{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":0.359,"endTime":3.719,"body":"It's likely to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":0.359,"endTime":3.719,"body":"miserable times, it's likely to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3.719,"endTime":8.309,"body":"be tricky, hairy, full of ups"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3.719,"endTime":8.309,"body":"and downs. You're probably never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":8.309,"endTime":10.919,"body":"going to get what you want. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":8.309,"endTime":10.919,"body":"get what you want in life. When"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":10.919,"endTime":13.769,"body":"you design a life, when you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":10.919,"endTime":13.769,"body":"design your life and you find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":13.769,"endTime":17.819,"body":"someone that wants the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":13.769,"endTime":17.819,"body":"design, exactly, yeah. But to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":17.819,"endTime":22.079,"body":"have this, this chasm in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":17.819,"endTime":22.079,"body":"road, huge holes, golf is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":22.109,"endTime":24.719,"body":"goalie, you're pulling on one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":22.109,"endTime":24.719,"body":"side, they're on the other."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":25.169,"endTime":27.509,"body":"You're saying this is what I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":25.169,"endTime":27.509,"body":"want. And they're saying, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":27.509,"endTime":32.789,"body":"not ready for that. Someone has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":27.509,"endTime":32.789,"body":"to give up and walk off and say,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":32.909,"endTime":40.949,"body":"I'm gonna have to do this on my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":32.909,"endTime":40.949,"body":"own. Welcome back. Well, come"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":41.189,"endTime":46.919,"body":"back to another episode until"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":41.189,"endTime":46.919,"body":"the wheels fall off, man. Man"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":46.919,"endTime":50.309,"body":"Oh, man, it's been a week. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":46.919,"endTime":50.309,"body":"my crap. Feeling a little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":50.669,"endTime":54.149,"body":"drained. I would say here lately"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":50.669,"endTime":54.149,"body":"a little bit. God bless me. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":54.149,"endTime":58.199,"body":"don't know if it's just every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":54.149,"endTime":58.199,"body":"routine getting started again,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":58.199,"endTime":62.369,"body":"and just feeling sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":58.199,"endTime":62.369,"body":"resistant to it. Or what the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":62.369,"endTime":63.149,"body":"heck's going on? I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":63.15,"endTime":65.46,"body":"like a good routine. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":63.15,"endTime":65.46,"body":"we've been waking up a lot"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":65.46,"endTime":67.98,"body":"earlier than we were used to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":65.46,"endTime":67.98,"body":"waking up, man, obviously,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":67.98,"endTime":70.05,"body":"lack of sleep or what I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":67.98,"endTime":70.05,"body":"don't know if we're the only"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":70.05,"endTime":71.91,"body":"ones feeling this way. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":70.05,"endTime":71.91,"body":"there's something about this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":71.97,"endTime":76.41,"body":"this time of year where it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":71.97,"endTime":76.41,"body":"just good. Trying to get through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":76.41,"endTime":80.52,"body":"it. Here we are. All right,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":76.41,"endTime":80.52,"body":"we're gonna talk about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":80.52,"endTime":83.88,"body":"controlling versus challenging"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":80.52,"endTime":83.88,"body":"today. What's the difference"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":83.88,"endTime":86.13,"body":"between controlling someone and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":83.88,"endTime":86.13,"body":"just challenge them to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":86.13,"endTime":90.45,"body":"better? Or on the other side of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":86.13,"endTime":90.45,"body":"that something very similar as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":91.2,"endTime":93.78,"body":"controlling versus"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":91.2,"endTime":93.78,"body":"accountability? Yeah, it's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":93.78,"endTime":96.84,"body":"question we get a lot and it'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":93.78,"endTime":96.84,"body":"kind of drive you crazy if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":96.84,"endTime":99.96,"body":"think too hard about it. Because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":96.84,"endTime":99.96,"body":"there's Yeah, Paige is raising"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":99.96,"endTime":103.23,"body":"her hand right? Now. The more we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":99.96,"endTime":103.23,"body":"think about it, the fuzzier it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":103.23,"endTime":106.59,"body":"gets almost so true. We're gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":103.23,"endTime":106.59,"body":"have a discussion to provoke"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":106.59,"endTime":109.41,"body":"some thoughts, give some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":106.59,"endTime":109.41,"body":"insight, some things that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":109.41,"endTime":109.98,"body":"believe"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":110.13,"endTime":112.29,"body":"I think this is my all or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":110.13,"endTime":112.29,"body":"nothing thinking that kind of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":112.29,"endTime":114.51,"body":"gets in the way. Is that what my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":112.29,"endTime":114.51,"body":"cognitive distortion?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":114.54,"endTime":116.31,"body":"That's why we've been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":114.54,"endTime":116.31,"body":"researching this for three days"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":116.31,"endTime":118.77,"body":"is because you keep asking me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":116.31,"endTime":118.77,"body":"questions about me go hmm,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":119.22,"endTime":122.76,"body":"everything. I thought, No, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":119.22,"endTime":122.76,"body":"don't just start."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":122.97,"endTime":125.4,"body":"I'm just challenging you."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":122.97,"endTime":125.4,"body":"Oh, Jesus."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":127.62,"endTime":130.23,"body":"How's it go? Good one."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":127.62,"endTime":130.23,"body":"That was a good one. All right,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":130.32,"endTime":134.37,"body":"we're gonna start it with a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":130.32,"endTime":134.37,"body":"story. As often like to do, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":134.37,"endTime":137.43,"body":"actually wrote this, I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":134.37,"endTime":137.43,"body":"know a few months back, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":137.43,"endTime":140.46,"body":"actually in our community page."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":137.43,"endTime":140.46,"body":"And if you're not already in our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":140.46,"endTime":144.36,"body":"community, check us out. If you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":140.46,"endTime":144.36,"body":"go to any of our social media"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":144.36,"endTime":149.28,"body":"profiles, if you click our link"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":144.36,"endTime":149.28,"body":"tree, you'll find our website"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":149.28,"endTime":151.74,"body":"you will find our YouTube"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":149.28,"endTime":151.74,"body":"channel, our social media"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":151.74,"endTime":156.27,"body":"accounts, and also our Facebook"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":151.74,"endTime":156.27,"body":"community, totally free Facebook"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":156.27,"endTime":159.0,"body":"community. And we've got files"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":156.27,"endTime":159.0,"body":"in there we've got some helpful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":159.0,"endTime":161.79,"body":"free guides and things like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":159.0,"endTime":161.79,"body":"that. This is one of them. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":161.79,"endTime":166.11,"body":"wrote this quite some time ago."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":161.79,"endTime":166.11,"body":"It's called Drop the rope. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":166.23,"endTime":169.89,"body":"credit where credit is due the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":166.23,"endTime":169.89,"body":"drop the rope concept. The idea"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":170.28,"endTime":172.77,"body":"of this came from some good"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":170.28,"endTime":172.77,"body":"friends of ours, Jesse and J."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":172.77,"endTime":176.04,"body":"Norman, they've got a podcast"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":172.77,"endTime":176.04,"body":"called Moving on again. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":176.04,"endTime":179.28,"body":"actually were on that. God's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":176.04,"endTime":179.28,"body":"been about six months, few"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":179.28,"endTime":181.86,"body":"months. Yeah, it's been a little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":179.28,"endTime":181.86,"body":"while now. But this was our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":181.86,"endTime":185.31,"body":"concept and I just took it sort"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":181.86,"endTime":185.31,"body":"of elaborated on it and made it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":185.31,"endTime":188.07,"body":"my own. But anyway, just in case"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":185.31,"endTime":188.07,"body":"they're listening, they go you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":188.07,"endTime":191.64,"body":"SOB stolen, give credit where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":188.07,"endTime":191.64,"body":"credit's due, but this is my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":191.64,"endTime":195.12,"body":"perspective of it. So it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":191.64,"endTime":195.12,"body":"called Drop the rope. Picture a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":195.12,"endTime":199.35,"body":"large muddy hole in the ground"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":195.12,"endTime":199.35,"body":"filled with water, everyone got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":199.35,"endTime":203.58,"body":"the visual. So it's rectangular"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":199.35,"endTime":203.58,"body":"extends to your left and to your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":203.58,"endTime":208.89,"body":"right, as far as the eye can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":203.58,"endTime":208.89,"body":"see. Just pit of water left and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":208.89,"endTime":212.01,"body":"right as far as you can see,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":208.89,"endTime":212.01,"body":"it's 10 feet across, though from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":212.01,"endTime":215.25,"body":"one side to the other and it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":212.01,"endTime":215.25,"body":"six foot deep. On one side of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":215.25,"endTime":219.27,"body":"this hole is you and on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":215.25,"endTime":219.27,"body":"other side is your partner. A"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":219.27,"endTime":223.11,"body":"thick rope is in each of your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":219.27,"endTime":223.11,"body":"hands, and you are engaged in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":223.11,"endTime":226.89,"body":"battle of tug of war. Remember"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":223.11,"endTime":226.89,"body":"tug of war. Yes, my favorite of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":226.89,"endTime":227.7,"body":"all the field."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":228.24,"endTime":230.34,"body":"Really day gay guys"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":228.24,"endTime":230.34,"body":"sucked at it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":230.37,"endTime":233.19,"body":"I love tug of war. It was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":230.37,"endTime":233.19,"body":"fun. Anyway, it's a tug of war."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":233.19,"endTime":236.94,"body":"So you're playing tug of war"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":233.19,"endTime":236.94,"body":"across an infinitely wide body"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":236.94,"endTime":240.78,"body":"of water. Your feet are firmly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":236.94,"endTime":240.78,"body":"planted as you pull with all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":240.78,"endTime":244.62,"body":"your mind. Each tug toward your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":240.78,"endTime":244.62,"body":"side of the hole represents your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":244.62,"endTime":249.06,"body":"perspective, your emotions, your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":244.62,"endTime":249.06,"body":"feelings and ideas of your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":249.06,"endTime":252.93,"body":"reality and each tug from the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":249.06,"endTime":252.93,"body":"other side. So your partner side"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":253.08,"endTime":257.19,"body":"is equivalent in force. And like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":253.08,"endTime":257.19,"body":"you it represents their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":257.19,"endTime":261.06,"body":"perspective, their emotions,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":257.19,"endTime":261.06,"body":"their feelings, and their ideas"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":261.09,"endTime":264.93,"body":"of their reality. Conflict in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":261.09,"endTime":264.93,"body":"marriage is nothing more than a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":264.93,"endTime":268.53,"body":"game of emotional tug of war."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":264.93,"endTime":268.53,"body":"Each individual's fighting with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":268.53,"endTime":271.38,"body":"all their being to protect their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":268.53,"endTime":271.38,"body":"worthiness and to defend their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":271.38,"endTime":276.45,"body":"perspective to say, listen to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":271.38,"endTime":276.45,"body":"me, my opinion matters. I have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":276.48,"endTime":281.61,"body":"value validate me. Sometimes we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":276.48,"endTime":281.61,"body":"tug to protect our ego."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":281.64,"endTime":285.36,"body":"Sometimes we talk to prove a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":281.64,"endTime":285.36,"body":"point. Sometimes we talk because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":285.36,"endTime":288.63,"body":"we lose sight of the reason we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":285.36,"endTime":288.63,"body":"ever said I do to begin with."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":289.29,"endTime":293.04,"body":"One thing is certain in this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":289.29,"endTime":293.04,"body":"game. It will leave one person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":293.04,"endTime":298.44,"body":"muddy sopping wet, upset,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":293.04,"endTime":298.44,"body":"feeling misunderstood, dejected,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":298.5,"endTime":302.19,"body":"dominated in defeat. Did by"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":298.5,"endTime":302.19,"body":"their best friend, the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":302.19,"endTime":305.13,"body":"person we swore to love and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":302.19,"endTime":305.13,"body":"honor to protect and nurture to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":305.13,"endTime":309.09,"body":"understand, rather than to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":305.13,"endTime":309.09,"body":"understood. The victor of this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":309.09,"endTime":313.35,"body":"game quote unquote the victor is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":309.09,"endTime":313.35,"body":"often the stronger willed, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":313.35,"endTime":317.82,"body":"more articulate debater or the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":313.35,"endTime":317.82,"body":"more stubborn, not the most"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":317.82,"endTime":322.77,"body":"correct. Energy, persistence and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":317.82,"endTime":322.77,"body":"stubbornness are required to win"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":322.77,"endTime":325.92,"body":"tug of war, one person must"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":322.77,"endTime":325.92,"body":"outlast the other and this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":325.92,"endTime":329.7,"body":"battle of wills and the result"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":325.92,"endTime":329.7,"body":"is always the same. The result"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":329.7,"endTime":333.36,"body":"is a victory that serves one ego"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":329.7,"endTime":333.36,"body":"and damages another, it moves"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":333.36,"endTime":336.96,"body":"the couple further apart. Trust"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":333.36,"endTime":336.96,"body":"and Safety are sacrificed and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":336.96,"endTime":340.83,"body":"vulnerable. Vulnerability is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":336.96,"endTime":340.83,"body":"squashed. I am right, and you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":340.83,"endTime":344.7,"body":"are wrong. In this game, a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":340.83,"endTime":344.7,"body":"battle one is a battle lost."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":345.21,"endTime":348.45,"body":"We've all been here. We've all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":345.21,"endTime":348.45,"body":"had fights and disagreements and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":348.45,"endTime":350.88,"body":"sometimes their short lives"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":348.45,"endTime":350.88,"body":"sometimes the game goes on for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":350.88,"endTime":354.69,"body":"years, Paige and I personally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":350.88,"endTime":354.69,"body":"have had our fair share of these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":354.69,"endTime":358.17,"body":"battles. Over the years, we've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":354.69,"endTime":358.17,"body":"both been muddy, we've both"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":358.17,"endTime":362.28,"body":"quote unquote won battles. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":358.17,"endTime":362.28,"body":"both agreed in time that this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":362.28,"endTime":367.53,"body":"game serves no purpose, and does"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":362.28,"endTime":367.53,"body":"nothing to further our goals. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":367.53,"endTime":373.65,"body":"encourage you to drop the rope."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":367.53,"endTime":373.65,"body":"So rather than playing tug of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":373.65,"endTime":377.25,"body":"war, we have decided to drop the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":373.65,"endTime":377.25,"body":"rope. We look at each other from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":377.25,"endTime":381.27,"body":"across the muddy hole, and we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":377.25,"endTime":381.27,"body":"nod at one another and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":381.27,"endTime":383.97,"body":"simultaneously let go of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":381.27,"endTime":383.97,"body":"rope that symbolizes the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":383.97,"endTime":386.73,"body":"distance between our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":383.97,"endTime":386.73,"body":"perspectives. The tension is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":386.73,"endTime":389.82,"body":"released and we stare at each"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":386.73,"endTime":389.82,"body":"other than we both get to work"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":390.24,"endTime":394.11,"body":"behind each of us as a pile of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":390.24,"endTime":394.11,"body":"wooden planks, a hammer and a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":394.11,"endTime":397.17,"body":"box of nails. We get on our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":394.11,"endTime":397.17,"body":"hands and knees and we begin to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":397.17,"endTime":401.01,"body":"build a bridge. Each swing of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":397.17,"endTime":401.01,"body":"the hammer represents the effort"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":401.01,"endTime":404.94,"body":"that we must put into our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":401.01,"endTime":404.94,"body":"relationship. We take ownership"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":404.97,"endTime":408.36,"body":"of our part and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":404.97,"endTime":408.36,"body":"disagreement, she drives in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":408.36,"endTime":411.63,"body":"nail. And it represents her"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":408.36,"endTime":411.63,"body":"failure to communicate her needs"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":411.63,"endTime":415.41,"body":"in a healthy manner. I drive in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":411.63,"endTime":415.41,"body":"a nail and it represents my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":415.44,"endTime":418.59,"body":"inability to listen to her"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":415.44,"endTime":418.59,"body":"perspective and accept it as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":418.59,"endTime":421.92,"body":"valid. The process is repeated"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":418.59,"endTime":421.92,"body":"until we have constructed a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":421.92,"endTime":425.4,"body":"sturdy bridge over which we walk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":421.92,"endTime":425.4,"body":"to each other. We stand over the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":425.4,"endTime":431.04,"body":"hole and embrace. I go on to say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":425.4,"endTime":431.04,"body":"that we think we can fix people."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":431.64,"endTime":434.97,"body":"This is where episode starts"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":431.64,"endTime":434.97,"body":"today. We think that we can fix"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":434.97,"endTime":438.12,"body":"people we think that if people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":434.97,"endTime":438.12,"body":"would do things to our liking,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":438.51,"endTime":441.99,"body":"our lives would be perfect. This"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":438.51,"endTime":441.99,"body":"is a failure to understand the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":441.99,"endTime":445.77,"body":"dynamics of a relationship. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":441.99,"endTime":445.77,"body":"an even bigger failure on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":445.77,"endTime":450.15,"body":"understanding the world. Our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":445.77,"endTime":450.15,"body":"marriage levelled up when I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":450.15,"endTime":452.85,"body":"started listening, this is my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":450.15,"endTime":452.85,"body":"perspective. At this point, when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":452.85,"endTime":456.72,"body":"I started listening for years, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":452.85,"endTime":456.72,"body":"would point out your faults and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":456.72,"endTime":459.42,"body":"ways that you could you should"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":456.72,"endTime":459.42,"body":"improve things you could do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":459.42,"endTime":462.93,"body":"different I would chastise you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":459.42,"endTime":462.93,"body":"for your feelings and I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":462.99,"endTime":467.07,"body":"invalidate each emotion that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":462.99,"endTime":467.07,"body":"shared with me. I would gaslight"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":467.07,"endTime":470.31,"body":"you into feeling like you were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":467.07,"endTime":470.31,"body":"the problem. I was working"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":470.34,"endTime":474.84,"body":"working harder on being right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":470.34,"endTime":474.84,"body":"than I was supporting my wife to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":474.84,"endTime":478.5,"body":"support you meant I had to admit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":474.84,"endTime":478.5,"body":"that I did not always know what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":478.5,"endTime":482.37,"body":"was best and trust that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":478.5,"endTime":482.37,"body":"would take this gift as I saw it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":483.21,"endTime":487.86,"body":"and use it well. I had a problem"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":483.21,"endTime":487.86,"body":"with control. Our partners"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":487.86,"endTime":491.13,"body":"aren't as naive as we think. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":487.86,"endTime":491.13,"body":"they're much smarter than we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":491.13,"endTime":494.01,"body":"give them credit for. People"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":491.13,"endTime":494.01,"body":"grow and mature at different"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":494.01,"endTime":497.1,"body":"rates. And even though I may"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":494.01,"endTime":497.1,"body":"quote unquote, know the answer"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":497.1,"endTime":502.35,"body":"to your problems, nobody learns"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":497.1,"endTime":502.35,"body":"by being told what to do. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":502.35,"endTime":505.8,"body":"learn when Our experience shows"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":502.35,"endTime":505.8,"body":"us the best path, the best path"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":505.8,"endTime":509.31,"body":"to take. We learned when we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":505.8,"endTime":509.31,"body":"figure things out for ourselves"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":509.34,"endTime":513.24,"body":"with love and support. I dropped"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":509.34,"endTime":513.24,"body":"the rope and I trusted you to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":513.24,"endTime":516.15,"body":"build your side of the bridge"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":513.24,"endTime":516.15,"body":"the best way that you could. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":516.15,"endTime":519.93,"body":"offered support when asked and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":516.15,"endTime":519.93,"body":"stopped insisting that you build"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":519.93,"endTime":523.92,"body":"it my way. When you approached a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":519.93,"endTime":523.92,"body":"fork in the road, I stopped"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":523.92,"endTime":527.04,"body":"telling you which way was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":523.92,"endTime":527.04,"body":"correct. I simply listened,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":527.07,"endTime":530.97,"body":"comforted, loved and supported"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":527.07,"endTime":530.97,"body":"you along the way. Whichever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":530.97,"endTime":533.91,"body":"path you chose would be your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":530.97,"endTime":533.91,"body":"path and you would learn at your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":533.91,"endTime":538.5,"body":"own pace. Now, when you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":533.91,"endTime":538.5,"body":"having a difficult time with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":538.5,"endTime":540.75,"body":"something often ask, Are we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":538.5,"endTime":540.75,"body":"looking for support or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":540.75,"endTime":544.86,"body":"solutions? And 99% of the time"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":540.75,"endTime":544.86,"body":"the answer is support. Rarely do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":544.86,"endTime":548.25,"body":"people want someone to solve"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":544.86,"endTime":548.25,"body":"their problems for them. It's no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":548.25,"endTime":550.41,"body":"different than your two year"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":548.25,"endTime":550.41,"body":"old, they will get mad at you as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":550.41,"endTime":553.44,"body":"they learn to put things back on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":550.41,"endTime":553.44,"body":"the shelf where they go, just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":553.44,"endTime":556.05,"body":"let them figure it out. People"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":553.44,"endTime":556.05,"body":"are no different. They just want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":556.05,"endTime":559.5,"body":"support along the way. So I take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":556.05,"endTime":559.5,"body":"the cotton out of my ears and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":559.5,"endTime":562.26,"body":"put it in my mouth and I stop"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":559.5,"endTime":562.26,"body":"offering fixes and I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":562.26,"endTime":566.28,"body":"listen. I hold your hand. If"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":562.26,"endTime":566.28,"body":"you're willing, as you walk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":566.28,"endTime":568.62,"body":"through life. This is what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":566.28,"endTime":568.62,"body":"marriage is about. This is what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":568.62,"endTime":572.31,"body":"healthy growth looks like. Along"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":568.62,"endTime":572.31,"body":"the way. I have been far from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":572.31,"endTime":575.79,"body":"perfect. I've had to apologize"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":572.31,"endTime":575.79,"body":"many, many times when my old"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":575.79,"endTime":578.37,"body":"fixer habits come up and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":575.79,"endTime":578.37,"body":"explained how you should be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":578.37,"endTime":581.88,"body":"doing something. It is not my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":578.37,"endTime":581.88,"body":"job to live your life for you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":581.91,"endTime":584.73,"body":"It's my job to respect you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":581.91,"endTime":584.73,"body":"enough to know that you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":584.73,"endTime":590.61,"body":"trusted with me walking through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":584.73,"endTime":590.61,"body":"life with you, not for you. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":590.61,"endTime":592.41,"body":"know that we kind of went"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":590.61,"endTime":592.41,"body":"through that if there's any part"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":592.41,"endTime":595.08,"body":"you'd like to go back and read I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":592.41,"endTime":595.08,"body":"suggest you read it. It's on our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":595.2,"endTime":597.87,"body":"in the files section in our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":595.2,"endTime":597.87,"body":"community, but I think it's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":597.87,"endTime":601.14,"body":"powerful way of looking at what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":597.87,"endTime":601.14,"body":"we're about. To discuss which is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":601.68,"endTime":605.13,"body":"this rope that exists, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":601.68,"endTime":605.13,"body":"most of the time, this rope that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":605.13,"endTime":608.43,"body":"exists between couples that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":605.13,"endTime":608.43,"body":"interact with, involves"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":608.43,"endTime":611.04,"body":"addiction. But it's also much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":608.43,"endTime":611.04,"body":"deeper than that. And it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":611.04,"endTime":615.78,"body":"involves tons of issues within a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":611.04,"endTime":615.78,"body":"relationship, one person telling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":615.78,"endTime":617.82,"body":"the other one that they should"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":615.78,"endTime":617.82,"body":"be doing, or the one pushing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":617.82,"endTime":622.26,"body":"back, I think we often forget"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":617.82,"endTime":622.26,"body":"that we've got to separate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":622.26,"endTime":627.39,"body":"people in a relationship. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":622.26,"endTime":627.39,"body":"this bridge and this or this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":627.39,"endTime":633.03,"body":"rope, even that symbolizes our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":627.39,"endTime":633.03,"body":"differences, what we want. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":633.03,"endTime":635.1,"body":"almost like we've forgotten"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":633.03,"endTime":635.1,"body":"where we were going all along."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":636.09,"endTime":638.19,"body":"So that brings us to this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":636.09,"endTime":638.19,"body":"question that we get quite"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":638.19,"endTime":642.06,"body":"often, and it is complex and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":638.19,"endTime":642.06,"body":"complicated to say the least."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":642.51,"endTime":644.97,"body":"What's the difference between"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":642.51,"endTime":644.97,"body":"controlling someone and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":644.97,"endTime":647.91,"body":"challenging them? And what's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":644.97,"endTime":647.91,"body":"difference between controlling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":647.91,"endTime":652.71,"body":"someone and just holding them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":647.91,"endTime":652.71,"body":"accountable? How did this come"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":652.71,"endTime":654.72,"body":"to be? Miss Black and White?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":655.11,"endTime":657.15,"body":"What do you mean? What do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":655.11,"endTime":657.15,"body":"you mean how this come to be?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":657.39,"endTime":659.43,"body":"Because when I'm asked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":657.39,"endTime":659.43,"body":"this question, I'm kind of like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":659.88,"endTime":661.95,"body":"seems fairly simple, then we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":659.88,"endTime":661.95,"body":"talk about it,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":661.98,"endTime":664.47,"body":"because we start talking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":661.98,"endTime":664.47,"body":"about it. And it all goes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":664.71,"endTime":668.19,"body":"together. Because when we've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":664.71,"endTime":668.19,"body":"talked about it in another"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":668.19,"endTime":672.72,"body":"episode, where it's like, the as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":668.19,"endTime":672.72,"body":"a partner in a relationship with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":672.72,"endTime":678.54,"body":"somebody who has a substance"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":672.72,"endTime":678.54,"body":"problem, we're just trying to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":678.84,"endTime":683.4,"body":"help them be the best version of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":678.84,"endTime":683.4,"body":"themselves possible. But they'll"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":683.4,"endTime":685.14,"body":"look at it as controlling."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":685.35,"endTime":687.48,"body":"Yeah, it's usually what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":685.35,"endTime":687.48,"body":"you get back from them. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":687.51,"endTime":688.74,"body":"stop telling me what to do."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":688.77,"endTime":689.94,"body":"Tell me what to do. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":689.94,"endTime":693.42,"body":"am Yep. But this is just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":689.94,"endTime":693.42,"body":"me. This is the way God made me."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":693.42,"endTime":694.92,"body":"You can't love me for who I am."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":694.95,"endTime":697.71,"body":"Right? So it gets"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":694.95,"endTime":697.71,"body":"confusing. It's like, oh, well,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":697.71,"endTime":701.82,"body":"I'm just trying to help you. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":697.71,"endTime":701.82,"body":"where are we controlling them?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":702.06,"endTime":704.4,"body":"I think all those things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":702.06,"endTime":704.4,"body":"that they're saying back to you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":704.43,"endTime":708.33,"body":"apply. If you're saying, why"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":704.43,"endTime":708.33,"body":"don't you like romantic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":708.33,"endTime":712.05,"body":"comedies? Why can't you just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":708.33,"endTime":712.05,"body":"like romantic comedies? If the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":712.05,"endTime":715.59,"body":"response then is just not my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":712.05,"endTime":715.59,"body":"thing? Like, I'm just not really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":715.59,"endTime":719.16,"body":"into that. That's your bit like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":715.59,"endTime":719.16,"body":"but what?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":720.03,"endTime":722.73,"body":"Why literally raising my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":720.03,"endTime":722.73,"body":"hand. This is what Sydney does,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":722.73,"endTime":726.12,"body":"whenever she wants to talk to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":722.73,"endTime":726.12,"body":"us. This just made me think we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":726.12,"endTime":731.1,"body":"were recently talking about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":726.12,"endTime":731.1,"body":"skiing, right? Yep. I don't like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":731.1,"endTime":733.98,"body":"skiing. No, you don't. I'm not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":731.1,"endTime":733.98,"body":"good at hate everything about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":733.98,"endTime":738.51,"body":"it. But you have tried to push"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":733.98,"endTime":738.51,"body":"and push and push. I tried to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":739.35,"endTime":741.42,"body":"challenge you. Ah, see,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":741.45,"endTime":744.27,"body":"but is it controlling? Or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":741.45,"endTime":744.27,"body":"is it challenging? When will you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":744.27,"endTime":745.53,"body":"take no for an answer?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":745.56,"endTime":748.95,"body":"I take no for an answer. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":745.56,"endTime":748.95,"body":"understand that. It's something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":748.95,"endTime":752.19,"body":"you may never like, yeah. But I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":748.95,"endTime":752.19,"body":"can also point out the fact that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":752.19,"endTime":754.8,"body":"you've lost like 50 or 60"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":752.19,"endTime":754.8,"body":"pounds, and you're more athletic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":754.8,"endTime":757.47,"body":"than you've ever been. And it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":754.8,"endTime":757.47,"body":"could be more enjoyable for you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":757.47,"endTime":761.31,"body":"now, right? But you also love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":757.47,"endTime":761.31,"body":"the mountains. I do. You're also"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":761.31,"endTime":764.46,"body":"okay with going to the mountains"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":761.31,"endTime":764.46,"body":"and allowing me to get on a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":764.46,"endTime":768.33,"body":"snowboard and cruise down some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":764.46,"endTime":768.33,"body":"mountains. And I can ask, Hey,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":768.33,"endTime":770.97,"body":"do you think you want to give it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":768.33,"endTime":770.97,"body":"another shot? And accept if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":770.97,"endTime":775.59,"body":"said no. Okay, I didn't mean I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":770.97,"endTime":775.59,"body":"won't challenge you to do it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":775.59,"endTime":778.53,"body":"But I can accept if you don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":775.59,"endTime":778.53,"body":"want to do it. Okay, now, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":778.53,"endTime":781.86,"body":"is not a deal breaker in our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":778.53,"endTime":781.86,"body":"relationship, though. No. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":781.86,"endTime":783.9,"body":"that's a great example of what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":781.86,"endTime":783.9,"body":"the difference between"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":783.9,"endTime":786.39,"body":"challenging someone is and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":783.9,"endTime":786.39,"body":"controlling them. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":786.42,"endTime":789.24,"body":"controlling would be dragging"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":786.42,"endTime":789.24,"body":"your ass up there shaming you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":789.24,"endTime":792.96,"body":"for not wanting to do it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":789.24,"endTime":792.96,"body":"Getting you lessons, waking you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":792.96,"endTime":795.78,"body":"up that morning, pushing you in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":792.96,"endTime":795.78,"body":"the car, making sure you've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":795.78,"endTime":798.75,"body":"all your gear, making sure"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":795.78,"endTime":798.75,"body":"you're on that mountain,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":798.96,"endTime":800.88,"body":"checking my phone to make sure"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":798.96,"endTime":800.88,"body":"that you didn't leave the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":800.88,"endTime":803.82,"body":"lessons and sneak off to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":800.88,"endTime":803.82,"body":"lodge and like go get you like a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":803.82,"endTime":808.08,"body":"hot toddy or something. Or go to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":803.82,"endTime":808.08,"body":"the hot tub. Yeah, yeah. Calling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":808.08,"endTime":810.18,"body":"your instructor how she doing?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":808.08,"endTime":810.18,"body":"Is she doing all right, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":810.18,"endTime":813.48,"body":"know, okay, yeah, sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":810.18,"endTime":813.48,"body":"manufacturing this world where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":813.48,"endTime":817.32,"body":"you can succeed if you just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":813.48,"endTime":817.32,"body":"follow my instructions. Yeah. As"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":817.32,"endTime":820.08,"body":"opposed to just understand the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":817.32,"endTime":820.08,"body":"fact that man, you're, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":820.08,"endTime":823.41,"body":"not really a fan of going 50"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":820.08,"endTime":823.41,"body":"miles an hour down a mountain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":823.62,"endTime":827.79,"body":"when you can't stop very well. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":823.62,"endTime":827.79,"body":"get that. Okay, but it's also"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":827.79,"endTime":830.25,"body":"something really enjoyable and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":827.79,"endTime":830.25,"body":"will challenge you. I'll be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":830.25,"endTime":834.66,"body":"forever I like to give it a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":830.25,"endTime":834.66,"body":"shot. Okay. It's a little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":834.66,"endTime":836.52,"body":"different. We're talking about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":834.66,"endTime":836.52,"body":"addiction though, isn't it? Yes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":836.52,"endTime":836.64,"body":"it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":836.64,"endTime":840.39,"body":"is a little bit you had a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":836.64,"endTime":840.39,"body":"very good example when you were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":840.39,"endTime":843.87,"body":"saying like looking at my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":840.39,"endTime":843.87,"body":"location dragging me out making"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":843.87,"endTime":847.2,"body":"sure that I was doing what I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":843.87,"endTime":847.2,"body":"supposed to be doing that goes a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":847.26,"endTime":850.98,"body":"lot of hand in hand and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":847.26,"endTime":850.98,"body":"addiction in this type of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":850.98,"endTime":851.7,"body":"relationship and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":851.7,"endTime":856.35,"body":"addicted relationship."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":851.7,"endTime":856.35,"body":"Yes. So you can challenge"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":856.35,"endTime":861.21,"body":"someone without controlling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":856.35,"endTime":861.21,"body":"them. Yeah. There is if you drew"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":861.21,"endTime":864.42,"body":"a Venn diagram actually did this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":861.21,"endTime":864.42,"body":"because she confused the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":864.42,"endTime":866.73,"body":"absolute crap out of me I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":864.42,"endTime":866.73,"body":"thought I had this episode lick"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":866.73,"endTime":868.83,"body":"and I'm like won't do this in 10"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":866.73,"endTime":868.83,"body":"minutes. Don't worry about I got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":868.83,"endTime":872.4,"body":"we got this. So I draw this Venn"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":868.83,"endTime":872.4,"body":"diagram on like look, see these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":872.4,"endTime":873.99,"body":"are the differences and then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":872.4,"endTime":873.99,"body":"there's like the sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":873.99,"endTime":877.2,"body":"interlab in the middle that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":873.99,"endTime":877.2,"body":"involves conflict and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":877.2,"endTime":879.93,"body":"communication Yeah, cuz you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":877.2,"endTime":879.93,"body":"gonna have those either way."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":880.11,"endTime":882.84,"body":"Right? But then I just got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":880.11,"endTime":882.84,"body":"confused all over again and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":882.84,"endTime":886.17,"body":"almost just gave up a quick the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":882.84,"endTime":886.17,"body":"whole podcast like together. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":886.56,"endTime":888.75,"body":"were like, Oh, my God sounds is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":886.56,"endTime":888.75,"body":"gonna work. We know nothing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":889.89,"endTime":892.44,"body":"Okay, so it's a little complex."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":889.89,"endTime":892.44,"body":"When you're talking about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":892.44,"endTime":894.63,"body":"addiction. 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And this came"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":931.02,"endTime":933.33,"body":"from a question from a listener"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":933.33,"endTime":936.48,"body":"actually, you know, from tick"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":933.33,"endTime":936.48,"body":"tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":936.48,"endTime":939.84,"body":"tock, where someone is a great"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":936.48,"endTime":939.84,"body":"question. What's the difference"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":939.84,"endTime":943.02,"body":"between controlling someone or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":939.84,"endTime":943.02,"body":"being controlling and just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":943.05,"endTime":945.78,"body":"making them accountable for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":943.05,"endTime":945.78,"body":"their actions or holding them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":945.78,"endTime":949.17,"body":"accountable? And I actually did"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":945.78,"endTime":949.17,"body":"a video response to this. And so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":949.17,"endTime":953.04,"body":"it's accountability is another"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":949.17,"endTime":953.04,"body":"word for responsibility. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":953.04,"endTime":956.85,"body":"think of it that that way, ask"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":953.04,"endTime":956.85,"body":"the question and to say, how do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":956.85,"endTime":960.09,"body":"I make someone responsible for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":956.85,"endTime":960.09,"body":"their actions? And what's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":960.09,"endTime":965.22,"body":"difference between doing that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":960.09,"endTime":965.22,"body":"and being controlling? 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Or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1218.24,"endTime":1220.58,"body":"call them today to schedule an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1218.24,"endTime":1220.58,"body":"appointment and tell them to fo"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1220.58,"endTime":1223.25,"body":"couple sent you a link and phone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1220.58,"endTime":1223.25,"body":"number is going to be available"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1223.25,"endTime":1230.33,"body":"in the show notes. And back to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1223.25,"endTime":1230.33,"body":"the action. stuff. Because it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1230.33,"endTime":1233.87,"body":"why all this is tricky, because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1230.33,"endTime":1233.87,"body":"it's a harmful behavior. It only"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1233.87,"endTime":1237.74,"body":"affects them, it only affected"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1233.87,"endTime":1237.74,"body":"them. 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And it is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1254.06,"endTime":1256.25,"body":"fair to challenge someone to say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1254.06,"endTime":1256.25,"body":"Don't you think you should be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1256.25,"endTime":1260.3,"body":"doing less of this? Yeah. On the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1256.25,"endTime":1260.3,"body":"other hand, enter into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1260.3,"endTime":1262.76,"body":"relationship with someone who's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1260.3,"endTime":1262.76,"body":"got a substance abuse disorder,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1262.76,"endTime":1264.86,"body":"you have to understand there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1262.76,"endTime":1264.86,"body":"certain parts about substance"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1264.86,"endTime":1268.73,"body":"abuse disorder that are outside"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1264.86,"endTime":1268.73,"body":"of the bounds of just holding"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1268.73,"endTime":1269.36,"body":"someone accountable."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1269.39,"endTime":1271.19,"body":"Most of us don't realize"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1269.39,"endTime":1271.19,"body":"we're getting into a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1271.19,"endTime":1274.16,"body":"relationship with somebody who"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1271.19,"endTime":1274.16,"body":"has a substance abuse issue."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1274.16,"endTime":1277.64,"body":"Like we don't see that we think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1274.16,"endTime":1277.64,"body":"that oh, we're young. We're just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1277.64,"endTime":1280.01,"body":"having fun. We're partying"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1277.64,"endTime":1280.01,"body":"normal thoughts. And like I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1280.01,"endTime":1283.52,"body":"said, one of the partners"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1280.01,"endTime":1283.52,"body":"usually grows out of it, why"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1283.52,"endTime":1284.81,"body":"can't the other one grow out of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1283.52,"endTime":1284.81,"body":"it?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1285.529,"endTime":1288.289,"body":"Some, it's got their hooks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1285.529,"endTime":1288.289,"body":"in a little deeper, it's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1288.289,"endTime":1290.359,"body":"little deeper than just growing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1288.289,"endTime":1290.359,"body":"out of it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1291.049,"endTime":1292.819,"body":"You do you understand"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1291.049,"endTime":1292.819,"body":"what I'm saying?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1292.849,"endTime":1294.529,"body":"I need a relationship with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1292.849,"endTime":1294.529,"body":"one of these goons."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1294.56,"endTime":1298.46,"body":"I know, I'm fully I know"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1294.56,"endTime":1298.46,"body":"how it works. It's just I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1299.3,"endTime":1301.55,"body":"sharing with you how it's mind"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1299.3,"endTime":1301.55,"body":"blowing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1301.58,"endTime":1303.65,"body":"But I will say that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1301.58,"endTime":1303.65,"body":"think you did a very good job of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1303.65,"endTime":1307.28,"body":"walking this line between"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1303.65,"endTime":1307.28,"body":"controlling and holding me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1307.34,"endTime":1310.88,"body":"accountable. Okay. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1307.34,"endTime":1310.88,"body":"accountability, like we talked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1310.88,"endTime":1315.26,"body":"about with the job. Consequences"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1310.88,"endTime":1315.26,"body":"are a form of accountability."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1316.22,"endTime":1318.41,"body":"But you have to volunteer for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1316.22,"endTime":1318.41,"body":"them. If someone never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1318.41,"endTime":1321.23,"body":"volunteered for them, they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1318.41,"endTime":1321.23,"body":"going to view your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1321.23,"endTime":1324.86,"body":"accountability as they didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1321.23,"endTime":1324.86,"body":"ask for it didn't volunteer for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1324.86,"endTime":1328.82,"body":"that, Where's this coming from?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1324.86,"endTime":1328.82,"body":"This is out of bounds. So you me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1328.82,"endTime":1332.54,"body":"trying to enforce a policy that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1328.82,"endTime":1332.54,"body":"you never knew existed? Doesn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1332.54,"endTime":1336.14,"body":"mean that you can't decide to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1332.54,"endTime":1336.14,"body":"change policies. I was gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1336.14,"endTime":1338.9,"body":"say, Yeah, I know where you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1336.14,"endTime":1338.9,"body":"going with this, I could write"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1338.9,"endTime":1342.23,"body":"on right up right here with you,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1338.9,"endTime":1342.23,"body":"right. So you can look"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1342.23,"endTime":1344.63,"body":"at my face. And I know"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1342.23,"endTime":1344.63,"body":"exactly what I'm thinking."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1344.66,"endTime":1346.73,"body":"If you're communicating as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1344.66,"endTime":1346.73,"body":"a couple, like we talked about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1346.73,"endTime":1349.4,"body":"in that story. In the beginning,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1346.73,"endTime":1349.4,"body":"if you're communicating openly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1349.4,"endTime":1353.0,"body":"about where you're at in life,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1349.4,"endTime":1353.0,"body":"you can you can change the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1353.0,"endTime":1356.18,"body":"trajectory of your relationship"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1353.0,"endTime":1356.18,"body":"at any given moment, you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1356.18,"endTime":1359.51,"body":"decide to do all kinds of crazy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1356.18,"endTime":1359.51,"body":"things you can decide to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1359.51,"endTime":1364.04,"body":"like, hey, let's, let's move up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1359.51,"endTime":1364.04,"body":"to Oregon as a nudist colony, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1364.04,"endTime":1365.9,"body":"don't know. But if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1364.04,"endTime":1365.9,"body":"communicate about these things,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1365.9,"endTime":1369.38,"body":"you're both on board, you can do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1365.9,"endTime":1369.38,"body":"that kind of stuff. The issue"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1369.38,"endTime":1372.62,"body":"comes when one person is dead"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1369.38,"endTime":1372.62,"body":"set and change and the other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1372.62,"endTime":1376.85,"body":"person is nowhere near ready. Or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1372.62,"endTime":1376.85,"body":"hesitant to it. Okay, then we've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1376.85,"endTime":1379.52,"body":"got a problem. Yeah, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1376.85,"endTime":1379.52,"body":"playing tug of war with someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1379.52,"endTime":1383.81,"body":"who is not moving. And you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1379.52,"endTime":1383.81,"body":"not giving up either. We talked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1383.81,"endTime":1386.39,"body":"about what this looks like, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1383.81,"endTime":1386.39,"body":"what happens and what the result"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1386.39,"endTime":1389.84,"body":"of two people pulling nonstop is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1386.39,"endTime":1389.84,"body":"going to grow further and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1389.84,"endTime":1392.69,"body":"further apart. And you're going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1389.84,"endTime":1392.69,"body":"to create resentment over time."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1393.41,"endTime":1397.67,"body":"And nothing good comes of it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1393.41,"endTime":1397.67,"body":"Which is the elephant in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1397.67,"endTime":1400.07,"body":"room of all of this. And the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1397.67,"endTime":1400.07,"body":"most difficult piece of this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1400.07,"endTime":1403.67,"body":"thing that God I'm gonna get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1400.07,"endTime":1403.67,"body":"grilled for saying it probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1403.67,"endTime":1407.9,"body":"but a lot of relationships don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1403.67,"endTime":1407.9,"body":"make it out of here. Yeah, they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1407.9,"endTime":1411.68,"body":"don't. And I think that it's so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1407.9,"endTime":1411.68,"body":"difficult because we're talking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1411.68,"endTime":1414.29,"body":"about an addiction. This is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1411.68,"endTime":1414.29,"body":"something that's got hooks in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1414.29,"endTime":1418.37,"body":"people, the disease concept of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1414.29,"endTime":1418.37,"body":"it all, like there's some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1418.37,"endTime":1421.61,"body":"validity to this, certainly I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1418.37,"endTime":1421.61,"body":"won't say there's not. But this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1421.61,"endTime":1424.16,"body":"person, sometimes they don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1421.61,"endTime":1424.16,"body":"want to change because they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1424.16,"endTime":1426.23,"body":"haven't seen how it's affecting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1424.16,"endTime":1426.23,"body":"their life, because this is just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1426.23,"endTime":1429.29,"body":"how they operate. This is their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1426.23,"endTime":1429.29,"body":"pattern of behavior. You know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1429.29,"endTime":1431.81,"body":"this is just how their brain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1429.29,"endTime":1431.81,"body":"works. And should you have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1431.81,"endTime":1434.87,"body":"compassion for that. Yeah, to a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1431.81,"endTime":1434.87,"body":"degree, but the other piece of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1434.87,"endTime":1439.04,"body":"it is, uh, your needs matter to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1434.87,"endTime":1439.04,"body":"exactly what your needs matter."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1439.07,"endTime":1442.34,"body":"Yeah, you matter. And if you are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1439.07,"endTime":1442.34,"body":"willing to sacrifice some of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1442.34,"endTime":1445.07,"body":"best years of your life to wait"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1442.34,"endTime":1445.07,"body":"and see if this person figures"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1445.07,"endTime":1449.93,"body":"it out, more power to you. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1445.07,"endTime":1449.93,"body":"you have to know what you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1449.93,"endTime":1454.67,"body":"signing up for. And it's likely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1449.93,"endTime":1454.67,"body":"to be miserable at times, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1454.67,"endTime":1459.08,"body":"likely to be tricky, hairy, full"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1454.67,"endTime":1459.08,"body":"of ups and downs. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1459.08,"endTime":1461.81,"body":"probably never going to get what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1459.08,"endTime":1461.81,"body":"you want. You get what you want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1461.81,"endTime":1464.81,"body":"in life. When you design a life,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1461.81,"endTime":1464.81,"body":"when you design your life and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1464.81,"endTime":1468.86,"body":"you find someone that wants the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1464.81,"endTime":1468.86,"body":"same design. Exactly, yeah. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1469.04,"endTime":1473.3,"body":"to have this this chasm in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1469.04,"endTime":1473.3,"body":"road, this huge hole, this golf"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1473.36,"endTime":1476.12,"body":"goalie and you're pulling on one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1473.36,"endTime":1476.12,"body":"side, and they're on the other,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1476.51,"endTime":1479.12,"body":"and you're saying this is what I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1476.51,"endTime":1479.12,"body":"want and they're saying I'm not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1479.12,"endTime":1483.83,"body":"ready for that. Someone has to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1479.12,"endTime":1483.83,"body":"give up. Yep. And walk off and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1483.83,"endTime":1486.71,"body":"say, I'm gonna have to do this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1483.83,"endTime":1486.71,"body":"on my own then. Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1486.74,"endTime":1491.54,"body":"often where things get. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1486.74,"endTime":1491.54,"body":"where we generally meet people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1491.57,"endTime":1494.48,"body":"most of the time. Yeah, they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1491.57,"endTime":1494.48,"body":"at this place that this jumping"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1494.48,"endTime":1497.66,"body":"off place. I think that the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1494.48,"endTime":1497.66,"body":"number one question we get is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1497.66,"endTime":1500.9,"body":"How do I make them see they have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1497.66,"endTime":1500.9,"body":"a problem? Mm. Second Moses, how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1500.9,"endTime":1501.62,"body":"do I fix them?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1501.65,"endTime":1503.99,"body":"Yep. How do I get help?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1501.65,"endTime":1503.99,"body":"How do I help them?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1504.14,"endTime":1508.19,"body":"Yeah, how do I help them?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1504.14,"endTime":1508.19,"body":"What do I do? When someone asks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1508.19,"endTime":1511.22,"body":"us that they've already done"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1508.19,"endTime":1511.22,"body":"everything I would ever suggest?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1511.28,"endTime":1514.7,"body":"Yeah, 100 times out of 100"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1511.28,"endTime":1514.7,"body":"times? Have you had gentle"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1514.7,"endTime":1516.95,"body":"conversations with it? Well,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1514.7,"endTime":1516.95,"body":"yeah, well, have you put"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1516.95,"endTime":1519.74,"body":"boundaries up? Well, yeah, if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1516.95,"endTime":1519.74,"body":"they haven't done, they'll try"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1519.74,"endTime":1522.83,"body":"that. And the result is, often"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1519.74,"endTime":1522.83,"body":"this person is unwilling to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1522.83,"endTime":1526.28,"body":"change, they are unwilling to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1522.83,"endTime":1526.28,"body":"change every effort you make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1526.28,"endTime":1531.14,"body":"after that point, is a form of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1526.28,"endTime":1531.14,"body":"control. Absolutely, in my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1531.14,"endTime":1534.89,"body":"opinion here, right? If you, if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1531.14,"endTime":1534.89,"body":"they have told you where they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1534.89,"endTime":1537.53,"body":"are, and you've told them where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1534.89,"endTime":1537.53,"body":"you are, and then you want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1537.53,"endTime":1540.44,"body":"continue to track their phone,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1537.53,"endTime":1540.44,"body":"you want to count the number of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1540.44,"endTime":1543.35,"body":"drinks they have, you want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1540.44,"endTime":1543.35,"body":"look for their drinks, you want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1543.35,"endTime":1545.81,"body":"to ask around and see where they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1543.35,"endTime":1545.81,"body":"were last Friday to see if they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1545.81,"endTime":1549.98,"body":"were lying. You want to hold"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1545.81,"endTime":1549.98,"body":"them accountable. You are trying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1549.98,"endTime":1554.33,"body":"to force a round peg into a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1549.98,"endTime":1554.33,"body":"square hole. This person is not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1554.33,"endTime":1557.9,"body":"compatible with your values at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1554.33,"endTime":1557.9,"body":"this point, right? Maybe one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1557.9,"endTime":1561.17,"body":"day, they could be but they are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1557.9,"endTime":1561.17,"body":"not at this moment. Yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1561.17,"endTime":1564.2,"body":"the resistance you feel is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1561.17,"endTime":1564.2,"body":"simply the resistance of one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1564.2,"endTime":1567.89,"body":"person that wants a and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1564.2,"endTime":1567.89,"body":"other that wants to be I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1567.89,"endTime":1570.65,"body":"the person now will validate you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1567.89,"endTime":1570.65,"body":"and say that you want a healthy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1570.65,"endTime":1574.85,"body":"life. You're right. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1570.65,"endTime":1574.85,"body":"correct. I hope that they see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1574.85,"endTime":1579.05,"body":"that one day, one day, they may"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1574.85,"endTime":1579.05,"body":"see that, but it's unlikely you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1579.05,"endTime":1582.62,"body":"are going to affect that change"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1579.05,"endTime":1582.62,"body":"through control. That is going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1582.62,"endTime":1587.03,"body":"to create resentment. Yep. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1582.62,"endTime":1587.03,"body":"can love someone, you can be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1587.03,"endTime":1589.4,"body":"there for them, you can support"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1587.03,"endTime":1589.4,"body":"them, you can empower them, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1589.4,"endTime":1592.61,"body":"can hold their hand and say I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1589.4,"endTime":1592.61,"body":"will do this with you. But if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1592.61,"endTime":1595.4,"body":"they don't want it, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1592.61,"endTime":1595.4,"body":"unlikely you're gonna get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1595.4,"endTime":1599.51,"body":"anywhere, right? That's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1595.4,"endTime":1599.51,"body":"accountability piece. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1599.51,"endTime":1603.44,"body":"controlling versus challenging"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1599.51,"endTime":1603.44,"body":"someone. It's very similar. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1603.44,"endTime":1605.87,"body":"talked about this kind of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1603.44,"endTime":1605.87,"body":"intro when it came to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1606.05,"endTime":1608.48,"body":"challenging, I think that you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1606.05,"endTime":1608.48,"body":"always been, when it came to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1608.48,"endTime":1611.75,"body":"accountability, you've never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1608.48,"endTime":1611.75,"body":"really held me accountable. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1611.75,"endTime":1614.3,"body":"guess in some ways you had like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1611.75,"endTime":1614.3,"body":"there were some consequences and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1614.3,"endTime":1619.19,"body":"things but the challenging thing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1614.3,"endTime":1619.19,"body":"was from the very beginning. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1619.37,"endTime":1623.0,"body":"it's like this old, this old"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1619.37,"endTime":1623.0,"body":"adage, behind, behind every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1623.0,"endTime":1626.57,"body":"great man is an even greater"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1623.0,"endTime":1626.57,"body":"woman. I personally believe that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1626.57,"endTime":1628.7,"body":"because that was my experience"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1626.57,"endTime":1628.7,"body":"in life, it still is to this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1628.7,"endTime":1633.47,"body":"day, where you've always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1628.7,"endTime":1633.47,"body":"challenged me to level up to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1633.47,"endTime":1636.53,"body":"want to be better. I think you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1633.47,"endTime":1636.53,"body":"you saw early on that there was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1636.53,"endTime":1639.08,"body":"potential in me, and you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1636.53,"endTime":1639.08,"body":"like, ah, there's something in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1639.08,"endTime":1642.56,"body":"this one here. I'm going to if I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1639.08,"endTime":1642.56,"body":"think if I could challenge him"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1642.56,"endTime":1645.14,"body":"enough, and if he'll listen and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1642.56,"endTime":1645.14,"body":"want to do these things like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1645.14,"endTime":1647.21,"body":"that he could be incredible. He"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1645.14,"endTime":1647.21,"body":"could be amazing. I could be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1647.21,"endTime":1650.39,"body":"happy, he could be happy. And he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1647.21,"endTime":1650.39,"body":"could live up to his potential"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1650.39,"endTime":1652.67,"body":"and you were you kind of took"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1650.39,"endTime":1652.67,"body":"the lead there. I don't think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1652.67,"endTime":1654.83,"body":"that's uncommon. And nor do I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1652.67,"endTime":1654.83,"body":"think it's unhealthy to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1654.83,"endTime":1656.03,"body":"challenge somebody."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1656.27,"endTime":1659.36,"body":"Right? I was controlling"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1656.27,"endTime":1659.36,"body":"when we were younger,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1659.66,"endTime":1661.34,"body":"I think most 14 year old"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1659.66,"endTime":1661.34,"body":"girls are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1663.11,"endTime":1665.27,"body":"what a teenager teenagers"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1663.11,"endTime":1665.27,"body":"in there. Yeah, pretty"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1665.27,"endTime":1666.02,"body":"controlling. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1666.02,"endTime":1667.79,"body":"what are the some of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1666.02,"endTime":1667.79,"body":"differences between like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1668.39,"endTime":1670.49,"body":"controlling someone and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1668.39,"endTime":1670.49,"body":"challenging them? Like, what's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1670.49,"endTime":1671.51,"body":"that line look like?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1672.32,"endTime":1677.96,"body":"I mean, just like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1672.32,"endTime":1677.96,"body":"basically, parenting them, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1677.96,"endTime":1681.65,"body":"know, surveillance, seeing and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1677.96,"endTime":1681.65,"body":"making sure they're doing what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1681.65,"endTime":1684.05,"body":"you think they need to be doing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1681.65,"endTime":1684.05,"body":"that is a form of control. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1684.05,"endTime":1688.01,"body":"that is exhausting as hell,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1684.05,"endTime":1688.01,"body":"like, I don't think that's one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1688.01,"endTime":1693.59,"body":"thing I don't we're not big on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1688.01,"endTime":1693.59,"body":"having like, find my location or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1693.59,"endTime":1697.1,"body":"whatever on our phones. Is that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1693.59,"endTime":1697.1,"body":"what it is? There's like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1697.19,"endTime":1700.07,"body":"there's like apps and stuff"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1697.19,"endTime":1700.07,"body":"where you where you track other"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1700.07,"endTime":1704.3,"body":"people's locations. And we have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1700.07,"endTime":1704.3,"body":"that, especially for our kids"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1704.3,"endTime":1707.87,"body":"and stuff, but we don't utilize"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1704.3,"endTime":1707.87,"body":"it very often with each other."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1708.26,"endTime":1711.59,"body":"No, no, like, we didn't have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1708.26,"endTime":1711.59,"body":"that for a long time. But I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1711.59,"endTime":1713.42,"body":"think that that is a form of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1711.59,"endTime":1713.42,"body":"control, because you're trying"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1713.42,"endTime":1716.87,"body":"really hard to see what this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1713.42,"endTime":1716.87,"body":"person is doing. And if they're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1716.87,"endTime":1719.87,"body":"doing something that you don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1716.87,"endTime":1719.87,"body":"agree with, you want to be able"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1719.87,"endTime":1723.44,"body":"to hold them accountable for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1719.87,"endTime":1723.44,"body":"that, when in reality, you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1723.5,"endTime":1726.53,"body":"controlling them, and it's just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1723.5,"endTime":1726.53,"body":"gonna piss them off and make"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1726.53,"endTime":1727.64,"body":"them resentful. It would be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1727.64,"endTime":1730.31,"body":"different if I said, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1727.64,"endTime":1730.31,"body":"need you to hold me accountable."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1730.58,"endTime":1732.59,"body":"Volunteering for this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1730.58,"endTime":1732.59,"body":"accountability. Yeah. And this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1732.59,"endTime":1735.41,"body":"relationship, right? If I'm not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1732.59,"endTime":1735.41,"body":"somewhere I'm supposed to be,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1735.65,"endTime":1737.78,"body":"then you have a right to say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1735.65,"endTime":1737.78,"body":"something, but to look at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1737.78,"endTime":1739.79,"body":"someone and say like, Hey,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1737.78,"endTime":1739.79,"body":"listen, I'm the principal and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1739.79,"endTime":1742.4,"body":"you're the student. Yeah, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1739.79,"endTime":1742.4,"body":"gonna this these are the rules,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1742.43,"endTime":1745.01,"body":"right? It's gonna create"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1742.43,"endTime":1745.01,"body":"resentment, it's also going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1745.01,"endTime":1747.95,"body":"create secrecy and an incentive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1745.01,"endTime":1747.95,"body":"to hide things if they're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1747.95,"endTime":1749.0,"body":"ready to be held accountable,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1749.029,"endTime":1753.169,"body":"right. And it's also"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1749.029,"endTime":1753.169,"body":"really exhausting to have that,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1753.319,"endTime":1756.859,"body":"to try to have that power over"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1753.319,"endTime":1756.859,"body":"somebody. If we just let go of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1756.859,"endTime":1760.369,"body":"that control, you'll realize"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1756.859,"endTime":1760.369,"body":"that you got to put all of that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1760.369,"endTime":1762.799,"body":"focus towards yourself instead"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1760.369,"endTime":1762.799,"body":"of what the other person is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1762.799,"endTime":1765.679,"body":"doing. Because the only thing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1762.799,"endTime":1765.679,"body":"that you can actually control in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1765.679,"endTime":1769.459,"body":"life is yourself and your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1765.679,"endTime":1769.459,"body":"actions, not somebody else. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1769.459,"endTime":1771.949,"body":"that's where the acceptance"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1769.459,"endTime":1771.949,"body":"piece comes into and accepting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1771.949,"endTime":1775.459,"body":"somebody for who they are. The"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1771.949,"endTime":1775.459,"body":"part that's hard, is it these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1775.549,"endTime":1779.239,"body":"people are typically emotionally"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1775.549,"endTime":1779.239,"body":"abusive, or they hurt you and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1779.239,"endTime":1781.699,"body":"it's really affecting, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1779.239,"endTime":1781.699,"body":"your whole family unit. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1781.699,"endTime":1784.519,"body":"you're like, God, do I have to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1781.699,"endTime":1784.519,"body":"control this person? Or how do I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1784.519,"endTime":1787.699,"body":"challenge them? Is it the way"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1784.519,"endTime":1787.699,"body":"that you approach them? Do you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1787.699,"endTime":1790.219,"body":"try to challenge them first and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1787.699,"endTime":1790.219,"body":"then they say, I don't want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1790.219,"endTime":1792.559,"body":"do that. And then you're like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1790.219,"endTime":1792.559,"body":"Okay, I don't want to I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1792.559,"endTime":1795.769,"body":"want to deal with this anymore."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1792.559,"endTime":1795.769,"body":"I get it's all exhausting."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1795.92,"endTime":1800.51,"body":"incredibly, incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1795.92,"endTime":1800.51,"body":"exhausting. Let's So let's go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1800.51,"endTime":1805.22,"body":"through some of the key"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1800.51,"endTime":1805.22,"body":"differences in challenging"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1805.22,"endTime":1810.05,"body":"someone versus controlling them."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1805.22,"endTime":1810.05,"body":"Like, what are some of the, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1810.05,"endTime":1814.91,"body":"concepts behind each? What is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1810.05,"endTime":1814.91,"body":"like, walk me through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1815.12,"endTime":1817.4,"body":"challenging someone to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1815.12,"endTime":1817.4,"body":"better? What are some of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1817.4,"endTime":1822.83,"body":"things like five things that are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1817.4,"endTime":1822.83,"body":"attributed to just challenging"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1822.83,"endTime":1824.27,"body":"someone? Okay, so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1824.27,"endTime":1826.16,"body":"empowering them? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1826.25,"endTime":1827.39,"body":"I think that's a big one."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1827.63,"endTime":1831.41,"body":"So just challenging"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1827.63,"endTime":1831.41,"body":"someone to be better involves"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1831.41,"endTime":1833.15,"body":"empowering them to improve"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1831.41,"endTime":1833.15,"body":"themselves."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1833.99,"endTime":1837.35,"body":"Yeah. And there has to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1833.99,"endTime":1837.35,"body":"autonomy and this and they have,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1837.38,"endTime":1838.64,"body":"right willing to do it is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1838.64,"endTime":1841.22,"body":"right, right. It"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1838.64,"endTime":1841.22,"body":"encourages them to take their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1841.22,"endTime":1844.13,"body":"ownership of their growth and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1841.22,"endTime":1844.13,"body":"their development. Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1844.13,"endTime":1846.14,"body":"huge for anyone, I tell"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1844.13,"endTime":1846.14,"body":"everybody all the time, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1846.14,"endTime":1849.8,"body":"know, let people make their own"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1846.14,"endTime":1849.8,"body":"decisions, because they're going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1849.8,"endTime":1851.57,"body":"to become empowered by doing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1849.8,"endTime":1851.57,"body":"that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1851.6,"endTime":1855.56,"body":"And the flip side of that,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1851.6,"endTime":1855.56,"body":"the the controlling behavior, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1855.56,"endTime":1859.4,"body":"would be like the imposition of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1855.56,"endTime":1859.4,"body":"your will, like imposing your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1859.4,"endTime":1863.54,"body":"will on someone. And empowerment"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1859.4,"endTime":1863.54,"body":"is empowering them, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1863.54,"endTime":1867.77,"body":"encouraging them, you are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1863.54,"endTime":1867.77,"body":"supporting them. The other side"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1867.77,"endTime":1869.87,"body":"of this is just imposing your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1867.77,"endTime":1869.87,"body":"will, which is basically"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1869.87,"endTime":1874.73,"body":"designing a life that makes them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1869.87,"endTime":1874.73,"body":"conform to what you want. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1876.41,"endTime":1880.67,"body":"your desires, your wants your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1876.41,"endTime":1880.67,"body":"needs, without their consent or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1880.67,"endTime":1884.45,"body":"input. It just seeps, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1880.67,"endTime":1884.45,"body":"manipulating somebody, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1884.45,"endTime":1889.67,"body":"manipulating somebody to dictate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1884.45,"endTime":1889.67,"body":"their actions for your own"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1889.67,"endTime":1894.35,"body":"benefit. But how do I how do I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1889.67,"endTime":1894.35,"body":"alter your, your state so that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1894.35,"endTime":1897.95,"body":"get what I want out of this?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1894.35,"endTime":1897.95,"body":"Yeah. Okay. What's another one?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1898.73,"endTime":1902.6,"body":"What's another? What? are you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1898.73,"endTime":1902.6,"body":"staring at me? You want me to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1902.6,"endTime":1907.82,"body":"it? Okay. positive intent. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1902.6,"endTime":1907.82,"body":"when it comes to challenging"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1907.82,"endTime":1911.57,"body":"someone, there's positive intent"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1907.82,"endTime":1911.57,"body":"behind this. The intention"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1911.57,"endTime":1914.63,"body":"behind challenging someone to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1911.57,"endTime":1914.63,"body":"better is typically positive."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1914.72,"endTime":1916.13,"body":"Yeah. Typically, like in this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1914.72,"endTime":1916.13,"body":"case,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1916.13,"endTime":1919.61,"body":"it is. Yes, exactly. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1916.13,"endTime":1919.61,"body":"just positive. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1920.09,"endTime":1922.55,"body":"Not always the case. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1920.09,"endTime":1922.55,"body":"we're talking about this may not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1922.55,"endTime":1925.88,"body":"so much apply at the addiction"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1922.55,"endTime":1925.88,"body":"piece. Yeah. relationships in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1925.88,"endTime":1929.54,"body":"general. Right. Let's just say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1925.88,"endTime":1929.54,"body":"that you. You know, I don't like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1929.54,"endTime":1931.79,"body":"romantic comedies, which I do,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1929.54,"endTime":1931.79,"body":"by the way, but say I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1931.82,"endTime":1935.3,"body":"Yeah. What would be your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1931.82,"endTime":1935.3,"body":"incentive for me to like them?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1936.29,"endTime":1938.75,"body":"It would just have to do with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1936.29,"endTime":1938.75,"body":"your own opinions about how you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1938.75,"endTime":1941.57,"body":"want a partner to be not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1938.75,"endTime":1941.57,"body":"necessarily what's healthy for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1941.57,"endTime":1944.84,"body":"them or the relationship as a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1941.57,"endTime":1944.84,"body":"whole. Yeah, so there's positive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1944.84,"endTime":1948.29,"body":"intent. It's rooted in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1944.84,"endTime":1948.29,"body":"belief that the individual has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1948.29,"endTime":1950.99,"body":"potential for growth and can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1948.29,"endTime":1950.99,"body":"achieve more with the right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1950.99,"endTime":1954.92,"body":"encouragement and support. The"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1950.99,"endTime":1954.92,"body":"flip side of this involves a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1954.92,"endTime":1957.65,"body":"desire to maintain power"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1954.92,"endTime":1957.65,"body":"dominance or serve the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1957.65,"endTime":1961.04,"body":"controller's interests, rather"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1957.65,"endTime":1961.04,"body":"than focusing on the well being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1961.04,"endTime":1964.04,"body":"or growth of the other person."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1961.04,"endTime":1964.04,"body":"There is a difference there."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1964.43,"endTime":1966.47,"body":"When you're challenging someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1964.43,"endTime":1966.47,"body":"to be better, you're also being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1966.47,"endTime":1971.93,"body":"supportive. It's challenging"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1966.47,"endTime":1971.93,"body":"behavior is always accompanied"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1971.93,"endTime":1975.29,"body":"by support, guidance, maybe even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1971.93,"endTime":1975.29,"body":"resources to help that person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1975.29,"endTime":1980.87,"body":"achieve their goals. Okay, not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1975.29,"endTime":1980.87,"body":"your goals, right? Their goals,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.47,"endTime":1984.44,"body":"offering constructive feedback,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.47,"endTime":1984.44,"body":"providing opportunities for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1984.44,"endTime":1988.67,"body":"skill development, like you are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1984.44,"endTime":1988.67,"body":"there with them for their goals,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1988.82,"endTime":1993.89,"body":"not just your goals. The other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1988.82,"endTime":1993.89,"body":"piece would be more of an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1994.49,"endTime":1998.18,"body":"authoritarian figure where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1994.49,"endTime":1998.18,"body":"trying to coerce them,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1998.18,"endTime":2001.6,"body":"manipulate them, or just use"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1998.18,"endTime":2001.6,"body":"force to ensure compliance with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2001.6,"endTime":2004.66,"body":"your wishes. Yeah, there's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2001.6,"endTime":2004.66,"body":"fine line, there's a difference."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2005.53,"endTime":2010.45,"body":"I think that respect for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2005.53,"endTime":2010.45,"body":"autonomy is perhaps the one that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2010.45,"endTime":2013.45,"body":"applies the most here. Okay. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2010.45,"endTime":2013.45,"body":"we talked about this just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2013.45,"endTime":2017.38,"body":"briefly, or like, right before"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2013.45,"endTime":2017.38,"body":"we started, yeah. So you have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2017.38,"endTime":2019.99,"body":"respect their autonomy and their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2017.38,"endTime":2019.99,"body":"own in their agency. Like I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2019.99,"endTime":2022.93,"body":"think when it boils down to what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2019.99,"endTime":2022.93,"body":"humans, especially in this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2022.93,"endTime":2025.69,"body":"country value more than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2022.93,"endTime":2025.69,"body":"anything, it's agency was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2025.69,"endTime":2029.2,"body":"another word to say freedom to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2025.69,"endTime":2029.2,"body":"make choices, like agency, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2029.2,"endTime":2032.47,"body":"you're not taking away my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2029.2,"endTime":2032.47,"body":"freedom to make choices. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2032.47,"endTime":2036.13,"body":"encouraging me to make positive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2032.47,"endTime":2036.13,"body":"ones. But you understand at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2036.13,"endTime":2039.04,"body":"end of the day, that I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2036.13,"endTime":2039.04,"body":"choose whatever I want to do, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2039.04,"endTime":2042.25,"body":"have the freedom to choose. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2039.04,"endTime":2042.25,"body":"as long as I have the, I have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2042.28,"endTime":2044.89,"body":"even the perception that I have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2042.28,"endTime":2044.89,"body":"the freedom to choose, I'm more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2044.89,"endTime":2047.98,"body":"than likely to do the right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2044.89,"endTime":2047.98,"body":"thing. When you box people in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2048.16,"endTime":2051.25,"body":"and you don't give them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2048.16,"endTime":2051.25,"body":"autonomy, you often get the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2051.25,"endTime":2053.83,"body":"opposite result. It's like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2051.25,"endTime":2053.83,"body":"reverse psychology sort of in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2053.83,"endTime":2058.03,"body":"the way. It's like I've always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2053.83,"endTime":2058.03,"body":"said like, I can drink right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2058.03,"endTime":2061.0,"body":"now. There's nothing in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2058.03,"endTime":2061.0,"body":"world preventing me from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2061.0,"endTime":2065.23,"body":"drinking today, right? Nothing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2061.0,"endTime":2065.23,"body":"I could go to liquor store right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2065.23,"endTime":2069.01,"body":"now. Buy a bottle of whiskey,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2065.23,"endTime":2069.01,"body":"come home and get drunk. There's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2069.01,"endTime":2072.58,"body":"nothing stopping me from doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2069.01,"endTime":2072.58,"body":"that. Which is why I love the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2072.58,"endTime":2075.25,"body":"power of choice. I have the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2072.58,"endTime":2075.25,"body":"choice to do that. I choose not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2075.25,"endTime":2078.64,"body":"to and you have respect for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2075.25,"endTime":2078.64,"body":"that. And you understand that if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2078.64,"endTime":2081.52,"body":"I don't, you've got boundaries"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2078.64,"endTime":2081.52,"body":"in place and you will take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2081.52,"endTime":2084.91,"body":"action to protect yourself. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2081.52,"endTime":2084.91,"body":"you don't have any actions in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2084.91,"endTime":2090.91,"body":"place that would punish me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2084.91,"endTime":2090.91,"body":"necessarily. For me my ability"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2090.91,"endTime":2095.02,"body":"to choose Yeah, you know, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2090.91,"endTime":2095.02,"body":"you you don't have a lock on my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2095.02,"endTime":2098.56,"body":"debit card. That doesn't allow"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2095.02,"endTime":2098.56,"body":"liquor store purchases. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2098.59,"endTime":2101.35,"body":"Like I still have the freedom to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2098.59,"endTime":2101.35,"body":"choose I accepted that I have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2101.35,"endTime":2105.31,"body":"the freedom to choose. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2101.35,"endTime":2105.31,"body":"That's huge. What are you going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2105.31,"endTime":2107.35,"body":"to say? You've been wanting to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2105.31,"endTime":2107.35,"body":"say something for the last 10"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2107.35,"endTime":2108.1,"body":"minutes, you're staring."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2109.42,"endTime":2112.84,"body":"This one throws me off"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2109.42,"endTime":2112.84,"body":"because on the other side, like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2112.87,"endTime":2116.35,"body":"with alcoholics, they would say,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2112.87,"endTime":2116.35,"body":"Well, I'm just choosing to drink"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2116.41,"endTime":2119.83,"body":"I want to drink. You are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2116.41,"endTime":2119.83,"body":"controlling me by saying, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2119.83,"endTime":2125.74,"body":"know, I cannot drink and but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2119.83,"endTime":2125.74,"body":"what if the drinking is causing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2125.74,"endTime":2129.46,"body":"negative behavior within the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2125.74,"endTime":2129.46,"body":"family? What if it is hurting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2129.46,"endTime":2133.27,"body":"the person? Like? That's where"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2129.46,"endTime":2133.27,"body":"your boundaries come into play?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2133.36,"endTime":2136.15,"body":"Absolutely. Boundaries?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2133.36,"endTime":2136.15,"body":"Are there protect yourself?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2136.24,"endTime":2138.64,"body":"Yeah. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2139.12,"endTime":2141.82,"body":"accepting someone's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2139.12,"endTime":2141.82,"body":"alcoholism is in some way saying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2141.82,"endTime":2144.73,"body":"like, I accept your freedom to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2141.82,"endTime":2144.73,"body":"destroy your own life if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2144.73,"endTime":2145.12,"body":"want."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2145.27,"endTime":2147.37,"body":"Yeah, your own life, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2145.27,"endTime":2147.37,"body":"you're not taking me down with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2147.37,"endTime":2150.46,"body":"you. So that means I have to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2147.37,"endTime":2150.46,"body":"make changes on my end. Yep. Not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2150.46,"endTime":2152.86,"body":"asking you to make changes,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2150.46,"endTime":2152.86,"body":"because that's your decision."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2152.86,"endTime":2154.06,"body":"Yeah. But at the end of the day,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2154.09,"endTime":2157.66,"body":"yeah. And respecting their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2154.09,"endTime":2157.66,"body":"power to choose isn't a form of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2158.92,"endTime":2162.1,"body":"empowerment in some ways."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2158.92,"endTime":2162.1,"body":"Listen, you like you've told me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2162.1,"endTime":2164.8,"body":"like, I have the choice. You can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2162.1,"endTime":2164.8,"body":"do what you want to your grown"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2164.8,"endTime":2167.92,"body":"man. Yeah, make whatever choice"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2164.8,"endTime":2167.92,"body":"you want. But I've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2167.92,"endTime":2171.4,"body":"boundaries in place. And if I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2167.92,"endTime":2171.4,"body":"decide to make a poor choice,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2171.43,"endTime":2176.05,"body":"which is a poor choice, then you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2171.43,"endTime":2176.05,"body":"take action to protect yourself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2176.17,"endTime":2177.58,"body":"Yes, you'd be crushed."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2177.79,"endTime":2182.02,"body":"Right? It wouldn't be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2177.79,"endTime":2182.02,"body":"easy. It would be hard, but I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2182.02,"endTime":2183.82,"body":"have to protect myself and my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2182.02,"endTime":2183.82,"body":"kiddos."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2184.03,"endTime":2187.54,"body":"Yeah. Also, I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2184.03,"endTime":2187.54,"body":"this is perhaps maybe the most"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2187.54,"endTime":2190.81,"body":"important when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2187.54,"endTime":2190.81,"body":"challenging someone. There is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2190.81,"endTime":2194.14,"body":"collaboration. We talked about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2190.81,"endTime":2194.14,"body":"this early on how there has to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2194.14,"endTime":2199.72,"body":"be communication and a voluntary"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2194.14,"endTime":2199.72,"body":"action. In some ways. There's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2199.72,"endTime":2203.44,"body":"some people in the world who do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2199.72,"endTime":2203.44,"body":"not want to be challenged. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2203.44,"endTime":2208.33,"body":"don't. They're stubborn, they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2203.44,"endTime":2208.33,"body":"stuck in the mud. This dog"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2208.33,"endTime":2211.12,"body":"snoring I hope you can't hear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2208.33,"endTime":2211.12,"body":"them on the mic. But they want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2211.12,"endTime":2213.37,"body":"nothing to do with being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2211.12,"endTime":2213.37,"body":"challenged. They're totally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2213.37,"endTime":2216.49,"body":"content being who they are. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2213.37,"endTime":2216.49,"body":"don't care what you think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2216.52,"endTime":2218.5,"body":"they're just like, You know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2216.52,"endTime":2218.5,"body":"what, this is me. I'm gonna do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2218.5,"endTime":2222.88,"body":"me you do you I do not care."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2218.5,"endTime":2222.88,"body":"Challenging someone is, when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2222.88,"endTime":2227.2,"body":"done well, is a collaborative"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2222.88,"endTime":2227.2,"body":"effort. It's respectful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2227.2,"endTime":2231.07,"body":"dialogue. It's discussion about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2227.2,"endTime":2231.07,"body":"goals, aspirations, and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2231.07,"endTime":2234.79,"body":"steps needed to achieve them."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2231.07,"endTime":2234.79,"body":"This happens in healthy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2234.94,"endTime":2237.7,"body":"relationships where there is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2234.94,"endTime":2237.7,"body":"communication, about the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2237.7,"endTime":2240.91,"body":"direction of the relationship."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2237.7,"endTime":2240.91,"body":"Yeah, because things can change"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2240.97,"endTime":2244.63,"body":"overnight. In a relationship, if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2240.97,"endTime":2244.63,"body":"you're not communicating them,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2244.96,"endTime":2248.08,"body":"you will often get this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2244.96,"endTime":2248.08,"body":"divergence where you've got one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2248.08,"endTime":2250.15,"body":"side wanting to do one thing,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2248.08,"endTime":2250.15,"body":"and the other one's saying, What"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2250.15,"endTime":2253.27,"body":"the hell, why did we decide to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2250.15,"endTime":2253.27,"body":"do this? And you feel like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2253.63,"endTime":2256.93,"body":"you're just torn apart? Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2253.63,"endTime":2256.93,"body":"But there's a difference. When"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2256.93,"endTime":2259.42,"body":"you're challenging someone there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2256.93,"endTime":2259.42,"body":"is collaboration, right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2259.72,"endTime":2263.83,"body":"Controls one sided. That's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2259.72,"endTime":2263.83,"body":"difference. You've got your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2263.83,"endTime":2267.16,"body":"demands prioritized, and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2263.83,"endTime":2267.16,"body":"other over the other person's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2267.16,"endTime":2272.32,"body":"desires, or needs. I would say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2267.16,"endTime":2272.32,"body":"desires is more like it and when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2272.32,"endTime":2276.22,"body":"it comes to addiction, but this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2272.32,"endTime":2276.22,"body":"is like to say that they have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2276.22,"endTime":2281.56,"body":"choice. Pause it may be that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2276.22,"endTime":2281.56,"body":"their choice. I need your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2281.56,"endTime":2282.55,"body":"thoughts here. Because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2282.58,"endTime":2284.23,"body":"I feel like you're just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2282.58,"endTime":2284.23,"body":"because you're looking at me."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2284.23,"endTime":2285.82,"body":"And I'm not saying much. Well,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2284.23,"endTime":2285.82,"body":"no, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2285.82,"endTime":2289.21,"body":"you're you get this look,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2285.82,"endTime":2289.21,"body":"or you're like, I got more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2289.21,"endTime":2292.3,"body":"questions. This is we got to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2289.21,"endTime":2292.3,"body":"the bottom of this for you shut"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2292.3,"endTime":2295.24,"body":"this thing off, because I got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2292.3,"endTime":2295.24,"body":"questions. And if you have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2295.24,"endTime":2297.07,"body":"questions, it's likely"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2297.31,"endTime":2299.32,"body":"well, I don't think I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2297.31,"endTime":2299.32,"body":"going to be able to articulate"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2299.32,"endTime":2301.99,"body":"this very well. But the way that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2299.32,"endTime":2301.99,"body":"I read this, and I look over it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2302.02,"endTime":2306.64,"body":"is the whole, like, I always"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2302.02,"endTime":2306.64,"body":"looked at control as a negative"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2306.64,"endTime":2314.2,"body":"word. And this is, again, my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2306.64,"endTime":2314.2,"body":"black or white thinking. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2314.2,"endTime":2320.35,"body":"always thought of it as being as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2314.2,"endTime":2320.35,"body":"it needs. I just want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2320.35,"endTime":2323.29,"body":"challenge people. I'm not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2320.35,"endTime":2323.29,"body":"controlling people, just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2323.29,"endTime":2326.14,"body":"challenging people. I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2323.29,"endTime":2326.14,"body":"know, it just throws me off."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2326.14,"endTime":2329.08,"body":"Sometimes this whole, this whole"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2326.14,"endTime":2329.08,"body":"topic kind of just threw me off."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2329.11,"endTime":2331.57,"body":"You are free to challenge"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2329.11,"endTime":2331.57,"body":"anyone in your life at any given"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2331.57,"endTime":2334.48,"body":"time. Yeah, I know that they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2331.57,"endTime":2334.48,"body":"don't have to accept your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2334.48,"endTime":2337.18,"body":"challenge. That's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2334.48,"endTime":2337.18,"body":"difference. I think that's where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2337.18,"endTime":2340.33,"body":"people get lost, it's like, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2337.18,"endTime":2340.33,"body":"they're still not doing what I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2340.33,"endTime":2342.64,"body":"asking him to do. And like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2340.33,"endTime":2342.64,"body":"people have the freedom to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.73,"endTime":2346.75,"body":"reject a challenge, right? And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.73,"endTime":2346.75,"body":"so many people hang on to that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2346.75,"endTime":2349.93,"body":"so long. It's like, I'm just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2346.75,"endTime":2349.93,"body":"gonna keep trying, I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2349.93,"endTime":2352.69,"body":"keep challenging, then it turns"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2349.93,"endTime":2352.69,"body":"into controlling, and then you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.69,"endTime":2356.74,"body":"get crazy and you lose your mind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.69,"endTime":2356.74,"body":"on. Right. You don't have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2356.74,"endTime":2360.49,"body":"accept your challenge. I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2356.74,"endTime":2360.49,"body":"always been willing to accept"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2360.49,"endTime":2363.1,"body":"your challenges. I've always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2360.49,"endTime":2363.1,"body":"been willing to accept anyone's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2363.1,"endTime":2367.36,"body":"challenge. So you do something."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2363.1,"endTime":2367.36,"body":"I'm going to do it. Yeah. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2367.36,"endTime":2370.09,"body":"you've even learned that you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2367.36,"endTime":2370.09,"body":"just do that with me. Yeah, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2370.09,"endTime":2372.07,"body":"can just tell me I can't do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2370.09,"endTime":2372.07,"body":"something without saying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2372.07,"endTime":2374.77,"body":"anything else and just just walk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2372.07,"endTime":2374.77,"body":"off and know that he's gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2374.8,"endTime":2375.4,"body":"He's gonna do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2375.4,"endTime":2377.71,"body":"exactly that. Yep. Yep. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2375.4,"endTime":2377.71,"body":"have done that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2378.01,"endTime":2382.06,"body":"But not everyone operates"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2378.01,"endTime":2382.06,"body":"that way. Not everyone is, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2382.06,"endTime":2386.98,"body":"know, geared to grow. I think in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2382.06,"endTime":2386.98,"body":"some ways people are. There are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2386.98,"endTime":2390.97,"body":"some out there that they make a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2386.98,"endTime":2390.97,"body":"conscious choice to stick, we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2390.97,"endTime":2392.77,"body":"right where they're at, and they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2390.97,"endTime":2392.77,"body":"don't want to hear it. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2392.77,"endTime":2394.15,"body":"don't care what you're doing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2392.77,"endTime":2394.15,"body":"They don't care what books"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2394.15,"endTime":2396.4,"body":"you're reading or where you want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2394.15,"endTime":2396.4,"body":"to go or where you want to be."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2396.82,"endTime":2399.58,"body":"And this is the most difficult"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2396.82,"endTime":2399.58,"body":"conversation to have with people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2399.58,"endTime":2402.31,"body":"is that Maybe you have outgrown"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2399.58,"endTime":2402.31,"body":"this person,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2402.34,"endTime":2404.77,"body":"right. And that's what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2402.34,"endTime":2404.77,"body":"gets complicated because it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2404.77,"endTime":2407.32,"body":"like you try hard and hard and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2404.77,"endTime":2407.32,"body":"you just love this person, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2407.32,"endTime":2411.28,"body":"you're trying to just help them"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2407.32,"endTime":2411.28,"body":"see their, you know, greatest"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2411.28,"endTime":2413.83,"body":"potential, and you just want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2411.28,"endTime":2413.83,"body":"shake them over and over again."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2413.83,"endTime":2415.78,"body":"And then that's when you start"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2413.83,"endTime":2415.78,"body":"losing yourself, because you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2415.78,"endTime":2418.03,"body":"not living by your values, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2415.78,"endTime":2418.03,"body":"you're not living by what you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2418.03,"endTime":2420.64,"body":"believe in, and you're putting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2418.03,"endTime":2420.64,"body":"all of your effort and focus and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2420.64,"endTime":2424.87,"body":"trying to fix this person, when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2420.64,"endTime":2424.87,"body":"in reality, they don't want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2424.87,"endTime":2427.87,"body":"be fixed, you have to just put"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2424.87,"endTime":2427.87,"body":"all of that towards yourself."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2427.87,"endTime":2429.55,"body":"And that's way more empowering."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2432.22,"endTime":2436.45,"body":"I would say, I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2432.22,"endTime":2436.45,"body":"encourage you, your partner,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2436.48,"endTime":2440.02,"body":"your loved one to read the drop"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2436.48,"endTime":2440.02,"body":"the rope story, read that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2440.02,"endTime":2443.41,"body":"together. It's disarming, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2440.02,"endTime":2443.41,"body":"will get you both in a place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2443.41,"endTime":2446.53,"body":"where you're like, Okay, let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2443.41,"endTime":2446.53,"body":"talk. Let's talk about where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2446.53,"endTime":2450.7,"body":"we're at. Let's talk about what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2446.53,"endTime":2450.7,"body":"our vision is for the future."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2450.79,"endTime":2452.68,"body":"Let's talk about our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2450.79,"endTime":2452.68,"body":"relationship. Let's talk about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2452.68,"endTime":2455.2,"body":"where things are headed. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2452.68,"endTime":2455.2,"body":"let's talk about dropping the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2455.2,"endTime":2458.14,"body":"rope. Maybe they will, maybe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2455.2,"endTime":2458.14,"body":"they won't. I think it's a it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2458.14,"endTime":2461.08,"body":"a healthy way to approach that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2458.14,"endTime":2461.08,"body":"type of communication. Because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2461.08,"endTime":2464.02,"body":"oftentimes, people have just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2461.08,"endTime":2464.02,"body":"gotten so far apart, yeah, from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2464.02,"endTime":2467.08,"body":"where they're at in life. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2464.02,"endTime":2467.08,"body":"addiction can derail your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2467.08,"endTime":2472.33,"body":"relationship, it can derail your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2467.08,"endTime":2472.33,"body":"life. And we are a testament to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2472.33,"endTime":2476.11,"body":"the fact that there is hope for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2472.33,"endTime":2476.11,"body":"some, but for many others,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2476.23,"endTime":2480.31,"body":"they've gotten to a point where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2476.23,"endTime":2480.31,"body":"one is so unwilling to change,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2480.31,"endTime":2483.85,"body":"they have left the other with no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2480.31,"endTime":2483.85,"body":"choice, but to make their own"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2483.85,"endTime":2487.54,"body":"path. Yeah, it's incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2483.85,"endTime":2487.54,"body":"difficult. And like we've said,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2487.54,"endTime":2490.87,"body":"like knowing when to quit is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2487.54,"endTime":2490.87,"body":"also a skill. Yeah, like knowing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2490.87,"endTime":2493.48,"body":"when to give up knowing when to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2490.87,"endTime":2493.48,"body":"quit, right. And when you're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2493.48,"endTime":2497.62,"body":"going to sacrifice any more on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2493.48,"endTime":2497.62,"body":"this person. And you you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2497.95,"endTime":2505.33,"body":"you're trauma bonded codependent"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2497.95,"endTime":2505.33,"body":"your emotions are not satisfied"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2505.33,"endTime":2508.66,"body":"unless there's our and we just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2505.33,"endTime":2508.66,"body":"can't control people that much."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2508.69,"endTime":2511.96,"body":"We can't, we can't rely on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2508.69,"endTime":2511.96,"body":"others for our own happiness."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2511.99,"endTime":2515.02,"body":"Yep. Other people can enhance"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2511.99,"endTime":2515.02,"body":"our lives, but they should not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2515.02,"endTime":2518.14,"body":"be our lives, right? It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2515.02,"endTime":2518.14,"body":"incredibly tough when you've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2518.14,"endTime":2520.75,"body":"someone who, you know, there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2518.14,"endTime":2520.75,"body":"potential there, you know, if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2520.75,"endTime":2522.73,"body":"they quit drinking, and they got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2520.75,"endTime":2522.73,"body":"their shit together, they could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2522.73,"endTime":2527.35,"body":"figure it out. Yeah. And like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2522.73,"endTime":2527.35,"body":"Richard Pryor said, if your aunt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2527.35,"endTime":2531.37,"body":"had balls, she'd be your uncle."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2527.35,"endTime":2531.37,"body":"We could What if this all day I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2531.37,"endTime":2531.64,"body":"know, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2531.64,"endTime":2535.54,"body":"so cool. He isn't saying"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2531.64,"endTime":2535.54,"body":"this, but our whole life."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2535.72,"endTime":2539.29,"body":"But we could What if this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2535.72,"endTime":2539.29,"body":"all day long? What's the reality"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2539.29,"endTime":2542.77,"body":"though? What's the reality"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2539.29,"endTime":2542.77,"body":"saying? Yeah, are they or are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2542.77,"endTime":2546.55,"body":"they not? If they're not start"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2542.77,"endTime":2546.55,"body":"to consider what your life would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2546.55,"endTime":2550.21,"body":"need to look like for you to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2546.55,"endTime":2550.21,"body":"happy, right? Which I hate to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2550.21,"endTime":2552.55,"body":"the Grim Reaper here. Like, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2550.21,"endTime":2552.55,"body":"can't stay in it. I hate having"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2552.55,"endTime":2555.58,"body":"to even go there. I want to give"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2552.55,"endTime":2555.58,"body":"people hope. But for so many,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2555.58,"endTime":2558.07,"body":"that's not the case. Like they,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2555.58,"endTime":2558.07,"body":"they they're they're in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2558.07,"endTime":2560.83,"body":"position where like they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2558.07,"endTime":2560.83,"body":"willing to do anything and their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2560.83,"endTime":2564.04,"body":"spouse is not going to move an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2560.83,"endTime":2564.04,"body":"inch. Yeah. Protect yourself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2564.07,"endTime":2567.25,"body":"Yep, set up boundaries and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2564.07,"endTime":2567.25,"body":"protect yourself. Protect your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2567.25,"endTime":2570.04,"body":"peace, do what you have to do,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2567.25,"endTime":2570.04,"body":"and let go of the control. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2570.04,"endTime":2573.16,"body":"we are here for you to support"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2570.04,"endTime":2573.16,"body":"you along that path along your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2573.16,"endTime":2576.49,"body":"way. I know it's not easy. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2573.16,"endTime":2576.49,"body":"probably the scariest thing in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2576.49,"endTime":2580.48,"body":"the world, and we get it, we get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2576.49,"endTime":2580.48,"body":"it. We've had to do this and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2580.48,"endTime":2583.15,"body":"other areas of our life, not so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2580.48,"endTime":2583.15,"body":"much our relationship. But it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2583.15,"endTime":2585.37,"body":"doesn't get any easier. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2583.15,"endTime":2585.37,"body":"promise you that. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2585.37,"endTime":2588.43,"body":"incredibly. It's terrifying."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2585.37,"endTime":2588.43,"body":"It's freaking terrifying. But I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2588.43,"endTime":2591.13,"body":"hope we've cleared up some of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2588.43,"endTime":2591.13,"body":"the aspects of control versus"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2591.13,"endTime":2593.86,"body":"challenging someone, or made you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2591.13,"endTime":2593.86,"body":"more confused"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2596.02,"endTime":2599.32,"body":"than telling you when we first"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2596.02,"endTime":2599.32,"body":"wrote this, like, I'll set the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2599.32,"endTime":2602.05,"body":"table eating she asked me like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2599.32,"endTime":2602.05,"body":"Oh, that's easy to spit off, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2602.05,"endTime":2605.2,"body":"know, five seconds. And she's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2602.05,"endTime":2605.2,"body":"like, Well, what about when I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2605.2,"endTime":2611.44,"body":"like, Ah, now we're off to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2605.2,"endTime":2611.44,"body":"books and reading about this?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2611.62,"endTime":2613.57,"body":"Well, it's kind of funny"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2611.62,"endTime":2613.57,"body":"because our last episode the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2613.57,"endTime":2616.6,"body":"whole intentions versus actions"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2613.57,"endTime":2616.6,"body":"or whatever I'm like, this is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2616.6,"endTime":2619.09,"body":"easy. Like, I can just look at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2616.6,"endTime":2619.09,"body":"this. And this is common sense."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2619.09,"endTime":2622.54,"body":"And you're just like, but what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2619.09,"endTime":2622.54,"body":"about this that so we kind of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2622.54,"endTime":2623.8,"body":"shifted in our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2623.919,"endTime":2626.319,"body":"flipped on that didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2623.919,"endTime":2626.319,"body":"know he did we flipped on it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2626.709,"endTime":2629.979,"body":"But anyway, laid out some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2626.709,"endTime":2629.979,"body":"criteria for what are some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2629.979,"endTime":2632.289,"body":"controlling behaviors versus"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2629.979,"endTime":2632.289,"body":"what is challenging someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2632.589,"endTime":2634.839,"body":"controlling versus"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2632.589,"endTime":2634.839,"body":"accountability. I think that one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2634.839,"endTime":2637.809,"body":"of the common threads between"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2634.839,"endTime":2637.809,"body":"challenging and accountability"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2637.809,"endTime":2641.049,"body":"is this acceptance of the other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2637.809,"endTime":2641.049,"body":"person to want to accept these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2641.049,"endTime":2647.979,"body":"things. They have to volunteer,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2641.049,"endTime":2647.979,"body":"essentially, a volunteer. Yep."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2648.219,"endTime":2651.639,"body":"If they don't volunteer, then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2648.219,"endTime":2651.639,"body":"you are shoving a round peg into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2651.639,"endTime":2654.369,"body":"a square hole. And more than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2651.639,"endTime":2654.369,"body":"likely will be for quite some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2654.369,"endTime":2657.729,"body":"time. Yep. Anyway, I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2654.369,"endTime":2657.729,"body":"that's all we've got here today."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2657.759,"endTime":2660.189,"body":"Hopefully, we didn't confuse"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2657.759,"endTime":2660.189,"body":"absolute crap at you. But if we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.189,"endTime":2664.449,"body":"did, let us know. We've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.189,"endTime":2664.449,"body":"inboxes open and happy to answer"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2664.449,"endTime":2666.339,"body":"any questions and clarify some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2664.449,"endTime":2666.339,"body":"things here."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2666.519,"endTime":2671.259,"body":"Welcome to the craziness."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2666.519,"endTime":2671.259,"body":"This is how are we roll?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2672.43,"endTime":2676.99,"body":"Okay, if you haven't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2672.43,"endTime":2676.99,"body":"already, we would love to hear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2676.99,"endTime":2679.36,"body":"from you. We would love feedback"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2676.99,"endTime":2679.36,"body":"of some kind. So if you haven't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2679.36,"endTime":2682.24,"body":"left us a review, we'd love to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2679.36,"endTime":2682.24,"body":"get that. Whether it's something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2682.24,"endTime":2686.86,"body":"private, you want to email us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2682.24,"endTime":2686.86,"body":"info at Tufo couple.com Or leave"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2686.86,"endTime":2689.65,"body":"us review on any of the podcast"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2686.86,"endTime":2689.65,"body":"forums. We would love to hear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2689.65,"endTime":2692.62,"body":"what you think about this. What"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2689.65,"endTime":2692.62,"body":"you think we could provide more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2692.62,"endTime":2695.83,"body":"of or hell less of whatever you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2692.62,"endTime":2695.83,"body":"think we'd love to just hear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2695.83,"endTime":2698.95,"body":"from the listeners. Yeah, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2695.83,"endTime":2698.95,"body":"started this thing kind of with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2698.95,"endTime":2701.17,"body":"the intent and we just put this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2698.95,"endTime":2701.17,"body":"out there, see what happens. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2701.23,"endTime":2704.11,"body":"as it turns out a lot of people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2701.23,"endTime":2704.11,"body":"listen now. And so I want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2704.11,"endTime":2706.6,"body":"make sure that we're providing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2704.11,"endTime":2706.6,"body":"the best content for you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2706.63,"endTime":2709.24,"body":"Because we know that you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2706.63,"endTime":2709.24,"body":"choose to listen to anything."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2709.24,"endTime":2711.37,"body":"You could download any number of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2709.24,"endTime":2711.37,"body":"episodes, but you're listening"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2711.37,"endTime":2713.32,"body":"to us and that means something."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2711.37,"endTime":2713.32,"body":"So we want to make sure that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2713.32,"endTime":2716.68,"body":"we're showing up for you. We're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2713.32,"endTime":2716.68,"body":"okay. Well, I think it's all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2716.68,"endTime":2718.27,"body":"we've got. Anything else?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2718.3,"endTime":2719.95,"body":"No. All right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2721.54,"endTime":2723.31,"body":"Baby's gonna take a hot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2721.54,"endTime":2723.31,"body":"bath and try to forget this ever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2723.31,"endTime":2728.35,"body":"happened. Yeah. All right. Until"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2723.31,"endTime":2728.35,"body":"next time, I'm Matt. I'm Paige."}]}