THE ONES WHO DARED
THE ONES WHO DARED PODCAST Elevating stories of courage. You can listen to some of the most interesting stories of courage, powerful life lessons, and aha moments. Featuring interviews with leaders, pioneers and people who have done hard things. I hope these stories help pave the path for you to live out your courageous life.
THE ONES WHO DARED
The Missing Link in Mental Health: Understanding Your Nervous System with Dr. Brooke Weinstein
In this episode with Dr. Brooke Weinstein, a former pediatric occupational therapist turned nervous system regulation coach, to explore the often-overlooked key to emotional wellness: understanding how your unique brain and sensory system are wired.
After losing her husband to suicide, Dr. Weinstein rebuilt her life while raising two young children—not just through traditional mental health tools, but by deeply reconnecting with her nervous system. Her story, paired with her clinical expertise, is a roadmap for anyone navigating emotional exhaustion, burnout, or survival mode.
Whether you’re a high-achiever stuck in overdrive or a parent hoping to model healthier regulation for your children, this episode offers insights you won’t hear in most wellness spaces.
Dr. Brooke Weinstein, OTD, OTR/L, is a world-renowned nervous system expert and thought leader—often described as a “personal trainer for your brain.” With over a decade of clinical experience and a Doctorate in Occupational Therapy, she previously founded a thriving pediatric clinic in New Orleans before pivoting to global consulting and coaching. Her work blends neuroscience, trauma recovery, and sensory processing into practical tools for everyday life. Featured in TODAY, Forbes, Scary Mommy, and NBC, Dr. Weinstein reaches millions through her top-ten parenting podcast, online courses, and viral social content empowering people to live with more regulation, resilience, and intention.
In this episode we explore:
•Why traditional self-care tools (like journaling) don’t work for everyone, and what to try instead
•The difference between sensory seekers and sensory avoiders
•How high-performers get trapped in chronic fight-or-flight
•How everyday factors like clothing, sound, and home décor affect your ability to self-regulate
•Why nervous system education should often precede traditional talk therapy
•How to shift from fear-based to regulated parenting
•Why true self-compassion starts with understanding your neurological wiring
To get in touch with Dr. Brooke Weinstein visit:
drbrookeweinstein.com
-Links-
https://www.svetkapopov.com/
https://www.instagram.com/svetka_popov/
Hey friends, welcome to the Ones who Dared podcast, where stories of courage are elevated. I'm your host, vekka, and every other week you'll hear interviews from inspiring people. My hope is that you will leave encouraged. I'm so glad you're here. Today's guest is Dr Brooke Weinstein, a former pediatric occupational therapist who dared to walk away from a successful career and rebuild her life from the ground up. After navigating grief and burnout, brooke transformed her pain into purpose, becoming a sensory and emotional regulation expert who now helps others regulate, reset and reclaim their lives. Dr Brooke Weinstein is known as a personal trainer for your brain. She's been featured in Forbes, today, buzzfeed and more. In today's interview, she will share the importance of knowing your brain and why regulating your nervous system is the missing link in the mental health model today. This episode is one you will not want to miss. Dr Brooke Weinstein, welcome to the Wants to Dear podcast. I am so honored in having you today.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm honored to be here.
Speaker 1:I've been following you online for some time, as I myself have been learning about regulating my own nervous system, and that's been such a game changer for me, because I've done therapy and other things and I feel like now that I'm aware of the nervous system and how to regulate it better, I feel calmer and I'm more aware of what I need. So I love that this is what you bring. You're an expert in emotional and sensory regulation and you can help us with that, so I'm so excited to have you on. You're such a gift. There's so many things that I love about you and the gift that you bring to all of us.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Thank you for saying all of that.
Speaker 1:That's very kind of you, thank you. You created such a powerful presence online as a thought leader specializing in sensory emotional regulation, with nearly a million followers on Instagram, not including all the other platforms. So, before we dive into the tools you teach and the work you do, I'd love to know what shaped the women that you are today, before the titles, before the dancing videos, before the healing work that you do today and I know that's a loaded question. It's such a loaded question, but a good question.
Speaker 2:I would say my life experience and I'm sure everyone would say that that's their answer is their life experiences what shaped them into the human they are today? I have always been an entrepreneur, excuse me. At heart, I've always been a go-getter. I've always kind of known deep, deep down where I wanted my life to go and I went after that life. And the life that I went after and the life that I would say I built for myself ended up completely like crushing and falling to the floor. And you know, it was almost this like checklist, if you will, of like I would like this and I would like that. And here we go.
Speaker 2:And now I'm married and I have kids and all these things, and then I have, you know, a husband who is is so depressed and and so anxious that he can barely get out of bed and I'm, you know, people pleasing my way through life and trying to take care of everyone else except myself and still show up. You know, for the ones that I love it. Like there was just so many things that led me to the place of waking up in the morning and being like is this life? Like, like I can't believe this is my life. Like, how did I get here? Like I didn't expect, you know, the first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage. I didn't expect this to be my life, like, how is this my life? And with that, I think, I set out on a journey of, like you know what? This doesn't have to be my life. I can start taking care of myself.
Speaker 2:And um, it was an extremely difficult road and extremely difficult path to start focusing in on me and that forced me to kind of look at my husband, jonathan, and say, like you're a big boy, I need you to start, you know, getting the help you need taking care of yourself. Um, and ultimately, full, transparently, I think he thought I kind of like went off the deep end when I started taking care of myself. He was like who, who is this person? What is going on here? Because I, I was such a caregiver, I was such a people pleaser, I was so used to putting myself at the bottom of the totem pole, um, that ultimately it ended in a separating and, um, I knew we weren't doing well, I knew there was a potential of us not making it, but at the same time, I also knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to Jonathan and I was the one that said you know, we're done and, um, he ended up deciding to get a divorce and it was ultimately because I started doing the work and taking care of myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I also knew like we're both drowning here and the kids are getting older and someone's got to be able to take care of the kids and you know, like someone's got to be out of bed, someone's got to be doing all these things and we were separated for a while.
Speaker 2:We were separated for a while and, long story short, jonathan had attempted in the past, but he did end up taking his own life in 2021. And I would say that that's the biggest, you know, turning point in my life that's truly shifted who I am and the life that I lead. And, um, I was so fortunate enough this this sounds weird, but I was fortunate enough to do the work on myself prior to him passing that I knew the tools, the tools. I had already started supporting the kids and and giving them the tools before Jonathan passed, but they were all the more important and present once he passed and you know there's so many individuals that talk about when I first started doing this work, I had to use words like overwhelm, burnout. Honestly, that those were pretty much the buzzwords tired, exhausted, depleted.
Speaker 2:Like people didn't understand, when I started doing this years ago, the word dysregulation. They didn't understand the word overstimulation. They didn't understand the word, you know, sensory and emotional regulation, or nervous system Like that wasn't really discussed when I first started doing this, and so I had to kind of take my, my humans and my community on a journey and I eventually finally started talking about the nervous system, and I think there's so much within the nervous system that can be so beneficial.
Speaker 2:But the piece that's missing from most places that I or other communities, or even just like books and things like that the piece that's missing is the sensory and emotional regulation piece, because and I'm sure more people understand the emotional regulation piece than the sensory side but every single one of our brains function differently, and so I didn't know how my brain functioned. There is no way I could have taken care of myself through the thick of grief and being a solo parent while running a business, because I had started my business before Jonathan passed. There's no way I could have supported my children if I didn't understand how their brain functions sensory wise, with all the stimuli coming at them. Emotional regulation wise, like there's no way that I could have supported them in the way that I feel was necessary.
Speaker 2:Yeah so much guilt and shame in terms of, well, I should be able to keep it together, or I should be able to just journal and be happy, or I should be able to meditate and what. Like everyone else takes time to meditate. Like, why can't I find the time? Or like, okay, you know, like box breathing, cool, but like, when do I have time for that? You know, there's there's so many different pieces and so much of the nervous system is so important to understand.
Speaker 2:And you know, now the big buzzword is somatics and that's yeah, I was going to ask about that too. It's basically just a tool, like it's a, it's a tool for you to be able to use, but it's one tool, right? So, like, you see these reels that are like, shove your face in an ice bucket of water. If your child is like doesn't have have, you know, the body strength to sit up straight in the tub and you need to watch them still, or they're splashing water outside of the tub and you're the lights are bright and they're they're giggling and laughing and it's echoing with the tile and like, at what point are you gonna go grab a bucket of ice and be like, hold on, let me just shove my face in a bucket of ice. This will totally regulate regulate me.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Like it has to be. You have to understand your brain and your body and then be able to co-create the tools of what is going to work for me, what is what is going to be best for my individual brain. And that's basically what I do, and it has shifted my entire life and gotten me through some of the hardest years of my life and supported my children through the hardest years of my life, and I could go on and on. Clearly, because I'm very passionate about it and I love it, and it's wonderful to be able to witness other individuals journeys of life and trust me with their lives and trust me with their journeys, to be able to help them navigate and understand this information for themselves. And, you know, move through life journeys or move through trauma, or move through grief or whatever it is that they individually are going through.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what's fascinating about your journey is that you started with doctorate in occupational therapy and initially you started working with children, but then you transition into working with parents. Can you tell me why there was that transition, why you thought that was important At the Once a Day podcast? Giving back is part of our mission, which is why we proudly sponsor Midwest Food Bank. Here's why Midwest Food Bank Pennsylvania distributes over $25 million worth of food annually completely free of charge to over 200 nonprofit partners across PA, new York and New Jersey, reaching more than 330,000 people in need. Through their volunteer-driven model and innovative food rescue programs, they turn every single dollar donated into $30 worth of food. Now, that's amazing. Join us in supporting this cause To learn more or to give go to MidwestFoodBankorg slash Pennsylvania.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's such a great question. So I worked with kids for probably over a decade. I did the hospital setting, I did home health. I did I mean, you name it I did school settings. I did it, I did medical daycares. And I ended up, when I lived in New Orleans, owning my own clinic. We started renting out a room, like literally just a room, and by the time I sold it to my business partner when I was moving here to Texas. We were in like a 3000 square foot facility. So like, like I like it, brooke does something, she like does it right. So like, we did it up and like we, we, we built the thing. We built it and I wanted it to be different than what was offered, because I had seen so many different clinical settings and none of it to be completely blunt with you was working. Like none of it was working.
Speaker 2:And after we moved here to Texas, because of Jonathan's job, he got a job here and my family was like what are you doing? This is your career, you've built your life Like your. Your career matters too. And I like had to silent the peanut gallery and I was like hold on, like am I happy? Do I enjoy this and I had two premature babies. They were very, very young.
Speaker 2:I was taking care of Jonathan who was also very unwell, if you will, and I was like I'm doing a million different things but I'm not doing one, one individual thing very well. And so I decided to sell that business and move to Texas and I took some time off and tried to decide what went well in that business, what didn't go well, what I would have done differently, what I necessarily feel that my strengths were. And from that I realized that parents were coming to us because we are stretched so incredibly thin that we have no more time to add, let's say, quote OT homework to our plate of like you know, here's my child for an hour a week. Please fix them with all the goals that you have for them or whatever it is going on. And voila, it's not going to work. I can't see your child for one hour a week and say yes, 1000%. I know that this is going to fix the sensory things that are going on with them, because you have no idea how their brain functions. You have no idea how your brain functions and I understand that. Like they would drop the child off at our clinic, go run to the grocery because they had an hour to get something done and come back and I was like it has to start with us as well.
Speaker 2:As you know, when I started doing the work on myself, I realized I know how to be an OT and I know how to be a mom, but how do I like navigate being both at the same time without like putting my OT hat on and pretending as though, okay, I'm, I'm your clinician right now, right? So I, through that journey of taking care of me, really explored all of the knowledge that I had and all the schoolwork that I had, you know, gone through, and I I was honestly like client number one and I did trial and error to figure out the method that I now teach of how I teach sensory and emotional regulation and the method we take to shift the patterns in the brain and really get your brain out of fight or flight, and not just get it out of fight or flight but really pattern it to stay more in a regulated state. Um, and again, I recognize that it has to start with with the big humans, it has to start with us, and so, you know, it was a very easy transition for me to move into parents because I wanted to help them understand how to regulate their own brain. And once they got it, once they felt it, once they understood it, it was like, boom, now I can see it on my child, now I know how to support my child. Now I know how to you know, impart this wisdom.
Speaker 2:And I built this method that is usable and user-friendly, I would say, for all humans, whether you're, you know, an adult or a child. And it just kind of snowballed from there and now I see, I see all individuals. I see parents, non-parents, I see a lot of high performance, just career driven humans or high performance CEOs who have no idea how to enjoy the life that they've worked so hard to create. We work with teens. I mean, you name it, we see it, because a brain is a brain is a brain.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's interesting with the high performing entrepreneurs and people who are operating on that caliber.
Speaker 1:I find that you know, from being around those people, interviewing some of the successful entrepreneurs and people who have built the 1% companies and so forth, what I find is that a lot of them have had really dysfunctional childhoods not all, but a lot of them have.
Speaker 1:And so, in a sense, from my perspective now you correct me if I'm wrong they grew up in environments where there was there was this high stress, cortisol levels that were up, and then they're using that same stressors and that like level of stress to to deal with the stresses is business and everything else and at some point they haven't learned to fully regulate and be able to be at ease and just enjoy, like be on vacation and just read the books, sit back and relax or whatever it is that would be relaxing to them. And so how do you help those people who are always on, they're always high functioning, they are. Just they don't even know how to not be in stress and actually, from what I observed, they're more comfortable being that level then. So how do you help those people? What would you say to someone who's like how do you break those patterns?
Speaker 2:so the reason they prefer to maintain that high I'm going to call it like high performance, dysfunctional, over functioning, level right, or stimulated, like, yes, all the things the reason they stay there is is you are correct, because their brain has pattern to stay there, and so our brain craves structure, stability and control.
Speaker 2:And so if that's where you feel the most safe is, go go, stability and control.
Speaker 2:And so if that's where you feel the most safe is, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go going, you are going to feel broken, you're going to feel lazy, you're going to feel out of control, you're going to feel you can even it's, it's like a crash, it's even like a come down from, like a high right Like you, it is very uncomfortable to to slow down, extremely uncomfortable. And whether they have come from a family life of modeling, um, that fast pace, right I those are more of my seeker clients it's you. You need to think of it as like a gas pedal, right. So the way that I look at my clients is we have the gas pedal, we have the break and we need to learn how to throttle between the two, because if you are someone who does public speaking, you absolutely need to like hype yourself up, get the energy going and like get that cortisol going to be able to be like what's up guys like and hop on stage Right.
Speaker 2:But, that energy is not always necessary, right? If you're like in the midst of a deal and you've got a deadline and all of it comes together and you've got all of this like big, high energy and extra, you know, hormones shooting through you and everything comes together at the last moment, it's going to feel like a hit of dopamine, it's going to feel good, and so we want another one, and we want another one and we want another one. But if we pattern our brain, or if our brain is naturally the disposition of our brain is naturally in that state, then we have to work to to throttle, we have to work to learn to step on the brakes. So, for instance, my brain, a thousand percent, is seeking brain, right? So I'm a gas pedal. If you are a gas pedal, you want to be performing and you want to be going, but your brain and body cannot keep up. And so that's when you're going to crash and burn, or that's when you're going to snap at your loved ones, or that's when you're going to zone out on your phone, or that's when you know you're going to be in a really pissed off mood and you're just going to be like enough, right, like that's when you're not going to be able to be in the creative brain, you're not going to be able to be present. Your brain is literally offline at that point because it's trying to keep you safe and it thinks there's a bear chasing you, or it thinks that you need to stop drop and roll, right. And so we need to be able to retrain the brain to be able to say there is no bear chasing me. There is, you know, fire that I need to stop drop and roll.
Speaker 2:And I explain the work that we do is kind of like a smoke detector, right. So your brain is always sniffing out threats, just like your smoke detector. And when you're sniffing out threats, if you're living in that that over-functioning, high performance, overstimulated, dysregulated fight or flight state, your brain is going to be highly, highly, highly sensitive. Your smoke detector is going to be sniffing out the smoke from the third floor that you know you're cooking on the first right it's. Every little tiny, itty bitty thing is going to set you off right, and so we need to be able to readjust that nervous system, and that's, frankly, what I had to do with my own brain is a recognize.
Speaker 2:Okay, where, where do I lie on this spectrum of sensory regulation. What are the behaviors of my brain, right? Like we think of the language of our brain as the words coming out of our mouth, the language of your brain is actually your behaviors, right? It's how you're functioning. And if we can understand how we're functioning and then we can tap into how, how does this functioning feel and and and how does it feel within my body and is it serving me or is it depleting me? Or am I miserable and not present and snapping at my kids? And I want to be happy and calm and peace and joy, like. How do we get there, right? How do we take our foot off the accelerator and very slowly, very slowly, step on the brake and you're never going to lose that drive.
Speaker 2:You're never going to lose that lust for what you do, but you can um help have. It's almost like going from an automatic to like a stick shift right. You are in the driver's seat and you have control over when you floor it and when you're like you know what it's time to tap out and like put it in neutral or park.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and with you. You said you had to learn how your brain operates right, because you're one of those people who's on the go. I'm kind of like that too in my own way, where, you know, I have to say no to a lot of things myself, like no, no, no, you don't have the capacity for that, we're going to not even think about that, and my brain is like oh, I got a new idea.
Speaker 2:Let's work on that.
Speaker 1:And it's like wait, wait, wait, no, no, no. Slow down Always. Yeah, I need to excel here. You know I'm going to say no to that. And you know, and I'm sure in your shoes too, you get a lot of opportunities, a lot of different doors that open up. Right, and you have to say no to that. With learning your own brain. Like what did you discover? When did you realize? Like this is what I need, this is how I need to slow down or this is how I need to reset.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a really great question. I think I've said that to every single one of your questions today. It was the exploration of myself. It was, you know, number one understanding my sensory and emotional makeup. Like truly understanding. Am I a seeker? Am I an avoider? Do I register the world around me? Am I highly sensitive to stimuli? If I am highly sensitive to stimuli, what stimuli am I highly sensitive to and how does all of this functioning make me feel? How does all this functioning support or not support my overall mental health? That's truly what it boils down to is your mental health.
Speaker 2:And going on that exploration, I mean my life is completely different. For instance, I used to wear really tight clothes. Now, I was a dancer growing up and so I wore a lot of leotards right, and so not only was my body used to wearing tight clothes, but I think that my body craved the deep pressure and the feedback from the clothes within my nervous system as a way of regulating my nervous system right know, loose, comfortable clothes that that aren't like binding on my body. I I'm, I'm giving myself, you know, less stimuli through my clothing, if you will, to be able to support my overall functioning of regulation. So little tiny bitty things can give you gas back in the tank, Right I? I choose slower, if you will I I I wonder if you know anyone listening to this. Do you actually taste your food, right Check?
Speaker 2:in if you're actually tasting your food. Um, my, my house used to be full of bright colors, same with my clothing. You see, full of bright colors. I'd have you know artwork that was really bright and I wanted I just liked really loud, fun, vibrant and I wanted to be like the bell of the ball.
Speaker 2:I'm I mean my whole house. I've I've changed paint colors and shifted and it's all muted and peaceful. People walk in and they're like this looks like a spa and I'm like, exactly, that's exactly what I wanted it to look like, right, like you know.
Speaker 1:that's interesting that you say that, because looking at your website, right, I was just thinking that usually you know people who have a doctor in front of their name or you know they're wearing a suit and this and that. And one thing that I observed on just looking through your website is all the photos that you have. They are very soft. The clothes that you're wearing. You feel really comfortable and being you know who you are. And also I love your hair. By the way, I am I have a little hair envy there with the curls, but yeah, that your website that is what it projects is is it's comfortable. You're wearing like, almost like your sweats and different things like that that are just like you being fully who you are and that is. That's beautiful. But it's also, like you're saying, that's comfortable and it's intentional in resembling that peace and that comfort and just like being yeah, it's.
Speaker 2:The wildest part is that I say that sensory and emotional regulation of your nervous system is at the core. What everyone should understand when it comes to mental health Like that is, the core of mental health is your nervous system and your brain, rather than, again, just psychology and just, you know, talk therapy if you will. Um, but the craziest thing is doing this work on yourself is there's a lot of layers and, and you know, shadow work, if you will, and and triggers that you need to move through because at the end of the day, you are finally like putting down the baton of who you think you need to be and finally accepting the person that you are. And once you understand that being who you are allows you to have much more mental health than masking or avoiding or keeping up with the Joneses or continuing to put on a front and just smiling and going to the event when you're like I do not want to F and B here right now you know, that is going to ultimately make you happy.
Speaker 2:That is ultimately what's going to be the thing that supports your brain and your body into fully showing up for you. Finally, I've had clients who have gone through working with us and they dye their hair, they get tattoos, they get piercings.
Speaker 2:They crazy enough lose weight, which we're not even working on you know like they just and, but by understanding all the different stimuli and understanding how their body is affected by that stimuli, they, they finally release.
Speaker 2:Oh well, Joe Schmo, over here, you know, like the perfect example is, you know, Martha Stewart or Kim Kardashian, or you know people who have really built this persona, who've really, they have a brand and they have a lifestyle and and they want you to only see certain things. And that's just two humans. But we could, I mean, we could do a huge laundry list of people who, who show up and want to portray a certain life, and so, especially with consuming social media and how fast the world functions and works these days, we think that is what we should do, or how we should keep up, or even the community that we grew up in. And there's just so many things that come into play when you think of, like, how did I get here? And to be able to finally show up as who you're most authentically meant to be, literally is the difference between depression and anxiety and chronic illness versus full-blown mental health of just enjoying your life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's so good. I think too, for me, on my personal journey, the death of my mom was the thing that caused me to pause, reflect and completely just say, okay, how do I actually want to live my life? Because I've been in a hamster wheel of being an entrepreneur, raising a family, you know, just go, go, go. And I just been barely, just, you know, grasping for air, essentially, and then learning about the nervous system and going to therapy and doing all these things and it's like whoa, this is. I'm functioning so differently than I did when I was just running, Surviving yeah, surviving Really, where you're not really taking the time, like you said, to think like who am I actually and what is the life that I want to live, and what does that look like?
Speaker 1:And I'm curious too with you. You said I heard you say this before that you feel like the mental health today isn't really working, which is why you do the work you do today. So I'm curious to know into what do you feel is the difference between, like mindset and the way that we think? Because thoughts are powerful, right, they create a reality for us. Then you know there's a nervous regulation that you do, and then there's therapy and there's all these things like what is it about mental health that you feel like isn't working and what's the what's the solution for that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know again, right now, mental health is considered psychology, it's considered talk therapy, it's considered um, talking and moving and moving through and getting to the core and. But the one of the things I would say is the difficult pieces is kind of similar to how I was treating kiddos and I was like, once a week, for an hour is not going to cut it If I work with a client or if any of my team works with clients or if they join any of my programs. There is 24-7 support, because that's where the real life stuff happens and we need to be able to catch it in real time to be able to truly shift the patterns, to truly be able to utilize the tools that we work through and utilizing the understanding of where am I feeling this in my body? Like what is going on, like how, how, how am I feeling? Like, do I actually want to go to the parade or do I want to go to the birthday party or am I ready to leave? Am I ready to be done?
Speaker 2:And not making decisions based off of a prescribed way of life, but deciding that your brain is the ultimate guide. It's almost like the dashboard in your car right, like if there's an check engine light. You know, like, are you going to actually check the engine? Are you going to wait until you finally are on the side of the road calling AAA? You know, like, are you going to actually check the engine?
Speaker 1:are you going?
Speaker 2:to wait until you finally are on the side of the road calling triple a right, you know. And if we don't understand what's underneath the hood of the car, there's no way possible we're going to be able to fully have that mental health that so many of us long for. And it takes people from thinking I'm crazy, I'm broken. Why can't I keep it together Like everyone else? Why can't I do it Like the Kardashians are like? Why can't, like they can, keep going? And I mean, yeah, I brought up Martha Stewart, but what I like to say, martha Stewart went to jail Like like she's not so perfect either.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean. Like right, we don't have to always be these perfect humans, but what we should do is listen into our brain and our body. And if everyone did that, and even if we had that conversation or that knowledge or that education for kids, imagine a life where you chose a career based on knowing what would be best for your brain. You chose a partner based on knowing what you crave and need, Like you're saying what do you need? Right. Like if you chose a partner based on saying I know these are my needs, I know this is how I regulate my nervous system and I need to find someone who can support those needs, not fix. We're not codependent here.
Speaker 2:We don't want someone to fix us. But you know, I have a partner now, and my first partner, Jonathan, versus my partner now, Carter, two completely different humans, but I'm completely different because I'm functioning completely different. But I'm completely different because I'm functioning completely different. I'm much more aware of my body and what, what I need and how I function best and the type of partner that's going to be able to be in my life to support me.
Speaker 2:Right Again not fixed, but support and vice versa. I want to be able to support him in the ways that he needs. And so imagine a world where we first understood what's underneath the hood of the car and then we took driver's ed and, and we took driver's ed right To understand what's underneath the hood of the car and then, right, you get your learner's permit and then you drive right. Yeah, we're not doing that. Feelings weren't even discussed. You know, like my mother thinks I'm like that shit crazy. When I first started she's like what are you doing? Like it was wildly uncomfortable for her and I was like I got this, like just trust it, like I know what I'm doing here. But you know our parents and their parents this was not like my grandmother thought chewing gum was rude, right, like we're in a much different society of evolving into, leaning into who we are and our emotions and feelings, and you've got to do the exploration if you want to be able to understand the full picture.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so good. What are three simple things our listeners can do today to begin co-regulating themselves or their kids?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I get this question every single time I'm on a podcast.
Speaker 1:And I feel like I know what you're gonna say. It's tailored for everybody's different depending on your brain, right?
Speaker 2:everyone so, like I wish, you know, like I wish that I could get on my page and do the ice bucket or the or the. Do these simple three things to regulate your nervous system. Now, if I, I gotta tell you, if I did that I would be selling you bullshit.
Speaker 1:Like.
Speaker 2:I would be selling a lie or like trying to. You know, like it's. It's different for everyone, depending on your, your brain, depending on how you function, and and if anyone tries to say, like it's journaling, like sign me up, like you're gonna do a journaling exercise for 30 days and you're gonna meditate your way to heaven and like and you know this, like euphoric state every day, like that, look, I don't. I'm saying these things because I don't have time to box breathe and I don't have time to journal and I don't have time to meditate. But what I will tell you is that I know how to regulate my nervous system right, and what works for me may not work for someone else, right?
Speaker 2:If I have an excess of cortisol and energy and I am heightened. I can't just lay in bed and be like okay, like this is gonna just come down, I need to go expend the energy. When I was moving through grief, my nanny's husband came over one time to put a table together and he I don't think he had met me yet and he was like where's Brooke? And she pointed me out and I was like Speedy Gonzalez, like walking in the dead of summer, just like horse bra and shorts, like the neighborhood probably was like who's this wacko girl? But like I needed to expend the energy in order to come down. Not everyone needs to do that right.
Speaker 2:It depends on what's going on in your life. My one of my clients was like got it, when I'm upset and angry, I need to, you know, have some nice warm tea and a book. I'm going to write that down. Anger equals this and I was like hold on, like you may need something different the next time you feel anger. You may need something different the next time this, this or that that happens. So it's having a toolkit of understanding and listening into your brain and body and then being able to open up the toolkit and say what would feel good for me right now? What would take care of me right now? What would support wherever I'm at right?
Speaker 1:now.
Speaker 2:And I think the first step, rather than saying what are the three steps you can take to regulate yourself, I would say the first step you can take is start getting curious and learning about your nervous system and learning about your sensory system. Like I've said, these buzzwords are you a seeker? Are you an avoider? Do you register the world around you? Are you, you know, sensory sensitive to stimuli like? Start getting curious and learning your brain makeup.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, that's so good. It's probably why I hate shopping at the malls. I cannot stand the over like the music the too many choices, all of that. I hate shopping. I love to look good, I love great stylish clothes, but don't take me to the mall, yeah, because it's just, it's too much. Like I walk out of there I'm like I'm not buying anything, I can't. I can't even do this right now, overwhelmed.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Well. I love too that what you teach is essentially like putting on the mask before you help someone else, because, especially for the moms listening and the parents listening we tend to take care of everybody else before we take care of ourselves. What advice do you have for a mom who's a mom who stays at home? Maybe she comes back from work, but either way she's, she's at the limit where you know she's overstimulated by work, by kids. She comes home or she is home full time. And what can she do? What is like some practical things that she can do to just regulate a bit and take the pressure off?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I do work with, with plenty of of moms who know how to take care of everyone else but themselves post years ago, about how I used to put my kids down for a nap on Sundays, um, and go to the grocery during that nap time when I could make sure that Jonathan could also lay down. But when I went to the grocery it wasn't like I was like like looking at new, you know the things and new products and deciding what to cook. It was like you better hurry up and get your ass home before these kids wake up, because I wanted to make sure that I was supporting Jonathan in every way that I could and never, ever, ever, thinking about myself. And the most important piece is that you know you matter too, like we all matter and we all deserve to be able to feel safe in our own bodies and brains. And I don't care if you put yourself at the top of the totem pole, maybe that's not realistic, but putting yourself maybe in the mix, right, and saying, saying no to the play date and, you know, just saying I really wish we could make it, but unfortunately we can't.
Speaker 2:Like period the end, not oh, because Johnny's got a da, da, da, da, or like walking into the book club and them being like hey, and you being like I am not good, like I'm not good Right, like taking ownership of where you're at and giving yourself a sliver of the pie is like you're so worthy of that and it's so out of it will will tenfold return in the amount of capacity you gain to show up for your kids and the capacity you can't you can gain to reconnect with your partner and finally enjoy the life that you're working so damn hard to create. You know, like you're working so hard to build this life, why not enjoy it?
Speaker 1:That's so good. That's such an important message. Yeah, I love that. If you could whisper one truth into every woman's ear who feels lost, overextended, what would that be? I'm incredibly selective about the supplements I choose for me and my family, and Sour Supp Nutrition Gummies by Beyond Medicine have become a family favorite. Not only are they packed with incredible benefits, but they're so delicious that everyone in my family enjoys them. Introducing Soursop Cell Plus Immunity Gummies the first ever physician-backed Soursop supplements in the US, expertly formulated with Soursop, elderberry and Echinacea, designed to enhance your well, your wellbeing. Experience the benefits of soothing inflammation, balancing blood sugars, relieving stress and anxiety and strengthening your immune system. Use my code Svetka, that's S-V-E-T-K-A on SoursopNutritioncom and get 5% off today.
Speaker 2:I would say you matter enough to gift yourself the gift of support, because so many of us can talk ourselves out of oh well, we, you know, we have the vacation coming up or we have, you know, I'll just read the book or I'll do the podcast and I'll listen to that. Or, um, no, it's fine, I'll do this later. Oh, it's, you know what today's better. So, like it's, you know, like it's fine, it's better today. And we, like it's, you know, like it's fine, it's better today. And we, as specifically women, can, like jedi mind, trick ourselves into again taking care of everyone but ourselves. And that whisper would be tell yourself, you're worthy enough to give yourself the gift of support. Like, if you don't think that you can do this on your own, that does not mean you're broken. And again, what you get back, like it is a gift, it's you know it's. It's hard to financially invest in yourself and get the support, but what you will get back. And it's hard to also know what that crystal ball will be like at the end of getting some support. But you're so worth it and you cannot fix everyone else.
Speaker 2:And it was the hardest thing I ever did when I finally decided to take care of myself. And you know, I, I it. It was choosing myself over. As as odd as this sounds, like it was choosing myself over, as odd as this sounds like it was choosing myself over another human.
Speaker 2:Like I chose to take care of myself and say, Jonathan, I love you, but I'm worthy of this as well, like I'm worthy of being healthy and whole and enjoying my life and and it's it's the hardest thing I've ever done, but it's. I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't taken care of myself. And I don't think that I'd be able to support my kids the way that I do if I hadn't taken care of myself. And that's not to say you know it's, it's okay that what happened to him happened. Right, it's not okay. And and it's devastating. And I've moved through grief and I've had, you know, years to to move through that, um, but I I knew it needed to happen and having the courage to say I'm worthy, that's that's where it's at. It's that's the hardest part, that's where it's at.
Speaker 1:That's the hardest part. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah Well, you have an incredible online community as well. You offer digital courses. You offer one-on-one coaching. There's so much. Is there anything you'd love to share with the listeners? Just to briefly what it is, how they can, where they can find you, what kind of support and help you can offer through your services.
Speaker 2:Sure, my hub is basically Instagram and you can find me at Brooke, with an E and then half of my last name, w-e-i-n-s-t, so it's Brooke Weinst. You can look for the big curly hair and you'll find me. Most of our information is there. But, again, we're on YouTube and TikTok and LinkedIn. I mean, we're everywhere and you're more than welcome to reach out. We offer one-on-ones, we have group programs. We do have on-demand courses. We have a monthly membership. Community. We've tried to make sure that there's something for everyone. Community. We've tried to make sure that there's something for everyone, truly financially, that anyone can afford if they want and crave this work. I feel like this is something that everyone has a right to truly understand their brain and body. That's your, your own right to understand how you know, you function and how you work. So there's plenty of opportunities and, um, yeah, I, I would love to support and we as a community would love to support anyone, and you can check us out at all the places.
Speaker 1:Yeah, is there a book on the horizon? Cause I've seen you can join the wait list for a book, so are you allowed?
Speaker 2:to talk about that yet. Yeah, sure, I also have a podcast called Thrive Like a Parent. We mostly talk about human stuff, not just parenting stuff. But, yes, there's a book that will eventually come out, but it was derailed, excuse me, when Jonathan passed and I needed to focus in on different parts of the business and different parts of my life and my children's life, and there's so much to say and there's so much that feels like such just so much to put in there. And, yes, it has started, the chapters have begun to be written and eventually it will be shared with the world. So, yes, Beautiful.
Speaker 1:I can't wait to hear more about it when it's on the horizon. Well, I usually end the podcast by asking with a few questions. One of them is what is the bravest thing that Brooke has ever done?
Speaker 2:Okay, the bravest thing I have absolutely ever done was was get out of bed and and start taking care of me, because I knew potentially what that could mean for someone else's life um, as well as my own and my children's and getting up, doing this work, taking care of myself and and doing the hard work because this work isn't easy. Like even you saying, like you've done so much on yourself, like I'm sure you can attest to this Like this isn't always fun, like it's not always fun to like move through the parts and pieces Sometimes it's gut-wrenching and painful and all the things. So I would say the bravest thing I've ever done is is get back in the driver's seat of my own life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so good and it's so true, and I've I've said this to close friends like I see why there's people that don't want to change and don't want to do the work, because it is really hard and it's like the consistent effort where you're just going on and on and on what is a book that was transformative for you.
Speaker 2:Oh, the Body Keeps the Score is fantastic. And then, my hands down favorite, it's a simple book. It'll take you like an hour and a half to read it. It's called the Crossroads of Should and Must and it's just like a street sign and it's basic and it's beautiful and the artwork is just incredible in it and it's just so simple. But it's like, if you don't know the road to take, you can ask yourself is this a should or is this a must? It can simplify life in that way and, um, for many, many months, really, really early on, it was probably one of the first books I ever read. Getting involved in this work and I carried it in my purse for months. It was like I just needed it close to me to give me the courage to like make those hard decisions.
Speaker 1:I love that. And the last one is what's the best piece of advice someone gave you?
Speaker 2:The best piece of advice someone has given me. The best piece of now. I know what I had to think for a second. The best piece of advice someone has ever given me the best piece of now. I know it. I had to think for a second.
Speaker 2:Um, the best piece of advice someone has ever given me is parent the child in front of you, not the child you fear they will become. And my children have a 50 percent higher rate or risk of of suicide because of Jonathan. It's just statistics, and I've had incredible humans and mentors in my life along my own journey, um to continue my own learning or to continue being able to bring new and awesome information to my own clients and um, as I was moving through fear for my own children of what this will look like, I was, for sure, parenting at one point from a place of fear of and and being gentle and, you know, not saying the thing or or holding them accountable, because I was so fearful of who they would become. Um, and so now I parent the child in front of me rather than who I fear they will become, and it has liberated my ability to show up for them in many different ways and parent them in the way that they need, rather than out of fear.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's so good, and I'm personally curious what do you call your dance style? Because I just want to know what is that called.
Speaker 2:I don't know what my dance style is. You know, I'll dance since the age of two. I wanted to go out to California and dance instead of go to college and my parents were like best of luck with that, and so I ended up going to college and this has been a way for me to incorporate the thing that I love most in my life, the thing that is so regulating for me and truly taught me how to feel my feelings through movement and emotion and dance and all the things. Um, and yeah, I used to do it on the counter in my kitchen and and post all my reels, and now it's more just on the floor, um, in my den, but I would just I don't know the style, but what I would say is it's, it's my favorite way to regulate.
Speaker 1:I love that. Well, it's been such an honor talking to you. Thank you so much for sharing your gift. Yeah, I really appreciate it. Thank you for having me. Thank you for listening to the Once we Dare podcast. It is an honor to share these encouraging stories with you. If you enjoy the show, I would love for you to tell your friends. Leave us a reviewer rating and subscribe to wherever you listen to podcasts, because this helps others discover the show. You can find me on my website, speckhopawcom.