Boundaries

In this heartfelt solo episode of Coffee and Tea with CarrieVee, Carrie opens up about a lesson many of us learn the hard way: the power of boundaries.
Through her own stories of overcommitting, overgiving, and burning out in the name of being “nice,” she reveals the quiet cost of constantly putting others first—and how easy it is to lose yourself in the process.

With warmth, vulnerability, and hard-earned wisdom, Carrie flips the script on the idea that setting boundaries is selfish. Instead, she shows how honoring your limits is one of the most generous, loving things you can do—for yourself and everyone around you.

You’ll walk away with mindset shifts and simple tools to help you:

• Protect your energy without guilt
• Say “no” with confidence and grace
• Create space for what actually matters

This episode is your invitation to stop shrinking, start speaking up, and build a life that supports your peace. Because boundaries aren’t walls—they’re the foundation of true freedom.

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Transcript

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Welcome back to coffee and tea with Carrie. V, I'm Carrie V, your biggest fan, the person who will believe in you until you can believe in yourself, and then I'm still going to believe in you. This podcast is all things communication, leadership, confidence, clarity. It is all things life. And we, of course, have our special guest again today, because Princess doesn't think if I am talking, that she should not be on my lap. She's very jealous, so she's joining us for today's podcast, at least for a while. We're talking about boundaries today. This came very, very in my face this past weekend with a boundary that I have that was pushed, and I got to the point, and I should have gotten to this point a long time ago, where I refused to let my boundary be pushed any longer, and I spoke up for myself. And that is not always okay. That is never an easy thing to do. I remember thinking that people with boundaries way back I will. I am a I am a people pleaser. I want people to like me. Most of my life, I have needed people to like me. And when you need people to like you, like that, you have no boundaries. You're just out there doing what everybody wants, even if it's not what you want, you find yourself saying yes to everyone but yourself. And I used to think people with boundaries were not compassionate. They lacked empathy. They were just mean. They were jerks. I had other names for them that I won't say on this podcast, but when I realized that the reason I had those thoughts about them was because they had those boundaries and could maintain those boundaries for themselves. It was a it was a very big eye opener. People with boundaries are not selfish. People with boundaries have learned to set those boundaries so that they are taking care of their mental and physical and emotional well being. If you are not taking care of yourself. You are not taking care of anyone. If you are not taking care of yourself, you are not taking care of anyone. Self care is not selfish. Setting boundaries is not selfish. It doesn't make you mean. It doesn't make you unlikable. Maybe it does to some people, but if people don't like you because of your boundaries, they're not your crowd, they're not your people, they're not the people that you want to be spending time with. Anyway, if someone is constantly pushing your boundary, check your relationship with them and check it hard. You are entitled to your boundaries, and you need your boundaries, whatever they are, we're all going to have a different set of boundaries. I started out by writing down a list of my top 10 non negotiable items. I still have that original list. I refer to it, but I rewrite that list on a monthly basis. What are the top things that I am not willing to negotiate on for my own physical well being, for my own emotional well being, for my spiritual well being. What are the things I'm not willing to negotiate on? That doesn't mean I'm perfect, far from it. I fall short a lot, and sometimes on some of my boundaries, I'm the one that pushes my own boundary. That does happen. Be aware that when you push your own boundary, you are still giving someone else permission to take over your life. Because, if you're pushing your own boundary, it's because, most likely, it is because you are pleasing someone else, doing what someone else needs. Maybe you've added too much to your schedule. There's my story right there, just putting too much in my schedule, unable to get it all done unless I stay up super late. And one of my non negotiables is that I'm in bed between nine and 915 every night. I like to be up in the morning by 430 or five o'clock in the morning. That means I have to go to bed earlier. So one of my non negotiable items is that I do not accept any appointments, any anything movies, meetings, client calls, anything that begin eight o'clock or later, because I like to be in bed early so that I can wake up early, refreshed and with enough sleep. If I log on to a call that begins at 8pm or I go to a movie that begins at 8:30pm I am not in bed on time, and when I'm not in bed on time, that creates a cascade, because I still get up at the same time the next day. And what that has done over the years is create someone who is in a regular state of sleep deprivation. And I had to realize that staying in that cycle was going to destroy me, physically and emotionally and spiritually. I had no energy to do anything. I was just out there getting everything done to please everybody around me, including myself. So I set this boundary of not accepting anything past 8pm at night. It didn't go over well with some people. It still doesn't go over well with some. People, and that really is okay when you set a boundary that people don't like and they don't like you for it, let them go, because when you let them go and you decide to set your boundaries and maintain your boundaries, you become the best version of yourself, and that best version of yourself serves everyone around you so much better. Boundaries are hard. Boundaries are hard to set and even harder to maintain when you don't think you're worth it, when you don't love yourself. The Bible says that we are to love, love our neighbors as we love ourselves. We don't love ourselves. We can't truly love when we love ourselves. We are allowing ourselves to grow. We are allowing ourselves to become who we were put on this earth, to become setting boundaries is a huge part of that I am in and out of having a voice. Today, I have been sick, and I was hoping I could get through this whole podcast without having to stop to drink or, you know, like drink tea and honey and but it's gonna happen. This cold just won't go away. It keeps coming back. It rears its ugly head about every five weeks. I just started with Moline leaf extract and manuka honey. So if anybody else has any ideas, please send them my way. I am open to them. All right, boundaries. This is going to be a quick in and out podcast. Let's just talk quickly about how you set those boundaries and then how to maintain them. So to set the boundaries, this is what I would recommend. This is what I did the first time. I started really setting boundaries and really leaning into becoming the best version of myself, I wrote a list of my top 10 non negotiable items in my life. I don't accept negativity around me. I will not accept gossip around me. I fall short, but I am always working on that, because it's nothing that I want to be a part of. Eight hours of sleep a night is another one of my top 10 non negotiable items. That is the one that is the hardest for me to maintain. And I finally have realized that it is because I don't really believe that I'm worthy of getting all that sleep if I haven't. And I'll put this in air quotes for those of you who are listening. Finished my work, and if I keep following that, how much work have I taken on? Am I really able to complete it? Have I procrastinated during the day? It opens up a whole lot of stuff. When you set boundaries, it gets you thinking so that you can then go and look at everything in your life that seems off track. Why can't I maintain this boundary. Well, what else is coming in your way? Is it really the amount of work I have, or is it because I procrastinated a lot during the day, or is it because I didn't get enough sleep the night before, so I slept in later, which had me start work three hours late. There's so many pieces that go into this, so stop. So start with your top 10 negotiable list, non negotiable list, the things you are not willing to bend on and start sending your boundaries from that list. When it comes to maintaining it, you will stumble, you will fall. We all do. We're human. Grant yourself grace, get back up and do it again. It really stems from believing, absolutely, believing that you are worthy of that boundary. Are you truly worthy of it? Yes, you are. If it's your top 10 non negotiable if it's one of your top 10 non negotiable items, and you have set a boundary in it, choose one. Start with one. You don't have to even start with 10. Start with one boundary. Excuse me, you are so worthy of that boundary. You always have been. You always will be. You deserve to take care of yourself so that you can then be your best self, show up in the world, your best self serve the best way that you can set your boundaries, maintain your boundaries. In my book The radical empowerment method, which I will link below, there is an entire chapter on boundary setting and how to walk through it. There are journal prompts on how to walk through it, step by step by step. Really encourage you to click that link, grab that book and dig into that chapter on boundaries. This book is not you don't have to read it chapter by chapter by chapter. You can look at the table of contents, pick what speaks to you and start there. You don't have to read it, cover to cover. You can go through it or however you want to. So grab the book, go to the chapter on boundaries and start setting your boundaries and maintaining your boundaries. You are worth it. Your journal prompt today is writing that list. What are your top 10 non negotiable items in your life? What are you willing to accept and what are you not willing to accept? I love you. I mean it. I can't wait to talk again and Carrie V your biggest fan, and until next time, sending you a hug. Bye, bye.