{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":0.0,"endTime":1.56,"body":"If you ever want to know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":0.0,"endTime":1.56,"body":"what your expectations for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1.56,"endTime":5.04,"body":"someone should be, watch them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1.56,"endTime":5.04,"body":"and record what they do. Those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":5.04,"endTime":7.35,"body":"are the expectations you should"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":5.04,"endTime":7.35,"body":"have. They should not be what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":7.35,"endTime":10.41,"body":"you think they should do. Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":7.35,"endTime":10.41,"body":"They should be what they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":10.47,"endTime":14.34,"body":"actually are doing. 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It's paradoxical love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":415.92,"endTime":420.69,"body":"means getting closer, it means"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":420.69,"endTime":424.98,"body":"bonding, it means, you know,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":420.69,"endTime":424.98,"body":"giving, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":424.98,"endTime":428.25,"body":"to do sharing your lives"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":424.98,"endTime":428.25,"body":"together to tattoo with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":428.25,"endTime":432.45,"body":"loves a little confusing,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":428.25,"endTime":432.45,"body":"yeah. But it is, it is something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":432.45,"endTime":437.76,"body":"that is required. As part of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":432.45,"endTime":437.76,"body":"your recovery, as part of your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":437.76,"endTime":439.95,"body":"recovery as part of your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":437.76,"endTime":439.95,"body":"empowerment this this has to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":439.95,"endTime":442.77,"body":"happen at some point for Paige,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":439.95,"endTime":442.77,"body":"this happened naturally over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":442.77,"endTime":446.34,"body":"time. You weren't even really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":442.77,"endTime":446.34,"body":"aware of what this concept was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":446.34,"endTime":448.92,"body":"when you were doing it? No, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":446.34,"endTime":448.92,"body":"has always been fascinating to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":448.92,"endTime":450.33,"body":"me, because I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":448.92,"endTime":450.33,"body":"psychologically, there's,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":450.36,"endTime":453.27,"body":"there's something there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":450.36,"endTime":453.27,"body":"absolutely, but I do think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":453.27,"endTime":456.57,"body":"you can also make decision to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":453.27,"endTime":456.57,"body":"this. It's just it's tough."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":456.57,"endTime":458.79,"body":"Either way, it's really tough to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":456.57,"endTime":458.79,"body":"become educated about it, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":458.79,"endTime":463.02,"body":"can start practicing. Okay, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":458.79,"endTime":463.02,"body":"I am keenly aware that something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":463.02,"endTime":467.82,"body":"like 90, about 94% of our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":463.02,"endTime":467.82,"body":"audience is female just pulled"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":467.82,"endTime":471.51,"body":"that out of your book. 92%. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":467.82,"endTime":471.51,"body":"it's gone up. And I want to say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":471.51,"endTime":474.42,"body":"it's not quite you looked at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":471.51,"endTime":474.42,"body":"that. Yeah. Yeah. It's like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":474.42,"endTime":475.62,"body":"roughly 8% of our audience is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":475.62,"endTime":478.29,"body":"men, you know, state"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":475.62,"endTime":478.29,"body":"stats, you like your stat man."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":478.32,"endTime":485.55,"body":"So I'm a stern, man. Nice."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":478.32,"endTime":485.55,"body":"That's good. All right. So I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":485.55,"endTime":489.69,"body":"aware that I'm talking to mostly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":485.55,"endTime":489.69,"body":"women, but stick with my little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":489.69,"endTime":492.63,"body":"tiny male brain here as I tried"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":489.69,"endTime":492.63,"body":"to come up with an analogy that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":492.63,"endTime":495.96,"body":"used to tell me I had a small"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":492.63,"endTime":495.96,"body":"brain that was a joke from Barat"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":495.96,"endTime":498.93,"body":"and was honest, you still said"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":495.96,"endTime":498.93,"body":"it, I think in I don't want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":498.93,"endTime":501.96,"body":"say out loud here, but I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":498.93,"endTime":501.96,"body":"women are usually smarter than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":501.96,"endTime":502.89,"body":"most guys, but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":503.28,"endTime":504.6,"body":"we are emotional"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":503.28,"endTime":504.6,"body":"emotionally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":504.6,"endTime":508.23,"body":"are blown out of the water"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":504.6,"endTime":508.23,"body":"for sure. For sure, but anyway,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":508.23,"endTime":511.77,"body":"yeah. Anyway, so I'm gonna I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":508.23,"endTime":511.77,"body":"going to relate this as best I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":511.77,"endTime":515.19,"body":"can to like, a concept that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":511.77,"endTime":515.19,"body":"understand that I think a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":515.19,"endTime":518.49,"body":"people can also understand,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":515.19,"endTime":518.49,"body":"Okay, talk football for just a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":518.49,"endTime":521.43,"body":"moment. Sports for just a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":518.49,"endTime":521.43,"body":"moment. Okay, I don't leave"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":521.49,"endTime":526.23,"body":"stick around. Okay, so I am a I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":521.49,"endTime":526.23,"body":"am a fan of a of a team called"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":526.23,"endTime":529.86,"body":"the Dallas Cowboys. Please don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":526.23,"endTime":529.86,"body":"turn this off. Please don't turn"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":529.86,"endTime":532.86,"body":"this off. Okay. If you're a fan"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":529.86,"endTime":532.86,"body":"and someone's I promise, we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":532.86,"endTime":534.81,"body":"not the weird annoying ones."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":532.86,"endTime":534.81,"body":"Like we're not the ones that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.81,"endTime":538.32,"body":"like oh, you know, we were born"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":534.81,"endTime":538.32,"body":"and raised very realistic, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":538.32,"endTime":541.2,"body":"understand like, like, they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":538.32,"endTime":541.2,"body":"they've been trashed for a long"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":541.2,"endTime":544.77,"body":"time. Yeah. And that's part of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":541.2,"endTime":544.77,"body":"the story actually. So at one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":544.77,"endTime":547.68,"body":"point in my life, they were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":544.77,"endTime":547.68,"body":"winning Super Bowls, and they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":547.68,"endTime":550.77,"body":"were like kings of the world and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":547.68,"endTime":550.77,"body":"I fell in love with them."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":551.1,"endTime":553.32,"body":"absolutely fell in love with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":551.1,"endTime":553.32,"body":"them. They had shown me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":553.32,"endTime":556.74,"body":"something so amazing when I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":553.32,"endTime":556.74,"body":"a little kid. And I sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":556.74,"endTime":559.2,"body":"thought like there's more of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":556.74,"endTime":559.2,"body":"this to come this is what it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":559.2,"endTime":563.4,"body":"like to be a fan of this team."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":559.2,"endTime":563.4,"body":"And for the next 25 years, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":563.4,"endTime":566.79,"body":"know what they did? l just l"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":563.4,"endTime":566.79,"body":"after l after just has"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":566.79,"endTime":569.46,"body":"disappointed me they're just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":566.79,"endTime":569.46,"body":"good enough to break your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":569.46,"endTime":574.17,"body":"freaking heart and I used to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":569.46,"endTime":574.17,"body":"so worked up watching them and I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":574.17,"endTime":579.0,"body":"would be like upset for days"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":574.17,"endTime":579.0,"body":"after a loss like really upset"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":579.0,"endTime":582.06,"body":"like so invested the point where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":579.0,"endTime":582.06,"body":"you're like, you're in it and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":582.06,"endTime":584.88,"body":"like you get visceral reactions"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":582.06,"endTime":584.88,"body":"like you get angry you get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":584.88,"endTime":588.9,"body":"worked up stress you name it. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":584.88,"endTime":588.9,"body":"don't do that anymore. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":588.9,"endTime":593.73,"body":"detached with love. Yeah, do I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":588.9,"endTime":593.73,"body":"love them any less? No, still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":593.76,"endTime":598.8,"body":"love them to death. I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":593.76,"endTime":598.8,"body":"changed my expectations of them,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":598.83,"endTime":601.2,"body":"which is where we're gonna run"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":598.83,"endTime":601.2,"body":"conversation I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":601.2,"endTime":605.37,"body":"expectations have so much to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":601.2,"endTime":605.37,"body":"with your ability to detach from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":605.37,"endTime":610.05,"body":"someone or something in this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":605.37,"endTime":610.05,"body":"case, because my expectations"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":610.05,"endTime":613.11,"body":"were, they're going to be great."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":610.05,"endTime":613.11,"body":"They showed me they were great"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":613.11,"endTime":616.68,"body":"one time, they're going to keep"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":613.11,"endTime":616.68,"body":"being great. But reality was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":617.28,"endTime":621.84,"body":"they were patterns were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":617.28,"endTime":621.84,"body":"showing you sorta, what garbage"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":621.87,"endTime":624.78,"body":"Would you just say by sort"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":621.87,"endTime":624.78,"body":"of Spanish for garbage?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":624.81,"endTime":627.0,"body":"I didn't know that. Oh, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":624.81,"endTime":627.0,"body":"learned something new today."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":627.0,"endTime":630.03,"body":"Sounds like I took German in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":627.0,"endTime":630.03,"body":"high school"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":630.03,"endTime":632.79,"body":"and President German"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":630.03,"endTime":632.79,"body":"clever, so yeah, okay. Well,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":632.79,"endTime":636.0,"body":"anyway, they've been trashed."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":632.79,"endTime":636.0,"body":"And they've shown me that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":636.18,"endTime":638.73,"body":"they're just pretty good."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":636.18,"endTime":638.73,"body":"They're not great. They're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":638.73,"endTime":641.52,"body":"pretty good. And I should expect"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":638.73,"endTime":641.52,"body":"them to be pretty good. If I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":641.52,"endTime":645.27,"body":"expect them to be high caliber"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":641.52,"endTime":645.27,"body":"Super Bowl winning team. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":645.3,"endTime":647.7,"body":"then that's on me. Yes, at some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":645.3,"endTime":647.7,"body":"point,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":647.73,"endTime":648.51,"body":"I'm like, really?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":648.54,"endTime":651.63,"body":"Where's that come from?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":648.54,"endTime":651.63,"body":"Oh, being overly optimistic,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":651.66,"endTime":654.84,"body":"only looking at the positive,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":651.66,"endTime":654.84,"body":"discounting all the negative?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":655.23,"endTime":657.03,"body":"We're gonna talk a bit about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":655.23,"endTime":657.03,"body":"that. I think we can learn"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":657.03,"endTime":659.55,"body":"something from this analogy. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":657.03,"endTime":659.55,"body":"then just keep that in mind for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":659.55,"endTime":661.62,"body":"a moment as we as we go. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":661.62,"endTime":666.63,"body":"couldn't think of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":661.62,"endTime":666.63,"body":"something similar for females or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":666.66,"endTime":669.63,"body":"something else, please do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":666.66,"endTime":669.63,"body":"because I don't know. And not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":669.63,"endTime":672.36,"body":"necessarily females, because I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":669.63,"endTime":672.36,"body":"love I love football. And I like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":672.36,"endTime":675.72,"body":"sports. So yeah, you do. You've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":672.36,"endTime":675.72,"body":"always been good. I couldn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":675.72,"endTime":677.31,"body":"think of anything, but I thought"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":675.72,"endTime":677.31,"body":"that was interesting. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":677.31,"endTime":678.75,"body":"thought it went really well."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":677.31,"endTime":678.75,"body":"Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":678.75,"endTime":681.69,"body":"so preface the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":678.75,"endTime":681.69,"body":"conversation with that. So go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":681.69,"endTime":683.64,"body":"ahead. Take it from here. Okay."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":683.67,"endTime":687.24,"body":"I was gonna ask. So when"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":683.67,"endTime":687.24,"body":"a good question would be when do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":687.24,"endTime":688.44,"body":"you start detaching?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":689.13,"endTime":693.39,"body":"That's a loaded question."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":689.13,"endTime":693.39,"body":"I think that the best answer,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":693.39,"endTime":698.82,"body":"though, is you need to detach"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":693.39,"endTime":698.82,"body":"when you seem to care more about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":698.82,"endTime":700.59,"body":"another person's well being than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":698.82,"endTime":700.59,"body":"they do."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":700.65,"endTime":704.04,"body":"That's huge. And that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":700.65,"endTime":704.04,"body":"what naturally happened with us."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":704.43,"endTime":708.0,"body":"Honestly, yeah. Because I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":704.43,"endTime":708.0,"body":"like, I care too much. And he's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":708.0,"endTime":711.03,"body":"not doing anything. So I'm just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":708.0,"endTime":711.03,"body":"gonna start detaching. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":711.03,"endTime":713.34,"body":"difficult, but I think a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":711.03,"endTime":713.34,"body":"lot of people know what that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":713.34,"endTime":715.95,"body":"feels like to care more about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":713.34,"endTime":715.95,"body":"someone's well being their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":715.95,"endTime":719.46,"body":"future than reaching their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":715.95,"endTime":719.46,"body":"potential dangerous word"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":719.46,"endTime":723.33,"body":"potential, then they do right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":719.46,"endTime":723.33,"body":"than they do. Right. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":723.33,"endTime":727.2,"body":"where we start is like, when do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":723.33,"endTime":727.2,"body":"you do this? You're probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":727.2,"endTime":727.53,"body":"there."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":727.56,"endTime":730.11,"body":"Yeah, you're probably"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":727.56,"endTime":730.11,"body":"definitely absolutely well, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":730.44,"endTime":733.77,"body":"detached still. Like I'm,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":730.44,"endTime":733.77,"body":"that's, we'll get to that in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":733.77,"endTime":736.41,"body":"just a moment. Yeah, that's an"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":733.77,"endTime":736.41,"body":"it but I do want to tell you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":736.41,"endTime":741.42,"body":"that. Yes. So another question."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":736.41,"endTime":741.42,"body":"I think that's big is like, does"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":741.42,"endTime":743.64,"body":"it need to be communicated with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":741.42,"endTime":743.64,"body":"your partner that you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":743.64,"endTime":746.82,"body":"detaching? Do you have to say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":743.64,"endTime":746.82,"body":"like, say like, Hey, morning,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":746.82,"endTime":750.33,"body":"just let you know, I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":746.82,"endTime":750.33,"body":"detach, like, sir, I'm gonna go"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":750.33,"endTime":752.7,"body":"do that. No, you don't have to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":750.33,"endTime":752.7,"body":"tell them what you're doing or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":752.7,"endTime":755.46,"body":"why you're doing it. You know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":752.7,"endTime":755.46,"body":"only boundaries need to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":755.46,"endTime":758.97,"body":"communicated. But say like, I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":755.46,"endTime":758.97,"body":"you need to go do some self care"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":758.97,"endTime":761.25,"body":"or something. He's like, I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":758.97,"endTime":761.25,"body":"gonna go to the gym. That's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":761.25,"endTime":763.98,"body":"you're detaching a little bit,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":761.25,"endTime":763.98,"body":"but you're not telling them? Oh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":763.98,"endTime":766.2,"body":"yeah, I'm doing this because I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":763.98,"endTime":766.2,"body":"need to detach from your apps."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":766.2,"endTime":768.66,"body":"You know, it's not like that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":766.2,"endTime":768.66,"body":"It's not how you go about it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":768.69,"endTime":771.09,"body":"Right? It's just an action that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":768.69,"endTime":771.09,"body":"you take."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":771.12,"endTime":773.16,"body":"You don't necessarily have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":771.12,"endTime":773.16,"body":"to spell it out for them. Right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":773.25,"endTime":778.2,"body":"Right. Okay, kick us off here."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":773.25,"endTime":778.2,"body":"Okay, so I just kicked it off."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":778.23,"endTime":782.4,"body":"Well, this is your episode. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":778.23,"endTime":782.4,"body":"the outline was real. You You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":782.4,"endTime":784.11,"body":"wrote you write the best"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":782.4,"endTime":784.11,"body":"episodes. So yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":784.11,"endTime":787.41,"body":"but it's like this one's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":784.11,"endTime":787.41,"body":"all over the place. So detaching"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":789.24,"endTime":791.91,"body":"is important in all"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":789.24,"endTime":791.91,"body":"relationships. This is not just"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":791.94,"endTime":794.97,"body":"for the relationships that we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":791.94,"endTime":794.97,"body":"deal with."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":795.12,"endTime":797.34,"body":"Yeah, like you see this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":795.12,"endTime":797.34,"body":"present and not just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":797.34,"endTime":799.86,"body":"relationships addicts"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":797.34,"endTime":799.86,"body":"alcoholics, but even in with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":799.86,"endTime":801.75,"body":"your children. This"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":801.75,"endTime":805.44,"body":"happened This is healthy,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":801.75,"endTime":805.44,"body":"detaching is healthy, it's it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":805.44,"endTime":809.22,"body":"a part of being interdependent"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":805.44,"endTime":809.22,"body":"with your with people."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":809.49,"endTime":813.36,"body":"Another term for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":809.49,"endTime":813.36,"body":"detachment that you probably are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":813.36,"endTime":817.74,"body":"very aware of, and very much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":813.36,"endTime":817.74,"body":"understand is tough love. Tough"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":817.74,"endTime":820.05,"body":"Love is very similar to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":817.74,"endTime":820.05,"body":"detaching with love."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":820.11,"endTime":823.5,"body":"And it's not tough love"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":820.11,"endTime":823.5,"body":"in a way of screaming, nagging,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":823.5,"endTime":826.32,"body":"yelling, telling somebody what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":823.5,"endTime":826.32,"body":"to do. No, that's not tough"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":826.32,"endTime":829.65,"body":"love. No tough love is allowing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":826.32,"endTime":829.65,"body":"people to have consequences for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":829.65,"endTime":832.83,"body":"their actions natural natural"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":829.65,"endTime":832.83,"body":"consequences reaction. Yes. That"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":832.83,"endTime":836.64,"body":"is that is like that's kind of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":832.83,"endTime":836.64,"body":"what tough love, I guess is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":836.64,"endTime":838.05,"body":"yeah, in my opinion."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":838.11,"endTime":841.29,"body":"A lot of the times"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":838.11,"endTime":841.29,"body":"partners of addicts alcoholics"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":841.29,"endTime":844.77,"body":"get thrown into this bucket with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":841.29,"endTime":844.77,"body":"this label called codependency."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":844.8,"endTime":849.39,"body":"Yes. And codependency I think,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":844.8,"endTime":849.39,"body":"what's the literature that's out"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":849.39,"endTime":851.73,"body":"there on it, we cover this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":849.39,"endTime":851.73,"body":"better in the course. But the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":851.73,"endTime":856.47,"body":"literature that's out there on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":851.73,"endTime":856.47,"body":"codependency does do a pretty"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":856.47,"endTime":859.59,"body":"good job of describing the types"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":856.47,"endTime":859.59,"body":"of personalities that are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":859.59,"endTime":862.74,"body":"present. And but I just, I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":859.59,"endTime":862.74,"body":"like the term at all. I don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":862.74,"endTime":866.13,"body":"like the label at all. I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":862.74,"endTime":866.13,"body":"it's whatever, I got my own"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":866.13,"endTime":868.5,"body":"opinions about it. But either"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":866.13,"endTime":868.5,"body":"way, generally what you have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":868.5,"endTime":872.19,"body":"though, is someone who is so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":868.5,"endTime":872.19,"body":"invested in the relationship"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":872.19,"endTime":874.29,"body":"that they're doing the work of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":872.19,"endTime":874.29,"body":"two people, it's one sided,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":874.38,"endTime":877.32,"body":"there they are. They're doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":874.38,"endTime":877.32,"body":"everything, they're doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":877.35,"endTime":879.42,"body":"absolutely everything and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":877.35,"endTime":879.42,"body":"they're receiving very little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":879.42,"endTime":881.22,"body":"back, right. It's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":881.25,"endTime":883.26,"body":"so you're you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":881.25,"endTime":883.26,"body":"overcompensating and you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":883.26,"endTime":886.98,"body":"trying to do everything to make"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":883.26,"endTime":886.98,"body":"this relationship work. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":886.98,"endTime":890.79,"body":"that's not an interdependence"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":886.98,"endTime":890.79,"body":"relationship."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":891.0,"endTime":895.14,"body":"No, and it's, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":891.0,"endTime":895.14,"body":"difficult because you lose your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":895.14,"endTime":898.71,"body":"identity and doing this lets you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":895.14,"endTime":898.71,"body":"do you become a shell of your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":898.71,"endTime":903.0,"body":"former self Um, if you find"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":898.71,"endTime":903.0,"body":"yourself becoming someone that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":903.0,"endTime":905.01,"body":"you don't even want to be like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":903.0,"endTime":905.01,"body":"you didn't get in this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":905.01,"endTime":907.35,"body":"relationship, so you could be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":905.01,"endTime":907.35,"body":"someone's mother. Yeah, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":907.35,"endTime":909.51,"body":"didn't get this relationship so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":907.35,"endTime":909.51,"body":"that you could parent them."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":909.51,"endTime":912.18,"body":"Right? You didn't get in this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":909.51,"endTime":912.18,"body":"relationship, because you wanted"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":912.18,"endTime":916.92,"body":"to look, look out for someone or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":912.18,"endTime":916.92,"body":"look over someone. 24/7. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":917.34,"endTime":920.1,"body":"you fell in love, because they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":917.34,"endTime":920.1,"body":"showed you something just like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":920.1,"endTime":922.59,"body":"that team showed me something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":920.1,"endTime":922.59,"body":"all those years ago. And then we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":922.59,"endTime":925.32,"body":"held on to that a little too"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":922.59,"endTime":925.32,"body":"tightly. Yep. And as things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":925.32,"endTime":928.92,"body":"start to veer away, we held on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":925.32,"endTime":928.92,"body":"to that a little too long. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":928.92,"endTime":931.62,"body":"then what do you do about it,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":928.92,"endTime":931.62,"body":"you detach with love, this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":931.62,"endTime":936.84,"body":"the first step in empowerment is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":931.62,"endTime":936.84,"body":"detaching with love. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":936.84,"endTime":939.9,"body":"difficult, though, because the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":936.84,"endTime":939.9,"body":"concept in itself, like let's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":939.9,"endTime":942.39,"body":"put the cards on the table here,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":939.9,"endTime":942.39,"body":"and like what's really going on?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":942.81,"endTime":946.68,"body":"In so many ways you are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":942.81,"endTime":946.68,"body":"preparing yourself for some type"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":946.68,"endTime":949.59,"body":"of a separation, or just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":946.68,"endTime":949.59,"body":"becoming independent, well,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":949.62,"endTime":952.32,"body":"whether there'll be an emotional"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":949.62,"endTime":952.32,"body":"separation, or physical"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":952.32,"endTime":956.13,"body":"separation, and many ways you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":952.32,"endTime":956.13,"body":"are looking at the reality of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":956.13,"endTime":959.7,"body":"your relationship. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":956.13,"endTime":959.7,"body":"removing any expectations that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":959.7,"endTime":962.16,"body":"you used to have, and you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":959.7,"endTime":962.16,"body":"replacing that with the reality"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":962.16,"endTime":966.84,"body":"of what is yes. And coming to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":962.16,"endTime":966.84,"body":"terms with that reality involves"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":966.84,"endTime":970.83,"body":"grieving. Yes, it involves a lot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":966.84,"endTime":970.83,"body":"of times depression, it involves"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":970.86,"endTime":974.97,"body":"anxiety, it involves a very,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":970.86,"endTime":974.97,"body":"very dark time in your life, as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":974.97,"endTime":977.97,"body":"you grieve your relationship as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":974.97,"endTime":977.97,"body":"you grieve the person that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":977.97,"endTime":981.24,"body":"love, as you grieve the dreams"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":977.97,"endTime":981.24,"body":"that you had. That's what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":981.24,"endTime":983.88,"body":"detaching with Love is like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":981.24,"endTime":983.88,"body":"this is serious business, right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":983.88,"endTime":985.89,"body":"This isn't something that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":983.88,"endTime":985.89,"body":"hear about today, and that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":985.89,"endTime":988.77,"body":"you're doing this weekend. This"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":985.89,"endTime":988.77,"body":"is a process that takes place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":989.07,"endTime":991.89,"body":"over the course of years,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":989.07,"endTime":991.89,"body":"sometimes, sometimes shorter"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":991.89,"endTime":994.8,"body":"depends on how bad things have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":991.89,"endTime":994.8,"body":"gotten. Sometimes it's easier to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":994.8,"endTime":998.43,"body":"detach, when you can just give"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":994.8,"endTime":998.43,"body":"yourself permission, but you've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":998.43,"endTime":1002.15,"body":"got all the experience in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":998.43,"endTime":1002.15,"body":"world to be like beat down, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1002.15,"endTime":1005.24,"body":"know, emotionally by somebody"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1002.15,"endTime":1005.24,"body":"for a long period of time. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1005.24,"endTime":1008.6,"body":"like it's sort of easy whenever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1005.24,"endTime":1008.6,"body":"they make it easy for you. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1008.6,"endTime":1012.77,"body":"sometimes it's not so easy."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1008.6,"endTime":1012.77,"body":"Sometimes. I was kind of what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1012.77,"endTime":1015.44,"body":"they call it like a sad"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1012.77,"endTime":1015.44,"body":"alcoholic, like the sad type"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1015.47,"endTime":1018.98,"body":"where it's like, I wasn't really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1015.47,"endTime":1018.98,"body":"I wasn't, I was a fun drunk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1018.98,"endTime":1024.2,"body":"kinda and like, on the surface,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1018.98,"endTime":1024.2,"body":"I was pretty great. But if you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1024.2,"endTime":1027.14,"body":"lived with me, it was totally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1024.2,"endTime":1027.14,"body":"different. So to do this, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1027.14,"endTime":1029.45,"body":"you're gonna feel the judgment"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1027.14,"endTime":1029.45,"body":"coming from people around you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1030.2,"endTime":1032.45,"body":"You might feel like, oh my god,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1030.2,"endTime":1032.45,"body":"it's just the wrong thing to do."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1032.45,"endTime":1035.84,"body":"Am I giving up too soon? Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1032.45,"endTime":1035.84,"body":"It's I can just tell you that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1035.84,"endTime":1038.87,"body":"from an alcoholic and addict"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1035.84,"endTime":1038.87,"body":"perspective is that generally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1038.9,"endTime":1041.33,"body":"addiction is progressive. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1038.9,"endTime":1041.33,"body":"gets worse over time. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1041.36,"endTime":1044.39,"body":"seldom ever gets better. I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1041.36,"endTime":1044.39,"body":"never actually seen it get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1044.39,"endTime":1046.55,"body":"better. I've never seen someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1044.39,"endTime":1046.55,"body":"I've personally never seen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1046.55,"endTime":1051.41,"body":"someone just learn how to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1046.55,"endTime":1051.41,"body":"control. Alcoholic type drinking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1051.41,"endTime":1054.14,"body":"or addict behavior. They don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1051.41,"endTime":1054.14,"body":"just figure it out moderate."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1054.5,"endTime":1057.47,"body":"Over time, we test the bounds"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1054.5,"endTime":1057.47,"body":"over and over and over. And that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1057.47,"endTime":1060.89,"body":"takes years. Yes. But in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1057.47,"endTime":1060.89,"body":"newsletter, actually, I wrote"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1060.89,"endTime":1065.0,"body":"this. I wrote like a blurb,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1060.89,"endTime":1065.0,"body":"which call this blog to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1065.0,"endTime":1068.48,"body":"newsletter still new for me, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1065.0,"endTime":1068.48,"body":"about how codependency and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1068.48,"endTime":1072.68,"body":"addiction are very similar. Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1068.48,"endTime":1072.68,"body":"And they are, as an addict, here"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1072.68,"endTime":1078.35,"body":"was my MO I would, I would use"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1072.68,"endTime":1078.35,"body":"drugs, alcohol, understand that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1078.35,"endTime":1080.72,"body":"it was bad for me, because I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1078.35,"endTime":1080.72,"body":"would have consequences of some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1080.72,"endTime":1085.49,"body":"kind. We're out of money, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1080.72,"endTime":1085.49,"body":"would miss something I would get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1085.49,"endTime":1089.87,"body":"yelled at like some stuff would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1085.49,"endTime":1089.87,"body":"happen. And I would conclude not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1089.87,"endTime":1092.78,"body":"that I couldn't use drugs and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1089.87,"endTime":1092.78,"body":"alcohol, I would conclude that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1092.78,"endTime":1095.12,"body":"just haven't found the right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1092.78,"endTime":1095.12,"body":"mixture or the right amounts."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1095.36,"endTime":1098.54,"body":"And I would try and try and try"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1095.36,"endTime":1098.54,"body":"and try codependents do much the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1098.54,"endTime":1102.08,"body":"same thing. When they're when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1098.54,"endTime":1102.08,"body":"their efforts to change,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1102.29,"endTime":1106.88,"body":"somebody have failed. They don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1102.29,"endTime":1106.88,"body":"conclude I just can't control"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1106.88,"endTime":1109.4,"body":"this person. What they do is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1106.88,"endTime":1109.4,"body":"they just try harder and they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1109.4,"endTime":1112.67,"body":"try different things."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1109.4,"endTime":1112.67,"body":"Oftentimes, when people find us"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1112.67,"endTime":1113.87,"body":"that's what they're doing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1112.67,"endTime":1113.87,"body":"They're like, Oh, well, they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1113.87,"endTime":1117.02,"body":"probably have the answer. They"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1113.87,"endTime":1117.02,"body":"know how to fix them. Yeah, they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1117.02,"endTime":1119.54,"body":"know how to fix this person. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1117.02,"endTime":1119.54,"body":"but we don't, we don't like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1119.54,"endTime":1122.93,"body":"there is no magic bullet"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1119.54,"endTime":1122.93,"body":"solution to fix somebody or make"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1122.93,"endTime":1125.81,"body":"them want the life that you want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1122.93,"endTime":1125.81,"body":"for them. But if you care more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1125.81,"endTime":1129.35,"body":"about your well being they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1125.81,"endTime":1129.35,"body":"welcoming they do. It's time to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1129.35,"endTime":1132.02,"body":"begin to detach with love."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1129.35,"endTime":1132.02,"body":"Right? This is for you."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1132.05,"endTime":1134.72,"body":"Yes. That's why you need"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1132.05,"endTime":1134.72,"body":"to shift it like the detaching"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1134.72,"endTime":1139.01,"body":"with love. It's not necessarily"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1134.72,"endTime":1139.01,"body":"like detaching with love and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1139.01,"endTime":1141.47,"body":"loving them. Like you do love"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1139.01,"endTime":1141.47,"body":"them. You always have compassion"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1141.47,"endTime":1145.04,"body":"for them. But it's shifting it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1141.47,"endTime":1145.04,"body":"to love and yourself. You're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1145.04,"endTime":1147.89,"body":"doing this because you love"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1145.04,"endTime":1147.89,"body":"yourself. It's an act of loving"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1147.89,"endTime":1152.81,"body":"yourself. And that can help you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1147.89,"endTime":1152.81,"body":"to like shift your mind. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1152.87,"endTime":1155.57,"body":"so we're gonna go through the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1152.87,"endTime":1155.57,"body":"stages. There are some stages."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1156.11,"endTime":1158.75,"body":"Just want to say them. Okay, so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1156.11,"endTime":1158.75,"body":"the first one is acceptance,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1158.78,"endTime":1161.18,"body":"like you said earlier about, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1158.78,"endTime":1161.18,"body":"know, looking at your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1161.18,"endTime":1164.96,"body":"relationship that it's one sided"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1161.18,"endTime":1164.96,"body":"and having that grief period"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1164.96,"endTime":1167.21,"body":"that goes along with it because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1164.96,"endTime":1167.21,"body":"it is difficult to look at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1167.21,"endTime":1171.11,"body":"reality sometimes. Yeah. Part"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1167.21,"endTime":1171.11,"body":"two is going to under be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1171.11,"endTime":1173.87,"body":"understanding your role. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1171.11,"endTime":1173.87,"body":"this is difficult as well,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1173.9,"endTime":1176.99,"body":"because we do have a role in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1173.9,"endTime":1176.99,"body":"this. This is the codependency"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1176.99,"endTime":1181.76,"body":"and understanding that we cannot"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1176.99,"endTime":1181.76,"body":"fix another person. But I take"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1181.76,"endTime":1185.15,"body":"this as being a relief because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1181.76,"endTime":1185.15,"body":"you're only responsible for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1185.15,"endTime":1188.6,"body":"yourself. Like you got to let go"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1185.15,"endTime":1188.6,"body":"of that control. And then"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1188.6,"endTime":1192.23,"body":"sometimes when we take on their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1188.6,"endTime":1192.23,"body":"emotions, our self awareness"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1192.26,"endTime":1196.94,"body":"becomes cloudy, because it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1192.26,"endTime":1196.94,"body":"we're taking on so much of their"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1196.94,"endTime":1199.97,"body":"stuff. We don't know where our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1196.94,"endTime":1199.97,"body":"emotions are, your focus is so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1203.18,"body":"so on, then you're not looking"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1200.0,"endTime":1203.18,"body":"at yourself, and you have to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1203.18,"endTime":1209.33,"body":"self aware in order to make"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1203.18,"endTime":1209.33,"body":"changes. The third step is going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1209.33,"endTime":1212.27,"body":"to be minding your own business,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1209.33,"endTime":1212.27,"body":"which is one of the things that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1212.3,"endTime":1215.09,"body":"I learned in therapy. Because"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1212.3,"endTime":1215.09,"body":"I'm an empath, I take on your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1215.09,"endTime":1217.31,"body":"emotions. So I would always say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1215.09,"endTime":1217.31,"body":"mind your own business, mind,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1217.31,"endTime":1219.35,"body":"your business, mind your own"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1217.31,"endTime":1219.35,"body":"business, and that would help me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1220.04,"endTime":1222.95,"body":"detach from whatever it is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1220.04,"endTime":1222.95,"body":"you're going through. And then I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1222.95,"endTime":1225.8,"body":"could focus more on me, it was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1222.95,"endTime":1225.8,"body":"just too much to take on your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1225.8,"endTime":1233.0,"body":"stuff. The next step is setting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1225.8,"endTime":1233.0,"body":"boundaries. Figure out what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1233.0,"endTime":1236.75,"body":"behaviors you don't like, write"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1233.0,"endTime":1236.75,"body":"it down, then figure out what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1236.75,"endTime":1239.66,"body":"the values you like write them"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1236.75,"endTime":1239.66,"body":"down, and then go listen to our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1239.66,"endTime":1240.71,"body":"boundary setting series."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1241.43,"endTime":1243.35,"body":"Boundaries, protect your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1241.43,"endTime":1243.35,"body":"values, when your values are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1243.35,"endTime":1245.96,"body":"being violated. That's often"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1243.35,"endTime":1245.96,"body":"what causes the anxiety and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1245.96,"endTime":1249.98,"body":"hurts and the everything else."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1245.96,"endTime":1249.98,"body":"So boundaries, boundaries serve"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1250.01,"endTime":1252.08,"body":"to protect your values. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1252.14,"endTime":1255.89,"body":"yeah. And so setting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1252.14,"endTime":1255.89,"body":"boundaries is a form of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1255.89,"endTime":1259.64,"body":"detaching with love. It is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1255.89,"endTime":1259.64,"body":"honestly like everything a part"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1259.64,"endTime":1263.9,"body":"of the recovery. Everything in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1259.64,"endTime":1263.9,"body":"your recovery is detaching with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1263.9,"endTime":1267.26,"body":"love, you're finding a healthy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1263.9,"endTime":1267.26,"body":"balance for yourself. I almost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1267.26,"endTime":1269.45,"body":"think detaching with love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1267.26,"endTime":1269.45,"body":"is almost just a better name for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1269.45,"endTime":1270.92,"body":"the entire process."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1271.76,"endTime":1274.07,"body":"Because it's not just as"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1271.76,"endTime":1274.07,"body":"simple as you do this and that,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1274.07,"endTime":1279.2,"body":"you know, it's like all of it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1274.07,"endTime":1279.2,"body":"It's shifting your, your focus"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1279.2,"endTime":1282.47,"body":"on yourself instead of on the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1279.2,"endTime":1282.47,"body":"other person, right. But still"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1282.47,"endTime":1284.99,"body":"having compassion for the fact"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1282.47,"endTime":1284.99,"body":"that they are struggling, it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1284.99,"endTime":1287.21,"body":"just means that you can't fix"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1284.99,"endTime":1287.21,"body":"their struggles. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1287.21,"endTime":1289.13,"body":"this isn't like fixing a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1287.21,"endTime":1289.13,"body":"washing machine like you don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1289.13,"endTime":1291.38,"body":"look up like how to like, I can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1289.13,"endTime":1291.38,"body":"look up how to fix a washing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1291.38,"endTime":1293.51,"body":"machine. Yeah, figure it out."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1291.38,"endTime":1293.51,"body":"Yeah, and a YouTube video,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1293.54,"endTime":1297.5,"body":"right? It's not like a 123 tasks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1293.54,"endTime":1297.5,"body":"like this is very much like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1297.5,"endTime":1300.44,"body":"we're giving you the steps. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1297.5,"endTime":1300.44,"body":"this is going to be very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1300.44,"endTime":1302.3,"body":"individual. It's why it's really"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1302.69,"endTime":1306.14,"body":"difficult to talk about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1302.69,"endTime":1306.14,"body":"this topic. It's different for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1306.14,"endTime":1309.23,"body":"everyone. And it's all the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1306.14,"endTime":1309.23,"body":"articles that we've looked up."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1309.26,"endTime":1311.33,"body":"They're all difficult. I mean,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1309.26,"endTime":1311.33,"body":"they're all They're all"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1311.33,"endTime":1314.6,"body":"different. Yeah, yeah, they're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1311.33,"endTime":1314.6,"body":"very, you have to like start"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1314.6,"endTime":1317.96,"body":"living it to truly understand"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1314.6,"endTime":1317.96,"body":"what it means you're right about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1317.96,"endTime":1320.69,"body":"that. Alright, so once you've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1317.96,"endTime":1320.69,"body":"set boundaries, another part,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1320.72,"endTime":1322.91,"body":"the next part is going to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1320.72,"endTime":1322.91,"body":"focusing on self care. And we"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1322.91,"endTime":1325.46,"body":"talked about this all the time."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1322.91,"endTime":1325.46,"body":"A lot of people talk about it,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1325.46,"endTime":1328.91,"body":"and it's like, okay, well, what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1325.46,"endTime":1328.91,"body":"is it, you know, so journaling,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1328.94,"endTime":1331.79,"body":"exercising, eating healthy, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1328.94,"endTime":1331.79,"body":"know, it's doing something"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1331.82,"endTime":1335.84,"body":"uncomfortable, that benefits you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1331.82,"endTime":1335.84,"body":"in the future. And our course"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1335.84,"endTime":1338.99,"body":"actually goes into depth on self"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1335.84,"endTime":1338.99,"body":"care, which is really awesome."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1339.02,"endTime":1342.11,"body":"Because we get a lot we get into"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1339.02,"endTime":1342.11,"body":"detail a lot about journaling"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1342.11,"endTime":1345.59,"body":"and other things that you can do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1342.11,"endTime":1345.59,"body":"for self care and why it is so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1345.59,"endTime":1349.76,"body":"important. Like we really go"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1345.59,"endTime":1349.76,"body":"into detail on that. And the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1349.76,"endTime":1352.7,"body":"biggest thing that I can say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1349.76,"endTime":1352.7,"body":"about self care is that that is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1352.73,"endTime":1356.48,"body":"the only thing we have control"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1352.73,"endTime":1356.48,"body":"over in this life,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1356.9,"endTime":1360.5,"body":"your reality, your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1356.9,"endTime":1360.5,"body":"reactions, your responses, and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1360.5,"endTime":1361.61,"body":"how you treat yourself,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1361.7,"endTime":1366.26,"body":"yes, your self care is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1361.7,"endTime":1366.26,"body":"like you're trying to control"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1366.26,"endTime":1371.3,"body":"somebody else in their behaviors"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1366.26,"endTime":1371.3,"body":"and change them. You are letting"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1371.3,"endTime":1374.06,"body":"out so much energy that doesn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1371.3,"endTime":1374.06,"body":"serve its purpose, put that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1374.06,"endTime":1376.43,"body":"energy towards yourself, and you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1374.06,"endTime":1376.43,"body":"know that that's all that you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1376.43,"endTime":1382.07,"body":"have control over is what you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1376.43,"endTime":1382.07,"body":"do. Yes, it's hard. But it's so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1382.55,"endTime":1387.26,"body":"empowering when you do it. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1382.55,"endTime":1387.26,"body":"empowering. And then the next"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1387.26,"endTime":1390.14,"body":"one is going to be empathy"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1387.26,"endTime":1390.14,"body":"without enabling. And it's all"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1390.14,"endTime":1394.97,"body":"of this. We are all such black"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1390.14,"endTime":1394.97,"body":"and white thinkers, right? Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1395.21,"endTime":1397.04,"body":"that's the most common"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1395.21,"endTime":1397.04,"body":"cognitive distortion that he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1397.04,"endTime":1398.9,"body":"says, everyone has that? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1399.26,"endTime":1401.45,"body":"we all pretty much have"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1399.26,"endTime":1401.45,"body":"that. Because that's how our"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1401.45,"endTime":1404.57,"body":"brains function. So when you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1401.45,"endTime":1404.57,"body":"learning all of this stuff, it's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1404.57,"endTime":1407.99,"body":"going to be so gray, it's going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1404.57,"endTime":1407.99,"body":"to be it's going to teach you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1407.99,"endTime":1411.53,"body":"how to embrace the gray area."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1407.99,"endTime":1411.53,"body":"And that's where empathy with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1411.53,"endTime":1414.53,"body":"enabling, without enabling comes"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1411.53,"endTime":1414.53,"body":"into play, detaching"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1414.53,"endTime":1417.2,"body":"with Love is a gray area"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1414.53,"endTime":1417.2,"body":"concept. Yes. So oftentimes, our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1417.2,"endTime":1420.68,"body":"brains work in this character"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1417.2,"endTime":1420.68,"body":"categorization system where it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1420.68,"endTime":1424.73,"body":"like two files. It's either"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1420.68,"endTime":1424.73,"body":"black or white. It's either left"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1424.76,"endTime":1428.54,"body":"or right. It's either good or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1424.76,"endTime":1428.54,"body":"bad. When we get when we get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1428.54,"endTime":1431.45,"body":"this third option, there's kind"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1428.54,"endTime":1431.45,"body":"of gray kind of in between the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1431.45,"endTime":1433.22,"body":"two. We're like, wait, wait,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1431.45,"endTime":1433.22,"body":"wait, no, no, no, no, no."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1433.46,"endTime":1435.2,"body":"Because we never really been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1433.46,"endTime":1435.2,"body":"like, that's just how we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1435.2,"endTime":1436.19,"body":"raised. how our brains work"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1436.19,"endTime":1439.64,"body":"is how we learn. It's how"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1436.19,"endTime":1439.64,"body":"society teaches us as well. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1439.64,"endTime":1441.95,"body":"when it comes to this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1439.64,"endTime":1441.95,"body":"third area, it's like, wow, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1441.95,"endTime":1444.23,"body":"weird. Like there's more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1441.95,"endTime":1444.23,"body":"options. But once you figure it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1444.23,"endTime":1446.57,"body":"out, it's incredibly empowering"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1444.23,"endTime":1446.57,"body":"to know that like, you can carve"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1446.57,"endTime":1449.81,"body":"your own path, you can walk your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1446.57,"endTime":1449.81,"body":"own way you can do whatever you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1449.81,"endTime":1453.02,"body":"want. There's no rulebook that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1449.81,"endTime":1453.02,"body":"says, you have to follow that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1453.02,"endTime":1456.23,"body":"path or this path. You create"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1453.02,"endTime":1456.23,"body":"your own path. Yep. And this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1456.23,"endTime":1459.26,"body":"kind of the path that no one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1456.23,"endTime":1459.26,"body":"really discusses. And because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1459.26,"endTime":1463.1,"body":"you have to be empowered to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1459.26,"endTime":1463.1,"body":"it. There's not really a there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1463.1,"endTime":1466.64,"body":"not a tried tested method."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1463.1,"endTime":1466.64,"body":"That's like, Okay, we're gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1467.06,"endTime":1469.82,"body":"do this or do that. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1467.06,"endTime":1469.82,"body":"everyone knows how to be in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1469.82,"endTime":1472.64,"body":"relationship. Hollywood's taught"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1469.82,"endTime":1472.64,"body":"us how to do this. We naturally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1472.64,"endTime":1475.19,"body":"fall in love with people that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1472.64,"endTime":1475.19,"body":"know what love looks like. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1475.22,"endTime":1477.86,"body":"we also know what divorce looks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1475.22,"endTime":1477.86,"body":"like. We know what separation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1477.86,"endTime":1481.19,"body":"looks like. But what about the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1477.86,"endTime":1481.19,"body":"in between? What about this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1481.19,"endTime":1485.9,"body":"weird stage where like leaving"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1481.19,"endTime":1485.9,"body":"is not an option for me right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1485.9,"endTime":1490.1,"body":"now. Right? But I am with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1485.9,"endTime":1490.1,"body":"someone that breaks my heart"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1490.1,"endTime":1494.06,"body":"every single day. What's What do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1490.1,"endTime":1494.06,"body":"I do? This is what you do? You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1494.06,"endTime":1497.48,"body":"detach with love. It's the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1494.06,"endTime":1497.48,"body":"middle ground that bridges the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1497.48,"endTime":1500.66,"body":"two Yes, right. If you're not in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1497.48,"endTime":1500.66,"body":"love, and you're not You're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1500.66,"endTime":1505.25,"body":"separated. This is how you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1500.66,"endTime":1505.25,"body":"protect yourself and your esteem"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1505.28,"endTime":1511.22,"body":"and your soul. And your mind in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1505.28,"endTime":1511.22,"body":"between the two. Yeah. So that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1511.22,"endTime":1514.73,"body":"you can get to that place maybe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1511.22,"endTime":1514.73,"body":"one day safely. Or maybe maybe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1514.73,"endTime":1517.4,"body":"things come back the other way,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1514.73,"endTime":1517.4,"body":"like the differ us where you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1517.4,"endTime":1519.53,"body":"detach, and I was like, hang on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1517.4,"endTime":1519.53,"body":"timeout. You're not going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1519.53,"endTime":1522.68,"body":"anywhere. Yeah, I got to figure"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1519.53,"endTime":1522.68,"body":"this out. Right. And I did. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1523.49,"endTime":1526.1,"body":"we've been transparent about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1523.49,"endTime":1526.1,"body":"this. And we're beginning"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1526.13,"endTime":1528.83,"body":"that's, that's the more rare"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1526.13,"endTime":1528.83,"body":"case. A lot of other people will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1528.83,"endTime":1531.17,"body":"have to go the other direction."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1528.83,"endTime":1531.17,"body":"But there are also some people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1531.17,"endTime":1534.26,"body":"that stay in that middle area"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1531.17,"endTime":1534.26,"body":"for a long time. Yes. Like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1534.26,"endTime":1536.6,"body":"they're pretty comfortable"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1534.26,"endTime":1536.6,"body":"there. Yeah, that's cool, too."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1536.63,"endTime":1537.17,"body":"Yes."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1537.23,"endTime":1542.27,"body":"Yeah. And I did not"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1537.23,"endTime":1542.27,"body":"detach, to change, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1542.33,"endTime":1545.03,"body":"know? No, it was never a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1542.33,"endTime":1545.03,"body":"conscious thing, where it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1545.03,"endTime":1546.23,"body":"like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1546.23,"endTime":1549.44,"body":"do this. And maybe he'll"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1546.23,"endTime":1549.44,"body":"change his ways. No, it didn't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1549.47,"endTime":1552.44,"body":"it that's not what it was about."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1549.47,"endTime":1552.44,"body":"It was literally to take care of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1552.44,"endTime":1556.91,"body":"myself and our daughter and to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1552.44,"endTime":1556.91,"body":"become more independent, and be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1556.91,"endTime":1557.99,"body":"okay, without him."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1558.62,"endTime":1561.35,"body":"A word on that quickly."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1558.62,"endTime":1561.35,"body":"Yes, I think a lot of folks do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1561.35,"endTime":1567.26,"body":"that. So many times, spouses"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1561.35,"endTime":1567.26,"body":"partners, like as part of their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1567.26,"endTime":1571.19,"body":"effort to fix this person, fix"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1567.26,"endTime":1571.19,"body":"this alcoholic or this addict."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1571.7,"endTime":1575.15,"body":"They will throw out these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1571.7,"endTime":1575.15,"body":"ultimatum type things. A lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1575.15,"endTime":1579.98,"body":"times, these ultimatums come in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1575.15,"endTime":1579.98,"body":"the form of punishment. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1579.98,"endTime":1583.31,"body":"people will detach, and they'll"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1579.98,"endTime":1583.31,"body":"feel really cold about it. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1583.31,"endTime":1585.89,"body":"it will be sort of cold because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1583.31,"endTime":1585.89,"body":"it feels uncomfortable."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1586.7,"endTime":1591.56,"body":"Detaching doesn't mean like when"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1586.7,"endTime":1591.56,"body":"you come home. And they like you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1591.56,"endTime":1593.93,"body":"don't tell them that you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1591.56,"endTime":1593.93,"body":"detaching. Right. So they just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1593.93,"endTime":1595.91,"body":"come home one afternoon after"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1593.93,"endTime":1595.91,"body":"work, and you're sitting there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1595.91,"endTime":1599.06,"body":"and they come and start talking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1595.91,"endTime":1599.06,"body":"to you. And you just go quiet"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1599.06,"endTime":1601.64,"body":"and leave the room. Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1599.06,"endTime":1601.64,"body":"That's not really detaching,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1601.67,"endTime":1604.01,"body":"they're gonna look at that and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1601.67,"endTime":1604.01,"body":"go, what's your problem? Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1604.52,"endTime":1606.62,"body":"And you're gonna have to explain"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1604.52,"endTime":1606.62,"body":"it. And then things get weird,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1606.62,"endTime":1610.49,"body":"quick. Yeah, you detach"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1606.62,"endTime":1610.49,"body":"internally, it's something you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1610.49,"endTime":1613.55,"body":"do inside, it's a really painful"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1610.49,"endTime":1613.55,"body":"process that you have with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1613.55,"endTime":1617.39,"body":"yourself. As you're sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1613.55,"endTime":1617.39,"body":"letting this person go, even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1617.39,"endTime":1619.97,"body":"though they're right in front of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1617.39,"endTime":1619.97,"body":"you, right? You're looking at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1619.97,"endTime":1623.36,"body":"them, like, you've broken my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1619.97,"endTime":1623.36,"body":"heart. So many times, you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1623.36,"endTime":1626.36,"body":"gonna keep doing it. If patterns"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1623.36,"endTime":1626.36,"body":"tell me anything, this will keep"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1626.36,"endTime":1630.32,"body":"happening. And you start to let"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1626.36,"endTime":1630.32,"body":"go inside. Yeah, it's so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1630.32,"endTime":1634.43,"body":"difficult, though, that that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1630.32,"endTime":1634.43,"body":"third option? Yeah, it's tough."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1634.46,"endTime":1635.72,"body":"Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1635.72,"endTime":1638.06,"body":"the last step is going to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1635.72,"endTime":1638.06,"body":"be developing independence,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1638.09,"endTime":1642.8,"body":"which is a form of self care,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1638.09,"endTime":1642.8,"body":"too. But it's more of like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1643.85,"endTime":1646.61,"body":"starting a new hobby, going out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1643.85,"endTime":1646.61,"body":"to eat with friends, or even"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1646.61,"endTime":1649.55,"body":"alone, maybe you want to get in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1646.61,"endTime":1649.55,"body":"a book club or go to family get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1649.55,"endTime":1651.74,"body":"togethers without them, do what"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1649.55,"endTime":1651.74,"body":"makes you happy and brings peace"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1651.74,"endTime":1656.09,"body":"to yourself. And then let's say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1651.74,"endTime":1656.09,"body":"that you want to start saving"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1656.09,"endTime":1660.95,"body":"money, you know, make sure you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1656.09,"endTime":1660.95,"body":"maybe say maybe get a side job"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1660.95,"endTime":1667.34,"body":"start prepping or, you know, in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1660.95,"endTime":1667.34,"body":"case you do have to leave at"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1667.34,"endTime":1670.16,"body":"some point, that's okay to do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1667.34,"endTime":1670.16,"body":"that on the side, you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1670.16,"endTime":1674.0,"body":"developing your independence, so"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1670.16,"endTime":1674.0,"body":"that when the time does come, or"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1674.03,"endTime":1677.09,"body":"if the time does come to where"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1674.03,"endTime":1677.09,"body":"you're like, Okay, I'm at a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1677.09,"endTime":1680.6,"body":"place where I can't do this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1677.09,"endTime":1680.6,"body":"anymore, you're ready to, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1680.6,"endTime":1683.33,"body":"know, push forward and do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1680.6,"endTime":1683.33,"body":"whatever you need to do make a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1683.33,"endTime":1686.78,"body":"very difficult decision"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1683.33,"endTime":1686.78,"body":"decision. But it's important to"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1686.78,"endTime":1689.78,"body":"develop your independence and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1686.78,"endTime":1689.78,"body":"not be reliant on your partner"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1689.78,"endTime":1693.5,"body":"all the time. I agree with that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1689.78,"endTime":1693.5,"body":"And that's hard. It's hard to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1693.53,"endTime":1697.76,"body":"you know, it's hard to say that,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1693.53,"endTime":1697.76,"body":"but I, whenever I was detaching"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1697.76,"endTime":1702.26,"body":"from you, in my head, I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1697.76,"endTime":1702.26,"body":"planning, you know, I had a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1702.26,"endTime":1704.66,"body":"career, I had a job, I had a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1702.26,"endTime":1704.66,"body":"great job, I was like, Alright,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1704.66,"endTime":1707.27,"body":"I need to get another bank"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1704.66,"endTime":1707.27,"body":"account, I'm gonna get a"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1707.27,"endTime":1709.76,"body":"separate bank account. If this"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1707.27,"endTime":1709.76,"body":"happens again, I was very close"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1709.76,"endTime":1712.88,"body":"to doing it. I was thinking,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1709.76,"endTime":1712.88,"body":"Okay, I have to have a car"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1712.88,"endTime":1715.97,"body":"payment, I can do this I or I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1712.88,"endTime":1715.97,"body":"have to pay for my car. My car"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1715.97,"endTime":1718.64,"body":"was cheap. It was good. I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1715.97,"endTime":1718.64,"body":"like, I've got that I can go get"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1718.64,"endTime":1721.37,"body":"a small apartment with my"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1718.64,"endTime":1721.37,"body":"daughter. I can do this. I've"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1721.37,"endTime":1724.76,"body":"caught this. I didn't plan it. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1721.37,"endTime":1724.76,"body":"didn't tell you that I was doing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1724.76,"endTime":1726.92,"body":"it. But in my head, I was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1724.76,"endTime":1726.92,"body":"starting to plan it. And that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1726.92,"endTime":1730.28,"body":"was part of my detaching to be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1726.92,"endTime":1730.28,"body":"prepared to become independent"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1730.73,"endTime":1731.75,"body":"and not rely on you."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1731.87,"endTime":1735.47,"body":"Yeah, that's the that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1731.87,"endTime":1735.47,"body":"the elephant in the room."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1735.47,"endTime":1739.58,"body":"Anytime we're talking about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1735.47,"endTime":1739.58,"body":"this. That's so difficult to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1739.58,"endTime":1746.51,"body":"tell someone that their dreams"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1739.58,"endTime":1746.51,"body":"and these this this plan they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1746.51,"endTime":1751.01,"body":"had, it's just not working out."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1746.51,"endTime":1751.01,"body":"And you have to get to a place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1751.01,"endTime":1753.68,"body":"where you're at peace with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1751.01,"endTime":1753.68,"body":"accepting that that's reality."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1753.89,"endTime":1756.65,"body":"And you're at peace with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1753.89,"endTime":1756.65,"body":"accepting that. I'm not going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1756.65,"endTime":1759.44,"body":"get that and if I keep doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1756.65,"endTime":1759.44,"body":"what I'm doing I'm still not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1759.44,"endTime":1762.68,"body":"going to get that and the fact"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1759.44,"endTime":1762.68,"body":"that probably more painful. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1762.68,"endTime":1765.53,"body":"it's almost like a it's almost"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1762.68,"endTime":1765.53,"body":"like a like I said almost like a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1765.53,"endTime":1768.65,"body":"pre separation. It's like yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1765.53,"endTime":1768.65,"body":"but it's with it's internally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1768.65,"endTime":1773.06,"body":"within yourself. It's it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1768.65,"endTime":1773.06,"body":"almost hard to describe until"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1773.06,"endTime":1776.69,"body":"you do it but I will say this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1773.06,"endTime":1776.69,"body":"that I do believe wholeheartedly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1776.69,"endTime":1780.62,"body":"that people get to this point."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1776.69,"endTime":1780.62,"body":"naturally over time. Yeah. Where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1780.62,"endTime":1783.89,"body":"you will get to a point where"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1780.62,"endTime":1783.89,"body":"you feel numb, like you you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1783.89,"endTime":1787.73,"body":"not hot or cold about it. Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1783.89,"endTime":1787.73,"body":"You're just like I'm at peace"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1787.73,"endTime":1791.84,"body":"with this. I I've accepted it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1787.73,"endTime":1791.84,"body":"This is what it is. Yes, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1791.84,"endTime":1794.84,"body":"this is not what I want. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1791.84,"endTime":1794.84,"body":"don't love you any less. I still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1794.84,"endTime":1797.72,"body":"feel for you. I know that you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1794.84,"endTime":1797.72,"body":"dealing with things. Yes, but I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1797.72,"endTime":1801.23,"body":"can't do this anymore. This"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1797.72,"endTime":1801.23,"body":"hurts me Me too bad. This is not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1801.23,"endTime":1804.35,"body":"what I planned for my life. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1801.23,"endTime":1804.35,"body":"while I love you, and I probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1804.38,"endTime":1808.61,"body":"always will, I can't do this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1804.38,"endTime":1808.61,"body":"anymore. Yeah, and you walk and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1808.61,"endTime":1812.66,"body":"that's it to get to that place."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1808.61,"endTime":1812.66,"body":"That's like your rock bottom."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1812.66,"endTime":1815.03,"body":"That's like the codependence"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1812.66,"endTime":1815.03,"body":"rock bottom right, but it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1815.03,"endTime":1818.39,"body":"happens naturally. But I think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1815.03,"endTime":1818.39,"body":"that you can also just like an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1818.39,"endTime":1820.82,"body":"addict, like they say that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1818.39,"endTime":1820.82,"body":"hit rock bottom when we stopped"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1820.82,"endTime":1823.22,"body":"digging. And that's a conscious"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1820.82,"endTime":1823.22,"body":"decision to stop digging, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1823.25,"endTime":1826.22,"body":"I'm considered a high bottom"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1823.25,"endTime":1826.22,"body":"alcoholic, I didn't have to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1826.22,"endTime":1829.22,"body":"what they said you have to do. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1826.22,"endTime":1829.22,"body":"didn't have to lose my family, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1829.22,"endTime":1832.61,"body":"didn't have to lose my career. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1829.22,"endTime":1832.61,"body":"didn't have to wreck a car and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1832.61,"endTime":1835.43,"body":"go to jail. I don't have to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1832.61,"endTime":1835.43,"body":"any of those things. I recognize"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1835.43,"endTime":1838.76,"body":"it. And just just like I did,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1835.43,"endTime":1838.76,"body":"people can do this as well. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1838.76,"endTime":1842.24,"body":"you have to be convinced of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1838.76,"endTime":1842.24,"body":"reality of your situation. I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1842.24,"endTime":1846.8,"body":"convinced, absolutely convinced"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1842.24,"endTime":1846.8,"body":"that no amount of drugs or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1846.8,"endTime":1849.89,"body":"alcohol were going to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1846.8,"endTime":1849.89,"body":"possible for me. So if that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1849.89,"endTime":1852.2,"body":"wasn't the case, if I couldn't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1849.89,"endTime":1852.2,"body":"do it, then what was the option"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1852.2,"endTime":1854.63,"body":"I had to go to treatment, I had"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1852.2,"endTime":1854.63,"body":"to get sober abstinence,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1854.66,"endTime":1857.78,"body":"everything else. codependence"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1854.66,"endTime":1857.78,"body":"same thing. If you are convinced"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1857.78,"endTime":1860.45,"body":"with the experience that you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1857.78,"endTime":1860.45,"body":"have up to this point, that this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1860.45,"endTime":1863.27,"body":"is what life looks like, then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1860.45,"endTime":1863.27,"body":"you have to make the decision."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1863.57,"endTime":1866.66,"body":"But you don't just up and leave"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1863.57,"endTime":1866.66,"body":"something you don't just decide"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1866.66,"endTime":1870.23,"body":"to go after however long history"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1866.66,"endTime":1870.23,"body":"you guys have your families you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1870.23,"endTime":1873.68,"body":"have. There's a lot to unwind."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1870.23,"endTime":1873.68,"body":"And that doesn't happen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1873.68,"endTime":1875.93,"body":"overnight. And then you're going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1873.68,"endTime":1875.93,"body":"to be in a really dark place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1875.93,"endTime":1878.21,"body":"while this is going on, which is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1875.93,"endTime":1878.21,"body":"why I encourage people to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1878.21,"endTime":1881.54,"body":"with a community, which is why"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1878.21,"endTime":1881.54,"body":"we built the community the Tufo"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1881.54,"endTime":1884.36,"body":"community to get spouses and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1881.54,"endTime":1884.36,"body":"partners linked up with each"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1884.36,"endTime":1887.75,"body":"other. So you don't feel alone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1884.36,"endTime":1887.75,"body":"in this darkness. Right? You've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1887.75,"endTime":1890.81,"body":"got us we're here as well,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1887.75,"endTime":1890.81,"body":"you've got tons of people that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1890.81,"endTime":1893.99,"body":"are going through this. I just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1890.81,"endTime":1893.99,"body":"want you to know that you're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1893.99,"endTime":1896.12,"body":"alone through it, and it will be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1893.99,"endTime":1896.12,"body":"painful, it will be the most"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1896.12,"endTime":1899.3,"body":"painful thing you've ever done."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1896.12,"endTime":1899.3,"body":"It's like try watching someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1899.3,"endTime":1902.03,"body":"die while they're still alive."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1899.3,"endTime":1902.03,"body":"That's sort of what it's like."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1902.06,"endTime":1905.15,"body":"Yeah, but then it can be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1902.06,"endTime":1905.15,"body":"beautiful, too, because you are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1905.15,"endTime":1907.61,"body":"starting to really find your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":1905.15,"endTime":1907.61,"body":"true authentic self."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1907.64,"endTime":1910.7,"body":"There's nothing more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1907.64,"endTime":1910.7,"body":"powerful and more fulfilling"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1910.73,"endTime":1913.85,"body":"than doing that. Yeah, it will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1910.73,"endTime":1913.85,"body":"always hurt to some degree."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1913.88,"endTime":1919.22,"body":"Yeah, but you, you will be so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1913.88,"endTime":1919.22,"body":"grateful that you didn't get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1919.22,"endTime":1923.09,"body":"what you thought you wanted."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1919.22,"endTime":1923.09,"body":"Yeah. Yes, that right there. At"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1923.09,"endTime":1927.02,"body":"the end of it. It's it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1923.09,"endTime":1927.02,"body":"ridiculously hard, though. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1927.02,"endTime":1931.28,"body":"like, I don't want to sugarcoat"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1927.02,"endTime":1931.28,"body":"it. And by any means, like we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1931.28,"endTime":1933.17,"body":"talking about people's lives"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1931.28,"endTime":1933.17,"body":"here. It's all about their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1933.17,"endTime":1935.93,"body":"marriages, families and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1933.17,"endTime":1935.93,"body":"everything else. There's kids"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1935.93,"endTime":1939.77,"body":"involved, and there's, there's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1935.93,"endTime":1939.77,"body":"finances and everything else. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1939.77,"endTime":1942.2,"body":"it doesn't happen overnight."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1939.77,"endTime":1942.2,"body":"It's totally cool. And it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1942.23,"endTime":1947.75,"body":"okay, if you go back and forth"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1942.23,"endTime":1947.75,"body":"on this, yes, 1015 times, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1947.75,"endTime":1951.41,"body":"okay. It's a process. It's a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1947.75,"endTime":1951.41,"body":"process, it doesn't suck that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1951.41,"endTime":1955.01,"body":"decision you just make and do."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1951.41,"endTime":1955.01,"body":"Like you will have relapses as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1955.01,"endTime":1958.28,"body":"well, you will go back and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1955.01,"endTime":1958.28,"body":"forth, as you fall in love again"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1958.28,"endTime":1961.43,"body":"with that potential. And then"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1958.28,"endTime":1961.43,"body":"they show you that now really I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1961.43,"endTime":1964.25,"body":"am what I am. And then you have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1961.43,"endTime":1964.25,"body":"to get your heart broken again."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1964.25,"endTime":1967.82,"body":"And each time that happens, they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1964.25,"endTime":1967.82,"body":"take a little chunk of you. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1967.82,"endTime":1969.83,"body":"then eventually there's nothing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1967.82,"endTime":1969.83,"body":"left and you get to a place"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1969.83,"endTime":1973.43,"body":"where you're like, Okay, this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1969.83,"endTime":1973.43,"body":"what it is. This is definitely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1973.43,"endTime":1976.88,"body":"not what I wanted. But I accept"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1973.43,"endTime":1976.88,"body":"it. And I'm okay with it. And my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1976.88,"endTime":1981.23,"body":"expectation has changed. Now. My"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1976.88,"endTime":1981.23,"body":"expectation is not that you are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.23,"endTime":1983.42,"body":"going to make everything better,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1981.23,"endTime":1983.42,"body":"you'll go to treatment, life"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1983.42,"endTime":1986.75,"body":"will be beautiful. You'll be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1983.42,"endTime":1986.75,"body":"happy. My expectation is this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1986.75,"endTime":1990.17,"body":"going to keep happening. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1986.75,"endTime":1990.17,"body":"have to take care of myself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1990.2,"endTime":1992.63,"body":"Yeah, that becomes the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1990.2,"endTime":1992.63,"body":"expectation. And once that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1992.63,"endTime":1996.89,"body":"happens, it becomes easier. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1992.63,"endTime":1996.89,"body":"the middle ground there is so"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1996.89,"endTime":1999.95,"body":"hard. So freakin hard. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1996.89,"endTime":1999.95,"body":"it's painful. You'll have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1999.95,"endTime":2002.62,"body":"million questions and feel like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":1999.95,"endTime":2002.62,"body":"oh my god, it's just it's awful."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2002.89,"endTime":2003.46,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2003.85,"endTime":2009.04,"body":"So we'd said earlier that"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2003.85,"endTime":2009.04,"body":"I still detach with love. We had"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2009.04,"endTime":2014.11,"body":"had people ask us to actually do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2009.04,"endTime":2014.11,"body":"an episode on how do I reattach"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2014.17,"endTime":2016.72,"body":"when I've detached? Oh, yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2014.17,"endTime":2016.72,"body":"Like when people were in, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2016.72,"endTime":2019.15,"body":"know, sobriety? Well, you don't"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2016.72,"endTime":2019.15,"body":"want to go back to how you were"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2019.15,"endTime":2020.23,"body":"before. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2020.23,"endTime":2022.03,"body":"this is a this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2020.23,"endTime":2022.03,"body":"something I think a lot of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2022.03,"endTime":2023.89,"body":"couples struggle with. In"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2022.03,"endTime":2023.89,"body":"general. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2023.92,"endTime":2028.39,"body":"it is. Healthy to detach"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2023.92,"endTime":2028.39,"body":"with love within your marriage."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2028.42,"endTime":2031.84,"body":"Yeah, a lot of times"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2028.42,"endTime":2031.84,"body":"people will say, I just want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2031.84,"endTime":2034.06,"body":"things to go back to the way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2031.84,"endTime":2034.06,"body":"that they were. Yeah, I want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2034.06,"endTime":2038.95,"body":"things to go back to normal. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2034.06,"endTime":2038.95,"body":"normal quote, unquote, normal is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2038.95,"endTime":2041.77,"body":"what got us here. So in fact,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2038.95,"endTime":2041.77,"body":"like, we should look a little"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2041.77,"endTime":2045.16,"body":"harder at that. You don't really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2041.77,"endTime":2045.16,"body":"want that. No, you don't want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2045.16,"endTime":2048.31,"body":"you don't want that. No, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2045.16,"endTime":2048.31,"body":"don't. There was a lot going on"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2048.31,"endTime":2052.03,"body":"there. Now. Was it better than"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2048.31,"endTime":2052.03,"body":"this? Maybe in some ways, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2052.03,"endTime":2054.25,"body":"ultimately, there was something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2052.03,"endTime":2054.25,"body":"underneath the surface there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2054.25,"endTime":2060.28,"body":"bubbling up to this point. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2054.25,"endTime":2060.28,"body":"reattaching. Let's think about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2060.28,"endTime":2062.8,"body":"what a new version of this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2060.28,"endTime":2062.8,"body":"relationship looks. Yeah. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2062.8,"endTime":2065.5,"body":"almost like you have to re"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2062.8,"endTime":2065.5,"body":"Introduce yourself. Hey, my name"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2065.5,"endTime":2068.11,"body":"is Matt, how are you? Yeah, we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2065.5,"endTime":2068.11,"body":"get to know each other all over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2068.11,"endTime":2071.83,"body":"again, right with new truths"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2068.11,"endTime":2071.83,"body":"about each other new styles of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2071.83,"endTime":2074.71,"body":"communication, understanding"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2071.83,"endTime":2074.71,"body":"each other's values,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2074.74,"endTime":2077.2,"body":"understanding each other's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2074.74,"endTime":2077.2,"body":"boundaries, and it's a much"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2077.2,"endTime":2081.22,"body":"different relationship. Things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2077.2,"endTime":2081.22,"body":"will never be the way that they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2081.22,"endTime":2084.76,"body":"were before. You can't unlearn"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2081.22,"endTime":2084.76,"body":"something like this. You can't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2084.79,"endTime":2087.94,"body":"unexperienced these things. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2084.79,"endTime":2087.94,"body":"can't lie to yourself to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2087.94,"endTime":2091.21,"body":"point where these things never"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2087.94,"endTime":2091.21,"body":"happened. reattaching it looks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2091.21,"endTime":2094.78,"body":"like a totally new relationship."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2091.21,"endTime":2094.78,"body":"It does. Answer that question."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2094.81,"endTime":2099.94,"body":"Yeah, that's good. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2094.81,"endTime":2099.94,"body":"Like, what are examples of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2100.27,"endTime":2102.61,"body":"detaching with love and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2100.27,"endTime":2102.61,"body":"relationships. Here's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2102.61,"endTime":2104.29,"body":"what looks like in our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2102.61,"endTime":2104.29,"body":"life. Here's an example from our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2104.29,"endTime":2108.94,"body":"life page is in our marriage."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2104.29,"endTime":2108.94,"body":"It's funny to this day even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2108.97,"endTime":2111.61,"body":"famous for telling me things a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2108.97,"endTime":2111.61,"body":"million times and like any guy,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2111.61,"endTime":2112.33,"body":"forget about it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2113.17,"endTime":2114.16,"body":"I stopped doing that."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2116.08,"endTime":2121.27,"body":"Let's say that you had big"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2116.08,"endTime":2121.27,"body":"plans to go. I don't know, into"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2121.27,"endTime":2125.41,"body":"town and take some family photos"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2121.27,"endTime":2125.41,"body":"and get a good lunch and like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2125.65,"endTime":2128.41,"body":"Have the kids play in the park."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2125.65,"endTime":2128.41,"body":"And you've you've told them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2128.41,"endTime":2133.9,"body":"about this. So many times, like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2128.41,"endTime":2133.9,"body":"like, listen, three weeks of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2133.9,"endTime":2136.99,"body":"family day on Saturday. Don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2133.9,"endTime":2136.99,"body":"forget, yeah, today we've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2136.99,"endTime":2139.75,"body":"the family thing planned. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2136.99,"endTime":2139.75,"body":"you say it because you know what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2139.75,"endTime":2142.51,"body":"happens Friday night. You know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2139.75,"endTime":2142.51,"body":"what he does? Friday night,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2142.54,"endTime":2145.12,"body":"right? He goes out and he gets"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2142.54,"endTime":2145.12,"body":"hammered drunk with his friends."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2145.3,"endTime":2147.79,"body":"And he's useless all day"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2145.3,"endTime":2147.79,"body":"Saturday, or he wakes up"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2147.79,"endTime":2150.07,"body":"Saturday morning gets ready for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2147.79,"endTime":2150.07,"body":"college football, and he's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2150.07,"endTime":2154.6,"body":"plastered by 11. But you've told"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2150.07,"endTime":2154.6,"body":"them a million times. The day"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2154.6,"endTime":2158.83,"body":"comes and what happens? He's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2154.6,"endTime":2158.83,"body":"either hung over an absolute"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2158.83,"endTime":2163.03,"body":"wreck, or he's high and drunk"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2158.83,"endTime":2163.03,"body":"and acting ridiculous. Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2163.03,"endTime":2168.1,"body":"what do you do? Typically? You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2163.03,"endTime":2168.1,"body":"lose your mind? Uh huh. Go"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2168.1,"endTime":2173.14,"body":"crazy. Yeah, I told you, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2168.1,"endTime":2173.14,"body":"always do this to me. How could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2173.14,"endTime":2177.22,"body":"you treat me this way you cry in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2173.14,"endTime":2177.22,"body":"the bathroom? You, you consider"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2177.22,"endTime":2180.55,"body":"that your whole life is ruined."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2177.22,"endTime":2180.55,"body":"Like you have these massive"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2180.7,"endTime":2184.99,"body":"emotions and panic attacks and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2180.7,"endTime":2184.99,"body":"like, your life is ruined. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2184.99,"endTime":2187.54,"body":"you, you you're texting your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2184.99,"endTime":2187.54,"body":"friends and family cannot"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2187.54,"endTime":2191.77,"body":"believe he did this to me. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2187.54,"endTime":2191.77,"body":"when you detach with love, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2191.77,"endTime":2194.47,"body":"do something a little different?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2191.77,"endTime":2194.47,"body":"Yeah. You look at them. And you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2194.47,"endTime":2198.58,"body":"say that figures. And you go to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2194.47,"endTime":2198.58,"body":"the park by yourself. You don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2198.58,"endTime":2203.62,"body":"even say that? To your son to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2198.58,"endTime":2203.62,"body":"yourself, like don't say that?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2203.62,"endTime":2206.68,"body":"Because that's gonna be like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2203.62,"endTime":2206.68,"body":"No, you look at them and you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2206.68,"endTime":2209.77,"body":"like, yeah, that's about right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2206.68,"endTime":2209.77,"body":"That's about that's par for the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2209.77,"endTime":2212.65,"body":"course rotation. The expectation"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2209.77,"endTime":2212.65,"body":"is, this is usually what they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2212.65,"endTime":2217.15,"body":"do. And instead of your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2212.65,"endTime":2217.15,"body":"expectation being exceeding the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2217.15,"endTime":2219.58,"body":"reality of the situation, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2217.15,"endTime":2219.58,"body":"just accept it. You're like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2219.58,"endTime":2222.73,"body":"yeah, that's, that's right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2219.58,"endTime":2222.73,"body":"That's who they are. Yeah. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2222.73,"endTime":2225.13,"body":"go to the park by yourself or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2222.73,"endTime":2225.13,"body":"with your maybe you bring a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2225.13,"endTime":2229.24,"body":"family member with you, your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2225.13,"endTime":2229.24,"body":"mother, somebody go on with your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2229.24,"endTime":2232.48,"body":"day, take the kids, you have a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2229.24,"endTime":2232.48,"body":"great day you enjoy that day,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2232.48,"endTime":2235.81,"body":"let them suffer or do whatever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2232.48,"endTime":2235.81,"body":"they are enjoy themselves and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2235.81,"endTime":2238.48,"body":"live in the misery that they've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2235.81,"endTime":2238.48,"body":"chosen leave people in the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2238.48,"endTime":2241.03,"body":"reality they've chosen for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2238.48,"endTime":2241.03,"body":"themselves that they need to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2241.03,"endTime":2244.03,"body":"more normalized. I think in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2241.03,"endTime":2244.03,"body":"general, I agree leaving toxic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2244.03,"endTime":2247.6,"body":"people in the reality they've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2244.03,"endTime":2247.6,"body":"chosen for themselves. Some will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2247.6,"endTime":2250.03,"body":"say, well, addiction is not a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2247.6,"endTime":2250.03,"body":"choice. And here I am saying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2250.03,"endTime":2254.17,"body":"well, kind of sometimes it is."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2250.03,"endTime":2254.17,"body":"Yeah, it's a little gray to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2254.2,"endTime":2256.81,"body":"well, recovery is a choice. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2254.2,"endTime":2256.81,"body":"yeah. And so is this choices"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2256.81,"endTime":2259.69,"body":"pick up in the first place. Yes."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2256.81,"endTime":2259.69,"body":"So yeah, I know. It's sometimes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2259.69,"endTime":2261.97,"body":"it's helpless. And it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2259.69,"endTime":2261.97,"body":"compulsion, all that whatever."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2262.42,"endTime":2264.25,"body":"You can leave people. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2262.42,"endTime":2264.25,"body":"doesn't matter. You are being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2264.25,"endTime":2267.07,"body":"affected here. Okay. Yep. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2264.25,"endTime":2267.07,"body":"yeah, that's, that's what you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2267.07,"endTime":2269.95,"body":"do. And this is what you did?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2267.07,"endTime":2269.95,"body":"Yes. You started to do these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2269.95,"endTime":2272.59,"body":"things, right? I would want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2269.95,"endTime":2272.59,"body":"sit at home in a hole and drink"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2272.59,"endTime":2276.07,"body":"all day and be miserable and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2272.59,"endTime":2276.07,"body":"negative. And you're like, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2276.07,"endTime":2279.73,"body":"know what, bye, bye. And you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2276.07,"endTime":2279.73,"body":"would take the kids and go and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2279.73,"endTime":2284.44,"body":"you shut the door and be like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2279.73,"endTime":2284.44,"body":"Whoa, the kid? Yeah. At that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2284.44,"endTime":2286.84,"body":"time, I'd be like, Whoa, she"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2284.44,"endTime":2286.84,"body":"just walked out"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2286.84,"endTime":2289.33,"body":"of here. Yeah, because I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2286.84,"endTime":2289.33,"body":"was tired of sitting in your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2289.48,"endTime":2290.2,"body":"mess. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2290.2,"endTime":2292.54,"body":"were but you weren't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2290.2,"endTime":2292.54,"body":"consciously doing this. Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2292.54,"endTime":2294.52,"body":"now, somebody here this episode"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2292.54,"endTime":2294.52,"body":"is gonna be like, Okay, well, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2294.52,"endTime":2297.37,"body":"have to consciously consciously"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2294.52,"endTime":2297.37,"body":"start making these decisions."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2297.67,"endTime":2300.4,"body":"You might already be doing these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2297.67,"endTime":2300.4,"body":"things without even realizing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2300.4,"endTime":2303.04,"body":"it. Because you just get to a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2300.4,"endTime":2303.04,"body":"point where you're like, Listen,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2303.04,"endTime":2305.65,"body":"I've got a life to live."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2303.04,"endTime":2305.65,"body":"Nothing's changed. For me. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2305.65,"endTime":2308.92,"body":"still have dreams and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2305.65,"endTime":2308.92,"body":"aspirations. It's heartbreaking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2308.92,"endTime":2311.71,"body":"to think that you may not be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2308.92,"endTime":2311.71,"body":"part of them, but you are not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2311.71,"endTime":2314.23,"body":"going to stop me from living."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2311.71,"endTime":2314.23,"body":"You're not going to stop my kids"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2314.23,"endTime":2316.66,"body":"from enjoying their life. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2314.23,"endTime":2316.66,"body":"could choose to be a part of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2316.66,"endTime":2319.84,"body":"this or not, but I'm not forcing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2316.66,"endTime":2319.84,"body":"you. That's the difference is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2319.84,"endTime":2323.74,"body":"you no longer force a square peg"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2319.84,"endTime":2323.74,"body":"into the round hole. Every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2323.74,"endTime":2326.56,"body":"episode I swear, I think you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2323.74,"endTime":2326.56,"body":"said that. Do I really think so?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2328.36,"endTime":2331.3,"body":"Yes. And I am the square peg"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2328.36,"endTime":2331.3,"body":"square peg round hole guy. Yes,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2331.3,"endTime":2334.93,"body":"you are. Yes, you are. I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2331.3,"endTime":2334.93,"body":"gotten better at it. But anyway,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2334.96,"endTime":2336.64,"body":"like, what are some other"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2334.96,"endTime":2336.64,"body":"examples of things you used to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2336.64,"endTime":2337.12,"body":"do with me?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2337.72,"endTime":2341.23,"body":"I wouldn't wake you up"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2337.72,"endTime":2341.23,"body":"when you needed to go to work."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2341.26,"endTime":2344.44,"body":"That's right. And I still I'm"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2341.26,"endTime":2344.44,"body":"still like that I'm like, that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2344.44,"endTime":2346.96,"body":"his responsibility. If he's late"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2344.44,"endTime":2346.96,"body":"for work, or if he's late for"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2346.96,"endTime":2349.12,"body":"doing whatever. There are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2346.96,"endTime":2349.12,"body":"consequences."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2349.18,"endTime":2352.0,"body":"Its consequences are in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2349.18,"endTime":2352.0,"body":"you. It's not my problem letting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.0,"endTime":2354.4,"body":"people experience natural"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2352.0,"endTime":2354.4,"body":"consequences. Remember, from the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2354.4,"endTime":2356.98,"body":"beginning of the episode, we let"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2354.4,"endTime":2356.98,"body":"people experience natural"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2357.01,"endTime":2357.97,"body":"consequences."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2358.21,"endTime":2360.49,"body":"Yeah. And it's also"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2358.21,"endTime":2360.49,"body":"whenever we were talking about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2360.49,"endTime":2363.91,"body":"communication and not arguing"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2360.49,"endTime":2363.91,"body":"with somebody who is, you know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2363.91,"endTime":2367.15,"body":"not being rational. Like that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2363.91,"endTime":2367.15,"body":"a part of detaching when you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2367.15,"endTime":2371.86,"body":"practice not losing your mind on"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2367.15,"endTime":2371.86,"body":"somebody when they do what you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2371.86,"endTime":2372.55,"body":"don't want them to do."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2372.91,"endTime":2375.25,"body":"Yeah, not taking things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2372.91,"endTime":2375.25,"body":"personally is another big piece"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2375.25,"endTime":2378.04,"body":"of it. And it's easy to say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2375.25,"endTime":2378.04,"body":"don't take it personally. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2378.04,"endTime":2382.12,"body":"it's hard when someone calls you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2378.04,"endTime":2382.12,"body":"a really ugly thing. Or they're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2382.12,"endTime":2385.0,"body":"affecting your life. They"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2382.12,"endTime":2385.0,"body":"are affecting your life. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2385.39,"endTime":2386.68,"body":"Like the tar is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2386.68,"endTime":2390.61,"body":"emotionally abusing you or"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2386.68,"endTime":2390.61,"body":"like verbally abusive lies. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2390.61,"endTime":2395.11,"body":"hard not to take it like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2390.61,"endTime":2395.11,"body":"personally, right? But do your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2395.11,"endTime":2398.23,"body":"best to understand that this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2395.11,"endTime":2398.23,"body":"person is dealing with an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2398.23,"endTime":2401.68,"body":"addiction, and it doesn't excuse"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2398.23,"endTime":2401.68,"body":"The behaviors, but it explains"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2401.68,"endTime":2404.65,"body":"why at two o'clock in an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2401.68,"endTime":2404.65,"body":"afternoon on Sunday when I've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2404.65,"endTime":2406.9,"body":"done nothing wrong he is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2404.65,"endTime":2406.9,"body":"screaming at me calling me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2406.9,"endTime":2409.96,"body":"names. Okay? Don't take it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2406.9,"endTime":2409.96,"body":"personally. You are not these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2409.96,"endTime":2413.74,"body":"things you are not these things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2409.96,"endTime":2413.74,"body":"just know that coming from me."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2414.16,"endTime":2419.17,"body":"That is not true. Yes. They're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2414.16,"endTime":2419.17,"body":"saying things to hurt trying to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2419.17,"endTime":2421.81,"body":"hurt. Yes. They're not saying"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2419.17,"endTime":2421.81,"body":"anything from a rational"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2421.81,"endTime":2425.41,"body":"perspective ation detach from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2421.81,"endTime":2425.41,"body":"that detach from that but you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2425.41,"endTime":2429.73,"body":"know what? That's your opinion."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2425.41,"endTime":2429.73,"body":"And it's wrong. Yeah. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2429.73,"endTime":2432.52,"body":"can't help the fact you've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2429.73,"endTime":2432.52,"body":"dumb opinions. Yeah. Leave it at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2432.52,"endTime":2432.88,"body":"that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2434.2,"endTime":2436.18,"body":"You're so good at that."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2434.2,"endTime":2436.18,"body":"It's like what we talked about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2436.18,"endTime":2441.76,"body":"with my pants today. Yeah. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2436.18,"endTime":2441.76,"body":"you said you said Oh, I like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2441.76,"endTime":2443.89,"body":"those shoes with those pants. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2441.76,"endTime":2443.89,"body":"was like, Oh, thank you like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2443.89,"endTime":2446.29,"body":"yeah, their bell bottoms. It"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2443.89,"endTime":2446.29,"body":"looks good. Like, no, these are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2446.29,"endTime":2449.26,"body":"wide leg pants. He's like, No,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2446.29,"endTime":2449.26,"body":"you're wrong. There's no bell"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2449.26,"endTime":2452.26,"body":"bottoms. And I'm gonna say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2449.26,"endTime":2452.26,"body":"you're wrong until you prove me"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2452.29,"endTime":2455.71,"body":"wrong. Prove me otherwise. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2452.29,"endTime":2455.71,"body":"And he was so adamant about it."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2455.71,"endTime":2457.84,"body":"Like, he was like, these are"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2455.71,"endTime":2457.84,"body":"bell bottoms. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2457.84,"endTime":2460.63,"body":"like, and then she showed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2457.84,"endTime":2460.63,"body":"me some pictures of my thing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2460.63,"endTime":2462.34,"body":"I'm sorry. That's why like, You"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2462.34,"endTime":2464.74,"body":"did not say I'm sorry."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2462.34,"endTime":2464.74,"body":"You said. So ideally, you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2464.74,"endTime":2465.88,"body":"acknowledged it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2466.96,"endTime":2469.75,"body":"No, I said, I'm sorry. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2466.96,"endTime":2469.75,"body":"don't remember that might have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2469.75,"endTime":2471.1,"body":"said and bypass either way. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2471.1,"endTime":2473.26,"body":"don't care. I don't care."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2471.1,"endTime":2473.26,"body":"Either way. I don't care if you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2473.26,"endTime":2474.67,"body":"apologize or not. But it's okay"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2474.67,"endTime":2477.58,"body":"to say that's a dumb"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2474.67,"endTime":2477.58,"body":"opinion. It's a bad opinion."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2477.58,"endTime":2481.15,"body":"You've got there. Okay. You can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2477.58,"endTime":2481.15,"body":"keep it. Yes, totally fine. Do"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2481.15,"endTime":2483.37,"body":"not take what they say"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2481.15,"endTime":2483.37,"body":"seriously, don't take it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2483.37,"endTime":2485.86,"body":"personally, even though it it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2483.37,"endTime":2485.86,"body":"sucks, because this is the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2485.86,"endTime":2489.73,"body":"person you married. But this is"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2485.86,"endTime":2489.73,"body":"the reality that you're in. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2489.73,"endTime":2491.92,"body":"it's better if you don't take it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2489.73,"endTime":2491.92,"body":"personally, because it'll help"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2491.92,"endTime":2494.11,"body":"you see things clearly."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2491.92,"endTime":2494.11,"body":"Remember,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2494.41,"endTime":2496.75,"body":"consider the source of the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2494.41,"endTime":2496.75,"body":"information. Consider that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2496.75,"endTime":2499.3,"body":"consider where it's coming from,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2496.75,"endTime":2499.3,"body":"consider the context are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2499.3,"endTime":2501.97,"body":"irrational. They're very"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2499.3,"endTime":2501.97,"body":"irrational. This is not the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2501.97,"endTime":2504.37,"body":"person that you get started"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2501.97,"endTime":2504.37,"body":"with. This is not the person"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2504.37,"endTime":2507.01,"body":"with all that potential. This is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2504.37,"endTime":2507.01,"body":"someone in the grips of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2507.01,"endTime":2511.66,"body":"addiction. Yes. That's it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2507.01,"endTime":2511.66,"body":"Consider going into another room"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2511.81,"endTime":2514.78,"body":"or leaving the home altogether."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2511.81,"endTime":2514.78,"body":"Yes. Another good way to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2514.78,"endTime":2516.43,"body":"away from this thing. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2514.78,"endTime":2516.43,"body":"think we've talked about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2516.7,"endTime":2517.84,"body":"personal communication"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2517.84,"endTime":2519.94,"body":"and stuff like it's okay,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2517.84,"endTime":2519.94,"body":"that's Dad, that's a part of"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2519.94,"endTime":2524.05,"body":"detaching, you're just not going"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2519.94,"endTime":2524.05,"body":"to put your energy into the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2524.05,"endTime":2524.53,"body":"mess."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2524.56,"endTime":2526.54,"body":"But I think that the most"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2524.56,"endTime":2526.54,"body":"important of all these like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2526.72,"endTime":2530.59,"body":"examples, you have to remove all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2526.72,"endTime":2530.59,"body":"the expectations of this person."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2530.62,"endTime":2535.21,"body":"Yeah. Expectations are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2530.62,"endTime":2535.21,"body":"resentment in the making. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2535.75,"endTime":2538.48,"body":"When you expect someone to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2535.75,"endTime":2538.48,"body":"something different than they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2538.48,"endTime":2541.51,"body":"have shown you, you are going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2538.48,"endTime":2541.51,"body":"get resentful when they don't do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2541.51,"endTime":2545.38,"body":"it. This person is creating"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2541.51,"endTime":2545.38,"body":"resentments every day, because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2545.38,"endTime":2549.82,"body":"we don't. It's weird that we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2545.38,"endTime":2549.82,"body":"don't expect us to do what we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2549.82,"endTime":2554.38,"body":"do, because we should expect it."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2549.82,"endTime":2554.38,"body":"But you never really get used to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2554.38,"endTime":2557.32,"body":"someone relapsing or drinking"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2554.38,"endTime":2557.32,"body":"like at your kid's birthday"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2557.32,"endTime":2560.26,"body":"party, or like doing drugs at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2557.32,"endTime":2560.26,"body":"your mom's house like you don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2560.26,"endTime":2564.22,"body":"get used to these things. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2560.26,"endTime":2564.22,"body":"they are to be expected these,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2564.25,"endTime":2566.5,"body":"these they're showing you, if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2564.25,"endTime":2566.5,"body":"you ever want to know what your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2566.5,"endTime":2569.53,"body":"expectations for someone should"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2566.5,"endTime":2569.53,"body":"be, watch them and record what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2569.53,"endTime":2572.11,"body":"they do. Those are the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2569.53,"endTime":2572.11,"body":"expectations you should have,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2572.14,"endTime":2575.2,"body":"they should not be what you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2572.14,"endTime":2575.2,"body":"think they should do. Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2575.26,"endTime":2578.23,"body":"They should be what they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2575.26,"endTime":2578.23,"body":"actually are doing. When you can"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2578.23,"endTime":2581.59,"body":"separate the expectation from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2578.23,"endTime":2581.59,"body":"what someone's actually doing,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2581.89,"endTime":2585.28,"body":"it becomes easier to see them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2581.89,"endTime":2585.28,"body":"for what they really are, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2585.28,"endTime":2588.28,"body":"becomes easier to detach with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2585.28,"endTime":2588.28,"body":"love, it becomes easier to fall"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2588.28,"endTime":2593.2,"body":"out of love with the potential"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2588.28,"endTime":2593.2,"body":"and to let go and let them be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2593.35,"endTime":2598.15,"body":"who they are. And, okay, it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2593.35,"endTime":2598.15,"body":"definitely not what I wanted. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2598.15,"endTime":2602.38,"body":"can all agree with that. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2598.15,"endTime":2602.38,"body":"painful. Yes, very. But it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2602.38,"endTime":2605.56,"body":"reality. Yeah. And accepting"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2602.38,"endTime":2605.56,"body":"that reality is important. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2605.56,"endTime":2608.74,"body":"your, your serenity is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2605.56,"endTime":2608.74,"body":"proportional to your acceptance."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2608.77,"endTime":2612.52,"body":"Yeah. And it's also inversely"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2608.77,"endTime":2612.52,"body":"proportional to your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2612.52,"endTime":2616.99,"body":"expectations. The higher"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2612.52,"endTime":2616.99,"body":"expectations are low your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2616.99,"endTime":2619.51,"body":"acceptance, the lower your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2616.99,"endTime":2619.51,"body":"serenity, the lower your peace."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2619.93,"endTime":2625.69,"body":"When your acceptance and your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2619.93,"endTime":2625.69,"body":"your acceptance of reality is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2625.72,"endTime":2629.29,"body":"greater than or equal to the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2625.72,"endTime":2629.29,"body":"expectations. Yeah, things are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2629.29,"endTime":2632.32,"body":"all right. Yeah. But when we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2629.29,"endTime":2632.32,"body":"look at someone, and we think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2632.32,"endTime":2634.81,"body":"that, why are they doing that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2632.32,"endTime":2634.81,"body":"they're supposed to be doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2634.81,"endTime":2637.87,"body":"this, they shouldn't be doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2634.81,"endTime":2637.87,"body":"that. Let's not shoot all over"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2637.87,"endTime":2642.61,"body":"ourselves. Let's, let's see what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2637.87,"endTime":2642.61,"body":"they really are. This is who"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2642.61,"endTime":2645.82,"body":"they are. Okay, so what is it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2642.61,"endTime":2645.82,"body":"not, though, walk me through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2646.39,"endTime":2648.16,"body":"where this where this often goes"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2646.39,"endTime":2648.16,"body":"wrong."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2648.19,"endTime":2651.43,"body":"That's not punishing your"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2648.19,"endTime":2651.43,"body":"partner. So kind of like, like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2651.43,"endTime":2653.44,"body":"what we talked about with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2651.43,"endTime":2653.44,"body":"boundaries, it's not to punish"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2653.44,"endTime":2657.25,"body":"anybody. It's not to actually"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2653.44,"endTime":2657.25,"body":"prove a point to them. You know,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2657.25,"endTime":2660.49,"body":"it's all about you, and what you"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2657.25,"endTime":2660.49,"body":"want"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.52,"endTime":2662.62,"body":"you removing the focus"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2660.52,"endTime":2662.62,"body":"from them and what they should"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2662.62,"endTime":2664.78,"body":"be doing and what you think they"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2662.62,"endTime":2664.78,"body":"should be doing. And you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2664.78,"endTime":2666.4,"body":"putting it back on yourself."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2664.78,"endTime":2666.4,"body":"Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2666.79,"endTime":2668.74,"body":"And it's not like"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2666.79,"endTime":2668.74,"body":"completely ignoring them, which"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2668.74,"endTime":2670.93,"body":"is what you said earlier. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2668.74,"endTime":2670.93,"body":"A lot of people struggle with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2670.93,"endTime":2673.48,"body":"that too. Like, but it's okay."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2670.93,"endTime":2673.48,"body":"Listen, it's okay. If you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2673.48,"endTime":2676.69,"body":"doing that and you're like, Oh,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2673.48,"endTime":2676.69,"body":"God, I don't, am I doing that?"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2676.72,"endTime":2680.41,"body":"And it's, it's practice, like,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2676.72,"endTime":2680.41,"body":"you're gonna go one way or the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2680.41,"endTime":2682.9,"body":"other. You're gonna go back and"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2680.41,"endTime":2682.9,"body":"forth until you find the middle"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2682.9,"endTime":2687.85,"body":"ground that works for you. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2682.9,"endTime":2687.85,"body":"it's not ignoring them. But"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2687.85,"endTime":2690.88,"body":"also, like I said earlier,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2687.85,"endTime":2690.88,"body":"disengaging with arguments. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2690.88,"endTime":2693.25,"body":"mean, that's not ignoring but"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2690.88,"endTime":2693.25,"body":"you're disengaging from the"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2693.25,"endTime":2698.02,"body":"argument that's detaching. What"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2693.25,"endTime":2698.02,"body":"else I didn't want to I wanted"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2698.02,"endTime":2699.04,"body":"you to touch on that one."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2699.46,"endTime":2702.34,"body":"Okay, well times people"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2699.46,"endTime":2702.34,"body":"withhold physical intimacy,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2702.34,"endTime":2705.79,"body":"intimacy, sex, people with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2702.34,"endTime":2705.79,"body":"withhold sex. Yeah, as a way to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2705.79,"endTime":2708.22,"body":"punish the partner to let them"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2705.79,"endTime":2708.22,"body":"show that something's not right"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2708.22,"endTime":2710.71,"body":"in our relationship, right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2708.22,"endTime":2710.71,"body":"Because a lot of guys are just"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2711.07,"endTime":2714.19,"body":"like ridiculous horned dogs and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2711.07,"endTime":2714.19,"body":"like that's what a relationship"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2714.19,"endTime":2717.07,"body":"is to them. And the only way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2714.19,"endTime":2717.07,"body":"that a lot of women can get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2717.07,"endTime":2719.29,"body":"across is just by like, Okay,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2717.07,"endTime":2719.29,"body":"well, we're not doing that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2719.29,"endTime":2721.78,"body":"anymore. No, oh, well, what's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2719.29,"endTime":2721.78,"body":"wrong, honey? Now they want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2721.78,"endTime":2726.07,"body":"talk. A lot of times people will"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2721.78,"endTime":2726.07,"body":"do that as a way to withdraw"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2726.07,"endTime":2730.3,"body":"from the relationship and to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2726.07,"endTime":2730.3,"body":"detach times when hearing these"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2730.3,"endTime":2732.49,"body":"types of relationships. You're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2730.3,"endTime":2732.49,"body":"really not interested in being"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2732.49,"endTime":2737.11,"body":"physically intimate anyway."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2732.49,"endTime":2737.11,"body":"Yeah. But except if you're doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2737.11,"endTime":2739.66,"body":"it with the motivation that I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2737.11,"endTime":2739.66,"body":"going to change them. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2739.69,"endTime":2743.17,"body":"that's not detaching. Right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2739.69,"endTime":2743.17,"body":"That is manipulation. Right."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2743.17,"endTime":2744.43,"body":"That's totally different. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2745.39,"endTime":2748.27,"body":"Okay. Well, there was one"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2745.39,"endTime":2748.27,"body":"note that I wrote on here. And I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2748.27,"endTime":2751.42,"body":"don't remember what you said"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2748.27,"endTime":2751.42,"body":"about a movie script. Okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2751.45,"endTime":2754.0,"body":"Yeah. So remember what you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2751.45,"endTime":2754.0,"body":"said? Yeah. So if I had to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2754.0,"endTime":2758.56,"body":"describe how to do this, play"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2754.0,"endTime":2758.56,"body":"along with me here. Okay, play"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2758.56,"endTime":2761.38,"body":"along with me, as I run you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2758.56,"endTime":2761.38,"body":"through this. You're so good at"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2761.38,"endTime":2764.23,"body":"this stuff. I'm not i Oh, my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2761.38,"endTime":2764.23,"body":"God, can"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2764.23,"endTime":2765.25,"body":"you please,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2765.28,"endTime":2768.19,"body":"I explained it well"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2765.28,"endTime":2768.19,"body":"earlier. But now I've got to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2768.19,"endTime":2771.34,"body":"remember exactly how it all went"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2768.19,"endTime":2771.34,"body":"down. But if I was going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2771.34,"endTime":2775.33,"body":"describe to somebody how to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2771.34,"endTime":2775.33,"body":"detach with love, here's what I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2775.33,"endTime":2780.25,"body":"would say. Let's pretend for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2775.33,"endTime":2780.25,"body":"sake of argument that you are an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2780.31,"endTime":2784.0,"body":"actress or an actor, whichever"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2780.31,"endTime":2784.0,"body":"one. And I wrote you a movie"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2784.0,"endTime":2787.93,"body":"scripts, where you are in a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2784.0,"endTime":2787.93,"body":"relationship with an alcoholic"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2787.93,"endTime":2791.14,"body":"or an addict, and they are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2787.93,"endTime":2791.14,"body":"physically, emotionally verbally"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2791.14,"endTime":2794.86,"body":"abusive to you. And in this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2791.14,"endTime":2794.86,"body":"movie, this is the kind of movie"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2794.86,"endTime":2798.34,"body":"where you become incredibly"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2794.86,"endTime":2798.34,"body":"empowered, you learn a lot about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2798.34,"endTime":2801.7,"body":"yourself, and you get super"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2798.34,"endTime":2801.7,"body":"serious about taking a new"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2801.7,"endTime":2804.73,"body":"direction and you move away, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2801.7,"endTime":2804.73,"body":"move to a different state with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2804.73,"endTime":2808.36,"body":"your children, you get away from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2804.73,"endTime":2808.36,"body":"them totally. In this movie, how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2808.36,"endTime":2811.21,"body":"would you be acting? How would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2808.36,"endTime":2811.21,"body":"you act apart? You'd be really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2811.21,"endTime":2814.9,"body":"heartbroken. You would, you'd be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2811.21,"endTime":2814.9,"body":"questioning everything you did."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2814.9,"endTime":2818.11,"body":"But you'd be committed to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2814.9,"endTime":2818.11,"body":"yourself and what you want in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2818.11,"endTime":2821.92,"body":"life, you'd be committed to your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2818.11,"endTime":2821.92,"body":"dreams. You would think about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2821.92,"endTime":2824.74,"body":"that person? How would you think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2821.92,"endTime":2824.74,"body":"about them? Would you be angry,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2824.74,"endTime":2828.04,"body":"resentful? No, I want you in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2824.74,"endTime":2828.04,"body":"this in this movie. I want you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2828.04,"endTime":2832.93,"body":"to be sad. I want you to think"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2828.04,"endTime":2832.93,"body":"about them and be loving and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2832.93,"endTime":2835.78,"body":"compassionate to what they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2832.93,"endTime":2835.78,"body":"going through. But also choose"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2835.78,"endTime":2838.39,"body":"not to be involved. How would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2835.78,"endTime":2838.39,"body":"you play that part? If you are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2838.39,"endTime":2841.0,"body":"that actress? That's what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2838.39,"endTime":2841.0,"body":"attaching would love looks like?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2841.09,"endTime":2844.21,"body":"And I would I want everyone to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2841.09,"endTime":2844.21,"body":"kind of run that movie through"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2844.21,"endTime":2846.28,"body":"their head, you're the star of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2844.21,"endTime":2846.28,"body":"your own movie, you're the star"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2846.28,"endTime":2849.04,"body":"of the show. I want you to be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2846.28,"endTime":2849.04,"body":"that person in that movie, I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2849.04,"endTime":2852.34,"body":"want you to think about who you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2849.04,"endTime":2852.34,"body":"would be. If you had to do this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2852.37,"endTime":2856.63,"body":"down the road. We don't leave to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2852.37,"endTime":2856.63,"body":"punish other people. We don't"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2856.63,"endTime":2859.84,"body":"leave angry. You can leave and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2856.63,"endTime":2859.84,"body":"especially an addict or someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2859.84,"endTime":2862.33,"body":"who's dealing with something"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2859.84,"endTime":2862.33,"body":"like this with compassion with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2862.33,"endTime":2867.22,"body":"love, without resentment and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2862.33,"endTime":2867.22,"body":"understand they've got their own"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2867.22,"endTime":2870.34,"body":"crap going on. But I don't have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2867.22,"endTime":2870.34,"body":"time for that. Yeah, got one"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2870.34,"endTime":2870.73,"body":"line. I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2870.73,"endTime":2872.68,"body":"don't have to tolerate"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2870.73,"endTime":2872.68,"body":"it. I don't have to tolerate"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2872.68,"endTime":2875.2,"body":"the abuse. I don't. And"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2872.68,"endTime":2875.2,"body":"you can you can you can have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2875.2,"endTime":2877.06,"body":"compassion that they're going"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2875.2,"endTime":2877.06,"body":"through their stuff and also"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2877.06,"endTime":2880.42,"body":"decide I'm not dealing with this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2877.06,"endTime":2880.42,"body":"anymore. Exactly. I'm not doing"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2880.42,"endTime":2883.45,"body":"this until you become non"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2880.42,"endTime":2883.45,"body":"resentful. That is what the path"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2883.48,"endTime":2886.93,"body":"of detaching with love looks"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2883.48,"endTime":2886.93,"body":"like. Emotionally internally in"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2886.93,"endTime":2891.34,"body":"your mind. Like mentally this is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2886.93,"endTime":2891.34,"body":"this is what has to happen. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2891.4,"endTime":2895.12,"body":"so difficult though. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2891.4,"endTime":2895.12,"body":"Because again, it it's it's it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2895.12,"endTime":2899.32,"body":"a paradox and it's it's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2895.12,"endTime":2899.32,"body":"something that you just decide"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2899.32,"endTime":2901.69,"body":"to do today. You don't decide,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2899.32,"endTime":2901.69,"body":"alright, I'm going to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2901.69,"endTime":2904.93,"body":"emotionally and mentally in my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2901.69,"endTime":2904.93,"body":"own head fall out of love with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2904.93,"endTime":2908.26,"body":"somebody. Today, it's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2904.93,"endTime":2908.26,"body":"falling out of love with sort of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2908.26,"endTime":2910.36,"body":"is it sort of is in some way."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2910.39,"endTime":2912.37,"body":"I mean, I guess you're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2910.39,"endTime":2912.37,"body":"right, because I was pretty"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2912.37,"endTime":2914.65,"body":"numb. At that point. You're not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2914.65,"endTime":2916.9,"body":"committed to the future"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2914.65,"endTime":2916.9,"body":"anymore. When you're detaching"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2916.9,"endTime":2919.6,"body":"with love. You're not committed"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2916.9,"endTime":2919.6,"body":"to all the DRI"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2919.6,"endTime":2922.54,"body":"detach with love. So"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2919.6,"endTime":2922.54,"body":"that's why you're You're"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":2922.54,"endTime":2924.1,"body":"confusing me now."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2924.13,"endTime":2928.72,"body":"Okay, so I'm confusing."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2924.13,"endTime":2928.72,"body":"You still detached to allow me"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2928.72,"endTime":2932.65,"body":"to experience natural"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2928.72,"endTime":2932.65,"body":"consequences? Yeah, we have. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2932.65,"endTime":2935.29,"body":"also have a supportive,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2932.65,"endTime":2935.29,"body":"interdependent loving"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2935.29,"endTime":2939.07,"body":"relationships. Yes. Where each"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2935.29,"endTime":2939.07,"body":"of us support each other. Right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2939.82,"endTime":2944.11,"body":"If, if something were to happen"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2939.82,"endTime":2944.11,"body":"to me, you wouldn't be doomed."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2944.5,"endTime":2947.38,"body":"Oftentimes, these relationships"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2944.5,"endTime":2947.38,"body":"are like, I don't know what I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2947.38,"endTime":2949.78,"body":"would do without this person. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2947.38,"endTime":2949.78,"body":"can't imagine living without"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2949.78,"endTime":2951.76,"body":"them. Like yeah, we all might"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2949.78,"endTime":2951.76,"body":"say these things, but I know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2951.76,"endTime":2954.91,"body":"that you would be okay. There's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2951.76,"endTime":2954.91,"body":"one time in our lives where that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2954.91,"endTime":2958.54,"body":"would not be the case right?"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2954.91,"endTime":2958.54,"body":"When you started the task with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2958.54,"endTime":2963.01,"body":"love you came to understand that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2958.54,"endTime":2963.01,"body":"you you were strong enough to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2963.01,"endTime":2966.7,"body":"this one way or another I Could"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2963.01,"endTime":2966.7,"body":"be along for the ride or not. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2966.7,"endTime":2969.76,"body":"was my decision. And you have to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2966.7,"endTime":2969.76,"body":"get to a place where you feel"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2969.76,"endTime":2973.3,"body":"strongly enough about that. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2969.76,"endTime":2973.3,"body":"you have to be independently"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2973.3,"endTime":2978.1,"body":"strong. You have to be that way."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2973.3,"endTime":2978.1,"body":"Yes. Sometimes this can even"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2978.1,"endTime":2982.78,"body":"serve two purposes for us. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2978.1,"endTime":2982.78,"body":"know for for our friend Steven"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2982.78,"endTime":2987.22,"body":"Christine. That detaching with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2982.78,"endTime":2987.22,"body":"love process got me sober. It"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2987.22,"endTime":2990.58,"body":"got him sober, too. Right, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2987.22,"endTime":2990.58,"body":"it serves two purposes. If we"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2990.58,"endTime":2993.37,"body":"didn't, you still would have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2990.58,"endTime":2993.37,"body":"been okay, right? Right. You"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2993.37,"endTime":2995.74,"body":"still would have been okay."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2993.37,"endTime":2995.74,"body":"You'd be heartbroken but you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2995.74,"endTime":2999.13,"body":"could also look back and say"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2995.74,"endTime":2999.13,"body":"hard. You know what? I feel for"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2999.13,"endTime":3001.8,"body":"him struggling alone. One day"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":2999.13,"endTime":3001.8,"body":"figures it out. But I did what's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3001.8,"endTime":3004.17,"body":"best for me to do what was best"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3001.8,"endTime":3004.17,"body":"for me, my kids, my family"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3004.17,"endTime":3006.66,"body":"myself, you know, I had to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3004.17,"endTime":3006.66,"body":"what's best for me. Yes, that's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3006.66,"endTime":3009.33,"body":"what attaching Love is like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3006.66,"endTime":3009.33,"body":"that's, that's a thing a better"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3009.33,"endTime":3013.05,"body":"synopsis of the attachment love"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3009.33,"endTime":3013.05,"body":"than the first time around. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3013.05,"endTime":3015.09,"body":"it's still not something you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3013.05,"endTime":3015.09,"body":"going to figure out like this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3015.09,"endTime":3018.48,"body":"week, this month, even like this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3015.09,"endTime":3018.48,"body":"takes time. Yeah, the concept"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3018.48,"endTime":3021.51,"body":"takes time, you have to get to a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3018.48,"endTime":3021.51,"body":"place where those expectations"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3021.96,"endTime":3025.05,"body":"are realistic. And that means"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3021.96,"endTime":3025.05,"body":"looking at the reality of a"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3025.05,"endTime":3028.38,"body":"situation which is often really"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3025.05,"endTime":3028.38,"body":"painful and it's hard to do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3028.38,"endTime":3030.84,"body":"honestly, sometimes it is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3028.38,"endTime":3030.84,"body":"because you're gonna want to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3031.59,"endTime":3034.68,"body":"you're gonna want to justify"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3031.59,"endTime":3034.68,"body":"you're gonna want to, like, try"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3034.68,"endTime":3037.29,"body":"to rationalize it. But now he"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3034.68,"endTime":3037.29,"body":"was having a tough time as his"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3037.29,"endTime":3041.1,"body":"mother just died and he's all"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3037.29,"endTime":3041.1,"body":"these things that we do know"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3041.1,"endTime":3044.73,"body":"reality is reality. Write it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3041.1,"endTime":3044.73,"body":"down. Same thing with sports."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3044.76,"endTime":3047.19,"body":"There was this great football"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3044.76,"endTime":3047.19,"body":"coach named Bill Parcells. He"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3047.19,"endTime":3051.81,"body":"used to say, you are what your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3047.19,"endTime":3051.81,"body":"record says you are. Yes. So if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3051.81,"endTime":3055.62,"body":"you were a six and 10 team, but"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3051.81,"endTime":3055.62,"body":"everyone said you were great. He"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3055.62,"endTime":3058.08,"body":"would say you're not great. I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3055.62,"endTime":3058.08,"body":"don't care what kind of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3058.08,"endTime":3060.78,"body":"potential you have. Look at your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3058.08,"endTime":3060.78,"body":"record. That's what you are."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3061.47,"endTime":3066.06,"body":"Same with addicts and alcoholics"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3061.47,"endTime":3066.06,"body":"we are record says we are. I got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3066.06,"endTime":3069.87,"body":"lucky. I got really lucky. We"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3066.06,"endTime":3069.87,"body":"got lucky with timing. We were"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3069.87,"endTime":3074.04,"body":"incredibly young when all this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3069.87,"endTime":3074.04,"body":"happened. But I know that if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3074.04,"endTime":3077.13,"body":"this would have kept up any"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3074.04,"endTime":3077.13,"body":"longer you were you were already"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3077.13,"endTime":3079.71,"body":"detaching with love and"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3077.13,"endTime":3079.71,"body":"reattachment for us did look"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3079.71,"endTime":3082.32,"body":"like a totally new relationship,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3079.71,"endTime":3082.32,"body":"by the way. Yeah, it did. Like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3082.32,"endTime":3084.87,"body":"things didn't go right back to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3082.32,"endTime":3084.87,"body":"normal. And I'm glad because"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3084.87,"endTime":3087.21,"body":"that wasn't a healthy"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3084.87,"endTime":3087.21,"body":"relationship. Right. Right. That"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3087.21,"endTime":3089.13,"body":"was a very one sided"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3087.21,"endTime":3089.13,"body":"relationship. That was an"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3089.13,"endTime":3090.36,"body":"abusive relationship."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3090.6,"endTime":3092.73,"body":"That was not a good"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3090.6,"endTime":3092.73,"body":"place. reattaching is basically"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3092.73,"endTime":3093.99,"body":"building back trust. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3093.99,"endTime":3095.79,"body":"rebuilding trust. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3093.99,"endTime":3095.79,"body":"rebuilding the relationship from"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3095.79,"endTime":3099.18,"body":"scratch. Yeah, yeah. You start"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3095.79,"endTime":3099.18,"body":"over fresh. You start over new."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3099.21,"endTime":3102.09,"body":"Yeah. So I hope that's helpful."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3099.21,"endTime":3102.09,"body":"For people. It's a it's a loaded"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3102.09,"endTime":3104.85,"body":"concept. And it takes time, be"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3102.09,"endTime":3104.85,"body":"gentle with yourself, as you're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3104.85,"endTime":3105.3,"body":"going through."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3105.3,"endTime":3107.49,"body":"Yeah. And I'm sure we'll"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3105.3,"endTime":3107.49,"body":"have another episode on it in"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3107.49,"endTime":3109.17,"body":"like six months, probably will"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3107.49,"endTime":3109.17,"body":"probably"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3109.17,"endTime":3111.36,"body":"well, that's fine. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3109.17,"endTime":3111.36,"body":"totally fine. I could talk about"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3111.36,"endTime":3115.29,"body":"this all day. And I hope we do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3111.36,"endTime":3115.29,"body":"our part in finding better ways"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3115.29,"endTime":3117.48,"body":"to describe this, explain this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3115.29,"endTime":3117.48,"body":"and walk people through this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3117.72,"endTime":3120.45,"body":"And this this upcoming year,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3117.72,"endTime":3120.45,"body":"we're going to have a lot more"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3120.45,"endTime":3123.48,"body":"guests on our show. And we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3120.45,"endTime":3123.48,"body":"going to talk to people that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3123.48,"endTime":3125.73,"body":"have walked this and we're gonna"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3123.48,"endTime":3125.73,"body":"get their perspectives and what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3125.73,"endTime":3130.2,"body":"it was like for them. There's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3125.73,"endTime":3130.2,"body":"nothing easy about it. But I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3130.2,"endTime":3132.33,"body":"think what's cool about that is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3130.2,"endTime":3132.33,"body":"you're going to hear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3132.33,"endTime":3135.78,"body":"perspective, from not just to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3132.33,"endTime":3135.78,"body":"us, and you're going to hear"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3135.81,"endTime":3138.39,"body":"what's like for maybe someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3135.81,"endTime":3138.39,"body":"else to relate to in a different"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3138.39,"endTime":3141.84,"body":"way, they're going to have their"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3138.39,"endTime":3141.84,"body":"own take on it. But look at it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3141.84,"endTime":3144.18,"body":"from 30 different ways. It's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3141.84,"endTime":3144.18,"body":"still all the same, and the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3144.18,"endTime":3146.34,"body":"bones of it. And we've got"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3144.18,"endTime":3146.34,"body":"walked you through the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3146.34,"endTime":3149.16,"body":"foundations of detaching with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3146.34,"endTime":3149.16,"body":"love removing those"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3149.16,"endTime":3152.82,"body":"expectations, understanding that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3149.16,"endTime":3152.82,"body":"this is who this person is, you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3152.82,"endTime":3156.24,"body":"know, coming from a place of"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3152.82,"endTime":3156.24,"body":"love and compassion, but also"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3156.24,"endTime":3159.45,"body":"walking away. It's like that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3156.24,"endTime":3159.45,"body":"gray area, it's so hard to get"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3159.45,"endTime":3163.65,"body":"to the third options, like we're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3159.45,"endTime":3163.65,"body":"told late. There's a third way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3163.65,"endTime":3166.08,"body":"we can do this another way."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3163.65,"endTime":3166.08,"body":"Yeah. And you might stay in that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3166.08,"endTime":3169.02,"body":"spot for a while you might stay"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3166.08,"endTime":3169.02,"body":"in this detachment phase. For"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3169.02,"endTime":3171.63,"body":"quite some time. You might not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3169.02,"endTime":3171.63,"body":"be ready to start this phase."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3171.63,"endTime":3174.75,"body":"Yeah, you were there. If I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3171.63,"endTime":3174.75,"body":"remember correctly, my memories"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3174.75,"endTime":3183.27,"body":"a little fuzzy, you know. But I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3174.75,"endTime":3183.27,"body":"want to say about a year,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3183.6,"endTime":3185.82,"body":"roughly. Yeah, about nine"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3183.6,"endTime":3185.82,"body":"months."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3186.06,"endTime":3191.52,"body":"Yes. I think that when I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3186.06,"endTime":3191.52,"body":"started when I had our first"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3191.52,"endTime":3193.77,"body":"kid. Yeah. When our daughter was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3191.52,"endTime":3193.77,"body":"born about the time when I"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3193.77,"endTime":3197.67,"body":"started really thinking about"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3193.77,"endTime":3197.67,"body":"it. Yeah, yeah. Listen, my"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3197.67,"endTime":3200.19,"body":"expectations are this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3197.67,"endTime":3200.19,"body":"You're not meeting them. I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3200.19,"endTime":3203.43,"body":"walking. But you don't just do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3200.19,"endTime":3203.43,"body":"that overnight. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3203.58,"endTime":3206.58,"body":"I didn't tell you either."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3203.58,"endTime":3206.58,"body":"Oh, you just did is did"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3206.82,"endTime":3210.72,"body":"did it. And I knew I was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3206.82,"endTime":3210.72,"body":"losing you. I knew it. That's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3210.84,"endTime":3211.05,"body":"and it"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3211.05,"endTime":3213.93,"body":"was hard, though. It was"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3211.05,"endTime":3213.93,"body":"like it sucked. It wasn't easy."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3214.14,"endTime":3216.66,"body":"But it was just natural. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3214.14,"endTime":3216.66,"body":"that was very dark."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3216.69,"endTime":3219.18,"body":"I think back on that time."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3216.69,"endTime":3219.18,"body":"It's like it's so dark. And I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3219.18,"endTime":3222.33,"body":"mean, dark, like So emotions are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3219.18,"endTime":3222.33,"body":"all colored. Like emotions have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3222.33,"endTime":3227.88,"body":"colors. That one is dark gray."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3222.33,"endTime":3227.88,"body":"For me. It's yeah, it's bad."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3228.3,"endTime":3231.24,"body":"That period of time in our lives"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3228.3,"endTime":3231.24,"body":"where we you were walking away"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3231.24,"endTime":3234.99,"body":"from me in so sad. But your head"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3231.24,"endTime":3234.99,"body":"was up and you were still"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3234.99,"endTime":3238.59,"body":"walking. And I was back there"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3234.99,"endTime":3238.59,"body":"last night. I was like, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3238.59,"endTime":3240.21,"body":"gonna lose her. I know, I'm"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3238.59,"endTime":3240.21,"body":"gonna lose her. And that's what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3240.21,"endTime":3243.66,"body":"got me sober. But I think the"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3240.21,"endTime":3243.66,"body":"beauty in it is I know what"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3243.66,"endTime":3245.55,"body":"would have happened, what that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3243.66,"endTime":3245.55,"body":"story would have looked like if"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3245.55,"endTime":3247.95,"body":"I never did, I probably would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3245.55,"endTime":3247.95,"body":"have been dead within a couple"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3247.95,"endTime":3253.17,"body":"of years. You would have been"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3247.95,"endTime":3253.17,"body":"heartbroken. Sure. You would"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3253.17,"endTime":3255.57,"body":"have had compassion for what I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3253.17,"endTime":3255.57,"body":"was dealing with. But you also"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3255.57,"endTime":3258.21,"body":"would have been incredibly upset"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3255.57,"endTime":3258.21,"body":"with me angry with me. Yes. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3258.21,"endTime":3260.34,"body":"you would have carried on you"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3258.21,"endTime":3260.34,"body":"would have moved on like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3260.34,"endTime":3264.6,"body":"Listen, I got to I have to have"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3260.34,"endTime":3264.6,"body":"to for me to do for my children."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3265.02,"endTime":3268.65,"body":"That's another piece to like,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3265.02,"endTime":3268.65,"body":"consider the fact that kids are"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3268.65,"endTime":3273.24,"body":"involved in this. Man, we've"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3268.65,"endTime":3273.24,"body":"talked about what does to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3273.24,"endTime":3275.7,"body":"families what it does to"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3273.24,"endTime":3275.7,"body":"children. You don't want this"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3275.7,"endTime":3279.75,"body":"person influencing your"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3275.7,"endTime":3279.75,"body":"children. Right? It's not"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3279.75,"endTime":3283.23,"body":"healthy. Not healthy at all. So"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3279.75,"endTime":3283.23,"body":"consider that as well. Maybe"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3283.23,"endTime":3283.41,"body":"that's"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3283.41,"endTime":3286.05,"body":"motivation. Yeah. And"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3283.41,"endTime":3286.05,"body":"then we start taking on those"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3286.05,"endTime":3289.86,"body":"toxic traits too. And it can be"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3286.05,"endTime":3289.86,"body":"passed on to our kids. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3289.92,"endTime":3291.99,"body":"that's what was happening with"},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3289.92,"endTime":3291.99,"body":"me. Totally different episode."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3292.56,"endTime":3295.23,"body":"We'll get there. Alright,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3292.56,"endTime":3295.23,"body":"so hope this was helpful. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3295.26,"endTime":3297.96,"body":"hope this was in some way"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3295.26,"endTime":3297.96,"body":"enlightening. Hope it was"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3297.96,"endTime":3300.75,"body":"inspiring for some. I hope that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3297.96,"endTime":3300.75,"body":"it was okay. Rational Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3300.78,"endTime":3303.21,"body":"really at the end of the day is"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3300.78,"endTime":3303.21,"body":"what I hope it was right. But"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3303.24,"endTime":3306.39,"body":"thank you for being here with"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3303.24,"endTime":3306.39,"body":"us. Thank you for, for always"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3306.39,"endTime":3311.07,"body":"being there. I think that we do"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3306.39,"endTime":3311.07,"body":"this for you guys. And every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3311.07,"endTime":3313.32,"body":"time we hear from someone every"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3311.07,"endTime":3313.32,"body":"time we get an email every time"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3313.32,"endTime":3316.32,"body":"we get a message that someone"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3313.32,"endTime":3316.32,"body":"learned something or someone's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3316.32,"endTime":3319.92,"body":"changed the behaviors or things"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3316.32,"endTime":3319.92,"body":"are getting better, or it woke"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3319.92,"endTime":3322.53,"body":"their spouse up and they're"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3319.92,"endTime":3322.53,"body":"they're working toward recovery."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3322.53,"endTime":3325.26,"body":"Like, we can't tell you guys how"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3322.53,"endTime":3325.26,"body":"much that means to us. Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3325.59,"endTime":3328.86,"body":"it's beautiful. Really, like"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3325.59,"endTime":3328.86,"body":"it's it's insane to think that"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3329.43,"endTime":3332.88,"body":"something good came of this."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3329.43,"endTime":3332.88,"body":"Yeah, this situation that I"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3332.88,"endTime":3336.06,"body":"created. Well helps on our"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3332.88,"endTime":3336.06,"body":"recovery, too. Yeah, it"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3336.06,"endTime":3338.22,"body":"strengthens our recovery as"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3336.06,"endTime":3338.22,"body":"well. So it's like it's not it's"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3338.22,"endTime":3341.37,"body":"beautifully selfish in some"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3338.22,"endTime":3341.37,"body":"ways. You know, it's incredible."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3342.54,"endTime":3346.2,"body":"Thank you all for being here."},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3342.54,"endTime":3346.2,"body":"And we love you all. Till next"},{"speaker":"Matt","startTime":3346.2,"endTime":3347.19,"body":"time. I am Matt."},{"speaker":"Paige","startTime":3348.18,"endTime":3348.63,"body":"Bye"}]}