Conversing with Live Buddha：Tibetan Book of the Dead

A sleepless 4:30 a.m. confession turns into a journey through fear, love, and the surprising clarity that comes from looking death in the eye. We pull threads from years spent in Tibet—watching sky burials, learning how impermanence sharpens gratitude—and weave them into a story shaped by a single hospice call where I translated a daughter’s final goodbye and heard an elder’s last breath. Add my father’s sudden cancer diagnosis, and the abstract becomes intimate: what do we hold, what do we release, and how do we live when we remember our time is borrowed?

Together we unpack how Tibetan Buddhism frames dying as a passage of mind, not a hard stop. The Tibetan Book of the Dead, Dzogchen teachings, and even Jung’s reading of the text become practical when translated into one small habit: a nightly “practice dying” ritual that gently rehearses letting go. It’s not morbid; it’s training the heart to loosen its grip so that compassion can lead. We talk about what the dying truly need—presence over preaching, forgiveness over pressure—and how resolving regrets can lighten the heaviest moments. Along the way, we explore why families cling, how forcing last goodbyes can deepen suffering, and why some choose quieter exits guided by a trusted mentor.

The takeaway is both tender and urgent: facing death can restore what matters. It can reopen estranged relationships, calm anxious minds, and move “I love you” to the front of the line. If you’re ready for a clear, human conversation about mortality, meaning, and the simple practice that changed how I live, press play. Then take one small step: call someone who needs to hear your voice, subscribe for more of these honest specials, and share your own story or ritual with us in a review. Your words might be the hand someone needs to hold.

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Please contact me at theunclewong@gmail.com

Transcript

Sleepless Dawn And A Heavy Topic

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Yo, what's up, everyone? Welcome back to another season special with yours truly, Uncle Wang. And so I want to preface this episode by saying that I wasn't supposed to launch this yet. This was originally scheduled for January of 2026, after we've gone through the entirety or part of my visit to Tibet. Because it would seem kind of odd coming out of nowhere and talking about such a seemingly gloomy topic. Sort of pushed me to want to share this story with you tonight. And given that it's actually morning. Right now it's 4.30. I'm having trouble sleeping. And so maybe I thought it'd be the best time to share this with you. Because maybe someone on the other side might need to hear it too. The notion of death is a topic most cultures avoid, especially my own. And this word had different meanings for everyone. In Chinese culture, for example, mentioning death is considered bad luck. Most would even see it as disrespectful, especially the elders. But in other cultures, as you'll learn from my journey in Tibet, death isn't something to avoid. Because it's not avoidable. But instead, the Tibetans they choose to embrace it. They view death as a natural transition and not the end of it all. I remember all my months and years traveling to Tibet. From eating their food, going to their temples. The experience was unique, of course. But thinking back now, what I really learned, what I really found fascinating during this journey was how they embrace death. You might think death is just a small part of life, but the way you see death will reflect on the way you live. Just like how I went to their sky burial rituals. If you haven't gotten up to the episode yet, Tibetans, they're not their funerals aren't like ours. Essentially, what a sky burial is on high mountains, their bodies are laid out for the vultures. I know it's shocking or even gruesome to some. But for them, it's the ultimate act of generosity. You know, it's also a vivid reminder for us all, especially if you're there seeing the vultures eat that body within minutes. And you realize that this body, your wealth, your relationships doesn't truly belong to you. And so something happened the other night. It kind of triggered me. So as many of you know, I do have a side hustle. Because I'm fluent in two languages, I interpret. And my passion is interpreting for law enforcement and federal agencies. But I started out doing medical. And even though I don't go to hospitals or interpret on site now, I do cover emergencies during my night shift. And people think night shift is crazy with the emergency rooms. To be honest, those are fine. They're not the hardest calls. By far the hardest calls are from the hospices. They're for people nearing the end, preparing for death. And the weight of being in the conversation for that is really unlike anything else. So last week around two in the morning, I got a call. And when the system said hospice, I was like, oh no. It was an elderly man, his daughter, the doctor, and the nurse. There were some sudden complications, and the doctor told the daughter quietly, which I translated. He said, Your father's about to go. You should take this time to say your goodbyes. And she did. Painfully. And I heard it all. You know, the I will miss you in Chinese. I wish you were this, I wish you were that. I wish we were this, I wish we were that. You know, all these expectations may be unmet. And just moments later, I literally on the phone heard the man's last breath. A gentle sigh. And then the painful sobs from the family. It just all seemed too familiar. And I'm sure you can relate as well. But it wasn't my first call. I've taken these calls before. But for some reason, this one hit me in a way I hadn't expected. You know, maybe because it reminded me that one day I'll be saying those words to my parents. And then my kids will say the same to me. And so after the call, I just started crying. I just need to let it out. And that's not the only reason why it hurt so much. It's because my father had just been diagnosed with late-stage cancer, just days before I got that call. And as I'm recording this, he's going through a grueling, possible life-threatening surgery. And so I dedicate this episode to him, hoping that I won't have to lose him this soon. How he's always been a man of preparation, organized, disciplined. Nothing ever slowed him down. Nothing could ever prepare him. Or any of us for news like this. And that's the truth. None of us are ever fully prepared for death. And ever since I was a kid, as young as I can remember, I was fascinated by death. Not in a dark, morbid, suicidal kind of way. In more of a curious, scientific way. Like, why is nobody ever talking about it? Why do adults gossip about every tiny little thing in life, but not death? And I get scolded if I ever mention it. Even when somebody's on the edge of death, like on the hospital bed, on his deathbed, about to take his last breath, you would often hear families plead. Please hold on. Even at the last second, you're still avoiding it. And that fascination led me to Taibet. And that's what also gave me the inspiration to publish my first book in 2014. And over half of the book was about death, about how death teaches us how to truly live. And by now, I should have known better because publishing a mainland China meant talking about anything supernatural about the afterlife was pretty much forbidden. You need to find credible sources and not just tell stories to, I guess, invoke curiosity or fear. Even discussing the process of death required me to provide credible sources, medical, um, spiritual. In the end, over half the content of my book was deleted. I had 200,000 Chinese characters, and in the end, I was left with less than I think 100,000. Maybe a little more. And two segments in particular drew the most attention. And one was Near Death Experiences or NDEs. And the next is the topic that I want to bring up with you today. It's not going to be possible to discuss the entire knowledge behind the Tibetan Book of the Dead in just one episode. And of course, I don't want to bore you to death with this topic either. Now I want to give you a little historical background behind these so-called books of the dead. These are the two most popular. They were also translated around the same time. The Egyptian Book of the Dead was slightly earlier in the late 1800s. And in 1927, our American scholar from Trent, New Jersey, translated the Bottle Thadal, or the Tibet Book of the Dead, into English. And he translated into a kind of poetic, mystical style writing. And accidentally sort of made it into one of the most famous introductions of Tibet Buddhism the world has ever seen. Or at least the Western world. Because here's the difference. And the Bottle Todd is also a complete writing. It was founded that way, translated that way, unlike the Egyptian Book of the Dead, where they compiled a bunch of notes from all over the place. And the Bottle Thodol is actually just one small fraction of a much larger philosophical system called the Great Perfection. And in Tibetan they call it the Dongchen. It's a pinnacle of Tibetan Buddhist thought, and it's one of the deepest psychological and spiritual systems in the world. But again, just like the Tibetan Book of the Dead, it's not a book you can just read and understand. It often requires somebody to guide you, sort of like a mentor. Because you have to practice. And without it, the principles are pretty much incomprehensible. The don't change a goal to reveal your true nature, show who you really are or are not, and guide you towards enlightenment or nirvana through a set of discipline practices. That's essentially what it is. The backdrop story. And the influence is vast. The way people spoke about the band book of the dead was not historical. It was actually based on science. Carl Jung, the father of analytical psychology, he wrote commentaries, calling the text quote unquote, map of the unconscious mind. And in the 60s, Timothy O'Leary's psychedelic experiments drew on this concept of ego death, also using notes from the book, which heavily influenced counterculture and the hippie movement. So having said all that, if you really read through the text, it'll probably just take you a couple hours. The book is thin. And it describes the afterlife. If you disregard the weird words inside, it actually describes it as a projection of the mind. Meaning that when you're when you die, your soul is also dreaming. And what does it dream of? It dreams of your past karma, your emotions, your consciousness at the time. Much like what our dreams portray in real life. Because in Tibet Buddhism they see death as a passage, a temporary passage at that, and also they see dreams as a similar passage. It's very complex, even though it's so short. I studied it deliberately in Chinese, in English, and in Tibetan. The parts of it seem so abstract and so absurd that I eventually gave up. But all that was about to change. Because I read another book that is commonly. Well, it's commonly confused with the Book of the Dead because it just adds two extra words in there. The book is called The Bent Book of the Living and Dying. It's written by Sol Yalemberge. And he translated the ancient teachings into an everyday scenario or language that we can all comprehend. And half of his book, the first part, was about life, what principles should guide us, how we should live it. And then the other half, of course, it's about death and how we should face it. And how death can maybe remind us sometimes how beautiful the world actually is. At least in hindsight. And each time I read it, I learned something new. It shifted how I viewed my own life. And most importantly, it shifted my way, how I viewed death. So I went through all these texts, I searched online, asked a lot of questions, and I even compiled certain questions that I thought only my mentor could answer, who was also a high monk. And when I met him next time, I asked him straight up, in a very abstract sort of way. What's the meaning of death? Straight up. He looked at me. Like Pastor Ugwe from Kung Fu Panda and called me, said, You'll have to practice and experience it for yourself. Those words shocked me. Experience it for yourself. Or practice. How do you practice dying? How do you experience dying and then learn something from it if it's not a near-death experience? But he later went on to explain that your mind is a muscle. Just like any other muscle in your body. And if you want to improve your mind, you have to practice it. Just like if you want to improve in a certain sport, you can't do it without practice. And if you're thinking what I was thinking, the answer is yes. You practice dying. It might seem a little weird. You might be driving to work right now, six in the morning, like, what the hell? Just give me a minute. After a long day of work, when you get home, eat, take a shower, relax, you're about to fall asleep at night. Give it a try. It might give you some insight. I've done it for many years. And it definitely helped me. And so the practice is as follows. It's very simple. The tonight and before you sleep, and when you're all curdled up in your warm bed, turned over in your most comfortable position. And when you start turning a little woozy, imagine that when you close your eyes and when you fall asleep, it'll mean you're dead. I thought this practice would just cause me insomnia. Or maybe even some sort of despair. But it didn't. Instead, I did it so much I went from being very anxious to accepting it. And it cleared up a lot of things in my mind that I never knew even mattered. And also showed me more importantly what didn't matter. And so with that, with me specifically, it over time the fear of death, the anxiety it might cause, it slowly faded. And with that, it changed the way I behaved during the day. And so while you're about to fall asleep, think if you were dying right now, who would you want besides you? What would you want to say to them? And what would you want to hear them say to you in return? Keep that answer to yourself. Don't be quick to answer it either. Practice it whenever you think of it. Because once you can answer that clearly without hesitation, then comes the fun part. My mentor said, once you realize you can answer that, then your only job in life is to make sure that ending happens. I know this is hard to contemplate or imagine, right? Because it should. Death makes everyone uncomfortable. You're probably uncomfortable listening to it now. But whether we like it or not, it comes for us all. And everyone you will ever know. Of course, choosing how to greet it is something I've been trying to manage throughout my life. And being a tip being in Tibet close to death, seeing how they view death, it it was crazy. It was something just unfathomable. And in the book, The Living and the Dying, Soul Jordan Barchet, the author, writes, quote, and we forget that the dying are losing their whole world. Their house, their job, their relationships, their body and their mind. All of life's losses combined happening at once when we die. How could anyone not be stricken with sadness, panic, and anger? End quote. And then he brings up the notion that we comfort and greet newborns, the sick. But when someone's dying, we often lose that passion. We lose our words. What are we to say? Stay, don't go. Have a happy death. But regardless of your religion or belief, compassion and forgiveness are universal. Offering some sort of comfort to the dying is the purest act of kindness. And in that book, it also breaks down the processes of dying, what a person goes through mentally. And then when I compared notes with this Swiss American psychiatrist by the name of Elizabeth Ross, because she outlined the stage of dying almost exactly how the Tibetan Book of the Dead portrayed it. From the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. It might not be in that order. But the Tibetan Book of the Dead also emphasizes that dying people would feel fear, guilt, resignation. And so what they don't need at the time is preaching. It's more pressure. What they need is your presence, the presence of a loved one. Just holding their hands, listening, and offering hope and forgiveness if you can. And most importantly, and also the book stresses that we should help them resolve any regrets that they might have this life. A great deal of the Book of the Dead is trying to convince the deceased to let go. And if you fail to do so during life, then you have to try in the afterlife. And if you fail at that, and you'll come back as a reincarnation and rejoin the circle over and over again until you realize that this is but nothing. This is nothing but a dream. In disregards to any religion, would you, on your deathbed, want to resolve your life's regrets? Of course. Who wouldn't? Now last but not least, don't let your attachment or fear prolong their suffering. Years back when my uncle passed, he was peaceful until his daughter screamed, pleading for him to stay a bit longer. It's tradition sometimes expects families to arrive before death. But sometimes forcing the last goodbyes, it just increases the suffering. How many of you would want to hold out with all these tubes down your orifices? Even accomplished monks in Tibet choose to die quietly, mostly with only their spiritual mentors next to their sides. And some practitioners that have kids, for example, not monks, but practitioners, they wouldn't even want their family there. Because they don't want to they don't want to have to hold on the moment before they go. Just imagine you're waking up, realizing that you're dead, seeing your loved ones quiet around you. How terrifying would that be if you were not even prepared for it? And through what seems to be a heavy subject, miracles or good things can come out of it too. For instance, my father and I, we haven't spoken nearly a decade before this. Just stupid grudges, stubbornness, misunderstandings kept us apart. And after he was diagnosed, my brother convinced him to reach out. To forgive. Coming from him, that's hard. As he's going through his surgery right now, I really have the urge to just call him. You know, mention nothing else besides that I love him. You know, death hits us just so different all the time. So we always see the negative impacts of it. But we never see the good. Because death makes us do a lot of things that you don't even realize. For instance, having kids. Because you know you'll die, so you want to have kids to carry on that legacy. So another part of you lives on. Just today, I literally rushed to the ER, admitted into my recording to tend to a close friend's father. And again, the sorrow hits differently. But that again doesn't have to be negative. It can be a positive turning point for both the living and the dying. I know this special is a bit different, and my voice is a lot gloomy than it usually is. But I do plan to continue these specials. And mostly sharing deleted portions of my book. But really, thank you all for listening and just hearing me talk about my feelings this morning. So tonight, not before you close your eyes, as we end this episode, just pretend that they'll never open again. See if you can smile in the face of death and see what you fear the most. Just feel what that maybe could reveal. Perhaps nothing. And try again tomorrow. And if you're one of the lucky few who's already at peace with death, then help someone who isn't. Call a loved one. Tell them you love them. It doesn't have to wait. Until next time, I wish you all a good day or a good night. Uncle Wong signing off.