Worship in the Dark with Myshel Wilkins (SEEN SERIES)

What if the song you sing in the dark becomes the strength you stand on in the light? We sit down with musician, author, and missionary kid Myshel Wilkins to trace a pathway through eight miscarriages, hidden ambition, and the painstaking work of trusting God. Today's story doesn’t romanticize pain, but refuses to waste it, turning loss into a life that loves boldly. 

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Transcript

Meet Michelle Wilkins

Teresa Whiting 0:00

Welcome friends. I am so excited to introduce you to my guest today, Michelle Wilkins. Michelle is originally from Frankfurt, Kentucky, and she traveled with her missionary father and her Ghanaian mother to various countries speaking and leading worship from a very young age. So I feel like you already, that right there, you have a fascinating story. She graduated with a degree in political science from Tennessee State University and was crowned Miss TSU and named Miss National Black Hall of Fame. She earned a master's degree in organizational leadership from the King's Seminary and then moved to Nashville and became a Christian musician. And I know you've had some really neat experiences in the Christian music world. Michelle, welcome. And before we jump into the conversation, would you tell the listeners just a little bit more about who you are and the work that you're doing now?

Calling And Current Work

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Yeah, well, I am a missionary kid. I have a Ghanaian mother, so I have family in West Africa. And I am just very passionate about sharing that God is better than we think he is. And I don't care if you think he is the most amazing thing, he's light years better than that. And so I, whether I'm singing, writing, uh, speaking, whatever the Lord desires to use, whatever gift that he's given me, he gets to breathe on it and glorify himself through it. I'm very passionate about that because I feel like that's why he created me. And I want to fulfill the reason why he created me. Like, what else is there to do? Yes. But waste time, right? Being a counterfeit version of what he never intended. And that would break my whole soul. I just, I don't want anything to do with that. Um, and so um right now I'm still doing that. God is so kind that I get, I enjoy doing uh partnering with him. So I've written a book and I continue to uh speak with women all across the country and beyond, um, ministering to them, whether through worship or through speaking. And um, and I'm gonna be, excuse me, I'll be releasing a worship record sometime next year, and I'm thrilled about it because through my darkest moments there were songs that were birthed, and I can't wait to share them.

Infertility And Eight Miscarriages

Teresa Whiting 2:13

Yes. Oh, oh, I love that. And we can hear the enthusiasm, like it's it's coming, it's coming out. So I'm so excited. And if you're watching on to YouTube, you can even see it in your face. So that's beautiful. And um, I in our podcast, we kind of jump right into the to the meat. So I know I know you're you're a go-getter as well. And so, as part of your story, and I've read um the book that you just published, and it's beautiful. We'll get to that in a little bit, but as part of your story, um, you and your husband endured eight miscarriages and dealt with infertility. And um, I was wondering if you are willing to share kind of that part of your story and what it was like for you to hold on to God's goodness in the midst of that really, really difficult season.

Facing The Pit And Choosing Worship

SPEAKER_00 3:10

You know, I learned so many lessons that I've never learned on a mountaintop when everything was great. Uh God is incredible. Oh my gosh. And I got to experience uh a deeper understanding of that as I walk through one of the darkest moments of my life. Um you never know what you really believe until it's tested. You can sit in church and you can say, Yeah, I believe all that, and you know it's right here. But when you're faced with something that looks scary, you don't know why it's happening, it doesn't make sense. Wait a minute, God, I thought we were cool, why you're allowing this to happen. All these things that can come against your understanding of who he is in your life, um that's when what you really believe shows itself. You know, much like you know, a teabag and hot water, everything comes out, the good, the bad, the. And that's what happened to me. And I allow the Lord to show me the good, the bad, and the ugly that came out of my heart during that time, even though the focus at the time was, Lord, I want a child. And I kept having miscarriage after miscarriage. But the Lord was so kind to me. He allowed me to have like an altar-building moment that I was able to remember what he did every time the doctor would say, I'm sorry, you missed another, you lost another one, you lost another sweet one. I remember when the nurse told me that uh the first time that I had a miscarriage and I couldn't process her words. My husband was like, wait, what? He fell on my he collapses on my chest, he's weeping, he says, Check again. She checks again, no change. I'm so sorry. We get in the car. And I'm pretty numb. It's just like, it's like, you know, when you're on a plane and right before it lands, you feel this like you're gliding, right before you hit. Right. It felt like, what are you gonna do now? Like, what what are you getting ready to do? Because there was a pit that opened up, right? And that pit was screaming how God was unkind and how he could, why would he allow this? And and you're you're you're too good for such a trial. You know, look at all the things you do to serve God. Why, why would he allow this to you to happen to you? This sense of entitlement comes start starts pouring out of me, all kinds of crazy stuff. And that pit felt right. It felt like what he was, what the what the voice was saying was correct. Yeah, I am a good person, and I could have agreed and fallen into shame and anger and pulled away from the Lord and all of that. That felt more natural than what I decided to do, which was to worship the Lord. I knew if I was going to fight the good fight of faith to believe God, sometimes it's a real fight. I knew in order to stay out of that pit, and God knew how long I was gonna be in that pit or who I would become. I just didn't want any part of that because I knew that in that pit, the enemy was going to steal from me. He was gonna steal my purpose, my reason, my relationship with the Lord, the fullness of what God intended for me to release in the earth, the reason why I was created. He was gonna steal that. Because in that pit, I was gonna reserve my faith from God because he disappointed me. Right? I wasn't gonna believe him for anything big anymore, just in case his disappoints me. And so he was gonna steal my forward progression and what God's called me to be and do in the earth in that pit. And so what I decided to do was to worship God. It was the only thing I knew to do. Was it easy? Did I feel like it? No, absolutely not. But I knew enough to know that this was my way of clinging to the Lord and declaring his goodness in a moment that didn't make sense and that literally saved my life.

Teresa Whiting 6:42

Wow. I love, I love what you described there, that moment, because I think a lot of us go through moments when we when we think like, hey God, we had a deal, you know, I'm gonna do ABC and you're gonna do D E F. Like we have this idea that we have a deal with God, and when something happens that we feel like wasn't part of that deal, we almost feel justified in being angry. And I'm not saying being angry is wrong, but I love, love, love that you made the choice to worship and and the power that that holds. Um, talk a little bit about that, about the power of worship in those dark moments, because I think that's something we we don't naturally, like you said, it wasn't natural, it wasn't easy, but you chose to tap into that. So, what does that look like? And what does that do to your soul when you choose to worship God instead of listening to that voice that says you have every right to be angry and withhold your love?

The Power Of Worship In Pain

SPEAKER_00 7:42

Yeah. So your emotions are incredibly potent, they're intense, they're intense, they're intense. And you know, the Lord knows you have a choice in that moment, all right? And he's not gonna be mad at you if you do fall in that pit. He'll come in there and get you. That's his love and his grace, all right. So if you didn't worship when you went through whatever you went through, that doesn't mean I'm any better or deeper or closer to God than you are, all right? I'm just telling you my story. And so you're this is this is what happened to me. Uh, no one's greater or better than any in the next sister or brother in Christ. But um, so he knows you have a choice. And something powerful happens when you decide that I'm gonna lay my emotions that are raging right now, and everything that makes sense to me right now, but I know it's not true, but it feels true. You'll lay that down and make it bow to the Lord, taking every thought captive, right? What do you do? Come on, it has to bow. That's the most important time it needs to bow. Not when you're in a grocery store, should I buy this? Should I do that? Like, you know, the cool thing is you think you can manage, it's when you're going bananas inside and you're trying to figure out what is happening and tragedy has struck. That's when those emotions got to sit down. Because that's when you start leaning into your own understanding. And the Bible warns us about that. He says, listen, don't get up there and start saying one plus one equals, you know, 35, and it makes sense to you, and you're trying to come up with an answer and very dangerous, especially when you're going through a very dark and difficult, challenging time, right? So I had to lay that aside and begin to sing. At first, I started off as a hum, as I couldn't think of anything to sing. I mean, I told you it was hard to even start doing this. I just started humming. Then it turned into, you are good, you are good, you are good. I just kept singing how he was good. Because I had made up in my mind the enemy was either gonna torment me, torment me in this moment, or I was gonna torment him by lifting up my hands and worshiping my king in the middle of I don't know what in the world's going on, but nevertheless, I'm not letting go of you, God. I'm not gonna count you evil against me. I'm holding on to you when I when it doesn't make sense because I trust that you love me. I know that you love me and that you won't leave me. Those are the two things I held on to. Yes. And almost blindly, I just sent I'm here and I'm not moving and I'm not gonna fall into that craziness. I'm here, I'm here, and I'm not budging. And as I worship the Lord, his presence, his holy presence came filling my house. I will never forget that moment. That was the moment I'm talking about that I held on to the next time I heard bad news. Um, the the his presence was so powerful, his holiness was so great, I couldn't get low enough. I wanted to become one with the carpet fibers. He's holy, y'all. And my husband, who was downstairs, comes running to the banister down from standing at the banister and says, Baby, keep singing, keep singing because the atmosphere in my house had shifted so dramatically. His presence was so powerful that literally all the accusations I heard when I first heard the the sad news were far from me. It was almost like a force field was around me. The darts were just falling off. And I was in his presence. And it just washed over me in a way I can't put language to. I will never forget that moment with the Lord. And I carried that special moment that indeed he is close to the brokenhearted. Every single time I would hear the doctor say, I'm so sorry you lost another one. I would say, Surely you're with me. Surely you love me, and I'm not letting go.

Teresa Whiting 11:23

That is so beautiful. That's such a beautiful response. And I think of the song that you wrote, Royal Roar, I've I've listened and watched the video, and it's amazing. And I'm gonna link it in the show notes. But um uh tell us a little bit about the the birth of that song.

Royal Roar And Identity

SPEAKER_00 11:41

Yeah, so that's a funny thing. I wanted to write a worship song, and so I connected with the producer and we sat down and we started talking about okay, what do you want to do? And I said, I just, I just and it was almost like something changed. I had an idea uh uh before that meeting, and then as soon as I opened up my mouth, I said, I want people to know who they are. I want people to walk in their full-blown identity in Christ, their authority in Christ. We're not, oh God, how could you love someone like me? No, no, no, no, no. There's a crown on your head, right? And he has covered us in his grace, and he says, Come, come know of me so that I can tell you who you are. And you walk with that. You straighten your back, you lift up your head, and you move forward with fire in your eyes, filled with the Holy Spirit. And the enemy's running scared because of who you are. It's very much like David when he looked at the giant and said, Who is this uncircumcised? Do you know who is with me? So any giant that we face, we can arise, shine, and conquer because we know who we are and we know whose we are. And that's the posture that I want people to understand as they listen to that psalm.

Teresa Whiting 12:45

Yes, yes. Okay, so you just mentioned Arise, Shine, and Conquer, which is the name of your beautiful book. And I'm gonna hold it up because I have been reading it. And tell us a little bit about the story behind it. Why did you write it? What's your hope for this book? Same reason.

Arise Shine And Conquer

SPEAKER_00 13:01

I used to mentor a lot of young women. Um, I still do, but there was a season in my life where there were lots of coffee conversations, right? Lots of coffee meetings. And I kept seeing these young women, most of them in college, um, losing battles they didn't have to lose because they didn't know who they were. And they weren't really sure that God was who he says he was, because you have the word up against your feelings and what people are saying and what you're seeing and experiencing. It seems completely opposite. And I saw them just really just have a hard time, especially when they were going through dark seasons. And so I wanted to share my story. I wanted to show my scars, I wanted to share my highs and lows, but most importantly, showing that God is a treasure hidden in dark places if we look for him.

Teresa Whiting 13:46

I love that. I love that. You are speaking my language and the language of this podcast. Um I recently, so the podcast was called Find Hope Here, and I recently changed the name to Beauty in the Brokenness because I just I have such a passion for helping us discover that even in the brokenness, even in the time, the darkest times, the hardest, the where we're just looking around at the rubble, that there is beauty there. And you've kind of already touched on this, but are there are there other moments in your life where you've said, I've walked through such brokenness, and here's the beauty that God showed me in the middle of that brokenness, in the middle of that hard time. Um, and maybe there's another example from your life. I'm sure you have multiple. So could you tell us another moment of where you walked through something that the world would look at and say, You are you are utterly broken. And you were able to say, but here's the beauty that I see God doing in me or through me or around me.

Hidden Ambition And God’s Correction

SPEAKER_00 14:52

You know, I want to actually highlight a moment where people could not detect the brokenness that was there. Can I can I tell you about that? Yes, yes. So I was touring with names that you would hear on the radio, big names on the radio, Christian radio. And so I was able to go from city to city and thank you, New York, thank you, you know, so-and-so. We're all worshiping and having a great time. On the stage with Mandisa, I'm on the stage with Toby Mack, I'm on the stage with all these wonderful artists. And I look like I had it all together. The reality was is that in my heart of hearts, you couldn't detect it because I spoke to Christianese, you know, all it's all God. I said all the right things. But there was a time where I was saying uh a prayer that sounded like I was being um, you know, a noble prayer, noble sounding prayer of Lord, send me to the nations. But really, what I really wanted God to do was make me a superstar in the name of Jesus. And there was a, and as a as a result of this mindset, there was a brokenness there. There was an identity crisis there. Um, I wanted to be relevant in front of my friends. I wanted to show people that I had uh I had value and worth. So there was utter brokenness, but it was massed with this thing that looked like I was doing amazing things, right? For Jesus, right? And oh, you get to travel and all that. But the Lord saw through it and then he came for me in the sweetest way, but it was very stern, and he said, You want the people to love you, but you have no intentions on loving them back because I I don't need another superstar, I need you to love the people I put you in front of. And I was wrecked that day. Do you hear me? The crying that came forth was extraordinary because he had ripped the covers off this thing I had made look so beautiful, and he said, I do have a call for you, and I do want to send you to the nations. However, your heart posture is stopping that from happening. And until you fall in love with my people, fall in love with me, know who you are. I can't, I can't, I won't do that. I'm a good father, it will destroy you. Yes, right? And you'll and and you'll have a long trail of casualties behind you because you can't live a life of integrity, right? And so I surrendered, I repented, and I'll never forget the pain was so great. I was embarrassed. I was like, the ugliness was shown to me. And the selfishness, the self-centeredness, the comparison, the you know, someone won something or or did something great. It was like, oh, that's so great. And in my heart, it was eh. The Lord was like, enough of this stuff. Okay. You need to be real. I need you to be happy for people when I bless them because there's enough for everybody. Just so many things that I needed to just say, Lord, I surrender and heal the insecurities that I have that are rooted to mom or dad or stuff in my past. I want to be healed and healthy and made whole in you so that when I open my mouth to sing, my mind is on your spirit, that it would hit people's hearts, bullseye. When I write a song that's not to be the number one billboard chopping tart song, it's so that you would rest upon it and break chains. Right? My motive, my why needed to be purified. And so that was a moment where God's love and correction just wrecked me in the most beautiful way.

Elizabeth’s Story And Modern Shame

Teresa Whiting 18:18

Oh, Michelle, thank you for sharing this. It's uh it's such something that is so relatable. I think all of us can relate to that, whether it's, you know, it might not be being a top Christian singer, but there's something in us that that we want that recognition. And it's so much easier to say, I want to be loved than I want to love the people in my life that God has put right in front of me. There's so many, so many beautiful things you're sharing with us. Um, one of the things that we have been doing on the podcast recently is we've been talking about different women's stories and scripture. And uh, we've been talking about Elizabeth and her story. And obviously, you know, she lived in a very different culture. And her culture, infertility was a source of great shame, of great, you know, it was a it was a sign she was cursed by God because she was barren. And so we don't live in that culture, but I think that there are things maybe that are that you have experienced in common with her, not necessarily the shame, but the the feelings of inadequacy or when you were not able to conceive, or you kept having uh miscarriages. Were there any kind of social ramifications for you for that thing that you were walking through that so many women are walking through today?

Forgiveness And Guarding The Heart

SPEAKER_00 19:42

Yeah, so you know, you you have to cling to the Lord because the thoughts of maybe I shouldn't have eaten that, or maybe I worked out too hard. Is this my fault? Right? What did I do wrong, right? And that's the enemy trying to torment your mind so that you will put on this shame and guilt that doesn't belong to you. That's one thing. And then you've got people, well-meaning people, who want to say, who want to bring an answer, they want to bring clear clarity in their own mind. God had nothing to do with their advice, kind of like Job and his friends who were trying to figure it out and trying to help him. But people, family members and friends can say some of the craziest things when they're at attempting to help you. But what you have to do is be a well-oiled machine of forgiveness. Because what you don't want to do is be bound up and locked up with all this hurt, shame. What is God? Where is God? How could he do this? There's bitterness. Then now you have unforgiveness against other people, and now you're entangled, like really, really deeply entangled with all this stuff. And the enemy's like, Yes. When God actually wants to take the thing that is really difficult and hard and cause you, allow you to walk through the fire, but not come out something like smoke to display his saving power. He wants to show the world that God is a keeper and that he loves us and that we can go through some of the toughest things and still come out with this glory just shining through our lives. That's how you we walk through stuff. It's all hard. Yes, but how are you gonna walk through the hard? Who is gonna get the glory out of your heart? Right? And so you have to forgive, you have to understand that they are trying to help and they're sweet way. And then there's some people who are not, they're being ugly on purpose, they're kind of jabbing a little bit. That happens to women as well. You know, that mother-in-law that says something crazy, right? And and that didn't happen to me, but I've heard some stories, y'all, some crazy things that have happened. And all I can say is yes, that probably was not cool. That's not right, it's it was wrong. But your responsibility with that is to let her go, to forgive. That's what God wants us to do. So I was adamant about emerging from this very difficult season, my husband and I was better, anointed, stronger, wiser, closer to the Lord. And it took me forgiving. It took me holding on to the Lord. It took me worshiping through it. It took me clinging to his words, his words, not my thoughts of trying to figure out why. His words, laying down my understanding. It took all of that and the Holy Spirit, you don't have to figure out how to do it. The Holy Spirit, from 24 hours to the next 24 hours to the next 24 hours, it's not overwhelming. He just lets you get bite-sized pieces. Every single day, he walks you through the process and gets you to the end of the thing.

Contending In Faith And Two Sons

Teresa Whiting 22:44

Yes, moment by moment. Moment by moment. So how how did your story continue and progress? Because I know you have two sons. I do. So tell us kind of the progression of your story.

SPEAKER_00 22:59

After I had that encounter with the Lord, that just rocked me to my core in the most beautiful way. Uh I can't explain how I knew, but I didn't get up to the and run to the store the next day and buy one onesie, you know, contending for one child. I went to the store and I felt to buy two onesies. And I put those two onesies in my closet. I'm telling you, when you spend time in the Lord, He will drop something in your spirit. It doesn't make sense. You just go with it. So I put those two onesies in my closet. And every single day I would I felt that I had permission to contend for a promise. And that was me saying every day, I can't wait to hold you. Oh, I can't wait to see your sweet faces and kiss your sweet faces. And I would say, Lord, your promises are yes and amen. I stand on it. Now that was challenged because after, you know, believing this, there's another miscarriage and another miscarriage and another miscarriage. And you have to go back to those onesies and sit before the Lord and say, Lord, your promises are yes and amen. And there was a hospital that was being built next by my home. And I pointed at a hospital every single day, and I would say, I'm gonna have my child in that hospital. And when I was driving home from the current hospital I was going to, and they would say, I'm so sorry you lost another one. And I'm weeping, driving in the car. And I would pass by the hospital and say, Nevertheless, Lord, my womb is healthy. I made whole. I will have my child in that hospital. And the day that I was standing in that hospital, looking at that same road, I would declare, going back and forth, and I had just had my son, y'all, the worship that came forth was astronomical. Because the Lord had done it. Now let me tell you this: I have to say this. I have to, I have to say this. Before I was able to hold my son, I did say something to the Lord. And I said, if you never give me what I'm asking you for, if you never tell me why I'm walking through this, I will not slow my pace in you. I will not allow anything my desire that I desire cause me to pull away from you. You are my greatest desire. You are. Yes. And I just laid it at his feet. And God was kind. He didn't have to do it, but he did. And I was able to give birth. Healthy, strong boys, two of them. And they currently mess up my house, they're very loud, running all over the place. But I praise God because God was faithful. He was kind to me and he blessed me. And I always remember he didn't have to. And even if he didn't, I wasn't going anywhere.

Surrender Before The Miracle

Teresa Whiting 25:39

Yes. Yes, I love that. I love that. I have a similar story. My husband and I were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. And we it took us about three and a half years to get pregnant. And we had we had adopted a set of twins. And then I remember being on a walk. Like I remember exactly where I was in the neighborhood when I was just crying and praying and laying out my hands and a similar prayer, like, Lord, if you never allow me to give birth, you are still good. It's okay. You are still good. And and I I hate to say this because I don't want to, it's not a magic, it's not a magic formula that was not anything magical, but um, but God did allow me to get pregnant. Um so we had adopted a set of twins, and then God allowed me to give birth to a baby girl, and then when she was eight months old, I got pregnant with another set of twins. So it was craziness, crazy. We we went from zero to five in three and a half years, and it was crazy. And now they're all now we're empty nesters, but um, anyway, uh, something amazing, yes, like we could never have planned that we wouldn't have planned it that way, but God was like, Guess what? I'm doing something you never would have imagined. That's precious. Wow, wow, you know, so that's that's kind of our story. Uh, one of the things you've mentioned repeatedly is God's word, you know, how what a source of comfort and strength and power it's been for you. Has there been a particular passage or um maybe through your journey or just in your life that you've really clung to, or um, you know, share share with us some scriptures that have been really meaningful to you?

Scriptures That Fueled Relentless Faith

SPEAKER_00 27:34

Oh my gosh. So I would eat the book of Hebrews. Okay. There was no specific place. I would just eat it because it's it's the book of faith. And um, and I love how it's doc it documents the different people who believe certain things, right? And and how God saw their belief, how he was impressed and blessed by their belief. You know, I'll say this. One time I was I was sitting with the Lord and and I asked him, I said, you know, we all come to you asking all kinds of stuff. What's your like, what do you want? And I felt like the Lord said, I want to be believed. I want to be believed. We have a lot of unbelieving believers. We know it here, but when trouble comes, we're so full of fear that we now resort to our plan A, B, C, D, E, F, G, or, you know, everything else, and we act out of our lack of belief. And um, but throw a little god dust on it, but we still are acting out of unbelief. And uh, and so eating the book of Hebrews just really ignited a faith in me that these people were relentless. And I noticed uh certain stories in the Bible where they would be relentless in their faith. Like the woman who's like, I'm not even supposed to be out here with these people, but if I can just touch his hem, the hem of his garment, I can't get in the house, but how about we just rip the roof off? Right? Or or blind Bartimaeus is screaming and they're like, Y'all, like the pressure of the people saying, She should be quiet. And he screams out even the more. And it says it says that Jesus stopped and said, Come. Uh, and lastly, the woman, oh, the woman who was was like Jesus basically said no to her. All right. And he says, She said, Listen, I'll take the crumbs, just heal my daughter. Those people were highlighted to me in the word of God, and there was something about them that they just didn't take no for an answer. And it moved God to see that they would believe him in such an extraordinary way. In fact, it says that God marveled at the centurion. He said, You don't even have to come to my house, just say the word. Yes. That's the kind of faith that I wanted to have. I wanted to impress the Lord to say, you know what? I believe you. And if I look crazy, oh well, I'm going to believe you. And the Lord, he just, I don't know, he just blessed my socks off as I walked through this difficult time. He showed me who he was, and it was just, I'll never be the same.

Teresa Whiting 29:59

Yes. I love those stories you mentioned, those different people. One of the stories you mentioned, I I have another quite a follow-up question. And that is the woman who said, I'll take the crumbs. That story has always confused me because Jesus is like, We're not gonna give the bread to the dogs, and it almost seems like he's insulting her, but he's not. Do you know? Do you know like the ins and outs of that story?

Wrestling With “Crumbs” And Offense

SPEAKER_00 30:25

What I do know is it mimics a lot of some of the things that we deal with when we're praying, right? The first thing Jesus does is he's silent. Like there's you don't hear she didn't hear anything, no response. The second thing is he says, Yeah, this this isn't for you. I promise you, we think that that healing was for someone else, not really for me, right? Does it belong to me? Like I know you can, but will you do it for me? Yes, right. And then, you know, we start feeling like we're not good enough, or uh, here's the thing leprosy was the the the the scary sickness back in the day. Our time is cancer for the most part, right? There's many other things, but cancer is like oh, we're we're terrified of that. And what I love about uh people who stand in faith uh when they're dealing with that, and it's it's not easy. I I have a I have a testimony of that in my family where the Lord healed cancer, um, where we literally said, first of all, you don't get to be worshipped on any level. We will not fear you. We will not fear you. We agree with God, and He will show us how to walk through this process. Holy Spirit, show us. And so we didn't allow like what we thought would be um scary or um uh uh offensive to overtake us. And we just stayed steady, stayed steady and said, Lord, I'm willing to take what you will give me. I'm not budging, I'm not moving, I'm not getting out of here. I'm not gonna leave offended by you because you didn't give me what I thought, you know, the way I thought you should give it to me. I'm not budging, I'm not moving. I'll take what you're gonna give me. And that woman who wasn't supposed to be getting this miracle ends up getting a miracle. That lets me know that you can move God's heart so, so powerfully through the currency of faith, you can move heaven by simply believing God's word and standing on it even when you look crazy, even when you look ridiculous. Sometimes that moves God in a way that the the miracle comes that it may not have come if we had not stood and believed. Yes. I don't have all the answers, I don't have all the answers, but what I do know, I've seen enough stories in the word of God to know that God moved when people were radically believing him against all odds.

Teresa Whiting 32:56

I I appreciate that insight. That's very, that's really good and helpful and it makes a lot of sense. One of the things I wanted to mention is that you have a podcast as well called Embracing Freedom Today. And and you obviously are passionate about the freedom that Christ gives us. Tell tell us a little bit about your podcast and why that's such a passion for you.

Embracing Freedom Today Podcast

SPEAKER_00 33:23

You know, I hate the enemy with every fiber of my being. He has hurt so many people, he has blinded so many people, he has told so many lies, he's been so incredibly destructive. Look at the world, look at our families, our loved ones. I hate him. I'm sure the feeling's mutual, but I don't care. My point is that if Christ died such a gruesome death, for us to be free, for us to be reunited with God, I don't care how difficult it is, have it. Embrace it, possess it. It's yours. If we're bound and someone says you can be free, have it. And so I'm very passionate about that, right? Because since it's available, I can't leave it on the table. And I don't want you to leave it on the table because I want you to know who you are, a free version of yourself, right? The free version of yourself. Who would you be? What would you do? How would you think if you embrace the fullness of what he intended for us to walk in and be, right? And so I want that for everyone. And so I I put together a podcast, Embracing Freedom, today. We're taking a break, um, but we're gonna bring in some wonderful guests who have incredible stories about how God brought freedom into their lives on so many levels. And uh, but I want people to hear the testimonies, I want people to hear that it's it's real and it's possible to walk in freedom.

Teresa Whiting 34:49

Yes. Have you ever encountered people who have walked in that freedom and then get bound up again? And then they walk in freedom and then they get bound up again, and and and what kind of encouragement? Because I think that's something people could identify with.

Keeping Freedom And Stewardship

SPEAKER_00 35:05

Absolutely. You know, I there's a scripture that talks about getting delivered and God clears all the demonic stuff out of the way. But if you don't steward that freedom with his wisdom, then that can actually come back with even stronger enemies, right? Now you're really bound, even stronger than before. That's what the scripture says. Yes. And so it's really important that once God brings freedom, we're not just like, okay, back to where I was, just keep doing what I was doing. No, no, no, no. We have to steward that freedom. There's there are habits we need to change, there's mindsets that we need to relinquish to the Lord, allow him to show us what we need to do with that. Sometimes he says there's a Christian counselor that needs to uh unpack some of the things you're thinking, some of the things you're walking through to help you bring you bring you to a place of lasting freedom, right? Yes. Um, and so let the Holy Spirit's wisdom guide you in your freedom so that you can keep it.

Teresa Whiting 36:08

Michelle, you know, you've walked through some different circumstances, and I know that the Lord showed you something as you walk through those. What is that? What is it that he showed you?

How The Enemy Hitches On Grief

SPEAKER_00 36:21

You know, when we're going through some of the toughest seasons of our lives, the enemy likes to hitchhike on the back of our grief. That's the door by which he likes to enter. And he likes to steal, kill, and destroy through our very vulnerable moments. He doesn't play fair, it's not cool at all, but he likes to come in when we're at our most broken, weak moments, right? When we're struggling to figure out what happened here. And so the Lord showed me how the enemy likes to come against women, especially when you've lost a child, because that's a big deal, right? And and you're trying to figure out you're trying to reason why the Lord would allow something like that to happen. And so the enemy wants us to pull back and retreat into comfort zones. He wants us to pull back and self-protect. Uh, again, never believing for anything big, because he wants to steal the whole reason why God said you should exist in the earth. Because through this pain, he wants to create a wall between you and the Lord so that now uh whatever God said you should do and be in the earth before the foundations of the world, now it won't come forth because we reserved our faith. We're now we're playing it safe. And in order to be the fullness of who God intended, you got to partner with him and step out there and take that risk with the Lord. And if you're not willing to do that, then the fullness of what he intended cannot be. And so we'll still go to church, still still go to those conferences, we'll still do all those wonderful things, but in our hearts, we've taken several steps back from the Lord, sometimes undetectable, and we actually forfeit the thing that God has called us to do on the earth.

Teresa Whiting 37:58

You've mentioned that a couple of times now, this idea of playing it safe, or just like, I'm not gonna get my hopes up because then I'm gonna get hurt again. Um that that's a real thing that happens. And and what would you say to the person who would say, that's where I'm at right now? Like, I'm refusing to get my hopes up for this thing, for this prayer to be answered, or for God to come through for me. I get it.

Playing It Safe Versus Trusting God

SPEAKER_00 38:26

I totally understand what that feels like because it is scary. And it's almost like the day that I was telling my son to jump from where he was into my arms, and he wouldn't because he just felt like I just might drop him. And boy, did that hurt my heart. I was like, Mama loves you, I won't drop you. I'm fully capable of catching you. And in that moment, the Lord was like, that's what that looks like. That's what that looks like. I'm here, I'm gonna catch you, I'm not going to let you fall. I have you. And just because we're afraid of pain, we're afraid of disappointment, we won't take the leap into his arms. The safest place where we could ever be, right? And um, and so I would just say to you, first of all, the Lord loves you more than you could ever begin to comprehend. And he wants a deeper, closer walk with you, relationship with you. And he wants to walk you through some of the most difficult times of your life if we'll allow him to come in full-blown. Like, don't let crack the door a little bit or say, okay, God, you can come in, but this far because it's too painful. Bust that door wide open. Let him come in and sup with you. Tell him what's all on your heart, pour it all out to him. He can handle it. You can cry, you can tell him you're angry, tell him you're frustrated. You know, David said all the things throughout the Psalms. And what does God say? He was a man after my own heart because he was honest. You can do that with your father, you can do that with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. They welcome it and they're ready to bring reconciliation and love and healing and everything that you need to get through this time. So open up your heart and trust him, and he's going to be a blessing like you can't even begin to be to believe and and and dream that he'll be in your life. Yes.

Teresa Whiting 40:12

Yeah, I think the message of the gospel is God with us, with that presence. It's it's not just we pray a prayer so we can go to heaven someday. It's it's so that we have this union with Christ and we walk with him through all the things and and and we let him hold us and carry us and bring us through, and and we walk through life in that relationship with him.

unknown 40:38

That's right.

Teresa Whiting 40:39

Was was there anything else, anything else we missed that you wanted to share before we before we give our closing uh questions?

Final Encouragements And Where To Find Michelle

SPEAKER_00 40:50

I think that's it. I just want to make sure that everyone knows God is worthy of our trust, even when it hurts, like you can't even put language to it's worthy of it. And so just take the leap, jump into his arms and let him carry you through. Yes, yes.

Teresa Whiting 41:06

Where can people find you? Find find your podcast, your music, your website. How can people get in touch with you, Michelle?

SPEAKER_00 41:15

I love meeting new people. It's my jam. So uh I would love for you to connect with me on my Instagram, and that is MyShell Music. One word, MyShow Music on Instagram, and then it's my kiddos. Um, and then you can go to my website, which is my shellwilkins.com, and there you'll find everything that I do on my website. And I'd love to connect and partner with you all.

Teresa Whiting 41:37

Awesome. Well, I will obviously have all of that in the show notes. But as we close out this episode, Michelle, you and I and even Elizabeth, you know, we have happy endings to our story. We were people who walked through infertility and got to hold a baby.

SPEAKER_02 41:54

Right.

Teresa Whiting 41:54

But there's a lot of people out there that that's not their story. They haven't had that experience. They're still waiting, they're still hoping, or maybe it's too late for them. And and they're saying, Well, that's great for you, but that's not my story. What words of hope or encouragement would you share with those listeners?

Hope For Those Still Waiting

SPEAKER_00 42:13

The first thing I would say is just make sure that our hearts are open to the Lord. Because sometimes after a time, we can begin to kind of close ourselves off to him. Just make sure that's wide open. Um, because the Lord wants to escort you through this season consistently. And we don't want to give God a timeline. We don't want to give him what we think or the way we think things should happen. We yield to him, right? And so what I did when I before I even held a baby was just say, I don't want to get in the way of what you're doing. I don't want to get in the way of what you're processing in me. I don't want to get in the way. And so I would just say, every day, I would say, Lord, show me how to walk through this. Do I contend? Do I say, Lord, I'm going to, you're going to bring an adoption story into my life? Um, how will this unfold? Am I supposed to be a mentor to many women? And I'm uh a spiritual mom to so many women. Like, how does this work? Show me how you want me to be a mother. And because you be a mother many different ways, of course you want to hold your own, absolutely, and God knows that. And so talk with him consistently. Keep your heart and mind open. Don't fall into shame, don't fall into bitterness, don't fall into anger, don't fall into any of those things. And when they come, because they won't knock on the door, you have the power to resist them and to put them in their place and keep moving. But stay open in him, stay close to him. And I promise you, the Lord will show you his ways. And he's going to do something that you, it's going to leave you kind of like, wow. Whether he brings a baby, brings um children that you'll adopt, whether you'll be uh a mother figured or someone, I don't know how it will open up for you, but please know God's Ways are extraordinary and he's worthy of being trusted, even when it's tough, even when it hurts, even when it's hard. Just cling to him. And I promise you, he's going to find a way to bring glory through what's going on in your life.

Teresa Whiting 44:14

Yes. Yes. Thank you so much for this conversation, for being my guests on Beauty and the Brokenness. I appreciate you and the work that you're doing. Thank you. Thank you for having me. It was a pleasure meeting you. And uh God bless you for the work that you're doing as well.