Imposter Syndrome is F*#@ing Up Your Money with Monica Rivera

Imposter syndrome is f@*%#ing up your money! Ever feel like an imposter in your own life? Like you're constantly falling short of the expectations you set for yourself? Well these thoughts can impact your wallet!

This week, we unravel these debilitating feelings of self-doubt in our conversation with Monica Rivera. Monica, a business clarity and marketing coach, speaker and a self-proclaimed 'reform self-doubter',exposes how imposter syndrome can impact career/money negotiations, our decision-making, and even how we run our businesses.

 We uncover the five types of imposter syndrome - the perfectionist, the superwoman, the natural genius, the soloist, and the expert. Monica shares her own strategies for identifying, managing, and kicking these imposter syndrome's asses!

So tune in as Monica,  shares her personal journey of transitioning from a first-gen background to becoming a successful entrepreneur, and overcoming imposter syndrome along the way.
 
About the Guest:
www.youwannadowhat.com
IG: @youwannadowhat

Monica Rivera (she/her) is a business clarity coach, marketing expert, paid speaker, and reformed self-doubter passionate about building empowering communities.

Drawing from her own challenging experiences, she founded YOU WANNA DO WHAT?!, a coaching and consultancy dedicated to helping women build a personal brand and business around their passions.

Monica has spoken at TEDx and numerous national events for over a decade. Her thought-provoking TEDx Talk, "The Flipside of Loneliness," captivates audiences with its unique perspective. Monica has been featured in notable publications including Business Insider, O Magazine, NPR, Ladies Get Paid, The Huffington Post, and more.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hola, welcome to another episode of the Money Cheese my Podcast. We are going to get into some imposter syndrome. Many of us, especially me, I've dealt with imposter syndrome and I know our community has a lot of imposter syndrome that we deal with. I'm here with me today to teach me about this topic is Monica Rivera, a business clarity and marketing coach and speaker and a reform self-doubter. Hola, monica, thank you so much for joining me today.

Speaker 2: 0:32

Thank, you so much for having me on the show to talk about some of my favorite things, which is about Latinas and the comunidad, and also how to overcome imposter syndrome.

Speaker 1: 0:41

Yeah, so before we get into this topic that I'm excited to get started. Introduce yourself what you do and you know a little bit about yourself.

Speaker 2: 0:50

I am a reform self-doubter, which is really important because it outlines everything that I've done, I think most recently in my career, specifically when starting my business. I spent my first two decades almost I know I'm aging myself working in corporate America and marketing, and I've worked in all different types of marketing, all different roles, and I got to this point where I realized that I was making decisions out of survival. So for me, growing up, a first gen story, some originally from the Bronx. I have a Puerto Rican and Cuban background and I was told, like many first gen, just pick the job that's safe, pick something that's stable, don't rock the boat, like. All of these things probably sound familiar to a lot of people and I always had these dreams, even as a child, of wanting to be an entrepreneur. But the message that was given to me most frequently was just get the stable paycheck. Little did I know that that was going to be really valuable information, because when I was 16, my grandmother and then my mother passed away and then in the next seven years I lost all of my immediate family and at that point I learned how valuable it was to have that message of survival and getting the steady paycheck, because I had to throw out my dreams and really figure out what was I going to do? How was I going to survive? And so I climbed the corporate ladder. I just wanted to make a lot of money and I didn't care what my title was. I didn't care about anything like that, I just cared about making money, because I knew I didn't have a safety net. I didn't have a couch to sleep on. I was going to be responsible for making sure that I was okay.

Speaker 2: 2:31

And again I got to that point in corporate America where I thought I'm climbing the ladder but I don't really like the view anymore. Am I sure that I have to keep climbing it? And I stopped and assessed and realized like at this point I was in my 30s and I didn't need to move the same way that I was moving when I was a teenager and when I was in my 20s, which was go, go, go, go go. And I had the luxury now to be able to just stop for a second and see what else I wanted to do.

Speaker 2: 3:01

I thought it was going to be the job. That was the thing, the point of dissatisfaction. But really it wasn't so much the job, it was that all of those desires and dreams that I had from being a child. They hadn't gone away. I needed to do something with them, but I felt a lot of doubt, which is why I like to say I'm a reform self-doubter, because I needed to overcome that doubt, and it took me a long time to be able to do it to before I started my side hustle and eventually, my business.

Speaker 1: 3:30

I feel like sometimes we do get lost in that where, like, our dreams get kind of pushed aside and that was something like a few years ago that I had to kind of like deal with and realize, like, am I doing this for me or is this what I really like? Or is it because, even till now, it's like, okay, I have my day job, which is like public health and stuff, and I enjoy it. I was like, but is this what I really wanted to do? Or is it because I was striving for success and get that college degree and get the best job possible that I could reach for? And then now again kind of going through a little switch as well, because I'm doing like podcasts and like finance and, and you know, real estate, you were self-doubting yourself and then you start going into, like the imposter syndrome. You know our topic today of you know dealing with that imposter syndrome. But before that, for those that don't know, like you know what is imposter syndrome for you.

Speaker 2: 4:33

So, really, simply put, it is self-doubt, believing that you are not capable or qualified to do the thing that you want to do, and the way it manifests is in so many different ways.

Speaker 2: 4:45

So I like to say it manifests and not applying for the job, not going for the promotion, not negotiating salary, not starting the business, and a sneaky way is that it actually shows up in the way that we spend money. So we can sometimes overspend on certain luxury items, or perceived luxury items, because we have this idea that we want to keep up appearances, which is just another form of imposter syndrome that doesn't really get talked about enough, because there's this idea of if I just show up in my target outfit, for example, that somehow I will appear less than someone else, and that's really that doubt, that doubt that you have to charge on your credit card or you have to overextend yourself to look a certain way in order to have value, when none of that is actually true. It's just so much messaging and conditioning that's actually been passed down and then adopted by us that leads us to believe that, but none of that is true.

Speaker 1: 5:46

I could see, especially for those that are like in like social media and stuff and you want to, like you know, look good and look like you're being successful, so you buy things and try to look like you're doing well in your business and everything like that. So I could definitely see how. I didn't even think about it that way as well.

Speaker 1: 6:06

I just thought of it like oh you know, they're just like being fake or something, you know but I didn't realize it was kind of like an imposter syndrome Cause, yeah, you're right, you're just trying to make yourself look like you are what you're talking about. And I could see it, because I know I've dealt with that and it's kind of like was tempted a little bit to do that. You know myself and it's like, oh, I got to look like this and I got to get like a business suit or something when I'm talking about like real estate or whatever. But you know I decided to be just like you know what I'm just going to be me, because you know I wanted to look like it's achievable or somebody you know, like a regular person can do these things.

Speaker 2: 6:47

And also that idea of what does it mean to show up authentically?

Speaker 2: 6:52

and to show up authentically can't mean that we're faking it by, you know, overextending ourselves or buying something that's not sincere or skipping over the messy parts.

Speaker 2: 7:04

I think it's if you want to be authentic and I'm not here to dictate what people should or shouldn't share in social media but I would say, if you're doing it for the appearance or the aesthetic only, then maybe it's a good opportunity to come back from a place of serving, because social media it's a highlight reel and I totally get it and we enjoy it and we probably spend too much time on it, but it's always good to remember that that is just a pretty picture.

Speaker 2: 7:33

If you've ever had to take a photo with a small child, you absolutely know what that's like. So I have my niece and my niece is five years old and she's actually really good posing. But there was a point in front of the camera where she just would make. I don't know, she never wanted to look at the camera or it was so hard to get like everyone looking in the same direction. So you capture that one photo and it looks like it's so perfect, but right before it might have been apparent yelling at the child to straighten up, to not make a silly face. So look at the camera, but you're just seeing that little snapshot in time, so it's always good to remember what comes before and what comes after.

Speaker 1: 8:11

And so, since we're on the topic of like finding out what imposter syndrome types are there, like you know how it manifests, can you explain the five different types of imposter syndrome?

Speaker 2: 8:22

Yeah, so there are five types and it's interesting because as we start to talk about them, you can have one or you can have many, like a mix of different ones, and I also feel like for me, at different stages in my life, different types of imposters popped up and almost as soon as you think you have one beat, it might come again like whack-a-mole. So it's very common to experience that, but to talk through each of them. So the first one is perfectionist. So this idea of I can't post on social media if it's not the perfect post, I can't put out the first episode of my podcast because it doesn't sound exactly like how I want it to sound, or I don't have a certain aesthetic, or I don't have enough degrees, enough certifications, I don't have enough experience.

Speaker 2: 9:08

This idea that you have to be perfect or the product has to be perfect in order for it to be well received is a form of imposter syndrome, because again, it's this idea that I'm a fraud if I don't show up in this perfect way. The second one is the superwoman, and so that is thinking I have to do everything on my own right, in the sense of like I'm going to be the first one in the office. I'm going to be the last one that leaves. I'm going to say yes to all of the projects. I'm going to completely burn myself out. I'm not going to fill my cup in order to be of service of other people, because if I'm not in service, I'm not the person that's always raising my hand or always saying yes to things then people are going to find out that I'm a fraud Right.

Speaker 2: 9:52

And it's that thought of like a lot of that comes from a more of a scarcity mindset, especially being conditioned in certain roles that if we don't say yes to everything that's offered to us, then maybe the next opportunity might pass us by.

Speaker 2: 10:06

The third thing is the natural genius. So that is, if you grew up in a family of siblings and you were told that you were the smart one that's a very common way. You were told that you were the smart one and you feel like things just kind of come easy to you so you've always gotten good grades, or it was very easy for you to have certain accomplishments. If you were a good athlete, all of those natural abilities come to you. But the downside of that is that now, when it's time to try something new, when you don't immediately get it, you start to freak out Because it feels almost like this clash of identity. I'm supposed to be the natural genius. I get everything very quickly and when it doesn't happen, there's often a reluctance to try something new because there's a fear that you won't actually be able to do it well and excel at it.

Speaker 2: 10:57

The fourth is the soloist. So this is really common, I find, amongst first gen, amongst Latinos, which is that I don't need to ask for help. I got this all on my own, so don't even worry about it. And there's this fear that, even if you need help, that showing that perceived weakness is going to mean something about you. It's going to mean that you have a lack of capability or a lack of skill or just a lack in some area of your life, and that solo mentality if I need to do everything alone is another way of doubting in your abilities and feeling as if you're a fraud. And then the last one is the expert. So this is the person that is like yes, give me all the information, I've read all the books, I've done all of the things.

Speaker 2: 11:46

I shy away from applying to a job unless I have every single requirement that's met which is very common amongst women, by the way. It's always like I'm just going to sign up for another training or a certification. You feel like you still don't know enough. So, no matter how high ranks you are, what level you've achieved in your job, what status you've achieved, you still feel like it's not enough and you think if you just had the one more thing. And if somebody calls you an expert, oftentimes instead of owning it and kind of standing up for your shoulders back, instead, you slink away a little bit Because you feel like, no, I still don't know enough, there's more for me to learn. And so those are the five types, and they show up in all different ways. I think I have like three of them.

Speaker 1: 12:34

I for sure have the soloist, like you were saying. That I think it just stems from because, especially, you're like the first gen, like the eldest one. You're used to doing things on your own all the time, anyways, growing up, because you're like the translator, you were like the one that did all the paperwork for the family right there. So you become like the soloist. And then I definitely dealt with the expert one for sure where I was like no, I want to make sure that I know this before I put this out there.

Speaker 1: 13:09

And even when people are like you've been doing this for several years now, so you know what you're doing and you're just like I don't know, I feel like definitely not an expert yet, because I'm like no, in my mind is an expert, like someone that's been like 20 years or whatever, but it's not necessarily. The time is more of the experience, because 20 years you could have not been doing nothing but something that I'm still working with for the expert one for sure and the soloist, and I would probably say a little bit of perfectionist, but not too much, and then superhuman for sure. So today I think I get like four out of five so far.

Speaker 2: 13:52

I feel the same way and that's the thing I've gone through. So many different incarnations of noticing imposter syndrome come up. For a long time I was the soloist right, so naturally that kind of fit because of how I grew up and all of those things, and it felt really uncomfortable for me to ask for help and there was some pride that I thought of like no, I can do this all on my own. And this thought of get it out the mud and if you have to earn it in the most difficult way possible, and somehow that was more of an achievement. And then I think something about maybe its maturity or age or wisdom or whatever combination of those things. You realize it doesn't always have to be so hard and you don't necessarily have to take the hardest road all of the time to get to the place that you want, and so asking for help and being specific about your help and who you ask is like a big way to start to kind of reverse those things. So I've experienced it Also in school.

Speaker 2: 14:53

I excelled in school but what I found was when it was time for me to learn new things around physical activity. So I played sports as a kid and so some of the sports I was good at, but the sports that I found that I started to pick up that I wasn't good at, I instantly felt this I need to practice by myself, which is really interesting. It was like, let me figure it out on my own before I actually do it in front of someone else, because, again, I didn't want to be found out. I had this like perceived idea of like oh, she makes good grades and she plays basketball and does this. Why isn't she good at this? And who knows if anybody thought that. But I thought that they were thinking that and that was enough for me to want to practice on my own and go by myself to like do these things. And it was really just because I felt like one. That was a combination there of feeling like okay, I'm this natural genius in some areas, but also.

Speaker 2: 15:49

I'm a soloist right, and so I can't ask for help. So I have to figure it out, really, and it's counterintuitive because the way to get better at that sport or whatever I was trying to learn, was through asking someone who was better at it than me, who had more experience.

Speaker 1: 16:05

But my brain just didn't want me to accept that and so I made it more difficult for myself by trying it on my own, because you were bringing up sports, it's like I remember like I really wanted to do like soccer, like in high school, and like I tried it out. I guess they had like tryouts or whatever, and I think I only went like to two and then I just felt like I'm so behind, everybody's better than me, like you know what am I doing, and so like I just never like continued it. And so I was just like you know, I was just I'm too far behind, or whatever. And then, and then the other one was also, school is like yeah, I was like naturally like school was easy for me, but then when once I got to like physics and calculus, it was like, oh, my God, like, and then I struggled and then finally I had to kind of like suck it up and like go get tutoring.

Speaker 1: 16:58

And then I was like, oh, you know, and then it was better. But but it took me a while because I was like, no, I know I could figure this out by myself. And then I like started getting bad grades. I was like, oh, I can't. It was like all right, I don't want to waste the money of paying for this course. So like I got to go get, I'll bring my grade up.

Speaker 2: 17:16

So funny. You say that because physics did me in two. That was the one. It was like chemistry. Biology was like great. I love these. As soon as I went into physics I was like, oh my God, this is terrible and it was so hard for me to dig out of it and I just couldn't get physics the way that everyone else did.

Speaker 2: 17:34

And it's funny because I kind of knew I was like I feel like I'm going to have trouble, like this is going to be the one that gives me a hard time, and I absolutely did and I had to suck it up and ask for help and just like I don't understand these concepts and it just wasn't clicking the same way. And I look back on it now and it feels like, well, this is what schools for us an opportunity to learn and ask questions.

Speaker 2: 17:56

But again, the conditioning had me believing that I just needed to have it come naturally, and if it didn't, then something was wrong with me which was so untrue. It was physics. When are we learning about physics? Right, yeah, home, right. But somehow it was that thought of like it should just come naturally.

Speaker 1: 18:13

Just even with with school and like sports for me, where I like basically stopped myself from like continuing to pursue soccer but that happens as well with our finances to where, like, the imposter syndrome can impact, you know, like our business, and we end up blocking ourselves Like, have you found that you, your imposter syndrome like preventing you from succeeding, like early on?

Speaker 2: 18:40

So it's interesting because it didn't before I started a business. It happened once I started my business, ironically. So I always had this idea.

Speaker 2: 18:51

When I was younger and I think, growing up in the Bronx, I was taught very early how to negotiate and negotiating was like a big thing. You negotiated at the bodega, you negotiated. When you went to buy a TV, you negotiated for if my, when my dad went to buy a car, everything was always a negotiation. I remember even buying jewelry like I had, like the doorknocker gold doorknocker earrings but going to the spot in the Bronx and negotiating the price. And I remember my mom saying I want you to negotiate the price of these earrings and learning how to do that at a very early age and also watching people around me do it and it was really common where I grew up. So later on, when it came down to negotiating salary, I was bold.

Speaker 2: 19:36

I remember on campus, recruiting in college and getting offers, getting different offers for my job that I was going to have after college, and I remember literally asking them for a signing bonus and it was like why should we give you a signing bonus? You've done nothing. You have these internships, but you are 21 years old, you are not proven, but I was just so confident for some reason of no, I want a signing bonus. And I remember I pinned these two companies against each other and I went with the one that gave me the signing bonus. That's awesome and and even in my career I was always the person who I got this message very early on the squeaky wheel gets the grease and it's just as added.

Speaker 2: 20:20

You have to speak up for what you want. Another one of the closed mouth doesn't get fed. So I heard this from a business mentor when I was really young and so I said well, I'm going to squeak, squeak all up and down this office to get what it is that I want, and I have this thought of they have the money. That was the thought. It was just this natural thing of these corporations have the money. And I didn't feel it felt very impersonal to me Because, even though I was bringing it to my manager, I knew my manager was going up to someone higher who was essentially just looking at a spreadsheet and budgets and all of that.

Speaker 2: 20:55

And the answer was going to be made in a very impersonal way, so it was not going to have anything to do with me and so that was very freeing to say well, I'm just asking money of these corporations. When I was first getting my first car I remember in the Bronx there was there's a lot of crime in the Bronx at the time and there were these lights, these specific headlights that were getting stolen on the regular.

Speaker 2: 21:20

So when I went to get my car, I go to get it and there's these headlights and I said, no, I negotiate, I don't want these headlights because I'm not going to have them stolen. I have to worry about that. I parked my car in the street I don't have a garage and I remember them saying well, we can't take them off, we can't remove them, it's just going to be an extra $1,200. And I said I'm absolutely not paying for a headlight to one that I don't want, and $1,200, that's insane. He said, well, we'll split the difference. You pay $600, I'll pay $600. Thinking like I really wanted these lights and was trying to play a hardball when I really absolutely did not want these lights.

Speaker 2: 21:57

So, long story less long. When he said let's split it, I said $600 means nothing to your car manufacturer, it means so much to me. $600 for me out of my check is a huge amount of money compared to the billions of dollars that you earn as a dealership of manufacturer, the whole thing. So I'm absolutely walking away. And I remember I walked out of the dealership and I went to my car that I couldn't even park in the parking lot because my car was a POS. It was a Hooptie. The transmission worked when it felt like it, so meaning I could be on the highway and do I don't know. Let's say I was doing 50. All of a sudden the transmission would turn over and I would do 75.

Speaker 2: 22:45

It was so dangerous because I never knew what the car was going to do and I couldn't even park it in the lot. But even then I had the conviction of I will ride my Hooptie literally to the wheels fall off because I'm not going to pay this. There was something about it that I think learning to negotiate as a kid made it very impersonal as an adult.

Speaker 1: 23:06

But when?

Speaker 2: 23:06

I started my business and now I was speaking to individuals and coaching people and talking to small business owners. That felt so different for me. The idea of asking for money felt very strange because it felt so much more personal.

Speaker 2: 23:24

It wasn't a big company, it was an individual. And now, when we're talking person to person, I had a lot of work to do about understanding that it was still value in the exchange. I'm providing value, they're receiving value, and it's OK to ask for money and it's OK to ask for the prices that you need for your business to function and for the value that you're providing. But it took me a long time to actually get over that and confront what I thought. I don't have any money issues. I don't have a money story that's holding me down, and when I went into business it revealed a lot about that.

Speaker 1: 24:00

From what I remember, I don't think I've had to negotiate anything besides my car, and I failed big time on that. The first car that I bought, I felt, oh my god, I got a high percentage and it probably paid too much for the car, but I mean the car lasted me for a long time. It's now that I'm negotiating real estate and all that stuff, I'm trying to get better deals. So that's the first time that I really started negotiating. And then, the first time I had to do it, I was so intimidated by it and I had a friend that one of my mentors getting me into real estate investing. He was like no, they got the money.

Speaker 1: 24:45

I mean, you see, they bought this house a long time ago. They've had this house for 30 years. They bought it for $10. They're selling it for this higher. They could afford to fix this. And so now I got more confident negotiating these deals, like, no, I need you to fix this before or no deal. And so I've walked away from any deals, or even now, just the other day, because they're like oh no, we want this much. Now I was like no, thank you.

Speaker 2: 25:13

How did it feel the first time you walked away? Did it feel empowering or did it feel frightening?

Speaker 1: 25:20

Oh man, it was scary Because I felt like I lost something. I was like, oh, it's my only opportunity. What if I don't find another property? Or what if I don't get another chance, which, what if this was it, or whatever. And yeah, it took a few days to get over it a little bit and be like I felt guilty, like dang, maybe I shouldn't have nitpicked that much or whatever. But my friend is like no, you should have walked away, like don't do it and. And so now it's like OK, I've kind of like took the emotion, like how you were saying, now you remove that emotion and it's like it's just a deal, it's a business deal. They either fix it, or they do fix it or they don't. And then we figure it out or I just walk away or they walk away, and if they walk away, that's fine too.

Speaker 2: 26:17

Yeah, you feel like you're losing something, but in reality we haven't lost anything. But it is that perception that we've lost something and I think it comes from at least for me it came from this belief like I don't know if I'm going to get another opportunity.

Speaker 2: 26:33

I don't know if there's going to be one and like, intellectually you know that there's going to be more Right Like you haven't bought every single house. There's going to be houses that are bought and sold, maybe even in the course of our conversation right now, but it feels in that moment like I don't know if this opportunity is going to come up again. And that's how it felt for me when I was first working with clients. I remember I was also doing a lot of done for you services, so specifically with small businesses, that want to support in their marketing.

Speaker 2: 27:00

It's like, OK, I will do the marketing for you, and so the fee was going to be a little bit higher. But this is what I would do. And I remember feeling like I don't know if this is the shape that I want my business to be and I think I want to do something a little bit different. And I've tried it and some of these places are great, but I'm doing too much execution. So it felt now as if I had five bosses instead of one boss, right, and I remember thinking I didn't get into business to feel like now I have five different bosses, and so eventually I shifted out of that specific model and moved it into something that felt more comfortable with me.

Speaker 2: 27:40

And then I was propositioned again by another business to say, hey, can you do this? And there was that moment of, well, here's this check and here's this payday that's going to come along and that would be really nice to add to the bank account. But now it's right up against well, what do you really want? Because you just said he don't want to do this anymore. So what are you going to do? Are you going to take the money? Are you going to live more in integrity with what you want your business to be, and I walked away from the opportunity.

Speaker 2: 28:07

I politely declined. They said what I was able to offer and what worked and they wanted someone who was very clear that they would do all the execution. And we just it was just unaligned, it was misaligned and it was okay and we didn't have a bad relationship. But I had to do that and I felt so much better for the first, I'd say, five days. I was like shit, so that I've done that and was it the wrong move to make? But then after that, I said no, this is good because it matches more the lifestyle that I want and I don't want a lifestyle of where I'm working constantly and it's around the clock and I'm not spending time doing the things that I want to do. But I experienced the same thing like was this a mistake? To let this walk away and it takes practice is really a practice.

Speaker 1: 28:53

That's where kind of like the imposter syndrome comes up. And you know that scarcity mindset, because you feel like, oh, I don't know, because you don't feel like confident or that you know in your business or in yourself yet that you're going to get, you know, another client or some other business going to want to work with you. So you're kind of like, oh no, I don't want to like go this one opportunity what if it's my only opportunity for like who knows when? And so then you start, kind of like how you were saying, like you almost pushed some of your boundaries to the side that you didn't want like, you didn't want to have like the five bosses. And so I feel like that puts us in that trap as well, when we get that scarcity mindset.

Speaker 2: 29:36

A big part of the work that I do in my clients is working on not just the strategy but also the mindset, because anyone could give the best strategy in the world, but if our mind isn't there, then it's not going to accept it in the strategies and going to stick. And I think about when it comes to things like health. If we want to run a marathon and someone says, okay, here's a training plan and over the next six months this is where your training plan is, well, then everyone would run marathons, essentially because we have this strategy, but it also has to be a combination of other things. And this is obviously if you're in physical health and you're able to do that and not any problems of things. But barring all of that, we would just do it. But a lot of it is our belief. Like I can't possibly run 26.2 miles and that actually gets in our head.

Speaker 2: 30:20

So when I work with my clients, one of the things that is really important to me is to feel like we're not lucky because we get these opportunities.

Speaker 2: 30:28

We can be grateful, but we don't have to feel lucky because we are experts and we are prepared and we are good at the things that we do so.

Speaker 2: 30:38

It's not luck, it's our expertise that are attracting these opportunities to us and these deals that we're able to negotiate, and so I want to move my clients into a place. Of course this is happening, like why wouldn't it happen? I've positioned myself for these good things to happen and, just like you, when you're looking for real estate, sure there's going to be some fines that are maybe a luck that you might luck out to find them. But if you're only able to luck out to find them because you're an expert, then knows where to look for these things. And so I would love for us to just shift our mentality instead of feeling like I'm so lucky to. Of course this should happen, because this is what I've prepared myself for, and I think just owning that makes it easier for us to have that discernment about which opportunities we say yes to, which opportunities we say no to, because there's an inner confidence that there's going to be more afterwards.

Speaker 1: 31:36

Yes, I love that, Love that mindset shift of like I'm not lucky, it's like no, I prepared for this because you did, you did. That was me when I realized I was like you know what? I've been doing this for almost like 10 years, but in my mind I wasn't the expert yet.

Speaker 2: 31:54

Yeah, and even if you had bought one property and let's say you were in the first year of your journey, you would still be an expert to the person that hasn't bought any properties, or to the person that doesn't know anything about this area and is looking to learn. So I think also one of those things for us to think about is that there's a reason that doctors have specialties. So if we were going in for heart surgery, we want a cardiac surgeon to do it, not an orthopedist, for example. Right. So there are specialties in that. And then there's general practitioners, so we can go for a cold or a cut or any headache, for example. But for the work that we do, it's important to remember that our target audience is who we decide.

Speaker 2: 32:35

We want our target audience to be so in your case you're a real estate investor and learning and teaching people how to do that, but somebody who has 200 doors, that's probably not your ideal client and that's okay, because there's someone who has I don't know 500 doors.

Speaker 2: 32:51

that is going to be the perfect person to help the person who has 200 doors and wants to figure out. I don't know how to get out of a bad contract or whatever. Those things are right. So who are we actually targeting With our business? We can only handle so much clientele and we get to decide who that person is that we're serving and then go from there and we just have to be the expert to the person that we're serving. We don't have to be the expert to everybody in the industry because there is no person that will do that. There's no one person that's going to.

Speaker 2: 33:25

Once you get to so many doors, you might not even want to work with someone who's getting their first door or their first five doors. As an example, I have a client who's a dance instructor and she's danced all over the world and she has absolutely no interest in teaching newbies and she doesn't have anything against them. But for where she is, she likes to help train people who want to compete and want to do things on a more professional level. Can she teach a newbie? Sure she can, but if that's not what lights her up and that's not the business she wants to have, then she doesn't have to do that, so you just have to be an expert to your target audience.

Speaker 1: 34:00

Yes, I love that being an expert to your target audience. That was a mindset at the beginning with me was like, you know, there's like a lot of people that are teaching real estate, you know investing and stuff like that, but they're already like bigger and yeah, I did get lost in that like well, I'm teaching, you know, the Latino community how for their journey specific journey that usually gets like neglected on how to get started and stuff like that not someone that's trying to get like their 50th property or something like that.

Speaker 2: 34:34

Right, yeah it's so nervous also about niching down. But there's a saying the riches are in the niches and that's so important. So, for example, when I first bought my place, I didn't realize that this place is in a flood zone.

Speaker 2: 34:51

And the way that I found out was when we had a hurricane and my building was hit on two different sides and I had a. First of all, I was stuck so I couldn't leave for about a week, and so it was a week with no power and being here in the apartment. And then also, when we finally were able to safely evacuate, I couldn't come back to my place for about two months. I had never thought about flood zones, because where I had grown up that wasn't a thing.

Speaker 2: 35:21

We weren't thinking about that and it was a question I also didn't know to ask. Imagine if somebody wants to become an expert in buying real estate in areas that are more prone to hurricanes. Imagine the fortune that somebody could make in that field because someone knows. Okay, I want to live, let's say, for example, in Florida, as just an example, but I want to buy property and I want to have investments down there. But I'm concerned about these hurricanes If somebody is an expert in buying property and helping to navigate insurance companies and all of this and I don't know how valuable they are to their community, but being able to drill down so specifically to that community.

Speaker 2: 36:03

So we think that we have to be really broad, but really there's so much value and being super specific for that person that needs you. And if you're a solo pernuer and you're looking to maybe take on clients or have a certain amount of roster, we really can't. We time is finite. We can only hold so many people until we scale and we have to start to hire people and our companies and things like that.

Speaker 2: 36:29

So what do you think? Okay, fully booked might be 25 or 30 people. Think about those, those niches, and when you drill down, can I find 25 to 30 people in those niches? If I'm selling a digital course, can I find 500 people in this specific niche to buy my course at 2777. What does that do to have an additional income stream? So really kind of shifting that way to be really specific about who we're helping, it feels like, oh my gosh, like again I'm not going to find any business. It's going to be too specific. But really people are looking for you.

Speaker 1: 37:05

If you were willing to talk to them, they would love to find you, or even with, like the perfectionist that was another one to that they're trying to like, get the perfect product and you know, and then they never put it out, and so now, like you didn't make anything, you know, so that's messing with your finances as well, and so absolutely, because you're putting a lot of spending, a lot of time and resources.

Speaker 2: 37:29

So people want to get a website. So I always tell people like you don't need a website. Yeah, you don't need to pay like a brand designer and this is not a knock against like brand designers or any of that but if you haven't identified who exactly you're speaking to yet and this could be product or service based business If you're not crystal clear on what that is, then you're going to spend money on something that could change in six months, in a year. You have to know who your target audience is so that you know how to talk to them. And how you talk to them is also going to be reflected in your website copy.

Speaker 2: 38:04

So if it's too broad, you're sort of almost talking to no one. It's like right now, if I want to go, stand out and time square and I just started talking like people are just going to walk past New York, so people are going to walk anyway, but it's like I'm just going to be a noise in the crowd. But if I'm very specific and I go exactly to where my target audience is, then people are going to want to listen to me. Their ears are going to perk up. So it's the same thing of being a very clear and intentional about where you want to be, so that you're not spending money on a flashy website and then realizing that it's not resonating with anyone because you're not even sure of who you're talking to. So once you get clear on that, then start investing the money and spending the thousands of dollars. Once you have a proven model, then it's worth investing. But in the beginning I would say that's not an expense, that's a necessary expense.

Speaker 1: 38:56

So how does, like you know, how can coaching help, you know, overcome that imposter syndrome?

Speaker 2: 39:02

So coaching to me, the way that I think of it, it's a couple of things. One is a thought partner to. It's a cheerleader. Three, it's a safe place, and it's important to have all those things. One, the thought leader we talked about. Having someone that's a few steps ahead of you is crucial for your learning. It's also crucial for the speed in which you're able to actually achieve the results that you want to achieve.

Speaker 2: 39:27

The cheerleader is important because that doubt is going to come into your head, that imposter syndrome is going to be loud and you need the cheerleader to remind you of the things that you don't remember in the moment. So for me, I wake up in the morning super early. I love early, my sunrise person and I have all this energy and I'm like, yes, then I wake up like I believe, and have my most optimistic in the morning and as the night goes on, I find that then in the evening I will start to feel doubt. That's just the pattern and I start here and I sort of come here. People have different ebbs and flow, but when I've worked with the coach, being able to be aware of that and know that when I'm starting to feel that dip, there is a person that I can reach out to. That's going to remind me of who I am, the things that I've done already. That reminds me of the proof that I've been able to have established.

Speaker 2: 40:20

It's really important to have when you start to feel that dip. And then, lastly, you want someone who was going to be really like a mentor for you and an advocate and the safe place. So, as a solo per newer, or even if you have a small business, there might not be friends or family or even spouses or partners that understand what it is that you're going through, and you want to be able to say all of the things that feel really hard about the business, without judgment, and that has to feel safe. If imagine saying going to your partner or going to a family member and saying, well, this entrepreneurship thing, it's really hard and I don't know if I can do it. But if the person reflects back well, I told you you should have just stayed where you're doing. You're the one that wanted to do this, it's. You don't need that. That's not what you need at the moment, but the person is here to be like get them on that right.

Speaker 2: 41:16

Here we go like you did it to yourself and that's not helpful. But your coach won't do that. Your coach is going to help you work through that thought, give you new thoughts to choose and really start to build up that belief system in yourself. It's not because the people around us aren't good people. It's not because they don't love us, but not everybody understands if they're not in the same place with us and not everyone's also capable of giving us the support that we need when we need it. And so that's the way. To me, working with the coach is really valuable.

Speaker 1: 41:47

Definitely. I always advocate the value of a coach, like definitely game changer for sure, yeah, I have a client.

Speaker 2: 41:54

So I the way that I work with my clients, that we meet once a week but we also have access throughout the week through this, this app and sort of this app that we can talk to each other. And my one client she had left a message and she was sharing just some frustrations that she was experiencing and she has a full time job and then she's starting her business or has her business going.

Speaker 2: 42:13

But she's in those growing pain stages and she's saying something about what's happening in her nine to five and I just asked her the question what are you making this mean about you? And I remember her very distinctly saying you always ask me the hard questions. I don't know what this means about me. And then she comes back with another note okay, I've thought about it. This is what I think it means. But it's even that of really giving yourself like a little bit of that buffer to go deeper and understand. Like, okay, what does this mean? And sometimes it is imposter syndrome that I'm talking about. Other times it is.

Speaker 2: 42:47

It can be like not going fast enough, or what does this mean if I'm not going fast enough? Well, again, what does that say about me? I mean, I think our frustrations are revealing something about like an unmet need in ourselves, or an unmet or like an unspoken thought that we have about ourselves, and it's important for someone to be able to ask those questions so that you can recognize it for yourself. So the next time it happens, you can see it and say like, oh, this is the same thing that happened last time. I see it, I recognize it and then now it feels so good, it's so powerful to be able to see I know exactly what I'm doing and now you can move on to a different thing.

Speaker 2: 43:27

But that awareness you can do it on your own, but it's almost like Googling something. Sometimes you're going to get good answers, sometimes you're going to get crap answers, sometimes you're going to be more confused than when you started. But then working with the coaches helps you give that clarity. So it's one voice, not many voices, and you know that you have that consistent relationship. What other tips.

Speaker 1: 43:50

Do you have to help overcome that self-doubt?

Speaker 2: 43:54

I'd love to say the very first thing is to call it out. So when you notice that it's coming up, now that we've talked through the five and there's a little bit of awareness as to what each of those look like, I actually name my imposter syndrome and pretend it's a friend, that the friend likes me, but it's almost like a friend of me.

Speaker 2: 44:13

It's like a friend, but it's also this enemy that's really trying to protect me but also sabotaging me at the same time, and so I name it. I have a name from my imposter syndrome and I call it out and I say, ok, the name of my imposter syndrome should be really embarrassing to reveal. And I just say, ok, I recognize that you're here. I don't need you here at the moment. It sounds so crazy, but I've given so many workshops on this and I remember someone named their imposter syndrome Daisy, because they said it was like a weed growing in the ground, and so they associated with Daisy and they had the image of them plucking it out of the ground and so it's that same thing, like you actually personify what this imposter syndrome is to you.

Speaker 2: 44:54

So it feels, so you recognize that it's a part of you. It's not all of you just like if you had a friend the friend is there, but the friend can also go home and the friend can go away. And that's how you want to think about your imposter syndrome, that it's just one component, it's not the entirety, and it can be changed. The second thing is to find proof, and I actually have clients make an evidence list.

Speaker 2: 45:18

And it's a list of all of the ways that they have done the same thing successfully before. So it might not be necessarily starting a business, but the skills that you're using in your business you've used other places. So start to make a list of all of those things and that evidence list come back to every time you see. So it's like reminding yourself, and writing it down is important because it's creating that connection between your brain and the rest of you to know that these things it's almost baking in like a new neural pathway within your brain of like this is evidence of things that I've done before. And then the last thing is to take action. So immediately decide I'm going to take the action that I'm so hesitant to take, even if it's just a small step.

Speaker 2: 46:04

So, going back to the example of running a marathon, I've never run a marathon, by the way, but I do have a run club, so I talk about this. So it's not about I'm gonna go out and run 26.2 miles, but it is like I'm going to go out for a run or I'm gonna spend the next week just following one week of a program. So break it down into smaller parts but show yourself that you can take action, even if it's a tiny piece of action. But all of those steps is what gets people to the 26.2. And it's all of those little decisions that you make that will get you to whatever your goal is.

Speaker 1: 46:40

I like the idea of you know naming your imposter syndrome and then you could like test it out or something.

Speaker 2: 46:47

And it feels silly in the beginning, but I promise like once you do it it feels like it's almost like you can be really playful with it, you can be really stern with it. But it feels like just in the conversation we're having now, like you're talking about something that's not you.

Speaker 2: 47:01

It's just a part of your brain that essentially is trying to protect you, because it thinks like, oh, there's danger if you actually do this thing you're about to do. But it's not, and it's regulating that part of your brain in this way that's just a little bit more playful and feels less intimidating.

Speaker 1: 47:19

And so I know, since you coach as well, like how can you know if someone's interested in working with you? Like how can they reach you?

Speaker 2: 47:27

So on my website it's youwantadoocom, or you can follow me on Instagram. I spend a lot of time playing on Instagram at youwantadoocom same thing. So it's two Ns. So it's not you want to. So that's a bad marketer in me. But when I started it I was like, oh, this sounds like a great name. Years later not sure, but it's all good. So far, so good, and yeah, so I have a couple of different ways to work with people. So my signature way is through a coaching program, so it's a one-on-one container. It's three months that we work together.

Speaker 2: 47:56

I feel like three months is a good amount of time to get results. And then the second way is through these business intensives, and so these are if you have one or two specific problems in your business. So, for example, it might be that you've been hired to give a talk and you want to create what that talk is going to look like, but the talk is in a month. We can sit down for a business intensive and we can work on that one area of what your talk is going to look like. And so those are the two ways that I like to work with people most.

Speaker 2: 48:24

But really, just get on a call. I have free calls they're 45 minutes long where I get to learn about you and your goals, what it is that you want to accomplish, and then I'm really honest If I'm the coach that can help you get there, I will say that. And if I don't feel like I'm the right person for you, then I'll let you know. And if I have someone in my contact list that I could recommend, then I want to make sure that I help you do that as well. But really it's just about making sure that it's a fit, and then I can do my best to help you get where you want to go.

Speaker 1: 48:54

And then, before I end the show, I'd love to hear what book recommendations or resources that are out there like podcasts or YouTube or whatever that you might recommend.

Speaker 2: 49:09

So I will say my first book and I never remember the name of the author.

Speaker 1: 49:12

Although.

Speaker 2: 49:13

I think I remember right now Atomic Habits and I believe the author is James Clear is one of my favorite books that I've read on Just a topic of, especially when it comes to goal setting, and really I think one of the most critical things, especially as a business owner and if you have a nine to five at the same time is being able to stay in integrity to the things you said that you were going to do and build up that consistency, and so that book has been just a game changer for me the Motivation Myth.

Speaker 2: 49:41

So this is a book. I actually interviewed the writer of this book years ago on my podcast, and the Motivation Myth is this idea that we need motivation to actually get started, and he completely debunks this, which motivation comes from action. So when we start actually doing the thing, then the motivation will come. So we'll be more motivated to go to the gym after we've done the first workout If we will be more motivated to continue with our business once we've actually gotten the ball rolling in our business, and so that's a really good book, especially for someone who waits for these. I create when I feel like it and when I get this inspiration and all of that that's great, but when you're building a business, it cannot live off inspiration and inspired moments alone. It has to be more than that, and the Motivation Myth will help you get there.

Speaker 1: 50:33

Oh awesome, I'm going to have to check those out. Yeah, any other last thoughts?

Speaker 2: 50:39

I just want everybody to think about that imposter syndrome. It's this idea that you're a fraud. But you know that you're a fraud. Nobody has to teach you how to be a woman. No one has to teach you how to be Latina. No one had to teach you so many things that are already baked into who you are. So trust that you have the tools, you have the capabilities, you have the skills to achieve whatever it is that you want, and the only person that is telling you no is you. So what if you just stop saying no? Everything you want is on the other side of yes. So maybe today is the time where you say yes.

Speaker 1: 51:16

Thank you so much, monica, for coming on here and love this conversation, and I have some homework on my list and naming my imposter syndrome. But yeah, I'll make sure to have your social media, your website and your book recommendations, like I said in the show description, and so make sure you all check it out. And, other than that, I will see everyone in the next episode. Bye, bye.