New Swingers Podcast

Speaker 1 (00:00:00):
Welcome back to the New Swingers podcast. I'm John.

Speaker 2 (00:00:03):
And I'm June.

Speaker 1 (00:00:04):
And today we are going to be discussing your new swingers' q and a. You all often send us emails and we like to address them, answer them. And here's something important to remember. We've said this on the podcast quite a few times, but Oh, we're fairly new to the lifestyle ourselves. And so within the past year, at the time of this recording, and so we don't claim to be experts or anything No. In the lifestyle. However, we have been married almost two decades, very happily. And so we do come from a place of knowing what it takes to communicate and get through issues and not just stay married, but stay happily married. Yeah, absolutely. And so then we stumbled upon this swinger thing and thought, Hey, why don't we just document our journey? That'd be kind of a fun project. And then just talk about what we know or what we're learning along the way.

(00:00:57):
And if you've heard any of the other episodes that we've, it's been a rollercoaster ride, but yes, it has. But we're good. Yep. I mean, nothing's been devastating or nothing we can't get past. We actually learned a lot more about ourselves and each other, about ourselves and about each other, and just, I think one of the biggest benefits is just learning who I really am. You learning who you really are and us learning who each other really is or are, whatever that would be. And learning to just accept each other for the things we like and enjoy or that we discover we like and enjoy. I think a lot of couples, maybe they, they'll maybe take what their partner, they come to find out they, and they might think, oh, well, am I not good enough? Am I not good enough? Is that why you want that or you like that? Well, I don't think it always has to have to do with a lack. I don't think our desires or our sexual desires have to come from a place of lack or something that we're not getting from our partner. That could be the case, but not always because we weren't lacking. But,

Speaker 2 (00:02:09):
But you don't have four dicks growing out of you at

Speaker 1 (00:02:14):
Once. That's a true,

Speaker 2 (00:02:17):
Just saying

Speaker 1 (00:02:18):
Fucking state. I do not have four dicks. I would be the highest paid porn star in the fucking world if I did. But can you explain what you mean by that?

Speaker 2 (00:02:26):
Well, and I would just also say too, when we first started it, this all, I wasn't want to try anything with any other guys. I just wanted to explore my bisexuality and realizing that's really truly who I am. And so I started out with only playing with girls because I didn't really have any desire to play with guys. But now here we are. Gosh, since

Speaker 1 (00:03:00):
It's been, what, eight, nine months?

Speaker 2 (00:03:02):
January, March. So nine months. And now I'm, I think it'd be really cool to try a, I'm going blank on what it's called. A gang bang. A gang bang. There we go. I'd like to try that sometime with John and three other guys. Well, again, you don't have four dicks, so you

Speaker 1 (00:03:28):
I do.

Speaker 2 (00:03:29):
Can't do that for me.

Speaker 1 (00:03:31):
So am I lacking Is am I not enough for you? No, because I don't have three more dicks growing out of my forehead.

Speaker 2 (00:03:35):
No.

Speaker 1 (00:03:36):
Or wherever else

Speaker 2 (00:03:38):
They might throw out. No, not at all.

Speaker 1 (00:03:41):
Oh, okay. So, well, the fact that I love playing with you and another beautiful woman at the same time having a threesome. I love that. Yeah. It's not that you're not enough, but you're not two women. Yeah. You're one woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not that you're not enough.

Speaker 2 (00:03:58):
I can't give you a double blow drop

Speaker 1 (00:04:01):
Cause you don't have two mouths. I don't have two mouths and two tongues. And if you did, that sounds like something off of an alien movie. Remember the Arnold Schwartzenegger movie from back in the nineties? Total recall? I don't know if you saw it because I don't

Speaker 2 (00:04:15):
Know.

Speaker 1 (00:04:16):
Well, he goes to Mars. He's on Mars, and there's this one alien chick, and she has three boobs. She has big boobs. You and June has like 32 double. And so if you don't know

Speaker 2 (00:04:28):
Triple triple D according to Victoria's Secret though. Yeah. Just saying

Speaker 1 (00:04:31):
If you want to see 'em, just click on that first link in the show notes and you'll go to her only fans and you can see them uncensored, pierced and hot. And by the way, she just took some, today she'll be posting up on our new, one of our new four-wheelers we just bought out in the woods. Yes. She just started taking clothes off and I'm like, shit, I married the right woman.

Speaker 2 (00:04:52):
Yeah, total. You're welcome.

Speaker 1 (00:04:53):
Yeah. When total recall that movie, there's this lady with three boobs, and it's like, wow, what's better than two, three? But it was weird looking because I've never seen that before. So no, I do not have four decks. You do not have two miles.

Speaker 2 (00:05:07):
I do not have two

Speaker 1 (00:05:08):
Miles. You can't give me a solo double blow job. But there are other things out there that we can't do for each other just by the nature of what we are. But that doesn't mean they're not exciting

(00:05:19):
And that they wouldn't be fun. It has nothing to do with, you're not good enough for me, or I'm not fulfilled with you. Now. I think, again, everyone's relationship is different. I think people who don't communicate how they actually are because they're maybe afraid or ashamed, and you get both people doing that in a relationship, that's probably the one that's going to suffer because both people, one or both people have desires. They want to experience unfulfill, fantasy kinks, whatever. It's just how they are, but then they're not, they're going unfulfilled. And I think that's one big reason that people's relationships start to fall apart. Or sometimes it might just be the final nil in the coffin.

Speaker 2 (00:06:07):
We always say, if you already have issues, obviously this is not something you want to try. Because it could really just, like he said, put the nail in the coffin if you're already having problems,

Speaker 1 (00:06:21):
If you're already having problems, especially if it has to do with sex or ego or fidelity.

Speaker 2 (00:06:27):
Fidelity. Yeah, that was what I was going to say. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:06:28):
Yeah. I mean, not to say there's not situations that could work, but that that's probably a really shaky bridge to walk across,

Speaker 2 (00:06:38):
I think.

Speaker 1 (00:06:39):
So maybe deal with that stuff first. But yeah, so just in this podcast, we're just documenting our journey and what we learn along the way, and you all are sending us questions, which we love, by the way. If you want to send us questions, simply email us at new swingers podcast gmail.com, new swingers podcast gmail.com. There's a link in the show notes as well, and send us a question. If we don't know the answer, we can ask some of our other friends who have maybe been in the lifestyle longer. But again, a lot of our advice is based on our very productive, successful, almost two decade long marriage, even if it's not swinging in particular, it, I think we'd be hard pressed to not have something to say, whether it's lifestyle or not, because even if there's an issue, someone has a lifestyle, it usually has to do with fear or a lack of communication or things that we actually know about, whether depending on whatever act it is or isn't matter. Yeah. The root cause of a lot of issues and lifestyle are issues that I think we're pretty good at dealing with, or we've learned from other people. So yeah, send us an email.

Speaker 2 (00:07:57):
Oh, you know what? We should do a podcast on sometime is the bad reviews that we got. I supposed started reading through those the other day and I was like, what? No.

Speaker 1 (00:08:10):
Yeah, so as of right now, by the way, you guys are awesome. I think we have what, about 120 or more reviews on Apple Podcast? Yes. Thank you for that.

Speaker 2 (00:08:21):
Yeah, thank you so much. And

Speaker 1 (00:08:22):
There's quite a few reviews too. Ratings reviews, by the way, if you haven't done that yet right now, take three seconds, go take three seconds right now while you're listening, scroll down and click those stars. If you think as a five star podcast, feel free to click the five stars and leave a review. Do that. And when we say leave a review, just look at our journey and what you've heard from us and just comment with what kind of value you've gotten out of it. Or if we've helped you in some way, just say what that was, because other people will relate to it and they could possibly be helped by it.

Speaker 2 (00:08:57):
Exactly. Well, and also just lets us know kind of how we're doing.

Speaker 1 (00:09:03):
Yeah, I mean, we're doing this for us, number one, as a little journey project, but two, we thought if we can just help people along the way, why not? So if we can be more on point for you, that helps us. But yes, out of those 120 rating plus ratings and then the large amount of reviews, I don't know how many there are now written reviews. Yeah, there's five or six I think, which is pretty good with that many that yours going to have a percentage of people who just hate your guts no matter what you do. I mean, there are people who hated Mother Teresa. I mean, that's pretty crazy to me. But yeah, we should do an episode and read 'em. We need to and is, it's not going to be to bash them

Speaker 2 (00:09:41):
Back. No, but just to address what they're saying.

Speaker 1 (00:09:44):
Well, I think it'd be interesting to go, okay, these people thought this or said this. Did we come off that way, or is that true? Or what about is, are these people just off the fucking reservation? Maybe they're coming from a place, maybe they were in a bad relationship and had one thing happen in this area, and now they think it's happening here because that's their perspective, or who knows just to discuss things. But that would be a funny,

Speaker 2 (00:10:11):
I think it would be a fun one. Yeah. I'll

Speaker 1 (00:10:12):
Tell. Let's do that one next.

Speaker 2 (00:10:13):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (00:10:14):
Do it. Keep your eyes open on the next episode. After this one, we're going to address our haters.

(00:10:21):
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Speaker 2 (00:11:17):
Sure. Okay. It's called Swingers Clubs. Hello. We are a new couple who are looking to try new things, but we can't find Swingers Clubs near us. Can you guys please help us? We live in

Speaker 1 (00:11:34):
Long well Southern California.

Speaker 2 (00:11:37):
Yeah, we appreciate your help. Hopefully you guys can help us find some clubs.

Speaker 1 (00:11:41):
I would imagine there'd be at least a handful in that area.

Speaker 2 (00:11:45):
You you'd think so, especially in California. I

Speaker 1 (00:11:48):
Would just Google Swingers Clubs and near and then put your city. And if that doesn't work, what we would do is, my biggest recommendation would be go into the show notes right now and click Swing Easy. That's a free two page pdf. It has a few links in there of some of the most popular sites, swinger sites online, where you can meet other couples who are either in the lifestyle or interest area. Curious about it in your area in the next 24 hours or less. Guaranteed, we've done it. Oh yeah. Go click the swing Easy thing. Meet new couples. The links right there. It's on the website as well.

Speaker 2 (00:12:30):
Well, because we're not near a club anymore. We moved, yeah, north way north, and so we're not near clubs. I think the closest club to us is probably, I don't know, probably three, four or four hours away

Speaker 1 (00:12:43):
Maybe.

Speaker 2 (00:12:44):
So we're in the same case as you're in right now. But like I said, that's what we did is we just kind of Googled like, Hey, swinger's Club, and then where we are, and then it was like four hours. I'm like, oh, okay.

Speaker 1 (00:13:01):
And even if there aren't clubs, a lot of times there's private gatherings or hotel takeovers, which are a little more public.

Speaker 2 (00:13:08):
I look forward to doing one of those. I haven't done one of those yet.

Speaker 1 (00:13:10):
We haven't done one of those yet, but at least it's a gathering of a good number of people. So

Speaker 2 (00:13:16):
Like you are.

Speaker 1 (00:13:17):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yep. So that'd be our recommendation. That'd be mine. Anyway, go ahead and swipe left. No, you're not on a dating app. Is this one or two? Oh,

Speaker 2 (00:13:31):
It's one. It's just one. Okay. Yeah. Hi guys. I'll start off by saying we love your podcast and all the helpful insights you two have provided all well, thank you. Thank you. Backstory. We have been married almost 20 years, kind of like us. Prior to our marriage, he has engaged in a threesome or a few male, female, male. Prior to our marriage, I have engaged with two females, but not at the same time. Since our marriage. We had encounters with two different couple friends of ours a long time ago, late twenties. It was not planned or thought out, just inebriated.

Speaker 1 (00:14:10):
Inebriated. They were drunk. They were drunk and had of threesome or whatever they did, which that sometimes that can be a ton of fun.

Speaker 2 (00:14:17):
Yeah. Because then I get out of my head

Speaker 1 (00:14:21):
Exactly,

Speaker 2 (00:14:22):
And it was extremely soft type. I have never seen him do anything to another woman or man. He's straight. Last year we kind of thought about the lifestyle, but jealousy and insecurities got in the way, and we were not on the best of terms. Our communication sucked to the point of divorce talk due to various frustrations. This year, we are in a lot better place emotionally, and the subject of the life has piqued our interest. Again, we have made our own bucket list. Awesome.

Speaker 1 (00:15:00):
In case you don't know what a fuck list is, it's just a sexual bucket list. Things you want to do sexually before you die.

Speaker 2 (00:15:06):
Yeah. We've made our own bucket lists and compared notes, and we have very similar fantasies. Well, hell

Speaker 1 (00:15:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:15:13):
That's awesome.

Speaker 1 (00:15:14):
What a great discovery.

Speaker 2 (00:15:16):
Yeah. Thus far, we have met two couples for dinner, lunch, and have yet to do anything sexual due to the fact that we have discovered that our levels of attractiveness differ. Differ. How would you address this issue? If more details are needed, please reach out. Again, love the show, and we appreciate it so much. Well, thank you.

Speaker 1 (00:15:38):
So what's the question? So how would you address this issue?

Speaker 2 (00:15:42):
Oh, hold on. Let me see. Thus far, we have met two couples for dinner's, lunch and have yet to do anything sexual due to the fact that we have discovered that our levels of attractiveness differ

Speaker 1 (00:15:54):
Your levels of at. So she's saying that maybe she's more attractive than him or vice versa. So

Speaker 2 (00:16:01):
No, maybe I'm thinking what she is. Maybe she's at attracted to a certain type of guy or girl, and maybe he has a different type that he's attracted to because we kind of have that too a little bit. I'm kind of more picky. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:16:17):
I'm a guy. I'm a guy. What can I say? You get what he can get now

Speaker 2 (00:16:24):
Just And you don't throw fit. No. You don't

Speaker 1 (00:16:26):
Throw a fit. No. So

Speaker 2 (00:16:28):
Trying, how would you address this issue?

Speaker 1 (00:16:30):
I, I'm trying to clarify the question so we can help this person the most. Well, I mean, my first thought is if I like something you don't, well, I'd like to enjoy it. And if you like something I don't, well, I would like for you to enjoy it and you would too. If we don't like the same thing, we can still play it together, but we can still be in the same room, same bed, do it together. I mean, our whole thing is this journey is us together. We don't play separately, but if you have something you want to try and I'm not really into it, then okay, well, that doesn't mean you can't, because if you want it, and if I'm into something and you're not, then Well, that doesn't mean I,

Speaker 2 (00:17:16):
And we've talked about this too. We've talked about how, hey, well, what if that happens where we meet a couple, and I'm not real attracted to the girl per se, but I'm attracted to the guy, but you're attracted to the girl. We've kind of talked about that because we haven't come across that yet, but we've talked about what if that happens, what would we do? And work, what works for us is kind of like, well, even if the girl isn't per se, go-to girl type, I still boobs. I still kissing girls. So I would still probably start out still playing because I kind of like that warms me up. So I mean, for us, that's what we talked about is maybe I would just still play with the girl a little bit to start with, but then we would do a full swap in that way he can play with the girl because he's attracted to her. And then I can play with the guy because I'm attracted to the guy.

Speaker 1 (00:18:19):
And another thing too, I don't ever want June doing something or playing with somebody, guy or girl if she's not comfortable. So in the lifestyle, you'll hear people say this phrase, we don't take one for the team, meaning I don't have to convince Jim. I know the guy is totally not your type, but I really like the lady, so just go play with him and so I can play with her. We don't do that if we're not both happy and we just don't. We have friends in lifestyle we've never played with who are, we're actually really good friends with, and they can be our type and attractive according to our standards personally. Or maybe they're not, but we still are really good friends with them. So I mean, just because people in lifestyle doesn't mean to us, everyone we meet in lifestyle, it's not like, oh, we're expected that we're going to do things with them and play with them. Yeah. That's never the expectation, even though it's always on the table in most people's minds, but that there's no obligation or pressure to do anything. And if anybody ever tried to imply any kind of pressure, we're out. We don't play that game.

Speaker 2 (00:19:32):
And so I think with the question of how to address this, I think it's just honestly just communicating with each other. Hey, there's these two couples. Do either one of these couples are you attracted to at all? And just having that communication open is what the most important thing, I think, is just being on the same page with each other about the two couples that you've had, you've dinner and lunch with.

Speaker 1 (00:19:57):
Yeah. I mean, you can just choose to be just friends with that couple or both. Or both. But if one person's not comfortable with it, then either work something out in agreement or I would just really, I'd play it safer for us as a couple and just not play with that other couple. Yeah. Because there's no couple out there worth playing with, having a good time with

Speaker 2 (00:20:23):
Jeopardizing what you guys to

Speaker 1 (00:20:24):
Jeopardize your main primary relationship. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody's that good in bed. It's not that different.

Speaker 2 (00:20:33):
Yeah. I'm always like, yeah, I've said before, 20 minutes with a pussy is still a pussy. 20 minutes with some other person, a dick or a pussy is not worth destroying what we have, or we've told that to other people too. It's not just worth destroying what you have for 20 minutes of fun with somebody else

Speaker 1 (00:20:54):
While your partners not having a good time. I mean, to me that even board is a non-consent. Yeah. If they're just doing it to appease you, I don't even think that's consensual, which that's really fucked up because now you're getting really rocky territory. You don't ever want to do something that's not consensual. Even if they just go along and play along, it's like, yeah, but did they want to do it? Really? I mean, don't be a piece of shit to your partner. You're so selfish where you're like, yeah, well, I want to do this with this person, so she'll just deal with it or whatever. No, what kind of relationship is that? Anyway, yeah. So I hope that's helpful. Yeah. Do you think that answered the question? I

Speaker 2 (00:21:34):
Think so. Okay. And then he said, so then it reminded me of the movie the other Guys, and he's like, oh, geez, was cone

Speaker 1 (00:21:43):
Nobody who hasn't seen that movie's going to get what the fuck you're talking about?

Speaker 2 (00:21:47):
It's Will Ferrell in the other guy's movie, mark Walberg and Mark in the

Speaker 1 (00:21:52):
Bar, and they're drinking and they're like these old guys singing these folk tale songs that are really depressing. Very. And it's like he's,

Speaker 2 (00:22:00):
They've got great history and then that's a part of the song. He's like, the was the soon shoe

Speaker 1 (00:22:08):
And the soldiers all had their way with her

Speaker 2 (00:22:12):
And it was consensual. Great movie. If you've never seen it, go see it. Yeah,

Speaker 1 (00:22:18):
That was random. Next email.

Speaker 2 (00:22:21):
Hey, I like randomness. Okay.

Speaker 1 (00:22:23):
Random. Yes, me too.

Speaker 2 (00:22:26):
Okay. Hello. My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for about a year, still newbies. It's been a great experience so far. We just have some trouble finding couples to meet up with. We have accounts on a couple different apps. Our question is, will it be okay just to message the ones we are interested in and just wait for a response to see if they are interested or keep trying to get their attention. Thank you for your time and keep doing the podcast. We love the info you two give. It is really helpful. Well, thank you.

Speaker 1 (00:22:58):
Well, I think if you just reach out with a normal person type message like, Hey, we just saw, Hey, we just saw your profile on here and connected with a lot of things you said. If you'd like, you want to write back, we'd love to hear from you, but obviously no pressure either way. And we hope you have an awesome day. That's pretty much what I write when I reach out to other couples, or we write when we reach out to other couples, because if they like what they see and read about you, they're probably going to write back. But especially if you just have a normal message, you're a normal person, not one of these fucking soup, or Hey, these one word fucking idiots. I don't know what they think during them.

Speaker 2 (00:23:47):
Or they just sent a random dick

Speaker 1 (00:23:49):
Or pictures of themselves and they're like pictures. And then they're like, Hey, it's like it can come off wrong.

Speaker 2 (00:23:58):
It can just

Speaker 1 (00:23:59):
Be a normal person. And how often do you follow up? Well, sometimes we're on the app or the site. Go to the swing easy again, PDF in the show notes, click there. We have three or four of these sites that are awesome for connecting with people. But we do that and sometimes we're on there every day, three or four days in a row, and then there might be a three or four day gap. We're just busy with life and we're not. So it isn't that we didn't respond to someone, we didn't see it yet. And so, you know, might wait a week, week and a half and write somebody back and just say, send 'em another message. Hey, didn't know if you got our message. We just want to say hi and connect. We're just looking to make friends who live and think like we do.

Speaker 2 (00:24:44):
But I probably would not write them after you've like, maybe you wrote 'em the first time and then you gave it a week and then you wrote 'em again after that. I would not, if they hadn't written in the past two weeks, I would just move on. Because I think that just means they're not interested. Or maybe they're not on that app as often as they probably, probably you are. There's something. So I would say after the second time, I probably wouldn't reach out again.

Speaker 1 (00:25:12):
Well, yeah, don't chase anybody. Yeah. No one likes being chased. It comes off desperate. Desperate, not attractive. And a lot of these sites, these apps, they actually tell you when the person was on last was on, today was on two hours ago. It was on three days ago. And with meeting people on these too, it's kind of a long game because people have lives and we, we've met couples we eventually met up with, but sometimes it took a few weeks to find a day that worked for both our schedules. And then we were able to go grab drinks or something, and then a week or two went by, life was busy. And then we're like, well, hey, let's all have a barbecue. We met a new couple in this new area, and we had drinks of them. We went to a winery a couple weeks ago, and they're coming over tomorrow.

(00:26:06):
We're going to go hiking, we're going to, we're go to dinner, we're going to have a bonfire and our new furry pit that I built, and that was a week, week and a half in between the last time we saw. And so our kids are going to be home. So it's like, it's not going to be a lifestyle kind of gathering, but we're getting to know these people and we love getting to know 'em. The one time we did, and we really connected with 'em, so we thought, well, hey, let's hang out again and just get to know. Yeah. Yeah. So sometimes it doesn't happen that quick if you're talking today or tomorrow, I don't know, just sometimes it can be a few weeks or a month or

Speaker 2 (00:26:48):
Unless you're at a club, then it's like, oh, hey, right now let's do it.

Speaker 1 (00:26:53):
But if you're at a club, yeah, if you're at a club and someone's like, I came here because I like the idea of group sex, and they go, do you group X? Like that beautiful little Asian lady. Yeah. Asked us on dance floor, and I said, yes, we do. And we had lots of it that night and it was awesome. But yeah,

Speaker 2 (00:27:13):
So that's pretty good with, I think we pretty much answered that with that one. Okay. Let's see

Speaker 1 (00:27:18):
If you have anything else to say. Don't let me do all the talking.

Speaker 2 (00:27:21):
Oh, no, I'm, here's what you'll learn about me. If I don't have anything to say, I'm not going to say anything because, so if sometimes John talks more than I do because he has more to say about that certain topic than I do. So it's not him talking over me or any of that shit that we read about in the reviews that we'll talk about next podcast.

Speaker 1 (00:27:39):
You may not, you mean I don't have you under my mind control like that? That, so someone said something like that. Anyway, we'll say that shit for the next episode. That'll be fun to say.

Speaker 2 (00:27:48):
But no, I said that to say if I have something to say, I'll say it. And if I don't, I just don't.

Speaker 1 (00:27:52):
Oh, trust me. She'll say what she's thinking. Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:27:56):
Okay. So my wife and I have been together for seven.

Speaker 1 (00:27:59):
Wait, wait, wait. What's the subject line?

Speaker 2 (00:28:00):
Oh, how to get back to it. Oh, okay. So my wife and I had been together for seven, almost eight years. Just last year. We opened up about some fantasies about each other, most of the same fantasies. We had a fight, mainly my, mainly my fault the first time, second time was just our own personal issues. Both times we just stopped looking for couples and some singles all together deleted profiles off three fun apps for me. Well,

Speaker 1 (00:28:29):
You know what I say, I commend you for that. If you guys are having trouble with each other, you went ahead and just deleted all your shit and said, we're going to figure this out, and if we go back to it, we're going to be in a better place. So I actually, I think that's a healthy thing they did. So I really commend you for that.

Speaker 2 (00:28:45):
Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 (00:28:46):
That's probably why you're still together. Or maybe one reason, that kind of thing

Speaker 2 (00:28:49):
For me, I know my fantasies haven't gone away, have had the same fantasies in every relationship. My question is how do we get back to that, but overcome our issues so we can be the best, not just for us, but others as well. If possible. Email me back here. I don't always get a chance to listen to your podcast being a welder. PS all of this has happened within a year. We tried it twice. I'm afraid we both aren't being as open as we should. Maybe it's just me and my overthinking. Please help. Oh,

Speaker 1 (00:29:23):
Okay. So what do you think the actual, we're trying, when you write us emails, please try to be very clear with what your exact question is. We can tell from this, but we have read

Speaker 2 (00:29:34):
Into, well, it says, my question is how do we get back to that?

Speaker 1 (00:29:37):
Okay. Okay. Because it's in the middle somewhere. I had to search for it. Yeah. But it is pretty clear. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:29:44):
Question is how do we get back to that, but overcome our issues so we can be the best, not just for us, but others as well.

Speaker 1 (00:29:51):
I would say clarify what the actual problem is. What is the problem or the couple of problems that are causing you not to be able to get back to where you were? Is it jealousy? Are you both not being honest about what your fantasies are? Have you told her very clearly and specifically what your fantasies are? Or has she done that for you? Do you feel at liberty to share completely, transparently, no matter what it is without fear of repercussion? Because I mean, these are things that I think are root causes of the issues that are not allowing them to get back to a good place in the lifestyle. What do you think?

Speaker 2 (00:30:38):
I think for us it was for, it was kind of jealousy. Well, and because of how I grew up in church my whole life was you don't, don't play with anybody else but your spouse. And so it was a lot of issues of trying to just overcome the mental shit in your head from being the way that we were raised. So for us, we were fighting because he would let me be who I was discovering I, but I was having issues with letting him do the same thing because of the mental shit in my head I grew up with, you're only supposed to be with your spouse. And then also the fear of, am I not enough or am I going to be left for someone else if he fucks somebody else is or is he going to leave them for me? So that's a lot of shit that I personally had to overcome. And I feel like I finally have gotten past it. I think for at least 99% of it, I feel like. But for me, it was kind of like I had to really honestly look, dig deep down and figure out what the root causes we're causing us to fight. Because every fight we had were my fault because it was the shit in my head.

Speaker 1 (00:32:08):
No, I didn't mean to interrupt you. I gave me a good thought here though. What is a belief that you or your partner has that is causing the problem? Yeah. Is there a root belief about what you like that they have a problem with? Or just get down to what the root of it is? Usually you see an issue and you're like, oh, she's just this way, or he's just that way. Well, the real issue that you need to deal with usually is just underneath that kind of hiding. Yeah. Yeah. It's the root cause of that most obvious struggle that you see you're facing. And so think about what that deeper, if you had to dig one or two levels down beneath what you think is the problem right now, what are the seeds? What are the roots of what you're currently dealing with when you're both very transparent about that with each other and just talking, this is what me and June say, we don't own each other. We are just two separate individual human beings that came to this earth for whatever fucking reason. And we decided to hold hands and walk down the path of life together. But that doesn't mean she can't be her or that I should influence her to be how she's not, or that she should try to take away who I am and how I was made vice

Speaker 2 (00:33:36):
Versa

Speaker 1 (00:33:37):
And my fantasies or kings that I have, we shouldn't try to change each other. We should just make space for how we actually are and enjoy each other together. That way. If she wants me and three guys to fuck her, if that's what she wants, I'm happy. If she's getting pleasure and what she wants, and that includes me in it, and if I want to have have two other ladies involved or something like that, then there's nothing wrong with that. She makes space for what I want to enjoy or a certain kind of woman or a certain kind of thing, realizing it has nothing to do with her or a lack of her. But we're just holding hands, walking down the journey of life together. If you ever listen to anything that that's really philosophical, rom guy named Ron Doss has a great quote, and I really enjoy it. He says, at the end of the day, we're all just walking each other home, meaning to death, to wherever we came from and wherever we've returned to, at the end of the day, we're all just walking each other home. And I think a lot of that has to do with just accepting each other how we are and just making space for that. I mean, if I, you get to do what you want to do because you have those fantasies, well, it's only fair that

Speaker 2 (00:35:00):
You get to do

Speaker 1 (00:35:01):
The same that I get to also, and it's how I'm made years are however you're made. I'm how I'm made. Can we hold hands and walk the journey of the path of life together? Well,

Speaker 2 (00:35:10):
And for me, my route was coming out of fear. I was fearful because I was like, well, if he does that with somebody else, is that going to replace me? Or is he going to think that that person is better than I am in some way, or just it's the shit that I grew up here. And that's why you only stay with your spouse. You only play with your

Speaker 1 (00:35:30):
Spouse. Well, and think about this too, at least from my perspective, why the fuck would I ever leave a woman who allows me to be me and enjoy the fantasies that I want to enjoy? I mean, most relationships you hear about the spouse doesn't want 'em doing things they really want to do.

(00:35:58):
But now I'm in a relationship where she can do what she wants and I can do what I want. Why the fuck would I ever mess that up? Why would I ever leave that? I would've to go find another person who makes space for me to be who I am? And I can make space for her. But it's almost like, at least in our case, can't say it for everybody, but the fact that June allows me to be who I am, endears me and track attracts me two or more. It solidifies our relationship more. It doesn't diminish, it doesn't break it down. Why would I leave a woman who accepts me and lets me be who I am? Like, oh my God, that that's the greatest and vice versa with you.

Speaker 2 (00:36:42):
Yep. Yeah. So I hope that's helpful. You know, said the very end part, it says it might just be me being an overthinker, which is how I am, which is why I notice when we're in the lifestyle, I like John to be daddy, which means that I like him to be dominating over me in the way of, so I get out of my head. So if I'm like, oh, I kind of want to play with this guy, but I don't know, I'm not real sure. Then I let him call the shots because I trust him that he's not going to put me in a bad situation

Speaker 1 (00:37:21):
And there wouldn't be a bad situation.

Speaker 2 (00:37:23):
But I'm just saying, then I get out of my head

Speaker 1 (00:37:27):
And how that realistically plays out is you being told what to do. If we decide to play with the couple, I'm going to play with her, then I'll tell you, Hey, go play with him or go do that. And it just kind of lets you somehow, I mean, I don't think this way, so I don't understand it, but it lets your mind off the hook to enjoy yourself and you don't stress as much and get in inside your head as much. So for whatever reason, that works for us.

Speaker 2 (00:37:56):
Or the one time we finally tro, I had sex from behind with a guy while I was given John a blow drop.

Speaker 1 (00:38:09):
So he was doing your doggy style while you're bent over, and I was laying on the bed and you were blowing me.

Speaker 2 (00:38:13):
And he had it all planned because I told him, I said, I don't want to know ahead of time because if I do, then I'll talk myself out of it. I know myself.

Speaker 1 (00:38:21):
So we did that

Speaker 2 (00:38:22):
So that that's what works for us. And that's what you got to do in the lifestyle is you got to find what works for you.

Speaker 1 (00:38:28):
Yeah. Now, I already knew this is something she wanted to try. I didn't spring something new on her. We hadn't discussed. Yeah. I just didn't tell her when we were going to do it, because then she'd be worrying about it and stressing about it. So when we're in the moment, and she had already made out with this guy's a very hot girlfriend, then it was kind of like we just kind of rolled into that position and his girlfriend sat on my face while we did this too. That was hot. He was like, or here, have her sit on your face. And I'm like, let me pray about it. Amen.

Speaker 2 (00:39:03):
Yeah, over here. I'm like, hell yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:39:06):
I'm like, that's what I thought. We were all fun out. We're like, oh yeah, we could do that too.

Speaker 2 (00:39:11):
Yeah. So anyway, I hope all that's helpful with this one. So next one.

Speaker 1 (00:39:17):
Now this is, whoa, shit. Okay. This is a long one. So let's go ahead and read it. If we find questions within it, because it's so long, we don't have to go back through the whole thing and look for questions if we find a question to stop and answer it, and then continue on.

Speaker 2 (00:39:37):
Okay. Hi, June and John, so

Speaker 1 (00:39:39):
This is from, it looks like from a woman based on the name.

Speaker 2 (00:39:43):
Yeah. Hi, June and John first. We are new to your podcast, but I've binged it for about a week straight and we're finding it so helpful. Awesome. Well thank you. Glad to hear it. We still have a lot of archived content to make our way through happily, but I listen to enough to feel comfortable asking a question because I feel like y'all may be the right ones to give guidance on this topic. We're high school sweethearts. I'm seeing a little pattern amongst some of your listeners. Haha. Married for 15 years and have been exploring the lifestyle for the past year or so. We've always been more on the adventurous side, so lot, lots of visits to strip clubs together, et cetera. But we're newer to the world of swingers clubs lifestyles. Specifically. We visit our local club here about once a month, and we have registered for our first hotel takeover that will take place this upcoming summer. Fun.

Speaker 1 (00:40:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:40:45):
Oh,

Speaker 1 (00:40:46):
Oops. This is a screenshot. Nope. Oh,

Speaker 2 (00:40:47):
Nope. I was trying to go up.

Speaker 1 (00:40:49):
Okay. Nope, just stay there. Okay. You'll swipe left for the next one. Okay.

Speaker 2 (00:40:52):
One thing that's potentially a little unique about us in the lifestyle is that we joined primarily to be in the same space as other open-minded couples who are sex positive. And to exhibit that in an exciting setting that was much more our driving force as opposed to playing with other couples. Whether or not this boundary holds, I've learned to never say never. We are currently a no swap couple, mainly engaging in watching from the sidelines and participating in parallel play.

Speaker 1 (00:41:26):
And by the way, that's totally a thing. We have one particular couple who live in the big city. We came from, we did parallel play with them, and we had a great time. Only the ladies made out the guys. We didn't touch the other guys lady, but we played with our own ladies and then they made out and played with each other. And then maybe a month later, June, and we were really getting it on at the club as well as with another very beautiful older woman, middle-aged hottie. And our friend, our couple friend who friends who we did the parallel play with, she was actually giving him a blowjob on one of the couches. And he actually stopped her. And I saw 'em stop her point over to us, and she got up and they sat there next to each other and watched. And afterwards they were like, oh my God, that was so hot. So I just say this to say we've paralleled, played with parallel, played with people, and also found that one of their big kings is not playing with others, or at least us at that time, but watching us together. That was one of their kinks is watching other couples. So I just say that to say that's totally a thing.

Speaker 2 (00:42:54):
That's definitely a thing. Yeah. One of our things we did upon our earliest phase of exploration was to find a sex therapist to help guide us for both knowledge, insight into the worlds of swinging and kink. And also to help us.

Speaker 1 (00:43:12):
These people are smart by the way. They got a thorough sex therapist and everything.

Speaker 2 (00:43:15):
And also to help us avoid pitfalls we may not know to look out for.

Speaker 1 (00:43:20):
That's the thing.

Speaker 2 (00:43:21):
She's been super helpful for us. And through speaking with her, I've been able to move past some obstacles in which I, I felt like in imposter at lifestyle clubs, she helped me understand that there is typically no less judgmental, more open place to be than most lifestyle clubs.

Speaker 1 (00:43:43):
That's a very true statement in our experience.

Speaker 2 (00:43:46):
And no matter you're kink or fetish, you belong and are a valid contribution. Yes. She also helped me learn that I owe no one there absolutely anything, which was a major breakthrough. Wow. Yeah. You don't owe anybody anything.

Speaker 1 (00:44:05):
Well, and the thing with that is a lot of us are raised to think that you just get along to go along just given to, in order to avoid conflict or confrontation, be very clear and direct. You can do it respectfully and nicely, but also be very clear and direct on what you want or don't want. And yeah, you owe nothing to nobody. You first.

Speaker 2 (00:44:28):
Yeah. I have zero problems chatting with other couples at the club. We're both naturally friendly and outgoing, and my husband and I both spend a lot of time at the gym and take care of ourselves. It's common that other couples will come chat with us each time we're at the club, which always leads to great conversation and a little bit of community being formed. My only question I still wrestle with sometimes is do I need to disclose our no swap status up front to other couples? How early is too early and how late is too late?

Speaker 1 (00:45:03):
Okay. Let's address that here. If it comes up in conversation, be straight with 'em. Yeah. If you're just hanging out all evening or for a while, just having good conversation about something else. To me, it'd be kind of weird to throw it in there.

Speaker 2 (00:45:21):
Yeah, I think so too.

Speaker 1 (00:45:22):
But most people we meet when we're interested in them or they're interested in us, eventually the conversation sort of goes there organically. Yeah, it does. And then it is kind of, it's like, well, what do you guys like to do? Or what are you all into? And then they tell us, and then we say, well, they naturally ask, well, what about you? And we tell them. I mean, if you're not interested, then just like we used to just say, when June was only into ladies, that was all she was comfortable with. People would say, well, are you a full swap couple or do you like to soft swap? And I'd say, well, I'm into anything with one or more women, but June is only into women. And so that right there shut any other possibility add down. They knew, oh, she's only into women, so if they're looking for a full swap at that time, that ain't going to happen. And that helps them. That helps us. It helps everybody. Yeah. Because no one's wasting their time on each other. And not to sound bad, but there's like a, it's the wall vibrating. Is your phone up there? Oh, it is. Oh, her

Speaker 2 (00:46:33):
PH scam call.

Speaker 1 (00:46:34):
Oh, she has her phone on the fouling cabinet and it was vibrating. And I'm like, what the hell's that noise in our new house? Yes.

Speaker 2 (00:46:41):
Sorry, it's It's not a toy that's going off. Yeah,

Speaker 1 (00:46:44):
No, it's not a vibrate. Well, it is a vibrator. It's a cell phone. You could hold it down there. I will. So I forgot what I was saying, but it naturally just kind of comes up. If there's interest, just be straight. Just be very clear about it.

Speaker 2 (00:47:00):
I think you said, or what's too late? I would say, well, obviously there's never too late. Yeah. But you don't want to, maybe before you go to a playroom or something, maybe talk about it before you do that.

Speaker 1 (00:47:13):
Well, what you always want to do is talk about what you like and what you don't like, what you're into, but also what your boundaries are. We like to do this. This is what we're willing to do. Here are our boundaries. We don't do this, we don't do this, we don't do that. We don't do this that way. And if somebody tries to do something some way after you've agreed not to, you stop and go, Nope, we don't do that. We're not into that. And you're there for each other. It's not that big a deal. But if you're clear with it, most people in our experience respect it. But people are people, and sometimes they've been drinking too, and they just didn't mean to or got overly excited. But you know, can tell people, Hey, we said we don't do that. And most people will be like, oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I mean, most people are really respectful in the lifestyle for the most part. Yeah. So yeah, that's my thought. What about you?

Speaker 2 (00:48:11):
Yeah, same. Just to make it clear. But yeah, I wouldn't just bring it up out of the blue. I would just wait for it to organically happen and then you can address it then. But if you end up going somewhere to play, obviously before you do anything, you would want to talk about your boundaries and what you're willing to do and not do kind of thing, like he said.

Speaker 1 (00:48:32):
Yeah. And for us, that's always sort of happened again organically.

Speaker 2 (00:48:35):
Yeah, it does.

Speaker 1 (00:48:37):
You worry about, well, at what point in the conversation should we, we don't think about that. Yeah. Because

Speaker 2 (00:48:43):
It's going to come

Speaker 1 (00:48:44):
Up up before you play. Yeah. I mean, it's just organically. It always does for us. It does.

Speaker 2 (00:48:51):
Yeah. Let's see. We've together been able to do a pretty good job, gauging the right time to disclose that in person so far and have only gotten positive feedback and respect back. So that's encouraging. Most couples have actually just continued on with the conversation. I hadn't dropped a major bomb, and we still chat with some of those through sdc, et cetera. So far so good. But this is where y'all hopefully come in. I sometimes find myself wondering if there's a best timeframe and way in which other couples would like to receive this information. So far. Wait, where did it continue? Hold on. So far we've just been guessing and mostly getting it right it seems. But I'd love to put some more strategic informed thought against the topic. I've nev. I never want to feel like I'm advertising anything that's not actually being sold or that I'm wasting anyone's time when they could actually be landing a good landing, a soft or full swap deal elsewhere.

(00:50:01):
But I can't quite figure out if that's in my own head or something. I should actually be mulling over hearing thoughts around this and perspective opinions from another couple in the lifestyle would be wonderful. I'd love to get your thoughts and know how y'all may best receive that kind of information in terms of timing and wording. While I'm sure there's no one right answer your perspective would be interesting to hear. I'm hoping I gave you enough, but not too much context. But if you have any follow up questions or need more info, just let me know. Okay. Thanks so much for all your content y'all put up. We love your podcast. Well, thank you. All right,

Speaker 1 (00:50:39):
So let's go back to what that question was. It was right at the turn of the page. What was the exact question? Timing or something.

Speaker 2 (00:50:48):
I sometimes find myself wondering if there's a best timeframe or a way in which other couples would like to receive this information.

Speaker 1 (00:50:58):
The information about what they're into? Yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:51:00):
Sexually. Yeah. May because they're not full swap or soft swap

Speaker 1 (00:51:04):
As far as a timeframe, I think you're in your head. Yeah. I think you're thinking way too much. Again, all of our encounters in the lifestyle, what you're trying to plan out strategically, timeframe, and logically think it up. All that just happens organically. It's easy. Yeah. I wouldn't give it a lot of thought if it comes up in conversation. Well just know what you're going to say to people.

Speaker 2 (00:51:31):
Yeah. Just have something already planned to say we did when we first joined the lifestyle, when I wasn't only playing with girls, that's when we came up with, okay, well, what would we say if that happens where they want to play with us? What do we have already said in place to say? So I don't think it's more about the timing. I think it's more of like, this is what I'm going to say when that happens to come up in conversation because it's going to do that on its own, either it will eventually come up on its own

Speaker 1 (00:52:01):
And there is no right timing. Because I mean, we just said a few minutes ago with this beautiful young 20 something Asian lady. We were on the dance floor. We just met her five minutes ago and we were dancing, and then we were kind of like, well, hey, what are you into and what are you hoping will happen tonight? Is there anything you're wanting to try in particular or that you're looking for? And she told us and she's like, are you into that? And we're like, yeah. And so we went and we did that. Yeah. That was five minutes after meeting her and it was hot. There's other people we met where we sat and talked all night, and then maybe it was a week or two that we saw 'em again and we ended up doing something or talking about it. I think you're just thinking way too hard.

Speaker 2 (00:52:50):
Yeah. Yeah. I think you're just, you're getting in her head a little bit with that, which is what you said. I can't fi figure out if that's in my own head or something. I should actually be mulling over

Speaker 1 (00:53:00):
There. There's certain things in life that it doesn't make logical sense, but the best way sometimes to gain control of something is to stop trying to gain control when you just finally let go. Just let things happen as they do. Yeah. This coming up in conversation, you actually have more control. It's like trying to, it's squeeze water your fist. If you squeeze it, it's all going to leave. But if you cup your hand and leave it open, the water stays. The minute you try to grip it, control it, it all squeezes out of your hand. So

Speaker 2 (00:53:34):
I think the right thing would be to do is just have something already planned to say. So when that conversation happens on its own, because it, I would just say that's what you should do is just have something already planned to say ahead of time so that you're not getting in your head of like, oh shit. At the moment. Right. Then they're asking to play and I have no idea what the fuck to say. So.

Speaker 1 (00:54:02):
All right. So this one, the next one is, okay, here we go.

Speaker 2 (00:54:09):
Isn't honest and open communication. The purpose is the title of it. John and June, first off, I have been a huge fan of y'all's over the last six months. Well, thank you. This is a guy writing this. Definitely one of the best podcasts for us. New to the lifestyle. In fact, I'm currently listening to Over the Undercover episode. As I type this, keep up the great work.

Speaker 1 (00:54:35):
If you haven't seen that, that's the only time I went to the Swinger Club. We were v i p members alone. I did. I wanted to understand what it's like to be a single guy in a swinger club more, because I always have June, who's hot boy. Thank you. Always with me. So I went there as an undercover single guy. Yeah, you did. I think Undercover Boss, that TV show, but undercover single guy at a swinger club. Yeah. Yeah. Go listen to that episode. It's pretty interesting.

Speaker 2 (00:55:06):
We're a fairly new couple in the lifestyle and have had an absolute blast exploring it. We have had several encounters, swaps slash meetups. So I like to say we have done, we've dove headfirst, kind of like we did. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:55:21):
You run around the edge of the deep end of the pool, and then you slipped and fell in. Yeah. That's what we did in the lifestyle. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:55:28):
We as a couple have great conversations, and honestly, between us, oh, and honesty between us, it has brought us so close. Brought us so close. It's scary. It's literally, we are in each other's head. We laugh about it constantly. So here is my observation when dealing with other couples online, I have noticed that nobody talks about the other potential hookups that they are planning, and the honest communication seems to vanish when they give their reasons for not being available to meet up. It's almost like everyone's, everyone forgets that we all got into this defined hookups. I haven't been able to figure out why this trend happens. It's just something that I'm observing. Or is this the norm is y'all's

Speaker 1 (00:56:21):
Where Wait, where it again? Well, my thought on what they said already was like, you don't know why somebody's not meeting up with you. Maybe their kids have a band recital, or maybe they are with other couples that weekend. I mean, that's never any of our business mean. If it works out with somebody, great. If they're hanging with other lifestyle couples, that's fine. It's none of our business that's their life. Unless I'm misreading that. I don't know if I've seen a trend. I know that usually when we can't meet up with people or it doesn't work out, it's usually a scheduling conflicts.

Speaker 2 (00:56:57):
Well,

Speaker 1 (00:56:57):
Or Or something like that.

Speaker 2 (00:56:58):
Well, we have had a couple times where it was all talk online, and then when it was time to meet up, then they didn't show up. Oh. Or were they flake or they vanished. So that has happened a couple times.

Speaker 1 (00:57:12):
Oh, is that what this person's talking

Speaker 2 (00:57:13):
About? I think so. Okay.

Speaker 1 (00:57:14):
Well, I mean that does happen. People do flake,

Speaker 2 (00:57:17):
So you got to

Speaker 1 (00:57:17):
Swipe. Don't check. You got to swipe.

Speaker 2 (00:57:19):
Okay. Because he said these are

Speaker 1 (00:57:21):
Screenshots

Speaker 2 (00:57:22):
Because he said, so here's officer. When dealing with other couples online, I have noticed that nobody talks about the other potential hookups that they are planning and that the honest communication seems to vanish when they give their reasons for not being available to meet up.

Speaker 1 (00:57:38):
Well, he says the honest communication vanishes. Well, how do you know it's honest or dishonest? If they're like, oh, we're busy that day. I guess I'm trying to contextualize it so I understand. I can understand. Unless I'm misreading this.

Speaker 2 (00:57:49):
Well, let me just, I'm not, yeah. Let me finish reading it again real quick. Okay. It's almost like everyone forgets that we all get into this to find hookups. I haven't been able to figure out why this trend happens is just something that I'm observing or is this the norm? What is y'all's take on this secretive part of the lifestyle? Has it been something that you've seen?

Speaker 1 (00:58:12):
Okay. Well, to answer that, some people respond. Some,

Speaker 2 (00:58:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:58:17):
Some are out there just wanting to trade pictures, even though they won't say it. Others actually do want to meet up. I think it's just a numbers game. I'm not trying to vilify this person asking the question, obviously. Yeah. I guess that the thing that got me though is whereas when he said something like, where, where's this trend of dishonesty coming from? I mean, for us, we never know if someone's telling us the truth as to why they need to cancel or don't meet up or what their plans are, but their other plans are none of our business. If that's the context, if that's what this person's asking. If I'm missing, we

Speaker 2 (00:58:59):
Could be misreading this all day. If

Speaker 1 (00:59:00):
I'm misreading it, I apologize that, yeah, I'm rereading into it the wrong way.

Speaker 2 (00:59:06):
But yeah, I guess I would just say that there are shady people and those people are everywhere, whether it's in the lifestyle or just in life,

Speaker 1 (00:59:18):
Fake accounts.

Speaker 2 (00:59:19):
So I mean, say, yeah, there is that little bit of shadiness there. Like John said, if they're wanting to just take some of your pictures so they have it to jerk off to or whatever, or guys, I said, we've had a couple times where we were talking really engaging with two different girls to meet up with, and then one just disappears, and then one, we went to go meet up with them and then they disappeared the next day and they just didn't show up. I just told John, I said, fuck it. We're going to still enjoy this date. We're already out on the date. We're going to enjoy just the two of us, and we did. Hell yeah. So I just say she missed out that there is some shadiness everywhere, and so yeah, you're going to have the people who are stupid or have really stupid excuses, but you know what I would say to that? It's their loss next.

Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
Well, and the thing is, I don't know if your experience is ours, but the best friendships, relationships we've ever had with people, we really didn't have to try. We met and there was just this connection, this clique, whether in or out of the lifestyle. Some people you just click with. Yeah. You don't want to be trying to push a dead horse up a mountain if something doesn't work. It's kind of like, well, who cares if that became work to try and make that relationship? Friendship in the lifestyle work. You don't want work. You want fun. You want something that's easy. You want something that's enjoyable. So I mean, if people are acting that way, my thought is they're not the right fe people for you anyway. Yeah, because not everybody is for everybody. Everyone has their different kinks, they different body types, they different things they're attracted to, and if you're not that, then I would be grateful that you didn't have to deal with getting to know someone for several months only to find out you all weren't even a good match anyway, but whereas you could have been having a great time with other people who are just like you and think you and are attracted to you and what you were attracted to, and so I mean, it could be a blessing in disguise.

(01:01:31):
That's how we kind of see it with us. Anybody who stands us up, and it's only happened a couple times, we're just like, fuck them. That's their loss. We'll go have fun and we'll come home. We'll have great sex. And it's like, man, that person has no idea, and that's not our egos. We're fucking fun to be around. We're not going to judge you. We're going to have fun. Yeah. Hell, we might even buy your drinks for you with no intent just to be nice, just because we like doing that with no obligation. Yeah, you stand us up. It's like, fuck, man. Okay. I guessed.

Speaker 2 (01:02:03):
Yeah. Oh, there's that part. I don't know. He said if you, what's that? If you happen to use it, this

Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
Is like a ps.

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
Yeah, ps and I don't care if you say it, if you happen to use it on the podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
Oh, their name, like online.

Speaker 2 (01:02:18):
It says Thanks.

Speaker 1 (01:02:19):
Well, oh, so they want us to say they're

Speaker 2 (01:02:21):
Online name. They said they don't care.

Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
Okay. Well, hey, this is from Chase and Waterfalls, C H A S E, apostrophe N, and then Waterfalls.

Speaker 2 (01:02:31):
See? Yes. It's our online name. We use it on everything for the lifestyle. I hope you get the pun. I don't care if you say it or if you happen to use it on our pod on your podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:02:40):
Well, there you go. We did. Now remember this, if you sent us an email, we will always make you anonymous. We'll never reveal your name. Yeah. This person asked us or gave us permission to specifically. That's why we just did. Yeah. I think that's the first time we actually ever done that, but he was saying, Hey, you

Speaker 2 (01:02:58):
Can use if you want to. Cause it's funny. Yeah,

Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
Go check out Chase and Waterfalls. You might see who this person is. We should go check it out just to see who they are. We love to see who these real people are that are writing us these emails.

Speaker 2 (01:03:09):
Yeah. Well, we'll get some emails every once in a while and they'll add a picture at the end and we're like, oh, that's a hot, hot girl.

Speaker 1 (01:03:18):
And we'll be like, damn. I will be like, damn, I hope we meet them someday.

Speaker 2 (01:03:23):
Same here. They're like,

Speaker 1 (01:03:23):
Hey, if you're ever out,

Speaker 2 (01:03:24):
I like girls too.

Speaker 1 (01:03:26):
And they're like, Hey, if you're ever out in Montana, and I'm like, we should go to Montana on vacation.

Speaker 2 (01:03:31):
Let's pray about Amen.

Speaker 1 (01:03:35):
Well, let me read this one. Okay. This has to do it. It says John's voice. That's the subject. I love the person's name on their email. This isn't the real name, Joe Blow. I guarantee that's not his real name. If it is. His parents really loved him,

(01:03:51):
Says Greetings. I was recently listening to your podcast when I realized John's voice sounds just like Steven Orella from the Meat Eater Hunting podcast. That's awesome. I love that podcast. I think him and Joe Rogan are buddies, if I remember. He's like, big Game Hunter. He says, now I can watch or listen without mixing the two up. On another note. Have you both worked or played with the couple from the Swing Nation podcast? No, we haven't worked with 'em or played with him. We don't really talk with who he played with publicly as far as identities, but we've listened to the Swee Nation podcast. Have we? Yeah. Well, I listened to more of 'em than you do. I'm more the marketer researcher, but when we first got into it, the Swing Nation is one of the bigger leading podcasts for the lifestyle that exists, so we have listened to a few of them.

(01:04:49):
I think I've listened to more than you have, and I think they're great. So we haven't worked with 'em, but hey, maybe we should do some sort of collaboration or something. Who knows? Yeah, I think they're bigger and more established. They've been around a lot longer if it's the one I'm thinking of. But yeah, we think there's a lot of great swinger podcasts out there and Swing Nation one of them, and they're, as far as I remember, they're a real big fish, maybe the biggest fish in this lifestyle pond. Awesome. Yeah. Anyway, thanks for everything he says. Have a great one. Well, thank you Joe Blow. Apparently I sound like Steven Ronella, so, all right. We have one more here and we'll wrap it up. Okay. I know it's starting to go along a little bit, but this looks like it might be from a lady.

Speaker 2 (01:05:34):
Yep. Newbie non-club advice. Hi, John and June. I've listened to several episodes of your podcast and I've gotten a lot of great advice, particularly involving conversations to have with my husband and how to process feelings after encounters. Oh, I'm so glad to hear that we, that's a

Speaker 1 (01:05:52):
Huge

Speaker 2 (01:05:52):
Key right there. That really is. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:05:55):
This person may have just saved your relationship if you got that, if you heard that.

Speaker 2 (01:06:00):
Yeah. We've met one couple for a vanilla brunch that lasted three hours. We're hoping to meet again, but that's our only experience so far. We did have a great conversation on the way home and feel great about the interaction. We are in a rural area of the south where there are no clubs in the vicinity. Most of your experience seems to be with meeting people in the club, but there are a lot of us who only have access to the community through apps. So my questions are okay, she's got nice that she's got 'em numbered like that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:06:36):
Well, number one, we just moved from a giant city with a club to a very small town on the other side of the country in the Midwest. So at the time of this podcast episode, we are literally in your same position, so just know that's where we're speaking from as we answer this email.

Speaker 2 (01:06:55):
Number one, can you or maybe someone offer advice on meeting people online? That's the first one.

Speaker 1 (01:07:02):
Yes. We can go to the show notes. Click on the swing easy link. It's also on the website, and that's the free PDF that has three or four main online sites and resources where you can meet others. So it's right down there. Just go to the link that says something about meet others in the next, meet other swingers in the lifestyle in your area. Next 24 hours, something like that. Next 24 hours. Yeah, you'll see it right there in the show notes. So that's our best resource because it has all the resources we've used to meet real people in real time and actually do it. They're in that one resource.

Speaker 2 (01:07:40):
Yeah, exactly. Number two, how do we make the transition from a conversation to the bedroom? I do know it should be organic, but as newbies, we could use some more specific tips.

Speaker 1 (01:07:53):
Okay, so let's unpack that.

Speaker 2 (01:07:55):
So how do we make the transition from a conversation to the bedroom

Speaker 1 (01:07:59):
With another couple? If

Speaker 2 (01:08:00):
You're sitting there, it sounds like it. Yeah, I do know it should be organic, but as newbies, we could use some more specific tips. Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:08:07):
Well, that's kind of a fear point. How do we transition from having drinks chatting to, Hey, let's go mess around.

Speaker 2 (01:08:17):
I think mean maybe starting out with just saying, so what are you guys, look, how long have y'all been in the lifestyle? Or what are y'all guys into? Or what are you looking to try in the lifestyle?

Speaker 1 (01:08:32):
Yeah. A lot of times, I'll say something. Is there anything specifically you're interested in trying in the lifestyle tonight? When you came here tonight, was there anything you were hoping you would be able to try or you would like to try sometime soon? Because if they say something that you, you were willing to do, you could at least at the very least just say, well, hey, just so you know, no pressure. We like that too. So if you'd like to try that, we're totally cool with that and we would love to try that with you. I remember the first time June kissed a girl. You made out with her then? I did. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:09:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:09:09):
And what she told you was, well, we told her that you told her you really want to try kissing a lady, but you've never done it and you were nervous. Very. And what did she say? She said, well, no pressure, but if you would like me to be that person for you, I would be happy to do that for you. No pressure at all. And ended up happening that way.

Speaker 2 (01:09:33):
It, I think the different, we met up, we went and had dinner with them the next week after we first met them. We had dinner with them. Then that, and that night, I had that next week I had said that, and so I think that night it actually happened. So it was like the week later it happened, and she was my first kiss.

Speaker 1 (01:09:52):
So think about that. Just put it out there, what you came for, and just ask somebody else. Is there anything in particular specifically you all are hoping to try tonight in the lifestyle? They might go, they might say, yeah, my lady, she's looking to try two guys at once. And if you're a couple who's down with that, you could say, well, hey, she has her guy and there's me here. I can be the second guy if she'd like, but no pressure. And that's the thing with us too. If it's something we we'll just say, well, hey, we're happy to be that for you. We're happy to try that with you, but no pressure at all if you don't want to. We don't take it personal. It's totally fine. And I remember we saw swapped the one time with a couple friends of ours in the theater room at the club, and that's exactly how that conversation went. You and I were playing, they were playing with each other, and I think I just said something like, Hey, we'd love to soft swap if you guys at the very least or more if you'd like to, but no pressure. We just wanted to put it out there and let you know. And what a huge compliment to somebody, by the way. Yeah,

Speaker 2 (01:11:06):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (01:11:06):
And they, they're like, yeah, let us go. Shit. Think. They're like, yeah, I got to run to the bathroom. I, we'll be right back. And I think they probably just want to talk about it too. And they came back and we did, and everyone seemed to have a good time. So that's how that went down. Yeah,

Speaker 2 (01:11:24):
I think that's probably the best way. Yeah,

Speaker 1 (01:11:26):
That's the line we use though. Is there anything you're looking to try tonight? And if it clicks with you, offer and offer with no pressure and truly mean it? Yeah. I mean, yeah, offer with no pressure and just be nice.

Speaker 2 (01:11:43):
Yeah. Number three, how do we determine if a house party is safe or not?

Speaker 1 (01:11:51):
Well, number one, I don't think we've been to an actual house

Speaker 2 (01:11:55):
Party. I haven't up been a house party. We didn't have a hotel, little cian party thing. We've been on a house party.

Speaker 1 (01:12:00):
This is similar to one. What I would do, I would get on these lifestyle apps and sites, again, just go to the Swing Easy PDF and the show notes, and you'll see 'em read other people's reviews. A lot of times people will post their house party events on these sites and people will post reviews about how it was, yeah, one star, five star Absolut

Speaker 2 (01:12:26):
Comments. Absolutely. I'd be reading those.

Speaker 1 (01:12:29):
Some people say like, wow, it was so easygoing. There was no pressure. It was fun. Other people, whether they put it on there or not, if you ask about it, sometimes people will message you and say, it was fucking weird. We were uncomfortable. We didn't stay more than 20 minutes. Wouldn't recommend it. We've gotten that message from a couple friends of ours about a particular house party that was

Speaker 2 (01:12:51):
Near us that we were going to try, and I felt weird because the guy messaged me privately. Yeah. Oh, I hope you wear that lingerie to the house party. And I'm like, I've not talked to you. Not once, dude.

Speaker 1 (01:13:03):
We don't even know what he looks like, let alone. Yeah. And then our friends, or a couple friends told us, we went, it was weird. We wouldn't recommend it. And we're the

Speaker 2 (01:13:12):
Main guy that you're talking about hit on me too. And he was really weird and made it awkward. So yeah. I think that's John hit it on the nail is just go on those apps and go there and research. Yeah. Because people are going to talk about it.

Speaker 1 (01:13:27):
Well, and if anybody in the lifestyle locally

Speaker 2 (01:13:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:13:32):
Who's been to a particular house party, just ask 'em like, Hey, how was it? Was it weird? Or was it great? What was your experience there? Most people we found to be pretty honest. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:13:48):
And then the last one says, what do you do to protect yourselves from STDs or STIs?

Speaker 1 (01:13:54):
Well, the biggest thing I mean is, you know, can ask people, how often do you get tested? Have you been tested? Obviously we always use condoms, always, you know, can always get tested however frequently you choose to. By the way, if you do want an excellent STI testing, we highly recommend Shameless Care, which if you click on the link in the show notes to the ED medication to help you stay hard, harder, stronger, longer, that's the same company that has STI testing and they even have additional testing that's included that doctor's offices actually don't offer. So it's more extensive. Wow. Yeah. So just go to that link about the ED medication. You still can also get, if you use the code new N E w, when you check out, you actually get a huge percentage or $30 off or something like that for using that. So just go check that out. But mainly they have ED medication as well as STI testing, things like that.

Speaker 2 (01:15:11):
But main, for us, a big thing that we do is we always use condoms. Whoever wants to play with me, they're using a condom. If they want to play with John, they're using whatever, like he's using the condom.

Speaker 1 (01:15:24):
Yeah. Now, some people say, well, condoms don't stop everything. And you're right, they don't, but they do. I think statistically, I think they block, I think over 99% or around 99% of things. Now, if it's something where it's like skin contact transmission, like, oh, your ball sack touched something on somebody else. Okay, well, the condom wasn't covering that part. Just be smart with things.

Speaker 2 (01:15:53):
I always wash afterwards too, after I'm done playing with somebody. I buy the summers Eve, there's other brands out there, but I use a Summers Eve that's a para, it's probiotic, pre prebiotic, I think it's called, and it's wash that I'll wash down there after I'm done playing with somebody just in, because just another measure of SAN being clean and sanitary.

Speaker 1 (01:16:17):
Yeah. Well, that particular one also have something to do with pH levels.

Speaker 2 (01:16:21):
Oh, yes, yes, you're right. It does actually, it says making sure your levels are pH level. So yeah, like I say that to say, yeah, I use that personally as well too. Just another buffer.

Speaker 1 (01:16:36):
Yeah. Oh, wait. Oh, wow. There's, okay, there's two more you want to do? Two more is getting be a longer episode. We don't normally do a, I don't think one this long.

Speaker 2 (01:16:50):
Well, we can, let's do it. Let's do 'em real quick.

Speaker 1 (01:16:52):
Let's, let's do it. We're already on this. Yeah. So this one,

Speaker 2 (01:16:57):
Two pages.

Speaker 1 (01:16:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:17:00):
Okay. Hey y'all. What about fears and anxiety though? Hey, y'all, first, thank you so much. Being honest in your podcast. While it is super sexy to listen to the sexy shenanigans other podcasts can get into, you won't believe how refreshing it is to hear a couple sound more real about how shit goes down when figuring out the lifestyle. Well, thank you. That means a lot.

Speaker 1 (01:17:26):
Yeah. Well, shit has gone up and down. It

Speaker 2 (01:17:28):
Has

Speaker 1 (01:17:29):
Quite a few times. So yeah. Again, this person's right. You're literally watching our journey. This is not scripted like

Speaker 2 (01:17:37):
Anything. Yeah, it's not. It never is.

Speaker 1 (01:17:38):
And we're learning all this for the first time too.

Speaker 2 (01:17:41):
Oh, well, thank you. I shed sometimes I just pulled

Speaker 1 (01:17:44):
It giant like a cat. I just pulled it giant piece of hair out from between her fingers where she's holding the phone. Yes. In case you wonder why she thanked me. I know it's random, but go ahead.

Speaker 2 (01:17:55):
I also appreciate that you do listen listener emails because it is so hard to find people to talk to openly about the more difficult sides of this adventure. We have a couple that we really like and have become friends. I love fantasize fantasizing with my husband over our morning coffee about our upcoming play dates or him sexting with the other woman. They're so hot together, and I love seeing him excited by her naughtiness. She is more submissive than me, and it turns me on seeing him fulfill those fantasies. But then there are times when a switch goes off and I start to feel anxious and my mind starts running through all the fears of him not wanting me as much or insecurity about my looks or body. She is a super hotty by most people's standards, and I'm, let's see, I'm the duff designated ugly fat friend, but I do have a baller personality. Lol.

Speaker 1 (01:18:56):
Well, here's, I'm going to stop right there real quick. I'm going to say you say she's a perfect 10. She's a super hobby, super hot. By most standards, I wouldn't refer to yourself as a duff designated ugly, fat friend. Yeah. One thing we've won that's just not very nice to yourself, and it's not, probably not as realistic as you think it is because we're all our own worst enemies, but in the lifestyle that there's nothing else we've learned is that everyone likes all kinds of different body types. Some people like this skinny super model type, others, women with more on 'em, and it all just depends on who you're with and what their preference is. So I mean, there's somebody for, there's people, not somebody. There's literally people for every body type in the lifestyle. So don't be so hard on yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:19:51):
Yeah, I would, yeah, definitely. I would say be kinder to yourself for sure. My husband is amazing and supportive. We have a strong, solid marriage of 21 years, and I hate to see him feel bad because I can't get out of my head. He gets confused when I flip the switch, but he is caring and loves me through my silence. I just can't find the ability to tell him I feel bad about myself and that I compare myself to her. I think I would really hurt him that I have kept these feelings to myself, and he will feel guilty for all the good times he had had with this couple. As couples and individuals, we get along fabulous. There's respect, boundaries, attraction, and a real friendship. But sometimes I just start to feel like shit. So my question is, do you struggle with anxieties and fears alongside the excitement? Does it go away with time or how do you manage it? Thank you for any help in all the best in the new town. I'm sure y'all will be converting the masses in no time. That's funny. Okay, so the question

Speaker 1 (01:21:03):
Is, I think this is a big question for you. Yeah. Because this is stuff you've dealt with and not really me.

Speaker 2 (01:21:12):
Do you struggle with anxieties and fears alongside the excitement? Absolutely. I still feel like there's times it creeps up, I'll be really great, and I'm way better than I ever have nine months ago today. God, way better. But I still feel there's times where I, I'll get in my head, and it's just me getting in my head and letting fears take over.

Speaker 1 (01:21:40):
Yeah. Don't believe everything you think.

Speaker 2 (01:21:42):
No,

Speaker 1 (01:21:43):
I don't know who said it, but that's a damn good quote. Don't believe everything you think, because we all have these imagined worst case scenarios, most of which probably never actually end up happening, but we think on 'em, and then we start feeling emotions based on then our body physiologically, literally reacts in such a way as if that thing is actually happening to us when you might just be sitting on the couch or driving down the road and it's not happening, but your body and your mind is responding as if it literally is taking place, and that is not healthy for you.

Speaker 2 (01:22:20):
So I definitely have those times still that anxiety or fear takes over or I'm trying to think of something real quick. Just even just meeting new couples, I'll get nervous just meeting new couples, whether we play with them or not. I'm like, oh my God, we're meeting a new couple. John's over there. I'm so excited. And I'm like, I'm excited, but I'm really nervous too. Well,

Speaker 1 (01:22:53):
Don't go into meeting new people with this idea that you're going to have to play with 'em. Just meet 'em because hey, we're making new friends in the area, and that's all there is to it. It never starts with anything more than that. So don't put any extra pressure on you because you're both in the lifestyle that, or we're going to meet 'em then have to do something like, no, you don't. But I know that's part of getting in your head, meeting new people. Sometimes you're like, well, are we going to, you just start thinking, how's it going to work? Or how are we going to, what if we do? Or it's like, stop. Let's just get to know him. And the rest happens on its own if it does.

Speaker 2 (01:23:36):
But yeah, I mean, think, let's see. I can't find the ability to tell him I feel bad about myself and Okay, prepare myself to her.

Speaker 1 (01:23:46):
She doesn't want him to feel bad if she tells him how she feels. So should she tell him, or what do you think?

Speaker 2 (01:23:56):
I think you don't hide anything from your spouse, including how you feel, even if you don't know why you feel the way you feel if you're still trying to figure it out. I would still be like, I don't know why I'm feeling this way right now, but I'm feeling this way and I don't really know why, but I'm just want to be honest with you that I'm feeling this way. And I don't know. I think just being honest with him, I don't think hiding is a good tactic, I don't think,

Speaker 1 (01:24:26):
Well, she already said he's loving and supportive, which is a huge plus. Yes. So he's already open to hearing. You might just sit down with him sometime and say, Hey, I really love it when we play with so-and-so, that couple. But to be totally honest, sometimes I get inside my head and I start to feel insecure or whatever when we are, not all the time, but sometimes I just wanted to let you know that because I really enjoy playing with them. But also I have this going through my head and I don't think it's healthy for me to keep it into myself. And if he's already honest and supportive with you and caring and supportive, I don't think that would make him feel bad. It would depend on the person, but I think he could more be your ally to help you think and talk through those things, because it doesn't sound like you're pointing it at him as, it's your fault.

(01:25:23):
I feel this way. I don't feel that at all. Not from what we're reading, but he could actually be more of your ally. So again, what I would say is, Hey, I know we love playing with that couple, and I'm sure we'll continue to, but sometimes when we do, I get inside my head and I feel this way. I don't know if you have any thoughts on that. I don't know if I'm just making things up in my head, but I just wanted to let you know that because I want us to be honest with each other and to stay that way so we can both continue to have a successful relationship and get to know each other better and ourselves, something like that. I don't think I would feel bad. I mean, I wouldn't be in a relationship with any human being in the lifestyle and not expect them to have some hangups along the way.

Speaker 2 (01:26:16):
Yeah, it's so true. And because she's saying that that would be human, I guess, that him and that lady sex each other,

Speaker 1 (01:26:23):
But she said she's okay with that. She likes it. She likes the fact that he gets off with that. So that's the thing she enjoys. She likes seeing him get excited by that. So that is something she enjoy,

Speaker 2 (01:26:35):
But then enjoys. There are times then the switch goes off and I start feeling anxious and my mind starts running.

Speaker 1 (01:26:40):
Well, maybe just tell him that 'em what you're telling us. I can't speak for every man, but if he was me, if I was your guy, I'd be happy to know that you're sharing this with me so I can do what I can do to get rid of those fears and anxiety to help you so we can enjoy the lifestyle more together. And not to know that you're not just suffering silently, because that would be worse to find out. Yeah, I'd be glad you're telling me.

Speaker 2 (01:27:11):
Well, yeah, I, and see one thing that, and this is just us because everybody has their kinks and their likes or whatever, but for us, it's kind of like, we'll, group text with people, but I don't text a guy by him by himself. I don't, and he doesn't text a girl. That's just our thing because

Speaker 1 (01:27:32):
We do all this together.

Speaker 2 (01:27:33):
We do it all together, and I don't really, I don't even have some of the friends that we talk to. I don't have their boyfriend or their husband's number in my phone. Because for me, it's kind of like, well, I don't really want there to be any way, I guess to, I'm so far the other way of, I want to protect what we have so much that I don't even want to have a guy's name in my phone. But that's just us though. But for us, that's what, I just don't even have a guy's number in my phone.

Speaker 1 (01:28:05):
And some people, they're into hot wing, so hey, she'll go out and play with another guy, come back and tell 'em about it, and they play separate

Speaker 2 (01:28:14):
And then get off

Speaker 1 (01:28:15):
Together then. And that's what they're into. So

Speaker 2 (01:28:18):
I know everybody has their own thing, but I think just being open and honest with him is the best thing that you can do so that he knows, Hey, I don't know why I have these times where it switches and I'm not okay. I know for me personally, sometimes I'll get in my head and sometimes it's because I'm wanting John to be more dominant, and it's been a week since he's been more dominant with me. I know for me, once a week, I like the rough stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:28:49):
Well, and the reason she says that is because when she is controlled and dominated, she feels cared about and loved, which was a hard, long fucking thing to finally discover. But in a blowout fucking argument while drinking vodka, I yelled at her one day and I said, I was so far off the deep end arguing, I was just saying the worst fucking shit I could think of. And then she sat there quietly on the steps and goes, responded by saying, this is going to sound crazy, but that really turned me on. And I'm like, what the fuck

Speaker 2 (01:29:28):
It did? I was so wet and

Speaker 1 (01:29:30):
Just fuck, problem solved. And I'm like, that's what you like. Why didn't you just say be mean to me? Tell me what the fuck to do not mean, but

Speaker 2 (01:29:39):
Just dominate over me, but tell me what to do, who I'm going to fuck

Speaker 1 (01:29:45):
You

Speaker 2 (01:29:45):
Even, because that was kind of what it was. You're like, I'm going to fuck this person so I can fuck the girl, and you're going to fuck

Speaker 3 (01:29:51):
This guy so I can fuck this guy. And I was like, okay.

Speaker 1 (01:29:56):
Yeah. In real life, I am not.

Speaker 2 (01:29:59):
No. That kind of guy, not

Speaker 1 (01:30:00):
At all. I, I've been more the, I was born a bad boy, but became a co boy because I was taught I supposed to be. Yep. And the courier boy is what was destroying our marriage. So I went back to being the bad boy for the first time in my adult life, and we've never been better. So obviously this is all consensual and Yeah,

Speaker 2 (01:30:18):
Absolutely. But yeah, we had to find what works for us and what's the issues. And so for me, I found one of the times that when we'd fought and stuff, it's because I'm, it's been a week and I need my time where he's more dominant over me

Speaker 1 (01:30:33):
Sometimes. She just needs to have her fucking hair pulled and

Speaker 2 (01:30:36):
My ass slapped. Real hard

Speaker 1 (01:30:37):
Ass slapped, and

Speaker 2 (01:30:37):
Multiple times

Speaker 1 (01:30:39):
Bent over hard and tied up and ta I'm just kidding. Tasered. Just

Speaker 2 (01:30:46):
Kidding.

Speaker 1 (01:30:47):
Hey, we're not into electric play yet. We haven't tried it. Sometimes you just need to be blindfolded, gag tied up and fucked really rough. So

Speaker 2 (01:30:57):
Yeah, I just say all that to say, I get it being in your head because, and do I still have times where anxieties or fears creep up? Yeah. I think it's a growing process, and I'm way better today than I was nine months ago, but

Speaker 1 (01:31:19):
If we never talked about any of that, yeah, we wouldn't be here.

Speaker 2 (01:31:23):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:31:23):
Yeah. You're stunting your own growth by not talking about it. And if it does hurt his feelings, look, he's human. He's a man. He'll

Speaker 2 (01:31:31):
Get over it. And at least he knows

Speaker 1 (01:31:33):
How you feel. Not to sound harsh, but we get over shit. But also, I would imagine, and again, I don't know this guy, but most guys I know, especially if he's supportive of you in the lifestyle, yeah. It's not going to be as bad as you think. Yeah, probably. Yeah, it's It's always worse in your head.

Speaker 2 (01:31:50):
Oh yeah. Wait, almost always. Oh my gosh. For me, almost like 99% of the time, it's always worse in my head.

Speaker 1 (01:31:55):
So was there another question in here?

Speaker 2 (01:31:59):
No, that was all.

Speaker 1 (01:32:00):
Okay. Well, we hope that was helpful. And we have one more very short email, and then we're going to wrap it up.

Speaker 2 (01:32:09):
I recently started listening to your podcast and find it interesting. I've been in a swinger's club, had multiples of different arrangements, and I'm a bisexual woman. My boyfriend has been in a lifestyle and loves multiple women and transsexuals, the difference between us is I have only played with people and not emotionally connected to, while he has, also, he doesn't want to be with other men, I'm nervous about how I will feel because I do love him. And watching him have sex with others might bother me as well as I think it's unfair that I can't have intercourse with another man. I think it should be equal, especially if he gets to have sex with a trans, so he can do whatever, but I'm limited to what he desires. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Speaker 1 (01:33:05):
Yeah, that's pretty fucked up. In other words, I get to do what I want, but you can't do what you want. Yeah. That's not fair at all.

Speaker 2 (01:33:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:33:15):
Yeah. Now, it probably comes from a place of fear somewhere in him probably. But if he gets to do what he wants, why shouldn't you get to do what you want? Yeah. That's a fucking no.

Speaker 2 (01:33:30):
Now, when we've came up with that, at the beginning of the lifestyle, for the first several months I was playing, and then when he, John would go to do stuff, it was always a fight afterwards, but it was always because whatever the fear was or getting out of my head and all that shit. So I don't know if your husband has stuff that he has to overcome first, I don't know, to work through like I did. I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:33:55):
Well, next time he says, and you know, don't have to do this, but how would it be if next time he says, I want to play with a woman or trans, I'm going to go do this. And he says, you can't play with anyone else. You just say, okay, well, I'm going to go play with another guy and you do what you want. Well, he would probably oppose you. And you go, well, wait a minute. You're getting to do what you want. Why are your desires in the lifestyle priority over mine? Yeah. Why are yours more important than mine? Why do you get to enjoy and explore yourself in the lifestyle? But I don't get the same thing. And I'm going to tell you this right now in life, we get what we fucking tolerate. If you fucking tolerate it, you're going to keep getting this from this guy. Yeah. I'm not saying it's easy, but again, we get what we tolerate, so stop fucking tolerating it. And you might have some fights over it, you might have some issues, but end of the day, my question is why is it? Is he priority over you?

Speaker 2 (01:35:00):
Yeah. Why is it okay for him to do all the things, but it's not okay for you?

Speaker 1 (01:35:05):
And if there's fears, talk, try to discover those things so that can talk through them with him. So you can amicably and peacefully work through it. But yeah, if he gets to enjoy himself, you should get to enjoy yourself too. You do get to enjoy yourself. Unless you don't enforce it. Unless you keep tolerating this. But yeah, whole, I get to enjoy my thing, but you don't get to enjoy yours. No, that's bullshit.

Speaker 2 (01:35:31):
Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 1 (01:35:32):
Double standard, complete bullshit.

Speaker 2 (01:35:34):
So I would say if it's in a case we were where I was just had to overcome shit, I would just like, you guys need to have that conversation. Hey, is there something that you're trying to work through? What is the deal? Why do you have a fear or something that's like, are you thinking I'm going to leave you for another guy because I play with a different guy? What is it? You need to find out? What is it that he's afraid of? Well,

Speaker 1 (01:36:01):
And he's not just playing with other women. Most people we meet, he's playing wi with women and trans. Yeah. So he's playing with two different types of people. You're only asking to play wi with one other type, another guy. So yeah, double standards. Yeah, that that's a no for me and talk it out, be respectful. But end of the day, this is something I don't fucking budge on, which is one reason it was a pretty rough for us because that I was the person being told that June was exploring herself, but she had fears and things that made it difficult for me to enjoy myself. But this is a zero tolerance. I told her before, nobody's bitch, if you're going to play, I'm going to fucking play. You're going to explore yourself and develop. And in the lifestyle I'm going to also, there's none of this.

(01:37:03):
You get to play and have fun and explore yourself. And I don't fuck that. Zero. None. Not happening. It's a brick fucking wall and you're not getting through it. It's a hard line are you're going to accept this about me or shit's about to change, we're going to talk about this and deal with it, or shit is going to change dramatically and probably pretty quick because I'm not going to have you enjoying yourself, and I just have to sit here in the fucking corner and not enjoying myself. But that's what it sounds like he's doing to you. It's probably coming from a place of fear of some sort. If he'll be transparent and honest with you. If you have that kind of relationship, which I hope you do, not everyone does, you can probably get through this pretty easy with him just through talking over a period of time and working through it.

(01:37:51):
If he's still, I mean, he's one of these the only true toxic masculinity guys. Not the bullshit you hear on the news about how all guys are assholes and toxic. I mean, a real asshole, a real double standard, narcissistic fucking piece of shit. Those guys are out there. If he's one of those, he's probably not changing. And you're probably stuck this way as long as you're going to be with him or else he's going to have to face the facts that you're going to go do what you want anyway, because he gets to, so why shouldn't you? We don't know what kind of guy he is, so I'm not saying he's one or the other. But yeah, we have a belief now. I think we both always believed that. Yeah, I think it was just harder for you to see me explore with other people because I think it was, was it just shocking to you? Oh

Speaker 2 (01:38:42):
My gosh, yeah. And it's a little disturbing only because it's something new. It's

Speaker 1 (01:38:47):
So new and

Speaker 2 (01:38:47):
So deep, and I'm like

Speaker 1 (01:38:49):
Sacred. We were taught

Speaker 2 (01:38:50):
Well that, and because when you're with your person, you don't see what it looks like when they're enjoying you. I was seen, oh, cause you're the person, because I'm always the person. So for me, it's like, well, shit, is he, he enjoying that girl more than he is me because I've never seen him look. You know what I mean? Because when you are in the moment with your person, you don't see how they look and things like that. So for me, it was, I think it was almost hurtful to see, but only because I was thinking, oh my God, is he enjoying this person more because it was brand new to see him with anybody that wasn't me.

Speaker 1 (01:39:36):
And the truth truthfully with me, I don't enjoy anybody more than you.

Speaker 2 (01:39:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:39:43):
It's just, it's sexual enjoyment. It's not more or less, there's not a scoring system. There's not a grading system, there's not a hierarchy of pleasure. It's just fun. For me, variety is the spice life. I like having different experiences. One, all my experiences in lifestyle with women, I don't think one's better than the other. They're all just different, which is icing on the cake replace us. It's just an addition to that's fun. And we could live with or without it. But yeah, nobody's better than you. It's everyone's just different. Everyone's got their own body and smell and feel and the way they are. And to me, at least in my experience, nobody's better than anybody. They're all just different. And as a guy, I just like having fun. I don't give a shit.

(01:40:42):
I'm just here for the pleasure there that we should make a t-shirt that says that. Edit it to my swinger already. I have married with benefits, and then I have the one that says, I'm just here to fuck wife. And you have one too. Yes, I do. Because we often fuck wives together. But yeah, I'm just here for the pleasure. I don't think about anything. I just, I'm here to have fun and feel pleasure, and when we're done, we're done. Maybe it's because I'm a guy and I'm such a rational, logical, to the point thinker, it might just be the way I think because I just don't give a fuck. I'm here to have fun. There's no drama involved. I've never wanted to play a part from you. But the only times I've ever said, you know what? It'd be fucking great. We were times when you were bringing up so much drama after you had fun then. Well, I tried to have fun, and there was so much drama about me having fun where I'm like, it'd be great without you there, only because I wouldn't get bitched at, but it's not that I don't want you there. Yeah. It's that I don't want to give bitched at for being there, enjoying myself, because I don't bitch at you when you enjoy yourself. But it was one of those things that we worked through. But I hope that helps.

Speaker 2 (01:41:58):
Gosh. Yeah. I hope so. But

Speaker 1 (01:41:59):
Yeah, with this guy, I think you said it was her husband, boyfriend. Her boyfriend. If he gets to play with other people. Yeah. And if he has a problem with that, you might need to find yourself a new boyfriend. I don't believe we should not be who we are because somebody else isn't okay with it. Because that hurts you in the long run in ways with implications and baggage in ways that you might not even notice or see right now or for years to come and take care of yourself. He's putting his priorities first and his kinks and desires first. Why shouldn't you be able to, yep. Yeah, exactly. That's a hard line for me. I would not negotiate on that, but that's just me.

(01:42:42):
So this has been a longer episode than usual, but we had a good number of emails. If you want to have your question possibly featured, just send us an email. It'll be right anonymously. Again, just like today, send us an email at new swingers podcast gmail.com. New swingers podcast gmail.com. If you want to see how hot June is and your pierced 32, double to triple deed, boobies and nipples, even out in the woods on the four wheeler today, Nike and topless, go check out her only fans. It's the first link in the show notes. It's also on the website, new swingers podcast.com. And yeah, we've enjoyed doing this q and a for you. Yeah, and it's

Speaker 2 (01:43:29):
Been good. It's been lots of great questions. Thank you guys for rotten us. And what an honor it is to be able to try to answer your questions as best as we can, because like I said, we're just documenting our journey and what we've learned along the way, and we love all of you guys. And thank you so much for listening.

Speaker 1 (01:43:52):
Yeah. Send us an email or connect with us, whatever. Go have fun. Go swing.

New Swingers Podcast

34- Answering Your New Swinger Questions & Emails!

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