122. How To Use Resilient Words To Calm Your Nervous System

Words don’t just describe your life — they shape your experience of it. In this episode, we explore how the language running through your mind can either activate your threat response or support your steadiness. You’ll learn the three types of Resilient Language — words that open instead of close, words that honor truth and protect hope, and words that give your brain direction instead of letting it spiral. You’ll walk away with a powerful, practical practice you can use daily to shift anxious or overwhelmed thoughts into grounded clarity. This is a gentle reset for your mind, your body, and the way you speak to yourself.

If you'd like to get the show notes for this episode, head to:

 https://leighgermann.com

Transcript

Today, we're talking about something that shapes how you feel every single day. And that's the words that run through your mind.

I'm going to teach you how to shift your internal language in ways that actually calms your nervous system and helps you move through hard moments with more steadiness.

This is Leadership Parenting: How to Use Resilient Words to Calm Your Nervous System.

Did you know that resilience is the key to confidence and joy? As moms, it's what we want for our kids, but it's also what we need for ourselves. My name is Leigh Germann. I'm a therapist and I'm a mom.

Join me as we explore the skills you need to know to be confident and joyful. Then get ready to teach these skills to your kids. This is Leadership Parenting, where you learn how to lead your family by showing them the way.

Hello, friends, and welcome back to Leadership Parenting. Super excited to be with you guys here today.

And one quick thing before we get started. It takes less than a minute and it tells the algorithm, hey, more people need to hear this. Honestly, every review helps someone discover these conversations. And it also helps me know what is most useful to you and how I can be of better help. So if you have a spare moment today, I would be so grateful if you would leave a rating and a review.

Now, today's episode is about something I think every mom needs to hear. How the words you use in your own mind are either helping you or keeping you stuck. And I want to teach you how to shift that internal language in ways that actually calms your nervous system and helps you move through hard moments with more steadiness and more resilience.

So let's talk about internal language. Have you ever had words or sentences just stick with you, maybe even for years? Maybe it was something that someone said to you — a teacher, a parent, a partner, a coach. I have a lot of athletes that have had words that their coaches have said to them that kind of replay in their heads, both positively and negatively.

Even strangers' comments, if it hits us just right, could be something that the brain stores and replays.

Sometimes those words can lift us up. And sometimes without even realizing it, one careless sentence can cause us pain and upset and kind of shrink us for decades.

Here's what we don't often realize: our nervous system doesn't just respond to events, it responds to language — to the words we hear, the words we absorb, and especially the words we repeat in our own minds.

Those words can expand us with hope and possibility, or they can clamp down on us and activate our threat response.

And most of us are walking around with an internal dialogue that was handed to us or suggested to us long before we ever got a choice.

So today I want to give you that choice back. I want to teach you something that I call resilient language. And it's not a list of resilient words or good words to use. Rather, it's a way of speaking and thinking that creates safety and flexibility and strength in your nervous system.

This is something you can use for yourself, and then something you can pass on and model for your children every single day.

So let's just pause for a second and talk about why words matter. I feel like words have two levels of impact on us. They have the story that they tell, just kind of in a descriptive form where we narrate what we see both internally and externally.

But it's interesting — your brain isn't just listening to your words as narration or as information. It's also scanning your words for deeper questions like: Is this safe? Is this hopeless? Is this hopeful? Is there danger here? Is there a way forward?

All those sound like survival questions, right? Well, they are. Because your nervous system is in a constant search for safety or danger.

When your words sound final or absolute or defeated or even unsure, your body starts to believe that and it responds accordingly.

And when your language includes possibility, gentleness, or some kind of forward-moving direction, your nervous system receives a completely different message and it changes how you feel in your body — literally how you breathe and how you move through your experience in life.

And that's what resilient language does. It moves us in that positive direction, not because it's positive thinking, but because it's nervous system safety thinking.

Now, who in the world would ever think that you would be crafting your thoughts based upon how you want your nervous system to feel? This is very science-based, right? This is not something that we learn as we're going through life. This is something that you're training for. It's why you're here. It's why I'm here.

These are the skills that unlock the traps that we get in that cause us so much suffering.

On a grand scale, this is linked to depression and anxiety. And on a day-to-day scale, even if you're not seriously depressed or seriously anxious, this impacts the emotional state that you feel and the mood that you experience — and therefore what your behaviors are.

Because we are really living life through this chain of reactions: things happen, we have interpretations of that — that’s where your thinking comes in — and your stories and the meaning you attach to what's going on around you. And that creates feelings in our bodies.

From those feelings, we have desires or pushes to act in certain ways. And over time, our actions create outcomes for us.

We see an external behavior we don't like — let's say we're yelling at our kids. Our first instinct is to just stop the yelling. But what I really want us to focus on is the creation of that behavior of yelling.

We make such quick assumptions that other people cause us to yell, or that our bad character causes us to yell. And that couldn't be farther from the truth.

The truth is: it’s the story we tell ourselves that creates the feeling of frustration and anger, then our nervous system gets overwhelmed and we don't have access to our well-laid plans and preparation and knowledge. And that's when we go into fight or flight and yell.

Yelling is literally a nervous system response.

So as we're talking about resilient language, before we get into those patterns that disrupt how we want to function or cause us to be unhappy, we're going way upstream — to have different kinds of stories and different language in our minds that doesn't turn on our nervous system, that doesn't put us into fight or flight or depressive shut-down.

There are three types of resilient language that I want to teach you today. And we're not going to choose pretty words — we're choosing functional language, language that shifts the body from fear into steadiness.

I want you to really understand what's underneath this rather than just memorize a list of things to say over and over. Because under stress, surface tools break. It's like fixing a shattered glass with scotch tape — if you put no pressure on it, it will hold. But we need deeper structure for real-life pressure.

The first is words that open instead of close.

Closed language sounds permanent: always, never, ruined, broken, finished.

Open language keeps possibility alive: not yet, still in process, learning, becoming, for now.

Let me give you an example. “I can't do this.” Notice what happens in your body when you say that. Shoulders slump. Chest tightens. Hopelessness.

Now add one tiny word: “I can’t do this yet.” Your body hears “This isn’t over.” That one word literally changes your nervous system.

That's why we call it resilient thinking.

Growth mindset teaches this beautifully — for you and your kids.

The second category is language that honors truth and protects hope.

Resilient language isn't pretending everything is okay. It's not bypassing pain or forcing optimism. Instead, we hold two truths at the same time:

“This is really hard, and I'm still here.”
“I feel overwhelmed, and this won’t always feel this way.”

This is the same compassionate language we use with children who are hurting: “That hurts, I see that — and you're going to be okay.”

We crave this, but rarely give it to ourselves.

The third category is language that chooses a direction instead of the spiral.

Our brains spiral into worst-case scenarios — negativity bias — which creates panic and tunnel vision. Directional language interrupts that:

“Right now…”
“Today I will…”
“My next step is…”
“What matters most is…”

It gives your brain a mission instead of doom.

I remember a time, years ago, standing in my kitchen, exhausted, overwhelmed, totally out of my window of tolerance. Kids screaming, house chaotic. And the thought came into my mind: “I cannot do this.”

Instant collapse.

Thankfully — maybe divine intervention — another thought whispered, “Try a different sentence.”

So I tried:
“I can’t do this alone.”
“I can’t do this all at once.”
“I can’t do this the way I’m trying right now.”

The suffocating feeling loosened. I could breathe again. The day wasn’t perfect — but I wasn’t drowning.

This is what I want for you.

So I’d love for you to write down three thoughts you’ve had recently in a difficult moment. Don’t edit them.

Then:

1️⃣ Open the language
“I’ll never get this right” → “I haven’t figured this out yet.”

2️⃣ Honor truth + protect hope
“I’m overwhelmed” → “I’m overwhelmed, and I can slow down.”

3️⃣ Choose a direction
“Right now, I choose kindness.”

Say it out loud.

Teach this to your kids:
“What words were in your mind just now?”
Then help them rephrase.

Words don’t just make you feel better — they change your brain response. They calm your body and return power to your hands.

Just noticing your language puts you ahead of the curve. Each small shift builds resilience.

Give it a try this week. I’m cheering you on and looking forward to talking to you next week.

Take care.

If you feel like these ideas speak to you but you're not sure how to apply them in your life, you don’t have to do it alone.

I’m currently opening a few one-to-one coaching spots for moms who are ready to get personalized support as they build resilience. This is where we tailor everything we talk about here to your life and your goals.

If that sounds like what you're craving, head to LeighGermann.com and click on one-to-one coaching. We’ll set up a free call to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and whether coaching is the right next step.

You can always find me on Instagram at @LeighGermann or on my website LeighGermann.com.

The Leadership Parenting Podcast is for general information purposes only. It is not therapy and should not replace meeting with a licensed mental health professional. It is not intended to diagnose or treat any illness. Please consult your doctor or mental health professional for your individual circumstances.

Thanks again and take care.