Living in this social media world, when we're looking at things online, they're telling us Oh, you know, block out everything that doesn't give you joy, get rid of everything that doesn't bring you peace, let's be real. Life is about happiness and sadness. You can't have one without the other. So we can't just take everything out, that doesn't give us joy. There's going to be things that just triggers that don't give us joy, so we'll have to learn how to deal with them.
Matt:Welcome back, welcome back to another episode of till the wheels fall off. I am Matt. I'm Paige. And today we're talking triggers. And I guess we can start this episode with a trigger warning. This may be triggering. It shouldn't be though, because what we're here to do is to talk and learn about ways to cope with triggers, something that our audience has told us that they want to hear more about, yeah, how we've dealt with this. And we've got a ton of experience with triggers live store. So we'll start off by saying, and this is why it's a trigger warning. It's an unpopular belief when it comes to triggers. But it's one that we firmly believe in is that it's not the world's job, to make sure that I am comfortable. It's not the world job to make sure that I get what I need, or I hear what I need to hear or see what I need to see. The world's just going to do the world. And I need to do me, boom, it is easier said than done. And especially today, with social media, every time you turn around, there's going to be something that upset you. So what is a trigger? What is a trigger page? You're going to be better at this than me? What is a trigger? Well, it's like a situation that makes you feel overwhelmed. Or it's
Paige:I have I've always said it as this feeling of in the pit of your stomach. It's like it burns and you can feel it. It literally makes you want to scream, it can make you angry, it can make you panic, it can make you fearful.
Matt:It keeps you from remaining present. I think that's the biggest piece of it. I was so I've done a we've been talking about this for weeks now. Yeah. About what are triggers. What are our triggers? Have we lived through these and work through them. And I was reading through an article in Psychology Today. And they talk about triggers. And essentially, you know, when you are triggered when your reaction is disproportionate to the present event, or not reasonably related to the actual present facts. It's another way of saying You're overreacting. But I don't really like that word. Because for the person who's triggered to say that you're overreacting is doing no good. What is a trigger? Really, though, and we talked about this, a trigger is a wound an open wound, it's not a scar yet, because it hasn't been dealt with. Right? It is like in the thing about triggers two is that they're hidden. They're hidden in our minds. And we don't really know they even exist, until we are triggered. Yeah, they can be so subversive and hidden and insidious. And they just pop up on you at the strangest times. And there's triggers come from all different places, right. Some of them are internal, and they are learned through childhood. Things that happened in your home, sometimes they come from traumatic events, if you've been through a death, a sexual assault, something along those lines leave deep emotional wounds. And then there's some others that I think when people think trigger these days, especially, you see more of this on like social media, where people are being triggered by other people's opinions. Yes. So there's there's different types of triggers. And we'll get into probably the the latter of those moreso than the other two, I know when it comes to emotional deep scars and whatnot. I don't claim to be an expert on dealing with really, really tough trauma like that. And this podcast is never been a replacement for therapy. I think it's great when used in conjunction with therapy, right in between sessions and whatnot. But those are things that you really, really need to address with a professional. But so what are some examples of triggers?
Paige:Okay, so I was gonna say that we're really going to discuss basically our experiences and things that we've been through and that's why we feel like it's an important topic to discuss. And we want to help people learn how to cope and how we coped with it. But examples of triggers there are so many examples in alcohol. Like for alcoholics, if you're going to bars holidays, gas stations, sometimes coming home from work because that would be a habit that you would come home from work and what do you do you have a drink, right? Oh,
Matt:I know guys that when you say coming home from work, my thought was there's some people that have to drive by the same light Christopher they used to visit when they were drinking. And then they have had to change their route home.
Paige:Right. Yeah. Because it was a trigger triggering. Yeah. Because it was a habit that they would
Matt:stop there. Yeah. And I can speak to this. And I won't spend too much time here on it, because we'll get to more later. But when it comes to triggers and addiction, that's a question that I get asked more than almost any other. What are your triggers? Especially early on when you're first getting sober? Like, what are your triggers? Like? Everything? Everything was a trigger to me. Oh, yeah. Breathing when waking up sleeping, not being able to sleep. Stress, you name it. Yeah, everything was literally a trigger when it came to that.
Paige:Yeah, it was part of your habit. You had this everyday routine of doing these things. So anytime you do anything. It's like, oh, I used to do this high or drunk. Yeah. So those are triggers.
Matt:Yeah. So they are triggers that lead to addictive and destructive behavior. They're also triggers like politics for some people. Seeing the news seeing someone's opinion on social media, hearing a friend's opinion, hearing someone you can overhear someone talking at your kids soccer game, and it will enrage you. Yeah, absolutely enraged you you're you're triggered by someone else's opinion. Yep. What do you see in social media? Usually? Other people's opinions. You also see highlight reels. Yeah. Is there anything more triggering than someone you know? That, you know, they don't live the life that they portray, right? But they want people to think that they they're living this life? Yes. That's a big trigger. It might be triggering the fakeness that exists in social media with some people Yeah, yeah, that's that's a huge trigger. What are some others?
Paige:Let's say your kind of goes back to the addiction part. So food if you're trying to lose weight, I my trigger when I was trying to lose weight back in the day was soft cheese tacos from El Fenix. Anytime they would come out, it would be like, Oh, shit, I know. If I eat these. I'm going downhill and I'm going to be screwed up all over. It's all over. It's done. And it's true. It's like it's the same damn thing. Certain noises like loud kids, certain songs that come on will remind you of a time that was you know, somewhat traumatic for you. I'm gonna say one for Matt. That is kind of triggering is when there's shit that's loose in the car.
Matt:I feel seen man. Why did you put that in there? I just saw that on your board. Yes. If you read the board says shit loose in a car. I've got this thing where if I hear a note like a small rattle, we can be driving in the car and I can hear like oh my god, I'm like, What is that noise? And he's turned on the radio. I started to pull over start looking for it. Like what is this noise? It just for some
Paige:reason drives me nuts. You get so mad, and I'm just like, shut up. I don't hear anything. Just ignore it. Move on. Why are you so triggered by this loud noise? Or this subtle noise that nobody else can hear
Matt:noises can be a huge one. Yeah, I deal with things differently. Now. I used to get triggered very badly by my phone. When my phone would ring the sound of the ring would trigger me into stress and anxiety. And I would have to change my ringtone every 60 days or so. Yeah, because it would straight trigger me every time it rang. It just this feeling of dread came over me.
Paige:Yeah. And since I'm an empath, I always took on those emotions as well.
Matt:So on around this house, y'all.
Paige:So when I heard those ringtones I'm like shit, that means that Matt's gonna be pissed off and he's gonna complain and something's wrong. So I'm just going to take on your emotions too, because of that. That were great. I mean, that's kind of funny. That's why I put that on there. Because I know I know your shit. Yeah. Okay. And now certain sense, we're gonna go on to something else like smells certain smells can be triggered
Matt:olfactory senses can bring back all kinds of events that you didn't even know you exist. In your mind. It opens this filing cabinet, sometimes of some really painful thing, sometimes good things, but a lot of times it's painful stuff.
Paige:Yeah. Public Places like going to a grocery store. Like for me, that was a trigger for me. Because I used to have panic attacks. When I would go out in public, it was very weird. Or I get in the car and I would have panic attacks. And I would see something so like a tree, it would just make me go into a panic or trigger is very odd. And I don't know why. Wow.
Matt:Wow. It's crazy. You think of all the ways that these things can affect us. And when we're going through this episode, we were talking a lot about Okay, so what is the what's the goal here? And the goal was to really learn how to deal with these differently, not avoid them. Yeah. Because like we open this up with it's not the world's job to make sure that we're comfortable. We have to learn how to deal with the world. Yes, rather than concentrating on what needs to be changed in the world. Let's concentrate on us and our attitude and our responses to the world. Yeah, stimulus in the world.
Paige:There's always going to be assholes around to you're always going to be exposed to something that you don't like if we try to control what all of these other external factors are doing. meaning we're just going to constantly be miserable because it triggers
Matt:us. Yeah, triggers show up. And whenever we overreact to other people's opinions, at the end of the day, that's when for me, that's when I see these things the most is when I'm overreacting to someone else's opinion or their take on something. Or sometimes it is this other stuff, like, not so much anymore. I've gotten really good at this, but the ringtones and the weird noises and like yelling, yelling was a big one for me when people yelled, yeah, brought back some really traumatic experiences from my childhood. I mean, crying, yeah, you crying as well. I guess we should get into our personal triggers. First, what triggers us because I think that some of these are relatable. And I want to get people sort of some insight onto. Listen, you're not as crazy as you think you are. You're not like, we're all. We're all people. And everyone's got their own stuff. And we may seem like we've got it all together. But we deal with stuff, too.
Paige:Yeah. Yeah. And living in the social media world, when we're looking at things online. They're telling us Oh, you know, block out everything that doesn't give you joy, get rid of everything that doesn't bring you peace, let's be real. Life is about happiness and sadness, you can't have one without the other. So we can't just take everything out. That doesn't give us joy. There's going to be things such as triggers, that don't give us joy. So we'll have to learn how to deal with them. Some of my biggest triggers were Facebook, you know, social media, seeing highlight reels. It used to irritate me very badly. What about you? What are some another a trigger for you?
Matt:Work was a trigger. And I mean, from the moment I walked in the door, I was triggered. And it was the stress, the anxiety, the feelings of dread the feelings of this overwhelming responsibility that I had. And anytime I had to answer someone's question, or someone came to me with something, it would trigger me. Yeah, it would set me into like this, this panic feeling and I would get agitated. Now we get short with people. And it took a long time to get to the root of that one. But for me, yelling is a trigger for me. Yeah. So I grew up in a home and it was loud. My mom communicated, she had so there's three boys in the house. And for those of you that have kids, you know what that's like, and my mom at her wit's end a lot would scream and yell, and I'm not a screaming yell kind of person. I'm a I'm a real quiet, calm guy. Yeah. And so for me, it is like nails on a chalkboard. And it's makes my heart race. I mean, I can't stand
Paige:it, which is crazy, because you marry me. And I have a very, very loud family. Yeah, you guys are sides of the family. My dad's side. And my mom's side were very loud people. Yeah. So I've had to learn to really calm it down.
Matt:It's good. Some other emotional triggers for me. So when I was getting sober, that I did have some triggers. And some of them were the simplest things. Boredom. Boredom was a trigger for me. I didn't know how to be bored. I understand that. I didn't know how to just sit there in my in my fields and in my thoughts and just experience the world. Or just watch TV. Like I didn't know how to do that not being effed up on something. Yeah. So boredom was a huge trigger for me learning how to use that time, productively or just being present and being okay with being me. That was a big one for me. Early on, especially really early on Glee for the first month or two that I was sober. Being around alcohol was uncomfortable. Yeah, not so much. Because I felt like I needed to use like the craving didn't necessarily set in, I just, I didn't know how to be me. And it was I was really insecure about that. And that highlighted this thing I knew I was lacking was that I didn't I was, I wore a mask all the time. I didn't know how to be authentic. And so it triggered me into like this depressive, like shameful state that like, I'm not good enough, and I don't belong. And no one's gonna like me if they really know who I am. And I'm not the fun guy anymore. So just being around him brought up a lot of those feelings and thoughts. It was tough. Yeah, it was super tough. I can't think of any of those off top my head. I'm sure that I'll come up with a couple here in a second. But dealing with triggers. There's a million ways to deal with this stuff. We can tell you what we did though. And so I think that your your path to dealing with these things has been really fun to watch. I say fun. It's been it's been admirable. No, it's just it's been inspiring to watch because you are truly them. You live with panic disorder, and you could get triggered by literally anything. Yeah.
Paige:And it wasn't just triggered to where I would be angry or upset. It would put me into panic mode into a panic attack.
Matt:Yeah, completely.
Paige:I would go I would go from here all the way down. Like it was crazy.
Matt:What was your first step in dealing with your triggers? How do you where did you start? Like someone's hearing this for the first time they stumbled upon the episode? They know that they get triggered a lot and they don't like it. They don't know what to do though. Where do you start
Paige:the first step for me was to acknowledge that it was a problem within me. And it wasn't an external issue.
Matt:How did you come to that, though, because I think that
Paige:because I was miserable, because I realized that I couldn't change what was happening. I couldn't change these triggers, it kept happening over and over and over again. And I'm like, okay, obviously, I'm doing something wrong. So I need to change the way I'm approaching this, instead of trying to change how others are doing whatever they're doing.
Matt:Was that a process to come to that realization, though, because I think for a lot of people, the simplest thing is, I'll just block that person or I will just not watch TV, or I will just take a different way home.
Paige:Okay, well, that's the second part of my process. Okay.
Matt:So that's the second part.
Paige:The second part is to actually temporarily remove myself from these triggers. So say that Facebook, you know, the highlight reels are irritating me. And it was caused me to be angry, I deleted Facebook for a long time, you were off for quite some time I was off Facebook, because I could not mentally handle it. Because every time I got on, I would see things that would piss me off. So but my goal was not to stay off Facebook, the goal was to deal with the problems and to deal with those emotions so that I could get back on Facebook and cope better. So I think that removing yourself from these things that are triggering is important, because it allows you to focus on you, and you know that you can get back into it in a healthier mindset.
Matt:So the goal is to learn how to deal with things eventually. But in the early process, it's best to remove yourself from those things. Yes, just focus on so if it's social media, that's the example you gave, but it could also be a person in your life. Yes. If you've got a friend or family member that constantly triggers you, guess what? You don't have to deal with these people. No, you don't. If you've got crappy friends that don't pick you up, and they're always on you, and they're berating you and beating you down and belittling you find new friends,
Paige:right? You have control over that. And that's okay, we're you know, we're not talking about those types of triggers that you have control over. These are things that are literally in your face constantly.
Matt:So these are boundaries, these are examples of boundaries that you put into place to protect yourself until you could heal. Yes. So you identify what you need to heal from. It is that a process of elimination as these things come into your life, you're sort of taking mental notes. It's kind of kind of where I remember with you was taking mental notes as these things are coming up. And like, there's one, there's another one, there's another one. And so you create this like laundry list of these different things. But there's usually a common theme in them. Yeah, for sure. And then you start to work on them by first removing yourself from the situation. Yes, identifying them, removing yourself from the situation, and then what so you've removed yourself, you've blocked Facebook, whatever.
Paige:This is where self help comes or self care comes into play. This is where you can actually get therapy you can. I read a lot of self help books like David Goggins books, things that told me was that other one, Mark Manson, subtle art of not giving a fuck, he's got like a whole section, or he's got a few books that I just wanted to learn how to not give a rat's ass, I didn't want to have these feelings. So that's where the self help books come in therapy. Ask for help. That's that next step. listen to
Matt:podcasts. Yeah, listen to podcasts. That is something actually did. What what do you do? Once you've focused on yourself, and once you've, you've done kind of what you just described, and
Paige:then what, that's when I slowly start to try to reintroduce myself to the triggers. So I was slowly get back on Facebook.
Matt:So you learn a few things. And then you slowly introduce yourself back in what do you remember what that felt like? early on? Was it scary fearful?
Paige:Yeah, it was scary. I mean, it was like, Okay, well, I, I don't want to be triggered, but I probably am going to be triggered. So how am I going to deal with this? I mean, it's a scary feeling.
Matt:Yeah. And when you do get triggered, then like, this is something I want to bring up as. This is not a process of perfection.
Paige:It's a process of progress. Yes. Practice, practice, practice.
Matt:Because at no point in your life, are you going to arrive at a point where you note do not get triggered? You have no more problems. There's nothing else to work on. Yeah, and I'm fixed.
Paige:This is a lifetime of intentions like of being intentional. So
Matt:like we talked about, like triggers or their open wounds, and I think that you should approach them compassionately with that feeling that this is this is something that's hurt. This is something in me that needs to be healed. Let me approach it with care non judgmental? Yeah, like, be gentle with yourself. Yeah, as you go through this, because it's people joke about him or he's triggered, she's triggered, you know, but it's not funny. The day it's really not right. Like, these are deep emotional wounds that people have. I think the the issue comes when we decide that it's the world's job to fix these, right. And I'm not going to get into like the politics of all this and like safe spaces that exist on college campuses and things like that. I have no opinion on that stuff one way or the other. I can only speak for myself. And what has triggered me in the past, every time I'm triggered, I see an opportunity. Yes. And that sounds kind of weird, but just stick with me, when I get triggered. I take note of that. And it's an opportunity for me to grow. When something's hurting me, I look at myself and I say, Okay, what is that? Why is that? Why did that just happen? Why did I just get so upset over that? And then I spend time in my mind. And I dig deep and figure out what is being harmed. It's not just the guy that said the thing. Yeah, it's, it's something deep inside me. It's an insecurity or something, some something I have or a belief that I have. And they've just accentuated it exactly. Like if if you upset me, today, I have to give you permission to do that. I don't get upset by people's opinions or their thoughts or their whatever. I don't get upset by that stuff. Because the rent in my head is way too expensive. You can't afford it. But it didn't start that way. No, it didn't start that way. And you get to that point, I think the goal is ultimately to get to that point, but you have to get through the beginning stages. And so like, get off social media, you watched less news. Yep. Like, for me, the first 90 days that I was sober. You didn't see me at bars. You didn't see me like a lot of stuff I stayed in, I protected myself. And I tried to figure out what it was going to be like walking with my new legs. Yeah, sort of Exactly. Exactly. Getting the point where I felt comfortable enough to reintroduce myself. And it wasn't perfect. Right away knew and it's not going to be perfect right away. And I'd kind of hope people to hear anything. They hear that and it's okay, if it's not perfect right away doesn't mean you failed. No, this is just such a process like these things didn't form overnight. And they're not going to be healed overnight. Yeah. But if you continue to work on them, if you continue to work on your responses, then things get better. And just working on responses. It's it sounds abstract, and it's sort of hard to explain. But when I think about getting triggered by something, I truly do, I have a conversation in my mind. And I put a little checkmark next to whatever it was that upset me. The other day we were driving and someone did Yeah, I had to get over it get over because the lane was the lane was blocked. And we didn't know and I didn't know as blocks minutes. So I had to get over and this guy wasn't letting me over. And then he he honked at me like laying on the horn. And my first thought was, this is anger. First of all, what the hell, man? I had no choice and why you mad at me. And then as we were driving, I had the conversation with myself. Okay, he honked and I got upset. Why, though? Because I felt less than I felt like he thought I was an idiot. Yeah. And if he actually knew me, he wouldn't think I'm an idiot. But he thought I was an idiot. And that hurt my feelings. Like that's really what it boiled down to. My ego was hurt. Yeah, because someone didn't like me. So I explore that further. Well, why do I get bothered when someone doesn't like me? That's an insecurity that I have. Yeah, I allowed him to hurt me. Yeah, him honking. He's just honking right? He's just doing it. Yeah, wasn't doing it do me probably got over it within a second. And then I also think it from a compassionate standpoint, what could someone else be going through in their day to cause that, that I had nothing to do with? It wasn't my fault. I didn't cause it right. Um, I just caught them at the wrong time. There's no telling. But I was reading in that same article I was reading. There's this, this acronym that I use a lot is q tip. Quit taking it personally. When someone says something on Facebook that disagrees with your political perspective, or how you feel about any given issue, that's just their opinion. They're not doing it to you. Yeah. And it's not for me anyway, I won't speak for everyone. But for me, it's not my job to make sure that everyone feels the same way I feel. We live in a world with people that have a multitude of opinions and thoughts about things. And it's unrealistic to think that everyone's going to think just like I do, and I know plenty of people and they live off this stuff like fuel. It's like, man, everyone's just an idiot. Everyone's an idiot. And they it's like it they get they get the rocks off on that thinking that everyone's just a dummy. And if they thought like them, the world would be perfect. Yeah. And they're triggered constantly because of it. Yeah, everything triggers them. When it comes to triggers, we mentioned it earlier. It's this disproportionate reaction to present events. So you mentioned it earlier being present. was a big part of how you fixed triggers. How do you get present? How the hell do you get present when you feel like the world spinning out of control,
Paige:breathing, breathing for you? Yes, I do a breathing exercise. And it takes practice. And it doesn't always work, but it's something that I have to think about is to do the breathe in and then breathe out. And that takes you just to your breath and not what's going out, going on outside of whatever's happening. And also, I was told to have a safe word for myself that would remind me to stay present or to remind me that this is not reality. So
Matt:when the world feels out of control, and you feel triggered, you feel that feeling in your stomach, you would say you would you would just whisper your safe word to yourself, in my head in my head. And that would remind you, I am safe. Yes, everything is okay. Yeah, I am safe. Yeah. And
Paige:then I when I don't react to it is when I know that I'm practicing. Because there are times when I really want to react to something. But I stopped myself. And I'm like, Okay, I'm not going to react to this, because it's not going to get me anywhere. And that's not the reality of the situation right now. And it's not worth it. So just shut your mouth and move on. And it usually works. I do something
Matt:really similar. I love the breathing one, I should try to incorporate things that incorporate that sometime. I do this mental imagery, where, in my mind, I put myself in a movie theater in a movie theater that only I am in. I'm sitting in the theater, and I'm watching a movie. And the movie is me in that moment. And I'm watching myself from an outsider's perspective about what's really going on. Yeah. And it gives me a sense of perception and reality of what's really happening. As oppose, as opposed to what I'm feeling, which is often not reality. My feelings say, You're in danger. My feelings say, This person just cuts you down. There's my feeling say they're laughing at you. But in reality, I can look at it and say it's not that so I put myself sort of outside of myself and I can I think of myself in a movie theater, watching watching a film. Yeah, watching my life. And what's really happening here. And it helps me gain perspective and stay present in that moment. Yes. So breathing, play that play the tape. Yeah, that's yeah,
Paige:no, that's great. I love that.
Matt:Alright, so steps to heal. What's the what's what's the last piece of this thing? Once you reintroduce yourself to the world? In learning how to cope with this differently, what was your experience? And how long did it take for you to not get triggered by things used to get triggered by?
Paige:Well, I mean, I still get triggered by some things. But it's gotten better. It really started to get better. When I built my confidence up when I started working on my health. Glad you said that, and my physical health, because I couldn't really work on my physical health until I got my mental health, right. That was the big piece that clicked. That's why the physical part worked this time. But having that confidence, and doing the hard things helped me realize that I can cope with this stuff so much better. I don't I don't know if it's science, like we were talking about a car. Like there's got to be some type of science with your body and how you put all of your energy towards a workout. Instead of all these triggers, you put your energy towards taking care of yourself, and becoming a better version of yourself that you don't have the time or the energy to put it towards those triggers.
Matt:You go from this place of feeling like everyone's triggering you to go into then a place of I have to give you permission to trigger me now. Yes, that right? There you go. You build that with self esteem. A lot of this stuff is self esteem, like, I've heard it put that you can't hurt my feelings with anything that I don't already believe to be true, right? And those are my insecurities. And I know about those. So when you say those things, it's really not hurting my feelings. Like yeah, I know. But a lot of the things that you hear they're just not true. Yeah. So you can't tell me. I have ugly shoes, because I don't
Unknown:sell your shoes. I don't know what you're talking about. Like,
Matt:you can't say things about me or to me that are going to hurt my feelings because I don't believe those to be true. Because you're confident it's because of confidence and competence comes getting fit does build confidence. And it's not about the mirror. The mirror No, no, it's about what's in your brain. It's about biology, overcoming challenges and overcoming adversity, that builds competence. Exactly. You don't have to do it necessarily in the gym. You could do this. In the boardroom, you could do this. You could do this at home with your children, you could do this anywhere. Anytime that you're putting yourself into a difficult situation, and you're coming out on top. That's a victory and it's a victory for your self esteem. You get better every time you do stuff like that. Yeah, that's why we're so big on challenge yourself. Challenge yourself do hard things. Yes. Do what's difficult, you know, lean into adversity lean into this stuff. Yeah, because Once you do, and you come out the other side of it, you're gonna have a newfound confidence that I can handle anything. Yeah. And then these triggers don't seem so scary anymore.
Paige:Right? And that just reminded me to have one thing that I do in my head whenever. It's, it's, there's a trigger, and I asked myself, is this going to kill you? Like whatever's happening? Is it going to kill you? Like, Oh, dang, no, it's not. It just makes me uncomfortable. It's just like working out eating healthy and doing all these things that are uncomfortable. No, it's not gonna kill me.
Matt:Yeah. temporary discomfort. Life is a series of temporary pleasure and temporary discomfort. We go through phases of pleasure and discomfort over and over. And you mentioned earlier, you don't know what peace and serenity feels like until you know what turmoil feels like. One and the other yin and yang, but they have to exist. It can't just always be good, good, good. So when we try to run from our triggers, and create this, this false sense of, of peace in this false world that is catered to how we feel in that moment, we're not actually fixing anything, although temporarily, you may feel okay. You're not really ever dealing with the issue. No, and it'll get worse. It will over time. You, you let these things stack up and you and they get worse and worse and worse. Yes, it's like sweeping it under the rug. And we've already mentioned that once but you said it to like, you still get triggered there's still some things that trigger you. Like the guy that haunted me hurt my feelings of the day.
Unknown:You know, like so weird, but it's so funny what happens to you, but
Matt:I'm I am famous, and in our circle for saying like, the rent is so expensive in my head. You can't afford it. Don't even try it. You can't afford to live here. And this guy honked and got in. Yeah, like I still I think I'm once you think you're bulletproof. You're not, there's still some stuff I need to work on. I need to work through something have
Paige:awareness though. The goal is to have awareness and to look at reality, and try to grow from the discomfort that you're feeling.
Matt:Yeah. So identify these things. And don't judge yourself because you have them. No. Okay. Like they're it's trauma. It's, it's a wound. How would you treat a sick friend that was going through something like this, you wouldn't berate them and tell them that they're weak and that they they get they're too sensitive? Right? You would treat yourself the same way. Yeah. So as these things continue to come up, look at them as opportunities to grow, look at these things as opportunities to say, thank you for triggering me, because now I know what I need to work on. Yes, exactly. As opposed to running and running and hiding mad. And it doesn't mean you're not going to react, it doesn't mean you're not going to feel anxiety, it doesn't mean that everything's gonna be perfect. Yeah. But once you know what your triggers are, you identify them, and you start to work on that piece of yourself. You build a self esteem to go along with it. These things don't affect you as much as they used to. Right. New triggers will come up though. New things will happen. It is a bring it. Yeah, bring it it's a it's a process that we work for the rest of our lives. So for me, I meditate I eat right, yes, meditate exercise. I read, I listened to tons of different podcasts and authors and books and things like that. And I'm addicted to getting better now addicted to working on myself and like mastering my mind staying present to and that's the goal, even though I know I'm never gonna get there. It's a really, really fun experience and process to watch yourself grow and to get better and know that you're not going to fly off the handle any little thing. Yeah, like even at work. I've fixed that piece that I thought was never going to get fixed. But I was just going to be miserable at work forever. But I it was just a matter of changing expectations. Now when I go into the office, I expect nothing less than insanity to ensue. Yeah. And I embrace it. I lean into it. And I say, okay, how am I going to how am I going to solve this challenge today? Yeah, it's a guarantee. Every day I walk into work, something weird is going to happen that's going to that used to just derail me and the rest of the day, my day is ruined.
Paige:I just like whenever I get on social media, it's the same thing. I do the same thing,
Matt:some deep breaths, putting myself in a position where I can see my movie, watch myself and see that this is just another day. And it's okay. And I love the term you mentioned I am safe, close your eyes and say I am safe. Yes. When we're when our eyes are closed, we're at our most vulnerable, you are completely exposed to the world. So to close your eyes and softly say to yourself, I am safe. I am safe. It will make you feel better, you will start to feel comforted. You'll start to feel I am safe. Everything is okay. These feelings I have inside of me. They may be uncomfortable, but they're it's a it's a haywire fight or flight response. That's all it is exactly. And we can get these things under control with some effort and some work working on ourselves and the desire to get better. But I do love that you are okay with saying I need boundaries for a while. So if you have to step away from the person if you have to step away from social media if you have to step away from a job or whatever it may be Throw while while you're worth it,
Paige:you're worth it. Yeah. But just make sure you can get back in there. Yeah,
Matt:don't run away with the goal. You're never coming back, run away with the goal that you're coming back pounding your chest saying Bring it. Bring it on, man, what you got next? Yeah, I think that about covers it. What do you got anything else? Yeah, I think we covered it. We're good. Okay, awesome. Well, we hope that that that you the listener got something out of this. And that the next time you are triggered that you can use some of these tools to get out of it. And you can use some of these tools to continue to grow and to get better. For those of you that haven't already done it. We do have a YouTube channel that is up and running, please head over there. If you want to watch us talk. And subscribe. If you haven't already, as well on the podcast that helps us more than you'll ever know. Please follow. Please follow leave us a review. Share it with your friends, help us grow. The more we grow, the more people we can help. At the end of the day. That's the mission here. Yep. But if people don't know they don't know. I know some people feel really cheesy sharing stuff like this and they don't they think it's corny or whatever. Whatever. If it's helping you it could be helping someone else too. And we're the ones who decided to sit up here and you know bear our soul because it could help someone the least you could do is you know help someone as well. Yeah. So you can check us out on Instagram at to pho underscore couple it's TW fo underscore couple. You can check us out on Facebook at Tufo couple you can check us out on Tik Tok at Tufo underscore Kabul speaking of getting triggered trigger central in that place if you're not careful. And our website at WWW dot Tufo couple.com I think that's all we've got. Thank you all for being here. And until next time, I am Matt and we'll see you