Mocktails Or Messy
Mocktails Or Messy
#27: Uncle Karl’s Jailtime
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What happens when you combine the charisma of a doorman with a penchant for unforgettable stories? Meet Uncle Karl Frankowski, our first paid guest, who brings his unique blend of humor and inappropriateness to the mic. Get ready for a trip down memory lane as Karl recounts his time at the Bloomfield Bridge Tavern, complete with quirky catchphrases like "supernatural balance" and a steadfast practice of ID checking. From playful banter about tips to his memorable bar attire, Carl ensures that laughter is never in short supply.
Ever wondered what it’s like to leave college on a whim and embrace the unpredictable path of adventure? Step into my shoes as we share a nostalgic tale from decades ago, where a cold winter in Colorado turned into a journey filled with unexpected twists. From sleeping in a truck to a surprising night in a New Mexico jail, this chapter is a mix of humor and heartfelt moments. Grandpap's costly rescue attempt, with the help of his business partner Roddy, not only highlights family kindness but also adds a hilarious twist to the narrative.
Friendships and relationships can be a maze of complexities, and this episode dives right into it. Uncle Karl’s loving presence and his amusing demand to be our first paid guest set a light-hearted tone before we transition into more serious conversations. From sharing personal dating anecdotes to discussing the tough choices surrounding friends who recreationally dabble with the party drugs, this chapter brings out candid reflections and thoughtful advice. Top it off with some mocktail fun and musings on staying wary of online scams, and you’ve got an episode that’s both entertaining and insightful.
DISCLAIMER: This podcast contains material that might prove to be sexually explicit to certain viewers. The average man thinks about sex every 7 seconds. Karl is an average man, but he has something that you probably don’t have. He has schizophrenia, a disorder that affects a person's ability to think, feel, and behave clearly. The exact cause of schizophrenia isn't known, but a combination of genetics, environment, and altered brain chemistry and structure may play a role. Schizophrenia is characterized by thoughts or experiences that seem out of touch with reality, disorganized speech or behavior, and decreased participation in daily activities. Difficulty with concentration and memory may also be present. Treatment is usually lifelong and often involves a combination of medications, psychotherapy, and coordinated specialty care services. We hope you find him as endearing as we do.
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Mocktail Madness With Uncle Carl
Speaker 1But he's our first paid guest for the podcast.
Speaker 2I mean in some ways like he deserves it. That's actually a lot of lime juice and sparkling water.
Speaker 3I used to say is this half up or half full? But I say, well, drink it down and fill it back up.
Speaker 2And I don't say that, hey, we have that in common. Did you think it was like strategically placed the beer in the cooler lower?
Speaker 1Yes, yeah, so I did wear low cut shirts so that I could get better tips and I would bend over and the beer was always so far down there that I'd have to really be like reaching.
Speaker 3You caught on to that.
Speaker 1Yeah, so you did that on purpose. You know what I got. Better tips though.
Speaker 3And then, all of a sudden, the cops came and they put me in the back of the cop car and took me to jail.
Speaker 1Oh, do you think it's because you were trespassing?
Speaker 3Tits and vagina.
Speaker 1Does that offend you, Kelly? It does not offend me. I think it's a beautiful poem. It kind of sounds like maybe she's passed away.
Speaker 3I try to be my best friend, sometimes because just to help. I know it sounds fucking weird, but no. I just I have you know, laugh and love.
Speaker 2They forgive you. You got to live laugh and love.
Speaker 1Cheers to that car.
Speaker 2Welcome to. Mockocktails Are Messy. This is Ryan Frankofsky, and.
Speaker 1Kelly.
Speaker 2Musgorski. Today we're excited to have Uncle Carl Frankofsky. Carl, welcome to the studio.
Speaker 1Thank you for joining us. Carl is your biological uncle but I've adopted him as an uncle as well.
Speaker 2Kelly, you go way back with Uncle Carl from working at the Bloomfield Bridge Tavern for so many years.
Speaker 1Carl was the doorman at the BBT.
Speaker 2Yeah, the family business.
Speaker 3Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah. So tell us a little bit about, like, what your favorite beverage is here today the mint mojito cucumber. It's from mingle and it's a mocktail, do you like?
Speaker 1it.
Speaker 2I mean, a mocktail is a mocktail, it's good yeah, this is the first time kelly's dabbled into the mocktail I think it might be the first time on the show.
Speaker 3Yeah yeah, or maybe the second time this is a virgin one, or you didn't put?
Speaker 2Oh no, I gave you the stiff one.
Speaker 1We have virgins and you have a stiff one Today.
Speaker 2Stiff one Are you talking about a drink? Are you talking about other?
Speaker 3things Virgin vaginas all the time, loathing silky orgasms.
Speaker 1Carl, that's inappropriate.
Speaker 3Oh, that's Well. Yeah, I don't mean to be inappropriate. I apologize. No, you're okay, Carl Carl we like when you're inappropriate.
Speaker 2We just want to make sure that Kelly's not feeling uncomfortable.
Speaker 1No, it's not me. I'm never uncomfortable. It's the audience that could be.
Speaker 3Yeah, I feel uncomfortable, you know saying it too.
Speaker 2We like, whenever you're funny, does it just kind of come out.
Speaker 3You know she feels freer and younger.
Speaker 1You know I mean who's. She said sexual seduction, sexual arousal, compliments. I'm trying to compliment.
Speaker 3That's what I'm. Okay, you know, I'm trying to add compliment, but I I know not everyone wants to hear it, but I mean we love that about you, carly mary. Yeah, she uh, sweet mary. Who's she, who she is who is she? Sweet mary oh yeah, 40 feet to the water side. Oh, the body and the soul. You know we're gonna ski on down the mountain.
Speaker 1Supernatural balance, or oh yeah, that is something that we've always remembered him saying was supernatural balance growing yes, the supernatural balance, yes, yeah, where does that come? Yes yes, so what does that mean? Like where are you? Where's that derived from?
Speaker 3well, you were. You were asking me about what where is that derived from the?
Speaker 1supernatural balance. Where is that derived?
Speaker 3I think it's from northwestern. It's up in British Columbia. Okay, because that's one of my favorite things that you say. I saw a commercial when I was up there and they had a phone booth on top of this snow-capped mountain. They went up there and made a phone call and they said a supernatural phone call or whatever it was, and I just added balance to it when I was skiing that makes sense I like that.
Speaker 2Yeah, so carl has always been our favorite uncle with the craziest inappropriate inappropriate like you definitely you balanced in some appropriate ones, but we always loved how you were just like kind of a goofball growing up. You always just made us laugh. You were the doorman at the Bloomfield Bridge Tavern. You made sure that you checked everybody's ID. Now, why did you check an 80, 70-year-old person coming into the Bloomfield Bridge Tavern? You knew that they were over 21,. But what was your reasoning behind checking everyone's ID?
Speaker 3Mrs Reagan came in. Well, of course she's of she's of age, but I like being at the door. I was read you have to card everybody. I don't know if it's a law or it was our house rule. She said I don't have it. We're talking, we're both. I don't have it, I don't have it. And then I said I said, well, go ahead. And she was harmless, she was nice about it. So I mean some people took an attitude I'm not sure she was definitely in her 60s or 70s yeah.
Speaker 1Did you?
Speaker 2think that was a little interesting that they carded everybody.
Speaker 1Yeah, I think Steve didn't want anyone in there with expired IDs either, so I remember you did.
Speaker 3Yeah, that was pretty much a law. They had a machine where I could read the age on it.
Speaker 2Yes, I do remember you said to me that you liked how Kelly worked at the bar and you would always leave the beer and the cooler really low, and I think you said it was just because you liked the view. I don't know what that was referring to. Did you think it was like strategically placed the beer in the cooler?
Speaker 1lower. Yes, so I did wear a low cut shirt so that I could get better tips, and I would bend over and the beer was always so far down there that. I'd have to really be like reaching.
Speaker 3You caught on to that.
Speaker 1Yeah, so you did that on purpose.
Speaker 3You know what I got better tips though when they used to serve, but when you get like 50 dollars on like buttery nipples, um, you know butterscotch schnapps and a little bit of splash of vodka or whatever it was, but um you always found the most inappropriate drinks, she would go what, what do you want? And he met, yeah, buttery nipple. Well, I'm sorry, what was that buttery nipple? You know it was so it was a little humor, yeah that's funny, I know, I know.
Speaker 2I definitely remember one time kelly over served us after we were bartending. It was you were door manning, I was bartending, she was bartending, and then after work, me, and you decided hey, she's the designated driver, we can get lit.
Speaker 1And I was practicing how to make some drinks. It was maybe the Washington apple, something like that, and um her screaming war guy. It was probably. It was probably. Oh, it was inappropriate. No, I think it was the screaming orgasm.
Speaker 3You guys, are dancing fools too we were dancing yeah I I'm not a real good dancer, but I were you saying we were bad dancing no, you got.
Speaker 1You had some moves going on I forgot that carl okay, so we would drive carl home we would all ride together. Yeah, carl so car. Carl would be stuck there watching us go ape shit, oh yeah yeah, yeah, he's like in the corner like what the hell is going on?
Speaker 2I know, I remember I was like fuck you. We always had an audience and.
Speaker 1I forgot that Carl was our audience.
Speaker 2Yes, he was. I remember I was like pulling my, like I was showing my ass.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 2And then I think you were doing the same.
Speaker 3Then we had a late night group. There we had a little serpent we can insert that video and those guys were there.
Speaker 2Wait. But Carl, you said that we were good dancing, but I remember the night specifically that she over-served me and you Because she decided to be the designated driver and you were practicing the drinks, the Washington.
Speaker 3Apple.
Speaker 2And we were testing everything out.
Speaker 3And then I remember you pissed yourself. No, you know what it was.
Speaker 2It was a guinness.
Speaker 3She poured me a guinness in the proper way in a pint glass got a good memory and she said it's it. It didn't make a share mark on top. It looks more like a broken pierogi yeah, yes.
Speaker 2And it was a Polish bar, Polish tavern with the best pierogi.
Speaker 3I mean Guinness. I sat in a Guinness van behind the tavern one day. I should have, could have and would have drove it across to go skiing. But it had, like a lazy boy, inside it it had a tap of Guinness yeah, that would be a cool vehicle to take skiing I know, I know carl's a really great skier, a really good golfer.
Speaker 2I mean, what are you not good at?
Speaker 3I don't know. I guess girls I haven't had a girlfriend in a long time we're gonna put you on tinder yeah, I think that you would be a hit on tinder.
Speaker 2I mean, who do you think what kind of girl carl should be with?
Speaker 1um, I, I think someone your age. Are you open to women? Your age?
Speaker 3yes, that's what I'm, I'm looking for. I'm just, I mean a girlfriend, yeah, my, my. I wanted my grandma to meet julie, but I wrote some of that poem for her.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, do you want to read? This was a poem to Julie, your ex-girlfriend. Yeah Right, and what is Julie?
Speaker 3You know I don't want to offend anyone.
Speaker 1You know what?
Speaker 3Go ahead and read it, it's like a secret note I could put under a pillow or something.
Speaker 2Yeah, what do you mean that?
Speaker 1You know we can always edit this, so go ahead and read it.
Speaker 3She feels freer and younger. Seductive, sensual compliments, well-proportioned breasts, juicy, horny, loathing, silky orgasms, purest vagina, purest virgin vagina With holy spirits, tits and vagina.
Speaker 2I hope that doesn't does that offend you, kelly.
Speaker 1It does not offend me, I think it's a beautiful poem. It kind of sounds like maybe she's passed away, I think. Like the holy spirits and stuff.
Speaker 3With holy spirits.
Speaker 1I don't know.
Speaker 3Children should have loathing, silky orgasms or screaming orgasms, but I know they work hard for themselves With Holy Spirit. Wait, carl, I love you. Good feeling, you know a good, good, balanced feeling.
Speaker 2Doesn't he remind you of Brian? He doesn't like to be interjected.
Speaker 1He likes to talk over. Well, he's got to finish his thought process. Yes, yes, I remember.
Speaker 2you remember Brian right, he doesn't like to be interjected, he likes. Well, he's got to finish his thought process. Yes, yes, I remember. You remember brian. Right, we went to the friend to the water together, waterside. Well, he said that you sent him a naughty picture of a playboy magazine oh, do you have your picture?
Speaker 3what I sent him.
Speaker 2I sent him, lady liberty, I think it was oh, wow everyone has a million dollars oh my god, carl, this, you are just a little naughty little toad, yeah this is pretty naughty, but this isn't this oh, she's got it stretched out my wife.
Speaker 3No, I wrote a poem on it.
Speaker 2Oh nice, so you definitely like pornography, pornography. I still can't say it.
Speaker 3Pornography, they call me hustles at the door, so I subscribe to hustler. That's how I got that. And there's a picture. Well, that's Louise, Jeez Louise.
Speaker 2I think it's just too I missed my shave today.
Speaker 3Oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2No, it looks good.
Speaker 1Kelly, I missed my shave today.
Speaker 2Oh I'm sorry. No, it looks good. Kelly said that you look better than ever.
Speaker 1Yeah you look great. Oh, thank you yeah.
Speaker 3It's all those orgasms I've been having, no, no.
Speaker 2Probably yeah, that's the key, right, yeah, you got to have multiple loathing orgasms.
Speaker 3You should have shaved her. That's Carl's. That's another one, multiple loathing orgasms.
Speaker 2Yes, carl, your two quotes I remember of like growing up with you is supernatural balance. Keep your supernatural balance. And then, was it have multiple loathing orgasms or just multiple loathing orgasms?
Speaker 3I think it was Kahlua Bailey's V and a splash of Amaretto. A screaming orgasm or a multiple orgasm.
Speaker 2Oh, so it comes from a drink. Yeah, oh, now it makes sense, it's an aphrodisiac it's like.
Speaker 3well, another secret is wosnówka. It's a blackberry-flavored brandy. It's made during the springtime. It's a wysznówka. It's a blackberry-flavored brandy. It's made during the springtime. It's a Polish brandy.
Speaker 1It's called wysznówka. Can you explain? Why is it that you like to repeat these phrases?
Speaker 3Why? Because Okay.
Speaker 2Okay I love that. That was the best response. I was like wait, we're leading up like what's he gonna say? What's he gonna say? I love that. And that was actually you know who. That reminded me of grandma nancy. She didn't ever have to give an explanation she just said because because, like.
Speaker 1That's why okay, so let's talk about some of your messy stories from the past. I know that you've spent some time out West. Are you comfortable sharing some of your messiest, funniest stories?
Speaker 2You did tell me when you went out West.
Speaker 3I guess I celebrated New Year's and it was a super moon. There was a bong there there, but I didn't do the bong.
Speaker 2You were not. They asked me to.
Speaker 3But yeah, I think it was marijuana. So I don't know what I didn't ask any questions, but we were all just hanging out, you know. But I wasn't really much of a bong smoker.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3You preferred the liquor, and we shot some Roman candles or whatever when it was New Year's. But I was messy with being alone. I felt like I was alone too much.
Speaker 2Were you just like a lone drinker, like you just kind of got a little too messy whenever you were by yourself drinking.
Wild Tales With Uncle Carl
Speaker 3One is the loneliest number, I guess. But I learned to say you know, I try to be my best friend sometimes because just to help. I know it sounds fucking weird, but I met some cool people that I could hang out with, some ski dogs.
Speaker 2I was talking about the time, like we were referring to the moment that when you left college at Edinburgh and you went out west because your friends were going to Europe and you were like, hey, I'm going to go out west, you went by yourself.
Speaker 3Yeah, I left on the 23rd of December.
Speaker 2And that was Julie and I's anniversary. That was your ex-girlfriend.
Speaker 3Yeah, my ex-girlfriend.
Speaker 3From college or my college sweetheart or whatever, and you had to radiate or produce the right temperature in the body when you got to Colorado, because I was sleeping in the back of my truck and you had to really think warm. I had a coffee can with a candle and that was the only heat I had and I had a sleeping bag that Julie and I went winter camping with one time it kept me alive. But you know I don't recommend doing that much winter camping. But I found places to stay but I was a ski bum.
Speaker 1At any point did you almost freeze to death.
Speaker 3I went in this place and I was trying to radiate the right temperature and I asked for a bologna sandwich.
Speaker 1What was the place? Was it like a restaurant? It was or someone's house no, it was.
Speaker 3It was a like an eatery, but not an eatery, a convenience store oh, okay but it was out in the country and they were just starting to open it up. But they said there's a, a family that take this road and this road they have like an extra room you can stay in and ski on the mountain.
Speaker 1So they were maybe a little concerned that you would be too cold.
Speaker 3But you know what, like I said, you have to produce and radiate the right temperature in the body. But you know, I mean our precise temperature in the body, or whatever you know.
Speaker 2So do you remember the time that grandpap came to pick you up when you were out west and there was an issue, like, I believe, that you might have got too drunk, and then he had to pick you up at the jail?
Speaker 3That was so long. That was like 30 years ago yeah.
Speaker 2And that was when you were done the jail. That was so long, that was like 30 years ago, yeah, and that was when you were done with college and you had gone out.
Speaker 3Yeah, I'd like to say I never went to jail.
Speaker 2Let me see.
Speaker 3Well, I mean, we all had rusty hats. It was Abilino County Prison. I went to a pool hall. It was a bowling alley. It had pool tables. I was playing pool by myself, and I was playing pool by myself and I drank a French kiss, or whatever it was called. It was cranberry juice and vodka. Oh, you know, sweet Breeze or whatever they call them, I thought that was called. I drank like one or two of those and it really hit me, but I was. Do you think you were drugged? I might have been a Mickey, I don't know, but I didn't feel that bad.
Speaker 2What's a Mickey? That's like a roofie oh.
Speaker 3But I don't know if it was. Well, anyway, I had some running shoes on and I was finishing my run and I saw a fence there and it was bent over. It was like a broken fence and it was. I heard horses and I love horses. I was like, let me check these horse. So I climbed over the fence and I walked in and it was a stable and it was like this one horse blue I was I was petting this and then all of a sudden, the cops came and they put me in the back of the cop car and took me to jail oh, do you think it's because you were trespassing?
Speaker 3and I think that's what they. But I didn't see a sign and the fence was broke and I didn't. But that's no excuse. I guess you shouldn't go on someone's property like that well, you might have been mickeyed, yeah you know what it was.
Speaker 1You know and it was I don't even know what time it was, but it was.
Speaker 2It was dark out but no, that wasn't the fence to mexico right so that was it sounds like this is his recollection unless you like, crossed the border did you. Well now, did you cross the border? I don't know if I crossed the border or not, I was fence sitting on someone's fence too you know, what it might have been telephone. The story might have got lost. And now we're getting to the root of it, because I remember you and Grandpap telling me.
Speaker 3I saw the stealth flyer and I drank some vodka and went to jail. It sounds like fun in New Mexico, but that's.
Speaker 1Oh, it was in New.
Speaker 3Mexico it was no fun. New Mexico it was no fun.
Speaker 2Okay, so it was in New Mexico, it wasn't in Mexico it was not in Mexico. Because I was going to say in Mexico.
Speaker 1We heard a story that you were found in Mexico.
Speaker 2Because Grandpap told me that he had to take a flight and back in the day this was 30 years ago it was like $800 to take a flight to pick you up.
Speaker 3That was back when those machines were legitimate.
Speaker 2What machines?
Speaker 3The poker machines.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, so the poker machine money brought in a lot of.
Speaker 3So that's what? Yeah, yeah, grandpa he. I remember him picking me up. He hit roddy I guess roddy helped him get me out of there who's roddy? I guess I don't know if they gave him a hard time or whatever, but roddy's a. He was a businessman with my father yeah. But we went out and I had a. All I had left was a sport jacket.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3And I came out and I'm with Bear, it's wintertime and all I had was a sport jacket and some shorts on or something, yeah but yeah. So we went to the first uh wrestler place and he bought me a cowboy hat and a sheriff bag and, uh, I don't know what a shirt you know. So I could wear a shirt, but to get back on the plane.
Speaker 2Go back home.
Speaker 3And we, we flew into Houston, and that was another one. I think I was making it again. I drank uh a vodka or not a vodka? That was another one. I think I was mickied again.
Speaker 1I drank a oh shit, a vodka, or not a vodka, a tequila sunrise, but I just I slept on the plane, but why do you think that you kept getting? In these positions where you were getting mickied.
Speaker 3I don't know if it's just the wrong mix. I don't, you know, I do you think maybe you're allergic to alcohol yeah, I don't, I don't. I don't drink that that much hard stuff anymore, but I'll nip it every once in a while. But you got to be careful yeah, I noticed.
Speaker 2I mean I stick to.
Speaker 3Well, this, this is you, I had this is. Is this half up or half full?
Speaker 2that's actually a lot of lime juice and but I I I used to say, is this half up or half full? That's actually a lot of lime juice and sparkling water.
Speaker 3I used to say, is this half up or half full? But I say, well, drink it down and fill it back up, and I don't say that, hey, we have that in common.
Speaker 2Yeah, we know that's part of why I'm not drinking anymore, because I would just down them. Uncle Carl, it was to the point where I was like people like be, like oh my god, did you just drink my drink? Like they would be looking at me like oh my god.
Speaker 1He would like drink something like that in like one, like one. He would just open up his gullet and it would all go down. And then I'd turn my back and my drink would be missing too. And then all of a sudden he's had like an uncount, like you don't even know how much he's had oh yeah, and I lose count and he's filling it back up.
Speaker 3Yeah you're counting it, so me maybe me, and you have that in common you never drank at the tavern.
Speaker 2Well, I never drank, actually he did, well I didn't when I was driving, I did. Yeah we definitely drank at the tavern. You know what happened. I mean, I'll be honest with you, me and her were, like, not supposed to drink on the job.
Speaker 1We would take little shots, though they had the $3 box.
Speaker 3We'd mix it with the.
Speaker 1Red Bull, and then we'd just shoot it down. And sometimes people would buy us shots and we would just take it if Steve wasn't looking.
Speaker 2Yeah, we were bad. Yeah, we could have gotten fired carl. Yeah, we would. Even do the red bull pour some out and then put jaeger in it and we called it a roadrunner I apologize to steve.
Speaker 3I came. I came late to work one time I did it. I was drinking a couple glasses of wine and I got off schedule and he didn't want me behind the counter and he said you're fired. And so so I lucky.
Speaker 3I had 40 dollars, I could take a taxi home, but he, um he, he had a hot date with his wife and he had to stay at the tavern and I, I felt so bad, I I apologize, steve, or wherever, and Lynn, yeah, um well. Yeah Well, they forgive you, live, laugh and love. They forgive you, you got to live, laugh and love.
Speaker 1Cheers to that.
Speaker 2Cheers to that, Carl, hey Carl, thank you for being vulnerable and opening up Cheers and I just really have to commend you on always entertaining us over the years and taking care of us oh.
Speaker 3You know what I appreciate the little things. I'd be working at the tavern, whether you're putting 12 to 18-hour days in, and I'm at the door and you would sneak in with a real good sandwich. You got at someone's shop and I'd be like, oh, this is real good, good, good balance.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3Or delicious tasty flavors.
Speaker 1What was your go-to meal? What was your go-to order at the BBT?
Speaker 2Yeah, the Bloomfield Bridge Tavern. What was your favorite?
Speaker 3meal I went from the white platter to the red platter, to the red platter to the white platter. And let's explain what that was.
Speaker 1So we have and that's the white platter, so it's all carbs so then the red platter had the meat you add the meat yeah yeah, so the the red platter was a traditional.
Speaker 2It used to be called just the polish platter. And then we had a lot of like vegetarians starting to come, and I wasn't a big kielbasa fan. I know you two love a big fat kielbasa I love the kielbasa there and you, you dip it in the mustard oh my god, you would get the spicy brown mustard.
Speaker 3I give you a loving silky orgasm.
Speaker 2Huh yes, absolutely I think this is what I love about you, carl I love your hair.
Speaker 3Kelly Loathing hair.
Speaker 1Oh, thank you.
Speaker 2You know that this is actually new.
Speaker 1Yeah, it is new.
Speaker 2She got some new hair. She wanted to look pretty for Uncle Carl.
Speaker 3It's from your husband, the thing I shouldn't have did. I went to the jukebox with Gerilyn and you shouldn't just want to talk.
Speaker 2Gerilyn, what a name.
Speaker 3I should have gave her a kiss at the jukebox, but I didn't.
Speaker 1Aw, you should have.
Speaker 3You should have gave her a little Frenchie. Or would you do a peck? She's like 60, 40, or whatever 60, 40?
Speaker 2What's that? Is she like?
Speaker 360% straight. I'm just 40 percent lesbian. No, she 60, 60 and 40 is a hundred. You know we're like 60 and 60 is 120. Yeah, we were just playing doing brain teasers, trying to keep our heads about you know ourselves.
Speaker 2But that's kind of cute.
Speaker 3So you guys are intellectually sparring or flirting yeah, she brought in a band but it it didn't draw too many people. But yeah, um, after that she did. But yeah um, she went her way and I went my way oh my god, carl, oh shit, hey, this is his manager tim, am I getting paid for this?
Speaker 2Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, I'm so sorry. It was so funny, like Carl asked me he's like am I getting?
Speaker 1paid for this? Well, of course you're getting paid, Carl.
Speaker 2So here you go. I know what that is. Yeah, yeah. So this is your check for doing the show. So, like you know, he came on and he was like I'm not going to do it unless I get paid. Thank you so much for coming on. Mocktails are Messy. We appreciate it.
Speaker 3Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2I appreciate it.
Speaker 1Yes thank you.
Speaker 3It's always good to hear your voice and I enjoy your company. Yes, I hope we can maybe go to dinner or something.
Speaker 2Oh for sure, that would be great, yeah, sure.
Speaker 3Or fast lunch or something. Yeah, let's do that Well, you guys have a great day.
Speaker 2Thank you so much. Live, laugh and love.
Speaker 1And then we'll make sure that we take you out to dinner.
Speaker 2We love you too, uncle Carl.
Speaker 1Yes, have a great day, Carl. Thank you you too, Kelly. Good to see you, Mary Ellen.
Speaker 2Yes, love it. Mary Ellen, Mary Ellen, Uh-huh. You, Mary Ellen, uh-huh, you know where she is. So, Uncle Carl, he is such a hilarious guest. He is just like one of my favorite people with his one-liners. I mean, I'm sorry if it was a little too inappropriate for you, Kel.
Speaker 1I know that like no, you know, I don't mind it. Nothing's really. No, verbal things are really that too inappropriate for me. I just know it could be a little much for others oh, yeah, yeah, like I mean.
Speaker 2So basically you know he's our special uncle, he's so like he's he. He went out west whenever he graduated college. You know he had like a chemical imbalance, taking some kind of peyote mushroom and um, during that time, from 25 to 30 for males, they are more acceptable to this.
Speaker 1Susceptible.
Speaker 2Susceptible. Thank you, oh my God, I cannot speak. What's up with me? Like I went to, like I don't know what's wrong with me, like I feel like I didn't learn vocabulary in school. He had a chemical imbalance whenever he was, you know, in his mid-20s, and that's a time frame that you are more susceptible.
Speaker 1Susceptible, yeah. So just to raise awareness that that type of thing can happen to somebody. Right, he has gone on to live a great life.
Relationship Drama Unveiled
Speaker 2Yes, yes, absolutely. He's been a loving uncle, brother, son, throughout our family. He really was amazing Once my grandma whenever she was getting older. Uncle Carl, we love you. Thank you for coming on the podcast, carlito. I know that you got your check. He was so funny. He was like what Remember?
Speaker 1He wasn't about to come on here unless he got paid and he said we have to take him out to dinner still too, which is fine. We want to do that, but he's our first paid guest for the podcast I mean, in some ways, like he deserves it.
Speaker 2He he's like, he's amazing, like he would do, he would do anything for you. Like he treats you like as if like part of our family. I know, yeah, and that's what I love about our families. Like you know, I think you being like working at the bar and, like you know, being close to my mom and my brother, it's like you kind of feel like you're just like a part of, like a sister to our family.
Speaker 1I know, I mean a sister from west virginia, but yeah, it's all real, to even west virginia.
Speaker 2Oh, my god, I have to tell you about this hot date yesterday. She it's been a while since I had a girl okay, like she was like really sweet, very like kind, whatever, but, um, she knew that I'm bi and she's straight. But I think the funny thing is my sister-in-law nailed it. She's like you. Just, you need to find a girl that's a little bit more of a tomboy, like a pretty tomboy, like feminine looking tomboy. I see that that kind of was. She nailed it because that was like such a good vibe.
Speaker 2The only thing is, when we were getting you know, back to her place, you know, getting like you know I won't go you on too many details, but like she looked amazing, she looked super and she even said to me I could talk about this because she's like, oh, I don't have any social media, I don't do that shit. Like you can talk about it, but just don't use my name, okay. But like what? Like who's gonna find her if she doesn't have social media, you know? And she also was like, hey, it was a great time. Like you can be open, I'm an open book. Like she's kind of acted like super bro, okay, but like, really like, cute, like soccer player, marathon runner, okay, and to make a long story short, when we were getting down tan, if you know what I mean yeah, let's.
Speaker 2I'm waiting for the details she was like she looked great, but she was like kind of like oh my god, like your body, like it was almost like. She was like I'm like a little like insecure like your body and I was like, well, you know, I'm not drinking anymore and you know like, know like I'm like I like all my life revolves around like potting, real estate and orange series, so like I only have like those three hobbies and I'm just like work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work out. And she was just like kind of like can you flex? I'm like this is kind of hot, like I'm turned on by it. But then I also felt like I was like you look so sexy, like you know, like. But then she was like ah, not as fit as you.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2So I almost felt like it was like a turn on to be like looked at and gawked at, like as, like you know, like with the, like you know the. But I also felt like are you a little insecure? That it's making me feel like weird yeah, I can get that.
Speaker 1I don't think I'd want to be asked to like flex right before someone's about to go town. But go downtown, but, um, you know. I think she liked the visual on the date like oh, look at these muscles flex for me, like during the date, but then, like once you're in the bedroom, that might be a little weird that's just how I feel, but um I mean everybody's different. Everybody has their kinks, right uh-huh, do you?
Speaker 2what are your kinks?
Speaker 1I'm not. I'm not kinky, and if I was, I wouldn't care I'm thinking what are my kinks?
Speaker 2um, yeah, I do like have to say like I, this is gonna kind of be like weird, but like, if you're like really like into somebody, like I don't mind, like spit okay, and that just reminds me of like this kind of gross the hawk to a thing do you? Want the ew, that sounds gross, not that or?
Speaker 1do you just want the tua.
Speaker 2Oh, so this is a thing Like tua Hawk tua.
Speaker 1Like you're freaking, hawking up a loogie and spitting it on Ew.
Speaker 2It's like.
Speaker 1I think that like maybe just tua.
Speaker 2Like just the tua, yes, okay. So when you said tua, yeah, you're right, that is actually how it would be like written out Tua yeah, no but I just yeah, I like the talk. I don't want that is going viral. I'm like wait what is it referring to like kinks or is it?
Speaker 1it was like I can't believe you haven't seen it, seen the hawk to a girl interview you're much more gen z than me. I think it was like how do you keep your man happy? And she goes you know you just gotta hawk. I'd like spit on that thing or something like that. I didn't get the quote completely right, but like now, this Hawk Tua thing is like a big thing and I'm just thinking about it like why the Hawk part, maybe just the Tua.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1For sure, I like the Tua.
Speaker 2Well, you always were an overanalyzer. That's what's great about you being a journalist now as a pod or a podster.
Speaker 1Now we do have a billboard up in Bloomfield, right, you know, in Pittsburgh.
Speaker 2Yes, we do, and we have gotten some questions submitted, so I'm excited to answer those today. Good call, kelly. I was thinking. I'm like I knew that we had something on the agenda when you get a chance read off our phone number again. Oh, yes, yes, yes, so that people can text us. But I just got one recently and we can wait for that, but it was like look at that message.
Speaker 1My kitchen is a big mess.
Speaker 2I think they were like what's your messy story? So we have this little like kiosk in the city.
Speaker 1That had to have been like an older person.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's like I don't think they knew messy stories or like drunken messy, but I think you would like insinuate messy stories with like when you see mocktails or messy.
Speaker 1Yeah, right, yeah.
Speaker 2I don't know. Okay, so he gave us his name. He said that he's fine putting it out there Roberto.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 2Roberto said Hi there, saw your sign to send you a messy story for the podcast. Boy, do I have one for you? So I had some suspicion about my girlfriend was cheating on me and with one of my best friends we were out at the bar and my girl said she had to go back and let her roommate back into her apartment. She never texted me that she got back. So I honestly got worried, went straight to her house. Door was open so I went in like I would usually do. I called her, no one answered, but I heard something upstairs. So I go into the bathroom because the light was on in there. My girlfriend and my best friend are doing cocaine off the sink. What should I do? Cut both of them off? Help.
Speaker 1Okay, I feel like it's lacking a little bit of context. I don't know if we have an update or not, but, um, I would say it sounds like this, like roberto is not comfortable with, like the cocaine thing yeah, so I guess it depends are you comfortable with it or not? If you're not comfortable with it, then I mean me personally, like I don't. I'm not, I wouldn't be comfortable with it either. No, so I would probably cut them both off.
Speaker 2That would be what I would do yeah, like I just think, like nowadays, like with fentanyl and like even cocaine, like I never did it until like one time at 32, I was like, oh, I'll just do it because I felt like I trusted the person, and they just like, in some weird way, they like swooned me, like they had this like dress on and they looked like it was just kind of the vibe you know in like the penthouse. It felt like, oh, okay, if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it with them. One time in my life didn't really like it. And so I think to myself, after learning about all these people dying from like being like tricked or given like the wrong thing, I think that you gotta just kind of cut them both out it really depends on your standards, like I would just cut them out
Speaker 1yeah, I don't fuck with that shit but and then also it's like is are they being deceitful by doing this together? So it's like a double yeah, that's weird, they're being deceitful and hiding it, and they're also really doing something that you don't approve of. And what else are they doing alone, together?
Speaker 2I would be my next thought. So I do feel like in some weird way, like, uh, you know, we have people that probably listen and they are regular, you know users. But I think just the like say like if you weren't judgmental about like people just want to get their like rocks off and they want to do coke, yeah, that's one thing, but to not tell your partner be dating somebody and then they're doing it with your best friend, it feels like there was maybe best friend part.
Speaker 1Like you and I could be taking a shot in the kitchen and if my husband walked in like a shot of alcohol right not, not a red flag.
Speaker 2No Right, no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 1But if it's like yeah, that sounded a little more deceitful.
Speaker 2Well, and on top of it, like we're not going to go hide from your husband and be like, oh, we're going to do a shot.
Speaker 1Well, if we were really drunk, we might be running away giggling like giggling like oh my. God, we're so fucked up, let's do another shot. Nobody has to know like oh my god, that could be a little different, but like I'm just saying like there's different vibes to things and I guess it's all about what are you okay with if you don't approve of cocaine?
Speaker 2like I don't hang out with people who do drugs right personally like that would just be enough for me to say I'm out I think it's not as easy being like sober, but I also feel like maybe I should be a little bit more mindful of those people that I'm starting to, like you know, filter out, not because I think of them as bad people or just I think it's just years ago, I didn't care I'd be friends with anybody, but I just don't have time for that shit.
Speaker 1Now you're a mom even if I wasn't a mom. I just that doesn't fit in my box anymore that's good.
Speaker 2I like that about you. I want to be like that person. But then I also feel like I don't want to like cut somebody out because they like to have fun.
Speaker 1I mean I would it's all relative, like we could go on a hike and have fun. I mean I would it's all relative, like we could go on a hike and have fun or have some like margaritas and have fun. But if I'm trying to hang out with you and you're snorting cocaine off the sink, that's just like not my vibe, that's all.
Speaker 2Well, let me ask you this I have a friend invited me out and they were having espresso martinis and they were really cute and it was fun. And then all of a sudden they're like wanting to do a line and I was kind of caught off guard because I'm like whoa what. But then it's not like it was that shocking I feel like so many people do it that I was like, hmm, yeah, this is a pivotal moment because I really love the energy and I love the camaraderie and like them like being like super inclusive with me, like just being new to the city again, because they even asked. They were like, hey, is this a trigger because you're sober? And I was like, no, whatever, I just feel like I want to be much more chill and relaxed about it, because who are we to judge? But then it is kind of trashy.
Speaker 1Oh, no judgment, no judgment.
Speaker 2Is it trashy?
Speaker 1I mean, I don't really care if it is or not, I'm really not judging, I'm just not gonna hang out with you yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that's a.
Speaker 2That's a very good point. I like the way I mean I, I guess I just I don't know why I put myself in those situations, because I'm like, I just I'm caught off guard and I like them no, listen, I used to.
Speaker 1I actually used to hang out with a girl that, like it, murdered her boyfriend at call in college um. So it was someone I worked with in the restaurant industry oh, at that place. Yeah, big corporate place, oh my gosh um, she shot her boyfriend in the back of the head with a pink revolver and she was waiting to go on trial and somehow was able to work still so she was working, she was a co-worker and there was um multiple times I was alone with her.
Speaker 1Like she could have just killed me, I guess. But I just like didn't care, because I had fun with her she was funny.
Speaker 2She's inappropriate, that's it.
Speaker 1I had no standards back then, um and actually I still love her. Oh yeah, I found out actually after we were friends right and it was like oh fuck, like do I continue this friendship? And I'm like oh fuck it, she's a fun time we would drink together like let's just be friends. Still, she was honestly a sweetheart, but uh but not really, you know um. So I'm just saying like I haven't always been this way good point and like when you work in the restaurant industry, you know no offense.
Speaker 1A lot of people are doing cocaine like all the time, constantly yes, just to stay on their a because you're busy as hell on your server.
Speaker 2Yes, I mean.
Speaker 1So I did find it as a normal thing. Then I just don't. Don't anymore, I don't find it normal anymore Not at my age, I guess.
Speaker 2Well, you're like Not at my stage of life. Each chapter that you go through, you're like. I think I've looked at you as like elevating, yeah, just like elevating and filtering, yeah, and not to like down or diss anybody. That's like still like practicing, like drug use.
Speaker 1They might think they're elevating Right. You know, it's like it really is all relative.
Speaker 2Exactly, and you know what I will say this I was really into somebody and they had, like you know, great personality, super great vibe. It was an amazing hookup. But there was always one thing that kind of kept me from getting like fully into them was, even though they're like successful and they have like all this stuff going on in their life, they actively when they go out, they do stuff, and it was like that was a barrier for me. But it was also kind of like okay, well, I'm going to put them in a category, but I do think I like what you're saying. Like you know, we have a certain standard. As we get, like you know, busier with the podcast or busier with real estate, or busier with your family, it's like we have limited amount of time.
Speaker 2Why put yourself in a risk or liability of somebody that is using that shit? That is not really legal. Or they were doing like g. I don't know if you've ever heard of g. I've heard of it. Okay, I don't really know what it is. It's like a big thing in the gay community, I don't know, because it's like, apparently, like you're not gonna get, like you're not gonna gain weight or whatever from like you know, like drinking like makes you gain weight or whatever, or like even like pot, like you're like at the munchies, I guess, like the g like gives you that same effect, but like you're like staying lean and like ripped. So but anyways, I think you're right. You know, I felt that like there was like that barrier of like completely getting really close because I wasn't practicing that kind of like recreational drug use I mean, you really do start becoming like who your friends are.
Speaker 1So I'm really mindful of who I put in front of me now yes um, I mean, I probably never even would have touched like marijuana back in the day, if my friends weren't doing it and I know people are like, oh my gosh, that's not a drug and like I really don't think it is either, but 10 years ago 10 15 years ago it was a big deal oh yeah like it's different these days, but like that was like a big deal.
Speaker 1I was a goody two-shoe, like a little runner girl oh yeah and I kind of started going down a path where I'm, like you know, smoking weed, partying, because that's who I was surrounded with and yes I just well, they did say.
Speaker 2The study is like you're the median income of your friends so like you want to have certain standards for yourself, exactly, and you want to hit certain points in. Like you know, we only have one life to live.
Speaker 1Right, we have our messy past and, hey, we like to talk about it, I know, yeah, listen, I've been in trouble with the law too many times, me too I can't be doing that now.
Speaker 2I know, me too, I can't be doing that now. I know, I know we went from like really bad to like very, like goody two-shoes overnight, yeah, or maybe not overnight, like we're definitely not goody two-shoes no, we like to be inappropriate. Yeah, did we have any other questions that? Oh yeah, somebody said my kitchen is a mess.
Speaker 1Like we said, submit your messy stories my kitchen is a mess with a bunch of explanation points. Okay, girl yeah um clean it up then, remember you're back in high school.
Speaker 2I um pretended to text uh, your brother-in-law, your husband's brother oh my god, do we so disclaimer?
Speaker 1you like to fuck with people? Oh yeah you like to do pranks?
Speaker 2I'm a prankster.
Speaker 2This is a prank yes, one of my best friends from high school. We pranked him with. You were over the house, you and lauren, and we had like that new like it was like an app on your ipod touch like where you could like text somebody from another number. And it was relatively new, so nobody knew about it. And so we texted my best friend and we were like we're in the hot tub, me and carrie are in the hot tub, you should come over. We're in our bikinis and he's like literally buying it. He's like eating it up. He's like, oh, that's really cool, like that sounds fun, it's like a dream come true for him.
Speaker 2Yeah, he's like relatively like a cute guy. But then I was like wonder why he was so like desperate to get over there, because he like ran. He was like wait, what time? How long are you guys gonna be there? So then we're like we walked inside, we're just towing off, we're gonna, like, you know, have a little drink. You should come over and let's play strip poker it's probably the first invite that he ever got.
Speaker 2Like you know, like that he was like a goody, two shoes, like straight a student oh, yeah, yeah, like, even though he was like a little stud, he still was kind of nerdy. Yes, yeah, like, totally like nerdy, like not like really having much game right. So like when this like hot kind of like you know cheerleader type of girl and her other girlfriend were in the hot tub in their bikinis, I mean he should have said like I need to see photos.
Speaker 1So they weren't really in the hot tub.
Speaker 2Oh yeah. So I was acting as the cute girl, the cheerleader girl from this fake number app on the iPod touch. That's like dating us to back before, like iPhones were a thing. And so I texted the nerdy friend of mine and he ran over there. He was like where are you? You're not in the hot tub. And they said silly, we're inside, we're just changing, but you should come in.
Speaker 2So he opens up the back door. The back door happened to be open and it was just like in his neighborhood. He thought that he was going to see this Jessica girl and Carrie. And he opens up and the family is in there watching TV and they're like what the fuck are you doing in here? What the fuck are you doing in here? How embarrassing. Like I feel a little bad, but like it's a prank, come on, like I. But then they were creeped out by it. So they called the cops. All of them were like look at this, like he's, like I swear they told me to come over, but it also made it, also made their daughter look bad, because they're like wait, was this you jessica? Yeah, but she was like no, it's not me, that's not my number. Yeah, and like I don't even know why he didn't make the connection, because he actually had her number, since they were neighbors.
Mocktail Mania Unleashed
Speaker 2Oh, my gosh but he was just so excited you know wishful thinking yeah, you know those guys of that age. But oh yeah, make a long story short. They called the cops. They were like sorry, we can't do anything because it's a Google voice number and they didn't do anything illegal. But yeah, lesson learned, make sure you call the person or make sure you see receipts. Can I see you in the hot tub? Can I see a photo, a selfie?
Speaker 1Yes, always there's a lot of people posing now trying to scam you or so they can get your money or trick you. Let's not fall for those tricks.
Speaker 2Yes, and maybe I should grow up.
Speaker 1Yeah, well, I think that you should not grow up.
Speaker 3So cheers for never growing up.
Speaker 1Live, laugh, love, as Uncle Carl would say.
Speaker 3I know it sounds weird, but live laugh, love, as Uncle Carl would say. I know it sounds fucking weird, but live laugh and love.
Speaker 2Thank you, Uncle Carl.
Speaker 1Thank you for listening to. Mocktails are Messy.
Speaker 2This is Ryan Frankofsky.
Speaker 1Kelly Musgorski Cheers.
Speaker 2That's right, her first mocktail on the pod First, or?
Speaker 1second, I don't know we're doing the mocktail thing, all about it, okay.
Speaker 2Thank you.
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