THE ONES WHO DARED
THE ONES WHO DARED PODCAST Elevating stories of courage. You can listen to some of the most interesting stories of courage, powerful life lessons, and aha moments. Featuring interviews with leaders, pioneers and people who have done hard things. I hope these stories help pave the path for you to live out your courageous life.
THE ONES WHO DARED
A Fight, a Funeral, and Building a Future Worth Imitating | Mitchell Osmond
A fight at home and a funeral forced Mitchell Osmond to ask a hard question: Is my life worth imitating? From losing his job and carrying $100K in debt to rebuilding his health, marriage, and purpose, Mitch shares the mindset shifts that changed everything.
We dive into his “Author’s Advantage” method — writing two eulogies, defining a clear future, and reverse-engineering it into daily action. Along the way, we unpack how self-trust, discipline, and small wins at home can rewrite your entire story.
This episode is about choosing your hard on purpose and building a legacy that starts at home and echoes for generations.
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Hey friends, welcome to the Once Who Dared podcast where stories of courage are elevated. I'm your host, Becca, and every other week you'll hear interviews from inspiring people. My hope is that you will leave encouraged. I'm so glad you're here.
SPEAKER_04:Today in the Once Who Dare Podcast, I'm thrilled to welcome Mitchell Osmond, host of the internationally top five-rated podcast Call of That Nation. Consider this episode as a free, high-level coaching session, as Mitchell knows firsthand what it takes to rebuild from the bottom up. At one point, he was unemployed, 50 pounds overweight, drowning in nearly$100,000 in debt, and watching his marriage almost fall apart. Today, he helps high-performing men reclaim their home, health, and happiness without sacrificing success. Get ready for a powerful conversation that will challenge you and leave you reflecting on your own life. Mitch Osmond, welcome to the Once for Dear Podcast. I'm so honored to have you on here today.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you for having me today. I'm looking forward to having this conversation with you.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. So Mitch is a trusted advisor, a leadership consultant, executive coach, and the voice behind the Dad Nation podcast, which is it's in top percent globally with 30 plus thousand monthly listeners. And uh you empower men to lead a better life. And um you also help them align with success and personal life. And I'm so excited to have you on here because you really touch on mindset about just how to reframe the way that we see ourselves and get from the victim mindset into um seeing us how we can write a better story and more courageous story. So I'd love to hear from you of just for you to share a little bit about your background, um, what led you to not only start God Nation, but on the journey that you went on to be who you are today.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, thank you for asking. And I just want to say thanks for having me on the show. I mean, it's an honor and a privilege to begin to get to share, you know, my story and and help help others. And so I I think I love starting with that, uh, the origin story, the turning point, because I think it's so we can make the mistake of listening to podcasts like this and hearing people talk and make and make the mistake of thinking that they've had it all figured out or you know, whatever. But I'll be the first to tell you um I've made all the mistakes, I've learned all the lessons the hard way because I'm so thick-headed. But for me, yeah, it was a crazy story of transformation. And uh, you know, people often ask me, what was your turning point? You know, that really kind of turned it around. So I'll try and give it to you as as quickly as possible. But um, there were two real pivotal points for me. The first one was a fight, and the second one was a funeral. And so the first point was the fight. And if you can picture, I was on the couch with my wife sitting in the living room, and we had been married for about three years, and we just hit our rock bottom. We had the fight of all fights, and uh, and it went on for I don't know, must have been a couple hours. And you see, like I said, we've been married for three point three years up to this point, and it was a hard three years. Like we really struggled, but this was the fight that I knew. If I didn't change something deep down, I knew that this this marriage was going to be over. Um, to give you some context leading up to this, I had been let go of a senior leadership position. And my career was everything, it was my calling, my identity. And I spiraled into depression. I was 60 pounds overweight. We were$100,000 in debt. I was medicating with drugs and alcohol on the daily just to cope. And now I was getting dangerously close to losing my wife. And uh I was in this tension of like, why is it that I could see success professionally, but I was struggling so much personally. And I go to work and I feel powerful and I come home and I would feel powerless. And I just uh there was this duality that I wrestled with. And to back things up even more, you know, I came from a dysfunctional upbringing. You know, I had a non-existent relationship with my father. He was an alcoholic. Um, drugs and crime were littered throughout my home growing up. And so I was kind of caught in the middle of it, my my past and the present, you know, and I knew that I knew where I came from. And I knew that I could do, I knew that I was determined to do something different, but I kept get, I felt myself getting pulled back into the mistakes, into the, you know, uh, the mistakes of my father and his father. And when I would yell at my wife, I would, I would hear his voice in mine, I would hear his words, and it was like I couldn't stop it. And like I said, it felt like I was trapped in two different people in one body. And it was such a point of tension for me. And the second defining moment came literally seven days after that fight. Now I'm still questioning if if this marriage is going to make it. And I get invited to sing at this funeral of this really wealthy man, he was a philanthropist. There was a couple thousand people there. And I was getting ready to sing the last song, and I overheard the minister ask the crowd, he said, Are you living a life worthy of imitation? If you were to die tomorrow, would you be proud of the legacy that you left? And he referenced all the things that this man had done. And I tell you what, as I began to try to sing the last song, I could barely choke out the lyrics because all I could think in the back of my mind was, man, if this were my funeral, nobody would be saying he inspired me to have a better marriage or he inspired me to get my finances in order, or he inspired me to get into shape. Um, they probably would have said at that point, he struggled, and then it was over. You know, and so that funeral, that time, you know, as I finished up that funeral and packed up my stuff, I made a commitment that I would, that I would write there and then that I would write a new story, that I would take the pen back, so to speak, and rewrite my future. Um, and I and and I knew that I had to die to the man that I was in order to become the man that I knew I could be for my family. And so it was a wild journey. And then really at the end of the day, you know, long story short, I I gathered men around me who were successful in the areas that I needed to see that breakthrough in. And within one and a half years or 18 months, we completely paid off our debt, uh, the hundred grand. We restored our marriage. I lost the 60 pounds, built a lean, confident body, and I was clean of some substances and distractions, and I was focused for the first time. And so what happened after that was because I was in positions of leadership, all of a sudden people started asking questions like Mitchell, what's going on, man?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, how did you do that? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And so I started helping friends of my buddies who were disconnected in their marriage or weighed down by debt, helping them put budgets together. And one of my mentors at one point said, Hey man, if you really want to live a life worthy of imitation, if you want to have impact, then we're gonna turn your trash into treasure by sharing your story with the world. And he said, You need to start a podcast. And I was like, Heck no, that's I'm not sharing my or airing my dirty laundry with the world. And sure enough, I accepted the challenge. And within six months, the podcast was top 10%, now it's top five percent. And then within uh after the six months, I would have listeners reach out across the world saying, Hey, could you help me in my situation? And so I launched a coaching practice, which within six months I scaled to a six-figure coaching practice. And basically, out of just the story of my own trauma and then transformation, and I love Ed Millette says this all the time. He says, You were the most qualified to help the person you used to be.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And at that at the end of the day, that's all I do. And I am completely focused and dedicated to taking my story and helping other men restore their relationships, get their health back, show up as more present and powerful fathers and to reclaim their lives. And so that's that's how I got here.
SPEAKER_04:Wow, that's powerful. Yeah, in our vulnerability, we're able to help help others, right? When we can openly share our struggles and share how you have done that. So, how does someone, you know, I may have a listener at this point who's thinking, yeah, you know, I'm really unhappy with my life. If I was to be at my own funeral, I probably would be disappointed with the life that I'm living. How do I change that?
SPEAKER_00:I mean, that's a million-dollar question, right?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Um, you know, like where do I start, right? Like, where do I start?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, where do you start? You start with ownership, right? Taking complete ownership. Because here's the thing um, your past can define you or it can refine you, right? You get to choose. And I was where I was because uh, you know, I had pain from my past as a child that I didn't deal with. And when I got married and became a man, it began those wounds began to bleed into my marriage and all over my wife. And so I needed to heal that. I needed, and and a part of that process was getting honest about where I was at. You know, we know that 80% of the way we see the world and the way we see ourselves is formed before we're 12 years old. That's why we have to look to the past to understand what happened and to see, because that that those those seeds that were planted keep, you know, reaping a harvest. And a lot of times, unfortunately, it's not the harvest that we want. And so we need to we need to dig deep into that and see, well, where did we go wrong? And part of that is like uh again, taking ownership and saying, you know, I'm not gonna let, I'm not gonna continue to let the past uh you know dictate my future. And and I have something called the author's advantage, which really just says at the end of the day, a lot of people um think that their their life goes, you know, your past impacts your present, and then your your present goes to the future. And then the problem with that is, you know, at the end of the day, your few your past is always going to dictate where you end up in the future. But what I like to do is flip that model on its head, and we actually begin with the future and we say, let's get crystal clear about where we're headed. You know, for me, it was that funeral moment, you know, uh uh beginning with the end in mind. I mean, Napoleon Hill talked about this, Stephen Covey talked about this in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Get a very clear picture about where you want to go, spell it out, right? In crystal clear, and then allow that pick that picture of the future to then shape your present daily actions. And then when you're living in the present, you're gonna actively speak to the past and pull it into alignment with where you're going, right? And you're gonna have to choose to say, I'm no longer going to let the past dictate where I'm headed. I'm going to actually use that as fuel to move me forward, right? And that's at the end of the day what I had to do with my story because I was very, very close to becoming an alcoholic, to becoming overweight, to becoming depressed and alone, just like so many people in my family. But I had to flip the script on its head and I had to take complete ownership. And until I'm ready to be completely honest with myself, nothing's gonna change because I can look for diet plans, I can hire trainers, and I can hire a marriage counselor and I can do all these different things. But if at the end of the day I don't genuinely believe that I'm capable or worthy of more, then I'm gonna keep sabotaging. And that's what what happens then is we have this gaping wound and we try and stretch a band-aid over it. And that's actually not the solution. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. Absolutely. Yeah, and I think there is such a thing too as um, you know, a lot of entrepreneurs that I know and talk to can be extremely successful because they're leveraging their childhood wounds to prove something right. And that is the launching pad into incredible success on the outside. But if they never took the time to deal with what's going on in their internal world and to heal from their past, which, like you said, you have to look back in a sense in order to make sense of it, heal from it. But you're living with the future in mind. You're living from that perspective, saying, okay, what's the future that I want to build? And how do I make what do I need to do today to make that a reality? What are the baby steps that I need to do to make that a reality?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And and, you know, at the end of the day, you know, and and a real simple exercise, uh, I'd love to share, but real quickly. But yeah, go for it. But right before I do that, I mean, uh, we we know that our lives are where they are today because of the decisions that we've made over the last three to five years. And so when I think about the decisions that I've made from 2020 to 2023, it makes total sense as to why I'm here today, right? And so now, if I like where I'm at, then that's a great thing. Keep doing the same thing. But if I want to be somewhere different, then I need to look into the future, right? And and and then ask myself, what do I want life to look like in five years? What kind of marriage do I want? What kind of health do I want? What kind of finances do I want in within five years? Now, what does that person, what decisions do they make, right? And so a quick question you can ask yourself, and I ask this to my clients often, uh, is if, you know, say for example, me and you were like, we were to bump into each other in an airport, and I was like, hey, Sebca, how you doing? Like it's been three years since we talked. And you were to say to me, Man, Mitch, this has been the best three years of my life. Let me tell you about it. The question is, is what would what would have to be true about your life, right? At that point, to have made the past three years the best three years of your life. And so what we do is we get very, very clear about like, okay, well, let's look at the the you know, the different areas of your life. What does your marriage look like? Or what does your health look like? Where are you living? Where are your kids going to school? What do you do in your free time? Um, what's your relationship with like with your children? What are your hobbies? How much money is in your bank account? You know, you name it, whatever the thing is for you. And get very, very clear. And what we do is you write it out, kind of like a movie scene, like like when you're driving off into the sunset, and it's like, this is what I want this to look like, this is what I want this to look like. And then we say, okay, well, let's reverse engineer that three-year vision, okay, into strategies and daily action steps. What do I need to do today to have that life in three years from now? And I think it's good, and that's called externalizing. It's you're asking yourself, if if three years from now Mitchell could stretch back into time and speak to me, what would he tell me to do? 99% of the time, he's gonna say, get off your phone.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, right. That's a big one.
SPEAKER_00:Right? He's gonna say, go to the gym, or don't make that, you know, lavish purchase that you don't need, or spend some quality time with your wife, or get on the floor and play with your kids. You know, stop stop checking the email. And when we externalize and allow that future clear vision of him yourself to speak to you in the day, in today's present time, we get very clear because we all instinctively know what we need to do, but we're not very clear as to we don't often think about the future, right? Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. The other um practice that I heard you say is um that you have your clients write out their eulogy, which I absolutely love. I have my eulogy written. Actually, I did this exercise with all my, well, most of my siblings. I have a lot of them. Um we started a sibling mastermind and I had to write out their eulogy. And it was probably the most powerful, significant couple hours that we shared a sibling. So I'd love for you to share a little bit about that exercise as well, because I think it is a powerful one. At the Once for Day Podcast, giving back is part of our mission, which is why we proudly sponsor Midwest Food Bank. Here's why. Midwest Food Bank Pennsylvania distributes over$25 million worth of food annually, completely free of charge to over 200 nonprofit partners across PA, New York, and New Jersey, reaching more than 330,000 people in need. Through their volunteer-driven model and innovative food rescue programs, they turn every single dollar donated into$30 worth of food. Now that's amazing. Join us in supporting this cause. To learn more or to give, go to Midwestfoodbank.org slash Pennsylvania.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you for bringing up because every single one of my clients do this. And um, and some people might think it's morbid. I don't care. It is, you know what? The more you are faced with your mortality, the more you will live with presence and authenticity and tenacity. Because you have to be aware of it. And so what I what I do is I get my clients to write two versions of their eulogy. So the first version is if you were to die today, I want you to write the eulogy from the perspective of your wife. You know, now again, I speak to I coach men exclusively, so that's why a lot of my language is around, man. But if you're a woman, flip the script, right? If they were standing over your coffin today, what would they say about you? About the marriage you had, uh the father you were to your children, you know, the way you you gave to your community, you know, you name it. Then if you were, you're we're gonna write a 2.0 version of that. If you were 100% the the man, father, husband, or or woman, mother, wife that you wanted to be, that knew you you could be, what would they say about you at that point? Right. And then what we do then is we draw the the the tensions between those two because that in that gap, who we are currently and who we know we could be, that's where our anxiety lies. That's where our frustration lies. That that's that's the stuff that keeps us up at night, you know. And so that's that eulogy exercise is a beautiful way of bringing those things to light. And I've I'll regularly have clients say, Yeah, I I think that they would probably say that that I cared about business, that I worked a lot, that I was kind of home, but I wasn't. Like I was there in body, but I wasn't there in my mind. You know, and so it draws out that raw stuff because that's the stuff that matters. You know, and I've never once out of the the the countless men who have done this, not one of them have said that they want to be known for how many million dollars they've made, how many businesses they've scaled. Every single one of them have said, I want my wife to know that I loved her, I want my kids to know that I love them, that I believed in them, I want my community to know that I showed up when it mattered most, you know, all those different things. And none of those have anything to do with material possessions, right? And that's why it's so valuable. And going back to ownership, that first question you asked me, that's why this exercise is so visceral, because it forces you to get honest and realize you have to take ownership of these things.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. I mean, I think as long as we keep thinking that the external forces are responsible for outcome, the more that we stay stuck, right? And um, one of the things, too, that I just uh hear people say sometimes, especially men, you know, they're just like, I just I know what I want to do. I just need to be motivated, I just need someone to motivate me. What would you say to someone like that?
SPEAKER_00:I say motivation is garbage. It's strong language, it's strong language. But listen, motive motivation comes and goes like the wind. It's so fickle, right? I want you to think about motivation as kindling to a fire. Motivation might light the fire, but that fire is going to go out quite quick. What you need to do is build disciplines, right? Motivations will help you light the fire, but we need to get big pieces of wood that we chuck in there that keep the fire going. Those are healthy habits and disciplines. Um, because at the end of the day, you will not feel like going to the gym. You will not feel like staying up and having that critical conversation with your wife. You won't feel like saying no to that lavish purchase that you know you don't need. You know, that's the thing. Um, we all we all want to stay motivated. I mean, every every good diet starts on Monday. Well, Monday I'll be motivated, you know what I mean? But at the end of the day, as long as we're waiting to feel like it, um, we won't actually do it. And we might for like a week or so, you know, and so I I think, you know, and not everyone loves this language, and I recognize that it is it is fairly aggressive, but it's this idea that life is not going to be easy. Like David Data in his book, The Way of the Superior Man, says that he calls it the great masculine error. Is is one, it's just we we're all obsessed with this idea that one day it's gonna be easy, one day we'll understand our lives, one day we'll have all the money we want, one day we're gonna have a six-pack. And it's like we're just waiting for the universe or God or whatever to hand it to us. And the reality is that's never gonna happen.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And the only way it will happen is if we understand that nothing comes to us easily. And there is this a lot of different variations of this poem or writing, but at the end, if you could just you could just Google choose your choose your heart. But basically it says, you know, I'm probably gonna butcher it, but it says, you know, making a lot of money is hard, being poor is hard, working a nine to five is hard, being an entrepreneur is hard, right? Having a lot of friends is hard, having no friends is hard, being in great shape is hard, being overweight is hard, having a great marriage is hard, going through a divorce is hard, and so the idea of it is like literally everything in this life is going to be difficult. And the sooner you can embrace that and understand that easy is a fallacy, the quicker you will be content, the quicker you will stop looking around the corner for something to be easy and you'll be disappointed a whole lot less if you can learn to embrace that model. But that's the thing, right? We're waiting for it to be easy. We're waiting to want to work out, we're waiting to want to draft up a budget and get our finances in order. But that's the thing. It's never gonna happen. I was literally on a podcast an hour ago and we were having this exact same conversation. And I said, look, there's never going to be a pack of cheerleaders at the parking lot in the gym, you know, cheering you on when you show up. Your wife is never gonna grab the cell phone out of your hand, or your kids aren't going to take the remote from you. You know, you have to do it yourself.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And so for me, I think that's just so so key.
SPEAKER_04:What is the one um discipline that you would advise to start with that can create a ripple effect into other areas of life?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's a good question. Um, I think I I think exercise, you know, diet and nutrition is is so important. Uh hear me out. The reason why is because you can make moves um, you know, in your mindset and your mental health and in your marriage and with with your kids and all that stuff, but it's all it's not tangible, right? You can't quite measure it, but you certainly can with fitness and and exercise, right? Um, and that's the thing, you can see measurable changes pretty quickly. Now, the reason why I say it's so important is because the reason why, let me talk about self self-confidence real quick. The reason why we we lack self-confidence is because we've broken promises to ourselves.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_00:And so uh, you know, if you want to know where you're most insecure in life, take a look at where you've broken the most promises. Is it in your marriage, is it in your fitness, is it in your how how you handle your money? But really what happens is when you when you make a promise to yourself and you don't keep it, you don't necessarily think that anyone, you're like, well, nobody sees it, nobody really cares, like nobody knows, but you know, right? And your mind begins to say things like, Why would any why should anyone else trust you if you can't trust yourself that you're gonna follow through? And so what happens then is you begin when you keep when you make a promise and you keep it, you begin to stack wins or build rapport with yourself. And for me and the men that I coach, I a real simple way to start that process is to say, I will work out like three times a week. I'm gonna keep that promise. I will eat clean whole food. What happens is you start stacking wins and you become more self-confident, and then you start to get that momentum, but also you have more energy, you're better rested, you're losing weight. So you're intrinsically far more motivated and far more confident to attack the other parts of your life, like your marriage, like your finances, like your parenting, because you're both motivated on the inside, but you also physically have more energy and more mental capacity to do that, right? So that's why I always say starting with just simple exercise and and diet is a great way because that unlocks everything else.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. And also when you do something hard, right, especially if you start it first thing in the morning, it sets your day up for success. So you're like, I did this hard thing. You know, the next thing that I'm gonna do is just mentally it frees you up. I mean, I know that's how it is for me. If I get up early like I said I would and go to the gym like I said I would, I'm having an amazing day. And that's, you know, that that is what you said, keeping promises to yourself. So you're like, I can do that. And if I can do this hard thing, I can do other hard things.
SPEAKER_00:That's so, so key. I was literally saying this to a buddy of mine the other day, you know, when he's going for a new PR and a squat. And I was like, listen, man, if you can hit this, this is gonna be the hardest thing you do all day. You can take any sales call after doing this. Like, this is the like literally getting yourself, number one, getting yourself out of bed, you know, but getting to the gym and pushing that kind of weight, man, anything after that is so much simpler. So psychologically, it also sets you up for success. And Jocko Willink talks about this in extreme ownership, I think. Uh, he says, like, the alarm test is the first and most significant test of the day. Because what happens is when you say yes, you're automatically setting a precedent for yourself subconsciously to say yes to the other things. But if you wake up and say no and turn off your alarm or hit snooze, now you are giving yourself permission to continue breaking more promises throughout the day. And so that first promise is so, so critical on a subconscious level.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah, it's powerful. Well, I like to shift things just a little bit, and um, I know you coach a lot of men and entrepreneurs. I'd love for you to speak to the women of how they can help the men in their lives.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Because they're they're they're another piece, right? They're part of the puzzle.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, it's huge, it's huge. Um, okay, we're talking to the women.
SPEAKER_04:Hey, if this episode is speaking to you, can you do me a quick favor and share it with a friend who you think will also be encouraged by it? Because when you share or leave a review or subscribe, it really helps us to reach more incredible human beings like you. Thank you so much for being part of this journey.
SPEAKER_00:We we men and women are so, so different. Obviously. Uh we're wired different. And I could talk, we could do a full episode on the masculine essence versus the feminine essence and how we're motivated and our wiring and all that. But at the end of the day, if you're a woman listening today and um and you want to know what are the what are the biggest needs that my husband has, he has two core needs, okay? Number one is to feel competent, and number two is to feel respected, okay? It's not about feeling loved. And it's good to feel loved, but feeling competent and respected for men is so much more important, so much more valuable. Like, and I've done this so many times into a room of kind of care if it's 20, 100,000 men, and you ask them the question, would you rather hear the words from your wife? Would you rather hear the words I love you or I respect you? 99% of the men in the room will lift their hands when I say I respect you. Um and so many women don't necessarily understand that. And so what happens is we go because we we go to work and we get this validation, right? We are successful at work, we're respected by our peers. Um they they believe in us, we're high performers, you know, whatever. And we come home because we have different needs, what happens is uh we start shoving strategies down our wife's throat, which is oh, we need to work on, right? We try fixing things, we try, you know, we end up treating our our families like staff members to fix it. I don't want, you know, and then what happens is we start to feel incompetent, right? Because it's like, well, I'm I'm I'm I I'm of no use in the home because I can't solve this, right? And the masculine essence is in doing, the feminine is being, right? So men really want to do something about it, right? And so we have to fight our wiring. And so what happens is then they feel a little bit of that incompetence, and and unfortunately, sometimes as men too do with their wives, but or or men do with women and women do with men, sometimes they can say things that may feel disrespectful, you know, like um all like you're not a good husband, or you're not a good father, or you're not a good provider, or whatever, and it feels disrespectful. All of a sudden, instantly, we're both of our core needs are not being met. And what happens is men then begin to spend more time at work because that's where they're getting those needs met, right? Versus home, uh, where it's all the lines are blurry. They can't measure success at home. How do you I I tell people all the time, I'm like, your your six-year-old is not going to come up to you and be like, hey, daddy, here are 10 strategic reasons why you're an effective father. Like we have no way of measuring that, right? But we do at work, and so that's why it's so easy. So what happens is dad stays at work because he's more comfortable there. And then what happens is mom is no longer seen, heard, and cherished, right? So she, when he does come home, she doesn't feel like respecting him or making him feel competent. And so we start to drift, and we call this the crazy cycle. And so if you're listening to this today and you're a woman, uh understand that um he he desires that more than anything. And he may not even understand how to articulate that, right? You know, and so it's a good conversation to have. So, you know, I teach my guys uh that uh women's three core needs are to feel seen, to feel heard, and to feel safe, right? And so, real simply, I'll have my my clients go to the wives and say, Hey, like I we'll take them out on a date, whatever. What does it look like for me to make you feel more seen? What does it look like to make you feel more heard? What does it look like to make you feel more safe? And then, you know, the you know, the wife, if she's willing, asking that question, what does it look like to make you feel more respected in the home? What does it make you what does it look like to make you feel more competent as a husband, as a father when you show up? And if you can genuinely have an open, honest conversation, man, and you can share that in a place of safety, and you can start meeting those needs for one another, it is powerful. And so that's what I would say to your listeners who are women, and um that that is so so so significant. The most empowering thing you can say to your husband is I believe in you. I believe in you. I think you can do anything. I'm behind you, support you. He can live off that for six months. All right, yeah, that's it. Yeah, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_04:Absolutely. Yeah, that is so powerful. I mean, imagine if every married couple did that, right? That would be a game changer. Just that alone. Yeah, absolutely. And on top of that, we know statistically that majority of affairs happen in a workplace. And I think you touched on it a bit of why that happens, because they get validated. There's a reward system, right? You're working, you're collaborating in a project together, there's meaning in that, there's a sense of we're accomplishing, we're working towards something together. And you come home and you feel like I'm not good enough, I'm not hitting the marks and this and that. And that then feels less rewarding, less assuring, less affirming. And so you get affirm there, but not there. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Well, you know, 95% of the men that I work with say, I feel powerful at work and powerless at home. They come home, they don't know how to talk to their wife, they feel like a nuisance in their home, they feel like they don't serve any purpose. You know, and and and because again, it's it's we're we base our worth by what we do. Right. Yeah. And and that's just uh it's important to understand that, not not to say that that's the way it needs to be, like, but but but it's great information so that if we can communicate through that, we can create space for one another, right? And teaching men how to sit and listen to their wives and empathize with them and validate their emotions and and have them make space with how to make space for her without trying to fix anything. And at the end of the day, it's it's so difficult for men to hear feelings because they can't do anything about it.
SPEAKER_01:Right, right.
SPEAKER_00:Going back to the essence of doing, we can't fix it. And that's scary for men because we we put our worth in what we can fix. So if we can't fix, then we're not a good husband. And so we can't uh we struggle in that sort of atmosphere, that emotional climate. So I teach men how to sit in that, right? And and because she's not looking for a savior, right? She's looking for a safe place. That's it. She just wants to be hurt, and so that tension is is real, and and teaching men and women how to navigate that is huge.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, one of the things too I heard before is um for a husband specifically, when approaching a wife and she wants to share something with you, asking this question is this something you want me to help you solve, or do you want me to just listen?
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:And that kind of creates of okay, am I going into how to help my wife mode, or am I going into all right, she just wants to be heard. She actually doesn't want me to solve anything today.
SPEAKER_00:Mm-hmm. And you know, you know what? And another little side perk, it says, Hey, I care about you and I want to serve you the best way I know how, right? I I want to be better for you. And so even by virtue of asking the question, it shows that you're showing up, that you're present, that you're you are being where your feet are, that you're not on your phone or you're not, you know, you're like fully there with her. And that's so much of what men and women struggle with. So yeah, that's that was it when I started doing that with my wife, it was a huge game changer. And now, even to this day, every single time when I come home and she's like, Hey, this happened and this is going on. My first thought is, is this something you'd like me to listen to? Just empathize with you, or is this something where you want me to help you fix? I'm happy to do either. Uh just let me know. And she's like, you know what? Actually, I'd like your help fixing this. Or sometimes she's like, Yeah, I just want you to listen. And that takes the pressure off as men too, because we're like, oh, sweet, I can just listen. Easy, right?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_02:Um, as a coach, what mindset shift tends to create the biggest breakthrough?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:What's like the biggest unlock, right?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Honestly, I I I think it's it's kind of what we were talking about before. Um understanding that the cavalry isn't coming. Right. Understanding that no one's no one's gonna give you the easy route. Um understanding that it's on you to do to do to make the change. And um and and and not and letting go of the expectation for it to be easy. And it it's hard to do, but but honestly, when you're like when you stop expecting, when you stop looking for ease around every corner, life just gets a lot easier. You know, it sounds a little weird, it sounds weird, but but that's significant, you know, and that in in in coupling with um the eulogy exercise, I think has been two of the most transformative pieces for a man to understand I am not on a good trajectory. And if I were to die today, this is what my family would say. You know, um and with that question or with that that exercise, and there's a lot of conversation that goes. I mean, we're talking really, really high level here, but with that conversation in those sessions, you know, I'll ask a question often, which is very simple. What do you want? And I'll tell you 98% of the guys that I ask that question to, they have no idea because they've spent so long building the business or you know, whatever, building the rampire or whatever it is they're trying to do that they've completely lost touch with what they want, right? And so, for example, if you'll allow me, I'll I'll show you or give you an example of a client I was working with a little while ago. I said, What do you what do you want? He said, Well, I want an Audi R8. Now, an Audi R8 is like a supercar, right? And it's on about$200,000. So I said, Okay, that's interesting. Uh, why do you want an an R8? He's like, Well, I want people to know uh I want people to know how much money I make.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Or I want people to know I'm successful. Well, why do you want people to know you're successful? Well, because successful people make a lot of money. Okay, so why do you want people to know that you make a lot of money? Well, because then um then they'll notice me, right? Okay, well why do you want to be noticed? Well, because uh they'll respect me then. Oh, okay. You you you want to be respected. And so then what happened? So then I'm like, okay, well, perhaps there might have been a time in your life where you felt disrespected.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Um, maybe it's not the supercar that you want, or maybe it's not that you want everyone to know that you're powerful and you have a lot of money. Maybe at the end of the day, the little boy inside of you still just is craving respect and feel competent. And you feel like getting that supercar and making that money is gonna fix that wound, right? But what would happen if when you showed up at home and you showed up at work, you were fully authentically you, and you were respected by your peers and respected by your wife, and you're admired by your family, and that you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were 100% the man you were called to be. Would you still feel the need to want that R8 supercar? And as we began to go down through that exercise, he's like, Yeah, no, that's actually that's actually all I want. I want, I want, I want to be respected and um and desired by my wife, you know. So, but again, like he asked him what he wanted, he's a car. I'm like, what? No, you don't have a car, you know. But so so that question, so many men don't know how to answer that. So many people don't know how to answer.
SPEAKER_04:Well, a lot of people don't.
SPEAKER_00:And we have to do, and this is what we say when we we do the deep work, right? We got to unlock some of that stuff. And like I said earlier, 80% of the way we see ourselves and see the world around us is formed before we're 12 years old. And so we have to look to our past to see where some of those wounds came up because we got a lot of grown men walking around, but they're just little boys on the inside, right? That haven't had that question answered because every little boy is asking that one question Am I enough? And unfortunately, a lot of times these boys didn't get that question answered by their fathers.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:I was a situation where that, you know, that happened to me. And a lot of men I know that I've worked with, their fathers didn't answer that question for them. And so they grew up to be grown men, still going around. Am I enough? Am I enough? Am I enough? When will I be enough? And so this is the work we do to help answer that question. No, you are enough. You don't need, you know,$10 million, you don't need these many businesses, you don't need a supercar, right? But this is the reality of the work that we do, and it's so significant.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, that's beautiful. Mitchell, what is the legacy that you hope to leave in the work that you do and the life that you love? I'm incredibly selective about the supplements I choose for me and my family, and Sourstop Nutrition Gummies by BME, Beyond Medicine, have become a family favorite. Not only are they packed with incredible benefits, but they're so delicious that everyone in my family enjoys them. Introducing SourSupp Cell Plus Immunity Gummies, the first ever physician-backed sourstup supplements in the U.S., expertly formulated with Sourstop Elderberry and Agnesia, designed to enhance your well-being. Experience the benefits of soothing inflammation, balancing blood sugars, relieving stress and anxiety, and strengthening your immune system. Use my code SVECCA, that's S-V-E-T-K-A on sourstupnutrition.com and get 5% off today.
SPEAKER_00:I just want to help people. I want to serve, I want to help, you know, i i I believe every family has a curse breaker. For me and my family, I'm the curse breaker. You know, my family is riddled with alcoholics, uh, drugs, crime, whatever. You know, the only way I know how to turn trash into treasure is by using my story to help and help other men end that cycle for their families as well. I literally had this conversation with my wife a couple weeks ago. And I said, you know, I think I'm finally at the place where if I die tomorrow, I'd be so happy. And once I draw my last breath, I'd have no regrets. Because I've used the time that I have to help transform the lives of and marriages of so many men that at the end of at my funeral, I want man after man after man to stand up and say, I'm still married today because of him. Or I'm a great father today because of him. Or I show you whatever. And so that's what I that's the legacy I want to leave.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, and that also creates such a huge rule effect into generations, right? Because if you can impact a father who's raising children and is married, that is legacy upon legacy of multi-generational impact. So that is so beautiful.
SPEAKER_00:Well, and you know, I say this at the beginning of every single episode of my my podcast, the Dad Nation podcast, I say when the dad gets better, the whole family wins. And generations after that win, right? When a man steps up and raises a standard for himself and his family, everybody wins. It's powerful work.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Well, and I bet that getting to from where you were to where you are today wasn't easy, was it?
SPEAKER_00:No, it was excruciating. And it was, it was, I learned a lot of lessons the hard way. And I almost gave up so many times.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, and I think that's why a lot of people don't do it, right? I think it's easier to stay comfortable. It's easier to stay stuck, right? Because you just do what you're habitually wired to do. And rewiring your brain, redoing, you know, all of that, just rewiring your thoughts, those pathways that were created over and over again, and having to create new pathways that are healthier, a different thought. Like I can do hard things, I'm gonna be able to overcome this. And um, seeing yourself from a different lens is so hard to continue to do the work. So thank you for doing that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, well, I mean, thank you. I mean, yeah, you're welcome. I'm I'm I'm uh I'm glad to be able to talk about it. You know, real one real quick statistic. We know that 95% of the thoughts we have today are the exact same as the thoughts we had yesterday.
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_00:So we only we know that only 5% of the decisions we make every single day are subconscious. Now that are conscious. And the reason why that's so important is because that tells us that we live the vast majority of our lives on autopilot. Right. And so if we want to change the trajectory, we literally have to change how we think through the power of neuroplasticity, which we could get into another time. But that's powerful, and that's why it's so hard to break that, right? But it's uh it's powerful.
SPEAKER_04:Overriding that. And also, I mean, you know, most listeners probably know by now, but your brain doesn't know the difference between your imagined thought and what actually happened. So when you start to visualize and see yourself in a different light, as if it's real, your brain is registering that as a reality, as if that is a reality already that happened.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's so good. And that's that's a detail that so many people miss. It's huge. The visualization, you know, gratitude, all those things.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Well, I'd love to wrap up the podcast with three questions. And one of them is what is the bravest thing that Mitchell's ever done?
SPEAKER_00:Uh probably launched the podcast. Um, it took me about three years. I I wrote content for three years. Wow. Before I had the courage to actually do it. Because one of the limiting beliefs I had, because I was when growing up, I was told, well, you're not the smart one in the family. And you're gonna be an alcoholic like your dad. And so for years I fought this idea that I'm dumb, that I'm not smart, that I have nothing to contribute to this world. So I wrote and wrote and wrote for years in my basement before I finally got the courage to launch the podcast. Um, and so uh that that is it was the hardest thing that I've ever done.
SPEAKER_04:Wow, that's beautiful. What are three pivotal books that were transformative for you?
SPEAKER_00:Uh Limitless by Jim Quick. And it's a it's meta, it's like a meta learning. It's it's all about how to learn faster, right?
SPEAKER_01:It's brilliant.
SPEAKER_00:Um he talks about everything from like how to increase your memory, speed reading, but talks about a lot about limiting self-beliefs, and it's super practical. How to unwire your brain and stop sabotaging yourself. Um, another one's The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller. Um, change the way I see my wife and the way I ought to uh cherish her and honor her. Um, and I want to say I'm looking you're listening I'm just looking back at my podcast or my uh bookshelf deck of books, yeah. Yeah. Um I would say the ruthless elimination of hurry.
SPEAKER_02:That's a good one, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, by John Marcomer. Um, that one, uh, I mean, because and as an entrepreneur, um, as a business owner, it can be especially and as a man being driven by accomplishments and all those things, it can be so easy to lose track of your family in trying to provide for them.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And that's the irony of this is I work with so many men who who almost lose their families in trying to provide, give them the life that they've always wanted. And then they end up getting that life, but their family is gone.
SPEAKER_04:Right. Yeah. Wow, that's powerful. And the last one is what's the best advice that someone else gave you?
SPEAKER_00:Time is the only currency we spend without knowing the remaining balance.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, we have no idea how much time we have left. I could have sixty minutes or I could have sixty years. Um and without without getting too too deep into it, my um my nephew passed away uh a year ago, uh just like a week ago. Uh he was in a drunk driving accident. And you know, moments before he was sitting around the fire with his buddies. You know, he had no idea that he was living the last moments of his life.
unknown:Wow.
SPEAKER_00:How different would his conversations have been if he had known that he had 20 minutes left to live? And so for me, um, I'm done giving my time away to frivolous um things that don't matter in this life, like social media, like dead-end friendships, you know, whatever.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um I do not know how much time I have left. And so I refuse to spend it on things that don't matter.
SPEAKER_04:Wow, that's a very different reframing, right? We hear about like time is the one currency you can never get back, and yada yada yada, but that's a really different way to put that. Well, Mitchell, thank you so much for being in this podcast and sharing your story and um just your insights. It's powerful. I know this podcast is going to impact people and families and generations to come. So thank you so much for your time.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you for having me on the show.
SPEAKER_04:Thank you for listening to the Once a Bear podcast. It is an honor to share the encouraging stories with you. If you enjoyed the show, I would love for you to tell your friends, leave a video reading, and subscribe to wherever we listen to the podcast because this helps other things out of the show. You can find me on my website, and then you can't get a little bit