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So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":30.12,"endTime":35.19,"body":"welcome back, well come back to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":30.12,"endTime":35.19,"body":"another episode of till the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":35.19,"endTime":39.12,"body":"wheels fall off on page four."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":35.19,"endTime":39.12,"body":"Before we get started, take a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":39.12,"endTime":42.72,"body":"moment really quick to sponsor"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":39.12,"endTime":42.72,"body":"the show if you haven't already."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":43.41,"endTime":46.74,"body":"If you go to our Instagram at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":43.41,"endTime":46.74,"body":"Tufo underscore couple that's TW"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":46.74,"endTime":50.25,"body":"fo underscore couple, you will"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":46.74,"endTime":50.25,"body":"find a link tree where you have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":50.28,"endTime":53.43,"body":"access to all of our social"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":50.28,"endTime":53.43,"body":"media accounts, follow us there"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":53.58,"endTime":56.4,"body":"and follow the show that you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":53.58,"endTime":56.4,"body":"listening to right now. 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I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":191.88,"endTime":195.09,"body":"think that when codependency is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":191.88,"endTime":195.09,"body":"something you call someone else"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":195.09,"endTime":197.85,"body":"when you're talking crap about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":195.09,"endTime":197.85,"body":"them, not something you ever"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":197.85,"endTime":201.42,"body":"identify us. Yeah, it's got such"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":197.85,"endTime":201.42,"body":"a stigma related to it, right."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":201.42,"endTime":204.12,"body":"So can I just say people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":201.42,"endTime":204.12,"body":"listening to this, please have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":204.12,"endTime":207.54,"body":"an open mind about this, because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":204.12,"endTime":207.54,"body":"I did not for many years. And if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":207.54,"endTime":210.72,"body":"I would have had an open mind"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":207.54,"endTime":210.72,"body":"about this, I would have healed"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":210.72,"endTime":215.34,"body":"a lot quicker and a lot sooner."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":210.72,"endTime":215.34,"body":"So So let's give a clinical"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":215.34,"endTime":217.92,"body":"definition. It's not clinical,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":215.34,"endTime":217.92,"body":"because it's not a clinic"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":217.92,"endTime":222.48,"body":"diagnosis, necessarily. Word"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":217.92,"endTime":222.48,"body":"came around in like the 70s. 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It's a good definition"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":248.94,"endTime":252.78,"body":"Yes, it is basically covers what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":252.78,"endTime":256.08,"body":"we've always talked about, right"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":252.78,"endTime":256.08,"body":"all known about codependent"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":256.08,"endTime":256.65,"body":"people."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":258.149,"endTime":261.449,"body":"But we're gonna dig deeper into"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":258.149,"endTime":261.449,"body":"this episode. Yeah, we were. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":261.449,"endTime":264.119,"body":"we were working on something"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":261.449,"endTime":264.119,"body":"earlier. And this, this thought"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":264.119,"endTime":267.809,"body":"came to us and it's the law of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":264.119,"endTime":267.809,"body":"attraction. 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Do you not say what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":376.26,"endTime":378.24,"body":"everyone else is thinking?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":376.26,"endTime":378.24,"body":"Because you don't want to cause"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":378.24,"endTime":378.96,"body":"a stir?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":380.49,"endTime":383.97,"body":"Are you constantly worried about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":380.49,"endTime":383.97,"body":"how to fix your relationship?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":384.81,"endTime":387.66,"body":"Always thinking about what can I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":384.81,"endTime":387.66,"body":"change? What can I do different?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":387.66,"endTime":390.6,"body":"What? What do they need to do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":387.66,"endTime":390.6,"body":"different? What needs to happen"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":390.6,"endTime":393.18,"body":"in our relationship? Here's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":390.6,"endTime":393.18,"body":"another one. Does your partner's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":393.18,"endTime":396.24,"body":"mood determine your mood? Oh,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":393.18,"endTime":396.24,"body":"yeah, that's a big one. Right?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":396.27,"endTime":399.27,"body":"Yep. They come home in a bad"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":396.27,"endTime":399.27,"body":"mood or they're mad about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":399.27,"endTime":402.03,"body":"something and automatically,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":399.27,"endTime":402.03,"body":"you're the you're just like him?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":402.78,"endTime":406.23,"body":"Are you trying to control their"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":402.78,"endTime":406.23,"body":"emotions? Do you feel like you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":406.23,"endTime":410.31,"body":"can fix others? Do you need to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":406.23,"endTime":410.31,"body":"be needed? I think we all need"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":410.31,"endTime":413.37,"body":"to be needed. Yeah. Some cases"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":410.31,"endTime":413.37,"body":"more severe than others. Yes."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":413.37,"endTime":416.37,"body":"That's what we're referring to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":413.37,"endTime":416.37,"body":"here. Do you have a high"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":416.37,"endTime":421.41,"body":"tolerance for abuse? That's a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":416.37,"endTime":421.41,"body":"crazy concept. I love like I've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":421.41,"endTime":424.14,"body":"always said I had a high pain"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":421.41,"endTime":424.14,"body":"tolerance some other people do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":424.14,"endTime":427.62,"body":"when it comes to abuse. They can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":424.14,"endTime":427.62,"body":"let other people walk all over"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":427.62,"endTime":432.15,"body":"them in ways that would blow"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":427.62,"endTime":432.15,"body":"your mind. Yeah, yep. They have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":432.15,"endTime":435.81,"body":"a high tolerance for layer"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":432.15,"endTime":435.81,"body":"doormats. Are you obsessed with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":435.81,"endTime":440.04,"body":"changing someone else? Do you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":435.81,"endTime":440.04,"body":"constantly battle wanting to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":440.04,"endTime":445.29,"body":"leave? But also feeling guilty?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":440.04,"endTime":445.29,"body":"Over choosing yourself? One of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":445.29,"endTime":448.77,"body":"the most toughest predicaments"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":445.29,"endTime":448.77,"body":"to be put in? Ever?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":450.0,"endTime":453.75,"body":"Do you feel that your loved one"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":450.0,"endTime":453.75,"body":"loves the bottle more than you?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":455.52,"endTime":459.57,"body":"Or that the person you love? is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":455.52,"endTime":459.57,"body":"no longer the person that you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":459.57,"endTime":463.11,"body":"see everyday with your own eyes?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":459.57,"endTime":463.11,"body":"Like you think they're in there,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":463.11,"endTime":467.67,"body":"but maybe not. Yeah. And I think"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":463.11,"endTime":467.67,"body":"that there's this, this concept"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":467.67,"endTime":471.39,"body":"that caregiving that I'm loving"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":467.67,"endTime":471.39,"body":"you and in return I should"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":471.39,"endTime":475.35,"body":"receive love. But caregiving"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":471.39,"endTime":475.35,"body":"takes on the form of enabling"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":475.35,"endTime":478.17,"body":"sometimes is not necessarily"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":475.35,"endTime":478.17,"body":"love, right? These are all"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":478.17,"endTime":480.93,"body":"characteristics or questions to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":478.17,"endTime":480.93,"body":"ask someone who might be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":480.93,"endTime":485.94,"body":"codependent. And it's, it's a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":480.93,"endTime":485.94,"body":"huge loaded concept. I know we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":485.94,"endTime":489.57,"body":"don't have a ton of time here."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":485.94,"endTime":489.57,"body":"But let's sort of dive into this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":489.63,"endTime":494.85,"body":"and explore it. And I'd love to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":489.63,"endTime":494.85,"body":"really pick your brain. Because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":494.88,"endTime":498.72,"body":"you have identified as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":494.88,"endTime":498.72,"body":"codependent Yes. All right. What"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":498.72,"endTime":501.3,"body":"were you what was your thought"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":498.72,"endTime":501.3,"body":"the first time this was brought"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":501.3,"endTime":504.24,"body":"to you, okay, be this thing?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":501.3,"endTime":504.24,"body":"Well, when you were in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":504.24,"endTime":506.91,"body":"treatment, it was the first time"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":504.24,"endTime":506.91,"body":"I heard this word. And I said,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":506.91,"endTime":508.89,"body":"No, there's no way that's not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":506.91,"endTime":508.89,"body":"who I am. I can take care of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":508.89,"endTime":511.35,"body":"myself. I can pay for my own"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":508.89,"endTime":511.35,"body":"bills, I can do what I need. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":511.35,"endTime":513.75,"body":"I did not listen to anything"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":511.35,"endTime":513.75,"body":"else after I heard that word."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":514.02,"endTime":517.14,"body":"Because it meant to me that I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":514.02,"endTime":517.14,"body":"wasn't independent. That was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":517.14,"endTime":519.72,"body":"ridiculous. Sort of sort of what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":517.14,"endTime":519.72,"body":"a headset though is you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":519.72,"endTime":523.71,"body":"right. But I wasn't or I was not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":519.72,"endTime":523.71,"body":"ready to look within myself."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":523.74,"endTime":526.98,"body":"Because when you went to rehab,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":523.74,"endTime":526.98,"body":"you went to treatment. I thought"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":526.98,"endTime":531.63,"body":"that is his problem. That's your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":526.98,"endTime":531.63,"body":"problem thing. You're the one"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":531.63,"endTime":535.35,"body":"who needs to be fixed, not me."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":531.63,"endTime":535.35,"body":"But I was still willing to look"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":535.35,"endTime":538.41,"body":"through some things within the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":535.35,"endTime":538.41,"body":"you know, the the program that I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":538.41,"endTime":540.93,"body":"went through, they did help me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":538.41,"endTime":540.93,"body":"process some things, but with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":540.93,"endTime":543.45,"body":"the codependent part. There's no"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":540.93,"endTime":543.45,"body":"way I didn't want to look at it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":543.45,"endTime":546.72,"body":"I was like, that's not me. I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":543.45,"endTime":546.72,"body":"not even going to dig into that."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":546.75,"endTime":551.01,"body":"Yeah, I've got no problem here."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":546.75,"endTime":551.01,"body":"Right? No problem whatsoever. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":551.04,"endTime":556.53,"body":"you got you got sober. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":551.04,"endTime":556.53,"body":"everything was okay. With both"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":556.53,"endTime":560.13,"body":"of us for about two years. I'd"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":556.53,"endTime":560.13,"body":"say two to three years, maybe a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":560.13,"endTime":564.51,"body":"little bit longer. And then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":560.13,"endTime":564.51,"body":"what? Oh, no, I was just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":564.51,"endTime":566.01,"body":"listening. Okay, I thought you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":564.51,"endTime":566.01,"body":"were gonna"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":567.06,"endTime":569.52,"body":"do anything? Oh, no, I think I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":567.06,"endTime":569.52,"body":"agree with you totally. Like in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":569.52,"endTime":573.6,"body":"the beginning. When I got when I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":569.52,"endTime":573.6,"body":"cleaned up, our relationship did"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":573.6,"endTime":576.39,"body":"get better in so many ways,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":573.6,"endTime":576.39,"body":"because we were communicating in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":576.39,"endTime":579.72,"body":"a healthy way we were"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":576.39,"endTime":579.72,"body":"communicating period. Yeah. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":579.72,"endTime":581.4,"body":"was more present in our lives."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":582.45,"endTime":586.77,"body":"I was some of the problem,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":582.45,"endTime":586.77,"body":"right? Some of it, right?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":586.95,"endTime":591.51,"body":"Absolutely. But I was in denial"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":586.95,"endTime":591.51,"body":"with my own problems because I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":591.51,"endTime":595.74,"body":"was kind of faking it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":591.51,"endTime":595.74,"body":"Eventually, things came to the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":595.74,"endTime":598.5,"body":"surface where my anxiety got"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":595.74,"endTime":598.5,"body":"really bad again, I started"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":598.5,"endTime":599.97,"body":"having panic attacks again."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":600.359,"endTime":605.849,"body":"And I was like, I was depressed."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":600.359,"endTime":605.849,"body":"And I was, you know, I almost"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":605.849,"endTime":609.179,"body":"asked you to take me to mental"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":605.849,"endTime":609.179,"body":"institute because I couldn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":609.179,"endTime":613.109,"body":"handle living at this time. Can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":609.179,"endTime":613.109,"body":"we back up for one moment? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":613.199,"endTime":617.009,"body":"So I was thinking about this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":613.199,"endTime":617.009,"body":"earlier. So codependency stems"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":617.009,"endTime":619.379,"body":"from things that have happened"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":617.009,"endTime":619.379,"body":"generally in the past. It's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":619.379,"endTime":622.169,"body":"usually like when you dig into"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":619.379,"endTime":622.169,"body":"this with someone, a therapist,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":622.169,"endTime":624.779,"body":"someone who's licensed to deal"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":622.169,"endTime":624.779,"body":"with the past trauma and stuff"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":624.779,"endTime":627.269,"body":"in the past, a lot of times it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":624.779,"endTime":627.269,"body":"comes from the past, right? And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":627.269,"endTime":629.849,"body":"so I think about were there"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":627.269,"endTime":629.849,"body":"signs of this before we ever"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":629.849,"endTime":632.009,"body":"gotten married? Were there signs"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":629.849,"endTime":632.009,"body":"of this when we first got"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":632.009,"endTime":635.969,"body":"together? And there's a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":632.009,"endTime":635.969,"body":"resounding yes, there are water"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":635.969,"endTime":639.479,"body":"signs. Yeah, I was gonna bring"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":635.969,"endTime":639.479,"body":"that up. Oh, you were I was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":639.479,"endTime":643.769,"body":"okay. That was a big deal. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":639.479,"endTime":643.769,"body":"I just remember being a teenager"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":643.769,"endTime":647.789,"body":"and like, you were the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":643.769,"endTime":647.789,"body":"girlfriend, that man, psycho"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":647.789,"endTime":650.759,"body":"calling me like if I didn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":647.789,"endTime":650.759,"body":"answer my phone, like, blown me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":650.759,"endTime":653.879,"body":"up over and over and over and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":650.759,"endTime":653.879,"body":"over. Or if I wanted to, like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":653.879,"endTime":657.569,"body":"go hang out my friends. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":653.879,"endTime":657.569,"body":"You did not like that. Man. That"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":657.569,"endTime":660.839,"body":"meant that I liked my friends"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":657.569,"endTime":660.839,"body":"more than you like being around"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":660.839,"endTime":664.799,"body":"you. Yeah. Like those emotions"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":660.839,"endTime":664.799,"body":"went so far so deep. I thought"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":664.799,"endTime":666.959,"body":"that all girls was just that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":664.799,"endTime":666.959,"body":"way. It's just the way that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":666.959,"endTime":670.229,"body":"girls were. I don't mean that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":666.959,"endTime":670.229,"body":"ugly. I just, I had dealt with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":670.229,"endTime":671.999,"body":"it to an extent. And they're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":670.229,"endTime":671.999,"body":"like, oh, yeah, that's just how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":671.999,"endTime":676.079,"body":"it is. I had a very low self"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":671.999,"endTime":676.079,"body":"esteem. So I and I had issues"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":676.079,"endTime":678.359,"body":"with the codependency. But I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":676.079,"endTime":678.359,"body":"didn't realize this was much of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":678.359,"endTime":681.569,"body":"a problem until I started to get"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":678.359,"endTime":681.569,"body":"up until recently, honestly,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":681.569,"endTime":686.159,"body":"until I really started my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":681.569,"endTime":686.159,"body":"healing process to see where my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":686.189,"endTime":689.309,"body":"personal challenges were and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":686.189,"endTime":689.309,"body":"where I could fix or correct and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":689.309,"endTime":692.099,"body":"heal and deal with my stuff."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":689.309,"endTime":692.099,"body":"You've done an amazing job, too."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":692.399,"endTime":695.759,"body":"I guess. Sort of like a lot of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":692.399,"endTime":695.759,"body":"things in life like with with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":695.759,"endTime":698.759,"body":"age comes wisdom. So I think you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":695.759,"endTime":698.759,"body":"think you grow out of this crap"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":698.759,"endTime":702.029,"body":"as you get older. I don't think"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":698.759,"endTime":702.029,"body":"that every girl that's that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":702.029,"endTime":706.109,"body":"wants to be around someone they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":702.029,"endTime":706.109,"body":"love is codependent. It's not an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":706.109,"endTime":707.999,"body":"all or nothing like no, I think"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":709.08,"endTime":714.09,"body":"that new I think some people,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":709.08,"endTime":714.09,"body":"most people probably become more"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":714.09,"endTime":716.37,"body":"secure and who they are. And as"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":714.09,"endTime":716.37,"body":"they age like, Man, I don't need"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":716.37,"endTime":719.85,"body":"anybody. I'm good. Yeah, fine."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":716.37,"endTime":719.85,"body":"I'm not blowing anyone up like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":719.85,"endTime":724.2,"body":"that. I'm good. But I think for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":719.85,"endTime":724.2,"body":"others, like in our situation,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":724.2,"endTime":727.32,"body":"especially there was it was much"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":724.2,"endTime":727.32,"body":"deeper than that. Right? So my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":727.32,"endTime":730.68,"body":"point with all of this was that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":727.32,"endTime":730.68,"body":"just because Matt got sober"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":731.46,"endTime":734.64,"body":"didn't mean that everything was"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":731.46,"endTime":734.64,"body":"fine. And that's where we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":734.64,"endTime":738.57,"body":"actually come in and decided to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":734.64,"endTime":738.57,"body":"even share most of our story"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":738.57,"endTime":744.69,"body":"because we realized that we both"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":738.57,"endTime":744.69,"body":"had a part in this. Yeah. And I,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":744.99,"endTime":751.35,"body":"I had to dig into my defects. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":744.99,"endTime":751.35,"body":"mean, I call them defects"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":751.35,"endTime":753.87,"body":"because it doesn't bother me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":751.35,"endTime":753.87,"body":"that they were my defects. They"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":753.87,"endTime":756.81,"body":"were things that I had to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":753.87,"endTime":756.81,"body":"challenge myself and actually"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":756.81,"endTime":761.64,"body":"work through. So with that said,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":756.81,"endTime":761.64,"body":"why don't we dig deep into what,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":761.67,"endTime":766.08,"body":"like some of the codependency"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":761.67,"endTime":766.08,"body":"traits or symptoms are okay,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":766.11,"endTime":768.42,"body":"those are good. So we asked some"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":766.11,"endTime":768.42,"body":"of the questions earlier for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":768.42,"endTime":771.96,"body":"identifiers, like if do you feel"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":768.42,"endTime":771.96,"body":"this way? That could be a sign"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":771.96,"endTime":776.82,"body":"so there are some pretty common"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":771.96,"endTime":776.82,"body":"traits? Yes. So difficulty"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":776.82,"endTime":781.05,"body":"making decisions or asserting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":776.82,"endTime":781.05,"body":"oneself. I had that because I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":781.05,"endTime":784.26,"body":"always wanted you to make the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":781.05,"endTime":784.26,"body":"decisions for me and it was I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":784.26,"endTime":786.57,"body":"never really asserted myself"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":784.26,"endTime":786.57,"body":"either because I didn't have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":786.57,"endTime":789.42,"body":"that self esteem to be like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":786.57,"endTime":789.42,"body":"Okay, no, this is what I want."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":789.6,"endTime":793.44,"body":"Is that worthy, worthy. The"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":789.6,"endTime":793.44,"body":"timeless argument about where we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":793.44,"endTime":797.16,"body":"eating dinner comes from?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":793.44,"endTime":797.16,"body":"Absolutely. You know, I just saw"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":797.16,"endTime":801.96,"body":"it. Oh, my gosh, okay. So so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":797.16,"endTime":801.96,"body":"when she says, I'm good with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":801.96,"endTime":806.4,"body":"anything, that's a codependent"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":801.96,"endTime":806.4,"body":"behavior. People pleasing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":806.4,"endTime":809.37,"body":"behavior is that you know, not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":806.4,"endTime":809.37,"body":"wanting to make a decision for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":809.61,"endTime":812.82,"body":"for fear of upsetting someone"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":809.61,"endTime":812.82,"body":"else. Yes. But you know what you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":812.82,"endTime":816.48,"body":"want, right? You know that you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":812.82,"endTime":816.48,"body":"wanted McDonald's. Something has"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":816.48,"endTime":819.66,"body":"obviously happened in some of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":816.48,"endTime":819.66,"body":"our past where someone told us"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":819.66,"endTime":823.62,"body":"no constantly and rejected us."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":819.66,"endTime":823.62,"body":"Every time we asked that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":823.62,"endTime":827.01,"body":"question word, I get it. I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":823.62,"endTime":827.01,"body":"just saying is that what is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":827.01,"endTime":829.83,"body":"behind that? Fight? Because I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":827.01,"endTime":829.83,"body":"just came to me, I'm like, not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":829.83,"endTime":833.34,"body":"wanting to assert yourself. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":829.83,"endTime":833.34,"body":"dinner conversation. Oh, crap."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":833.37,"endTime":837.72,"body":"Yeah. Everyone fights over that."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":833.37,"endTime":837.72,"body":"Everybody? Okay, sorry, me. No,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":837.72,"endTime":838.26,"body":"that's good."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":841.11,"endTime":844.92,"body":"Okay, so a tendency to take on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":841.11,"endTime":844.92,"body":"responsibility for others"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":844.92,"endTime":847.02,"body":"feelings and actions, which is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":844.92,"endTime":847.02,"body":"what you said earlier about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":847.02,"endTime":849.93,"body":"taking on people's emotions."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":847.02,"endTime":849.93,"body":"That's definitely something I've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":849.93,"endTime":852.18,"body":"worked on for many years. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":849.93,"endTime":852.18,"body":"think I've gotten pretty good at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":852.18,"endTime":854.1,"body":"it. You've gotten really good at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":852.18,"endTime":854.1,"body":"that. Fine. Feeling bad. You're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":854.1,"endTime":857.34,"body":"like Sucks to be you, dude. Yep."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":854.1,"endTime":857.34,"body":"A fear of abandonment or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":857.34,"endTime":862.26,"body":"rejection. Same thing about the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":857.34,"endTime":862.26,"body":"rejection of asserting yourself."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":862.26,"endTime":864.57,"body":"You're scared that someone's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":862.26,"endTime":864.57,"body":"going to reject you or say no,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":864.6,"endTime":867.33,"body":"yeah, and validate what you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":864.6,"endTime":867.33,"body":"feel. Yep, difficulty saying"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":867.33,"endTime":868.89,"body":"boundaries or saying no."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":872.64,"endTime":875.61,"body":"Hang on. No, that wasn't geared"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":872.64,"endTime":875.61,"body":"towards you. That was towards"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":875.61,"endTime":881.16,"body":"me. Okay. No, I thought about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":875.61,"endTime":881.16,"body":"the squabbling, no down. Low"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":881.16,"endTime":884.46,"body":"self esteem or a lack of self"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":881.16,"endTime":884.46,"body":"worth. I think that everything"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":884.46,"endTime":888.0,"body":"is stemmed from that like all of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":884.46,"endTime":888.0,"body":"these. That's like the main"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":888.0,"endTime":892.8,"body":"thing. The main driver, the main"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":888.0,"endTime":892.8,"body":"Yeah. A tendency to prioritize"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":892.8,"endTime":896.61,"body":"others needs over one's one's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":892.8,"endTime":896.61,"body":"own. That's like caretaking to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":896.61,"endTime":899.97,"body":"an extreme and you completely"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":896.61,"endTime":899.97,"body":"forget yourself. Yeah. Um,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":900.0,"endTime":902.79,"body":"A need for control or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":900.0,"endTime":902.79,"body":"perfectionism."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":904.14,"endTime":908.37,"body":"Did you have that one to check"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":904.14,"endTime":908.37,"body":"all these boxes? I checked so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":908.37,"endTime":913.11,"body":"many of the boxes. Okay, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":908.37,"endTime":913.11,"body":"just thinking, what? It's maybe"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":913.11,"endTime":915.66,"body":"a stupid question. But is it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":913.11,"endTime":915.66,"body":"sort of a spectrum? Like you can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":915.66,"endTime":918.54,"body":"have? Yes, a few of these are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":915.66,"endTime":918.54,"body":"the some of them. Don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":918.54,"endTime":921.9,"body":"identify. Okay, gotcha. Yep."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":918.54,"endTime":921.9,"body":"It's not all or nothing. It's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":921.9,"endTime":924.72,"body":"like it's in between you can you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":921.9,"endTime":924.72,"body":"can have a few of these. And it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":924.72,"endTime":927.27,"body":"can be really bad. You could"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":924.72,"endTime":927.27,"body":"have a lot of them and be super"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":927.27,"endTime":930.09,"body":"mild, but it's fine. Yeah. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":927.27,"endTime":930.09,"body":"if you feel like your life is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":930.09,"endTime":932.04,"body":"unmanageable, and there's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":930.09,"endTime":932.04,"body":"something going on, then yeah,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":932.04,"endTime":934.77,"body":"you definitely, if you have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":932.04,"endTime":934.77,"body":"trouble in your relationships,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":934.8,"endTime":936.81,"body":"if you have, especially if you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":934.8,"endTime":936.81,"body":"have an addict in your life,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":936.81,"endTime":939.81,"body":"there's a good chance this is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":936.81,"endTime":939.81,"body":"going on. Yep. Enabling"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":939.81,"endTime":942.9,"body":"behavior, we're actually going"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":939.81,"endTime":942.9,"body":"to do another episode on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":942.9,"endTime":946.59,"body":"enabling behavior because it's,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":942.9,"endTime":946.59,"body":"it can go in pretty deep, we can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":946.59,"endTime":950.46,"body":"go pretty deep into that one."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":946.59,"endTime":950.46,"body":"Because people, when we enable"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":950.46,"endTime":953.7,"body":"we do it with good intentions."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":950.46,"endTime":953.7,"body":"It's not like we're doing it on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":953.7,"endTime":958.11,"body":"purpose to hurt anybody. But in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":953.7,"endTime":958.11,"body":"reality, it does. Hurt people."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":958.14,"endTime":961.32,"body":"The road to hell is paved with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":958.14,"endTime":961.32,"body":"good intentions. Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":963.33,"endTime":965.49,"body":"denial. Yep. That was me."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":968.85,"endTime":973.14,"body":"Chronic self sacrifice,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":968.85,"endTime":973.14,"body":"basically. Yeah, that sums you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":973.14,"endTime":976.14,"body":"up in so many ways. Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":973.14,"endTime":976.14,"body":"think that yeah, man. And it"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":976.14,"endTime":978.9,"body":"sucks, too, because I think we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":976.14,"endTime":978.9,"body":"just described some very noble"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":978.9,"endTime":981.63,"body":"characteristics as well. Like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":978.9,"endTime":981.63,"body":"when you think about someone"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":981.63,"endTime":984.99,"body":"who's codependent, it's much"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":981.63,"endTime":984.99,"body":"easier to have empathy and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":984.99,"endTime":987.6,"body":"sympathy for someone who's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":984.99,"endTime":987.6,"body":"dealing with that, as opposed to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":987.6,"endTime":991.2,"body":"this dude who just chooses to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":987.6,"endTime":991.2,"body":"drive to a dealer's house and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":991.2,"endTime":995.82,"body":"get loaded every day. Right? Oh,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":991.2,"endTime":995.82,"body":"right. Right. With this stuff."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":995.82,"endTime":999.12,"body":"It's, it's, I mean, you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":995.82,"endTime":999.12,"body":"trying to do the right thing."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":999.12,"endTime":1002.9,"body":"You just want to be loved, you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":999.12,"endTime":1002.9,"body":"want to be admired. You want to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1002.9,"endTime":1006.05,"body":"be picked up and told that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1002.9,"endTime":1006.05,"body":"you're amazing. It's like, God,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1006.05,"endTime":1009.41,"body":"why is that such a bad thing?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1006.05,"endTime":1009.41,"body":"And it's not. It's not when you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1009.41,"endTime":1012.77,"body":"find the right person. But the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1009.41,"endTime":1012.77,"body":"fact remains,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1013.82,"endTime":1019.25,"body":"this starts within 100%. Right?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1013.82,"endTime":1019.25,"body":"This is a battle that starts"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1019.25,"endTime":1022.49,"body":"within Yeah, and you can't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1019.25,"endTime":1022.49,"body":"attract someone that does that."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1022.52,"endTime":1027.2,"body":"If you're not focusing first on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1022.52,"endTime":1027.2,"body":"yourself, on what you need to do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1027.2,"endTime":1031.67,"body":"to be happy, sans all of this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1027.2,"endTime":1031.67,"body":"crap. Someone else and what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1031.67,"endTime":1033.5,"body":"they're going to do for you and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1031.67,"endTime":1033.5,"body":"how they're going to fill this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1033.5,"endTime":1036.83,"body":"void in your life. It starts"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1033.5,"endTime":1036.83,"body":"with us. Yeah. So where do we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1036.83,"endTime":1039.95,"body":"take it from here? Yeah. So how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1036.83,"endTime":1039.95,"body":"do we do this? You tell me."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1040.46,"endTime":1043.31,"body":"There's like this is a process"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1040.46,"endTime":1043.31,"body":"and everybody needs to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1043.31,"endTime":1046.16,"body":"patient with themselves. I mean,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1043.31,"endTime":1046.16,"body":"the first thing you need to do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1046.16,"endTime":1050.21,"body":"is be aware and be open minded,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1046.16,"endTime":1050.21,"body":"like we said at the beginning of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1050.21,"endTime":1053.93,"body":"this episode, is that whenever"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1050.21,"endTime":1053.93,"body":"you look with be willing to look"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1053.93,"endTime":1057.83,"body":"within yourself and really see"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1053.93,"endTime":1057.83,"body":"what needs to change. Because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1058.1,"endTime":1061.79,"body":"the reality is you cannot change"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1058.1,"endTime":1061.79,"body":"somebody in your life. You can't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1061.79,"endTime":1064.76,"body":"change their actions, you cannot"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1061.79,"endTime":1064.76,"body":"fix them, you can't do anything,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1064.94,"endTime":1069.17,"body":"but you can change you. And that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1064.94,"endTime":1069.17,"body":"comes from finding awareness and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1069.17,"endTime":1073.37,"body":"figuring out what is within you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1069.17,"endTime":1073.37,"body":"that needs to be changed. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1073.37,"endTime":1076.49,"body":"there's nothing wrong with it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1073.37,"endTime":1076.49,"body":"It sounds scary, right? Like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1076.7,"endTime":1078.98,"body":"all of this sounds scary."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1076.7,"endTime":1078.98,"body":"Because you're thinking, why do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1078.98,"endTime":1082.94,"body":"I need to change? Why does this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1078.98,"endTime":1082.94,"body":"person not need to change? Why"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1082.94,"endTime":1086.63,"body":"do I need to? Because from"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1082.94,"endTime":1086.63,"body":"experience, we learned that just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1086.63,"endTime":1090.95,"body":"because he changed, doesn't mean"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1086.63,"endTime":1090.95,"body":"that I changed to know. And that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1090.95,"endTime":1093.47,"body":"really did prove to me that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1090.95,"endTime":1093.47,"body":"there was something else going"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1093.47,"endTime":1097.07,"body":"on here. All these Kooks that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1093.47,"endTime":1097.07,"body":"talk about this for work."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1097.07,"endTime":1098.66,"body":"Correct. And they were right."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1097.07,"endTime":1098.66,"body":"Yep."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1100.01,"endTime":1102.41,"body":"I think anytime you start to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1100.01,"endTime":1102.41,"body":"tackle something this deep"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1102.41,"endTime":1105.89,"body":"seated, you have to look at your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1102.41,"endTime":1105.89,"body":"past. And I think for everybody,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1105.89,"endTime":1108.14,"body":"this is a very individual"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1105.89,"endTime":1108.14,"body":"journey when you go and look in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1108.14,"endTime":1111.23,"body":"the past. So like, so we coach"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1108.14,"endTime":1111.23,"body":"people and coaching, we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1111.23,"endTime":1113.6,"body":"generally look forward, right?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1111.23,"endTime":1113.6,"body":"We're looking at what's going on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1113.6,"endTime":1116.27,"body":"right now. And let's look at the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1113.6,"endTime":1116.27,"body":"next year, two years, five"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1116.27,"endTime":1118.97,"body":"years, right? And what's gonna"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1116.27,"endTime":1118.97,"body":"have to change for you to get to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1118.97,"endTime":1122.33,"body":"where you want to be, let's set"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1118.97,"endTime":1122.33,"body":"a goal. Let's set a vision for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1122.39,"endTime":1126.35,"body":"who you want to be, you know,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1122.39,"endTime":1126.35,"body":"when your eulogy is written, how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1126.35,"endTime":1128.99,"body":"do you want it written? That's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1126.35,"endTime":1128.99,"body":"what we do. But we go into the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1128.99,"endTime":1131.39,"body":"past. That's, that's more"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1128.99,"endTime":1131.39,"body":"therapy that's more clinical."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1131.75,"endTime":1133.73,"body":"But so I'm not going to spend a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1131.75,"endTime":1133.73,"body":"whole lot of time other than"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1133.73,"endTime":1136.43,"body":"than to preface it by saying"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1133.73,"endTime":1136.43,"body":"that this isn't something we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1136.43,"endTime":1141.32,"body":"specialize in, which is the past"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1136.43,"endTime":1141.32,"body":"and what causes this stuff, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1141.38,"endTime":1144.62,"body":"healing the trauma that usually"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1141.38,"endTime":1144.62,"body":"results in these types of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1144.62,"endTime":1147.5,"body":"behaviors. Yeah, because that's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1144.62,"endTime":1147.5,"body":"what it usually boils down to."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1147.5,"endTime":1151.07,"body":"It's some sort of trauma. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1147.5,"endTime":1151.07,"body":"in childhood, most of the time,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1151.1,"endTime":1154.4,"body":"whether it's growing up in a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1151.1,"endTime":1154.4,"body":"dysfunctional family, and not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1154.4,"endTime":1158.18,"body":"having your emotional needs met,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1154.4,"endTime":1158.18,"body":"or being in a relationship with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1158.18,"endTime":1162.77,"body":"an addict at some point in your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1158.18,"endTime":1162.77,"body":"life, that they will scar you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1162.89,"endTime":1166.58,"body":"for the rest of your life."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1162.89,"endTime":1166.58,"body":"Right. Without realizing trauma"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1166.58,"endTime":1170.45,"body":"or abuse, we kind of mentioned"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1166.58,"endTime":1170.45,"body":"that. Just always having a low"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1170.45,"endTime":1173.66,"body":"self esteem or low self worth. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1170.45,"endTime":1173.66,"body":"know that a lot of the same"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1173.66,"endTime":1176.48,"body":"characteristics, a lot of the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1173.66,"endTime":1176.48,"body":"same things are at the root of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1176.48,"endTime":1182.12,"body":"addiction. As I went through my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1176.48,"endTime":1182.12,"body":"stuff to you know, fix me, this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1182.12,"endTime":1184.25,"body":"is the stuff that I had to look"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1182.12,"endTime":1184.25,"body":"in the mirror and face this is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1184.25,"endTime":1186.14,"body":"the stuff that I had to get a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1184.25,"endTime":1186.14,"body":"piece of paper out and talk"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1186.14,"endTime":1189.74,"body":"about with somebody this is like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1186.14,"endTime":1189.74,"body":"painful, deep seated stuff. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1189.74,"endTime":1193.34,"body":"there's also this this cultural"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1189.74,"endTime":1193.34,"body":"or, I guess societal expectation"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1193.37,"endTime":1197.69,"body":"to prioritize caregiving over"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1193.37,"endTime":1197.69,"body":"self care. So not so much in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1197.69,"endTime":1200.0,"body":"past but just in in society."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1203.27,"body":"Indian culture like, I think a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1203.27,"body":"lot of is generational to like,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1203.72,"endTime":1206.12,"body":"I think a lot of us probably"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1203.72,"endTime":1206.12,"body":"listening, have a grandparent,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1206.15,"endTime":1210.92,"body":"the most selfless human being in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1206.15,"endTime":1210.92,"body":"the world who will, you know, do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1210.92,"endTime":1214.31,"body":"anything for you Who will cook"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1210.92,"endTime":1214.31,"body":"no matter what time it is, we'll"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1214.61,"endTime":1217.52,"body":"do anything for the family"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1214.61,"endTime":1217.52,"body":"selflessly. And just, it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1217.52,"endTime":1220.16,"body":"amazing. But I always wonder"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1217.52,"endTime":1220.16,"body":"what's going on with Granny's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1220.16,"endTime":1222.92,"body":"life and what granny wants?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1220.16,"endTime":1222.92,"body":"Yeah, you know, but I think that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1223.1,"endTime":1226.22,"body":"it also creates an expectation"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1223.1,"endTime":1226.22,"body":"for later generations that come"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1226.43,"endTime":1228.98,"body":"that this is how you perform."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1226.43,"endTime":1228.98,"body":"And this is what we do. And this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1228.98,"endTime":1231.59,"body":"is how you act. But it's not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1228.98,"endTime":1231.59,"body":"always what's best for the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1231.59,"endTime":1234.62,"body":"individual, in fact, rarely,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1231.59,"endTime":1234.62,"body":"right? It just kind of comes"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1234.62,"endTime":1238.49,"body":"from nowhere. It's arbitrary."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1234.62,"endTime":1238.49,"body":"Really. Yeah. And we were"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1238.49,"endTime":1241.67,"body":"talking about this earlier how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1238.49,"endTime":1241.67,"body":"codependency and addiction isn't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1241.67,"endTime":1246.02,"body":"your fault. But it is your"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1241.67,"endTime":1246.02,"body":"responsibility. It is like one"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1246.02,"endTime":1249.41,"body":"of the hardest truths to accept"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1246.02,"endTime":1249.41,"body":"is that may not be your fault."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1249.41,"endTime":1252.98,"body":"Why you are the way you are, but"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1249.41,"endTime":1252.98,"body":"you're the only one that's gonna"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1252.98,"endTime":1255.83,"body":"get you out of this. Yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1252.98,"endTime":1255.83,"body":"your responsibility to fix it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1256.04,"endTime":1259.16,"body":"Right. So which means digging"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1256.04,"endTime":1259.16,"body":"deep and accepting reality and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1259.16,"endTime":1262.28,"body":"what's going on within you."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1259.16,"endTime":1262.28,"body":"Yeah. And so a lot of the a lot"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1262.28,"endTime":1264.68,"body":"of the people that we hear from"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1262.28,"endTime":1264.68,"body":"via social media,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1265.91,"endTime":1268.73,"body":"the DMS looks something like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1265.91,"endTime":1268.73,"body":"this, what do I do about my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1268.73,"endTime":1271.01,"body":"addicted partner? What do I do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1268.73,"endTime":1271.01,"body":"about this person that won't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1271.01,"endTime":1273.2,"body":"quit using what do I do about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1271.01,"endTime":1273.2,"body":"this person? That's a denial."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1273.2,"endTime":1277.31,"body":"How do I get them to see these"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1273.2,"endTime":1277.31,"body":"problems? There is no clean cut"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1277.31,"endTime":1280.16,"body":"answer for that. There's just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1277.31,"endTime":1280.16,"body":"not like there's no magic"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1280.16,"endTime":1283.37,"body":"bullet. It's like, oh, try this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1280.16,"endTime":1283.37,"body":"method. Try that doesn't really"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1283.37,"endTime":1286.04,"body":"work that way. No, it doesn't. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1283.37,"endTime":1286.04,"body":"know that there are some people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1286.04,"endTime":1288.47,"body":"out there who don't believe in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1286.04,"endTime":1288.47,"body":"tough love. But I will tell you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1288.47,"endTime":1292.37,"body":"firsthand, and from the 1000s of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1288.47,"endTime":1292.37,"body":"accounts that I have been"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1292.37,"endTime":1295.97,"body":"witness to, from people who are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1292.37,"endTime":1295.97,"body":"sober today will tell you that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1295.97,"endTime":1299.09,"body":"consequences help get you sober."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1295.97,"endTime":1299.09,"body":"Exactly. That's not the end all"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1299.09,"endTime":1302.57,"body":"be all, or else everyone in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1299.09,"endTime":1302.57,"body":"prison would be sober. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1302.57,"endTime":1304.52,"body":"they're not. I mean, it's not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1302.57,"endTime":1304.52,"body":"the end all be all. There's some"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1304.52,"endTime":1308.3,"body":"other pieces that need to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1304.52,"endTime":1308.3,"body":"present, you know, for that, for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1308.3,"endTime":1310.76,"body":"that recipe to work. The other"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1308.3,"endTime":1310.76,"body":"ingredients happened to be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1310.76,"endTime":1314.63,"body":"desperation, willingness, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1310.76,"endTime":1314.63,"body":"then this perfect storm of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1314.63,"endTime":1315.65,"body":"opportunity."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1316.67,"endTime":1319.79,"body":"And then the ability to look"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1316.67,"endTime":1319.79,"body":"within and be like, alright,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1320.33,"endTime":1322.91,"body":"what am I really going to have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1320.33,"endTime":1322.91,"body":"to do to fix this? What am I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1322.91,"endTime":1325.97,"body":"really going to have to do you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1322.91,"endTime":1325.97,"body":"put your happiness first, but"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1326.0,"endTime":1330.05,"body":"consequences are part of it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1326.0,"endTime":1330.05,"body":"Yeah, they are part of it. But I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1330.05,"endTime":1332.48,"body":"promise you what's not part of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1330.05,"endTime":1332.48,"body":"it is if people just would have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1332.48,"endTime":1335.21,"body":"loved me more, if they just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1332.48,"endTime":1335.21,"body":"would have tried harder than I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1335.21,"endTime":1337.76,"body":"would have been fixed. Right?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1335.21,"endTime":1337.76,"body":"Like you can't love someone out"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1337.76,"endTime":1341.06,"body":"of this crap. No, you can't. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1337.76,"endTime":1341.06,"body":"I think that's it's so hard."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1341.51,"endTime":1344.63,"body":"Because logically we think,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1341.51,"endTime":1344.63,"body":"Well, if I just did XYZ, then I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1344.63,"endTime":1346.94,"body":"would get that result. This is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1344.63,"endTime":1346.94,"body":"not the way the mind works."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1346.94,"endTime":1348.62,"body":"That's not the way love works."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1346.94,"endTime":1348.62,"body":"That's not the way the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1348.62,"endTime":1353.36,"body":"relationships work. It sucks."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1348.62,"endTime":1353.36,"body":"But that's why we're here. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1353.36,"endTime":1356.06,"body":"then you grow from it and you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1353.36,"endTime":1356.06,"body":"learn from it and you do the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1356.06,"endTime":1359.87,"body":"hard things and it's like, oh,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1356.06,"endTime":1359.87,"body":"wow, yeah, it's hard work. But"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1359.9,"endTime":1362.36,"body":"dang is it worth it once you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1359.9,"endTime":1362.36,"body":"guys go through it? Yeah, so"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1362.36,"endTime":1365.06,"body":"let's address some of this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1362.36,"endTime":1365.06,"body":"stuff. Okay, rest codependency."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1365.09,"endTime":1368.72,"body":"Okay, so we're, obviously can't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1365.09,"endTime":1368.72,"body":"tell you how to fix codependency"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1368.72,"endTime":1372.59,"body":"in one episode, because it is a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1368.72,"endTime":1372.59,"body":"process. It's individual. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1372.59,"endTime":1375.74,"body":"we're just going to break down"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1372.59,"endTime":1375.74,"body":"just a few pieces like of what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1375.74,"endTime":1379.46,"body":"we how we help others. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1375.74,"endTime":1379.46,"body":"setting boundaries and learning"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1379.46,"endTime":1382.64,"body":"to say no, and that no is a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1379.46,"endTime":1382.64,"body":"complete sentence, right?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1383.3,"endTime":1386.48,"body":"Practicing self care and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1383.3,"endTime":1386.48,"body":"prioritizing your own needs."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1386.63,"endTime":1391.55,"body":"Very difficult. A lot of people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1386.63,"endTime":1391.55,"body":"because once again, especially"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1391.55,"endTime":1393.77,"body":"as women like you're the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1391.55,"endTime":1393.77,"body":"caretaker like you're the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1393.77,"endTime":1398.99,"body":"nurturer like you're this idea"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1393.77,"endTime":1398.99,"body":"of like, like home for everyone."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1399.59,"endTime":1402.47,"body":"But, you know, you gotta make"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1399.59,"endTime":1402.47,"body":"time for yourself as well. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1402.47,"endTime":1406.94,"body":"that is oh, it's not selfless."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1402.47,"endTime":1406.94,"body":"That hang on selfish."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1408.44,"endTime":1413.3,"body":"It's just self care. Yeah, yeah."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1408.44,"endTime":1413.3,"body":"I'm seeking support from a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1413.3,"endTime":1416.09,"body":"support group like to folk"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1413.3,"endTime":1416.09,"body":"community. We have a lot of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1416.09,"endTime":1419.69,"body":"people in there who they posted"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1416.09,"endTime":1419.69,"body":"anonymously, and they asked for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1419.69,"endTime":1423.05,"body":"help on very specific"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1419.69,"endTime":1423.05,"body":"situations. And we chime in. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1423.05,"endTime":1427.4,"body":"I think that we're, we're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1423.05,"endTime":1427.4,"body":"building a great group of people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1427.4,"endTime":1430.64,"body":"to help process problems and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1427.4,"endTime":1430.64,"body":"timeout real quick. I want to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1430.67,"endTime":1433.55,"body":"shout out our community. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1430.67,"endTime":1433.55,"body":"when we first started, I thought"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1433.55,"endTime":1436.79,"body":"we might get crickets. But we've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1433.55,"endTime":1436.79,"body":"had some people come in, they're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1437.39,"endTime":1441.44,"body":"extremely vulnerable and share"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1437.39,"endTime":1441.44,"body":"what they're going through. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1442.55,"endTime":1446.09,"body":"we'll respond but not just us,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1442.55,"endTime":1446.09,"body":"the community respond, right."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1446.39,"endTime":1449.03,"body":"And it can be done anonymously,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1446.39,"endTime":1449.03,"body":"which I love about it. Because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1449.03,"endTime":1452.78,"body":"you may not want people to know"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1449.03,"endTime":1452.78,"body":"that this person on Facebook is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1452.78,"endTime":1455.75,"body":"going through this. Some people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1452.78,"endTime":1455.75,"body":"don't mind but think for others."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1455.75,"endTime":1459.41,"body":"It's like, I can share with you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1455.75,"endTime":1459.41,"body":"what I know and what I've been"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1459.41,"endTime":1461.69,"body":"through my experience with this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1459.41,"endTime":1461.69,"body":"thing or just to let you know"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1461.69,"endTime":1464.12,"body":"that you're not alone. And I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1461.69,"endTime":1464.12,"body":"love how they pick each other"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1464.12,"endTime":1467.3,"body":"up. Yeah, I just freaking love"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1464.12,"endTime":1467.3,"body":"it. I'm so proud of everybody,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1467.3,"endTime":1470.12,"body":"right? So and it helps you not"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1467.3,"endTime":1470.12,"body":"feel alone. And that's a great"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1470.12,"endTime":1474.11,"body":"way to start getting getting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1470.12,"endTime":1474.11,"body":"support. Also learning to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1474.11,"endTime":1476.6,"body":"communicate effectively and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1474.11,"endTime":1476.6,"body":"express your own needs and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1476.6,"endTime":1479.9,"body":"emotions. Very hard to do when"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1476.6,"endTime":1479.9,"body":"you're with an addict though"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1479.9,"endTime":1481.79,"body":"because you're not dealing with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1479.9,"endTime":1481.79,"body":"a rational person. We've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1481.79,"endTime":1484.4,"body":"discussed this in prior"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1481.79,"endTime":1484.4,"body":"episodes. We did an episode on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1484.4,"endTime":1486.53,"body":"communication. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1484.4,"endTime":1486.53,"body":"communicating your needs. We've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1486.53,"endTime":1490.28,"body":"also done an episode an episode"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1486.53,"endTime":1490.28,"body":"on I don't remember the name of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1490.28,"endTime":1494.42,"body":"it, but if you go to our website"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1490.28,"endTime":1494.42,"body":"www.tufo.com I believe that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1494.42,"endTime":1497.18,"body":"you've got to exercise up there"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1494.42,"endTime":1497.18,"body":"for healthy communication, don't"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1497.18,"endTime":1499.94,"body":"you? Ie maybe"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1500.0,"endTime":1503.12,"body":"Yeah, I'm talking about the I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1500.0,"endTime":1503.12,"body":"feel statements and all that."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1503.15,"endTime":1506.33,"body":"Yeah, that's, that's yes, that's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1503.15,"endTime":1506.33,"body":"in our boundaries. I think the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1506.33,"endTime":1510.02,"body":"boundaries exercise. Okay. So I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1506.33,"endTime":1510.02,"body":"was going to discuss our guides,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1510.53,"endTime":1515.48,"body":"so that we can be, if you need"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1510.53,"endTime":1515.48,"body":"help starting, we actually have"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1515.48,"endTime":1517.85,"body":"a lot of guides, like you said"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1515.48,"endTime":1517.85,"body":"on our website, and one of them"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1517.85,"endTime":1521.54,"body":"is a healing guide to living"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1517.85,"endTime":1521.54,"body":"with an alcoholic or addict. So"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1521.54,"endTime":1524.24,"body":"it talks about codependency"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1521.54,"endTime":1524.24,"body":"enabling behaviors. And then"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1524.24,"endTime":1529.25,"body":"there's also some exercises in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1524.24,"endTime":1529.25,"body":"here to help you kind of process"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1529.88,"endTime":1532.97,"body":"through it to see if it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1529.88,"endTime":1532.97,"body":"something that you need to work"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1533.0,"endTime":1537.17,"body":"on. And then you can ask us, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1533.0,"endTime":1537.17,"body":"we can help you through that."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1537.35,"endTime":1540.68,"body":"Next process. Yeah, it's, it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1537.35,"endTime":1540.68,"body":"awesome. A lot of time has gone"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1540.68,"endTime":1545.06,"body":"into these ton of research. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1540.68,"endTime":1545.06,"body":"they're effective. That's my"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1545.06,"endTime":1547.1,"body":"favorite part. It's not just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1545.06,"endTime":1547.1,"body":"something we wrote, like, they"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1547.1,"endTime":1549.26,"body":"actually work. Yeah, there are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1547.1,"endTime":1549.26,"body":"some guides in there that I've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1549.29,"endTime":1551.87,"body":"put together myself. And then I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1549.29,"endTime":1551.87,"body":"go in, and I'm like, I have a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1551.87,"endTime":1555.71,"body":"problem that I need to process"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1551.87,"endTime":1555.71,"body":"and I'll do it. And it works."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1555.71,"endTime":1559.61,"body":"It's amazing. I love it. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1555.71,"endTime":1559.61,"body":"so in summary, we've talked"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1559.61,"endTime":1563.03,"body":"about what is codependency what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1559.61,"endTime":1563.03,"body":"are some signs, you might be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1563.03,"endTime":1565.88,"body":"codependent, what are some of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1563.03,"endTime":1565.88,"body":"the symptoms? How does this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1565.88,"endTime":1569.42,"body":"thing show itself in life? And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1565.88,"endTime":1569.42,"body":"then, okay, ultimately, if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1569.42,"endTime":1571.58,"body":"you're sold that you might be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1569.42,"endTime":1571.58,"body":"one of these people, then what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1571.58,"endTime":1574.25,"body":"do we do about it? And what do"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1571.58,"endTime":1574.25,"body":"we do about it? And if you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1574.25,"endTime":1576.65,"body":"follow our social media"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1574.25,"endTime":1576.65,"body":"accounts, we have tons and tons"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1576.65,"endTime":1579.71,"body":"of rules about stuff like this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1576.65,"endTime":1579.71,"body":"page is really good about making"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1579.71,"endTime":1583.22,"body":"sure that people who suffer from"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1579.71,"endTime":1583.22,"body":"this don't feel alone. It's a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1583.22,"endTime":1585.44,"body":"very lonely if you're not ready"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1583.22,"endTime":1585.44,"body":"right now to deal with it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1585.44,"endTime":1588.53,"body":"That's perfectly fine. That's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1585.44,"endTime":1588.53,"body":"fine. It is a process like we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1588.71,"endTime":1591.62,"body":"sometimes it takes years to get"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1588.71,"endTime":1591.62,"body":"ready to really tackle something"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1591.62,"endTime":1594.92,"body":"this big. Totally fine. We are"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1591.62,"endTime":1594.92,"body":"here for you. In the meantime,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1594.92,"endTime":1598.49,"body":"we will love you until you can"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1594.92,"endTime":1598.49,"body":"love yourself. Yes. Okay. Well,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1598.49,"endTime":1601.43,"body":"I think that's all we've got,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1598.49,"endTime":1601.43,"body":"other than to tease that we've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1601.43,"endTime":1606.05,"body":"got something so cool in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1601.43,"endTime":1606.05,"body":"works right now that I wanted to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1606.05,"endTime":1608.6,"body":"talk about it. And Paige told me"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1606.05,"endTime":1608.6,"body":"I can't yet she told me it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1608.6,"endTime":1612.74,"body":"shut up. So I'm gonna shut up. I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1608.6,"endTime":1612.74,"body":"just want you all to know that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1613.07,"endTime":1615.53,"body":"when we started this thing, we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1613.07,"endTime":1615.53,"body":"said it was going to be big, and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1615.53,"endTime":1620.9,"body":"it's going to be big, we change"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1615.53,"endTime":1620.9,"body":"lives. And one day, I hope that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1621.26,"endTime":1623.81,"body":"we look back on this episode,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1621.26,"endTime":1623.81,"body":"it's like, can you believe this"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1623.81,"endTime":1627.38,"body":"is what it's become? Right? How"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1623.81,"endTime":1627.38,"body":"awesome is that? So stick with"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1627.38,"endTime":1629.93,"body":"us. And thank you for everyone"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1627.38,"endTime":1629.93,"body":"that has stuck with us up to"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1629.93,"endTime":1633.59,"body":"this point. I think this is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1629.93,"endTime":1633.59,"body":"we've we're over 40 episodes"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1633.59,"endTime":1637.13,"body":"now. Yeah, this is really cool."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1633.59,"endTime":1637.13,"body":"And I don't get proud about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1637.13,"endTime":1640.73,"body":"these little milestones, really,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1637.13,"endTime":1640.73,"body":"because I feel like the goal is"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1640.73,"endTime":1643.58,"body":"the goal. But I've always been"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1640.73,"endTime":1643.58,"body":"someone that sucked at"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1643.58,"endTime":1646.28,"body":"celebrating the little victories"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1643.58,"endTime":1646.28,"body":"along the way. Before. He's kind"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1646.28,"endTime":1648.47,"body":"of a big deal. I think we did an"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1646.28,"endTime":1648.47,"body":"episode one time and talked"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1648.47,"endTime":1652.19,"body":"about how the average podcast"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1648.47,"endTime":1652.19,"body":"gets about seven episodes in"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1652.22,"endTime":1655.22,"body":"Yeah. And that's it. And I think"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1652.22,"endTime":1655.22,"body":"if you get more than 20, you're"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1655.22,"endTime":1658.4,"body":"in the top point oh, 1% of"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1655.22,"endTime":1658.4,"body":"podcasts of all time, because"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1658.4,"endTime":1661.85,"body":"people just give up on stuff"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1658.4,"endTime":1661.85,"body":"like this. But there's nothing"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1661.85,"endTime":1664.55,"body":"more stubborn than a codependent"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1661.85,"endTime":1664.55,"body":"and an addict. So we ain't going"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1664.58,"endTime":1665.24,"body":"anywhere."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1667.49,"endTime":1670.01,"body":"Forget that and come back and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1667.49,"endTime":1670.01,"body":"find me in 10 years doing the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1670.01,"endTime":1674.69,"body":"same thing. Stubborn as a coma."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1670.01,"endTime":1674.69,"body":"So thank you, for everyone that"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1674.69,"endTime":1677.54,"body":"stuck with us supported us, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1674.69,"endTime":1677.54,"body":"see the likes, I see the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1677.54,"endTime":1680.45,"body":"mentions, I see the story"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1677.54,"endTime":1680.45,"body":"shares, we see all that stuff."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1680.45,"endTime":1683.54,"body":"And we thank you all so much,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1680.45,"endTime":1683.54,"body":"that I just can't thank you"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1683.54,"endTime":1686.27,"body":"enough. It's amazing. When"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1683.54,"endTime":1686.27,"body":"something that we've written or"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1686.27,"endTime":1688.49,"body":"something we put out in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1686.27,"endTime":1688.49,"body":"world is helping other people"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1688.49,"endTime":1691.4,"body":"like that was the goal here. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1688.49,"endTime":1691.4,"body":"it's actually working. And it's"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1691.4,"endTime":1693.74,"body":"just the greatest feeling in the"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1691.4,"endTime":1693.74,"body":"world. Yeah. And not in a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1693.74,"endTime":1696.44,"body":"selfish arrogant way. It's just"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1693.74,"endTime":1696.44,"body":"so cool that people are getting"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1696.44,"endTime":1700.19,"body":"help that we didn't have when we"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1696.44,"endTime":1700.19,"body":"were going through exactly our"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1700.19,"endTime":1703.16,"body":"experiences helping others. And"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1700.19,"endTime":1703.16,"body":"I think it's so beautiful. Like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1703.16,"endTime":1707.24,"body":"if I had this stuff, whenever he"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1703.16,"endTime":1707.24,"body":"when we were 10 years ago, I"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1708.02,"endTime":1710.15,"body":"feel like I would have been way"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1708.02,"endTime":1710.15,"body":"ahead in life. But this is how"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1710.15,"endTime":1712.22,"body":"life worked out. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1710.15,"endTime":1712.22,"body":"grateful for every bit of it."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1712.22,"endTime":1713.9,"body":"And if we had something like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1712.22,"endTime":1713.9,"body":"this, when we were going through"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1713.9,"endTime":1716.63,"body":"it, I would have put these dudes"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1713.9,"endTime":1716.63,"body":"on the wall like Kim Jong moon,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1716.63,"endTime":1718.37,"body":"there would have been like a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1716.63,"endTime":1718.37,"body":"picture of the great leaders on"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1718.37,"endTime":1718.76,"body":"the wall."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1720.44,"endTime":1723.89,"body":"You know what I mean? Thank God,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1720.44,"endTime":1723.89,"body":"I don't have to feel alone and"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1723.89,"endTime":1726.62,"body":"someone else gets it and I've"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1723.89,"endTime":1726.62,"body":"got a voice that's talking about"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1726.62,"endTime":1729.59,"body":"it. And I don't feel crazy, like"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1726.62,"endTime":1729.59,"body":"they're in my head. This is a"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1729.59,"endTime":1732.56,"body":"wonderful, you know, such a cool"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1729.59,"endTime":1732.56,"body":"thing. So thank you for"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1732.56,"endTime":1734.69,"body":"everyone. That's, that's been"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1732.56,"endTime":1734.69,"body":"there with us from day one if"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1734.69,"endTime":1738.29,"body":"you're new. Thanks for being"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1734.69,"endTime":1738.29,"body":"here. Glad you made it. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1738.41,"endTime":1740.99,"body":"Looking forward to seeing what"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1738.41,"endTime":1740.99,"body":"we can do with this. I think"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1740.99,"endTime":1744.41,"body":"that's all we've got. So until"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1740.99,"endTime":1744.41,"body":"next time, I am Matt. I'm"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1744.41,"endTime":1745.34,"body":"painting and we'll see you"}]}