24- She Screams Someone Else's Name During Sex??? (& How You Can Overcome Performance Anxiety In The Next 30 Minutes)!

What would you do if your partner screamed someone else's name during sex while swapping, but they never scream your name during sex? In today's episode of the New Swingers Podcast, we address a fellow swinger's email asking our thoughts on this sensitive subject with his partner while full swapping with their friends, a few different things it could mean, and 3 simple steps he (and you) can take to overcome performance anxiety, get and keep an erection longer, and enjoy better sex more often at swinger lifestyle events. What is YOUR opinion about his partner's "surprising" behavior while swinging?

(YOU CAN ALSO FIND ALL OF THE RESOURCES BELOW AT: https://www.newswingerspodcast.com)

***SEE JUNE'S PIERCED NIPPLES RIGHT NOW ON HER ONLYFANS PAGE, CLICK HERE!

**NEW SWINGER COACHING! Overcome Insecurities Faster & Get Your Questions Answered With Personal Swinger Coaching From John & June. CLICK HERE To Learn More...

*MEET LOCAL SWINGERS, GET THE FREE "SWING-EASY" 2-PG PDF GUIDE! We Show You The 3 Easiest Ways To Find & Connect With Other Like-Minded Swinger Couples In Your Area In The Next 24 Hours (or less, GUARANTEED)! CLICK HERE!

GUYS, Are You Having a HARD Time Staying HARD? CLICK HERE & Use The Code "NEW" At Checkout To Get $30 OFF Your Order of FDA-Approved ED Medication So You Can Stay Harder Longer And Drive Your Sex Partners Wild!

***Did you enjoy this episode? Leave us a quick rating & review and SUBSCRIBE so we can reach more people just like you and notify you when we publish the next episode!

***Have Questions About The Swinger Lifestyle? Send Us An Email To Possibly Get Your Question Featured On The Show (Always Anonymously- so no worries there!).
Send us an email at: NewSwingersPodcast@gmail.com right now!

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER!
https://twitter.com/NewSwingersPod


*Some links may contain affiliate links, but we only recommend programs  & services we personally use & love and know will help you on your swinging journey! :)

Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to the New Swingers podcast. I am John,

Speaker 2 (00:03):
And I'm June.

Speaker 1 (00:04):
And we are joining you in a non-typical environment. We are not in our home studio as usual today.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
No, we're not.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
And June, but

Speaker 2 (00:15):
I still, I'm not completely naked because of our location, but I am not wearing a bra.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
Ooh. So tame <laugh>. Wow. Not wearing a bra, really going out there. <laugh>. Daddy's little whore right there.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
Yes I am. Wow.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
Yeah, we're actually in a very snowy place on vacation and kind of public. So we are in our vehicle and we are still bringing it to you because we care about you and we want to still deliver this podcast to help you whether you're new to the lifestyle or you are curious about it, to overcome the challenges that sometimes come with that and to learn more. And we enjoy doing this together along with many other things, obviously.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
So today this is going to be probably a little shorter of a podcast at which a lot of you like some sometimes, and we're going to be answering an email. Now, I've read this email, June has not. Nope. And so it's going to be interesting. It's a very honest question. It's a very common question initially, but then it takes a little bit of a twist and I think everyone's going to have their own opinions about what this could mean. And I have a few thoughts that I'll share. And June has not read this email. And so she's seeing it for the first time. And so yeah, I'm going to have her read it. And this is something you may struggle with or maybe you haven't yet, but you will. So stay tuned into this and at the very least might be helpful for someone who struggles with this. So this comes from a man and the subject line in the email. By the way, if you wanna send us an email, new swingers podcast gmail.com. Yes. New swinger, new swingers podcast gmail.com. If you have questions, concerns, you're wondering about something, you can send it to us. Send us your questions. We will answer them anonymously. Most of the time, well all the time, anonymously

Speaker 2 (02:24):
All the time.

Speaker 1 (02:25):
If we get to your question, most of the time we can get to them, but they will always be anonymous. So this one is about performance. Anxiety is the subject line. So what that usually means is the guy, there's a guy who is maybe in a sex party, maybe it's a threesome or a foursome or more some, and suddenly his dick's been working his whole life and suddenly, boom, what the fuck is wrong with me? It's not getting hard. I ran into this and sometimes I still have to get past it. But the thing I'm learning, and we can get more into this, but the thing I'm learning is it has nothing to do with unless you have an erectile dysfunction issue physically, medically, it has nothing to do with being having a broke dick or something. It's almost always a mental distraction. And so I'm going to this guy who sent it this, you are probably mentally distracted by one or more things. And so I will leave it at that. We'll get back to it. Putting now June, go ahead and read this email.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
Okay. Says hello. New listener here. My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for about a year. We have met and played with only one couple specifically during that time. Also, during that time, I suffered from Ed due to performance anxiety. My wife tends to let loose with him and scream his name while having sex, something she has never done with me. I bring it up in conversation on her way home and she says not to worry about it that I'm way bigger than he is, but it's difficult to believe that when she is always screaming his name and moaning loudly, but tends to be quiet and reserved when it's my turn with her or while we're alone having sex, I get a bit jealous of him, but not enough to despise him or anything. He is, he still is my friend. We have met with him only a few times and I have been able to gain full erection with the e e exception of a couple times.

(04:50):
But when it's been the four of us, both couples, I tend to not be able to even get hard enough to penetrate even before we start. I start thinking that I'm going to fail and be a letdown and how my dick will not get hard. And then I start to get depressed and my heart drops and I get nervous and then Ed kicks in. Wow. Okay. So my question is how do I get out of my head and stay there? Any tips will help, especially suggestions on any OTC medications that will help. Even if I'm extremely nervous, I'm sure that once I'm able to perform perfectly

Speaker 1 (05:33):
Perfect

Speaker 2 (05:35):
A couple of times, my anxiety will dissipate and I will be able to gain erection as I would have before. Thank you for your help and love your show. I've only listened to the first three episodes since finding you last week, but they have been good. Well, thank you for that. Okay,

Speaker 1 (05:52):
So what are your thoughts on this overall?

Speaker 2 (05:55):
Oh, I almost need to reread it again.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
Yeah, we won't. We won't.

(06:07):
So basically it's pretty common, and I've dealt this too. I know sometimes when June and I are at one of our favorite clubs playing around one of the things that happens is the other night, for example, we were in a big room with a lot of people, maybe eight or nine other couples on this giant bed, and we were going to swap with this particular couple who we know. And one of the things I've been finding leading up to that though, is that I'm not afraid of public settings, but I'm just not really turned on by them the way June is. And so when I was in that setting, there's music in the background, there's people everywhere, no people walking by, all kinds of distractions. I am willing number, so I'm willing to bet you're distracted mentally by a few things.

(07:10):
My opinion, I didn't mean to jump the gun on you, Jim, but if he was asking about over-the-counter medications maybe he could take for Ed, there actually is a great one. It's the one that I actually personally order and use. And it's by Shameless Care, which is there's a link to it in the show notes. It's the third show note down. And it says if you look at it, the third thing down in the show notes, it says, guys, are you having a hard time staying hard? It's the third link in the show notes down. Just click that. The whole thing's a hyperlink. So just click that and all you need to do is enter the code new n e w at checkout, and you'll get 30 bucks off your order of an FDA-approved ed medication. They have a couple different kinds based on what your needs are and helps you stay harder longer and just have a better sex life overall.

(07:58):
The thing that now I'll, I will say this in June, I'll definitely give it back to you. The thing about ED medication is this, it doesn't make you hard. What it does is once you start getting hard, because basically blood flows of the penis, that's what causes erection, well then blood flows out back out of the penis and that's when it goes soft. What it does, and essentially I'm no expert on this, but my understanding is once you start to get hard, it makes it more difficult for the blood to flow back out where slows the flow of blood back outta the penis so you stay harder, longer.

(08:32):
And something I learned from a famous porn star, Eric Everhart, I got some sex coaching from him at some point. One thing he said, get yourself about 30% hard. It's hard to, he said it's harder to get from zero to 30% hard than it is to get from 30% to a hundred. He said, if you can get yourself going, get, whether you're grabbing it, playing with it or lady is, if you can get it about 30%, it's way easier to get up to a hundred percent and stay close to that than it is from getting zero to 30. So my point with that is with Ed medications, now again, this is FDA approved, the one that we recommend. It's all, it's legit. Just go click that link in the show notes. But what it does, once you have that and you start to get hard, it helps you stay a lot harder, a lot longer. I learned for me at least the syl, which is a five to six hour one works better for me than the TA dollar fill, which is like 24 to 36 hours. I noticed after the first time, the longer lasting one actually for me personally, wasn't working that well. But the Seden fill, which is the five, the 40 to six hour one that thing, God kept me hard as a fucking chisel. Oh yeah,

Speaker 2 (09:55):
It did. It was awesome.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
Now, I only need that though if we're in a party setting or I want to last a lot longer if there's more people involved. But whenever it's just June and I don't use it at all, I've never needed it. And so it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your dick either, if

(10:17):
That's the case. But either way you're looking for that. Go to the show notes. It's the third link down, guys, are you having a hard time staying hard and just add that code new at the checkout and they're running deals all the time, but you'll get 30 bucks off that. And that's a deal that they allowed us to offer to you. So the distraction thing, or what do you think June? I don't wanna take this over, but it looks like basically they're out trying things. His wife is screaming the other guy's name going wild when they're fucking swapping. She never does that with him. And when he asked her about it, she's like, yeah, don't worry about, it's no big thing. I don't know. You're a woman, so let's get your pers. And you're only one woman. So you are an individual. Yes. What are your thoughts on this?

Speaker 2 (11:12):
Gosh. Oh man. Okay. I, that's really tough because for me personally, I would never do that. I would never be screaming a guy's name if I don't do that with my own husband. And why

Speaker 1 (11:28):
Not?

Speaker 2 (11:32):
Because I feel like that would hurt you and I don't wanna hurt you. We do this for fun to enjoy it together. And I feel like I would, if I don't at least say I'm like, oh, John, John as we're fucking, I don't know. For me, I wouldn't say that with another guy's name if I don't do that with you

Speaker 1 (11:51):
Or let alone screaming it and going wild while in the same room swapping,

Speaker 2 (11:57):
Gosh, I'm a really tough one because I don't know her personally. So this is just from my perspective and my perspective is if I'm not doing that with John, I wouldn't do that with some other guy because I wouldn't wanna hurt John.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
Well, and I'll tell you right now one of your biggest distractions is probably, why the fuck is she screaming his name going orgasmic wild? And she never does that with me. That's called a distraction cuz there's that and there is that thing in every guy. Well, is he better than me with her or does she like him more? And what is that? If she likes him more in the bed, well what does that mean? Am I enough? And then you start having the complex about your own manhood or your self worth as a man or a partner and then your confidence and all this shit just rolls down the hill. And I speak as a man who's a masculine man. We all have that. It's the competition in us. And I'm glad you don't hate the dude over it cuz it's obviously not his fault. It's what she's doing. There was a big ass red flag when I read this though,

(13:12):
Just cause Well, I have a few thoughts on it guys. Have you found it difficult to get and keep an erection while at lifestyle events? If so, you're not alone. And it's common, the new environment and the distractions can contribute to a lack of erection due to performance anxiety at the very moment you needed the most. I personally ran into this issue early on in the lifestyle and it was super frustrating. But don't worry, there's a solution. If you use our link in the show notes and use the coupon coded new n e w at checkout, you'll get $30 off your order of FDA-approved ed medication from Shameless Care. So you can get hard and stay hard in the moments that matter most don't question your manhood or feel like less of a man ever again. Just click the link in the show notes right now to get $30 off before the promotion ends so you can get back in the game and blow your sex partner's mind. Click the link right now and simply use the coupon code new n e w checkout again because we don't know her and we only know what you told us in this very short email.

(14:15):
I do have a few thoughts. All right, so number one, these are all possibilities, not truths. I'm, I'm trying to look at all these as possibilities. One, maybe she likes them more than you in one way or another. We're in the bedroom that really fucking blows to here. I get it. I would be like, fuck, are you kidding me? I'm just saying that's a possibility. I'm not saying it is, but let's not overlook the possibility that there are some people out there that our cheaters and haters and their maniacal manipulative and they like other people better than, better than they like us. We've all been in relationships where I think that's probably been the case at least once. I'm not saying that's the case, that she likes him more than you or that he is better than you. Maybe to her he is, but maybe not. And again, I have a couple more ideas here, so don't tune out if that kind of stings. Cuz obviously it would. I think for any man

Speaker 2 (15:22):
Or any person.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
Yeah, any person. Yeah. But now I know. Now here's something I didn't plan, Sam. When June and I are with another lady and I'm playing with her, I love to make women feel good about themselves. So as we're playing with another woman, actually it doesn't take away from June at all, but I love saying, telling woman how great her skin feels or how beautiful her hair is. Or wow, you're just complimenting her on different features to make her feel great about herself. And I'm not lying it, it's all genuine. I don't know if in some way, maybe this is his wife's way of just trying to give a great time to the partner they're swapping with and maybe isn't thinking too much about how her partner, this guy who wrote the email how it makes him feel. That's real. Maybe that's really difficult for me to believe though. I mean, who has that little of a conscience that they like, oh, that wouldn't bother. So if I'm fucking the friend and screaming his name and going Buck wild and I never do that with him, I, that'd be hard for me to believe. Yeah.

(16:45):
And the biggest thing with all this is talk. Talk and let her know it's okay for her to tell you the truth. And that don't get mad. Ask her for the blunt truth. Why is it did what is bringing that outta you? Is he better than me? And in what way? But we have to give people permission to be honest with us or they won't because a lot of people are just non-confrontational or they don't want to deal with something. But if they know it's safe to share honestly, and we give them that and we respect that when we say we won't get mad, we just want the truth. We have to do that.

Speaker 2 (17:23):
Well, and I just had a thought too because I was just thinking, what if there is something that he's doing with her that you're not doing? And maybe that if you learn what he's doing, oh, I didn't even know that was his next one. You're smart. But I was just thinking him, well what if there is something that he's doing that you're not doing with her and maybe it really is driving her crazy. So is there, maybe you can find out from her, Hey, is there something that he's doing that I'm not doing that I can start doing so that it'll make our sex life better? I don't know. I just happen to think of that.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
Yeah, it's funny cuz yeah, that actually was my next point. One thing we're learning in the lifestyle is that we're evolving in things that we like and bring us pleasure. And there was even one time, one of our friends he knows how to make Lady Squirt. That's something I did not know how to do. And so June wanted to try it. So she was like, is that okay if he does that? And he was like, Hey, is it okay if I do that for him? I can show you how I do it. For me, it was more of an educational opportunity. So I didn't care.

(18:34):
I didn't feel insecure at all that, oh, he can make her, he knows how to make her squirt. And I don't no, I hadn't done it. So I literally didn't know how. But I always wondered, well hell, if the guy knows how to do it, why not sit here and learn? And any reaction she has with that, whether it's orgasmic or whatever I don't take offense to that. That's her having that experience. But that's something we've always said. If we really enjoy something, one of the, and we hear this from a lot of people in the lifestyle, a lot of people because you're getting a variety of people, everybody brings to the table sexually what they like and their skillset. Yeah. And there's a lot of different likes and a lot of different skillsets. Some people bring rough fingering when they're eating lady out and others are like all stimulation.

(19:27):
Well, if you're with a lady who likes rough fingering while she's getting eaten out, wonderful. But if it's somebody who likes doesn't rough fingering, they just soft or consistent stimulation, then you know, gotta have to communicate and tell those people like, oh, I'd like this or I don't like that. But if somebody's doing something that they really enjoy, then I think the enjoyment in the orgasms and maybe her screaming the name, I mean screaming someone's name is pretty personal. I mean, if showing you how to squirt for the first time and it feels really good, maybe screaming like, oh God, that feels amazing. Or just moaning is one thing, but screaming that other person's name doing it in the presence of your spouse or partner, that's pretty damn personal. Yeah,

Speaker 2 (20:21):
That's kind of what I thought too.

Speaker 1 (20:26):
Yeah, that was the red flag for me. Cuz it's like, man, I don't want to think in that direction. I don't want that to be the case for you.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
Yeah, I don't need hope not,

Speaker 1 (20:37):
But you need to have an honest, transparent conversation. Absolutely. Where you're blunt with your feelings, but not getting mad. You're just blunt and honest with it. And make sure, again, she feels safe to be blunt and honest with you. Yeah, yeah. I do like it when he does this. Larry does that. Or how that's done or whatever. So again, I never get really intimidated by that, cuz I know me and me and June are on the same team and we have zero doubts about that with each other. And so if you don't have that trust with this lady you're with, that might be part of the problem. Now here's my third thought. I know I'm doing a lot of talking here by the way, before I go on, do you have any thoughts, right? Any other thoughts?

Speaker 2 (21:30):
I mean, I just kind of agree with John that I think that you need to just have a very serious conversation with her and not just on the way home. Hey, why did you do that? No, I think you need to have a very serious sit down conversation with her and get to the bottom of what's really going on. Cuz if it really bothers you that much, I know it'd bother me if he starts doing that with ladies' names that doesn't do that with me. I would be feeling the same way you are right now. What the hell is he doing? Or what's she doing that I'm not doing? So I think it goes both ways. If that was reversed, I think that you'd be wanting to get to the bottom of it too. So I say that to say, I think it's very important that you have a very frank conversation. What is the deal with that? And really express and voice how you truly feel, how it makes you feel.

Speaker 1 (22:21):
And if she was and cares about you, she's going to take that into consideration. And honestly, if she blows you off or goes, oh, you're just being silly. You're just being dumb, not taking it seriously. I don't know how, I mean, I don't know you two, but I think you have a pretty weak relationship if that had been or if that be her response. If you're being that serious about how you feel about something and she doesn't take it seriously. I would say that relationship is probably on the rocks and it's probably not very strong. Again, I don't know either of you, so I'm not saying that to you, but I know if I voice something to June or she voiced something to me very serious, I wouldn't just blow it off like, oh, you're just being silly. Or Oh, it's not that calm down, just that blow off kind of bitchy. I don't want to, I know you're right and I don't wanna deal with it kind of thing, and I don't want to go there in conversation. So now her response to how serious you are in wanting to deal with this

Speaker 2 (23:32):
It's going to kind of tell you a lot, I

Speaker 1 (23:34):
Think. Yeah, it's going to tell you a lot about the quality of your relationship with her and where she's at with you. And don't ignore it. See it, don't make it worse than it is, but see it for what it is and don't try to push, if it is a bad situation, don't try to push it off like, oh no, it's fine. No, if it ain't fine, don't fucking call it fine. Call it what it is, but don't make it worse than it is. There's a balance there. And so here's my number three, here's my third thought, my third doing this, screaming the other guy's name and she doesn't scream your name and her saying it's no big deal or whatever she said because it is a big deal. My third thought is this maybe just really turns around to scream another other person's name while you all are doing it and swapping because it feels like maybe it's a bad thing to do.

(24:35):
And she likes the feeling of doing something bad that she's now supposed to do. People are full of all kinds of fetishes and kinks. Most people we meet when they tell us what really turns 'em on, they have no idea. Most people have no idea why they're turned on by the things they're turned on by. They just are. Whether we have a friend who loves pain, super arouses her, she loves being in pain, physical pain. I think it's a masochist. And I asked her one time, why, where do you think that comes from? Or why do you think you like that? She said, I have no idea. I just love it. I just do. That's what we find with most people.

Speaker 2 (25:18):
Well, why do I like getting my hair pulled and you dominating me and telling you who I'm going to fuck and who I'm going to do things with and what I can do and what I can do. Why do I love that? Yeah, listen. I don't know. I just do.

Speaker 1 (25:33):
Yeah, exactly. And so the thing is, some people get off by being humiliated. That's part of their kink. They like being humiliated. I'm not saying that's you if they're, I'm not seeing this. It very much does not sound like you according to your email. But then other people have a humiliation kink where they like to feel like they're humiliating their partner by doing something with someone else and they get off on that, like a coupled fantasy, which if you don't know what that is, imagine the male partner in the relationship, for example, and she's fucking another guy. But you're sitting in a chair watching and they're telling you, she's telling the whole time how much better he is than you. Some guys get off on being that guy in the chair in the corner and some ladies get off being the one doing the humiliating.

(26:25):
And again, I'm not saying this is you. It doesn't sound like that's you. I'm just saying people have wild kinks and they have no fucking idea where they come from or why they just know certain shit gets 'em off. So my point in all of this point is saying maybe it really just turns around to scream the person's name she's with. Maybe she's trying to give that person a more enjoyable experience by like, oh my God, she's screaming my name while I'm doing her. Or maybe she gets off on the fact that it bothers you. Again, I'm not saying she does, we don't know her well enough, but maybe it's the giving or getting humiliation that's a kink. Again, we don't know. We're just speaking from what we understand about people and what we've learned about. They're kinks. And some people get turned on by that and other people. But again, the big thing to remember there's no reason not to communicate well and not getting mad at each other. With June and I, yeah, we've had some big arguments, but we're always just trying to understand each other. And we've gotten to the point that we understand that at this point, I don't care what June is into, I literally don't care what it is. I just want her to be honest with me what it is, and that we're doing this together. And that's the same with her. It's

Speaker 2 (27:59):
The same with me.

Speaker 1 (28:00):
We're in this together. We care more about knowing who the other one really is and what we like. Mm-hmm. Individually then than having a problem with it. As long as we truly know each other and we can help each other enjoy ourselves and each other better, that's kind of the whole goal. But we're even on that now. The skills aren't tipped in one side where the one person's on the same page with that, but the other is not. It wouldn't work if that was the case.

Speaker 2 (28:34):
And I think it was for a little bit, but that was because I was working through my own shit in my mind and learning how I really am and learning how I love to be told what to do and I love him dominating me. So that is what we found that works for us. You have to just find, if you're with somebody, you have to find what works for you guys because it works for us. May not work for you, it works for somebody else, may not work for you. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't, but you gotta find out what works for you. And we finally have gotten to the <laugh> root of all of it. And I like being dominated. I like him being my daddy, and I love him being in control of me and telling me what I'm going to do, what I'm not going to do. I be, and here's what I'm going to say with that though. It's because I love him and I trust him and that I know that he's not going to put me in a situation that I'm not ready for. I trust him enough to know. I know he knows. I don't know what I'm trying to say, but I love him enough and I trust him that he's not going to put me in a situation that I'm not ready for.

Speaker 1 (29:40):
Yeah. I'm not going to put her in a situation she's not ready for, or she feels like she'll be hurt or anything like that because she trusts and knows me. That's why it works for us. Yeah. So bottom line is talk to her, gauge her reaction. Is she carrying empathetic understanding or is she just, is it one of these, oh God, here we go again. You and your problem are with me. Or I mean something like, that's very concerning. So talk to her here. Here's the basic thing. Talk to her. Let her know it's safe to talk to you. You won't get mad. You just wanna know the truth of why she actually does that. Me and June have learned so much about each other and ourselves. It's insane since the short time we've been in the lifestyle and once we understood ourselves better, we understood each other better and we have a better relationship as a result.

(30:39):
But if we would've written each other off, either one of us doing it to the other, or both of us doing it to each other, writing the other one off because they had a problem or they weren't cool with something and we just ignored it, we wouldn't be as happy as we are by knowing each other as well as we do it. And so that's that. Talk to her and let her know it's okay. To be honest, you won't get mad. You just wanna know the truth and you might really learn something. And the next thing is about the ed thing, about the performance anxiety. Again, this is normal. How do you get outta your head and stay there? Well, again, first thing, get yourself 30% there, whether you're stroking it or a lady is again, go get that $30 off ed medication. It's right there in the show notes.

(31:33):
That's the third link down. How to get hard and stay hard. Put new n e w as the promo code and you'll get $30 off for that. I personally use that stuff. It works. But when you're in the play party, the play situation, get 30% there, which with this, the stuff I use, the syl that's not hard to do at all. I usually jump right past that. But you have to get a little bit going first, whether it's you or a lady you're playing with. But then from there, it gets pretty darn easy to stay hard. And beyond that, again, you have a lot of mental distractions. You're wondering, does my lady like him more? Is he better than me? Is what's like trying to have sex and thinking about what you gotta pick up when you go to the store later today, you're not there and your dick knows it <laugh>.

(32:32):
So why, if you're not focusing on where you're at, then why would it reflect that? So after you got the 30% there, you took me one of these pills that we recommend. One of the things you can do also when you're in the moment, you're hard enough, you're in the moment, you're playing and starting to have fun. Pick something about the lady you're with that really turns you on a physical feature. Maybe it's her breast, maybe it's her hair, her shoulders. Maybe it's a tattoo and a sexy place. Maybe it's her belly. Maybe she has a great ass. Pick something about her that you think is really, really arousing that you really love about her body and have laser focus on that thing and fantasize a little bit, but focus on what you're doing. Only the person you're with have the laser focus on the partner you're with and the sexual feature or features that you really, really love and are aroused by with that person. And stay focused on those things and what you're doing with that person. When you start thinking about, Hey, is my lady enjoying the other partner too much? Now you're getting outta your head. Now you're getting outta what you're doing with the person you're with and you're going to start losing it. So it's like a laser focus.

(33:58):
The guy Eric Everhart, who is a porn star, like I said, who I got coaching from, one of the things he told me is one time he had a shoot with a lady and another guy, and the other guy didn't show up until 80% of the shoot was dumb. So he just didn't participate. Well, when it was all said and done, Eric was telling me how the producer said that the other guy showed up 20 minutes before the end was in the room, said Hi, was talking to people, and Eric had no idea. The guy even showed up to begin with. He was so laser focused on the lady he was with. Literally nothing else existed in the moment or that hour or however long it was. Nothing else existed to him mentally except the woman he was with <laugh>. And that's one of the reasons he claims that, well, with his name Eric Everhard, he can get hard and stay hard in any situation. That's one of the things he teaches men. And so I say all that to say, I say with the performance anxiety get the ed thing, go click the link in the show notes

Speaker 2 (35:08):
And it's normal. Yeah, it's normal.

Speaker 1 (35:10):
Yeah. You're not alone. A lot of people do this.

Speaker 2 (35:12):
I I wish there was something for women, honestly, because when I'm in the club settings, unless I have a vibrator, I don't ever get there either. I don't too many. He goes down on me at the club and I never get there. If I'm at home every time at the club, I never get there with him eating me out because it's too distracting. So you're not alone.

Speaker 1 (35:38):
And we can be in a play setting and I can start to go soft after a few minutes and not know what the fuck is going on. But if in now, this isn't like a group setting, but if June and I go in another room, close the door, 10 feet away, boom, I'm back. Rock solid. Hard as hell than ever. And it's like, well, what in the fuck just happened? It was just something about, I don't know, you just gotta kind of figure yourself up. But again, to wrap that up, go get the ED medication in that link. Use the primo code new, get 30 bucks off, it's awesome. Then get yourself, when you're in the situation, the play situation, get yourself 30% there at least. And if you've taken the stuff, you're going to have no problem getting there. But then focus on the lady you're with, what you're doing and the features you really love about her that turn you on, that those things, those three things right there, you're probably going to notice is going to fix your problem. But what you're going to notice if it persists is that your mind is probably wandering back to your partner. You're swapping, does she like the other guy more than me? Or what does it mean when she says this or screams his name again? To me, that's pretty fucked up. And if she keeps doing it knowing you have a problem with it, that's even more fucked

Speaker 2 (36:59):
Up. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
So yeah, don't ignore that if that's the case. But again, we don't know you. We hope this has been helpful for you though. Yeah. June, do you have any other thoughts whether it's the performance anxiety or just dealing with her screaming the other guy's name and going wild when she doesn't do that with him. Yeah. When they're in bed. Is there any other thoughts you have about that as a woman? If you were in, let me ask you this. If you were in her shoes, what would cause you to do that to me? Or not to me, but in front of me. If we swed to some friends and you were screaming his name, but let's say you don't do that with me, but you're doing that with him. What things would cause you to do that?

Speaker 2 (37:44):
Gosh. Well, like I said, for me, I just wouldn't do that because I care about you and I wouldn't do that because I don't do that with you.

Speaker 1 (37:56):
So because of how it might make me feel. Yes. Okay. What else?

Speaker 2 (38:02):
I think if I ever did, which like I said, I don't think I ever would, but if I ever did, it would probably be because he's doing something that I really am enjoying in that moment. And so after the fact, I'd probably be telling John, Hey, this is what this did, this dude did, and it was amazing. I would love for you to do that too.

Speaker 1 (38:24):
Yeah. And so in that case, you could show me or teach me or guide me to do that to you also. So now I can enjoy that with you and I can bring you to that point as well.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. <laugh>.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
Great. Well, hey, if you like this podcast, if this has been helpful at all, do us a quick favor. It takes three seconds. Scroll down to whoever you're listening to this. Click the stars, give us a rating review. It takes three seconds to click a review to click that rating. If you think this is a five star podcast, been helpful, go click it again. It takes three seconds. Go do it right now. Please, as we're talking and if there's anything you've taken away, anything you'd like, anything you've benefited or learned, take another three to seven seconds, three to seven seconds, people <laugh>

(39:13):
And say something nice. Leave us a rating review. This helps us reach more people just like you who are trying to overcome some of the problems that we've addressed in this episode. Yeah. Literally you doing that can only help you. It can help other people just like you and like us. So go click those stars, give us a rating review. We really appreciate it. And June has given me a weird look and I kinda like it. And a weird look. Huh? A weird, I don't know. It's weird when I, okay. Oh, I know. I know what that's for. Those are the fuck me eyes. But we're in this smaller car. Probably can't do it here in the parking lot, but Oh

Speaker 2 (39:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
Okay. Damn girl. That was the gratuitous <affirmative> blowjob that June loves to do every single time.

Speaker 2 (40:12):
Yes, I do. And I didn't do it last time because he was sucking on my boobies

Speaker 1 (40:17):
And you forgot to. So I know we're going to leave you with a gratuitous blowjob from the New Swingers podcast.