{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":0.0,"endTime":1.92,"body":"It is not my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":0.0,"endTime":1.92,"body":"responsibility to make sure he's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1.92,"endTime":5.43,"body":"doing what he's supposed to do."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1.92,"endTime":5.43,"body":"I am responsible for myself my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":5.43,"endTime":9.3,"body":"actions, I am responsible for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":5.43,"endTime":9.3,"body":"allowing him to make his own"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":9.3,"endTime":13.71,"body":"mistakes without interfering. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":9.3,"endTime":13.71,"body":"am responsible for handling my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":13.71,"endTime":17.52,"body":"anxiety and depression. I am"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":13.71,"endTime":17.52,"body":"responsible for me. Yes, some of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":17.52,"endTime":19.47,"body":"the things that happened within"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":17.52,"endTime":19.47,"body":"our life."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":20.85,"endTime":23.46,"body":"Probably the cause of my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":20.85,"endTime":23.46,"body":"anxiety, depression, but I'm not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":23.46,"endTime":26.91,"body":"going to blame him. It's now my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":23.46,"endTime":26.91,"body":"responsibility to fix it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":35.52,"endTime":39.09,"body":"Welcome back, welcome back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":35.52,"endTime":39.09,"body":"to another episode until the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":39.09,"endTime":42.54,"body":"wheels fall off. I'm Paige. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":39.09,"endTime":42.54,"body":"I'm Matt. And I'm going to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":42.54,"endTime":46.35,"body":"talking most of this episode"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":42.54,"endTime":46.35,"body":"that's new. You typically hear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":46.35,"endTime":49.59,"body":"Matt's words of wisdom, and it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":46.35,"endTime":49.59,"body":"fabulous vocabulary, but it's my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":49.59,"endTime":53.37,"body":"turn. And I don't speak anything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":49.59,"endTime":53.37,"body":"like him. I am a dumbed down"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":53.37,"endTime":56.46,"body":"kind of person and have lousy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":53.37,"endTime":56.46,"body":"writing skills and vocabulary."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":56.61,"endTime":59.16,"body":"But it's how I roll and you'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":56.61,"endTime":59.16,"body":"get the point. I think you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":59.16,"endTime":62.1,"body":"selling yourself a little short."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":59.16,"endTime":62.1,"body":"And now and it might sound like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":62.1,"endTime":64.71,"body":"I'm reading occasionally. But I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":62.1,"endTime":64.71,"body":"have to tell you that with this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":64.74,"endTime":68.4,"body":"episode, I had to do a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":64.74,"endTime":68.4,"body":"writing and reflection. So it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":68.4,"endTime":71.37,"body":"might come across a little weird"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":68.4,"endTime":71.37,"body":"occasionally. But just hear me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":71.37,"endTime":75.15,"body":"out. I mean, it's like close to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":71.37,"endTime":75.15,"body":"20 years worth of documentation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":75.15,"endTime":77.43,"body":"kind of thrown into a short"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":75.15,"endTime":77.43,"body":"episode. So I understand that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":77.43,"endTime":79.92,"body":"exactly. People will too."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":77.43,"endTime":79.92,"body":"Thanks, boo. I appreciate you."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":81.09,"endTime":83.94,"body":"So Matt shared his story"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":81.09,"endTime":83.94,"body":"of addiction on our last"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":83.94,"endTime":87.6,"body":"episode, and I'm going to share"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":83.94,"endTime":87.6,"body":"my experience today. If there's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":87.6,"endTime":89.85,"body":"one thing I'd like For anyone"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":87.6,"endTime":89.85,"body":"struggling with an addict in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":89.85,"endTime":93.39,"body":"their life to come out of the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":89.85,"endTime":93.39,"body":"story is to feel empowered, like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":93.39,"endTime":96.66,"body":"you can do anything. I never"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":93.39,"endTime":96.66,"body":"would have picked the journey I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":96.66,"endTime":100.2,"body":"ended up on. But in reality, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":96.66,"endTime":100.2,"body":"did choose it. I could have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":100.2,"endTime":105.33,"body":"walked away many times and live"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":100.2,"endTime":105.33,"body":"a simple life. But I always saw"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":105.33,"endTime":108.69,"body":"something in Matt. I've always"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":105.33,"endTime":108.69,"body":"been his biggest fan, even when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":108.69,"endTime":113.1,"body":"he was at his worst. Thank you."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":108.69,"endTime":113.1,"body":"Do you agree with that? No, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":113.1,"endTime":114.96,"body":"absolutely did. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":113.1,"endTime":114.96,"body":"absolutely did. I don't know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":114.96,"endTime":118.2,"body":"what you saw on me. But I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":114.96,"endTime":118.2,"body":"grateful that you did. Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":118.2,"endTime":119.7,"body":"didn't give you a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":118.2,"endTime":119.7,"body":"evidence that there would be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":119.7,"endTime":122.22,"body":"something better but you saw"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":119.7,"endTime":122.22,"body":"stuff in me that I couldn't see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":122.22,"endTime":124.05,"body":"in myself. And you continue to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":124.11,"endTime":128.4,"body":"do so we're gonna take"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":124.11,"endTime":128.4,"body":"this back to 2001 we were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":128.4,"endTime":132.21,"body":"freshmen in high school. I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":128.4,"endTime":132.21,"body":"the girl next door. Matt was the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":132.24,"endTime":136.65,"body":"oh so charming bad boy. We met"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":132.24,"endTime":136.65,"body":"at 14 and clicked immediately."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":136.95,"endTime":140.25,"body":"He was so freakin sweet. Y'all"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":136.95,"endTime":140.25,"body":"he had this confidence and like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":140.25,"endTime":144.45,"body":"the swagger That was incredible."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":140.25,"endTime":144.45,"body":"He played guitar in a band. He"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":144.45,"endTime":147.63,"body":"was a natural leader. He"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":144.45,"endTime":147.63,"body":"introduced me to so many"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":147.63,"endTime":151.56,"body":"different things like music,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":147.63,"endTime":151.56,"body":"clothes ideas, and he always"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":151.56,"endTime":153.21,"body":"kept me on my toes. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":153.21,"endTime":157.14,"body":"also had blonde tips. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":153.21,"endTime":157.14,"body":"I think that was a big selling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":157.14,"endTime":157.47,"body":"point."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":157.5,"endTime":161.28,"body":"Oh yes. Even rolled up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":157.5,"endTime":161.28,"body":"his sleeves which is really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":161.28,"endTime":164.97,"body":"funny but anyway, but there were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":161.28,"endTime":164.97,"body":"plenty of red flags back in high"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":164.97,"endTime":168.18,"body":"school you know he had a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":164.97,"endTime":168.18,"body":"different home life to where I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":168.18,"endTime":171.72,"body":"wasn't even allowed to go there"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":168.18,"endTime":171.72,"body":"at one point he was always late"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":171.72,"endTime":175.77,"body":"to school he got in building"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":171.72,"endTime":175.77,"body":"suspension regularly which was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":175.77,"endTime":177.6,"body":"rack by back then wasn't it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":175.77,"endTime":177.6,"body":"rack?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":178.35,"endTime":181.44,"body":"No it was in building"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":178.35,"endTime":181.44,"body":"suspension. What are you think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":181.44,"endTime":183.48,"body":"they called it? IBS which is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":181.44,"endTime":183.48,"body":"really funny."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":183.51,"endTime":184.71,"body":"I thought it was RAC"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":184.769,"endTime":187.109,"body":"I think it was called IBS"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":184.769,"endTime":187.109,"body":"which cracked me up to know it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":187.109,"endTime":188.849,"body":"even back then. I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":187.109,"endTime":188.849,"body":"because couldn't have picked a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":188.849,"endTime":191.249,"body":"better acronym for this. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":188.849,"endTime":191.249,"body":"true. But yeah, you got stuck in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":191.249,"endTime":193.559,"body":"a room and because you were in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":191.249,"endTime":193.559,"body":"trouble, usually for not shaving"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":193.559,"endTime":195.209,"body":"it was a dress code violation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":193.559,"endTime":195.209,"body":"most the time. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":195.21,"endTime":196.95,"body":"but you should have known"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":195.21,"endTime":196.95,"body":"better, but he had excuses for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":196.95,"endTime":201.0,"body":"that too. But we'll get into"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":196.95,"endTime":201.0,"body":"that another time. So his grades"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":201.0,"endTime":203.55,"body":"were awful to where it like he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":201.0,"endTime":203.55,"body":"barely graduated. What was your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":203.55,"endTime":209.7,"body":"GPA? Like? 1.2 ish. Yeah, it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":203.55,"endTime":209.7,"body":"crazy. He liked breaking light"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":209.7,"endTime":213.45,"body":"posts and neighborhoods and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":209.7,"endTime":213.45,"body":"like, tore up property all the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":213.45,"endTime":219.45,"body":"time, allegedly. There's no"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":213.45,"endTime":219.45,"body":"proof. He had a lot of freedom."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":219.63,"endTime":223.56,"body":"And my parents really didn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":219.63,"endTime":223.56,"body":"like him at one point, but they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":223.56,"endTime":228.06,"body":"helped guide him as much as they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":223.56,"endTime":228.06,"body":"could. Eventually. So I on the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":228.06,"endTime":232.08,"body":"other hand, had great grades. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":228.06,"endTime":232.08,"body":"graduated with honors, I was in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":232.08,"endTime":236.43,"body":"the top 10% of our class. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":232.08,"endTime":236.43,"body":"rarely miss school. I had an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":236.43,"endTime":241.23,"body":"after school job at CCS pizza. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":236.43,"endTime":241.23,"body":"was active in clubs. I was the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":241.23,"endTime":245.16,"body":"German Club President couldn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":241.23,"endTime":245.16,"body":"tell you a German word except"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":245.16,"endTime":249.42,"body":"for like, actually British. Not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":245.16,"endTime":249.42,"body":"bad. Yeah. And I was just I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":249.42,"endTime":253.83,"body":"just a good girl. So Matt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":249.42,"endTime":253.83,"body":"started partying partying a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":253.83,"endTime":258.51,"body":"little harder each year. He"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":253.83,"endTime":258.51,"body":"actually went to school drunk on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":258.51,"endTime":260.22,"body":"the last day of our senior year,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":260.37,"endTime":262.62,"body":"I forgot about that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":260.37,"endTime":262.62,"body":"packed a backpack full of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":262.62,"endTime":262.98,"body":"coolers."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":263.52,"endTime":265.8,"body":"for that. I do remember"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":263.52,"endTime":265.8,"body":"that you stole it from your dad,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":265.8,"endTime":268.98,"body":"I think because that's what he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":265.8,"endTime":268.98,"body":"drank. So I thought it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":268.98,"endTime":273.78,"body":"stupid and cool at the same"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":268.98,"endTime":273.78,"body":"time. So once he graduated, he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":273.78,"endTime":277.11,"body":"started taking pills. I mean, he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":273.78,"endTime":277.11,"body":"was taking some in high school,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":277.11,"endTime":281.31,"body":"I think but I wasn't really in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":277.11,"endTime":281.31,"body":"for sure. Yeah. His temper was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":281.31,"endTime":285.87,"body":"starting to get bad and the peer"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":281.31,"endTime":285.87,"body":"pressure to get me involved was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":285.99,"endTime":294.6,"body":"beginning. So sorry, so I smoked"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":285.99,"endTime":294.6,"body":"pot for the first time on my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":294.6,"endTime":298.98,"body":"18th birthday at his house. He"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":294.6,"endTime":298.98,"body":"would occasionally give me a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":298.98,"endTime":302.25,"body":"hydrocodone because he You could"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":298.98,"endTime":302.25,"body":"talk me into it like no other."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":302.34,"endTime":306.54,"body":"It was crazy what this man could"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":302.34,"endTime":306.54,"body":"do, or this kid could do to get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":306.54,"endTime":309.69,"body":"me to do so, one time he even"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":306.54,"endTime":309.69,"body":"gave me an oxy and it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":309.69,"endTime":312.09,"body":"probably one of the worst"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":309.69,"endTime":312.09,"body":"experiences I've ever had on a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":312.09,"endTime":316.44,"body":"drug. I got so sick and even"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":312.09,"endTime":316.44,"body":"felt it the next day on my way"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":316.44,"endTime":319.62,"body":"to work. I was nodding off and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":316.44,"endTime":319.62,"body":"feeling super off and never"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":319.62,"endTime":322.5,"body":"again did I take one of those"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":319.62,"endTime":322.5,"body":"bills. I was just so easily"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":322.5,"endTime":326.49,"body":"influenced by him. But I always"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":322.5,"endTime":326.49,"body":"had opinions on how he was doing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":326.49,"endTime":332.37,"body":"things. When we moved out at 18,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":326.49,"endTime":332.37,"body":"I worked full time and went to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":332.37,"endTime":335.16,"body":"college in the evenings full"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":332.37,"endTime":335.16,"body":"time. So my schedule was super"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":335.16,"endTime":338.34,"body":"busy. But I ended up dropping"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":335.16,"endTime":338.34,"body":"out of college because I just I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":338.34,"endTime":343.68,"body":"couldn't handle it. It was a lot"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":338.34,"endTime":343.68,"body":"of friggin work. We both partied"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":343.68,"endTime":349.08,"body":"like college kids do. But his"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":343.68,"endTime":349.08,"body":"was always extreme. Every day he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":349.08,"endTime":351.93,"body":"had to get messed up. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":349.08,"endTime":351.93,"body":"eventually had my first panic"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":351.93,"endTime":356.37,"body":"attack at around 19 to 20."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":351.93,"endTime":356.37,"body":"Because I was taking some diet"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":356.37,"endTime":358.8,"body":"pills I think he gave me I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":356.37,"endTime":358.8,"body":"remember if it was him"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":358.8,"endTime":361.35,"body":"specifically, but I couldn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":358.8,"endTime":361.35,"body":"handle it. And there were other"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":361.35,"endTime":363.87,"body":"factors going on in our lives."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":361.35,"endTime":363.87,"body":"And I was just starting to lose"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":363.87,"endTime":364.38,"body":"myself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":364.409,"endTime":366.989,"body":"I don't remember giving"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":364.409,"endTime":366.989,"body":"you diet pills. I'm not saying I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":366.989,"endTime":368.699,"body":"didn't I just don't remember"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":366.989,"endTime":368.699,"body":"these very well."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":370.53,"endTime":374.88,"body":"Well, I sorry. We moved"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":370.53,"endTime":374.88,"body":"to his college town a few years"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":374.88,"endTime":378.12,"body":"later, and partying became a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":374.88,"endTime":378.12,"body":"norm in our relationship with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":378.12,"endTime":382.29,"body":"drank, smoked, had a hell of a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":378.12,"endTime":382.29,"body":"time until it wasn't really fun"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":382.29,"endTime":387.12,"body":"anymore. I was working full time"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":382.29,"endTime":387.12,"body":"while he was in school. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":387.12,"endTime":390.57,"body":"had to have some type of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":387.12,"endTime":390.57,"body":"structure. So I scaled back on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":390.57,"endTime":391.2,"body":"partying."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":391.26,"endTime":394.8,"body":"Yeah, you would like just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":391.26,"endTime":394.8,"body":"go to bed and leave us idiots up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":394.8,"endTime":395.43,"body":"to Oh, yeah, there"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":395.43,"endTime":397.17,"body":"were three. There were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":395.43,"endTime":397.17,"body":"always people at our house at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":397.17,"endTime":399.9,"body":"this point. Like everyone was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":397.17,"endTime":399.9,"body":"partying until like 4am. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":399.9,"endTime":402.51,"body":"had to get up at six because it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":399.9,"endTime":402.51,"body":"was a long drive to work. So I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":402.51,"endTime":407.07,"body":"had to scale it back. Matt was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":402.51,"endTime":407.07,"body":"smoking, drinking taking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":407.07,"endTime":412.02,"body":"Adderall, shrooms X coke"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":407.07,"endTime":412.02,"body":"occasionally. And I just sat by"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":412.02,"endTime":415.44,"body":"and watched. Adderall was by far"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":412.02,"endTime":415.44,"body":"the worst drug that you took you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":415.44,"endTime":419.58,"body":"hated that stuff. I hated Matt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":415.44,"endTime":419.58,"body":"on Adderall. It literally"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":419.58,"endTime":424.35,"body":"changed his personality and his"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":419.58,"endTime":424.35,"body":"mood. I mean, he would get like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":424.53,"endTime":427.47,"body":"angry and ugly and he wouldn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":424.53,"endTime":427.47,"body":"eat either. And that used to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":427.47,"endTime":429.6,"body":"piss me off too, because I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":427.47,"endTime":429.6,"body":"like, can we please eat some"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":429.6,"endTime":435.18,"body":"chicken wings or something? And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":429.6,"endTime":435.18,"body":"you're like, I'm not hungry. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":435.21,"endTime":438.54,"body":"um, I asked him to quit after"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":435.21,"endTime":438.54,"body":"college. And he did, but then he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":438.54,"endTime":444.15,"body":"picked it back up once we were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":438.54,"endTime":444.15,"body":"getting married. After he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":444.15,"endTime":447.33,"body":"finished college, we got"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":444.15,"endTime":447.33,"body":"engaged, and moved to Dallas for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":447.33,"endTime":451.05,"body":"our next chapter. I was hoping"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":447.33,"endTime":451.05,"body":"his college partying style would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":451.05,"endTime":452.97,"body":"get better and he'd want"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":451.05,"endTime":452.97,"body":"structure."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":453.15,"endTime":454.98,"body":"For the record. I too, was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":453.15,"endTime":454.98,"body":"hoping for this."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":455.01,"endTime":457.2,"body":"Yes, it was always a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":455.01,"endTime":457.2,"body":"constant battle within your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":457.2,"endTime":461.1,"body":"head, I'm sure. For sure. A few"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":457.2,"endTime":461.1,"body":"months before we got married."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":461.1,"endTime":463.5,"body":"There was actually an incident"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":461.1,"endTime":463.5,"body":"that was almost it for me. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":463.5,"endTime":465.72,"body":"don't know if you remember this."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":463.5,"endTime":465.72,"body":"I remember this. Yeah, he got"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":465.72,"endTime":468.51,"body":"drunk. And he said some really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":465.72,"endTime":468.51,"body":"ugly things to me in front of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":468.51,"endTime":473.04,"body":"some of our friends and some of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":468.51,"endTime":473.04,"body":"my family. I actually snapped."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":473.16,"endTime":475.98,"body":"He slept in the car. I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":473.16,"endTime":475.98,"body":"remember sleeping. You did. You"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":475.98,"endTime":478.59,"body":"slept in the car. You were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":475.98,"endTime":478.59,"body":"trying to prove a point. I just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":478.59,"endTime":481.62,"body":"remember this night. I wasn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":478.59,"endTime":481.62,"body":"drunk. You were remember that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":481.62,"endTime":485.58,"body":"you thought I was drunk. That"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":481.62,"endTime":485.58,"body":"was the problem. But we made up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":485.58,"endTime":489.99,"body":"the next day. He was very good"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":485.58,"endTime":489.99,"body":"at apologizing and trying to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":489.99,"endTime":494.79,"body":"make things right. Like he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":489.99,"endTime":494.79,"body":"normalized all of his behavior."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":495.27,"endTime":500.76,"body":"But he did promise one day, he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":495.27,"endTime":500.76,"body":"would be a great man. At one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":500.76,"endTime":503.97,"body":"point, he started getting back"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":500.76,"endTime":503.97,"body":"injections. So Matt hurt his"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":503.97,"endTime":507.57,"body":"back when he was like 18 or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":503.97,"endTime":507.57,"body":"something. And it's also kind of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":507.57,"endTime":510.78,"body":"in his DNA that he has a bad"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":507.57,"endTime":510.78,"body":"back. But he would always be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":510.78,"endTime":514.32,"body":"sent home with a huge bottle of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":510.78,"endTime":514.32,"body":"hydrocodone. I'll never forget"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":514.32,"endTime":517.86,"body":"these bottles. How many pills"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":514.32,"endTime":517.86,"body":"were in these bottles? 180."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":517.89,"endTime":521.13,"body":"Okay, yeah, they were huge."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":517.89,"endTime":521.13,"body":"There was a point where he asked"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":521.13,"endTime":524.49,"body":"me to start hiding them. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":521.13,"endTime":524.49,"body":"then he would fall on my feet to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":524.49,"endTime":526.98,"body":"see where I was hiding them."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":524.49,"endTime":526.98,"body":"This was what I would do. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":526.98,"endTime":528.6,"body":"didn't find out about this until"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":526.98,"endTime":528.6,"body":"later,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":528.63,"endTime":531.99,"body":"I would, I would tell her,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":528.63,"endTime":531.99,"body":"Hey, you have to distribute"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":531.99,"endTime":535.77,"body":"these to me because I always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":531.99,"endTime":535.77,"body":"take too many. I never really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":536.37,"endTime":540.54,"body":"led you on to realize how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":536.37,"endTime":540.54,"body":"serious it was. Just Hey, I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":540.54,"endTime":542.37,"body":"don't wanna go through them too"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":540.54,"endTime":542.37,"body":"quickly. I'm in a lot of pain."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":542.37,"endTime":545.73,"body":"You take these. That's how I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":542.37,"endTime":545.73,"body":"sold it. And then I would be in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":545.73,"endTime":548.22,"body":"the bedroom, you would walk out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":545.73,"endTime":548.22,"body":"of the bedroom. And then I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":548.22,"endTime":551.43,"body":"get on my hands and knees and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":548.22,"endTime":551.43,"body":"look under the door and follow"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":551.43,"endTime":554.37,"body":"your feet to see where you went."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":551.43,"endTime":554.37,"body":"And then I would essentially"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":554.37,"endTime":557.88,"body":"narrow it down to a handful of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":554.37,"endTime":557.88,"body":"places. You could have hid them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":557.88,"endTime":559.56,"body":"based on where you went in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":557.88,"endTime":559.56,"body":"house. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":559.56,"endTime":562.02,"body":"because I didn't hit"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":559.56,"endTime":562.02,"body":"them, like, hide them perfectly."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":562.53,"endTime":564.45,"body":"I didn't think this guy was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":562.53,"endTime":564.45,"body":"gonna go Snoop for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":564.45,"endTime":566.91,"body":"him. You're also a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":564.45,"endTime":566.91,"body":"terrible highter of stuff. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":566.91,"endTime":567.3,"body":"that's true."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":567.3,"endTime":569.88,"body":"It takes too much effort."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":567.3,"endTime":569.88,"body":"But this should have been a red"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":569.88,"endTime":573.24,"body":"flag, right? This guy is telling"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":569.88,"endTime":573.24,"body":"me to hide his pills because he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":573.24,"endTime":576.99,"body":"can't take them like this should"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":573.24,"endTime":576.99,"body":"totally be a red flag. But I had"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":576.99,"endTime":578.25,"body":"to pick my battles with Matt."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":578.34,"endTime":581.49,"body":"That's interesting."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":578.34,"endTime":581.49,"body":"Because Why did you have to pick"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":581.49,"endTime":583.26,"body":"your battles because I would do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":581.49,"endTime":583.26,"body":"what?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":583.74,"endTime":587.43,"body":"You were blame me. Are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":583.74,"endTime":587.43,"body":"you a spinner? You were mean"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":587.46,"endTime":589.71,"body":"King King gaslighter"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":587.46,"endTime":589.71,"body":"undefeated chat"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":589.71,"endTime":593.64,"body":"oh my gosh, awful, awful."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":589.71,"endTime":593.64,"body":"I mean, he had an awful temper"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":593.7,"endTime":596.58,"body":"and I was just so insecure that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":593.7,"endTime":596.58,"body":"I couldn't handle it. Like I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":596.58,"endTime":600.0,"body":"couldn't handle bringing things"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":596.58,"endTime":600.0,"body":"his attention because patterns"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":600.0,"endTime":603.69,"body":"showed me that if I were to say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":600.0,"endTime":603.69,"body":"something, I was going to be at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":603.69,"endTime":607.53,"body":"fault or he was going to talk"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":603.69,"endTime":607.53,"body":"down to me so low to where I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":607.53,"endTime":609.18,"body":"would feel like nothing will"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":607.53,"endTime":609.18,"body":"just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":609.18,"endTime":611.85,"body":"spin it. I would say that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":609.18,"endTime":611.85,"body":"yeah, there is no problem to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":611.85,"endTime":614.79,"body":"extent that there is a problem."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":611.85,"endTime":614.79,"body":"You're the problem. Exactly. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":615.39,"endTime":618.69,"body":"just use, you know, all kinds of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":615.39,"endTime":618.69,"body":"scare tactics and gaslighting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":618.69,"endTime":621.48,"body":"tactics to make you think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":618.69,"endTime":621.48,"body":"you are crazy. Yeah, you did."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":621.48,"endTime":623.37,"body":"This is what I did when I was an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":621.48,"endTime":623.37,"body":"addict."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":623.4,"endTime":627.45,"body":"Yep. So I was in denial"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":623.4,"endTime":627.45,"body":"for many years. And that is a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":627.45,"endTime":631.74,"body":"very comfortable place to be. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":627.45,"endTime":631.74,"body":"remember that actually. Matt's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":631.74,"endTime":634.65,"body":"counselor told me that denial is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":631.74,"endTime":634.65,"body":"a very comfortable, comfortable"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":634.65,"endTime":636.66,"body":"place. And I didn't understand"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":634.65,"endTime":636.66,"body":"it until she said that I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":636.66,"endTime":640.98,"body":"like, wow, that's, that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":636.66,"endTime":640.98,"body":"actually pretty powerful. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":641.01,"endTime":643.62,"body":"here's the thing that I do want"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":641.01,"endTime":643.62,"body":"people to know that Matt never"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":643.62,"endTime":647.4,"body":"got physical with me. So he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":643.62,"endTime":647.4,"body":"threw things. He loved to throw"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":647.4,"endTime":649.86,"body":"phones. He probably went through"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":647.4,"endTime":649.86,"body":"10 to 15 phones while we were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":649.86,"endTime":650.52,"body":"together."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":651.45,"endTime":652.44,"body":"Yeah, that's about right."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":653.31,"endTime":655.92,"body":"Coffee tables, chairs,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":653.31,"endTime":655.92,"body":"there were always holes in the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":655.92,"endTime":656.7,"body":"wall. That was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":656.7,"endTime":659.1,"body":"an accident. I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":656.7,"endTime":659.1,"body":"practicing a baseball swing with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":659.1,"endTime":662.34,"body":"an umbrella and the handle came"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":659.1,"endTime":662.34,"body":"off. And it stuck in the wall,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":662.37,"endTime":665.01,"body":"which was actually kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":662.37,"endTime":665.01,"body":"funny. It stuck straight in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":665.01,"endTime":665.37,"body":"wall."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":665.4,"endTime":667.41,"body":"Even in our apartments,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":665.4,"endTime":667.41,"body":"honey, there were like holes in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":667.41,"endTime":672.36,"body":"the wall. Probably yeah, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":667.41,"endTime":672.36,"body":"there was a thing. So he took"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":672.36,"endTime":675.9,"body":"his anger and his anger out on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":672.36,"endTime":675.9,"body":"things like he would get angry"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":675.9,"endTime":679.98,"body":"over very small things to like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":675.9,"endTime":679.98,"body":"traffic or if something broke in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":679.98,"endTime":684.03,"body":"the house, you know, something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":679.98,"endTime":684.03,"body":"that he had to fix. Anything"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":684.03,"endTime":686.25,"body":"that was hard would basically"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":684.03,"endTime":686.25,"body":"anger you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":686.82,"endTime":689.55,"body":"Even to this day, I still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":686.82,"endTime":689.55,"body":"keep keyboards like old"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":689.55,"endTime":691.98,"body":"keyboards around because there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":689.55,"endTime":691.98,"body":"nothing better than smashing the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":691.98,"endTime":694.14,"body":"keyboard if you're angry. Oh my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":691.98,"endTime":694.14,"body":"god, like never used to have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":694.14,"endTime":697.68,"body":"punching bag out. You bought me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":694.14,"endTime":697.68,"body":"for Christmas? Did so I could go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":697.68,"endTime":700.71,"body":"out and just just wail on it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":697.68,"endTime":700.71,"body":"Yeah, but keyboards are the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":700.71,"endTime":702.6,"body":"greatest. Like there's nothing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":700.71,"endTime":702.6,"body":"more satisfying smashing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":702.6,"endTime":704.76,"body":"keyboard. It's just fun."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":702.6,"endTime":704.76,"body":"Sometimes do it for fun."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":704.85,"endTime":707.28,"body":"Okay. And I understand"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":704.85,"endTime":707.28,"body":"that, but yours is like, Okay,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":707.28,"endTime":708.57,"body":"I'm pissed off. I'm just gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":707.28,"endTime":708.57,"body":"go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":708.6,"endTime":711.39,"body":"Yeah, issues. But so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":711.42,"endTime":713.19,"body":"again, we've been"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":711.42,"endTime":713.19,"body":"together for so long that this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":713.19,"endTime":720.12,"body":"was this was normal. This was my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":713.19,"endTime":720.12,"body":"normal life with him. So once I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":720.12,"endTime":722.4,"body":"got pregnant with our first"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":720.12,"endTime":722.4,"body":"child is pretty quickly after we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":722.4,"endTime":725.79,"body":"got married, things seemed to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":722.4,"endTime":725.79,"body":"get worse. I thought he was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":725.79,"endTime":729.18,"body":"going to change. I wanted the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":725.79,"endTime":729.18,"body":"perfect family with a present"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":729.18,"endTime":732.45,"body":"husband who wanted to do all the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":729.18,"endTime":732.45,"body":"activities and raise our kids"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":732.45,"endTime":738.36,"body":"with, you know, extended family."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":732.45,"endTime":738.36,"body":"But that wasn't the case. He was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":738.36,"endTime":742.35,"body":"emotionally unavailable. He"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":738.36,"endTime":742.35,"body":"always took hours to run"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":742.35,"endTime":745.92,"body":"errands. He'd say he was going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":742.35,"endTime":745.92,"body":"to the store or go take a drive"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":745.92,"endTime":749.01,"body":"around the lake or grab"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":745.92,"endTime":749.01,"body":"doughnuts that were like 30"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":749.01,"endTime":754.95,"body":"minutes away. Or he'd be playing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":749.01,"endTime":754.95,"body":"golf. And he lied so much. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":754.95,"endTime":758.07,"body":"didn't know I trusted him. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":754.95,"endTime":758.07,"body":"thought he was doing these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":758.07,"endTime":761.67,"body":"things, but just taking his"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":758.07,"endTime":761.67,"body":"sweet time. Because I thought"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":761.67,"endTime":764.49,"body":"there was something wrong with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":761.67,"endTime":764.49,"body":"me. And he didn't want to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":764.49,"endTime":773.97,"body":"around. So um, no, he was going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":764.49,"endTime":773.97,"body":"to his dealers dammit. I was not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":773.97,"endTime":777.03,"body":"gonna get emotional during this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":773.97,"endTime":777.03,"body":"episode. But it does bring up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":777.03,"endTime":781.5,"body":"some feelings because it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":777.03,"endTime":781.5,"body":"hard. He was going to his"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":781.5,"endTime":788.43,"body":"dealers houses and getting his"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":781.5,"endTime":788.43,"body":"next fix. And he did this a lot."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":789.72,"endTime":794.19,"body":"He also had a lot of random"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":789.72,"endTime":794.19,"body":"people over in our house. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":794.19,"endTime":797.52,"body":"Matt did what Matt wanted. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":794.19,"endTime":797.52,"body":"it was always about him. He"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":797.52,"endTime":800.34,"body":"began draining our bank account,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":797.52,"endTime":800.34,"body":"when we were wanting to buy a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":800.34,"endTime":804.12,"body":"house. We barely had enough"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":800.34,"endTime":804.12,"body":"money to pay rent. And sometimes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":804.15,"endTime":807.24,"body":"we had to x ask for extensions."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":804.15,"endTime":807.24,"body":"Do you remember doing that?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":807.27,"endTime":810.45,"body":"Yeah, that was awful. Yeah, it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":807.27,"endTime":810.45,"body":"was scary. Because I worked my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":810.45,"endTime":812.91,"body":"ass off. And I just wanted a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":810.45,"endTime":812.91,"body":"husband who cared for me, like I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":812.91,"endTime":818.79,"body":"cared for him. I mean, I was I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":812.91,"endTime":818.79,"body":"was working a lot. But after our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":818.79,"endTime":823.26,"body":"kid was born, the lies just kept"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":818.79,"endTime":823.26,"body":"happening. And he was never home"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":823.26,"endTime":827.61,"body":"to help. And honestly didn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":823.26,"endTime":827.61,"body":"trust him with our daughter. It"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":827.61,"endTime":830.1,"body":"was always scary in the back of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":827.61,"endTime":830.1,"body":"my mind when he was watching"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":830.1,"endTime":830.37,"body":"her."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":830.49,"endTime":833.04,"body":"You know, it's like your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":830.49,"endTime":833.04,"body":"story and my story are very much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":833.07,"endTime":837.42,"body":"alike. In a lot of ways. I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":833.07,"endTime":837.42,"body":"say that. The one that I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":837.42,"endTime":841.05,"body":"really see and listening and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":837.42,"endTime":841.05,"body":"reading through this with you is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":841.56,"endTime":844.38,"body":"you always think there's going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":841.56,"endTime":844.38,"body":"to be some event in your life"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":844.71,"endTime":848.61,"body":"that changes things for the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":844.71,"endTime":848.61,"body":"better. Like as if by osmosis"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":848.61,"endTime":853.41,"body":"when when you have a kid or when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":848.61,"endTime":853.41,"body":"you get married or when you move"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":853.41,"endTime":857.97,"body":"or when you buy a home that it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":853.41,"endTime":857.97,"body":"going to change you. Yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":857.97,"endTime":861.66,"body":"maybe it does temporarily, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":857.97,"endTime":861.66,"body":"a really short period of time."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":862.2,"endTime":864.33,"body":"But if you don't address the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":862.2,"endTime":864.33,"body":"things that are really going on,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":864.33,"endTime":866.94,"body":"this stuff just never happens."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":864.33,"endTime":866.94,"body":"And it's you don't know what you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":866.94,"endTime":868.8,"body":"don't know you don't see these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":866.94,"endTime":868.8,"body":"things until you look in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":868.8,"endTime":872.16,"body":"rearview. But I'm looking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":868.8,"endTime":872.16,"body":"through this and you were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":872.16,"endTime":874.08,"body":"feeling the same way. I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":872.16,"endTime":874.08,"body":"feeling like okay, things are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":874.08,"endTime":876.15,"body":"gonna get better when we do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":874.08,"endTime":876.15,"body":"this. Yeah, this happens. It'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":876.15,"endTime":879.15,"body":"get better. It'll fix itself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":876.15,"endTime":879.15,"body":"And I was thinking the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":879.15,"endTime":881.16,"body":"thing like, right, at some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":879.15,"endTime":881.16,"body":"point, I'm going to find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":881.16,"endTime":883.29,"body":"something better than what I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":881.16,"endTime":883.29,"body":"doing and I'll just won't do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":883.29,"endTime":884.46,"body":"that crap anymore. Right?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":885.15,"endTime":887.79,"body":"It's wild. It is wild."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":885.15,"endTime":887.79,"body":"And I didn't even connect that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":887.82,"endTime":888.09,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":888.6,"endTime":890.25,"body":"Like I'm reading through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":888.6,"endTime":890.25,"body":"this and like my house is very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":890.25,"endTime":893.94,"body":"familiar. Yeah, yeah. So So what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":890.25,"endTime":893.94,"body":"happened with Sydney was born."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":894.48,"endTime":898.35,"body":"So I started to gain a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":894.48,"endTime":898.35,"body":"lot of weight. I mean, I gained"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":898.35,"endTime":900.18,"body":"a lot of weight when I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":898.35,"endTime":900.18,"body":"pregnant with her because I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":900.18,"endTime":905.31,"body":"just pretty miserable. But after"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":900.18,"endTime":905.31,"body":"that I was still gaining weight."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":905.31,"endTime":908.13,"body":"And then I was even drinking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":905.31,"endTime":908.13,"body":"heavily because that's what we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":908.13,"endTime":913.62,"body":"did. I started to begin my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":908.13,"endTime":913.62,"body":"journey of detaching with love,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":913.62,"endTime":916.44,"body":"but I didn't know that's what I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":913.62,"endTime":916.44,"body":"was doing at the time. You know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":916.44,"endTime":919.35,"body":"I started going to family"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":916.44,"endTime":919.35,"body":"functions without him and giving"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":919.35,"endTime":922.95,"body":"excuses as to why he wasn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":919.35,"endTime":922.95,"body":"there. I was kind of starting to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":922.95,"endTime":926.64,"body":"live my life without him in a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":922.95,"endTime":926.64,"body":"way, but I was still miserable."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":927.54,"endTime":930.09,"body":"I was becoming numb and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":927.54,"endTime":930.09,"body":"accepting the fact that this is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":930.09,"endTime":933.75,"body":"the life that I chose. Like, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":930.09,"endTime":933.75,"body":"chose a man who didn't give a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":933.75,"endTime":936.81,"body":"shit about anyone but himself. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":933.75,"endTime":936.81,"body":"chose a life of anxiety,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":936.81,"endTime":940.41,"body":"depression, over indulging, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":936.81,"endTime":940.41,"body":"you know, single parenting,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":940.68,"endTime":942.39,"body":"someone once told me, you pick"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":940.68,"endTime":942.39,"body":"them."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":944.16,"endTime":947.13,"body":"Back up just a second, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":944.16,"endTime":947.13,"body":"remember when you started to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":947.13,"endTime":951.39,"body":"detach with love. This was this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":947.13,"endTime":951.39,"body":"was near the end of it all. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":951.39,"endTime":956.07,"body":"this was when it started to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":951.39,"endTime":956.07,"body":"scare me because it became real"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":956.07,"endTime":959.52,"body":"in my mind, like, I am going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":956.07,"endTime":959.52,"body":"lose her. Like I can see her"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":959.76,"endTime":963.39,"body":"being happy without me. She"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":959.76,"endTime":963.39,"body":"doesn't need me. And as an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":963.39,"endTime":965.25,"body":"addict, I can tell you right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":963.39,"endTime":965.25,"body":"now, that's one of the scariest"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":965.25,"endTime":967.29,"body":"things you can do to an addict"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":965.25,"endTime":967.29,"body":"to start to move on without"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":967.29,"endTime":967.56,"body":"them."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":967.89,"endTime":970.23,"body":"Do you think that that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":967.89,"endTime":970.23,"body":"kind of helped click? Oh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":970.26,"endTime":973.02,"body":"absolutely. It did. Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":970.26,"endTime":973.02,"body":"Didn't know. It was like not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":973.02,"endTime":974.94,"body":"intentional that that's what I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":973.02,"endTime":974.94,"body":"was doing. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":974.97,"endTime":977.67,"body":"it did. Like it was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":974.97,"endTime":977.67,"body":"scaring me because you were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":977.67,"endTime":981.54,"body":"showing me that life goes on. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":977.67,"endTime":981.54,"body":"don't need you to live this life"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":981.54,"endTime":984.72,"body":"that I want. I don't need you. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":981.54,"endTime":984.72,"body":"can do it on my own. And that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":984.72,"endTime":989.58,"body":"scared the shit out of me. Ah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":984.72,"endTime":989.58,"body":"dang. Detaching with love is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":989.58,"endTime":992.85,"body":"seriously powerful for the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":989.58,"endTime":992.85,"body":"person doing it. Yep. And for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":992.85,"endTime":996.69,"body":"those that you're showing, yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":992.85,"endTime":996.69,"body":"I don't need you right now. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":996.69,"endTime":1000.86,"body":"can be happy regardless with or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":996.69,"endTime":1000.86,"body":"without you. Job or no job,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1001.04,"endTime":1004.37,"body":"whatever. I'm going to figure it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1001.04,"endTime":1004.37,"body":"out. Right. Right. Yeah, it was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1004.37,"endTime":1004.91,"body":"powerful. This"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1004.91,"endTime":1010.01,"body":"powerful. Okay, so the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1004.91,"endTime":1010.01,"body":"day that he told me he needed"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1010.01,"endTime":1015.14,"body":"help. I was at my mom's because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1010.01,"endTime":1015.14,"body":"he was out of town for work. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1015.2,"endTime":1017.84,"body":"I'm so grateful that my mom was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1015.2,"endTime":1017.84,"body":"there to help me. I would just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1017.84,"endTime":1021.32,"body":"go to her house and she would be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1017.84,"endTime":1021.32,"body":"there to support me or whatnot."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1021.92,"endTime":1025.46,"body":"I used to have alerts on my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1021.92,"endTime":1025.46,"body":"phone that showed me when an ATM"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1025.46,"endTime":1029.57,"body":"withdrawal because I still have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1025.46,"endTime":1029.57,"body":"them Don't you know, I took them"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1029.57,"endTime":1035.03,"body":"off because they were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1029.57,"endTime":1035.03,"body":"triggering. I think okay, they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1035.03,"endTime":1037.97,"body":"might be back on again. But I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1035.03,"endTime":1037.97,"body":"took them off for years after"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1037.97,"endTime":1043.97,"body":"you got sober because it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1037.97,"endTime":1043.97,"body":"very triggering for me. He when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1043.97,"endTime":1047.54,"body":"He was gone, he took all the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1043.97,"endTime":1047.54,"body":"money out. I was very, very"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1047.54,"endTime":1051.5,"body":"angry. I was it was a different"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1047.54,"endTime":1051.5,"body":"kind of angry. I wanted to leave"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1051.5,"endTime":1055.31,"body":"right then in there. And I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1051.5,"endTime":1055.31,"body":"over and done. But when we got"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1055.31,"endTime":1059.9,"body":"on the phone, he came clean. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1055.31,"endTime":1059.9,"body":"he said he needed help. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1059.9,"endTime":1064.13,"body":"just decided I'm not going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1059.9,"endTime":1064.13,"body":"throw all the years away just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1064.13,"endTime":1068.03,"body":"yet. It was time to see if his"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1064.13,"endTime":1068.03,"body":"promise to be a good man would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1068.03,"endTime":1073.46,"body":"finally happen. rehab was scary."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1068.03,"endTime":1073.46,"body":"When Matt went to rehab, I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1073.46,"endTime":1075.98,"body":"ashamed. I'll be the first to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1073.46,"endTime":1075.98,"body":"admit it. I've always said that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1075.98,"endTime":1079.1,"body":"I was very ashamed. You know, my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1075.98,"endTime":1079.1,"body":"husband was going to rehab. What"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1079.1,"endTime":1082.94,"body":"does this mean? Who did I marry?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1079.1,"endTime":1082.94,"body":"Is this real life? We're one of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1082.94,"endTime":1086.57,"body":"those kids? Yeah, we're one of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1082.94,"endTime":1086.57,"body":"those people like what is this?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1086.9,"endTime":1091.28,"body":"You know, there's a there was a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1086.9,"endTime":1091.28,"body":"stigma attached to rehab. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1091.28,"endTime":1094.64,"body":"ended up staying with my mom for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1091.28,"endTime":1094.64,"body":"a month because Matt owed people"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1094.64,"endTime":1097.7,"body":"money and they knew where we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1094.64,"endTime":1097.7,"body":"lived. So I packed our valuables"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1097.7,"endTime":1101.03,"body":"and stayed away. I didn't feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1097.7,"endTime":1101.03,"body":"safe in my own home with out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1101.03,"endTime":1107.54,"body":"him. But the rehab facility had"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1101.03,"endTime":1107.54,"body":"a family program that really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1107.54,"endTime":1111.83,"body":"opened my eyes to addiction and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1107.54,"endTime":1111.83,"body":"how I was sick to. I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1111.83,"endTime":1115.55,"body":"codependent, I really don't like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1111.83,"endTime":1115.55,"body":"that word. And we'll tell you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1115.55,"endTime":1119.0,"body":"why here in a little bit. But I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1115.55,"endTime":1119.0,"body":"lost my true self and my core"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1119.0,"endTime":1123.29,"body":"values. I allowed him to control"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1119.0,"endTime":1123.29,"body":"me. And I found out that I had a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1123.29,"endTime":1128.36,"body":"part in all of it. I had my own"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1123.29,"endTime":1128.36,"body":"demons. I thought this is his"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1128.36,"endTime":1133.16,"body":"problem, and he needs to fix it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1128.36,"endTime":1133.16,"body":"But it was far from the truth."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1133.28,"endTime":1136.19,"body":"You know, I didn't know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1133.28,"endTime":1136.19,"body":"about codependency when I got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1136.22,"endTime":1140.3,"body":"sober either. I thought that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1136.22,"endTime":1140.3,"body":"once I got sober that two would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1140.3,"endTime":1144.98,"body":"fix the issue. I had no idea"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1140.3,"endTime":1144.98,"body":"that there it takes two to tango"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1144.98,"endTime":1147.83,"body":"and this relationship between"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1144.98,"endTime":1147.83,"body":"addict codependent and that they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1148.04,"endTime":1150.89,"body":"sort of feed on each other."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1148.04,"endTime":1150.89,"body":"Yeah, I had no clue this was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1150.89,"endTime":1152.96,"body":"even a thing. I think that a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1150.89,"endTime":1152.96,"body":"of people are probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1152.96,"endTime":1155.93,"body":"listening, maybe hearing us for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1152.96,"endTime":1155.93,"body":"the first time that you're both"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1155.93,"endTime":1158.45,"body":"sick. And you don't realize it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1155.93,"endTime":1158.45,"body":"not just the person who's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1158.48,"endTime":1162.89,"body":"obviously sick, right. It's also"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1158.48,"endTime":1162.89,"body":"the partner of that person that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1162.89,"endTime":1166.31,"body":"has a lot of their own issues."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1162.89,"endTime":1166.31,"body":"And in that the last thing you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1166.31,"endTime":1168.47,"body":"wanted to hear though, was that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1166.31,"endTime":1168.47,"body":"you had issues."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1168.5,"endTime":1171.11,"body":"Oh my gosh, I didn't want"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1168.5,"endTime":1171.11,"body":"to hear that. I was like, What"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1171.11,"endTime":1173.48,"body":"are you talking about? I've been"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1171.11,"endTime":1173.48,"body":"doing everything right is is his"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1173.48,"endTime":1174.62,"body":"problem, not mine."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1174.8,"endTime":1178.19,"body":"I heard it put one time"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1174.8,"endTime":1178.19,"body":"that the truth will set you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1178.19,"endTime":1182.18,"body":"free. But at first it's gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1178.19,"endTime":1182.18,"body":"piss you off. Yep. And I find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1182.18,"endTime":1185.96,"body":"that to be true anytime I'm ever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1182.18,"endTime":1185.96,"body":"told hard truths. Yeah. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1185.96,"endTime":1188.12,"body":"yeah, it blew my mind too. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1185.96,"endTime":1188.12,"body":"like, wait, no, no, no timeout."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1188.12,"endTime":1190.25,"body":"There's nothing wrong with her."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1188.12,"endTime":1190.25,"body":"This is my issue. They were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1190.25,"endTime":1193.52,"body":"like, You need to let her walk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1190.25,"endTime":1193.52,"body":"her path right and walk you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1193.55,"endTime":1195.74,"body":"and I'm gonna get to that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1193.55,"endTime":1195.74,"body":"in just a minute. I want to talk"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1195.74,"endTime":1199.82,"body":"about how it was once you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1195.74,"endTime":1199.82,"body":"finished rehab. So you were in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1199.82,"endTime":1204.47,"body":"rehab. for 30 days, yeah. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1199.82,"endTime":1204.47,"body":"was hoping that, you know, he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1204.47,"endTime":1206.51,"body":"was a new man and everything was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1204.47,"endTime":1206.51,"body":"gonna be right in the world."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1207.2,"endTime":1209.75,"body":"And that was like, What do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1207.2,"endTime":1209.75,"body":"you mean by that? Like, when I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1209.75,"endTime":1210.17,"body":"got out,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1210.2,"endTime":1212.6,"body":"I thought it was gonna be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1210.2,"endTime":1212.6,"body":"fine. I thought we were gonna be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1212.6,"endTime":1214.97,"body":"old Matt and Paige and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1212.6,"endTime":1214.97,"body":"everything was gonna be great."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1214.97,"endTime":1217.4,"body":"He's gonna be emotionally"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1214.97,"endTime":1217.4,"body":"available to me and everything"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1217.4,"endTime":1221.12,"body":"was gonna fixed. Yeah, I thought"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1217.4,"endTime":1221.12,"body":"he was gonna be fixed. Yeah. Or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1221.12,"endTime":1223.97,"body":"the shop gets out. It's fixed."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1221.12,"endTime":1223.97,"body":"Right. And I thought that he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1223.97,"endTime":1228.11,"body":"could finally put his family"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1223.97,"endTime":1228.11,"body":"first. Oh, yeah. But that's not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1228.11,"endTime":1230.78,"body":"true. He had to put recovery."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1228.11,"endTime":1230.78,"body":"First. He had to go to 90"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1230.81,"endTime":1234.86,"body":"meetings in 90 days. He had to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1230.81,"endTime":1234.86,"body":"go to the outpatient. It was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1234.86,"endTime":1239.81,"body":"outpatient, right? Yeah, I LP,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1234.86,"endTime":1239.81,"body":"which was every night. It was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1239.81,"endTime":1242.18,"body":"every five days a week, I think,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1239.81,"endTime":1242.18,"body":"yeah, find it for like three"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1242.18,"endTime":1245.9,"body":"hours. So he was not home for 90"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1242.18,"endTime":1245.9,"body":"days. No, he was always gone. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1245.9,"endTime":1249.56,"body":"I was like, okay, drugs consumed"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1245.9,"endTime":1249.56,"body":"him before. And now recovery"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1249.56,"endTime":1253.64,"body":"consumes him. The fuck is this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1249.56,"endTime":1253.64,"body":"about? Like, I actually blocked"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1253.64,"endTime":1257.48,"body":"a lot of this time out of my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1253.64,"endTime":1257.48,"body":"mind, because I was processing a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1257.48,"endTime":1261.29,"body":"lot. I really did. Like, I can't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1257.48,"endTime":1261.29,"body":"think back to honest, I went to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1261.29,"endTime":1264.71,"body":"IOP a couple of times, because I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1261.29,"endTime":1264.71,"body":"had to do my processing there"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1264.71,"endTime":1270.14,"body":"too. But I don't remember much"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1264.71,"endTime":1270.14,"body":"that was going on. Because I I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1270.14,"endTime":1272.18,"body":"don't know, it was something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1270.14,"endTime":1272.18,"body":"that I've just completely"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1272.18,"endTime":1273.62,"body":"blocked out in my brains"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1273.62,"endTime":1277.19,"body":"a lot that I put you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1273.62,"endTime":1277.19,"body":"through. So it's understandable,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1277.82,"endTime":1280.37,"body":"trying to wrap my head"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1277.82,"endTime":1280.37,"body":"around that he has to put"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1280.37,"endTime":1285.26,"body":"recovery first. Now as we're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1280.37,"endTime":1285.26,"body":"further into recovery, I think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1285.26,"endTime":1287.66,"body":"it is the most beautiful thing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1285.26,"endTime":1287.66,"body":"ever, and he doesn't need to put"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1287.66,"endTime":1291.44,"body":"his family first recovery has to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1287.66,"endTime":1291.44,"body":"come first. That can actually be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1291.44,"endTime":1292.1,"body":"another episode that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1292.1,"endTime":1295.13,"body":"because without it makes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1292.1,"endTime":1295.13,"body":"sense to without that at the top"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1295.28,"endTime":1298.49,"body":"of the pyramid. Nothing else is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1295.28,"endTime":1298.49,"body":"possible, right? Without"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1298.49,"endTime":1300.89,"body":"recovery. The family is not even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1298.49,"endTime":1300.89,"body":"possible without recovery. The"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1300.89,"endTime":1305.03,"body":"job's not even possible. Yep. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1300.89,"endTime":1305.03,"body":"recovery does come first. But in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1305.03,"endTime":1307.82,"body":"all actuality, like how many"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1305.03,"endTime":1307.82,"body":"hours a week are dedicated to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1307.82,"endTime":1311.48,"body":"recovery? It's probably like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1307.82,"endTime":1311.48,"body":"five hours. Yeah, like time that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1311.48,"endTime":1314.69,"body":"I spend with other people at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1311.48,"endTime":1314.69,"body":"media. Now it is and it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1314.69,"endTime":1316.97,"body":"beautiful writing, doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1314.69,"endTime":1316.97,"body":"everything I have to do."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1317.0,"endTime":1320.06,"body":"It's good for you. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1317.0,"endTime":1320.06,"body":"growth. It's important for me to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1320.39,"endTime":1321.08,"body":"accept that. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1321.08,"endTime":1323.63,"body":"think it's important for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1321.08,"endTime":1323.63,"body":"couples to hear those like yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1323.66,"endTime":1326.69,"body":"in the beginning. It is a lot."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1323.66,"endTime":1326.69,"body":"Yeah, it is a lot to adjust. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1326.69,"endTime":1330.11,"body":"then once you've got your feet"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1326.69,"endTime":1330.11,"body":"under you, it's pretty minimal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1330.11,"endTime":1332.99,"body":"time commitment to have the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1330.11,"endTime":1332.99,"body":"whole the rest of your life"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1332.99,"endTime":1335.42,"body":"ahead of you. Yeah, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1332.99,"endTime":1335.42,"body":"essentially be fixed. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1336.08,"endTime":1340.67,"body":"So within the year, we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1336.08,"endTime":1340.67,"body":"actually had a lot of changes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1340.67,"endTime":1343.13,"body":"happen, which he wasn't really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1340.67,"endTime":1343.13,"body":"supposed to do. But I guess he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1343.13,"endTime":1343.7,"body":"was just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1343.73,"endTime":1346.1,"body":"I spoke with my sponsor on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1343.73,"endTime":1346.1,"body":"this stuff. And I was in a good"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1346.1,"endTime":1348.35,"body":"place to do it. I did not do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1346.1,"endTime":1348.35,"body":"this stuff without checking with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1348.35,"endTime":1350.3,"body":"someone. They say in your first"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1348.35,"endTime":1350.3,"body":"year of sobriety, you're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1350.3,"endTime":1353.57,"body":"supposed to make major changes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1350.3,"endTime":1353.57,"body":"like, make big purchases or have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1353.57,"endTime":1356.72,"body":"children in your relationships,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1353.57,"endTime":1356.72,"body":"or we did like all the above."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1356.75,"endTime":1361.19,"body":"Yeah. But like I said, I checked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1356.75,"endTime":1361.19,"body":"with my sponsor, and I had other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1361.19,"endTime":1364.07,"body":"people hold me accountable that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1361.19,"endTime":1364.07,"body":"I was in a good place to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1364.07,"endTime":1365.18,"body":"these things. Right. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1365.18,"endTime":1367.46,"body":"we were able to buy our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1365.18,"endTime":1367.46,"body":"first house. Ain't that crazy?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1367.46,"endTime":1369.44,"body":"Where all that money came from?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1367.46,"endTime":1369.44,"body":"Yeah, no, right. We were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1369.44,"endTime":1375.62,"body":"actually able to save money and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1369.44,"endTime":1375.62,"body":"buy a house. I got pregnant with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1375.62,"endTime":1379.19,"body":"our second that was not my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1375.62,"endTime":1379.19,"body":"choice. Oh, come down with all"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1379.19,"endTime":1383.48,"body":"him. That's not true. I love him"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1379.19,"endTime":1383.48,"body":"to death. But yes, I became a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1383.48,"endTime":1386.48,"body":"stay at home mom. And then Matt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1383.48,"endTime":1386.48,"body":"was working full time. So we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1386.48,"endTime":1389.96,"body":"were in a really good, really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1386.48,"endTime":1389.96,"body":"good place for about five years."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1389.96,"endTime":1393.29,"body":"You know, new home new kid New"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1389.96,"endTime":1393.29,"body":"Chapter sober husband. Sounds"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1393.29,"endTime":1396.56,"body":"like a fairy tale, right? I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1393.29,"endTime":1396.56,"body":"mean, it was great until we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1396.59,"endTime":1400.91,"body":"weren't Okay, again. But this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1396.59,"endTime":1400.91,"body":"time it was me."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1401.15,"endTime":1404.12,"body":"which blew my mind. First"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1401.15,"endTime":1404.12,"body":"time I haven't been the cause of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1404.12,"endTime":1408.47,"body":"a problem in my life. Yep. I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1404.12,"endTime":1408.47,"body":"sort of proud not to go that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1411.05,"endTime":1415.16,"body":"was not me this time. Oh"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1411.05,"endTime":1415.16,"body":"my gosh. Okay, I'm not gonna say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1415.16,"endTime":1418.46,"body":"anything. All right. I didn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1415.16,"endTime":1418.46,"body":"face my demons until they hit"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1418.46,"endTime":1420.92,"body":"really hard about five years"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1418.46,"endTime":1420.92,"body":"after he got sober. So he was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1420.92,"endTime":1424.46,"body":"working his program becoming the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1420.92,"endTime":1424.46,"body":"man he promised to be. I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1424.46,"endTime":1429.65,"body":"raising these tiny humans and I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1424.46,"endTime":1429.65,"body":"had a lot of built up resentment"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1429.68,"endTime":1434.27,"body":"in me that I never dealt with my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1429.68,"endTime":1434.27,"body":"anxiety and panic attacks came"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1434.27,"endTime":1437.36,"body":"back full force when I was about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1434.27,"endTime":1437.36,"body":"31. I mean, I'm talking about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1437.36,"endTime":1441.11,"body":"daily panic attacks. I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1437.36,"endTime":1441.11,"body":"miserable every day. I coped"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1441.11,"endTime":1444.62,"body":"with alcohol and food. I thought"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1441.11,"endTime":1444.62,"body":"something was physically wrong"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1444.62,"endTime":1448.97,"body":"with me and went to the doctor a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1444.62,"endTime":1448.97,"body":"lot had my head scan. And I even"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1448.97,"endTime":1453.74,"body":"asked Matt to commit me because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1448.97,"endTime":1453.74,"body":"my attacks were happening daily."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1455.39,"endTime":1458.27,"body":"I was on I got on medication. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1455.39,"endTime":1458.27,"body":"was afraid to work out because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1458.27,"endTime":1461.99,"body":"I'd have an attack and I fell"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1458.27,"endTime":1461.99,"body":"into a deep depression. He ended"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1461.99,"endTime":1464.42,"body":"up getting me a therapist and I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1461.99,"endTime":1464.42,"body":"started going every week."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1465.62,"endTime":1468.71,"body":"And just to be clear,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1465.62,"endTime":1468.71,"body":"like, I didn't I didn't like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1468.71,"endTime":1470.75,"body":"make you see a therapist, and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1468.71,"endTime":1470.75,"body":"just thought maybe they should"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1470.75,"endTime":1472.73,"body":"help and then but you were to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1470.75,"endTime":1472.73,"body":"panic. It was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1472.73,"endTime":1475.07,"body":"a boundary that you put"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1472.73,"endTime":1475.07,"body":"up though, but yeah, it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1475.07,"endTime":1479.15,"body":"because you did tell me you said"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1475.07,"endTime":1479.15,"body":"I wasn't Sydney's room on the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1479.15,"endTime":1482.36,"body":"phone with you. I remember"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1479.15,"endTime":1482.36,"body":"specifically you said that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1482.36,"endTime":1487.43,"body":"conversation I will leave with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1482.36,"endTime":1487.43,"body":"the kids if you do not get help."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1487.52,"endTime":1491.54,"body":"You did you told me you put a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1487.52,"endTime":1491.54,"body":"boundary up and that I was like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1491.57,"endTime":1494.36,"body":"oh, how dare you say that to me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1491.57,"endTime":1494.36,"body":"out of all the shit you put me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1494.36,"endTime":1496.25,"body":"through. How dare you say that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1494.36,"endTime":1496.25,"body":"to me."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1496.28,"endTime":1498.2,"body":"He was coming from a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1496.28,"endTime":1498.2,"body":"healthy place though. It"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1498.23,"endTime":1501.92,"body":"was a very healthy place."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1498.23,"endTime":1501.92,"body":"So that's why I don't hate you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1501.92,"endTime":1504.11,"body":"for it. I think it's an I think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1501.92,"endTime":1504.11,"body":"it's a beautiful thing because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1504.11,"endTime":1506.72,"body":"look where we are now. You know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1504.11,"endTime":1506.72,"body":"I learned how to quit blaming"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1506.72,"endTime":1510.02,"body":"others for my issues, I learned"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1506.72,"endTime":1510.02,"body":"how to mind my own business and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1510.02,"endTime":1512.54,"body":"work on myself instead of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1510.02,"endTime":1512.54,"body":"worrying about what the hell"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1512.54,"endTime":1516.26,"body":"he's doing. You know, I never"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1512.54,"endTime":1516.26,"body":"worry too much about him using"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1516.26,"endTime":1519.44,"body":"again, because I know that that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1516.26,"endTime":1519.44,"body":"would be his problem and not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1519.44,"endTime":1523.82,"body":"mine. That's huge. Say that,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1519.44,"endTime":1523.82,"body":"again, I do not worry too much"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1523.85,"endTime":1528.26,"body":"about him using because I know"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1523.85,"endTime":1528.26,"body":"that that is his problem. It is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1528.26,"endTime":1529.04,"body":"not mine."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1529.07,"endTime":1532.67,"body":"That is something that she"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1529.07,"endTime":1532.67,"body":"gets asked about a lot. DMS"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1532.67,"endTime":1535.1,"body":"people will say, well, well,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1532.67,"endTime":1535.1,"body":"what do you do? Like, do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1535.4,"endTime":1537.32,"body":"make sure he's doing what he's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1535.4,"endTime":1537.32,"body":"supposed to be doing? Do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1537.32,"endTime":1540.26,"body":"worry about him relapsing all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1537.32,"endTime":1540.26,"body":"the time? She truly doesn't. She"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1540.26,"endTime":1543.26,"body":"walks around like, dude, if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1540.26,"endTime":1543.26,"body":"that's on you, you know what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1543.26,"endTime":1545.96,"body":"happens? If you do? So go ahead"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1543.26,"endTime":1545.96,"body":"and try me,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1545.99,"endTime":1548.54,"body":"right? Because it is not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1545.99,"endTime":1548.54,"body":"my responsibility to make sure"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1548.54,"endTime":1551.84,"body":"he's doing what he's supposed to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1548.54,"endTime":1551.84,"body":"do. I am responsible for myself,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1551.87,"endTime":1556.1,"body":"my actions, I am responsible for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1551.87,"endTime":1556.1,"body":"allowing him to make his own"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1556.1,"endTime":1560.48,"body":"mistakes without interfering. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1556.1,"endTime":1560.48,"body":"am responsible for handling my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1560.48,"endTime":1564.32,"body":"anxiety and depression, I am"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1560.48,"endTime":1564.32,"body":"responsible for me. Yes, some of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1564.32,"endTime":1568.13,"body":"the things that happened within"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1564.32,"endTime":1568.13,"body":"our life, were probably the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1568.13,"endTime":1570.44,"body":"cause of my anxiety or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1568.13,"endTime":1570.44,"body":"depression, but I'm not going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1570.44,"endTime":1573.92,"body":"blame him. It's now my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1570.44,"endTime":1573.92,"body":"responsibility to fix it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1574.07,"endTime":1576.08,"body":"Well, the anxiety"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1574.07,"endTime":1576.08,"body":"depression this is the thing is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1576.08,"endTime":1578.78,"body":"that they were always there."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1576.08,"endTime":1578.78,"body":"They were just different"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1578.78,"endTime":1582.68,"body":"catalysts that then made them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1578.78,"endTime":1582.68,"body":"appear in your life every day."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1582.68,"endTime":1585.32,"body":"So whenever you're scared for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1582.68,"endTime":1585.32,"body":"your finances, and things like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1585.32,"endTime":1588.5,"body":"that, because I was using drugs,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1585.32,"endTime":1588.5,"body":"that's obviously going to cause"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1588.68,"endTime":1591.65,"body":"some panic attacks and some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1588.68,"endTime":1591.65,"body":"issues and some anxiety. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1591.65,"endTime":1594.56,"body":"then once I got clean and sober,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1591.65,"endTime":1594.56,"body":"and I'm everything, I promise"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1594.56,"endTime":1598.13,"body":"you I'd be and more. And you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1594.56,"endTime":1598.13,"body":"still feel that way. And now you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1598.13,"endTime":1600.47,"body":"have started looking within"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1598.13,"endTime":1600.47,"body":"yourself to say what's really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1600.47,"endTime":1605.15,"body":"going on in me? And was this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1600.47,"endTime":1605.15,"body":"always here? It's a journey, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1605.15,"endTime":1608.24,"body":"walk and you kind of find out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1605.15,"endTime":1608.24,"body":"about yourself without, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1608.24,"endTime":1610.88,"body":"know, realizing it's like, holy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1608.24,"endTime":1610.88,"body":"crap. Was there something wrong"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1610.88,"endTime":1613.31,"body":"with me all along? I just didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1610.88,"endTime":1613.31,"body":"realize it. I just blamed you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1613.34,"endTime":1614.93,"body":"Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1614.96,"endTime":1618.56,"body":"it is. But like these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1614.96,"endTime":1618.56,"body":"last five years have been where"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1618.56,"endTime":1622.28,"body":"I have grown and learned and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1618.56,"endTime":1622.28,"body":"that I didn't cause his"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1622.28,"endTime":1626.33,"body":"addiction addiction. I can't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1622.28,"endTime":1626.33,"body":"cure his addiction, and I am"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1626.69,"endTime":1630.17,"body":"definitely not able to control"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1626.69,"endTime":1630.17,"body":"it. The three C's, the three"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1630.17,"endTime":1632.93,"body":"C's, this is something that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1630.17,"endTime":1632.93,"body":"we've learned. And I learned in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1632.93,"endTime":1638.18,"body":"Al Anon and it's in a as well."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1632.93,"endTime":1638.18,"body":"So I went to an Al Anon a few"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1638.18,"endTime":1642.17,"body":"times, I think it's an amazing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1638.18,"endTime":1642.17,"body":"program, I really do. I just, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1642.17,"endTime":1645.65,"body":"got a lot out of my personal"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1642.17,"endTime":1645.65,"body":"therapy. So I, I haven't really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1645.65,"endTime":1649.16,"body":"gone to many Al Anon meetings."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1645.65,"endTime":1649.16,"body":"But I do suggest anybody who's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1649.16,"endTime":1653.12,"body":"struggling to seek it, because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1649.16,"endTime":1653.12,"body":"they will definitely give you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1653.12,"endTime":1656.84,"body":"some truth bombs and help you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1653.12,"endTime":1656.84,"body":"handle whatever you're going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1656.84,"endTime":1661.19,"body":"through. Because we think we can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1656.84,"endTime":1661.19,"body":"save these people, I thought I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1661.19,"endTime":1664.73,"body":"could save him, you know, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1661.19,"endTime":1664.73,"body":"it's up to us to take ownership"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1664.73,"endTime":1667.28,"body":"in our own lives and become"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1664.73,"endTime":1667.28,"body":"confident and be willing to grow"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1667.28,"endTime":1671.3,"body":"and change. You know, our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1667.28,"endTime":1671.3,"body":"relationship, we have been down"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1671.3,"endTime":1675.14,"body":"different paths at different"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1671.3,"endTime":1675.14,"body":"times. But we learned a lot from"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1675.14,"endTime":1678.86,"body":"that. And now we have balance."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1675.14,"endTime":1678.86,"body":"And we're finally on the same"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1678.86,"endTime":1680.99,"body":"page. And we're able to share"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1678.86,"endTime":1680.99,"body":"with others. So they're aware of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1680.99,"endTime":1686.54,"body":"how this you know, thing works."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1680.99,"endTime":1686.54,"body":"Being the spouse of an addict is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1686.54,"endTime":1689.09,"body":"really hard, but I wouldn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1686.54,"endTime":1689.09,"body":"change your journey. I am who I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1689.09,"endTime":1692.57,"body":"am today because of it. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1689.09,"endTime":1692.57,"body":"have more confidence than I've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1692.57,"endTime":1695.99,"body":"ever had just by letting go of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1692.57,"endTime":1695.99,"body":"control and focusing on me. As"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1695.99,"endTime":1698.9,"body":"long as we're willing to accept"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1695.99,"endTime":1698.9,"body":"help and change we can overcome"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1698.93,"endTime":1703.01,"body":"anything. We didn't allow these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1698.93,"endTime":1703.01,"body":"situations to define us. Had he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1703.01,"endTime":1707.0,"body":"not gotten sober when he did I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1703.01,"endTime":1707.0,"body":"may have either left him or gone"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1707.0,"endTime":1710.3,"body":"down a really dark road myself"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1707.0,"endTime":1710.3,"body":"with depression. I think you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1710.3,"endTime":1712.94,"body":"were on your way out though."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1710.3,"endTime":1712.94,"body":"Yeah, I was I was pretty close."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1714.47,"endTime":1716.75,"body":"But I learned how to set"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1714.47,"endTime":1716.75,"body":"boundaries, to protect myself to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1716.75,"endTime":1722.0,"body":"detach with love to become an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1716.75,"endTime":1722.0,"body":"emotionally stable person. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1722.0,"endTime":1725.27,"body":"thinking that I can only be free"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1722.0,"endTime":1725.27,"body":"and help if the addict receives"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1725.27,"endTime":1728.48,"body":"help will not work. Our demons"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1725.27,"endTime":1728.48,"body":"will eventually come back to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1728.48,"endTime":1731.69,"body":"haunt us even if the loved one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1728.48,"endTime":1731.69,"body":"is sober. Working on ourselves"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1731.69,"endTime":1736.46,"body":"first is where the healing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1731.69,"endTime":1736.46,"body":"happens. Yeah, so it's powerful"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1736.46,"endTime":1738.23,"body":"bottle. It really really is."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1738.23,"endTime":1740.33,"body":"I think this is something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1738.23,"endTime":1740.33,"body":"that people have needed to hear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1740.33,"endTime":1743.93,"body":"that have seen us kind of grow"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1740.33,"endTime":1743.93,"body":"and change and watch us go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1743.93,"endTime":1747.53,"body":"through this but hearing it from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1743.93,"endTime":1747.53,"body":"you for the first time is so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1747.53,"endTime":1748.1,"body":"powerful"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1748.28,"endTime":1752.12,"body":"it is. So I kind of want"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1748.28,"endTime":1752.12,"body":"to talk about the signs of a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1752.12,"endTime":1755.18,"body":"codependent real quick about the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1752.12,"endTime":1755.18,"body":"word I do want to talk about the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1755.18,"endTime":1758.12,"body":"word so I'm when I first heard"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1755.18,"endTime":1758.12,"body":"that word, I said I am not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1758.12,"endTime":1761.3,"body":"codependent I hate this word."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1758.12,"endTime":1761.3,"body":"Like they used it all the time"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1761.3,"endTime":1763.58,"body":"in every program that we went"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1761.3,"endTime":1763.58,"body":"into because I thought it meant"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1763.82,"endTime":1767.03,"body":"I had to rely on Him for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1763.82,"endTime":1767.03,"body":"everything like financially and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1767.27,"endTime":1771.26,"body":"a home everything. Because I had"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1767.27,"endTime":1771.26,"body":"my old job. I was financially"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1771.26,"endTime":1773.69,"body":"stable. I was independent."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1771.26,"endTime":1773.69,"body":"Should I always told myself I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1773.69,"endTime":1775.79,"body":"independent. I'm an independent"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1773.69,"endTime":1775.79,"body":"woman. Yeah, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1775.79,"endTime":1778.91,"body":"way smarter than he is. He"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1775.79,"endTime":1778.91,"body":"needs me You mean all right,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1778.94,"endTime":1780.29,"body":"right. I'm talking about so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1780.32,"endTime":1785.63,"body":"that word threw me off."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1780.32,"endTime":1785.63,"body":"But let's what's another term"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1785.66,"endTime":1789.05,"body":"Matt that you can think of? I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1785.66,"endTime":1789.05,"body":"like emotionally reliant. Yes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1789.08,"endTime":1791.69,"body":"That's a good one. Yeah, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1789.08,"endTime":1791.69,"body":"that's what I like to use is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1791.69,"endTime":1797.36,"body":"actually relaxing mashed. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1791.69,"endTime":1797.36,"body":"these are just some traits of a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1797.36,"endTime":1801.8,"body":"codependent person. You provide"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1797.36,"endTime":1801.8,"body":"money to support a loved one's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1801.8,"endTime":1805.76,"body":"habit. I didn't necessarily do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1801.8,"endTime":1805.76,"body":"that we had a joint account you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1805.76,"endTime":1810.95,"body":"did. You just did. I just didn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1805.76,"endTime":1810.95,"body":"know. Sorry, denies that there"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1810.95,"endTime":1815.15,"body":"is a problem. I did that big"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1810.95,"endTime":1815.15,"body":"time because I was in denial. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1815.15,"endTime":1819.08,"body":"didn't know I didn't want there"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1815.15,"endTime":1819.08,"body":"to be a problem avoids conflict"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1819.08,"endTime":1823.16,"body":"at all costs. I told you all why"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1819.08,"endTime":1823.16,"body":"I avoided content conflicts at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1823.16,"endTime":1826.7,"body":"all costs. feeling responsible"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1823.16,"endTime":1826.7,"body":"for your partner's thoughts,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1826.7,"endTime":1829.73,"body":"feelings and actions? Who does"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1826.7,"endTime":1829.73,"body":"that sound like?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1829.76,"endTime":1830.81,"body":"Yeah, that's a big one."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1831.169,"endTime":1832.069,"body":"Me? Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1832.07,"endTime":1834.23,"body":"a good one. That was us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1832.07,"endTime":1834.23,"body":"for sure."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1835.52,"endTime":1838.34,"body":"I'm an empath. I take on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1835.52,"endTime":1838.34,"body":"emotions. I take on feelings."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1838.34,"endTime":1841.28,"body":"I'm a highly sensitive person"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1838.34,"endTime":1841.28,"body":"and I will feel what he feels"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1841.28,"endTime":1846.2,"body":"but that's not an excuse to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1841.28,"endTime":1846.2,"body":"codependent. So making excuses"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1846.2,"endTime":1848.9,"body":"to cover up their substance"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1846.2,"endTime":1848.9,"body":"abuse, you know, calling in sick"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1848.9,"endTime":1852.2,"body":"for them when they're hungover."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1848.9,"endTime":1852.2,"body":"I never did that shit some days"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1852.2,"endTime":1857.51,"body":"ago. Yeah, I know. But I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1852.2,"endTime":1857.51,"body":"like, no, no. See me there? No,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1857.6,"endTime":1861.8,"body":"I'm saying yes. When you want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1857.6,"endTime":1861.8,"body":"say no. Did that a lot? Because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1861.8,"endTime":1865.76,"body":"I didn't want to cause any"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1861.8,"endTime":1865.76,"body":"friction, providing care for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1865.76,"endTime":1868.52,"body":"them when addiction symptoms"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1865.76,"endTime":1868.52,"body":"present physically, like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1868.52,"endTime":1869.03,"body":"withdrawal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1869.03,"endTime":1872.99,"body":"and stuff. I'm assuming"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1869.03,"endTime":1872.99,"body":"that yeah, it's got to be like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1872.99,"endTime":1875.45,"body":"if someone's withdrawing. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1872.99,"endTime":1875.45,"body":"you, you baby."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1875.51,"endTime":1877.31,"body":"I mean, I didn't really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1875.51,"endTime":1877.31,"body":"baby because I was getting sick"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1877.31,"endTime":1879.23,"body":"of you telling me you had a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1877.31,"endTime":1879.23,"body":"stomachache. I'm like, You need"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1879.23,"endTime":1880.58,"body":"to get your ass up and go to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1879.23,"endTime":1880.58,"body":"work."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1880.61,"endTime":1882.95,"body":"I never remember getting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1880.61,"endTime":1882.95,"body":"sympathy for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1884.3,"endTime":1886.25,"body":"it puts me off because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1884.3,"endTime":1886.25,"body":"I'm like, There's no way"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1886.25,"endTime":1890.57,"body":"somebody sick like this. Like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1886.25,"endTime":1890.57,"body":"go to work with this. I'm so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1890.57,"endTime":1894.32,"body":"tired. Yeah, with your ass"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1890.57,"endTime":1894.32,"body":"wasn't up at 3am till 3am, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1894.32,"endTime":1897.62,"body":"wouldn't be tired anyway, I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1894.32,"endTime":1897.62,"body":"getting off topic. I'm putting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1897.62,"endTime":1900.11,"body":"their needs above your own and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1897.62,"endTime":1900.11,"body":"neglecting your own self care"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1900.11,"endTime":1903.11,"body":"needs. That was me, you know, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1900.11,"endTime":1903.11,"body":"didn't start eating right and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1903.11,"endTime":1907.13,"body":"exercising 100% until this past"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1903.11,"endTime":1907.13,"body":"year. So I always put your needs"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1907.13,"endTime":1911.15,"body":"above mine. turning to drugs or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1907.13,"endTime":1911.15,"body":"alcohol to cope with the stress"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1911.18,"endTime":1914.45,"body":"or dysfunction of the situation."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1911.18,"endTime":1914.45,"body":"I told you I did start drinking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1914.45,"endTime":1921.5,"body":"heavily after our daughter was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1914.45,"endTime":1921.5,"body":"born, so I'm codependent. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1921.5,"endTime":1926.24,"body":"I've worked on it. You know, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1921.5,"endTime":1926.24,"body":"sometimes, Matt and I will get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1926.27,"endTime":1929.3,"body":"people who say that their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1926.27,"endTime":1929.3,"body":"situation is different, and that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1929.3,"endTime":1932.72,"body":"their spouse is different, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1929.3,"endTime":1932.72,"body":"their lives are different. Hear"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1932.72,"endTime":1935.33,"body":"me out, we're all different,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1932.72,"endTime":1935.33,"body":"right? But we can all change our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1935.33,"endTime":1940.61,"body":"reality. We were all the same in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1935.33,"endTime":1940.61,"body":"this. We can. We're in charge of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1940.61,"endTime":1944.51,"body":"how we react. And it was just an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1940.61,"endTime":1944.51,"body":"excuse. I made excuses for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1944.51,"endTime":1947.27,"body":"years. But if we can change and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1944.51,"endTime":1947.27,"body":"grow, so can you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1948.62,"endTime":1952.88,"body":"I've heard you don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1948.62,"endTime":1952.88,"body":"understand me. Yeah, but I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1952.88,"endTime":1956.75,"body":"different. If you had my job, if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1952.88,"endTime":1956.75,"body":"you lived where I live, if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1956.75,"endTime":1960.47,"body":"had my situation, or my parents,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1956.75,"endTime":1960.47,"body":"then you would understand. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1960.47,"endTime":1965.96,"body":"don't want to hear it man. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1960.47,"endTime":1965.96,"body":"are not unique. And if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1965.96,"endTime":1969.56,"body":"choose to be unique, I call that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1965.96,"endTime":1969.56,"body":"terminal uniqueness. Because you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1969.56,"endTime":1972.65,"body":"have signed your own death"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1969.56,"endTime":1972.65,"body":"certificate and decided that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1972.65,"endTime":1975.08,"body":"are so different from everyone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1972.65,"endTime":1975.08,"body":"else that nothing will work for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1975.08,"endTime":1978.65,"body":"you to decision made"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1975.08,"endTime":1978.65,"body":"consciously, right terminal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1978.68,"endTime":1982.34,"body":"uniqueness. You're signing off,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1978.68,"endTime":1982.34,"body":"and the fact that you choose"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1982.37,"endTime":1985.07,"body":"nothing will work for you. There"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1982.37,"endTime":1985.07,"body":"you go. It's totally different."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1985.07,"endTime":1989.75,"body":"So I did want to bring up a few"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1985.07,"endTime":1989.75,"body":"questions that you've been asked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1989.75,"endTime":1992.18,"body":"a ton. And I know that you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1989.75,"endTime":1992.18,"body":"asked, you've talked to me about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1992.18,"endTime":1996.08,"body":"you. You get this so much you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1992.18,"endTime":1996.08,"body":"kind of forget. First things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1996.08,"endTime":1996.41,"body":"first,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1996.77,"endTime":1998.57,"body":"when he asked me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1996.77,"endTime":1998.57,"body":"questions on podcasts, but we'll"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1998.57,"endTime":1999.02,"body":"do this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1999.05,"endTime":2001.69,"body":"This is how stuff has to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1999.05,"endTime":2001.69,"body":"get edited. Usually, because she"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2001.69,"endTime":2002.41,"body":"gets mad at me. He's like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2003.49,"endTime":2005.08,"body":"it's like you're coming"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2003.49,"endTime":2005.08,"body":"at me. Don't come at me,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2005.08,"endTime":2007.75,"body":"bro. So first of all, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2005.08,"endTime":2007.75,"body":"think was powerful in your story"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2007.78,"endTime":2012.94,"body":"is that you think that as the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2007.78,"endTime":2012.94,"body":"partner of an addict, that if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2012.94,"endTime":2016.81,"body":"the addict gets better than your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2012.94,"endTime":2016.81,"body":"problems disappear. And likewise"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2016.81,"endTime":2021.19,"body":"for me, I thought that drugs and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2016.81,"endTime":2021.19,"body":"alcohol were my problem. So it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2021.19,"endTime":2024.91,"body":"makes perfect sense to assume"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2021.19,"endTime":2024.91,"body":"then, if I were to just get rid"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2024.91,"endTime":2027.91,"body":"of the drugs and the alcohol, so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2024.91,"endTime":2027.91,"body":"picture them in a basket, and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2027.91,"endTime":2030.61,"body":"throw it out the window, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2027.91,"endTime":2030.61,"body":"should be better now. Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2030.61,"endTime":2033.82,"body":"should be better after a week of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2030.61,"endTime":2033.82,"body":"after the physical symptoms are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2033.82,"endTime":2036.7,"body":"gone. I should be better. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2033.82,"endTime":2036.7,"body":"what do we find is addicts is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2036.7,"endTime":2040.03,"body":"that we are so miserable because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2036.7,"endTime":2040.03,"body":"we are inept at dealing with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2040.03,"endTime":2044.35,"body":"life. It's the inability to deal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2040.03,"endTime":2044.35,"body":"with life on life's terms."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2044.35,"endTime":2047.44,"body":"That's my problem, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2044.35,"endTime":2047.44,"body":"insecurities and all that stuff."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2047.44,"endTime":2051.55,"body":"That's my problem. And likewise,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2047.44,"endTime":2051.55,"body":"for the codependent, you assume"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2051.55,"endTime":2054.64,"body":"that okay, if the addict is my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2051.55,"endTime":2054.64,"body":"problem, if this person would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2054.64,"endTime":2058.03,"body":"just get sober, all my problems"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2054.64,"endTime":2058.03,"body":"would be fixed. And then that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2058.03,"endTime":2062.11,"body":"person gets sober. And I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2058.03,"endTime":2062.11,"body":"sober for five years, living all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2062.11,"endTime":2065.14,"body":"the promises in the program, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2062.11,"endTime":2065.14,"body":"I was doing everything I'd ever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2065.14,"endTime":2067.57,"body":"sworn to you that I would do."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2065.14,"endTime":2067.57,"body":"And yet you were still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2067.57,"endTime":2070.36,"body":"miserable. I couldn't blame the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2067.57,"endTime":2070.36,"body":"drugs and alcohol anymore. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2070.36,"endTime":2072.82,"body":"you couldn't blame me anymore."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2070.36,"endTime":2072.82,"body":"You have to figure out this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2072.82,"endTime":2077.41,"body":"stuff is an inside job. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2072.82,"endTime":2077.41,"body":"happiness is an inside job. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2077.41,"endTime":2080.2,"body":"let's end with a few questions"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2077.41,"endTime":2080.2,"body":"real quick. Some things I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2080.2,"endTime":2084.31,"body":"people would generally ask. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2080.2,"endTime":2084.31,"body":"what would you tell someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2084.31,"endTime":2089.11,"body":"that's wondering, What the hell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2084.31,"endTime":2089.11,"body":"do I do with my addict partner?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2089.14,"endTime":2091.12,"body":"What was the first thing you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2089.14,"endTime":2091.12,"body":"would tell them to do?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2091.21,"endTime":2094.96,"body":"You can't do anything to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2091.21,"endTime":2094.96,"body":"help your addict partner. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2094.96,"endTime":2095.35,"body":"deliver"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2095.35,"endTime":2099.49,"body":"the message that you can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2095.35,"endTime":2099.49,"body":"control it. Didn't cause it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2099.49,"endTime":2104.26,"body":"Yes. It's a big lesson and it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2099.49,"endTime":2104.26,"body":"what these people don't want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2104.26,"endTime":2106.63,"body":"hear. But it's a fact it is."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2104.26,"endTime":2106.63,"body":"It's a fact"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2106.66,"endTime":2109.54,"body":"you can set up boundaries"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2106.66,"endTime":2109.54,"body":"and you can get somewhat"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2109.54,"endTime":2112.51,"body":"ultimatums not necessarily, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2109.54,"endTime":2112.51,"body":"you can set up boundaries and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2112.51,"endTime":2116.05,"body":"hope that something, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2112.51,"endTime":2116.05,"body":"clicks, but in reality you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2116.2,"endTime":2119.44,"body":"there's, it's you like you just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2116.2,"endTime":2119.44,"body":"have to take care of yourself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2119.68,"endTime":2122.41,"body":"What changes can someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2119.68,"endTime":2122.41,"body":"make today to take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2122.41,"endTime":2125.77,"body":"responsibility for their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2122.41,"endTime":2125.77,"body":"personal recovery? What would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2125.77,"endTime":2127.93,"body":"you recommend reading or, or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2125.77,"endTime":2127.93,"body":"what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2127.959,"endTime":2131.199,"body":"I always recommend a book"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2127.959,"endTime":2131.199,"body":"called courage to change. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2131.199,"endTime":2136.029,"body":"actually an Al Anon book and it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2131.199,"endTime":2136.029,"body":"has like daily stories that help"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2136.029,"endTime":2139.569,"body":"you understand the terminology"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2136.029,"endTime":2139.569,"body":"and what you're going through."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2139.569,"endTime":2143.079,"body":"And it's amazing. It's a great"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2139.569,"endTime":2143.079,"body":"book, you can get it on Amazon."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2143.709,"endTime":2147.699,"body":"Do you ever follow up with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2143.709,"endTime":2147.699,"body":"me about what I'm doing to work"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2147.699,"endTime":2151.719,"body":"on my recovery? Nope. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2147.699,"endTime":2151.719,"body":"it's, it's super rare. You will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2151.719,"endTime":2154.389,"body":"throw some really snarky"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2151.719,"endTime":2154.389,"body":"comments sometimes like he's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2154.389,"endTime":2157.419,"body":"wonky. And you'll say when's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2154.389,"endTime":2157.419,"body":"last time you went to a meeting?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2157.45,"endTime":2160.75,"body":"Yep. If I'm seeing old"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2157.45,"endTime":2160.75,"body":"behavior, because addicts have a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2160.75,"endTime":2163.69,"body":"certain behavior, if I'm seeing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2160.75,"endTime":2163.69,"body":"that old behavior, I will"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2163.69,"endTime":2167.17,"body":"question you, because I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2163.69,"endTime":2167.17,"body":"what you're doing, just to make"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2167.17,"endTime":2168.94,"body":"sure he's not totally wonky?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2168.97,"endTime":2170.83,"body":"Yeah, I think it's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2168.97,"endTime":2170.83,"body":"bringing it to the front of my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2170.83,"endTime":2174.7,"body":"mind. And I will say, Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2170.83,"endTime":2174.7,"body":"you're writing to get to a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2174.7,"endTime":2175.12,"body":"meeting."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2175.15,"endTime":2176.8,"body":"Yeah. It's been a while"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2175.15,"endTime":2176.8,"body":"since we've done that, though."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2177.009,"endTime":2180.759,"body":"I've been pretty"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2177.009,"endTime":2180.759,"body":"consistent. Yeah. But so what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2180.759,"endTime":2183.579,"body":"are some some of the boundaries"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2180.759,"endTime":2183.579,"body":"you built internally and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2183.579,"endTime":2188.049,"body":"externally to ensure your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2183.579,"endTime":2188.049,"body":"happiness? And survival? What"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2188.049,"endTime":2191.709,"body":"are some of the things that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2188.049,"endTime":2191.709,"body":"you've done over the years? Oh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2192.069,"endTime":2195.519,"body":"not enabling you? That's a big"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2192.069,"endTime":2195.519,"body":"one. For a lot of people. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2195.519,"endTime":2197.379,"body":"tough to do they think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2195.519,"endTime":2197.379,"body":"especially after a period of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2197.379,"endTime":2200.169,"body":"sobriety, like if I were to go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2197.379,"endTime":2200.169,"body":"to the doctor, like we had, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2200.169,"endTime":2205.029,"body":"had an operation that's an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2200.169,"endTime":2205.029,"body":"operation, injection, epidural"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2205.029,"endTime":2207.999,"body":"injection the other day in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2205.029,"endTime":2207.999,"body":"hospital or whatnot. Yeah, she's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2207.999,"endTime":2211.929,"body":"not gonna let me walk out of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2207.999,"endTime":2211.929,"body":"there with a bottle of pills,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2212.079,"endTime":2214.659,"body":"right, and thinking it's going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2212.079,"endTime":2214.659,"body":"to be different this time,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2214.689,"endTime":2216.519,"body":"right? Like you don't enable it,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2214.689,"endTime":2216.519,"body":"you would certainly say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2216.519,"endTime":2219.579,"body":"something. Now, if I choose to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2216.519,"endTime":2219.579,"body":"do that, you have actions for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2219.579,"endTime":2222.489,"body":"that, too. So what would you do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2219.579,"endTime":2222.489,"body":"if I decided I'm going to, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2222.489,"endTime":2224.199,"body":"going to ease back into my old"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2222.489,"endTime":2224.199,"body":"ways."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2224.23,"endTime":2227.71,"body":"Now. I'm gone. Yeah, that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2224.23,"endTime":2227.71,"body":"that's a boundary that I put up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2227.71,"endTime":2232.18,"body":"pretty quickly, because I spent"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2227.71,"endTime":2232.18,"body":"way too many years with him. Do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2232.24,"endTime":2235.45,"body":"using that. I can't do that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2232.24,"endTime":2235.45,"body":"Again. I'm not going to do it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2235.45,"endTime":2235.87,"body":"again."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2235.959,"endTime":2238.209,"body":"And something I've told"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2235.959,"endTime":2238.209,"body":"her this was right after I got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2238.209,"endTime":2241.719,"body":"clean and sober. It's like if I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2238.209,"endTime":2241.719,"body":"ever somehow convince you that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2241.719,"endTime":2244.089,"body":"it's going to be different this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2241.719,"endTime":2244.089,"body":"time, and then it's a good idea"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2244.089,"endTime":2248.499,"body":"if I do this. Run. Yeah. Run."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2244.089,"endTime":2248.499,"body":"Yep. Take everything and run."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2248.529,"endTime":2251.019,"body":"Yep. That means the wheels are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2248.529,"endTime":2251.019,"body":"coming off."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2251.11,"endTime":2254.65,"body":"Yeah, yeah. And some"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2251.11,"endTime":2254.65,"body":"internal boundaries that I do."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2255.01,"endTime":2260.98,"body":"And the wheels are coming off. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2255.01,"endTime":2260.98,"body":"just know I cut. Sorry. So I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2260.98,"endTime":2264.55,"body":"mind my own business now. Like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2260.98,"endTime":2264.55,"body":"I used to always be up in Matt's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2264.55,"endTime":2267.1,"body":"business wondering what the hell"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2264.55,"endTime":2267.1,"body":"he's doing even with, like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2267.1,"endTime":2270.52,"body":"personal stuff, and I'm like, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2267.1,"endTime":2270.52,"body":"just don't get involved with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2270.55,"endTime":2275.68,"body":"stuff anymore. I won't allow"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2270.55,"endTime":2275.68,"body":"your actions to affect my mood."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2276.1,"endTime":2279.58,"body":"Because that was a big deal. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2276.1,"endTime":2279.58,"body":"I just don't I have my own"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2279.58,"endTime":2281.02,"body":"emotions. I don't need yours."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2281.05,"endTime":2283.06,"body":"Yeah, you want to be mad"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2281.05,"endTime":2283.06,"body":"over some dumb stuff. Have fun"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2283.06,"endTime":2284.71,"body":"with that. How's it working for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2283.06,"endTime":2284.71,"body":"you? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2285.16,"endTime":2288.16,"body":"And one of the biggest"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2285.16,"endTime":2288.16,"body":"things that I've really learned"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2288.16,"endTime":2293.02,"body":"is that I will not do things for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2288.16,"endTime":2293.02,"body":"you that you can do yourself. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2293.02,"endTime":2295.6,"body":"like coming back from the doctor"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2293.02,"endTime":2295.6,"body":"the other day, they give him"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2295.6,"endTime":2298.27,"body":"paperwork and like you they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2295.6,"endTime":2298.27,"body":"meet, make sure he does all this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2298.27,"endTime":2301.3,"body":"stuff. And I'm like, he can make"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2298.27,"endTime":2301.3,"body":"sure he does all that stuff."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2301.3,"endTime":2305.89,"body":"Because I can't control Matt. He"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2301.3,"endTime":2305.89,"body":"will do what Matt does, no"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2305.89,"endTime":2309.28,"body":"matter what I can tell him to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2305.89,"endTime":2309.28,"body":"sit his ass down and not work"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2309.28,"endTime":2312.4,"body":"out. But there are times when he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2309.28,"endTime":2312.4,"body":"gets up and he does it that's on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2312.4,"endTime":2314.98,"body":"him. He's gonna have to suffer"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2312.4,"endTime":2314.98,"body":"the consequences. Not my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2314.98,"endTime":2315.85,"body":"responsibility."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2316.54,"endTime":2319.15,"body":"That's huge, though. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2316.54,"endTime":2319.15,"body":"shoot, I'm not your third kid."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2319.21,"endTime":2326.17,"body":"Yep. I refuse. Awesome. So we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2319.21,"endTime":2326.17,"body":"just recently hit 1000 followers"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2326.17,"endTime":2328.24,"body":"on Instagram, which I thought"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2326.17,"endTime":2328.24,"body":"was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2328.3,"endTime":2331.75,"body":"pretty cool. Yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2328.3,"endTime":2331.75,"body":"awesome. Thank you all small"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2331.75,"endTime":2335.26,"body":"milestone but a big one."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2331.75,"endTime":2335.26,"body":"Yeah. So if you haven't already,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2335.26,"endTime":2339.58,"body":"please follow us. Please share."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2335.26,"endTime":2339.58,"body":"Come and say hello. There might"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2339.58,"endTime":2340.69,"body":"be some stickers in it for you."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2340.72,"endTime":2342.64,"body":"Yes. And if there's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2340.72,"endTime":2342.64,"body":"something that I didn't cover"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2342.64,"endTime":2345.13,"body":"that you might have questions"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2342.64,"endTime":2345.13,"body":"on, please reach out. I will be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2345.13,"endTime":2347.56,"body":"happy to answer. Same with Matt."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2347.65,"endTime":2352.18,"body":"Yeah, same here. So check"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2347.65,"endTime":2352.18,"body":"us out on Instagram at Tufo"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.18,"endTime":2356.8,"body":"underscore couple that's TW fo"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.18,"endTime":2356.8,"body":"underscore couple on Facebook at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2356.8,"endTime":2359.89,"body":"to pho couple tick tock as well,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2356.8,"endTime":2359.89,"body":"right."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2360.339,"endTime":2363.669,"body":"Yes. I don't know what it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2360.339,"endTime":2363.669,"body":"is, though. Come on. I'm sorry."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2363.699,"endTime":2365.139,"body":"It's twofold. Couple. Sure."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2365.17,"endTime":2370.69,"body":"Okay, to that we've got a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2365.17,"endTime":2370.69,"body":"website WWW dot Tufo couple.com"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2370.69,"endTime":2374.38,"body":"where you can check out some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2370.69,"endTime":2374.38,"body":"further content. I think it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2374.38,"endTime":2377.02,"body":"been a great series and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2374.38,"endTime":2377.02,"body":"enlightening. I hope for a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2377.02,"endTime":2380.23,"body":"of people to see what it's like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2377.02,"endTime":2380.23,"body":"on the inside, as a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2380.23,"endTime":2383.2,"body":"people are dealing with this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2380.23,"endTime":2383.2,"body":"issue. And thank you so much for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2383.2,"endTime":2386.35,"body":"your powerful testimony. I know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2383.2,"endTime":2386.35,"body":"this stuff is hard to talk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2386.35,"endTime":2390.01,"body":"about. But I think it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2386.35,"endTime":2390.01,"body":"necessary for others because you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2390.01,"endTime":2393.19,"body":"are a beacon of hope for others"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2390.01,"endTime":2393.19,"body":"for other women and men in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2393.19,"endTime":2396.22,"body":"same position where they've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2393.19,"endTime":2396.22,"body":"an addicted spouse, partner,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2396.22,"endTime":2400.57,"body":"brother, parent, whatever, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2396.22,"endTime":2400.57,"body":"to show them that they can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2400.57,"endTime":2403.03,"body":"recover if they focus on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2400.57,"endTime":2403.03,"body":"themselves. You can't fix the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2403.03,"endTime":2405.49,"body":"addict and I think there's so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2403.03,"endTime":2405.49,"body":"much power in that message and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2405.49,"endTime":2408.85,"body":"so much of that stuff is lost as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2405.49,"endTime":2408.85,"body":"we try to micromanage the world"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2408.85,"endTime":2411.94,"body":"around us. You have found a way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2408.85,"endTime":2411.94,"body":"to be happy in spite of all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2411.94,"endTime":2414.88,"body":"crap. Yep. And that's, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2411.94,"endTime":2414.88,"body":"incredible. I'm so proud of you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2414.91,"endTime":2419.44,"body":"Thank you. Alright, so that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2414.91,"endTime":2419.44,"body":"wraps it up. Please follow check"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2419.44,"endTime":2424.12,"body":"us out on Instagram, Facebook,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2419.44,"endTime":2424.12,"body":"Tik Tok all the things. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2424.12,"endTime":2426.1,"body":"until next time, I am Matt,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2426.19,"endTime":2427.45,"body":"I'm paying and we'll see"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2426.19,"endTime":2427.45,"body":"you."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2437.86,"endTime":2437.95,"body":"Soon"}]}