New Swingers Podcast
We are new swingers merely documenting and discussing our swinger journey and talking about the experiences we're having and the lessons we're learning. Though we address most of the issues new swingers may encounter in the swinger lifestyle, we are not swinger lifestyle experts and are not responsible if what works for us may or may not work for you.
We offer practical, relevant tips from our own experiences for curious (but perhaps nervous) beginner swingers so you can more comfortably explore the swinger lifestyle at your own pace, get your questions answered as best as possible, and discover new ways to make your sex life sizzle!
*Disclaimer: John talks a lot and June is sexy as hell. We aren't for everybody. If you don't like our podcast, simply go find another one. We genuinely wish you the very best.
New Swingers Podcast
57- What To Do When You Get STOOD UP In The Swinger Lifestyle...
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What should you do if/when you get stood up in the swinger lifestyle? In today's episode of the New Swingers Podcast, we share a recent story of getting stood up after weeks of great chatting w/a couple and even a same-day confirmation, then break down why it happens, common reactions and myths you may be tempted to believe, and how you can best handle it so you can continue enjoying the swinger lifestyle in spite of flaky people!
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Welcome Back & Topic Setup
SPEAKER_00Welcome back to the New Swingers Podcast. I'm John.
SPEAKER_02And I'm June.
SPEAKER_00We just sat here looking at each other. Today we're going to talk about what to do when you get stood up. You meet somebody on an app or a couple, you're chatting, maybe they even gave you their phone numbers. Not referencing anyone in particular. We will share a story. Yes, we are. Yes. And then they just ghost you. They block you, they ghost you. Or they just don't show up at the venue at the time that you agreed to meet. A lot of people feel rejected. You have a lot of different emotions you feel. Most people probably a little pissed off because a lot of people put time and effort and even money into getting ready to go on a date to meet a single or a couple. And then to just show up. And they didn't show up for you.
SPEAKER_02Well, especially us ladies, okay. If you're like me, you take your time and you get ready, and I I'm gosh, it usually takes me a good hour shower, blow dry my hair, flat iron it, all the makeup, all the shit, just to like be stood up. It's like, what the fuck? Like, oh my God. So yeah, it's definitely can tick you off.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so a little update because it's been a little while since our last episode. If you look at the date of the one before this, it was about 10 months ago. We've had a lot going on in our personal life. We've been getting your emails and your messages, by the way, asking if we're coming back, if we're still doing this. Yep. We definitely are, and we appreciate those emails and outreach. We're glad that you know we have something here that's been enough value to all of you that you continue to write us and see if we're gonna keep doing it. That definitely affirms the value that we're putting out there for you as we simply share you know our story.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And we recently moved to a bigger city area. In fact, we're in an area where there are about three big cities within an hour's time driving. So going from the country side where we were, uh not very many lifestyle people there, but that was for a time we needed to get away from society, civilization.
SPEAKER_02Yes. It was a good recharge. It was a good recharge, but now I'm like, I want civilization back.
Life Update And Moving To A City
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we like being around people, and uh it's pretty great to be around hotel takeovers and groups that meet regularly and to be able to just engage with people who are like us again.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, so that's kind of the update with us. We made a big move and and now we're here and we will have more to talk about again because we're we're interacting with more people again.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And it's not really that we didn't have much to talk about, it was just that there was just a lot going on in life in general.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But enough of that about us. Let's talk about getting stood up. Now we had this happen recently.
SPEAKER_02Yes, we did.
SPEAKER_00So do you want to tell the story a little bit, just from what you recall?
SPEAKER_02Sure. So basically we had been like chatting with this couple for, oh, I don't know, probably about a month on and off, like, you know, on one of our websites we're part of. And we were just chatting back and forth, and it was mainly the wife that was communicating, I think. And that's kind of, you know, that seems to be kind of a thing I've heard. Like a lot of times you think it's the dude that's writing, but then sometimes it's it's been kind of more common lately to find out it's the wife that's the one that's writing most most of it, and then you know, updates the husband as they're we're all communicating. But yeah, so we were just chatting back and forth, and then we finally set a date to meet up and it well well, and I don't interrupt, but this was going very well.
SPEAKER_00The conversation back and forth, we were always responsive, they were always responsive. Yeah. Whenever you're chatting with people, whether it's like on a dating app or a swinger app,
The Promising Chat That Vanished
SPEAKER_00when people respond somewhat promptly every time, that's that's that shows a genuine, usually a genuine desire or interest.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00When they don't leave you hanging for a long time, when they're pretty prompt and get in back with you. And so this couple was they're very friendly. Yeah, very friendly. We were like, wow, these people just seem amazing. They're very friendly sounding, they're prompt, just like we are. And so there was a lot going into it where there was really and the only reason I interrupted you was to just give a little backstory. Yeah. There was nothing really indicating that they would flake.
SPEAKER_02No, not at all. Like great conversation, back and forth, like he said, you know, very like quick to respond back to email, like to the messages back and forth. And yeah, I hadn't we didn't have any idea that that would happen because we like because everything was going great. The communication was going great.
SPEAKER_00Like Yeah, and something else interesting too. The day of the day we were going to meet, it was just a it was like a few hours, maybe three, four hours before we were to meet.
SPEAKER_05Yes.
SPEAKER_00We wrote them a message just to confirm, hey, we're still good to meet here at this time, this place. They said, Oh yeah, absolutely. In fact, here are both of our cell phone numbers. So they included on their own, they included both their cell phone numbers in the message so we could reach them. So like people don't do that if they plan on flaking.
SPEAKER_02Or so we thought.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So our point is like the all all lights were green.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And so, you know, naturally we were a little disappointed and kind of like, well, what the hell, people? Because what happened was on the way was on the drive to the place, yes, you were checking the messages, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I was checking the messages, and and I remember seeing, like, why can't I find the message thread now?
SPEAKER_00Because it was like one of the top ones.
SPEAKER_02Because it was on the one of the swinger websites. And so on the messages, if you block people, then they did the messages disappear. So I was like, What the hell? Where's the message? We've had this long message thread going on back and forth. Where is it? And I was telling John on the way, I'm like, I don't I can't find the message thread.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I was like, What do you mean you can't find it? Like, it's the most recent one, and then she shows me and it's gone.
SPEAKER_02Disappeared.
SPEAKER_00So I had actually screenshotted the phone numbers just in case like something went wrong. And sure enough, they apparently blocked us. So we tried to figure out why, why would they do that? And at the last minute, the only the only conclusion I can come to is you know, we we have quite an extensive little book written on our profile.
Blocked On The Way To The Date
SPEAKER_00Like we tell a lot about ourselves and we're very open with things. We the only thing I can think of is that maybe there was something in our background or something maybe that we said on there that maybe they took offense to, because nowadays everybody's fucking offended by everything. So it's like maybe there was like one thing that just for them was like a non-negotiable. And if that's the case, okay, we understand it, whatever. But it's kind of like if you're gonna just don't be a piece of shit. Like, if you're gonna like, and I'm not even offended by this anymore, but don't be a piece of shit. A piece of shit just flakes, blocks, ghosts, like if you're not gonna meet up with someone, just say so. And if you're gonna like if you gotta lie to them, whatever. Like, oh, we got something else came up, sorry. Yeah, but to just have somebody show up to meet you, and you know they're gonna show up, and you're just gonna leave them out, like that's a really shitty thing to do, just as a human being. So again, I'm not sore or mad about that. I'm just saying that makes you a giant piece of shit. So don't give a black eye to the swinger community by being that kind of person. At least give a reason if you need to cancel, even if you're trying to wiggle a way out. It's okay. If if you saw something on our profile that you didn't like, and you go, you know what, that's a non-negotiable for me. I totally understand that. And it's totally fine with me.
SPEAKER_02My other thought, though, my thought was that maybe one of them didn't know about the message thread as well. Like that was my other thought. Like, maybe, yes, they could have seen something on our profile that they're like, you know, I don't really think I want to meet these people, like they're not really our people or whatever. Fine, whatever. Write a message. It takes two seconds to say, hey, I'm sorry, we need to cancel. Something came up. I don't know, whatever. Just but flaky is a shitty thing to do. But I was also thinking, like, maybe one of them didn't know about the message thread at all. And so then they found out, like at the last minute or something. I don't know, that could be the case too. Like maybe one wasn't being honest with the other and they didn't know anything about it, and then they're got into a big fight. Who knows? I know I don't know. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Well, and that's the thing too. They couldn't it could have had something to do with nothing pertaining to us.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So it could have been a fight between them with something they were dealing with.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Now, what I did do when they didn't show up to the venue, I did actually call the I called one of the numbers, the guy's number, because I'm not gonna call the lady's number.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I called the guy's number, of course he didn't answer. Uh-huh. You know, yeah, beta bitch. Anyway. It's like, dude, so I call I called the number and didn't answer. Went to voicemail. And so I left a very a very professional message.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Hey, we're here. We know we're supposed to meet tonight. We notice you kind of disappeared off, I think it was SLS.
SPEAKER_03Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00So that probably means you blocked us for some reason. We're not mad. We don't know what what's going on with you, but we hope everything is okay with you two. And we genuinely wish you the best.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So, and have a great evening. Bye. And so, and so, like that, that's the message. There was some other shit I wanted to say, like just real, like, dude, what the fuck?
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But I left it out there like that. I don't know the reason. I don't care. I don't need to carry that kind of baggage around. Whatever it is in them, they're that they're those kinds of people.
Possible Reasons They Disappeared
SPEAKER_00We always aspire to never be those kinds of people. Yeah. And so, you know, I left it there professionally, just whatever. I didn't have to, but I did. And because one thing I've always learned too, like if somebody doesn't call you back or show up, sometimes we do jump to a conclusion. And it and uh maybe they got in a car accident, and you're like, oh my god, I left this mean ass message and I had no idea. But it's but it's not always the case. But I'm kind of the kind of I'm I'm the sort of person that sort of gives most people the benefit of the doubt, especially if it's like the first time it happens. And so that's kind of what I did there.
SPEAKER_02Except for the fucking fact that they blocked our asses. So there's that. So that that that I will be honest, it pissed me off. I was like, what the fuck? Like, we had great conversation and we're, you know, in a new area. We're trying to make friends. Like, what the fuck? Like, really? It takes two seconds to write us and tell us you're not gonna make it, that you decided I'm sorry, we can't for whatever reason. Like, just it takes two seconds.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but if someone doesn't like you and you respond that way, then they're kind of like, good, we pissed them off. Hey, I don't want to give anyone that sort of satisfaction. Yeah, but but no, so so the the thing is that's the story. Now we're gonna go through a few things here that can help you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Not if, but when you get stood up. Because I mean, I've been out with a lot of couples. I play with couples together sometimes just solo or with single women. There, I I'm at the point, like I eight or nine times out of ten, everything works out fine. But one out of ten times usually something happens where maybe you know she doesn't show up. It's almost never a couple, it's almost always like a s a single lady or something, but it can happen with with a couple. So it's it's not always the majority of time, but it does happen. And my point is, I think I've just been through that ringer gauntlet so many times, I'm like, oh, another one didn't show up, you know. So I'm like, whatever. Like this is to me, it's just part of the game now. It's like if you're ever, if you're if you ever go into sales and you're like, oh, I'm so afraid of getting rejected. Well, go get rejected like 50 times. Then you're like, oh yeah, just another one that didn't want it, whatever. Like you just don't take it as hard. But yeah, so that's kind of my perspective at this point, because I've I've kind of gone through a lot of numbers per se, uh, with experience of of this kind of thing. But yeah, so when you get flaked on, if when you get stood up, number one, what is it?
SPEAKER_02Oh, don't take it personal, because I mean, and that's hard to do. Like I like I said, that's really hard to do when you're pissed off and you're like, like I said, we moved to a new area, we're trying to make friends, lifestyle friends, whether we play or not, just having like-minded friends, and then that happens. I was I was pissed, but but now looking back, it's like I do need to remember to not take it personal because they weren't just the right they weren't the right people that we were that we needed to be friends with anyway.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and if we would have gotten to know the people and developed a friendship, and if they were kind of that badly aligned with us, kind of like who they are as people or the kind of people we prefer or don't prefer to hang out with, that would have eventually come out anyway, but it just would have been after putting a lot of time and energy into getting to know people.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So our our thing is sort of like, well,
Leaving A Graceful Voicemail
SPEAKER_00aren't we sure glad that the uh trash just took itself out?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Before we had to jump in the can, you know, in the trash can with it. You know, so it's kind of like, well, the trash took itself out.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And because with some people, you will never be aligned well.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And so it's kind of sometimes it's best that if they get out of your your life early, it actually saved you a lot that you didn't have to go through.
SPEAKER_02Well, and it also just says, you know, we put it in our notes too, like there's a million reasons that aren't you, that it's not about you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. I mean, their reason could be scheduling, it could be a fight they had. It could be some sort of maybe they're they're new and they have certain inhibitions and maybe fears or things, or they're just maybe they're on board, but not entirely, or maybe one of them's really on board, but then it comes time to go on the date, and the one who wasn't totally on board is just freaking out and nervous, yeah, not wanting to. And so there is all kinds of, and there's again, there's a million different reasons that are not you. You that you're not the reason. I may maybe you are the reason they didn't show up. I don't know. Uh I mean, maybe I'm the reason they didn't show up. I mean, I'm totally open to that for whatever. But but it could be it could be you. But there's a million other reasons, very possibly, quite possibly, that it wasn't you as the reason.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And people jump to that though. They often jump to like, you know, well, what did I do wrong? Or what did we do? And it's like, well, you didn't do anything. There's nothing you could have done to get these people to show up like they said they would, because that's just how those people are.
SPEAKER_02Well, that and that reminded me of one of the first times I had, you know, met up with a lady, because I I play solo with ladies too, sometimes. And and that that kind of happened with we hung out and had a really good time, and then I got a big long text like two hours later saying we can't meet again. You know, her boyfriend or whatever didn't like the fact that she didn't check in when she was supposed to. So for that reason, she won't be able to ever hang out again. And I was like, man, it hurt because I was like, really? Like, so I it the disappointments are gonna happen, but like I said, I and then I did the same thing. Well, what what the hell's wrong with me? That did I do something? Did I offend you know her somehow? Whatever, like that happened. So I just it's just a good reminder to to not think that it's you because it not always is.
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah. In that case, it was her guy who was obviously jealous or controlling or something. And I don't say that lightly. I mean, men getting accused of being you know misogynistic or narcissistic or controlling or toxic, those words get thrown on so much nowadays, they don't even mean anything anymore. But when I say it, it's like
Don’t Take It Personally
SPEAKER_00wasn't it that something like she was supposed to check in with them at like a certain exact time? Yeah, but then she forgot we were hanging out. She forgot to, yeah. I guess she was too busy having a fucking orgasm where she's like, Oh, I I didn't I didn't think to to check in with him, you know, because it just slipped my mind. But you know, then he apparently was super pissed about it, which I I understand from a guy's as a man, I'm very protective of people I love and care about, especially June.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So like if I couldn't reach her and we agreed she'd check in, I might be a little antsy or a little pissed, just like, well, hey, I like I just want to know you're okay. Like, yeah, I wouldn't be like, you can never play again. And plus if it's just with the way if it's just with another lady and you two are alone, I'm not afraid that like, oh, there's another guy around, and well, what's he doing? Did something happen?
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh that's more where my mind goes when it comes to protection.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Now, because that's how I am. Again, I'm more protective. It's not controlling, it's protection. I protect things I love.
SPEAKER_02And I love that he does.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. Now there are men out there who are just straight controlling.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I've known plenty of them, and they're straight up assholes. But there is a difference.
SPEAKER_02There is a huge difference, and you're the other one. You actually give a shit.
SPEAKER_00And I'm not trying to like paint myself in a good blight, but it literally is true. It is this way. And it's true though. Thank you.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's definitely true. So, but yeah, so I'm just saying the disappointment for me definitely happened because we had a great time. And then and then I and then I did start to think like, what's wrong with me? And started to kind of look in words to me, like, what did I do? Did I do something? Well, like, like we're saying, like, realize that it could be you, or it definitely could be some other person that's involved.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, or some other issue or person or circumstance or situation, or who who the hell knows? Yeah. Guys, have you found it difficult to get and keep an erection while at lifestyle events? If so, you're not alone and it's common. The new environment and the distractions can contribute to a lack of an erection due to performance anxiety at the very moment you need it the most. I personally ran into this issue early on in the lifestyle and it was super frustrating. But don't worry, there's a solution. If you use our link in the show notes and use the coupon code NUNEW at checkout, you'll get $30 off your order of FDA approved ED medication from Shameless Care so you can get hard and stay hard in the moments that matter most. Don't question your manhood or feel like less of a man ever again. Just click the link in the show notes right now to get $30 off before the promotion ends so you can get back in the game and blow your sex partner's mind. Click the link right now and simply use the coupon code NUNEW at checkout. So, point number one, if you get stood up, don't take it personal.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's hard, but the more it happens, the more you'll become numb to it, and you'll realize it's just a numbers game. You know, if if you make five to six, seven dates with people, four or five are probably gonna show up. One or two are gonna cancel, reschedule, or ghost you. It's just the numbers, it's just how people are nowadays, which we we hate that because we're actually not those kinds of people at all. No, like there's no way, even if we saw something on your profile we didn't like after scheduling, there's no way we'd just let you show up and just ghost you.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I mean, we I mean, we're so punctual. Like if we always tell people like, if if we're supposed to meet you at seven o'clock and it's 7 15 and you've not heard from us yet, we haven't messaged you, hey, we're stuck in traffic, you haven't heard from us, you can legit call 911 because something is definitely wrong. Yes, it's gonna be that serious because we we literally do not leave people hanging. No, we don't, we don't like it, and we don't do that to people, we just don't. No, and so yeah, so point number one, don't take it personal, and that's something sometimes you just have to develop. And you will.
SPEAKER_02Then point number
Make The Venue A Win
SPEAKER_02two pick a place you enjoy anyway. So, like where where we plan on meeting them or where we met them was a new bar that we hadn't been to before. But here's the thing it was right down the fucking road from a place we really, really enjoy going to that has really good food and drinks. So we're like, fuck it. We waited about 15 minutes and they never showed up, so we're like, fuck it. So we got up and we're like and we're like, hey, you want to go there? And he's like, Yeah. So like we just went there and had a great fucking time, made it a date with just the two of us, and it was great.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, then and there's another example is there's a place near a town where we used to live near that had an underground speakeasy bar. And that was one of the places I met a lot of couples or single ladies at for a date.
SPEAKER_03Yep.
SPEAKER_00And I kind of didn't give a fuck if they showed up or not, because I just love being in the environment. Yeah, having a drink, it's all it's all dark and roaring 20s kind of in there, the music, the lights, the everything.
SPEAKER_02It was just a nice and seedy, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Dark and seedy, just just my style. So it's like yeah, so it's like, you know, I've met a lot of people, we've met a lot of people there. Yeah, but even like when I've met people there, I pick spots that I like. Yeah, if they don't show up. Like I still win because I'm gonna order what I want that I like at that place and I'm still gonna have a good time. Now, if you're a couple, you kind of have an advantage there. If another couple or person doesn't show up, well, guess what? You two still have each other, and it just turned into a date night for you.
SPEAKER_01Yep.
SPEAKER_00And you're and if you're like us, that can often turn into conversations and talks that you'll have with each other that you may have never ever had or thought to have with each other that helps you grow and learn together, it just in life in general or in the lifestyle. We find that a lot. Like we'll we'll just go out for like coffee on a Sunday morning and just be tired and like not even talking to each other, and then we'll end up talking for like three hours on one thought and like have a total breakthrough on like a new kink you're thinking about or something I thought about. And and we just grow together as a couple. Yeah. And so that those don't don't miss those opportunities just because it's like, hey, they didn't show up, let's be pissed off the rest of the night. You know, you know, feel what you need to feel. Obviously, you're human. We all are, yeah. But then uh look at the bright side and like, all right, what do what can we do with this now? What can we do good with this? Well, hell, we have a date night, like you know, kids are already taken care of and you know, being watched or whatever. And it's like what we have a date night now. So like if you're a couple, you don't necessarily lose because you still have each other at least.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00Any thoughts on that? I know I'm doing a lot of talking. Some people complain I talk too much. So, you know, I'm trying to share the microphone here.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, just again, like we we we just make it a date night, and like he said, we end up sometimes having like a conversation we wouldn't have had otherwise. Like, and that happens, like he said, like that happens all the time. Like that happened the other day, and we'd like sat in the car and talked for a good hour or so or whatever, like that, or a restaurant. We've we've done that many, many times, like a lot lately too. So, like, just
Expect An Attrition Rate
SPEAKER_02you know, like, because we're continually evolving and growing and learning together and growing together and and discovering new kinks and whatever. So, like we've yeah, that happens quite often. So now it's it's it's it's almost like I almost expect it to happen now because it happens so frequently now with with just like go on a date and and then it just turns into we have this great conversation.
SPEAKER_00And we have no idea that it's gonna happen or what it's gonna be about. We just follow the thread sort of wherever it leads.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So again, with the second point, I would just like I said, we we said like pick a place you enjoy anyway. So if the if they flake on you, make it a date night.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Then the third point, so number one was don't take it personal. There's a million different reasons that are not you that they maybe have ghosted or flaked on you. Number two is pick a place you enjoy anyway, so you can you win regardless.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And number three, expect there to be an attrition rate. There's an old phrase that I don't know who said it. Probably some old guy. But you know, the old phrase says, expectation is the mother of all disappointment. So we don't really get disappointed until we have an expect an expectation for something, and then something does not meet that expectation. So not then we feel that down, disappointed. So when we say expect there to be an attrition rate, again, if you line up seven dates, expect four or five of them to maybe work out, and two or three of them, just ex literally just expect them to cancel, to ghost, to flake. And you know what? If they don't, then you feel good about it. Then you're like, great, they didn't do that. But we were expecting some to because again, it's like a sales thing. Like if you have 10 customers, prospects you're going after, it's rare, like nobody sells everybody all the time. Sometimes people aren't in the right place to buy, they don't have the money, they don't need the product now, but in six months they will, or they're just on the fence still, they're not in the right place financially to make the decision, but they will be eventually. It's that kind of thing. Yeah. And those have nothing to do with the salesman or the saleswoman. It's just there is an attrition, right? Like you are you are going to lose some, but that's why you go through the numbers. You know, don't just line up one date. Try to line up. I mean, go try to line up 10. And you say, gosh, we wouldn't have time for that. Don't worry, some are going to cancel. It's like an airplane. They oh, you know, airlines all the time oversell seats on airplanes because not everyone always shows up. So they would be leaving money on the table if they didn't sell out the plane, or oversell the plane rather, with the seats, because there are still people who end up showing up who didn't plan, and there are always people who cancel or something else happens. And so I would just say like load like a gun, just like load that magazine up with ammo and go go through them, and some are gonna fire off and they're gonna connect, and others won't. Others will be duds or reschedules or whatever. That's just the way it is, and so again, it doesn't necessarily have to do have anything to do with you, even though it might, it also might not.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, expect there to be an attrition rate.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Because I mean, I'm still learning that too, with you know, with me playing solo with women, like writing messages, lots of messages on all the different apps and swinger websites too. And because I have my own solo profile for women as well. And and same thing, like I write, you know, God, 30 messages, and maybe I'll get one back. Maybe not. And then I have to go through like 30 more. I'm like, holy fuck, like seriously, what why is this so hard? And then I get frustrated because I'm like, why is it so hard to like meet one fucking chick that I can maybe have a friend with benefits with?
SPEAKER_00And I sit back in my chair and I just giggle and ha ha ha ha ha. Because you sound like a joker from Batman. Uh yeah, thank you. I'm quite crazy too. But it's kind of funny
Solo Play Challenges And Picky Dynamics
SPEAKER_00in a in a in a sarcastic way to see a woman have to deal with women. As men, I've always had to deal with women. Guy guys always deal with that shit with women. Not writing back, you just go through a bunch of them. Okay, and women are super picky, and and there's nothing against them for that. It's it's the nature of women. Women are very picky, uh, way more picky than men. And so it was just kind of funny when I see that happening. Like it sucks for you. I want you to win more. But it also there's just some sort of humor in it for me, where it's like finally there is at least one woman in the world who knows what it's like to deal with women. And then it's like, okay, let me see how I can help you, because I've been dealing with these things, ha, just kidding, ladies, with women uh my entire life. And so, like, maybe I've got some things I could kind of clue you in on because as a woman, you're you're accustomed to, you know, generally dealing with men, and men are pretty simple, pretty easy to get our attention. But women, you're dealing with other picky creatures who are just like you, yeah, and so it's a little bit different of a dynamic. And and when I say picky, I'm not insulting women. This is nature, just so anyone who's wondering, yeah, I'm not picking on women, though I'm not above it. It's actually really fun sometimes. But but women are picky, and there's there's you know evolutionary, evolutionary reasons for that, and so yeah, it's just the nature of how things are.
SPEAKER_02But I know I'm picky. I I know when we moved from where we were and to where we are now, I've definitely become less picky, uh, especially when the country where we were, because it was like, okay, well, yes, I've had Barbie, but there is still other women that are maybe not Barbie, but they're still really pretty, and maybe they have a great personality, which makes them even still pretty, too. And I know what you're about to say.
SPEAKER_00The thing is, what she's referring to here, when we first got into lifestyle, June got what I call Barbie widowed.
SPEAKER_01Yep.
SPEAKER_00Because the first lady or few she played with, they and the first one in particular, literally looked like Barbie. Yeah, like literally blonde, the body, everything. Yep. I mean hot as hell. And that was your first experience. Then she had pretty friends too, and so then you're kind of like like it's kind of like in dating, and now this is going off topic, but it's kind of like in dating, like men don't mind dating down a little bit. Like if a guy's a little bit better looking than the lady, like he doesn't mind if he really likes her and she's sweet and she's good to him. But women, in my experience, don't like to date down, they don't want to go below what they've already had. So it's like that's why I say you got Barbie widowed, because it's like you started with a girl that looks like Barbie.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And so it's like like and you get to all, I'm not lowering my standards. And it's like, okay, well, you you might not have very many people to to hang out with unless you go find a bunch of those uh ladies who look like that in the lifestyle, and you know, they live somewhat near you. So that was kind of what happened there, yeah. So it's it's all interesting, but you know, it's it's all the whole thing, the swinger lifestyle to us is just a a one big evolution of discovery.
Final Takeaways And Mindset
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And we just try and see it as the game for what it is of enjoyment and meeting great people and having experiences and learning about ourselves.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So yeah. So the three points today, if you get stood up or flaked on or ghosted, again, we said don't take it personal. There are a million reasons beyond you that they could have done it.
SPEAKER_04Yep.
SPEAKER_00Number two is pick a place you enjoy anyway. And number three, expect there to be a nutrition, right?
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00All right, it's gonna happen. Yep, people are gonna flake on you, just expect it to happen. Hope, hope for the best, but expect to know that it will happen over and over and over again forever. There's always gonna be a ratio. Those who do show up and those who don't.
SPEAKER_02And then I've also thought about this too, if there's other women listening who play solo with women too. I haven't been per se flaked on by myself solo yet, but I've already kind of have a plan. I've talked to John about it. Okay, well, what do I do if because I don't want to get hit on by some dude if I'm sitting there waiting for the chick to show up and then so I just, you know, just if I've already have a game plan of okay, if that happens and I'm by myself waiting for a chick and she stands me up, having a plan ahead of time too. So for me, it's like, okay, well, if somebody dude comes up to me, no, thank you, I'm not interested. And and then, but but enjoy your evening, like still enjoy wherever you're going. Like, like I like we've said, I, you know, the place I always pick with chicks is also a place that I oh, I have this is a new restaurant or a grill, bar grill, whatever I haven't tried. Oh, let me see. There's a new wine I haven't tried yet. So like still make it a place where you can you can enjoy yourself, but with me being solo by myself with women, I you know, that was always my fear of what if I get stood up and there's a dude that tries to come hit on me or something, just just having a a a quick answer of hey, I'm not interested, thank you. Like, no, thank you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I was gonna say to that note too, if you pick like a higher-end venue, you know, it's not just like a dive bar, yeah, but if you pick a little higher end venue, I think you're a lot less likely, uh, if you're a lady by yourself, to get hit on by a guy in that environment, unless unless you're hoping that'll happen. I know you know June doesn't like to have men around at all unless I'm around. Yep. But but that's not that's not all women. In fact, that's most women I meet in the lifestyle actually are not that way. So, but I'll tell you what what is really weird before we wrap up. What's really weird to me is that like on any given day, like rolling out of bed, on a scale of one to ten, beauty scale, you're like an eight to an eight and a half on a bad day.
SPEAKER_02Oh thank you.
SPEAKER_00Like seriously, seriously, and so my my whole mindset is how the hell are you having trouble getting women to show up? Like, if I was a woman and I was buyer lesbian, I would be writing you back fucking immediately. I would be trying to lock you down so fast. And it it's weird to me. I mean, I'm not a woman, so I don't get it, but just knowing what you look like, and by the way, if you want to know a little bit about what June looks like, you know, not trying to oversell you on here, but go click that OnlyFans link in the show notes and you can uh you can see what I'm talking about. This is what I'm married to.
SPEAKER_02And yeah, even you know, even she gets stood up and it's like or not responded to well, mainly just I haven't been stood up yet, but I've but but I've just had like lots of people not respond to me. I'm like, what the hell? Again, not to try to think take it personal. Exactly. Which is hard for us chicks to do.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, not to take it personal, but seriously, what the fuck?
