Supremely Full Of It Podcast
Wide range conversations from 2 people that know they are supremely full of it.
Supremely Full Of It Podcast
On The Spot With N.I.M.E and DY3R
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We promise you an episode you won't forget as we delve into the labyrinth of love, life, and relationships with our insightful guest, Terri. Ever found yourself asking why men cheat? Is it a power trip, an ego boost or simply because they can? We're talking candidly about the motivations behind infidelity, the fallout, and the critical role of intimacy in the relationship equation. We're breaking down the notion of great sex being a relationship maker or a deal-breaker, and the often unspoken dissatisfaction among partners.
Building on this, we navigate the murky waters of honesty, communication, and self-reflection - central pillars of any relationship. We discuss the aftermath of cheating, the role of comfortability, and how complacency can be a silent relationship killer. Our conversation also shines a light on the necessity for mutual growth, and the patience required in any relationship. We also examine whether men or women have more patience, and how this shapes their behavior in a relationship.
We wrap up with a deep-dive into the roles and expectations placed on men and women in relationships. We challenge the idea that women are taught tangible domestic skills but not the intangible aspects of a successful relationship. We explore how standards morph as we mature and how past mistakes can lead to adjustments in these standards. From men cheating and dating differences, through to teaching relationships and changing standards, our honest and humorous conversation with Terry will leave you questioning, reflecting, and hopefully, learning. Grab a cup of coffee and join us on this thought-provoking journey.
Hey, yo Supremely full of it, ha ha.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back again what it do, man Supremely full of it podcast. Back with another episode. Yeah, we here.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, hey, man, look, don't start bro. Yes, they call me darling and I be a boy now, and guess what man?
Speaker 1We have a special, we do Special episode with a special guest. Oh, you understand that. Yeah, go ahead bro.
Speaker 2Okay, okay.
Speaker 1So from the hood, from the suburbs, okay, from a round away All right, from everywhere, we got the little homie Terry. All right, all right.
Speaker 3Hey, hey, hey, what's going on?
Speaker 1with you.
Speaker 3Nothing much how y'all doing.
Speaker 1Good, good. So you know, we always hear, we need to hear some women on this show. You know what I'm saying. So I figure we have what, huh?
Speaker 3I said definitely.
Speaker 1Okay, so I figure we have a one-on-one session. One-on-one, you know what I'm saying. So, first of all, how are you doing? I'm wonderful, wonderful. How's your day going? Pretty good, you ready for these candid questions.
Speaker 3Yes, okay, yes, I am.
Speaker 1So are y'all ready? We've been doing it with Bull all day, so we ain't surprised by nothing. Okay, I ain't getting a special shout out. You know what I'm saying For the person hosting this event, Right? You know the beauty bar. The beauty bar. You know what I'm saying. The homie Keita Shout out to you. Appreciate it.
Speaker 3Shout out to her.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure. You know, at the end of the video, man, we'll put our information out there. You can check her out at the beauty bar.
Speaker 1Yeah, so okay, let's get into the show man. First question Now. First of all, we don't lie here on a. Supreme Me Full of a podcast.
Speaker 3That's good, because I don't lie, all right, okay, especially not on Sundays, honestly honestly Okay.
Speaker 1So first question is why do you think men cheat?
Speaker 3I think men cheat ego. I think that's the number one thing. It's ego. But personal experience I haven't been well, I don't know, haven't brought to my knowledge of me being ever cheated on, Okay, but I think it's ego, ego.
Speaker 1Do you think that makes a man feel better about himself? Or cheating?
Speaker 3Definitely.
Speaker 1Why would that make him feel better about himself?
Speaker 3Because you know how, y'all do, you know how y'all do Amen.
Speaker 2I think it's our ego, if you can do it and get away with it.
Speaker 3I think that's what men do.
Speaker 1If we could rob a bank, we would do it. You know what I'm saying. And get away with it. You would do it Right, but I don't really think that has any you know what. Okay, I'm not going to do it. Don't look at me, bro, I'm not going to stop.
Speaker 3Can I ask you why you think men cheat?
Speaker 1You want the truth? Yes, because we can.
Speaker 3That's what I said, you know like no, no, you said ego. Right, okay.
Speaker 1Okay, Back in my cheating days. It did nothing for my ego.
Speaker 3Really.
Speaker 1Yes, I just did it because I could. I had the opportunity to.
Speaker 3I think you probably need to dig deep. I think it was your ego.
Speaker 1No, you would like me to dig deep. You right, I would, because yeah, but there's nowhere else to go with that Okay.
Speaker 2Can I ask you a question, mm-hmm, do you think men cheat because they don't have something they shouldn't cheat on? Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3I thought I asked you to hush the game. Oh, okay.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3Okay, that's what we're doing.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3Hmm.
Speaker 2Because I mean, uh, some, some that could be.
Speaker 3I ain't gonna lie. It could you know.
Speaker 2Some women, some women may not be worth it.
Speaker 3So why are you with her? Because of your ego. That's a good one, you know, I was just you, just leave.
Speaker 2But that that go back to what he said he can. He can have you in them.
Speaker 3Right, okay, that was a good one. You got me with that one, I ain't gonna lie.
Speaker 2I got one for you.
Speaker 3Okay, get this out the way.
Speaker 2Get it out, get it out the way, man All right Lord. Does having great sex make or break a relationship and why.
Speaker 3I think having great sex can definitely make a relationship. I don't know if it'll break a relationship, but it definitely can make a relationship because it's sex. I mean, who don't like sex?
Speaker 2Okay, I mean I I.
Speaker 3If the relationship bad. But the intimacy is there, you know that could definitely make it.
Speaker 2Here's a follow up. Who complains about poor sex? More men or women?
Speaker 3I think women sometimes we just don't tell you.
Speaker 2Okay. So now I'm going to ask you the question again Does having great sex make or break a relationship, and why?
Speaker 3I still feel like it could. You know, Hmm, you got a little bit of wisdom, oh yeah.
Speaker 2I'm probably the oldest person in this building right now.
Speaker 3Okay, okay, what makes sense?
Speaker 2It's a little wise, but I still think by a century.
Speaker 3I still think Okay, what question am I answering now?
Speaker 2You said uh, uh, could it Okay? You said, women complain more, so yeah, it does having great sex make or break a relationship?
Speaker 3If women complain about having good sex more than men, yeah, I mean, well, it could break it if it's bad. Yeah, it could definitely Okay.
Speaker 1Let me ask a question then If sex is bad, why would a woman date a man If it's?
Speaker 3sex, other stuff. You know, women, we, everything with us is mental, so okay.
Speaker 1But even if the sex bad but then y'all would break up. Well, because? Because the sex is bad? No, so why would?
Speaker 3I don't know.
Speaker 2And or stay with a man with great sex that don't have anything.
Speaker 3Hmm, hmm, uh.
Speaker 1I don't think he was ready for this.
Speaker 3I would, I would, I would, cause I'm usually, you know, yeah, it's all good.
Speaker 2But none of your responses got to be right or wrong. It's just how you feel about it Right.
Speaker 3You know what I mean, speaking from experience.
Speaker 2Yeah, okay, yeah.
Speaker 3Um it with me, mm? Hmm, it wouldn't make or break.
Speaker 2Hmm.
Speaker 3It wouldn't.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 3Just be honest with me, all right, all right.
Speaker 1Okay, thank God, we done with that one.
Speaker 2You wanted to move on? Yes, I did, bro.
Speaker 1Next question Is there a difference between dating a broke man versus dating a broke woman?
Speaker 3Is it a difference?
Speaker 1Yes, it is, it's sad.
Speaker 3I mean it's, it's not fair, mm hmm, but it is a difference. Okay, the difference my opinion is because a man is supposed to protect and provide Right, and if you can't provide, then you know.
Speaker 1But is providing only based off of income.
Speaker 3It's not, but it's a it. Play a role in it. Yeah, Definitely play a role in it.
Speaker 1Okay, um.
Speaker 3But I mean it's not fair because a woman, If a man got money and a woman's broke, I feel like women we bring more than just providing. So that's why it may not be fair, but what we come with, the woman could not have money like a housewife, you know.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's cool If that's what he wants, yeah.
Speaker 3If that's what he wants, since, whatever floats your boat.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1What if men went around saying that they don't date? Broke women?
Speaker 3I respect it. I definitely respect it.
Speaker 2But every woman would be broke to him if they want a guy that makes more. So women put themselves in a position not to find much character-wise because, they look at what someone has first.
Speaker 3Right, that is true, you're right.
Speaker 2So let's reverse that real quick though. Like okay, so you got a woman that make a lot of money. You got a man that's at home. He the house husband. Could that woman, in your opinion, would she stay with that guy for a long period of time if he took care of the house and she bought the money in?
Speaker 3Yeah, I feel like, if that's me personally, if that works for me, then yeah, cause it's all about what you're looking for too. So, I feel like a successful woman. Is she able to provide? Is she cool with that? Is she just need the love from the man, and I feel like that'd be cool.
Speaker 1But you said that the man is a puzzle.
Speaker 3And that's why I said, that's why I said it's not fair. But you know, I did say that.
Speaker 2But would you be able to, would you? Yeah, get him, get him I did say that, I did say that Me and get him, but would you still be able to respect him as the leader of the household?
Speaker 3Yes, I would.
Speaker 1Would he be able to have a final say?
Speaker 3Yes.
Speaker 2Would he be?
Speaker 3Because, even though for me yes. I ain't speaking for other women out there, but for me, yes.
Speaker 2Now, this is from what I see, though I do see people say yeah, they can until it comes down to what he said you can spend your money on, because you bring it in?
Speaker 1Yeah, I was just about to ask that.
Speaker 2So when it came down to him saying nah, you don't need that, we're not buying that.
Speaker 3But if y'all married this, something y'all gotta.
Speaker 2Oh, I like that answer.
Speaker 3Yeah, y'all gotta talk about that anyway, you know it gotta be if you married.
Speaker 1That's why I invited her on the show. Man. She making me proud right now. That's what she. A little snappy, but that's what it do. Am I snappy?
Speaker 2I mean, just give him back what he give everybody else. Right, right, that's all.
Speaker 3Yeah, you do them all sometimes. I'm just trying to get some ratings bro, Nah Subscribers. That's you Trying to get the people what they want.
Speaker 1Yeah, there you go Next question. What's the ultimate deal breaker for you to leave your spouse?
Speaker 3I don't have a spouse, but if I did, I maybe I don't know I would say cheating.
Speaker 1Cheating. That's the only thing.
Speaker 3Cheating. I think cheating.
Speaker 1Cheating multiple times or just cheating period?
Speaker 3It's probably about like I don't know, like speaking off the dome, I would say cheating, but I never been in that situation so I don't.
Speaker 1So okay.
Speaker 3Cheating, having the baby.
Speaker 1Can you see yourself taking somebody back after they cheated on you?
Speaker 3Probably not. I don't know if I could get past that. I don't know, and that's probably something I gotta work on, because there ain't nobody perfect, but I don't know.
Speaker 1Okay, just for information purposes. Women cheat emotionally.
Speaker 3That's bad.
Speaker 1And then right, and then that leads to physical cheating. Men just cheat physically mostly, so knowing that men don't really have emotions involved in their cheating.
Speaker 3But see, for me I would think I don't know, cause I know what I come with. So I would think if you cheating on me, it gotta be some type of emotions there. You ain't doing it.
Speaker 1He ain't doing it just because he saw something.
Speaker 3I don't think so. That's just my opinion. If I get cheated on, Okay. So that's why I say that might be a deal breaker, cause I don't know if I'm gonna get past that. Cause I wouldn't have no understanding of why you cheated on me. It wouldn't be nothing, you'd be able to tell me.
Speaker 2Have you ever seen situations where a woman find the person that their husband and boyfriend cheating on them with to find out that they're not the same caliber of woman that they are even looks wise?
Speaker 3You said have I ever seen that?
Speaker 2Yeah, like, just you know, period, definitely Like, maybe like man, that girl don't look nothing like the girl you cheating on, and that's why I'm saying that'll be a different because I want what.
Speaker 3And then, in that situation, what would the man be able to tell his woman why he cheated?
Speaker 2It ain't nothing to do with emotions. I can tell you that.
Honesty and Cheating in Relationships
Speaker 3So what it has to do with.
Speaker 2Exactly what he just said, just because he could.
Speaker 3That's correct and see that's disrespectful so that's. I couldn't get past that. I feel like that's even worse. It's wrong either way To just be like I'll just cheat it, just because that's even worse. So tell me that.
Speaker 2Yeah, no, you ain't gonna tell me that. No, it's wrong either way.
Speaker 1There's really no, we can't say it. Well, because we vibe with her. You know she, she was a good ear to listen to our problems and stuff like because we really don't cheat off of that, we cheat.
Speaker 3So what would you be able to say? That goes back to what he said because he could. That's even more reason why I'm a lead because I can't, because why would you cheat? Just because you can't, you don't respect me.
Speaker 2I got a question now.
Speaker 3Yeah, what's up. Okay.
Speaker 1Okay, I got one too. There not be the question that I'm gonna ask.
Speaker 2Is it still pertaining to this Cause? I'm trying to, okay, yeah, well, when I'm about to, I'm about to take a left turn real quick though. Um, if, if your man came to you and he says I'm having feelings and thoughts of cheating, could you handle that conversation? Yes, definitely.
Speaker 3I'm all about being honest.
Speaker 2Wouldn't be mad at all.
Speaker 3I would not be mad.
Speaker 2Okay, so I can tell you that, being honest, I would not be mad, cause I'm all about communication.
Speaker 3We're going to talk about it. Why are you having these feelings?
Speaker 2Why, let's talk about it. Are you going to give him that energy, though, if you come?
Speaker 3I don't know.
Speaker 2See, you might scare him though.
Speaker 3You making me hot even asking the question, so I might I?
Speaker 1don't know, you might scare him. Was you saying he already cheated?
Speaker 3What I think he already cheated.
Speaker 1But we coming with fire today.
Speaker 3Say y'all coming with fire what I think he already cheated.
Speaker 1If he came to you saying you know I've been thinking about it. This is woman at my job that I've been feeling.
Speaker 3I probably will think no, I might take you know his word If he said cause. I feel like, why come say that after you already did it?
Speaker 2Uh huh.
Speaker 3So I feel like if you man enough to head a conversation, you ain't done it yet.
Speaker 2So we can talk about it. He messed up by saying woman at his job, don't do that. No.
Speaker 1Don't give him. I'm just saying don't do that.
Speaker 2She probably quit your job tomorrow. You know what I'm saying. Don't do that.
Speaker 3Not even a two week notice. Don't say at your job no, don't tell me.
Speaker 2I was just asking that because a lot of times me and one are speaking, be honest with a girl, but they make it so difficult to do. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3That's why you got to create that space.
Speaker 2Yeah, okay, you got to be up.
Speaker 3You got to create that and I feel like that's what I like in my relationship. I'm going to create that, so my man could definitely tell me. Like you know, I've been having thoughts and we're going to talk about it and get to the bottom of it.
Speaker 2Especially if I love you. I'm going to want to ask why could you handle him having feelings of cheating because your sex was trash?
Speaker 3Could I handle that?
Speaker 2Yes, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but look, I got to ask If he come to you and honestly say hey man, look, this is horrible. Or I need you, or I need you to do X, y and Z.
Speaker 3Can he not say horrible, I'm a little sensitive. He could come, he can. Can he say it better? Okay?
Speaker 2He could probably say it better. Could you handle it though?
Speaker 3Yes.
Speaker 2Could you get past the fact that you may be the issue to fix his problem?
Speaker 3Yes, yes, I'm all about accountability. So, if he. I will want that, though. Come to me and tell me that so we could, especially if I love you. I'm going to want to work past it.
Speaker 1So what if he wanted more people in the bedroom?
Speaker 3Could he come and ask me that?
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 3He can talk about it. It ain't happening, but we can talk about it.
Speaker 1So what if that's what he wanted? Though that's one of the things that he wanted.
Speaker 3And that might be a deal breaker then.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 3But he could definitely come. We could talk about it. If I love him, I'm going to try to figure out why. I'm going to dig deep. What's going on, why? Okay, but if he just like setting stone on it like this is what I want. I want to bring more partners in there. Okay, I'm not the one for you.
Speaker 1Have you ever cheated?
Speaker 3I might put on a different wig or something for you, but that's it.
Speaker 1Have you ever cheated?
Speaker 3Have I ever cheated?
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 3No, no, I say that because I was going to tell you not to answer that. No, don't answer that, I'm going to tell you not to answer that one. Being a grown adult?
Speaker 1no, when you like 18, that's the key to me. So yeah, you had a work-boyfriend or something.
Speaker 3I had a couple.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's cheating.
Speaker 3When I was 18.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's cheating yeah.
Speaker 3I mean, I feel like I was a kid, but no, not cheating, being grown only had two serious relationships and I never cheated.
Speaker 1Okay, what age has grown? Not 18. Like you know.
Speaker 3No.
Speaker 1I done that.
Speaker 3Well, my first serious relationship I was like 21. So, I feel like to me that was grown and we was serious.
Speaker 1So, from 21 to however old you are now, you've never cheated, never cheated. Have you ever looked at somebody like no. They can get it.
Speaker 3No, never. I don't believe that Never.
Speaker 2I don't believe that one, we all, we all, I have not looked like they can get it.
Speaker 3I never said, oh, he can get it. Yes, I find it attractive, of course.
Speaker 1Everybody see something Right. You ain't never said like if I wasn't Maybe to like a celebrity, somebody that I know that it's not possible. You never seen somebody at West Hall, joe walking down the street.
Speaker 3I've never, said since I was in a committed relationship, I've never said oh, he can get it if I wasn't. I've never said that.
Speaker 2Okay, that's good, that's good, that's good.
Speaker 3I was about to ask that.
Speaker 2I don't know why you went there. I don't know either.
Speaker 3I never said that, though.
Speaker 1Do you think women can handle honesty?
Speaker 3Yes, we want that.
Speaker 2Okay, let me ask you this Just because you want it don't mean that you can handle it. Okay, let's split the question up, though. Do you believe you can handle honesty? Yes, okay. Do you believe, on the majority, that women can handle honesty?
Speaker 1We don't lie here as a preemie. We want it.
Speaker 3We all say handle. We want the honesty. It's about how we handle it. That's on us, how we can handle it. We may handle it in a different way that you don't agree with, but I definitely think we want men to be honest. Y'all need to be honest. We do, we do.
Speaker 1Okay, okay, next question Can y'all handle being honest.
Speaker 3Yes, okay.
Speaker 2Men can handle being honest, but the reason why a lot of men don't want to be honest is because they can't handle honesty. Because if you don't create a space for me to actually tell you how I feel and you start to gas like my feelings, then there's no longer any more conversational honesty coming from me.
Speaker 3Really.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1I don't think women can handle honesty.
Speaker 3Why, why?
Speaker 1Okay, say, a man is expressing how he feels right and it's making you feel awful, right. And then at some point you're going to be like, okay, I'm going to be honest. Well, he is telling you doesn't matter anymore, because now you feel some type of way.
Speaker 3So he has but it's not about what you say, it's like how you say it.
Speaker 1Why does that matter, what you mean?
Speaker 3why does that matter? If you can handle honesty, then you should be able to handle but you can be honest and still like care about somebody's feelings because y'all want that right I would prefer-. You will want somebody to be honest with you, but still consider your feelings so not Me personally.
Speaker 1I don't want nothing sugar coated.
Speaker 3You don't have to be sugar coated.
Speaker 2That's what it is.
Speaker 3Caring about somebody's feelings is not sugar coated. No.
Speaker 2I agree with what she's saying. I don't care, I do okay.
Speaker 1I agree, you gotta work. For me it's not sugar coated.
Speaker 3I agree, though you can say sugar coated is not really saying it. It's me and him that's me, and him.
Speaker 2How many conversations have we had? And I be like bro, you ain't had to say it like that, bro.
Speaker 1But my thing is this if-.
Speaker 3It's a way to say it. It's a way to say it. You don't have to sugar coated. You can be honest and say whatever you gotta say to me, but how you say it.
Speaker 1Okay. At the end of the day, no matter how a man says it, when a woman's feelings is hurt, what he says goes out the window, and now he has to make sure you're okay instead of dealing with what he said.
Speaker 3No, but see, I think if how you say it I'm telling you plays a role in it, how you saying it, how you say it, it does it's all about how you say stuff to people. You gotta you know you can be honest but, still care about our feelings.
Speaker 1I don't think you can't broke it.
Speaker 3You said what.
Speaker 1Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. Anyway, next question Next question. Why do you think men can't handle when their girlfriend or woman cheats on them?
Speaker 3Why do I think men can't handle it? Because I feel like it's the ego thing that's still ego to me. Y'all can do it to us, but if we was to do it to y'all, y'all can't handle that. So we ain't got none to what feelings.
Speaker 1Because, too, I was about to say that.
Speaker 3I was about to say, because y'all know, if we cheat we probably feeling the we ain't doing it. Most women we not doing it for the same reasons y'all do it for just because. So I think if we cheat y'all don't have to do some self-reflecting Like dang, what did I do to make her cheat? And y'all ain't ready for that.
Speaker 1Ooh, ooh, since you just said that, so y'all feeling it's gonna be a little hurt.
Speaker 3Hold on, shawty hold on Shawty.
Speaker 1So you say that we gotta do some self-reflecting. Yeah, I think. And men cheat do women do self-reflecting, men we do no y'all don't, yes, we do, no, y'all don't, we do.
Speaker 3Are you crazy? We do. So that be the main thing. Like why would you do it? Yes, that's self-reflecting. Because that woman, especially if she know what she bring to the table, was like why are you cheating? So we do do, self-reflecting.
Speaker 2That's one percent of women. Nah, it's more than one.
Speaker 3I would say it's one, it's probably like 90.
Speaker 1Wow, ain't nothing 90. No, ain't. Nothing 90.
Speaker 2I say one percent of women, because the reason why I say that it just comes down to this how can women self-reflect when they're already perfect?
Speaker 3No, we don't think we perfect.
Speaker 2Most women do. Okay, can I say this? We?
Speaker 3may not tell y'all that, but that's why we be hurt when y'all cheat, because we do do a lot of self-reflecting. We may not tell y'all, but we do. That's why we be hurt, because we don't understand why.
Speaker 2Because women believe they should have everything.
Speaker 3No.
Speaker 2I ain't gonna let you say that about us.
Speaker 3We be doing self-reflecting.
Speaker 1I don't think.
Speaker 3Ladies, we be doing self-reflecting, you saying why did you do that?
Speaker 1Why did you cheat? I don't think that's self-reflecting. That is asking yourself.
Speaker 3Why? We wanna know why we want you to tell us I cheated because X, y, z. We wanna know why.
Speaker 2Self-reflecting. Is he cheated because I?
Speaker 3That's the asking why, why? And because that's still asking the question.
Speaker 1But you're not asking why. Do you think he cheated? What did I do?
Speaker 2Yeah, that caused you to go cheat. I mean, I would ask that.
Speaker 3I feel like that's part of self-reflecting, like why, let me know why you cheated? And then, based off of what you tell me, I'm gonna hold myself accountable.
Speaker 1Are you gonna stay with him, though, because you did?
Speaker 3say you, I probably won't, because.
Speaker 1So then it's not gonna really matter.
Speaker 3I probably won't but I still wanna know.
Speaker 1For the next person, so I can be better for the next one.
Speaker 3Yeah, duh.
Speaker 1You say, all right, okay, I'm gonna be better for the next one. All right, man Question. Then Say a man tells you what he don't like about you, right?
Speaker 3Mm-hmm, he ain't gonna tell you nothing.
Speaker 1Nah, I'm just Okay and you don't change it while you're in a relationship.
Speaker 3But I'm gonna make sure I change it for the next.
Speaker 1Why is that? Why is that that's?
Speaker 3part of growing you live in a learn Well, well, well, well.
Speaker 2Every lesson is a blessing.
Speaker 3Well, well, well he should have stuck around for me to show him that I was gonna work on that, but you well, well, did he? Leave too quick. Did he tell me what he didn't like about me and then left? No, all right. So if he tell me, then you stick around, I'm gonna work on it, okay, question.
Speaker 1But if you leave too soon.
Speaker 3I'm gonna be better for the next.
Speaker 1I'm gonna give you an example. Say in the relationship he say yo, you need to work out.
Speaker 3Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1Not you cause. You look phenomenal.
Speaker 3Thank you say that. Uh, I do need to work out though, but go ahead.
Speaker 1But okay say, he say that, that you need to work out. But, you don't. It's been like two years, but y'all break up then and then later on he sees you out somewhere Looking good, right, and then you say, yeah, I finally got in the gym. You know, got my body eating, writing everything.
Speaker 3I took your advice. Thank you, my husband love it.
Speaker 2But why do he get a better version of you than?
Speaker 3the one you were with you post, then he stick around. That goes back to. How long is he supposed to wait Y'all when you said he was with her for two years.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 3Okay. So let me ask you this If y'all know that shit we post to build each other up?
Speaker 1Did he take?
Speaker 3me with him to go work out.
Speaker 1You have to go, did he ask me, did he?
Speaker 3create that space for me to go.
Speaker 1I'm pretty sure he did.
Speaker 3Did he ask me when he was going to work out? Did he say come on, babe, let's go Go with me.
Speaker 1Let's say he did.
Speaker 3Going to walk with me.
Speaker 1Let's say he did.
Speaker 3And he did, yeah, and you did, and I'm still choosing not to.
Speaker 1Yeah, cause you love flaming hot Cheetos.
Speaker 3And she weren't ready and maybe they ain't meant for each other.
Speaker 2But I just know comfortability play a lot in it. To where, like when you with somebody for so long, you have this thing in your mind that I got them. You know, I got them. They ain't going nowhere. Blah, blah blah. But then when the relationship is over with, that's when you like. Okay, now you thinking about what you need to do to get the next guy, but that guy gets the better version.
Speaker 3That's what's supposed to happen, right.
Speaker 2No, how come? Why can't the guy you with get the best version at that time?
Speaker 3I feel like you can't. You know, wisdom comes with time. So if I knew that that's what ended my last relationship, I'm gonna be better for the next. That's life.
Speaker 2Okay, but that only applies to women.
Speaker 3No, it don't.
Speaker 2The reason why I say that is most women, when they get in a relationship, have a checklist of what this guy is supposed to be upfront and they won't date them unless they already are.
Speaker 3You're right, but You're right.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's you know.
Speaker 3You're right.
Speaker 2And you know what some women say.
Speaker 3What.
Speaker 2When they do wrong? Why can't you just be a good dude and just wait on me, or be a good guy and accept me, and be a good guy and do X, y, z. It's like me and gotta take the backseat.
Speaker 3Not really, Cause we wait on y'all. We wait on y'all to grow, to mature pop the question we wait on y'all. We wait on do cheat and we wait on y'all. We wait on y'all, Probably more than y'all wait on us. We wait on y'all.
Speaker 2Slowly.
Speaker 3Yeah, we do, we gonna have you back. We do, we wait on y'all.
Speaker 1Cause the nerve.
Speaker 3Knock it off. We wait on y'all, yeah, okay, but way more than y'all would probably ever wait on us for I don't think so. I know so.
Speaker 1I think okay, who do you think has more patience, Men or women?
Speaker 3Women, me and y'all don't have no patience why? Not that's part of one of the reasons probably why y'all cheat, cause y'all just don't have no patience and don't wanna work it out what's going on at home, so y'all go run to the next. But I think women have more patience than men. You think men have more patience than women? Be honest, how so?
Speaker 1Because men are less emotional.
Speaker 3What you think.
Speaker 2Men pick their battles more than women do. There's a lot of things that women do. You know a girlfriend or a wife may do that their husband just overlooked for a certain period of time For peace, just to have peace.
Speaker 3Why y'all do that to yourself.
Speaker 1Because we think certain things just aren't worth it. We just gonna let it slide.
Speaker 2Men expire first. We don't wanna go earlier than that.
Speaker 1Believe it or not, men hate to argue.
Speaker 3Women. We don't like to argue. We don't be arguing.
Speaker 2Women love them.
Speaker 3emotional rise Well part of it, because I'm speaking for me and the women I be around. We don't like to argue.
Speaker 2We don't. We like peace, we don't like to argue. I know women that say they love to argue because the intimate time is better afterwards no.
Speaker 3So they argue on purpose.
Speaker 1I never understood that I ain't gonna lie.
Speaker 3Never understood that, Especially with me. It's mental. So if I'm mad at you, I'm not turned on. No, it's not gonna be better.
Speaker 1Okay, Say you're married right.
Speaker 3And we're gonna speak that into existence.
Speaker 1Married For five years. And he do something to piss you off.
Speaker 3Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1Do you stop being a wife?
Speaker 3No.
Speaker 1I'm gonna tell you, we're gonna talk about it. Yeah, but okay just because you talk about it doesn't mean that you're not mad anymore.
Speaker 3No, I'm gonna still be a wife, because that's not fair For me, I'm gonna treat my man how I want him to treat me. I don't want you to stop being a husband because you're mad, because we ain't perfect. I'm gonna get mad, he gonna get mad. That'll mean you stop being you or who you are to me no.
Speaker 1Okay, I'm gonna ask for now and I'm gonna ask this question every time we have a woman on her what is your definition of a good man? A good man, my definition of a good man.
Speaker 3My definition of a good man. My definition of a good man, my definition of a good man, my definition of a good man Protect, definitely Protect, definitely Provide, but he don't have to provide everything. Do you put your man in situations?
Speaker 1where he have to fight? No, not at all. I don't do drama, not at all.
Speaker 3Not at all. No, because if he fight I'm fighting. So no, but I like a gentleman, I like a sensitive man. I know a lot of women don't, but I do.
Speaker 1Can you explain what a sensitive man is?
Speaker 3Like. I want you to care about my feelings and, you know, put my feelings first before you do anything Like, because I'm a very sensitive and emotional person. I'm a cry baby, so I want you to take that into consideration when you walk out the door or however you handle me. I want you to be sensitive, because I'm going to be sensitive to him.
Speaker 1Okay, you keep going and fun.
Speaker 3We got to have fun. Got to be fun, respectful and loyal, Not just simple stuff, you know.
Speaker 1You didn't say anything about vibes and energy.
Speaker 3I said fun, I mean I feel like we definitely got a vibe. We'll have fun if we ain't vibing right.
Speaker 1Nowadays, when you ask a woman what they're looking for, some I'm not going to say most some would say I'm just looking for a vibe.
Speaker 3Nah, I mean.
Speaker 1But like, yeah, it's like. What does that mean exactly?
Speaker 3I mean, I'm the vibe, so you know.
Speaker 1Tokyo.
Speaker 3Okay, I'm the vibe, so that's going to be there.
Speaker 1Have you ever dated that?
Speaker 3Did it what the man I just described? Yes.
Speaker 2What happened?
Speaker 1Why didn't you let me get it out?
Speaker 2I got to, got to jump in there. What happened? Pause?
Speaker 3What happened. To be honest, at the time, I probably weren't ready for it.
Speaker 1You weren't ready.
Speaker 3I was.
Speaker 1Make up your mind now.
Speaker 3But because that just happened, like yesterday, I'm just like um, but I will say I see that, so I'm trying to right my wrong fact, if that makes sense. What happened? I mean, we broke up.
Speaker 2A lot of times man me and Will hold on. I'm sorry to cut you off but it just came to me.
Speaker 3What happened was it was that. But you know how, women, we have a checklist that we feel like, and I'm learning I've been learning this through just this last couple of months that nobody's perfect, I mean, I've been through that, but, like I said, sometimes we'd be wanting the man to, so, even though he was all of that, I found myself kind of like picking them apart, like you know so you were looking for something wrong. I wasn't looking for it, it just wasn't perfect. So I kind of you know.
Speaker 1I don't know.
Speaker 3I kind of step back and it's like it yourself.
Speaker 2You said I would gaslight it yourself Probably self sabotage.
Speaker 1You see what I'm saying, man.
Speaker 2So is it safe to say Hold on hold on hold on 9.
Speaker 1I'm just saying they know what they want. I was just about to go there, go ahead, and then when, and then was right in front of but can I say this no, you can't, no, you can't.
Speaker 3But go ahead I was just telling my brother this other day. We know what we want, but sometimes we steal from me, and I told my brother I'd be all over the place sometime.
Speaker 1Okay, hold on. You know what you want, I know what I want. Was it from the person?
Speaker 3If it's, who can I say? I didn't have a lot of experience because, like I told y'all, before that guy I only had one other relationship. Okay, I didn't have experience. So I was thinking, maybe it's something like oh, this is good, but maybe it could be better.
Speaker 2Can I ask you where you got your information from? Which of me For dating? Where did you get your knowledge? Where did you hear you know as you were dating? This is what it should be like.
Speaker 3I really wasn't dating, though I never really dated. When you say dated, you mean like multiple people being single, you've never done that and that's why I thought with him maybe I need to do that, because I've never done that, never. I've never talked to, had friends. I've never done that because I was with one person since.
Speaker 2What I've noticed, too, though, is that I don't see a lot of women talking to older women who have become what it is that they want.
Speaker 3Right, that's true. See, I don't have that.
Speaker 2And see men. They'll talk to an OG in a minute and just take in a bunch of information, but I don't see women doing that.
Speaker 1Because women compete with each other.
Speaker 3No, I mean, but for me I don't compete, but I feel like I feel like for me. Who would I talk to?
Speaker 1Don't look at me. Don't look at me.
Speaker 3Who would I talk to? When he said like an older woman, who would I talk to? I have all brothers. I mean, I have older cousins, but nobody in my family is really married my mom's been married twice, but it ain't.
Speaker 3So who would I talk to. So when I got out of my first serious relationship and then I thought I was going to date and figure it out, but then I found that guy that I was telling y'all about, he put it into that and I got in a relationship and then, when it was everything that I wanted, I was thinking like, maybe it's more, this is good, maybe it's more. Maybe I do need to experience dating because I never did.
Speaker 1Okay, let me ask you this. This is just a yes or no question. Do you think women are taught? Do you think women are taught what to expect from a man?
Speaker 3Yes, but it's all about who the teacher is.
Speaker 1But it's a yes, though right, I mean I was.
Speaker 3Not from my father, but not from my father. But why you do that.
Speaker 1Okay. So, the next part of that question is do you think Women are taught how to treat a man?
Speaker 3Yes, but then it goes back to already being taught the right stuff and who the teacher is.
Speaker 1I disagree, but go ahead.
Speaker 3Okay, why you disagree?
Speaker 1Because mostly you would just hear a man is supposed to do X, y and Z.
Teaching Relationships and Changing Standards
Speaker 3That's why I said they ain't being taught the right stuff. They being taught, but just not the right stuff, Cause I feel like a lot, especially older women, as long as you can cook and clean for your man, please them, that's it. But I don't think that's it. So that's why I said you know they, not we, not being taught the right stuff.
Speaker 1I don't think y'all be in top that stuff at all.
Speaker 3Really, we being taught? Now, come on, no, I'm just, I'm just like that we being taught.
Speaker 1This is just my experience, I think more women are told what to expect from a man, but they're never told what they should do for a man.
Speaker 3I think that come with the cooking and cleaning.
Speaker 1But there's more to life. I said that that's survival. Everybody should know how to cook and clean. That's a base.
Speaker 3Right, but that's what I'm saying. The teachers are telling the students that that's important.
Speaker 2You can cook and clean and please your man, I'm gonna teach some stuff real quick. With my age, you feel me.
Speaker 3With your age. Yeah, he act like he old. I'm there, I'm there.
Speaker 2I do think that they are being taught stuff. They're being taught only about stuff, but they are not being taught about intangible things that you need to have a relationship and marriage work.
Speaker 3I agree.
Speaker 1You just said what I basically said, but smarter.
Speaker 3He said what I said, that we are being taught just.
Speaker 2I'm there, you know, I'm him, I am he.
Speaker 3He said what I said. Y'all both said what I said. We are being taught just not the right stuff, yeah.
Speaker 2Intangible things are way more important than stuff.
Speaker 3Yes, definitely.
Speaker 1Okay, since you said cooking and cleaning. Besides cooking and cleaning, what are women taught to do for a man? Cook clean and pleasing, besides the easy stuff.
Speaker 3See the teachers that I had. That's all I heard. So this stuff that came with experience, from me being in a relationship and having conversations with a man, you know, but that's all I was taught. I mean, I really want to taught it because me and my mom never had those type of conversations. But just hearing it at a barbecue wait till it man's heart is through his stomach. So that's feeding, pleasing, and a man to be cool.
Speaker 1That's who we be talking about, and still can't cook.
Speaker 2Still can't cook.
Speaker 3Well, you know they ain't got the right teacher.
Speaker 2My mother couldn't cook. When she got with my dad, she couldn't cook at all.
Speaker 3Because that probably wasn't important to your dad.
Speaker 2Well, it was. It was, but you know she at this time we was living in Germany she would call the states to get recipes for my grandmother to try to cook for my father and he saw that and guess what?
Speaker 3The food.
Speaker 2It started getting better. He saw the effort, but the phone bill was insane, extravagant. But she was trying, but guess what? How can you be upset when she's doing exactly what it is that you asked for? And she honestly tried and she got to the point to where she got cold at it.
Speaker 3Yeah, I ain't mad at it. Yeah, go ahead, ma.
Speaker 2Yeah, I did her thing. Rip to the mother. Go ahead, brother.
Speaker 1I mean, you just said that I had to. I had to, yeah, but for some reason I just felt down.
Speaker 2Nah, it's all good. I'm sorry, my mom was cold.
Speaker 3That's how I want my kids to refer to me when I leave.
Speaker 1My mama was cold. She was.
Speaker 3My daughter told me that now.
Speaker 1She just wants you to buy her something. No, she ain't lying, she ain't lying.
Speaker 3She ain't lying.
Speaker 1You got anything you want to ask us Since you showed up?
Speaker 2Yeah, since you're the only one who cares.
Speaker 3Say I'm the only one who cares, did I ask y'all? When y'all asked me why I do me and Cheat? Did y'all answer that question? Yep, you answered when you cheated, yeah, okay, yeah, what'd you say?
Speaker 1Because I could.
Speaker 3Oh, because you could, did you answer that?
Speaker 2No, I never answered that question. She's the same. I ain't never answered that question.
Speaker 3Why do you need?
Speaker 2it. I ain't gonna say I've done my thing in my younger years, oh yeah.
Speaker 3I have. Who hasn't? Well, I haven't, but yeah.
Speaker 2I just went through a period of doing what I thought everybody was supposed to do at the time. You know one of them things where you, just you know, saw all your older cousins. You know they did they thing.
Speaker 3It was normal. It was normal so.
Speaker 2That's what you do, and I realized that I got in a relationship and that one got away because of my goofiness. So that's when I flipped it around. That's good and that was it Just losing something that you wanted. It caused you to change.
Speaker 3That's good. You know, that's good.
Speaker 2I learned from it.
Speaker 3I respect that.
Speaker 2Have you heard?
Speaker 3the I don't respect what you said, but yeah.
Speaker 1I don't, are you done? Oh yeah, okay, just came to me like that. Have you ever heard the phrase the dating pool has piss in it?
Speaker 3The dating pool has piss in it.
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 3You sound like it ain't nothing out here.
Speaker 1I'm a dead.
Speaker 3Basically yeah.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 3The dating pool has? Yeah, especially the older you get. I'm seeing that now.
Speaker 1Oh, okay.
Speaker 3It was easy in my twenties. Now it's.
Speaker 1Okay, now that's you 30 plus, say I'm 30 plus. You 30 plus? Yeah, Is it? Do you still have the same standards that you had before?
Speaker 3No, I'll be a fool To have the same standards I had at 20?.
Speaker 1Oh, we're going to have you back.
Speaker 3Sure, not at all. I'd be a fool. When I was in my, I'd have. Well, I had eight child, but I have two little girls who grow. No, I'll be a fool.
Speaker 1Are your standards higher now? Or I don't want to say lower, but like me or the Higher?
Speaker 3see, it's weird. I wouldn't say higher. I have different standards. Okay, I wouldn't say higher because I think when I was younger, my standards was. It was I thought a man was just supposed to provide that, was it?
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 3But now you know it's different. So I don't say I wouldn't say they're higher.
Speaker 1Okay, last question then Do you have anything else?
Speaker 2No.
Speaker 1If you could pick out one standard that you had in your 20s that you don't have now, what would that be?
Speaker 3I just said it At 20,. It was all about if he could provide that was it.
Speaker 1That was it If he had money.
Speaker 3If he had money and now. Now, I mean you don't have to have money. He don't not.
Speaker 1How, like when I was 20, no, are you on a high roller. High, you want a sugar daddy.
Speaker 3Not even a sugar daddy, but he had to.
Speaker 1yeah, you didn't have whatever you like. Yeah, that's what I was into because I was young.
Speaker 3I ain't know no better. Okay, but now I mean of course he gotta come you know the norm.
Speaker 1What is the norm For you?
Speaker 3He gotta be able to meet me halfway. He gotta be able to meet me where I'm at. But see, I don't know. That's why I said they different. I'm still trying to figure that out. I ain't gonna lie. I'm trying to figure that out.
Speaker 2I'm glad you cleaned that up.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1I was gonna ask you, you know, why does he have to meet you halfway?
Speaker 3But you don't have to. You cleaned it up. You cleaned it up. It's cool, you cleaned it up. You ain't gonna get me. Because, I'm figuring it out. I'm figuring it out.
Speaker 1Well, this has been a good conversation. It's been very good, good conversation. I hope you can take this back to your peoples. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3Definitely we are. Spread the word you know what I'm saying, definitely.
Speaker 1Because we gonna have you back again, because this was a great conversation.
Speaker 3Okay, love to be here.
Speaker 1Any final words.
Speaker 3Nah, when y'all had me back, I needed a car service. I'm just playing. A car service somebody to open the door.
Speaker 1Makeup, all that.
Speaker 3I don't wear makeup but bottle water, you know, okay, in a car service.
Speaker 1Wait, don't say, we didn't hook you up with something to drink, though.
Speaker 3I did, okay, I did All right.
Motivational Quotes and Personal Reflections
Speaker 2You got anything else you wanna say Nah man, I'm good, bro All right.
Speaker 1Well, usually we end the show on a motivational quote, but since you the star, Say I'm the star. You, the star of this episode. Do you have a motivational quote?
Speaker 3Hmm, I don't know. Oh, you asked me too quick, I didn't think about that. Ah, I don't know. Don't know how to come off. See, that's something, I'm deep. I told you that, so I will have to think about it. I don't know. You got one.
Speaker 1Maybe I can steal something from you. Teach your kids on how to be better at dating and marriage than you.
Speaker 3Teach your kids.
Speaker 1All right.
Speaker 3How to be better at dating. Huh, you got one.
Speaker 2I would say learning from one another is the only way we can connect.
Speaker 3I say hold on. How am I saying it? I wanna make sure I got it right before I say it. Dang, it just left me Hold on. Y'all know the saying. What is it? Why is people learn from this? What is it?
Speaker 1I think it's. Why is people learn from-.
Speaker 3The mistakes of others, but it's something before that I don't know. I had it, didn't it?
Speaker 1left me. But yeah, I think what she's trying to say is love yours, love yours. Yes, sir. Well, terry, thanks again for coming.
Speaker 3Thank you for having me. We appreciate it.
Speaker 1We will do this again.
Speaker 3Definitely.
Speaker 1Thank you.
Speaker 3Thank you.
Speaker 2Yes, yes, yes, I'll be your boy nine, they call me Dyer, supremely full of it pie cans. Yes, sir, and we out Happy to girls. Baby had a good time, had a good time. This is fun, this is fun.
Speaker 1I thought I was gonna have to put Dyer in the head, hey, hey. Hey, I was nice to you, I had some heat, but I can't say it because I look at you differently.
Speaker 2I think you found somebody that snapped back at you, yeah.
