{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.03,"body":"underlying all this, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":0.0,"endTime":3.03,"body":"is a hate that we have to go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3.03,"endTime":6.75,"body":"here because I think that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3.03,"endTime":6.75,"body":"serve people in the beginning to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":6.75,"endTime":9.63,"body":"give them hope that they can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":6.75,"endTime":9.63,"body":"repair the relationships in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":9.63,"endTime":12.81,"body":"their marriages. 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You don't you don't?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":31.68,"endTime":33.87,"body":"You just does has to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":31.68,"endTime":33.87,"body":"the work. The"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":33.87,"endTime":36.51,"body":"caterpillar has to do the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":33.87,"endTime":36.51,"body":"work. You don't do anything."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":40.5,"endTime":46.26,"body":"Welcome back. Well come back to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":40.5,"endTime":46.26,"body":"another episode until the wheels"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":46.26,"endTime":47.55,"body":"fall off. I'm Matt. I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":47.55,"endTime":48.12,"body":"Paige."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":48.15,"endTime":50.16,"body":"appreciate y'all joining"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":48.15,"endTime":50.16,"body":"us again this week. If y'all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":50.16,"endTime":53.55,"body":"didn't already know. 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How"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":112.44,"endTime":115.92,"body":"did we fix some of the pitfalls"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":112.44,"endTime":115.92,"body":"in our own relationship and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":115.92,"endTime":119.49,"body":"marriage and communication? But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":115.92,"endTime":119.49,"body":"we what we didn't cover is what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":119.49,"endTime":122.91,"body":"communication looks like in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":119.49,"endTime":122.91,"body":"active addiction. And by the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":122.91,"endTime":126.45,"body":"way, we did get roasted, or I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":122.91,"endTime":126.45,"body":"guess I got roasted? Yeah. 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You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":152.7,"endTime":155.43,"body":"not dealing with someone who's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":155.43,"endTime":158.37,"body":"thinking rationally and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":155.43,"endTime":158.37,"body":"logically, you're not thinking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":158.37,"endTime":160.59,"body":"about someone who's really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":158.37,"endTime":160.59,"body":"considering your needs at all."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":160.62,"endTime":163.8,"body":"Yeah, so communication and act"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":160.62,"endTime":163.8,"body":"of addiction breaks down"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":163.98,"endTime":167.76,"body":"quickly. 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There's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":191.76,"endTime":194.46,"body":"there's a lot to weed through."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":191.76,"endTime":194.46,"body":"And we've only got so many hours"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":194.46,"endTime":196.65,"body":"in the day, and we do our best,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":194.46,"endTime":196.65,"body":"I promise you we do but the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":196.65,"endTime":200.91,"body":"number one question we get is,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":196.65,"endTime":200.91,"body":"hey, I have a partner who's an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":200.91,"endTime":205.35,"body":"alcoholic or an addict and you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":200.91,"endTime":205.35,"body":"share your pain with us, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":205.35,"endTime":207.78,"body":"share your life with us. And we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":205.35,"endTime":207.78,"body":"appreciate that we really do. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":207.78,"endTime":210.78,"body":"can't tell you how much it means"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":207.78,"endTime":210.78,"body":"to us that you're able to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":210.78,"endTime":213.78,"body":"honest and vulnerable with us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":210.78,"endTime":213.78,"body":"that we give that vibe off, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":213.78,"endTime":217.5,"body":"then it comes back. But the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":213.78,"endTime":217.5,"body":"question is often, how do I help"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":217.5,"endTime":219.51,"body":"them? What can I say to help"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":217.5,"endTime":219.51,"body":"them? How do I how do I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":219.51,"endTime":223.26,"body":"communicate how the severity of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":219.51,"endTime":223.26,"body":"this issue and how bad this is?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":223.26,"endTime":223.59,"body":"Yes,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":223.59,"endTime":225.57,"body":"how it's affecting them,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":223.59,"endTime":225.57,"body":"how it's affecting me how it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":225.57,"endTime":226.95,"body":"affecting everyone around them?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":227.22,"endTime":230.07,"body":"And the answer that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":227.22,"endTime":230.07,"body":"hate giving back is not a hell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":230.07,"endTime":232.65,"body":"of a lot. Yeah, because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":230.07,"endTime":232.65,"body":"communication is a two way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":232.65,"endTime":236.28,"body":"street. Right? What does that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":232.65,"endTime":236.28,"body":"old saying? Like teachers used"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":236.28,"endTime":237.96,"body":"to tell me this all the time was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":236.28,"endTime":237.96,"body":"I used to get trouble for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":237.96,"endTime":241.56,"body":"talking in class. It's like, God"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":237.96,"endTime":241.56,"body":"gave you two ears and one mouth"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":241.56,"endTime":244.68,"body":"for one reason. So you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":241.56,"endTime":244.68,"body":"listen twice as much as you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":244.68,"endTime":248.7,"body":"talk. Yeah, that was always the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":244.68,"endTime":248.7,"body":"opposite. But it's if you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":248.7,"endTime":252.78,"body":"speaking and someone is not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":248.7,"endTime":252.78,"body":"listening, because they're on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":252.78,"endTime":255.6,"body":"drugs or alcohol, or they're in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":252.78,"endTime":255.6,"body":"a headspace where they are not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":255.6,"endTime":258.72,"body":"considering their any one's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":255.6,"endTime":258.72,"body":"needs, but their own. 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But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":284.46,"endTime":286.5,"body":"you know, you got to try"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":286.5,"endTime":289.71,"body":"somewhere and you got to change"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":286.5,"endTime":289.71,"body":"some of your behavior to see"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":289.71,"endTime":291.03,"body":"what can happen within your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":289.71,"endTime":291.03,"body":"marriage."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":291.06,"endTime":293.31,"body":"Can I ask you a question"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":291.06,"endTime":293.31,"body":"real quick about this? Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":293.67,"endTime":299.16,"body":"Before we get started through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":293.67,"endTime":299.16,"body":"all this, what? 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Thanks for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":307.71,"endTime":309.03,"body":"being on,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":309.06,"endTime":311.55,"body":"it needs to be very low,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":309.06,"endTime":311.55,"body":"you need to go into the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":311.58,"endTime":317.04,"body":"conversations as not expecting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":311.58,"endTime":317.04,"body":"them to do anything, honestly,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":317.16,"endTime":321.6,"body":"like you cannot expect much from"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":317.16,"endTime":321.6,"body":"from a conversation, which is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":321.6,"endTime":325.47,"body":"sad, but it's true. It is true."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":321.6,"endTime":325.47,"body":"And you can speak on your part"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":325.47,"endTime":326.25,"body":"that that's true."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":326.91,"endTime":331.86,"body":"She, so back when I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":326.91,"endTime":331.86,"body":"using, you had had more rational"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":331.86,"endTime":335.52,"body":"communication with me than I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":331.86,"endTime":335.52,"body":"could even remember. But it was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":335.52,"endTime":338.04,"body":"always like how you would speak"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":335.52,"endTime":338.04,"body":"to someone who's not on drugs"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":338.04,"endTime":341.58,"body":"and alcohol all the time? Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":338.04,"endTime":341.58,"body":"I'm not I'm not of sound mind to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":341.58,"endTime":344.43,"body":"even really take what you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":341.58,"endTime":344.43,"body":"saying and do much with it. Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":344.46,"endTime":346.89,"body":"So it's almost like you have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":344.46,"endTime":346.89,"body":"speak the language of an addict"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":346.92,"endTime":349.65,"body":"in order to get through to them."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":346.92,"endTime":349.65,"body":"And even then I think your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":349.65,"endTime":351.45,"body":"expectations ought to be super"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":349.65,"endTime":351.45,"body":"low"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":351.48,"endTime":354.51,"body":"that right there, which"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":351.48,"endTime":354.51,"body":"is, it's really hard because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":354.51,"endTime":357.15,"body":"think of like, let's say you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":354.51,"endTime":357.15,"body":"have a problem. 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Like I lived in a pretty"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":393.63,"endTime":396.6,"body":"functional home where we had"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":396.6,"endTime":398.79,"body":"stability and open discussions,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":396.6,"endTime":398.79,"body":"you know, we address our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":398.79,"endTime":403.08,"body":"problems. We came up with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":398.79,"endTime":403.08,"body":"solutions. So when we tried to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":403.08,"endTime":407.1,"body":"use the same logic logic, as I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":403.08,"endTime":407.1,"body":"was raised with Matt, it didn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":407.1,"endTime":411.27,"body":"work. It made it worse. It made"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":407.1,"endTime":411.27,"body":"me feel like I was wrong with my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":411.27,"endTime":415.59,"body":"feelings like I was get gaslit."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":411.27,"endTime":415.59,"body":"I was lied to told that I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":415.59,"endTime":418.23,"body":"sensitive. Yes, I am, which I've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":415.59,"endTime":418.23,"body":"said before, but that is not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":418.23,"endTime":421.56,"body":"okay to throw at someone. I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":418.23,"endTime":421.56,"body":"raised to speak up when I felt a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":421.56,"endTime":425.52,"body":"certain way, like the somewhat"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":421.56,"endTime":425.52,"body":"healthy communication many of us"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":425.52,"endTime":428.13,"body":"were raised with doesn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":425.52,"endTime":428.13,"body":"typically work in these types of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":428.13,"endTime":431.04,"body":"relationship, it's not as simple"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":428.13,"endTime":431.04,"body":"as addressing the problem and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":431.04,"endTime":434.19,"body":"coming up with a solution."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":431.04,"endTime":434.19,"body":"Because typically, the person"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":434.19,"endTime":437.31,"body":"we're with is not worried about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":434.19,"endTime":437.31,"body":"anything but themselves. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":437.31,"endTime":441.66,"body":"like, it's when you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":437.31,"endTime":441.66,"body":"trying to apply like this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":441.66,"endTime":443.85,"body":"rationale that you've used"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":441.66,"endTime":443.85,"body":"basically your whole life with,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":443.88,"endTime":447.33,"body":"with healthy relationships and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":443.88,"endTime":447.33,"body":"healthy people. And it doesn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":447.33,"endTime":451.95,"body":"work here, you're likely to just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":447.33,"endTime":451.95,"body":"try harder, and, and hone in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":451.95,"endTime":454.29,"body":"more on the skills that you do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":451.95,"endTime":454.29,"body":"have and the things that you do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":454.29,"endTime":457.23,"body":"know about communication. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":454.29,"endTime":457.23,"body":"what it's going to do is going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":457.23,"endTime":459.09,"body":"to leave you feeling like you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":457.23,"endTime":459.09,"body":"hamster on a wheel is running in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":459.09,"endTime":461.91,"body":"circles over and over and over."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":459.09,"endTime":461.91,"body":"It's like Groundhog Day, every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":461.91,"endTime":464.67,"body":"day will be the same it will you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":461.91,"endTime":464.67,"body":"will communicate effectively, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":464.67,"endTime":467.1,"body":"will go through it will get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":464.67,"endTime":467.1,"body":"thrown back at you, and you will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":467.1,"endTime":469.89,"body":"get nowhere you'll feel like oh"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":467.1,"endTime":469.89,"body":"my gosh, what am I going to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":469.89,"endTime":472.14,"body":"about this? Well, I'll just try"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":469.89,"endTime":472.14,"body":"it again. Because you don't have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":472.14,"endTime":474.99,"body":"the tools necessarily to deal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":472.14,"endTime":474.99,"body":"with someone who's in active"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":474.99,"endTime":476.97,"body":"addiction. It's tricky."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":477.03,"endTime":478.89,"body":"Well, and then you start"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":477.03,"endTime":478.89,"body":"getting to a point where it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":478.89,"endTime":482.97,"body":"not healthy communication, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":478.89,"endTime":482.97,"body":"you just start basically yelling"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":482.97,"endTime":486.12,"body":"at them and saying, Why are you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":482.97,"endTime":486.12,"body":"doing this? Can you please get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":486.12,"endTime":487.08,"body":"your shit together?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":487.35,"endTime":490.02,"body":"Yeah. And when you try"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":487.35,"endTime":490.02,"body":"that what's gonna happen is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":490.02,"endTime":492.72,"body":"they're gonna take that, take it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":490.02,"endTime":492.72,"body":"and use it against you. Yep. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":492.72,"endTime":495.63,"body":"say that you are now the reason"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":492.72,"endTime":495.63,"body":"that they do these things. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":496.02,"endTime":498.27,"body":"Because you nag and because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":496.02,"endTime":498.27,"body":"you're ugly to them. And you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":498.27,"endTime":501.24,"body":"mean and you know, all that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":498.27,"endTime":501.24,"body":"probably heard it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":501.39,"endTime":506.19,"body":"Right. Right. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":501.39,"endTime":506.19,"body":"sometimes they might show you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":506.19,"endTime":508.71,"body":"know, signs of healthy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":506.19,"endTime":508.71,"body":"communication during sober"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":508.71,"endTime":512.19,"body":"periods or whenever they're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":508.71,"endTime":512.19,"body":"feeling Sure, somewhat normal,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":512.19,"endTime":514.44,"body":"but that's just part of the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":512.19,"endTime":514.44,"body":"pattern and it isn't consistent."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":514.83,"endTime":515.46,"body":"A quick break"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":515.46,"endTime":517.29,"body":"in the action to let you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":515.46,"endTime":517.29,"body":"know about an exciting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":517.29,"endTime":519.63,"body":"development in the Tufo"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":517.29,"endTime":519.63,"body":"universe. 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They're here to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":587.64,"endTime":590.07,"body":"help you navigate life's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":587.64,"endTime":590.07,"body":"challenges and develop a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":590.07,"endTime":592.77,"body":"personalized treatment plan"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":590.07,"endTime":592.77,"body":"tailored to your unique goals."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":593.37,"endTime":595.92,"body":"Tailor counseling group is your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":593.37,"endTime":595.92,"body":"partner on the path of mental"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":595.92,"endTime":598.47,"body":"wellness experienced"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":595.92,"endTime":598.47,"body":"professional affordable care"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":598.47,"endTime":601.8,"body":"that puts you first Visit their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":598.47,"endTime":601.8,"body":"website, tailor counseling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":601.8,"endTime":604.98,"body":"group.com or call them today to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":601.8,"endTime":604.98,"body":"schedule an appointment and tell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":604.98,"endTime":607.59,"body":"them to fo couple sent you a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":604.98,"endTime":607.59,"body":"link and phone number is going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":607.59,"endTime":610.11,"body":"to be available in the show"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":607.59,"endTime":610.11,"body":"notes and back to the action."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":611.88,"endTime":614.88,"body":"And that's, you know, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":611.88,"endTime":614.88,"body":"have to that's where you have to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":614.88,"endTime":617.43,"body":"look at the actions instead of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":614.88,"endTime":617.43,"body":"the intentions and look at if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":617.43,"endTime":619.77,"body":"they're actually willing to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":617.43,"endTime":619.77,"body":"change based on that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":619.77,"endTime":623.7,"body":"conversation. Typically, they're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":619.77,"endTime":623.7,"body":"not I mean, that's just the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":623.7,"endTime":624.33,"body":"truth."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":624.48,"endTime":627.69,"body":"No, they're not like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":624.48,"endTime":627.69,"body":"like, what would you say is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":627.69,"endTime":630.42,"body":"biggest difference between"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":627.69,"endTime":630.42,"body":"communicating in the way that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":630.42,"endTime":633.09,"body":"most people know how, like when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":630.42,"endTime":633.09,"body":"they were raised in a normal,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":633.09,"endTime":636.93,"body":"healthy home? And then now"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":633.09,"endTime":636.93,"body":"they're with an addicted spouse?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":636.96,"endTime":639.69,"body":"What is the biggest difference"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":636.96,"endTime":639.69,"body":"in those two types of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":639.69,"endTime":640.56,"body":"communication?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":641.52,"endTime":644.88,"body":"problems get solved?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":641.52,"endTime":644.88,"body":"Compromises happen. If you're in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":644.88,"endTime":647.01,"body":"a healthy relationship, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":644.88,"endTime":647.01,"body":"you're speaking on healthy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":647.01,"endTime":650.91,"body":"terms, both parties are willing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":647.01,"endTime":650.91,"body":"to solve a problem together,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":651.09,"endTime":653.28,"body":"they're willing to compromise,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":651.09,"endTime":653.28,"body":"they're willing to, like, look"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":653.28,"endTime":656.76,"body":"at how are we going to solve"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":653.28,"endTime":656.76,"body":"this problem. But when you're in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":656.76,"endTime":659.31,"body":"an addict, and you go that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":656.76,"endTime":659.31,"body":"route, the addict is not looking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":659.34,"endTime":662.73,"body":"to solve the problem. 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But that sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":683.069,"endTime":686.519,"body":"has to be your expectation,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":683.069,"endTime":686.519,"body":"because your expectation is, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":686.519,"endTime":689.969,"body":"have crafted this wonderful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":686.519,"endTime":689.969,"body":"message that is going to land"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":689.969,"endTime":693.239,"body":"and it's gonna resonate, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":689.969,"endTime":693.239,"body":"they're gonna go, Aha, I've seen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":693.239,"endTime":696.059,"body":"it, everything's better. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":693.239,"endTime":696.059,"body":"unlikely to happen. You sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":696.059,"endTime":697.919,"body":"have to temper your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":696.059,"endTime":697.919,"body":"expectations."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":697.949,"endTime":700.349,"body":"Yeah. Because if you're,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":697.949,"endTime":700.349,"body":"if you're having a healthy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":700.349,"endTime":703.469,"body":"conversation with somebody, and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":700.349,"endTime":703.469,"body":"they brought a problem to you,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":703.529,"endTime":706.949,"body":"and you're healthy, right?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":703.529,"endTime":706.949,"body":"You're gonna take their words,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":706.949,"endTime":709.439,"body":"and you're gonna say, Yeah, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":706.949,"endTime":709.439,"body":"know, maybe I'm gonna, you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":709.439,"endTime":711.689,"body":"gonna self reflect, and you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":709.439,"endTime":711.689,"body":"gonna try to change your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":711.689,"endTime":714.659,"body":"behavior that's affecting them."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":711.689,"endTime":714.659,"body":"Because that's what you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":714.749,"endTime":717.929,"body":"you do. That's what humans you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":714.749,"endTime":717.929,"body":"know, want to do. But these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":717.929,"endTime":718.919,"body":"people don't want to do that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":719.31,"endTime":721.77,"body":"Yeah. And maybe, maybe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":719.31,"endTime":721.77,"body":"it's not that they don't want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":721.77,"endTime":723.9,"body":"to, it's just that they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":721.77,"endTime":723.9,"body":"incapable. Oh, yeah, totally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":723.9,"endTime":727.02,"body":"incapable, right? At that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":723.9,"endTime":727.02,"body":"moment. They just, it's not even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":727.02,"endTime":730.08,"body":"close to being at the top of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":727.02,"endTime":730.08,"body":"their mind. Right. Sorry. Okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":730.08,"endTime":732.42,"body":"My wife has a problem. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":730.08,"endTime":732.42,"body":"whatever. I'm just not really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":732.42,"endTime":734.58,"body":"concerned about that. They are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":732.42,"endTime":734.58,"body":"stuck in the loop of addiction."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":734.61,"endTime":737.61,"body":"Yes. So communication has to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":734.61,"endTime":737.61,"body":"change. So what is healthy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":737.61,"endTime":740.22,"body":"communication in an addictive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":737.61,"endTime":740.22,"body":"relationship looks like or is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":740.22,"endTime":742.5,"body":"there such a thing? Does it even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":740.22,"endTime":742.5,"body":"exist?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":742.59,"endTime":745.71,"body":"Well, I mean, you can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":742.59,"endTime":745.71,"body":"start off by like I said before,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":745.71,"endTime":749.19,"body":"it's about like, protecting your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":745.71,"endTime":749.19,"body":"peace and making sure you're not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":749.19,"endTime":751.41,"body":"going to get into something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":749.19,"endTime":751.41,"body":"that's going to cause a huge"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":751.41,"endTime":756.24,"body":"argument. And it's basically"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":751.41,"endTime":756.24,"body":"going in with I feel statements,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":756.27,"endTime":757.74,"body":"you know, start Okay, rusted,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":757.74,"endTime":759.24,"body":"those again, how does that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":757.74,"endTime":759.24,"body":"work? Well,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":759.27,"endTime":762.51,"body":"you need to talk about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":759.27,"endTime":762.51,"body":"how the behavior is affecting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":762.51,"endTime":766.92,"body":"you, not how they are doing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":762.51,"endTime":766.92,"body":"something that's affecting you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":767.28,"endTime":770.67,"body":"Okay, that's subtle, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":767.28,"endTime":770.67,"body":"what like, what does it sound"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":770.67,"endTime":771.09,"body":"like?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":771.569,"endTime":773.159,"body":"What do you mean? Okay,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":771.569,"endTime":773.159,"body":"so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":773.19,"endTime":775.29,"body":"if you're, if you ever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":773.19,"endTime":775.29,"body":"bring up a problem to me right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":775.29,"endTime":779.28,"body":"now. When you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":779.52,"endTime":783.96,"body":"know, I knew I was, oh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":779.52,"endTime":783.96,"body":"you always switch it around?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":783.96,"endTime":786.54,"body":"Because you're like, when you do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":783.96,"endTime":786.54,"body":"this, I feel this. No, it has to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":786.54,"endTime":789.15,"body":"be I feel this way when you do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":786.54,"endTime":789.15,"body":"something. So I feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":789.15,"endTime":792.51,"body":"disconnected. When you crash on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":789.15,"endTime":792.51,"body":"the couch at five o'clock at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":792.51,"endTime":795.9,"body":"night. You know, right? feel"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":792.51,"endTime":795.9,"body":"disconnected. I feel like that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":795.9,"endTime":798.36,"body":"how you want to go about it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":795.9,"endTime":798.36,"body":"Instead of saying, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":798.36,"endTime":800.94,"body":"you're always drunk. Why the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":798.36,"endTime":800.94,"body":"hell do you have to pass out at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":800.94,"endTime":803.55,"body":"five o'clock at night? You know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":800.94,"endTime":803.55,"body":"this was messed up. We've talked"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":803.55,"endTime":806.79,"body":"about this, and it pisses me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":803.55,"endTime":806.79,"body":"off. That's not appropriate to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":806.79,"endTime":809.04,"body":"go in like that, because it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":806.79,"endTime":809.04,"body":"just gonna cause an argument,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":809.04,"endTime":810.15,"body":"and they're gonna get defensive."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":810.18,"endTime":812.52,"body":"Yeah, so I think the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":810.18,"endTime":812.52,"body":"overarching theme here is that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":812.88,"endTime":815.49,"body":"I'm just gonna spit it how it is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":812.88,"endTime":815.49,"body":"you have to walk on eggshells,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":815.49,"endTime":817.47,"body":"and you have to be really gentle"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":815.49,"endTime":817.47,"body":"and careful about the way you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":817.47,"endTime":822.45,"body":"present things. Yes. In the most"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":817.47,"endTime":822.45,"body":"non judgmental way possible, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":822.45,"endTime":826.83,"body":"have to own your feelings in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":822.45,"endTime":826.83,"body":"this prior to blaming or shaming"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":826.83,"endTime":829.83,"body":"them for the way you feel. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":826.83,"endTime":829.83,"body":"even though they very well could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":829.83,"endTime":832.89,"body":"be the reason this is happening."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":829.83,"endTime":832.89,"body":"To get anywhere and to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":832.89,"endTime":837.06,"body":"anyone to not bark back at you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":832.89,"endTime":837.06,"body":"and lash out. You have to own"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":837.06,"endTime":840.81,"body":"your feelings in this like pages"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":837.06,"endTime":840.81,"body":"describing like, I feel. I feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":840.81,"endTime":846.39,"body":"sad. Yeah, were hurt when you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":840.81,"endTime":846.39,"body":"throwing up and vomiting at, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":846.39,"endTime":849.33,"body":"know, seven 8pm When we had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":846.39,"endTime":849.33,"body":"dinner plans, like I feel really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":849.33,"endTime":852.99,"body":"hurt by that. You can say that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":849.33,"endTime":852.99,"body":"Yep. It's not saying that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":853.35,"endTime":855.6,"body":"You're the cause of all my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":853.35,"endTime":855.6,"body":"problems. You're just owning the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":855.6,"endTime":858.39,"body":"fact that like, I feel really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":855.6,"endTime":858.39,"body":"sad right now. And this is what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":858.39,"endTime":859.32,"body":"led me to feel sad,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":859.35,"endTime":862.26,"body":"right? And don't bring up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":859.35,"endTime":862.26,"body":"the substance. Don't bring up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":862.26,"endTime":864.96,"body":"the alcohol. Oh, that's a good"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":862.26,"endTime":864.96,"body":"one. Don't bring that up because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":864.96,"endTime":867.78,"body":"it's going to trigger them to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":864.96,"endTime":867.78,"body":"whatever they need to do to get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":867.78,"endTime":870.45,"body":"you off your back off their back"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":867.78,"endTime":870.45,"body":"because you're trying to take"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":870.45,"endTime":873.21,"body":"away the pacifier. They're gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":870.45,"endTime":873.21,"body":"lie they're gonna manipulate"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":873.21,"endTime":875.13,"body":"they're gonna gaslight you so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":873.21,"endTime":875.13,"body":"that you would just leave them"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":875.13,"endTime":878.25,"body":"alone. And it's gonna leave you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":875.13,"endTime":878.25,"body":"angry and confused because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":878.25,"endTime":882.15,"body":"you're like, I just want to talk"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":878.25,"endTime":882.15,"body":"about this. But if you bring up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":882.3,"endTime":884.88,"body":"what they're doing like that,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":882.3,"endTime":884.88,"body":"like it with the alcohol and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":884.88,"endTime":886.56,"body":"stuff, it's just going to piss"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":884.88,"endTime":886.56,"body":"them off."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":886.59,"endTime":890.97,"body":"Yeah, and there is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":886.59,"endTime":890.97,"body":"something too that that alcohol,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":890.97,"endTime":893.7,"body":"drugs, whatever it is, isn't the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":890.97,"endTime":893.7,"body":"only problem here. I think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":893.7,"endTime":896.94,"body":"a lot of people approach it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":893.7,"endTime":896.94,"body":"rationally and say, okay, things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":896.94,"endTime":899.04,"body":"were cool before they got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":896.94,"endTime":899.04,"body":"addicted and now that they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":899.04,"endTime":901.62,"body":"addicted to I just need to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":899.04,"endTime":901.62,"body":"them on addicted. So things can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":901.62,"endTime":904.56,"body":"be cool again, yeah, but they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":901.62,"endTime":904.56,"body":"didn't get addicted just for no"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":904.56,"endTime":907.44,"body":"reason more than likely there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":904.56,"endTime":907.44,"body":"other stuff going on. There are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":907.44,"endTime":910.86,"body":"behaviors or feelings to try to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":907.44,"endTime":910.86,"body":"cover up. And it's not as simple"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":910.86,"endTime":912.69,"body":"as just removing the substance."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":910.86,"endTime":912.69,"body":"So a lot of the times when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":912.69,"endTime":917.07,"body":"you're saying, just quit"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":912.69,"endTime":917.07,"body":"drinking, it's not even. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":917.07,"endTime":919.02,"body":"that's the tip of the iceberg,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":917.07,"endTime":919.02,"body":"right? That's not even really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":919.02,"endTime":921.87,"body":"what the problem is here."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":919.02,"endTime":921.87,"body":"There's so much more surface."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":921.9,"endTime":924.57,"body":"Yeah, that's why,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":921.9,"endTime":924.57,"body":"whenever you were an active"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":924.57,"endTime":926.7,"body":"addiction, you know, you're a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":924.57,"endTime":926.7,"body":"closet addict, I was always"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":926.7,"endTime":930.09,"body":"looking at your behaviors, it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":926.7,"endTime":930.09,"body":"wasn't the actual intake of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":930.09,"endTime":933.18,"body":"substances, it was the fact that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":930.09,"endTime":933.18,"body":"you were an ass."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":933.66,"endTime":937.89,"body":"And I love that. And you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":933.66,"endTime":937.89,"body":"kind of created that whole, that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":937.89,"endTime":940.65,"body":"that that process, kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":937.89,"endTime":940.65,"body":"though, that we've used is,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":941.28,"endTime":943.95,"body":"rather than looking at the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":941.28,"endTime":943.95,"body":"drinking, or the drugs, or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":943.95,"endTime":947.76,"body":"whatever they do, and saying,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":943.95,"endTime":947.76,"body":"that's what I hate, look at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":947.76,"endTime":950.46,"body":"their behaviors that go along"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":947.76,"endTime":950.46,"body":"with that, on the outside of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":950.46,"endTime":954.18,"body":"that the ancillary behaviors,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":950.46,"endTime":954.18,"body":"what do those look like? Is it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":954.51,"endTime":958.62,"body":"the abuse, the emotional, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":954.51,"endTime":958.62,"body":"sometimes physical abuse? Is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":958.62,"endTime":961.32,"body":"name calling? Is it being short"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":958.62,"endTime":961.32,"body":"tempered? Is it being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":961.53,"endTime":964.98,"body":"disconnected? Is it not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":961.53,"endTime":964.98,"body":"participating in and being a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":964.98,"endTime":968.91,"body":"father or a wife or living their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":964.98,"endTime":968.91,"body":"life or not showing up to work"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":968.91,"endTime":972.03,"body":"not working? Like those are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":968.91,"endTime":972.03,"body":"behaviors, let's focus on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":972.03,"endTime":974.61,"body":"behaviors. Forget about the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":972.03,"endTime":974.61,"body":"addiction, let's just put that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":974.61,"endTime":978.09,"body":"in its own bubble. Okay, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":974.61,"endTime":978.09,"body":"substance itself, because if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":978.09,"endTime":981.27,"body":"come and attack the substance,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":978.09,"endTime":981.27,"body":"you're just gonna get all kinds"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":981.27,"endTime":982.41,"body":"of like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":982.44,"endTime":984.33,"body":"you're controlling, just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":982.44,"endTime":984.33,"body":"like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":986.1,"endTime":989.55,"body":"my mom, just yeah, just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":986.1,"endTime":989.55,"body":"run you in circles, focus on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":989.55,"endTime":991.05,"body":"behaviors, what are the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":989.55,"endTime":991.05,"body":"behaviors saying,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":991.08,"endTime":993.09,"body":"and I know a lot of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":991.08,"endTime":993.09,"body":"people are going to hear this."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":993.12,"endTime":997.11,"body":"And they may say, well, their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":993.12,"endTime":997.11,"body":"behavior is like this, because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":997.11,"endTime":1000.08,"body":"they are taking the substance"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":997.11,"endTime":1000.08,"body":"and the right to some degree,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1000.11,"endTime":1002.57,"body":"yes, they are. But that's not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1000.11,"endTime":1002.57,"body":"going to get you very far in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1002.57,"endTime":1004.82,"body":"communicating with someone who's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1002.57,"endTime":1004.82,"body":"inactive addiction. No, it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1004.82,"endTime":1007.82,"body":"isn't, it's better to go back to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1004.82,"endTime":1007.82,"body":"the behaviors instead of the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1007.82,"endTime":1011.36,"body":"substance. And then this is also"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1007.82,"endTime":1011.36,"body":"why whenever they do get sober,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1011.39,"endTime":1014.87,"body":"a lot of the behaviors will"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1011.39,"endTime":1014.87,"body":"still be there. So that still"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1014.87,"endTime":1019.22,"body":"kind of debunks that about that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1014.87,"endTime":1019.22,"body":"the alcohol is what causes it,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1019.25,"endTime":1021.17,"body":"because we don't know that it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1019.25,"endTime":1021.17,"body":"causes it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1021.59,"endTime":1023.48,"body":"It amplifies, it amplifies"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1021.59,"endTime":1023.48,"body":"it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1023.54,"endTime":1024.35,"body":"Absolutely."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1024.379,"endTime":1026.599,"body":"But oftentimes, in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1024.379,"endTime":1026.599,"body":"absence of substance for an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1026.599,"endTime":1028.879,"body":"extended period of time, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1026.599,"endTime":1028.879,"body":"anyone can be good for a day or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1028.879,"endTime":1033.079,"body":"two. And I think that we love to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1028.879,"endTime":1033.079,"body":"romanticize who this person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1033.079,"endTime":1035.059,"body":"could be based on their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1033.079,"endTime":1035.059,"body":"potential like, oh, they were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1035.089,"endTime":1037.879,"body":"married, they were sober for two"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1035.089,"endTime":1037.879,"body":"weeks, everything was perfect."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1038.629,"endTime":1040.789,"body":"They were probably white"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1038.629,"endTime":1040.789,"body":"knuckling it and faking it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1040.789,"endTime":1042.889,"body":"through life if I'm being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1040.789,"endTime":1042.889,"body":"honest, because I went through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1042.889,"endTime":1044.809,"body":"those periods of time to where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1042.889,"endTime":1044.809,"body":"it's like, I'm just gonna white"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1044.809,"endTime":1048.709,"body":"knuckle stop cold turkey, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1044.809,"endTime":1048.709,"body":"just figure this out. And I did"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1048.709,"endTime":1051.409,"body":"my damnedest, but like on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1048.709,"endTime":1051.409,"body":"inside, I was just struggling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1051.409,"endTime":1055.609,"body":"all the time. It's it's not it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1051.409,"endTime":1055.609,"body":"not, it's not substantial enough"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1055.609,"endTime":1058.339,"body":"to last it's not didn't hold"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1055.609,"endTime":1058.339,"body":"enough depth and wait for you to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1058.339,"endTime":1062.299,"body":"last for for a considerable"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1058.339,"endTime":1062.299,"body":"amount of time. But we'd love to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1062.299,"endTime":1065.179,"body":"romanticize those weeks are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1062.299,"endTime":1065.179,"body":"those months that someone's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1065.179,"endTime":1068.209,"body":"sober even those days that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1065.179,"endTime":1068.209,"body":"someone was sober? Like, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1068.209,"endTime":1071.899,"body":"who they are. No Backup, 30,000"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1068.209,"endTime":1071.899,"body":"feet, let's look at who they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1071.899,"endTime":1074.539,"body":"are. What does experience show"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1071.899,"endTime":1074.539,"body":"us? What are the behaviors show"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1074.539,"endTime":1078.679,"body":"us over time, that's who they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1074.539,"endTime":1078.679,"body":"are, how we arrived here, sort"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1078.679,"endTime":1080.779,"body":"of irrelevant. I know that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1078.679,"endTime":1080.779,"body":"drugs, alcohol certainly plays a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1080.779,"endTime":1083.179,"body":"part. But underlying that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1080.779,"endTime":1083.179,"body":"there's so much more going on."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1083.509,"endTime":1086.689,"body":"And if all this sounds high"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1083.509,"endTime":1086.689,"body":"maintenance it is it is and just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1086.689,"endTime":1087.589,"body":"know that it is you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1087.59,"endTime":1091.1,"body":"having to shift your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1087.59,"endTime":1091.1,"body":"entire communication skills in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1091.1,"endTime":1094.28,"body":"what you know about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1091.1,"endTime":1094.28,"body":"communicating you do because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1094.28,"endTime":1097.64,"body":"you're dealing with somebody who"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1094.28,"endTime":1097.64,"body":"is not capable of communicating"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1097.64,"endTime":1101.87,"body":"at the level that you are. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1097.64,"endTime":1101.87,"body":"it's hard, man, it's hard. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1101.87,"endTime":1105.95,"body":"really, really hard to relearn."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1101.87,"endTime":1105.95,"body":"And it's going to be even if"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1105.98,"endTime":1108.8,"body":"there's even another shift"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1105.98,"endTime":1108.8,"body":"whenever somebody gets over. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1108.8,"endTime":1110.63,"body":"here's the thing is that when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1108.8,"endTime":1110.63,"body":"you learn how to do this, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1110.63,"endTime":1113.6,"body":"can handle so much in the world,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1110.63,"endTime":1113.6,"body":"like that's one of the things"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1113.6,"endTime":1116.06,"body":"that I'm really grateful for is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1113.6,"endTime":1116.06,"body":"that I've learned that I can be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1116.06,"endTime":1118.85,"body":"stronger. And I learned how to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1116.06,"endTime":1118.85,"body":"deal with certain, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1118.85,"endTime":1121.43,"body":"situations based on these"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1118.85,"endTime":1121.43,"body":"communication skills that I've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1121.43,"endTime":1124.46,"body":"learned. Yeah, in all different"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1121.43,"endTime":1124.46,"body":"levels of addiction,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1124.64,"endTime":1127.61,"body":"underlying all this, this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1124.64,"endTime":1127.61,"body":"is I hate that we have to go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1127.61,"endTime":1131.33,"body":"here because I think that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1127.61,"endTime":1131.33,"body":"serve people in the beginning to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1131.33,"endTime":1134.18,"body":"give them hope that they can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1131.33,"endTime":1134.18,"body":"repair the relationships in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1134.18,"endTime":1137.36,"body":"their marriages. And things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1134.18,"endTime":1137.36,"body":"could be beautiful. And they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1137.36,"endTime":1141.35,"body":"could but that's not common. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1137.36,"endTime":1141.35,"body":"I just, I can't say it enough"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1141.35,"endTime":1143.96,"body":"that that's not the most common"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1141.35,"endTime":1143.96,"body":"outcome. It's not because it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1143.96,"endTime":1146.57,"body":"not up to you. It's not all up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1143.96,"endTime":1146.57,"body":"to you. This person has to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1146.57,"endTime":1152.03,"body":"the work. Like I asked this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1146.57,"endTime":1152.03,"body":"question. How do you make a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1152.03,"endTime":1154.25,"body":"caterpillar turn into a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1152.03,"endTime":1154.25,"body":"butterfly?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1154.73,"endTime":1158.45,"body":"You don't you don't you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1154.73,"endTime":1158.45,"body":"just does has to do the word"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1158.45,"endTime":1159.08,"body":"Caterpillar"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1159.08,"endTime":1161.69,"body":"has to do the work. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1159.08,"endTime":1161.69,"body":"don't do anything. You stand"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1161.69,"endTime":1164.42,"body":"back and watch them hop in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1161.69,"endTime":1164.42,"body":"cocoon and do all that work."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1164.81,"endTime":1168.11,"body":"That's what a recovering addict"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1164.81,"endTime":1168.11,"body":"is doing. They have to do this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1168.11,"endTime":1171.17,"body":"work. Now while you can provide"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1168.11,"endTime":1171.17,"body":"an environment for them to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1171.32,"endTime":1173.81,"body":"succeed in that I've never been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1171.32,"endTime":1173.81,"body":"in those little terrarium as a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1173.81,"endTime":1176.6,"body":"kid with the caterpillar in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1173.81,"endTime":1176.6,"body":"there. The way terrarium is, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1176.6,"endTime":1180.56,"body":"remember those know those little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1176.6,"endTime":1180.56,"body":"like two liter bottles, yet"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1180.56,"endTime":1181.4,"body":"boring science class."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1181.43,"endTime":1184.01,"body":"I don't do that. But we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1181.43,"endTime":1184.01,"body":"did something with the kids"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1184.01,"endTime":1186.5,"body":"during homeschool, we bought"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1184.01,"endTime":1186.5,"body":"butterflies and we went either"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1186.5,"endTime":1186.74,"body":"way."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1187.04,"endTime":1188.6,"body":"You can craft this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1187.04,"endTime":1188.6,"body":"environment where they can be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1188.6,"endTime":1191.03,"body":"successful, but in the day"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1188.6,"endTime":1191.03,"body":"they've got to do the work. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1191.03,"endTime":1193.76,"body":"have to do the work. So it's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1191.03,"endTime":1193.76,"body":"all up to you. So like we serve"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1193.76,"endTime":1197.03,"body":"in the beginning to provide"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1193.76,"endTime":1197.03,"body":"people hope. But the real deal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1197.03,"endTime":1200.36,"body":"real talk here is that most"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1197.03,"endTime":1200.36,"body":"people most listeners Most"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1200.36,"endTime":1203.48,"body":"wheelies are going to have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1200.36,"endTime":1203.48,"body":"find out how high their pain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1203.48,"endTime":1206.78,"body":"tolerance is. How much of this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1203.48,"endTime":1206.78,"body":"am I willing to deal with over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1206.78,"endTime":1210.11,"body":"time? Have I exhausted every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1206.78,"endTime":1210.11,"body":"single option? Have I given this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1210.11,"endTime":1213.95,"body":"relationship and this person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1210.11,"endTime":1213.95,"body":"every opportunity to succeed?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1214.16,"endTime":1218.99,"body":"And then at some point, decide,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1214.16,"endTime":1218.99,"body":"okay, I might be done. This"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1218.99,"endTime":1221.54,"body":"might be it for us. I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1218.99,"endTime":1221.54,"body":"know. Because it's not up to me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1221.54,"endTime":1224.15,"body":"anymore. I've done everything I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1221.54,"endTime":1224.15,"body":"can. And it's not that I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1224.15,"endTime":1226.97,"body":"love you. I just can no longer"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1224.15,"endTime":1226.97,"body":"tolerate the abuse that comes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1226.97,"endTime":1230.12,"body":"with it. I can't tolerate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1226.97,"endTime":1230.12,"body":"watching someone destroy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1230.12,"endTime":1233.69,"body":"themselves in front of my eyes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1230.12,"endTime":1233.69,"body":"I just can't do it. Yeah. And so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1233.69,"endTime":1235.79,"body":"many people will look at their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1233.69,"endTime":1235.79,"body":"vows and their marriages and be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1235.79,"endTime":1238.43,"body":"like, Well, we said till death"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1235.79,"endTime":1238.43,"body":"do us part in sickness and in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1238.43,"endTime":1241.85,"body":"health mandates. I've seen that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1238.43,"endTime":1241.85,"body":"thrown back on people. And it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1241.85,"endTime":1244.46,"body":"so hurtful, like, what they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1241.85,"endTime":1244.46,"body":"essentially asking is, I need"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1244.46,"endTime":1247.07,"body":"you to stick around for about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1244.46,"endTime":1247.07,"body":"another decade of abuse before I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1247.07,"endTime":1250.01,"body":"get ready. Yeah. And it's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1247.07,"endTime":1250.01,"body":"it doesn't have to be that way."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1250.04,"endTime":1253.67,"body":"I think that part of what we do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1250.04,"endTime":1253.67,"body":"in educating people is like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1253.67,"endTime":1256.34,"body":"education is it's sort of like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1253.67,"endTime":1256.34,"body":"opening Pandora's Box. Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1256.52,"endTime":1259.7,"body":"once you've been educated on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1256.52,"endTime":1259.7,"body":"what addiction is, that there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1259.7,"endTime":1263.99,"body":"are solutions to it. And your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1259.7,"endTime":1263.99,"body":"part in this and what's going on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1263.99,"endTime":1266.06,"body":"inside the mind and everything"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1263.99,"endTime":1266.06,"body":"else. You've you've sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1266.06,"endTime":1268.58,"body":"like, okay, now you've gained a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1266.06,"endTime":1268.58,"body":"new knowledge. And then the next"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1268.58,"endTime":1271.49,"body":"part of that is empowering"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1268.58,"endTime":1271.49,"body":"people, oftentimes, and they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1271.49,"endTime":1273.56,"body":"stuck in their relationships,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1271.49,"endTime":1273.56,"body":"and they're trying to go through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1273.56,"endTime":1275.24,"body":"all this high maintenance"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1273.56,"endTime":1275.24,"body":"communication like we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1275.24,"endTime":1278.87,"body":"describing. What we try to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1275.24,"endTime":1278.87,"body":"suddenly sneak in there for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1278.87,"endTime":1281.3,"body":"people is like this empowerment"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1278.87,"endTime":1281.3,"body":"journey, where it's like, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1281.3,"endTime":1284.0,"body":"like, that's really tough. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1281.3,"endTime":1284.0,"body":"I know, that's tough. But they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1284.0,"endTime":1285.86,"body":"have to see it for themselves."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1284.0,"endTime":1285.86,"body":"You can't just tell someone you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1285.86,"endTime":1288.38,"body":"need to leave. Yeah, never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1285.86,"endTime":1288.38,"body":"works. Like it's just like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1288.38,"endTime":1290.93,"body":"telling someone you need to stop"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1288.38,"endTime":1290.93,"body":"using drugs or alcohol. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1290.93,"endTime":1293.45,"body":"doesn't learn on your own right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1290.93,"endTime":1293.45,"body":"But they have to get to a place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1293.45,"endTime":1296.06,"body":"where they're comfortable enough"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1293.45,"endTime":1296.06,"body":"their own skin because they are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1296.06,"endTime":1299.93,"body":"invested in their relationship."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1296.06,"endTime":1299.93,"body":"And there's this. 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It's not really streamed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1315.59,"endTime":1319.25,"body":"with your company, you really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1315.59,"endTime":1319.25,"body":"have to, like work hard to make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1319.25,"endTime":1321.65,"body":"this stuff work. But you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1319.25,"endTime":1321.65,"body":"going to stick with it because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1321.65,"endTime":1323.84,"body":"you spent 100 grand on it,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1321.65,"endTime":1323.84,"body":"because you got time and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1323.84,"endTime":1326.78,"body":"training invested into it. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1323.84,"endTime":1326.78,"body":"now your two or three that three"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1326.78,"endTime":1329.39,"body":"years down the road. And your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1326.78,"endTime":1329.39,"body":"business didn't grow like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1329.39,"endTime":1331.43,"body":"thought it would because the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1329.39,"endTime":1331.43,"body":"software is holding you back."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1331.43,"endTime":1334.43,"body":"But you're like, but we invested"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1331.43,"endTime":1334.43,"body":"so much money in it. You've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1334.43,"endTime":1336.74,"body":"a sunk cost that you're never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1334.43,"endTime":1336.74,"body":"going to get back. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1336.8,"endTime":1339.38,"body":"relationships are the same way."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1336.8,"endTime":1339.38,"body":"You've got time that you'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1339.38,"endTime":1342.05,"body":"never get back. People will be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1339.38,"endTime":1342.05,"body":"like, I've been in this for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1342.05,"endTime":1345.56,"body":"eight years, or 10 years of my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1342.05,"endTime":1345.56,"body":"life. I've invested in this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1346.85,"endTime":1349.82,"body":"I've got to get a return out of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1346.85,"endTime":1349.82,"body":"this. No, you don't. That's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1349.82,"endTime":1353.93,"body":"sunk cost fallacy you don't like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1349.82,"endTime":1353.93,"body":"sometimes winning is knowing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1353.93,"endTime":1357.62,"body":"when to quit. And like it breaks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1353.93,"endTime":1357.62,"body":"my heart to say that, and I hate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1357.62,"endTime":1359.81,"body":"having to be this brutally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1357.62,"endTime":1359.81,"body":"honest about things. But that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1359.84,"endTime":1363.26,"body":"a fact. And our job is to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1359.84,"endTime":1363.26,"body":"empower people to know when to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1363.26,"endTime":1366.29,"body":"quit, because not everyone's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1363.26,"endTime":1366.29,"body":"gonna get there. But many people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1366.29,"endTime":1370.43,"body":"will some people, they will put"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1366.29,"endTime":1370.43,"body":"boundaries in place they will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1370.52,"endTime":1373.64,"body":"their partners will see oh my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1370.52,"endTime":1373.64,"body":"gosh, I could lose them. I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1373.64,"endTime":1375.86,"body":"got to do something. I've got to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1373.64,"endTime":1375.86,"body":"get healthier. I've got to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1375.89,"endTime":1379.4,"body":"recover. They'll do the work and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1375.89,"endTime":1379.4,"body":"things can things get wonderful."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1379.46,"endTime":1382.97,"body":"You know, things can get so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1379.46,"endTime":1382.97,"body":"good. And I hope that I wish"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1382.97,"endTime":1385.82,"body":"there was a way to get everyone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1382.97,"endTime":1385.82,"body":"our journey. I wish there was a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1385.82,"endTime":1389.21,"body":"way but the more likely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1385.82,"endTime":1389.21,"body":"occurrence is that you've got to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1389.21,"endTime":1393.29,"body":"get through your own stuff about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1389.21,"endTime":1393.29,"body":"okay, maybe maybe this isn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1393.29,"endTime":1396.08,"body":"happening happily ever all for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1393.29,"endTime":1396.08,"body":"me. After all, maybe this isn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1396.59,"endTime":1399.62,"body":"what was intended for me, maybe,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1396.59,"endTime":1399.62,"body":"maybe there's something better"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1399.62,"endTime":1403.28,"body":"for me. And that's a process"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1399.62,"endTime":1403.28,"body":"that takes place over the course"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1403.28,"endTime":1407.0,"body":"of sometimes years. We're just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1403.28,"endTime":1407.0,"body":"here to love you until you get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1407.0,"endTime":1409.73,"body":"to that point. And even after"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1407.0,"endTime":1409.73,"body":"we're here to love you, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1409.76,"endTime":1413.42,"body":"never judging anybody. No, never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1409.76,"endTime":1413.42,"body":"making anyone feel like they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1413.42,"endTime":1416.18,"body":"should feel like crap or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1413.42,"endTime":1416.18,"body":"sticking around. None of those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1416.18,"endTime":1418.1,"body":"things. Because the fact of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1416.18,"endTime":1418.1,"body":"matter is that we went through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1418.1,"endTime":1421.46,"body":"that, and we stuck through it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1418.1,"endTime":1421.46,"body":"Yeah, but our relationship today"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1421.46,"endTime":1423.77,"body":"was more contingent on me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1421.46,"endTime":1423.77,"body":"getting sober than it was you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1423.77,"endTime":1426.53,"body":"doing anything? Yeah, you did"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1423.77,"endTime":1426.53,"body":"everything you could I had to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1426.53,"endTime":1429.53,"body":"get in the cocoon and do the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1426.53,"endTime":1429.53,"body":"work. Ultimately, yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1429.53,"endTime":1433.85,"body":"communication, you know, helping"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1429.53,"endTime":1433.85,"body":"someone supporting them all that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1433.85,"endTime":1437.24,"body":"stuff only goes so far, they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1433.85,"endTime":1437.24,"body":"have to start pulling their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1437.24,"endTime":1440.3,"body":"weight in this. Yeah, I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1437.24,"endTime":1440.3,"body":"want anyone who listens to us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1440.3,"endTime":1443.18,"body":"comes across us to know that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1440.3,"endTime":1443.18,"body":"will love you until you get to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1443.18,"endTime":1445.04,"body":"that point. And you will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1443.18,"endTime":1445.04,"body":"everyone gets to that point"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1445.04,"endTime":1448.22,"body":"eventually. Right? Everyone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1445.04,"endTime":1448.22,"body":"does. Like there. We've known"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1448.22,"endTime":1452.45,"body":"people that have left marriages"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1448.22,"endTime":1452.45,"body":"after 30 years. And like, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1452.45,"endTime":1455.12,"body":"don't take pride in that by any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1452.45,"endTime":1455.12,"body":"means. Like it breaks my heart."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1455.12,"endTime":1457.67,"body":"Anytime I hear about a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1455.12,"endTime":1457.67,"body":"relationship being fractured or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1457.67,"endTime":1459.8,"body":"split and to know that there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1457.67,"endTime":1459.8,"body":"someone who's suffering from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1459.8,"endTime":1463.73,"body":"addiction, who's stuck in that,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1459.8,"endTime":1463.73,"body":"but I've also talked to enough"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1463.73,"endTime":1466.19,"body":"people in recovery. I'm kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1463.73,"endTime":1466.19,"body":"hard about this where it's like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1466.52,"endTime":1469.52,"body":"maybe that'll get them sober."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1466.52,"endTime":1469.52,"body":"Maybe that'll keep them sober."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1469.55,"endTime":1473.12,"body":"You know, if nothing else would,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1469.55,"endTime":1473.12,"body":"yeah, maybe they need to have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1473.12,"endTime":1476.3,"body":"some tough love. And it's not to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1473.12,"endTime":1476.3,"body":"say that it's done forever. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1476.3,"endTime":1479.33,"body":"know you can always hold space"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1476.3,"endTime":1479.33,"body":"for that maybe one day they they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1479.33,"endTime":1481.94,"body":"get things together and rekindle"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1479.33,"endTime":1481.94,"body":"and then you can start to work"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1481.94,"endTime":1485.18,"body":"on stuff but how long? How high"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1481.94,"endTime":1485.18,"body":"is your pain tolerance? How long"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1485.18,"endTime":1487.25,"body":"do you want to stick around"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1485.18,"endTime":1487.25,"body":"until that happens? Yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1487.25,"endTime":1491.12,"body":"really up to you but we will be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1487.25,"endTime":1491.12,"body":"here for you. Regardless one way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1491.12,"endTime":1493.97,"body":"or another. That was beautiful."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1491.12,"endTime":1493.97,"body":"Love you taking love yourself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1493.97,"endTime":1494.78,"body":"I'm sorry. I had to rant."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1495.05,"endTime":1498.14,"body":"That was great. I mean,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1495.05,"endTime":1498.14,"body":"you went way off. Yeah, we're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1498.26,"endTime":1504.77,"body":"where we are Like where were we?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1498.26,"endTime":1504.77,"body":"Oh, sir? Sorry,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1504.83,"endTime":1506.12,"body":"I just totally No."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1506.45,"endTime":1509.69,"body":"I thought it was great."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1506.45,"endTime":1509.69,"body":"Um, I'm just going to we talked"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1509.69,"endTime":1513.08,"body":"about like, when you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1509.69,"endTime":1513.08,"body":"communicating with someone, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1513.08,"endTime":1516.53,"body":"feel statements. Oh, yes. Right."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1513.08,"endTime":1516.53,"body":"Okay, so I wanted to kind of go"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1516.53,"endTime":1520.28,"body":"back like what if the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1516.53,"endTime":1520.28,"body":"conversation turns heated? So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1520.28,"endTime":1524.18,"body":"how do you handle that? Yikes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1520.28,"endTime":1524.18,"body":"Because you know, that's a high"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1524.18,"endTime":1529.28,"body":"possibility that that's going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1524.18,"endTime":1529.28,"body":"happen. And if they decide to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1529.28,"endTime":1532.31,"body":"get defensive about you coming"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1529.28,"endTime":1532.31,"body":"at them in a calm manner, even"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1532.31,"endTime":1534.77,"body":"if you're speaking your emotions"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1532.31,"endTime":1534.77,"body":"and your feelings about how"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1534.77,"endTime":1539.78,"body":"they're affecting you, it's okay"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1534.77,"endTime":1539.78,"body":"to take a timeout it is okay to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1540.08,"endTime":1543.47,"body":"go to another room for a moment"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1540.08,"endTime":1543.47,"body":"to collect your thoughts. Some"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1543.47,"endTime":1545.81,"body":"people hate that they're going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1543.47,"endTime":1545.81,"body":"to hate it because they're going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1545.81,"endTime":1548.18,"body":"to say that things aren't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1545.81,"endTime":1548.18,"body":"getting resolved it means that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1548.21,"endTime":1550.88,"body":"you know, you don't care about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1548.21,"endTime":1550.88,"body":"our problems this and that. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1550.88,"endTime":1553.04,"body":"in reality, you've got to do it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1550.88,"endTime":1553.04,"body":"to protect your peace. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1553.04,"endTime":1555.41,"body":"totally okay. I used to hate it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1553.04,"endTime":1555.41,"body":"when Matt did it. But I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1555.41,"endTime":1556.13,"body":"understand it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1556.85,"endTime":1559.64,"body":"You did Hey, come chasing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1556.85,"endTime":1559.64,"body":"me down like we ain't done yet."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1559.67,"endTime":1563.0,"body":"I did. Yes. I did. That"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1559.67,"endTime":1563.0,"body":"was my part of like, not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1563.0,"endTime":1566.3,"body":"communicating is like I need I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1563.0,"endTime":1566.3,"body":"need to talk about this right"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1566.3,"endTime":1572.06,"body":"now. Like but the way you looked"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1566.3,"endTime":1572.06,"body":"at me after you would go to the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1572.06,"endTime":1575.6,"body":"room and just look at me like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1572.06,"endTime":1575.6,"body":"like you didn't care it would"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1575.6,"endTime":1578.03,"body":"piss me off so bad. So bad."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1581.03,"endTime":1582.05,"body":"I can see you now you get."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1583.49,"endTime":1586.34,"body":"I'm having a flashback."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1583.49,"endTime":1586.34,"body":"Yeah. Okay. But anyway, there's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1586.34,"endTime":1588.92,"body":"this, there's this acronym is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1586.34,"endTime":1588.92,"body":"called Jade. And I believe that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1588.92,"endTime":1591.2,"body":"it's from Al Anon, but it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1588.92,"endTime":1591.2,"body":"something that I actually"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1591.74,"endTime":1594.29,"body":"encourage people to do whenever"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1591.74,"endTime":1594.29,"body":"they get into a heated"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1594.29,"endTime":1597.26,"body":"conversation. And it means don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1594.29,"endTime":1597.26,"body":"justify, argue, defend or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1597.26,"endTime":1601.31,"body":"explain yourself. You can do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1597.26,"endTime":1601.31,"body":"this with anybody who is just,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1602.06,"endTime":1604.58,"body":"you know, kind of mentally"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1602.06,"endTime":1604.58,"body":"unstable, and you can't really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1604.58,"endTime":1607.91,"body":"communicate with them. You don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1604.58,"endTime":1607.91,"body":"need to justify your feelings or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1607.91,"endTime":1609.62,"body":"your boundaries. Let's say you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1607.91,"endTime":1609.62,"body":"put some boundaries in place,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1609.62,"endTime":1612.59,"body":"you don't need to justify them."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1609.62,"endTime":1612.59,"body":"You don't need to argue. Because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1612.59,"endTime":1615.47,"body":"honestly, it's a waste of energy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1612.59,"endTime":1615.47,"body":"and nothing productive is going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1615.47,"endTime":1619.7,"body":"to come of it. Some of us like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1615.47,"endTime":1619.7,"body":"use the excuse of arguing as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1619.7,"endTime":1622.22,"body":"part of a marriage, you know, so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1619.7,"endTime":1622.22,"body":"you're like, oh, you know, we're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1622.22,"endTime":1625.28,"body":"just arguing disagreement is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1622.22,"endTime":1625.28,"body":"true. It is it is but it doesn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1625.28,"endTime":1630.08,"body":"happen often in healthier"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1625.28,"endTime":1630.08,"body":"relationships, it it can lead to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1630.08,"endTime":1633.17,"body":"taking like appropriate steps to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1630.08,"endTime":1633.17,"body":"actually solve a problem"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1633.17,"endTime":1637.07,"body":"whenever you argue. How often do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1633.17,"endTime":1637.07,"body":"we are you I don't know. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1637.07,"endTime":1640.28,"body":"was when I was like writing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1637.07,"endTime":1640.28,"body":"these notes out. I'm trying to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1640.28,"endTime":1645.89,"body":"think of how often we argue but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1640.28,"endTime":1645.89,"body":"our arguments have become very"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1645.89,"endTime":1649.7,"body":"productive. They've become"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1645.89,"endTime":1649.7,"body":"predictable, predictable."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1650.09,"endTime":1653.24,"body":"I'm trying to think we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1650.09,"endTime":1653.24,"body":"don't have like real like, a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1653.24,"endTime":1656.51,"body":"of big arguments that I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1653.24,"endTime":1656.51,"body":"think"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1656.51,"endTime":1658.49,"body":"of I'm gonna explain"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1656.51,"endTime":1658.49,"body":"predictable there can be some"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1658.49,"endTime":1660.02,"body":"newbies on here for ductable"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1660.02,"endTime":1663.02,"body":"held it was that it wasn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1660.02,"endTime":1663.02,"body":"in an episode. I don't think it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1663.02,"endTime":1667.01,"body":"was. I thought it was just like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1663.02,"endTime":1667.01,"body":"a like a like B roll like it was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1667.01,"endTime":1668.12,"body":"before an episode."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1668.63,"endTime":1671.69,"body":"No, I'm pretty sure I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1668.63,"endTime":1671.69,"body":"said it in an episode. Ah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1671.72,"endTime":1674.36,"body":"no, it was before an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1671.72,"endTime":1674.36,"body":"episode. Here's was it a real"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1674.39,"endTime":1677.21,"body":"Here we go. Here we go. Yeah, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1674.39,"endTime":1677.21,"body":"was a real you made. So we were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1677.21,"endTime":1679.49,"body":"talking about she was trying to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1677.21,"endTime":1679.49,"body":"say productive members of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1679.49,"endTime":1682.91,"body":"society. And she said she"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1679.49,"endTime":1682.91,"body":"couldn't she couldn't get the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1682.91,"endTime":1687.29,"body":"word out. She was like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1682.91,"endTime":1687.29,"body":"predictable members. I was like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1687.29,"endTime":1693.98,"body":"predictable. But anyway, love to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1687.29,"endTime":1693.98,"body":"have shirts that say productive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1693.98,"endTime":1694.28,"body":"belong."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1694.31,"endTime":1697.64,"body":"It's kind of funny. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1694.31,"endTime":1697.64,"body":"yeah, so arguing. I don't know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1697.64,"endTime":1700.67,"body":"we just have we have productive"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1697.64,"endTime":1700.67,"body":"arguments. Now. We discuss them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1700.67,"endTime":1702.71,"body":"and have disagreements"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1700.67,"endTime":1702.71,"body":"every day as a couple. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1702.71,"endTime":1706.46,"body":"what's important is that you get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1702.71,"endTime":1706.46,"body":"to the end of that with mutual"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1706.46,"endTime":1710.27,"body":"understanding and respect. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1706.46,"endTime":1710.27,"body":"empathy for the other person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1710.27,"endTime":1713.27,"body":"stands, even if you don't agree,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1710.27,"endTime":1713.27,"body":"right? To truly understand their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1713.27,"endTime":1716.27,"body":"perspective on things like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1713.27,"endTime":1716.27,"body":"don't, we don't always agree on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1716.27,"endTime":1719.45,"body":"things that happens a lot. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1716.27,"endTime":1719.45,"body":"I just I don't agree with that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1719.48,"endTime":1722.09,"body":"Um, I understand why you do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1719.48,"endTime":1722.09,"body":"though, I totally get it. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1722.09,"endTime":1724.94,"body":"have empathy for your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1722.09,"endTime":1724.94,"body":"perspective on that. And a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1724.94,"endTime":1728.51,"body":"healthy respect for you in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1724.94,"endTime":1728.51,"body":"general, that you can have your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1728.51,"endTime":1730.79,"body":"own thoughts and emotions. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1728.51,"endTime":1730.79,"body":"don't necessarily have to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1730.79,"endTime":1734.15,"body":"mine. Like yours. I mean, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1730.79,"endTime":1734.15,"body":"there's, there's interdependence"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1734.15,"endTime":1737.03,"body":"in a marriage, but there's also"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1734.15,"endTime":1737.03,"body":"some independence as well, where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1737.42,"endTime":1740.03,"body":"you're still married to another"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1737.42,"endTime":1740.03,"body":"person, like they're not an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1740.03,"endTime":1743.0,"body":"extension of you necessarily."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1740.03,"endTime":1743.0,"body":"Yeah. You know, like, this is a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1743.0,"endTime":1744.14,"body":"different person, right?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1744.38,"endTime":1748.19,"body":"Yeah, that's totally"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1744.38,"endTime":1748.19,"body":"okay. But arguing in a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1748.22,"endTime":1751.31,"body":"relationship that's not with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1748.22,"endTime":1751.31,"body":"healthy communication can just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1751.34,"endTime":1755.39,"body":"take you down a really dark"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1751.34,"endTime":1755.39,"body":"path. The DEA is defending your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1755.39,"endTime":1758.69,"body":"feelings or actions. That's not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1755.39,"endTime":1758.69,"body":"necessary. Because you know, in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1758.69,"endTime":1760.97,"body":"your heart, you're taking steps"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1758.69,"endTime":1760.97,"body":"to protect your peace and your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1760.97,"endTime":1761.9,"body":"well being."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1762.02,"endTime":1764.06,"body":"Yeah, don't defend because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1762.02,"endTime":1764.06,"body":"it's non negotiable. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1764.06,"endTime":1767.18,"body":"taking action. That's correct."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1764.06,"endTime":1767.18,"body":"Just know that. Yes. If"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1767.18,"endTime":1769.46,"body":"someone's acting, asking you to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1767.18,"endTime":1769.46,"body":"defend their perspective,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1769.58,"endTime":1771.98,"body":"they're just being difficult."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1769.58,"endTime":1771.98,"body":"They're being a pain in the ass."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1772.22,"endTime":1773.57,"body":"They don't want to see your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1772.22,"endTime":1773.57,"body":"perspective."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1773.6,"endTime":1776.27,"body":"No, they want to change"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1773.6,"endTime":1776.27,"body":"your mind. They're trying to ask"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1776.27,"endTime":1778.76,"body":"you to defend yourself so that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1776.27,"endTime":1778.76,"body":"they can manipulate you Yeah, so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1778.76,"endTime":1781.19,"body":"have the confidence that you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1778.76,"endTime":1781.19,"body":"don't have to you don't have to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1781.76,"endTime":1784.16,"body":"Yeah, the next one is not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1781.76,"endTime":1784.16,"body":"explain you don't have to over"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1784.16,"endTime":1787.49,"body":"explain you don't have to. Like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1784.16,"endTime":1787.49,"body":"sometimes when we over explain"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1787.49,"endTime":1790.94,"body":"it can make the conversation"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1787.49,"endTime":1790.94,"body":"more complicated. We can simply"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1790.94,"endTime":1793.79,"body":"state our feelings and decisions"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1790.94,"endTime":1793.79,"body":"without explaining why we feel a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1793.79,"endTime":1796.64,"body":"certain way. Think about and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1793.79,"endTime":1796.64,"body":"when you over explain something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1796.64,"endTime":1799.94,"body":"the person is you're giving them"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1796.64,"endTime":1799.94,"body":"too much information. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1800.0,"endTime":1804.5,"body":"You're aware they are going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1800.0,"endTime":1804.5,"body":"take that information around?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1804.53,"endTime":1807.56,"body":"Yes. And it's not. It's just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1804.53,"endTime":1807.56,"body":"it's not necessary. You don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1807.56,"endTime":1809.27,"body":"have to do it. So,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1810.17,"endTime":1813.35,"body":"you know, I use this at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1810.17,"endTime":1813.35,"body":"work a lot, actually. The jade"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1813.38,"endTime":1816.5,"body":"method, yeah, sort of like, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1813.38,"endTime":1816.5,"body":"part of my job is have to deal"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1816.5,"endTime":1819.11,"body":"with a lot of conflict"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1816.5,"endTime":1819.11,"body":"resolution. And sometimes this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1819.11,"endTime":1821.54,"body":"comes down. Yeah, absolutely."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1819.11,"endTime":1821.54,"body":"Yes. I'm not gonna sit here"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1821.54,"endTime":1824.93,"body":"justify or you defend or explain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1821.54,"endTime":1824.93,"body":"myself. Here's where we're at."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1824.96,"endTime":1827.9,"body":"This is my position. Right? And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1824.96,"endTime":1827.9,"body":"I'm not ugly about it or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1827.9,"endTime":1831.2,"body":"anything else. But this is where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1827.9,"endTime":1831.2,"body":"we are like, um, if I have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1831.2,"endTime":1835.01,"body":"explain it to you like this, is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1831.2,"endTime":1835.01,"body":"this conversations over? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1835.04,"endTime":1838.34,"body":"this is cut and dry. Well, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1835.04,"endTime":1838.34,"body":"not just contractual. And like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1838.34,"endTime":1841.31,"body":"it's shouldn't have to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1838.34,"endTime":1841.31,"body":"explained. But yeah, I do this a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1841.31,"endTime":1843.95,"body":"lot. It's effective, too."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1841.31,"endTime":1843.95,"body":"Because at the end of the day,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1843.95,"endTime":1847.31,"body":"really, whether or not they like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1843.95,"endTime":1847.31,"body":"my perspective, they've heard me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1847.55,"endTime":1850.58,"body":"and it's out there and I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1847.55,"endTime":1850.58,"body":"have to beat myself up thinking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1850.58,"endTime":1853.1,"body":"about well, did I was I really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1850.58,"endTime":1853.1,"body":"ugly? When I was defending"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1853.1,"endTime":1857.24,"body":"myself or explaining myself now?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1853.1,"endTime":1857.24,"body":"I just hear it is there you go."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1857.54,"endTime":1859.07,"body":"Enjoy your dinner and a walk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1857.54,"endTime":1859.07,"body":"off?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1859.1,"endTime":1861.77,"body":"Yeah. And it's also the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1859.1,"endTime":1861.77,"body":"thing of like, no, is a complete"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1861.77,"endTime":1863.93,"body":"sentence, it totally is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1861.77,"endTime":1863.93,"body":"completely just say no,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1864.62,"endTime":1866.42,"body":"I reply all the time."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1864.62,"endTime":1866.42,"body":"People probably think of a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1866.42,"endTime":1871.13,"body":"monster. No, in Oh, that's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1866.42,"endTime":1871.13,"body":"full email for me for a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1871.13,"endTime":1871.46,"body":"times,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1871.49,"endTime":1872.3,"body":"I would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1872.45,"endTime":1875.78,"body":"hate you at work. I've not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1872.45,"endTime":1875.78,"body":"been ugly about I just know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1875.78,"endTime":1876.92,"body":"like, I know."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1877.43,"endTime":1880.25,"body":"It's kind of like when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1877.43,"endTime":1880.25,"body":"people do the thumbs up thing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1880.28,"endTime":1881.45,"body":"that's sort of passive"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1880.28,"endTime":1881.45,"body":"aggressive,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1881.48,"endTime":1882.92,"body":"but no, it's just No,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1883.01,"endTime":1885.62,"body":"see, that's, I don't get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1883.01,"endTime":1885.62,"body":"that you send the thumbs up."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1885.62,"endTime":1888.08,"body":"Like, okay, cool. Like, I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1885.62,"endTime":1888.08,"body":"understand why that would piss"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1888.08,"endTime":1888.71,"body":"somebody off."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1889.25,"endTime":1892.73,"body":"I don't know. Like, we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1889.25,"endTime":1892.73,"body":"gonna get into some like, emoji"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1892.73,"endTime":1896.24,"body":"reaction controversy here. But I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1892.73,"endTime":1896.24,"body":"think if you click on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1896.24,"endTime":1898.52,"body":"message and like it, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1896.24,"endTime":1898.52,"body":"totally cool. But you send me a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1898.52,"endTime":1900.68,"body":"thumbs up. You want the extra"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1898.52,"endTime":1900.68,"body":"effort to be a jerk."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1901.28,"endTime":1906.65,"body":"That's wild. I'm sorry."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1901.28,"endTime":1906.65,"body":"That's wild. I don't. I don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1906.65,"endTime":1908.03,"body":"know. I never thought too hard."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1906.65,"endTime":1908.03,"body":"I guess."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1908.12,"endTime":1910.28,"body":"I don't know. That's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1908.12,"endTime":1910.28,"body":"negotiation. People ask me like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1910.28,"endTime":1914.09,"body":"Okay, could you do this price?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1910.28,"endTime":1914.09,"body":"My answer is just no. Okay, just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1914.09,"endTime":1916.4,"body":"No, I can't I can't do the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1914.09,"endTime":1916.4,"body":"price. And then I want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1916.4,"endTime":1918.53,"body":"explain No, I can't do that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1916.4,"endTime":1918.53,"body":"Because my customer only gave me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1918.53,"endTime":1921.38,"body":"a budget of this and blah, blah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1918.53,"endTime":1921.38,"body":"No, I just, I can't. If you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1921.38,"endTime":1923.54,"body":"would ask me another question."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1921.38,"endTime":1923.54,"body":"The answer could have been Yes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1924.26,"endTime":1927.2,"body":"Okay. Well, do you have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1924.26,"endTime":1927.2,"body":"any other like tips on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1927.2,"endTime":1928.1,"body":"communicating"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1928.25,"endTime":1932.3,"body":"with an ad an addict?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1928.25,"endTime":1932.3,"body":"Yeah. So let me let me let's do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1932.3,"endTime":1937.07,"body":"a go on. What? What do you call"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1932.3,"endTime":1937.07,"body":"those like back in? Not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1937.07,"endTime":1939.35,"body":"important. Let's just, let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1937.07,"endTime":1939.35,"body":"just go down memory lane for a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1939.35,"endTime":1941.45,"body":"second when I was an act of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1939.35,"endTime":1941.45,"body":"addiction and like, How could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1941.72,"endTime":1945.32,"body":"How could you have communicated"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1941.72,"endTime":1945.32,"body":"with me? Effectively? Like, what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1945.32,"endTime":1948.77,"body":"was the best way to get through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1945.32,"endTime":1948.77,"body":"with me? It wasn't by"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1948.95,"endTime":1953.72,"body":"challenging shaming. guilting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1948.95,"endTime":1953.72,"body":"yelling or any of those things?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1953.75,"endTime":1957.95,"body":"No, no, like, it wasn't going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1953.75,"endTime":1957.95,"body":"get anywhere. I feel statements"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1957.98,"endTime":1961.25,"body":"are the most effective way to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1957.98,"endTime":1961.25,"body":"get through to me. I know that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1961.25,"endTime":1964.85,"body":"personally. Because I can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1961.25,"endTime":1964.85,"body":"argue with this is how you feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1964.85,"endTime":1967.94,"body":"right now. Yeah, I can't. Now I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1964.85,"endTime":1967.94,"body":"could go a step further being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1967.94,"endTime":1971.48,"body":"the abusive jerk I was and tell"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1967.94,"endTime":1971.48,"body":"you, you shouldn't feel that way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1971.48,"endTime":1974.21,"body":"because of XY and Z and start to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1971.48,"endTime":1974.21,"body":"make you feel bad for holding"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1974.21,"endTime":1977.99,"body":"the feelings you have. But how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1974.21,"endTime":1977.99,"body":"can you argue with that? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1978.02,"endTime":1981.11,"body":"like I feel hurt when you passed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1978.02,"endTime":1981.11,"body":"out behind the shed and you left"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.11,"endTime":1983.78,"body":"me here all night long with a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.11,"endTime":1983.78,"body":"nine month old. That happened."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1983.81,"endTime":1987.41,"body":"Remember that? Yes. When"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1983.81,"endTime":1987.41,"body":"you just said that. Oh, man,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1987.44,"endTime":1989.09,"body":"you oh my gosh, quick"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1987.44,"endTime":1989.09,"body":"story."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1989.33,"endTime":1992.75,"body":"I was no I didn't have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1989.33,"endTime":1992.75,"body":"the baby yet. We didn't know"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1992.75,"endTime":1994.85,"body":"this was right before we got"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1992.75,"endTime":1994.85,"body":"married."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1995.06,"endTime":1996.65,"body":"Okay. I thought she was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1996.65,"endTime":1999.32,"body":"born. This was during I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1996.65,"endTime":1999.32,"body":"think the theory is that you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1999.32,"endTime":2003.13,"body":"lost your shit. Oh, man area?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1999.32,"endTime":2003.13,"body":"No, no, it was a few months"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2003.13,"endTime":2003.7,"body":"before that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2003.76,"endTime":2007.27,"body":"I went out behind the shed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2003.76,"endTime":2007.27,"body":"to take a leak. I had to relieve"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2007.27,"endTime":2011.47,"body":"myself and I got dizzy and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2007.27,"endTime":2011.47,"body":"fell over and I passed out. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2011.47,"endTime":2013.99,"body":"it was daylight when I passed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2011.47,"endTime":2013.99,"body":"out. And then I woke up and it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2013.99,"endTime":2018.31,"body":"was dark. And it was like 30"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2013.99,"endTime":2018.31,"body":"degrees outside. And I stumbled"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2018.31,"endTime":2020.77,"body":"into the house like fell over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2018.31,"endTime":2020.77,"body":"twice trying to get in the house"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2020.77,"endTime":2023.62,"body":"and I got in the house finally."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2020.77,"endTime":2023.62,"body":"And you'd like had a whole"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2023.62,"endTime":2026.2,"body":"evening yourself. You ordered"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2023.62,"endTime":2026.2,"body":"Chinese food. It's about the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2026.2,"endTime":2028.18,"body":"time you were starting to like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2026.2,"endTime":2028.18,"body":"I'm done with you, man."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2028.209,"endTime":2030.459,"body":"Oh, yeah. This is when I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2028.209,"endTime":2030.459,"body":"was really like starting to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2030.459,"endTime":2031.719,"body":"detach a little bit like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2032.62,"endTime":2035.41,"body":"little things like that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2032.62,"endTime":2035.41,"body":"communicated more to me about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2035.41,"endTime":2037.84,"body":"where you were at than any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2035.41,"endTime":2037.84,"body":"conversation you could have. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2037.84,"endTime":2039.43,"body":"was more about your actions. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2039.43,"endTime":2042.43,"body":"don't think that I like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2039.43,"endTime":2042.43,"body":"did we get in a fight over that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2042.43,"endTime":2042.61,"body":"didn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2042.61,"endTime":2045.49,"body":"say anything. You weren't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2042.61,"endTime":2045.49,"body":"like, I'm embarrassed. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2045.49,"endTime":2049.27,"body":"nothing. It was just, um, do me,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2045.49,"endTime":2049.27,"body":"do you? I'm a dummy."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2049.569,"endTime":2052.329,"body":"I have to say I really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2049.569,"endTime":2052.329,"body":"enjoyed my Chinese food that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2052.329,"endTime":2053.799,"body":"night without your ass around."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2053.859,"endTime":2058.509,"body":"I bet I would have to. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2053.859,"endTime":2058.509,"body":"anyway, I think just like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2058.539,"endTime":2060.939,"body":"peaceful. It's like when you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2058.539,"endTime":2060.939,"body":"looking at someone rather than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2060.939,"endTime":2063.489,"body":"blaming the substance. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2060.939,"endTime":2063.489,"body":"about their behaviors. I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2063.489,"endTime":2065.829,"body":"that your behaviors are equally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2063.489,"endTime":2065.829,"body":"important as a way to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2065.829,"endTime":2068.589,"body":"communicate where you're at."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2065.829,"endTime":2068.589,"body":"Because words can get so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2068.589,"endTime":2071.769,"body":"twisted. They can be thrown back"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2068.589,"endTime":2071.769,"body":"at you that can be used against"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2071.769,"endTime":2074.919,"body":"you. I think your behavior say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2071.769,"endTime":2074.919,"body":"say everything and like without"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2074.919,"endTime":2077.289,"body":"getting too deep in the weeds"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2074.919,"endTime":2077.289,"body":"about detaching with love."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2077.289,"endTime":2079.359,"body":"That's sort of what detaching"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2077.289,"endTime":2079.359,"body":"with love is. I think a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2079.359,"endTime":2081.549,"body":"people misunderstand, detaching"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2079.359,"endTime":2081.549,"body":"with love and like what that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2081.549,"endTime":2084.789,"body":"truly means. Like when people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2081.549,"endTime":2084.789,"body":"first hear it, they're like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2084.789,"endTime":2088.029,"body":"Okay, I'm just gonna be cold."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2084.789,"endTime":2088.029,"body":"And I'm just gonna completely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2088.029,"endTime":2090.399,"body":"not talk to someone I'm not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2088.029,"endTime":2090.399,"body":"going to discuss anything with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2090.399,"endTime":2093.339,"body":"them like I'm just that's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2090.399,"endTime":2093.339,"body":"necessarily attaching with love."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2093.339,"endTime":2096.429,"body":"Detaching with Love Is Something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2093.339,"endTime":2096.429,"body":"You Do internally. Yes, when you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2096.459,"endTime":2102.909,"body":"you stop tying your self worth"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2096.459,"endTime":2102.909,"body":"to them and their actions and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2102.909,"endTime":2106.659,"body":"their choices, and you stop"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2102.909,"endTime":2106.659,"body":"giving them that power over you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2107.019,"endTime":2110.529,"body":"to control your mood. It's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2107.019,"endTime":2110.529,"body":"just like punishing them with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2110.529,"endTime":2115.629,"body":"silence, or taking away physical"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2110.529,"endTime":2115.629,"body":"intimacy, even though I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2115.629,"endTime":2117.699,"body":"that at that point, you probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2115.629,"endTime":2117.699,"body":"don't want to be intimate with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2117.699,"endTime":2120.759,"body":"them. That's a natural"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2117.699,"endTime":2120.759,"body":"occurrence. But I've read a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2120.759,"endTime":2122.679,"body":"of people will do that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2120.759,"endTime":2122.679,"body":"intention, like I'm detaching"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2122.679,"endTime":2127.299,"body":"with love and like, yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2122.679,"endTime":2127.299,"body":"practice. All valid totally it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2127.299,"endTime":2130.569,"body":"practice, but really like true"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2127.299,"endTime":2130.569,"body":"detachment is by looking at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2130.569,"endTime":2133.689,"body":"someone and saying, like, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2130.569,"endTime":2133.689,"body":"not responsible for your choices"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2133.689,"endTime":2136.899,"body":"or for your actions. And I my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2133.689,"endTime":2136.899,"body":"self worth is not tied up and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2136.899,"endTime":2142.119,"body":"those I don't need you and your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2136.899,"endTime":2142.119,"body":"validation to know that I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2142.119,"endTime":2146.139,"body":"worth anything at all. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2142.119,"endTime":2146.139,"body":"still love you, but I'm done"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2146.139,"endTime":2148.899,"body":"with you. Yeah, that's what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2146.139,"endTime":2148.899,"body":"detaching with love is. Yes, as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2148.899,"endTime":2152.979,"body":"I understand it, and as it was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2148.899,"endTime":2152.979,"body":"delivered to me, because you did"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2152.979,"endTime":2155.499,"body":"an excellent job of this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2152.979,"endTime":2155.499,"body":"detaching with loads will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2155.529,"endTime":2156.099,"body":"ultimately go"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2156.1,"endTime":2158.08,"body":"I didn't even know what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2156.1,"endTime":2158.08,"body":"detaching with Love was at the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2158.08,"endTime":2161.56,"body":"time. Yeah, if people don't know"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2158.08,"endTime":2161.56,"body":"that, I didn't know it. She just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2161.56,"endTime":2164.17,"body":"did just happen naturally. It"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2161.56,"endTime":2164.17,"body":"was just naturally occurring."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2164.17,"endTime":2164.26,"body":"You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2164.26,"endTime":2166.63,"body":"know what I've seen that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2164.26,"endTime":2166.63,"body":"it does happen over time"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2166.63,"endTime":2169.51,"body":"eventually. Yes, it does. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2166.63,"endTime":2169.51,"body":"get so fed up. You're like, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2169.51,"endTime":2172.99,"body":"think I'm done. I can just be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2169.51,"endTime":2172.99,"body":"when you get done done. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2172.99,"endTime":2176.86,"body":"like detaching with love. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2172.99,"endTime":2176.86,"body":"think a really good example of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2176.86,"endTime":2180.34,"body":"this was when we had Steven"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2176.86,"endTime":2180.34,"body":"Christine on our episode, the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2180.34,"endTime":2181.33,"body":"episode was called"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2183.31,"endTime":2185.59,"body":"leaving him saved our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2183.31,"endTime":2185.59,"body":"marriage, our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2185.59,"endTime":2188.86,"body":"marriage and his life."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2185.59,"endTime":2188.86,"body":"Yeah. Great episode, amazing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2188.86,"endTime":2193.12,"body":"stories. It was beautiful. But I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2188.86,"endTime":2193.12,"body":"think that her statement that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2193.57,"endTime":2196.87,"body":"you are my soulmate, I love you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2193.57,"endTime":2196.87,"body":"more than anyone in the world."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2197.02,"endTime":2200.92,"body":"And I never want to see you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2197.02,"endTime":2200.92,"body":"again. Is the is the that is the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2200.95,"endTime":2204.94,"body":"essence of detaching with love."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2200.95,"endTime":2204.94,"body":"Yes, that I still love you. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2204.94,"endTime":2209.11,"body":"I am detaching from you. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2204.94,"endTime":2209.11,"body":"not detaching for punishment."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2209.11,"endTime":2213.01,"body":"It's not detaching for purpose."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2209.11,"endTime":2213.01,"body":"It's not detaching to get them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2213.01,"endTime":2216.25,"body":"to do something else. She was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2213.01,"endTime":2216.25,"body":"done. Yeah, she didn't really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2216.25,"endTime":2219.22,"body":"care if he came back."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2216.25,"endTime":2219.22,"body":"Thankfully, he did come around,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2219.52,"endTime":2223.24,"body":"and there was still just enough"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2219.52,"endTime":2223.24,"body":"in her to see the changes and be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2223.24,"endTime":2225.97,"body":"like, Okay, I think that this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2223.24,"endTime":2225.97,"body":"for real this time. Yeah. But it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2225.97,"endTime":2228.4,"body":"was after considerable amount of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2225.97,"endTime":2228.4,"body":"time. It's like, right, go get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2228.4,"endTime":2231.31,"body":"90 days, and then we'll talk."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2228.4,"endTime":2231.31,"body":"Yeah, like the next weekend? I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2231.31,"endTime":2234.55,"body":"come on back. No, there has to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2231.31,"endTime":2234.55,"body":"be proof. But I think that's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2234.55,"endTime":2237.01,"body":"essence of detaching with love."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2234.55,"endTime":2237.01,"body":"And I think that as far as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2237.01,"endTime":2239.59,"body":"really communicating with an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2237.01,"endTime":2239.59,"body":"addict, your actions will mean"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2239.59,"endTime":2242.71,"body":"everything you're actually and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2239.59,"endTime":2242.71,"body":"oftentimes when, like when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2242.71,"endTime":2244.81,"body":"people will tell stories, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2242.71,"endTime":2244.81,"body":"the anonymous posts come through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2244.81,"endTime":2248.77,"body":"in the community, the times"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2244.81,"endTime":2248.77,"body":"where the addict really starts"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2248.77,"endTime":2251.47,"body":"to get vocal about like, what's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2248.77,"endTime":2251.47,"body":"your deal talking to their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2251.47,"endTime":2256.03,"body":"spouse, it's always because they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2251.47,"endTime":2256.03,"body":"have started to just detach, in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2256.03,"endTime":2259.36,"body":"some ways, like they've stopped"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2256.03,"endTime":2259.36,"body":"being, they've stopped asking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2259.36,"endTime":2262.09,"body":"questions, they've stopped being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2259.36,"endTime":2262.09,"body":"really invested in what they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2262.09,"endTime":2264.28,"body":"doing, or their decisions that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2262.09,"endTime":2264.28,"body":"they're making. And they start"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2264.28,"endTime":2266.68,"body":"to just kind of do them, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2264.28,"endTime":2266.68,"body":"do their own thing become more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2266.68,"endTime":2267.31,"body":"independent in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2267.31,"endTime":2269.59,"body":"that sense. And they're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2267.31,"endTime":2269.59,"body":"not allowing their partner to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2269.59,"endTime":2271.24,"body":"manipulate them. Yeah. And that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2271.24,"endTime":2275.5,"body":"gets reactions more so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2271.24,"endTime":2275.5,"body":"than any amount of conversation,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2275.74,"endTime":2279.37,"body":"rationalization, defending,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2275.74,"endTime":2279.37,"body":"explaining, justifying any of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2279.37,"endTime":2282.64,"body":"that stuff. Yes, your actions"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2279.37,"endTime":2282.64,"body":"mean everything. But yes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2282.73,"endTime":2285.4,"body":"understand, that's a process"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2282.73,"endTime":2285.4,"body":"like a lot of people will read"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2285.4,"endTime":2289.06,"body":"about the task of love on a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2285.4,"endTime":2289.06,"body":"Monday, and then think they've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2289.06,"endTime":2292.18,"body":"done it on a Tuesday. And that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2289.06,"endTime":2292.18,"body":"not typically the way it works"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2292.18,"endTime":2295.27,"body":"is a process that plays out over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2292.18,"endTime":2295.27,"body":"time, educate yourself on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2295.27,"endTime":2298.27,"body":"reality of your situation,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2295.27,"endTime":2298.27,"body":"become empowered enough to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2298.27,"endTime":2301.66,"body":"it, and then do it. And that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2298.27,"endTime":2301.66,"body":"process could take, it could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2301.66,"endTime":2305.38,"body":"take 90 days, it could take 30"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2301.66,"endTime":2305.38,"body":"days, it could take nine months,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2305.38,"endTime":2309.22,"body":"it could take a year, or more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2305.38,"endTime":2309.22,"body":"for you to be comfortable. With,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2309.25,"endTime":2312.76,"body":"okay, I'm, I'm okay with doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2309.25,"endTime":2312.76,"body":"this like because understanding"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2312.76,"endTime":2315.28,"body":"that what you're doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2312.76,"endTime":2315.28,"body":"essentially, is you're almost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2315.28,"endTime":2318.34,"body":"preparing yourself for a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2315.28,"endTime":2318.34,"body":"separation. That's sort of what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2318.34,"endTime":2321.19,"body":"detaching with love is. Yes. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2318.34,"endTime":2321.19,"body":"you're preparing yourself for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2321.19,"endTime":2324.46,"body":"that moment when okay, I could,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2321.19,"endTime":2324.46,"body":"I could walk out any moment and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2324.46,"endTime":2328.54,"body":"be far more mentally stable, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2324.46,"endTime":2328.54,"body":"going to be okay. It's just the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2328.54,"endTime":2330.85,"body":"mental peace of doing it. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2328.54,"endTime":2330.85,"body":"then actually leaving them is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2330.85,"endTime":2333.7,"body":"the action of detaching from the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2330.85,"endTime":2333.7,"body":"relationship as a whole."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2333.73,"endTime":2334.06,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2334.18,"endTime":2335.56,"body":"So it's tricky. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2335.74,"endTime":2338.26,"body":"And standing up for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2335.74,"endTime":2338.26,"body":"ourselves doesn't mean doesn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2338.26,"endTime":2340.84,"body":"just mean to speak up, right?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2338.26,"endTime":2340.84,"body":"It's not just saying how you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2340.84,"endTime":2344.38,"body":"feel even in a healthy manner."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2340.84,"endTime":2344.38,"body":"Like you have to take action"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2344.38,"endTime":2348.1,"body":"that speaking up, that's, that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2344.38,"endTime":2348.1,"body":"what you're Yeah, it's like you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2348.22,"endTime":2352.06,"body":"the first taking action is the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2348.22,"endTime":2352.06,"body":"next step. So like, if you want"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2352.06,"endTime":2354.97,"body":"to learn how to set boundaries,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2352.06,"endTime":2354.97,"body":"we have an episode or series on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2354.97,"endTime":2358.81,"body":"boundaries. But after you have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2354.97,"endTime":2358.81,"body":"this healthy communication that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2358.81,"endTime":2361.21,"body":"you're trying to instill, or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2358.81,"endTime":2361.21,"body":"you're trying to get across to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2361.21,"endTime":2363.91,"body":"your to your partner, and you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2361.21,"endTime":2363.91,"body":"like, Okay, this isn't working,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2364.18,"endTime":2368.14,"body":"you have to take action. That's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2364.18,"endTime":2368.14,"body":"the only time that it's the only"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2368.14,"endTime":2369.31,"body":"thing that's going to change."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2369.85,"endTime":2373.15,"body":"Yeah, if nothing changes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2369.85,"endTime":2373.15,"body":"nothing changes, period. Or if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2373.15,"endTime":2376.48,"body":"you don't change something,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2373.15,"endTime":2376.48,"body":"nothing will change, you will be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2376.48,"endTime":2379.84,"body":"in this cyclone forever. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2376.48,"endTime":2379.84,"body":"there will be there'll be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2379.84,"endTime":2382.12,"body":"moments where you feel like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2379.84,"endTime":2382.12,"body":"okay, I can tolerate this and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2382.12,"endTime":2385.42,"body":"then inevitably, what got you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2382.12,"endTime":2385.42,"body":"there in the first place will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2385.42,"endTime":2387.85,"body":"occur again, and that's just the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2385.42,"endTime":2387.85,"body":"vicious cycle of addiction, man."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2387.85,"endTime":2390.67,"body":"That's just how this thing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2387.85,"endTime":2390.67,"body":"works. That's how this goes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2390.7,"endTime":2393.85,"body":"Yeah. This is one of our shorter"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2390.7,"endTime":2393.85,"body":"episodes, which looked at that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2394.24,"endTime":2396.82,"body":"Not that you're late leave in 45"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2394.24,"endTime":2396.82,"body":"minutes to an hour, but I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2396.82,"endTime":2399.13,"body":"that we packed in good"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2396.82,"endTime":2399.13,"body":"information here and just under"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2399.13,"endTime":2402.67,"body":"40 minutes Yeah, which is solid?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2399.13,"endTime":2402.67,"body":"Yeah, like it. Okay. And this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2402.67,"endTime":2404.11,"body":"going to be a series is that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2402.67,"endTime":2404.11,"body":"right?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2404.17,"endTime":2408.34,"body":"Yes. It's we're going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2404.17,"endTime":2408.34,"body":"have next part is going to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2408.34,"endTime":2411.64,"body":"how to have how to have healthy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2408.34,"endTime":2411.64,"body":"communication and early"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2411.64,"endTime":2415.75,"body":"recovery. Yeah. Be and then the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2411.64,"endTime":2415.75,"body":"one after that is going to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2415.75,"endTime":2419.02,"body":"healthy communication later on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2415.75,"endTime":2419.02,"body":"into recovery. Like I said"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2419.02,"endTime":2421.51,"body":"before this comes in layers,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2419.02,"endTime":2421.51,"body":"there are different ways to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2421.51,"endTime":2423.49,"body":"communicate at different parts"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2421.51,"endTime":2423.49,"body":"of your life."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2423.52,"endTime":2426.07,"body":"Yeah, so we're going to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2423.52,"endTime":2426.07,"body":"our best to meet people where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2426.07,"endTime":2428.29,"body":"they're at in their journey. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2426.07,"endTime":2428.29,"body":"it's all there's a spectrum."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2428.29,"endTime":2429.97,"body":"It's all over the place. 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In your relationship in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2442.9,"endTime":2446.26,"body":"your marriage, and really level"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2446.26,"endTime":2449.95,"body":"that stuff up? Yeah. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2446.26,"endTime":2449.95,"body":"active addiction piece is tough."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2449.95,"endTime":2453.31,"body":"And this is this is the most"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2449.95,"endTime":2453.31,"body":"difficult one, I think, when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2453.31,"endTime":2455.62,"body":"people approach us, like I said,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2453.31,"endTime":2455.62,"body":"the number one question is, how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2455.62,"endTime":2458.32,"body":"do I help them? How do I get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2455.62,"endTime":2458.32,"body":"them sober? What can I do to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2458.32,"endTime":2461.56,"body":"support them? It's not the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2458.32,"endTime":2461.56,"body":"question you should be asking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2461.56,"endTime":2464.53,"body":"yourself, it's, it's the one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2461.56,"endTime":2464.53,"body":"that seems the most rational in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2464.53,"endTime":2466.72,"body":"the most logical, but that's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2464.53,"endTime":2466.72,"body":"always the best question."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2467.17,"endTime":2469.45,"body":"Generally, people have already"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2467.17,"endTime":2469.45,"body":"done everything that we would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2469.45,"endTime":2472.93,"body":"ever suggest them do. By the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2469.45,"endTime":2472.93,"body":"time they find us and reach out."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2473.32,"endTime":2475.69,"body":"Like, if you're looking for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2473.32,"endTime":2475.69,"body":"podcasts about this stuff,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2475.69,"endTime":2478.18,"body":"you've probably had these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2475.69,"endTime":2478.18,"body":"combos, you've probably already"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2478.18,"endTime":2482.14,"body":"done that stuff. But it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2478.18,"endTime":2482.14,"body":"difficult. Like I think that and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2482.14,"endTime":2486.1,"body":"I know why and why wouldn't you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2482.14,"endTime":2486.1,"body":"want to be able to find peace in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2486.1,"endTime":2489.4,"body":"the storm? Like, I've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2486.1,"endTime":2489.4,"body":"someone who's just an absolute"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2489.4,"endTime":2493.0,"body":"mess, but I want to find a way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2489.4,"endTime":2493.0,"body":"to be happy in that two. I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2493.0,"endTime":2495.55,"body":"this is where we get into more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2493.0,"endTime":2495.55,"body":"of some of the spiritual"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2495.55,"endTime":2499.75,"body":"concepts of acceptance and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2495.55,"endTime":2499.75,"body":"things like that. One, I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2499.75,"endTime":2502.27,"body":"that acceptance can also be a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2499.75,"endTime":2502.27,"body":"very rational concept as well."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2502.57,"endTime":2504.46,"body":"Yes, the expectation that this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2502.57,"endTime":2504.46,"body":"is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2504.49,"endTime":2507.37,"body":"this is where acceptance"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2504.49,"endTime":2507.37,"body":"is in this and yeah, you have to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2507.37,"endTime":2510.82,"body":"have acceptance that okay, this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2507.37,"endTime":2510.82,"body":"is how the communication is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2510.82,"endTime":2511.36,"body":"gonna go down."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2511.39,"endTime":2513.97,"body":"Yeah, so I had a really,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2511.39,"endTime":2513.97,"body":"really, really low spot in my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2513.97,"endTime":2519.04,"body":"life in my career. Few years"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2513.97,"endTime":2519.04,"body":"ago, that's actually let's just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2519.04,"endTime":2524.59,"body":"be honest, still going on. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2519.04,"endTime":2524.59,"body":"But anyway, the only way that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2524.59,"endTime":2528.37,"body":"could get there and perform at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2524.59,"endTime":2528.37,"body":"any level that was effective for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2528.37,"endTime":2531.64,"body":"the company at all, was if my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2528.37,"endTime":2531.64,"body":"expectation going in was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2531.64,"endTime":2534.94,"body":"accurate. 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You hear the pop, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2578.62,"endTime":2581.86,"body":"the sound of someone's head"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2581.86,"endTime":2584.53,"body":"coming out of their ass. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2581.86,"endTime":2584.53,"body":"when they get to a point of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2584.86,"endTime":2587.98,"body":"interesting image, just the pop"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2584.86,"endTime":2587.98,"body":"pop. And now they're reasonable"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2587.98,"endTime":2591.16,"body":"all of a sudden, it's like, oh,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2587.98,"endTime":2591.16,"body":"they're back? Well, I had the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2591.16,"endTime":2595.24,"body":"pop at some point where I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2591.16,"endTime":2595.24,"body":"realized, man, this situation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2595.24,"endTime":2599.44,"body":"just is what it is, like this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2595.24,"endTime":2599.44,"body":"this is my expectation should be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2599.44,"endTime":2602.47,"body":"every day when I walk in here,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2599.44,"endTime":2602.47,"body":"it's going to be really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2602.47,"endTime":2605.47,"body":"challenging, incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2602.47,"endTime":2605.47,"body":"difficult. It's going to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2605.68,"endTime":2609.43,"body":"pandemonium, it's going to test"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2605.68,"endTime":2609.43,"body":"me in every single way possible."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2609.61,"endTime":2612.85,"body":"And when I started showing up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2609.61,"endTime":2612.85,"body":"with that expectation, things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2612.85,"endTime":2616.03,"body":"got tremendously easier. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2612.85,"endTime":2616.03,"body":"didn't make my work any more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2616.03,"endTime":2619.39,"body":"fulfilling. It didn't make like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2616.03,"endTime":2619.39,"body":"my sense of purpose any better."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2619.54,"endTime":2622.18,"body":"But it really cured a lot of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2619.54,"endTime":2622.18,"body":"stress and anxiety that goes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2622.18,"endTime":2625.36,"body":"along with this. And I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2622.18,"endTime":2625.36,"body":"that you can apply that to a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2625.36,"endTime":2629.02,"body":"relationship as well. So you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2625.36,"endTime":2629.02,"body":"have you are the type that has a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2629.02,"endTime":2631.3,"body":"high pain tolerance, and you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2629.02,"endTime":2631.3,"body":"want to know how to stick this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2631.3,"endTime":2634.78,"body":"out, change your expectation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2631.3,"endTime":2634.78,"body":"around it and stop stop"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2634.78,"endTime":2637.45,"body":"pretending like it's going to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2634.78,"endTime":2637.45,"body":"different today. It's not it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2637.45,"endTime":2640.75,"body":"going to be what it's been."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2637.45,"endTime":2640.75,"body":"Yeah, you know, if they're still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2640.75,"endTime":2643.06,"body":"doing the same things they've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2640.75,"endTime":2643.06,"body":"always done, then you're going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2643.06,"endTime":2645.49,"body":"to keep getting the same things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2643.06,"endTime":2645.49,"body":"you always got, why would it be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2645.49,"endTime":2648.55,"body":"any different? Why would it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2645.49,"endTime":2648.55,"body":"change? So your expectation has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2648.55,"endTime":2652.18,"body":"to be it's going to be an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2648.55,"endTime":2652.18,"body":"absolute shit show I'm walking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2652.18,"endTime":2655.0,"body":"into, it's unlikely that I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2652.18,"endTime":2655.0,"body":"going to have any of my needs"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2655.0,"endTime":2657.7,"body":"met. It's unlikely that we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2655.0,"endTime":2657.7,"body":"going to make any breakthroughs"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2657.7,"endTime":2660.94,"body":"today. And I accept that I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2657.7,"endTime":2660.94,"body":"making the conscious choice,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.97,"endTime":2663.94,"body":"which takes back your power. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.97,"endTime":2663.94,"body":"make a choice to show up in this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2663.94,"endTime":2667.06,"body":"today. And then you show up and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2663.94,"endTime":2667.06,"body":"then you're not shocked at all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2667.06,"endTime":2669.07,"body":"when this person does what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2667.06,"endTime":2669.07,"body":"they've always done. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2669.1,"endTime":2672.1,"body":"that's just who they are. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2669.1,"endTime":2672.1,"body":"this is who they are. They are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2672.1,"endTime":2675.43,"body":"what they are. Maybe they get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2672.1,"endTime":2675.43,"body":"sober. Maybe they don't. But if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2675.46,"endTime":2677.83,"body":"you're if you're the type that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2675.46,"endTime":2677.83,"body":"like, Okay, I understand what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2677.83,"endTime":2680.23,"body":"you're saying, but I'm not ready"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2677.83,"endTime":2680.23,"body":"to leave. How do I find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2680.23,"endTime":2682.81,"body":"happiness in the meantime,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2680.23,"endTime":2682.81,"body":"that's a really effective way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2682.81,"endTime":2685.66,"body":"that I have found to find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2682.81,"endTime":2685.66,"body":"happiness in really toxic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2685.66,"endTime":2689.08,"body":"situations. And I've talked to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2685.66,"endTime":2689.08,"body":"people who have been with an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2689.08,"endTime":2691.87,"body":"addicted spouse for quite some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2689.08,"endTime":2691.87,"body":"time and that's very similar way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2691.87,"endTime":2695.74,"body":"that they find peace in it to."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2691.87,"endTime":2695.74,"body":"Al Anon is really effective for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2695.74,"endTime":2697.36,"body":"this. I think, too. If you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2695.74,"endTime":2697.36,"body":"haven't been to an Al Anon"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2697.36,"endTime":2700.99,"body":"meeting this that might be the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2697.36,"endTime":2700.99,"body":"path for you. Yeah. But anyway,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2700.99,"endTime":2703.57,"body":"I think that's all we've got."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2700.99,"endTime":2703.57,"body":"Yes. Okay, awesome. Well, thank"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2703.57,"endTime":2706.51,"body":"you for joining us again. If you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2703.57,"endTime":2706.51,"body":"haven't already, please"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2706.51,"endTime":2710.68,"body":"subscribe. I noticed that about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2706.51,"endTime":2710.68,"body":"one in four people that listens"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2710.68,"endTime":2713.86,"body":"doesn't subscribe to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2710.68,"endTime":2713.86,"body":"podcast. So follow us subscribe,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2713.89,"endTime":2717.34,"body":"stick around. We've got some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2713.89,"endTime":2717.34,"body":"really, really cool stuff on the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2717.34,"endTime":2720.4,"body":"way and I cannot wait to start"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2717.34,"endTime":2720.4,"body":"sharing this stuff with you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2720.4,"endTime":2723.28,"body":"guys. Yeah, it's gonna be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2720.4,"endTime":2723.28,"body":"awesome. So, thank you for being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2723.28,"endTime":2725.53,"body":"here with us. And until next"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2723.28,"endTime":2725.53,"body":"time, I'm Matt"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2725.8,"endTime":2726.61,"body":"pace."}]}