41- How To Handle Insecurities, Reconcile Religion, and Minimize Jealousy In The Swinger Lifestyle

Have you ever feared your partner might get a little "too interested" in someone else if you're in the swinger lifestyle? Is the swinger lifestyle just a bunch of "beautiful people" who are perfect 10's and you fear you won't measure up? How does the Christian religion conflict or blend with the swinger lifestyle, and how do you reconcile the two?

In today's episode, we discuss each of these issues briefly according to our own experiences and opinions, and how we are still moving forward together in the swinger lifestyle in spite of those issues and continuing to happily have the best sex of our lives!

We believe you can, too. Give today's episode a listen!


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Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Welcome back to the New Swinger podcast. I'm John.

Speaker 2 (00:03):

I'm June.

Speaker 1 (00:05):

Look at us trying to sound all official. We should lead that in Today we're going to talk about how to handle insecurities, religion, and jealousy in the swinger lifestyle. That's where it kept coming from. I was looking at the title of the episode now. This is a lot to cover today, and so we're going to address them.

Speaker 2 (00:28):

I

Speaker 1 (00:28):

Wouldn't say briefly, yes, I mean, you can't do an entire deep dive on this many topics in one episode, but we have some emails concerning these issues, which these are major issues people deal with insecurities, jealousy, things like that. And also, are people better looking than us? Is it all just beautiful people? And the lifestyle as you define beautiful and you'll get what? That's not me saying it. That's the email we'll read to you. And also there's a question about religion, about faith and how does that overlap with the lifestyle? So I know we've addressed that briefly on another episode, but if you haven't heard it, then this might be good for you as well today. So yeah, we took a break this past summer for a few months, never got around to announcing it, so our apologies if there's a three month standstill with us. And we just had a lot going on and our kids were home a lot, and so we didn't really get a chance to let you all know. But thank you for all the emails that you sent asking, are we still doing it? It was good to see that people actually noticed

(01:40):

And that people were listening and that what it meant to us is that it was valuable and that's why so many of you reached out. So we're glad to be back. We might be doing this podcast more maybe once every couple of weeks rather than once a week just due to our schedules.

Speaker 2 (01:57):

But

Speaker 1 (01:58):

We will see, and we are here for you. Any words, June?

Speaker 2 (02:05):

Yes, we missed y'all for sure, but yeah, like he said, it was the summer. It was too hard to get away to come and do a podcast naked if our kids are home. So yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:22):

Alright, June, here's the first email. Subject line is first time listener. Well, welcome to our podcast. They say, Hey, John June, I just found your podcast. I'm on episode number four and I'm sharing your show with my wife. Awesome. That right there is progress. I'm glad that this person can share it with their spouse.

Speaker 2 (02:45):

Definitely

Speaker 1 (02:45):

Some people are. One of the issues a lot of people face is how do I present this idea to my spouse? I know just a few years ago, there's no way I would've ever known to even mention the lifestyle to you. I really enjoy your podcast and look forward to catching up to your current episodes. We're not in the lifestyle but are curious about it. We have agreed to go to a club and that would be on our bucket list of things we are ready to do soon. I have three questions. I know my wife has similar concerns as well for you, that if you have time to answer, I would be most appreciative. So the question they're asking today though, he says, we have listened to several swinger lifestyle podcasts and they never describe encounters with average or normal people. Okay, let's see what they mean by that. Every encounter is with a beautiful, attractive, hot person or couple. We are in our mid fifties, are in very good shape, attractive and look younger than our years. But what we infer from podcast education is that everyone is probably a step above us, meaning they're hotter, bigger dicks, bigger breasts, great bodies, pretty faces. We are concerned about showing up at a club or event and not measuring up. Is everyone in the lifestyle youthful and a nine out of 10 or a 10?

(04:16):

Well, my answer is no, but I'm going to let June take it from here.

Speaker 2 (04:23):

Yes, those people are out there, but not every single person that's there at the clubs are a nine out of a 10. Sometimes we'll go and there's a really beautiful woman and maybe she's not the 120 pound chick, but she's very beautiful and I guess I'm attracted to all kinds of women. So yes, I have a go-to top, but I also have played with women who are beautiful and they're not the 10 out, a 10 or nine out of a 10 person

Speaker 1 (05:04):

Like a Barbie doll.

Speaker 2 (05:05):

Yeah, they're not all Barbie dolls. I think there's a great mixture of both in the lifestyle. I think same with the guys. There's some that are super good looking take care of themselves, and then there's some that are like a seven or an eight that are not because, and I say seven or eight for me personally because maybe they still have a great body, but they don't have the six pack, which for me is not a deal breaker for me. But again, that's different with their preference of what they like or are attracted to. But I think in the lifestyle or in the clubs, from my personal experience, I think you find a good combination of both.

Speaker 1 (05:47):

Well, and I'll say not only that, you have literally go walk through a shopping mall. Those people are what people like swinger parties and swinger clubs. You have everybody from maybe one or two that might be considered a nine or 10 out of 10 all the way to your average Joe or average Jane or whoever you want to call it, all across the spectrum now by saying beautiful. You have to recognize that everyone has a different kind of attraction. Everyone has their ideal kind of body type they're attracted to or different features they're attracted to. So when you're saying, is everyone a nine out of a 10? We assume you mean Barbie, are they Kennon Barbie? And yes, those people are out there. I would say the average person is probably just average though. I mean, again, go walk through a local shopping mall or walk down the street and you'll probably pass some swingers and not know it, but it's people of all ages, all sizes, all looks, all types, all colors. It's everybody. It's literally no different for me, at least from walking through a shopping mall. So I think that the quick answer to what you're asking is will we measure up?

(07:18):

I would say yes, you'll definitely measure up because everybody of every body type and age group and ethnicity really is in the lifestyle.

Speaker 2 (07:28):

Yes, definitely.

Speaker 1 (07:30):

Yeah. And so I don't think you have to have any worry about will you measure up? If we ever were around people where we felt like we had to measure up, we'd stop showing up because those aren't the kind of people we really want to want to hang around. But again, if you're talking about, oh, people who take super good care of themselves and they're like a nine or a 10 out of 10, that people would say, yeah, those people are around. But that's not most people at a lifestyle club or a party. I mean, again, this is all our judgment in my opinion, based on my judgment and what I like and what I see. I would say the average person at a lifestyle party is probably a six or a seven, 10 being the super hottest, but there's also eights in the occasional nine or 10. But for me at least, most people tend to be like six or sevens. And there might be others who are five or less based on your personal preference and scoring, but you also make a lot of good friends too, and it doesn't really matter. I guess

Speaker 2 (08:38):

I was just going to add too that I know we mentioned before, GI Joe and Barbie, they are the ideal people that you would want to meet. However,

Speaker 1 (08:52):

For us,

Speaker 2 (08:53):

For us, however, they are very fit. But you know what I have noticed, they play with people who aren't maybe just like them. So even if you're not a nine out of a 10, if you're saying that for yourself, well even those nine out of tens, they have their own types of people, and I've seen them play with people who aren't as fit as they are.

Speaker 1 (09:18):

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, not everybody plays only with people who look like them. And so I think that's just kind of something we maybe tell ourselves because maybe there's an insecurity there or obviously, but yeah, again, to sum this up, everyone you can imagine comes to lifestyle events, outlooks, all shapes, sizes, colors, and yeah, just go and enjoy yourself. Guys, have you found it difficult to get and keep an erection while at lifestyle events? If so, you're not alone. And it's common. The new environment and the distractions can contribute to a lack of an erection due to performance anxiety at the very moment you need it the most. I personally ran into this issue early on in the lifestyle and it was super frustrating, but don't worry, there's a solution. If you use our link in the show notes and use the coupon code new NEW at checkout, you'll get $30 off your order of FDA approved ed medication from Shameless Care. So you can get hard and stay hard in the moments that matter most don't question your manhood or feel like less of a man ever again. Just click the link in the show notes right now to get $30 off before the promotion ends so you can get back in the game and blow your sex partner's mind. Click the link right now and simply use the coupon code new NW at checkout.

(10:38):

So the next one, this is a little bit deeper. This next email is a little bit deeper, and the subject line is swinging and Christianity. So we're talking about religion specifically Christianity in this one. Now I'm going to say this, I'm going to preface this. You're going to get a billion different opinions about this topic. We'll give you ours according to what you're asking. Highly controversial, obviously. But anyway, just preface that out there. This is just our take, and that's what you're asking. The email says, and June hasn't seen these, which is why I'm reading them. She's hearing 'em for the first time. I'm very glad I came across your podcast. It has been very informative as my wife and I consider entering the lifestyle. I'm trying to binge listen and catch up. My wife and I are both extremely turned on by the idea of being with other people and have no hesitation anymore with sharing our fantasies with each other. That's awesome. I love that.

Speaker 2 (11:40):

Yeah,

Speaker 1 (11:42):

We place our relationship with each other above all else. It's the cake, as you have put it. We have our faith, and don't doubt that God wants us to have a healthy sex life. We have that together. But both would like to just experiment with more than jealousy or nervousness. What is my biggest hurdle in moving forward is how this affects my walk with Christ. So if you're not a church person, they're referring the walk with Christ, meaning what they have in their mind as their relationship to God. So generally to put it in case you don't come from a church background, I have heard you many times talk about God and how you were each raised. I wonder, do you both still follow God and swing? Have you walked away from faith due to your experiences? I'm eager to learn how the two intertwine.

(12:36):

Please respond as soon as you can. All right, thanks for all you do for newbies and explorers. And this person's also from the state where we used to live. So then there's that. Alright, so there are a few questions in here, and so I'm going to go back and find them real quick and have June take it off. But they have their faith and they had no doubt God wants them to have a healthy sex life. We agree with that. They both want to experiment more. Their biggest hurdle in moving forward is how does it affect your, I guess, your walk with Christ mania, what you would call your relationship with God. That's a big heavy one to drop on you.

Speaker 2 (13:33):

Oh gosh. Okay. I'll just start with saying I still believe in God very much. We have stepped away from church, I would say, and I don't really think it necessarily ties into the swinging for us. It was just a lot of other things that we just didn't agree with if that were hurtful. But I think

Speaker 1 (14:05):

I was just going to reaffirm that I don't know that the lifestyle had anything to do with this taking a break from church.

Speaker 2 (14:10):

No.

Speaker 1 (14:11):

So that might be a distinction between their question, but yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:14):

Yeah. So can you repeat the question? I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (14:20):

Yeah, it's a lot. I'm sorry if I interrupted there. I just wanted to clarify that what is the biggest hurdle in moving forward is how this affects my walk with Christ. I've heard you many times talk about God, how you were each raised. I wonder, do you both still follow God and swing?

Speaker 2 (14:38):

Yes, I would answer yes, we do follow God and we swing at the same time because I also agree that God, us to have a sexy, healthy sex life. And I don't believe anymore that because I'm bisexual that I'm going to hell. So I still struggle with that sometimes, but I feel like no, I still believe very much in God and I swing at the same time.

Speaker 1 (15:16):

And I would say the same again. It wasn't the lifestyle that had us back off from church a bit. We've had other experiences that have influenced our faith and where we're at with it, even though we don't regularly go to church anymore. And again, that doesn't directly come from swinging. We've had other life experiences that have really made us question a lot of things we were taught we're supposed to believe that we just don't know are true anymore. A lot of these things are doctrinal. They're very foundational, especially depending on which church denomination you're a part of.

(16:04):

And we could get into the whole, everything's written by man and the Bible man wrote it, but the rebuttal to that is they're just endless rebuttals. Oh, well, it was inspired by God. Well, that's an opinion. I could write a book and then if somebody argues with me say, well, you can't argue with me because it was inspired by God. Well that would be a matter of opinion. And there's way more to it than that. I mean, that's a mountain of information that we can't possibly touch right now. But yes, we do still very much believe in God. We believe in God actually more now

Speaker 2 (16:40):

Having

Speaker 1 (16:40):

Stepped away from the church because what it's allowed us to do is really explore what and why we believe what we do about God and stepping away from that community. It's allowed us to explore it without the biases and the judgments and the mental chains that put on us telling us what we ought to think about certain things. Sex gay people, hell, what you should or shouldn't wear to the pool if it's going to be really stupid the way June grew up.

Speaker 2 (17:15):

Yes,

Speaker 1 (17:18):

Bikinis are bad. Okay, yeah, just go to a beach maybe. I don't know. So we actually believe in God even more. We've kind of come to the conclusion that he's way, I say he, but God is way more and bigger than we were taught. He is.

Speaker 2 (17:42):

Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1 (17:44):

And so what we realized with church is that they're in a box. God can only be as big as they say he can be, even though God is not inside their box. God might be in that box, but he is also outside of it.

(18:05):

And their box is very limited and it's limited by things that are perceived, lessons perceived in the Bible and the borders and the walls and the barriers of how you should live your life. And it's not all bad, obviously, but there's a lot of things that are, a lot of messages behind a lot of the things that we're taught that in a way contradict the loving God. And so again, we can't really go into all those right now, but I will say this, if you read the Bible, David had multiple wives and several prostitutes that he played with and his son Solomon. Well, number one, David was a man after God's own heart apparently. And he was swinging like hell.

Speaker 2 (19:00):

And

Speaker 1 (19:01):

Also his son, Solomon King Solomon, known as one of the wealthiest and wisest men ever lived, had even more wives and even more prostitutes that he had. So now are those two guys in hell, God after man's own heart or guy after God's own heart or King Solomon? I mean, how was it okay for them to explore their sexuality back then? And it was okay, but it's not okay for us now. Is it because they were royalty that much of the text was being written about? It's just kind of a hypocritical to say, hey, because the guys were kings, they could have the good life, but all you peasants and people not born of royal blood or weren't royalty, you can't do it. It's just kind of bullshit to me.

Speaker 2 (19:52):

I agree. I call bullshit.

Speaker 1 (19:54):

Tell us about that.

Speaker 2 (19:56):

I dunno. It's very hypocritical. Oh, it's okay for this king to have all these wives, all these prostitutes that he's fucking, but not us. Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (20:08):

Well, and think about this too. This gets into the foundation. One of the things that I think has a big crack in it and Christian theology is that we're natural born sinners. That's very doctrinally foundational. You are born bad, separate from God, and now you need Jesus to bridge that gap. Why would God create people he loves and make them a certain way that he will declare bad just so he can tell them how wrong and bad they are, put that sin, that burden on their shoulders, even though he made them that way with that capacity to sin hell, he invented. If you believe in God, God made everything that is including sin and the concept of it. And so if sin originated anywhere, it had to originate from God because everything did whatever you define as God.

(21:10):

I always say if there was a motorcycle company and the motorcycle company fucked up, and at some certain point 150 miles, this motorcycle just blows a gasket. I mean, do you just scrap the bike and take it to a demolition derby? Do you just destroy that thing? Is it the bike's fault? Is it the motorcycle's fault or is it the manufacturer's fault? If you got to recall something and fix it because you fucked up, that's fair. But you can't put the responsibility on the thing, on the creation. Christianity says we have a sin nature. We have innate sin. We're born sinful. Well, if we didn't make ourselves, we can't possibly be responsible for that. We didn't make ourselves. You have to look at who created us. If that's the case, if we're born natural sinners and we're naturally bad as it teaches, that's not on us. And if it is, what you have is a God who doesn't like to take personal responsibility for his fuckups. And some of you might not like that if you come from a church background like us, but prove me wrong. And this isn't my ego. I'm literally, I'm hoping you will prove me wrong. I want to know how it could be different. I just haven't found a way to see it any other way. I mean, if I create something, if I make something with my hands, I create something and it fucks up.

(22:38):

Is it my creation's fault?

Speaker 3 (22:40):

No.

Speaker 1 (22:41):

Or is it my fault? I made it in such a way where it fucks up at a certain point in a certain way.

Speaker 3 (22:48):

Exactly.

Speaker 1 (22:50):

So I hope that helps. All in all with our faith, we don't find anything that actually contradicts it, and that's just us. I'm not saying you have to feel that way. Of course, if you go to any church or any religious group, they're going to tell you otherwise. Definitely. But there's a systematic message that people just buy into. And you have to realize religion has had practice for centuries, belittling putting down and coming up with excuses and arguments against every possible argument that is legitimate that could be brought against them. And so I mean, they have it really well down. And to the typical person who's not a real deep thinker, which is most people, unfortunately, they'll accept those things and just go along with it. But for a deeper thinker, definitely you start asking questions and shit doesn't start to add up sometimes. Oh, what's this one here? I'll go ahead and go ahead and read what you're looking at.

Speaker 2 (23:56):

Well, I thought there was more than one question in there.

Speaker 1 (23:59):

Well, they kind of ran together. Well, have you walked away from your faith due to the lifestyle?

Speaker 2 (24:06):

Oh, well no. Definitely not just church. But like I said, it had nothing to do with the lifestyle though. Yeah, I think that was okay. I just want to make sure that wasn't, make sure we didn't miss anything.

Speaker 1 (24:20):

A lot of that ran together because it was similar. So now I'm going to ask again. I'll read this and then I want you to do some more talking. I talk a lot anyway.

Speaker 2 (24:29):

Amen.

Speaker 1 (24:32):

That was amen. In Texas talk. If you didn't understand that this person says, Hey, so me and my partner are about to start out in the lifestyle, and one thing we we're both bad for is overthinking. I'm the worst at overthinking. She says, what ways are there to be able to help with that? And it's not jealousy as such, it's more like, oh, wait, or Oh, what if we have fun with a couple or a girl and then he starts talking to her without me there and then leaves me for her, if that makes sense. Hope to hear from you for some tips. Well, that's a legitimate question. Any legitimate concern? And so I'm going to turn it back over to June, but I'm going to restate the question right here. Her and her partner are about to start on lifestyle. She's really bad on overthinking. So let's just talk about June overthinking in general. Is overthinking an issue?

Speaker 2 (25:35):

Fuck yes. For me for sure.

Speaker 1 (25:38):

How so?

Speaker 2 (25:41):

I think exactly what she said. It's really been hard for me. I think the main thing is same kind of thing. Like she said, oh, what if he ends up playing? We play with this couple, and then he starts talking to her more and all of that. So I get exactly what she's talking about because I have felt that way many times. Man, this is a good one.

Speaker 1 (26:12):

I want to clarify this. You said you've felt that way many times. Has that ever been a real actual issue you've had to deal with?

Speaker 2 (26:21):

Absolutely not. It's been all in my head.

Speaker 1 (26:24):

Okay. Well, I just want to make that clear. We've been on the same page the whole time, but it's also a good lesson. It's been on your mind. It's just never actually happened.

Speaker 2 (26:34):

Yes. And that's why, I mean, I'm an overthinker. It sounds like she is. And so that's why I meant that. No, that's never actually happened to us. But in my mind I think that, and so I've really had to work on reminding myself, Hey, we're solid. We matter more than anybody that we play with. This literally is the icing on our cake. Or another way I like to put it really, and for me, this has helped me. Hopefully it will help you. This is our warmup for each other. I feel like if I remind myself, Hey, he's enjoying it, maybe she has something that I don't. Maybe because for him, he likes older women. I'll give that an example. He likes older women. I do too. But he likes older women.

Speaker 1 (27:28):

That's one thing I not all that I like. Sorry, I had to clarify.

Speaker 2 (27:36):

Anyways, he likes that. And what I mean by that is I can't be an older woman. I can't because I mean, yeah, I'm almost eight months older, but that's it. So I literally cannot be an older woman for him. So that's one thing he said that he does like that and I do too. But for him, that's one thing. I can't be an older woman for him. So I have found like, hey, there's things that I don't have that maybe these other women have. Maybe they're naturally redheaded or whatever the case is that that person has, that I just physically don't have. Now, if there's things about a woman's body like, oh, she's in really good shape, that would be like, Hey, I could work on being better shape for myself and for him. But we all have our tops and I just have come to realize that this is just a warmup for us. That has really helped me to realize, hey, we're solid. Nothing's going to happen to what we have because we matter more than any of this. This is literally just fun. And it's sprinkles on our cake, occasionally sprinkles on our cake and it warms us up for each other because fuck, every time we've played with couples or people, we come home and fuck like bunnies, like hardcore bunnies,

Speaker 1 (29:08):

Hardcore bunnies.

Speaker 2 (29:11):

So I say that to say I've really had to work on that with myself and still struggle sometimes, but it's been over a year in the lifestyle. And so it's gotten way better. I have to remind myself, Hey, we matter first. We come first. This is just another little bit of a confetti that we can put on our cake that will help us. Honestly, it makes us even more hot for each other. So that's pretty much all I have to say about that. All right. Now I sound like Forrest Gump.

Speaker 1 (29:49):

Well, thank you for the input. I know people really value a woman's side of things as well. And I would say a couple of things. I was writing down some notes as June was talking, realize that better. It could be your perception of better versus different. Doesn't mean better, it just means different. I'm the kind of person when I go to the ice cream shop, I want to try out 31 flavors. When I go to a lifestyle event, I see a lot of different types of beautiful women. Everything in me wants to try every flavor. And that's how you learn what you like or don't like. Sometimes you surprise yourself. But I would say this to be open to each other, evolving and discovering that you like certain things, whether together or individually. But this comes down to communication. Always talk about everything. Don't let there ever be something that is just like in the dark that not to talk about or we don't bring that up.

(30:57):

You don't want any of that shit in your relationship. Make it so that you can always talk to each other. And it's always open communication. And you have to let your partner know it's okay to talk to me about what you like and to voice your concerns to me. But both of you have to tell each other that and truly mean it. And when push comes to shove, if your partner says one of those things, you have to be open. You have to live up to that commitment for each other. To me, I mean, what I've realized is when we got to that point, there's a huge freedom there. Now in security, sometimes, usually on June's side tends to creep up sometimes. But we remind each other that nothing's going to happen because it hasn't. And all that we add together. I mean, it's like I often remind people, do you know how much you'd have to throw away if you were to take off with somebody?

(31:58):

You meant in the lifestyle, like your relationships, maybe your house, your career, bunch of your finances, your reputation, uprooting so much of your life and losing it for somebody, for somebody you met in the lifestyle. I'm sure it happens, but there's a lot of situations where it doesn't. And plus, if you are with somebody that you can be so a hundred percent transparent about what you like in the bedroom and they let you enjoy it, and then you let them enjoy theirs, what better fucking relationship are you ever going to find where you have the freedom to be exactly who you are and so does the person you're with. I don't know why anybody would ever fuck up that relationship. It is usually the ones where one person gets to be what they want and enjoy, but the other person doesn't. Or there's some sort of inequality or it's unfair. Or another thing is, well, what if he starts talking to her without me? Let's say you play with a lady and he starts talking to her without you have an agreement. We don't chat separately with the unicorns. We play with the single ladies we play with or the couples we play with me. And June, we do not speak separately with anybody.

Speaker 2 (33:16):

No,

Speaker 1 (33:17):

We usually create a group text or we share the messages online. We both have access to them. There is no hiding anything. No. If he did start chatting with somebody separately, a lady, let's say, in our opinion, he is fucking wrong.

Speaker 2 (33:33):

And

Speaker 1 (33:34):

You need to establish that upfront though so that you're both aware of it. Maybe he didn't think anything of it or whatever the case. I don't mind if June talked to other women. I'm not threatened by that or anything. And just me personally, that's not an issue. But that's why we keep it in a group text in a group message with anybody we keep in touch with. So do you have any thoughts on that?

Speaker 2 (34:04):

I think I agree with her that she's saying it's not jealousy. I agree with that. For me, it was never jealousy. I was never jealous. It was more of, it was more of I love him so much that I don't want someone to destroy what we have, if that makes sense. That was always my reasoning behind me getting in the way of him wanting to try something with someone. It was always me. It was never me jealous. It was more of like, I don't want anybody or anything to destroy what we have. And another thing that we more literally probably just realized probably, I guess maybe a month ago, we had had a little bit of a fight and I remember realizing, Hey, I'm loving John the way that I need to be loved, and I'm not loving John the way that he needs to be loved.

(35:06):

And so for me, that really has, I feel like even helped us even more in trying to love John the way that he needs to be loved, which is just to let him be who he is and fully love him for all that he is. Even though it might be different from what I like or not let him be who he is, he lets me do that. And then in return, he loves me the way I need to be loved, which is I like being told what to do. I know that sounds crazy for some of you out there, but that works for me. That's how I feel loved. So there were some times that he'd be like, I don't care what you want to do, blah, blah, blah. And in my mind I'm like, okay, he doesn't care about me, which obviously is not the case, but in my mind I thought, because he's letting me do whatever the fuck I want to do, it made me feel like I wasn't being loved. But then I would have a problem with him wanting to do something. And that was because I wasn't loving him the way that he needed to be loved. If that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (36:06):

Yeah. You were trying to love me the way that you receive love best, being controlled, being told what to do. And on the flip side, and I was unknowingly also doing the same thing. I received love by people saying, whenever you accept somebody and love and accept someone just for who and how they are, it's a beautiful thing. And that's the way I receive love. But I was trying to project my love toward June in that way, but I was giving it to her that way. But she was receiving it differently. So it's like saying the right thing in the wrong way. So we had to realize that one of our foundational biggest problems in the lifestyle we've had to get over. And we keep, sometimes we revisit it though

Speaker 2 (36:58):

Because

Speaker 1 (36:59):

It comes up. It's that, don't love me the way you receive love. Well love me the way that I'm wired to receive love. If you love and accept me how I am, that makes me feel most loved. And for June, if she wants to not have that, she wants to be told where she's going, what she's doing, because it makes her feel included and cared about that she's important

Speaker 2 (37:22):

And

Speaker 1 (37:23):

That she's wanted there. And that doesn't even occur to me. I don't think that way. And I still don't totally understand it. But what I do understand is that's how she receives love. So I give that to her now and that's been really, really helpful. Yeah, that's probably been our biggest thing as far as getting through any insecurities, because again, we said this before, all of your insecurities are rooted in fear.

Speaker 2 (37:57):

You

Speaker 1 (37:58):

Have a worst case scenario, image somewhere in your mind about what could happen. That would be the absolute worst. And then you start thinking on it, then you start talking according to it, acting according to it with your partner. And you're basically having a fight about a situation that doesn't even exist.

Speaker 2 (38:15):

Yes.

Speaker 1 (38:15):

Could it exist? Of course it could. Will it? Not necessarily. It's important to keep in mind, but also that's where communication comes in. Talk to each other, stay on the same page. Don't be sneaking around with any fuckery behind each other's backs. If you're thinking about messaging someone from the lifestyle and you think your partner might have a problem or you're doing it when your partner's not around, cut that shit out. Don't do that. You're tiptoeing into the abyss.

Speaker 2 (38:46):

Yes.

Speaker 1 (38:47):

Don't do that. I mean, we're in this thing because we enjoy. It's something we enjoy doing together and adding other people to the mix is really fun. And we discover that in a lot of different ways.

Speaker 2 (39:00):

Yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:03):

So would you say that's what helps you overcome your sense of insecurities? Or is there any other major lesson you want to share?

Speaker 2 (39:14):

I think that was the main one, I think. And I remember crying and sobbing after that. I remember thinking about it and I was like, oh my gosh, that's what it is. We were loving each other the way we need to receive it. The way we receive it was how we were giving it, and we needed to be flipped. We're completely opposite, complete opposites of how we receive love. And so I think that was literally the biggest thing this whole year, year and a half of in the lifestyle, all the fights we've had. I think that's the main root cause of all of them. Yeah, there was the religious shit getting that out of my head mainly, but that was part of it. But I think the 90% of it was mainly just because I was not loving John the way that he needed to be loved. And he was loving me the way that he needed to be loved and not the way I needed it.

Speaker 1 (40:12):

Once we found that things changed. So anyway, June is a very beautiful southern belle, very beautiful. You can tell by her accent. Very beautiful, hot, sexy mill. Don't forget to check out her only fans if you want to see the voice that you're listening to. You want to see how beautiful this hot mom is. I got real fortunate with you. Aw. Well,

Speaker 2 (40:40):

I'm married a hot, so there's that.

Speaker 1 (40:43):

Well, thank you. And your pierce nipples that you did for my birthday, that was pretty hot too. And so you'll see that on our only fans. Just make sure, if you want to see that, you want to go see who's talking to you, you can just click the first, I think it's the first link on the show notes. And it says, see June, or check June out, only fans. And just click that and take a peek if you'd like.

Speaker 2 (41:05):

And you got to check 'em out, because yesterday I posted some pretty hot bubble bath pictures.

Speaker 1 (41:11):

Oh my God. You did. You should see these bubble bath pictures. The nipple rings are 32 double Ds or triple Ds if it's Victoria's Secret. Damn. So yeah, then there's that. So today we've talked about how to handle insecurities just a few ways. There's way more to it than that religion and faith, how it ties and how we've evened that out or dealt with that. And again, that's a deep, deep subject that could be definitely explained way deeper and more, but also jealousy. And again, that ties back into insecurity. So we hope this has been helpful for you. If you haven't done so, if this episode was helpful for you in any way, please feel free to go. Leave us a nice little five star review and only if it's five star. If you think it's five star, obviously don't do something you don't want and leave us a review and tell us what was helpful. People want to know what was helpful because we all deal with a lot of the same experiences getting into the lifestyle. And it's really nice if somebody reads a review and it says that we addressed something that they were hung up on. That was helpful. That's just a really nice thing to do. So leave a rating review. It takes three seconds to do. We appreciate you. Any last words, June?

Speaker 4 (42:37):

Keep swinging. It's fun.

Speaker 1 (42:39):

Swing for the fences or something. I.