THE ONES WHO DARED
THE ONES WHO DARED PODCAST Elevating stories of courage. You can listen to some of the most interesting stories of courage, powerful life lessons, and aha moments. Featuring interviews with leaders, pioneers and people who have done hard things. I hope these stories help pave the path for you to live out your courageous life.
THE ONES WHO DARED
Surrendering Control and Finding Purpose Beyond Achievement | Ashlee Ilg
What happens when success becomes a mask—and control becomes a cage?
In this episode, Ashlee Ilg shares her powerful journey from perfection-driven college student to purpose-filled entrepreneur, speaker, and mother of five. Once addicted to achievement and validation—planning her life down to the calorie Ashlee hit a wall that forced her to face her deepest limitations.
That breaking point became the birthplace of transformation.
Now leading a thriving family, podcast, and business, Ashlee opens up about the shift from striving to surrendering, and how releasing control reshaped her faith, family, and future. From launching Kids Business Day to the miraculous adoption of her daughter Hannah, Ashlee’s story is a moving testimony of what’s possible when we trade hustle for trust.
Together, we explore:
- The pressure high-capacity women feel to “do it all”
- How to set boundaries without guilt
- Learning to prioritize your well-being unapologetically
- Why surrender isn't giving up—it's stepping into your greatest strength
This episode is a must-listen for every woman who feels stretched thin by expectations but longs to live a life anchored in purpose, not performance.
-Links-
https://www.svetkapopov.com/
https://www.instagram.com/svetka_popov/
Hey friends, welcome to the Ones who Dared podcast, where stories of courage are elevated. I'm your host, becca, and every other week you'll hear interviews from inspiring people. My hope is that you will leave encouraged. I'm so glad you're here, ashley Illig. Welcome to the Ones who Dared podcast. I'm so excited to have you on today.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, Becca. It's my honor to be here. I'm looking forward to this conversation.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, you wear so many hats You're a writer, you're a business owner, a speaker, a podcast host. I would love to know where this journey began for you of discovering who you are and just really unraveling some more of that.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, well, let's just tell the whole story, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Tell me everything. Yes, tell me everything. Well, you know, I think probably a big part of my story that you know your listeners would probably relate with started in college and even before college I was would probably relate with started in college and even before college I was sort of this overachiever. I probably wouldn't have called myself that at that point, like I was just this go getter. I was always applauded for that and so I just chased that applause Again, not really realizing it. You know, at the time, of course, retrospect as a grown adult with just a different perspective Now I can see that happening at that point in my life. But I did. I, you know I chased all of the you know the honor roll and the grades and the extracurriculars and the first places and the you know all the athletic things. And so I kind of find myself in college.
Speaker 2:I kind of find myself in college hitting this wall of where am I really trying to go. You know, things had started to kind of fall out of control at that point, with different relationships and really like career wise, I loved the path I thought I was pursuing at that point, which was to be a magazine editor for in the aviation industry, which was kind of a niche market at that point this was in the early 2000s especially for women, and so I was kind of being positioned to, you know, kind of fill this role of this boss babe, career woman. I had decided at that point in my early 20s that I was not going to get married, I was not gonna have any kids. I was going to climb the you know proverbial corporate ladder in my heels and just like, do all the things and I think in my head I was being rebellious. But looking back I'm like no, I was actually following all the rules. I was following all the rules that everybody told me to do and you know, found myself, like I said in college, I ended up just in this crazy pursuit of controlling something, because so much of my life, like I said, was just kind of falling out of control. I was just really questioning a lot of things.
Speaker 2:Even though I looked good on the outside, inside I was just sort of, like you called it, unraveling, and I developed a really crazy obsession with body image and food and exercise and a three-day or a three-workout-in-a-day program was like very normal for me. Whoa, three times a day, yeah, it was completely like I said, it was an obsession and I was counting, like the calories in my sticks of gum, you know, and living on pots of coffee, like it was completely. It was completely just destructive. And again, I didn't even know it or maybe I was in denial would be a better way to say it because you know, my mom and loved ones and friends would say, you know, hey, have you eaten anything today? Or hey, do you want to maybe skip that last kickboxing class or whatever it was? And I was like you're looking a little ragged, you know, but no, that's so that you know to answer your question.
Speaker 2:That's sort of like where it all kind of started with this, like just this unraveling, this shattering of what I thought maybe my life was supposed to look like. And I, like I said, I think deep down I knew this isn't gonna last, like this isn't good, and that's I mean. Really. That's where I met Jesus.
Speaker 2:That was at that point that year, it was my sophomore year in college, and I just literally collapsed one day in my apartment floor and Jesus met me there and it wasn't an overnight thing, but he definitely found me there and I'm going to do a huge fast forward just for perspective. But I'm married, been married for 21 years now, I have five children, and so this whole and I have run businesses. Now I dropped the corporate thing, my husband and I pursued entrepreneurship for the last 20 years and I love it and but I would have never written that story for myself at that point, you know. Yeah, but yeah, it was sort of this whole unraveling I love that word of what I thought life would look like and how God was like. Okay, now that I have your attention, can we maybe redesign this to be something that's maybe not all about you and what you think it should look like. So, yeah, just a purpose beyond myself, I think, was maybe the game changer for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's interesting in the beginning, when you were sharing your story, is that you know, some of the our behavior the ones that are praised is reinforced right. So it's like, oh, you're doing good and you're doing this right. So we tend to do the things that people applaud us for and we feel like, oh, I need to do more of that. And there's this sense for achievement, for striving. But then there's a tension in striving because, as high achievers, we come into this wrestling of doing versus being, and I'm curious to see how you experience that in your own life, that tension of doing versus being, and I'm curious to see how you experienced that in your own life, that tension of doing versus being.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. And I would say it's a tension I still wrestle with, even today, because I don't think surrender is a one-time thing and I think God likes it that way. I think it keeps us dependent on Him. It keeps us, you know, daily, or even hourly some days, like, okay, god, I'm so sorry. I've been striving again, I've been trying to hold all this, I've been trying to white knuckle this plan or this project or this thing that I know you've called me to. And here I am trying to do it all in my strength again.
Speaker 2:And when we surrender it, when we lay it down, um, when we don't pursue other people's applause over um, just that quiet, you know, well done. That, I think, is really what we're after. Um, yeah, we can find ourselves in a really crazy spot. And the tension for the overachiever, from my position, from my perspective, is we know we're created to um, to use all of our gifts and our talents, and there's no need to silence that, there's no need to play small in that. Uh, I will never be the one to say, you know, just sit down and be quiet because you're striving, um. But yes, there is this tension of striving versus stewarding, you know, and the stewarding is sort of that polar opposite of doing it all on our own strength versus stewarding what God has given us and linking arms with Him and moving forward in those things. And, like I said, you know this is a daily tension for me. I know I'm called to a lot but I can't white knuckle it all and make it count, you know.
Speaker 1:And I also love how you advocate for dreaming big, being bold and stepping into our purpose, into our calling, because I think as women, we have so many roles right and expectations too that are placed on us by society or maybe even our families and in our communities, and sometimes that tension or that wrestling is there's expectations, that there's a box that we're put in, but sometimes we have so much more inside our hearts and things that we're dreaming about, things that are part of the gifting and calling who we're made to be, and so to operate in both can be really challenging sometimes to do all the things and be all the things. And so how do you I don't want to say the word balance because I don't really believe in balance fully. I think there's seasons and they're different. Sometimes you need to do a little more of X versus Y in different seasons and sometimes there's different alignment. So how do you navigate that of trying to wear all the hats and dreaming big and allowing yourself the space to step and walk into who you feel like you were made to be and still doing all the responsibility? You have five kids you mentioned, and you also told me that one of them is adopted, so there's a whole lot at play here At the Once For a Day podcast.
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Speaker 2:There's a lot. Yeah, there is, and I guess that's you know where God has met me and just said like I've given you these kids, I've given you these dreams, don't try's. You know where God has met me and just said like I've given you these kids, I've given you these dreams. Don't try to, you know, don't take them from me. Like, let's do this together. You know which, again, easier said than done.
Speaker 2:Yes, and so you mentioned seasons. And you know we've been like I said, we've been growing businesses for 20 years. And you know we've been like I said, we've been growing businesses for 20 years. We our oldest is about to turn 15 and our youngest is three. So there's been many, many seasons where it's just all hands on deck with, you know, babies. We get our first three boys in three years, and if you ask me about any world events that happened between 2010 and 2013, I literally have no idea about anything going on in the world, because I was changing diapers, I was nursing a baby, I was just full into keeping three humans alive and um, and we were also growing our first business during that season too. So it was bonkers and um, but so again. So, from my perspective, I'm trying to answer your question of you.
Speaker 2:Just, you just can't, you literally just can't do it all, and I don't believe in balance. You can't do all the things. Well, um, you know, my husband and I just recently recorded a podcast on the big ideas podcast that I host, and we talked about how we did things differently, you know, 10 years ago, 15 years ago, versus even now, which we started another company just three years ago, so another business sort of in its infancy. It's basically the same age as our toddler. We tend to do all the things all at the same time, and so, you know, I think I'll say it this way so one of my, one of my mentors, has said one time and this has just stayed with me for a long time that she said you can do anything you want life, you just can't do everything and you can't do it all at once, or you can't do everything all at once, and that's both like honest, and then it's also like a deep exhale for me because you know I'm like okay, so I can, I can take care of this now. This isn't going to, this other thing isn't going to go anywhere.
Speaker 2:You know, I can come back to it, but, and I think the biggest thing is just letting other things go. You know we don't have time for drama, we don't have time for maybe keeping up with, you know, things that for us are not priorities. It definitely keeps your priorities in focus. You know, those top items that are on the like must do taking care of your children, or, but even taking care of your children, there can be a whole tier that the world would call important and for me I'm like, well, I'm going to say no to that because it doesn't serve me in this season right now.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm not the room mom which we homeschool, but like I'm not like the assistant coach to my kids teams, or I'm not the one signing up to do all the extras, or you know, even meal planning, I mean all my. You know we eat together most nights but I don't go overboard with meal planning because I just can't. It's not a strength of mine also. But you know, like, in a very practical way, I just I let things go and I have peace about it. I try not to compare myself to what everybody else is doing with their kids, because my life just doesn't look like theirs. You know, one of the reasons we homeschool. It was not for a badge of honor, it was not to say look at one more thing I'm doing. It's to say I can't meet these teachers' expectations. I can't answer to one more person. I need to. I need to be able to start at noon if we need to some days. I need to be able to have.
Speaker 1:Fridays off sometimes, if we need to.
Speaker 2:You know I need to be able to sleep in sometimes, or let my kids sleep in, or you know work later or whatever it might be.
Speaker 1:So um, yeah, and the homeschooling also gives you the flexibility, like if you want to take a trip somewhere or do something as a family, where you are entrepreneurs. So that is a flexibility that you do want to have as well. The other piece of wisdom, too, that I heard someone say is that whenever we are doing something, we're exchanging it for something else. So every time you make a choice of how you're going to use your time, it's always an exchange. So every time you make a choice of how you're going to use your time, it's always an exchange because, for example, you can't work out at the same time that you're sleeping in or you're doing this task, you're you have to let. Perhaps you know your laundry is going to have to wait, or something along those lines, and so it is. It's always an exchange.
Speaker 1:And I love how your friend or your coach said that you know you can do it all. You just can't do it all at once at the same time, and you know it's being realistic about what we can accomplish. And I think that I don't know about you, but I feel like the older that I get, the more I value my time. And you also mentioned like not having time for drama and all the things that are time suckers the things that are time suckers because even if they're not physically taking up time, but the mental space too, can really be draining and take you away from the more of the high caliber things that you need to be doing or you feel called to do. So we have to be really purposeful of where our attention goes, where our time goes, if we are going to operate on a high level place and also be making an impact and being there for our families and everything else.
Speaker 2:So yeah, yeah. And in addition to protecting our time, like protecting our peace. You know, if it's a peace stealer, even if it's maybe doesn't take up that much time, but if it's not bringing you peace or serving that purpose, you know, I think that can be a real sneaky way to, you know, not show up fully where we need to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'd love to get a little more insight into you shared, how you wrestle with the tension of showing up in a way that God wants us to and also just being able to use our giftings, our callings, in this driving versus like, just surrendering and allowing God to to just do his thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and I think you know, going back to that whole identity of an overachiever, you know, and just acknowledging that there's that, that's there. But then also it's kind of like you know, until you can admit that this is here, you can't really move past it, you know, and so not throwing any other overachievers under the bus, you know, we're like, we're all in this together, yeah, and it's funny, as soon as you kind of like admit like I'm, I'm an, I'm a high capacity tend to overachieve person, everyone else is like, oh, me too, and you know, and you're like okay, so now that we've solved that, like, let's talk about what this looks like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's be honest now, right, it's like trying to cram in more than you think you can and I tend to do that sometimes, where I think I have more time than I do, and then it's like, oh, I can't do all the things that I set out to do, and sometimes you have to say, okay, I need to let go. How do I, um, slim some of this down, and what are some things that I should be focusing on, and perhaps a little more, what are some things I can let go of?
Speaker 2:yeah, and I I think for me it took me number one admitting that and then, like you, kind of hitting this wall of like, okay, I can't continue like this. You know, this isn't, this isn't good for me, this isn't good for the people around me. I'm getting a little snappy with my kids, you know. I'm getting frustrated over silly things. Like I'm definitely capped at this point.
Speaker 2:So I started asking myself why am I doing this? Like? Who am I trying to perform for, or who am I trying to make happy, or who am I trying to meet their expectations? And and why? So just a big, you know, questioning of did somebody tell me that I needed to be like this? Did I set my own expectations? Do I have this weird narrative in my head that's just really, really loud, and the answer is yes to all of these things, and so I've really had to start uncovering. Well, who said that I need to be the answer person? Who said that you know, when my husband has a bad day, that it means I now have to be the one to fix that. That means I now have to be the one to fix that.
Speaker 2:When my kids are going through something, who said that I now have to be the one reading 20 books about this one thing, and not anything against parenting books. I mean, I have a whole list of my favorites. But when we show up in that space thinking let me just learn everything I can get so that I can solve these problems and I can be the answer and I can be the source, you know, for all of these people, for my employees, you know, like they're having a bad day or they need to learn this it's like, or they don't show up one day, so let me jump in. Oh, look, they're not showing up for a whole month. Let me just drop everything. And you know, no-transcript.
Speaker 2:Why does?
Speaker 2:Why? Is that fulfilling to you? Like, why is that the reason that you're just wearing yourself out and being completely ragged and not showing up in the space where you're really called to? Because you're so busy being the yes person or, you know, trying to, trying to appease everybody else, and so that was a huge surrender of like, okay, god, and so that was a huge surrender of like, okay, god, I, I trust you to show up better than I could, or I trust you to put somebody in place that can show up better than I could for you know the things that maybe you know work-wise or administratively. I would show up to, like, help my husband with you know things like that so that I can show up and be his wife. You know the things that only I can do versus you know, let me go reply to that golf cart dealer, or let me go help, you know, organize the bills of sale or whatever it might be. You know, or, or whatever all that, just again, just things that I, I would get that immediate dopamine of like yep, that was me, I did that, so glad you could count on me.
Speaker 2:You know, yeah, and it was like I started craving that immediate gratification of like yes, thank you, ash, thanks for being there for me, and deep down, it was really making me ragged and not allowing me to show up. Like I said, you know the things that really mattered.
Speaker 1:I love that you were able to be really honest with yourself about that, because I think that a lot of us may get our validation in different forms right, but we may not admit that. But for you to see that and be like, wait, why? Why is this making me feel validated? And you know I'm just wearing myself out by trying to solve everyone's problem, be all the things, which is so relatable, right? I think a lot of listeners can relate to that.
Speaker 1:Where we think we have to, especially as women, I think you know we have this nurturing tendency to whether it's our kids or families or friends or communities that we want to jump in and help rescue and be that person. But that's not always our job and and sometimes I had to also just ask myself this question that, um, am I doing this out of love or am I doing it out of obligation? Or like, what is, what is my motive for going and helping this person? And you know people need help and all of that. I'm not knocking that helping this person, and you know people need help and all of that. I'm not knocking that.
Speaker 1:There's a time and place for all things, but I think just examining our hearts of like like you are honest with yourself and saying, hey, why is this making me feel validated? Or making me feel like, yeah, this has given me that dopamine hit. Like, yeah, I did it, I solved this problem, and or it could be. You know, you feel validated because you're seen or whatever it is and I think, just being honest. So sometimes I would just run this filter, like, am I bringing this person a meal out of love or am I doing it to be validated or to be seen or to be, um, you know, to feel good myself, that I'm doing something good, or is this something out of love? I think if we, if we, do things out of love, there is no wrong way about about going about it Right, because if it's out of love, then not only does it serve that person in the best way, but it also it doesn't mess with us. I don't know if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure. Yeah, and I think I think too, one of the hard parts, like as, as we're talking this through, I'm like we can't not acknowledge also the fact that some people aren't ready for us to stop showing up to be validated.
Speaker 2:They've also gotten used to us being like you can count on me, I'll be there, and all of a sudden we're kind of like you know what I can't today or you know what, I'm so sorry, but you're going to find somebody else to do that. That's not always met with like, oh, I love how you're personally growing here and you're setting boundaries and you're not seeking validation from me, like that's not always how the conversation goes and so, again, just being okay and let maybe God work that through. Obviously you're not doing anything hurtful or like spiteful or like, well, I'm so sorry, you know. It's not like you're showing up ugly, like you said. You're doing things with love and the source and motivation is love for them, love for you and trusting that God will show up and meet the need that they still have. It's just not all on you.
Speaker 2:But yeah, that that tension is real because I have lived very recently where you know we talked about you know before we started the episode of just the season of summer and you know just the shift in our some our family rhythms and things like goals and things. It's peak season for a lot of our businesses and so there's just a lot happening, a lot of moving parts and a lot of people that need us and so, yeah, that tension of like I'm so sorry I can't be there to do that today. Yeah, oh, but you were last month.
Speaker 1:You know, right, right, and I think too, like you know, there's a.
Speaker 1:I don't know about you, but for me there's a desire to make an impact or a desire to be a light in the world and to um, to serve and, you know, to be the hands and feet and just be available for people.
Speaker 1:I do want to do that, but I also find a lot of women are getting really burnt out because they are trying to do everything and go and solve everyone's problem, meet everyone's needs, and then, when they need something, they're highly offended that people aren't reacting in the same way. And it's like, well, who told you that that was what your responsibility to begin with and that you should drop everything, even maybe perhaps your family really needed you not to at that moment, but you did, and then you feel like I've done so much for you and you're not doing it back for me. It's like that's a time and place to kind of examine some of that, because if we're really wearing ourselves thin, because we're trying to do everything for everyone without ever considering ourselves and our immediate world, that can take a toll. Yeah, you know, and I've seen that time and time again, especially in women, because we tend to just want to help everybody.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and I've seen it from. I'm sure I've put myself in that position, but I've definitely seen it more recently where it gets turned on you, you know, and the person who maybe did show up out of obligation or you know, looking for that applause or looking for that validation, looking for that, you know, I felt needed and I showed up and it gave me that, you know, that boost. And then when they need you and you're not available, like legitimately not available, and they're like but you owe me almost kind of a mindset and right, it's exactly, it's exactly what you're talking about. So it's hard to be on both ends of that. You know you certainly can guard yourself from being there, but then maybe, when you're on the flip side and you're like I never asked you to you know, find yourself ragged for all of these things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so yeah, Women have to be careful. We have a lot yes a lot to carry. There's a lot going on in our hearts and, yeah, just you know, leaning in, staying close to the Lord and just keeping His voice loud, louder, the loudest For me. That's changed everything for me and it's allowed me to sit in that tension of they've misunderstood me or they don't understand what my motives are and I've done everything I can do to explain them. But maybe they're still hurt or maybe there's, like I said, just misunderstanding.
Speaker 2:Maybe they're still hurt, or maybe there's, like I said, just misunderstanding, but being okay with that, knowing that you know God's in control. God will work things out.
Speaker 1:And, at the end of the day, you're listening to Him. How do you, as a high-capacity woman with five children, a business, multiple businesses you're launching kids business day, which I also want to get into. Um, how do you prioritize your health and your wellbeing Like first and foremost? How is that? How do you navigate that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, well, you know, coming from like that story I told you from college, um, I work out. Today I don't don't do that anymore and I'm in my 40s now, and so you know, my physical body needs are completely different. I've had, you know, I've had four of the five kids. The fifth labor and delivery was I was 40. And it was pretty traumatic. There was some emergency procedures going on there and so the recovery was, you know, not as expected.
Speaker 2:And yeah, so, prioritizing my health though I mean it's, it's not selfish, it's it's showing up for yourself so that you can take care of others. You know, it's the analogy of putting on your own oxygen mask so that you can help save everybody else. So you know, from like a practical standpoint, I do weights. I do do more heavy weights these days than I do, like I used to do, just a ton of cardio and my knees, you know, don't like that anymore. But yeah, I take vitamins, I take supplements. You know, like whole food supplements. Take vitamins, I take supplements, you know, like whole food supplements. I sleep without apology. I used to just run myself like I'd call myself a night owl and then I'd also call myself an early bird and I'm like mama needs sleep now. So, you know, I prioritize sleep. I have an app on my phone that tells me when to start kind of winding down and turn off the blue lights, and I listen to it. And you know, I have teenagers who want to stay up late and talk, and I have a toddler who wakes me up early, and so it's.
Speaker 2:I live in the tension of all of that where, again, I want to be there for everybody, but I can't every single day like in that kind of a capacity. So, um, you know, a couple of nights a week, you know, hang out with the teams and, um, you know, talk about whatever they want to talk about, which is usually just listening to them. Um, be silly boys. And um, and my toddler, you know he'll, sometimes he'll just come and snuggle with me in bed because I'm like I'm not ready to get up yet. I know you are, but I'm not. Yeah, but yeah. So, you know, staying physically active, I try to walk whenever I can. I try to do stuff with my kids so that they have an example of that, without being obsessive. But seeing what health looks like, you know, eating all these snacks, you know that sort of thing.
Speaker 1:I'm curious what the name of the app is that you mentioned that helps you wind down, because I'm sure some listeners are like what is the?
Speaker 2:app yeah, it's called Rise, okay, yep, and it just goes through like a questionnaire of what you are looking for, what your life looks like, what some of your goals are. What you are looking for, what your life looks like, what some of your goals are, yeah, and so it'll send cues for, like, when your best sleep time is. So I know some people's like circadian rhythms are different, so they can go to bed later and their body rejuvenates at that different time. So, yeah, it kind of gives you like your prime sleep hours, how much sleep you need, what your rhythms look like, and then, if you want it to, it'll prompt, gives you like your prime sleep hours, how much sleep you need, what your rhythms look like, and then, if you want it to, it'll prompt you during the day. Like it actually tells me in the middle of the day I think my time is like around 1.30, where it's like this is your low energy day, so like I'll go and get more protein and I'll get moving.
Speaker 2:Like it's not my prime time to like sit and write, for instance. That time for me is like 1030 in the morning, so it just kind of helps shape my day. I'm gonna align my day as best as I can with how my body is shifted. And you know so. Like we don't start homeschool at 130 in the afternoon, you know like we start earlier, when my brain is fresh obviously the kids are fresh and usually like around the three, 30 mark is when I'm ready for like the next swing of like the day, you know. So that's usually when I'll go for a walk, I'll do some weights just get the endorphins going, get the blood flow going, when I would most likely probably prefer to sit and rest at that point.
Speaker 1:I've kind of trained my body to know like this is where we get up and move now so yeah, that's good get ready for the evening it is interesting too how we how much I mean I don't know if it's because I just turned 40 and I'm aware of all the things but you know the way to vest and the protein that you need to take and strength training and sleep and how important that is.
Speaker 1:And, like you, I used to run myself thin and be caffeinated and all the things. Now I'm like I can't have coffee past noon because I know that my body's going to have a harder time falling asleep and prioritizing lifting weights and having more protein and staying off sugar and alcohol and all those things that are not good for my body. Because it's so important for us to take care of ourselves, like you said, you have to put the mask on you first, before everyone else, and I think, as women too, we tend to take care of everyone else and forget that actually our health is so important If we're going to be around for our family, our loved ones, like we need to make that a priority. We need to make a priority to move, to eat healthy, nourish our bodies and get sleep, because that is apparently like one of the most important pillars of health, right?
Speaker 2:It's like, yes, yeah, I think I was able to get away with sort of cheating the system, and which I wasn't, but I felt like I was getting away with it. You know, in my early late twenties, even early thirties, where I'm like I can just drink a cup of coffee and it'll mask what's really happening here. You know, my brain was foggy. I had postpartum depression for years because I kept having babies and you know, I was throwing my cortisol and my adrenaline and everything just completely out of whack. I couldn't fall asleep, much less stay asleep, and all of these red flags were happening and I was like, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, I'm just going to push through and keep looking like I've got it all together, even though it's not working. You know, I'm just going to keep showing up and be the person that everybody needs me to be, everybody expects me to be, or the person that I think everybody expects me to be. Ooh, yes.
Speaker 1:You know, because sometimes we put that expectation on ourselves Like well, we assume people expect, and it's like wait a minute, who told me that? This is what's?
Speaker 2:expected of me. Yes, I think we do. I think I definitely. You know, I think creatives in general, we're really good at creating stories. It's a gift. But it's also like well, is that story true, or did you just make it up, or did you make this story really embellished and like really extravagant? It's like so extravagant it's not even true anymore. I've caught myself doing that. I love being creative, but I have created this whole narrative that is not true and it's not serving me very well. So, yeah, but yeah, we definitely have to be careful, because sometimes I'll say like I think my husband asked me to do this and he was like I never asked you to do that you know, so yeah it's real.
Speaker 1:It is for sure. Well, I'm curious to know what inspired Kids Business Day, and how did your faith play a role in its creation?
Speaker 2:Yes, I love talking about this. So we started homeschooling about eight years ago and, as business owners, we wanted just a real life experience that we could teach our children what you know brainstorming a business, like creating a business idea and then bringing it to life Like what does that really look like? And so our first year of homeschooling I was like we're going to do this, we're going to take a month off of our curriculums and we're just going to come up with a business. We're going to create signs, I mean like poster board, you know, like the kids were completely in charge of all of it. And I posted a little thing on our neighborhood Facebook page and said hey, if anybody wants to join us, we're going to meet at the clubhouse two Saturdays from now. Come support the kids in the neighborhood with their businesses. And I had no idea who was going to show up.
Speaker 2:And we ended up having about 12 families show up with their kids, about ages 10 and younger, with just the cutest the cutest ideas. I mean, some kids were selling toys from their toy room and it was very primitive. My five-year-old I think he was at the time my second oldest, he was had just started gymnastics and so he brought his tumbling mat and he was charging a dollar to teach you how to do a somersault or a cartwheel. So it was just literally whatever they were excited about. My oldest, who was six, was selling ice cream from the grocery store and he was just basically reselling it, you know. And so it was just encouraging that enthusiasm and building their belief that they can come up with an idea, they can show up, they can make money from it and other people will believe in their idea. And, like I said, that just started in our neighborhood with about a dozen friends and it just kind of spiraled from there. So we hosted idea. And, like I said, that just started in our neighborhood with about a dozen friends and it just kind of spiraled from there.
Speaker 2:So we hosted the next several years at our golf cart dealership, which in our town golf carts are a really big deal. They're like a big mode, they're like a major mode of transportation. So there's several dealerships in town. And so we used our parking lot. There our company sponsored it. We gave cash awards to top businesses for creativity creativity, their display and their enthusiasm. So it wasn't anything based on like the actual product or like how much money they made. It was all about the things that they could, that they could control, and so, again, it was just I, you know, I stepped out to do something for my family that I thought they needed, and realized real quick that there were a lot of other families that were like oh my gosh, thank you for creating this.
Speaker 2:We've, we love, we love this idea, we love to be a part of it, and this year will be our ninth year doing it. It's moved into a huge park area in the middle of our town now and we'll have, we'll have over 100 young entrepreneurs there. The setups have been just amazing. We've gone from I mean, we still celebrate, you know, the lemonade stand, so to speak, and some of those more, just, you know, five years. Well, it's, it's ages seven to 14 now, and because we reward with cash displays like the best top, top three for displays, it's amazing to see everybody kind of rise to the occasion of what their displays look like.
Speaker 2:I mean, we have young entrepreneurs that show up in their tents, look like it's a boutique, like a standalone boutique, yeah, and that we award enthusiasm, and so these kids are just out there and they've got dances, they've got cheers, they've got, you know, all kinds of promotions that they're out there just selling their ideas and their stuff, and we usually do it in September, right around the Patriots Day, to celebrate and to honor those that were lost or served during 9-11.
Speaker 2:And so it's a very patriotic. We start with a moment of silence for that and then we also pray before we start as well, which is just a priority for me and because I'm in charge, I make the rules, but I've never had anybody give me kickback on those. I mean, everybody's showing up to celebrate freedom and to celebrate what we have the gifts and ideas to do, and so, yeah, it's my favorite. We're gonna start announcing the event for this September and registration will open up here really, really soon. So, yeah, we're excited, but you can follow all of that. It's got its own Instagram handle at Kids Business Day.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I love that. It's almost like having a little shark tank, but nicer. Yes, that's amazing. Has there been people that wanted to invest in some of the businesses that they created? Has some of them took off? I'm curious to see the evolution of some of those ideation.
Speaker 2:Yep. Several young entrepreneurs have their businesses now in other department stores or other local gift shops and or in the mall. So yeah, that's so cool.
Speaker 1:Yeah, way to go, ashley, for creating that. That is just brilliant. It's interesting how, whenever we do create something out of our own need, there's so many people that respond to that. Even this lady I was interviewing he was talking about the art of hospitality and she even said, like, sometimes I host because I need that, but then there's so many people that also need that, and so she's like you know, it could be even like a selfish reason for saying, hey, I really want to have connection with other people and so I'm going to open my space and create, and there's so many people that are also craving that same connection. And so, whether it's in business, like you're doing, where people, families, are like, hey, I'd love for my kid to you know, come up with an idea and try to sell it and compete and be around other people who are excited about creating businesses, it's an amazing, amazing thing that you're doing. I love it so much.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Yeah, it's very contagious, yeah, and we're making it. I've got a lot of things in the works right now to move it beyond just the local event as well, too, because there's a lot of people that aren't you know, they just don't live here, but they want to do something in their town or in their homeschool classroom. I'm about to launch a curriculum that I've created for young entrepreneurs, so I'm excited about growing all of that. Yeah, a little sneak peek?
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, I'd love that too. That's amazing. If you have a website for that, we can put that on our show notes. You're also working on a book. Tell us a little bit about that project, if you're allowed to. I don't know if you're allowed to reveal anything yet.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it's definitely still in its early stages. But, yeah, the whole idea behind the book is just a lot of what we've been talking about. It's just taking those seeing the plot twist that God has. Just well, not that God has, but the plot twist that we've experienced in our life and how God will help us kind of reframe it and how he redeems the things that we're like, oh my gosh, what is happening? And just kind of flipping that script to say, okay, god, how are you about to show off, because I know you're going to, you know, and just proving all the ways over and over that he's faithful. And so, yeah, just so many stories and so many lessons. It's going to be more of like an overachiever's guide to learning how to surrender all those things so that we can really really write our greatest story and our greatest purpose.
Speaker 1:That's beautiful. Well, I want to honor your time and, as you know, my questions as we wrap up is what is the bravest thing that Ashley has ever done?
Speaker 2:Yes, well, I could probably say like decisions I've made, but I honestly think, from a more like tangible thing that I've done, to answer that question I would probably say adopting our daughter was just, it was bizarre honestly. I mean, I'll give you the short version of the story just because of time. But you know, like I said, I'd had three boys in three years and it was kind of like clockwork. You know, like even my OB was like your pregnancies and your labors and deliveries are just, they're too easy. Like don't tell these stories to friends, like they're not fair. You literally show up, you sneeze, you have a baby and and so it would have really been easy to, you know, say let's just get pregnant again and have our fourth child.
Speaker 2:And my husband and I both just felt over and over very convicted, very clearly called to pursue our daughter through adoption. And you know, one of the really cool you know plot twist God fingerprints in the whole thing was, you know, when we first got married, we were like, you know, you know, like everybody does, we're going to have two kids and we're going to name them Owen and Hannah. And so of course we you know, you know, like everybody does we're going to have two kids and we're going to name them Owen and Hannah. And so of course, we, you know, because we love a good plan, we love to feel like we're in control of our life, you know, right, right. And so, yeah, so we had our first son, owen, and then I got pregnant again and we're like, well, surely this is going to be Hannah. This one feels very different. Well, no, it was Dylan. And then get pregnant again, and this is surely Hannah, because that's what I planned for and that's what you know, that's how this story is supposed to go. No, it was Gavin. And, hear me, I do not have any regrets that I have three boys. It was, you know, they're my, they're my heart.
Speaker 2:But there was this piece of me that was like, okay, god, but where's Hannah? You know? And, and, honestly, my husband and I had both seen her in our dreams, like we knew she was there, but we couldn't make sense, we couldn't reconcile this. Okay, but we keep having boys. So, um, and we, we had never not talked about adopting. But again, because I got pregnant and had such great deliveries, it was sort of like, well, you know, we, maybe we don't need to adopt, so to speak.
Speaker 2:But, like I said, god and I'm giving you the short version of the story, but God really got a hold of us and was like your daughter's out there and you're going to find her through private adoption, and it was just overly confirmed, confirmed, confirmed. That's what we're going to do and so, other than being gender specific, we sought out to find her and we didn't know what it was going to look like. We did not have the financial piece in place. I mean, it was a multi-multi, you know five figure number like way up there, and we didn't know how all the pieces were going to come into place and the way this works for our situation. Anyway, as soon as you get matched, you need to write a check for half of the amount, and so half of our amount at that time would have been 25 grand, and we had not anywhere near that in our bank account to do it, and so even the financial piece was just massive to say, to say why this is one of the bravest things I've ever done was for that. For those reasons, I mean, we just really put ourselves out there of this. You know, plan A of just getting pregnant again seemed like the easier thing to do. We have no idea how we're going to pay for this. We have no idea what this dynamic is going to add to our already existing family. We, we just don't know what that match is going to look like.
Speaker 2:Well, one of the coolest pieces of the story, like I mentioned, the three boys when our daughter Hannah, when her birth parents matched with us, they literally chose us. When they saw our little family booklet thing when the agency sends them that the very first picture on the cover was a picture of our family, of course. And they said they literally picked us because they'd already decided they wanted her to have three older brothers. Oh, my gosh, I know, I know. And so as soon as she told me that, I just wept because I was like God, you knew all the times that I wondered like, okay, I love Dylan, okay, I love Gavin, but like, where's Hannah? How many more pregnancies I'm going to have to do? You know? And it was literally the reason, you know that they matched with us. And so she, yeah, she's got three older brothers, just like it was always planned.
Speaker 2:Um, the financial piece is a whole podcast episode in itself, but in the 11th hour people showed up and said hey, how much more do you need? Let me write you a check. Hey, how much do you need? I've been saving this up for my 401k. Blah, blah, blah. It's this much. How much do you need? Oh, it's that much. To the penny like it was just amazing it was.
Speaker 2:It was god's story, it's God's daughter and for a moment there I started thinking that I was in control of you know, bringing this girl home. And again God just reminded me, like if you would just partner with me and stop feeling like you've got to get ahead and you've got to handle all the things and plan it all and work it all out, if you would just take a deep breath and let me be God, I've got this story down, like I've planned her life and I've planned your life and all your boys' lives. You know, long before you knew about any of it. And so, yeah, it was. I love telling that story, I love rethinking about that story. I've written blogs about all of it, just because it builds it's, it builds my faith. So much of like when, when I allow God to show up, he really he's faithful.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's so beautiful. Wow, wow, um, what is the best piece of advice that someone gave you?
Speaker 2:Hmm, I would probably say it might honestly be what we talked about earlier. You know of. You can do everything you want in life. You just can't do everything all at once.
Speaker 2:I really do think that's been like a pillar for me, because it does. It helps me kind of take a deep breath and just get perspective on. It doesn't mean all your ideas aren't good, it just means you just can't do them all at the same time and so just finding peace in that, I think it's just stayed with me. I mean there's a lot of people have been giving me great advice, but I would say that's probably been a good one.
Speaker 1:That's a good one, especially for a high achieving woman who's listening, or a man. The other question that I have is what are three pivotal books in your life? It could be at any period in your life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Um, I would say that's such a good question too, and as a writer, you know we have our libraries of books I would say so, Bruce Wilkinson wrote the Dream Giver. Um, I don't know at what point in his career, but that is the Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson is definitely. It's it's part fable, part teaching.
Speaker 2:And it just talks about just your dream and how to steward it and what it's going to look like when others don't believe in it, and what it just looks like from like a fable, from like a story. It's a boy named Ordinary, you know, or it's a boy named somebody who leaves the land of Ordinary, you know, and it's just beautiful, it's very powerful. It has stayed with me forever. And then I would say John Bevere's book X, which stands for Multiply.
Speaker 2:I've read that book every year since it's come out, like five or six years ago now, and it just talks about the importance of letting God be the multiplier.
Speaker 2:You know, the math that we can do is addition and subtraction, but only God can multiply our gifts, and really even more so than that.
Speaker 2:It talks about how you know, as Christian creatives, christian business owners, we can maybe get in this mindset that if we're not in ministry specifically, that our gifts aren't used to build the kingdom, but if we are profitable and fruitful in all of our ways in the marketplace, how useful that is for the kingdom, and to not get confused about how our gifts are used to build the kingdom. So, yeah, that was really good, because we've always had businesses in the marketplace and always felt a call to support kingdom growth as well, of course. So the third one oh, I would probably say you and Me Forever which is just it's not a marriage book, but it's definitely about a husband and wife and their calling and how they are called to be together to pursue their purpose, and how you're like I alone cannot pursue all the things without my husband and vice versa, you know, like how God ordained our marriage for a purpose greater than we could do on our own, and that book's by Francis Chan.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, he's got some good books Crazy Love so many different ones. Yes, well, thank you so much for your time, ashley. It's been an honor getting to know you and hearing your story and I'm excited for your book. You'll have to keep me posted on that as you come closer and as you in the process. I know it's quite the process, but it's a rewarding one. So thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Thank you, speca, I've enjoyed this. I appreciate your time too.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to the Once we Dare podcast. It is an honor to share these encouraging stories with you. If you enjoy the show, I would love for you to tell your friends. Leave us a reviewer rating and subscribe to wherever you listen to podcasts, because this helps others discover the show. You can find me on my website, speckhopoffcom. Thank you.