{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.54,"body":"What we are more concerned"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.54,"body":"with here more than anything, is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3.54,"endTime":6.81,"body":"the spouse or partner or loved"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3.54,"endTime":6.81,"body":"one of an addict or alcoholic?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":7.5,"endTime":10.59,"body":"Because so often the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":7.5,"endTime":10.59,"body":"conversation steers away, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":10.59,"endTime":11.22,"body":"you're forgotten."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":12.24,"endTime":15.93,"body":"No one asks how they're doing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":12.24,"endTime":15.93,"body":"And when I got sober, I got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":15.93,"endTime":20.82,"body":"chips. I got parades thrown for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":15.93,"endTime":20.82,"body":"me. What did you get? Nothing?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":21.15,"endTime":24.42,"body":"Absolutely nothing. I remember"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":21.15,"endTime":24.42,"body":"you being in tears. I was like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":24.42,"endTime":29.07,"body":"when I got my one new chip in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":24.42,"endTime":29.07,"body":"your life. What about me?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":29.13,"endTime":32.13,"body":"I know what I've been"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":29.13,"endTime":32.13,"body":"through. Yeah, no one celebrates"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":32.13,"endTime":34.56,"body":"me, no one talks about my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":32.13,"endTime":34.56,"body":"experience here. No one talks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":34.56,"endTime":38.13,"body":"about what you went through. For"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":34.56,"endTime":38.13,"body":"me to get to where I am today."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":38.49,"endTime":41.76,"body":"And very few addicts have this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":38.49,"endTime":41.76,"body":"conversation either. They're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":41.76,"endTime":44.04,"body":"talking about what they put"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":41.76,"endTime":44.04,"body":"their spouse through, and how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":44.04,"endTime":46.53,"body":"that could have been easier and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":44.04,"endTime":46.53,"body":"ways to prevent this moving"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":46.53,"endTime":48.36,"body":"forward and ways to get them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":46.53,"endTime":48.36,"body":"into situations that are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":48.36,"endTime":51.3,"body":"healthier for them. No one's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":48.36,"endTime":51.3,"body":"talking about this. We're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":51.3,"endTime":54.54,"body":"talking about this. And that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":51.3,"endTime":54.54,"body":"what Tufo is about. That's what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":54.54,"endTime":59.37,"body":"we're here for. So we love you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":54.54,"endTime":59.37,"body":"all. And we will love you until"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":59.37,"endTime":65.64,"body":"you can love yourself. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":59.37,"endTime":65.64,"body":"what we're doing. Yep. Welcome"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":65.67,"endTime":71.31,"body":"back, well, come back to another"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":65.67,"endTime":71.31,"body":"episode of till the wheels fall"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":71.31,"endTime":76.05,"body":"off on that. 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Today, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":79.68,"endTime":82.32,"body":"are going to run you through how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":79.68,"endTime":82.32,"body":"to actually take what you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":82.32,"endTime":86.46,"body":"learned in episodes one and two."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":82.32,"endTime":86.46,"body":"And put it into practice in your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":86.46,"endTime":89.25,"body":"life, how to actually establish"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":86.46,"endTime":89.25,"body":"these boundaries, put them into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":89.25,"endTime":93.9,"body":"play, and what happens"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":89.25,"endTime":93.9,"body":"afterward. So before we do that,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":94.47,"endTime":97.35,"body":"I think it's best we recap for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":94.47,"endTime":97.35,"body":"just a moment on episodes one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":97.35,"endTime":100.62,"body":"and two, and what we hope that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":97.35,"endTime":100.62,"body":"you have done up to this point,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":101.1,"endTime":102.15,"body":"run us through a page."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":102.24,"endTime":106.77,"body":"Alright, so episode one,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":102.24,"endTime":106.77,"body":"we identified our values, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":106.77,"endTime":110.67,"body":"our values are what is most"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":106.77,"endTime":110.67,"body":"important to us, right? So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":110.67,"endTime":116.85,"body":"things that like honesty,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":110.67,"endTime":116.85,"body":"respect, authenticity, equality,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":116.85,"endTime":119.4,"body":"there were like 16 Different"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":116.85,"endTime":119.4,"body":"ones on the original one. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":119.4,"endTime":121.89,"body":"don't remember how which ones"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":119.4,"endTime":121.89,"body":"there was a time there was a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":121.89,"endTime":123.84,"body":"time come up, but you can come"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":121.89,"endTime":123.84,"body":"up with your own as well. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":123.84,"endTime":129.0,"body":"it's things that I that you just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":123.84,"endTime":129.0,"body":"it makes you who you are. The"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":129.0,"endTime":132.57,"body":"second episode were was was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":133.65,"endTime":137.01,"body":"patient pages a little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":133.65,"endTime":137.01,"body":"hopped up on cold Niceville"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":137.01,"endTime":139.38,"body":"like I am hopped up on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":137.01,"endTime":139.38,"body":"cold medicine taking it for the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":139.38,"endTime":141.78,"body":"last three days. I didn't take"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":139.38,"endTime":141.78,"body":"take Well, today I took Musa"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":141.78,"endTime":146.19,"body":"next and that wasn't the Dista I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":141.78,"endTime":146.19,"body":"don't know, crap, but either"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":146.19,"endTime":149.37,"body":"way, I'm a little I'm a little"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":146.19,"endTime":149.37,"body":"wonky on this episode. So please"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":149.37,"endTime":152.25,"body":"bear with me. I'm just I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":149.37,"endTime":152.25,"body":"do the best I can. I'm here for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":152.25,"endTime":156.24,"body":"you. But we're still going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":152.25,"endTime":156.24,"body":"talk. Okay, so the second"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":156.24,"endTime":157.2,"body":"episode was about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":158.22,"endTime":160.8,"body":"what pisses you off things that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":158.22,"endTime":160.8,"body":"make you mad things that are the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":160.8,"endTime":164.85,"body":"opposite of values, behaviors"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":160.8,"endTime":164.85,"body":"that violate the vow. Yeah, yep."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":164.91,"endTime":170.31,"body":"So like lying, cheating. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":164.91,"endTime":170.31,"body":"addictive behaviors."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":171.539,"endTime":173.549,"body":"Yeah, there's a million"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":171.539,"endTime":173.549,"body":"habits that were in there."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":173.58,"endTime":176.25,"body":"Lack of accountability."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":173.58,"endTime":176.25,"body":"Yeah. So those were wanting to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":176.25,"endTime":178.89,"body":"and we there was a reason why we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":176.25,"endTime":178.89,"body":"did those because we have a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":178.89,"endTime":181.5,"body":"formula that we will get to in a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":178.89,"endTime":181.5,"body":"little bit."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":181.709,"endTime":183.689,"body":"Yeah. Before we do that,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":181.709,"endTime":183.689,"body":"though, I think it's important"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":183.689,"endTime":186.449,"body":"to talk about boundaries and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":183.689,"endTime":186.449,"body":"sort of a broad conversation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":186.449,"endTime":191.009,"body":"about what they are, what they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":186.449,"endTime":191.009,"body":"aren't some do's and don'ts when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":191.009,"endTime":196.529,"body":"you go to set these things. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":191.009,"endTime":196.529,"body":"let's just wax philosophical for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":196.529,"endTime":200.489,"body":"a moment about boundaries. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":196.529,"endTime":200.489,"body":"think that for many people that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":200.489,"endTime":205.439,"body":"approach us, they are looking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":200.489,"endTime":205.439,"body":"for a magic bullet to fix their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":205.439,"endTime":209.399,"body":"partner or fix their life. Yep."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":205.439,"endTime":209.399,"body":"But what are boundaries actually"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":209.399,"endTime":209.819,"body":"doing?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":209.85,"endTime":212.43,"body":"They're protecting you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":209.85,"endTime":212.43,"body":"blue, they are not for the other"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":212.43,"endTime":217.11,"body":"person. Yeah, that's the set,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":212.43,"endTime":217.11,"body":"you have to set the boundary up,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":217.11,"endTime":220.17,"body":"that's going to benefit you in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":217.11,"endTime":220.17,"body":"the long run,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":220.589,"endTime":222.929,"body":"you have just distilled"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":220.589,"endTime":222.929,"body":"boundaries down into just a few"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":222.929,"endTime":226.709,"body":"words, that's perfect. They are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":222.929,"endTime":226.709,"body":"to protect you, right? If you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":226.859,"endTime":231.359,"body":"the intention behind your your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":226.859,"endTime":231.359,"body":"boundary is to manipulate or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":231.359,"endTime":234.449,"body":"change someone else, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":231.359,"endTime":234.449,"body":"probably not going to go well."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":235.439,"endTime":237.899,"body":"But they've got to be to protect"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":235.439,"endTime":237.899,"body":"yourself. They got to be to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":237.899,"endTime":241.079,"body":"protect your values and when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":237.899,"endTime":241.079,"body":"your values are violated, to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":241.079,"endTime":244.259,"body":"protect the sanctity of your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":241.079,"endTime":244.259,"body":"esteem and who you are as a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":244.259,"endTime":246.839,"body":"person to keep that moving"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":244.259,"endTime":246.839,"body":"forward. You've got to put"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":246.839,"endTime":250.319,"body":"boundaries, to protect yourself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":246.839,"endTime":250.319,"body":"from toxic situations, outcomes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":250.319,"endTime":253.139,"body":"and people. That's what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":250.319,"endTime":253.139,"body":"boundaries are for. They're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":253.169,"endTime":256.109,"body":"consequences for other people."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":253.169,"endTime":256.109,"body":"Now, sometimes in rare"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":256.109,"endTime":260.549,"body":"circumstances, I would even say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":256.109,"endTime":260.549,"body":"they can serve as a wake up call"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":260.549,"endTime":263.369,"body":"for some people. Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":260.549,"endTime":263.369,"body":"There are some relationships"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":263.369,"endTime":266.069,"body":"where you give someone a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":263.369,"endTime":266.069,"body":"boundary, they're like, holy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":266.069,"endTime":268.739,"body":"crap I've been I've been wrong"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":266.069,"endTime":268.739,"body":"and I'm sorry, but it's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":268.739,"endTime":272.279,"body":"it's rare these days, right? And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":268.739,"endTime":272.279,"body":"for what we deal with when we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":272.279,"endTime":276.779,"body":"deal with addicts, who closely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":272.279,"endTime":276.779,"body":"resemble if are not already"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":276.809,"endTime":281.009,"body":"narcissists. These are people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":276.809,"endTime":281.009,"body":"that are probably not going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":281.009,"endTime":282.959,"body":"respond well to being told what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":281.009,"endTime":282.959,"body":"to do."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":283.44,"endTime":287.43,"body":"Right. So okay, can you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":283.44,"endTime":287.43,"body":"give that example real quick"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":287.43,"endTime":289.77,"body":"about what you told me earlier"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":287.43,"endTime":289.77,"body":"with the smoking?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":291.24,"endTime":291.96,"body":"What was it again?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":291.99,"endTime":296.28,"body":"It was I in the room,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":291.99,"endTime":296.28,"body":"like if I'm not going oh, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":296.28,"endTime":299.55,"body":"yeah, yeah, I think it's the way"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":296.28,"endTime":299.55,"body":"that you worded it that really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":299.55,"endTime":302.61,"body":"helped me Ummi opened my eyes to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":299.55,"endTime":302.61,"body":"hell boundaries. It's really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":302.61,"endTime":305.16,"body":"about how you word it and where"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":302.61,"endTime":305.16,"body":"your intentions lie. Your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":305.16,"endTime":305.58,"body":"intentions"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":305.58,"endTime":307.68,"body":"are everything. So the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":305.58,"endTime":307.68,"body":"example that we were discussing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":307.68,"endTime":309.48,"body":"or that we went through this,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":307.68,"endTime":309.48,"body":"we've been talking about this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":309.48,"endTime":312.84,"body":"since like nine this morning."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":309.48,"endTime":312.84,"body":"Going through all of this to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":312.84,"endTime":314.94,"body":"make sure that we get the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":312.84,"endTime":314.94,"body":"message across as best we can."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":315.21,"endTime":318.54,"body":"We have so much to say about it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":315.21,"endTime":318.54,"body":"But think about smoking. Let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":318.54,"endTime":321.57,"body":"say you have a partner that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":318.54,"endTime":321.57,"body":"smokes okay, and you want them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":321.57,"endTime":327.39,"body":"to stop smoking because you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":321.57,"endTime":327.39,"body":"think it's grody? Oh my gosh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":327.39,"endTime":329.76,"body":"don't like I don't like smokers"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":327.39,"endTime":329.76,"body":"is something nasty about it?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":329.76,"endTime":334.56,"body":"Whatever. So you tell them, You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":329.76,"endTime":334.56,"body":"need to stop smoking you I will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":334.56,"endTime":341.43,"body":"not sleep with you anymore. If"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":334.56,"endTime":341.43,"body":"you're smoking. I will find some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":341.43,"endTime":345.75,"body":"way to make your life a living"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":341.43,"endTime":345.75,"body":"hell if you smoke. Yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":345.75,"endTime":349.92,"body":"kind of what I've got it right,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":345.75,"endTime":349.92,"body":"right. That is a form of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":349.92,"endTime":353.49,"body":"manipulation. Okay, that person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":349.92,"endTime":353.49,"body":"doesn't have to choose to stop"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":353.49,"endTime":357.12,"body":"smoking and in no way isn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":353.49,"endTime":357.12,"body":"necessarily protecting you. Now,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":357.12,"endTime":361.41,"body":"if your intention is, I want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":357.12,"endTime":361.41,"body":"be healthy. I hate the way my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":361.41,"endTime":367.23,"body":"house smells. I don't want my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":361.41,"endTime":367.23,"body":"children inhaling this. You know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":367.23,"endTime":371.64,"body":"this this carcinogenic?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":367.23,"endTime":371.64,"body":"combusted carbon crap, and it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":371.64,"endTime":373.74,"body":"goes against our values. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":371.64,"endTime":373.74,"body":"could be Yeah, discussing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":374.16,"endTime":377.88,"body":"hygiene, whatever it might be,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":374.16,"endTime":377.88,"body":"then you would say, if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":377.88,"endTime":382.77,"body":"choose to smoke, I will leave"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":377.88,"endTime":382.77,"body":"the home. That is a healthy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":382.77,"endTime":386.85,"body":"boundary, because you're only"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":382.77,"endTime":386.85,"body":"worried about yourself, yes, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":386.85,"endTime":390.39,"body":"removing myself from your bad"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":386.85,"endTime":390.39,"body":"behavior because I choose not to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":390.39,"endTime":394.74,"body":"be around it. Yes. The former"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":390.39,"endTime":394.74,"body":"was I don't I want to change"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":394.74,"endTime":397.92,"body":"your behavior so that we can we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":394.74,"endTime":397.92,"body":"can make this work. That's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":397.92,"endTime":401.31,"body":"the same thing. That is they are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":397.92,"endTime":401.31,"body":"the same and different. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":401.34,"endTime":404.16,"body":"because your intentions are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":401.34,"endTime":404.16,"body":"different. Yes, the end result"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":404.19,"endTime":408.36,"body":"is that in the latter case,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":404.19,"endTime":408.36,"body":"where you choose to leave, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":408.36,"endTime":412.11,"body":"are no longer exposed to it. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":408.36,"endTime":412.11,"body":"you were willing to walk the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":412.11,"endTime":414.99,"body":"path alone. And that means that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":412.11,"endTime":414.99,"body":"you don't have to be around it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":414.99,"endTime":418.2,"body":"anymore. The other case, which"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":414.99,"endTime":418.2,"body":"we see a lot more is someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":418.2,"endTime":420.18,"body":"trying to control their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":418.2,"endTime":420.18,"body":"environment and manipulate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":420.18,"endTime":424.68,"body":"someone else's behavior to make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":420.18,"endTime":424.68,"body":"it more acceptable. And the the,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":424.71,"endTime":427.92,"body":"I guess, the image of what they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":424.71,"endTime":427.92,"body":"want as a partner in their life."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":427.92,"endTime":430.26,"body":"Does that make more sense? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":427.92,"endTime":430.26,"body":"I think that's kind of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":430.26,"endTime":433.41,"body":"difference between a healthy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":430.26,"endTime":433.41,"body":"versus an unhealthy boundary."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":433.47,"endTime":436.86,"body":"Right. One of them is simply"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":433.47,"endTime":436.86,"body":"serving you. The other one is an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":436.86,"endTime":440.16,"body":"attempt to control or manipulate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":436.86,"endTime":440.16,"body":"someone else. Right. And it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":440.16,"endTime":441.06,"body":"there's a gray area."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":441.09,"endTime":442.98,"body":"Yeah, but I'm not going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":441.09,"endTime":442.98,"body":"to let somebody smoke in my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":442.98,"endTime":444.93,"body":"house. I'm not going to like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":442.98,"endTime":444.93,"body":"just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":444.96,"endTime":446.46,"body":"because you don't want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":444.96,"endTime":446.46,"body":"your house to stink. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":446.46,"endTime":449.31,"body":"disgusting. Yeah, yeah. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":446.46,"endTime":449.31,"body":"that's not me controlling them."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":449.31,"endTime":449.46,"body":"That's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":449.46,"endTime":452.79,"body":"just a boundary I set up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":449.46,"endTime":452.79,"body":"for me. Sure. Okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":453.0,"endTime":456.93,"body":"Let's just say to say that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":453.0,"endTime":456.93,"body":"you are no longer allowed to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":456.93,"endTime":461.46,"body":"smoke in my house. What if they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":456.93,"endTime":461.46,"body":"chose to violate it? Then what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":461.46,"endTime":462.42,"body":"is your next move?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":463.98,"endTime":467.82,"body":"If they smoked in my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":463.98,"endTime":467.82,"body":"house? Yeah. I kick their ass"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":467.82,"endTime":469.02,"body":"out. What do you mean,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":469.05,"endTime":471.69,"body":"you could kick them out?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":469.05,"endTime":471.69,"body":"But what I'm, what I'm getting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":471.69,"endTime":474.69,"body":"at here is that the boundary has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":471.69,"endTime":474.69,"body":"to be something that we are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":474.69,"endTime":476.22,"body":"willing to do for us."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":476.88,"endTime":479.49,"body":"And yeah, it's for me, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":476.88,"endTime":479.49,"body":"don't care if they smoke."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":480.51,"endTime":481.17,"body":"Outside, here's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":481.17,"endTime":483.42,"body":"what sucks about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":481.17,"endTime":483.42,"body":"boundaries is that often the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":483.42,"endTime":486.27,"body":"person setting the boundary will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":483.42,"endTime":486.27,"body":"have to work much harder."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":486.42,"endTime":489.63,"body":"Exactly. The Violator that, so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":486.42,"endTime":489.63,"body":"when you're saying like, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":489.63,"endTime":492.33,"body":"happens a lot like alcoholics,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":489.63,"endTime":492.33,"body":"drug addicts, it's like, why"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":492.33,"endTime":495.9,"body":"should I have to leave? Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":492.33,"endTime":495.9,"body":"Well, like if you're drinking,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":495.9,"endTime":498.33,"body":"you're protecting yourself, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":495.9,"endTime":498.33,"body":"if there's a way to get them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":498.33,"endTime":500.7,"body":"out. That's wonderful. That"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":498.33,"endTime":500.7,"body":"works all the same. You're still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":500.7,"endTime":502.74,"body":"protecting yourself. And you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":500.7,"endTime":502.74,"body":"don't necessarily have to deal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":502.74,"endTime":504.78,"body":"with the logistics of like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":502.74,"endTime":504.78,"body":"where are you going to live? How"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":504.78,"endTime":507.36,"body":"you're going to get your kids"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":504.78,"endTime":507.36,"body":"and dogs into an apartment while"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":507.36,"endTime":510.09,"body":"you're still paying a mortgage"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":507.36,"endTime":510.09,"body":"and all that good stuff. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":510.15,"endTime":513.33,"body":"So maybe there's a way to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":510.15,"endTime":513.33,"body":"that. But to simply say I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":513.33,"endTime":516.66,"body":"like smoking because it's grody."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":513.33,"endTime":516.66,"body":"You should stop is different"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":516.66,"endTime":520.41,"body":"than saying I'm concerned for my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":516.66,"endTime":520.41,"body":"health. Cancer runs in my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":520.41,"endTime":525.27,"body":"family. It makes me smell. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":520.41,"endTime":525.27,"body":"ruins the things in the home."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":525.57,"endTime":528.93,"body":"I've removed myself from the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":525.57,"endTime":528.93,"body":"situation. Yeah, it's the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":528.93,"endTime":531.78,"body":"and different. Okay. Okay. So I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":528.93,"endTime":531.78,"body":"think a lot of people kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":531.78,"endTime":534.24,"body":"get twisted when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":531.78,"endTime":534.24,"body":"boundaries. So let's go through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.24,"endTime":539.28,"body":"some popular mistakes and this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.24,"endTime":539.28,"body":"comes from Lynn Margolies, PhD"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":539.28,"endTime":542.34,"body":"over at psych central found this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":539.28,"endTime":542.34,"body":"awesome list popular mistakes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":542.34,"endTime":545.31,"body":"that cause boundary setting to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":542.34,"endTime":545.31,"body":"fail. A quick break in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":545.31,"endTime":548.07,"body":"action to let you know about an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":545.31,"endTime":548.07,"body":"exciting development in the Tufo"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":548.07,"endTime":550.62,"body":"universe. When we started this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":548.07,"endTime":550.62,"body":"thing, we said we would never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":550.62,"endTime":553.17,"body":"work with an advertiser or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":550.62,"endTime":553.17,"body":"company unless it's something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":553.17,"endTime":555.6,"body":"that we believed in, and we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":553.17,"endTime":555.6,"body":"already use."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":555.96,"endTime":558.15,"body":"If you're looking for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":555.96,"endTime":558.15,"body":"professional affordable mental"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":558.15,"endTime":560.76,"body":"health care, look no further"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":558.15,"endTime":560.76,"body":"than Taylor counseling group,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":560.76,"endTime":563.46,"body":"your trusted source for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":560.76,"endTime":563.46,"body":"accessible therapy and Texas."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":563.79,"endTime":566.34,"body":"Taylor counseling group believes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":563.79,"endTime":566.34,"body":"that everyone deserves premium"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":566.34,"endTime":569.22,"body":"mental health care regardless of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":566.34,"endTime":569.22,"body":"their income level. That's why"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":569.22,"endTime":571.74,"body":"they offer reliable and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":569.22,"endTime":571.74,"body":"affordable services at 12"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":571.74,"endTime":575.43,"body":"locations across Texas. They've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":571.74,"endTime":575.43,"body":"made affordability a priority."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":575.52,"endTime":578.28,"body":"They are in network with most"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":575.52,"endTime":578.28,"body":"major insurance and the standard"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":578.28,"endTime":581.97,"body":"private rate is only $100 per"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":578.28,"endTime":581.97,"body":"session, significantly lower"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":581.97,"endTime":584.76,"body":"than many other practices"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":581.97,"endTime":584.76,"body":"offering the same high quality"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":584.76,"endTime":587.22,"body":"therapy. They believe that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":584.76,"endTime":587.22,"body":"getting the help you need"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":587.22,"endTime":589.89,"body":"shouldn't drain your wallet."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":587.22,"endTime":589.89,"body":"scheduling an appointment is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":589.89,"endTime":592.68,"body":"quick and easy with their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":589.89,"endTime":592.68,"body":"convenient online booking tool."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":592.98,"endTime":596.46,"body":"No complicated processes or long"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":592.98,"endTime":596.46,"body":"wait times. They value your time"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":596.46,"endTime":599.52,"body":"and ensure that you can access"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":596.46,"endTime":599.52,"body":"the care you deserve without any"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":599.52,"endTime":599.97,"body":"hassle."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":600.269,"endTime":602.489,"body":"tailor counseling group"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":600.269,"endTime":602.489,"body":"they believe in a personalized"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":602.489,"endTime":604.529,"body":"approach to therapy."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":602.489,"endTime":604.529,"body":"professionally trained"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":604.529,"endTime":607.619,"body":"counselors offer a diverse range"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":604.529,"endTime":607.619,"body":"of services including individual"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":607.619,"endTime":611.249,"body":"counseling, couples counseling,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":607.619,"endTime":611.249,"body":"family therapy, play therapy for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":611.249,"endTime":614.159,"body":"children, and even specialized"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":611.249,"endTime":614.159,"body":"techniques like cognitive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":614.159,"endTime":617.309,"body":"processing and existential"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":614.159,"endTime":617.309,"body":"psychotherapy. They're here to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":617.309,"endTime":619.709,"body":"help you navigate life's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":617.309,"endTime":619.709,"body":"challenges, and develop a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":619.709,"endTime":622.409,"body":"personalized treatment plan"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":619.709,"endTime":622.409,"body":"tailored to your unique goals."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":623.039,"endTime":625.589,"body":"Tailor counseling group is your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":623.039,"endTime":625.589,"body":"partner on the path of mental"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":625.589,"endTime":628.139,"body":"wellness experienced"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":625.589,"endTime":628.139,"body":"professional affordable care"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":628.139,"endTime":631.469,"body":"that puts you first visit their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":628.139,"endTime":631.469,"body":"website tailored counseling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":631.469,"endTime":634.619,"body":"group.com. Or call them today to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":631.469,"endTime":634.619,"body":"schedule an appointment and tell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":634.619,"endTime":637.229,"body":"them to focus we'll send you a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":634.619,"endTime":637.229,"body":"link and phone number is going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":637.229,"endTime":641.309,"body":"to be available in the show"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":637.229,"endTime":641.309,"body":"notes and back to the action. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":641.339,"endTime":646.679,"body":"number one, telling people what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":641.339,"endTime":646.679,"body":"they should do or not do and why"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":646.679,"endTime":651.389,"body":"they're wrong. This rarely goes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":646.679,"endTime":651.389,"body":"over well, it creates resistance"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":651.419,"endTime":655.169,"body":"and struggle, she says and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":651.419,"endTime":655.169,"body":"trying to change or manage the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":655.169,"endTime":659.459,"body":"other person is not likely to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":655.169,"endTime":659.459,"body":"well received. Exactly or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":659.459,"endTime":662.729,"body":"successful, especially when it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":659.459,"endTime":662.729,"body":"unsolicited. And there's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":662.819,"endTime":667.739,"body":"pattern of problematic behavior."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":662.819,"endTime":667.739,"body":"And let's just from the time we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":667.739,"endTime":670.949,"body":"are children, we don't like to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":667.739,"endTime":670.949,"body":"be told what to do. Adults are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":670.949,"endTime":675.329,"body":"no different, especially adults"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":670.949,"endTime":675.329,"body":"with a problem. Yeah, who don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":675.329,"endTime":680.069,"body":"like to be called on that stuff."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":675.329,"endTime":680.069,"body":"So number one is don't just tell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":680.069,"endTime":683.939,"body":"people what they should be doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":680.069,"endTime":683.939,"body":"and why they're wrong. Okay, to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":684.479,"endTime":688.679,"body":"poor timing slash wrong intent,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":684.479,"endTime":688.679,"body":"reacting from anger or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":688.679,"endTime":691.619,"body":"frustration in the heat of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":688.679,"endTime":691.619,"body":"moment, when you're at your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":691.649,"endTime":692.549,"body":"wit's end."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":692.58,"endTime":695.43,"body":"Yes, this happens a lot"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":692.58,"endTime":695.43,"body":"in the ball been here before?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":695.67,"endTime":698.82,"body":"Relationship? Yes. And I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":695.67,"endTime":698.82,"body":"gonna say with this one. Also,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":698.82,"endTime":703.02,"body":"don't bring it up whenever your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":698.82,"endTime":703.02,"body":"spouse is actively using."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":703.83,"endTime":706.35,"body":"Yeah, terrible idea. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":703.83,"endTime":706.35,"body":"yeah. approach these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":706.35,"endTime":710.04,"body":"conversations when someone is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":706.35,"endTime":710.04,"body":"lucid and sober and calm. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":710.04,"endTime":713.28,"body":"would say look for a quote"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":710.04,"endTime":713.28,"body":"unquote, neutral situation."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":713.31,"endTime":717.48,"body":"Yeah, right. Neither hot or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":713.31,"endTime":717.48,"body":"cold. You know, just bring it up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":717.48,"endTime":721.02,"body":"when it's appropriate. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":717.48,"endTime":721.02,"body":"Number three is trying to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":721.02,"endTime":724.17,"body":"people to admit or own up to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":721.02,"endTime":724.17,"body":"something or recognize that the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":724.17,"endTime":727.53,"body":"limits are for their own good."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":724.17,"endTime":727.53,"body":"This is another tough one. This"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":727.53,"endTime":731.37,"body":"is once again, this is sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":727.53,"endTime":731.37,"body":"falls into that type of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":731.37,"endTime":734.4,"body":"behavior. Right? Yeah, this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":731.37,"endTime":734.4,"body":"for your own good, everything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":734.4,"endTime":739.08,"body":"will be better. Remember, we all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":734.4,"endTime":739.08,"body":"have the power of free will and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":739.08,"endTime":742.59,"body":"choice and we can do what we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":739.08,"endTime":742.59,"body":"want. If this person wanted to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":742.59,"endTime":745.38,"body":"do these things, they would be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":742.59,"endTime":745.38,"body":"doing them."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":745.59,"endTime":747.93,"body":"Yep. Nothing you say or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":745.59,"endTime":747.93,"body":"do is going to make that better"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":747.93,"endTime":749.25,"body":"when it comes to addiction."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":747.93,"endTime":749.25,"body":"That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":749.25,"endTime":751.71,"body":"generally the case. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":749.25,"endTime":751.71,"body":"absolutely. Especially if this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":751.71,"endTime":754.41,"body":"is an ongoing problem that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":751.71,"endTime":754.41,"body":"been discussed over and over and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":754.41,"endTime":758.4,"body":"over, trying to get them to like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":754.41,"endTime":758.4,"body":"logically reasoning with them."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":758.4,"endTime":761.25,"body":"And if you've ever dealt with a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":758.4,"endTime":761.25,"body":"narcissist, you know how this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":761.25,"endTime":764.19,"body":"goes, Yeah, you cannot reason"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":761.25,"endTime":764.19,"body":"with people who are unstable."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":764.19,"endTime":766.29,"body":"Like that's gonna say mentally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":764.19,"endTime":766.29,"body":"unstable people. This"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":766.29,"endTime":767.76,"body":"is this, I have presented"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":766.29,"endTime":767.76,"body":"the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":767.76,"endTime":772.5,"body":"most elegant, beautifully"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":767.76,"endTime":772.5,"body":"crafted arguments for why a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":772.5,"endTime":776.73,"body":"narcissistic person should"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":772.5,"endTime":776.73,"body":"behave one way or another. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":776.73,"endTime":780.54,"body":"you are met with the most"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":776.73,"endTime":780.54,"body":"childish backlash, right, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":780.54,"endTime":784.02,"body":"you've ever encountered. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":780.54,"endTime":784.02,"body":"never goes anywhere. Yeah, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":784.02,"endTime":786.09,"body":"will leave you feeling defeated,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":784.02,"endTime":786.09,"body":"and you will just like lose"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":786.09,"endTime":789.12,"body":"faith in humanity. Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":786.09,"endTime":789.12,"body":"We're all doomed. Yep. If that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":789.12,"endTime":792.42,"body":"didn't land, we're all doomed."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":789.12,"endTime":792.42,"body":"That's how this usually goes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":793.83,"endTime":798.0,"body":"The next one is saying too much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":793.83,"endTime":798.0,"body":"justifying over explaining and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":798.0,"endTime":801.9,"body":"being invested in convincing the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":798.0,"endTime":801.9,"body":"other person that what you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":801.9,"endTime":804.18,"body":"saying is reasonable or right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":801.9,"endTime":804.18,"body":"Oh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":804.18,"endTime":805.65,"body":"guilty."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":806.88,"endTime":807.75,"body":"I feel that one."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":807.93,"endTime":808.74,"body":"I felt that one."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":809.91,"endTime":810.93,"body":"Please share"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":812.19,"endTime":816.84,"body":"with you. How many times"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":812.19,"endTime":816.84,"body":"have I tried to like convince"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":816.84,"endTime":821.46,"body":"you that what I'm doing is right"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":816.84,"endTime":821.46,"body":"or whatever how I believe this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":821.46,"endTime":825.18,"body":"boundary this is accurate. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":821.46,"endTime":825.18,"body":"you're just like, shut up."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":825.36,"endTime":829.14,"body":"However many days or in 22"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":825.36,"endTime":829.14,"body":"years, any that is that's how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":829.14,"endTime":829.62,"body":"many times"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":831.24,"endTime":833.79,"body":"it's so exhausting. Y'all"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":831.24,"endTime":833.79,"body":"don't do it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":834.54,"endTime":837.39,"body":"All it does is just now"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":834.54,"endTime":837.39,"body":"it's time to debate now. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":837.39,"endTime":839.01,"body":"debate time. Now it's argument"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":837.39,"endTime":839.01,"body":"time."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":839.04,"endTime":842.64,"body":"Yeah. And now it's more"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":839.04,"endTime":842.64,"body":"about them and not you exactly."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":842.64,"endTime":844.05,"body":"It's still it's all about the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":844.14,"endTime":847.05,"body":"can always defend when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":844.14,"endTime":847.05,"body":"it's about me. But when it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":847.05,"endTime":850.59,"body":"becomes them and you walk into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":847.05,"endTime":850.59,"body":"their territory into their cage,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":850.59,"endTime":852.99,"body":"and now you're telling them how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":850.59,"endTime":852.99,"body":"to run their own home inside"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":852.99,"endTime":855.84,"body":"their head. Best of luck. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":852.99,"endTime":855.84,"body":"so much"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":855.87,"endTime":859.74,"body":"easier to look at other"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":855.87,"endTime":859.74,"body":"people's problems than our own"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":859.74,"endTime":860.46,"body":"problems."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":860.49,"endTime":863.04,"body":"Oh, taking others"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":860.49,"endTime":863.04,"body":"inventories easy. Yeah, we all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":863.04,"endTime":865.44,"body":"do it when we gossip when we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":863.04,"endTime":865.44,"body":"think about people. And we talk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":865.44,"endTime":869.01,"body":"about people when we read other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":865.44,"endTime":869.01,"body":"people's Facebook posts. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":869.01,"endTime":870.93,"body":"know, yes, it's really not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":870.93,"endTime":873.66,"body":"so guilty of that. But I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":870.93,"endTime":873.66,"body":"will tell you all when you let"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":873.66,"endTime":876.87,"body":"that go and you focus on you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":873.66,"endTime":876.87,"body":"instead, that is the most"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":876.87,"endTime":880.32,"body":"empowering thing that you can do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":876.87,"endTime":880.32,"body":"for yourself. It feels good."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":880.35,"endTime":881.7,"body":"It's refreshing. It's like, Oh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":881.73,"endTime":884.43,"body":"yeah. And so when you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":881.73,"endTime":884.43,"body":"when you're grounded, and you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":884.43,"endTime":887.43,"body":"emotionally separate from the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":884.43,"endTime":887.43,"body":"other person, it's a much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":887.43,"endTime":890.1,"body":"different conversation."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":887.43,"endTime":890.1,"body":"Absolutely. Okay, the next one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":890.1,"endTime":894.03,"body":"is being unprepared. And this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":890.1,"endTime":894.03,"body":"includes not factoring in what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":894.03,"endTime":896.46,"body":"you already know about how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":894.03,"endTime":896.46,"body":"things will realistically play"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":896.46,"endTime":903.33,"body":"out. Yeah. Right. So Run the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":896.46,"endTime":903.33,"body":"tape. Alright, pretend that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":903.33,"endTime":906.03,"body":"you're watching that we covered"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":903.33,"endTime":906.03,"body":"this in an episode a long ago,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":906.06,"endTime":909.72,"body":"but pretend that you're watching"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":906.06,"endTime":909.72,"body":"your life as a movie and you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":909.72,"endTime":912.39,"body":"in the theater and you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":909.72,"endTime":912.39,"body":"watching what happens next in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":912.39,"endTime":915.36,"body":"the story when you do this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":912.39,"endTime":915.36,"body":"realistically, how would you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":915.36,"endTime":918.51,"body":"write the ending of the story?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":915.36,"endTime":918.51,"body":"Realistic, realistically,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":918.54,"endTime":921.39,"body":"not? What you want?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":922.14,"endTime":926.22,"body":"Yeah, so be prepared, be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":922.14,"endTime":926.22,"body":"prepared for that. Okay, so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":926.64,"endTime":929.58,"body":"those are don'ts. Let's go to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":926.64,"endTime":929.58,"body":"the do's real quick. And then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":929.58,"endTime":933.09,"body":"we'll get into do the rest of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":929.58,"endTime":933.09,"body":"the episode and how to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":933.09,"endTime":936.45,"body":"effectively set boundaries. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":933.09,"endTime":936.45,"body":"these are things that we will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":936.48,"endTime":941.13,"body":"do, we will tell the other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":936.48,"endTime":941.13,"body":"person what we are going to do,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":941.22,"endTime":946.5,"body":"not what they should do. Because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":941.22,"endTime":946.5,"body":"we are only in control of what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":946.53,"endTime":952.98,"body":"we will do. We cannot control or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":946.53,"endTime":952.98,"body":"limit the other person. You just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":952.98,"endTime":956.4,"body":"can't, you can try but we just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":952.98,"endTime":956.4,"body":"went through reasons that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":956.46,"endTime":960.6,"body":"typically doesn't go well. Yep."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":956.46,"endTime":960.6,"body":"So think ahead troubleshoot in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":960.6,"endTime":964.74,"body":"advance of, you know, resistance"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":960.6,"endTime":964.74,"body":"reactions you'll probably get,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":965.19,"endTime":967.62,"body":"but incorporate this into your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":965.19,"endTime":967.62,"body":"plan that you are going to tell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":967.62,"endTime":972.03,"body":"them what you are going to do,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":967.62,"endTime":972.03,"body":"not what they should do. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":972.03,"endTime":979.26,"body":"setting a boundary and saying I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":972.03,"endTime":979.26,"body":"will do XYZ not or I will force"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":979.26,"endTime":982.92,"body":"you to do XYZ. There's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":979.26,"endTime":982.92,"body":"difference there. Alright,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":982.92,"endTime":987.06,"body":"number two, be firm. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":982.92,"endTime":987.06,"body":"dispassionate, clear and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":987.06,"endTime":990.51,"body":"concise. When boundaries are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":987.06,"endTime":990.51,"body":"established, and when enforcing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":990.9,"endTime":993.6,"body":"what that means once once again,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":990.9,"endTime":993.6,"body":"we talked about picking the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":993.6,"endTime":997.95,"body":"right time to discuss these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":993.6,"endTime":997.95,"body":"neutral, this has to be neutral."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":998.58,"endTime":1001.94,"body":"No different than when your your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":998.58,"endTime":1001.94,"body":"favorite burger joint you order"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1001.94,"endTime":1005.54,"body":"your burger. You just say it you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1001.94,"endTime":1005.54,"body":"know in a neutral tone. I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1005.54,"endTime":1011.33,"body":"need a hamburger with cheese,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1005.54,"endTime":1011.33,"body":"pickles, onions, ketchup, mayo."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1012.41,"endTime":1015.53,"body":"And a story. lets you set your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1012.41,"endTime":1015.53,"body":"boundaries the same way. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1015.56,"endTime":1018.11,"body":"you don't come at it with this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1015.56,"endTime":1018.11,"body":"big long drawn out story. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1018.11,"endTime":1021.77,"body":"not a proposal. It's not a not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1018.11,"endTime":1021.77,"body":"even a conversation. Really? No,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1021.77,"endTime":1026.54,"body":"it's literally a sentence"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1021.77,"endTime":1026.54,"body":"in the story, no fanfare,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1027.17,"endTime":1031.1,"body":"just in the proper moment,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1027.17,"endTime":1031.1,"body":"no tone, no struggle, no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1031.1,"endTime":1035.18,"body":"explaining it's minimal effort."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1031.1,"endTime":1035.18,"body":"You're just going to say it. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1035.18,"endTime":1037.85,"body":"that's that. Okay? Once again,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1037.879,"endTime":1042.049,"body":"this is all easier said"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1037.879,"endTime":1042.049,"body":"than done. Right? Just throwing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1042.049,"endTime":1044.299,"body":"that out there because I know"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1042.049,"endTime":1044.299,"body":"people are listening right now."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1044.479,"endTime":1045.829,"body":"They're getting the same damn"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1044.479,"endTime":1045.829,"body":"thing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1045.859,"endTime":1048.049,"body":"So once again, we talked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1045.859,"endTime":1048.049,"body":"about the opposite of this one."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1048.049,"endTime":1053.149,"body":"So we are going to make it about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1048.049,"endTime":1053.149,"body":"us and our limits based on our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1053.149,"endTime":1057.889,"body":"values, and not about them, or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1053.149,"endTime":1057.889,"body":"what's best for them. We stay in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1057.889,"endTime":1061.249,"body":"our own lane here, stay in our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1057.889,"endTime":1061.249,"body":"own lane. This works. And the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1061.249,"endTime":1065.149,"body":"reason this works is because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1061.249,"endTime":1065.149,"body":"it's argument proof, it cannot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1065.149,"endTime":1071.149,"body":"be refuted. This is my stance on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1065.149,"endTime":1071.149,"body":"my values. It's not an argument."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1071.629,"endTime":1075.649,"body":"This is my reality. This is what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1071.629,"endTime":1075.649,"body":"I'm living in. This is my life."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1075.919,"endTime":1078.859,"body":"This is what I'm going to do."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1075.919,"endTime":1078.859,"body":"Here's how it's affecting me."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1079.039,"endTime":1081.919,"body":"It's about me, it's not about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1079.039,"endTime":1081.919,"body":"you. It's about me."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1082.55,"endTime":1086.96,"body":"Yeah, I'm having"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1082.55,"endTime":1086.96,"body":"questions about this, about what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1087.2,"endTime":1090.65,"body":"I'm trying to find a gray area"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1087.2,"endTime":1090.65,"body":"when it comes to alcoholism and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1090.65,"endTime":1092.09,"body":"asking people not to drink."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1093.74,"endTime":1095.81,"body":"Let's let's let's dig into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1093.74,"endTime":1095.81,"body":"that. Go ahead."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1097.22,"endTime":1100.46,"body":"I want you to help me dig"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1097.22,"endTime":1100.46,"body":"into this is what I'm asking you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1100.46,"endTime":1102.86,"body":"to understand what I'm saying."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1100.46,"endTime":1102.86,"body":"So because example you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1102.86,"endTime":1104.78,"body":"running through in your mind,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1102.86,"endTime":1104.78,"body":"because I had an example, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1104.78,"endTime":1107.78,"body":"know, like, I feel uncomfortable"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1104.78,"endTime":1107.78,"body":"when you drink, you know, going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1107.78,"endTime":1111.02,"body":"forward, I will I will remove"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1107.78,"endTime":1111.02,"body":"myself from your presence. If"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1111.02,"endTime":1114.56,"body":"you decide to drink? Is that a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1111.02,"endTime":1114.56,"body":"way of controlling somebody? Or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1114.56,"endTime":1116.36,"body":"is that protecting your values?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1116.48,"endTime":1120.62,"body":"If one of your values is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1116.48,"endTime":1120.62,"body":"okay, I had this conversation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1120.62,"endTime":1124.49,"body":"right before we started. So when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1120.62,"endTime":1124.49,"body":"if one of your values is, let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1124.49,"endTime":1128.57,"body":"say it's clean body clean mind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1124.49,"endTime":1128.57,"body":"and health, okay, that's one of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1128.57,"endTime":1130.82,"body":"your values. And I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1128.57,"endTime":1130.82,"body":"absolutely What's What's your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1130.82,"endTime":1136.07,"body":"intention for not wanting to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1130.82,"endTime":1136.07,"body":"around it? Is it because you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1136.07,"endTime":1139.7,"body":"don't want to be in an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1136.07,"endTime":1139.7,"body":"environment where you could be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1139.7,"endTime":1140.63,"body":"led to do it,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1140.78,"endTime":1143.36,"body":"okay, is that it could be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1140.78,"endTime":1143.36,"body":"because they know that when they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1143.36,"endTime":1146.48,"body":"drink, it's going to cause a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1143.36,"endTime":1146.48,"body":"problem there's going to be,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1146.87,"endTime":1149.42,"body":"it's going to be, they're going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1146.87,"endTime":1149.42,"body":"to be mean they're going to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1149.42,"endTime":1151.25,"body":"angry, they're going to throw"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1149.42,"endTime":1151.25,"body":"things, it's going to be a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1151.25,"endTime":1154.01,"body":"totally different person or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1151.25,"endTime":1154.01,"body":"they're emotionally detached,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1154.01,"endTime":1156.41,"body":"like there's so much more that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1154.01,"endTime":1156.41,"body":"goes into it. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1156.41,"endTime":1159.5,"body":"that's great. So as long"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1156.41,"endTime":1159.5,"body":"as it goes back to a value that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1159.5,"endTime":1162.32,"body":"you can defend, that's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1159.5,"endTime":1162.32,"body":"boundary you put in place for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1162.32,"endTime":1165.11,"body":"you. Okay, so I had this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1162.32,"endTime":1165.11,"body":"conversation on the phone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1165.11,"endTime":1167.48,"body":"earlier with a good friend, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1165.11,"endTime":1167.48,"body":"we were talking about this very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1167.48,"endTime":1172.16,"body":"thing. And he said that he had a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1167.48,"endTime":1172.16,"body":"friend who was in a relationship"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1172.16,"endTime":1174.98,"body":"with somebody. When they got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1172.16,"endTime":1174.98,"body":"together, everything was fine."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1174.98,"endTime":1177.8,"body":"He was a social drinker. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1174.98,"endTime":1177.8,"body":"were all I mean, I'd say big"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1177.8,"endTime":1180.59,"body":"drinkers, everyone's kind of a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1177.8,"endTime":1180.59,"body":"big drinker in college is what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1180.59,"endTime":1184.61,"body":"you do. He got with this person,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1180.59,"endTime":1184.61,"body":"and about three or four months"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1184.61,"endTime":1188.54,"body":"in the relationship, she drops"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1184.61,"endTime":1188.54,"body":"us on him and says, I don't like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1188.54,"endTime":1192.77,"body":"alcohol and I don't want you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1188.54,"endTime":1192.77,"body":"drinking. Okay. The end there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1192.77,"endTime":1195.98,"body":"was really no explanation as to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1192.77,"endTime":1195.98,"body":"why it was I don't want you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1195.98,"endTime":1197.93,"body":"drinking. I don't want you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1195.98,"endTime":1197.93,"body":"around it. I don't want to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1197.93,"endTime":1202.1,"body":"around it. So she hated"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1197.93,"endTime":1202.1,"body":"everyone. of his friends, and he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1202.1,"endTime":1205.07,"body":"loved the girl. So to placate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1202.1,"endTime":1205.07,"body":"her and to keep the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1205.07,"endTime":1208.64,"body":"relationship, he stopped"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1205.07,"endTime":1208.64,"body":"drinking, he quit drinking. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1209.63,"endTime":1212.75,"body":"anytime he did drink, it would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1209.63,"endTime":1212.75,"body":"be like once or twice a year at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1212.75,"endTime":1215.81,"body":"weddings or something like that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1212.75,"endTime":1215.81,"body":"And he had no tolerance. And so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1215.81,"endTime":1218.75,"body":"he would get like, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1215.81,"endTime":1218.75,"body":"absolutely annihilated and make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1218.75,"endTime":1221.66,"body":"a fool of himself, okay, which"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1218.75,"endTime":1221.66,"body":"probably gave her actual purpose"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1221.66,"endTime":1224.9,"body":"for this thing. But the, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1221.66,"endTime":1224.9,"body":"boundary that she put in place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1224.9,"endTime":1227.81,"body":"was to manipulate and control"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1224.9,"endTime":1227.81,"body":"him to be a partner that she"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1227.81,"endTime":1231.05,"body":"desired, was to make him"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1227.81,"endTime":1231.05,"body":"something that he really wasn't."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1231.83,"endTime":1234.11,"body":"And I feel like that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1231.83,"endTime":1234.11,"body":"manipulation. Because if she"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1234.11,"endTime":1237.5,"body":"came to the relationship and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1234.11,"endTime":1237.5,"body":"said, This is who I am, this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1237.5,"endTime":1240.68,"body":"what I'm about. I think you give"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1237.5,"endTime":1240.68,"body":"him a decision to make at that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1240.68,"endTime":1244.61,"body":"point, right, as opposed to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1240.68,"endTime":1244.61,"body":"being dragged in and then told,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1244.64,"endTime":1247.61,"body":"okay, now that you've had a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1244.64,"endTime":1247.61,"body":"taste moving forward, this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1247.61,"endTime":1251.54,"body":"what this is what it has to look"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1247.61,"endTime":1251.54,"body":"like moving forward. So if she"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1251.54,"endTime":1254.87,"body":"came from a situation say that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1251.54,"endTime":1254.87,"body":"she grew up in a family aware,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1255.56,"endTime":1258.56,"body":"it was ripped apart by"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1255.56,"endTime":1258.56,"body":"addiction. No, that's not fun."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1258.59,"endTime":1262.19,"body":"We know that leaves scars and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1258.59,"endTime":1262.19,"body":"trauma. Yeah, you don't wish to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1262.19,"endTime":1265.79,"body":"be around it for those reasons"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1262.19,"endTime":1265.79,"body":"that this is the result of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1265.79,"endTime":1269.51,"body":"drinking in my experience is it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1265.79,"endTime":1269.51,"body":"rips apart families, nothing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1269.51,"endTime":1273.59,"body":"good comes from it. I also come"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1269.51,"endTime":1273.59,"body":"from a family where addiction"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1273.59,"endTime":1277.88,"body":"runs in, you know, the genetic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1273.59,"endTime":1277.88,"body":"line. And I fear that if I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1277.88,"endTime":1279.86,"body":"with someone who's drinking all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1277.88,"endTime":1279.86,"body":"the time, I could slip into the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1279.86,"endTime":1283.34,"body":"same habits, and I could destroy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1279.86,"endTime":1283.34,"body":"my own life. That's not what the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1283.34,"endTime":1286.52,"body":"conversation was about. It was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1283.34,"endTime":1286.52,"body":"about I don't like a partner"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1286.52,"endTime":1290.99,"body":"that drinks because, okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1286.52,"endTime":1290.99,"body":"that's just it. She wanted him"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1291.53,"endTime":1294.2,"body":"to quit hanging around stupid"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1291.53,"endTime":1294.2,"body":"friends and acting like a child."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1294.44,"endTime":1295.85,"body":"Okay, it wasn't about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1296.0,"endTime":1299.51,"body":"it could have been"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1296.0,"endTime":1299.51,"body":"addressed much differently. It"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1299.51,"endTime":1299.81,"body":"wasn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1299.81,"endTime":1303.65,"body":"so much about her need for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1299.81,"endTime":1303.65,"body":"safety or security. Okay, it was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1303.65,"endTime":1308.3,"body":"about her wanting to manipulate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1303.65,"endTime":1308.3,"body":"a partner that she saw. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1308.33,"endTime":1309.29,"body":"does that make more sense?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1309.32,"endTime":1312.14,"body":"Yeah. But I still feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1309.32,"endTime":1312.14,"body":"like this is me wanting a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1312.14,"endTime":1315.35,"body":"partner that's more fit to like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1312.14,"endTime":1315.35,"body":"but it's different because it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1315.38,"endTime":1317.9,"body":"because they're actually being,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1315.38,"endTime":1317.9,"body":"you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1317.93,"endTime":1320.99,"body":"abused. quences. So let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1317.93,"endTime":1320.99,"body":"just Okay, so we're not talking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1320.99,"endTime":1323.81,"body":"about someone who's casually"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1320.99,"endTime":1323.81,"body":"drinking here. I don't think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1323.81,"endTime":1326.72,"body":"that most of our listeners have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1323.81,"endTime":1326.72,"body":"partners that are crying."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1326.75,"endTime":1329.24,"body":"I'm literally this is my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1326.75,"endTime":1329.24,"body":"black or white all or nothing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1329.24,"endTime":1331.58,"body":"thinking. So I need you to bear"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1329.24,"endTime":1331.58,"body":"with me. And a lot of our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1331.58,"endTime":1334.73,"body":"listeners are going to have the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1331.58,"endTime":1334.73,"body":"same cognitive erosion have the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1334.73,"endTime":1338.0,"body":"question, because this is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1334.73,"endTime":1338.0,"body":"something that I've had to work"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1338.0,"endTime":1341.18,"body":"on for many years, and it still"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1338.0,"endTime":1341.18,"body":"pops up occasionally. Obviously,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1341.18,"endTime":1344.03,"body":"it's popping up right now. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1341.18,"endTime":1344.03,"body":"I'm having questions about it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1344.33,"endTime":1347.18,"body":"And I know that there's a gray"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1344.33,"endTime":1347.18,"body":"area here, area here, but I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1347.18,"endTime":1349.88,"body":"trying for the listeners,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1347.18,"endTime":1349.88,"body":"because I know they're going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1349.88,"endTime":1351.35,"body":"ask the same question. Okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1351.38,"endTime":1357.02,"body":"So when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1351.38,"endTime":1357.02,"body":"alcoholism, and addiction, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1357.02,"endTime":1359.96,"body":"doesn't take long to figure out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1357.02,"endTime":1359.96,"body":"where your values have been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1360.44,"endTime":1363.83,"body":"violated. And why this is not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1360.44,"endTime":1363.83,"body":"something that you want in your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1363.83,"endTime":1368.66,"body":"life. Yeah, that's so it has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1363.83,"endTime":1368.66,"body":"affected your security, literal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1368.69,"endTime":1371.66,"body":"security, some of these people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1368.69,"endTime":1371.66,"body":"have been abused and physically"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1371.66,"endTime":1374.39,"body":"harmed or emotionally abused, or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1371.66,"endTime":1374.39,"body":"had their children put in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1374.39,"endTime":1377.84,"body":"danger, right, because of this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1374.39,"endTime":1377.84,"body":"person. Drinking and driving."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1378.08,"endTime":1380.81,"body":"They could be doing all sorts of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1378.08,"endTime":1380.81,"body":"kinds of crazy things like that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1380.81,"endTime":1384.62,"body":"Right? We also have the fact"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1380.81,"endTime":1384.62,"body":"that this could be financially"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1385.61,"endTime":1388.73,"body":"we have people who, who will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1385.61,"endTime":1388.73,"body":"spend money that they don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1388.73,"endTime":1391.67,"body":"have, they will, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1388.73,"endTime":1391.67,"body":"financial,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1392.36,"endTime":1396.29,"body":"their lives apart like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1392.36,"endTime":1396.29,"body":"this, it's there's so much going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1396.29,"endTime":1398.75,"body":"on in their lives. That's really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1396.29,"endTime":1398.75,"body":"just it's just tearing them"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1398.75,"endTime":1402.11,"body":"apart. Yeah. And it's all based"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1398.75,"endTime":1402.11,"body":"on security."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1402.11,"endTime":1404.69,"body":"I mean, you name it, these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1402.11,"endTime":1404.69,"body":"people don't feel safe in their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1404.69,"endTime":1406.76,"body":"own skin, or their own emotions"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1404.69,"endTime":1406.76,"body":"in their own home."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1406.82,"endTime":1409.07,"body":"And they feel lost, they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1406.82,"endTime":1409.07,"body":"feel confused. They feel like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1409.07,"endTime":1411.53,"body":"they're to blame. They feel so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1409.07,"endTime":1411.53,"body":"many emotions, and they've lost"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1411.53,"endTime":1414.32,"body":"who they are. That's where you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1411.53,"endTime":1414.32,"body":"know that boundaries need to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1414.32,"endTime":1416.78,"body":"put in place. Right? If this and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1414.32,"endTime":1416.78,"body":"it's appropriate."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1416.81,"endTime":1419.48,"body":"Absolutely. And there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1416.81,"endTime":1419.48,"body":"also ancillary effects from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1419.48,"endTime":1422.57,"body":"alcoholism. So you've got not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1419.48,"endTime":1422.57,"body":"just with someone who's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1422.57,"endTime":1424.79,"body":"drinking, like they're just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1422.57,"endTime":1424.79,"body":"drinking, we're usually not just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1424.79,"endTime":1427.85,"body":"sitting there quietly drinking,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1424.79,"endTime":1427.85,"body":"some do. But a lot of times you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1427.85,"endTime":1430.43,"body":"get people who are incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1427.85,"endTime":1430.43,"body":"emotionally abusive, they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1430.43,"endTime":1432.98,"body":"calling you names. They're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1430.43,"endTime":1432.98,"body":"making comments about your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1432.98,"endTime":1435.62,"body":"weight. Yeah, they're there."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1432.98,"endTime":1435.62,"body":"They're telling you that you're,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1435.65,"endTime":1437.78,"body":"you're lower than low that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1435.65,"endTime":1437.78,"body":"You're scum, that you're the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1437.78,"endTime":1440.39,"body":"problem. You're the reason for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1437.78,"endTime":1440.39,"body":"all their problems. You know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1440.39,"endTime":1443.93,"body":"these aren't, these are things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1440.39,"endTime":1443.93,"body":"that I think are worth putting a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1443.93,"endTime":1446.21,"body":"boundary in place for, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1443.93,"endTime":1446.21,"body":"protecting yourself, how was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1446.21,"endTime":1448.37,"body":"this good for you? Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1446.21,"endTime":1448.37,"body":"To be in this type of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1448.37,"endTime":1451.16,"body":"environment, right, as opposed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1448.37,"endTime":1451.16,"body":"to someone who's having a few"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1451.16,"endTime":1452.06,"body":"drinks now. And then"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1452.09,"endTime":1455.21,"body":"yeah, so it's to protect"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1452.09,"endTime":1455.21,"body":"you in these very serious"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1455.21,"endTime":1458.66,"body":"situations not to actually"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1455.21,"endTime":1458.66,"body":"control the alcoholic or addict"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1459.08,"endTime":1461.84,"body":"to change their ways because you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1459.08,"endTime":1461.84,"body":"have to go in knowing that they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1461.84,"endTime":1463.37,"body":"may or may not change their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1461.84,"endTime":1463.37,"body":"ways."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1463.4,"endTime":1465.71,"body":"But even if you just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1463.4,"endTime":1465.71,"body":"didn't want to be around"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1465.71,"endTime":1468.08,"body":"drinking, let's say one of your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1465.71,"endTime":1468.08,"body":"values was personal growth and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1468.08,"endTime":1471.5,"body":"you felt at your core that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1468.08,"endTime":1471.5,"body":"alcohol could be a violation to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1471.5,"endTime":1474.41,"body":"that you have the right to set a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1471.5,"endTime":1474.41,"body":"boundary, you just have to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1474.41,"endTime":1476.81,"body":"prepared with what could what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1474.41,"endTime":1476.81,"body":"the fallout could be from that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1476.84,"endTime":1479.69,"body":"Okay, then that's fair. If"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1476.84,"endTime":1479.69,"body":"you're willing to die on that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1479.69,"endTime":1483.2,"body":"hill, then great. Yeah. Good for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1479.69,"endTime":1483.2,"body":"you. Yeah, that means you feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1483.2,"endTime":1486.02,"body":"strongly about your values. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1483.2,"endTime":1486.02,"body":"yeah, I think that's wonderful."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1486.2,"endTime":1489.92,"body":"Okay, that that covered the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1486.2,"endTime":1489.92,"body":"answer that Well, thank"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1489.92,"endTime":1491.78,"body":"you. I want do you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1489.92,"endTime":1491.78,"body":"understand where I was coming"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1491.78,"endTime":1493.34,"body":"from for sure. Okay. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1493.34,"endTime":1495.17,"body":"a great question to ask."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1493.34,"endTime":1495.17,"body":"Because you're right. Yeah. All"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1495.17,"endTime":1497.69,"body":"or nothing thinking is the set"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1495.17,"endTime":1497.69,"body":"the root of a lot of this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1497.69,"endTime":1500.99,"body":"thought. Absolutely. And that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1497.69,"endTime":1500.99,"body":"why boundaries can Be so freakin"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1500.99,"endTime":1504.86,"body":"difficult. Yeah. And so we just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1500.99,"endTime":1504.86,"body":"so we cover the do's and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1504.86,"endTime":1508.94,"body":"don'ts and I think some that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1504.86,"endTime":1508.94,"body":"something unspoken here. I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1508.94,"endTime":1513.71,"body":"there's an acid test for what a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1508.94,"endTime":1513.71,"body":"good boundary and bad boundary"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1513.71,"endTime":1516.29,"body":"is. And so this is something we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1513.71,"endTime":1516.29,"body":"like we just discussed this kind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1516.29,"endTime":1520.07,"body":"of an acid test of like, just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1516.29,"endTime":1520.07,"body":"looking at it right off the bat,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1520.43,"endTime":1523.94,"body":"let's let's discover if this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1520.43,"endTime":1523.94,"body":"that this passes the boundary"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1523.94,"endTime":1526.67,"body":"test or fails the boundary test."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1523.94,"endTime":1526.67,"body":"Am I trying to just change"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1526.67,"endTime":1529.82,"body":"someone for no good reason? Or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1526.67,"endTime":1529.82,"body":"am I actually protecting myself?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1529.85,"endTime":1535.28,"body":"Okay. So number one, why is this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1529.85,"endTime":1535.28,"body":"boundary important to me? What's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1535.28,"endTime":1538.19,"body":"the motivator? Another way of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1535.28,"endTime":1538.19,"body":"saying that is what value is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1538.19,"endTime":1542.21,"body":"this protecting? Okay, if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1538.19,"endTime":1542.21,"body":"can answer that question, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1542.21,"endTime":1546.53,"body":"in good shape so far. Number"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1542.21,"endTime":1546.53,"body":"two, is this for you? Or for the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1546.53,"endTime":1551.24,"body":"other person? Is this for you?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1546.53,"endTime":1551.24,"body":"Or the other person? Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1551.27,"endTime":1556.07,"body":"question two to ask yourself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1551.27,"endTime":1556.07,"body":"Three, Is this realistic? Is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1556.07,"endTime":1561.14,"body":"this realistic? Very difficult"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1556.07,"endTime":1561.14,"body":"one to answer. And I think you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1561.14,"endTime":1565.97,"body":"could make a case that sometimes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1561.14,"endTime":1565.97,"body":"it's not realistic at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1565.97,"endTime":1568.91,"body":"moment. And there are other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1565.97,"endTime":1568.91,"body":"times where you could also make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1568.91,"endTime":1571.46,"body":"the case that if you really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1568.91,"endTime":1571.46,"body":"wanted to figure it out, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1571.46,"endTime":1574.91,"body":"could Yeah. Difficult."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1571.46,"endTime":1574.91,"body":"Everyone's situation is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1574.91,"endTime":1579.56,"body":"different. But Is this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1574.91,"endTime":1579.56,"body":"realistic? The last one, what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1579.56,"endTime":1582.62,"body":"are you going to do after you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1579.56,"endTime":1582.62,"body":"apply it? So once you install"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1582.62,"endTime":1585.77,"body":"this bad boundary, what are you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1582.62,"endTime":1585.77,"body":"going to do what's left in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1585.77,"endTime":1590.18,"body":"wake? And understanding and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1585.77,"endTime":1590.18,"body":"knowing well, that this very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1590.18,"endTime":1593.33,"body":"well could kill the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1590.18,"endTime":1593.33,"body":"relationship? Yes, this could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1593.39,"endTime":1598.97,"body":"Yeah. It could happen. I could."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1593.39,"endTime":1598.97,"body":"It's it's incredibly difficult"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1598.97,"endTime":1603.71,"body":"for an empathetic, compassionate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1598.97,"endTime":1603.71,"body":"person, which codependents are,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1603.8,"endTime":1607.16,"body":"they just the hallmark of being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1603.8,"endTime":1607.16,"body":"codependent is that you care so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1607.79,"endTime":1611.96,"body":"deeply about this person. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1607.79,"endTime":1611.96,"body":"you cannot fathom watching them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1611.96,"endTime":1616.97,"body":"do this to themselves. But you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1611.96,"endTime":1616.97,"body":"have to remember that, in some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1616.97,"endTime":1619.4,"body":"ways, they are making a choice."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1616.97,"endTime":1619.4,"body":"Now I know addiction is a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1619.4,"endTime":1623.12,"body":"disease. And I want to get into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1619.4,"endTime":1623.12,"body":"that right now. I have addiction"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1623.12,"endTime":1626.03,"body":"I have this. I've always kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1623.12,"endTime":1626.03,"body":"referred to as like a mental"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1626.03,"endTime":1630.11,"body":"illness like it's, yeah, there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1626.03,"endTime":1630.11,"body":"something in me. But we all have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1630.11,"endTime":1634.25,"body":"the power of choice there. When"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1630.11,"endTime":1634.25,"body":"people say that they have lost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1634.25,"endTime":1637.01,"body":"the choice to drink, I'll tell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1634.25,"endTime":1637.01,"body":"you what that actually feels"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1637.01,"endTime":1642.65,"body":"like and what it actually looks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1637.01,"endTime":1642.65,"body":"like, for me, I used for years"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1642.65,"endTime":1645.98,"body":"and years and years and years."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1642.65,"endTime":1645.98,"body":"And I got to a point where I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1645.98,"endTime":1649.79,"body":"became physically dependent and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1645.98,"endTime":1649.79,"body":"mentally dependent on the drug,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1650.24,"endTime":1653.48,"body":"I could not get through the day,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1650.24,"endTime":1653.48,"body":"physically, because I would be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1653.48,"endTime":1655.85,"body":"in too much pain, I'd start"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1653.48,"endTime":1655.85,"body":"throwing up I would start"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1655.85,"endTime":1660.5,"body":"sweating, I'd be absolutely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1655.85,"endTime":1660.5,"body":"miserable. So when the decision"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1660.5,"endTime":1666.2,"body":"is just deal with it, and don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1660.5,"endTime":1666.2,"body":"use and miss work, don't pay"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1666.2,"endTime":1670.73,"body":"your bills. You know, don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1666.2,"endTime":1670.73,"body":"don't give any attention to your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1670.73,"endTime":1674.75,"body":"wife or children or take a pill."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1670.73,"endTime":1674.75,"body":"It's a pretty easy choice to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1674.75,"endTime":1678.26,"body":"just take the pill. So in some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1674.75,"endTime":1678.26,"body":"ways, you lose the choice. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1678.26,"endTime":1681.56,"body":"the compulsion is so great that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1678.26,"endTime":1681.56,"body":"you can't even help yourself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1681.56,"endTime":1684.05,"body":"You just do it. Yeah. And the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1681.56,"endTime":1684.05,"body":"other piece of that is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1684.05,"endTime":1689.57,"body":"behaviorally, we lose the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1684.05,"endTime":1689.57,"body":"ability to to deal with life in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1689.57,"endTime":1693.83,"body":"any other way except with this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1689.57,"endTime":1693.83,"body":"magical trick, which is taking a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1693.83,"endTime":1697.28,"body":"substance to make it better. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1693.83,"endTime":1697.28,"body":"I can tell you when I was in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1697.28,"endTime":1700.01,"body":"middle of it even when it was at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1697.28,"endTime":1700.01,"body":"its strongest, I still knew what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1700.01,"endTime":1704.57,"body":"I was doing and I had guilt and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1700.01,"endTime":1704.57,"body":"I had regret up until the point"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1704.57,"endTime":1708.65,"body":"that buzz hit me and then I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1704.57,"endTime":1708.65,"body":"fine. I was perfectly fine. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1708.65,"endTime":1713.63,"body":"are ill they are sick, but this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1708.65,"endTime":1713.63,"body":"is a treatable disease okay, yes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1713.66,"endTime":1717.23,"body":"and rock bottom looks different"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1713.66,"endTime":1717.23,"body":"for everyone chances are you are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1717.23,"endTime":1720.53,"body":"not going to create a situation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1717.23,"endTime":1720.53,"body":"which just you know suddenly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1720.53,"endTime":1723.53,"body":"makes them see okay I'm at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1720.53,"endTime":1723.53,"body":"I'm at the bottom I'm at maybe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1723.53,"endTime":1727.52,"body":"you do but you hit rock bottom"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1723.53,"endTime":1727.52,"body":"is inadequate when you stop"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1727.52,"endTime":1730.49,"body":"digging when I stopped digging"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1727.52,"endTime":1730.49,"body":"when I made the decision that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1730.49,"endTime":1735.29,"body":"enough was enough. Yeah. And it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1730.49,"endTime":1735.29,"body":"was never more evident that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1735.29,"endTime":1738.98,"body":"was at rock bottom is when I saw"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1735.29,"endTime":1738.98,"body":"you start to pull away from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1738.98,"endTime":1742.16,"body":"codependent behaviors and start"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1738.98,"endTime":1742.16,"body":"to live your life. Yes, I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1742.16,"endTime":1744.86,"body":"like I'm losing her man. Holy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1742.16,"endTime":1744.86,"body":"shit. I'm at the bottom this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1744.86,"endTime":1747.86,"body":"it. Everything they said would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1744.86,"endTime":1747.86,"body":"happen is happening right now. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1747.86,"endTime":1751.7,"body":"can't stop she's leaving. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1747.86,"endTime":1751.7,"body":"gonna lose it all. I got to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1751.7,"endTime":1754.46,"body":"something that for me is what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1751.7,"endTime":1754.46,"body":"bottom look like but I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1754.46,"endTime":1757.61,"body":"that in general I'm an advocate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1754.46,"endTime":1757.61,"body":"of pretty low pain tolerance."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1757.94,"endTime":1760.46,"body":"Because I've seen people ride"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1757.94,"endTime":1760.46,"body":"this deal for 40 years before"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1760.46,"endTime":1763.22,"body":"they realize you know what maybe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1760.46,"endTime":1763.22,"body":"I'm done but you'll know when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1763.22,"endTime":1765.35,"body":"your heart when you've had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1763.22,"endTime":1765.35,"body":"enough as an addict you'll know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1765.35,"endTime":1768.08,"body":"in your heart when you've had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1765.35,"endTime":1768.08,"body":"enough it's I think it's really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1768.08,"endTime":1770.96,"body":"tough as a codependent to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1768.08,"endTime":1770.96,"body":"understand that like your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1770.96,"endTime":1773.9,"body":"actions very well could lead to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1770.96,"endTime":1773.9,"body":"a situation with this person."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1773.93,"endTime":1778.49,"body":"Maybe their use gets worse."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1773.93,"endTime":1778.49,"body":"Maybe they self harm maybe they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1778.49,"endTime":1783.14,"body":"threatened things God knows what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1778.49,"endTime":1783.14,"body":"I'm just asking you for a moment"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1783.26,"endTime":1784.79,"body":"to consider yourself gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1784.79,"endTime":1787.37,"body":"say that I was gonna say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1784.79,"endTime":1787.37,"body":"you're freakin worth it to your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1787.37,"endTime":1791.66,"body":"life is worth it to your you."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1787.37,"endTime":1791.66,"body":"You deserve to be happy too. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1791.66,"endTime":1795.14,"body":"the only way to do that is to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1791.66,"endTime":1795.14,"body":"focus on you set your boundaries"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1795.17,"endTime":1797.69,"body":"up and be okay with whatever"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1795.17,"endTime":1797.69,"body":"happens."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1798.139,"endTime":1800.269,"body":"Yeah, and we've we've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1798.139,"endTime":1800.269,"body":"dedicated our lives to this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1800.269,"endTime":1804.079,"body":"mission at this point, like I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1800.269,"endTime":1804.079,"body":"not like, I still work with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1804.079,"endTime":1806.689,"body":"addicts one on one, don't get me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1804.079,"endTime":1806.689,"body":"wrong. It's part of my recovery."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1806.689,"endTime":1808.939,"body":"Tomorrow night, I will be at a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1806.689,"endTime":1808.939,"body":"treatment center talking to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1808.939,"endTime":1812.959,"body":"people one on one for an hour or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1808.939,"endTime":1812.959,"body":"more. What we are more concerned"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1812.959,"endTime":1817.039,"body":"with here more than anything, is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1812.959,"endTime":1817.039,"body":"the spouse or partner or loved"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1817.039,"endTime":1820.549,"body":"one of an addict or alcoholic."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1817.039,"endTime":1820.549,"body":"Because so often the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1820.549,"endTime":1824.689,"body":"conversation steers away. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1820.549,"endTime":1824.689,"body":"you're forgotten. No one asked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1824.689,"endTime":1828.859,"body":"how they're doing. Yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1824.689,"endTime":1828.859,"body":"when I got sober, I got chips. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1828.859,"endTime":1833.509,"body":"got parades thrown for me. What"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1828.859,"endTime":1833.509,"body":"did you get? Nothing. Absolutely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1833.509,"endTime":1836.719,"body":"nothing. I remember you being in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1833.509,"endTime":1836.719,"body":"tears. I was like when I got my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1836.719,"endTime":1840.859,"body":"one year chip, and you're like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1836.719,"endTime":1840.859,"body":"what about me?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1840.92,"endTime":1842.96,"body":"I know what I've been"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1840.92,"endTime":1842.96,"body":"through. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1842.99,"endTime":1845.66,"body":"no one celebrates me, no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1842.99,"endTime":1845.66,"body":"one talks about my experience"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1845.66,"endTime":1848.9,"body":"here. No one talks about what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1845.66,"endTime":1848.9,"body":"you went through. For me to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1848.9,"endTime":1851.72,"body":"to where I am today. And very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1848.9,"endTime":1851.72,"body":"few addicts have this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1851.72,"endTime":1854.54,"body":"conversation either. They're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1851.72,"endTime":1854.54,"body":"talking about what they put"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1854.54,"endTime":1857.18,"body":"their spouse through, and how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1854.54,"endTime":1857.18,"body":"that could have been easier and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1857.18,"endTime":1859.31,"body":"ways to prevent this moving"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1857.18,"endTime":1859.31,"body":"forward and ways to get them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1859.31,"endTime":1861.77,"body":"into situations that are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1859.31,"endTime":1861.77,"body":"healthier for them. No one's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1861.77,"endTime":1864.17,"body":"talking about this. We're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1861.77,"endTime":1864.17,"body":"talking about this, though."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1864.29,"endTime":1866.6,"body":"Yeah. And that's what Tufo is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1864.29,"endTime":1866.6,"body":"about. That's what we're here"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1866.6,"endTime":1871.61,"body":"for. So we love you all. And we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1866.6,"endTime":1871.61,"body":"will love you until you can love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1871.61,"endTime":1875.09,"body":"yourself. That's what we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1871.61,"endTime":1875.09,"body":"doing here. Yep. I want to put"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1875.09,"endTime":1879.05,"body":"that out full. I want to put"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1875.09,"endTime":1879.05,"body":"that out there. I just, I read"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1879.05,"endTime":1881.33,"body":"the stories now. And like holy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1879.05,"endTime":1881.33,"body":"crap,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1881.36,"endTime":1884.18,"body":"Matt's had a lot of eye"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1881.36,"endTime":1884.18,"body":"opening experiences the past"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1884.18,"endTime":1888.38,"body":"couple of weeks and the Tufo"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1884.18,"endTime":1888.38,"body":"community. And he's looking at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1888.92,"endTime":1893.36,"body":"this experience from a totally"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1888.92,"endTime":1893.36,"body":"different light. Because he says"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1893.36,"endTime":1897.08,"body":"that in a and they don't talk"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1893.36,"endTime":1897.08,"body":"about the spouses never talk"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1897.08,"endTime":1900.29,"body":"about what they've put us"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1897.08,"endTime":1900.29,"body":"through. And he's seeing it from"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1900.29,"endTime":1904.04,"body":"other people. And it's been kind"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1900.29,"endTime":1904.04,"body":"of, it's been emotional for him."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1905.15,"endTime":1907.28,"body":"I'm just speaking for you. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1905.15,"endTime":1907.28,"body":"it was like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1908.0,"endTime":1911.33,"body":"we've had I mean, I was in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1908.0,"endTime":1911.33,"body":"tears like bawling my eyes out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1911.33,"endTime":1913.73,"body":"reading someone's story in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1911.33,"endTime":1913.73,"body":"group the other day, I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1914.51,"endTime":1917.12,"body":"we just don't talk about this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1914.51,"endTime":1917.12,"body":"stuff. We don't talk about what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1917.12,"endTime":1920.69,"body":"what these other people go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1917.12,"endTime":1920.69,"body":"through. And the the battle that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1920.69,"endTime":1924.53,"body":"they're gonna have to fight that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1920.69,"endTime":1924.53,"body":"no one seems to address. There's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1924.53,"endTime":1927.95,"body":"a few articles online, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1924.53,"endTime":1927.95,"body":"that's it. There's nothing else"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1927.95,"endTime":1928.94,"body":"for him out there."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1929.0,"endTime":1931.76,"body":"I mean, it breaks my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1929.0,"endTime":1931.76,"body":"heart or stuff, but we are very"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1931.76,"endTime":1935.57,"body":"stubborn people to, to where we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1931.76,"endTime":1935.57,"body":"don't look through, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1935.57,"endTime":1937.97,"body":"yeah, like I was telling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1935.57,"endTime":1937.97,"body":"Paige, I said, every addict in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1937.97,"endTime":1940.58,"body":"recovery should have to do what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1937.97,"endTime":1940.58,"body":"we're doing. Yeah, they really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1940.58,"endTime":1943.34,"body":"want to see the wreckage of it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1940.58,"endTime":1943.34,"body":"If you really want to get a feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1943.34,"endTime":1946.04,"body":"for it start to work with the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1943.34,"endTime":1946.04,"body":"spouses and loved ones. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1946.1,"endTime":1948.8,"body":"you have no clue the damage and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1946.1,"endTime":1948.8,"body":"the amount. And even with our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1948.8,"endTime":1952.46,"body":"own marriage, like, we still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1948.8,"endTime":1952.46,"body":"uncover things. Yeah. And like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1952.46,"endTime":1955.61,"body":"you want to talk about really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1952.46,"endTime":1955.61,"body":"letting this resonate and sit in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1955.97,"endTime":1959.78,"body":"as the abuser. But there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1955.97,"endTime":1959.78,"body":"nothing more powerful than that,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1959.78,"endTime":1961.97,"body":"than having to sit in it and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1959.78,"endTime":1961.97,"body":"live with it, and then work"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1961.97,"endTime":1965.0,"body":"through others and help them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1961.97,"endTime":1965.0,"body":"through it. Yeah, like, is it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1965.03,"endTime":1967.85,"body":"this is our way of giving back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1965.03,"endTime":1967.85,"body":"my way of giving back, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1967.85,"endTime":1970.19,"body":"suppose. And I think this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1967.85,"endTime":1970.19,"body":"your way of just standing on a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1970.19,"endTime":1971.69,"body":"platform and saying, I'm here"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1970.19,"endTime":1971.69,"body":"today."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1971.78,"endTime":1976.58,"body":"I'm here. Yes. I'm giving"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1971.78,"endTime":1976.58,"body":"them a voice that I did not have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1976.61,"endTime":1980.51,"body":"back then. And I think it's so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1976.61,"endTime":1980.51,"body":"huge for those people to have a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1980.51,"endTime":1981.56,"body":"voice. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.56,"endTime":1985.61,"body":"is man. It's it's tough."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.56,"endTime":1985.61,"body":"And the result of your boundary"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1985.73,"endTime":1988.55,"body":"kind of going back to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1985.73,"endTime":1988.55,"body":"discussion very well could be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1988.55,"endTime":1994.01,"body":"that your relationship ends"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1988.55,"endTime":1994.01,"body":"there. It could it you will feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1994.31,"endTime":1997.49,"body":"guilty, you will feel remorse,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1994.31,"endTime":1997.49,"body":"you will feel like you are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1997.49,"endTime":2000.73,"body":"withdrawing from a drug. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1997.49,"endTime":2000.73,"body":"what's going to be like detox,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2000.79,"endTime":2004.36,"body":"because you will, your greatest"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2000.79,"endTime":2004.36,"body":"fear has come true that you are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2004.36,"endTime":2006.43,"body":"alone. Yeah, that you're alone."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2006.49,"endTime":2011.35,"body":"But you take that time to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2006.49,"endTime":2011.35,"body":"love yourself, learn to love"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2011.35,"endTime":2014.65,"body":"yourself, again, pick yourself"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2011.35,"endTime":2014.65,"body":"back up. And then you'll realize"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2015.13,"endTime":2018.76,"body":"that what you've been through is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2015.13,"endTime":2018.76,"body":"going to make you stronger over"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2018.76,"endTime":2022.54,"body":"time. But if you don't set"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2018.76,"endTime":2022.54,"body":"boundaries, and you keep doing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2022.54,"endTime":2026.5,"body":"the same thing you've been doing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2022.54,"endTime":2026.5,"body":"over and over again, it's going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2026.5,"endTime":2029.77,"body":"to be worse. 10 years down the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2026.5,"endTime":2029.77,"body":"road, you are going to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2029.77,"endTime":2033.01,"body":"miserable, you're going to be in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2029.77,"endTime":2033.01,"body":"a place that you never thought"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2033.01,"endTime":2037.12,"body":"you would be. So right now you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2033.01,"endTime":2037.12,"body":"have to make that decision to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2037.12,"endTime":2039.85,"body":"set boundaries and that are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2037.12,"endTime":2039.85,"body":"going to be it's gonna be hard."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2039.88,"endTime":2041.77,"body":"It's gonna be hard as hell, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2039.88,"endTime":2041.77,"body":"gonna feel icky. It's going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2041.77,"endTime":2045.61,"body":"feel unnatural, but it is going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2041.77,"endTime":2045.61,"body":"to be the best thing for you."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2045.88,"endTime":2049.06,"body":"Yeah, this is not easy. No. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2045.88,"endTime":2049.06,"body":"it's going to feel like you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2049.06,"endTime":2052.03,"body":"going backwards in a way because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2049.06,"endTime":2052.03,"body":"you're like shit, what did I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2052.03,"endTime":2057.16,"body":"just do? But it can become so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2052.03,"endTime":2057.16,"body":"empowering. It really can."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2057.189,"endTime":2060.099,"body":"Our goal is to help you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2057.189,"endTime":2060.099,"body":"walk on your own two feet and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2060.099,"endTime":2062.979,"body":"look in the mirror and be proud"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2060.099,"endTime":2062.979,"body":"of the person that you see. Yep."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2063.699,"endTime":2069.279,"body":"And know what you will and will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2063.699,"endTime":2069.279,"body":"not tolerate and we're not we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2069.279,"endTime":2072.669,"body":"not addicts bashers. I'm not an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2069.279,"endTime":2072.669,"body":"addict basher. I'm an addict. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2072.669,"endTime":2075.339,"body":"have compassion for addicts, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2072.669,"endTime":2075.339,"body":"I know addicts different than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2075.339,"endTime":2078.879,"body":"you know, addicts. I am one I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2075.339,"endTime":2078.879,"body":"know what we go through. I know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2078.879,"endTime":2082.419,"body":"what we suffer with. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2078.879,"endTime":2082.419,"body":"promise you the story you tell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2082.419,"endTime":2084.849,"body":"yourselves that we are just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2082.419,"endTime":2084.849,"body":"helpless babies that can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2084.849,"endTime":2090.939,"body":"control it is incorrect. We we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2084.849,"endTime":2090.939,"body":"have a choice in this we do. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2091.599,"endTime":2093.579,"body":"I know that you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2091.599,"endTime":2093.579,"body":"compassionate. I know that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2093.579,"endTime":2096.399,"body":"care. I know that you want us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2093.579,"endTime":2096.399,"body":"well, and we want to be well in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2096.399,"endTime":2099.129,"body":"some ways, too. But they'll get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2096.399,"endTime":2099.129,"body":"well when they're damn ready."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2099.159,"endTime":2103.629,"body":"Yeah, okay. Don't, don't put"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2099.159,"endTime":2103.629,"body":"yourself in your life and your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2103.629,"endTime":2106.989,"body":"dreams at risk until they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2103.629,"endTime":2106.989,"body":"ready. Yep. That's a really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2106.989,"endTime":2111.369,"body":"tough thing to hear and maybe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2106.989,"endTime":2111.369,"body":"controversial, but I'm just I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2111.369,"endTime":2114.009,"body":"concerned about the other person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2111.369,"endTime":2114.009,"body":"here. I'm not so much concerned"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2114.009,"endTime":2116.469,"body":"about the addicts at treatment"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2114.009,"endTime":2116.469,"body":"centers, they can go get help,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2116.469,"endTime":2119.649,"body":"they got programs, a million"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2116.469,"endTime":2119.649,"body":"different ones, their options,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2119.649,"endTime":2123.009,"body":"but for you, options are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2119.649,"endTime":2123.009,"body":"limited. We know what works here"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2123.009,"endTime":2126.939,"body":"based on what we've done what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2123.009,"endTime":2126.939,"body":"we've gotten out of. So listen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2126.939,"endTime":2129.069,"body":"up if you're interested. Okay."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2129.759,"endTime":2132.549,"body":"So let's talk about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2129.759,"endTime":2132.549,"body":"examples, actual examples and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2132.549,"endTime":2135.639,"body":"what you do, and how you Okay,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2132.549,"endTime":2135.639,"body":"so we have this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2136.06,"endTime":2138.88,"body":"So the acid test is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2136.06,"endTime":2138.88,"body":"boundary we're setting first of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2138.88,"endTime":2141.94,"body":"all, if it fails that test, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2138.88,"endTime":2141.94,"body":"probably need to reevaluate Is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2141.94,"endTime":2144.79,"body":"this a healthy boundary or not?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2141.94,"endTime":2144.79,"body":"Go back to the drawing board."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2144.79,"endTime":2147.64,"body":"But if it is, if you pass the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2144.79,"endTime":2147.64,"body":"acid test, let's go through some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2147.64,"endTime":2150.85,"body":"examples. We spend a lot of time"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2147.64,"endTime":2150.85,"body":"Oh, oh, there we go. Let's do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2150.85,"endTime":2151.27,"body":"it. Okay."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2151.63,"endTime":2153.73,"body":"I was gonna say that if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2151.63,"endTime":2153.73,"body":"you have set boundaries in the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2153.73,"endTime":2155.83,"body":"past that you might be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2153.73,"endTime":2155.83,"body":"questioning now and you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2155.83,"endTime":2158.44,"body":"thinking oh, shit, I did this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2155.83,"endTime":2158.44,"body":"for the other person, not me."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2158.53,"endTime":2161.11,"body":"Give yourself grace. It's okay."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2158.53,"endTime":2161.11,"body":"Boundaries, do take practice."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2161.26,"endTime":2163.99,"body":"You're not in a bad person for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2161.26,"endTime":2163.99,"body":"doing that. I'm glad you said"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2163.99,"endTime":2167.11,"body":"that. Because I want you to know"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2163.99,"endTime":2167.11,"body":"that I've I've done that before,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2167.11,"endTime":2170.92,"body":"too. I've set stern bad"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2167.11,"endTime":2170.92,"body":"boundaries in my mind are out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2170.92,"endTime":2173.47,"body":"there. And you'll have to adjust"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2170.92,"endTime":2173.47,"body":"them and make an apology."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2173.47,"endTime":2177.07,"body":"Whatever. That's okay. Give"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2173.47,"endTime":2177.07,"body":"yourself some grace. If you've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2177.07,"endTime":2179.56,"body":"done that, if you're listening"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2177.07,"endTime":2179.56,"body":"to this, and you're like, Shit,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2181.51,"endTime":2184.99,"body":"I did it wrong. No, it's not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2181.51,"endTime":2184.99,"body":"wrong. It's prac looking at his"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2184.99,"endTime":2187.45,"body":"practice, you're actually a step"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2184.99,"endTime":2187.45,"body":"ahead of a lot of people who"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2187.45,"endTime":2190.15,"body":"haven't set any boundaries. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2187.45,"endTime":2190.15,"body":"look at the bright side of it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2190.39,"endTime":2193.3,"body":"Yep. Just know the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2190.39,"endTime":2193.3,"body":"boundaries with difficult people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2193.33,"endTime":2197.26,"body":"will be difficult. They will be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2193.33,"endTime":2197.26,"body":"messy. People will revolt get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2197.26,"endTime":2198.64,"body":"mad blame all kinds."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2198.64,"endTime":2200.35,"body":"That means the boundary"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2198.64,"endTime":2200.35,"body":"was supposed to be in place and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2200.35,"endTime":2202.24,"body":"I'll will stand my ground. There"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2200.35,"endTime":2202.24,"body":"you go."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2202.3,"endTime":2205.96,"body":"If they do, there's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2202.3,"endTime":2205.96,"body":"chance that you landed right on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2205.96,"endTime":2209.62,"body":"the nose. Yeah. Okay. So let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2205.96,"endTime":2209.62,"body":"just go through some examples"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2209.62,"endTime":2213.4,"body":"and not necessarily we've talked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2209.62,"endTime":2213.4,"body":"spent a lot of time on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2213.4,"endTime":2216.19,"body":"addict alcoholic relationship,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2213.4,"endTime":2216.19,"body":"but boundaries are applicable in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2216.19,"endTime":2219.4,"body":"every part of your life. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2216.19,"endTime":2219.4,"body":"yeah. Take us through number one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2219.4,"endTime":2219.85,"body":"page."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2220.36,"endTime":2223.3,"body":"Um, I didn't really want"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2220.36,"endTime":2223.3,"body":"to do that one. I'm gonna do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2223.3,"endTime":2223.99,"body":"this one. I like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2223.99,"endTime":2227.26,"body":"number one you do? A lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2223.99,"endTime":2227.26,"body":"of people are in this. Okay. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2227.29,"endTime":2229.33,"body":"mostly codependence because what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2227.29,"endTime":2229.33,"body":"do you do?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2230.95,"endTime":2233.05,"body":"More, we're gonna do what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2230.95,"endTime":2233.05,"body":"everybody ever say No, right?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2233.05,"endTime":2235.3,"body":"You're right. Okay, I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2233.05,"endTime":2235.3,"body":"take I'm gonna do number one is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2235.3,"endTime":2238.42,"body":"like at work. I feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2235.3,"endTime":2238.42,"body":"overwhelmed. When you constantly"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2238.42,"endTime":2242.11,"body":"give me additional tasks without"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2238.42,"endTime":2242.11,"body":"discussing my workload. Going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2242.11,"endTime":2246.01,"body":"forward, I need us to discuss my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2242.11,"endTime":2246.01,"body":"workload and prioritize my tasks"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2246.01,"endTime":2251.65,"body":"together. So I want to say that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2246.01,"endTime":2251.65,"body":"this is not a blame. This is not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2251.65,"endTime":2256.57,"body":"pointing fingers. This is you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2251.65,"endTime":2256.57,"body":"stating how you feel at first"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2256.57,"endTime":2261.58,"body":"overwhelmed, because I feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2256.57,"endTime":2261.58,"body":"overwhelmed. When you going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2261.58,"endTime":2264.25,"body":"forward. I will do this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2264.31,"endTime":2267.37,"body":"And it's just having a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2264.31,"endTime":2267.37,"body":"discussion. Yes. It's a very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2267.37,"endTime":2271.12,"body":"soft boundary. You're not saying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2267.37,"endTime":2271.12,"body":"I will, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2271.24,"endTime":2274.36,"body":"I will call Combinator,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2271.24,"endTime":2274.36,"body":"whatever else start small. Start"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2274.36,"endTime":2275.2,"body":"small and after"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2275.23,"endTime":2278.02,"body":"violation after violation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2275.23,"endTime":2278.02,"body":"you can get you can adjust these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2278.05,"endTime":2281.08,"body":"Yep. Start slow, though. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2278.05,"endTime":2281.08,"body":"I think it's a soft wonder to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2281.08,"endTime":2281.68,"body":"start with."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2281.859,"endTime":2284.799,"body":"Yeah. Okay. So with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2281.859,"endTime":2284.799,"body":"family, I feel disrespected."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2284.799,"endTime":2288.309,"body":"When you make negative comments"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2284.799,"endTime":2288.309,"body":"about my lifestyle choices going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2288.309,"endTime":2291.789,"body":"forward, I need you to respect"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2288.309,"endTime":2291.789,"body":"my choices and not make negative"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2291.789,"endTime":2292.929,"body":"comments about them."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2292.96,"endTime":2296.86,"body":"So just took it a level up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2292.96,"endTime":2296.86,"body":"a little bit, asking for the the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2296.86,"endTime":2300.58,"body":"negative comments. Okay, I have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2296.86,"endTime":2300.58,"body":"used to start asking you to not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2300.58,"endTime":2302.44,"body":"to say those things. I'm not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2300.58,"endTime":2302.44,"body":"saying you need to change your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2302.44,"endTime":2305.83,"body":"mind. No, I'm not saying you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2302.44,"endTime":2305.83,"body":"should vote my way. I'm just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2305.83,"endTime":2307.27,"body":"asking that you not say these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2305.83,"endTime":2307.27,"body":"things."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2307.93,"endTime":2310.72,"body":"Right. In a romantic"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2307.93,"endTime":2310.72,"body":"relationship, I feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2310.72,"endTime":2313.09,"body":"uncomfortable when you make"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2310.72,"endTime":2313.09,"body":"plans without consulting me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2313.09,"endTime":2316.39,"body":"first. Going forward, I need us"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2313.09,"endTime":2316.39,"body":"to discuss plans together and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2316.39,"endTime":2320.17,"body":"make decisions as a team. That's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2316.39,"endTime":2320.17,"body":"not asking for too much."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2320.2,"endTime":2323.35,"body":"No, you're asking for a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2320.2,"endTime":2323.35,"body":"conversation. That's it. This"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2323.38,"endTime":2327.73,"body":"This facilitates further growth"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2323.38,"endTime":2327.73,"body":"for both people as well, as a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2327.73,"endTime":2328.48,"body":"great boundary."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2328.899,"endTime":2331.119,"body":"With friends. I feel hurt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2328.899,"endTime":2331.119,"body":"when you cancel our plans"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2331.119,"endTime":2334.089,"body":"without giving me enough notice."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2331.119,"endTime":2334.089,"body":"Going forward, I need you to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2334.089,"endTime":2336.999,"body":"give me at least 24 hours notice"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2334.089,"endTime":2336.999,"body":"when you need to cancel our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2336.999,"endTime":2337.719,"body":"plans."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2339.28,"endTime":2342.49,"body":"Yep, that's a good one. in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2339.28,"endTime":2342.49,"body":"a social setting. I try to hold"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.49,"endTime":2349.3,"body":"on though. What? If someone no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.49,"endTime":2349.3,"body":"one told me? You got to give me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2349.3,"endTime":2352.06,"body":"two. So I work in logistics. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2349.3,"endTime":2352.06,"body":"it's all about like time"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.09,"endTime":2355.0,"body":"timeframes. And notice, if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.09,"endTime":2355.0,"body":"someone that for friend of mine"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2355.0,"endTime":2356.98,"body":"told me this, I would probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2355.0,"endTime":2356.98,"body":"just block their number."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2359.5,"endTime":2362.5,"body":"And that's totally"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2359.5,"endTime":2362.5,"body":"acceptable. They're better off"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2362.5,"endTime":2364.99,"body":"for it. Right? Right. That means"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2362.5,"endTime":2364.99,"body":"okay, maybe we just weren't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2364.99,"endTime":2368.77,"body":"meant to be that's okay. I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2364.99,"endTime":2368.77,"body":"waiting for you to say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2368.77,"endTime":2371.23,"body":"something. All right. in a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2368.77,"endTime":2371.23,"body":"social setting, I feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2371.23,"endTime":2373.48,"body":"uncomfortable. When you make"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2371.23,"endTime":2373.48,"body":"jokes at my expense going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2373.48,"endTime":2375.76,"body":"forward, I need you to refrain"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2373.48,"endTime":2375.76,"body":"from making jokes that are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2375.76,"endTime":2380.47,"body":"hurtful or disrespectful to me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2375.76,"endTime":2380.47,"body":"or anyone else in our group. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2380.71,"endTime":2383.2,"body":"with these, there was no"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2380.71,"endTime":2383.2,"body":"consequences that were put in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2383.2,"endTime":2384.34,"body":"place. So you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2384.37,"endTime":2388.21,"body":"kind of have to, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2384.37,"endTime":2388.21,"body":"asking for further conversation."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2388.21,"endTime":2388.6,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2388.6,"endTime":2390.37,"body":"You're asking me to talk"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2388.6,"endTime":2390.37,"body":"about it. And then if it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2390.37,"endTime":2394.9,"body":"continues to happen, you can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2390.37,"endTime":2394.9,"body":"reevaluate your relationships."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2395.14,"endTime":2397.84,"body":"You can see okay, you know what,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2395.14,"endTime":2397.84,"body":"this isn't going to work out."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2397.84,"endTime":2401.74,"body":"I'm not going to be at this job"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2397.84,"endTime":2401.74,"body":"anymore. I need to take less"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2401.74,"endTime":2405.07,"body":"time with my family. But I need"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2401.74,"endTime":2405.07,"body":"to leave this person in my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2405.07,"endTime":2408.04,"body":"relationship. That person is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2405.07,"endTime":2408.04,"body":"just not a good friend for me,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2408.04,"endTime":2410.41,"body":"you know, that's okay, change"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2408.04,"endTime":2410.41,"body":"your friend group, you're still"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2410.41,"endTime":2415.54,"body":"giving them the opportunity to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2410.41,"endTime":2415.54,"body":"make a change. But I will also"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2415.54,"endTime":2418.42,"body":"say that sometimes you don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2415.54,"endTime":2418.42,"body":"have to verbalize your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2418.42,"endTime":2423.25,"body":"boundaries. Tell me what you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2418.42,"endTime":2423.25,"body":"mean. Because I believe that if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2423.25,"endTime":2427.0,"body":"you are standing up for your own"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2423.25,"endTime":2427.0,"body":"values, your actions are going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2427.0,"endTime":2431.08,"body":"to show what your boundary is."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2427.0,"endTime":2431.08,"body":"And that's what I did with Matt,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2431.08,"endTime":2434.26,"body":"you know, I was angry that he"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2431.08,"endTime":2434.26,"body":"didn't ever want to leave the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2434.26,"endTime":2438.01,"body":"house. And he wanted to stick"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2434.26,"endTime":2438.01,"body":"around at home and drink and do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2438.01,"endTime":2439.9,"body":"drugs all the time. And I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2438.01,"endTime":2439.9,"body":"like, I want to be with my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2439.9,"endTime":2444.34,"body":"family. So I would just leave. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2439.9,"endTime":2444.34,"body":"didn't know discussion, I would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2444.34,"endTime":2445.12,"body":"leave I'm like, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2445.12,"endTime":2446.59,"body":"you weren't even mean"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2445.12,"endTime":2446.59,"body":"about it. You're just like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2446.62,"endTime":2448.72,"body":"Alright, I'm out of here. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2446.62,"endTime":2448.72,"body":"about nine,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2448.749,"endTime":2454.959,"body":"I'm done peace. That was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2448.749,"endTime":2454.959,"body":"a nonverbal boundary that I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2454.959,"endTime":2456.639,"body":"showed with my actions."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2456.7,"endTime":2458.83,"body":"I remember when the first"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2456.7,"endTime":2458.83,"body":"few times you do that you close"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2458.83,"endTime":2460.72,"body":"the door, and I just want shit."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2461.469,"endTime":2467.199,"body":"Yeah, yeah. So whenever"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2461.469,"endTime":2467.199,"body":"you have your values in place,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2467.199,"endTime":2470.289,"body":"and you know who you are, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2467.199,"endTime":2470.289,"body":"you know, whenever they're being"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2470.289,"endTime":2474.909,"body":"value, they're being violated,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2470.289,"endTime":2474.909,"body":"violated, thank you, it's easier"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2474.909,"endTime":2479.619,"body":"for you to just show up by your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2474.909,"endTime":2479.619,"body":"actions and show what you accept"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2479.649,"endTime":2482.049,"body":"and what taught what you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2479.649,"endTime":2482.049,"body":"tolerate and what you don't."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2482.139,"endTime":2486.219,"body":"Before we get on to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2482.139,"endTime":2486.219,"body":"boundaries. For an addict. I did"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2486.219,"endTime":2488.559,"body":"want to say something we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2486.219,"endTime":2488.559,"body":"discussed all or nothing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2488.559,"endTime":2491.319,"body":"thinking and how that calm tends"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2488.559,"endTime":2491.319,"body":"to be a common attribute of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2491.319,"endTime":2494.709,"body":"codependent. When it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2491.319,"endTime":2494.709,"body":"all or nothing thinking and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2494.739,"endTime":2497.589,"body":"boundaries. Let's say that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2494.739,"endTime":2497.589,"body":"you've got a boundary around a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2497.589,"endTime":2501.459,"body":"friend who was always late,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2497.589,"endTime":2501.459,"body":"you've got a friend who shows up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2501.459,"endTime":2506.529,"body":"to the airport late, they never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2501.459,"endTime":2506.529,"body":"call you back on time. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2506.529,"endTime":2509.229,"body":"never pay you back on time, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2506.529,"endTime":2509.229,"body":"whatever it might be, they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2509.229,"endTime":2511.989,"body":"just always late. And let's say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2509.229,"endTime":2511.989,"body":"that you communicate the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2511.989,"endTime":2516.759,"body":"boundary and this person shows"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2511.989,"endTime":2516.759,"body":"up two minutes late. Okay, all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2516.759,"endTime":2519.249,"body":"or nothing thinking here would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2516.759,"endTime":2519.249,"body":"say well, we crossed the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2519.249,"endTime":2523.389,"body":"boundary stick on, you're done"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2519.249,"endTime":2523.389,"body":"by it doesn't have to work that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2523.389,"endTime":2526.689,"body":"way. Right? You can you can kind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2523.389,"endTime":2526.689,"body":"of bend these however you want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2526.839,"endTime":2530.229,"body":"to however you see fit. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2526.839,"endTime":2530.229,"body":"however you feel is appropriate."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2530.229,"endTime":2533.619,"body":"There is no boundaries are up in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2530.229,"endTime":2533.619,"body":"the sky, that's going to judge"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2533.619,"endTime":2536.589,"body":"you on how you enforce your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2533.619,"endTime":2536.589,"body":"boundaries. Right? It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2536.589,"endTime":2537.399,"body":"appropriate for you."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2537.43,"endTime":2539.92,"body":"Right? But this is with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2537.43,"endTime":2539.92,"body":"like mentally stable people,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2539.92,"endTime":2543.79,"body":"it's easier to communicate those"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2539.92,"endTime":2543.79,"body":"your friends and family around,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2543.79,"endTime":2546.13,"body":"you're gonna listen to you and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2543.79,"endTime":2546.13,"body":"be like, okay, you know, I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2546.13,"endTime":2548.89,"body":"gonna I'll work on that, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2546.13,"endTime":2548.89,"body":"know, with an addict or a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2548.89,"endTime":2552.67,"body":"mentally unstable person. It is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2548.89,"endTime":2552.67,"body":"not gonna go that easily. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2552.67,"endTime":2557.68,"body":"it is almost. You got to kind"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2552.67,"endTime":2557.68,"body":"of, I don't know, there's wiggle"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2557.68,"endTime":2559.18,"body":"room, but not as much wiggle"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2557.68,"endTime":2559.18,"body":"room."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2559.21,"endTime":2561.73,"body":"Yes. You know, a good way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2559.21,"endTime":2561.73,"body":"to put it. Use your best"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2561.73,"endTime":2564.37,"body":"judgment here. It doesn't have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2561.73,"endTime":2564.37,"body":"to be completely black or white."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2564.4,"endTime":2566.98,"body":"Yeah. Now, if you're fed up, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2564.4,"endTime":2566.98,"body":"could be a black or white deal."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2567.25,"endTime":2570.97,"body":"That could but do you completely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2567.25,"endTime":2570.97,"body":"throw away a friendship for 20"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2570.97,"endTime":2573.07,"body":"years, because they were late"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2570.97,"endTime":2573.07,"body":"for two minutes? After you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2573.07,"endTime":2575.32,"body":"communicated it for the first"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2573.07,"endTime":2575.32,"body":"time? Maybe you give them a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2575.32,"endTime":2578.17,"body":"chance to figure it out? You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2575.32,"endTime":2578.17,"body":"know, it's new for them. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2578.23,"endTime":2580.18,"body":"they're gonna figure it out."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2578.23,"endTime":2580.18,"body":"Okay. So when it comes to an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2580.18,"endTime":2583.87,"body":"addict, you might say something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2580.18,"endTime":2583.87,"body":"like, I feel uncomfortable when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2583.87,"endTime":2587.83,"body":"you drink. And you could even go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2583.87,"endTime":2587.83,"body":"as far as to say, I fear from my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2588.01,"endTime":2590.95,"body":"well being my security or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2588.01,"endTime":2590.95,"body":"financial security, you could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2590.95,"endTime":2593.62,"body":"describe the reasons here for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2590.95,"endTime":2593.62,"body":"why you feel uncomfortable,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2593.62,"endTime":2596.95,"body":"that's fine. You don't even have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2593.62,"endTime":2596.95,"body":"to go that far. I'm just going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2596.95,"endTime":2599.8,"body":"to give an example here. Going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2596.95,"endTime":2599.8,"body":"forward, I will remove myself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2599.8,"endTime":2603.82,"body":"from your presence. If you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2599.8,"endTime":2603.82,"body":"decide to drink, you,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2603.88,"endTime":2608.86,"body":"unfortunately have to take an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2603.88,"endTime":2608.86,"body":"active role in the action. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2608.86,"endTime":2611.26,"body":"this is what sucks about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2608.86,"endTime":2611.26,"body":"boundaries is that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2611.26,"endTime":2614.41,"body":"unfortunately have the higher"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2611.26,"endTime":2614.41,"body":"burden than the pain in the ass"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2614.41,"endTime":2618.13,"body":"person does. Yeah. And a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2614.41,"endTime":2618.13,"body":"people hate hearing that. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2618.13,"endTime":2621.13,"body":"the way boundaries work. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2618.13,"endTime":2621.13,"body":"let's say that the boundary is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2621.13,"endTime":2625.18,"body":"crossed once again, what do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2621.13,"endTime":2625.18,"body":"do? You enhance the consequence."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2625.72,"endTime":2629.17,"body":"So I only like to work"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2625.72,"endTime":2629.17,"body":"consequence there. So you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2629.17,"endTime":2633.61,"body":"enhance the action? Yeah, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2629.17,"endTime":2633.61,"body":"enhance the the outcome. Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2633.61,"endTime":2636.1,"body":"feel uncomfortable and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2633.61,"endTime":2636.1,"body":"disrespected when you drink. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2636.1,"endTime":2638.86,"body":"going forward, I will leave for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2636.1,"endTime":2638.86,"body":"multiple days. Maybe you go stay"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2638.86,"endTime":2641.89,"body":"with a friend with your parents"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2638.86,"endTime":2641.89,"body":"or whatever else. And I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2641.89,"endTime":2646.21,"body":"that in some ways, boundaries"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2641.89,"endTime":2646.21,"body":"when it comes to an alcoholic or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2646.21,"endTime":2651.55,"body":"addicted relationship. In some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2646.21,"endTime":2651.55,"body":"ways, you are sort of tapering"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2651.55,"endTime":2654.43,"body":"yourself off of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2651.55,"endTime":2654.43,"body":"relationship. I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2654.43,"endTime":2657.37,"body":"you're sort of getting yourself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2654.43,"endTime":2657.37,"body":"used to life without this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2657.37,"endTime":2660.13,"body":"person. And this is one of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2657.37,"endTime":2660.13,"body":"ways that you do it is sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.13,"endTime":2664.75,"body":"removing yourself from the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.13,"endTime":2664.75,"body":"situation. Sometimes they will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2664.75,"endTime":2667.78,"body":"surprise you, and I hope they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2664.75,"endTime":2667.78,"body":"do. I hope that they decide this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2667.78,"endTime":2670.84,"body":"is enough. But when they don't,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2667.78,"endTime":2670.84,"body":"in some ways, what you're doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2670.84,"endTime":2674.77,"body":"is you're preparing yourself for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2670.84,"endTime":2674.77,"body":"life without them Yes. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2674.77,"endTime":2676.93,"body":"really really tough because I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2674.77,"endTime":2676.93,"body":"think that people when they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2676.93,"endTime":2680.47,"body":"first come to us are like helped"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2676.93,"endTime":2680.47,"body":"me save my marriage. Like I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2680.98,"endTime":2685.24,"body":"I want to give you a huge hug"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2680.98,"endTime":2685.24,"body":"and say I just want you to see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2685.27,"endTime":2686.83,"body":"let's just worry about you for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2685.27,"endTime":2686.83,"body":"right now."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2686.86,"endTime":2692.38,"body":"When you love yourself"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2686.86,"endTime":2692.38,"body":"and you are your your self"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2692.38,"endTime":2697.57,"body":"esteem is high. It's you can get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2692.38,"endTime":2697.57,"body":"through anything like it's so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2697.57,"endTime":2700.51,"body":"much easier to get through all"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2697.57,"endTime":2700.51,"body":"this stuff. It's It's gonna take"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2700.51,"endTime":2705.16,"body":"some time and some patience and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2700.51,"endTime":2705.16,"body":"some practice and yeah, sorry."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2705.55,"endTime":2707.86,"body":"No it hey, listen, if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2705.55,"endTime":2707.86,"body":"you're, if you're, if your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2707.86,"endTime":2710.98,"body":"values are being violated, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2707.86,"endTime":2710.98,"body":"we talked about having a pretty,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2711.55,"endTime":2714.1,"body":"pretty short, clear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2711.55,"endTime":2714.1,"body":"conversation, neutral"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2714.1,"endTime":2716.8,"body":"conversation, I think it's fair,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2714.1,"endTime":2716.8,"body":"you could say, you know, I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2717.19,"endTime":2721.27,"body":"treatment may help you, meetings"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2717.19,"endTime":2721.27,"body":"may help you. That's fair, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2721.27,"endTime":2724.0,"body":"can have you can say that. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2721.27,"endTime":2724.0,"body":"if they choose not to get help,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2724.0,"endTime":2728.23,"body":"go back to your values. And ask,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2724.0,"endTime":2728.23,"body":"if that's the kind of person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2728.23,"endTime":2731.56,"body":"that you want to spend your life"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2728.23,"endTime":2731.56,"body":"with someone who's disrespecting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2731.56,"endTime":2734.77,"body":"your values. And, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2731.56,"endTime":2734.77,"body":"maybe it's time to reevaluate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2734.77,"endTime":2736.48,"body":"your relationships and what you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2734.77,"endTime":2736.48,"body":"stand for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2736.51,"endTime":2740.71,"body":"a lot of times, addicts"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2736.51,"endTime":2740.71,"body":"and alcoholics are violating"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2740.71,"endTime":2744.46,"body":"almost every value you have in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2740.71,"endTime":2744.46,"body":"place for yourself. Yeah, at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2744.46,"endTime":2747.34,"body":"least whenever I think about it,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2744.46,"endTime":2747.34,"body":"and I, you know, there are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2747.34,"endTime":2750.55,"body":"people in my life who violate"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2747.34,"endTime":2750.55,"body":"every single value that I have,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2750.58,"endTime":2753.25,"body":"people will argue this,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2750.58,"endTime":2753.25,"body":"but I can speak from experience"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2753.25,"endTime":2756.37,"body":"to say that at the root of a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2753.25,"endTime":2756.37,"body":"of addiction of selfishness, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2756.37,"endTime":2761.74,"body":"didn't care about anyone else,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2756.37,"endTime":2761.74,"body":"or who got hurt necessarily. As"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2761.74,"endTime":2764.5,"body":"long as I felt the way I needed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2761.74,"endTime":2764.5,"body":"to feel now, doesn't mean I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2764.53,"endTime":2767.05,"body":"wanted to hurt anyone else. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2764.53,"endTime":2767.05,"body":"didn't want to hurt I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2767.05,"endTime":2769.96,"body":"start by saying like, I hope"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2767.05,"endTime":2769.96,"body":"this hurts them. I want them to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2769.96,"endTime":2772.87,"body":"hurt. No, I just don't think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2769.96,"endTime":2772.87,"body":"that when it came down to me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2772.87,"endTime":2775.69,"body":"getting what I needed versus"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2772.87,"endTime":2775.69,"body":"like you going through a tough"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2775.69,"endTime":2781.63,"body":"time I won every time. So there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2775.69,"endTime":2781.63,"body":"was a degree of selfishness"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2781.63,"endTime":2786.37,"body":"there. Yeah. I was concerned"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2781.63,"endTime":2786.37,"body":"with me what I needed. As soon"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2786.37,"endTime":2789.49,"body":"as you started to do the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2786.37,"endTime":2789.49,"body":"thing. I kind of started to see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2789.49,"endTime":2791.86,"body":"the light. I don't think that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2789.49,"endTime":2791.86,"body":"a coincidence."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2792.46,"endTime":2796.72,"body":"Yeah. Dang. But I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2792.46,"endTime":2796.72,"body":"think it's selfish."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2796.99,"endTime":2800.08,"body":"What you were doing wasn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2796.99,"endTime":2800.08,"body":"selfish. Oh, no, you were just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2800.08,"endTime":2803.56,"body":"living you. You were just doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2800.08,"endTime":2803.56,"body":"you. Yeah, focusing on me, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2803.56,"endTime":2806.62,"body":"started taking care of yourself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2803.56,"endTime":2806.62,"body":"Yeah. And we are probably the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2806.62,"endTime":2811.06,"body":"rare case where things worked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2806.62,"endTime":2811.06,"body":"out. And I want I wish everyone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2811.09,"endTime":2813.4,"body":"relationships work out. Like I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2811.09,"endTime":2813.4,"body":"want to be sitting at dinner"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2813.7,"endTime":2816.7,"body":"with the listener and their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2813.7,"endTime":2816.7,"body":"partner one day, and talking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2816.7,"endTime":2819.94,"body":"about how they work through all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2816.7,"endTime":2819.94,"body":"these things I do. But I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2819.94,"endTime":2823.36,"body":"also like to meet someone who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2819.94,"endTime":2823.36,"body":"learned more about themselves,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2823.63,"endTime":2827.53,"body":"and what they stand for. And how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2823.63,"endTime":2827.53,"body":"they learn to walk on their own"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2827.53,"endTime":2830.29,"body":"two feet for the first time in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2827.53,"endTime":2830.29,"body":"their life. Yep, I would love to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2830.29,"endTime":2834.16,"body":"have that dinner conversation to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2830.29,"endTime":2834.16,"body":"wish the other person all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2834.16,"endTime":2837.16,"body":"best hope of doing well. And you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2834.16,"endTime":2837.16,"body":"pray for them and your heart"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2837.16,"endTime":2839.92,"body":"still breaks for them. And you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2837.16,"endTime":2839.92,"body":"still love them. But you will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2839.92,"endTime":2843.28,"body":"not set yourself to that type of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2839.92,"endTime":2843.28,"body":"abuse anymore. That right there."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2843.49,"endTime":2846.19,"body":"So I think I think that wraps up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2843.49,"endTime":2846.19,"body":"boundaries for us."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2846.19,"endTime":2850.33,"body":"Yeah. So the equation is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2846.19,"endTime":2850.33,"body":"your value plus violation, which"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2850.33,"endTime":2853.42,"body":"is episode one plus Episode Two"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2850.33,"endTime":2853.42,"body":"equals that equals your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2853.42,"endTime":2853.87,"body":"boundary."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2854.29,"endTime":2856.75,"body":"And everything that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2854.29,"endTime":2856.75,"body":"discussed around the boundaries,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2856.75,"endTime":2859.66,"body":"the do's and the don'ts. There's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2856.75,"endTime":2859.66,"body":"a lot here to digest, you might"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2859.66,"endTime":2862.69,"body":"need to live gives one a lesson"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2859.66,"endTime":2862.69,"body":"or two. Yeah, we've got guides"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2862.69,"endTime":2863.59,"body":"on this stuff as well."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2863.62,"endTime":2867.52,"body":"Yeah. And I'm sure we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2863.62,"endTime":2867.52,"body":"will go down this road again, at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2867.52,"endTime":2870.28,"body":"some point to probably when we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2867.52,"endTime":2870.28,"body":"come up with some more"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2870.28,"endTime":2874.93,"body":"information or more examples"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2870.28,"endTime":2874.93,"body":"that we've seen, for sure. Or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2874.93,"endTime":2878.44,"body":"that we do say so. Yeah, it's a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2874.93,"endTime":2878.44,"body":"big topic that a lot of people"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2878.44,"endTime":2879.28,"body":"can benefit from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2879.31,"endTime":2881.95,"body":"it is in yellow, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2879.31,"endTime":2881.95,"body":"there's so much to I really do."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2881.95,"endTime":2883.96,"body":"I hope this was helpful. I hope"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2881.95,"endTime":2883.96,"body":"that you took something away"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2883.96,"endTime":2887.2,"body":"from this, whether it be you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2883.96,"endTime":2887.2,"body":"know, some of the truth bombs or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2887.2,"endTime":2888.94,"body":"some of the just the information"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2887.2,"endTime":2888.94,"body":"that's going to help you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2888.94,"endTime":2891.28,"body":"actively go out and set a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2888.94,"endTime":2891.28,"body":"boundary. I hope that something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2891.28,"endTime":2895.72,"body":"here was helpful for you. Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2891.28,"endTime":2895.72,"body":"Awesome. Well, I think that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2895.72,"endTime":2898.6,"body":"all we've got anything any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2895.72,"endTime":2898.6,"body":"updates in the Tufo universe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2898.6,"endTime":2902.77,"body":"here? No, no, I don't think so."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2898.6,"endTime":2902.77,"body":"No, man, I just appreciate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2902.77,"endTime":2907.21,"body":"everyone that listens and like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2902.77,"endTime":2907.21,"body":"participates and engages and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2907.27,"endTime":2909.88,"body":"they reach out and help other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2907.27,"endTime":2909.88,"body":"people going through the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2909.88,"endTime":2912.43,"body":"thing like this thing's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2909.88,"endTime":2912.43,"body":"blossoming and I love to see it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2912.88,"endTime":2916.03,"body":"And I think each and every one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2912.88,"endTime":2916.03,"body":"of you for sharing a little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2916.03,"endTime":2919.57,"body":"piece of your soul with us and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2916.03,"endTime":2919.57,"body":"other people that are involved"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2919.57,"endTime":2921.28,"body":"in the community and it's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2919.57,"endTime":2921.28,"body":"release. I love that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2921.28,"endTime":2923.47,"body":"y'all have a voice now."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2921.28,"endTime":2923.47,"body":"Is it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2924.58,"endTime":2927.88,"body":"alright, well, until next"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2924.58,"endTime":2927.88,"body":"time, I am Matt, I will see you"}]}