{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.42,"body":"reactive abuse isn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.42,"body":"necessarily abuse, let's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3.42,"endTime":6.78,"body":"even really call it abuse. Let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3.42,"endTime":6.78,"body":"call it what it is self defense."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":6.81,"endTime":11.55,"body":"It's a defense mechanism. Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":6.81,"endTime":11.55,"body":"So quick analogy because I'm an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":11.55,"endTime":15.42,"body":"analogy band of kids getting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":11.55,"endTime":15.42,"body":"bullied on the bus every single"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":15.42,"endTime":17.91,"body":"day. He's getting stuff stolen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":15.42,"endTime":17.91,"body":"from him, he's getting pushed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":17.91,"endTime":20.7,"body":"down. He's getting made fun of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":17.91,"endTime":20.7,"body":"he's getting hit. You name it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":21.0,"endTime":26.4,"body":"When that kid fights back to we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":21.0,"endTime":26.4,"body":"call that kid an abuser. Welcome"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":26.43,"endTime":31.44,"body":"back, well come back to another"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":26.43,"endTime":31.44,"body":"episode until the wheels fall"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":31.44,"endTime":35.64,"body":"off, man. And thank you, if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":31.44,"endTime":35.64,"body":"are new here, because of our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":35.64,"endTime":39.72,"body":"last episode, our last episode"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":35.64,"endTime":39.72,"body":"was a message from me to people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":39.72,"endTime":42.21,"body":"still struggling with addiction."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":39.72,"endTime":42.21,"body":"And I was really worried about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":42.21,"endTime":45.06,"body":"how that would come off and how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":42.21,"endTime":45.06,"body":"it be received. But we heard"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":45.06,"endTime":47.31,"body":"from a lot of people that was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":45.06,"endTime":47.31,"body":"incredibly helpful, and that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":47.31,"endTime":49.71,"body":"love hearing from people that it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":47.31,"endTime":49.71,"body":"was helpful. I haven't heard"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":49.71,"endTime":52.35,"body":"from anyone yet that it was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":49.71,"endTime":52.35,"body":"damaging. So that's great. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":52.35,"endTime":54.84,"body":"it's always like this fear of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":52.35,"endTime":54.84,"body":"me, it's like, we have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":54.84,"endTime":57.84,"body":"responsibility as creators, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":54.84,"endTime":57.84,"body":"we put the stuff out there, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":57.84,"endTime":60.45,"body":"something could come back that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":57.84,"endTime":60.45,"body":"was not intended. But it sounds"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":60.45,"endTime":62.64,"body":"like for all intents and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":60.45,"endTime":62.64,"body":"purposes, this landed exactly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":62.64,"endTime":64.95,"body":"how it should have, which is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":62.64,"endTime":64.95,"body":"great. It's a really tough topic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":64.95,"endTime":67.35,"body":"to cover when you're talking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":64.95,"endTime":67.35,"body":"with someone who's in early"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":67.35,"endTime":71.94,"body":"addiction or in early sobriety"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":67.35,"endTime":71.94,"body":"or inactive addiction. But me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":71.94,"endTime":74.97,"body":"having been there before I did"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":71.94,"endTime":74.97,"body":"my best to try to reach people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":74.97,"endTime":78.36,"body":"where they're at, and also being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":74.97,"endTime":78.36,"body":"firm and challenging them on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":78.36,"endTime":81.12,"body":"some of the stuff that we would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":78.36,"endTime":81.12,"body":"like for our partners to think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":81.12,"endTime":84.12,"body":"is true. That's really not."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":81.12,"endTime":84.12,"body":"There will be a part two to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":84.12,"endTime":87.12,"body":"that. I don't know exactly when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":84.12,"endTime":87.12,"body":"but we are planning that. And it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":87.12,"endTime":90.54,"body":"deals more with the validation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":87.12,"endTime":90.54,"body":"and accountability component. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":90.54,"endTime":92.58,"body":"didn't want to have everyone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":90.54,"endTime":92.58,"body":"drinking through a firehose with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":92.58,"endTime":95.61,"body":"one giant episode about that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":92.58,"endTime":95.61,"body":"Yeah. So I think in two parts is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":95.61,"endTime":97.83,"body":"probably more helpful. Let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":95.61,"endTime":97.83,"body":"tackle the most immediate stuff"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":97.83,"endTime":100.8,"body":"first, and then we'll get to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":97.83,"endTime":100.8,"body":"some of the some of this other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":100.8,"endTime":103.35,"body":"stuff. So thank you, if you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":100.8,"endTime":103.35,"body":"new, thank you, if you responded"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":103.35,"endTime":105.87,"body":"back out with feedback. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":103.35,"endTime":105.87,"body":"why we love hearing from people."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":106.29,"endTime":109.53,"body":"And speaking of if you're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":106.29,"endTime":109.53,"body":"already in our Facebook group,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":109.53,"endTime":112.41,"body":"we have a free Facebook"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":109.53,"endTime":112.41,"body":"community called Tufo community."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":112.74,"endTime":115.65,"body":"If you click on any of our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":112.74,"endTime":115.65,"body":"social media profiles, there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":115.65,"endTime":117.9,"body":"will be a bunch of links there,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":115.65,"endTime":117.9,"body":"it will have the podcast, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":117.9,"endTime":120.81,"body":"will have our Instagram account,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":117.9,"endTime":120.81,"body":"it will have our website it will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":120.81,"endTime":125.52,"body":"have our community. So we asked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":120.81,"endTime":125.52,"body":"you a few simple questions, join"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":125.52,"endTime":128.25,"body":"the community, you can post"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":125.52,"endTime":128.25,"body":"anonymously, you can't reply"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":128.25,"endTime":130.77,"body":"anonymously, which I think is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":128.25,"endTime":130.77,"body":"kind of bogus is weird. I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":130.77,"endTime":132.84,"body":"understand the point of that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":130.77,"endTime":132.84,"body":"But anyway, you can post"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":132.84,"endTime":135.9,"body":"anonymously, it's a great place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":132.84,"endTime":135.9,"body":"to process things. Sometimes you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":135.9,"endTime":139.59,"body":"just need to vent. It's like I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":135.9,"endTime":139.59,"body":"a writer writings of my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":139.59,"endTime":142.65,"body":"cathartic way of just getting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":139.59,"endTime":142.65,"body":"feelings out. And it's a way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":142.65,"endTime":144.72,"body":"that people can just express"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":142.65,"endTime":144.72,"body":"what they're going through,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":144.75,"endTime":146.91,"body":"maybe not even looking for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":144.75,"endTime":146.91,"body":"feedback. Like I just need to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":146.91,"endTime":149.73,"body":"put this in the world, just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":146.91,"endTime":149.73,"body":"because I just have to get this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":149.73,"endTime":153.03,"body":"off my chest. And sometimes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":149.73,"endTime":153.03,"body":"people will come back and one of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":153.03,"endTime":155.7,"body":"the best things you can hear at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":153.03,"endTime":155.7,"body":"times is I'm right there with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":155.7,"endTime":159.15,"body":"you. I'm here for you. I get it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":155.7,"endTime":159.15,"body":"It's an incredibly powerful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":159.15,"endTime":162.18,"body":"thing that we've we've built"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":159.15,"endTime":162.18,"body":"that is not us. This is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":162.18,"endTime":164.4,"body":"power of the community in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":162.18,"endTime":164.4,"body":"itself. It's just really cool to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":164.4,"endTime":167.43,"body":"watch this thing take off and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":164.4,"endTime":167.43,"body":"people helping each other. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":167.43,"endTime":170.52,"body":"just beautiful, man. I love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":167.43,"endTime":170.52,"body":"that. Absolutely love that. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":170.52,"endTime":173.73,"body":"if you're not already in there,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":170.52,"endTime":173.73,"body":"please join that. And while"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":173.73,"endTime":176.85,"body":"we're here, we don't get a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":173.73,"endTime":176.85,"body":"of reviews. But leave us a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":176.85,"endTime":180.9,"body":"review. We love reading reviews."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":176.85,"endTime":180.9,"body":"Good or bad. I like this just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":181.11,"endTime":186.09,"body":"it's awesome. But anyway,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":181.11,"endTime":186.09,"body":"today's topic is reactive abuse,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":186.72,"endTime":190.17,"body":"reactive abuse. This is page."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":186.72,"endTime":190.17,"body":"This was an episode that you had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":190.17,"endTime":193.41,"body":"wanted to put it out quite some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":190.17,"endTime":193.41,"body":"time ago. Yes. But we have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":193.41,"endTime":196.2,"body":"several others that like we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":193.41,"endTime":196.2,"body":"prioritize. And so this is this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":196.2,"endTime":197.88,"body":"has been, this has been your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":196.2,"endTime":197.88,"body":"baby."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":197.91,"endTime":200.79,"body":"Yeah, I have actually"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":197.91,"endTime":200.79,"body":"worked with some people, some"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":200.79,"endTime":207.27,"body":"amazing people who have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":200.79,"endTime":207.27,"body":"questioned their part of abuse"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":207.27,"endTime":210.21,"body":"when it comes to a toxic"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":207.27,"endTime":210.21,"body":"relationship, or in a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":210.21,"endTime":212.85,"body":"relationship with an addict or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":210.21,"endTime":212.85,"body":"alcoholic or even a narcissist."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":212.85,"endTime":214.68,"body":"So this can go in all different."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":214.71,"endTime":217.14,"body":"Yeah, this hits a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":214.71,"endTime":217.14,"body":"different areas. Yes, yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":217.14,"endTime":220.95,"body":"So as a partner of an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":217.14,"endTime":220.95,"body":"addict or alcoholic, do you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":220.95,"endTime":223.8,"body":"question your part when it comes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":220.95,"endTime":223.8,"body":"to abuse? I know I did."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":224.49,"endTime":228.24,"body":"And so when you say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":224.49,"endTime":228.24,"body":"question my part, meaning were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":228.24,"endTime":231.48,"body":"you ugly to them? Were you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":228.24,"endTime":231.48,"body":"abusive,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":231.51,"endTime":233.91,"body":"right? Was I abusive?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":231.51,"endTime":233.91,"body":"That's the question. That's the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":233.91,"endTime":236.1,"body":"part that I would question like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":233.91,"endTime":236.1,"body":"oh, my gosh, because we hear"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":236.1,"endTime":240.81,"body":"these things all the time about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":236.1,"endTime":240.81,"body":"what abuse is. Yeah. And, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":240.81,"endTime":246.3,"body":"know, did I do that? Am I an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":240.81,"endTime":246.3,"body":"abusive person, because I would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":246.3,"endTime":249.69,"body":"lash out, I would yell, I would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":246.3,"endTime":249.69,"body":"call you names. I would throw"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":249.69,"endTime":252.33,"body":"things across the room. I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":249.69,"endTime":252.33,"body":"know if I ever threw things that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":252.36,"endTime":256.98,"body":"you but I wanted to. I know"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":252.36,"endTime":256.98,"body":"that. But I knew that all of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":256.98,"endTime":259.8,"body":"this was out of character for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":256.98,"endTime":259.8,"body":"me. Like I didn't like fighting."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":259.8,"endTime":262.89,"body":"I didn't want to be angry. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":259.8,"endTime":262.89,"body":"didn't want to lash out. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":262.92,"endTime":265.47,"body":"come to find out my lashing out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":262.92,"endTime":265.47,"body":"is something that's called"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":265.47,"endTime":268.86,"body":"reactive abuse or reactive"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":265.47,"endTime":268.86,"body":"defense, which is a better term"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":268.86,"endTime":272.01,"body":"for it, I think. Yes. So I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":268.86,"endTime":272.01,"body":"actually got that information"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":272.34,"endTime":275.52,"body":"from a website that I'll bring"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":272.34,"endTime":275.52,"body":"up in just a minute. Because it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":275.52,"endTime":280.02,"body":"had a lot of just gems in it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":275.52,"endTime":280.02,"body":"that really helped me open my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":280.02,"endTime":284.07,"body":"eyes to how I reacted in our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":280.02,"endTime":284.07,"body":"relationship. And I think a lot"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":284.07,"endTime":286.86,"body":"of people that listen to us are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":284.07,"endTime":286.86,"body":"going to relate to this. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":286.86,"endTime":290.25,"body":"hoping that you come away with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":286.86,"endTime":290.25,"body":"less guilt with how you feel."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":290.46,"endTime":293.43,"body":"Because I felt guilty for a lot"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":290.46,"endTime":293.43,"body":"of the times. Yes, I have a part"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":293.46,"endTime":296.22,"body":"in that. And I have, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":293.46,"endTime":296.22,"body":"owned that part and taken"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":296.22,"endTime":299.01,"body":"accountability, but there are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":296.22,"endTime":299.01,"body":"reasons why I reacted the way I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":299.01,"endTime":299.64,"body":"reacted."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":300.0,"endTime":303.96,"body":"salutely There are Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":300.0,"endTime":303.96,"body":"reactive abuse isn't necessarily"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":303.96,"endTime":306.36,"body":"abused. Let's not even really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":303.96,"endTime":306.36,"body":"call it abuse. Let's call it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":306.36,"endTime":311.76,"body":"what it is self defense. It's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":306.36,"endTime":311.76,"body":"defense mechanism. Yes. So quick"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":311.76,"endTime":315.66,"body":"analogy because I'm an analogy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":311.76,"endTime":315.66,"body":"ban. A kids getting bullied on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":315.66,"endTime":318.45,"body":"the bus every single day. He's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":315.66,"endTime":318.45,"body":"getting stuff stolen from him."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":318.45,"endTime":320.22,"body":"He's getting pushed down. He's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":318.45,"endTime":320.22,"body":"getting made fun off, he's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":320.22,"endTime":323.67,"body":"getting hit. You name it, when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":320.22,"endTime":323.67,"body":"that kid fights back. So we call"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":323.67,"endTime":324.6,"body":"that kid an abuser."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":325.32,"endTime":327.87,"body":"No, but there are a lot"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":325.32,"endTime":327.87,"body":"of schools that say that there's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":327.87,"endTime":330.09,"body":"zero tolerance rules, and they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":327.87,"endTime":330.09,"body":"get in trouble for it. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":330.09,"endTime":332.7,"body":"your tolerance rules are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":330.09,"endTime":332.7,"body":"just an easy way to not have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":332.7,"endTime":335.31,"body":"look at situations. Alright, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":332.7,"endTime":335.31,"body":"got opinions about your kids."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":336.3,"endTime":338.79,"body":"I'm just throwing that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":336.3,"endTime":338.79,"body":"out there. I'm just it's it's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":339.45,"endTime":342.33,"body":"process. It doesn't mean"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":339.45,"endTime":342.33,"body":"it's correct. But But No, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":342.33,"endTime":347.13,"body":"true. We don't. We don't call"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":342.33,"endTime":347.13,"body":"that kid the abuser. Everyone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":347.13,"endTime":350.31,"body":"will look at that and say he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":347.13,"endTime":350.31,"body":"stood up for himself, he finally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":350.31,"endTime":353.91,"body":"stood up for himself. Now. The"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":350.31,"endTime":353.91,"body":"moral question, is it right to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":353.91,"endTime":356.37,"body":"fight back? Is it right to hit?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":353.91,"endTime":356.37,"body":"Is it right to do anything?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":357.0,"endTime":360.0,"body":"Philosophically, we can get into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":357.0,"endTime":360.0,"body":"that some other time. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":360.0,"endTime":363.93,"body":"strictly speaking, when someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":360.0,"endTime":363.93,"body":"reacts in defense, we even have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":363.96,"endTime":367.38,"body":"laws that protect those people,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":363.96,"endTime":367.38,"body":"their laws for self defense."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":367.38,"endTime":369.78,"body":"Yeah. When it comes to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":367.38,"endTime":369.78,"body":"relationship, though these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":369.78,"endTime":372.81,"body":"things become muddy, really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":369.78,"endTime":372.81,"body":"muddy, especially when you're,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":373.65,"endTime":375.51,"body":"you're saying that you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":373.65,"endTime":375.51,"body":"questioning your own sanity"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":375.51,"endTime":377.25,"body":"every day, if you're in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":375.51,"endTime":377.25,"body":"relationship with an alcoholic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":377.25,"endTime":380.91,"body":"or an addict. Like am I am I to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":377.25,"endTime":380.91,"body":"blame here? Was he right? When"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":380.91,"endTime":383.31,"body":"he said that? I'm the reason he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":380.91,"endTime":383.31,"body":"does this? If I was less"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":383.31,"endTime":386.16,"body":"nagging? Would it mean that he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":383.31,"endTime":386.16,"body":"drinks last? Like you question"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":386.19,"endTime":389.61,"body":"everything you do, which is part"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":386.19,"endTime":389.61,"body":"of what causes the lack of self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":389.61,"endTime":393.66,"body":"esteem and a lack of empowerment"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":389.61,"endTime":393.66,"body":"in these relationships. allanon"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":393.66,"endTime":395.97,"body":"We'll call something like this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":393.66,"endTime":395.97,"body":"codependency, which is term that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":395.97,"endTime":399.15,"body":"we've never loved by any means."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":395.97,"endTime":399.15,"body":"Still doesn't make sense to me,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":399.15,"endTime":401.94,"body":"in my mind. But anyway, this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":399.15,"endTime":401.94,"body":"where a lot of this stuff comes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":401.94,"endTime":404.55,"body":"from. This is just another"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":401.94,"endTime":404.55,"body":"another vein and that same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":404.55,"endTime":409.11,"body":"topic. Yeah. So walk us through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":404.55,"endTime":409.11,"body":"situations or okay, what is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":409.14,"endTime":409.47,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":409.53,"endTime":412.74,"body":"yeah. So according to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":409.53,"endTime":412.74,"body":"experts, it is rare in an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":412.74,"endTime":416.01,"body":"intimate relationship that there"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":412.74,"endTime":416.01,"body":"are two abusers. So sometimes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":416.01,"endTime":418.41,"body":"I'll call that mutual abuse. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":416.01,"endTime":418.41,"body":"that's when you would think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":418.41,"endTime":421.23,"body":"like, Oh, my abuser, and he's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":418.41,"endTime":421.23,"body":"the abuser. We're just both"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":421.23,"endTime":424.86,"body":"abusers are just toxic or bad"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":421.23,"endTime":424.86,"body":"for each other. Not necessarily"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":424.86,"endTime":428.46,"body":"true. That's very rare. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":424.86,"endTime":428.46,"body":"usually there's an abuser and a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":428.46,"endTime":431.25,"body":"victim. And this is really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":428.46,"endTime":431.25,"body":"confusing for us, because I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":431.25,"endTime":433.65,"body":"questioned myself all the time,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":431.25,"endTime":433.65,"body":"just like you said, like, am I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":433.65,"endTime":436.26,"body":"wrong? Am I abusive? Am I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":433.65,"endTime":436.26,"body":"starting these unhealthy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":436.26,"endTime":438.84,"body":"patterns of reaction, rational,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":436.26,"endTime":438.84,"body":"empathetic person? Am I the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":438.84,"endTime":444.63,"body":"crazy one, you know, so the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":438.84,"endTime":444.63,"body":"website is the men project.com."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":444.69,"endTime":448.29,"body":"And reactive abuse is when a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":444.69,"endTime":448.29,"body":"victim has been in a toxic"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":448.29,"endTime":450.81,"body":"relationship for a while, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":448.29,"endTime":450.81,"body":"they begin defending themselves"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":450.81,"endTime":454.11,"body":"against emotionally violent"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":450.81,"endTime":454.11,"body":"attacks. So this happens, like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":454.11,"endTime":457.98,"body":"when we push yell rage have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":454.11,"endTime":457.98,"body":"angry outbursts, things, throw"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":457.98,"endTime":463.56,"body":"things, call people names. This"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":457.98,"endTime":463.56,"body":"is self defense. It happens when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":463.59,"endTime":466.17,"body":"it happens when we hit our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":463.59,"endTime":466.17,"body":"breaking point. So we will hit a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":466.17,"endTime":470.37,"body":"point where it's just like, we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":466.17,"endTime":470.37,"body":"have no choice but to react."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":470.4,"endTime":473.85,"body":"Yeah. So and it's typically out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":470.4,"endTime":473.85,"body":"of character for us, which makes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":473.85,"endTime":477.57,"body":"us feel really confused by our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":473.85,"endTime":477.57,"body":"own responses. It's a defense"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":477.57,"endTime":480.6,"body":"mechanism, but it rarely saves"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":477.57,"endTime":480.6,"body":"us from the harm. Yeah, and the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":480.6,"endTime":481.71,"body":"thing that's crazy about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":481.71,"endTime":484.83,"body":"it, yeah, it actually it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":481.71,"endTime":484.83,"body":"makes it worse. And we'll get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":484.83,"endTime":489.33,"body":"into why here in a moment. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":484.83,"endTime":489.33,"body":"yeah, I think that anyone, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":489.48,"endTime":494.34,"body":"I've seen this in relationships,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":489.48,"endTime":494.34,"body":"even when there's not alcohol,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":494.43,"endTime":498.39,"body":"or drugs when you just got an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":494.43,"endTime":498.39,"body":"abusive person. And it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":498.39,"endTime":500.73,"body":"certainly the woman will say, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":498.39,"endTime":500.73,"body":"were just we were just toxic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":500.73,"endTime":504.21,"body":"together. We were just we were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":500.73,"endTime":504.21,"body":"bad for each other. Well, if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":504.21,"endTime":506.31,"body":"really back up and look at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":504.21,"endTime":506.31,"body":"what's happening is that you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":506.31,"endTime":509.52,"body":"got someone who's incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":506.31,"endTime":509.52,"body":"emotionally abusive. Someone who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":509.52,"endTime":512.31,"body":"will lash out and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":509.52,"endTime":512.31,"body":"uncharacteristic ways defending"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":512.31,"endTime":515.7,"body":"themselves, and then look way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":512.31,"endTime":515.7,"body":"too hard at their part in that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":515.73,"endTime":518.46,"body":"Yes, wait, that's not to say you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":515.73,"endTime":518.46,"body":"shouldn't look at your pardon"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":518.46,"endTime":521.49,"body":"things right. I'm a believer in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":518.46,"endTime":521.49,"body":"that. But looking way too hard"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":521.49,"endTime":524.13,"body":"at it and and completely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":521.49,"endTime":524.13,"body":"disregarding the other person's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":524.64,"endTime":528.66,"body":"why you ended up there, like the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":524.64,"endTime":528.66,"body":"context matters here. Yeah, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":528.66,"endTime":531.57,"body":"context absolutely matters. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":528.66,"endTime":531.57,"body":"the context is, generally,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":531.84,"endTime":534.81,"body":"you've been backed into a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":531.84,"endTime":534.81,"body":"corner. You've been told you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.81,"endTime":537.63,"body":"crazy. You've been emotionally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.81,"endTime":537.63,"body":"abused, sometimes physically"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":537.63,"endTime":540.69,"body":"abused. And then at some point,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":537.63,"endTime":540.69,"body":"you reach a breaking point, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":540.69,"endTime":544.05,"body":"Paige mentioned, and you just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":540.69,"endTime":544.05,"body":"snap, and you just snap. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":544.05,"endTime":547.32,"body":"like, you just start seeing red."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":544.05,"endTime":547.32,"body":"And anything that happens after"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":547.32,"endTime":553.23,"body":"that point, is an involuntary"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":547.32,"endTime":553.23,"body":"it's an involuntary self defense"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":553.26,"endTime":556.74,"body":"mechanism. Yep. And I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":553.26,"endTime":556.74,"body":"that's a lot of the time these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":556.8,"endTime":560.13,"body":"genuinely empathetic, caring"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":556.8,"endTime":560.13,"body":"people will, after the fact can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":560.13,"endTime":563.01,"body":"feel incredibly guilty and be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":560.13,"endTime":563.01,"body":"like, Man, I'm abusive. I caused"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":563.01,"endTime":566.82,"body":"that. And abusers I can speak"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":563.01,"endTime":566.82,"body":"from an abusive standpoint. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":566.82,"endTime":570.72,"body":"love it when y'all do that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":566.82,"endTime":570.72,"body":"Yeah. Yeah, it's a sick thing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":570.75,"endTime":574.17,"body":"But it's true. Because now it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":570.75,"endTime":574.17,"body":"not all on me. Now, I've got you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":574.17,"endTime":574.95,"body":"right where I want you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":574.98,"endTime":579.03,"body":"right. So because the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":574.98,"endTime":579.03,"body":"Okay, so what is abuse? Just in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":579.03,"endTime":579.48,"body":"general?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":579.51,"endTime":583.89,"body":"Yeah. What's abuse? I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":579.51,"endTime":583.89,"body":"would define it as an attempt to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":583.89,"endTime":585.6,"body":"gain control over somebody."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":585.63,"endTime":589.44,"body":"Okay. Or to gain benefit"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":585.63,"endTime":589.44,"body":"from something? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":589.47,"endTime":595.35,"body":"improperly. Right, right. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":589.47,"endTime":595.35,"body":"So, addicts typically abused to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":595.35,"endTime":597.75,"body":"gain their drug of choice or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":595.35,"endTime":597.75,"body":"just to control the situation"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":597.75,"endTime":600.09,"body":"the relation or control the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":597.75,"endTime":600.09,"body":"situation or the relation You"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":600.09,"endTime":601.59,"body":"get that there is yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":601.59,"endTime":605.34,"body":"controlling the situation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":601.59,"endTime":605.34,"body":"and that person in particular,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":605.61,"endTime":608.82,"body":"so that you can, you don't you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":605.61,"endTime":608.82,"body":"don't want them to close to what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":608.82,"endTime":611.46,"body":"you're doing because that means"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":608.82,"endTime":611.46,"body":"that they're going to tell you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":611.46,"endTime":614.88,"body":"that's bad. You need to stop"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":611.46,"endTime":614.88,"body":"this. Addicts often call this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":614.88,"endTime":618.54,"body":"nagging quote unquote nagging,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":614.88,"endTime":618.54,"body":"you want this person distant"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":618.54,"endTime":621.36,"body":"from that part of your life. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":618.54,"endTime":621.36,"body":"so you will use tactics like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":621.36,"endTime":626.04,"body":"gaslighting, lying, cheating,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":621.36,"endTime":626.04,"body":"diversion tactics, turning it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":626.04,"endTime":630.54,"body":"around, you know, stuff like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":626.04,"endTime":630.54,"body":"this. In order to do that, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":630.54,"endTime":634.5,"body":"more I have you concerned about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":630.54,"endTime":634.5,"body":"yourself or something else, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":634.5,"endTime":636.54,"body":"more I can do what I need to do,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":634.5,"endTime":636.54,"body":"right."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":637.17,"endTime":641.7,"body":"So that's the mindset of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":637.17,"endTime":641.7,"body":"an abuser. I didn't ever think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":641.7,"endTime":642.3,"body":"that way."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":642.63,"endTime":644.25,"body":"No, who Why would you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":642.63,"endTime":644.25,"body":"react? How"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":644.25,"endTime":646.92,"body":"would you react of abuse"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":644.25,"endTime":646.92,"body":"comes from the place of defense?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":646.95,"endTime":649.44,"body":"Yeah. So it's, it's you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":646.95,"endTime":649.44,"body":"fighting back in a dangerous"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":649.44,"endTime":652.65,"body":"situation. So it's not to treat"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":649.44,"endTime":652.65,"body":"somebody poorly, just to gain"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":652.65,"endTime":655.5,"body":"benefits? No, that's how you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":652.65,"endTime":655.5,"body":"know that you're not the abuser"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":655.5,"endTime":656.58,"body":"in the relationship."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":657.18,"endTime":660.72,"body":"Yes, that's fact. Here's,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":657.18,"endTime":660.72,"body":"that's one part. Here's where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":660.72,"endTime":663.78,"body":"someone will hear that though."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":660.72,"endTime":663.78,"body":"And go well, hang on, though. As"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":663.78,"endTime":666.24,"body":"you're lashing out at someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":663.78,"endTime":666.24,"body":"aren't, aren't you in some way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":666.24,"endTime":670.47,"body":"trying to regain control over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":666.24,"endTime":670.47,"body":"that situation? Help them see in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":670.47,"endTime":674.01,"body":"an effort to get them to see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":670.47,"endTime":674.01,"body":"your perspective. Like some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":674.01,"endTime":675.78,"body":"people think that deep about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":674.01,"endTime":675.78,"body":"this stuff? Well, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":675.78,"endTime":678.15,"body":"mean, you kind of can,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":675.78,"endTime":678.15,"body":"but most some of these things"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":678.15,"endTime":680.52,"body":"are not even. It's not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":678.15,"endTime":680.52,"body":"voluntary."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":680.7,"endTime":683.31,"body":"Right? It's out of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":680.7,"endTime":683.31,"body":"character for you. Yeah. Truly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":683.31,"endTime":685.77,"body":"out of character. You You don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":683.31,"endTime":685.77,"body":"throw things you don't snap. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":685.77,"endTime":688.53,"body":"mean, you're, you're loud. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":685.77,"endTime":688.53,"body":"you're not. You're not generally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":688.53,"endTime":691.47,"body":"screaming curse words at me, not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":688.53,"endTime":691.47,"body":"an abusive person. No, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":691.47,"endTime":695.16,"body":"not. Not at all. incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":691.47,"endTime":695.16,"body":"caring, compassionate,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":695.58,"endTime":698.37,"body":"vulnerable person. But when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":695.58,"endTime":698.37,"body":"these things happen that are out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":698.37,"endTime":700.98,"body":"of character, you can typically"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":698.37,"endTime":700.98,"body":"look at that and say, okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":700.98,"endTime":703.2,"body":"like, I'm not trying to control"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":700.98,"endTime":703.2,"body":"anyone. This isn't a typical"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":703.2,"endTime":707.1,"body":"behavior. For me. This was like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":703.2,"endTime":707.1,"body":"a one off where I just flew off"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":707.1,"endTime":710.61,"body":"the handle. And it happens every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":707.1,"endTime":710.61,"body":"time XYZ happens. Yes. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":710.61,"endTime":711.57,"body":"there's a trigger for it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":711.63,"endTime":715.56,"body":"Right? And so you're on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":711.63,"endTime":715.56,"body":"high alert. And these triggers"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":715.56,"endTime":718.38,"body":"happen in our brains actually"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":715.56,"endTime":718.38,"body":"release a stress hormone. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":718.38,"endTime":721.92,"body":"it's the fight freeze or flight"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":718.38,"endTime":721.92,"body":"response. And sometimes we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":721.92,"endTime":725.25,"body":"respond and is even like a shock"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":721.92,"endTime":725.25,"body":"to us more than it is you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":725.25,"endTime":728.37,"body":"because it's out of character."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":725.25,"endTime":728.37,"body":"And I know that I feel like when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":728.37,"endTime":730.68,"body":"I responded in that way, it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":728.37,"endTime":730.68,"body":"doesn't align with my values."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":730.68,"endTime":733.53,"body":"And I immediately feel regret. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":730.68,"endTime":733.53,"body":"feel guilty. I feel as though I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":733.53,"endTime":736.47,"body":"truly effed up and I need to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":733.53,"endTime":736.47,"body":"make amends. Yeah. And this is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":736.47,"endTime":739.14,"body":"because the reactions can happen"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":736.47,"endTime":739.14,"body":"without warning."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":739.5,"endTime":742.59,"body":"It just happens like, pop,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":739.5,"endTime":742.59,"body":"there it goes. And like you'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":742.59,"endTime":746.64,"body":"even know it what you've just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":742.59,"endTime":746.64,"body":"done. Yeah. Like, think about if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":746.64,"endTime":750.3,"body":"anyone grew up with siblings,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":746.64,"endTime":750.3,"body":"having an older sibling that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":750.3,"endTime":754.74,"body":"bullies you. My older brother"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":750.3,"endTime":754.74,"body":"did this to me all the freaking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":754.74,"endTime":757.92,"body":"time. When we were like middle"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":754.74,"endTime":757.92,"body":"school age. Yeah, he would run"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":757.92,"endTime":760.38,"body":"into, okay, we'd get off the bus"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":757.92,"endTime":760.38,"body":"the same time my parents weren't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":760.38,"endTime":764.1,"body":"home, he would run inside, he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":760.38,"endTime":764.1,"body":"would beat me off the bus, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":764.13,"endTime":767.64,"body":"like, literally often on feet,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":764.13,"endTime":767.64,"body":"beat me into the house, lock the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":767.64,"endTime":771.06,"body":"door, and then make me bang on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":767.64,"endTime":771.06,"body":"the door for 1015 minutes or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":771.06,"endTime":773.82,"body":"more before he left me in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":771.06,"endTime":773.82,"body":"house. And it was frustrating"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":773.82,"endTime":776.28,"body":"and drove me crazy. And I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":773.82,"endTime":776.28,"body":"smaller than him. I was, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":776.28,"endTime":780.0,"body":"know, two years a year and a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":776.28,"endTime":780.0,"body":"half younger. And there was one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":780.0,"endTime":782.97,"body":"day where I guess I'd had a bad"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":780.0,"endTime":782.97,"body":"day at school. I don't know, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":782.97,"endTime":786.42,"body":"I was really hurt by everything."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":782.97,"endTime":786.42,"body":"And when he opened that door, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":786.42,"endTime":789.93,"body":"don't know what happened. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":786.42,"endTime":789.93,"body":"snapped. And I mean, someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":789.93,"endTime":793.2,"body":"asked weapon to end all ass"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":789.93,"endTime":793.2,"body":"weapons. I mean, I lost my mind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":793.2,"endTime":797.64,"body":"on Him. And then when he was on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":793.2,"endTime":797.64,"body":"the ground screaming Stop, stop,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":797.64,"endTime":801.03,"body":"stop. I like came to and I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":797.64,"endTime":801.03,"body":"like, oh my god, like I'm sorry."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":801.03,"endTime":804.42,"body":"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":801.03,"endTime":804.42,"body":"he gets up. I see the look in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":804.42,"endTime":810.09,"body":"his eyes. And it's like, oh. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":804.42,"endTime":810.09,"body":"took out running and my mom had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":810.09,"endTime":813.39,"body":"these old like antique chairs. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":810.09,"endTime":813.39,"body":"stuck a chair in between the two"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":813.39,"endTime":816.21,"body":"of us. I'm like, No, we can talk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":813.39,"endTime":816.21,"body":"this out way, way way. His foot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":816.21,"endTime":818.82,"body":"went right through that chair,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":816.21,"endTime":818.82,"body":"man. And I'm like, Oh, now we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":818.82,"endTime":821.88,"body":"got bigger problems. We're both"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":818.82,"endTime":821.88,"body":"in trouble now. Yeah, I took off"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":821.88,"endTime":825.3,"body":"to my room lock the door. Mike"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":821.88,"endTime":825.3,"body":"jumped under the covers and he's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":825.33,"endTime":828.66,"body":"banging on the door. But that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":825.33,"endTime":828.66,"body":"was an instance of reactive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":828.69,"endTime":831.24,"body":"abuse. So yeah, just snapped. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":828.69,"endTime":831.24,"body":"couldn't tell you what happened."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":831.24,"endTime":834.69,"body":"I wasn't like an angry kid. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":831.24,"endTime":834.69,"body":"wasn't a fighter. But you do it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":834.69,"endTime":837.6,"body":"enough times that somebody's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":834.69,"endTime":837.6,"body":"gonna react. I was acting in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":837.6,"endTime":839.91,"body":"self defense. Absolutely. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":837.6,"endTime":839.91,"body":"you know what he told my mom,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":840.39,"endTime":844.5,"body":"just the opposite. Oh, yeah. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":840.39,"endTime":844.5,"body":"a bully. I snapped. I beat him"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":844.5,"endTime":848.25,"body":"up for no reason on his part."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":844.5,"endTime":848.25,"body":"No. So this like, this goes way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":848.25,"endTime":850.38,"body":"back in life. Like it doesn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":848.25,"endTime":850.38,"body":"it's not unique to your life"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":850.38,"endTime":852.21,"body":"right now. But there are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":850.38,"endTime":852.21,"body":"instances like this throughout"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":852.21,"endTime":855.09,"body":"your life. Oh my gosh, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":852.21,"endTime":855.09,"body":"funny. That's shared, never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":855.09,"endTime":857.7,"body":"recovered, glued back together."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":855.09,"endTime":857.7,"body":"And it was never the same."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":858.48,"endTime":862.23,"body":"Oh, my gosh. Okay, so I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":858.48,"endTime":862.23,"body":"had just talked about the fight"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":862.23,"endTime":866.07,"body":"freeze or flight response. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":862.23,"endTime":866.07,"body":"I'm going to kind of share an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":866.07,"endTime":868.8,"body":"example like in our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":866.07,"endTime":868.8,"body":"relationship, or what I would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":868.8,"endTime":871.89,"body":"typically do my response to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":868.8,"endTime":871.89,"body":"defend myself, like I said, was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":871.89,"endTime":873.87,"body":"yelling or whatever. But there"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":871.89,"endTime":873.87,"body":"were also times when I would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":873.87,"endTime":877.2,"body":"freeze. And it used to really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":873.87,"endTime":877.2,"body":"irritate you because I wouldn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":877.2,"endTime":881.22,"body":"talk. I couldn't talk. It's like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":877.2,"endTime":881.22,"body":"I needed to protect myself by"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":881.22,"endTime":881.94,"body":"freezing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":882.87,"endTime":886.44,"body":"Yeah, yeah. You tend to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":882.87,"endTime":886.44,"body":"that you would freeze you would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":886.44,"endTime":888.81,"body":"just kind of jam up and sit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":886.44,"endTime":888.81,"body":"there and just like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":889.02,"endTime":892.8,"body":"right, because I guess"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":889.02,"endTime":892.8,"body":"because if I were to speak, it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":892.8,"endTime":895.65,"body":"would have caused even more"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":892.8,"endTime":895.65,"body":"problems and all you were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":895.65,"endTime":897.99,"body":"giving me fuel if you were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":895.65,"endTime":897.99,"body":"to speak, you know what I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":897.99,"endTime":901.56,"body":"do? Yeah, exactly. I would turn"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":897.99,"endTime":901.56,"body":"around out and I would use it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":901.56,"endTime":903.21,"body":"against you. Yep. And then"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":903.21,"endTime":907.14,"body":"the fleeing response is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":903.21,"endTime":907.14,"body":"when you, you literally walk"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":907.14,"endTime":910.74,"body":"away. Yeah. And I do, too. There"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":907.14,"endTime":910.74,"body":"are times when I'm just like, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":911.64,"endTime":914.13,"body":"I just walk away I walk out of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":911.64,"endTime":914.13,"body":"the room I just which we tell"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":914.13,"endTime":918.06,"body":"people to do a lot if you feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":914.13,"endTime":918.06,"body":"like you are in a relationship"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":918.06,"endTime":922.05,"body":"or in a situation that is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":918.06,"endTime":922.05,"body":"especially dangerous. Yes, walk"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":922.05,"endTime":926.28,"body":"away. It's okay. It's alright."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":922.05,"endTime":926.28,"body":"Um, but I wanted to there was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":926.28,"endTime":927.63,"body":"this other episode, we do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":927.63,"endTime":929.82,"body":"the fight, you would do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":927.63,"endTime":929.82,"body":"fight sometimes. So you come at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":929.82,"endTime":930.78,"body":"me like a spider monkey?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":932.01,"endTime":937.2,"body":"Oh, yeah, I sure did. A"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":932.01,"endTime":937.2,"body":"monkey. Yeah. But let's think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":937.2,"endTime":941.46,"body":"about now that we are in a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":937.2,"endTime":941.46,"body":"healthy relationship where we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":941.46,"endTime":946.8,"body":"communicate in a healthy way."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":941.46,"endTime":946.8,"body":"And like, we don't have these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":947.19,"endTime":951.63,"body":"problems anymore. I mean,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":947.19,"endTime":951.63,"body":"sometimes I will there. When I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":951.63,"endTime":954.78,"body":"started therapy, it was like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":951.63,"endTime":954.78,"body":"within two years of my therapy,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":954.93,"endTime":957.78,"body":"I was still having triggers. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":954.93,"endTime":957.78,"body":"Matt had been sober for already"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":957.81,"endTime":961.44,"body":"seven, eight years. And I would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":957.81,"endTime":961.44,"body":"still have anger outburst, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":961.44,"endTime":964.47,"body":"would still have these triggers."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":961.44,"endTime":964.47,"body":"And it just happened. It's like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":964.47,"endTime":967.41,"body":"I had no control over it. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":964.47,"endTime":967.41,"body":"had to learn to deal with that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":967.53,"endTime":973.98,"body":"in therapy. Yeah. So I found an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":967.53,"endTime":973.98,"body":"another example online, that I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":973.98,"endTime":976.62,"body":"thought was really interesting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":973.98,"endTime":976.62,"body":"about reactive abuse that might"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":976.77,"endTime":980.73,"body":"relate to others. So perhaps a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":976.77,"endTime":980.73,"body":"woman reacts to your two years"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":980.73,"endTime":983.25,"body":"of her husband's abuse by"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":980.73,"endTime":983.25,"body":"hitting him or she screams at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":983.25,"endTime":986.61,"body":"him calls him names or slaps"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":983.25,"endTime":986.61,"body":"him. I think I've slapped you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":986.61,"endTime":990.21,"body":"before. Probably yeah. When the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":986.61,"endTime":990.21,"body":"police respond to the domestic"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":990.21,"endTime":993.72,"body":"violence call her abuser will be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":990.21,"endTime":993.72,"body":"calm, and sadly tell them She"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":993.72,"endTime":996.93,"body":"assaulted him. She will admit"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":993.72,"endTime":996.93,"body":"she hit him apologize and try to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":996.93,"endTime":999.93,"body":"explain inside she doesn't know"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":996.93,"endTime":999.93,"body":"how to explain because she"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":999.93,"endTime":1003.29,"body":"probably doesn't understand why"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":999.93,"endTime":1003.29,"body":"she reacted that way. The police"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1003.29,"endTime":1007.4,"body":"may see her as the abuser or one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1003.29,"endTime":1007.4,"body":"of two abusers typical right"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1007.4,"endTime":1009.83,"body":"there. Rather than getting the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1007.4,"endTime":1009.83,"body":"help she needs, she will take"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1009.86,"endTime":1012.98,"body":"all of the blame for reacting to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1009.86,"endTime":1012.98,"body":"months or years of physical,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1012.98,"endTime":1014.78,"body":"psychological or sexual abuse."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1015.14,"endTime":1019.34,"body":"And that's tough. And as I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1015.14,"endTime":1019.34,"body":"understand it, first responders"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1019.34,"endTime":1024.29,"body":"are trained to a degree to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1019.34,"endTime":1024.29,"body":"identify this type of thing. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1024.32,"endTime":1027.02,"body":"some abusers are good, like when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1024.32,"endTime":1027.02,"body":"I'm by good is that they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1027.02,"endTime":1030.92,"body":"really good at manipulating and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1027.02,"endTime":1030.92,"body":"lying and putting on the show. A"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1030.92,"endTime":1033.02,"body":"lot of times law enforcement are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1030.92,"endTime":1033.02,"body":"just left with it's like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1033.02,"endTime":1035.75,"body":"Listen, if there's a assault and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1033.02,"endTime":1035.75,"body":"battery, we just gotta take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1035.75,"endTime":1038.21,"body":"people in. Yeah, they just they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1035.75,"endTime":1038.21,"body":"don't want the liability of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1038.21,"endTime":1042.98,"body":"leaving someone there who you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1038.21,"endTime":1042.98,"body":"know, was what do they say a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1043.01,"endTime":1046.22,"body":"wolf in sheep's clothing, right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1043.01,"endTime":1046.22,"body":"Like this guy seems fine. But if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1046.22,"endTime":1048.26,"body":"he's actually not, and we leave"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1046.22,"endTime":1048.26,"body":"him here, that can be dangerous"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1048.26,"endTime":1051.32,"body":"for everyone. Yeah, so they just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1048.26,"endTime":1051.32,"body":"take everyone in. But a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1051.32,"endTime":1054.38,"body":"the times this stuff gets pushed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1051.32,"endTime":1054.38,"body":"under the rug, because we have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1054.38,"endTime":1057.14,"body":"this black and white view that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1054.38,"endTime":1057.14,"body":"abuses abuse. Now, I've even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1057.14,"endTime":1061.25,"body":"said that abuse is abuse, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1057.14,"endTime":1061.25,"body":"within the context of abuse from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1061.25,"endTime":1063.65,"body":"an addicted person, even though"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1061.25,"endTime":1063.65,"body":"they have a disease is still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1063.65,"endTime":1067.1,"body":"abuse. I firmly believe that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1063.65,"endTime":1067.1,"body":"But I don't believe that self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1067.1,"endTime":1071.06,"body":"defense is abuse, right? It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1067.1,"endTime":1071.06,"body":"self defense battery sometimes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1071.06,"endTime":1077.27,"body":"Yeah. But is it abuse? No. Abuse"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1071.06,"endTime":1077.27,"body":"is like we said, it's to gain an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1077.3,"endTime":1081.11,"body":"upper hand to gain a form of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1077.3,"endTime":1081.11,"body":"control over somebody else."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1081.14,"endTime":1084.29,"body":"That's what abusers are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1081.14,"endTime":1084.29,"body":"ultimately trying to do. You are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1084.29,"endTime":1087.5,"body":"not trying to do that. When you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1084.29,"endTime":1087.5,"body":"defend yourself when you snap"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1087.5,"endTime":1090.41,"body":"when you've been called the B"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1087.5,"endTime":1090.41,"body":"word for the 15th time that day,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1090.56,"endTime":1093.74,"body":"are called fat or ugly, or any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1090.56,"endTime":1093.74,"body":"of these incredibly hurtful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1093.74,"endTime":1096.53,"body":"things in front of other people,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1093.74,"endTime":1096.53,"body":"eventually, everyone has a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1096.53,"endTime":1099.77,"body":"breaking point psychologically,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1096.53,"endTime":1099.77,"body":"we all have a breaking point."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1100.25,"endTime":1103.61,"body":"And when we lash back out, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1100.25,"endTime":1103.61,"body":"breaks my heart that people feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1103.61,"endTime":1107.15,"body":"guilty for that. Yeah. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1103.61,"endTime":1107.15,"body":"that's human nature. I think the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1107.15,"endTime":1110.09,"body":"nature of an empathetic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1107.15,"endTime":1110.09,"body":"introspective person is they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1110.09,"endTime":1112.28,"body":"always gonna look within and be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1110.09,"endTime":1112.28,"body":"like, Man, where was what did I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1112.28,"endTime":1115.73,"body":"screw up here? What was my part"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1112.28,"endTime":1115.73,"body":"in this? And then you feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1115.73,"endTime":1118.85,"body":"indebted to your abuser,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1115.73,"endTime":1118.85,"body":"suddenly, you start to look back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1118.85,"endTime":1121.22,"body":"outward and be like, well, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1118.85,"endTime":1121.22,"body":"called I must have caused these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1121.22,"endTime":1123.5,"body":"things in them. They're not all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1121.22,"endTime":1123.5,"body":"that bad, because I'm just as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1123.5,"endTime":1126.62,"body":"bad. No, you're not. You're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1123.5,"endTime":1126.62,"body":"it's okay."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1126.68,"endTime":1133.04,"body":"Right. So why does"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1126.68,"endTime":1133.04,"body":"reactive abuse not actually help"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1133.07,"endTime":1138.65,"body":"us? What do you mean? So wow,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1133.07,"endTime":1138.65,"body":"whenever we react Oh, how does"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1138.65,"endTime":1141.2,"body":"it not help us? Like we feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1138.65,"endTime":1141.2,"body":"because it is a defense"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1141.2,"endTime":1143.69,"body":"mechanism. We're trying to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1141.2,"endTime":1143.69,"body":"protect ourselves, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1143.69,"endTime":1148.58,"body":"we're trying to do things to to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1143.69,"endTime":1148.58,"body":"survive. Yeah, but in reality,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1148.61,"endTime":1153.98,"body":"it makes the abuse worse. It"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1148.61,"endTime":1153.98,"body":"does because the abuser they"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1153.98,"endTime":1156.56,"body":"typically with their their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1153.98,"endTime":1156.56,"body":"partner feel a fire they want to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1156.56,"endTime":1158.99,"body":"fight they want you to become a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1156.56,"endTime":1158.99,"body":"hot mess so they can blame you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1158.99,"endTime":1161.69,"body":"for being unstable,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1158.99,"endTime":1161.69,"body":"uncontrollable and abusive."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1162.08,"endTime":1167.45,"body":"They'll go the links of you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1162.08,"endTime":1167.45,"body":"know, grabbing proof via emails,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1167.45,"endTime":1170.24,"body":"texts, voicemails videos, just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1167.45,"endTime":1170.24,"body":"to show how abusive you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1170.27,"endTime":1175.61,"body":"are. Yeah, reactive abuse"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1170.27,"endTime":1175.61,"body":"generally, is what shouldn't say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1175.61,"endTime":1178.34,"body":"even generally, but a lot of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1175.61,"endTime":1178.34,"body":"time it is what the abusive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1178.34,"endTime":1182.39,"body":"person wants. And I can speak"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1178.34,"endTime":1182.39,"body":"for this firsthand let's go back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1182.39,"endTime":1187.82,"body":"down memory lane and let's let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1182.39,"endTime":1187.82,"body":"sort of let's let's hop into my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1187.85,"endTime":1191.9,"body":"my abusive brain my you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1187.85,"endTime":1191.9,"body":"brain prior to years and years"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1191.9,"endTime":1195.23,"body":"of therapy and addiction hard"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1191.9,"endTime":1195.23,"body":"work. Yeah, an active addiction."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1195.26,"endTime":1199.97,"body":"Okay. When when you would freak"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1195.26,"endTime":1199.97,"body":"out. I would sit there calm."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1202.76,"body":"LeighAnn act so shocked like, oh"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1202.76,"body":"my god, I can't believe you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1202.76,"endTime":1205.34,"body":"acting this way. But on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1202.76,"endTime":1205.34,"body":"inside, I'm like grinning like a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1205.34,"endTime":1208.4,"body":"Cheshire Cat. I'm like, I got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1205.34,"endTime":1208.4,"body":"you right where I want you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1208.76,"endTime":1211.97,"body":"Because now, I know you are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1208.76,"endTime":1211.97,"body":"going to look at this and be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1211.97,"endTime":1214.1,"body":"like, I cannot believe I treated"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1211.97,"endTime":1214.1,"body":"you that way. I can't believe I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1214.1,"endTime":1217.43,"body":"said those things to you. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1214.1,"endTime":1217.43,"body":"would not eat that crap up. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1217.43,"endTime":1220.19,"body":"like, oh, yeah, that was, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1217.43,"endTime":1220.19,"body":"know, I can't believe you would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1220.19,"endTime":1223.55,"body":"do that to me treat me that way."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1220.19,"endTime":1223.55,"body":"I would leave you feeling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1223.55,"endTime":1227.15,"body":"indebted to me. So that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1223.55,"endTime":1227.15,"body":"would leave me alone long"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1227.15,"endTime":1229.76,"body":"enough. So I could keep running"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1227.15,"endTime":1229.76,"body":"my game. So I could keep going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1229.79,"endTime":1233.09,"body":"by and drugs so I could keep"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1229.79,"endTime":1233.09,"body":"neglecting the responsibilities"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1233.09,"endTime":1236.0,"body":"around the home so I could keep"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1233.09,"endTime":1236.0,"body":"neglecting your emotional needs."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1236.36,"endTime":1239.45,"body":"All those things like it's what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1236.36,"endTime":1239.45,"body":"the abuser typically wants is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1239.45,"endTime":1242.27,"body":"whenever you do this, they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1239.45,"endTime":1242.27,"body":"going to use it against you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1242.3,"endTime":1244.82,"body":"Yeah, and I've got experience"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1242.3,"endTime":1244.82,"body":"with this, not from you from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1244.82,"endTime":1248.63,"body":"other people that I've known who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1244.82,"endTime":1248.63,"body":"carried these traits. A quick"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1248.63,"endTime":1250.7,"body":"break in the action to let you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1248.63,"endTime":1250.7,"body":"know about an exciting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1250.7,"endTime":1253.04,"body":"development and the Tufo"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1250.7,"endTime":1253.04,"body":"universe. When we started this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1253.04,"endTime":1255.8,"body":"thing, we said we would never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1253.04,"endTime":1255.8,"body":"worked with an advertiser or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1255.8,"endTime":1258.47,"body":"company unless it's something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1255.8,"endTime":1258.47,"body":"that we believed in, and we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1258.47,"endTime":1259.37,"body":"already use."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1259.73,"endTime":1261.92,"body":"If you're looking for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1259.73,"endTime":1261.92,"body":"professional affordable mental"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1261.92,"endTime":1264.53,"body":"health care, look no further"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1261.92,"endTime":1264.53,"body":"than Taylor counseling group,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1264.53,"endTime":1267.23,"body":"your trusted source for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1264.53,"endTime":1267.23,"body":"accessible therapy in Texas."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1267.56,"endTime":1270.08,"body":"Taylor counseling group believes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1267.56,"endTime":1270.08,"body":"that everyone deserves premium"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1270.08,"endTime":1272.96,"body":"mental health care regardless of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1270.08,"endTime":1272.96,"body":"their income level. That's why"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1272.96,"endTime":1275.48,"body":"they offer reliable and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1272.96,"endTime":1275.48,"body":"affordable services at 12"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1275.48,"endTime":1279.17,"body":"locations across Texas. They've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1275.48,"endTime":1279.17,"body":"made affordability a priority."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1279.29,"endTime":1282.02,"body":"They are in network with most"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1279.29,"endTime":1282.02,"body":"major insurance and the standard"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1282.02,"endTime":1285.71,"body":"private rate is only $100 per"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1282.02,"endTime":1285.71,"body":"session, significantly lower"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1285.71,"endTime":1288.5,"body":"than many other practices"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1285.71,"endTime":1288.5,"body":"offering the same high quality"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1288.5,"endTime":1290.99,"body":"therapy. They believe that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1288.5,"endTime":1290.99,"body":"getting the help you need"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1290.99,"endTime":1293.66,"body":"shouldn't drain your wallet."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1290.99,"endTime":1293.66,"body":"scheduling an appointment is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1293.66,"endTime":1296.45,"body":"quick and easy with their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1293.66,"endTime":1296.45,"body":"convenient online booking tool."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1296.75,"endTime":1300.23,"body":"No complicated processes or long"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1296.75,"endTime":1300.23,"body":"wait times they value your time"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1300.23,"endTime":1303.29,"body":"and ensure that you can access"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1300.23,"endTime":1303.29,"body":"the care you deserve without any"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1303.29,"endTime":1303.83,"body":"hassle."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1304.01,"endTime":1306.26,"body":"It tailor counseling group"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1304.01,"endTime":1306.26,"body":"they believe in a personalized"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1306.26,"endTime":1308.3,"body":"approach to therapy and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1306.26,"endTime":1308.3,"body":"professionally trained"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1308.3,"endTime":1311.36,"body":"counselors offer a diverse range"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1308.3,"endTime":1311.36,"body":"of services including individual"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1311.36,"endTime":1315.02,"body":"counseling, couples counseling,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1311.36,"endTime":1315.02,"body":"family therapy, play therapy for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1315.02,"endTime":1317.9,"body":"children, and even specialized"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1315.02,"endTime":1317.9,"body":"techniques like cognitive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1317.9,"endTime":1321.26,"body":"processing and existential"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1317.9,"endTime":1321.26,"body":"psychotherapy to hear to help"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1321.26,"endTime":1324.17,"body":"you navigate life's challenges"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1321.26,"endTime":1324.17,"body":"and develop a personalized"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1324.17,"endTime":1327.11,"body":"treatment plan tailored to your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1324.17,"endTime":1327.11,"body":"unique goals. Tailored"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1327.11,"endTime":1329.87,"body":"counseling group is your partner"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1327.11,"endTime":1329.87,"body":"on the path of mental wellness"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1329.93,"endTime":1332.54,"body":"experienced professional"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1329.93,"endTime":1332.54,"body":"affordable care that puts you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1332.54,"endTime":1336.56,"body":"first visit their website,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1332.54,"endTime":1336.56,"body":"tailor counseling group.com or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1336.56,"endTime":1338.9,"body":"call them today to schedule an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1336.56,"endTime":1338.9,"body":"appointment and tell them to fo"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1338.9,"endTime":1341.18,"body":"couple sends you a link and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1338.9,"endTime":1341.18,"body":"phone number is going to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1341.18,"endTime":1345.53,"body":"available in the show notes. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1341.18,"endTime":1345.53,"body":"back to the action. And when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1345.53,"endTime":1350.33,"body":"we're talking about this stuff,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1345.53,"endTime":1350.33,"body":"addictive abuse. This might"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1350.36,"endTime":1353.9,"body":"sound very familiar to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1350.36,"endTime":1353.9,"body":"narcissistic abuse. And it's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1353.9,"endTime":1357.86,"body":"by coincidence, these things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1353.9,"endTime":1357.86,"body":"feel the same to the abuse to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1357.86,"endTime":1361.28,"body":"the victim victim, the abusers"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1357.86,"endTime":1361.28,"body":"have a lot of the same"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1361.28,"endTime":1365.0,"body":"mechanisms, right, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1361.28,"endTime":1365.0,"body":"gaslighting, the flipping things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1365.0,"endTime":1369.23,"body":"around the the manipulation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1365.0,"endTime":1369.23,"body":"tactics, all that stuff feels"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1369.23,"endTime":1372.62,"body":"very, very similar. So when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1369.23,"endTime":1372.62,"body":"we're talking about these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1372.62,"endTime":1374.69,"body":"things, sort of like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1372.62,"endTime":1374.69,"body":"interchangeably, I've dealt with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1374.69,"endTime":1378.32,"body":"someone who was just incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1374.69,"endTime":1378.32,"body":"emotionally abusive. I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1378.32,"endTime":1381.86,"body":"stay incredibly calm all the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1378.32,"endTime":1381.86,"body":"time. And like, listen, I know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1381.86,"endTime":1385.01,"body":"this game, dude, I'm not going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1381.86,"endTime":1385.01,"body":"to give you what you want. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1385.01,"endTime":1387.65,"body":"then they would say something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1385.01,"endTime":1387.65,"body":"incredibly hurtful or like cut"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1387.65,"endTime":1391.01,"body":"really deep or go somewhere they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1387.65,"endTime":1391.01,"body":"shouldn't. And I'd snap back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1391.01,"endTime":1394.07,"body":"with an ugly email or text"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1391.01,"endTime":1394.07,"body":"message or something like that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1394.4,"endTime":1398.09,"body":"And that person has told me to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1394.4,"endTime":1398.09,"body":"this day they have every email"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1398.09,"endTime":1401.63,"body":"and every text message that I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1398.09,"endTime":1401.63,"body":"ever sent them where I was ugly."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1402.11,"endTime":1406.13,"body":"In defense. Yeah. But that's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1402.11,"endTime":1406.13,"body":"how it would be used against me."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1406.46,"endTime":1408.74,"body":"It would be used in a way that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1406.46,"endTime":1408.74,"body":"shows like, Listen, this person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1408.74,"endTime":1412.64,"body":"is unstable. They are crazy."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1408.74,"endTime":1412.64,"body":"They threatened me, they do all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1412.64,"endTime":1415.4,"body":"with no context whatsoever. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1412.64,"endTime":1415.4,"body":"just picked up these little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1415.4,"endTime":1418.28,"body":"pieces of everything never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1415.4,"endTime":1418.28,"body":"mentioned in what they've done."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1418.28,"endTime":1421.04,"body":"And that's what abusive people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1418.28,"endTime":1421.04,"body":"will do with this. Yeah. So the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1421.04,"endTime":1423.95,"body":"benefit of there's no benefit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1421.04,"endTime":1423.95,"body":"whatsoever to doing it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1424.28,"endTime":1426.47,"body":"There's so much energy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1424.28,"endTime":1426.47,"body":"that goes into that I just can't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1426.47,"endTime":1427.7,"body":"imagine oh man, if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1427.7,"endTime":1430.13,"body":"you've got a person that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1427.7,"endTime":1430.13,"body":"saves text messages and emails"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1430.16,"endTime":1433.55,"body":"run, like that is a sure sign"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1430.16,"endTime":1433.55,"body":"this person has wheels. But I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1433.55,"endTime":1436.49,"body":"will say no, that I do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1433.55,"endTime":1436.49,"body":"tell people to write down"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1436.49,"endTime":1440.03,"body":"instances that happen for you to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1436.49,"endTime":1440.03,"body":"look at, you know, the patterns"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1440.03,"endTime":1442.97,"body":"within your rotation for the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1440.03,"endTime":1442.97,"body":"victim. It's helpful for the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1442.97,"endTime":1446.06,"body":"victim, but it's not helpful to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1442.97,"endTime":1446.06,"body":"show for the other person and be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1446.06,"endTime":1448.73,"body":"like, Look, this is what you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1446.06,"endTime":1448.73,"body":"not given this to like given to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1448.76,"endTime":1452.09,"body":"not punish them. It is literally"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1448.76,"endTime":1452.09,"body":"for yourself. I just had to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1452.09,"endTime":1454.28,"body":"throw that in there. No,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1452.09,"endTime":1454.28,"body":"because it is when you've been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1454.28,"endTime":1459.44,"body":"abused for a very long time. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1454.28,"endTime":1459.44,"body":"can we can normalize dysfunction"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1459.44,"endTime":1462.89,"body":"and incredibly easy. It's almost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1459.44,"endTime":1462.89,"body":"scary. Yeah, how well we can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1462.89,"endTime":1465.92,"body":"normalize dysfunctional"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1462.89,"endTime":1465.92,"body":"situations. So true. So we've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1465.92,"endTime":1468.41,"body":"encouraged people at times,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1465.92,"endTime":1468.41,"body":"whenever we identify"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1468.41,"endTime":1470.57,"body":"dysfunction, it's something that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1468.41,"endTime":1470.57,"body":"we've been through as well. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1470.57,"endTime":1473.39,"body":"like, Oh, I've been there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1470.57,"endTime":1473.39,"body":"before. You should try to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1473.39,"endTime":1475.31,"body":"writing this stuff down. So you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1473.39,"endTime":1475.31,"body":"don't forget it because it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1475.31,"endTime":1477.92,"body":"really easy to normalize it and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1475.31,"endTime":1477.92,"body":"forget about the you know, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1477.98,"endTime":1480.92,"body":"all the times they were coming"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1477.98,"endTime":1480.92,"body":"home with the scent of perfume"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1480.92,"endTime":1483.56,"body":"on them. I don't know, just as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1480.92,"endTime":1483.56,"body":"an example. Yeah. Like, let's,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1483.74,"endTime":1485.99,"body":"let's put the pieces together"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1483.74,"endTime":1485.99,"body":"here and let's look at what's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1485.99,"endTime":1488.63,"body":"really good. Let's construct an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1485.99,"endTime":1488.63,"body":"actual view of what's happening."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1489.02,"endTime":1491.93,"body":"abusive people are looking to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1489.02,"endTime":1491.93,"body":"take this out of context to use"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1491.93,"endTime":1494.45,"body":"against you, right? We're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1491.93,"endTime":1494.45,"body":"trying to identify patterns,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1494.48,"endTime":1497.39,"body":"right? They're literally trying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1494.48,"endTime":1497.39,"body":"to be manipulative with it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1497.39,"endTime":1499.88,"body":"They're sick. They're sick"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1497.39,"endTime":1499.88,"body":"people just blows my mind. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1499.88,"endTime":1500.84,"body":"it's frustrating man."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1501.62,"endTime":1507.74,"body":"So, another part of where"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1501.62,"endTime":1507.74,"body":"you kind of get stuck into this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1507.8,"endTime":1511.31,"body":"dynamic is that your partner"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1507.8,"endTime":1511.31,"body":"like the abuser will tell you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1511.31,"endTime":1514.1,"body":"that you need help. Oh, yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1511.31,"endTime":1514.1,"body":"And then that'll increase our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1514.13,"endTime":1516.83,"body":"own our sense of self doubt. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1514.13,"endTime":1516.83,"body":"it makes us question our own"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1516.83,"endTime":1519.11,"body":"sanity. And then when that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1516.83,"endTime":1519.11,"body":"happens, we become even more"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1519.11,"endTime":1524.54,"body":"dependent on you. Because we are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1519.11,"endTime":1524.54,"body":"like, Oh, my gosh, maybe we are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1524.54,"endTime":1527.87,"body":"wrong. Maybe this maybe our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1524.54,"endTime":1527.87,"body":"partner is right. We've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1527.87,"endTime":1531.08,"body":"convinced you You've convinced"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1527.87,"endTime":1531.08,"body":"us that we're the crazy one and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1531.08,"endTime":1534.95,"body":"that we are the your only way to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1531.08,"endTime":1534.95,"body":"salvation, and I'm sure so I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1534.95,"endTime":1537.08,"body":"would easily be like, okay, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1534.95,"endTime":1537.08,"body":"know, maybe I do need help. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1537.08,"endTime":1539.93,"body":"need to go. But if it were, if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1537.08,"endTime":1539.93,"body":"it was turned, and I would say,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1540.26,"endTime":1543.38,"body":"you need help, I guarantee you,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1540.26,"endTime":1543.38,"body":"you'd have been like, No, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1543.38,"endTime":1546.26,"body":"don't need help. I'm doing fine."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1543.38,"endTime":1546.26,"body":"You need help. You need help."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1546.29,"endTime":1548.78,"body":"Exactly. So it's like, oh, my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1546.29,"endTime":1548.78,"body":"gosh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1548.81,"endTime":1550.7,"body":"oh, another red flag. If"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1548.81,"endTime":1550.7,"body":"you've ever told someone that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1550.7,"endTime":1553.19,"body":"they that they're abusive, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1550.7,"endTime":1553.19,"body":"they call you the narcissist or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1553.19,"endTime":1555.23,"body":"they call you the abuser, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1553.19,"endTime":1555.23,"body":"a red flag. That's a red flag"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1555.23,"endTime":1557.66,"body":"that they are exactly what you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1555.23,"endTime":1557.66,"body":"just said is no one gets more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1557.66,"endTime":1561.62,"body":"offensive than a narcissist. Who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1557.66,"endTime":1561.62,"body":"is denying something they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1561.62,"endTime":1564.56,"body":"definitely did. Yep, they get so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1561.62,"endTime":1564.56,"body":"defensive so quickly."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1564.59,"endTime":1566.66,"body":"Yeah, that's what I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1564.59,"endTime":1566.66,"body":"gonna like this next bullet"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1566.66,"endTime":1567.89,"body":"point was going to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1566.66,"endTime":1567.89,"body":"accountability."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1568.07,"endTime":1570.14,"body":"Yeah, you know what screw"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1568.07,"endTime":1570.14,"body":"about what you just talked"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1570.14,"endTime":1573.23,"body":"about, when ever, I would tell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1570.14,"endTime":1573.23,"body":"you like, you need help. Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1573.23,"endTime":1576.11,"body":"you lash out, like your emotions"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1573.23,"endTime":1576.11,"body":"have gotten too big like, This"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1576.11,"endTime":1579.41,"body":"is getting dangerous. I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1576.11,"endTime":1579.41,"body":"say things like that, too, to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1579.41,"endTime":1581.66,"body":"make you leave me alone. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1579.41,"endTime":1581.66,"body":"what I didn't realize like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1582.2,"endTime":1585.62,"body":"like, to be honest, I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1582.2,"endTime":1585.62,"body":"know how bad this would get for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1585.62,"endTime":1588.23,"body":"you. And like it. I don't want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1585.62,"endTime":1588.23,"body":"to get emotional about it's hard"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1588.23,"endTime":1592.37,"body":"for me to think about. But I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1588.23,"endTime":1592.37,"body":"didn't know how bad this would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1592.37,"endTime":1595.04,"body":"get. I didn't know how deep the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1592.37,"endTime":1595.04,"body":"effects would go. Like in that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1595.04,"endTime":1598.61,"body":"moment, I just needed you to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1595.04,"endTime":1598.61,"body":"leave me alone. I didn't realize"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1598.61,"endTime":1601.04,"body":"how bad this would get like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1598.61,"endTime":1601.04,"body":"doesn't excuse the fact that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1601.04,"endTime":1603.08,"body":"did it. And it shouldn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1601.04,"endTime":1603.08,"body":"relinquish me from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1603.08,"endTime":1606.53,"body":"responsibility. But I live with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1603.08,"endTime":1606.53,"body":"that every single day. But the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1606.53,"endTime":1608.78,"body":"really screwed up part about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1606.53,"endTime":1608.78,"body":"putting someone in a position"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1608.78,"endTime":1611.84,"body":"where you've convinced them that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1608.78,"endTime":1611.84,"body":"within your relationship that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1611.84,"endTime":1616.49,"body":"they are crazy, they start to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1611.84,"endTime":1616.49,"body":"question themselves, all the the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1616.49,"endTime":1620.51,"body":"self doubt creeps in, their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1616.49,"endTime":1620.51,"body":"competence disappears. And now"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1620.51,"endTime":1622.97,"body":"they are somewhat stuck with you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1620.51,"endTime":1622.97,"body":"because now they're emotionally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1622.97,"endTime":1626.9,"body":"dependent on you for validation."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1622.97,"endTime":1626.9,"body":"If this person says that I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1626.9,"endTime":1629.45,"body":"crazy, and I believe them,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1626.9,"endTime":1629.45,"body":"they're the only ones who can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1629.45,"endTime":1632.3,"body":"tell me that I'm not crazy. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1629.45,"endTime":1632.3,"body":"they've got you where they want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1632.3,"endTime":1635.84,"body":"you now you're in this cycle"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1632.3,"endTime":1635.84,"body":"where you are seeking validation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1635.84,"endTime":1640.1,"body":"from a person that wants you to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1635.84,"endTime":1640.1,"body":"stay sick, like they feed you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1640.1,"endTime":1642.65,"body":"just enough to keep you around,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1640.1,"endTime":1642.65,"body":"and it will keep you sick for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1642.65,"endTime":1646.85,"body":"years and years and years. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1642.65,"endTime":1646.85,"body":"like yes, you are damaged and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1646.85,"endTime":1650.81,"body":"am your only way to salvation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1646.85,"endTime":1650.81,"body":"only through me and and through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1651.83,"endTime":1655.34,"body":"making me happy and pleasing me."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1651.83,"endTime":1655.34,"body":"Are you able to feel good about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1655.34,"endTime":1659.36,"body":"yourself how sick that is. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1655.34,"endTime":1659.36,"body":"that's what happens here. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1659.36,"endTime":1662.18,"body":"crazy. I'm just I'm so grateful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1659.36,"endTime":1662.18,"body":"that you're you found a way out,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1662.21,"endTime":1664.94,"body":"not found a way out. And we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1662.21,"endTime":1664.94,"body":"here today and we're extremely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1664.94,"endTime":1667.19,"body":"lucky. But holy hell, I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1667.19,"endTime":1669.23,"body":"glad that you put that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1667.19,"endTime":1669.23,"body":"out there. Because you're saying"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1669.23,"endTime":1671.63,"body":"that, you know, because all you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1669.23,"endTime":1671.63,"body":"cared about was getting your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1671.63,"endTime":1673.88,"body":"fix, right? That was a thing."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1671.63,"endTime":1673.88,"body":"Like that's all and so you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1673.88,"endTime":1676.07,"body":"didn't realize the damage that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1673.88,"endTime":1676.07,"body":"you were doing? And that's why"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1676.07,"endTime":1678.56,"body":"we're doing what we're doing."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1676.07,"endTime":1678.56,"body":"That's why we're here. That's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1678.56,"endTime":1681.68,"body":"why Tufo is here. Yes, is to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1678.56,"endTime":1681.68,"body":"bring awareness out there that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1681.95,"endTime":1684.8,"body":"you getting your fix. And you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1681.95,"endTime":1684.8,"body":"just getting your drug and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1684.8,"endTime":1687.23,"body":"you're lying to your partner is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1684.8,"endTime":1687.23,"body":"doing a lot more,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1687.35,"endTime":1691.28,"body":"not just for thoughts."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1687.35,"endTime":1691.28,"body":"It's not just that Yeah, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1691.28,"endTime":1691.64,"body":"that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1691.67,"endTime":1694.37,"body":"and I'm not trying to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1691.67,"endTime":1694.37,"body":"shame anybody. This is reality,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1694.37,"endTime":1694.55,"body":"this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1694.55,"endTime":1696.59,"body":"what actually happens."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1694.55,"endTime":1696.59,"body":"This is the stuff that you don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1696.59,"endTime":1700.13,"body":"realize when you're in it. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1696.59,"endTime":1700.13,"body":"this is why, like when I work"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1700.13,"endTime":1703.22,"body":"with people in recovery, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1700.13,"endTime":1703.22,"body":"fresh out of treatment, they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1703.22,"endTime":1707.15,"body":"not really understanding how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1703.22,"endTime":1707.15,"body":"badly they've damaged anybody."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1707.3,"endTime":1709.34,"body":"Yeah, they're like, and I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1707.3,"endTime":1709.34,"body":"even talked to people and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1709.34,"endTime":1712.73,"body":"think I said this early on, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1709.34,"endTime":1712.73,"body":"like, I didn't really hurt"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1712.73,"endTime":1717.32,"body":"anybody other than myself. Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1712.73,"endTime":1717.32,"body":"how selfish is that? Right? I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1717.32,"endTime":1720.08,"body":"only hurt myself. I was the one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1717.32,"endTime":1720.08,"body":"getting high my livers, the one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1720.08,"endTime":1722.78,"body":"that took the hit like, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1720.08,"endTime":1722.78,"body":"know, yeah, certainly, I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1722.78,"endTime":1726.2,"body":"maybe rude to my wife sometimes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1722.78,"endTime":1726.2,"body":"But you don't realize how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1726.2,"endTime":1729.98,"body":"subversive some of this behavior"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1726.2,"endTime":1729.98,"body":"is, and how badly you can eff up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1729.98,"endTime":1733.58,"body":"someone's self esteem, and their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1729.98,"endTime":1733.58,"body":"self worth, and their competence"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1733.58,"endTime":1736.52,"body":"and all that stuff that goes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1733.58,"endTime":1736.52,"body":"with it. Because they trust you,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1736.55,"endTime":1740.09,"body":"they believe you, they want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1736.55,"endTime":1740.09,"body":"believe in you. Like you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1740.09,"endTime":1745.4,"body":"taken advantage of that you have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1740.09,"endTime":1745.4,"body":"destroyed something so important"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1745.4,"endTime":1749.78,"body":"to them. You broken their trust"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1745.4,"endTime":1749.78,"body":"in their self. And I didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1749.78,"endTime":1752.51,"body":"realize I was doing that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1749.78,"endTime":1752.51,"body":"really didn't and I'm pretty"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1752.51,"endTime":1755.48,"body":"damn sure that no one does. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1752.51,"endTime":1755.48,"body":"don't realize it you're just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1755.48,"endTime":1759.59,"body":"you're so you have tunnel vision"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1755.48,"endTime":1759.59,"body":"over your next fix and what you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1759.59,"endTime":1763.16,"body":"want. And you'll say or do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1759.59,"endTime":1763.16,"body":"basically anything to get there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1763.55,"endTime":1766.37,"body":"without understanding like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1763.55,"endTime":1766.37,"body":"really thinking through okay, if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1766.37,"endTime":1769.82,"body":"I say this, what are the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1766.37,"endTime":1769.82,"body":"ramifications of it? So a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1769.82,"endTime":1771.65,"body":"people when they're freshly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1769.82,"endTime":1771.65,"body":"sober, like as we're sitting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1771.65,"endTime":1774.17,"body":"down working through stuff, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1771.65,"endTime":1774.17,"body":"like so tell me tell me about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1774.26,"endTime":1776.48,"body":"the mature life like what's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1774.26,"endTime":1776.48,"body":"going on? What's good, what's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1776.48,"endTime":1782.27,"body":"bad. They never talk about stuff"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1776.48,"endTime":1782.27,"body":"like this ever, ever. I'm the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1782.27,"endTime":1784.61,"body":"one who usually brings it to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1782.27,"endTime":1784.61,"body":"their attention but not right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1784.61,"endTime":1787.46,"body":"then we have to get some stuff"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1784.61,"endTime":1787.46,"body":"out of the way first. And then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1787.46,"endTime":1789.56,"body":"once we get to that point where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1787.46,"endTime":1789.56,"body":"it's like, okay, so let's look"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1789.56,"endTime":1791.45,"body":"at your family and look at your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1789.56,"endTime":1791.45,"body":"relationships and we start to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1791.45,"endTime":1794.06,"body":"work through this stuff. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1791.45,"endTime":1794.06,"body":"it's only then that you see"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1794.06,"endTime":1798.71,"body":"like, their mind just blow like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1794.06,"endTime":1798.71,"body":"like, oh my god, I never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1798.71,"endTime":1802.64,"body":"realized this It's not it's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1798.71,"endTime":1802.64,"body":"an excuse, it's not a cop out. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1802.64,"endTime":1807.5,"body":"encourage everyone who's in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1802.64,"endTime":1807.5,"body":"recovery to own this stuff. 100%"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1807.59,"endTime":1809.9,"body":"doesn't matter if you didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1807.59,"endTime":1809.9,"body":"realize you were doing it, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1809.9,"endTime":1814.37,"body":"did it. And now you've got a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1809.9,"endTime":1814.37,"body":"partner with PTSD and self worth"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1814.37,"endTime":1817.07,"body":"issues and a problem with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1814.37,"endTime":1817.07,"body":"competence and empowerment"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1817.07,"endTime":1820.58,"body":"because of this. And you have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1817.07,"endTime":1820.58,"body":"own that. And you have to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1820.58,"endTime":1823.43,"body":"what you have to do to make that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1820.58,"endTime":1823.43,"body":"right within them as well. Part"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1823.43,"endTime":1825.8,"body":"of it's just validating and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1823.43,"endTime":1825.8,"body":"holding yourself accountable."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1825.8,"endTime":1829.79,"body":"That is the you know, that's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1825.8,"endTime":1829.79,"body":"biggest uphill battle. But yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1829.79,"endTime":1833.99,"body":"like, we don't realize we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1829.79,"endTime":1833.99,"body":"doing it. But I was abusive in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1833.99,"endTime":1837.32,"body":"the sense that I was absolutely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1833.99,"endTime":1837.32,"body":"trying to gain control, so that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1837.32,"endTime":1840.38,"body":"I can get you to act how I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1837.32,"endTime":1840.38,"body":"needed you to act, which was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1840.77,"endTime":1844.31,"body":"basically just leaving me alone."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1840.77,"endTime":1844.31,"body":"Like, get off my bike. You were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1844.31,"endTime":1847.25,"body":"a detective who was kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1844.31,"endTime":1847.25,"body":"getting on the trail, like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1847.25,"endTime":1850.91,"body":"were getting hot on the case."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1847.25,"endTime":1850.91,"body":"And I needed to, I need you to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1850.91,"endTime":1853.82,"body":"go like, you know, over there."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1850.91,"endTime":1853.82,"body":"Investigate that guy. Leave me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1853.82,"endTime":1860.12,"body":"alone. I'm busy over here. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1853.82,"endTime":1860.12,"body":"That makes sense. Yes. What's up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1860.12,"endTime":1860.6,"body":"next? Okay,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1860.6,"endTime":1863.24,"body":"I was just kind of the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1860.6,"endTime":1863.24,"body":"last part."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1863.3,"endTime":1866.48,"body":"Well, PTSD is in here."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1863.3,"endTime":1866.48,"body":"It's mentioned. Yeah, the actual"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1866.48,"endTime":1867.53,"body":"effects of this thing."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1868.1,"endTime":1871.28,"body":"Yeah, I mean, it happens"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1868.1,"endTime":1871.28,"body":"whenever we don't know that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1871.28,"endTime":1873.77,"body":"we're being abused most of the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1871.28,"endTime":1873.77,"body":"time, like you just said, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1873.77,"endTime":1877.19,"body":"it's, the longer the abuse"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1873.77,"endTime":1877.19,"body":"happens, because our stress"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1877.19,"endTime":1880.07,"body":"hormone is going to be released"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1877.19,"endTime":1880.07,"body":"over and over and over again,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1880.07,"endTime":1883.49,"body":"fires up, it's gonna get fired"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1880.07,"endTime":1883.49,"body":"up. So we're going to react more"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1883.49,"endTime":1887.18,"body":"and more, you know, out that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1883.49,"endTime":1887.18,"body":"out of character, physical stuff"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1887.18,"endTime":1890.99,"body":"that happens. Yes, yes. Like it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1887.18,"endTime":1890.99,"body":"can affect your immune system,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1891.05,"endTime":1891.89,"body":"like you stress"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1891.89,"endTime":1895.79,"body":"is terrible for your body."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1891.89,"endTime":1895.79,"body":"Yeah, I was reading about this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1895.79,"endTime":1899.51,"body":"the other day, like, the effects"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1895.79,"endTime":1899.51,"body":"of stress on your long term"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1899.51,"endTime":1903.8,"body":"health and just lifespan in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1899.51,"endTime":1903.8,"body":"general. Stress is terrible. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1903.8,"endTime":1908.36,"body":"is worse than like sugar and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1903.8,"endTime":1908.36,"body":"smoking. And maybe even drinking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1908.36,"endTime":1910.97,"body":"like this stuff is terrible for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1908.36,"endTime":1910.97,"body":"you, right? Being in these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1910.97,"endTime":1914.21,"body":"relationships literally has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1910.97,"endTime":1914.21,"body":"effects on you. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1915.5,"endTime":1917.9,"body":"So how do you know for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1915.5,"endTime":1917.9,"body":"sure if you aren't the abuser?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1917.93,"endTime":1920.18,"body":"If you're asking that question"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1917.93,"endTime":1920.18,"body":"and wondering it at all, that is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1920.18,"endTime":1921.29,"body":"a great sign that you are not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1921.32,"endTime":1923.42,"body":"listening to this. Chances"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1921.32,"endTime":1923.42,"body":"are you're not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1924.53,"endTime":1926.48,"body":"just like Matt said, when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1924.53,"endTime":1926.48,"body":"you call a narcissist,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1926.48,"endTime":1928.67,"body":"narcissist, and they blew up and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1926.48,"endTime":1928.67,"body":"denied and call you a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1928.67,"endTime":1931.76,"body":"narcissist, then and if you're,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1928.67,"endTime":1931.76,"body":"you know, questioning your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1931.76,"endTime":1935.45,"body":"reactions, chances are you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1931.76,"endTime":1935.45,"body":"reacting to defend yourself, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1935.45,"endTime":1937.91,"body":"know, most of the time, the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1935.45,"endTime":1937.91,"body":"problems within this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1937.91,"endTime":1941.36,"body":"relationship are caused by the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1937.91,"endTime":1941.36,"body":"addict or alcoholic, not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1941.36,"endTime":1944.42,"body":"necessarily you. And we can say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1941.36,"endTime":1944.42,"body":"this from the other side."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1944.42,"endTime":1948.26,"body":"Because since you've been sober,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1944.42,"endTime":1948.26,"body":"and since I have worked on my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1948.26,"endTime":1952.1,"body":"healing process, we don't have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1948.26,"endTime":1952.1,"body":"these problems anymore. We don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1952.25,"endTime":1956.09,"body":"there. Like I said, I do react"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1952.25,"endTime":1956.09,"body":"occasionally. I'm still six"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1956.12,"endTime":1960.71,"body":"years in to this. And I still do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1956.12,"endTime":1960.71,"body":"have some moments of, like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1960.98,"endTime":1964.88,"body":"outbursts, I guess you could"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1960.98,"endTime":1964.88,"body":"say. But I acknowledge them"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1964.88,"endTime":1968.0,"body":"immediately. And I correct them"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1964.88,"endTime":1968.0,"body":"and we discuss it and we move"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1968.0,"endTime":1970.31,"body":"forward from it. And we're both"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1968.0,"endTime":1970.31,"body":"very supportive on it. But I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1970.31,"endTime":1973.16,"body":"never hold it over your head."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1970.31,"endTime":1973.16,"body":"No, you don't. And I'm extremely"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1973.16,"endTime":1976.19,"body":"grateful for that. But it does"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1973.16,"endTime":1976.19,"body":"linger. It lingers, because I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1976.19,"endTime":1979.7,"body":"was in survival mode for so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1976.19,"endTime":1979.7,"body":"long."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1979.73,"endTime":1983.54,"body":"Yeah, man. And that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1979.73,"endTime":1983.54,"body":"something anytime someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1983.54,"endTime":1987.11,"body":"approaches us or send us a DM, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1983.54,"endTime":1987.11,"body":"want people to know that this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1987.11,"endTime":1992.09,"body":"a process. And when we say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1987.11,"endTime":1992.09,"body":"process, I think years, not one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1992.09,"endTime":1995.57,"body":"conversation, or a month or 90"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1992.09,"endTime":1995.57,"body":"days, like you can start don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1995.57,"endTime":1999.05,"body":"get me wrong, you can make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1995.57,"endTime":1999.05,"body":"progress in a conversation, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1999.05,"endTime":2002.83,"body":"can make progress in 90 days."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1999.05,"endTime":2002.83,"body":"But to really look back over the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2002.83,"endTime":2007.03,"body":"course of time, this stuff takes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2002.83,"endTime":2007.03,"body":"years, you're unlearning"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2007.03,"endTime":2010.24,"body":"behaviors that took years to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2007.03,"endTime":2010.24,"body":"learn. They can't be unlearned"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2010.24,"endTime":2013.75,"body":"that quickly. Yeah. And this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2010.24,"endTime":2013.75,"body":"goes for basically every single"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2013.75,"endTime":2017.92,"body":"topic that we cover. It's it's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2013.75,"endTime":2017.92,"body":"process, like Be gentle with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2017.92,"endTime":2022.66,"body":"yourself. Like even if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2017.92,"endTime":2022.66,"body":"realize today, you in this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2022.66,"endTime":2025.6,"body":"episode, you go oh my god, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2022.66,"endTime":2025.6,"body":"in one of these relationships. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2025.6,"endTime":2031.06,"body":"have done that before, like I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2025.6,"endTime":2031.06,"body":"have reacted in defense and been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2031.06,"endTime":2034.09,"body":"called an abuser. Like I'm with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2031.06,"endTime":2034.09,"body":"a narcissist. I'm with an addict"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2034.09,"endTime":2036.91,"body":"with narcissistic tendencies,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2034.09,"endTime":2036.91,"body":"like, Oh, my God, like that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2036.91,"endTime":2040.03,"body":"realization in itself is going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2036.91,"endTime":2040.03,"body":"to take quite some time to sit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2040.03,"endTime":2044.08,"body":"in before you go. Okay, so what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2040.03,"endTime":2044.08,"body":"do I do about it? And then it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2044.08,"endTime":2047.98,"body":"takes even longer to actually do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2044.08,"endTime":2047.98,"body":"something about it. Yeah. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2047.98,"endTime":2051.1,"body":"know, it's tough when you're in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2047.98,"endTime":2051.1,"body":"it. And like, I think that it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2051.1,"endTime":2054.31,"body":"only natural that we want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2051.1,"endTime":2054.31,"body":"solutions quickly. This is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2054.31,"endTime":2058.45,"body":"one area of life that doesn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2054.31,"endTime":2058.45,"body":"have many quick solutions. I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2058.45,"endTime":2061.54,"body":"come up with a quick solution"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2058.45,"endTime":2061.54,"body":"for an addict for sure. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2061.57,"endTime":2065.14,"body":"lock this dude up and make sure"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2061.57,"endTime":2065.14,"body":"he don't get drunk, right. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2065.14,"endTime":2067.84,"body":"we start to get to work and do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2065.14,"endTime":2067.84,"body":"better. Yeah, but the emotional"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2067.84,"endTime":2070.69,"body":"stuff, it just takes time. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2067.84,"endTime":2070.69,"body":"does takes freaking time."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2070.72,"endTime":2073.24,"body":"It's like habits. You"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2070.72,"endTime":2073.24,"body":"know, you're recreating habits"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2073.24,"endTime":2075.13,"body":"you're having to use your brain."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2073.24,"endTime":2075.13,"body":"Like when I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2075.13,"endTime":2077.71,"body":"worked people through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2075.13,"endTime":2077.71,"body":"like, like I got sober working a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2077.71,"endTime":2080.26,"body":"12 step program. There are other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2077.71,"endTime":2080.26,"body":"ways to do this. But when I got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2080.26,"endTime":2085.0,"body":"sober, it took me like nine"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2080.26,"endTime":2085.0,"body":"months to work all 12 steps. A"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2085.0,"endTime":2088.72,"body":"lot of people it will take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2085.0,"endTime":2088.72,"body":"anywhere from six months to a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2088.72,"endTime":2092.35,"body":"year to do it. And in that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2088.72,"endTime":2092.35,"body":"course of that first year is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2092.35,"endTime":2095.5,"body":"like the most emotionally trying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2092.35,"endTime":2095.5,"body":"time you'll ever have in your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2095.5,"endTime":2099.13,"body":"life. Yeah, it's not like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2095.5,"endTime":2099.13,"body":"you learn that you're an addict"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2099.16,"endTime":2102.61,"body":"and If you stopped drinking, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2099.16,"endTime":2102.61,"body":"then day two, you're just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2102.61,"endTime":2105.85,"body":"better. You unlearn the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2102.61,"endTime":2105.85,"body":"behaviors of the reason this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2105.85,"endTime":2108.19,"body":"stuff happens. It's no different"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2105.85,"endTime":2108.19,"body":"from the other side of it. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2108.19,"endTime":2112.39,"body":"like, respect your recovery and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2108.19,"endTime":2112.39,"body":"be gentle with your recovery."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2112.66,"endTime":2116.38,"body":"And acknowledge that recovery"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2112.66,"endTime":2116.38,"body":"takes time. It's a process and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2116.38,"endTime":2118.0,"body":"be gentle with yourself along"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2116.38,"endTime":2118.0,"body":"the way."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2118.03,"endTime":2121.3,"body":"And keep going, though."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2118.03,"endTime":2121.3,"body":"Yes, don't quit the hardest. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2121.3,"endTime":2124.48,"body":"just keep going. Don't just go"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2121.3,"endTime":2124.48,"body":"back and you will have you will"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2124.48,"endTime":2127.12,"body":"go back to your old habits, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2124.48,"endTime":2127.12,"body":"process as part of it, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2127.12,"endTime":2129.88,"body":"always acknowledge them. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2127.12,"endTime":2129.88,"body":"that's what's going to help you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2129.88,"endTime":2132.64,"body":"move forward through them and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2129.88,"endTime":2132.64,"body":"educate yourself. You know, just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2132.64,"endTime":2133.39,"body":"keep going."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2133.42,"endTime":2136.06,"body":"Yeah, it breaks my heart"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2133.42,"endTime":2136.06,"body":"when people beat themselves up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2136.06,"endTime":2137.77,"body":"that they haven't gotten it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2136.06,"endTime":2137.77,"body":"right, and that they're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2137.77,"endTime":2140.68,"body":"better and like, oh, yeah, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2137.77,"endTime":2140.68,"body":"me, like I learned about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2140.68,"endTime":2143.5,"body":"detaching with love on Friday"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2140.68,"endTime":2143.5,"body":"and on Monday, like, I'm mad at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2143.5,"endTime":2146.29,"body":"myself, because I haven't done"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2143.5,"endTime":2146.29,"body":"it yet. Man, that takes time."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2146.32,"endTime":2149.59,"body":"Yeah, be gentle with yourself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2146.32,"endTime":2149.59,"body":"It's a process. You have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2149.62,"endTime":2151.72,"body":"educate yourself on this stuff."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2149.62,"endTime":2151.72,"body":"First, you have to know that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2151.72,"endTime":2155.59,"body":"even exists, you stumble across"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2151.72,"endTime":2155.59,"body":"us. Okay, that exists. Wow,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2155.59,"endTime":2157.51,"body":"that's a thing. And then you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2155.59,"endTime":2157.51,"body":"educate yourself. And it takes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2157.51,"endTime":2161.23,"body":"time for you to really see how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2157.51,"endTime":2161.23,"body":"it how it looks in your life."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2161.23,"endTime":2164.2,"body":"And then you start to make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2161.23,"endTime":2164.2,"body":"little changes. You take one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2164.2,"endTime":2167.98,"body":"step forward to back. That's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2164.2,"endTime":2167.98,"body":"way it goes. Yeah, it just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2167.98,"endTime":2170.86,"body":"didn't do not give up like till"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2167.98,"endTime":2170.86,"body":"the wheels fall off. Stay on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2170.86,"endTime":2173.59,"body":"course. You're gonna be okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2170.86,"endTime":2173.59,"body":"Yeah, there's recovery for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2173.59,"endTime":2176.68,"body":"everybody. Even if they don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2173.59,"endTime":2176.68,"body":"get recovery. You can. Yep."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2177.19,"endTime":2182.44,"body":"So how do we cope with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2177.19,"endTime":2182.44,"body":"reactive abuse? Oh, goodness. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2182.44,"endTime":2185.95,"body":"would suggest finding a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2182.44,"endTime":2185.95,"body":"therapist that specializes in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2185.95,"endTime":2192.7,"body":"narcissistic abuse or trauma. If"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2185.95,"endTime":2192.7,"body":"you're unable to find a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2192.7,"endTime":2196.09,"body":"therapist that specializes in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2192.7,"endTime":2196.09,"body":"that, which there's a lot out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2196.09,"endTime":2197.89,"body":"there, I'm sure we can find"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2196.09,"endTime":2197.89,"body":"psychology."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2197.89,"endTime":2200.98,"body":"I think it's psychology"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2197.89,"endTime":2200.98,"body":"today. I want to say Psychology"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2200.98,"endTime":2205.33,"body":"Today. They have this awesome"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2200.98,"endTime":2205.33,"body":"filter for finding a therapist,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2205.72,"endTime":2209.26,"body":"where you can search by their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2205.72,"endTime":2209.26,"body":"specialty in their in your area,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2209.29,"endTime":2212.56,"body":"what insurance they accept all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2209.29,"endTime":2212.56,"body":"kinds of awesome stuff. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2212.62,"endTime":2214.93,"body":"And you can find specialists, if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2212.62,"endTime":2214.93,"body":"you will,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2214.93,"endTime":2216.64,"body":"yes. Because there are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2214.93,"endTime":2216.64,"body":"going to be some therapists out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2216.64,"endTime":2221.68,"body":"there that are not they don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2216.64,"endTime":2221.68,"body":"specialize in this type of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2222.34,"endTime":2222.82,"body":"thing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2222.85,"endTime":2228.37,"body":"I love therapists, but I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2222.85,"endTime":2228.37,"body":"do too. But we've made game"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2229.03,"endTime":2232.36,"body":"because they weren't. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2229.03,"endTime":2232.36,"body":"weren't educated in this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2232.36,"endTime":2237.01,"body":"particular realm of recovery."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2232.36,"endTime":2237.01,"body":"Right? They have given people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2237.01,"endTime":2239.41,"body":"some advice you would give to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2237.01,"endTime":2239.41,"body":"normal people that weren't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2239.41,"endTime":2242.71,"body":"dealing with a drug addict or a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2239.41,"endTime":2242.71,"body":"narcissist or an alcoholic. That"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2242.71,"endTime":2245.86,"body":"is so far off base. Yeah, yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2242.71,"endTime":2245.86,"body":"So just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2245.86,"endTime":2247.3,"body":"make sure you find"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2245.86,"endTime":2247.3,"body":"somebody who specializes in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2247.3,"endTime":2250.96,"body":"something like this. Write down"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2247.3,"endTime":2250.96,"body":"the experiences you have in a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2250.96,"endTime":2253.81,"body":"journal, if you feel like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2250.96,"endTime":2253.81,"body":"there's something that you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2253.81,"endTime":2257.02,"body":"reacting to, or you feel like it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2253.81,"endTime":2257.02,"body":"feels weird, write it down, put"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2257.02,"endTime":2260.53,"body":"it on paper, that can help you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2257.02,"endTime":2260.53,"body":"process some things easier. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2260.53,"endTime":2265.18,"body":"also, you know, circle back to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2260.53,"endTime":2265.18,"body":"see where this behavior is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2265.18,"endTime":2269.23,"body":"coming from. Recognize your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2265.18,"endTime":2269.23,"body":"reaction, Matt, you were telling"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2269.23,"endTime":2271.72,"body":"me this earlier, you know, take"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2269.23,"endTime":2271.72,"body":"a breath and tell yourself that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2271.72,"endTime":2275.44,"body":"it's valid, say I'm not abusive,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2271.72,"endTime":2275.44,"body":"and I choose not to participate"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2275.44,"endTime":2279.25,"body":"or fuel the fire. Like we said"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2275.44,"endTime":2279.25,"body":"earlier, these reactions are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2279.25,"endTime":2282.85,"body":"typically involuntary, there are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2279.25,"endTime":2282.85,"body":"times that you just do it, give"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2282.85,"endTime":2285.88,"body":"yourself grace, if you do do it,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2282.85,"endTime":2285.88,"body":"but now that you have it in the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2285.88,"endTime":2289.6,"body":"back of your mind that it is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2285.88,"endTime":2289.6,"body":"reactive, it's easier to take a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2289.6,"endTime":2292.84,"body":"step back and be intentional in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2289.6,"endTime":2292.84,"body":"how you're going to react now,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2293.05,"endTime":2296.29,"body":"which could be not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2293.05,"endTime":2296.29,"body":"participating. It could be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2296.29,"endTime":2299.44,"body":"walking away, not necessarily"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2296.29,"endTime":2299.44,"body":"freezing like I would do,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2299.44,"endTime":2302.5,"body":"because that did not get me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2299.44,"endTime":2302.5,"body":"anywhere, either. But you can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2302.53,"endTime":2304.54,"body":"you know, just get away from the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2302.53,"endTime":2304.54,"body":"situation. And that will help"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2304.54,"endTime":2304.84,"body":"you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2305.5,"endTime":2309.13,"body":"Yeah, there's plenty of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2305.5,"endTime":2309.13,"body":"tactics you can use. But I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2309.31,"endTime":2313.75,"body":"acknowledging what's going on in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2309.31,"endTime":2313.75,"body":"the moment, almost like an out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2313.75,"endTime":2316.0,"body":"of body experience, like okay, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2313.75,"endTime":2316.0,"body":"can see what's happening right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2316.0,"endTime":2319.87,"body":"now. They're trying to get a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2316.0,"endTime":2319.87,"body":"reaction out of me. Even if I do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2319.87,"endTime":2323.77,"body":"give them one, I have to know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2319.87,"endTime":2323.77,"body":"that. I don't need to sit here"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2323.77,"endTime":2326.95,"body":"and beat myself up and feel like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2323.77,"endTime":2326.95,"body":"I'm the cause of this or that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2326.95,"endTime":2330.1,"body":"I'm as bad as they are. Because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2326.95,"endTime":2330.1,"body":"you're not. This isn't typical"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2330.1,"endTime":2334.33,"body":"day to day behavior for you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2330.1,"endTime":2334.33,"body":"It's okay. Now, do you make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2334.33,"endTime":2336.67,"body":"amends for this stuff? Do you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2334.33,"endTime":2336.67,"body":"apologize? Like, I've always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2336.67,"endTime":2340.78,"body":"been on the side that even even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2336.67,"endTime":2340.78,"body":"when I've dealt with some really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2340.78,"endTime":2342.58,"body":"abusive people, even when I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2340.78,"endTime":2342.58,"body":"been in these types of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.58,"endTime":2345.58,"body":"situations, I will always make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2342.58,"endTime":2345.58,"body":"right. Even if it's the coldest"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2345.58,"endTime":2349.3,"body":"text message ever, like, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2345.58,"endTime":2349.3,"body":"sorry for when I said XYZ"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2349.3,"endTime":2352.51,"body":"yesterday. I just leave it at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2349.3,"endTime":2352.51,"body":"that just because I feel better"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.51,"endTime":2355.33,"body":"at night knowing that I've owned"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.51,"endTime":2355.33,"body":"my part. Yeah. And just left it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2355.33,"endTime":2359.8,"body":"at that but knowing damn full"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2355.33,"endTime":2359.8,"body":"well that this person is toxic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2360.07,"endTime":2363.58,"body":"in there. Just call them when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2360.07,"endTime":2363.58,"body":"they are the crazy, right. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2363.58,"endTime":2364.24,"body":"they're after you."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2364.42,"endTime":2368.23,"body":"Yeah, no. Yeah. And if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2364.42,"endTime":2368.23,"body":"it's can, you know, if they're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2368.23,"endTime":2372.73,"body":"still abusing, obviously there"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2368.23,"endTime":2372.73,"body":"are different. There are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2372.73,"endTime":2374.59,"body":"different things that you can do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2372.73,"endTime":2374.59,"body":"to you know, just empower"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2374.59,"endTime":2377.95,"body":"yourself educate. We're here to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2374.59,"endTime":2377.95,"body":"validate you and help you push"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2377.95,"endTime":2378.4,"body":"forward."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2378.88,"endTime":2380.95,"body":"Yeah, nothing easy about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2378.88,"endTime":2380.95,"body":"this topic. But we hope that it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2380.95,"endTime":2383.92,"body":"was helpful for people that have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2380.95,"endTime":2383.92,"body":"felt guilty whenever they have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2383.92,"endTime":2387.04,"body":"reacted. Or they look at their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2383.92,"endTime":2387.04,"body":"part and say, Well, I'm just as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2387.04,"endTime":2390.91,"body":"bad or I'm just as abusive."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2387.04,"endTime":2390.91,"body":"Chances are that in a healthy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2390.91,"endTime":2393.64,"body":"relationship, you wouldn't be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2390.91,"endTime":2393.64,"body":"acting this way. If you look at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2393.64,"endTime":2398.2,"body":"your past, this really isn't who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2393.64,"endTime":2398.2,"body":"you are. Yeah. Don't think too"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2398.2,"endTime":2400.36,"body":"incredibly hard about your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2398.2,"endTime":2400.36,"body":"behavior. is when you were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2400.36,"endTime":2403.66,"body":"backed into a corner and bullied"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2400.36,"endTime":2403.66,"body":"and you reacted. That's self"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2403.66,"endTime":2406.45,"body":"defense. That's, I think all we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2403.66,"endTime":2406.45,"body":"would want listeners to know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2406.45,"endTime":2410.74,"body":"about this. But it's a tricky"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2406.45,"endTime":2410.74,"body":"topic, man. Yeah, but hopefully"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2410.74,"endTime":2414.58,"body":"provided some sort of clarity."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2410.74,"endTime":2414.58,"body":"Right. Okay. All right. I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2414.58,"endTime":2417.88,"body":"that's all we've got. Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2414.58,"endTime":2417.88,"body":"Yeah. That's where there was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2417.88,"endTime":2418.15,"body":"something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2418.18,"endTime":2420.28,"body":"I know, I'm thinking, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2418.18,"endTime":2420.28,"body":"feel like I'm missing something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2420.28,"endTime":2425.44,"body":"on this. I wanted to say that. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2420.28,"endTime":2425.44,"body":"know that the the React reacting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2425.44,"endTime":2429.01,"body":"is justified, right. But I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2425.44,"endTime":2429.01,"body":"want it to be an excuse to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2429.01,"endTime":2429.67,"body":"react."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2429.73,"endTime":2432.97,"body":"Yeah, don't throw a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2429.73,"endTime":2432.97,"body":"cinderblock at your spouse. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2433.36,"endTime":2434.26,"body":"Paige said it was cool,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2434.29,"endTime":2437.89,"body":"right? Right, right."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2434.29,"endTime":2437.89,"body":"Like, oh, no, this is why I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2437.92,"endTime":2441.34,"body":"reacting, don't do that, that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2437.92,"endTime":2441.34,"body":"just gonna fuel the fire, the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2441.34,"endTime":2445.12,"body":"whole point of all of this,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2441.34,"endTime":2445.12,"body":"honestly, is for you to protect"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2445.12,"endTime":2450.4,"body":"your piece. And if that means"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2445.12,"endTime":2450.4,"body":"not reacting, that's more for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2450.4,"endTime":2453.34,"body":"you than it is the other person."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2450.4,"endTime":2453.34,"body":"And it's gonna take practice,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2453.34,"endTime":2455.47,"body":"and it's gonna take time, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2453.34,"endTime":2455.47,"body":"it's gonna feel really weird and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2455.47,"endTime":2458.17,"body":"uncomfortable at first. But it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2455.47,"endTime":2458.17,"body":"important in these types of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2458.17,"endTime":2461.56,"body":"relationships, to protect your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2458.17,"endTime":2461.56,"body":"peace and not feel the fire."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2461.62,"endTime":2464.26,"body":"And I would also like to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2461.62,"endTime":2464.26,"body":"say that if this is going on in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2464.26,"endTime":2468.52,"body":"your relationship, it is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2464.26,"endTime":2468.52,"body":"unlikely that this other person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2468.52,"endTime":2474.49,"body":"is going to, you're going to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2468.52,"endTime":2474.49,"body":"able to entice them to change."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2474.94,"endTime":2477.55,"body":"It's unlikely that something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2474.94,"endTime":2477.55,"body":"like because I can see us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2477.55,"endTime":2479.68,"body":"already just getting a message"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2477.55,"endTime":2479.68,"body":"that says like, Okay, this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2479.68,"endTime":2483.22,"body":"happening, how do I get them to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2479.68,"endTime":2483.22,"body":"stop? It's the wrong question."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2483.25,"endTime":2486.22,"body":"Yep. What do I need to do about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2483.25,"endTime":2486.22,"body":"it? So I'm not in the situation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2486.22,"endTime":2488.83,"body":"anymore, right? There is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2486.22,"endTime":2488.83,"body":"better question. I think a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2488.83,"endTime":2494.8,"body":"of times, people in these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2488.83,"endTime":2494.8,"body":"relationships are trying to make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2495.37,"endTime":2498.85,"body":"something out of nothing. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2495.37,"endTime":2498.85,"body":"they're trying to make beauty"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2498.85,"endTime":2503.95,"body":"out of just ugliness and torment"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2498.85,"endTime":2503.95,"body":"and chaos. And if it were, if it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2503.95,"endTime":2506.26,"body":"were only up to you, you would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2503.95,"endTime":2506.26,"body":"have fixed it by now, but it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2506.26,"endTime":2509.74,"body":"not. And I think that just like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2506.26,"endTime":2509.74,"body":"when it comes to this reactive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2509.74,"endTime":2512.38,"body":"abuse, and we're looking Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2509.74,"endTime":2512.38,"body":"so what's my responsibility"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2512.38,"endTime":2516.28,"body":"here, my responsibility here and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2512.38,"endTime":2516.28,"body":"within the relationship, like I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2516.28,"endTime":2519.25,"body":"need to start start looking at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2516.28,"endTime":2519.25,"body":"just my responsibility and start"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2519.25,"endTime":2521.29,"body":"thinking about what I can do to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2519.25,"endTime":2521.29,"body":"change that other person. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2521.29,"endTime":2523.99,"body":"this doesn't happen anymore."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2521.29,"endTime":2523.99,"body":"Just acknowledge the fact that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2523.99,"endTime":2528.04,"body":"it is happening, that that's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2523.99,"endTime":2528.04,"body":"okay. And that you have very few"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2528.04,"endTime":2532.6,"body":"options now. One of them is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2528.04,"endTime":2532.6,"body":"leaving the situation. And this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2532.6,"endTime":2535.87,"body":"is usually the most common, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2532.6,"endTime":2535.87,"body":"most unlikely, is that they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2535.87,"endTime":2538.24,"body":"actually acknowledge what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2535.87,"endTime":2538.24,"body":"they're doing, decide to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2538.24,"endTime":2541.63,"body":"treatment, get into the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2538.24,"endTime":2541.63,"body":"recovery, validate, you take"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2541.63,"endTime":2544.45,"body":"accountability, and you live"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2541.63,"endTime":2544.45,"body":"happily, happily ever after."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2544.45,"endTime":2548.08,"body":"Now, while it is possible, it is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2544.45,"endTime":2548.08,"body":"unlikely, because it's not up to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2548.08,"endTime":2551.2,"body":"you, it's up to them. And it has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2548.08,"endTime":2551.2,"body":"to be this perfect storm for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2551.2,"endTime":2556.15,"body":"them of desperation, willingness"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2551.2,"endTime":2556.15,"body":"and opportunity, that they can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2556.15,"endTime":2559.51,"body":"get sober, they want to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2556.15,"endTime":2559.51,"body":"sober, and that they have the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2559.54,"endTime":2562.87,"body":"means to do it. Yeah, they can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2559.54,"endTime":2562.87,"body":"take off a month from work or go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2562.87,"endTime":2565.0,"body":"to treatment or or whatever it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2562.87,"endTime":2565.0,"body":"might be, you know, it's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2565.0,"endTime":2569.47,"body":"incredibly rare. But I often I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2565.0,"endTime":2569.47,"body":"see people who they understand"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2569.47,"endTime":2572.47,"body":"this is happening, they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2569.47,"endTime":2572.47,"body":"acknowledge this is what's going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2572.47,"endTime":2576.34,"body":"on, but they still want to know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2572.47,"endTime":2576.34,"body":"how they can fix it. It's not up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2576.34,"endTime":2577.18,"body":"to you to fix."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2577.21,"endTime":2580.48,"body":"Yeah, well, it's also"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2577.21,"endTime":2580.48,"body":"we've had people even recently"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2580.48,"endTime":2585.61,"body":"say that they stopped reacting."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2580.48,"endTime":2585.61,"body":"And that even pissed the abuser"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2585.64,"endTime":2588.22,"body":"off or them right, well, because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2585.64,"endTime":2588.22,"body":"it's going to piss them off. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2588.22,"endTime":2589.84,"body":"I'm going to tell you this, now"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2588.22,"endTime":2589.84,"body":"you're damned if you do, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2589.84,"endTime":2593.14,"body":"you're damned if you don't, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2589.84,"endTime":2593.14,"body":"if you're going to not react to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2593.14,"endTime":2596.17,"body":"it, that's going to be more"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2593.14,"endTime":2596.17,"body":"peaceful for you. Because you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2596.17,"endTime":2599.53,"body":"not having to make it worse."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2596.17,"endTime":2599.53,"body":"Now, they can say and do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2599.53,"endTime":2605.2,"body":"whatever they want, but by you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2599.53,"endTime":2605.2,"body":"not reacting, is going to death."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2605.23,"endTime":2607.93,"body":"It's about you. It's about them."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2605.23,"endTime":2607.93,"body":"It's not about them. It's all"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2607.93,"endTime":2610.75,"body":"about you. And it takes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2607.93,"endTime":2610.75,"body":"practice, and it takes time. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2610.75,"endTime":2614.02,"body":"it feels really weird. But it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2610.75,"endTime":2614.02,"body":"all about you and how you feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2614.02,"endTime":2617.05,"body":"and how you can protect"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2614.02,"endTime":2617.05,"body":"yourself. Yeah, it's gonna piss"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2617.05,"endTime":2617.32,"body":"people off,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2617.35,"endTime":2620.05,"body":"I'd say 90% of the things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2617.35,"endTime":2620.05,"body":"that we talk about on this on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2620.05,"endTime":2623.35,"body":"this podcast designed to help"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2620.05,"endTime":2623.35,"body":"you protect your own peace."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2623.8,"endTime":2627.1,"body":"There are very few things that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2623.8,"endTime":2627.1,"body":"you can do to fix someone else."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2627.4,"endTime":2629.98,"body":"That just, it's just the fact of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2627.4,"endTime":2629.98,"body":"addiction. That's just how it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2629.98,"endTime":2632.74,"body":"works, or even narcissistic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2629.98,"endTime":2632.74,"body":"abuse, like these people are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2632.74,"endTime":2635.17,"body":"unlikely to change because of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2632.74,"endTime":2635.17,"body":"something that you've done."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2635.56,"endTime":2638.56,"body":"We've, you've already tried"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2635.56,"endTime":2638.56,"body":"everything, right? And the more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2638.56,"endTime":2641.68,"body":"you learn, we're teaching people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2638.56,"endTime":2641.68,"body":"these things so they can learn"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2641.68,"endTime":2644.92,"body":"more about themselves. So they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2641.68,"endTime":2644.92,"body":"can become empowered to make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2644.92,"endTime":2648.64,"body":"decisions that are best for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2644.92,"endTime":2648.64,"body":"them. Which generally involves"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2648.7,"endTime":2651.64,"body":"understanding that one day like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2648.7,"endTime":2651.64,"body":"I can't do this anymore with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2651.64,"endTime":2654.67,"body":"you. I love you doesn't mean I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2651.64,"endTime":2654.67,"body":"don't love you, but I cannot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2654.67,"endTime":2656.11,"body":"tolerate this behavior anymore."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2656.14,"endTime":2660.1,"body":"Yeah. And sometimes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2656.14,"endTime":2660.1,"body":"standing up for yourself is not,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2660.37,"endTime":2665.53,"body":"you know, reacting, it's taking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2660.37,"endTime":2665.53,"body":"a step back. Yeah. And a lot of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2665.53,"endTime":2667.75,"body":"people don't understand that. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2665.53,"endTime":2667.75,"body":"know, I used to not understand"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2667.75,"endTime":2667.96,"body":"that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2668.02,"endTime":2671.65,"body":"Oftentimes, self growth,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2668.02,"endTime":2671.65,"body":"which is what we're doing here."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2671.86,"endTime":2674.95,"body":"self growth, personal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2671.86,"endTime":2674.95,"body":"development. Personal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2674.95,"endTime":2679.12,"body":"Development oftentimes means"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2674.95,"endTime":2679.12,"body":"outgrowing a person. It means"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2679.12,"endTime":2682.84,"body":"you outgrow somebody else that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2679.12,"endTime":2682.84,"body":"happens in life. At some point,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2682.84,"endTime":2686.23,"body":"you become more knowledgeable"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2682.84,"endTime":2686.23,"body":"about certain things, you you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2686.23,"endTime":2690.43,"body":"discovered truths and they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2686.23,"endTime":2690.43,"body":"not up for it. You can't change"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2690.43,"endTime":2694.24,"body":"them. But you could change you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2690.43,"endTime":2694.24,"body":"what you do today. Yes. We hope"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2694.24,"endTime":2698.23,"body":"that you've taken something from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2694.24,"endTime":2698.23,"body":"this that allows you to do that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2698.26,"endTime":2698.62,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2699.009,"endTime":2702.429,"body":"All right. I know we went"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2699.009,"endTime":2702.429,"body":"on I like that. Okay. I had a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2702.429,"endTime":2704.259,"body":"lot of stuff to say in this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2702.429,"endTime":2704.259,"body":"episode."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2704.86,"endTime":2707.41,"body":"I love that. When I edit,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2704.86,"endTime":2707.41,"body":"there's more page clicks."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2707.8,"endTime":2708.67,"body":"Oh gosh."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2708.94,"endTime":2711.49,"body":"That's my goal here. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2708.94,"endTime":2711.49,"body":"awesome. That's all we've got."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2711.49,"endTime":2713.8,"body":"Until next time. I am Matt I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2711.49,"endTime":2713.8,"body":"will see you"}]}