{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":0.0,"endTime":2.43,"body":"You're really always"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":0.0,"endTime":2.43,"body":"looking at the potential and all"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2.43,"endTime":5.52,"body":"the positives that go on in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2.43,"endTime":5.52,"body":"these relationships. And this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":5.52,"endTime":8.43,"body":"happens a lot with codependence"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":5.52,"endTime":8.43,"body":"and addicts, because we're like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":8.46,"endTime":11.13,"body":"Oh, they're so good though."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":8.46,"endTime":11.13,"body":"They're so good when they're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":11.13,"endTime":13.86,"body":"good. They're good. But when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":11.13,"endTime":13.86,"body":"they're bad, they're bad. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":13.86,"endTime":16.98,"body":"trauma bonding, we can talk"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":13.86,"endTime":16.98,"body":"about this in depth tonight"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":17.04,"endTime":21.33,"body":"about what exactly it is within"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":17.04,"endTime":21.33,"body":"an addictive relationship."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":25.68,"endTime":31.26,"body":"Welcome back. Well, come"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":25.68,"endTime":31.26,"body":"back to another episode until"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":31.26,"endTime":36.69,"body":"the wheels fall off on that I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":31.26,"endTime":36.69,"body":"paid, man and this this crud"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":36.69,"endTime":37.77,"body":"that's been going around"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":38.25,"endTime":39.69,"body":"last year it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":41.1,"endTime":44.43,"body":"God it's awful. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":41.1,"endTime":44.43,"body":"awful."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":44.46,"endTime":48.06,"body":"I'd say I'm sorry, but I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":44.46,"endTime":48.06,"body":"mean, we're bonded now."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":48.72,"endTime":52.65,"body":"Speaking of bonded, we'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":48.72,"endTime":52.65,"body":"get there. I feel like the the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":52.68,"endTime":55.95,"body":"Quaker oatmeal guys in my head"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":52.68,"endTime":55.95,"body":"and he's just making oatmeal and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":55.95,"endTime":57.93,"body":"stuffing it into my sinuses all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":55.95,"endTime":57.93,"body":"day."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":57.96,"endTime":60.27,"body":"That's disgusting. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":57.96,"endTime":60.27,"body":"what it feels like to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":60.27,"endTime":62.19,"body":"oatmeal. Why couldn't it be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":60.27,"endTime":62.19,"body":"something else?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":62.22,"endTime":64.5,"body":"Oh, no oatmeal. It feels"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":62.22,"endTime":64.5,"body":"like oatmeal. It's just like so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":64.5,"endTime":67.41,"body":"thick. And it's clogging my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":64.5,"endTime":67.41,"body":"head. And forgive me. I sound"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":67.41,"endTime":69.09,"body":"like poo. And that's fine. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":67.41,"endTime":69.09,"body":"just is what it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":69.09,"endTime":71.64,"body":"is. He's kind of had a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":69.09,"endTime":71.64,"body":"man cold. Oh, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":71.64,"endTime":74.85,"body":"don't really do that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":71.64,"endTime":74.85,"body":"Start with me. You kind of do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":74.85,"endTime":75.18,"body":"but it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":75.18,"endTime":77.25,"body":"okay. Because I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":75.18,"endTime":77.25,"body":"understand how you feel because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":77.25,"endTime":78.69,"body":"it is miserable."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":79.53,"endTime":81.45,"body":"I'm a little offended"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":79.53,"endTime":81.45,"body":"about this whole man flu. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":81.81,"endTime":85.05,"body":"I've always prided myself on not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":81.81,"endTime":85.05,"body":"being the man flu guy. Like when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":85.05,"endTime":88.23,"body":"I have fever. I will actually"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":85.05,"endTime":88.23,"body":"get up and do things, you know."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":89.61,"endTime":91.74,"body":"Yeah. You're gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":91.74,"endTime":94.98,"body":"do okay, whatever. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":91.74,"endTime":94.98,"body":"fine. I disagree. All right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":97.02,"endTime":101.97,"body":"Just leave it at that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":97.02,"endTime":101.97,"body":"happenings in the, in our lives"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":101.97,"endTime":105.39,"body":"in our world. Not a whole heck"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":101.97,"endTime":105.39,"body":"of a lot. Still working really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":105.39,"endTime":107.79,"body":"hard in the background to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":105.39,"endTime":107.79,"body":"introduce some really cool stuff"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":107.79,"endTime":111.78,"body":"to you guys in the coming"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":107.79,"endTime":111.78,"body":"months, maybe possibly weeks."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":111.81,"endTime":115.23,"body":"Depends on how fast we can get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":111.81,"endTime":115.23,"body":"this stuff done. It's tough with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":115.23,"endTime":118.53,"body":"a whole life. With a whole life."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":115.23,"endTime":118.53,"body":"Yeah. With a whole life"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":118.71,"endTime":121.44,"body":"doing other things. Yes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":118.71,"endTime":121.44,"body":"And being sick for a month at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":121.44,"endTime":121.92,"body":"once."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":121.98,"endTime":124.74,"body":"Yeah, yeah, it's been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":121.98,"endTime":124.74,"body":"tough. But it's been awesome. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":125.64,"endTime":128.88,"body":"and also stick around at the end"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":125.64,"endTime":128.88,"body":"of this episode because we are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":128.88,"endTime":132.27,"body":"going to start answering"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":128.88,"endTime":132.27,"body":"listener questions. Last"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":132.27,"endTime":134.97,"body":"episode, we answered a question."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":132.27,"endTime":134.97,"body":"I thought it was relevant for a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":134.97,"endTime":137.67,"body":"whole episode. I think that was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":134.97,"endTime":137.67,"body":"pretty good. What do you think?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":138.0,"endTime":143.04,"body":"Yeah. And then what I'd like to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":138.0,"endTime":143.04,"body":"address questions at the end of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":143.04,"endTime":145.62,"body":"every episodes like a little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":143.04,"endTime":145.62,"body":"segment. Questions from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":145.62,"endTime":148.53,"body":"listeners? Yep. I think that'd"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":145.62,"endTime":148.53,"body":"be fun. So stick around. Yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":148.53,"endTime":150.54,"body":"love it when you brought that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":148.53,"endTime":150.54,"body":"up. So stick around the end of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":150.54,"endTime":153.57,"body":"that. Okay. So we have been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":150.54,"endTime":153.57,"body":"having a lot of discussion in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":153.57,"endTime":160.08,"body":"the background. On the topic of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":153.57,"endTime":160.08,"body":"narcissism, yeah. Narcissism has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":160.08,"endTime":165.09,"body":"become the new buzzword of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":160.08,"endTime":165.09,"body":"social media, particularly tick"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":165.09,"endTime":169.26,"body":"tock. If you're not familiar"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":165.09,"endTime":169.26,"body":"with you, Okay, over here."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":169.29,"endTime":172.29,"body":"Sorry. There is a gnat"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":169.29,"endTime":172.29,"body":"flying around me and it keeps"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":172.29,"endTime":173.79,"body":"getting him a face plate from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":173.79,"endTime":176.07,"body":"this plant behind me and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":173.79,"endTime":176.07,"body":"didn't look so hot. All the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":176.07,"endTime":179.58,"body":"birds keeping it up. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":176.07,"endTime":179.58,"body":"goodness. Okay. Narcissism"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":179.58,"endTime":182.49,"body":"anyway, narcissism has become"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":179.58,"endTime":182.49,"body":"like the new buzzword on social"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":182.49,"endTime":185.61,"body":"media it is popular search"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":182.49,"endTime":185.61,"body":"results are through the roof."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":185.61,"endTime":189.84,"body":"There are more videos about this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":185.61,"endTime":189.84,"body":"than you could ever imagine. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":189.84,"endTime":194.31,"body":"I've got a friend who's got a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":189.84,"endTime":194.31,"body":"PhD in this stuff. And we were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":194.31,"endTime":196.95,"body":"talking and he was like, this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":194.31,"endTime":196.95,"body":"just blowing my mind how popular"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":196.95,"endTime":201.36,"body":"this has become. He's he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":196.95,"endTime":201.36,"body":"described it like, like eating"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":201.36,"endTime":203.64,"body":"at a restaurant, like your whole"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":201.36,"endTime":203.64,"body":"life. And then all of a sudden,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":203.64,"endTime":205.98,"body":"it's super crowded, because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":203.64,"endTime":205.98,"body":"everyone finds out about it. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":205.98,"endTime":208.41,"body":"you're like, Hey, what's going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":205.98,"endTime":208.41,"body":"on? Like, why is everyone here?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":209.19,"endTime":212.97,"body":"That's what this is, sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":209.19,"endTime":212.97,"body":"described it like that. And the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":212.97,"endTime":215.37,"body":"three of us have had a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":212.97,"endTime":215.37,"body":"really cool and interesting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":215.37,"endTime":220.08,"body":"conversations around this topic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":215.37,"endTime":220.08,"body":"around narcissism. So I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":220.08,"endTime":224.07,"body":"that narcissism Okay, before I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":220.08,"endTime":224.07,"body":"start, it's valid, right? There"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":224.07,"endTime":226.53,"body":"are a lot of people who deal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":224.07,"endTime":226.53,"body":"with narcissistic relationships,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":226.56,"endTime":230.34,"body":"and I'm not coming at anybody at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":226.56,"endTime":230.34,"body":"all. But I see the word and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":230.34,"endTime":234.66,"body":"term thrown around a lot almost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":230.34,"endTime":234.66,"body":"like you know how like in like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":234.66,"endTime":237.51,"body":"the late 90s It was like That"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":234.66,"endTime":237.51,"body":"guy's a psycho? Yeah, that's how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":237.51,"endTime":239.4,"body":"they would refer to people who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":237.51,"endTime":239.4,"body":"were just kind of like wheels"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":239.4,"endTime":243.06,"body":"off. Yeah, psycho now yeah, now"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":239.4,"endTime":243.06,"body":"it's that guy's a narcissist."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":243.06,"endTime":246.0,"body":"Yeah, like that's just the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":243.06,"endTime":246.0,"body":"become the accepted term for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":246.0,"endTime":248.61,"body":"someone who is like selfish, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":246.0,"endTime":248.61,"body":"they're just generally a pain in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":248.61,"endTime":252.36,"body":"the ass. But real narcissism,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":248.61,"endTime":252.36,"body":"narcissistic personality"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":252.36,"endTime":256.62,"body":"disorder affects roughly 10% of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":252.36,"endTime":256.62,"body":"the population. And we've had a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":256.62,"endTime":259.26,"body":"lot of discussion about why that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":256.62,"endTime":259.26,"body":"is to if it seems so prevalent,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":259.26,"endTime":262.65,"body":"and then what could be driving"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":259.26,"endTime":262.65,"body":"some of this and a theory that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":262.65,"endTime":266.7,"body":"we have that we're going to dig"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":262.65,"endTime":266.7,"body":"into much more starting today,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":266.7,"endTime":271.41,"body":"right now here in this episode,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":266.7,"endTime":271.41,"body":"is if you look at the the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":271.41,"endTime":276.12,"body":"behavior of a narcissist, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":271.41,"endTime":276.12,"body":"look at all the so the DSM five"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":276.12,"endTime":280.14,"body":"is the it's essentially the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":276.12,"endTime":280.14,"body":"Bible for diagnosing mental"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":280.14,"endTime":284.16,"body":"disorders. And if you look in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":280.14,"endTime":284.16,"body":"the criteria, you wouldn't if I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":284.16,"endTime":286.05,"body":"covered up the chapter, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":284.16,"endTime":286.05,"body":"wouldn't know if you were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":286.05,"endTime":287.91,"body":"reading about addiction or if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":286.05,"endTime":287.91,"body":"you were reading about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":287.91,"endTime":291.72,"body":"narcissism. Yeah. And we spent a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":287.91,"endTime":291.72,"body":"lot of times in groups that deal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":291.72,"endTime":295.32,"body":"with you know, narcissistic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":291.72,"endTime":295.32,"body":"abuse and as well as addiction"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":295.32,"endTime":298.86,"body":"abuse and the two overlap. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":295.32,"endTime":298.86,"body":"as it turns out, studies are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":298.86,"endTime":302.25,"body":"showing that these things Things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":298.86,"endTime":302.25,"body":"aren't necessarily distinct,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":302.61,"endTime":305.88,"body":"that they do have a ton of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":302.61,"endTime":305.88,"body":"overlap. So a lot of the things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":305.88,"endTime":309.18,"body":"that take place in narcissistic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":305.88,"endTime":309.18,"body":"relationships also take place in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":309.18,"endTime":312.33,"body":"addicted relationships. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":309.18,"endTime":312.33,"body":"we've got a lot to say on both"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":312.33,"endTime":316.02,"body":"of these topics. But today we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":312.33,"endTime":316.02,"body":"going to focus on trauma"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":316.02,"endTime":319.68,"body":"bonding, yes, trauma bonding,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":316.02,"endTime":319.68,"body":"which is you will commonly find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":319.68,"endTime":322.8,"body":"this type of language when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":319.68,"endTime":322.8,"body":"referring to narcissistic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":322.8,"endTime":325.5,"body":"relationships, narcissistic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":322.8,"endTime":325.5,"body":"personality disorder and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":325.5,"endTime":329.64,"body":"types of spouses partners that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":325.5,"endTime":329.64,"body":"these people have. But I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":329.64,"endTime":334.05,"body":"it's especially relevant to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":329.64,"endTime":334.05,"body":"addict alcoholic relationship as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":334.05,"endTime":336.84,"body":"well. Yeah, I think so too."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":334.05,"endTime":336.84,"body":"Okay, so tell me how you came"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":336.84,"endTime":339.63,"body":"across this. And like your work."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":336.84,"endTime":339.63,"body":"You were kind of like our friend"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":339.63,"endTime":341.49,"body":"like, when you first started"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":339.63,"endTime":341.49,"body":"hearing about this narcissist"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":341.49,"endTime":343.62,"body":"stuff. You were like, What in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":341.49,"endTime":343.62,"body":"the world? Where does this come"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":343.62,"endTime":346.41,"body":"from? Like, I've been in therapy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":343.62,"endTime":346.41,"body":"for this stuff for years."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":346.44,"endTime":349.95,"body":"Oh, yeah. Learning about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":346.44,"endTime":349.95,"body":"narcissism for very long time."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":349.95,"endTime":352.62,"body":"It's something that I've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":349.95,"endTime":352.62,"body":"researched a lot on. And I've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":352.65,"endTime":355.65,"body":"it's been popping up a lot more"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":352.65,"endTime":355.65,"body":"recently, because I do work with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":355.65,"endTime":359.4,"body":"a lot of people. And that word"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":355.65,"endTime":359.4,"body":"gets thrown out a lot. So I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":359.4,"endTime":362.1,"body":"decided to just do some"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":359.4,"endTime":362.1,"body":"research. And then this, this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":362.25,"endTime":366.42,"body":"blog came up about trauma"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":362.25,"endTime":366.42,"body":"bonding, and I've heard trauma"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":366.42,"endTime":369.78,"body":"bond a lot, but I never really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":366.42,"endTime":369.78,"body":"looked into it. You know, I just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":369.78,"endTime":371.97,"body":"didn't think anything of it. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":369.78,"endTime":371.97,"body":"as I was reading through this, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":371.97,"endTime":374.58,"body":"was like, Holy crap, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":371.97,"endTime":374.58,"body":"how we're always telling people"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":375.0,"endTime":380.19,"body":"that they have this feeling of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":375.0,"endTime":380.19,"body":"they hold on to the greatness of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":380.19,"endTime":383.16,"body":"the partner that they're with?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":380.19,"endTime":383.16,"body":"Oh, my gosh, what's the word I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":383.16,"endTime":383.7,"body":"looking for?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":385.35,"endTime":386.43,"body":"benefits like, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":386.43,"endTime":389.13,"body":"don't know, like when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":386.43,"endTime":389.13,"body":"you're with somebody, and you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":389.16,"endTime":392.01,"body":"we say it all the time. We were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":389.16,"endTime":392.01,"body":"saying it in our recent call."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":392.88,"endTime":395.88,"body":"Oh, my gosh, I'm like completely"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":392.88,"endTime":395.88,"body":"blanking out right now."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":395.91,"endTime":397.92,"body":"I don't know I've always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":395.91,"endTime":397.92,"body":"thought of is like you can it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":397.92,"endTime":400.35,"body":"really easy to romanticize the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":397.92,"endTime":400.35,"body":"good times."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":400.38,"endTime":402.57,"body":"Yes. You're looking at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":400.38,"endTime":402.57,"body":"the highs, the really positive"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":402.57,"endTime":403.41,"body":"stuff, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":403.8,"endTime":408.0,"body":"potential potential"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":403.8,"endTime":408.0,"body":"potentials. Like, attached,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":408.0,"endTime":408.18,"body":"that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":408.18,"endTime":411.51,"body":"the word. That's the word"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":408.18,"endTime":411.51,"body":"that's. So you're really always"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":411.51,"endTime":414.6,"body":"looking at the potential and all"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":411.51,"endTime":414.6,"body":"the positives that go on in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":414.6,"endTime":417.96,"body":"these relationships. And this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":414.6,"endTime":417.96,"body":"happens a lot with codependence"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":417.99,"endTime":420.84,"body":"and addicts, because we're like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":417.99,"endTime":420.84,"body":"Oh, they're so good, though."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":420.87,"endTime":422.91,"body":"They're so good. When they're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":420.87,"endTime":422.91,"body":"good. They're good. But when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":422.91,"endTime":425.7,"body":"they're bad, they're bad. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":422.91,"endTime":425.7,"body":"trauma bonding, we can talk"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":425.7,"endTime":430.65,"body":"about this in depth tonight"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":425.7,"endTime":430.65,"body":"about what exactly? It is within"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":430.65,"endTime":432.03,"body":"an addictive relationship."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":432.21,"endTime":435.09,"body":"Yeah, I think this is very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":432.21,"endTime":435.09,"body":"fitting. And I think that is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":435.09,"endTime":438.12,"body":"validating. And I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":435.09,"endTime":438.12,"body":"it's, it's something that a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":438.12,"endTime":440.52,"body":"of people are going to hear and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":438.12,"endTime":440.52,"body":"be like, holy crap, I've been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":440.52,"endTime":441.18,"body":"seen."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":441.42,"endTime":443.64,"body":"Uh huh. Because that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":441.42,"endTime":443.64,"body":"how I felt when I read this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":444.0,"endTime":448.23,"body":"So what is a trauma bond?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":444.0,"endTime":448.23,"body":"So a trauma bond occurs when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":448.26,"endTime":452.04,"body":"someone becomes overly loyal or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":448.26,"endTime":452.04,"body":"attached to another individual"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":452.04,"endTime":456.3,"body":"who exhibits toxic behavior?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":452.04,"endTime":456.3,"body":"It's highly prevalent, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":456.3,"endTime":459.36,"body":"we've mentioned in narcissistic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":456.3,"endTime":459.36,"body":"relationships, where there are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":459.36,"endTime":463.41,"body":"repeated cycles of these of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":459.36,"endTime":463.41,"body":"emotional or physical trauma,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":463.62,"endTime":468.09,"body":"then followed by these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":463.62,"endTime":468.09,"body":"intermittent periods of positive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":468.09,"endTime":470.55,"body":"reinforcement. Yes. Sounds like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":468.09,"endTime":470.55,"body":"a roller coaster."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":470.58,"endTime":473.16,"body":"Right. And whenever those"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":470.58,"endTime":473.16,"body":"positive reinforcement"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":473.19,"endTime":476.85,"body":"reinforcements happen, we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":473.19,"endTime":476.85,"body":"actually get like a dopamine"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":477.63,"endTime":478.35,"body":"release."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":478.65,"endTime":481.2,"body":"Yeah, it's sort of like it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":478.65,"endTime":481.2,"body":"fills a need. And it almost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":481.2,"endTime":483.09,"body":"becomes like an addiction in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":481.2,"endTime":483.09,"body":"itself, right. That's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":483.09,"endTime":486.72,"body":"why the cycle keeps"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":483.09,"endTime":486.72,"body":"continuing. So derail us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":486.72,"endTime":489.33,"body":"just a little bit. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":486.72,"endTime":489.33,"body":"always said like you like bad"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":489.33,"endTime":494.01,"body":"boys and projects. It's funny,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":489.33,"endTime":494.01,"body":"like, this explains it. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":494.34,"endTime":496.68,"body":"when I was using, you would get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":494.34,"endTime":496.68,"body":"these little glimpses and like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":496.71,"endTime":500.1,"body":"Oh, I did that I fixed that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":496.71,"endTime":500.1,"body":"Like, that felt really good. Let"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":500.1,"endTime":502.74,"body":"me let me go through that again."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":500.1,"endTime":502.74,"body":"And it's like you didn't you go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":502.74,"endTime":507.51,"body":"through the the, you know, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":502.74,"endTime":507.51,"body":"low like the the dip, and you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":507.51,"endTime":511.14,"body":"deal with all that crap. But to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":507.51,"endTime":511.14,"body":"you, it's worth that rush at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":511.14,"endTime":514.53,"body":"top. Yeah. To feel that rush"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":511.14,"endTime":514.53,"body":"again, to feel that closeness"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":514.53,"endTime":518.4,"body":"that connection. Yeah. Man,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":518.429,"endTime":519.869,"body":"we are so similar."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":520.5,"endTime":522.54,"body":"We really are, we really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":520.5,"endTime":522.54,"body":"are and we were talking about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":522.54,"endTime":525.96,"body":"this like romanticizing, right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":522.54,"endTime":525.96,"body":"Like, it's so easy in your mind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":525.96,"endTime":529.74,"body":"to romanticize good times and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":525.96,"endTime":529.74,"body":"forget the bad. Let's just say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":529.74,"endTime":533.4,"body":"you have a job that if I asked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":529.74,"endTime":533.4,"body":"you on any ordinary day, I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":533.4,"endTime":537.33,"body":"say how you like your job you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":533.4,"endTime":537.33,"body":"would say? And I kind of hate it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":537.33,"endTime":539.85,"body":"if I'm honest. Yeah. But then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":537.33,"endTime":539.85,"body":"there are times where you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":539.85,"endTime":542.55,"body":"recall that one time that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":539.85,"endTime":542.55,"body":"got recognition in the meeting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":542.55,"endTime":544.5,"body":"and Everyone clap for you. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":542.55,"endTime":544.5,"body":"you're like, man, it's actually"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":544.5,"endTime":547.44,"body":"a pretty good place to work like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":544.5,"endTime":547.44,"body":"strong culture. They pay me all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":547.44,"endTime":551.37,"body":"right. But if you really look at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":547.44,"endTime":551.37,"body":"it, stretch it out over time."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":552.21,"endTime":555.96,"body":"This is crap. And it is crap. In"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":552.21,"endTime":555.96,"body":"overtime, the average says that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":555.96,"endTime":558.0,"body":"it's generally crap. But we'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":555.96,"endTime":558.0,"body":"look at those"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":558.03,"endTime":561.18,"body":"couple. I'm like toxic"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":558.03,"endTime":561.18,"body":"positivity, because we live in a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":561.18,"endTime":564.45,"body":"society where it's like you need"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":561.18,"endTime":564.45,"body":"to look into the good stuff of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":564.45,"endTime":567.87,"body":"stuff, be grateful for what you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":564.45,"endTime":567.87,"body":"have. And it makes us dismiss"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":567.87,"endTime":570.3,"body":"the negative when in reality, we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":567.87,"endTime":570.3,"body":"need to look at this negative"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":570.3,"endTime":571.86,"body":"stuff because it is affecting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":570.3,"endTime":571.86,"body":"us."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":571.89,"endTime":574.41,"body":"Yeah, and it's not too"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":571.89,"endTime":574.41,"body":"dissimilar from what I've dealt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":574.41,"endTime":577.32,"body":"with in my life and you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":574.41,"endTime":577.32,"body":"relate to this in a different"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":577.32,"endTime":582.63,"body":"way. Addicts alcoholics that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":577.32,"endTime":582.63,"body":"have recovered they say it is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":582.63,"endTime":586.26,"body":"the you know, it's the dream of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":582.63,"endTime":586.26,"body":"every abnormal drinker to one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":586.26,"endTime":589.02,"body":"day think that they can drink"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":586.26,"endTime":589.02,"body":"like normal people. Like it's an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":589.02,"endTime":591.57,"body":"illusion that some people hold"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":589.02,"endTime":591.57,"body":"on to for the rest of their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":591.57,"endTime":594.6,"body":"lives. And it's funny like will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":591.57,"endTime":594.6,"body":"be like knowing what I know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":594.6,"endTime":597.24,"body":"about myself and what knew you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":594.6,"endTime":597.24,"body":"know about me and my history,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":597.57,"endTime":600.0,"body":"will be out on it always happens"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":597.57,"endTime":600.0,"body":"on vacation will be on one day."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":600.0,"endTime":603.18,"body":"and we'll see if like, like we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":600.0,"endTime":603.18,"body":"were in Maine whenever the guy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":603.18,"endTime":605.43,"body":"had a beer on the beach. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":603.18,"endTime":605.43,"body":"like, Oh, that looks really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":605.43,"endTime":607.47,"body":"nice. That guy's just like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":605.43,"endTime":607.47,"body":"enjoying a beer like at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":607.47,"endTime":610.77,"body":"sunset and a bit. That's really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":607.47,"endTime":610.77,"body":"awesome. And I can romanticize"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":610.77,"endTime":613.86,"body":"for a moment how cool that would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":610.77,"endTime":613.86,"body":"be and how I could probably do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":613.86,"endTime":616.71,"body":"that. And then I have to stop"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":613.86,"endTime":616.71,"body":"real quick and go, Wait a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":616.71,"endTime":620.94,"body":"second. I never drink like that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":616.71,"endTime":620.94,"body":"Yeah, I drink like a pig. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":620.94,"endTime":623.28,"body":"drink like an idiot. Like, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":620.94,"endTime":623.28,"body":"never just had a beer on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":623.28,"endTime":627.06,"body":"beach, you know. But I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":623.28,"endTime":627.06,"body":"romanticize those one or two"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":627.06,"endTime":630.12,"body":"times in my life where I got the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":627.06,"endTime":630.12,"body":"mix just right. And I had a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":630.12,"endTime":634.74,"body":"great evening. And forget about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":630.12,"endTime":634.74,"body":"the years and years and years of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":634.74,"endTime":638.46,"body":"crap that I put us through and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":634.74,"endTime":638.46,"body":"myself through. Yeah, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":638.46,"endTime":641.31,"body":"little rush you get from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":638.46,"endTime":641.31,"body":"figuring it out just right that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":641.31,"endTime":644.31,"body":"time. Yep. And this is the exact"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":641.31,"endTime":644.31,"body":"same thing, but it's in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":644.31,"endTime":647.1,"body":"relationship with a partner,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":644.31,"endTime":647.1,"body":"right? It is the exact same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":647.1,"endTime":651.69,"body":"thing. Okay, so when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":647.1,"endTime":651.69,"body":"trauma bonded relationships,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":652.92,"endTime":657.75,"body":"there are some risk factors,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":652.92,"endTime":657.75,"body":"some, let's call them red flags,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":657.75,"endTime":662.58,"body":"I would say. Yeah, red flags. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":657.75,"endTime":662.58,"body":"these are things that like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":662.58,"endTime":665.49,"body":"okay, so anyone can develop a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":662.58,"endTime":665.49,"body":"trauma bond, let's just say that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":665.52,"endTime":668.22,"body":"and then we could develop a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":665.52,"endTime":668.22,"body":"trauma bond, okay. But there are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":668.22,"endTime":670.89,"body":"certain characteristics of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":668.22,"endTime":670.89,"body":"people that make them more at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":670.89,"endTime":675.03,"body":"risk to fall into one of these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":670.89,"endTime":675.03,"body":"relationships, okay. And so one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":675.03,"endTime":681.6,"body":"of them is a low self esteem."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":675.03,"endTime":681.6,"body":"Another one is a lack of social"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":681.6,"endTime":685.23,"body":"support. Another one is having"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":681.6,"endTime":685.23,"body":"financial difficulties. We'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":685.23,"endTime":690.33,"body":"talk about why here in a moment."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":685.23,"endTime":690.33,"body":"childhood maltreatment, so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":690.36,"endTime":694.89,"body":"preexisting trauma of some kind,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":690.36,"endTime":694.89,"body":"poor mental health and lack of a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":694.89,"endTime":698.85,"body":"personal identity, these things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":694.89,"endTime":698.85,"body":"all sort of set yourself up or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":698.85,"endTime":702.6,"body":"set you up to be in a position"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":698.85,"endTime":702.6,"body":"where this could happen to you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":702.6,"endTime":706.08,"body":"And when I look at these risk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":702.6,"endTime":706.08,"body":"factors, I'm also looking at if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":706.08,"endTime":708.15,"body":"you blindfolded me and said,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":706.08,"endTime":708.15,"body":"What are these I would say,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":708.15,"endTime":711.42,"body":"well, these are like, this looks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":708.15,"endTime":711.42,"body":"like codependency This is like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":711.42,"endTime":714.06,"body":"the same exact thing. Yeah, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":711.42,"endTime":714.06,"body":"is the same thing that happens"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":714.06,"endTime":716.46,"body":"in the alcoholic addict"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":714.06,"endTime":716.46,"body":"relationship. Right? But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":716.46,"endTime":720.66,"body":"remember, we're talking about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":716.46,"endTime":720.66,"body":"narcissism here. Yes. So more on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":720.66,"endTime":725.94,"body":"that later. Yeah. More on that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":720.66,"endTime":725.94,"body":"later. Okay, so trauma bonds in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":725.94,"endTime":729.18,"body":"general, like when I first heard"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":725.94,"endTime":729.18,"body":"this term, I thought it was just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":729.18,"endTime":731.94,"body":"like another word for shared"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":729.18,"endTime":731.94,"body":"trauma. Yeah, you did. I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":731.94,"endTime":733.59,"body":"Isn't that like, when you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":731.94,"endTime":733.59,"body":"survive a plane crash with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":733.59,"endTime":736.32,"body":"someone and you just close"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":733.59,"endTime":736.32,"body":"forever? You're like, no, idiot."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":737.43,"endTime":740.64,"body":"It's totally not it. You kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":737.43,"endTime":740.64,"body":"had to describe to me like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":740.64,"endTime":745.44,"body":"like, like, what that really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":740.64,"endTime":745.44,"body":"was. So walk me through how this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":745.44,"endTime":748.38,"body":"applies to people that we worked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":745.44,"endTime":748.38,"body":"with, like, what have you seen?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":748.68,"endTime":751.74,"body":"Not many, just in general,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":748.68,"endTime":751.74,"body":"right. So knowing what you know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":751.74,"endTime":754.41,"body":"about our relationship, folks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":751.74,"endTime":754.41,"body":"that I know, folks that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":754.41,"endTime":756.87,"body":"know, like, how does this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":754.41,"endTime":756.87,"body":"normally play out? Like, what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":756.87,"endTime":760.56,"body":"are these relationships sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":756.87,"endTime":760.56,"body":"look like from 30,000 feet? If"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":760.56,"endTime":762.75,"body":"you were to generalize the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":760.56,"endTime":762.75,"body":"relationship?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":762.9,"endTime":764.52,"body":"Hey, when you ask me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":762.9,"endTime":764.52,"body":"questions,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":765.57,"endTime":768.51,"body":"this is our job. We ask"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":765.57,"endTime":768.51,"body":"each other questions,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":768.51,"endTime":772.8,"body":"not necessarily, dear."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":768.51,"endTime":772.8,"body":"Um, I mean, this is like, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":772.8,"endTime":774.66,"body":"guess the signs of trauma"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":772.8,"endTime":774.66,"body":"bonding? Is that what you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":774.66,"endTime":775.26,"body":"asking?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":775.68,"endTime":778.41,"body":"Let's say, I'm listening"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":775.68,"endTime":778.41,"body":"to this thing for the first"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":778.41,"endTime":780.24,"body":"time. And I'm trying to figure"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":778.41,"endTime":780.24,"body":"out if I'm in one of these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":780.24,"endTime":782.85,"body":"relationships, like what are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":780.24,"endTime":782.85,"body":"these look like with an addict"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":782.85,"endTime":786.42,"body":"or an alcoholic in your life?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":782.85,"endTime":786.42,"body":"What does it look like? an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":786.42,"endTime":788.28,"body":"abusive partner? Right? It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":788.28,"endTime":790.47,"body":"a roller coaster, right?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":788.28,"endTime":790.47,"body":"Yeah, it's, you're gonna be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":790.47,"endTime":795.99,"body":"manipulated and gaslit. And then"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":790.47,"endTime":795.99,"body":"you're the addict or alcoholic,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":795.99,"endTime":799.23,"body":"and your life will turn around"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":795.99,"endTime":799.23,"body":"and say, I'm sorry, I love you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":799.23,"endTime":803.4,"body":"so much, our relationship is the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":799.23,"endTime":803.4,"body":"best. And you have really good"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":803.4,"endTime":806.73,"body":"times with each other. And they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":803.4,"endTime":806.73,"body":"that's called love bombing, kind"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":806.73,"endTime":811.38,"body":"of, and then they screw up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":806.73,"endTime":811.38,"body":"again, and you keep giving them"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":811.53,"endTime":814.14,"body":"this, it's a cycle that just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":811.53,"endTime":814.14,"body":"keeps going."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":815.01,"endTime":819.06,"body":"Yeah, and behind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":815.01,"endTime":819.06,"body":"alcoholism, a lot of the time is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":819.06,"endTime":823.23,"body":"an abusive person. Now abuse,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":819.06,"endTime":823.23,"body":"like alcohol can lead to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":823.23,"endTime":827.49,"body":"severity of symptoms with abuse,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":823.23,"endTime":827.49,"body":"but abuse stands alone as its"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":827.52,"endTime":832.29,"body":"own thing. Like, alcohol doesn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":827.52,"endTime":832.29,"body":"necessarily turn a non abusive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":832.29,"endTime":836.34,"body":"person abusive, like that's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":832.29,"endTime":836.34,"body":"misnomer, like abuse is inside"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":836.34,"endTime":840.15,"body":"of that person. Alcohol makes it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":836.34,"endTime":840.15,"body":"worse. Right? And it makes it it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":840.15,"endTime":843.54,"body":"triggers more risk to become"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":840.15,"endTime":843.54,"body":"physical and violence. Yeah. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":843.54,"endTime":847.2,"body":"it's there. Yeah, it's kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":843.54,"endTime":847.2,"body":"always there. Right. So thinking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":847.2,"endTime":850.53,"body":"about these types of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":847.2,"endTime":850.53,"body":"relationships, and this is no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":850.53,"endTime":853.53,"body":"one in particular, this is just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":850.53,"endTime":853.53,"body":"the, you know, how these things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":853.56,"endTime":857.1,"body":"generally play out. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":853.56,"endTime":857.1,"body":"really going to lose it on this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":857.1,"endTime":857.85,"body":"net aren't you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":858.15,"endTime":859.89,"body":"know, it'll be hit"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":858.15,"endTime":859.89,"body":"smushed here in just a second."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":859.92,"endTime":863.73,"body":"It's gonna go in my mouth when I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":859.92,"endTime":863.73,"body":"talk. I'm really it's I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":863.73,"endTime":867.27,"body":"know why. I'm gonna suck it up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":863.73,"endTime":867.27,"body":"my nose. Okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":867.27,"endTime":871.44,"body":"But what we have is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":867.27,"endTime":871.44,"body":"generally, a, you will have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":871.44,"endTime":876.75,"body":"lot of times a person who is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":871.44,"endTime":876.75,"body":"financially dependent on usually"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":876.75,"endTime":880.35,"body":"it's a husband. Yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":876.75,"endTime":880.35,"body":"they've been together for a long"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":880.35,"endTime":882.84,"body":"time. There are children"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":880.35,"endTime":882.84,"body":"involved. And so there is a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":883.23,"endTime":885.72,"body":"there is an imbalance of power."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":883.23,"endTime":885.72,"body":"Right? Right. There's an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":885.72,"endTime":890.13,"body":"imbalance of power in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":885.72,"endTime":890.13,"body":"relationship. So you have a need"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":890.13,"endTime":894.75,"body":"for this person. And the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":890.13,"endTime":894.75,"body":"alcoholism exacerbates the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":894.75,"endTime":898.38,"body":"abuse. And you go through these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":894.75,"endTime":898.38,"body":"periods of time where you feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":898.38,"endTime":902.04,"body":"just lower than low. You You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":898.38,"endTime":902.04,"body":"feel like you're just, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":902.25,"endTime":905.88,"body":"beat to the ground? Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":902.25,"endTime":905.88,"body":"there's no way I deserve this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":906.09,"endTime":909.06,"body":"And then that person turns"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":906.09,"endTime":909.06,"body":"around. And in the same week,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":909.06,"endTime":911.94,"body":"sometimes we'll take you to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":909.06,"endTime":911.94,"body":"dinner, we'll tell you how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":911.94,"endTime":914.88,"body":"awesome you are. We'll tell you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":911.94,"endTime":914.88,"body":"how great things are going how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":914.88,"endTime":919.41,"body":"they were sorry for the abuse."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":914.88,"endTime":919.41,"body":"And it makes you hopeful. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":919.41,"endTime":922.77,"body":"see potential, right, and then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":919.41,"endTime":922.77,"body":"it falls back into the cycle."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":922.8,"endTime":926.07,"body":"Yeah, once again. Yeah. And over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":922.8,"endTime":926.07,"body":"time, these periods, these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":926.07,"endTime":928.47,"body":"intermittent periods get shorter"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":926.07,"endTime":928.47,"body":"and shorter and shorter, where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":928.47,"endTime":931.2,"body":"the, the abuse just seems to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":928.47,"endTime":931.2,"body":"ongoing with very little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":931.2,"endTime":935.28,"body":"reprieve and these positive, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":931.2,"endTime":935.28,"body":"know, flow periods. Yeah, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":935.28,"endTime":938.58,"body":"just tends to get really nasty,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":935.28,"endTime":938.58,"body":"right? So signs that you're in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":938.58,"endTime":941.76,"body":"trauma bonded relationship, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":938.58,"endTime":941.76,"body":"just touched on one where there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":941.76,"endTime":946.44,"body":"is a power imbalance. Yeah, so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":941.76,"endTime":946.44,"body":"walk me through a power"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":946.44,"endTime":948.69,"body":"imbalance, like, how does this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":946.44,"endTime":948.69,"body":"like manifests itself? And what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":948.69,"endTime":951.93,"body":"does this look like? When"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":948.69,"endTime":951.93,"body":"there's a imbalance of power?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":951.96,"endTime":953.04,"body":"Well, like you said, the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":953.04,"endTime":953.97,"body":"financial power,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":954.09,"endTime":956.4,"body":"that's a big one, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":954.09,"endTime":956.4,"body":"might be the biggest, it is a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":956.4,"endTime":957.03,"body":"big one."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":959.04,"endTime":964.2,"body":"Because you know, we rely"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":959.04,"endTime":964.2,"body":"on you to pay our bills."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":964.77,"endTime":967.08,"body":"Yeah, and this is not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":964.77,"endTime":967.08,"body":"saying it's right, or it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":967.08,"endTime":969.54,"body":"wrong, I'm just saying this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":967.08,"endTime":969.54,"body":"as well, this happens a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":969.54,"endTime":973.14,"body":"time is that the the wife, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":969.54,"endTime":973.14,"body":"maternal will stay home and take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":973.14,"endTime":975.72,"body":"care of the kids take care of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":973.14,"endTime":975.72,"body":"the home, and the Reliant"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":975.72,"endTime":980.91,"body":"financially on the spouse that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":975.72,"endTime":980.91,"body":"is, you know, out making money"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":980.91,"endTime":985.47,"body":"to pay the bills. And so when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":980.91,"endTime":985.47,"body":"you look at the balance of power"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":985.47,"endTime":990.54,"body":"here, it takes away some of your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":985.47,"endTime":990.54,"body":"freedom to make choices about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":990.54,"endTime":992.37,"body":"well, if I'm in an abusive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":990.54,"endTime":992.37,"body":"relationship, why wouldn't I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":992.37,"endTime":995.07,"body":"just leave? Well, he just said"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":992.37,"endTime":995.07,"body":"it, like logistically, sometimes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":995.07,"endTime":997.68,"body":"it's, like, nearly impossible to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":995.07,"endTime":997.68,"body":"just pack up and go,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":997.68,"endTime":999.54,"body":"it's not impossible, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":997.68,"endTime":999.54,"body":"it is really hard. It makes it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":999.54,"endTime":1003.74,"body":"way more difficult. And then"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":999.54,"endTime":1003.74,"body":"another one is emotional power."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1003.74,"endTime":1006.5,"body":"So where someone loses their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1003.74,"endTime":1006.5,"body":"sense of emotional defense and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1006.5,"endTime":1009.41,"body":"feels defined by their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1006.5,"endTime":1009.41,"body":"relationship with their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1009.74,"endTime":1013.55,"body":"abuser becomes like their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1009.74,"endTime":1013.55,"body":"identity. Mm hmm. Yeah, that's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1013.55,"endTime":1014.15,"body":"tough one."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1014.27,"endTime":1017.96,"body":"I have. I have speak to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1014.27,"endTime":1017.96,"body":"that. I have very much"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1018.44,"endTime":1022.19,"body":"experience in that with you."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1018.44,"endTime":1022.19,"body":"Okay, way back in the day, I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1022.19,"endTime":1026.27,"body":"very just, I was defined by our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1022.19,"endTime":1026.27,"body":"relationship. I totally lost"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1026.27,"endTime":1031.28,"body":"myself and everything that you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1026.27,"endTime":1031.28,"body":"did, I would do. And I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1031.28,"endTime":1034.94,"body":"know why I can't like, I could"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1031.28,"endTime":1034.94,"body":"never pinpoint why I did that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1035.21,"endTime":1039.02,"body":"But it was just, I was just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1035.21,"endTime":1039.02,"body":"defined by us. It was weird."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1039.41,"endTime":1042.05,"body":"So like, when you looked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1039.41,"endTime":1042.05,"body":"at yourself, you saw like, my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1042.05,"endTime":1045.5,"body":"partner, rather than like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1042.05,"endTime":1045.5,"body":"Paige, like, the awesome"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1045.5,"endTime":1048.62,"body":"individual that you are, you saw"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1045.5,"endTime":1048.62,"body":"just like my partner. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1048.86,"endTime":1052.85,"body":"Okay. Gotcha. It makes sense. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1048.86,"endTime":1052.85,"body":"think that happens when we get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1052.88,"endTime":1055.52,"body":"caught up in these relationships"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1052.88,"endTime":1055.52,"body":"and become, you know, we take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1055.52,"endTime":1058.82,"body":"pride in our relationships,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1055.52,"endTime":1058.82,"body":"become like some people go way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1058.82,"endTime":1061.97,"body":"too far with sports teams. Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1058.82,"endTime":1061.97,"body":"You know, like their identity"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1061.97,"endTime":1065.39,"body":"becomes like Packers fan or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1061.97,"endTime":1065.39,"body":"Cowboys fan, right. And like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1065.39,"endTime":1068.0,"body":"that becomes part of your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1065.39,"endTime":1068.0,"body":"identity. Yeah. Makes total"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1068.0,"endTime":1073.31,"body":"sense. Okay. Another sign is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1068.0,"endTime":1073.31,"body":"that if you have a circle of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1073.31,"endTime":1075.8,"body":"people around you who don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1073.31,"endTime":1075.8,"body":"approve of your relationship,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1075.8,"endTime":1078.35,"body":"yeah, this one's really big,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1075.8,"endTime":1078.35,"body":"there might be something to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1078.35,"endTime":1078.68,"body":"this,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1078.71,"endTime":1080.99,"body":"there is something to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1078.71,"endTime":1080.99,"body":"this. So a lot of people that we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1080.99,"endTime":1084.59,"body":"do talk to you and I can relate"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1080.99,"endTime":1084.59,"body":"to this, I understand it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1084.59,"endTime":1087.95,"body":"completely. We don't want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1084.59,"endTime":1087.95,"body":"talk to other people about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1087.95,"endTime":1090.56,"body":"what's going on. Or if we do,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1087.95,"endTime":1090.56,"body":"they don't understand. And they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1090.56,"endTime":1092.69,"body":"just tell us just leave, just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1090.56,"endTime":1092.69,"body":"leave, just leave a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1092.69,"endTime":1095.3,"body":"relationship, like as a monster"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1092.69,"endTime":1095.3,"body":"get out of there. Right? Right,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1095.3,"endTime":1099.29,"body":"because they can see things that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1095.3,"endTime":1099.29,"body":"we may not be able to see."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1100.67,"endTime":1103.67,"body":"Yeah, another set of eyes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1100.67,"endTime":1103.67,"body":"from 30,000 feet, once again,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1103.67,"endTime":1106.55,"body":"like looking down, is going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1103.67,"endTime":1106.55,"body":"be able to see things and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1106.55,"endTime":1108.71,"body":"patterns that maybe you don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1106.55,"endTime":1108.71,"body":"realize whenever you're right in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1108.71,"endTime":1112.22,"body":"the middle of it. And I have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1108.71,"endTime":1112.22,"body":"also been in this before this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1112.22,"endTime":1116.18,"body":"you have where when you're in,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1112.22,"endTime":1116.18,"body":"it's not so easy to see it. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1116.36,"endTime":1119.48,"body":"it becomes so familiar to you,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1116.36,"endTime":1119.48,"body":"because it's taking place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1119.48,"endTime":1122.75,"body":"possibly your whole entire life."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1119.48,"endTime":1122.75,"body":"And it's just like the way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1122.75,"endTime":1127.4,"body":"things are Yeah, you know, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1122.75,"endTime":1127.4,"body":"it's the toughest part is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1128.27,"endTime":1130.4,"body":"like, that's that potential"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1128.27,"endTime":1130.4,"body":"piece, right? Like, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1130.4,"endTime":1132.56,"body":"people like you think, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1130.4,"endTime":1132.56,"body":"people anyway in their heart,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1132.56,"endTime":1134.69,"body":"and it's like, well, I know why"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1132.56,"endTime":1134.69,"body":"they do the things they do and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1134.69,"endTime":1137.06,"body":"like this, because of this. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1134.69,"endTime":1137.06,"body":"were abused when they were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1137.06,"endTime":1140.39,"body":"younger, or all these excuses"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1137.06,"endTime":1140.39,"body":"and justifications is really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1140.39,"endTime":1146.63,"body":"what they are that we make it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1140.39,"endTime":1146.63,"body":"There are these are red flags,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1146.63,"endTime":1149.93,"body":"though. These are warning signs."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1146.63,"endTime":1149.93,"body":"If you have other people telling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1149.93,"endTime":1152.75,"body":"you like, that's not right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1149.93,"endTime":1152.75,"body":"Because for me, I know that it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1152.75,"endTime":1156.2,"body":"took a group of people totally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1152.75,"endTime":1156.2,"body":"outside to see what was going on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1156.2,"endTime":1158.21,"body":"and be like, whoa, whoa, whoa,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1156.2,"endTime":1158.21,"body":"whoa, Timeout, timeout, timeout."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1158.24,"endTime":1161.12,"body":"This is this is not right. Did"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1158.24,"endTime":1161.12,"body":"you know that? And I was like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1161.12,"endTime":1163.94,"body":"What do you mean? seems totally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1161.12,"endTime":1163.94,"body":"cool. What are you talking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1163.94,"endTime":1164.06,"body":"about?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1164.06,"endTime":1167.06,"body":"Right? But deep down, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1164.06,"endTime":1167.06,"body":"always knew that there was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1167.06,"endTime":1170.96,"body":"something that was off, right?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1167.06,"endTime":1170.96,"body":"It was something that we've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1170.96,"endTime":1174.32,"body":"noticed that there's something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1170.96,"endTime":1174.32,"body":"off but we just don't know what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1174.32,"endTime":1177.26,"body":"it is until you start to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1174.32,"endTime":1177.26,"body":"surround yourself with a support"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1177.26,"endTime":1182.6,"body":"system that's like, here's what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1177.26,"endTime":1182.6,"body":"it is. And this is, you know, a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1182.6,"endTime":1185.96,"body":"different perspective on how you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1182.6,"endTime":1185.96,"body":"can handle this situation. You"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1185.96,"endTime":1189.98,"body":"basically get a support system."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1185.96,"endTime":1189.98,"body":"Listen to them a little bit,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1190.07,"endTime":1191.09,"body":"even though it hurts."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1191.69,"endTime":1196.67,"body":"Yep. Another one. So if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1191.69,"endTime":1196.67,"body":"you can seal negative emotions,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1196.67,"endTime":1199.97,"body":"so if you're constantly hiding"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1196.67,"endTime":1199.97,"body":"negative emotions and you only"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1202.82,"body":"We let them out, like when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1202.82,"body":"you're alone or isolated, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1202.82,"endTime":1204.32,"body":"could be in a trauma bond,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1204.5,"endTime":1206.42,"body":"right? Because you don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1204.5,"endTime":1206.42,"body":"want to say anything to your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1206.42,"endTime":1209.54,"body":"abuser. Now, if they say if you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1206.42,"endTime":1209.54,"body":"say it to them, they are going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1209.54,"endTime":1213.77,"body":"to act like the victim. They're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1209.54,"endTime":1213.77,"body":"gonna flip it and make you feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1213.77,"endTime":1216.77,"body":"guilty for expressing those"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1213.77,"endTime":1216.77,"body":"feelings. So we, you know, don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1216.8,"endTime":1220.97,"body":"if you can't have a conversation"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1216.8,"endTime":1220.97,"body":"with your partner about how"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1220.97,"endTime":1224.18,"body":"you're feeling, and if it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1220.97,"endTime":1224.18,"body":"negative, and they, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1224.27,"endTime":1227.75,"body":"can't actually just talk with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1224.27,"endTime":1227.75,"body":"you about it. That's unhealthy."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1227.87,"endTime":1230.6,"body":"That means this is a toxic"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1227.87,"endTime":1230.6,"body":"relationship, you're in that you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1230.6,"endTime":1231.86,"body":"might want to question."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1232.52,"endTime":1236.15,"body":"Yeah, this guy like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1232.52,"endTime":1236.15,"body":"hearing this stuff, Mike's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1236.15,"endTime":1239.9,"body":"having all these moments like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1236.15,"endTime":1239.9,"body":"gosh, you know what? I mean?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1240.29,"endTime":1243.23,"body":"I always knew that. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1240.29,"endTime":1243.23,"body":"don't know, there was something."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1243.65,"endTime":1246.29,"body":"I knew that we could work on the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1243.65,"endTime":1246.29,"body":"validation piece with you. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1246.29,"endTime":1248.54,"body":"know. That was something that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1246.29,"endTime":1248.54,"body":"was really hard for you to do."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1248.57,"endTime":1251.84,"body":"Yeah, definitely. And it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1248.57,"endTime":1251.84,"body":"hard like I wouldn't, I would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1251.84,"endTime":1255.68,"body":"hold back a lot of my emotions"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1251.84,"endTime":1255.68,"body":"or my feelings to you, because I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1255.68,"endTime":1258.35,"body":"know that it will make me feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1255.68,"endTime":1258.35,"body":"worse and an unhealthy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1258.35,"endTime":1260.75,"body":"relationship. You don't want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1258.35,"endTime":1260.75,"body":"feel worse, you want to feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1260.75,"endTime":1263.03,"body":"better, you want to feel safe"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1260.75,"endTime":1263.03,"body":"and comforted and stuff like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1263.03,"endTime":1263.42,"body":"that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1263.45,"endTime":1265.91,"body":"Yeah, if your partner"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1263.45,"endTime":1265.91,"body":"can't hold space for you to feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1265.91,"endTime":1271.4,"body":"however you need to feel. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1265.91,"endTime":1271.4,"body":"they turn it around and flip it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1271.4,"endTime":1275.0,"body":"back on you and blame you for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1271.4,"endTime":1275.0,"body":"all these things and blame you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1275.0,"endTime":1277.88,"body":"for your emotions, like they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1275.0,"endTime":1277.88,"body":"could be a sign right? Could be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1277.88,"endTime":1281.09,"body":"a sign. It could also just be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1277.88,"endTime":1281.09,"body":"sign that there's a total"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1281.09,"endTime":1284.63,"body":"asshole. Like, you know, maybe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1281.09,"endTime":1284.63,"body":"it's not exactly this, but it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1284.63,"endTime":1288.44,"body":"a sign. Another one is that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1284.63,"endTime":1288.44,"body":"might feel indebted to your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1288.44,"endTime":1292.16,"body":"abuser. So we talked about like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1288.44,"endTime":1292.16,"body":"the financial peace. And some of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1292.16,"endTime":1294.56,"body":"that goes along with this, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1292.16,"endTime":1294.56,"body":"for some really toxic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1294.56,"endTime":1300.17,"body":"relationship types where the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1294.56,"endTime":1300.17,"body":"spouse usually a male, and I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1300.17,"endTime":1306.59,"body":"not beating up on guys, but men"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1300.17,"endTime":1306.59,"body":"tend to be abusers. And men also"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1306.59,"endTime":1309.38,"body":"tend to be narcissists. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1306.59,"endTime":1309.38,"body":"75% of narcissists are men, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1309.38,"endTime":1312.11,"body":"believe. And when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1309.38,"endTime":1312.11,"body":"abusers, in general, this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1312.17,"endTime":1314.54,"body":"this happens to be a male trait,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1312.17,"endTime":1314.54,"body":"it is what it is. So I'm just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1314.54,"endTime":1317.15,"body":"gonna speak how it is, I'm not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1314.54,"endTime":1317.15,"body":"trying to be a jerk, and nothing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1317.21,"endTime":1320.09,"body":"happens on the other end as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1317.21,"endTime":1320.09,"body":"well. But it does happen. The"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1320.09,"endTime":1322.34,"body":"other I'm not gonna say it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1320.09,"endTime":1322.34,"body":"doesn't. It's just typical. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1322.64,"endTime":1324.95,"body":"for ease of conversation, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1322.64,"endTime":1324.95,"body":"just gonna refer to men doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1324.95,"endTime":1328.1,"body":"these things. So a lot of time,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1324.95,"endTime":1328.1,"body":"you'll have a man who earns an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1328.1,"endTime":1331.82,"body":"income and like, you're, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1328.1,"endTime":1331.82,"body":"supposed to be like, the end all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1331.82,"endTime":1335.99,"body":"be all, like, I pay your bills I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1331.82,"endTime":1335.99,"body":"provide for you, I do all this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1335.99,"endTime":1338.81,"body":"stuff. And they will also hold"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1335.99,"endTime":1338.81,"body":"things over your head. Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1338.84,"endTime":1342.41,"body":"remember that time in 2007, when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1338.84,"endTime":1342.41,"body":"I was really nice to you, and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1342.41,"endTime":1346.22,"body":"took you to, you know, wherever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1342.41,"endTime":1346.22,"body":"it might have been. And remember"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1346.22,"endTime":1348.38,"body":"that time that your grandfather"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1346.22,"endTime":1348.38,"body":"died, and I was there for you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1348.38,"endTime":1351.23,"body":"like, normal, healthy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1348.38,"endTime":1351.23,"body":"relationships. Don't do that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1351.23,"endTime":1355.25,"body":"No. I don't keep score."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1351.23,"endTime":1355.25,"body":"Yeah, you've never done that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1355.25,"endTime":1355.73,"body":"with me."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1356.69,"endTime":1362.66,"body":"I'm glad to hear that at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1356.69,"endTime":1362.66,"body":"least. But it also just trying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1362.66,"endTime":1363.98,"body":"to make it relatable. Well,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1364.34,"endTime":1367.13,"body":"I've done things. I'm not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1364.34,"endTime":1367.13,"body":"perfect. I've done shit like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1367.13,"endTime":1371.21,"body":"that. I felt that held things"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1367.13,"endTime":1371.21,"body":"against you. Okay, I can't think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1371.21,"endTime":1374.36,"body":"of anything like, at the top of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1371.21,"endTime":1374.36,"body":"my head. But yeah, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1374.36,"endTime":1376.73,"body":"not perfect. We're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1374.36,"endTime":1376.73,"body":"perfect. Like, don't ever get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1376.73,"endTime":1379.07,"body":"the impression that we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1376.73,"endTime":1379.07,"body":"perfect. No, we're imperfect"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1379.07,"endTime":1382.97,"body":"people just trying to be better."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1379.07,"endTime":1382.97,"body":"Right? That's it. That's it on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1382.97,"endTime":1386.09,"body":"the other side of this, because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1382.97,"endTime":1386.09,"body":"the first thing we just talked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1386.09,"endTime":1387.95,"body":"about, like, you know, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1386.09,"endTime":1387.95,"body":"financial peace and like, look"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1387.95,"endTime":1389.84,"body":"what I've done for you. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1387.95,"endTime":1389.84,"body":"all a way of establishing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1389.84,"endTime":1394.37,"body":"control. Abusers more than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1389.84,"endTime":1394.37,"body":"anything want control. They just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1394.37,"endTime":1397.67,"body":"want control. They want control"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1394.37,"endTime":1397.67,"body":"of you over your life over your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1397.67,"endTime":1400.16,"body":"thoughts over your actions, your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1397.67,"endTime":1400.16,"body":"emotions, every bit of it, they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1400.16,"endTime":1404.09,"body":"want control. This happens a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1400.16,"endTime":1404.09,"body":"when people are actively using"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1404.09,"endTime":1406.22,"body":"as well. But another piece is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1404.09,"endTime":1406.22,"body":"that if you've ever made a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1406.22,"endTime":1410.81,"body":"mistake in the past, they will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1406.22,"endTime":1410.81,"body":"hold that over your head for the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1410.81,"endTime":1413.27,"body":"rest of your life. And here's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1410.81,"endTime":1413.27,"body":"why this is really difficult."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1413.33,"endTime":1417.47,"body":"All these things we've just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1413.33,"endTime":1417.47,"body":"discussed. The people that ended"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1417.47,"endTime":1420.77,"body":"up with alcoholics addicts, a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1417.47,"endTime":1420.77,"body":"lot of time happened to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1420.8,"endTime":1424.67,"body":"empaths. These are people who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1420.8,"endTime":1424.67,"body":"feel feelings like you would not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1424.67,"endTime":1428.75,"body":"believe these are incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1424.67,"endTime":1428.75,"body":"emotionally genuine people that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1428.75,"endTime":1431.33,"body":"are introspective, and they are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1428.75,"endTime":1431.33,"body":"always looking at their part in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1431.33,"endTime":1435.8,"body":"things. And so like we've always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1431.33,"endTime":1435.8,"body":"said, like, it doesn't matter"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1435.8,"endTime":1438.62,"body":"what it is, you've got a part in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1435.8,"endTime":1438.62,"body":"it, even if it's 1%. Right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1438.62,"endTime":1441.23,"body":"Yeah, that's generally I will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1438.62,"endTime":1441.23,"body":"say that kind of stuff to people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1441.23,"endTime":1444.62,"body":"whenever I'm trying to get them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1441.23,"endTime":1444.62,"body":"to see maybe how they had a part"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1444.62,"endTime":1447.08,"body":"when they were wronged. But the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1444.62,"endTime":1447.08,"body":"other side of that, is it with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1447.08,"endTime":1450.38,"body":"an impact, they will take that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1447.08,"endTime":1450.38,"body":"1% And they will amplify it to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1450.38,"endTime":1453.41,"body":"like 100 Yeah, it's like they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1450.38,"endTime":1453.41,"body":"will disregard bad things that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1453.41,"endTime":1455.84,"body":"have happened because they look"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1453.41,"endTime":1455.84,"body":"within themselves. And what did"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1455.84,"endTime":1459.53,"body":"I do wrong? What did I do? And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1455.84,"endTime":1459.53,"body":"it leaves you feeling indebted"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1459.53,"endTime":1462.59,"body":"to your abuser? Yeah, so an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1459.53,"endTime":1462.59,"body":"alcoholic addict relationship"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1462.59,"endTime":1467.63,"body":"that can be very, very tough to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1462.59,"endTime":1467.63,"body":"deal with. Yeah. And then this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1467.63,"endTime":1470.54,"body":"is perhaps the most like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1467.63,"endTime":1470.54,"body":"insidious of all of them. And we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1470.54,"endTime":1474.11,"body":"talk about this a lot a lot is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1470.54,"endTime":1474.11,"body":"that you experience a loss of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1474.11,"endTime":1477.77,"body":"identity if you are experiencing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1474.11,"endTime":1477.77,"body":"a loss of identity. This could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1477.77,"endTime":1481.43,"body":"be a sign that you are in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1477.77,"endTime":1481.43,"body":"trauma bond relationship. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1481.43,"endTime":1483.77,"body":"think that just about everyone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1481.43,"endTime":1483.77,"body":"that we come into contact with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1483.77,"endTime":1486.89,"body":"has this to some degree. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1483.77,"endTime":1486.89,"body":"they have lost their identity."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1486.89,"endTime":1491.06,"body":"They've lost themselves, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1486.89,"endTime":1491.06,"body":"their journey in their healing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1491.06,"endTime":1495.14,"body":"is about rediscovering"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1491.06,"endTime":1495.14,"body":"themselves. Hmm. So let's run"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1495.14,"endTime":1498.05,"body":"through some of these things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1495.14,"endTime":1498.05,"body":"like what is a loss of identity"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1498.08,"endTime":1500.45,"body":"first of all, like what is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1498.08,"endTime":1500.45,"body":"what are the signs Isn't that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1500.45,"endTime":1502.76,"body":"and how do you recognize these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1500.45,"endTime":1502.76,"body":"things? Okay, so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1502.76,"endTime":1504.89,"body":"you have an intense fear"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1502.76,"endTime":1504.89,"body":"or hesitation about leaving the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1504.89,"endTime":1508.67,"body":"relationship even if you know"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1504.89,"endTime":1508.67,"body":"you should you constantly cover"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1508.67,"endTime":1512.6,"body":"up or make excuses for their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1508.67,"endTime":1512.6,"body":"behavior. Your relationship is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1512.6,"endTime":1513.98,"body":"moving at a fast pace."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1514.07,"endTime":1516.74,"body":"Oh, that's, that's another"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1514.07,"endTime":1516.74,"body":"one. That happens a lot in new"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1516.74,"endTime":1520.79,"body":"relationships. Yes. That evolve"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1516.74,"endTime":1520.79,"body":"very quickly. Right, right,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1520.79,"endTime":1523.82,"body":"exactly right. It can take place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1520.79,"endTime":1523.82,"body":"in long term as well."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1523.909,"endTime":1526.609,"body":"This kind of goes back to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1523.909,"endTime":1526.609,"body":"what Matt was saying earlier and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1526.609,"endTime":1529.399,"body":"this is what I see across the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1526.609,"endTime":1529.399,"body":"board with so many people that I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1529.399,"endTime":1532.369,"body":"work with is that you believe"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1529.399,"endTime":1532.369,"body":"the mistreatment is your fault,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1532.549,"endTime":1536.089,"body":"or that you deserved it and that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1532.549,"endTime":1536.089,"body":"breaks my heart just saying it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1536.089,"endTime":1541.579,"body":"and hearing it every time I hear"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1536.089,"endTime":1541.579,"body":"it because they're blamed for so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1541.579,"endTime":1544.759,"body":"much shit. And it's just sad"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1541.579,"endTime":1544.759,"body":"because they're just like what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1544.759,"endTime":1547.549,"body":"am I doing wrong? I need if you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1544.759,"endTime":1547.549,"body":"tell me what I'm doing wrong, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1547.549,"endTime":1551.929,"body":"can fix it right? You feel close"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1547.549,"endTime":1551.929,"body":"to the individual even if you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1551.929,"endTime":1556.039,"body":"haven't known them for long"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1551.929,"endTime":1556.039,"body":"that's another one it fits in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1556.039,"endTime":1560.659,"body":"earlier relationship. The"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1556.039,"endTime":1560.659,"body":"individual constantly gaslight"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1560.659,"endTime":1561.709,"body":"and manipulates you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1561.74,"endTime":1565.07,"body":"Yeah. Which is this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1561.74,"endTime":1565.07,"body":"happens in narcissistic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1565.07,"endTime":1567.86,"body":"relationships especially but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1565.07,"endTime":1567.86,"body":"we've also talked about this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1567.86,"endTime":1571.46,"body":"very thing right with addiction."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1567.86,"endTime":1571.46,"body":"Yeah, but in addiction so the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1571.46,"endTime":1573.29,"body":"differences like these things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1571.46,"endTime":1573.29,"body":"are the same, but they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1573.29,"endTime":1575.93,"body":"different when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1573.29,"endTime":1575.93,"body":"manipulation and gaslighting. A"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1575.93,"endTime":1580.64,"body":"lot of times the the addicts"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1575.93,"endTime":1580.64,"body":"attempt to deflect attention"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1580.64,"endTime":1584.63,"body":"away from their problem looks is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1580.64,"endTime":1584.63,"body":"is is the gaslighting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1584.63,"endTime":1588.11,"body":"manipulation. When it comes to a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1584.63,"endTime":1588.11,"body":"narcissist and someone with NPD,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1588.38,"endTime":1591.92,"body":"it is more a way to gain fuel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1588.38,"endTime":1591.92,"body":"for their supply. Yeah, you are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1591.92,"endTime":1595.25,"body":"their supply and they are trying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1591.92,"endTime":1595.25,"body":"to you know, they they they need"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1595.25,"endTime":1597.56,"body":"you to admire them. They need"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1595.25,"endTime":1597.56,"body":"that recognition, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1597.56,"endTime":1600.08,"body":"validation. That's like that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1597.56,"endTime":1600.08,"body":"their drug. Yep."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1601.67,"endTime":1604.22,"body":"You feel isolated from"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1601.67,"endTime":1604.22,"body":"loved ones you in your life,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1604.22,"endTime":1606.83,"body":"which we've talked about a lot"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1604.22,"endTime":1606.83,"body":"as well, because there are many"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1606.83,"endTime":1609.5,"body":"reasons why we do isolate"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1606.83,"endTime":1609.5,"body":"ourselves. Could be because we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1609.5,"endTime":1612.83,"body":"don't like to hear what other"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1609.5,"endTime":1612.83,"body":"people say or no one understands"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1612.83,"endTime":1617.21,"body":"what we're going through, which"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1612.83,"endTime":1617.21,"body":"is definitely valid. And also it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1617.21,"endTime":1620.27,"body":"could be because your abuser is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1617.21,"endTime":1620.27,"body":"controlling you to where they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1620.27,"endTime":1624.35,"body":"don't want you to be around"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1620.27,"endTime":1624.35,"body":"certain people. That happens to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1625.13,"endTime":1629.18,"body":"Yeah, if you've got people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1625.13,"endTime":1629.18,"body":"in your life that are telling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1629.18,"endTime":1632.75,"body":"you how it is. That's very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1629.18,"endTime":1632.75,"body":"dangerous to alcoholics,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1632.75,"endTime":1635.93,"body":"addicts, narcissists. All alive."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1632.75,"endTime":1635.93,"body":"Absolutely. Yeah, they do not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1635.93,"endTime":1638.0,"body":"like those, they will make up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1635.93,"endTime":1638.0,"body":"all kinds of things about how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1638.0,"endTime":1640.49,"body":"this person just doesn't want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1638.0,"endTime":1640.49,"body":"see you happy and they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1640.49,"endTime":1643.58,"body":"jealous and gives all kinds of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1640.49,"endTime":1643.58,"body":"crazy stuff that they'll do."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1643.76,"endTime":1647.15,"body":"Right. And then there was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1643.76,"endTime":1647.15,"body":"one more Oh, sorry. You feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1647.15,"endTime":1650.72,"body":"like no one else can fulfill"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1647.15,"endTime":1650.72,"body":"your needs, but them. Man,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1650.75,"endTime":1652.79,"body":"that's a tough one. It is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1650.75,"endTime":1652.79,"body":"because you feel like you can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1652.79,"endTime":1654.65,"body":"only be loved by this one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1652.79,"endTime":1654.65,"body":"person."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1656.06,"endTime":1658.55,"body":"And that's how like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1656.06,"endTime":1658.55,"body":"breaking ever tell yourself."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1658.58,"endTime":1661.1,"body":"It's so heartbreaking. It"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1658.58,"endTime":1661.1,"body":"is a lie. Because once you find"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1661.1,"endTime":1664.04,"body":"yourself I tell you what, oh my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1661.1,"endTime":1664.04,"body":"gosh, you're gonna move"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1664.04,"endTime":1664.58,"body":"mountains."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1665.21,"endTime":1671.81,"body":"Yeah. And trauma bonding."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1665.21,"endTime":1671.81,"body":"So, okay, so for black and white"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1671.81,"endTime":1673.04,"body":"thinkers out there, right. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1674.51,"endTime":1676.31,"body":"you always have to tiptoe"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1674.51,"endTime":1676.31,"body":"around this because you know how"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1676.31,"endTime":1677.84,"body":"I roll all relationships"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1677.84,"endTime":1681.89,"body":"have ups and downs. Okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1677.84,"endTime":1681.89,"body":"It is natural to romanticize"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1681.89,"endTime":1685.73,"body":"things. We're not talking about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1681.89,"endTime":1685.73,"body":"a normal relationship, healthy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1685.73,"endTime":1688.55,"body":"relationship with their space"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1685.73,"endTime":1688.55,"body":"held for feelings, emotions,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1688.58,"endTime":1691.7,"body":"thoughts and opinions. We're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1688.58,"endTime":1691.7,"body":"talking about abusive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1691.7,"endTime":1694.04,"body":"relationships, we're talking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1691.7,"endTime":1694.04,"body":"about relationships where you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1694.04,"endTime":1697.19,"body":"had the ugliest things said to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1694.04,"endTime":1697.19,"body":"you on a regular basis. And not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1697.19,"endTime":1699.59,"body":"to say that it's necessarily"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1697.19,"endTime":1699.59,"body":"frequency that dictates abuse."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1699.86,"endTime":1703.97,"body":"It's it's abuse, it's the need"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1699.86,"endTime":1703.97,"body":"to control you, it's the need to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1704.48,"endTime":1708.86,"body":"to keep you and to control the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1704.48,"endTime":1708.86,"body":"you know, the things that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1708.86,"endTime":1712.94,"body":"feel that you act on the things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1708.86,"endTime":1712.94,"body":"that you want and desire. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1712.97,"endTime":1716.75,"body":"that's that's abuse. Excuse us."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1712.97,"endTime":1716.75,"body":"We're both struggling not to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1716.75,"endTime":1721.25,"body":"cough over here. But you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1716.75,"endTime":1721.25,"body":"have a healthy relationship and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1721.25,"endTime":1723.2,"body":"still have ups and downs that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1721.25,"endTime":1723.2,"body":"totally totally"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1723.2,"endTime":1726.71,"body":"normal. But it's also"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1723.2,"endTime":1726.71,"body":"you're going to have more of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1726.71,"endTime":1729.68,"body":"that positive feeling and more"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1726.71,"endTime":1729.68,"body":"of that love feeling than you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1729.68,"endTime":1732.44,"body":"will the negative in these types"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1729.68,"endTime":1732.44,"body":"of relationship it's typically"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1732.44,"endTime":1737.3,"body":"more sadness and fear and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1732.44,"endTime":1737.3,"body":"negativity that it is you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1737.3,"endTime":1739.31,"body":"that feeling of safety and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1737.3,"endTime":1739.31,"body":"security"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1739.85,"endTime":1743.06,"body":"it's so when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1739.85,"endTime":1743.06,"body":"trauma bonding, when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1743.12,"endTime":1748.13,"body":"narcissistic behavior when it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1743.12,"endTime":1748.13,"body":"comes to addiction, alcoholism,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1748.16,"endTime":1750.47,"body":"all these things I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1748.16,"endTime":1750.47,"body":"something that you talked about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1750.47,"endTime":1752.96,"body":"earlier potential something that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1750.47,"endTime":1752.96,"body":"keeps people around is this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1752.96,"endTime":1755.54,"body":"thought that they can change"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1752.96,"endTime":1755.54,"body":"this person. Yeah. And it's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1755.54,"endTime":1758.75,"body":"like this, this thought that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1755.54,"endTime":1758.75,"body":"there's there's limits, there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1758.75,"endTime":1761.6,"body":"some way that you could like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1758.75,"endTime":1761.6,"body":"save that person inside that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1761.6,"endTime":1764.33,"body":"can kind of see it's like man,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1761.6,"endTime":1764.33,"body":"if I could just bring that out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1764.33,"endTime":1769.25,"body":"I'd be set right you know, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1764.33,"endTime":1769.25,"body":"that is a that's an adventure"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1769.25,"endTime":1772.49,"body":"that you could spend the rest of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1769.25,"endTime":1772.49,"body":"your life on in rubber get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1773.0,"endTime":1776.24,"body":"anything done. Ultimately"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1773.0,"endTime":1776.24,"body":"abusive people have to deal with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1776.24,"endTime":1779.96,"body":"the abuse they have to deal with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1776.24,"endTime":1779.96,"body":"why they are abusers. You know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1779.96,"endTime":1782.78,"body":"the symptoms aren't going to fix"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1779.96,"endTime":1782.78,"body":"anything. Yep. If you just take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1782.78,"endTime":1785.63,"body":"away the alcohol, it's all gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1782.78,"endTime":1785.63,"body":"happen. Yeah, it's still going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1785.63,"endTime":1788.75,"body":"to happen if this person is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1785.63,"endTime":1788.75,"body":"narcissistic. It's still going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1788.75,"endTime":1791.3,"body":"to happen. And like it's really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1788.75,"endTime":1791.3,"body":"tough to diagnose and I've read"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1791.3,"endTime":1793.46,"body":"a lot about this like which came"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1791.3,"endTime":1793.46,"body":"first the chicken or the egg"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1793.46,"endTime":1795.23,"body":"like how do you tell if you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1793.46,"endTime":1795.23,"body":"dealing with a narcissist or an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1795.23,"endTime":1798.98,"body":"alcoholic? Yeah, it's very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1795.23,"endTime":1798.98,"body":"difficult. Yes, the symptoms are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1798.98,"endTime":1802.67,"body":"sensitive. Oh, Similar, like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1798.98,"endTime":1802.67,"body":"can look at the the signs,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1802.67,"endTime":1805.4,"body":"symptoms, all of it like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1802.67,"endTime":1805.4,"body":"could do a test and you would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1805.4,"endTime":1807.02,"body":"not be able to tell the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1805.4,"endTime":1807.02,"body":"difference. So the researchers"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1807.02,"endTime":1810.86,"body":"have a tough time with this too."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1807.02,"endTime":1810.86,"body":"And narcissism and alcoholism do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1810.86,"endTime":1814.82,"body":"have are shown to be related"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1810.86,"endTime":1814.82,"body":"where there's a high frequency"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1814.85,"endTime":1818.51,"body":"of substance abuse disorder in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1814.85,"endTime":1818.51,"body":"narcissist. So which came first?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1818.51,"endTime":1820.94,"body":"I don't know. Yeah, I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1818.51,"endTime":1820.94,"body":"know. But I do know that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1820.94,"endTime":1826.67,"body":"alcoholism is treatable. And NPD"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1820.94,"endTime":1826.67,"body":"is really not. Yeah, it is. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1826.67,"endTime":1828.08,"body":"can be changed over"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1828.08,"endTime":1831.71,"body":"time. But it's, we don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1828.08,"endTime":1831.71,"body":"know too much about look"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1831.71,"endTime":1834.23,"body":"is not great. I'll put it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1831.71,"endTime":1834.23,"body":"that way. Yeah. But for just a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1834.23,"endTime":1836.6,"body":"moment, we can talk about what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1834.23,"endTime":1836.6,"body":"this behavior looks like in our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1836.6,"endTime":1839.54,"body":"marriage and what it looked like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1836.6,"endTime":1839.54,"body":"when I was using Yeah, and maybe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1839.54,"endTime":1843.02,"body":"for someone who does have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1839.54,"endTime":1843.02,"body":"loved one or spouse in recovery,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1843.35,"endTime":1845.99,"body":"maybe provide some hope. I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1843.35,"endTime":1845.99,"body":"know. Like, what was it like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1845.99,"endTime":1848.57,"body":"dealing with me? I don't know."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1845.99,"endTime":1848.57,"body":"12 years ago,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1849.86,"endTime":1853.25,"body":"when you were using Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1849.86,"endTime":1853.25,"body":"I mean, it was just the lies,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1854.18,"endTime":1857.51,"body":"constant lying and the constant,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1854.18,"endTime":1857.51,"body":"you know, but you did always say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1857.51,"endTime":1860.54,"body":"I promised to be a good man. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1857.51,"endTime":1860.54,"body":"that's where that potential came"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1860.54,"endTime":1863.63,"body":"in. My answer to that there"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1860.54,"endTime":1863.63,"body":"would be the lies and then the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1863.66,"endTime":1867.02,"body":"manipulation, and you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1863.66,"endTime":1867.02,"body":"gaslighting that if I were to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1867.02,"endTime":1869.93,"body":"say something, you would tell me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1867.02,"endTime":1869.93,"body":"I'm wrong or whatnot. And then"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1869.93,"endTime":1872.75,"body":"you would come back and say, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1869.93,"endTime":1872.75,"body":"promised to be a good man, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1872.75,"endTime":1874.97,"body":"love you so much. And this and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1872.75,"endTime":1874.97,"body":"that. And I would get high off"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1874.97,"endTime":1875.45,"body":"of that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1876.71,"endTime":1880.73,"body":"Think about breaks my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1876.71,"endTime":1880.73,"body":"heart here and that but you got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1880.73,"endTime":1884.06,"body":"through it. Well, think about it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1880.73,"endTime":1884.06,"body":"in terms of some of the things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1884.06,"endTime":1887.45,"body":"that are more difficult to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1884.06,"endTime":1887.45,"body":"change. Like the the self esteem"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1887.45,"endTime":1890.3,"body":"that the low self esteem that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1887.45,"endTime":1890.3,"body":"leads to like the grandiose"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1890.3,"endTime":1893.33,"body":"behavior, like the need to feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1890.3,"endTime":1893.33,"body":"important all the time. Like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1893.33,"endTime":1896.66,"body":"entitlements and all that stuff."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1893.33,"endTime":1896.66,"body":"Like, when I was using I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1896.66,"endTime":1901.16,"body":"just like, I was a mess. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1896.66,"endTime":1901.16,"body":"freaking disaster. Yeah, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1901.16,"endTime":1904.55,"body":"my emotions were incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1901.16,"endTime":1904.55,"body":"unstable. You never knew what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1904.55,"endTime":1907.13,"body":"you were gonna get. Oh, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1904.55,"endTime":1907.13,"body":"that's true. Like day to day,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1907.13,"endTime":1910.19,"body":"like you never knew who you were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1907.13,"endTime":1910.19,"body":"coming home to? I don't know. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1910.19,"endTime":1911.21,"body":"could be Jack."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1911.42,"endTime":1915.29,"body":"Sorry, dude, or somebody"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1911.42,"endTime":1915.29,"body":"who's super like, or his if your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1915.29,"endTime":1919.43,"body":"Adderall was coming down. I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1915.29,"endTime":1919.43,"body":"like, oh, man, I need to stay"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1919.43,"endTime":1921.35,"body":"away from him. If he's just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1919.43,"endTime":1921.35,"body":"coming off of his Adderall."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1921.38,"endTime":1924.86,"body":"Yeah, like Jekyll and Hyde"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1921.38,"endTime":1924.86,"body":"man is bad, then. So like, I do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1924.86,"endTime":1927.53,"body":"want to provide some sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1924.86,"endTime":1927.53,"body":"some glimmer of hope that if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1927.53,"endTime":1930.83,"body":"someone really, really, really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1927.53,"endTime":1930.83,"body":"wants to address their abusive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1930.83,"endTime":1933.92,"body":"behavior, you know, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1930.83,"endTime":1933.92,"body":"alcoholism, if you remove the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1933.92,"endTime":1936.56,"body":"substance, it becomes easier to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1933.92,"endTime":1936.56,"body":"address these things. But I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1936.56,"endTime":1939.62,"body":"addressed all the underlying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1936.56,"endTime":1939.62,"body":"things, which led to growth over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1939.62,"endTime":1942.14,"body":"time, and I am a work in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1939.62,"endTime":1942.14,"body":"progress, and I always will be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1942.14,"endTime":1945.53,"body":"for the rest of my life. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1942.14,"endTime":1945.53,"body":"there is hope for someone."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1945.53,"endTime":1948.77,"body":"Absolutely. There's hope for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1945.53,"endTime":1948.77,"body":"someone isn't fucking awesome."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1948.77,"endTime":1950.72,"body":"But having said that, to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1948.77,"endTime":1950.72,"body":"black and white thinkers don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1950.72,"endTime":1953.42,"body":"just breast on that. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1950.72,"endTime":1953.42,"body":"that's true. Let them show you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1953.42,"endTime":1955.97,"body":"something before you do anything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1953.42,"endTime":1955.97,"body":"at all right? Because we've just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1955.97,"endTime":1958.67,"body":"described a relationship where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1955.97,"endTime":1958.67,"body":"one person is essentially stuck."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1958.91,"endTime":1963.26,"body":"Yeah, they're stuck. It's a next"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1958.91,"endTime":1963.26,"body":"obvious questions like, how do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1963.26,"endTime":1966.41,"body":"you break out of this? What do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1963.26,"endTime":1966.41,"body":"you do? Like how do you break a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1966.41,"endTime":1967.25,"body":"trauma bond?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1968.3,"endTime":1970.52,"body":"Do you have to separate"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1968.3,"endTime":1970.52,"body":"yourself from the relationship?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1970.79,"endTime":1971.27,"body":"First and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1971.27,"endTime":1973.28,"body":"foremost? And I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1971.27,"endTime":1973.28,"body":"that's possibly the most"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1973.28,"endTime":1975.95,"body":"difficult thing. And like that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1973.28,"endTime":1975.95,"body":"a that's one step. But that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1975.95,"endTime":1979.04,"body":"also a process, right? It's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1975.95,"endTime":1979.04,"body":"process. It's coming to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1979.04,"endTime":1982.73,"body":"understanding, like, of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1979.04,"endTime":1982.73,"body":"truth of this, right? So it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1982.73,"endTime":1985.04,"body":"doesn't just happen overnight."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1982.73,"endTime":1985.04,"body":"It's not something that you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1985.04,"endTime":1987.08,"body":"just going to be like, Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1985.04,"endTime":1987.08,"body":"well, that's simple. I'll just,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1987.14,"endTime":1989.93,"body":"yeah, well, let's say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1987.14,"endTime":1989.93,"body":"that you don't have a job. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1989.93,"endTime":1993.5,"body":"you do rely on exactly what's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1989.93,"endTime":1993.5,"body":"the step? What's the next step?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1993.5,"endTime":1996.8,"body":"What can you do that's different"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1993.5,"endTime":1996.8,"body":"than what you've been doing this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1996.8,"endTime":1998.45,"body":"whole time looking for a job?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1998.57,"endTime":2001.24,"body":"Let me break it up. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1998.57,"endTime":2001.24,"body":"think this is helpful breaking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2001.24,"endTime":2004.39,"body":"up that first step, like remove"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2001.24,"endTime":2004.39,"body":"yourself from the relationship."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2004.39,"endTime":2008.8,"body":"Okay, that's a loaded, pregnant"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2004.39,"endTime":2008.8,"body":"concept. Like, I think that if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2008.8,"endTime":2013.06,"body":"you focus on the truth, and you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2008.8,"endTime":2013.06,"body":"focus on the current situation,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2013.99,"endTime":2016.06,"body":"then you are already in a place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2013.99,"endTime":2016.06,"body":"where you can see this thing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2016.06,"endTime":2019.36,"body":"from the outside. What is my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2016.06,"endTime":2019.36,"body":"what is the last month look"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2019.36,"endTime":2022.6,"body":"like? You can even keep track of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2019.36,"endTime":2022.6,"body":"it. Keep track of the Tiree"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2022.6,"endTime":2022.84,"body":"write"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2022.87,"endTime":2026.65,"body":"down, write this stuff,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2022.87,"endTime":2026.65,"body":"keep track of it. Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2026.68,"endTime":2029.26,"body":"You've done this. You've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2026.68,"endTime":2029.26,"body":"journaled this stuff? It is very"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2029.26,"endTime":2032.98,"body":"tremendously rolling it Yes. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2029.26,"endTime":2032.98,"body":"I write things down to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2033.01,"endTime":2035.17,"body":"so easy when you're trauma"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2033.01,"endTime":2035.17,"body":"bonded to forget these things."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2035.17,"endTime":2039.16,"body":"Yeah, I've even had to talk to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2035.17,"endTime":2039.16,"body":"you about that very skill. I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2039.16,"endTime":2042.64,"body":"forgotten. So much. Like I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2039.16,"endTime":2042.64,"body":"remember a couple of the really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2042.64,"endTime":2045.73,"body":"bad ones. But the other stuff"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2042.64,"endTime":2045.73,"body":"that most people consider, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2045.73,"endTime":2048.61,"body":"that's horrible. I forget about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2045.73,"endTime":2048.61,"body":"it, because it's just my norm."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2048.76,"endTime":2052.51,"body":"Yeah, just forget it. Right. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2048.76,"endTime":2052.51,"body":"writing it down. So focus on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2052.51,"endTime":2054.97,"body":"truth, focus on the current"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2052.51,"endTime":2054.97,"body":"situation and begin journaling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2054.97,"endTime":2057.46,"body":"this stuff. Yep. That's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2054.97,"endTime":2057.46,"body":"first step if they're, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2057.46,"endTime":2060.94,"body":"verbally and emotionally abusive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2057.46,"endTime":2060.94,"body":"on a regular basis, like start"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2061.12,"endTime":2063.25,"body":"out a little tally in your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2061.12,"endTime":2063.25,"body":"journal. Yep. This is what's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2063.25,"endTime":2066.01,"body":"happened, maybe some specifics"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2063.25,"endTime":2066.01,"body":"about that event. So when it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2066.01,"endTime":2067.99,"body":"comes time to make this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2066.01,"endTime":2067.99,"body":"difficult decision, you can look"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2067.99,"endTime":2070.54,"body":"back at the reality. Let's look"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2067.99,"endTime":2070.54,"body":"at the current situation and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2070.54,"endTime":2073.84,"body":"truth. And then it becomes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2070.54,"endTime":2073.84,"body":"easier to say, okay, yeah, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2073.84,"endTime":2076.69,"body":"realize that I'm in a really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2073.84,"endTime":2076.69,"body":"difficult situation. And I have,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2077.41,"endTime":2080.65,"body":"I'm not making it up. I've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2077.41,"endTime":2080.65,"body":"proof. So I understand I have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2080.65,"endTime":2084.25,"body":"leave. So I think it's helpful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2080.65,"endTime":2084.25,"body":"to sort of put it into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2084.25,"endTime":2084.94,"body":"perspective."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2084.969,"endTime":2087.249,"body":"Yeah, that makes sense."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2084.969,"endTime":2087.249,"body":"And this is also if you've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2087.249,"endTime":2089.559,"body":"completely lost your identity"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2087.249,"endTime":2089.559,"body":"and you don't know who you are."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2089.559,"endTime":2091.629,"body":"This is a really good time for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2089.559,"endTime":2091.629,"body":"you to start focusing on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2091.629,"endTime":2094.749,"body":"yourself and doing things for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2091.629,"endTime":2094.749,"body":"self care and trying to build up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2094.749,"endTime":2095.559,"body":"that self esteem."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2095.71,"endTime":2098.23,"body":"Yeah, practicing self care"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2095.71,"endTime":2098.23,"body":"is tremendously important. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2098.23,"endTime":2100.9,"body":"think. Have we done an episode"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2098.23,"endTime":2100.9,"body":"on self care? No, but I want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2100.9,"endTime":2103.72,"body":"do one because I think it's been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2100.9,"endTime":2103.72,"body":"mentioned, like more times than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2103.72,"endTime":2105.85,"body":"I can count. But we've never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2103.72,"endTime":2105.85,"body":"really like honed in on it like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2105.88,"endTime":2107.62,"body":"no samples, things we've done,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2105.88,"endTime":2107.62,"body":"right?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2107.62,"endTime":2109.96,"body":"Because a lot of people,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2107.62,"endTime":2109.96,"body":"they'll come to me and say, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2109.96,"endTime":2112.66,"body":"don't even know what self care"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2109.96,"endTime":2112.66,"body":"looks like, how do I yeah, what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2112.66,"endTime":2114.82,"body":"did I even start, I don't even"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2112.66,"endTime":2114.82,"body":"know how to focus on me, I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2114.82,"endTime":2116.98,"body":"even know where to start. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2114.82,"endTime":2116.98,"body":"don't know where my values are."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2117.28,"endTime":2119.86,"body":"And that's where I'm coming into"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2117.28,"endTime":2119.86,"body":"play. And I can help break it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2119.86,"endTime":2122.92,"body":"down for them. And I have a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2119.86,"endTime":2122.92,"body":"whole bunch of different tools"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2123.37,"endTime":2125.89,"body":"for that. Awesome. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2123.37,"endTime":2125.89,"body":"looking forward to that one,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2125.92,"endTime":2128.47,"body":"that's gonna be a good one. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2125.92,"endTime":2128.47,"body":"you're right. Practicing self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2128.47,"endTime":2129.64,"body":"care. Yes, you've got to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2129.64,"endTime":2131.8,"body":"build up your self"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2129.64,"endTime":2131.8,"body":"esteem. And if you want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2131.83,"endTime":2134.32,"body":"really figure out what you want"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2131.83,"endTime":2134.32,"body":"to do with this relationship,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2134.41,"endTime":2137.71,"body":"yeah. And then develop a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2134.41,"endTime":2137.71,"body":"support group of some kind. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2138.07,"endTime":2140.5,"body":"whether it be loved ones and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2138.07,"endTime":2140.5,"body":"your family, if they don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2140.5,"endTime":2145.6,"body":"understand. Don't try to make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2140.5,"endTime":2145.6,"body":"them seek someone else. As their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2145.6,"endTime":2148.42,"body":"support groups online, we've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2145.6,"endTime":2148.42,"body":"a community pretty awesome"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2148.42,"endTime":2151.9,"body":"community. Shout out to Phil"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2148.42,"endTime":2151.9,"body":"community, who calls weekly."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2151.9,"endTime":2154.69,"body":"Yeah, and there are also several"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2151.9,"endTime":2154.69,"body":"others out there. Like I'm not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2154.69,"endTime":2157.78,"body":"just saying we're the only one."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2154.69,"endTime":2157.78,"body":"I know that I was just No, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2157.81,"endTime":2161.65,"body":"we don't Yeah, we do sample"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2157.81,"endTime":2161.65,"body":"we've got a weekly call we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2161.65,"endTime":2164.35,"body":"doing on Thursdays right now."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2161.65,"endTime":2164.35,"body":"Right. So if you change, it'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2164.35,"endTime":2166.63,"body":"change next week. So just to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2164.35,"endTime":2166.63,"body":"change because of a self care"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2166.63,"endTime":2169.57,"body":"activity. Because I chose"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2166.63,"endTime":2169.57,"body":"something for myself page signed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2169.57,"endTime":2171.85,"body":"up for it's awesome class, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2169.57,"endTime":2171.85,"body":"she'll be doing that Thursday"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2171.85,"endTime":2174.85,"body":"night. So we'll switch it up."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2171.85,"endTime":2174.85,"body":"But, but that's a place where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2174.85,"endTime":2176.98,"body":"you can come and feel like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2174.85,"endTime":2176.98,"body":"okay, these people get me a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2176.98,"endTime":2178.69,"body":"support group, these people are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2176.98,"endTime":2178.69,"body":"saying I'm going through,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2178.69,"endTime":2181.45,"body":"they're rooting for me, they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2178.69,"endTime":2181.45,"body":"want to see me win. So if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2181.45,"endTime":2183.46,"body":"don't get support from your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2181.45,"endTime":2183.46,"body":"direct family, which I hope they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2183.46,"endTime":2186.79,"body":"do, then you can get it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2183.46,"endTime":2186.79,"body":"somewhere else. Practicing self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2186.79,"endTime":2190.15,"body":"care talks about that. And then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2186.79,"endTime":2190.15,"body":"allowing yourself time to heal."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2190.81,"endTime":2194.02,"body":"Like we've, we've talked about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2190.81,"endTime":2194.02,"body":"these like 3060 90 Day marks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2194.02,"endTime":2197.14,"body":"before, how like 30 days, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2194.02,"endTime":2197.14,"body":"will feel like you're making"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2197.14,"endTime":2200.26,"body":"progress. It's 60 days, you will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2197.14,"endTime":2200.26,"body":"have like the biggest setback of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2200.26,"endTime":2202.72,"body":"all time. And it 90 days, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2200.26,"endTime":2202.72,"body":"feel like you've actually"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2202.72,"endTime":2204.37,"body":"learned something, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2202.72,"endTime":2204.37,"body":"starting to crawl out of it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2204.37,"endTime":2206.77,"body":"Yep, we're talking about three"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2204.37,"endTime":2206.77,"body":"months, which feels like an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2206.77,"endTime":2210.88,"body":"eternity sometimes does, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2206.77,"endTime":2210.88,"body":"allowing yourself time to heal."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2211.39,"endTime":2215.26,"body":"And I think that anytime I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2211.39,"endTime":2215.26,"body":"dealing with someone who's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2215.26,"endTime":2217.63,"body":"really especially for my end of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2215.26,"endTime":2217.63,"body":"things like working through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2217.63,"endTime":2220.39,"body":"recovery, like those first 90"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2217.63,"endTime":2220.39,"body":"days are crucial for healing in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2220.39,"endTime":2223.12,"body":"general. I think that's when new"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2220.39,"endTime":2223.12,"body":"habits are established is when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2223.12,"endTime":2224.89,"body":"you're learning a lot of truths"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2223.12,"endTime":2224.89,"body":"about yourself. That's when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2224.89,"endTime":2228.04,"body":"you're starting everything is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2224.89,"endTime":2228.04,"body":"wrong. You actions. Yeah, super"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2228.04,"endTime":2231.55,"body":"raw, super raw. And like, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2228.04,"endTime":2231.55,"body":"when you when you take away the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2231.55,"endTime":2234.91,"body":"pacifier here, it's going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2231.55,"endTime":2234.91,"body":"feel like withdrawal. It's going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2234.91,"endTime":2237.82,"body":"to feel like panic. Yeah, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2234.91,"endTime":2237.82,"body":"the way I've always described"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2237.82,"endTime":2241.12,"body":"like massive change in life."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2237.82,"endTime":2241.12,"body":"It's like, you remember back in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2241.12,"endTime":2244.81,"body":"the day when radios, you could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2241.12,"endTime":2244.81,"body":"turn up the radio and get out of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2244.81,"endTime":2247.48,"body":"the car and then get back in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2244.81,"endTime":2247.48,"body":"car on the radio still be loud."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2247.72,"endTime":2249.43,"body":"Now they're all digital, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2247.72,"endTime":2249.43,"body":"like, they don't do that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2249.43,"endTime":2252.01,"body":"anymore. Yeah, but like, I used"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2249.43,"endTime":2252.01,"body":"to see my uncle all the time. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2252.01,"endTime":2255.64,"body":"would. I was over his house. He"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2252.01,"endTime":2255.64,"body":"like his old Woody and I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2255.64,"endTime":2258.82,"body":"get in. If I knew he was going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2255.64,"endTime":2258.82,"body":"somewhere that night. I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2258.85,"endTime":2261.67,"body":"crank it up, like all the way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2258.85,"endTime":2261.67,"body":"and then shut the door. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2261.67,"endTime":2265.24,"body":"whenever he got in the car, he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2261.67,"endTime":2265.24,"body":"was hard. That's what life feels"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2265.24,"endTime":2268.33,"body":"like. To me anyway, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2265.24,"endTime":2268.33,"body":"whenever I'm undergoing massive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2268.33,"endTime":2271.12,"body":"changes, and I've removed a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2268.33,"endTime":2271.12,"body":"pacifier of some kind. Yes, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2271.12,"endTime":2274.3,"body":"whenever I got sober this was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2271.12,"endTime":2274.3,"body":"like this. I've made other major"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2274.3,"endTime":2277.99,"body":"life changes, like your nerves"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2274.3,"endTime":2277.99,"body":"are just so freakin raw like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2277.99,"endTime":2278.83,"body":"sunburn and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2278.83,"endTime":2281.77,"body":"this happens with leaving"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2278.83,"endTime":2281.77,"body":"an unhealthy relationship as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2281.77,"endTime":2286.39,"body":"well. Like detoxing, you really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2281.77,"endTime":2286.39,"body":"do come from Do you your body"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2286.39,"endTime":2289.57,"body":"goes through the same type of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2286.39,"endTime":2289.57,"body":"things as detox. It's very"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2289.57,"endTime":2290.83,"body":"similar to what y'all go"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2289.57,"endTime":2290.83,"body":"through."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2290.86,"endTime":2292.81,"body":"You will be guilt ridden"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2290.86,"endTime":2292.81,"body":"you will feel like Oh, am I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2292.81,"endTime":2295.96,"body":"doing the right thing? You know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2292.81,"endTime":2295.96,"body":"I I screwed up. I need to go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2295.96,"endTime":2298.51,"body":"back like all these things are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2295.96,"endTime":2298.51,"body":"normal. Okay, just give yourself"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2298.51,"endTime":2299.2,"body":"time to heal."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2299.23,"endTime":2301.99,"body":"Yes, if you're still time"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2299.23,"endTime":2301.99,"body":"resource thing is to break that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2301.99,"endTime":2306.4,"body":"cycle and to not dip back into"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2301.99,"endTime":2306.4,"body":"your drug of choice, which would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2306.4,"endTime":2307.6,"body":"be your partner."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2307.63,"endTime":2312.19,"body":"Yeah. And then I think the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2307.63,"endTime":2312.19,"body":"last one, I advise anyone who's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2312.19,"endTime":2314.2,"body":"really going through this to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2312.19,"endTime":2314.2,"body":"seek counseling, professional"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2314.2,"endTime":2316.99,"body":"counseling. Yep, incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2314.2,"endTime":2316.99,"body":"helpful. Podcasts are great."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2317.02,"endTime":2319.87,"body":"Books are great. Coaches are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2317.02,"endTime":2319.87,"body":"awesome. But when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2320.14,"endTime":2322.96,"body":"professional counseling, there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2320.14,"endTime":2322.96,"body":"no substitute for professional"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2322.96,"endTime":2325.18,"body":"licensed therapists to walk you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2322.96,"endTime":2325.18,"body":"through this kind of stuff."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2325.21,"endTime":2327.97,"body":"Right. A quick break in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2325.21,"endTime":2327.97,"body":"action to let you know about an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2327.97,"endTime":2330.76,"body":"exciting development in the Tufo"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2327.97,"endTime":2330.76,"body":"universe. When we started this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2330.76,"endTime":2333.52,"body":"thing, we said we would never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2330.76,"endTime":2333.52,"body":"work with an advertiser or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2333.52,"endTime":2336.19,"body":"company unless it's something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2333.52,"endTime":2336.19,"body":"that we believed in, and we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2336.19,"endTime":2337.09,"body":"already use."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2337.45,"endTime":2339.64,"body":"If you're looking for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2337.45,"endTime":2339.64,"body":"professional affordable mental"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2339.64,"endTime":2342.25,"body":"health care, look no further"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2339.64,"endTime":2342.25,"body":"than tailor counseling group"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2342.25,"endTime":2344.95,"body":"your trusted source for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2342.25,"endTime":2344.95,"body":"accessible therapy and Texas"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2345.25,"endTime":2347.8,"body":"tailor counseling group believes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2345.25,"endTime":2347.8,"body":"that everyone deserves premium"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2347.8,"endTime":2350.68,"body":"mental health care regardless of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2347.8,"endTime":2350.68,"body":"their income level. That's why"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2350.68,"endTime":2353.2,"body":"they offer reliable and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2350.68,"endTime":2353.2,"body":"affordable services at 12"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2353.2,"endTime":2356.89,"body":"locations across Texas. They've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2353.2,"endTime":2356.89,"body":"made affordability a priority."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2357.01,"endTime":2359.74,"body":"They are in network with most"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2357.01,"endTime":2359.74,"body":"major insurance and the standard"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2359.74,"endTime":2363.61,"body":"private rate is only $100 per"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2359.74,"endTime":2363.61,"body":"session significantly lower than"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2363.61,"endTime":2366.82,"body":"many other practices offering"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2363.61,"endTime":2366.82,"body":"the same high quality therapy."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2367.12,"endTime":2369.25,"body":"They believe that getting the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2367.12,"endTime":2369.25,"body":"help you need shouldn't drain"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2369.25,"endTime":2372.34,"body":"your wallet. scheduling an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2369.25,"endTime":2372.34,"body":"appointment is quick and easy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2372.34,"endTime":2375.22,"body":"with their convenient online"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2372.34,"endTime":2375.22,"body":"booking tool. No complicated"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2375.22,"endTime":2378.46,"body":"processes or long wait times"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2375.22,"endTime":2378.46,"body":"they value your time and ensure"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2378.46,"endTime":2381.55,"body":"that you can access the care you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2378.46,"endTime":2381.55,"body":"deserve without any hassle."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2381.73,"endTime":2383.98,"body":"It tailor counseling group"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2381.73,"endTime":2383.98,"body":"they believe in a personalized"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2383.98,"endTime":2386.02,"body":"approach to therapy."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2383.98,"endTime":2386.02,"body":"professionally trained"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2386.02,"endTime":2389.08,"body":"counselors offer a diverse range"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2386.02,"endTime":2389.08,"body":"of services including individual"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2389.08,"endTime":2392.74,"body":"counseling, couples counseling,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2389.08,"endTime":2392.74,"body":"family therapy, play therapy for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2392.74,"endTime":2395.62,"body":"children, and even specialized"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2392.74,"endTime":2395.62,"body":"techniques like cognitive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2395.62,"endTime":2398.77,"body":"processing and existential"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2395.62,"endTime":2398.77,"body":"psychotherapy. They're here to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2398.77,"endTime":2401.2,"body":"help you navigate life channel."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2398.77,"endTime":2401.2,"body":"challenges and develop a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2401.2,"endTime":2403.9,"body":"personalized treatment plan"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2401.2,"endTime":2403.9,"body":"tailored to your unique goals."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2404.5,"endTime":2407.05,"body":"Tailor counseling group is your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2404.5,"endTime":2407.05,"body":"partner on the path of mental"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2407.05,"endTime":2409.6,"body":"wellness experienced"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2407.05,"endTime":2409.6,"body":"professional affordable care"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2409.6,"endTime":2412.93,"body":"that puts you first visit their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2409.6,"endTime":2412.93,"body":"website, tailor counseling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2412.93,"endTime":2416.11,"body":"group.com or call them today to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2412.93,"endTime":2416.11,"body":"schedule an appointment and tell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2416.11,"endTime":2418.72,"body":"them to fo couple sent you a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2416.11,"endTime":2418.72,"body":"link and phone number is going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2418.72,"endTime":2421.24,"body":"to be available in the show"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2418.72,"endTime":2421.24,"body":"notes and back to the action."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2423.91,"endTime":2427.48,"body":"It's extremely important. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2423.91,"endTime":2427.48,"body":"hope we've given you some kind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2427.48,"endTime":2431.41,"body":"of background on trauma bonding"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2427.48,"endTime":2431.41,"body":"and how these buzzwords that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2431.41,"endTime":2433.99,"body":"might be hearing about apply to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2431.41,"endTime":2433.99,"body":"your life. And I think that when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2433.99,"endTime":2438.43,"body":"we talk about trauma bonding in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2433.99,"endTime":2438.43,"body":"the realm of alcoholism,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2438.52,"endTime":2443.71,"body":"addiction and partnership"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2438.52,"endTime":2443.71,"body":"marriages, it's it's real. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2443.71,"endTime":2448.0,"body":"as real as anything I've ever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2443.71,"endTime":2448.0,"body":"come across. Like this is this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2448.03,"endTime":2452.53,"body":"is to a tee it's textbook. Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2448.03,"endTime":2452.53,"body":"And I think we can link this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2452.53,"endTime":2455.08,"body":"somewhere. And awesome article"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2452.53,"endTime":2455.08,"body":"we found that we've kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2455.08,"endTime":2458.14,"body":"worked through to talk about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2455.08,"endTime":2458.14,"body":"some of the stuff anyone has any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2458.14,"endTime":2460.12,"body":"more questions about it? Okay."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2460.54,"endTime":2463.21,"body":"Listen to it in the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2460.54,"endTime":2463.21,"body":"community. Oh, did you did"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2463.21,"endTime":2463.78,"body":"yesterday forgotten"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2463.78,"endTime":2465.46,"body":"the community? It's in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2463.78,"endTime":2465.46,"body":"there. Okay. It's in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2465.46,"endTime":2470.77,"body":"community. Okay. Listener"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2465.46,"endTime":2470.77,"body":"question. Okay. Question was,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2470.83,"endTime":2475.12,"body":"when is a good time to discuss"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2470.83,"endTime":2475.12,"body":"how their addiction affected you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2475.15,"endTime":2479.44,"body":"in the process? This is a great"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2475.15,"endTime":2479.44,"body":"question. Yep. Great question."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2479.44,"endTime":2485.59,"body":"So it's very common, and this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2479.44,"endTime":2485.59,"body":"person is with someone who's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2485.59,"endTime":2489.07,"body":"recovering. And the addict just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2485.59,"endTime":2489.07,"body":"wants to forget about the past,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2489.1,"endTime":2492.4,"body":"they want to sweep it under the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2489.1,"endTime":2492.4,"body":"rug. They claim that when this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2492.4,"endTime":2497.95,"body":"is brought up, it brings them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2492.4,"endTime":2497.95,"body":"shame, and holds them back from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2497.95,"endTime":2502.48,"body":"moving forward. Oh, so as the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2497.95,"endTime":2502.48,"body":"spouse this person says, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2502.48,"endTime":2505.03,"body":"still grieving and processing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2502.48,"endTime":2505.03,"body":"what has happened in the quote"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2505.03,"endTime":2508.84,"body":"unquote, past. Because their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2505.03,"endTime":2508.84,"body":"quote, unquote, past is still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2508.84,"endTime":2512.92,"body":"this person's present. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2508.84,"endTime":2512.92,"body":"they're not just going to allow"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2512.92,"endTime":2516.43,"body":"this stuff to be swept under the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2512.92,"endTime":2516.43,"body":"rug. But the addict their, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2516.43,"endTime":2520.48,"body":"know, newly recovered alcoholic,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2516.43,"endTime":2520.48,"body":"is avoidant doesn't want to talk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2520.48,"endTime":2525.1,"body":"about any of this stuff. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2520.48,"endTime":2525.1,"body":"too heavy for them. And so when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2525.1,"endTime":2528.16,"body":"is a good time to talk about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2525.1,"endTime":2528.16,"body":"this? Is there a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2528.94,"endTime":2532.72,"body":"shot a timeframe? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2528.94,"endTime":2532.72,"body":"So it depends on their recovery."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2532.75,"endTime":2534.19,"body":"What was your experience"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2532.75,"endTime":2534.19,"body":"with this,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2534.31,"endTime":2537.1,"body":"my experience is that I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2534.31,"endTime":2537.1,"body":"did not address it for a while,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2537.13,"endTime":2542.2,"body":"because I allowed you to do what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2537.13,"endTime":2542.2,"body":"you had to do. Because I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2542.23,"endTime":2544.84,"body":"proud of you for where I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2542.23,"endTime":2544.84,"body":"grateful that you went and got"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2544.84,"endTime":2547.63,"body":"help. And I was grateful that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2544.84,"endTime":2547.63,"body":"you had to be in recovery and do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2547.63,"endTime":2550.87,"body":"what you needed to do. I didn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2547.63,"endTime":2550.87,"body":"want to rock the boat early on,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2550.87,"endTime":2553.27,"body":"there was no reason to bring up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2550.87,"endTime":2553.27,"body":"things that were happening that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2553.27,"endTime":2556.03,"body":"happened to me in the past, that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2553.27,"endTime":2556.03,"body":"also didn't really start to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2556.03,"endTime":2560.08,"body":"affect me until later on, too."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2556.03,"endTime":2560.08,"body":"So I don't know if I have the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2560.08,"endTime":2564.58,"body":"best advice on this. Because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2560.08,"endTime":2564.58,"body":"mine was kind of different. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2564.58,"endTime":2567.61,"body":"allowed you to do what you had"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2564.58,"endTime":2567.61,"body":"to do. I wasn't going to let"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2567.61,"endTime":2570.22,"body":"things get swept under the rug."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2567.61,"endTime":2570.22,"body":"And I would bring things up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2570.22,"endTime":2576.1,"body":"occasionally. But I knew that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2570.22,"endTime":2576.1,"body":"you would get there eventually,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2576.61,"endTime":2578.74,"body":"to where you would want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2576.61,"endTime":2578.74,"body":"discuss it a lot of faith in me,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2578.77,"endTime":2580.9,"body":"I did have a lot of faith in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2578.77,"endTime":2580.9,"body":"you. Wow."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2581.319,"endTime":2583.749,"body":"It means a lot. It really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2581.319,"endTime":2583.749,"body":"does. Really, yeah, seriously,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2583.809,"endTime":2586.389,"body":"it means a lot because like I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2583.809,"endTime":2586.389,"body":"looking at this, and I've dealt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2586.389,"endTime":2589.539,"body":"with this, working with people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2586.389,"endTime":2589.539,"body":"through addiction there. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2589.569,"endTime":2591.699,"body":"I've heard this from the other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2589.569,"endTime":2591.699,"body":"side. It's like, hey, my wife"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2591.699,"endTime":2593.829,"body":"keeps trying to bring up all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2591.699,"endTime":2593.829,"body":"this stuff. And like I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2593.829,"endTime":2597.399,"body":"don't know, like, is that really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2593.829,"endTime":2597.399,"body":"important right now? My answer"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2597.399,"endTime":2600.519,"body":"is like, yes, it's important."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2597.399,"endTime":2600.519,"body":"Absolutely. It's important, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2600.519,"endTime":2603.519,"body":"and validate that. But I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2600.519,"endTime":2603.519,"body":"that there is a time and a place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2603.519,"endTime":2606.699,"body":"to address some of these really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2603.519,"endTime":2606.699,"body":"heavy things. Early on, we've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2606.699,"endTime":2608.439,"body":"talked about like the changes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2606.699,"endTime":2608.439,"body":"that are going on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2608.739,"endTime":2612.879,"body":"physiologically in the brain."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2608.739,"endTime":2612.879,"body":"And within someone's recovery. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2612.879,"endTime":2615.009,"body":"think in the very beginning,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2612.879,"endTime":2615.009,"body":"you're so focused on just not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2615.009,"endTime":2618.579,"body":"drinking, it's about all that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2615.009,"endTime":2618.579,"body":"you can withstand. Yeah. But I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2618.579,"endTime":2621.879,"body":"would never recommend to someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2618.579,"endTime":2621.879,"body":"to not listen to their partner,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2622.179,"endTime":2625.869,"body":"and to validate them like it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2622.179,"endTime":2625.869,"body":"cost nothing to validate them,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2625.989,"endTime":2628.029,"body":"right. You don't necessarily"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2625.989,"endTime":2628.029,"body":"have to make amends for all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2628.029,"endTime":2631.509,"body":"these things and fix them today."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2628.029,"endTime":2631.509,"body":"But to validate them, that can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2631.509,"endTime":2632.409,"body":"happen right away."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2632.44,"endTime":2635.8,"body":"I mean, be honest and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2632.44,"endTime":2635.8,"body":"communicate. They could be they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2635.8,"endTime":2638.53,"body":"could say, you know, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2635.8,"endTime":2638.53,"body":"understand your feeling this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2638.53,"endTime":2642.16,"body":"way, I understand that I hurt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2638.53,"endTime":2642.16,"body":"you. And I know there's a lot of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2642.16,"endTime":2647.14,"body":"things that we did just that we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2642.16,"endTime":2647.14,"body":"need to discuss. And I will get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2647.14,"endTime":2649.93,"body":"to that that point at some"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2647.14,"endTime":2649.93,"body":"point, you know, eventually we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2649.93,"endTime":2652.84,"body":"will get there. I'm not going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2649.93,"endTime":2652.84,"body":"let it get swept under the rug."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2653.23,"endTime":2654.55,"body":"And I'm here for you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2654.58,"endTime":2658.09,"body":"Yeah, like the process. If"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2654.58,"endTime":2658.09,"body":"this person is working 12 Steps"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2658.09,"endTime":2660.01,"body":"anyway, in the first three"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2658.09,"endTime":2660.01,"body":"steps, they're going to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.01,"endTime":2664.06,"body":"essentially establishing like a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.01,"endTime":2664.06,"body":"an idea of what we call a higher"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2664.06,"endTime":2666.82,"body":"power. They're going to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2664.06,"endTime":2666.82,"body":"admitting that, you know, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2666.82,"endTime":2669.79,"body":"problem is something they have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2666.82,"endTime":2669.79,"body":"no control over. And then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2669.79,"endTime":2672.04,"body":"they're going to start to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2669.79,"endTime":2672.04,"body":"their actual work, which is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2672.04,"endTime":2675.58,"body":"process of going through the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2672.04,"endTime":2675.58,"body":"resentments, their fears, their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2675.58,"endTime":2678.82,"body":"sex inventory, they're going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2675.58,"endTime":2678.82,"body":"be you know, turning these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2678.82,"endTime":2681.7,"body":"things over and sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2678.82,"endTime":2681.7,"body":"relinquishing control over them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2682.06,"endTime":2685.87,"body":"know their higher power concept."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2682.06,"endTime":2685.87,"body":"And then eight, nine, they start"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2685.87,"endTime":2688.63,"body":"to make amends. And that's when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2685.87,"endTime":2688.63,"body":"this stuff really that the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2688.63,"endTime":2691.93,"body":"rubber meets the road with a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2688.63,"endTime":2691.93,"body":"men's Yeah. And depending on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2691.93,"endTime":2693.76,"body":"pace that they're working. The"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2691.93,"endTime":2693.76,"body":"programs could take anywhere"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2693.76,"endTime":2696.85,"body":"from nine months to a year when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2693.76,"endTime":2696.85,"body":"they're actually at that step."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2697.18,"endTime":2699.73,"body":"Now, I'm not saying that I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2697.18,"endTime":2699.73,"body":"you should, you should be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2699.73,"endTime":2704.2,"body":"patient to nine months to a year"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2699.73,"endTime":2704.2,"body":"and hope, right? I would hope"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2704.2,"endTime":2707.95,"body":"that whoever asked this question"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2704.2,"endTime":2707.95,"body":"would have their their partner"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2707.98,"endTime":2711.31,"body":"chime in and listen to this. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2707.98,"endTime":2711.31,"body":"I would say to them, that the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2711.31,"endTime":2714.58,"body":"things that you have done need"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2711.31,"endTime":2714.58,"body":"to be acknowledged, doesn't mean"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2714.58,"endTime":2716.35,"body":"necessarily have to fix them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2714.58,"endTime":2716.35,"body":"today, but you need to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2716.35,"endTime":2718.93,"body":"acknowledge them. So as your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2716.35,"endTime":2718.93,"body":"partner is sitting there telling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2718.96,"endTime":2722.26,"body":"talking to you about how they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2718.96,"endTime":2722.26,"body":"felt, you need to shut up and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2722.26,"endTime":2726.04,"body":"listen for a moment. And just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2722.26,"endTime":2726.04,"body":"listen, I'm not asking you to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2726.37,"endTime":2729.01,"body":"fix it, don't come up with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2726.37,"endTime":2729.01,"body":"solutions. Just let them talk,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2729.01,"endTime":2732.28,"body":"damn it just for a moment, sit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2729.01,"endTime":2732.28,"body":"there and listen, right? It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2732.28,"endTime":2736.12,"body":"their turn. Yes. So their space"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2732.28,"endTime":2736.12,"body":"and you get to where this, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2736.12,"endTime":2738.61,"body":"is part of recovery, you have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2736.12,"endTime":2738.61,"body":"let the stuff in the face and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2738.61,"endTime":2741.37,"body":"you have to own it, you did"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2738.61,"endTime":2741.37,"body":"these things, you have to own"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2741.37,"endTime":2744.25,"body":"them. I'm not saying it's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2741.37,"endTime":2744.25,"body":"process of shame. I'm not saying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2744.25,"endTime":2746.62,"body":"that you're less than I'm saying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2744.25,"endTime":2746.62,"body":"you need to listen to your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2746.62,"endTime":2749.08,"body":"partner and just let them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2746.62,"endTime":2749.08,"body":"communicate to you how they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2749.08,"endTime":2752.32,"body":"felt. Let them process that. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2749.08,"endTime":2752.32,"body":"then at the end of it, rather"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2752.32,"endTime":2755.17,"body":"than trying to make excuses or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2752.32,"endTime":2755.17,"body":"justifying or anything else,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2755.5,"endTime":2759.31,"body":"just say, I understand that the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2755.5,"endTime":2759.31,"body":"way you feel like, I'm terribly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2759.31,"endTime":2761.47,"body":"sorry for these things and just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2759.31,"endTime":2761.47,"body":"know that I'm working on them."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2761.53,"endTime":2764.41,"body":"I'm working on these things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2761.53,"endTime":2764.41,"body":"right now. And if I had it my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2764.41,"endTime":2767.71,"body":"way, I would have fixed these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2764.41,"endTime":2767.71,"body":"already. But I'm just not quite"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2767.71,"endTime":2770.62,"body":"there yet. I'm still in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2767.71,"endTime":2770.62,"body":"whirlwind trying to figure my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2770.62,"endTime":2773.17,"body":"own shit out. But I promise you,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2770.62,"endTime":2773.17,"body":"I acknowledge these things. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2773.17,"endTime":2777.28,"body":"I will make this right somehow"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2773.17,"endTime":2777.28,"body":"some way. That would be I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2777.28,"endTime":2781.99,"body":"think like, okay, ideal, ideal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2777.28,"endTime":2781.99,"body":"an answer, right? Something you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2781.99,"endTime":2787.75,"body":"could acknowledge, and then give"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2781.99,"endTime":2787.75,"body":"them validation and say, okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2787.78,"endTime":2790.66,"body":"yeah, moving forward, I will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2787.78,"endTime":2790.66,"body":"address these things. But, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2790.66,"endTime":2793.03,"body":"know, does that take? Is that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2790.66,"endTime":2793.03,"body":"take a week? Is that take a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2793.03,"endTime":2796.69,"body":"month? Is it take a year, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2793.03,"endTime":2796.69,"body":"think as a spouse anyway, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2796.69,"endTime":2799.0,"body":"should be able to address these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2796.69,"endTime":2799.0,"body":"things when whenever you feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2799.0,"endTime":2802.66,"body":"like it. I think that I teach"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2799.0,"endTime":2802.66,"body":"guys that I work with that. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2802.66,"endTime":2806.5,"body":"not a your business, how they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2802.66,"endTime":2806.5,"body":"feel it's none of your business,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2806.5,"endTime":2809.26,"body":"what timeframe that they address"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2806.5,"endTime":2809.26,"body":"this stuff on? It's none of your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2809.26,"endTime":2812.35,"body":"business, dude, you lost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2809.26,"endTime":2812.35,"body":"control, you've lost control"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2812.35,"endTime":2814.93,"body":"over your entire life. You we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2812.35,"endTime":2814.93,"body":"not to dictate terms of anything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2814.93,"endTime":2817.51,"body":"for a little while. Yeah, we'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2814.93,"endTime":2817.51,"body":"get back there, right. But for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2817.51,"endTime":2821.2,"body":"here for a while, you just need"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2817.51,"endTime":2821.2,"body":"to let the world kind of just be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2821.29,"endTime":2823.15,"body":"if that's part of the world,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2821.29,"endTime":2823.15,"body":"then you just need to sit there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2823.15,"endTime":2826.33,"body":"and acknowledge it. And I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2823.15,"endTime":2826.33,"body":"for an addict, they feel shame."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2826.33,"endTime":2829.39,"body":"And that's, that's what's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2826.33,"endTime":2829.39,"body":"dangerous is that shame is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2829.39,"endTime":2833.26,"body":"feeling like this is who I am,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2829.39,"endTime":2833.26,"body":"this is what I am. Whereas I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2833.26,"endTime":2836.71,"body":"look at recovery as saying like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2833.26,"endTime":2836.71,"body":"these are it's more of like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2836.71,"endTime":2839.86,"body":"guilt, like these are things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2836.71,"endTime":2839.86,"body":"that I've done. But that's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2839.86,"endTime":2844.51,"body":"necessarily who I am, right,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2839.86,"endTime":2844.51,"body":"trying hard enough. It's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2844.51,"endTime":2846.58,"body":"necessarily who I am. These are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2844.51,"endTime":2846.58,"body":"things that I've done, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2846.58,"endTime":2849.76,"body":"acknowledge that I've done these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2846.58,"endTime":2849.76,"body":"things, but I can make living"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2849.76,"endTime":2852.28,"body":"amends moving forward, and there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2849.76,"endTime":2852.28,"body":"can be a better tomorrow. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2852.31,"endTime":2855.55,"body":"So if it's if it's conjuring"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2852.31,"endTime":2855.55,"body":"feelings of shame for them,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2855.55,"endTime":2858.55,"body":"they're going to have to process"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2855.55,"endTime":2858.55,"body":"that on their time. I think it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2858.55,"endTime":2861.1,"body":"really helpful, though. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2858.55,"endTime":2861.1,"body":"anytime you're talking about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2861.16,"endTime":2867.01,"body":"harms that have done, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2861.16,"endTime":2867.01,"body":"important not to it's not a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2867.46,"endTime":2871.78,"body":"contest of who can make who feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2867.46,"endTime":2871.78,"body":"worse, right? But just by you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2871.78,"endTime":2874.24,"body":"telling me like you telling me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2871.78,"endTime":2874.24,"body":"what you'd been through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2874.24,"endTime":2877.84,"body":"certainly made me feel like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2874.24,"endTime":2877.84,"body":"crap, but I needed to hear some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2877.84,"endTime":2880.84,"body":"of this stuff. It's not our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2877.84,"endTime":2880.84,"body":"fault, your fault that I felt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2880.84,"endTime":2883.3,"body":"this way I felt this way,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2880.84,"endTime":2883.3,"body":"because I had genuine remorse"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2883.63,"endTime":2886.33,"body":"and empathy. Yeah, that's a good"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2883.63,"endTime":2886.33,"body":"thing. Yeah. And emotion I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2886.33,"endTime":2889.45,"body":"hadn't experienced in quite some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2886.33,"endTime":2889.45,"body":"time, right? It is what it is,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2889.45,"endTime":2891.4,"body":"you know, if they're working a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2889.45,"endTime":2891.4,"body":"program and they're in a safe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2891.4,"endTime":2893.38,"body":"place, then they're going to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2891.4,"endTime":2893.38,"body":"able to work through this stuff."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2893.98,"endTime":2896.53,"body":"And like I said, healthy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2893.98,"endTime":2896.53,"body":"communication around it. Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2896.89,"endTime":2900.76,"body":"you don't necessarily owe them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2896.89,"endTime":2900.76,"body":"anything as far as like making"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2900.76,"endTime":2903.37,"body":"their life easy. Like you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2900.76,"endTime":2903.37,"body":"support them and say, I've been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2904.36,"endTime":2908.26,"body":"devastated by you. I've been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2904.36,"endTime":2908.26,"body":"hurt very badly by you. So as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2908.26,"endTime":2909.7,"body":"far as like, timing,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2910.84,"endTime":2911.83,"body":"I think that was great."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2912.13,"endTime":2914.68,"body":"I hope that answers your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2912.13,"endTime":2914.68,"body":"question. Yeah. That's great."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2914.71,"endTime":2918.28,"body":"And I hope the partner would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2914.71,"endTime":2918.28,"body":"hear that. Some sense of that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2918.28,"endTime":2922.96,"body":"Yes. So yeah, I think that, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2918.28,"endTime":2922.96,"body":"wraps it up. That's our listener"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2922.96,"endTime":2925.39,"body":"question for the week. Those are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2922.96,"endTime":2925.39,"body":"fun. Y'all keep sending those in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2925.39,"endTime":2928.78,"body":"and we will keep answering them."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2925.39,"endTime":2928.78,"body":"Okay, um, I think that's all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2928.78,"endTime":2931.69,"body":"we've got this week, right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2928.78,"endTime":2931.69,"body":"Like, there's something we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2931.69,"endTime":2935.86,"body":"just missing. I can't remember"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2931.69,"endTime":2935.86,"body":"what it is. I don't know. Trying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2935.86,"endTime":2940.21,"body":"so hard. That call is awful."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2935.86,"endTime":2940.21,"body":"Yes. Let's go. Alright. Until"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2940.21,"endTime":2940.78,"body":"next time,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2940.81,"endTime":2943.3,"body":"I am Matt. I'm Paige. Bye"}]}