115. When Your Mind Scares You: How To Deal With Intrusive Thoughts

Have you ever had a thought so disturbing that you instantly felt fear or shame? Intrusive thoughts can show up out of nowhere—especially when you’re stressed, exhausted, or caring deeply for others—and they can make you question your sanity or goodness. But here’s the truth: these thoughts don’t mean anything about who you are. In this episode, we’ll unpack what intrusive thoughts really are, why your brain produces them, and how to calm your body so they lose their power. You’ll learn gentle, evidence-based ways to meet these thoughts with compassion instead of fear, regain a sense of safety in your body, and remember that you are not your thoughts—you are the steady observer behind them.

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Transcript

Intrusive thoughts are sudden, unwanted thoughts that we all experience at times. They can be really unsettling, but knowing what to do with them can bring freedom from fear and help you move forward with strength.

This is Leadership Parenting: When Your Mind Scares You — Intrusive Thoughts in Motherhood.

Did you know that resilience is the key to confidence and joy? As moms, it’s what we want for our kids—but it’s also what we need for ourselves.

My name is Leigh Germann. I’m a therapist, and I’m a mom. Join me as we explore the skills you need to be confident and joyful—and get ready to teach these skills to your kids. This is Leadership Parenting, where you learn how to lead your family by showing them the way.

Hi friends, and welcome back. I’m really glad that you’ve joined me today—especially for this very important conversation.

Today, we’re talking about something that affects millions of us but is rarely discussed openly: intrusive thoughts. These are the sudden, unwanted thoughts that pop into your mind and can feel deeply disturbing or frightening.

Maybe it’s the thought that flashes through your mind when you’re driving with your kids. Or standing at the top of the stairs and thinking, What if I dropped my child? Maybe it’s something your children experience—scary thoughts they don’t know how to talk about or understand.

If you’ve ever had thoughts like these, first, you are not alone. This is actually very common. Second, having these thoughts does not make you dangerous, unstable, or a bad parent. And third, there are ways to understand and manage these thoughts that can bring you peace.

When I was a new mom for the very first time, I had a pretty rough postpartum experience. I haven’t shared all of that with you yet—I will soon—but I really struggled with postpartum depression and anxiety, which is one of the reasons I do this work.

It was a total shock. I was a well-trained professional therapist who suddenly found myself deep inside something happening to me that I wasn’t prepared for. I knew there would be a transition after having my baby, but I had no idea about the emotional roller coaster I’d be on—or how much my thinking would change.

At first, like so many new moms, I thought it was just me having a hard time—not doing it right, being inadequate, maybe not even meant to be a good mom. That’s common too. But what really clued me in that something deeper was going on were my thoughts.

I was having really weird and scary thoughts about my baby getting hurt. I worried about carrying him up and down the stairs because I would get an image in my mind of dropping him. I remember having this terrifying thought about him getting hurt while I was doing laundry.

It sounds odd, but the image came every time I thought about laundry. I started avoiding the stairs with my son. I’d leave him in his bassinet upstairs and go down alone, double-checking the door to the laundry room, putting the bleach on the top shelf—so high even I could barely reach it.

I’d shake while doing laundry, sometimes even cry, because the images were so vivid. And I was so afraid—of the image, of the feelings, and even of myself.

I delayed doing laundry. I hid what was happening. I didn’t tell anyone because I was terrified they’d think I was crazy, or worse—that I wasn’t fit to be a mom.

Honestly, as trained as I was, I’d never had any education that talked about thoughts like these. To be fair, postpartum depression and anxiety weren’t widely discussed when I went to school. It’s much better understood now, thankfully.

So these thoughts intruded on my thinking—and when women are in postpartum, this happens a lot more. It’s now recognized as part of the adjustment process and linked to hormonal shifts and stress. There’s a real physiological reason we have heightened worry and scary thoughts after having a baby.

Thankfully, I had a dear friend and colleague who specialized in women’s care. She called to check on me and asked, “Are you having any thoughts that feel a little weird to you?”

I felt safe enough to tell her. That was the beginning of me getting better—bringing those thoughts into the light and realizing they had a name: intrusive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts are a special category of thought. They intrude on your normal thinking—they push their way in. And they happen to people in all stages of life, not just postpartum.

I still get them occasionally. I’ll be driving, listening to the radio, minding my business, and then—bam!—out of nowhere comes an image or thought that shocks me. It feels like a jolt to my chest.

Now, I know what to do when that happens—and I want to teach you that too.

The first thing to know: intrusive thoughts are not intentions. Intentions are what you choose to do. Intrusive thoughts are not predictions or secret desires. In fact, they are the opposite—thoughts that you don’t want to have.

Every person with a brain has intrusive thoughts. They’re part of how our brains work.

So let’s demystify them. We’ll explore what they are, why they happen, and most importantly, how to respond in a way that reduces their power and frequency. Because when you understand your mind better, you can lead your mind better.

Definition: Intrusive thoughts are sudden, unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that pop into your consciousness without invitation. They often involve themes completely contrary to your values—which is what makes them so distressing.

Parents commonly experience harm-related intrusive thoughts—images or worries about their children getting hurt. Research shows that up to 91% of new parents experience intrusive thoughts about their child’s safety. It’s not abnormal—it’s incredibly common.

Sometimes they involve moral or religious themes, or fears about responsibility—checking the door, the stove, the baby monitor. Whatever the content, the key is: you don’t want these thoughts. They’re not who you are.

Here’s something fascinating: intrusive thoughts are often most distressing to people who would never act on them. The fact that these thoughts upset you is evidence of your moral compass, not of danger.

People who experience intrusive thoughts often fall into what psychologists call thought-action fusion—the belief that having a thought makes you more likely to act on it, or that thinking something is as bad as doing it. But that’s simply not true.

You are separate from your thoughts. Thoughts and actions are completely different.

Your brain produces 60,000–80,000 thoughts per day. Most are harmless, but some are alarming. Think of your brain like a security system—sensitive, scanning for danger, sometimes triggering false alarms. Intrusive thoughts are those false alarms.

For new parents, these thoughts often spike during the postpartum period. Your brain is rewiring to be hypervigilant about your baby’s safety—what researchers call maternal vigilance. It’s designed to protect your child but can go into overdrive.

This isn’t just about hormones, though those matter. It’s also about your caring heart. When we love deeply, we imagine danger easily. These thoughts are a protective instinct gone too far, not evidence of danger.

Understanding this helps reduce their power. And even if you’re long past the baby years, intrusive thoughts can show up any time life feels uncertain or your protective instincts are high.

When an intrusive thought first appears, our instinct is to fight it—to push it away or analyze why we had it. Unfortunately, that backfires. Suppressing a thought makes it stronger, especially when it’s charged with fear.

Here’s the common cycle:

1. An intrusive thought pops up.
2. You feel alarmed—Why did I think that?
3. You try to suppress or analyze it.
4. The thought comes back more often.
5. You start avoiding triggers.
6. Avoidance reinforces the idea that the thought is dangerous.
7. The cycle continues and intensifies.

That’s exactly what happened with my laundry fear.

People often ask, “When should someone reach out for help?” My answer is: right now—because help comes in many forms, and you don’t have to be alone with it.

Talk to someone—your spouse, a friend, your doctor, a therapist. If these thoughts interfere with daily life, cause avoidance, or make bonding difficult, it’s time for support.

Intrusive thoughts and postpartum anxiety are highly treatable. Cognitive-behavioral therapy, support, sleep, nourishment, and sometimes medication can all help. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Now, let’s talk about practical ways to respond when intrusive thoughts arise. These strategies are about changing your relationship with the thought—not eliminating it.

1. Recognize that a thought is just a thought.
Say to yourself, “I’m having the thought that…” or “Wow, that’s an intrusive thought.” Naming it creates distance. You’re retraining your brain—using the higher, reasoning part to calm the alarm system.

2. Thank your brain.
Yes—thank it. “Thank you, brain, for trying to keep my child safe. I’ve got this.” This acknowledges your brain’s protective intent without feeding the fear.

You can also use the LIFT tool:

• L – Look: Notice the thought. I’m having a thought that’s scaring me.
• I – Identify: Label it. This is an intrusive thought, not a prediction or desire.
• F – Feel: Notice your body’s reaction. My heart is racing. That’s my alarm system, not reality.
• T – Turn: Turn your attention to what matters—feed the baby, fold the laundry, step outside.

Each step retrains your brain and takes power away from the thought.

When I finally faced my fears—carrying my baby down the stairs, doing the laundry—I proved to myself that I’m in charge, not my intrusive thoughts.

I often tell moms: “I’m not afraid of your thought. I’d let you watch my baby right now.” The fact that these thoughts upset you is how I know you’re safe and conscientious.

When we interpret them correctly, the brain learns to dismiss them more easily, and we feel calmer and safer inside.

Now you have a better understanding of how to work with your thoughts. Take this information, share it with your friends, and remind each other that you are not alone.

We have tools. We have support. And we are learning to lead our minds with compassion and confidence.

I see you and all the work you’re doing. Take care of yourself, and I’ll talk to you next week.

You can always find me on Instagram @LeighGermann or on my website LeighGermann.com.

The Leadership Parenting Podcast is for general information purposes only. It is not therapy and should not replace working with a licensed mental health professional. The content is not intended to diagnose or treat any condition. Please consult your healthcare provider for your individual circumstances.