MAMI on a Mission Podcast - Mujeres Alcanzando Metas Imposibles
Introducing the MAMI on a Mission Podcast, hosted by Mariana Monterrubio, Best Selling Author and Biblical Life Coach. If you've put your dreams and aspirations on hold due to life's challenges, this podcast is for you. Tune in every Saturday at 8am for inspiring and motivational content that will give you the confidence to pursue your goals.
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MAMI on a Mission Podcast - Mujeres Alcanzando Metas Imposibles
Beyond the Scars: Transforming Pain into Purpose
What happens when childhood trauma plants seeds of rejection and abandonment in your life? How do you break free from cycles that have shaped your identity and relationships for decades?
In this deeply moving conversation, Pastor LaToya Chrisman takes us through her remarkable journey from foster care to freedom. Placed in the system at just four years old due to her parents' substance abuse, LaToya shares how growing up in South Central LA led her to join a gang at 14, witnessing violence that no child should experience. Yet through it all, God's hand of protection remained.
LaToya reveals the profound truth that our early experiences create patterns that follow us into adulthood. "We become magnets," she explains, attracting what feels familiar even when it's harmful. Host Mariana connects through her own story of growing up with an alcoholic father who passed away when she was ten, showing how different paths of trauma can lead to similar struggles with identity and belonging.
The discussion ventures into territory rarely explored with such honesty – how the absence of parents creates voids in our understanding of ourselves. "A man is what gives a young girl her identity," LaToya shares, explaining how father wounds impact relationships with men, while mother wounds affect our ability to nurture and process emotions.
What makes this episode especially powerful is the hope it offers. Both women have transformed their pain into purpose, becoming beacons for others still walking through darkness. Their candid exploration of forgiveness reveals a liberating truth: our parents could only give what they themselves received. This understanding opens the door to breaking generational cycles.
The conversation culminates in a challenge about legacy: "What will people say about you when you're gone? How are you showing up day in and day out?" It's an invitation to consider not just healing for ourselves, but the impact our healing journey can have on generations to come.
Ready to transform your pain into purpose? Connect with LaToya through her website or social media to learn more about her books, counseling services, and ministry.
Resources Mentioned:
EmpowerHer Purpose Program
Interested on coaching but still not sure? Grab your free copy of:
EmpowerHer Purpose Guide
MAMI on a Mission LLC: info@mamionamission.com
Grab your Copy of my book MAMI on a Mission - A Guide Towards Healing, Self-Discovery and Walking in Confidence
Amiga, Ready to Read Your Bible? Join the Group Today!
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Checkout Latoya Christman
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Welcome to the Mommy on a Mission podcast. I'm Mariana, your host and the number one bestselling author of Mommy on a Mission a guide towards healing, self-discovery and walking in confidence. As a dedicated life coach, wife, mom yaya and, most importantly, daughter of the king, I am passionate about empowering multifaceted women just like you. In each episode, we dive deep into transformative topics that help you reignite your passion and purpose. My unique approach is designed to help you overcome the fear of external expectations and create the space and time you need for both increased job satisfaction and personal growth. Join me on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment as we explore practical strategies, inspiring stories and actionable insights. Together, we'll navigate the complexities of life and emerge stronger, more confident and truly aligned with our deepest desires. Welcome to the Mom on a Mission podcast, your go-to resource for living a more purposeful and fulfilling life. So grab your Tazza cafe y vamos a platicar. Well, hello, hello and thank you all for joining me today on Mommy on a Mission podcast.
Speaker 1:As you know, our podcast is all about empowering women, but not just that. It's also about assisting you and helping you and guiding you so that you can become a woman who is transformed and can walk in the purpose that God has called you in, and so, just like any other day, I mean, you know we're here having a conversation and just really letting our hair down and just letting loose and just allowing for God to just guide this conversation. So so, girlfriend, if you're here this morning and you're listening, we just want to say thank you for joining us today. And I say us because I have my friend, my sister in Christ, someone who I just deeply admire, ms LaToya Chrisman.
Speaker 1:Latoya is a pastor, she is a Christian counselor and she also just she has her own ministry, she's an author. I mean, this woman does it all and I am just so blessed and honored to have her here with me this morning. So, if you're ready to have a candid conversation, then I ask that you grab your cup of coffee and let's dive into this conversation. Latoya, thank you so much for joining me. Yes, I'm so glad to be here. Thank you for having me on today.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm so glad to be here. Thank you for having me on today.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, absolutely. So listen, if you did not get to attend the she's Bold Women's Conference in May, I'm just going to say that it was powerful. Yes, like you kicked it off, latoya. I mean you kicked it off, you opened it up, you were inviting and even after the event, I just heard how many women were impacted by your story, how they were impacted by just what you were preaching and what you were saying, and it was remarkable. You know if I haven't told you already, I just want to say thank you for having been a speaker at the Shoesbold Women's Conference and I'm just so excited, which is why I wanted to kick off this series, because you know I've been off since the conference.
Speaker 1:I've recorded a podcast. I've just been in the season of rest, just getting things together, and also, of course, just like you know, we work behind the scenes. There's so much that we're doing that. Is it truly rest? Probably not, but in some areas we are, and I wanted to open it up because you know, if you're listening, this is the month of July.
Speaker 1:And we wanted to kick off this series with the she's Bold series because I think there was so much that could have still been shared. I think I heard women say it should have been longer. I don't think it was. Again, why do I have to wait a year before?
Speaker 2:that.
Speaker 1:And you know, honestly, that was just a call from God. So remember, I was telling you. You know, I think I told you, like last year around this time, yes. I'm going to you know, god's calling me to do this. We're supposed to do this in November. Like no, let's put a pause on it.
Speaker 2:We'll do it in May. And for me it just surpassed any expectations that I might've had?
Speaker 1:Yes, and so, just from hearing you, what did you receive or what did you feel that day?
Speaker 2:that day, yes, so one of the things that I love so much was how open the women were to receiving the impartation. You had women who were desperate and hungry for change. It was not hard trying to get these ladies to receive the information that was given to them. They were so open, they were so attentive, and you can tell that there were a lot of women in the room who were broken and they felt like they finally was in a place where they could hear from other women who were going through the same things they were going through, and so I felt the willingness that a lot of the women had. They were hungry, they were desperate for a change.
Speaker 1:Yes, I mean, there was laughter.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And then there were no dry eyes. I mean, there was no. There was so much love.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:I could feel. I could feel like just looking around the room.
Speaker 2:Mm, hmm.
Speaker 1:Feel how many women were reson to me. They were like wow, latoya's message really really impacted me. We're going to talk a little bit about that, because you actually shared a lot of your testimony From California, but you know, growing up in the foster care system and navigating your way. Talk to us a little bit about your journey, because I know that there's some listeners on here that don't know your story, that don't know what you went through.
Speaker 2:But I will tell you that so many women could resonate with that. Yes, ma'am. So you know a lot of people that were there. I'm a Los Angeles native. I'm currently here in Houston, texas.
Speaker 2:At the age of four, I entered into foster care with my oldest brother and we had the opportunity to be raised by powerful um, a man and a woman of God, who raised us the right way. We were in a place where we could have been moved around from home to home, but we wasn't. We remained in the same home up until uh, we were of adult age and we were able to transition out, and so, even though we were in a place where we were not raised by our biological parents due to substance abuse use, we were afforded the opportunity for another chance at life, even though we were in foster care. I had other siblings who were in foster care as well. Growing up in South Central LA, I experienced a lot. I joined a gang at 14 years old. I started going to a lot of funerals at that point of people who were affiliated with the same gang that I was people that I just knew. We were going to funerals on a regular. I seen a lot of things that at my age I probably shouldn't have been able to see, you know, and that was life changing for me, growing up in LA and experiencing some things I experienced. But then, even through all of that, I remember moments in time where I felt rejected. You know, I felt rejected, I felt abandoned, and I didn't know that this seed of rejection and abandonment was starting to manifest and it didn't produce a harvest until I became an adult.
Speaker 2:And so here you are, a four-year-old child who was placed in foster care because you have a mother who's addicted to drugs, you have a father who's addicted to drugs, and now you're having to be in a home with a bunch of strangers let's addicted to drugs. You have a father who's addicted to drugs, and now you're having to be in a home with a bunch of strangers let's just be real. And now you're trying to find your way right. You're trying to find your identity, you're trying to find out, well, who is Latoya? And so I struggled with that as a child, growing up, just really trying to find my place in life up, just really trying to find my place in life.
Speaker 2:You know, my brother was a part of a gang. He went to jail when I was in eighth grade and we were very, very close, you know, up until he went away. And so you know I went through high school, transitioned through that. I wasn't a troubled child. I know many people may say, well, you was in the gang and you was troubled, but it was more so of a family thing. Anybody who have dealt with rejection or abandonment you seek that security in community. Right, that community can be negative, but you seek that because that is where you feel like you belong right.
Speaker 2:And so that's what it was. I didn't know the dangers of it, I didn't understand what it was doing to my life, but God came in right in the nick of time where he was able to save me, get me through high school. You know, I didn't have to go to jail. You know, have I been arrested? Yeah, I was just doing things that teenagers are doing, but God still had his hands on me. You know, to come from parents who were addicted to drugs and then having an adoptive mother who had structure in the home, we had structure, we had meals every day. I mean, you know most people. You hear of horror stories of foster care. Right, we didn't have that horror story. We had our issues and problems, but it was something that I couldn't ask for anything better.
Speaker 2:You know, in my life, even now and as an adult, and so, seeing these things happen, I was able to go away to college, graduate from, you know, high school in South Central, and I made it out. Like they say, I made it out the hood, I made it out the hood. I went to college and graduated. Unfortunately, while I was in college, one of my brothers was murdered. He was in a gang as well, these are family patterns and issues that I'm seeing throughout the bloodline, and so my brother was murdered my senior year in college, and so I had to fly back to Los Angeles for my birth mother at the time to bury my brother due to gang violence. So this has become a lifestyle of things on my bloodline. But God seemed fit to separate me from my bloodline and interject a new bloodline of people that could handle my purpose, my destiny and my calling and could push me into my next season.
Speaker 2:You know a lot of times we think that the things that we go through in life is to keep us in a place of stagnancy. But sometimes God has to interject and put somebody else in place to push us into our next destiny. And so if I never was placed in a foster home, I would never be where I am today, because these people were able to guide, to cover me, even after 18. Because you know, when you're in a system, you're emancipated. At 18 years old, they call it LA, you're emancipated. So that means at that point the foster care system has a right to say hey, we're done with you, go on about your life now. But I had adoptive parents that pushed me through college, allowed me to live with them throughout college, come back and forth home to their house, okay, funded me throughout college and knew that there was something greater in me that I didn't even know was in myself. But even through that, I still dealt with that rejection.
Speaker 2:I still that seed was already planted of rejection, and so it created a whole different monster. And I say monster and I'll leave with this is that it created anger on the inside of me. I was very angry growing up and would get into fights because I didn't like the thought of having to be vulnerable, be rejected, and then I feel like I had to be my own protector. Yes, yes, yes, I didn't know nothing about God. Now, at four years old, I was praying to a God I knew nothing about. For some reason, I would just get on my knees and pray at four years old. I remember that, but I felt like I had to protect myself, because my protection, which was my parents, wasn't there. So here comes this wall, this defense mechanism. Well, I got to be hard and I got to be loud and defensive because I became my own God in so many ways.
Speaker 1:And you know, I'm hearing you and it's so funny because I had lunch with my mom and my sisters not too long ago and, although I didn't grow up in a foster care system, but I did grow up in a broken home, I had a father who was an alcoholic, who was abusive verbally, sexually, emotionally abusive and even though there was, like you were talking about, there was structure there. Yes, because I had a mother and a father. And then, at the age of 10, that structure even though it wasn't the greatest, because, you know, my dad was these things but it was at the age of 10 that my dad had passed away, my mom became a widow and my mom didn't know the language, and so that disrupted what structure we did have, which, again, you know, caused that rebelliousness where I felt rejection, I felt like there was no more structure. I felt like, you know, no one could understand because at the age of 10. Children lose whether you lose a parent, or you're not there, or you're removed from a home and you don't have your yes, right yes.
Speaker 1:There is still a sense of loss, but as a child, we don't know how to put a name.
Speaker 2:There you go.
Speaker 1:Do that because we don't know how to put a name to that, because we don't know what I mean. It's hard for an adult to process emotion. Now imagine a child at the age of 10, losing a father. Structures gone out the window. Drastic changes started to happen and, like you were saying, you know I wasn't part of a gang but I found myself with groups of people that like for a long time, yeah, I had friends that were female friends, but I always gravitated to the guy.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:I thank God that I wasn't a promiscuous child.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And and it's crazy because you mentioned something you know that you were praying to a guy that you didn't even know existed. But even in all of what you were sharing in your story reminds me of so much, because even myself I saw how uh, now reflecting right how I saw how God's hand of protection was there, like I hung around these guys, but not one of them put their hands on me.
Speaker 2:Not one of them sexually.
Speaker 1:You know, to them I was their like little sister, you know, and said no, that doesn't mean I wasn't out there doing wrong with them. I was, you know, right, but you're right. I mean it's that sense of of having a building up your own family, right, because we don't know, even at the age of as a teenager, we don't even know, what our identity is. And you touched on that. You said you know, I didn't even know who Toya was. You know, I don't even know what our identity is. And you touched on that.
Speaker 2:You said you know, I didn't even know who the toy was.
Speaker 1:You know, I don't even know who I am because we don't. We don't know that. And then, when you're a child, processing all of these emotions, yes, I figure out. Well, who am I? Who do I belong to? Exactly you know where do I gravitate to yes he's trying to find a way. So we test the waters and everything that we do, but yet there's a sense of emptiness.
Speaker 2:Yes, it is. I realize that.
Speaker 1:Right, there's a void and there's a hole in us, because we, you know, we know that we have, like me, I had my dad and now I don't have a dad. I have my mom, but my mom was going through her own things. So then, at the age of 14, I'm no longer living with my mom, I'm now living with my grandparents.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 2:You know, and it was like I felt, like I was just another mouth that was fed, because I felt like I knew that they knew that I was there, but I never felt like I was seen Exactly, right, it wasn't until I got much older and as I started going through my healing journey and I remember moments I was getting in and out of broken relationships with men and I remember many days and nights I would literally cry. I would cry because I would experience so many heartbreaks from men. And I'm like God, what is it about me? Like what's happening, where I cannot seem to find the love right In these relationships? Right, I'm compromising, though. Right, I'm compromising because I'm trying to fill a void, like you said, of this identity, of not having these parents, not having these things to tell me.
Speaker 2:And you know there were things that God began to reveal to me as them times, things to tell me. And you know there were things that God began to reveal to me as them times were coming and he said you know well, for one, they're not worthy of the love that you have to give. And I heard the spirit clear as they say that. And then he had me go out and reach out to my biological father to kind of have a conversation with him about how I felt. And even as I prayed and went throughout my seasons, I began to realize that a man is what gives a young girl her identity.
Speaker 2:When there's no father in the home that's able to speak to this young girl, there is an absence of who this young girl is, because when you really think about it as a little girl, you know you get dressed up and you look cute and your dad like you're beautiful and look at my baby girl, you're so pretty and oh, that looks nice.
Speaker 2:You know that's the first man that a young girl sees is her father. And when that has been distorted, when there has been compromise, violations, absence, it paints a picture of how you see the opposite sex and so now you're chasing after something that you never got your whole life Now I had a foster dad that was present and I was considered the spoiled one. But there's another thing that I tell people, even those who are listening, is that there's a difference between having a father who's present and one who's really present. A father can be in a home, but they're not emotionally present. You're just there. You don't communicate with the daughter. You don't say baby girl, don't do this, don't go there, don't do this. He was there to be a provider, but we didn't have those conversations.
Speaker 1:We didn't talk about yeah, no, and I was gonna say you know, and you're right, you know, because that reminds me again, you're talking about that that you know, a father is pretty much the girl's first experience, right?
Speaker 1:What a man should be, and in my experience it was rough that when I was in relationships before, I always gravitated because that's what happens we gravitate to something that's familiar, we gravitate to that father figure that we end up seeing. And so I had the tendency to gravitate to men who drank, to men who were verbally abusive, to men emotionally abusive, to men who, you know, took advantage of me. You know because that's what I had experienced and for me that was familiarity. And a lot of people, hindsight, will look back and like, well, that's not even normal in our home. That was what looked normal, that was normal in our home. We didn't know that that wasn't normal until I got older. Yes, I realized, right, that that's not the way it is and it wasn't that. I realized it offhand, right away. It wasn't until I started to read God's word and I started to learn and understand what a father is, and who
Speaker 1:he's supposed to be. And that's when things started to change. And things started to, you know, light bulbs started to click up, you know. And that's when I started to realize wait a minute, what's going on here? This is not the way it's supposed to be, but it took a journey and all kinds of mistakes and two divorces later, and a lot of people go around the world thinking God, what's wrong with me? And a lot of people go around the world, you know, thinking God, what's wrong with me?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:How do I keep making these mistakes? Why do I keep gravitating to this type of people, when we don't even realize that we're magnets also?
Speaker 2:to other people. Yes, right, yeah, you can sense it out. It's like a bloodhound. It's like a bloodhound, a dog, that's able to sniff something out. You know, you can tell when somebody is not healed. You can smell it, you can sense the aroma and that's how the enemy is, because we know that we wrestle not against flesh and blood.
Speaker 2:So anytime there's an open door where the enemy can come in and access those weak points, he's going to do it, and so we know that there. I mean, just like the scripture says that you know, after you've been delivered and if you don't heal, those spirits come back seven times stronger and it searches out an empty space, right, and if that place is empty, it's going to come. It's going to come seven times harder. And so this is why you see women in cycles, constant cycles, because it hasn't been swept clean, you haven't been healed, and so these spirits can come back, and they come back stronger because the enemy can smell. You can be on your way to purpose. I'm telling you I've been through this even while in ministry on your way to purpose, and if there's an open place in you that's not healed, the enemy is going to search out those places. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yes, yes. And that's why you know, when people say you know you should, you need to let things out so that you can heal. But I'm going to say something that most people don't hear often and that's even through healing, it still hurts. Yes, healing hurts.
Speaker 1:Yes, because we tried so hard yeah suppress those feelings we tried so hard to try to hide it, sweep it under the rug, whatever that we're trying to do so that it does not resurface, because we don't want to experience that. But the minute we start healing, guess what those things are going to start? Yes, yes right, it's just like the trash that finds its way from under the couch right it's on our nerves, right, but that's what happens. Is that those things? That's why, when people, you know when they start drinking or when they're doing drugs, they're doing these things because there's some hurt that they're trying to mask.
Speaker 2:The threats.
Speaker 1:But they don't want to deal with. They're trying to avoid it because it hurts. It hurts to talk about it. They're trying to avoid it because it hurts. It hurts. You talk about it hurts to do this, but then when they start allowing for god to get that healing, yes, it hurts, but the thing about it is is that it hurts, it starts to hurt less and less yes, and that's when you know you're healing. Yes, that's when you know you're healing. Yes, that's when you know you're healing.
Speaker 2:That's when you know.
Speaker 1:It's going to hurt at the beginning. It's just like when you suffer an injury, you go through surgery, whatever the case that hurts.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:On your healing that hurts.
Speaker 2:Yes, it does you still feel the bruises.
Speaker 1:You still feel the pain. You still feel the stitches, you still feel the bruises. You still feel the pain. You still feel the stitches. You still feel what? You know, after you come from anesthesia you start feeling all those things In that healing. It's healing. Yes, it hurts at the beginning, but then it starts to hurt less, and then what's left is just the scar Right To remind you of all the hurt that you've endured, but to remind you of how you've been able to overcome yes, yes.
Speaker 1:And that's one of the things that I loved about your story, because you touched on a lot of those things you touched on, you know, as you were healing which is going to lead me to this too because you also experienced another kind of hurt. You know, you lost your mom, Right, and I remember when I met you we met because we worked together, Right, and it was so funny because I was like I would see you and you were working as our security guard and you were writing your book. I remember those days you were sitting there and you would just be writing your book. You would be writing, writing writing, so what?
Speaker 1:do you do? You would just type it away, girl, you would just type it away. And then it was until later on when we realized that you had wrote this beautiful book yes talking about that and and how did? From having a foster mother from you know, I know that you didn't, you weren't with your biological mother, but talk to me a little bit about the differences, or perhaps even similarities, of not even having your biological mom being separated from her. And then now the woman that raised you, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, in 2018 is when I lost my adoptive mother, and you know, I lost her in a way where I think most people probably would have been on medication, because she laid in my arms and took her last breath and so there was some blood that was shed, and so I was there alone with her in the home when she passed. And so to have that envisioned from a woman who raised you from four and now she's taking her last breath and you're holding her, and to paramedics get there, it was very traumatizing. But what I do know was that it was God, because even in the midst of that happening, I didn't lose my mind. I didn't lose my sense of moving forward. What it taught me was God prepared me, because even once her diagnosis came about, which was cancer, we caught it in stage four and they were just pretty much saying that we're just reserving her life until this time. And I'll never forget when I left her at the hospital and I went home and I cried and I was in the shower and the Holy Spirit said to me she has given you everything you need to survive to this point. Wow, and I was 33 and I'm 41 now. And she said and the Holy Spirit said it clear as day she has given you everything you need to survive, and that is the truth. Everything that I needed from that point on, she had given it to me, so I had already prepared myself for it. Having to have lost her. It allowed me to really see the importance of how important it is to have a mother in your life, because when she passed, I had to figure out some things on my own with a child, because she helped me out a lot with my daughter, you know, from food to clothing her to picking her up, while all I had to decisions.
Speaker 2:She was rational in her decisions, she would hear you through, she wasn't an emotionalized person, and so a lot of times when people see that I'm not as they may look at me as hard. The way that she raised us was very rational, like, okay, I understand you're going through this, you're hurting, but you're going to get through this and we're going to figure it out. You can cry your heart out and she's not going to drop a tear, not that she's not empathizing with you. She was just rational about not staying stuck. Oh, yes, right, and so when, when, when she passed, that's like a pillar on the community. Right, we have pillars in the community, and so what kept me going was the fact that she was never a person that gave up. She was never a person that gave up, and so then that that surpassed.
Speaker 2:And you know, I have my biological mother that's still living and having to rebuild that relationship right and go through getting to know her more as she's getting to know me more. We went through our bumps and roads and ups and downs and the things that she dealt with with having guilt, and people know I love my biological mother. People know I've posted on her social media, you know things of that nature, you know. So I don't. I always felt like and this is just me, and I pray that this will help somebody that, even though your biological parent wasn't there to raise you, they brought you into this world. They brought you into this world, and so she brought an anointing woman into this world to not only save and help people, but to even help her along the way.
Speaker 2:And so I never take for granted, I don't try to belittle my mother. You know you have some kids out here that can be very cruel, right, because they're bitter. Right, they're bitter, they're angry. Why did you leave me? Why did you do this? And that's not what God wanted me to do. He wanted me to love her at the place of where she was at, because she too had her own trauma. My mother's story is worse than mine. People mouth would drop if they knew my mother's whole life story. People would think like this cannot be real. She experienced her own trauma. So people are only able to give you what they have. Hear me when I say this. People got to understand. How can you give me something that I never had? How can you expect something that a person didn't even get themselves? And this is where I think a lot of children do not show their parents grace.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's crazy that you said that, because I was just like I said, I was having that conversation with my mom and I was telling her and God allowed us to have this conversation, which came very unexpectedly right Because I was just going to go have lunch with my mom and I hadn't seen her since November, which is crazy.
Speaker 1:I don't live far from her, but life gets in the way all the time, every time. But that day that we had lunch, my twin sister was there and we God gave us that space to talk about that. Uh, because I I was able to share with my mom those feelings that I was feeling and that sense of abandonment, how I felt rejected, how I felt abandoned, how I felt alone, you know, without her, all those years sometimes we had, we had gone a season of a span of six years and we hadn't spoken to each other, and it was during those most challenging times in my life. And so there was a lot of hurt, there was a lot of pain and one of the things that my mom you know, and my mom said I am so sorry.
Speaker 1:I am so sorry, she says, because I didn't know, I didn't know what was going on with you and then, in me, sharing that mom was able to share with me her story. Yeah, and, and it's crazy because if we allow ourselves, without that hurt, without that, but just sit and allow ourselves to ask questions and really listen, without interruption, to hear what they experienced, you know, and to understand, and so I think it's easier now when we become moms ourselves or when we become parents, you know, we, no one gives us, there is no instruction manual on how to be a parent Exactly. First child, that's your first time being a parent, even as a older.
Speaker 1:This is a brand new experience every single day. It's a brand new experience because that's not something that we was taught right, and so these are the things that she wasn't able, she wasn't taught herself. You know, she brought very hard home herself, so she was only giving or providing us with what she had and what she has.
Speaker 1:And that's when we, when we start walking with Christ and we start allowing for that healing to start taking place, then we understand what it truly means to have a forgiving heart, what it really means to forgive them because they're not perfect. Yeah, we're only doing the best that they could with what they had.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:So when that happened, mom and I were able to embrace ourselves and we were able to really fully talk, and that was when I was able to forgive her.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:Which, in turn, allowed me to forgive myself, because I was for not forgiving her, but it was just. I needed to understand and I think that's one of the hardest things for women when we have moms not only about the dads, but even as a mom, because that's the person that's going to teach us about how to nurture, how to, you know, be rational, how to do all of those things.
Speaker 1:We ourselves don't know how to do it. And you're right, there are some that will be for years and years angry. And so, when you were sharing your story at the conference, there was a young lady.
Speaker 1:there was actually two young ladies there and their mother there was actually two young ladies there and their mother has been on drugs and has been drinking and her presence as a mom was not fully there. They were raised by their grandparents also, but they went through hunger, they went through all these things and they felt like their mom didn't care and stuff like that, and then years her own children because she was so focused on trying to be loved by her own mother she didn't realize that she was doing the same thing to her children.
Speaker 1:Her mind she thought she was and she really wasn't. And all of these years later, all she wanted was her mom's love. But now that they're older they come to realize like wow, mom was trying to give us what she never received.
Speaker 2:And still looking for love for herself.
Speaker 1:Yes, and it's crazy because we all have this thing, which is what I love about god's word, because he talks about how, when we get to know him, how we start to break those generational curses, how it begins with us when we say about him, we can break that. It does not have to continue to keep going. And that's what you started to do. Was you started generational curses, you started to pour yourself into God's word and you went out there and started making differences and changes so that you could be used to help others, especially the youth, because you were the youth in your church, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then you also became a Christian counselor. So let's talk a little bit about that. How did that come about, and when did you know that this is where God was calling you and that the youth ministry is where God was having you in for this time?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you know the church where I'm at. I am apostolic, which means that we believe in the operation of all five fold. We believe in the prophetic gifts evangelism, pastoral, apostolic and teachers and elders, and so I oversee the young adults at Rebirth Apostolic Ministries. And it took me a while to get to this place of where I'm at, because I've been through so much in the rejection aspect of a thing I didn't really quite know where I fit in at. This is leading up to your question.
Speaker 2:You asked me, and so I knew I was an encourager. I knew I had the ability to encourage people, I knew that I had influence, and so I did know that when I would speak people would listen. That's what I did know growing up, and so I just thought maybe I could be a lawyer one day. Yeah, I can go to school and become a lawyer. So that's what I thrive to do. I can be a lawyer, I can debate, maybe I can do some politics. This is what I'm thinking.
Speaker 2:But as I began to move forward and realize that's not what he's called me to do, I said OK. And so as I began to see that there were opportunities to become certified as a Christian counselor, it came second nature to me because I was counseling people for free, when we really think about it. Yes, because people were coming to me asking me for advice. Even friends growing up were calling and asking me for advice. To me asking me for advice, even friends growing up will call and ask me for advice. People in church I mean family will come to me and ask me for advice and I'm just thinking like, well, lord, have mercy, what is going on? And so it became second nature for me in the aspect of counseling, because I had already had it in me, it was already on the inside of me to encourage. I had already had it in me, it was already on the inside of me to encourage, to help people figure out what direction they need to go to.
Speaker 2:Now the thing about it is the real question is how did I know that I was called to Young Adults? Because that was something for years, even with youth and young adults. To be honest with you, every place that I've went, even with churches, they always put me with youth and I'm like why they keep putting me with these youth, like I don't have the patience, lord. And then here we are with the young adults and I'm like are you kidding me? Everywhere I went and what I've realized through these moments of counseling and dealing with young adults and youth is that they are teachable. They're teachable because they want to know answers.
Speaker 2:The thing about adults is that we think we already got it figured out. You know, we got this pride, we got this religion going on. We think, hey, you can't tell me nothing, I'm an adult. Young adults, as long as you are consistent and they trust you, they will yield to you, even with youth. If you're consistent and you have built trust with them, which is a rapport, a relationship, they will listen to you. They have to know that you love them. They have to know that it's genuine, because kids can see right through if you're not genuine. And so it came easy for me with the counseling and it started to become easy with youth. And it started to become easy with the young adults because I was genuinely drawn to where they were at in these seasons of their life right now, because I know it was like to be in that place, and so it came second nature. Counseling is something that I think that I've always done yes, I can agree because I'm.
Speaker 1:I'm there myself. You know I've been, know I was that person and I felt like I don't even have it together myself and you ask me for questions you're asking me for and one of the things it was so funny because I was, I remember, in high school, like you know, they didn't have all the things that they have today in these high schools. I wish they would have had all this stuff. I probably would have done something. You know, you know and so. But I remember that counselors back in the day would have you do like career assessments. They would have you do you know where do you think your career could be, or whatever, and they have you answer 50 million questions, whatever. And I remember my assessment and I remember it as clear as day and I remember that it had social worker, it had counseling it had working with animals.
Speaker 1:I mean it had like medical field, all of those things and stuff, anything that had to do with caring for other people.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:And so of course that was high school. So I thought, okay, you know, so I started going to college, whatever. And I thought, okay, I'm going to be. I said I think occupational therapy is where I want to go. So I was like, yeah, I'll do that and stuff. And it was so hard passing science classes and stuff because it was just hard. And but I knew that speaking was something that I was gifted in. You know, I knew that I could go and talk to people, that I could speak. You know, people needed somebody to advocate for them. I knew how to do that, cause I'd been doing that my whole life with my mom. You know, I've been having to advocate for her. I had to advocate for my sister, I had to advocate for my sister, I had to advocate, yes, family members.
Speaker 1:So I was always in that uh, place of advocating and receiving and getting resources to help other people give, and that was just something that came naturally. You know like I knew how to retain information. So if somebody else oh yeah, you know what I remember such and such place does this, but life happened and so it took me in different routes. But I got to experience going to therapy, yes, and later on going to school, building up a community, being vulnerable in certain places, asking people for help when I didn't.
Speaker 2:That was a very hard thing for me to do was ask yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Like you know, I've been through all this. You know, like, what can they do for me? Type of mentality.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I need help and God showed me and humbled me in that, in that aspect of teaching me how to start asking for help, because even the hardest toughest person needs help. The hardest toughest person needs help, needs help and um. So then, when I went back to college now here I am in my 30s, a single mom going back to school um, I was going for business management and when an opera, when I was working at a place and they laid me off.
Speaker 1:I'm at this point, I already had my degree. Well, lo and behold, god opened up the door for me to work for a nonprofit organization. And here I am becoming a coach and a career coach. And then, with those career coaches, I've been coaching all this way and what do I do? I advocate for people. I provide them with the resources.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure do I have to build rapport and confidence.
Speaker 1:You know they have to. So it's like God said already he showed me what I was going to be, and I yet did not know that that's what I was going to be. All this took place just to lead me and put me back, and that reminds me of Proverbs 3, 5, and 6.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:That it says trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding, but please acknowledge him and he shall direct your path. And in all of those circumstances that I was going on through life, I had to learn how to trust in him and not what I thought I needed, or try to make it my way on how I thought it was supposed to be, but I needed to acknowledge him.
Speaker 1:Yes, all of the things that he had me going through, and yes, that I was walking in, so that he can redirect me into the purpose that he had already called me in and for me to stay on it.
Speaker 1:And that's hard, because when we don't know, when we don't know what our calling is, or when we miss that mark of what our calling is supposed to be, god will allow for you to live all of these things in your life, but he'll get you right back where you need to be yes, yes and yes everything is for a purpose, and that's what I saw a lot when I, when I started to really get to know who you were and stuff because you were, you know, you went through and it's just amazing how God kept us in touch.
Speaker 1:I know he kept us connected and kept us in touch, that's so funny Writing your book. And then, not only one book, you wrote two books, three, three books. You wrote three books and then you got your counseling certification. Yeah, your counseling, yeah, yeah. God kept us connected, yes, on this path together, not knowing that all of those years ago, when you were working as a security guard, working through all of these things, yes.
Speaker 1:Me working in that nonprofit know non-profit organization doing career coaching how he was going to yes opportunity for us to get to know each other, but to stay connected and plugged in with each other. To the point where you came and spoke at the she's Bold Women's Conference and how we have been in touch with each other all these years, because still neither one of us knew each other's story but now I'm going to connect you two ladies, because something powerful is going to happen when you two get to share your story together.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's what I love about what you do, because your message, your story, the things that you've gone through is a source of empowerment to other women to say that life is going to throw those punches at you.
Speaker 2:Yes, but you can still other women to say that life is going to throw those punches at you yes, but you can still. It's how you do, how you move forward. After that, giving up was never an option for me. I mean, I went through a tremendous, horrific divorce, betrayal pain. I mean it was the lowest of the lowest Addicted to drinking, drinking every day, all day. I have been to the lowest in those areas. But giving up was never an option for me. And the reason being is because I said to myself that means if I give up, that means that my enemy is going to win. And I would picture the people who I knew was on an assignment to take me out and I knew that if I gave up, that the enemy will win against my life. And so people say you know you have this fight in you that just won't die. And I said, because I refuse to lay down and die and I tell people that you have to have a nevertheless on the inside of you and I tell people that you have to have a nevertheless on the inside of you no matter what comes your way. You know the boldness.
Speaker 2:I used to fear being bold because how it would pose a threat to people and atmospheres that I would go into and I would see where I felt like I needed to shrink back because I didn't want to offend anybody, right? And so it was that rejection right, those seeds that were planted of what they'll reject me, you know. And so for years I played it safe. You know, I played it safe and that's when God began to show me and I had people come along the way that prophesied that God is going to use you in an unusual way to bring those in. That's not going to ever take, that's never going to step foot. In an unusual way, to bring those in that's not going to ever take, that's never going to step foot in the church. But you'll be able to have a voice that will impact them. So embrace who you are 100%.
Speaker 1:Yes and that, yes, I can completely, I just yes, and I'm saying that and I'm because I'm receiving that right now. Yeah, I'm receiving that for myself right now, because there are times where still I myself, yes, that fear of still being rejected and to this very day, that is still an area where God is still working on me. That's why you know I can resonate with what you're saying and that's why I was pausing, because God was telling me that's for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I wanted you to hear that I needed you to hear that I wanted you to hear that I needed you to hear that. I received that it's just an acknowledgement of saying, wow, even right now, in this conversation, we're still receiving messages that God has given us. When we first started this, we opened up with prayer and we said, Lord, allow for us to receive what we need to receive out of this conversation and that right there is a testament that even I myself I'm still being in that, in that area of receiving.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:You know, yes, I may be doing all of these things and I may be going, you know around, but there are still moments where I still find myself shrinking in that place so that.
Speaker 1:I don't come off as I don't know, you know whatever that is at that moment. I want to thank you because that right there hit home for me. Yes, I really received that. And so Latoya with your books, with you know you do speaking engagements you got there. If somebody wanted to connect with you or they wanted to receive your services, where could they go to either get your book, book you or just receive counseling from you? Where could they go? How could they find you?
Speaker 2:just received counseling from you. Where could they go? How could they find you? So for one I have. I do have my email address, which is book Latoya Chrisman at gmailcom If you're interested in, you know, speaking engagements, cause I am in the place where I'm revamping my website at this point. So book Latoya Chrisman at gmailcom for like speaking engagements. If you want to order books, anointing oil, sweaters, things of that nature, counseling services, you can go to wwwlatoyachrismancom my first and last namecom, wwwlatoyachrismancom for thoselatoyachrismancom For those services.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'll have all this in the show notes and stuff. So, if you are, I want to. So, latoya, what do you want to leave our listeners today From everything that we spoke about today? What would you like to leave to our listener today?
Speaker 2:As you go through hard seasons which we all will, because it speaks of an Ecclesiastic three and three, three, three and four, three through four that we're going. There's a season for everything under the sun, and so we're going to go through hard seasons in our lives, but the thing of the matter is that will we still trust God in the process? There'll be moments where we will feel like we're not good enough. As women, we're wearing many hats, but will you still persevere in these hard seasons of your life? Do you believe that God has a purpose in store for your life? The thing that I do know is that the date of when you were born was a start date, and the date that you die is the end date.
Speaker 2:But the real question is what are you going to do in the in-between? There's a dash that we have there on our tombstone when we pass, and the question is what will you do in the in-between while you're here in the earth? What will people say about you? Will they say that you are a person that is an overcomer? Will they say that you're a person that you just gave up? What does your in-between say while you're still here in the earth? And so we want to make sure that our name resounds in the earth, that even as we leave we can go to amazon and we can find mariana's book even at that page. You can go look for uh latoya, after you move on the glory they can go and find you because you've left an imprint in the earth you left an imprint in the earth.
Speaker 2:You left an imprint in the earth. What do you want people to say about you when you're gone? How are you showing up day in and day out?
Speaker 1:Wow, wow, that's good, that's good. Yes.
Speaker 2:We want to leave an imprint in the earth. Yes, a change.
Speaker 1:Well, listen, I want to just say thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to day to just be on here and having this conversation with me today. I hope that if you're listening and this message resonated with you again, I'm going to have the links for you to be able to, just you know, get connected with Latoya or, at least you know, follow her. She's on Facebook, she's on Instagram, she's on TikTok. She gives a message I like your Freedom.
Speaker 2:Friday. I'm starting that back up. I'm starting my Freedom Fridays back up.
Speaker 1:I listen to it every Friday. I look forward to it, so I hope y'all also follow along as well. So, and if this is a message that you absolutely resonated with and you enjoyed, you know, I ask you, as a listener, to please share this message, share this episode like us. Tag us, share it. You know what I really need you to hear what this lady has to say, and and be on the lookout, because we do have a pastor Latoya's uh speech from the she's bold women's conference that we're going to be sharing on YouTube and I'm going to get to.
Speaker 1:You'll get to hear her powerful message. It was a powerful message shared and there were so many, like I said, there were so many women that resonated with your message and I'm just want to say thank you so much and I feel so blessed and honored to be not only your friend but your sister in Christ.
Speaker 1:And just being able to share platforms together, and that to me, means a lot, and so I just want to say thank you for that, and so I mean a lot, and so I just want to say thank you for that, and so I mean I and girlfriends, I just want to say thank y'all so much for tuning in, for listening today and be on the lookout this you know for more to come, because you know Latoya is busy and there's going to be so much more that you'll get from her and and I look forward to that. So, with that said, said thank y'all so much and I'll see y'all.
Speaker 2:Bye-bye everyone.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning in to the Mommy on a Mission podcast. If you found today's episode inspiring, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and share it with your amigas. And, before you go, if you're looking to dive deeper into healing, self-discovery and walking in confidence, be sure to grab a copy of my book Mommy on a Mission a guide towards healing, self-discovery and walking in confidence, available now on Amazon. Stay connected with me on social media. Follow us on Instagram at Mommy on a Mission podcast and on Facebook at Mommy on a Mission. If you're considering working with a coach, but aren't sure if you're ready, send me a DM and I will send you a free gift to help you get started on your journey. Until next Saturday, keep shining and remember the tower is within you. Adios, amigas.
