have not had the fun we've had with them, but we wouldn't have these friends because if there would've been an initial turnoff or we don't wanna play with them, so we're just not gonna approach 'em at all. And then any friendship that could have been wouldn't have

Speaker 2 (00:53:15):
Been. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (00:53:16):
And so we don't want that

Speaker 2 (00:53:18):
<affirmative>.

Speaker 1 (00:53:21):
Let's see here. Or oh, a lady responded.

Speaker 2 (00:53:25):
The person was commenting to Barbie's

Speaker 1 (00:53:27):
About the turnoff.

Speaker 2 (00:53:28):
Yeah. She said, Oh man. And all caps to that, when I see the guy in a couple when I see the guy in a couple ignoring his partner for others,

Speaker 1 (00:53:39):
I don't give a fuck. Id G A F. Okay.

Speaker 2 (00:53:42):
I was like, what is that idea? So for others, I don't give a fuck how hot he looks. He's the ugliest guy in the room.

Speaker 1 (00:53:51):
And then Barbie responded to that.

Speaker 2 (00:53:52):
That is a big turnoff for me too. This one says confidence in who they are.

Speaker 1 (00:54:05):
So okay, that's one we've seen before too. We've seen that one.

Speaker 2 (00:54:14):
I like this one. This sweetly put security and his relationship and if he talks wonderfully about his wifey and confident and fun.

Speaker 1 (00:54:26):
So guys, are you talking good about your lady that you're with that you come to the club or the lifestyle event with? Are you talking good about her? Not intentionally trying to overdo it.

Speaker 2 (00:54:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:54:38):
But when you're talking about you meet people and you're talking about what you like and who you are and where you're from, all this stuff, are you talking her up genuinely Not bullshitting. Cuz it's a tactic and that's what women want, but you actually mean it and you're actually talking well about her.

Speaker 2 (00:54:53):
Well, when we know we us women just to heads up dudes. We know if you're bullshitting, we know you think we don't, we fucking know if you're being genuine with what your compliments to your lady and all that, we can tell it's genuine. We know if you're bullshitting, we just know

Speaker 1 (00:55:10):
It's like that old song. There ain't nothing like the real thing baby <laugh>. And if you're not being genuine and real, it's like you can fool a couple people for a short amount of time. But when you're being genuine and real, people just feel it. It's a vibe.

Speaker 2 (00:55:26):
Oh yeah. Vibes are huge. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:55:30):
Yeah. So what's this one? Hearsay.

Speaker 2 (00:55:33):
There's nothing specific for me. He either is or isn't attractive to me. I don't have a type. Physical appearance comes first. Then after that, how he conducts himself, if he's respectful, stuff like that, then we're all good to go.

Speaker 1 (00:55:50):
Okay. So there's that respectful, again,

Speaker 2 (00:55:53):
<affirmative>, emotional maturity and common sense when it comes to social situations, kindness and attentiveness.

Speaker 1 (00:56:04):
Okay, so emotional maturity. So you're not acting like a little baby if she says no.

Speaker 2 (00:56:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:56:11):
You're not given looks if a woman doesn't wanna play with you. In other words, don't act like a little bitch <affirmative>. Not all women are gonna bedu. Some are, some aren't. And if you run across one that you like to bedu, but she's just not, the best thing you can do is say, Hey, no worries, no weirdness. Just wanted to check. Hope you have a great time. Make her feel good about saying no to you.

Speaker 2 (00:56:31):
Yeah. Don't make her feel bad. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:56:34):
Oh and a reason guys won't do that is because they're, they're being selfish where it's like, well what's it to me? She rejected me. What should I, I'll never get anything from her. Exactly. You can walk away and then she'll, when she tells people about you or someone asks about you, she goes, she will end up saying, and you'll never know this, but instead of saying what a douche bag you are, she'll end up saying something like, he asked me to play but I really wasn't interested. But when I told him and when I politely told him no, he made me feel so comfortable about being okay with my decision. Now every woman wants to hear that. And you know what? If you run into her many more times, you might actually end up reconnecting with her somehow. And if she gets to know you, then in the long game, who knows? You might end up being able to play with her or get to know her, but if you shoot it in the foot cuz he got your first no man, it just doesn't work like that. That's where it comes back to. Don't be a dick, just be a good dude. Absolutely. Whether they want to play with you or not.

Speaker 2 (00:57:35):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (00:57:36):
Cause either way, word's gonna get out about how you responded and how you acted is it can either control that narrative being pushed throughout the social group or you can let it randomly be what it is. And that's probably bad.

Speaker 2 (00:57:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:57:51):
Kindness and attentiveness. Yeah. Chemistry. Depends on what she's looking for in the moment. This one says, here's a list.

Speaker 2 (00:58:04):
Clean, good hygiene. Smells good. Sweet acting smart. Good conversation. A big dick <laugh>.

Speaker 1 (00:58:12):
Yeah. So, hey, she's being honest. Yeah. So she likes clean, good hygiene. Smells good, yak. Sweet. Smart means you having good conversation. And this one likes, likes a big dick. Now here's a thing about the big dick thing too. I got some I always call it sex coaching. Not that I was lacking anything. I was just trying to up my game and learn more. I got some sex coaching from a guy who's a porn star for about 25 years. So this guy's been in every situation, <affirmative>. Guys, you might be wrong, guys who might be bigger than you or the same as you. And sometimes that can cause performance anxiety cuz then there's the, Well, I'm not as big as he is. And there's nothing you can do to change that. That's a muscle you can't build and grow. <laugh> is your dick size <affirmative>.

(00:59:03):
Well there's the narrative throughout the porn and things like that where people think, oh, bigger is better. Or women only want a guy with a tyran sous cock like a huge dick. What this porn star told me, he said 5% of women are size queens <laugh>. 5% of women are size queens. A size queen is a woman basically who says, I can't have anything less than eight or nine inches. I need something fucking huge. He said, that's about 5% of women. He said women basically want, how do you put it? The lowest? I wish I could remember how he said it. Basically the minimal size required to get the job done. So let's say you're like five inches. Okay, I'm not eight or nine inches, but if you can get the job done and you're not making her sore for three days because you're not so giant big, but you still get her there, that minimal size that can get the job done. That's basically what he was saying. Most women are looking for. Some women will disagree again, 5% or size queens he said. But most women want, he said many or most want the minimal size required to get the job done. What do you think of that June, in your opinion? Do you agree, disagree, or have any kind of runoff thoughts on that?

Speaker 2 (01:00:49):
Yeah, I think if it's too big, I don't wanna be fucking sore for a week. For me personally, John is the perfect size because, and still sometimes I'm sore. I'm like, okay, we've had sex the last few days in a row. I need a day to just chill. My vagina is sore. Or we fuck really hard for a good hour and a half and I'm walking off funny. And that happened just a couple days ago actually. <laugh>

Speaker 1 (01:01:22):
Welcome.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
So I don't know, I think if it's too big, I don't like the thought of being fucking sore for a week because we like to fuck pretty frequently every day, every other day. We

Speaker 1 (01:01:36):
Just did before we came in here.

Speaker 2 (01:01:38):
So it's like, and we just did yesterday, so it's like we like to fuck a lot and if you're fucking ginormous, I'm not gonna want to fuck you all the time because I'm gonna be so fucking sore.

Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
So you might need three or four days in between.

Speaker 2 (01:01:52):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:01:54):
Whereas maybe if a guy's, an average size <affirmative> say five and a half to six inches long which statistically speaking somewhere between 5.2 inches and six inches is sort of the average length across totally average. Obviously that's an average. So what you're kind of saying is you'd rather have someone who's average that gets the job done that you can enjoy more frequently than this is just your personal preference than someone who's huge and you can only enjoy once a week rather than a few times.

Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
Absolutely. Okay,

Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
<affirmative>. And again, not all women are that way. And again, my porn star friend said 5% of women, he said our size queens were they want and they say they need something massive. So that might be you too. You might be a five percenter or you might be a 95 percenter <affirmative>. I only say all that. I didn't even plan on bringing that up. But I say that to guys, I mean cuz we're always told as men, dick size equates to masculinity in some extent and it just doesn't. No ask any woman who's been with a guy who shows up with a good size dick and then does nothing for her, or he shows up with the attitude, well here it is, enjoy yourself. And he doesn't know how to use it or isn't willing to and puts in no effort. We hear those stories too and she's like, I saw a lady in a comment the other day.

(01:03:20):
Say something like, Don't just show up with a big dick to me. You better not use that fucking thing. Or I'm gonna go get someone else. Absolutely. You're not superior. Yeah. She'd rather take someone who's more average sized, who puts in the effort and makes her feel wanted instead of, here's my gift to you and it's recognize it and enjoy it baby. Kind of like, again, that's maybe an arrogant thing, hey, but if you're well endowed, if you're big, hey there, there's women out there who like that and that's awesome. And man, enjoy it. And what I would encourage you if you are really big, I would also talk to ladies and be like mean. Cuz if a lot of women are afraid they're gonna be sore maybe talk to 'em and just, hey, just talk to 'em about what they like and if they have any concerns and just kind of dial it in from there. And that's regardless of your size. But, and again, this is all relative because everyone's kind of different. And what are you doing

Speaker 2 (01:04:20):
<laugh>? Talking about Dick? I have to suck it. I mean, come on, we're on the air <laugh>. I have to.

Speaker 1 (01:04:25):
It's becoming a thing for her. Oh,

Speaker 3 (01:04:28):
It totally is.

Speaker 4 (01:04:30):
<laugh>. Ooh,

Speaker 3 (01:04:37):
I agree. Who said marriage sucks? Oh wow. Damn

Speaker 1 (01:04:47):
Girl. Dripping all over the place.

Speaker 2 (01:04:49):
<laugh>. You're welcome. <laugh>.

Speaker 1 (01:04:52):
Oh, here's a good one. This one right here on bottom

Speaker 2 (01:04:56):
Number one, when he speaks of and speaks to his lady with the utmost respect and compassion. 10 out of a 10.

Speaker 1 (01:05:06):
So how you speak of your lady and how you speak to your lady. And I think that's probably most of them we've been through. Well did we read that one?

Speaker 2 (01:05:19):
I don't think so. This

Speaker 1 (01:05:20):
One or this one? Oh, we did that one, didn't we? Yeah, go ahead and do

Speaker 2 (01:05:23):
This one. This one says looks, and then in all caps it says Anne Cologne. Everyone who knows me knows about my cologne. Fetish fit, body, tall, nice smile with straight teeth, knows how to dress to impress. Confident in all caps, not arrogant or cap self-centered. A gentleman that holds the doors open and does those kinds of things a little old fashioned can carry on a conversation. Funny, smart, pretty eyes are a big plus. Love a man and woman who looks at me like they've not eaten in a week and I'm their next meal. Wow. Also last and not least must be respectful

Speaker 1 (01:06:16):
To her guy.

Speaker 2 (01:06:18):
Men need to realize that my husband is sharing the person he treasures most with them. There must be a please and thank you involved. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (01:06:32):
Yeah. So you can see people have a arrived variety of what they like, <affirmative>. But there are some common things here that are very easy and doable that you can literally change things that you can literally do in the next 20 minutes. Guys if you're not doing these things we talked about that were the common things. You can do that and that work dramatically. Apparently, according to the ladies who are telling us they're candid, anonymous feedback. If you do these things you'll be more attractive. So I know we're running a little bit long, so we're gonna shut it down here in a minute. But let's go back real quick through that because this is all about how guys can be more attractive to ladies in the lifestyle. Yeah, we're talking what shave, Get a haircut. Dress well smell good, Take a fucking shower.

Speaker 2 (01:07:21):
Confident

Speaker 1 (01:07:22):
Confidence. Brush

Speaker 2 (01:07:23):
Your sense of

Speaker 1 (01:07:24):
Humor. Yeah, Sense humor. Brush your teeth,

Speaker 2 (01:07:27):
Love your lady you're with. Yeah, love. Talk highly of them and not bullshit

Speaker 1 (01:07:32):
And be real when you do it. <affirmative> be a good conversationalist. And again, if you don't know how to do some of these things, you'll carry yourself with confidence. You can go online and you can find different courses and different videos where people literally teach and talk about how to be more confident man. And it doesn't mean they're not full of shit because a lot of them are just cuz it's on the internet doesn't mean it's good. But if you go through four or five videos, you're probably gonna find something you were, that resonates with you and helps you to develop that confidence or whatever it is you might be lack. One of the funny things, I mean we're living in an now where I is not an excuse when you new because it's like, hey, if we're nervous, the internet just have a couple shots and it really helps ease your nerves.

(01:08:15):
So we developed this from the beginning of this. It's literally we started saying, Hey, well vodka helps people ask us. Yeah, absolutely. Oh Heidi, be less nervous. Oh, vodka helps guys. And so it became this thing and we talked about, we threw her on the idea of saying, Hey, we should just make a t-shirt, like a black t-shirt, whatever with big, bold letters that just says vodka helps. Yes. And we've gotten multiple emails now <laugh> of people saying, Hey, I want that. So if you want the Vodka Helps t-shirt or other merchandise we created a few other things. We're able to sign up for a service that fulfills that we don't really, we don't have a lot of influence around the production price. But anything you do get, not only will you enjoy, but it'll help support this podcast if you like it. This is one way to support it and get something in return. So go to the show notes and just go to in the show notes to where it says vodka helps t-shirt. It'll be in big, bold letters or capital letters. You can't miss it, but we're now making that available. So go to the show notes right now if you haven't already. If you want vodka helps swag just click on where it says Vodka helps.

New Swingers Podcast

15- Easy Ways To Be MORE Attractive To Women In The Swinger Lifestyle!

Listen to this podcast on