Embracing the Neuro Spicy Edge in Leadership with Cara Jean Wilson

Have you ever felt like an outsider in your own success story, constantly haunted by the nagging doubt that you don't quite belong? Leadership coach Cara Jean Wilson joins us to throw open the doors to a discussion on neurodiversity in leadership and how these internal battles can be turned into strengths. Cara, with her neurodiverse perspective, spices up the conversation around leadership development, unpacking the psychological burdens that so many of us carry. From the heavy weight of imposter syndrome to the decision paralysis known as options, she offers up her seasoned strategies for building emotional intelligence and fostering trust within our teams. Her insights remind us that being human, with all our quirks and differences, is at the very heart of business success.

Strap in as we bust the myths surrounding the 'neurotypical' and shine a light on the power of embracing our unique neurological makeup. Cara doesn't just theorize; she gives us a practical tool with her 15-minute clarity sessions that promise to cut through the noise and guide you toward confident and empathetic leadership. Through pop culture references and personal stories that resonate with anyone who's led a team or faced a daunting decision, this episode is your roadmap to leading with authenticity. If you're ready to transform how you guide your team and navigate business challenges, let Cara Jean Wilson be your guide to the neuro-spicy side of leadership.

Website: https://takingcarabusiness.com/
Facebook business page: https://www.facebook.com/TheCARAMethod/
Facebook Group: http://www.facebook.com/groups/caracorner
Facebook Personal Page: https://www.facebook.com/cara.wilson.35/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cara-jean-wilson-4028a3197/
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TakingCARAit
TikTok:  https://www.TikTok.com/@thecaramethod

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Transcript

Hank: 0:40

Welcome to the Home Business Success Show. Join us as we speak to home business entrepreneurs for tips, tricks, do's and even don'ts for running a successful home business. Welcome everyone, I'm Hank Eater, also known as Hank the PR Guy, host of the Home Business Success Show, and you're listening to bizradious all entrepreneurs all the time. I'll introduce my guest right after my two cents marketing minute. Whether you're a corporate leader or a small business owner with a team of outsourcing partners, you need to develop leadership skills. Leaders lead by example. They don't try to micromanage their teams. The most effective leaders build a strong bond with their teams and everyone has each other's backs the skills. These skills don't always come easily, but they can be learned through teaching and through experience.

Hank: 1:43

Today's guest, cara Jean Wilson, is a seasoned coach with 25 years of leadership experience. She specializes in executive coaching and leadership development. Taking Cara business takes a neuro spicy approach to leadership development. Using the Cara method, she helps leaders overcome challenges like imposter syndrome and optionitis. Her 15 minute clarity coaching sessions build accountability, trust and emotional intelligence. Cara says we're here to help build leaders get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Change is inevitable. Development is an option. Are you ready to develop? Welcome to the show, cara.

Cara: 2:34

Hi Hank, hello everyone, what a joy to be here.

Hank: 2:38

It's a joy to have you here. If you would, let's get started by telling us about what you do in your business.

Cara: 2:45

Absolutely. I like to describe my work in two parts. So there's the job. There's like the joining of operations and behavior, the nuts and bolts of it. As an executive coach, that means my nuts and bolts are I do one-on-one coaching, I do group coaching, I do trainings and I do speakings Sort of the space there. My work, though the weekly overload of responsibility and knowledge. Where the mess lives is around people. I help people, people easier. It's as simple as that. I'm not that simple, as easy, but it's as simple as it gets.

Hank: 3:21

Right, right, so you help people, people easier, yeah, when we're people, I guess that has to do with how we relate to and, in the case of people, if we're leaders, how we lead people.

Cara: 3:34

Yes, as far as I have discovered in my time doing this, all of humanity is made up of people. All of businesses are made up of people. Even the business that has a solopreneur working alone is working to sell things to other people. So if you want to be really good at business, you probably want to be pretty good at people.

Hank: 3:59

Yeah, yeah, that's a weakness that a lot of people have. They're just not good at people and that's why a lot of people who are in sales, you know, or try to be in sales, have issues because you know they feel they don't really well the people. But even that kind of, those kind of self-imposed limitations, can really be overcome. What do you mean when you refer to a neuro spicy approach to leadership development?

Cara: 4:26

This is my take on neurodivergent. So I am neurodivergent. I have never been diagnosed with anything, but I don't think anybody can spend more than a few minutes with me and be like, oh yeah, she's a muffin. Yeah, that's factual. And I have struggled all of my life around the people. I took drama in grade school just so I could learn like how to present as human, because other people's brains worked differently than mine. They perceived the world differently than I did. Their experiences impact how they saw things and how that presented in the world, and at a very young age I just it was hard for me to grasp, and so I have spent years diving into that space and the more I work into that space, the more I get to experience. A lot of my clients fall into a neuro spicy category, from autism to ADD and beyond, and the more I lean into that space where it's where the brains literally are designed to think and perceive differently shockingly, the easier it is to understand people as a whole.

Hank: 5:39

Do you think there's a possibility, though, that basically we're all neuro spicy or we're all neurodivergent?

Hank: 5:48

And basically, what I think happened is that we're all in school, you know, they fit us into these little boxes and they tell us how to act, and you know, I was the kid who was always looking out the window, and when I got bored, I was the class clown, and also, like you mentioned, taking drama, I did the same thing, and even in drama, I had issues, because the emotions that I was supposed to portray weren't necessarily coming through the way other people might perceive them as coming through. So maybe we're all a little bit on the spectrum somewhere and we're all a little bit ADHD somewhere. Back in my day, if you were, nobody said you were ADHD. They said you know, this is it. This kid doesn't know how to behave in class, and they sent they sent you home for some wall to wall counseling from your dad, and that's how, that's how my generation dealt with it. But I think we're all, we're all there, we're all on the spectrum, we're all neuro spicy.

Cara: 6:47

I so firmly believe that I actually went and pulled 26 psychotherapists because I didn't believe that neuro neurotypical existed. I was like I don't, I don't think I know anybody who is. Who are these people? Why? Why do we keep talking about this? Who are they? And the mass majority said no. Pretty much. There's maybe three on the planet. If you think of humanity as a big rainbow arc, right, the neurotypicals are the three people that make the very center peak at the top and the rest of us fall somewhere in the rainbow. Yep.

Hank: 7:22

Right, yeah, we all fall somewhere on some spectrum of something and that goes with and I wax a little bit of a controversy here that goes from being neuro divergent to being ADHD, to even being on a spectrum between gay and straight, because, you know, nobody is 100% in one direction, even though some people jealously guard the fact that they want everybody to believe they are. But let's, let's not go there. I agree. I love your phrase taking care of business. Please tell us about the Cara method.

Cara: 8:00

So the phrase actually came from many years in service and I would tell people I'm here to take care of you. And it also became my framework. So we clarify, we assess, we realign, so we can achieve. And it came about because again, because I'm so spicy I just had a hard time falling into the frameworks that were created for a more neurotypical space. I just didn't. I needed something that was more dynamic, something that I could apply to any situation, whether it was at my house or whether it was at work, because I, you know, they say things like the way you do one thing is how you do everything, and I sort of like I kind of agree with that, but we do it at different levels and that makes it look a lot different. But 100%, if you're not doing it at work, you're not really doing it at home, and if you're not doing it at home, you're not doing it at work. And I needed something that would bridge that gap for me. So I created this method and it's based on every other method that's out there. None of it will ever be like wow, kara, you're so innovative. I can't believe I've never heard this. No, it's all stuff you absolutely know.

Cara: 9:19

The goal is to have more Oda moments than oh my gosh moments, right? So we clarify what's going on. If you, the Cheshire Cat, said it the best if you don't know where you're going, then it doesn't matter what road you take to get there. Right? So we got to clarify first. But then you have to assess. There are there are all the things other people will tell you have to do. This is how it has to be, this is how it's always been, this is what people do, this is the way for this is the way for success. And then there's the way you want to do it, which may or may not align with what everybody just told you was the thing. So you have to assess what options are out there and you realign around what makes sense for you, because everybody can tell you what's good for you. But if you really want genuine expert advice, you have to talk to the person who has been doing your work as long as you have, which is you.

Hank: 10:11

So yeah, then you're your own best coach.

Cara: 10:14

Period.

Hank: 10:15

But I would think part of that has to be getting certain things out of the way. Getting you know we will get more into this in a few minutes. One of the things you know you mentioned imposter syndrome before. Why don't we get into that one right now? You know, getting certain things out of the way. People who were perfectly capable, and probably even more capable than people who are out there doing what they're doing, deal with imposter syndrome, and sometimes it ties them up to the point that it's almost like paralysis. Why do you think people get imposter syndrome? How do you define it and how do you help people who are struggling with it?

Cara: 10:54

I love when people tell me they have imposter syndrome. I know that kind of sounds not so nice, but I really that. Here's what I know about imposter syndrome. Imposters don't ask if they're an imposter. So if you self-diagnose that you have imposter syndrome, you're already amazing. That means you just recognized that you have lots of skill, but so do other people. And where I think the problem comes in is that you know that neurotypical space, that this is how things are done. Air quote this is the way, not a way, but the way, and so we think if I'm not doing it their way, maybe my way is wrong. What does that make me an imposter? Does that make me false and fake Because I can't do the thing that they tell me I need to do?

Cara: 11:45

What I have discovered is imposter syndrome is really a backpack full of other people's expectations. You're carrying around a backpack full of stones and when we start to unpack, okay, well, why do you think that? Oh, because someone told you that. Yeah, oh, your mom. That is a fantastic thing that you should go talk to your therapist about. That's why therapy is important. Yes, I'm not a therapist. You don't want me to touch that with a 10 foot pull. You're welcome. I will help you find someone else. But when you're ready, after you've unpacked why those things are there and what lies are living in your head, well then we can decide what you want to do about it, because really, if you've already decided you're imposter, you care enough to do the right thing and we can realign that to doing the right thing for you so fast.

Hank: 12:32

Yeah, the expectations that are placed on us are often, I think, what would lead to something like imposter syndrome. Two things come to mind, and let's see if in a minute I'm even going to remember what the second one is. But the first one is did you ever see Despicable Me? Yes, did you ever see that? So when the little I remember the second one too when little grew, when childhood grew, is trying to impress his mother, it doesn't matter what he does, he shows her the plans to a spaceship that would actually break out of orbit, and he's maybe eight, nine years old and she's like, eh, yeah, what are you going to do for me? You know that kind of thing. So you know he grows up with that syndrome of never having been able to please the person who cared for him the most.

Hank: 13:19

And the other part of that, as I heard on the radio, on National Public Radio, which I listened to in my car, was Barbara Streisand talking about her upbringing, and it was the same kind of thing. You know, her mother wanted her to be a stenographer or something that she considered practical. You know, you're going to be a singer, yeah, right. And nothing she was able to do was pleasing her mother. So, you know, even after attaining a level of superstardom that people really don't ever even get a taste of, she still suffered with paralyzing, stage fright and things that she had to get over. But you know what? She pushed through them and got out there and she was herself, no matter what. So, yeah, I think imposter syndrome comes from having had this stuff, you know, stuffed into us by others and accepting that. Yep, what is optionitis? Is that like the paralysis of analysis?

Cara: 14:22

Yes, I reference it. So I'm terrible at self-care as far as like my face and washing, because I walk into whatever store and it's not one section of face washes, it's a floor to ceiling display that is 10 feet wide with everything that could, and each one is like I'm the best, this is the one you need, I'm the one, this is exactly, and I'll walk in, I'll take one look at that wall and I'll turn right back around and go wash with water again because no, no, no and that yes. So that is when optionitis happens. There are here's one of the craziest statistics that I learned in a marketing class. Did you know that, on average, a person receives 3,000 to 30,000 offers a day? Yeah, from our inbox to our social media, to advertisements, to television, to radio, to billboards, to. No wonder our brains are tired of making choices.

Hank: 15:30

That sensory overload. You know, things remind me of popular culture. And there was this. Really it was a pretty awful movie, but it was. It was popular for a while. It was called Borat Borat and it was oh man. But in the special features which they were deleted scenes. And here's this, this Borat character in the supermarket looking across an aisle of like probably 250, 300 different types of cheese, but only in America. You know he didn't have that in the, in the so-called country that he came from, but he's saying what is this? And the clerk is saying that's cheese. What's that, that's cheese? What's that, that's cheese? Yeah, I understand optionitis in that. In that context, yeah, um, if you would please tell us about your 15 minute clarity sessions, are those done individually or they done in group settings?

Cara: 16:29

They are done individually. I have never I loved that question because I have never done them in a group, but they absolutely could be done. They are yeah, they're done individually. They are designed to navigate and train your brain to follow a solutions pathway. So I'm going to tell you how I'll just walk. I'll just tell you all of the answers from it.

Cara: 16:50

So the first question that it starts with is what is one thing I can help you with now that is designed because it puts you right here in this moment and makes you figure out what one thing within a world where there are 4,012 things in the last three minutes that I could get help with, what's one, pick one. So you start prioritizing, starts creating a pattern of prioritization. The second question is why is that important now? Which reinforces that prioritization? If you're like, oh well, actually it's really important for next week, okay, so what's something we can work on now? Right, and that creates that pathway.

Cara: 17:23

And then we leap way forward into the future, pass the problem. Let's imagine what, if, what if? We came up with the perfect thing? And we have all experienced that reality where you come up with one perfect thing and then it snowballs to the next perfect thing which leads to the next perfect thing which leads to the next. So let's imagine we did that. We got the one perfect thing and it snowed.

Cara: 17:44

Now we're six months past this problem. What does six months out look like? What does it feel like on the other side? What that creates is your brain went backwards to the problem, it came back to the present, onto Y, and now it's shot forward to what could be. And then we're gonna follow that question with so why hasn't it happened? Now, which is a pretty hard hitter after you've been visualizing how perfect life could be, you're like, oh, but because we've yo-yodged your brain backwards and the two of the present and then back to the forward and then brought it right back. We've activated all of your amygdala, your brain, the center of your brain that does all of the processing of thoughts, feelings and emotions. It's got its yo-yod stretched out and it's like I got the answer and it's amazing how fast. And then it's usually just a process of reflective listening and active listening and reflective answers and then a tool share and we map out what's your actionable plan. We make a plan map, we make a plan on what can you do?

Hank: 18:42

So when the conditions are right, then that part of the brain kind of leaps in and latches onto something that would be like maybe solution oriented.

Cara: 18:54

Yeah, it's incredible how fast it happens. I have a return on investment guarantee for the last five years. That says, if it takes more than 20 minutes for us to go from your roadblock to an actionable step, I'll gift you another 45,. But I've done 7,000 of these calls and no one has needed the extra time because y'all are geniuses.

Hank: 19:17

Very cool. That's quite a return on investment. If there were one bit of advice you would give to a leader about building a really effective team, what do you think that would be?

Cara: 19:28

Hmm, find people who disagree with you, which is a controversial statement. But really, really, if somebody is willing to tell you and this is my BS, this is my belief system if somebody is willing to disagree with you, if they're willing to tell you how they think you've done things wrong, that's a really high level of respect. They respect you enough to share their inside opinions out. That's a terrifying thing to do. So if somebody's willing to do that, bring them onto your team. Have them challenge you, because their perspective and your perspective, when it butts head, creates magic.

Hank: 20:06

That's right, and I think that's one of the things that really distinguish a leader. A manager would never allow one of their employees or reports to criticize anything that they do, and that's why it's said often that people don't quit jobs. They quit bad managers, they quit toxic work environments, but they don't quit jobs. So, yeah, leaders are the ones who surround themselves with capable people and empower them to do what they do best without the micromanaging. Yeah, you know, it's amazing how time flies, how time flies, and we're getting to that point where we're really running out of time. I wish we had two hours to spend here. What is the best way for our listeners to reach out to you for more information or if they'd like to experience your 15-minute clarity session?

Cara: 21:03

Oh yes, absolutely. Go to my website, wwwtakingcara C-A-R-A businesscom. You can get right onto my calendar from there. You can also email me, carrageen at takingcarabusinesscom. I am super accessible also on social media. If you just Google Carrageen Wilson, you'll find me. Reach out, I'm ready.

Hank: 21:25

All right. Well, thank you so much for being here with us today.

Cara: 21:29

Pleasure Hank. Thank you.

Hank: 21:30

And to our listeners tune in every Wednesday for the Home Business Success Show here on bizradious. Before I go, I want to tell you there are some great resources available to home business entrepreneurs. You are not alone in the wilderness in your home business. The home business success community has your back. We're an online membership support community of like-minded home business entrepreneurs. Contact me to find out more about that. Just go to bizradious. Scroll down until you find my show, until you find my picture and all the contact information will be there. Remember you can achieve success, freedom and independence in your own home business. I've done it, Kara has done it, and you can too. I'll see you again next week. This is Hank Eater, wishing all of you a fabulous day of home business success.